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Day 7 Assignments
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11 Replies
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Matthew Frendo’s Directional FOS patterns
WHAT I LEARNED: I learned how to create strong subtext using literary devices. This will help my scripts become alive and provide a deeper experience for the audience.
INT. BEHIND AUDIENCE STAGE – NIGHT
Alex and Bullet watch as the Host loses it in anger on stage, before looking at Alex and regaining composure with a nervous smile.
He ambles over to Alex and Bullet, trying to be nonchalant.
ALEX
Everything okay?
HOST
Why? What did Deb say?
Alex smiles softly and replies evenly.
ALEX
Haven’t talked to her. I’m sure she has complete faith in you.
HOST
As she should. I’ve handled worse situations since back before you were in diapers.
Alex and Bullet watch as the Host strides back on stage, sweating bullets.
ALEX
Lot of sacrifices over the years.
BULLET
Yep.
ALEX
You know, he supposedly based this off of ancient cultural practices?
BULLET
Yep.
ALEX
Sacrifices back then were done to gain favor from the Gods. While the practice may be frowned upon now, they had a noble reason for it.
Bullet looks at him, silent.
ALEX
Other times, when their clan drifted from morality, sacrifice was done just to create a hierarchy in society. When it turns to that, the whole point is lost and the nobility goes out the door. It just becomes thugs killing for power.
(looks at Bullet hard)
And no society, then or now, can survive with such people at the top.
Bullet just watches, silent.
The Host comes back again.
HOST
Don’t worry. These little shits will be dead in no time. And the people will fall in line again. Trust me.
Alex shrugs and gives a slick smile.
ALEX
Never had any doubt.
The Host grins, relieved.
HOST
Good! Good.
The Host walks off, sweating, as Alex and Bullet share a look.
ALEX
Of course, anyone who helps eliminate a danger to our society brings honor to themselves. Ironically, they often take the position the first person always wanted. Just sayin’.
Alex walks off, as Bullet thinks.
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DAY 7 Language Patterns for Subtext
Lisa’s Directional FOS Patterns
What I learned is adding the language patterns helped me to focus on the natural way people speak.
Scene from “Mary’s Wonderful Christmas”
INT-HIGH SCHOOL GYMNASIUM-NIGHT
It is the annual Bedford Falls Dance Contest! The gym is decked out in It’s a Wonderful Life 1945’s style. The band is playing 1940’s music. The place is hopping with all ages where townies are mingling with out-of-towners. MARY WINTERS is there with JOSEPH BISHOP. VIOLET MILLS (Mary’s sister) is by herself so she can play the field. TILLY MILLS (Mary’s other sister) came with her boyfriend PETER WINTERS (Mary’s ex). They are all dressed in 1940’s costumes. Punch and cookies are being served.
*Prior to this part of the scene, Joseph & Violet and Mary & Peter end up dancing with each other and having a “dance off”. Peter dances with Mary because Tilly is busy being in charge of watching the kids at the dance. Joseph & Violet outdance Mary & Peter and do an intricately improvised dance including several 1940’s dances. Joseph & Violet have clearly studied dance. Mary & Peter are out of the contest and are standing in dismay at Joseph & Violet’s performance. Their mouths are hanging open.
MARY
What?!
PETER
Do you see that? They’re incredible.
MARY
Joe said he could dance, but I had no idea!
PETER
We knew Violet could dance, but wow.
MARY
And I thought we were going to take it. Dagnabit!
PETER
Like old times.
MARY
Things have changed.
PETER
I wish there were a swimming pool under this floor!
Mary laughs. They stare at Joseph and Violet still dancing. It’s down to the final three couples.
MARY
You know in the movie, George and Mary started their romance at the dance.
Peter surprised, snaps his head towards Mary.
PETER
What do you mean?
MARY
Oh, I don’t know.
Mary sheepishly backs away toward the punch table.
PETER
(Sings on one note, like George in IAWL) What did you mean by that?
MARY
(Pouring some punch) I’ve kept Joseph waiting. He may find someone else.
PETER
Are you going to throw a rock and make a wish?
MARY
(chuckling) I’ve thrown a lot of rocks, but they haven’t landed where I thought they would.
PETER
Rocks break. Maybe you need to throw something softer.
Mary throws Peter a look.
MARY
Why Peter Winters, I believe you are flirting with me.
Just then Joseph and Violet are crowned the winners of the dance contest. They go up on stage, get their trophy and take a bow.
