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Day 7 Assignments
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6 Replies
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MARIAN REDMANN SCENE RATINGS – SHARK ABYSS
What I learned doing this assignment is, that this is another easy and fun way for me to get a critical distance from my own writing.
Top of the list are the scenes that feature interesting action or the fight for survival, even better when it is mixed with emotion or mystery. Scenes that set up or explain things to come, exposition or facts are not rating as highly. Scenes that I found most unentertaining, were – surprisingly – the ones with my antagonist Julian. I thought these scenes would be more entertaining than they are.
1. (E8) Divers are attacked by a deadly bull shark.
2. (E8) Lisanna argues with her daughter Mia and saves Freddy the Shark, Julian rushes to help to distract Freddy.
3. (E7) Julian wants Lisanna to investigate the shark attack. They have a history together, knowing each other from university.
4. (E6) Mia is not impressed by Julians money and power. Lisanna is reluctant to enter the helicopter because of her claustrophobia.
5. (E6) Mia stays wither her father. She thinks her mother should care more for the environment instead of sharks or money.
6. (E8) Lisanna tries to find out what has caused the attack.
7. (E7) Julian wants Lisanna to dive in the submarine cave, to find out if there are dangerous sharks.
7A. (E6) Lisanna is reluctant to the call of adventure, researching and finding out more about bull sharks (footage from internet) and Julian’s recent past.
8. (E7) Lisanna goes to the diving site in an inflatable boat, her dive buddies are two of Julian’s men.
9. (E8) Lisanna dives into the cave, feeling queasy because of her claustrophobia.
10. (E5) Julian sees the action via Lisanna’s cam. He talks to his father. Julian’s father is the key figure in the background.
11. (E7) Parallel plot: Mia meets her friend Sophie. Mia is supposed to give a guided tour for tourists through the bunker.
12. (E6) Lisanna dives into the cave with a rusted submarine. There is a lot of old Nazi explosives stored there. The submarine has a hole. Some explosives have already gone off. Lisanna can’t dive into the boat because of her claustrophobia.
13. (E5) Mia meets all the members of the group she is to guide through the bunker. We will reveal more about their personalities as we follow their adventure in Act 2.
14. (E10) Lisanna finds caged bull sharks in a small cave. She is attacked by one of the men. When he tries to kill her, a bull shark mauls him. Explosives explode and the cave collapses.
15 (E7) Mia and the tourists are surprised by the explosion. The bunker system seems to have sunk. Water penetrates. They cannot stay in the bunker for long.
16. (E5) Julian’s father is not convinced the operation is going well and sends his own commando team.
17. (E8) Lisanna lives but is attacked by a large bull shark. She can just save herself in an adjacent cave.
18. (E10) Lisanna finds the second diver and wants to help him. The shark kills him and chases Mia.
19. (E10) Claas is able to rescue Lisanna into a higher passage, but the water is rising and soon the shark will have reached her. Lisanna learns that Mia is also in the bunker. She has to save Mia.
20. (E6) The water is rising. Mia looks for a way out of the room. Some of the tourists want to stay. A shark attacks and kills members of the group. Mia is separated from the others. The others are able to escape into a shaft, believing Mia is dead.
21. (E8) Lisanna and Claas work their way through the rubble trying to find out what happened and why dangerous sharks are here. Claas has new information about Julians company and the sharks.
22. (E8) Lisanna and Claas find the tourists. Lisanna learns that Mia is probably dead. The group plans to go back towards the exit and fight the shark with an improvised device.
23. (E5) A command team arrives. They think they are the good guys, but we suspect they are bad guys.
24. (E8) The group fights the shark and is able to get past it. Another tourist is killed.
25. (E6) Lisanna finds Mia. She is alive! But the exit to the top is buried. Soon they will drown or be eaten by the sharks. A new plan is needed. Sophie knows an unknown part of the secret submarine base, that can be reached through a tight pipe shaft.
26. (E6) The remaining sharks can free themselves.
27. (E7) The three men of the commando eam split up. Two are looking for Lisanna and the others. One wants to arm explosives. Are they coming to help or do they have something else in mind?
28 (E10) Lisanna and the others go through the narrow pipe. Lisanna nearly drowns from getting stuck because of her claustrophobia. Claas saves her.
29 (E10) Lisanna and the others battle the two commandos. They think Lisanna is a terrorist. An explosive charge has been placed on the old submarine that could destroy the entire island. Lisanna is the only one who can defuse them. Mia does not understand, what secrets does her mother keep?
30. (E10) Mia falls into the water. Lisanna and Claas have to save her. Mia begs Lisanna to defuse the bomb to save the island. Claas sacrifices himself for his daughter and is killed by a shark.
