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Day 7 Assignments
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**VERSION THREE
LISA’S FIRST TEN PAGES
“Mary’s Wonderful Christmas”
EXT-SENECA FALLS, NY
UNDER THE GEORGE BAILEY BRIDGE
CLANG! Lightening cracks!
Two soaked figures tied together are hanging by a rope off the bridge.
WOMAN
(Dressed like an angel)
I’m dangling here wondering what will happen to my family if I don’t get out of this. Especially since the passed-out guy below me is my husband. Ironic that he’s trying to save ME.
She looks down at the MAN.
WOMAN (CONT’D)
But how do you save a war hero who doesn’t have her wings yet?
Woman’s cell phone rings. She answers as though nothing is wrong.
WOMAN (CONT’D)
I can’t talk now, sweetie.
Stuffing the phone back into her pants the rope jerks! She looks up but can’t see through the torrential rain.
WOMAN (CONT’D)
Well, this is what I am.
She leans back letting the rain hit her.
WOMAN (CONT’D)
I’m a mother in America!
I’m trying to convince myself and everyone else that it really is a wonderful li…
SNAP! The woman and man fall out of view.
WOMAN (VOICEOVER)
…iiiiiife!!
FADE OUT
EXT-SENECA FALLS, NY-DAY-CONTINUOUS
WOMAN (VOICEOVER)
Here lies Seneca Falls, New York, the inspiration for the classic Christmas movie It’s a Wonderful Life…a sickening sweet taste of times gone by that is watched by almost everyone in the world during that magical time of the year…
We recognize this voice as the voice of the WOMAN hanging from the bridge.
MAIN STREET DECORATED FOR CHRISTMAS. THE “YOU ARE NOW ENTERING BEDFORD FALLS” SIGN.
WOMAN (V.O. CONT’D)
For all intents & purposes, Seneca Falls IS Bedford Falls. Just look at it. Many of the businesses in town cater to the It’s a Wonderful Life theme…
EXT-SHOTS OF SENECA FALLS, NY-CONTINUOUS
THE CLARENCE HOTEL, THE BIJOU THEATER, ZUZU’S CAFÉ, MARTINI’S BAR, THE NATIONAL WOMEN’S RIGHTS MUSEUM
People walking around town in summer clothing. It’s hot!
WOMAN (V.O. CONT’D)
…Not to mention the National Women’s Rights Museum, the other reason Seneca Falls is even on a map.
EXT-SHOTS OF SENECA FALLS, NY-CONTINUOUS
THE CHURCH AT THE END OF THE STREET
WOMAN (V.O. CONT’D)
Well, the church marks the end of Main Street, except if you look across the way you will find…wait for it…YES! the It’s a Wonderful Life Museum. Our real raison d’etre…
You may ask, do we ever get tired of living in a town with a theme? Yes, we do! Especially me. You see, my mother organized the annual It’s a Wonderful Life festival every year for the past 10 years and I wanted nothing to do with it.
Now upon her death, the town has voted me as her successor. But I couldn’t do it. So, my poor Peter has taken over running the show this year.
FRONT OF IT’S A WONDERFUL LIFE MUSEUM
GEORGE BAILEY BRIDGE
WOMAN (V.O. CONT’D)
Do you recognize the George Bailey bridge? 2 years ago, my husband Peter saved me under that bridge. Then we separated.
The George Bailey bridge haunts us all every day with a story of community and redemption that we must try to live up to…
FRONT OF WINTERS SNOWMOBILE SHOP
WOMAN (V.O. CONT’D)
My baby! Look at my shop now. If I don’t pay up, it’s not going to be there much longer. It hasn’t snowed in 3 years. Business dried up and so did my will to live. Thus, the bridge drama. I have to find a way to save it, so saving me wasn’t in vain!
STREET WHERE WOMAN LIVES (OVER OPENING CREDITS) – CONTINUOUS
WOMAN (V.O. CONT’D)
This is my street. I’m Mary Winters, Mary Mills-Winters. Born and raised in this one-horse, close-knit town in upstate New York.
ROW OF OLD VICTORIAN HOMES
MARY (V.O. CONT’D)
I’m not the world traveler I dreamed of as a girl reading National Geographic under the covers promising myself to see the world. After graduating high school, my journeys were on hold once I found out I was pregnant.
EXT- PETER’S HOUSE-DAY
Two girls in t-shirts and shorts run around a lawn with a dachshund.
MARY (V.O. CONT’D)
I deferred my traveling dreams. I had Ruthie whom now I wouldn’t trade for the world, literally. Or Janie who came two years later. There are my beautiful daughters. This is where I leave you…because I don’t live here anymore.
CUT TO
INT- PETER’S HOUSE-FOYER-DAY
Peter’s house is a beautifully remodeled old Victorian with a modern touch… a Nancy Meyers film set.
INT-PETER’S KITCHEN-DAY
Pulling a pan of Christmas cookies out of the oven Peter plops them on top of another pan. Every kitchen surface covered with Christmas treats! He yells out the front door.
Girls, Uncle Billy! Breakfast!
Peter clears clutter on the table. Grabs a couple of hot waffles and slaps ice cream on top of each.
RUTHIE, a smart, wise 9-year-old, and JANIE, a sensitive, kind 7-year-old enter singing their version of “I want a Hippopotamus for Christmas”.
RUTHIE and JANIE
“I want a pretty platypus for Christmas!”
Uncle Billy, the dachshund barks at them.
PETER
That is not how the song goes.
RUTHIE
Yeah, but we like platypus’s better!
JANIE
Yeah!
Janie holds up her stuffed platypus.
PETER
Okay, if you day so.
The girls sit. Peter serves their waffles and ice cream. Uncle Billy eats too.
PETER (CONT’D)
No tablets at the table, Ruthie.
RUTHIE
I know, but it’s not working right. Santa isn’t moving.
PETER
I’ll take a look at it. You eat.
Peter looks at the tablet. It’s the NORAD site. A message states “Santa’s journey begins on the 23<sup>rd</sup> of December”.
PETER (CONT’D)
It’s not the tablet. Let’s give it another day.
RUTHIE
Can mommy fix it?
PETER
Mommy doesn’t work there anymore, honey. We’ll check tomorrow. Oh, I need to call your mother to see if she’s coming over for Christmas.
Look girls. I don’t think we can count on your mom for Christmas.
RUTHIE
What do you mean?
JANIE
She’s coming, isn’t she?
PETER
Well, I want to be honest with you…I’m not sure. She’s unpredictable. I don’t want you to get your hopes up.
Janie hangs her head. Ruthie looks mad.
PETER (CONT’D)
BUT! We are going to have the best Christmas ever with Josephine!
JANIE
It’s not the same without mommy.
They sit in silence. Peter wipes Janie’s face that is smeared with ice cream.
PETER
You like Jo, don’t you?
RUTHIE
She’s nice.
Janie agrees. Ruthie fights Peter as he wipes her face.
PETER
Then we’re going to make the best of whatever situation we have this Christmas. Don’t you think your grandmother would want us to have a cheery Christmas?
They look at the photo of grandma on the wall.
PETER (CONT’D)
She always said, “Christmas comes but once a year, so make it a wonderful one!”
Peter looks at their sad faces as he clears dishes.
PETER
Alright. Go upstairs and get ready for your last day of school!
Ruthie and Janie run up the stairs. Uncle Billy stares at Peter.
PETER (CONT’D)
You too, Uncle Billy!
Uncle Billy runs up the stairs too.
CUT TO
INT-JENKINS BOARDING HOUSE KITCHEN-MORNING
MA JENKINS, 81-year-old wrinkly Black woman is cooking at a 1960’s gold stove.
Enter MARY WINTERS, 5’6’, 37-year-old, shaped like a Christmas tree woman that was hanging under the bridge 2 years ago.
SKIPPER ABLE, Ma’s curious 5-year-old grandson sits at an old wooden wobbly table.
MA
Skip! Stand up.
SKIPPER
Why?
MA
Stand up, a war hero is entering the room.
MARY
Good morning.
MA
Skip.
