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Day 7 Assignments
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<div>POWER PLAYERS LESSON SEVEN</div>
FRAN’S QUERY LETTER (revised)
WHAT I LEARNED: I do know it’s long, but the story is written in three parts (like Lord of the Rings) and needs to be presented as one story. I did need to tighten this up and make it as exciting as it can be to read. But that’s what subsequent drafts are for. I do hope I’ve achieved that. Reading it back as a whole once I fixed and tweaked and tweaked some more, I was getting goosebumps. I went for the feels.
P. O. Box 286
Geneva, NY 14456
August 10, 2022
Production Company
Street
Town, State, zip
Dear Sir or Madam:
GENRE: Drama/ History, Historical Fiction
TITLE: THE GREAT STEAMBOAT RACE BETWEEN THE NATCHEZ AND THE ROBERT E. LEE, (a story presented in three parts)
LOGLINE: Can a young, untested newspaper reporter, his heart torn by the loss of his fiancé, find love again when he’s assigned to cover the steamboat “race of the century” aboard the celebrated Robert E. Lee?
PART ONE
It was called the “race of the century,” filling headlines and pages of newspapers across America in 1870. The Missouri Republican was no exception.
Young Charles Knapp, just home from college, is commissioned by his father to report on the story for their paper. Two steamboat captains, bitter rivals for years, had finally agreed to a grueling 1200 mile race up the Mississippi River from New Orleans to St. Louis, winner take all.
But Charles, trained as a lawyer, not a newspaper reporter, is reluctant to take on such a major story. His father assures him he’ll do well. But there’s another problem. Charles is still grieving over the loss of his beloved fiancé, Abigail.
He finally agrees and heads to New Orleans. The first thing he encounters: Abigail’s cousin, Frances Shackelford, who’s there on a shopping trip with her father. Now that he’s available to love again, Frances is determined to win Charles’ love for herself. In a moment, she decides to steal away on board the Robert E. Lee to woo him.
The two captains, in the meantime, are busily preparing for their race. Thomas Leathers is a cantankerous old soul, with a heart of gold, and is loved by almost everyone. John Cannon tries to act the hard ass, but he’s more than respected by his crew and the people who know him best. He’s a father figure to them and an honest businessman.
Thousands have gathered, for days, in hopes of getting even just a glimpse of the two racers. The Lee is several years old and many believe outmatched by Leathers’ newest, state of the art Natchez VI. But many others bet on the Lee. The Natchez is top heavy and yaws in the waters, which makes for a poor racing vessel, it is reported and experts believe.
The race begins with a surprise. Cannon outsmarts Leathers, who’s known for his cheating, when Cannon gets a leg up out of the starting gate, pinning the Natchez in the harbor until the Lee is well on her way up the river.
Frances, quickly realized as a stowaway, encounters the “wrath of Cannon,” as an unwitting Charles, trying to help her, is charged with keeping an eye on her until their “stop” at Natchez City. Thinking she’s won a first date with her eligible young bachelor, Frances sets about preparing, when she accidentally encounters the young, very handsome, war hero—ladies’ man and fortune hunter—who takes her breath away: Albert Eberman–who is all too eager to oblige her. Slowly, he wedges himself between Charles and Frances. Mesmerized by the handsome young cavalryman’s charms, Frances finds herself falling for him.
Not 100 miles into the race, discovery of a failing boiler on the Lee puts the race in great jeopardy. All on board could be killed if it bursts. Cannon is convinced he must stop the race before it does.
PART TWO
Luckily, Cannon has an engineer on board, John Wiest, a miracle worker in the engine room. Wiest saves the race, to his great peril, repairing the leak before disaster strikes.
Before Frances knows it, Albert is wining and dining her, culminating his advances in a proposal of marriage at their “stop” at Memphis.
Charles, needing to get off the Lee for some newspaper business at Memphis, quickly finds himself a fifth wheel in the triangle as he watches Albert’s proposal from the shoreline below–and finding himself quite jealous over Albert’s intentions toward Frances.
PART THREE
On a train headed for Cairo, preparing to reboard the Robert E. Lee there, Charles encounters Richard Shackelford, Frances’ father. Neither a big fan of the other, they team up to rescue Frances from Albert when Charles informs Richard of the nefarious fortune hunter who’s just proposed to his daughter.
Confused, knowing Charles has continually spurned her advances, yet, still loving him, Frances is convinced of Albert’s sincerity as a suitor and almost accepts her engagement—until she discovers Albert romancing another, older, moneyed, patron on board behind her back.
John Wiest, to the rescue again, gives Frances assurance it’s not her. It’s Albert. He’s not the honest, respected man she presumes him to be, he tells her.
Missing Charles, she joins Captain Cannon later, who tells her the very same about Albert and gives her much needed encouragement about Charles. In his tenderness, she finds herself quite liking–and respecting–Cannon very much. A 180 degree turn from their first meeting.
But the race—and its perils–are far from over, as the captains prepare to enter Devil’s Country, a long stretch of river between Cairo and St. Louis fraught with dangers even the best, most experienced steamboat pilot and captain dread to traverse.