PETER
(sarcastically) Well, looks like your boyfriend a winner once again.
MARY
(Also, sarcastically) He can’t help it if he’s good at everything.
Joseph and Violet come jogging over.
VIOLET
Can you believe it, we won!
JOSEPH
We didn’t even practice. (to Violet) You’re a wonderful dancer!
VIOLET
(batting her eyes) You ain’t bad yourself, Mr. Bishop.
MARY
Congratulations.
PETER
Yeah, that was unbelievable.
VIOLET
I need something to drink.
Violet heads for the punch.
JOSEPH
I’m parched too…from winning!!
Joseph trots after Violet waving the trophy. Peter and Mary just stand in silence.
PETER
(hands in pockets) I think I’ll see what Tilly is up to.
MARY
See ya around, partner.
Mary realizes that sounds like they’re together!
MARY (CONTINUED)
I mean…dance partner.
Peter winks at her and heads across the gym floor toward the kid’s area. Mary watches him go.
MARY
(to herself) Partner.
END SCENE
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Day 7: Anita’s Subtext – Directional FOS Patterns
What I learned doing this assignment: I designed this scene for subtext: ‘Something is off.’ It is Harley who is off. I tried to include as many FOS’s as possible, but don’t know how well I succeeded. I think I may have used these more in the action descriptions than the dialogue. I think I need a few more passes at this, but here’s my effort for the moment.
1. Look to your outline and find a scene where one or more characters are hiding something from each other or need to communicate a message but can’t be direct.
2. Write the scene using as many figures-of-speech as you can from this list:
Metaphor
Implication
Insinuation
Hint
Sarcasm
Allusion
EXT./INT. YOUR-FAMILY GENETIC RESEARCH LAB – CONTINUOUS
The YourFamily Logo (3 stylized stick figures holding hands) is prominently displayed on the building outside and in the reception area.
It is a large, aesthetically pleasing modern facility, obviously with tons of money behind it.
Harley enters and approaches the RECEPTIONIST.
She of course has no idea that her classic suit and new chic haircut mirrors Danica’s usual polished look.
FOUR TWENTY-SOMETHINGS walk in right behind her, obvious friends – laughing – more casual than Harley, bearing designer coffees instead of briefcases.
Harley’s preempted in her chance to address the receptionist.
One of the 4 peers – JOSH – a good-looking, tall drink of water flashes the receptionist one of his easy-going smiles –
JOSH
Hi there! We’re the new lab rats!
The others laugh. Harley has now been absorbed into the group, but is the cheerless sore thumb.
RECEPTIONIST
Yes. Welcome! Sign in here and I’ll get your badges activated.
As the group signs in at the counter the receptionist preps their photo ID badges much like a hotel clerk preps keys at check-in.
RECEPTIONIST (CONT’D)
After today you’ll be in the mainframe and the usual entrance will be a hand scan.
She indicates a palm reading machine at the entry turn-style, its use demonstrated by her own palm placed and scanned, opening an entry arm.
JOSH
Hey, if it reads palms, will it tell my fortune too?
The other three new recruits are used to Josh’s joking and reward him with the usual assortment of chuckles.
RECEPTIONIST
Follow me.
INT. CORPORATE BUILDING CORRIDORS – CONTINUOUS
The group of five, Harley among them, are led down numerous corridors and up two separate elevators. This place is massive.
They finally reach a glass-walled lab with multiple computer terminals and various high-tech lab stations.
The four friends are boggled and express various murmurs of awe served alonside fist-bumps.
The receptionist leaves them as a SENIOR LAB TECH enters.
LAB TECH
(friendly)
Welcome to your new home, lab rats.
Appreciative snickers.
LAB TECH (CONT’D)
Ah – you may laugh now, but the title exists because as the newbies you will be spending most of your waking hours, and not a few of your sleeping hours right here.
He walks as he talks, indicating various side rooms and technical / medical stations.
LAB TECH (CONT’D)
As you know from your recruiters, this facility is designed to take the genetic information we receive from our millions of DNA clients and translate that data into useful analysis and testing.
They stop in front of a room full of cages. Various animals – rabbits, monkeys, mice, and literal guinea pigs stare lackadaisically through bars at their new keepers.
LAB TECH (CONT’D)
So, who wants to go first?
The new employees look at each other, confused.
The Technician points to a white board outside the animal test site’s door.
Under “Today’s Investigations” it states:
‘Electrode implant protein trials: male rabbits’
Harley, who has been a silent but keen observer up to this point sets down her briefcase and calmly steps forward.