SKIPPER
Good morning.
MA
(scoldingly) Good morning, what?
SKIPPER
(exaggerating) Good morning, MA’AM.
MARY
Please sit down.
Ma glares at Skipper as if to say, “don’t you dare!”
Mary sits.
MA
(To Skipper) You may sit now.
Skipper sits and stares at Mary. Ma serves Mary, then serves Skipper.
MARY
Good as always, Ma
MA
Glad you like it. You have work today?
MARY
I’m heading over to Mr. Reed to help him with his porch and Mrs. Thomas asked me to stop by to look at her plants. I’ll probably stop at the rectory to see if pastor Frank needs anything too.
MA
Sounds like a busy day. I’ll fill a thermos with cold water for ya. I don’t remember a December so hot in all my life!
MARY
Thanks, Ma.
MA
Oh, I almost forgot to give you your mail.
Ma hands Mary a pink envelope. Mary stares at it frozen. Skipper leans on the table.
SKIPPER
Well, aren’t ya going to open it?
MARY
I’ve got to head over to Mr. Reed’s.
Mary doesn’t move. She opens the envelope but doesn’t take out the letter.
MARY
Ma.
Ma pulls the letter out of the envelope and hands it to Mary.
CLOSE-UP ON THE LETTER
Highlighted (like in an old movie) “Mrs. Winters you have until December 25<sup>th</sup> to comply, or the bank will take possession of the Winters snowmobile shop.”
Mary cries. Ma sits next to her. Skipper is watching it all with big eyes.
MA
Now, it can’t be all that bad.
Mary hands Ma the letter to read.
MARY
I thought I had more time.
MA
Well. Well. You know you have a home here as long as you need.
Mary grabs Ma for a tight hug.
MA (CONT’D)
Hey! You and I know that miracles can happen…even in 4 days.
Ma wipes Mary’s tears with a napkin.
MARY
I need to get myself together and figure out a plan. Ma, I have to get my family back and it starts with getting my shop back.
MA
That ‘a girl, Mary. That ’a girl.
MARY
Thank you, Ma.
MA
Ah! You know I’m an old wise woman.
Ma guffaws, making herself laugh.
MA (CONT’D)
You’re welcome. If you get hungry later, I’m making chili in case we get company.
Skipper stands. Mary stuffs the envelope in her pants as she puts her plate in the sink and grabs the thermos, then hurries out the back door.
SKIPPER
(Looking out the back door) Why’s she always in such a hurry?
MA
She’s a busy woman, helping out people every day in this town.
Ma looks out too. Mary slowly walks reading her letter.
MA (CONT’D)
I sure hope she can get her shop working again. (Turning to Skipper) You take note Skip, there goes a brave woman who has sacrificed for many, a war hero, a conscientious mother, a friend to all. Don’t matter that she’s fallen on hard times. Happens to the best of us.
Ma leans down to Skipper and pauses to take in his youthful face…she smiles.
MA (CONTINUED)
She is loved.
Ma kisses Skipper’s nose.
MA (CONTINUED)
Now get upstairs and get ready for school.
KNOCK! KNOCK! Ma opens back door to find a HOBO. Skipper hangs out the door. Those jumping the rails stop by often at Ma’s.
HOBO
Ma’am. I heard you could give a man something to eat if I knocked on your door.
MA
No one is turned away here. (Hands the man a hand towel) Wash up out there.
(To Skipper)
What did I tell you? Get upstairs and get ready for school.
Skipper runs upstairs. Hobo washes hands and waits for permission to enter.
MA (CONT’D)
Come on in and sit down now.
HOBO
Ma’am, I can’t pay.
MA
No matter. Come on in. No one goes hungry at Ma Jenkin’s!
Ma gives a heartfelt laugh.
CUT TO
EXT-SIDEWALK-DAY
Mary walks down Ma’s walk, in a trance, steps off the curb and SCREECH!
Peter has slammed on the brakes of the SUV.
INT-SUV-DAY
(Jolting forward) Jesus!
JANIE
Dad!
PETER
Are you alright?
Janie and Ruthie shake their heads yes.
PETER
Stay in the car!
As Peter jumps out of the SUV…
JANIE AND RUTHIE
Mom! Hi Mommy! We miss you! I love you, mommy!
PETER
Jiminy Christmas, Mary! I almost ran over you!
MARY
Oh. Wow.
Seeing her daughters in the SUV, Mary waves at them.
PETER
What’s the matter with you? Are you back on drugs or something?
MARY
Why do you always go there? I just got some bad news that’s all.
Peter notices the letter in her hand.
PETER
Is that the bad news?
Peter tries to snatch it. Mary stuffs it in her pocket.
MARY
Never you mind.
PETER
What is it?
MARY
You never seem to get it. (in his face) We’re separated.
Mary walks to the side of the SUV. The girls open the sliding door.
PETER
(To the girls) Don’t you get out of that car!
Ruthie and Janie jump out of the car and into their mom’s arms.
JANIE
Hi Mommy!
RUTHIE
Mommy! How are you?
Mary squeezes each of the girls with tears in her eyes. Peter paces.
MARY
I miss you little ladies.
RUTHIE
We miss you too.
Mary sees the tablet in Ruthie’s hand.
MARY
What are you doing?
RUTHIE
We’re waiting for Santa to fly.
Mary takes tablet.
MARY
NORAD. I remember that site well.
JANIE
Mommy, how does Santa get down all those chimneys?
MARY
Well…I can’t tell you baby.
Mary hands the tablet back to Ruthie.
PETER
Mar, can I speak to you for a second? Please?
MARY
Be good at school today little ladies.
Mary kisses each girl on their head. Ruthie and Janie jump back into the SUV.
JANIE
When will we see you again?
MARY
Soon baby.
RUTHIE
Promise?
MARY
I promise.
Mary closes the SUV sliding door as if she’s closing the door to her heart.
PETER
Listen, I wanted to make sure you’ll be over on Christmas Day. The girls really want to see you on Christmas.
Mary nonchalantly glances at her pocket.
MARY
I can’t commit to anything right now.
PETER
Geez! I can never get a straight answer out of you. (anxiously) I have to get them to school.
Peter stares at Mary wondering if she’s slipped back into a deep depression.
PETER
I’ve known you since we were 14. I know when something is up. What is it?
MARY
Never you mind.
PETER
We’ll talk about it tomorrow. I’ll call you.
Peter starts to walk away, then turns back around.
PETER (CONTINUED)
(in pig Latin) IXNAY on ANTA A, okay?
MARY
I’m not a monster. I wouldn’t tell them. YOU, IXNAY on ANTA A!
They chuckle at their long-time secret.
PETER
Okay wise gal.
As Peter drives away…
PETER (CONT’D)
(Yelling out the window) And stay out of the street!
Mary is standing in the middle of the street. SCREECH! Mary jumps.
ERNIE
(Out his car window) For Pete’s sake, Mary! Get out of the street!
MARY
Sorry, Ernie!
Mary crosses the street and looks at the letter again.
MARY
NORAD. Santa. Hmm.
Mary stares at Ma Jenkin’s Boarding House across the street.
MARY
I’m going to fix that place up one of these days. (Conjuring a thought) But first…I’ve got to get my business and family back.
Mary trots off down the street.
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PS81 – First Ten Pages
Version 3
Dana’s First 10 Pages
FADE IN:
Darkness.
MAN’S VOICE
Do you know why I come here to see you, doctor?
WOMAN’S VOICE
Tell me.
MAN’S VOICE
This is the only place where I’m allowed to exist.
The darkness fades to reveal DR. ELLEN LANDRY seated in her therapist’s chair, surrounded by the shadows of an office.
She’s a petite, winsome woman in her mid-thirties, and if not for her short raven hair and Valentino power suit, she’d be sprinkling fairy dust over Disneyland.
ELLEN
You’re not allowed to exist? Why?
MAN (O.S.)
Out there, in the world, I lose me. He spends his time with the others.
ELLEN
The others? There are other people involved in your relationship?
MAN (O.S.)
My life is very crowded.
