Day 7 Assignments

[Sharilyn Kyle]

Sharilyn Completed P/S Grid#2

What I learned doing this assignment is…You can’t tackle all the problems at once so just slow your roll, critique, analyze and strategize how to fix what’s not working.

Because I write so fast and I don’t have another pair of eyes to back me up, I’m thinking my problems are:

3. Character Intros not Strong

-My antagonist is the only character who doesn’t represent what he’ll be doing/saying/being later in the Pilot and so I had to make him more active in the Teaser.

7. Scenes that are Not Intriguing

Solution

Every scene should have intrigue at the core of that scene. Simply brainstorm a way that one or more of these could show up in that scene.

Intriguing World:

Intrigue:

Mystery:

Secret:

Deception:

Secret Identity:

Wound:

Hidden Agenda:

Hidden Layer:

Strange Behavior:

Accusation:

Suspense:

Imminent Threat:

Suspicion:

I have a lot of little scenes that make up the sequence for the final action. As this is contained story, I’m realizing how important it is to make even the one word count for something. The above techniques show up in the little scenes.

8. Weak Scenes

Solution

– Increase Conflict

– Challenge a character

Because this is a 1-3 setting story, a lot has to happen between the characters. They have to really go in on one another. It was amazing how changing a few words made the place pop.

10. Exposition Instead of Reveals

Solution

Reveal: Something under the surface is discovered or brought to our attention in a dramatic way.

– Reveal through a betrayal.

– Reveal in a way that costs the character.

The banter had to be followed up with an action or accompanied by it. Otherwise the exposition, which is minimal, doesn’t make sense. The characters have to “do” what the “feel,” and not the other way around. So I chose to add more action to the comments

12. Cliché Scenes, Actions, or Dialogue

Solution

A cliché is simply something we’ve seen before. The key is to think outside that box.

1. What is the purpose of this scene?

2. Brainstorm other versions that meet that purpose…and are fresh in some way.

3. Pick the best.

Had to use this for the Teaser again as it still was kinda blah.

[Tom Minier]

Tom Complete P/S Grid#2

What I learned in this assignment is that my teaser still needs some finessing. I am trying to avoid wordsmithing, but that’s kinda what it needs. The action is solid, but the clarity of what is happening still needs to be worked on. I went through all of the grid questions below, and typed my answers out because I am feeling like I should have more story problems.

Grid One:

1. Pilot not a Strong Inciting Incident

The pilot sets up the story and characters, utilizing turning points that pushes the story forward. I think there is a really strong ending that ties to the teaser, but still leaves intrigue.

2. Weak Conflict

The conflict is that a group of people with nothing in common and very different views must come together to save the human race from extinction.

3. Weak or No Irony

There is irony in every act and I believe it is strong.

4. Structure: Do my Acts Work?

Yes.

5. Weak Teaser.

I think the concept of the teaser is strong, but it needs to be cleaned up. I recognize that after the second full read. The purpose of the opening protest needs to be solidified and the characters dialog needs to tell the audience why they are there. I captured the essence, but there is a better future for this teaser that will create a greater impact.

6. Need Stronger Midpoint

I believe my midpoint is very appropriate for the show. For the sake of the pilot it is strong, but I believe I need to look at the story bible and make sure that the midpoint plays into the overall story.

7. Conclusion: Mystery or Impossible Goal/Mission weak

I believe this is very strong.

8. Need a stronger Cliffhanger

The cliffhanger is strong and alludes to the teaser and thus the impossible mission.

9. Weak Turning Points

This is one that I am keeping in mind. I think the turning points are strong, but I want to keep looking for ideas that could be stronger.

10. A, B, and C Stories not working together

The stories are working well. The C story isn’t well defined, but they are established and would be built upon further in future episodes.

11. Weak Transformational Journey

The transformation for my main 4-5 characters is really strong. There are another 4 characters that have an arc, but in comparison to the other characters it may feel weak.

12. Missing Setups for Future Episodes

Lots of setups are built into each act.

13. Not enough Intrigue

I believe there is a great deal of intrigue around the story and the characters.

14. Not enough subtext

I’ve done two full read throughs of the story and there is subtext, but there may be opportunities to build richer subtext. No ideas have come to me yet, but I will keep this point in mind.

Grid Two:

1. Missed the Outline in Some Places

No, outline was followed.

2. Not Enough Empathy/Distress

The counterpoint of the story is around the distress the characters are experiencing and the need for empathy from one another. It is a central theme of the story.

3. Character Intros not Strong

I need to go deeper here. Almost all my characters are introduced in the teaser, but as I mentioned previously, this is an area of opportunity.

4. Characters We Don’t Care About

I care about all of these characters, I hope that others will as well.

5. Weak Protagonist or Antagonist

My Protagonist is very strong, and very flawed. My Antagonist may need improvement. I may be able to take his characteristics to more of an extreme…

6. Characters Need More Depth

I feel good on this one.

7. Scenes that are Not Intriguing

I believe I’m good here as well.

8. Weak Scenes

Every scene serves its purpose, builds intrigue, helps the audience discover its characters. I don’t believe they are weak, but I am continuously looking for ways to make them stronger.

9. Situations don’t Challenge Characters

All of the characters are constantly being challenged throughout the story.

10. Exposition Instead of Reveals

No. Definitely not.

11. When do I Reveal What?

There isn’t a lot reveal at this point other than the midpoint, characters, and cliffhanger.

12. Cliché Scenes, Actions, or Dialogue

I have a scene and some dialogue inspired by other stories, but it is done in a familiar but different way that I don’t believe would be seen as cliche.