HARLEY
Me. I’ll be your guinea pig.
The Technician nods appreciatively, hands her a white lab coat from a hook, and notes her name badge.
LAB TECH
Okay Harley. Show us how it’s done.
She dons the coat. Walks into the animal’s room and confidently approaches the rabbits. She opens a cage, pulls out the small fluffy animal and unabashedly checks its gender.
JOSH
What, no flirting? No dinner?
Harley pays no attention but strides into the lab and finds a station that is obviously medical in nature.
HARLEY
Type of sedation?
LAB TECH
Ketamine.
Harley nods. She unceremoniously hands the rabbit over to Josh.
The Sr. Tech goes to a locked glass-fronted refrigerator and selects the appropriate miniature vial while Harley washes up in a sink.
JOSH
So we’re really doing this now
?
He’s a mix of raw excitement seasoned with trepidation. A couple of the other new recruits look pale.
RECRUIT ONE
(under her breath)
Are we clinically cleared to do this?
RECRUIT TWO
Has she been clinically cleared? She seems awfully clinical to me –
Harley hears this but ignores the comments as she pulls together a syringe and alcohol wipes.
HARLEY
Scales?
The technician points to some nearby. Harley takes the rabbit from Josh and goes over and weighs it; then returns it to the medical station.
HARLEY (CONT’D)
Josh. Hold him steady for me.
He does so. Harley checks a weight and measurements chart; inserts the syringe into the vial of ketamine and measures out the appropriate amount.
Without a second’s hesitation she grabs a bunch of fat between the bunny’s shoulders, swabs the area with an alcohol wipe and unceremoniously injects the animal with the ketamine.
It goes limp almost immediately.
PEER THREE
(swaying)
God I hate needles.
LAB TECH
Very efficient.
Josh looks a bit in awe of Harley.
LAB TECH (CONT’D)
What are the next steps? – Anyone besides Harley.
JOSH
Well, we’d have to shave the rabbit’s hair before we could place the electrodes –
PEER THREE
(backing up)
Uh, excuse me – I wasn’t prepared for the deep end – I think, I think I’ll just find my way out –
She practically runs for the door.
LAB TECH
Squeamish much?
(beat)
All of you are pre-med. This is not a microscope-slide, graph-and-charts kind of gig. So better to deal with that realization now.
He makes eye contact with the four remaining lab recruits.
LAB TECH (CONT’D)
Okay. Harley and Josh, I’ll assign you two as lab partners –
As the tech continues his orientation, Josh is focused on the beautiful Harley. While Harley remains fixated on the comatose animal.
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Cameron Martin’s Directional FOS Patterns
What I learned doing this assignment is…I can’t wait to get to the next module on advanced dialogue. I’ve struggled with dialogue for years, and have approached it from the angle that if I can get away with telling as much of a story through action, then I wouldn’t have to worry about it. But these past two assignments have been amazing for infusing depth and character into virtually every line. I feel like I have a legitimate bar to measure the quality of my dialogue and elevate it in subsequent drafts. I’ve dreaded writing this part of the story, because I knew it would be dialogue and exposition heavy, but incorporating figure of speech and subtext into every line has been amazing for bringing the most out of these characters, and I’m actually looking forward to writing and revising more of my script now.
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LATER
ISAIAH sulks in his corner, pretending to skim through the pages of his notebook.
Meanwhile, JUDE directs SULLY to use random parts of the room – kitchen pots and pans, appliances, couch cushions, furniture frames – to cover and barricade everywhere where the room could be accessed.
JUDE
Thank you for working so hard. I’ll tell you, the Hegemony would be better off if it had nothing but men willing to build their way to heaven.
SULLY
It’s easy to work when you have a gun at your back.
JUDE
Oh, pish posh. That gun is as useful a motivator as a stick is to a horse. Without a tasty carrot, that horse will get real tired of its handler.
SULLY
Hence the grandma routine, I take it.
JUDE
You know, I once saw a young lady, maybe early 20’s. Well, she infiltrated a whole contingent of rebels with nothing but an empathy belly. I tell you, it’s amazing how you can make quick work of battle hardened men with a few soft words and the mere appearance of being pregnant.
SULLY
Just what kind of a grandmother are you?
JUDE
Your friendly neighborhood variety.
ISAIAH (O.S.)
You have a queen in its metamorphosis?