ELLEN
How many others are there?
MAN (O.S.)
It’s hard for me to keep track. He pursues a new alternative whenever he gets bored or depressed.
ELLEN
Are you and your partner engaged in a polyamorous arrangement?
MAN (O.S.)
Polyamorous. What an elegant word.
(beat)
To be honest, I haven’t met any of them. They keep their distance. But they’re there, always at his ready. I feel them — hairs on the back of my neck. My sixth sense.
ELLEN
Have you told your partner how you feel?
MAN (O.S.)
Words falling on deaf ears.
ELLEN
You have a right to your own voice. Your own identity.
MAN (O.S.)
If it were only that simple…
ELLEN
Nothing is simple, especially when you’re not happy. Maybe you should take a break, some time to decide what you want — for both of you.
MAN (O.S.)
You mean surrender?
ELLEN
A break is a chance to breathe, an opportunity to step back and see things from a distance.
Ellen notes a sudden change in her patient’s mood.
MAN (O.S.)
They got to you, didn’t they?
ELLEN
Excuse me?
MAN (O.S.)
That’s it, isn’t it? You’re talking to them. They want me gone. This is an intervention.
ELLEN
What? No. Why would you think that?
MAN (O.S.)
I trusted you, doctor. I bore my soul to you. And you betray me?
ELLEN
I would never betray our trust.
MAN (O.S.)
They’ve heard my every thought. My secrets. And now they’re scared of me… afraid of what I might do.
ELLEN
What might you do?
MAN (O.S.)
They want to disappear me. Drag me down… after I crawled my way out from that hell. And you’re helping them.
Ellen’s losing control of her patient, growing anxious.
ELLEN
That isn’t true. You need to calm down.
MAN (O.S.)
Do you know how it feels to wander the abyss? Abandoned? Lost? To hear them whispering from the shadows… conspiring… beyond reach?
ELLEN
Who’s conspiring? Who’s whispering?
MAN (O.S.)
If I leave this room, I’ll cease to exist. I know that now… banished to the dark… their hands, cold on me… so cold…
ELLEN
Who? Who will banish you? Tell me.
MAN (O.S.)
They will. They’ll win. He’ll let them. He always lets them…
ELLEN
Win what? Who’s they?
MAN (O.S.)
I can’t let them win. I won’t. Not this time… not again… not again.
Curious, Ellen watches him FUMBLE for something. Her eyes suddenly go wild in fear and shock. BANG! A small caliber pistol FIRES! His body FLOPS to the floor.
We HEAR the door BURST open. A woman GASPS. People flock to the room. VOICES — “Oh, dear God!” “Ellen!” “Someone call the cops!” “Ellen? Are you hurt?” “Ellen?” “Call the cops!”
FADE TO BLACK:
INT. SMALL ROOM – NIGHT
…someone CREAKING down wooden stairs. A slide bolt SLAMS BACK, and a door opens. A shaft of light from the outer room reveals a hanging BULB. A hand yanks a pull chain, and the bulb lights the room.
CHAINS AND SHACKLES drop to the floor. A MAN, unseen, wraps and padlocks one of the chains to a heavy exposed pipe and tests it with a tug.
He places a portable radio on a table and checks reception. The radio CHIRPS. He adjusts the volume. Off again.
He yanks the pull chain, the BULB goes out. The door CLOSES. Darkness again. The slide bolt LOCKS into place.
INT. BASEMENT (OUTER ROOM) – NIGHT
Dim lighting. Lots of shadows. Stone walls.
He flips open a laptop and turns it on.
One by one, he lays cell phones in a line. They look stolen. Handcuffs, duct tape, rope, knife, and a .38 special follow.
…CREAKING up wooden stairs. Lights go out. The basement door CLOSES. Darkness.
CUT TO:
EXT. SAN FRANCISCO – AERIAL SHOT – MORNING
A brisk day. Tjhe Bay Bridge is packed. The city is alive. A series of NEWS UPDATES like someone tuning channels.
RADIO HOST 1 (V.O.)
— west-bound across the Bay Bridge is backed-up due to a fender-bender in the number four lane. CHP is on scene, but expect delays —
RADIO HOST 2 (V.O.)
— won five to four from a walk-off home run in the ninth —
Closing in on a small building with a radio tower.
RADIO HOST 3 (V.O.)
…a high of seventy-six with the overnight in the mid-forties —
EXT. KCSF RADIO STATION – EXTABLISHING – MORNING
RADIO HOST 3 (V.O.)
That’s news, traffic and weather. I’m Mike Wells, KCSF, thirteen-sixty AM, San Francisco. And now, back to the Barry Wise Show…
Bumper music, CCR’s “Fortunate Son,” starts playing and —
INT. PETER WHITE’S OFFICE – CONTINUOUS
— continues on the wall speaker. PETER WHITE, KCSF station manager, mid-fifties, wedding ring, heavyset, years of radio experience, turns the volume down. He wears a phone headset and talks with JERRY BURNS, his boss.
PETER
Her ratings aren’t that bad.
JERRY
They’re not that good, either. The twenty to thirty demo isn’t tuning in. And her weekend audience didn’t follow her.
PETER
Maybe another marketing campaign. Have her do some guest spots.
JERRY
Marketing isn’t the problem, Pete. And you know it. She’s not confrontational. And radio needs conflict.
PETER
Yeah, I know.
JERRY
Look, I get it. She’s your friend, and you want to help her, especially after what happened. But her ratings are too low. I can’t justify picking up her option.
PETER
No, I understand. I do.
JERRY
You’re a great station manager, Pete. But don’t let friendship cloud your judgment. It’s only business.
Jerry hangs up. Pete drops the headset to his desk, dejected.
EXT. PARKING LOT, KCSF RADIO STATION – CONTINUOUS
An SUV bounds into the lot and ZOOMS into a space. The door kicks open, and Ellen drops out. She slings an enormous purse and computer bag and dashes for the doors, swiping at the coffee-stain map of South America on her skirt.
INT. RECEPTION – CONTINUOUS
CLAIRE BARROW, fifties, the overbearing mom who never misses a Woodstock reunion, is in full mother mode when Ellen comes through the door. She shuffles Ellen through reception.
CLAIRE
Where have you been? I called you an hour ago.
ELLEN
Mackenzie wouldn’t get out of bed. Samantha forgot to do her homework. Roger’s car wouldn’t start —
CLAIRE
Never mind that. Give me those —
She grabs Ellen’s purs and computer bag.
ELLEN
How late am I?
CLAIRE
Just hurry.
(noting the stain)
What happened there?
ELLEN
My Starbucks slipped.
CLAIRE
Well… he’s a man. He won’t care.
GAIL SIMMONS, the model receptionist, watches the twosome scurry across the lobby, shaking her head, amused.
INT. PETER WHITE’S OFFICE – DAY
Peter answers his phone when RINGS.
PETER
Yes? Okay. Send her in.
(hangs up)
Shit.
EXT. STATION ROOFTOP – DAY
Claire stands at the edge smoking. She pushes a long, steady stream like a pro.
CLAIRE
Shit.
Claire passes her smoke to Ellen.
CLAIRE (CONT’D)
Bunch of cutthroat fuckers.
Ellen takes a puff, sucking in her cheeks — total amateur. She frowns at the taste and can’t pass it back fast enough.
ELLEN
(coughing smoke)
Do you think I’m hiding?
CLAIRE
Is that what Pete said?
ELLEN
He mentioned private practice.
CLAIRE
Don’t let these assholes shake you. You’re a good person, Ellen. And a good psychologist.
ELLEN
I don’t connect with people anymore, not like I used to. I tell them what they want to hear to avoid conflict.
CLAIRE
Because of what happened?
ELLEN
Before…
CLAIRE
You’ll go back when you’re ready.
Ellen’s cell phone BUZZES in her hand. She reads the screen.
ELLEN
It’s Roger. I told him I’d call after my meeting with Pete.
CLAIRE
Let it go to voicemail. Don’t punish yourself.
Ellen ponders the idea, then answers the call. We HEAR the other end of the call, loud and airy, lots of road noise.