40 (E10, heading UP TO 11) Lisanna can kill one of the remaining three sharks. She cannot disarm the detonator and must bring it into the sub to dampen the detonation. To do this, she must overcome her claustrophobia. Two sharks follow her into the submarine. Lisanna barely has minutes left and has to trick the two sharks. At the last second, she tries to escape through the hole in the outer wall of the submarine. Then she catches the blast of the explosion.
41, (E6) The island and most of the bunker survived the muffled explosion. Lisanna is accused in the news of being guilty of the attack.
42. (E6) Mia and the others are taken to the Future Star. Julian’s father plans to detonate an even bigger bomb to destroy the island.
43. (E5) Miraculously, Lisanna has survived. She dives into the diving lock of Future Star to free Mia. Julian holds Mia in his power and wants to throw both of them to the sharks. We learn that Julian plans to convert all of Helgoland into an oil production platform, using explosives and sharks to keep tourists away. The plan was to use Lisanna as a scapegoat all along. Julians ego is so big that he brags about his plans. Lisanna is streaming this confession live to the media, making sure to stop Julian and his father.
44. (E7) Lisanna distracts the shark with her knowledge of the sharks in her lab and frees Mia. Julian faces a horrible death as Lisanna is able to trap him and the shark in the same cage.
45. (E8) Lisanna saved her daughter and the island and is hailed as the hero of Helgoland. She moves into Claas’ lighthouse with Mia. Lisanna and her mother have found each other again.
46. (E9) Tourists are sightseeing around Helgoland in a boot. There are no more dangerous sharks. But… a large fin appears and heads for the small boat…
🦈🦈🦈
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KENNETH WOOD SCENE RATINGS- THE SANTA BROTHERHOOD
With this assignment, I learned to evaluate each scene for its entertainment value: its ability to evoke emotion, create curiosity and/or intrigue, inspire anticipation for what’s ahead, and for its ability to absorb the reader into another place, time and situation, while forgetting about one’s own. If one can infuse each scene with one of these elements, the script’s entertainment value will rise exponentially.
The Santa Brotherhood
Beat Sheet
Title: THE SANTA BROTHERHOOD
Genre: Buddy Comedy
Logline: A timid employee of a mega outdoor store joins a secret society of Santa’s founded by Saint Nicholas, and commits to establishing an outreach program for kids in the highest crime area of the city, but first he must survive their brand of “Santa” training.
1. (E9) INT. OUTDOOR ADVENTURE WORLD – DAY
Introduces protagonist, Doug Glenn, decor designer for Outdoor Adventure World, who gets challenged by the three store Santas to step out of the mundane work world to live a higher purpose, one of perpetual generosity. Intros poor single mom, Louise and daughter Peyton as the kind of people the Santas are committed to helping. Intros Pookie, a stuffed animal, which personifies divine providence is at work bringing people together for a higher purpose.
2. (E9) INT. OUTDOOR ADVENTURE WORLD – DAY
The Santas challenge to Doug to join their secret society, at a time when they are launching a quest to help the children and single moms in the most dangerous section of the city—The Project. We find Doug and wife, Sonia, are facing foreclosure. Doug dreams of being kidnapped by men in a red van.
3. (E10) EXT. OUTDOOR ADVENTURE WORLD – DAY
Doug has inhaled too much Christmas tree flock, Santas pull up in red van and rush to hospital, saving his life. Doug’s resistance to their invitation melts, he agrees to, at least, learn what they are all about.
4. (E9) EXT./INT. THE NORTH POLE – DAY
The Santas take him to their clandestine HQ and reveal the depth and breadth of the Brotherhood’s historic benevolent workings. They reveal their new quest to make a difference in the lives of kids and single moms living in the most dangerous neighborhood of the city—The Project. We see a humorous reenactment of St. Nicholas delivering his legendary three bags of money to the daughters of an impoverished man.
5. (E10) INT. OUTDOOR ADVENTURE WORLD – DAY
Doug gets his first experience doing a traditional store Santa gig. He realizes playing Santa is more than listening to kids ask for gifts. Sometimes the requests go far deeper and emotional.
6. (E10) EXT. THE PROJECT – DAY
Doug’s visits The Project. Overwhelmed with fear, he almost backs out for good. Then, he sees Louise and Peyton. They live there and this opens his heart to want to help.
7. (E10) INT. THE NORTH POLE – DAY
We learn the backgrounds of each member of the Brotherhood—a Hell’s Angel, a Marine Reconnaissance Vet, and a Black Belt Ju Jitsu World Champion. We find out why The Santa Brotherhood means so much to them. Doug is moved by their bravery and also feels much more safe.