Jude and Sully look to Isaiah, who’s holding a glass container with a hand slot and what looks to be the head of an alien worm, about twice the size as the ones we’ve seen so far, with fungal shoots spiring out of it.
Between Sully and Jude, Jude is the one who looks more concerned this time.
ISAIAH
I always hypothesized this life cycle, but I never thought I’d see it!
SULLY
(to Jude)
Family recipe?
JUDE
(to Isaiah)
You’re lucky you remind me of someone. Hand it here young man?
Isaiah gives the heavy tank to Jude, who picks it up like it’s nothing. She’s a lot stronger than she appears.
She takes the tank over to the counter. There, she pulls out a drawer and takes out a lighter, before putting her hand through the slot…
And lighting the fungal worm head ablaze.
ISAIAH
No! What’d ya do that for?
SULLY
No more secrets. Just who the hell are you?
Jude takes a deep breath. Oh what the hell.
JUDE
Don’t have much time left anyway I guess. I’m a Hegemony Intelligence Agent. A spy, if you will.
Sully grabs Isaiah and makes a break for his bat.
Jude pulls out her laser pistol and shoots at his feet with the attitude of swatting a fly.
Sully stops in his tracks.
JUDE
I’m sick of watching you cart that poor boy around like you have a say in what happens to him.
Sully, putting the dots together.
SULLY
You’re not here for us.
JUDE
I’ll tell you, my superiors care about you colonists the same way a horse cares about where it shits.
(observing the burning remains of the queen head)
But this? This is one of those things…Well. In my opinion, and I’m sure you’ll agree considering your experience, these things are better left forgotten.
SULLY
What do your superiors say? What makes these pests more valuable than my wife, who you and your people…
Sully can’t finish the words. He doesn’t know if it’s fear of the lady in front of him, or fear of facing what he tried to put behind him.
JUDE
I’m sorry. I truly am. I’ve buried my loved ones. But you’re lucky. You may not know it. But you are. Because at least you’ll be with someone you love at the end.
SULLY
Not interested. And I’m getting my son out of this.
JUDE
Oh, sweet child. None of us are getting out of this.
SULLY
Why’d you work me like a pack mule then?
JUDE
I don’t know.
Jude pulls out a picture of a little girl in her pocket. She starts to tear up at the sight of her.
JUDE
I just wanted it to end something different is all.
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Dev Ross – Language patterns for subtext
What I learned from this assignment is that applying the ‘six figures of speech’ to dialogue really helps me to reach far deeper into my characters to see what they are covering or insinuating and why.
INT. CAINE KITCHEN – LATER
Clay drinks coffee while watching the news. Hannah, dressed in nurse whites for work, ENTERS, pours coffee for herself.
HANNAH
Morning. Thanks for making the coffee, honey.
She takes a sip.
HANNAH
Hmm…, it’s weak. I need to show you how to make it.
CLAY
I made it how I made it.
She pours hers out, grabs food out of the frig to make lunches.
HANNAH
Turkey, okay?
CLAY
Turkey’s fine.
She notices what he’s watching Lincoln Able getting interviewed by a news host.
HANNAH
Boy, he sure is making a big splash these days.
Clay takes a breath, thinks about saying something, but doesn’t.
HANNAH
They say he’s making a difference.
Clay sips his coffee as if he’s not paying attention – but he is.
HANNAH
Getting black folks registered to vote and all.
CLAY
So, we’re having a discussion about him now, are we?
Hannah loses herself in sandwich making.
HANNAH
Well, I don’t know.
Clay gets up to pour himself more coffee.
CLAY
You do seem set on it.
HANNAH
I’m just trying to have conversation, Clay. I really don’t know about these things.
CLAY
Seems you do.
She packs the sandwiches.
HANNAH
Okay, your lunch is packed.
She starts to speak, stops, starts…
HANNAH
It’s just that, honey, things are changing all around us.
CLAY
And you think that’s good?
Hannah grabs up her purse and lunch.
HANNAH
Well, some of the black nurses I work with are really nice.
Clay keeps his eyes on the TV.
HANNAH
Well, see you tonight.
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Alice’s Directional FOS patterns.
What I learned doing this assignment is I used Sarcasm for sure. And maybe that’s a Hint, or even Implication.
INT. SECRET SERVICE OFFICE – EVENING
Officer reports to his authority in their office.
OFFICER
Those two from investigation group really been down there. No one seen them again. They didn’t report. Weapon, documents, nothing surfaces!