ELLEN
Hi, Honey.
ROGER
Hi, Babe. Hold on.
(to someone else)
Say hello to Mommy.ELLEN
Where are you?
ROGER
Uber. My car wouldn’t start again. Alternator. Generator. Who knows? I called the school and told them the girls would be late. Just a sec..
(to driver)
You missed the turn. We’re going to the school first. You need to turn around.
(back to Ellen)
So? What did Pete say? Good news?
ELLEN
(reluctantly)
Yeah. It was good news.
CHEERING on the other end. Ellen holds back her emotions.
ROGER
Oh, babe! That’s great! We knew you could do it. We need to celebrate tonight. How about it, girls? What should we get Mommy for dinner?ROGER
Looks like pizza, babe.
ELLEN
Pizza sounds great. I’ll see you tonight. I have to start my show.
ROGER
Okay. Love you, babe. We’re proud of you. Say goodbye to Mommy.ELLEN
I love you, too.
The call ends. Ellen looks to Claire, heavy-hearted.
CLAIRE
They’ll understand.
ELLEN
I hate lying to my daughters. I didn’t want to disappoint them.
CLAIRE
You’re not a real mother unless you do lie to your kids.
Claire hands Ellen the cigarette. A quick puff and back it goes. They share a reflective moment, gazing across the bay.
CLAIRE (CONT’D)
One caller. That’s all we needed. Just one caller.
One last drag, and Claire flicks her cigarette over the edge.
INT. ON AIR STUDIO – DAY
Ellen settles in behind the microphone. She adjusts her chair height — way up — and fidgets with her headphone.
Through the glass, Claire is ready in the control booth.
CLAIRE
(over headphone)
Ten seconds.
Ellen’s bumper MUSIC starts, something modern. As it fades —
ELLEN
Good morning, and welcome to the Dr. Ellen Show. We’re on the couch together for the next three hours. So let’s settle in and go right to the phones. Our first caller is Sandy from Marina. Hello, Sandy. Let’s talk —
INT. CONTROL BOOTH – DAY
Claire’s hits a blinking line on the phone bank.
CLAIRE
Dr. Ellen Show? What’s your name and where are you calling from?
MAN’S VOICE
(weak, frail)
I need to speak with Dr. Ellen.
CLAIRE
I need your name?
JASON
My name’s Jason. Please… I have to speak with Dr. Ellen. It’s life or death.
Claire’s heard them all. But this throws her.
CLAIRE
Life or death, huh?
JASON
Please…
Claire hesitates, debating. Her FINGER taps the KILL BUTTON. She looks through the glass at ELLEN engaged with her caller. We can see Claire’s mind working: “That one caller”
GAIL
Hold on. I’ll slot you in next.
INT. ON AIR STUDIO – CONTINUOUS
Ellen is finishing with her first caller.
ELLEN
— you and your husband have every right to celebrate your anniversary by yourselves, Sandy. But he needs to establish boundaries, otherwise, your mother-in-law will be in the hot tub with you at Sandals every year. Good luck.
She kills the call and reads the caller screen.
ELLEN (CONT’D)
Okay, our next caller is Jason. And he says it’s —
(to Claire; what the hell)
— a matter of life or death…
Hello, Jason. Let’s talk.
JASON
Dr. Ellen? This is Jason…
ELLEN
Life or death. That sounds serious. What seems to be the problem?
JASON
Don’t you remember me? I used to be one of your patients.
The name strikes Ellen, and she freezes, immediately worried. Claire realizes she’s screwed up.
JASON (CONT’D)
Dr. Ellen? Are you still there?
ELLEN
Yes. I’m here. I didn’t recognize your voice. But Jason. I’m sorry. It wouldn’t be appropriate for me to continue this call —
JASON
DON’T HANG UP! Please…
(more controlled)
You have to help me or he’ll hurt them… he’ll hurt them.
ELLEN
Jason? Who’s going to be hurt? Are you in trouble? Who’s hurting who?
JASON
Your family… he’s going to hurt your family…
Ellen shoots panicked eyes at Claire.
ELLEN
My family? What about my family? Who’s going to hurt them? Jason?
JASON
If you don’t help me, he said he’ll hurt them. He wants to hurt them — so bad.
(crying now)
YOU HAVE TO HELP ME!
A SCUFFLE. Someone fighting.
JASON (CONT’D)
No! I won’t do that. You can’t make me! You can’t MAKE ME! No! NO!
Ellen presses the headset tight, concentrating on the sudden violence. The line goes dead. -
Hello Anna Harper Here looking to partner up for Third Draft Assignment Thanks
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This reply was modified 2 years, 10 months ago by anna harper.
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Anna, I would love to read over and review your submission. I sent you a private note but I’m not sure if you received it.
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This reply was modified 2 years, 10 months ago by
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Mike’s Third draft of first ten pages
ACT ONE
Early morning skiff of snow coats the street, the vehicles and strands of holiday garland encircling the lamp poles along Main street. The citizens of Evergreen are caffeinating, copulating, showering, getting ready for their day. It will be another forty minutes before traffic ushers in this particular Monday.
INT. GARBAGE TRUCK CAB – EVERGREEN, COLORADO – DAWN
We are in the driver’s seat of a large garbage truck. The only audible sound is Tchaikovsky’s, “Dance of the Sugar Plum Fairy.” There is a small, snow globe glued to the dashboard.
From this vantage point, we have an unobstructed view as the vehicle turns left, into an alley that runs between Main street and First avenue.
The three-story, turn-of-the-century brick buildings lining the side street have been converted into town-homes, lofts and boutiques. Upscale. Appealing.
We TRACK over the Garbage Man’s jacketed shoulder, HEAR the scratch of his stubble against the coat collar, but are unable to see his face.
The CAMERA REMAINS PERCHED on his shoulder. A laminated employee badge clipped to ashtray reads: George.
Through a bedroom window on the right, we see two people having sex. Woman on top is at a full gallop.
GEORGE “Lucky stiff.”
In the window on the left, we SEE an elderly man at a kitchen table eating a bowl of cereal. ZOOM IN on the box of cereal.
GEORGE “They still ‘magically delicious,’ Harold?”
Sanitation truck turns forty-five degrees to the right. Still looking over his shoulder, we see a feral cat scrunch down on the lid to the garbage bin as the truck pulls up.
GEORGE “Move it or lose it, gato. Nine lives is an urban legend.”
Clawing the air in defiance, the cat bares its teeth, then darts off.
Song comes to a close. BLEED IN the mechanical SOUNDS of the garbage truck’s hydraulics as it hoists the dumpster into the air. Behind the metal bin, we SEE a body lying face up.
GEORGE “Holy shit! No, no… damn it. Joshua!”
Gloved hand pushes levers, truck comes to a stop. Driver’s door opens, George jumps down, out of the cab. And as he lands, he loses his footing, we find…
CUT TO:
EXT. SIDEWALK – NEIGHBORHOOD MAIL BOX – CHICAGO – AFTERNOON
BROOKLYN, porcelain-skinned, siren haired. Michelangelo would have sculpted her for David. She turns away from the mailbox with a handful of mail. One envelope in particular, has caught her eye.
INSERT – LETTER’S RETURN ADDRESS
“J.M. 6368 Forest Lane Rd., Evergreen, CO.”
Lost in thought, she looses her footing. ARMS pinwheel as she attempts to regain her balance. Letters go flying.
Brooklyn’s winter coat cushions her fall. HOLD ON her staring up at the CAMERA, unsure if she is hurt.
CUT TO:
EXT. ALLEYWAY –EVERGREEN, CO – CONTINUOUS
Joshua, on his back in a painter’s smock. He cannot hear or feel George above him attempting to resuscitate him.
There are SPLOTCHES of yellow paint on Joshua. A paintbrush in his shirt pocket, half-empty bottle of whiskey in his hand.
CLOSE ON the dabs of frozen paint. They resemble flower petals that have curled and pulled away from the skin on his cheek.
GEORGE (cell phone in hand) “Jack, send Amy to the alley behind the Babbling Brook Gallery.”