And then, an unseasonably thick, opaque fog settles in, making it almost impossible to see anything beyond the bow of either steamer.
Leathers finally gives in, the fog too thick, too dangerous to risk his newly built steamboat to the dangerous rocks hidden beneath the Mississippi waters. He ties up the Natchez to wait it out until morning.
But Cannon’s men refuse to give up. They must beat Leathers once and for all, they tell him. Enoch King, the pilot hired to get them through Devil’s Country, asks for the “best eyes” on board to help navigate the Lee through the thick fog. Charles volunteers to head the little boat that will course the Lee’s way through to Grand Tower.
Just before dawn, they reach Grand Tower to find bonfires along the shorelines lighting their way. The fog suddenly, miraculously, begins to dissipate long enough to open a straight pathway along the waters to St. Louis. Cannon takes full advantage of the great fortune. It’s FULL STEAM AHEAD to St. Louis for the Robert E. Lee.
Finally, a full six hours ahead of the Natchez, the Lee makes a triumphant entry into St. Louis harbors. STREAMS OF CROWDS RUN to greet the steamer. Cannons fire. There’s great celebration in the air. And a photo finish!
As for Charles and Frances, finding themselves on the Texas Deck watching it all as they trundle into St. Louis, there’s another proposal of marriage, this time between Charles and Frances, who discover a new life and a love for each other-until only death they did part.
I am currently taking screenwriting classes from ScreenwritingU.com and have taken several others previously from UCLA online and Masterclass. I am a third runner-up in the Seven Rays Scene Writing Contest. And I have had several history and current event articles published in local newspapers and magazines, including an interview with Nick Sagan, science fiction writer and son of Dr. Carl Sagan.
I am a certified, public-school teacher (History) in New York State.
I would be more than happy to send you copies of my three-part series Steamboat script for your consideration.
Thank you in advance for sharing with me a moment of your precious time.
Frances Emerson
315-789-1494
P. O. Box 286
Geneva, NY 14456
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Julie’s Query Letter
What I learned doing this assignment is…LOVED the suggestions for the opening lines. Very helpful. It was very hard to switch my brain from all the granular details of the script to a 10K-foot overview. It took me a while but I think I have a workable query letter to start with and it gives me more talking points for a verbal pitch.
Dear Producer,
…Line here about why I am sending specifically to them…
“Instead of defund, we defang.” – Mayor Osgood
Good news: the mayor of Detroit just approved Jackson King’s pilot program that diverts domestic-related 911 calls away from the police and hands them to a new civilian team, DART, to decrease excessive violence and give more care and community program access to those in need.
Bad news: the police are not on board. Why give part of their already meager budget, plus office/gym/parking space to lowly civilians when they’re already doing that job, plus a helluva lot more?
The two teams are yin and yang, power vs. force, militarist policing vs. community policing. While they are in some ways opposites, they can only exist together. But they don’t know that yet. With different cultures, regulations, and mandates, the trick will be to find a way to work together while staying alive in the dangerous Detroit streets.
This series was inspired by a similar social program in Denver that has been successful to date. The show is powered by my degree in psychology and experience caring for a mentally ill parent, working in the ER and Psych floors of a hospital, learning martial arts, and completing a police citizen academy.
The two lead characters are juicy roles for actors who want to explore social change and police reform and the series holds a great opportunity to lead the way with a timely and socially relevant show while still capitalizing on the popularity and success of intense, character-driven police dramas.
“Nonviolent conflict resolution, isn’t that an oxymoron?” – Johnny, Police Officer
If you’re ready to jump into next-gen policing, please reach out. I’d love to send you the script.
Best,
Juliana Beckett
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David’s Query Letter
What I learned doing this assignment is that I already have a good script, I just need to get it out there. And there may be a way better way to get it out there than competitions and coverage.
Dear –
<Why I’m writing to them specifically>
“Family is about more than just blood. Maybe you ought to think about that.”
When his father, ARLO, is released from prison, DANNY SINCLAIR is dedicated to helping his dad rebuild his life in a small town where memories are long and grudges are deep.
Things get complicated when a wildfire has starts and is threatens to destroy the town.
As the local authorities consider evacuation orders, two of his Arlo’s criminal associates hit town, demanding money he owes them but doesn’t have. Danny decides to step in and help get the money, leading him down paths that threaten his relationships, his reputation, and his life.
As the wildfire rages out of control, the town is evacuated. When Danny goes to evacuate his father, Arlo and his two criminal associates hijack Danny and his truck to conduct a bank heist in the middle of the wildfire evacuation.
As the town burns around them, violence flares and Danny learns his dad set the wildfire in order to watch the town burn and to rob the bank as it does.
Inside the bank, Danny must make a choice between his father and the county sheriff. Choosing the side of the law, he shoots his father and helps the wounded sheriff escape the building as it burns down around them. Both their cars are now ablaze, and Danny must help the bleeding, limping sheriff escape the wildfire on foot.
Bio: David is a writer whose work has won multiple awards in both film and theatre. His love of small town stories comes from spending a lot of time in them with his extended family.
If you’d like to watch a small town burn and see how Danny and the sheriff escape, I’d happy to send you the script.
All the best,
David Harper
<contact info>
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