CIVIL OFFICER
Yeah, yeah. That’s jolly strange case, all of this!
Phone rings. Civil Officer answers.
TOP AUTHORITY (O.S.)
Do no moves around this “evaporating” case!
CIVIL OFFICER
How Come?
TOP AUTHORITY (O.S.)
Keep low. Do NO investigation yet.
CIVIL OFFICER
Which is?
TOP AUTHORITY (O.S.)
Pull not files. NO evaluation of human profiles. But don’t drop the case. Keep it active.
CIVIL OFFICER
What I then suppose to do?
TOP AUTHORITY (O.S.)
Occupy with other cases. Investigate anything else. Good Bye.
Line disconnects. Civil Officer drops the phone.
CIVIL OFFICER
That been indication for us not to do much about this case! Why would I keep the phone for this motherfucker to call me?
Pause.
CIVIL OFFICER
They are right! Let everyone be gone, till only one remains who does it! Then we would naturally know, who it is, as it would become obvious. No resources spent on nothing!
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June Fortunato’s Directional FOS patterns.
What I learned: I worried that I couldn’t write my next scene using this assignment, but it made me conceive the scene in a funnier way.
Used: Hiding, Implication, Insinuation, Hint, Allusion.
INT./EXT. ATLANTIC CITY – STEEL PIER – AFTERNOON
Bumper cars. Kim, with an armload of flowers, is at the pay gate. It distracts the attendant while Roy hops over the barrier and eases himself into a car.
ATTENDANT RIDE You can’t take those on.
A girl suddenly appears and sidles up to the young attendant.
GIRL O.M.G. SOOOO Pretty!
KIM Why not?
GIRL I LOVE them!
He points to a sign. “No loose objects permitted.”
ATTENDANT RIDE They’re loose! Read the sign!
GIRL Those would make me SOOO happy.
Mom-like. Confidentially.
KIM Boyfriends always give flowers on a first date.
The girl whispers into his ear. He turns red.
ATTENDANT RIDE (stammers) I… I can’t.
KIM Oh. On my birthday, too! See? My guy is already on the ride.
GIRL That’s so mean. (pause) Hey, why don’t you take the flowers and give her a free ride?
ATTENDANT RIDE I’m not supposed to do that.
KIM Rats.
Kim acts crestfallen.
GIRL Guess he’s a meanie.
Both women turn to leave.
ATTENDANT RIDE Oh, all right!
The girl squeals with delight as Kim gives her flowers to the girl and the attendant lets Kim onto the ride. Kim finds a car in front of Roy’s and then gives the girl a thumbs up. The girl disappears and leaves the attendant hanging.
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KATES DIRECTIONAL FOS PATTERNS.
What I learned doing this assignment is that allowing characters time to dance around the issue creates tension, interest and (again) evolves the characters and storyline.
This scene happens after Darrogh (who is scared of Nia’s friendship with Luciana) has told Nia that Luciana forced a lesbian relationship on her mother, leading directly to her suicide.
INT. LUCIANA’S KITCHEN – LATE AFTERNOON
Nia storms in and stands at the sink facing Luciana as she comes in the door.
LUCIANA
Nia! What is -.
NIA
I have to know what happened. I have to know who you are really.
LUCIANA
What happened..? I don’t know what you’re talking about.
NIA
My father told me – about you.
Luciana gets a fear in her stomach. This can’t be good. She watches Nia carefully as If she were a tiny but perfectly working handgun about to go off.
LUCIANA
Nia. Sit, please. We can talk – the two of us, Back and forward. You will feel better about whatever it is, I am sure.
Luciana enters the room slowly, indicating Nia to sit as she does.
LUCIANA
Please, I am not a snake ready to strike.
Nia doesn’t move.
NIA
No? Perhaps more dangerous even.
Luciana reaches a chair and sits herself.
LUCIANA
Seated? While you stand? I think not. Come. You are here with fire in your eyes. It will protect you.
Nia hesitates. Then chooses the chair opposite Luciana and sits.
There is a pause.
NIA
Tell me about my Mother.
Luciana is a little taken back. This wasn’t what she expected.
LUCIANA
I have.
NIA
Not all of it.
LUCIANA
All? All can be too much.
NIA
Tell me. Or I will make it up for myself.
LUCIANA
No. You have already been given a story. Although I suspect the storyteller was not working with the truth.
NIA
So you tell it then. I’m not afraid of you.
She takes out a small bag, and puts it on the table between them.
NIA
These are – treasures from my Mother. They protect me.