INTERCUT: GEORGE, THE ALLEY; JACK, SHERIFF’S STATION.
JACK “Do I wanna know?”
In his office, Jack reaches for a sugar cookie, glances at the desk clock and SIGHS.
GEORGE “Joshua wasn’t a drinker, never saw him so much as nurse a beer. You?”
JACK “Not even his eggnog. I’ll have Amy do a full workup, Mayor.”
GEORGE “Mornings like this, make me wish it wasn’t so.(chuckles) You know it was Joshua who convinced me to run for office.”
JACK “You giving Jake his job back when he returns from holiday?”
GEORGE “Driving this rig has given me a new perspective on our town, the roads and its citizens. Including myself.”
JACK “Let me get Amy headed over there. Keep everyone away.”
Drifting from the cab of the garbage truck, Andrea Bocelli Christmas music starts up.
EXT. SIDEWALK – NEIGHBORHOOD MAIL BOX – CONTINUOUS
Brooklyn picks herself up, gathers her mail — CLUTCHES it against her chest — HURRIES home in a careful, half-stride fashion.
In the living room window, her Christmas tree. Taped to the front door, a life-size, cut-out of Frosty, the Snowman.
Brooklyn unlocks the door, gives Frosty a do-tell look.
BROOKLYN “There wasn’t any magic in that old silk hat, was there?”
INT. TOWN HOME – CONTINUOUS
A creature of habit, mail is DROPPED on the counter along with her purse and keys. Cell phone gets tethered to its charger.
Brooklyn KICKS OFF her heels, leaves them at the front door. Coat, gloves, and scarf go in the coat closet. On her way to the bedroom, she turns up the wall thermostat.
INT. BEDROOM – CONTINUOUS
Brooklyn undresses, throws on her flannel jamies and fuzzy house slippers.
As CAMERA PULLS BACK, we discover Brooklyn is quite the interior decorator. The room’s rich colors and textures transition seamlessly into one another.
She strides out of the room, inadvertently kicking the cat’s ping pong ball. Brooklyn watches it ROLL down the hall.
INT. HALLWAY – CONTINUOUS
BROOKLYN “You’re safe, ping. Cat’s run off. Just you and me.”
She walks down the hallway, stops, turns around and retrieves the ping-pong ball. In her palm, she feels the teeth marks the cat inflicted.
BROOKLYN “It’s time you saw the Christmas tree and got into the holiday spirit. Nothing bad is going to happen, trust me. Cat’s gone.”
TIME CUT: KITCHEN — BROOKLYN POURING WINE. ON THE COUNTER, A CUTTING BOARD, KNIFE, SMALL WEDGE OF CHEESE CRACKERS. IN THE BACKGROUND, KENNY G. CHRISTMAS MUSIC.
Gathering up the mail, her phone, the cutting board and box of crackers, Brooklyn steps into the living room and plops down on the love seat.
Moment later, phone RINGS. Brooklyn checks caller ID, smiles.
BROOKLYN “I was about to call you.”
CAROLYN “Wanted to make sure you made it home. Supposed to snow all night.”
BROOKLYN “In my pjs with a glass of wine. You’ll never believe who wrote me.”
CAROLYN “Brian, or is it Bobby? I can’t keep up… Who?”
BROOKLYN “Turns out Bobby is married. I hate how men lie. People change, grow old and die. A painting does not change its mind or leave. It does not lie, need love, or anyone’s approval. (sips wine) It’s why I trust paints and canvas. People, not so much.”
CAROLYN “We all start out as a blank canvas. What we choose to put on it, defines us. Trust me, when you least expect it, love finds a way.”
BROOKLYN “You sound like Ian from Jurassic Park, ‘Life finds a way.’ Hated that line, too schmaltzy.”
CAROLYN “He was right and so am I. Being in love is like believing in Christmas or the magic in Frosty’s hat.”
BROOKLYN “Sorry, love finds a way, not something I’ll to be saying any time soon.”
CAROLYN “Speaking of time. The big three-O, come Saturday. You are coming over, right? I’ll have Stan grill salmon filets, I bought a bottle of that French Pinot you love.”
BROOKLYN “You don’t have to do that. Seriously, I’ll be okay.”
CAROLYN “Don’t ever settle for okay. It is a big deal and I want to be there for you. I’ll even throw in chocolate cake from Delacroy’s.”
BROOKLYN “You make saying no, impossible. Mother always made a big deal out of…(words fail – beat) Thank-you.”
CAROLYN “After my mother passed, I was a mess. Holidays are the worst. If you need to come over and spend time, please do. I know my boys would love to see you.”
BROOKLYN “Maybe tomorrow. I’ll bring a pizza. We can watch a Christmas movie.”
CAROLYN “Excellent. Until then. Good night, Brook.”
Brooklyn hangs up. Curled up in her favorite throw blanket, she stares out the window, mesmerized by the moth-winged antics of the city’s first winter storm.
In a corner of the room, her Christmas tree. As if on cue, the timer turns ON. Tinseled and twinkling, it is perfect. Brooklyn salutes the tree with her wine glass.
She flips through the mail: pile for flyers and junk, another for bills. Halfway through the stack, she is stopped by an envelop with a yellow, forwarding address sticker.
BROOKLYN “It’s not possible.”
She TOSSES it to the floor as if it were red hot. Struggling to remain calm, she takes several, deep breaths.
BROOKLYN “It’s not him. I can’t do this right now.”
Brooklyn turns to the framed portrait of her mother on the coffee table.
INSERT – PHOTOGRAPH
Distinguished, silver-haired lady. In the background, a fireplace with Christmas stockings hanging from the mantle.
BACK TO SCENE
Brooklyn struggles to keep from tearing up. She picks up the photograph, gives her mother a KISS, sets it down.
BROOKLYN “Wish you were here. I’m enjoying your favorite cheese.”
The fact she died in April from a brain tumor, doesn’t seem possible.
BROOKLYN “Been eight months; it feels unreal.”
Brooklyn stares at the envelope lying on the hardwood floor, her expression conveys trepidation, even fear.
BROOKLYN “What do you want? You left, you abandoned me. Why now?”
She reaches for a wedge of cheese on the cutting board and inadvertently knocks the ping pong ball off the coffee table.
Brooklyn COUNTS the number of times the ball bounces, watches it roll to the tree and STOP at the edge of the felt skirt.
BROOKLYN “Eight times (hits her) Eight days until Christmas, eight months since mother… eight-maids-a-milking (eyes angel topping her tree) what are you trying to tell me?”
She returns to watching the swirling antics of moth-sized snowflakes outside her window, unaware she is mouthing multiples of eight. At one-hundred-twenty, she stops. Realizing what she’s doing, she reaches for her wine.
Two glasses later, Brooklyn retrieves the envelope. Her hands shake. She takes a deep breath, OPENS the envelope and removes the Christmas card.
INSERT – WRITING
“Merry Christmas, Brook. Love Dad.”
BACK TO PRESENT.
Squeezing her eyes shut against all that she feels, Brooklyn sets the card aside. As she is reaching for a wedge of cheese, there is a loud KNOCK at the door.
Brooklyn glances at the wall clock, eye brow lifts. She hurries to the door, looks in the peep-hole.
Postal carrier has her sign for a certified letter, then hurries off. She closes the door, walks back to the couch, her eyes glued on the return address:
INSERT: RETURN ADDRESS
“Mr. Alan Worthington, Esq. Worthington Law Offices 15 Main Street Wintergreen, Colorado, 80437”
Sitting, Brooklyn opens the envelope. The feel of the heavy-grade paper between her fingers adds to her dread.
She begins reading. In the second sentence, the word “deceased” JUMPS OFF THE PAGE!
Stunned, eyes wide in disbelief. HOLD for a beat as Brooklyn processes. Shrinking, her posture crumples; the letter forgotten in her lap.
Oblivious to the tears, to muttering, “no, no, no…” her voice retreating to a scared little girl wanting her daddy back.
BROOKLYN “There’s been a mistake. I just got his Christmas card!”