Luciana stares at the bag.
LUCIANA
May I see -?
Nia sits across her
NIA
NO! I won’t let you tarnish them.
LUCIANA
Tarnish? No! I wouldn’t.
NIA
Like you didn’t tarnish her?
LUCIANA
Nia! Careful what you say.
NIA
He told me what you did to her.
Luciana gets very still, her breath comes fast.
LUCIANA
Is it a secret? Or will you tell me?
NIA
You seduced her! Used your magic to ruin her life. And you’ve been trying it on me. Well, it isn’t going to happen.
Nia grabs the bag and shakes the objects onto the table. 3 small polished stones – tigers eye, amethyst, obsidian – 2 of Nia’s baby teeth, a silver angel charm and a tiny cloth doll.
NIA
If you truly loved her, with these on the table, you have to tell the truth.
LUCIANA
Ah! The truth! A double-edged knife.
NIA
Cut to the quick.
LUCIANA
Derecha al corazon.
Nia stares at her, raises her hands ‘I don’t speak Spanish’
LUCIANA
‘Right to the heart’.
NIA
I’m ready.
Luciana points to the little cloth doll.
LUCIANA
I gave her that, when we were at college. I didn’t know she kept it.
Nia is taken aback.
LUCIANA
Yes, I loved her. No, I didn’t seduce her. She always knew who she was and who she loved. It wasn’t me. I was her best friend, one she could trust and she could trust me because I respected her choices and never ever took advantage.
NIA
But -.
LUCIANA
You asked, now you listen. Everyone wanted Amahla – men, women everyone. She was always on a tightrope. I loved her and didn’t need to own her – just be her best friend. That was enough.
Nia is confused.
LUCIANA
She loved only one person. Your Father.
NIA
But Dad said – he said…
LUCIANA
That I was a witch? That I took her away? Made her dirty?
She picks up the little doll.
LUCIANA
It is like the one I gave you, no? But much smaller.
Nia starts. It is. She hadn’t seen that before.
LUCIANA
I didn’t put a spell on her or you. I gave you each a gift. Maybe they protect, maybe they don’t. It is in how you see them.
Nia is staring at the doll in Luciana’s hands.
NIA
I saw that – before. That night…
LUCIANA
What did you see?
FLASHBACK – NIA AT 6 THE NIGHT HER FATHER ‘CAUGHT’ LUCIANA AND AMAHLA (The scene is Luciana telling Amahla she is leaving so A and Darrogh can work on their relationship hugging goodbye when D comes into the room and explodes. Nia is unseen by all, on the landing watching it all.)
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Anna Harper’s Directional FOS for subtext
What I learned doing this assignment; It helped me scrutinize my dialogue for more drama and gave me a greater understanding of the depth of what could be accomplished in dialogue.
Situation Sarah Warwick is a brand new mental health worker at a Yukon bush hospital, Old Buffalo. She had a major argument on her first day with the Chief of Medical Staff. Dr. Suleman. What follows is a conversation between Sarah and Geoffrey the hospital administrator
SOMETHING IS OFF.
GEOFFREY HOOKER
Hi Sarah, come on in. How’s the first day in the saddle.
(He already knows her first day was a disaster.)
SARAH
Well, kind of like a rodeo actually. And today is not my official start date. I’ve just come off a long drive and I am anxious to go home. I’ve just spent the last 2 and half hours fielding patients and had a very upsetting meeting with Dr. Suleman. That is what I am here to talk about. I reviewed the files of the patients I saw today. He is prescribing inappropriate drugs in inappropriate amounts for lengthy periods of time.
I tried to talk to him about it and he was totally closed to discussion and quite frankly rude, and unprofessional and he threatened me! What a first day! What can be done about this?
GEOFFREY
Geoffrey leaves Sarah standing; he only makes intermittent shifty eye contact. Body language is one of control, hands together, sitting back in the seat. His tone is one of a headmaster talking to a misbehaving student.
(Implication of power imbalance and disapproval,)
GEOFFREY
Sarah, here we are on your first unofficial day and we already have a wasp’s nest developing with the Chief of Medical Staff. Not great eh? Dr. Suleman has his ways and the patients seem to love him, he gets really good reviews, and that’s good for the hospital.
You have been in the trenches today without any rest from your trip. You’re tired, Sarah. go home and take tomorrow morning off to make up for the hours you put in today. I will have a chat with Teddy Suleman. Things will smooth out after some sleep.