She grabs the card as proof, then remembers the forwarding sticker on the envelope. The date of the postal stamp slams the door to denial shut.
Brooklyn bursts into a pained laugh,
BROOKLYN “Eight days! He was alive eight days ago.”
Imagining her father, whom her mother called a ne’er-do-well, having an estate, turns the loss into anger.
BROOKLYN “Executor of what, a double wide. That’s rich… I’m not going!”
She pushes the attorney’s letter aside, the two pages fall to the floor. ZOOM IN on the second page which lands at the foot of the couch.
INSERT – PAGE
“Tangible assets are as follows: art gallery, four bedroom cabin, three vehicles, two bank accounts…”
Brooklyn kills the last of the wine, gets up inadvertently kicks the second page of the letter under the couch as she walks to the coat closet.
INT. COAT CLOSET – CONTINUOUS
On the floor, a plastic, storage bin. Inside it, a dozen, empty boxes of Christmas bulb containers. Brooklyn digs down to the bottom and retrieves a small, cardboard box.
The writing on it reads: “Merry Christmas, Brook.”
Brooklyn takes the homemade Christmas ornament out of the box, walks over to the trash can and pauses. Torn. Unable to go through with it.
Brooklyn steps into the other room, looks at her mother’s photograph, her expression one of confusion. Even betrayal.
BROOKLYN “What didn’t you tell me?”
Brooklyn goes to the Christmas tree and hangs the homemade Christmas bulb.
INSERT – CHRISTMAS BULB
A heart design filled with red glitter. In the center, the green glitter initials: JM + BM
JOSHUA (O.S.) “A father’s love for his daughter, nothing can change that, Brook. You’ll always be my princess. “
BACK TO SCENE.
BROOKLYN “I’m coming daddy.”
Brooklyn reaches for her phone. On the fifth ring, Carolyn answers.
BROOKLYN “Carolyn, I d-dddidnt’ wake you, did I?”
Carolyn hears the quiver in Brooklyn’s voice.
CAROLYN “What is it, Brook? What’s happened?”
BROOKLYN (sobs) “It’s my father… Joshua is dead!”
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Hi Mike, do you want to partner up for the latest assignment? Thanks Anna
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DAY 7 3rd/4th version
first 10 pages
PIRATE (Episode 2 of 3 from the SILENT NIGHT SERIES)
BACKGROUND
CHARACTERS
LOCATION IS THE VILLAGE OF FRESHWATER and the town of YARMOUTH Isle of Wight UK.
SOPHIE
is an out-of-work actress, 60ish. She sells herbs and bakes cakes to bring in some money. Her style is BOHO. She volunteers in the arts community. She has lived with her live-in lover SANDY for the last ten years. SOPHIE is depressed, she believe she is washed up, and has no purpose in life.
She is thinking of leaving SANDY.
SANDY
IIs a retired school board official and former headmaster. He is very conservative, likes card games, watches boring soaps like Coronation Street, meat and potatoes food, and is no longer interested in sex. He wears black socks with his sandals.
JAMES
was a dear friend of SOPHIE’S and to a lesser extent SANDY. He was ex ARMY INTEL, came from a wealthy family, went to public school. He loved taking his dog PIRATE to the beach, and often SOPHIE would accompany them. SANDY would not let SOPHIE have a dog. JAMES had a passion for helping street youth. JAMES keeled over in the pub with a heart attack a short while ago and sadly died.
VICTOR FRANCIS
Is a lawyer and friend of JAME’S. Both JAMES and VICTOR have been concerned about SOPHIE and her miserable existence with SANDY.
PIRATE
Is a Landseer (black and white) NEWFOUNDLAND dog with superpowers? PIRATE is the littermate of ALFIE from the pilot episode SILENT NIGHT. PIRATES OTHER LITTERMATEis COCOA who will appear in the third episode
PIRATE’s unique powers are that he is a HEALER. JAMES knew about PIRATE’S superpowers and kept it quiet. No one else knows, EXCEPT
his littermate ALFIE. Alfie can communicate TELEPATHICALLY.
ESTABLISHING/SHOPPING AREA/YARMOUTH U.K./DAY
SOPHIE
It’s a hot spring day Sophie is walking into town. She is
carrying shopping baskets full of baking and herbs for
delivery.Sophie walks past the most upscale coffee shop in
town (WELL DRESSED PATRONS CAN be SEEN IN THE WINDOW) She
turns down a cobbled side street.Her attention is drawn to look at something MYSTERIOUS
There is a pile of what looks
like moving garbage bags. She stops and looks closer. TO HER
HORROR, it’s an almost unconscious teenage boy. lying on a
couple of garbage bags fluttering in the breeze.SOPHIE
Hey my friend, are you alright? I’m Sophie. What’s your name?BOY
Lifts head, barely
Bill,
Grunts coughs
Bill.SOPHIE
Sophie’s eyes widen as she sees the red welt of flea bites
covering his skinny arms.
FRANTICALLYDo you want water, I have some here?
BILL
Bill slumps back over.SOPHIE
Are you alright, Bill, Bill, Oh my God! SCREAMS Help, help,
anybody help?MAN
Stops walking, looks at Bill and takes his cell phone out,
and calls an ambulance.SOPHIE
Throws down her bags and rolls Bill onto his back. She
FRANTICALLY checks his pulse and his breathing, he is not
breathing.SOPHIE
SHOUTS
Shit, he’s not breathing! Bill, Bill for God’s sake, Bill!
Come on!
Come back!She starts VIGOROUS CPR. SOPHIE SINGS The BeeGees ‘Staying
Alive’ to keep pace with FRANTIC compressions, muttering
intermittently. Come on Bill, don’t die on me!A crowd is forming. Nosy Lookey Loos, no one offers help.
WELL DRESSED WOMAN
SHOUTS
FILTHY drug addicts put them in prison.
SIRENS BLARING in the background after what seems an age.MEDICS jump out and start to work on Bill, taking over the
CPR.
One of the medics starts filling a syringe with Naxolene. The
other medic is hooking up the AED.MEDIC 1
STAND BACK, HANDS-OFF!TWO JUMPS of the AED NOTHING The Noxelene is injected. The
medics try again, more CPR, and then one more jump start with
the AED. NothingMEDIC 1
I am sorry, he’s gone. From the stuff in his bag, looks like
a Fentanyl O.D.
That’s the third one this week.MEDIC 2
From his wallet, looks like Bill was 17.
Gets the gurney, and the medics load him on and cover the
body with a sheet. Slams the ambulance doors.SOPHIE
Sophie is standing there in SHOCK AND DISBELIEF She watches
the ambulance leave. She walks over to the church wall, sits
down, weeps, pulls out her cell phone, and calls SANDY.SOPHIE
Struggling to talk. Choking on her tears.
Sandy, come and get me please, I am St.Agness outside on the church
wall.SANDY
IRRITABLE
Can’t it wait? I’ve still got another 20 minutes of
Coronation Street!THREE MONTHS LATER
INT. GENERIC LAWYERS OFFICE/DAY
An older grey-haired distinguished man wearing a three-piece
banker’s suit is seated at an old ginormous desk. The room is
wood-paneled, there is a picture of the Queen. The gold
lettering on the door reads Victor Francis Esq. LLM QC
Professional Corp.SOPHIE pushes the door open. SANDY is not far behind.
VICTOR
Stands to greet them, and hobbles hanging onto a crutch. Shakes
hands.Come on in, get comfortable. This is
not going to take long.James, God rest him, was most thorough with
instructions and has left you an
instructional manual with great
detail.So let’s get on with the reading of
his will, which is my privilege as
both his lawyer and his friend of many
years.
Would you like a Scotch Sandy, Sophie?
It’s almost noon.SANDY
Thanks, I’ll take one.SOPHIE
I would just like some cold ginger ale
please, very cold.VICTOR
I am supposed to be staying away from
this stuff, especially after the
amputation. I look like a pirate in a
suit. This brings me to the big
announcement of the day. Look under
the desk.Sophie and Sandy peer under the desk.
SOPHIE
Oh my God, it’s PIRATE! I wondered
what happened to him, thought he had
gone to relatives somewhere. Come here
you big beautiful lug, give me a kiss.SANDY
Watch the dog hair on my trousers!
I just got them back from the cleaners
for God’s sake! Really, James was
off his rocker having a dog this size.
Couldn’t imagine why James would want
one.VICTOR
He may be the size of a small horse,
but I am telling you this dog is
magic! Had a bloody awful day in court
yesterday, came back to the office
with a headache and my blood pressure
up, phantom leg pains in my amputated
leg, I felt absolutely crap.This dog
had me laughing and calm in minutes,
and all the pain went away.SOPHIE
Continues to stroke Pirate and talk to him.VICTOR
I’m glad you love him Sophie because a
a great deal of the will, if not all of
it centers around Pirate.SANDY
Oh no! What is it that James wanted
from us?VICTOR
Let me read you the will.
I, James Farquar Alison, being of
sound mind, bequeath the following to
either both or individually Sandy
Horton and Sophie Bloom the love,
custody, and care of Pirate.SANDY
Oh my God, no thanks!VICTOR
You are officially declining then? I shall record it as such, and am making a note, Initials here please Sandy, and date it. I’ll just witness and then you are all done, Sandy. NoW for SOPHIE
SOPHIE
Shut up Sandy and listen.VICTOR
This furthers what JAMES had to say.
“In addition, the farm is now yours for
as long as you wish providing that
Pirate is in your care at the farm.Pirate loves the farm it is his home.
And it’s big enough for him and close
to his favorite beach. As you know he
needs his swim daily whatever the
weather. All the details for his care
are in the manual.SANDY
I don’t want to leave my house of many
years to go and live in some oversized
farmhouse that needs work. Or take
care of his bloody livestock.Really James, what were you thinking of? I’ve
already got drool on my shoes!VICTOR
That’s fine SANDY, you have no further concerns now you have signed a refusal.
There’s more from James.
Additionally, I am
leaving you 80,000 pounds per annum to
the person or persons who fulfill
Pirates’ needs as stipulated. Victor
has a slush fund for renovations on
the farmhouse and he has been
instructed to be generous.SOPHIE
I can’t believe that James would think
it is necessary to pay for Pirate.SANDY
I don’t bloody care, I have my school
board pension and I own my own house
thank you. I’m alright just the way
things are thank you very much!VICTOR
This covers the portion of the will
relative to Pirate.
There’s more. James says,“As you know
I have been passionate about my work
with homeless street youth and there
are instructions for continuing my
work, which will be your work, should
you wish to take it on, there is an
additional 80,000 pounds per year, for
each of you should you wish to
undertake the work.”SANDY
No, I don’t want to take on any work.
I had enough of gobby snotty teenagers
all through my career. All I want is
peace at my age.SOPHIE
Is all the information including the
street youth project in the binder? If
so how about we take Pirate home and
give me a couple of days to go through
the binder. I want to make sure I can
you the best for Pirate, the youth
project, and honour Jame’s intentions.
We will give you a call either way.Personally, I am keen on the idea, it
sounds marvelous. A new adventure.SANDY
You are off your rocker Sophie! You
can forget it I will not change mySOPHIE
And you can have all the peace you want, rather like being dead, I should think!
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I will review it now. Thank you.
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Feedback for Anna’s ten page submission.
ESTABLISHING/SHOPPING AREA/YARMOUTH U.K./DAY
It’s a hot spring day, Sophie is walking <s>in </s>to town<s>. She is carrying</s> struggling with <s>the</s> brightly colored canvas shopping baskets full of baked goods and medicinal herbs. <s>for delivery. </s>
Sophie walks past the most upscale coffee shop in town. The street windows reveal fashionably-dressed patrons. In contrast, her reflection spurs her to continue walking. <s> (WELL DRESSED PATRONS CAN be SEEN IN THE WINDOW) </s>She turns down a cobbled side street.
Her attention is drawn to look at something MYSTERIOUS
There is a pile of what looks like moving garbage bags. She <s>stops and</s> looks closer. TO HER HORROR, it’s a <s>an almost unconscious</s> teenage boy lying on a couple of garbage bags. <s>fluttering in the breeze.</s>
SOPHIE (drops to one knee) <s>Hey</s> My friend, are you alright? I’m Sophie. What’s your name?
BOY (head lifts; at a whisper)<s>Lifts head, barely</s> “Bill.”
Sophie’s eyes widen as she sees the red welt of flea bites covering his skinny arms.
<s>FRANTICALLY </s>(NOTE: I really like the fact Sophie thinks the needle marks in the boy’s arms are flea bites. Great touch. You need to explain how Sophie, this elderly, out-of-touch lady, knows CPR. You can have her mutter Thank God for theYMCA’s CPR training. Maybe even have her touch a CPR keychain button fastened to one of her canvas shopping bags. ALWAYS want to show, not tell the audience these things.)
SOPHIE “Do you want water, I have some right here?”
Bill’s eyes roll back, he slumps back. Unresponsive.
SOPHIE <s>Are you alright,</s> “Bill, Bill, Oh my God! (screams) “Help, help, anybody help!”
Grey-haired man stops walking. He takes one look at the limp boy and pulls out his cell. <s>looks at Bill and takes his cell phone out, “911”</s>
<s>and calls an ambulance.</s>Sophie <s>Throws down her bags and</s> rolls Bill onto his back. She <s>FRANTICALLY </s>checks <s>his</s> for a pulse, can’t find one. Puts her hand up to his nose, he’s not breathing. <s>and his breathing, he is not breathing.</s>
SOPHIE <s>SHOUTS (panicked)</s> <s>Shit,</s> He’s not breathing! Bill, Bill for God’s sake, Bill! Come on!
Come back to us!”Sophie starts CPR. She SINGS “Staying Alive” by the BeeGees to keep time between chest compressions. <s>VIGOROUS CPR. SOPHIE SINGS The BeeGees ‘Staying
Alive’ to keep pace with FRANTIC compressions, muttering
intermittently. Come on Bill, don’t die on me!</s>A crowd forms <s>is forming</s>. <s>Nosy</s> Lookey Loos, no one offers to help. Well-dressed woman, takes a step forward,
WELL-DRESSED WOMAN “Filthy drug addicts, put them all in prison.”
Shocked, Sophie looks over. She recognizes the woman from the upscale coffee shop. Opera pearls and slutty red lipstick.
(NOTE: I think you need to tie in the snobby, upscale coffee shop patrons to their crass indifference to this poor kid who has over-dosed. It gives credence to why Sophie kept walking, didn’t stop in for coffee. She knows their type!!)
<s>WELL DRESSED WOMAN
SHOUTS
FILTHY drug addicts put them in prison. </s><s>SIRENS BLARING in the background after what seems an age.</s>
Police sirens and an ambulance’s soulful wail close in on the scene.
Winded, arms on fire from the compressions, Sophie isn’t aware of the first responders presence until one of the medics (bearded and burly) drops down beside her and takes over.
In a daze, Sophie steps back and watches as the bearded man starts to work on Bill. A second Medic, balding, produces a syringe while his partner, a third medic, woman, hooking up the AED.
<s>MEDICS jump out and start to work on Bill, taking over the
CPR. One of the medics starts filling a syringe with Naxolene. The
other medic is hooking up the AED.</s>BURLY “Stand back, hands off. We clear?”
<s>STAND BACK, HANDS-OFF! </s>Baldy and the woman give him the nod.
TWO JUMPS of the AED NOTHING. A syringe full of Noxelene is injected. The trio try again: more cpr, compressions, one more jump start with the AED.
<s>medics try again, more CPR, and then one more jump start with the AED. Nothing</s>
BURLY (re: Sophie) “I am sorry, he’s gone. From the stuff in his bag, looks like
a Fentanyl O.D.BALDY (angered) “That’s the third one this week. That stuff is killing our youth!”
WOMAN “From his wallet, looks like Bill was 17. (looks to Sophie) Any relation?”