(Implication that Sarah is in the wrong. Insinuates her concerns are invalid.)
SARAH
I’m not surprised that the patients love him. He is practically creating narcotic dependence with inappropriate prescriptions. His files should be audited.
GEOFFREY
How many people did you see today?
(Insinuation that she does not have enough information to make accusations.)
SARAH
Five. Two were a couple.
GEOFFREY
Are you a medical doctor Sarah?
(Sarcasm.)
SARAH
Sarah sounds more and more frantic.
Sarah cont.
No, however, I know that you do not keep people on Vicodin, Demerol, Percocet, and the like, in ever-increasing amounts for long periods of time. And especially not teenagers
Narcotics plus antidepressants are a bad idea. One of the patients has minor arthritis on and off again and he has her on enough Demerol for an elephant for God’s sake. She seems addicted and depressed.
GEOFFREY
And what exactly do you want me to do about your anecdotal observations? Call the College of Physicians and Surgeons?
(Sarcasm)
You do not have enough hard data to make a complaint. If I were in your shoes, I would put the brakes on right now, Before you embarrass yourself and the hospital.
(Implicates her accusations will get her into trouble.)
I seem to remember your background is working with senior citizens, and community outreach if I remember correctly.
(Insinuating she is inadequate in her experience.)
This is a big step up for you Sarah. Are you sure you have the chops for the job? The salary is excellent and so are the benefits. You are a single mother, aren’t you?
(Implication that she is vulnerable due to her personal circumstances snd could lose her job.)
I hope you can learn to get along with Dr. Suleman. Perhaps you owe him an apology?
Better go home now and have a careful think about your circumstances and your career. That is if Dr. Suleman doesn’t ask for you to be replaced. See you tomorrow Sarah, and think about what I said.
(Insinuation she will lose her job. if she does not toe the line and bow down to Suleman’s authority..)
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PS81 – Dana’s Directional FOS Patterns
What I learned from this assignment:
This assignment took me a little longer than I had anticipated. I wrote the scene and then went back to evaluate the dialogue bases on the language pattern definitions. I read the scene line by line to identify the definitions and learn if I used them properly. I hope I did. I found quite a few.
BACKGROUND
The police are investigating to help Ellen find her family. Nothing has yet been confirmed, but she’s becoming nervous. She forces herself to work to keep busy and receives the phone call introducing Ryan, Jason’s psychopathic alter.
SCENE
INT. ON AIR STUDIO – DAY
Ellen at the microphone. She’s masking her fears, forcing herself to work, anxious for the call that has yet to come about her children.
ELLENThank you for your call, Olga. I hope you and your sister-in-law work things out.
She glances at the phone.
ON PHONE
The school hasn’t called.
BACK ON ELLEN
Reading the call screen.
ELLEN (CONT’D)
We have Ryan on the phone now.
(beat)
Good morning, Ryan. Let’s talk.
RYAN
Good morning, Dr. Ellen. I’m a longtime listener.
(beat)
And first-time caller.
ELLEN
That’s nice to hear. How can I help you today?
RYAN
I’m hoping we can help each other today, doctor.
ELLEN
Well, let’s start with you and see how the call goes.
Ellen keeps glancing at her phone through their conversation.
RYAN
If you insist.
(beat)
I’m having an identity crisis, so to speak.
ELLEN
An identity crisis? I haven’t heard anyone use that expression since the seventies. Are you trying to find yourself?
RYAN
I’ve never been anyone else but me.
ELLEN
That’s a good thing. And it’s healthy to question who we are as we evolve through life. Our sense of self, our purpose, the search for meaning.
RYAN
Mine is a personal conflict. I have difficulty connecting with others.
ELLEN
Why do you think that is?
RYAN
I’m a very dominant personality. Others find me off putting, which makes it hard to communicate with them. I’m hoping you can help me forge new alliances.
ELLEN
I’ll do my best. Have you always been distant with others? Or are these emotions more recent?
RYAN
It’s hard for me to remember. My years blend together.
ELLEN
The inability to connect with other people often stems from adolescent trauma. Can you tell me about your childhood? What are your earliest memories? Are they happy ones?
RYAN
Happiness is a relative emotion.
ELLEN
Were you close to your parents?
RYAN
They died when I was very young.
Ellen instantly understands.
ELLEN
May I ask how?
RYAN
Badly.
ELLEN
I can’t help you if you won’t trust me, Ryan.
RYAN
Some things are better left unsaid, doctor.