Sophie simply shakes her head, to stunned to speak. Burly brings the gurney, Bill is loaded onto it, his body covered with a sheet.
<s>Gets the gurney, and the medics load him on and cover the
body with a sheet. Slams the ambulance doors.</s>Sophie watches the ambulance leave, finds herself staring down at the imprint his body made lying on the plastic garbage sacks.
<s>Sophie is standing there in SHOCK AND DISBELIEF She watches the ambulance leave.</s>
She walks over to the church wall, sits down and WEEPS.
Sometime later, she finds her cell phone and calls Sandy. pulls out her cell phone, and calls SANDY.
SOPHIE (choking on tears) “Sandy, come and get me, please. I’m at St. Agness, on the wall outside the church.”
<s>Struggling to talk. Choking on her tears.
Sandy, come and get me please, I am St.Agness outside on the church wall.</s>SANDY (bugged) “Can’t it wait? I’ve still got another 20 minutes of Coronation Street!
THREE MONTHS LATER
INT. LAWYER’S OFFICE – DAY
The gold lettering on the door reads Victor Francis Esq. Sophie pushes the door open. Sandy is not far behind.
<s>An older</s> A grey-haired <s>distinguished</s> man <s>wearing</s> in a three-piece, banker’s suit <s>is seated at an old</s> waits behind an ginormous desk.
Hardwood flooring, wood panels, the room is from another era. <s>The room is wood-paneled, there is a</s> A picture of the Queen hangs beside his business license which reads: LLM QC Professional Corp.
Victor <s>stands to greet them, and</s> hobbles over, hanging onto a crutch. They shake hands.
VICTOR “Come on in, get comfortable. This is not going to take long. James, God rest him, was most thorough with instructions and has left you an instructional manual with great detail.”
Sophie nods, Sandy takes a seat, doesn’t bother to wait for her.
VICTOR “Let’s get on with the reading of his will, which is my privilege as both his lawyer and his friend of many years. (pause) Would you like a Scotch Sandy, Sophie? It’s almost noon.
SANDY “Thanks, I’ll take one.”
SOPHIE “I would like some cold ginger ale please, very cold.
VICTOR I am supposed to be staying away from this stuff, especially after the amputation. I look like a pirate in a suit. This brings me to the big announcement of the day. Look under the desk.
Sophie and Sandy peer under the desk.
SOPHIE “Oh my God, it’s PIRATE! I wondered what happened to him, thought he had
gone to relatives somewhere. Come here you big beautiful lug, give me a kiss.SANDY “Watch the dog hair on my trousers! I just got them back from the cleaners for God’s sake! Really, James was off his rocker having a dog this size. Couldn’t imagine why James would want one.
VICTOR “He may be the size of a small horse, but I am telling you this dog is magic! Had a bloody awful day in court yesterday, came back to the office with a headache and my blood pressure up, phantom leg pains in my amputated leg, I felt absolutely crap. (reaches down, pets dog) Pirate had me laughing and calm in minutes, and all the pain went away.
Sophie continues to stroke Pirate.
VICTOR “I’m glad you love him Sophie because a a great deal of the will, if not all of it centers around Pirate.”
SANDY “Oh no! What is it that James wanted from us?
VICTOR Let me read you the will. I, James Farquar Alison, being of sound mind, bequeath the following to either both or individually Sandy Horton and Sophie Bloom the love, custody, and care of Pirate.”
SANDY “Oh my God, no thanks!”
VICTOR “You are officially declining then? I shall record it as such, and I’m making a note. Initials here please Sandy, and date it. I’ll just witness and then you are all done.”
SOPHIE “Shut up Sandy and listen. I want…”
SANDY (cuts her off) “Let him finish.”
VICTOR “This furthers what JAMES had to say. “In addition, the farm is now yours for as long as you wish providing that Pirate is in your care at the farm. Pirate loves the farm it is his home. And it’s big enough for him and close to his favorite beach. As you know he needs his swim daily whatever the
weather. All the details for his care are in the manual.”SANDY “I don’t want to leave my house of many years to go and live in some oversized farmhouse that needs work. Or take care of his bloody livestock.”
<s>Really James, what were you thinking of? I’ve already got drool on my shoes!</s>
VICTOR “That’s fine Sandy, you have no further concerns now you have signed a refusal. There’s more from James. Sophie, hear me out.”
JAMES (V.O) “Additionally, I am leaving 80,000 pounds per annum to the person or persons who fulfill
Pirates’ needs as stipulated. Victor has a slush fund for renovations on the farmhouse and he has been
instructed to be generous.”SOPHIE “I can’t believe that James would think it is necessary to pay for Pirate.”
SANDY (miffed) “I don’t bloody care, I have my school board pension and I own my own house
thank you. I’m alright just the way things are thank you very much!”VICTOR “This covers the portion of the will relative to Pirate. There’s more. James says,
JAMES (V.O,) “As you know I have been passionate about my work with homeless street youth and there
are instructions for continuing my work, which will be your work, should you wish to take it on, there is an
additional 80,000 pounds per year, for each of you should you wish to undertake the work.”SANDY “No, I don’t want to take on any work. I had enough of gobby snotty teenagers all through my career. All I want is peace at my age.”
SOPHIE “Is all the information including the street youth project in the binder? If so how about we take Pirate home and give me a couple of days to go through the binder. I want to make sure I can you the best for Pirate, the youth project, and honour Jame’s intentions. We will give you a call either way. (smiles) Personally, I am keen on the idea, it sounds marvelous. A new adventure.
SANDY “You are off your rocker Sophie! You can forget it I will not change my…”
SOPHIE “And you can have all the peace you want, rather like being dead, I should think!”
(NOTE: This is a good job of showing the dead end relationship Sophie is in with Sandy. I might end the ten pages with a second twist. Have her ask the lawyer if he had the time to draw up another document – build up the tension, show Sandy bugged, Sophie says calmly, “Divorce papers, if you will be so kind.” Sophie’s intentions and character development are good, Sandy’s grumpy, one dimensional self is a bit flat (show something a spark of what he used to have that attracted Sophie to him in the first place.)
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Thank you so much Micheal for your useful insights. Will be back at it today. If it’s OK with you to save back and forth, I will reread yours, and offer the same. I already went over it once and really enjoyed the cutting, accurate observation,s, and humor. Interesting reading.
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Evening Michael.
I have taken your suggestions to heart and made changes, not posted until tomorrow.
I will be working on submitting my finished screenplay SILENT NIGHT. If you would be willing to take a quick peek and see if you would be interested in doing the final part of the assignment full script exchange. I can fwd on Thursday if you are willing. If you are already committed to another script no problem.
Re-read your last post. I have a query why was Brook saying “coming Daddy” I think bizarre is desirable, yet wondering what else might fit? If I was pitching my Dad’s Christmas ornament in the bin, (which I certainly could have), I might say something like Yeah Merry Christmas to you, bastard and then smash it!
I know she does not go through with destroying the ornament, somehow the coming Daddy may need more clarity in communicating her strong emotions. (I cynically believe that most audiences are in a hypnogogic state eating Pringles and drinking beer, and that subtle may get missed.)
It is so interesting reading other people’s work, however, I feel sensitive to writers having someone else put their paint on others’ artwork if you know what I mean.
As for the marketing you mentioned, I am hoping the next sub-forum is really results-oriented. I have a bunch of work to market also. And I don’t think a LinkedIn page will do it. Thanks Anna
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Lisa, this reads so much better! Great job on the rewrites. Offer still stands, you finish it, I would love to read it and give you my input and vice versa. Happy Fourth of July.
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Good morning Cheryl.
I am trying to locate the subfolder (First Draft Subforum) Hal spoke about in his lecture: Day One Assignment Rough Draft.
Thank you in advance for your help.
Warmest regards,
Mike O
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Hi Michael,
I emailed Cheryl on July 5th with the same inquiry. Must be on vacation?
Lisa
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I saw the next class “Get Your Script to Power Players” and signed up as I really must put as much time and energy into the marketing of my work as I do into the writing. I have a dozen movie scripts and three different television pilots…
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