ELLEN
And I would never force you to reveal anything too painful. But your avoidance suggests you’re blocking. That the loss of your parents may be too raw for you to confront. And that’s the reason you don’t trust others. The closer you get to people, the more you fear they may abandon you, which results in your inability to connect.
RYAN
Now why didn’t I think of that?
ELLEN
I assume you disagree.
RYAN
Dime store analysis? I expected more from you, doctor.
ELLEN
Then let’s dig deeper, shall we?
RYAN
By all means.
Ellen glances at her phone again. No calls.
CUT TO:
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Day 7: Language Patterns For Subtext – Assignment
Mike O – Directional FOS patterns.
What I learned is dialogue is the key to characterization. His or her actions give the audience visual cues, but their speech, use of the language and diction reveal the character’s motivations, machinations and allow the writer to create the set-up and pay-offs, and keep the audience guessing, intrigued and wanting more.
1. Look to your outline and find a scene where one or more characters are hiding something from each other or need to communicate a message but can’t be direct.
2. Write the scene using as many figures-of-speech as you can from this list:
Metaphor
Implication
Insinuation
Hint
Sarcasm
Allusion3. Give your characters something to hide from each other or something they’re trying to uncover.
Richard (antagonist) is trying to tell Beth that her ‘man’ Tarek is attracted to his new boss, Brooklyn, (protagonist). That Brooklyn is a big city girl who doesn’t follow rules or respect boundaries..
4. Design the scene for subtext by using one or more of these designs.
I will use a combination of ‘something is off’ and ‘no one wants to tell the person.’
A. Misinterpretation
B. Dramatic Irony
C. Something is off
D. No one wants to tell the person
E. A plot against another person
F. Competitive agendas5. Write it naturally, then go back, find places where you can rewrite the dialogue using the figures-of-speech.
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EXT/INT. BAKERY SHOP – DAY
Richard walks blithely up the shoveled and salted entry steps to the bakery door. He pauses as his hand closes over the antique brass door pull. Eyeing the ‘We’re Open’ sign in the door window he comments:
RICHARD “Of course you are, Beth. Of course you are. Wide open like vegemite.”
Bombarded with the smells of pastries baking, Richard does his kid-in-a-candy-store expression as he approaches the counter.
BETH (cheerful) “Good morning, Richard. The usual?”
RICHARD “I’m going to change it up, this morning. How about a couple of bear claws. (waggles a finger no) One is for my new boss, big city girl from Chicago. Joshua had a daughter, who knew.”
BETH “I heard the gallery had changed hands. How’s that going?”
RICHARD “Lot of ideas that girl. She’s an artist.”
BETH “A painter like her father?”
RICHARD “Nothing like Joshua. No boundaries. Painting, like life, has rules.”
Beth, not sure what Richard is referring to, says in reply:
BETH “Let me get those claws for you. Traditional? Almond? Or Raspberry?”
Richard walks up to the glass display case, his eyes lock on the pink filling seeping out of the raspberry claw.
RICHARD “Traditional for me. (points to pastry oozing pink) that one for Miss Brooklyn.”
He waits until Beth is digging into the display case to ask,
RICHARD “Did you know Tarek’s back in town?”
Beth’s face lights up.
BETH “No, I didn’t. He must’ve just got in.”
RICHARD (casually) “Not sure when he got here. I know he was at Joshua’s cabin yesterday evening. I went out to have Miss Brooklyn sign some documents and saw he was there with his boys having dinner. I didn’t want to impose, so I left.”
BETH (body blow) “I see… Makes sense; after all, Joshua and Tarek were real close.”
She sets the bear claws in a to-go box.
Richard meets her over at the register, lays a twenty dollar bill on the counter.
RICHARD “They were. It’s odd that I never met the daughter before now. Don’t recall Joshua talking about her – ever. (flirty smile). These look delish, as always Beth. (picks up box) Thank you. Keep the change. Us locals have to look out for one another.”
BETH (distracted) “You’re absolutely right. And thank-you, Richard. You’re a good friend.”
RICHARD “Thank you for that. I know how outsiders and big box stores operate: real friendly while getting their foot in the door, it changes things. Mother used to say about interlopers: they’re unwelcome, unwanted and untrustworthy. Not the sort you ever want to get in bed with.”
BETH “Absolutely. Your mother was a smart woman.”
RICHARD “That she was, bless her heart. That she was. Good day, Beth.” Richard leaves the store smiling vulpinely.
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