8. (E9) EXT./INT. THE NORTH POLE – DAY
Doug commits to becoming a Santa. Since the Santas make their benevolence money doing Santa gigs in the Christmas season, and do Super hero and Clown Parties throughout the rest of the year, the Santas put him through training—First, creating balloon animals, second, taking him on his first midnight Santa run to leave gifts and aid to a needy family. He encounters a pit bull. Doug manages to outrun him, inspiring the Santas to give him the superhero name of Cheetah Man.
9. (E10) INT. OUTDOOR ADVENTURE WORLD – DAY
Doug falls asleep at work, and gets a warning from the manager. At lunch, the Santas and Doug are taking a photo, in the break room, to promote their super hero gigs at the same time the gang leader at The Project, T. Roy and some of his gang attempt a “smash and grab” of guns and ammo. Doug wants to abide by company policy and hide, but the tough Santas boldly go to confront the thieves. Doug, hangs back but finally musters enough courage to leave the break room, just in time to “accidentally” thwart the robbery. A news photographer takes their picture and blasts it on the front page of tomorrow’s paper.
10. (E10) INT. OUTDOOR ADVENTURE WORLD – DAY
Sam, the manager shows Doug and the Santa’s the footage of the attempted robbery. Doug recognizes T. Roy as the same guy who lives at The Project.
11. (E10) EXT. GAS STATION – DAY
T. Roy and gang realize that Doug and one of the Santas, Abe, have been to The Project. They suspect they are undercover agents of some sort.
12. (E9) INT. MISS AMY’S APARTMENT – DAY
Doug and the Santas meet with Miss Amy and discuss plans for a pre-Christmas party. Doug will play Santa and get the kid’s requests and learn of any needs the mothers may have. As they leave in the red Santa van, T. Roy pays Miss Amy a visit.
13. (E10) EXT. STREET NEAR TARGET HOUSE #2 – NIGHT
Doug attempts his second midnight Santa run, but raises the suspicion of the police. A chase ensues. Doug narrowly escapes.
14. (E8) INT. OUTDOOR ADVENTURE WORLD – DAY
Doug falls asleep at work for three hours, and gets fired.
15. (E9) INT. DOUG’S HOME – DAY
Sonia shows Doug a foreclosure letter. Doug has to tell her he’s been fired. He will work out with the bank to do a “short sale” of their house. Sonia threatens to leave and go live with her father in the nursing home.
16. (E10) INT. THE PROJECT CLUBHOUSE – DAY
The pre-Christmas party happens. Doug plays Santa. Miss Amy shows the first signs of stomach problems. T. Roy catches Doug alone and threatens to shut down their Christmas Eve Santa run to The Project unless Doug gives him the ammo he needs for the one gun he was able to steal in their “smash and grab”. T. Roy also threatens to harm Louise and Peyton.
17. (E9) INT. OUTDOOR ADVENTURE WORLD – DAY
Doug buys the ammo, but also buys blank ammo for the same gun. The amount is so high, $1,200, it triggers a “Red Flag Warning”. Sam, the manager, confronts Doug and asks if he should be worried.
18. (E8) INT. DOUG’S HOME, BASEMENT – NIGHT
Doug switched the blanks to the real ammo boxes. Doug wads up the receipt and puts it in his pocket. If Sonia saw it, she would explode in anger.
19. (E8) INT. DOUG’S HOME, DINING ROOM – NIGHT
Sonia asks if he has called the mortgage company. He pulls out his phone to show her it’s on his “list app”. The receipt falls out, Sonia picks it up.
20. (E7) INT. CORPORATE HQ OUTDOOR ADVENTURE WORLD – DAY
CEO, Tommy Moss finds out Doug has been terminated and begins to investigate why.
21. (E7) EXT. THE PROJECT – DAY
Tommy Moss comes, with Sam to witness Doug and the Santas working with the kids at The Project.
22. (E10) EXT. THE PROJECT – NIGHT
It’s Christmas Eve. Doug and the Santas arrive with the Santa van and Bob’s truck full of wrapped packages. As everyone goes to get Miss Amy, and Bob does one more surveillance trip in his truck, T. Roy and Slice steal the Santa van.
23. (E10) EXT. STREETS OF THE CITY – NIGHT
Doug, the Santas and Miss Amy chase the van, alerting a nearby police cruiser. All three vehicles high speed through a parking lot with speed bumps, weave through the streets and then go down an embankment to a river road.
24. (E10) EXT. RIVER ROAD – NIGHT
T. Roy crashes the van. He and Slice run away on foot. Doug and Cal pursue. T. Roy begins to shoot. Cal hides, but Doug keeps running until he tackles them and they go into the river. The police arrest T. Roy and Slice. Doug, the Santas and Miss Amy go on to deliver the packages to all the kids. Miss Amy has to be rushed to the hospital with her ailment.
25 (E7) INT. HOSPITAL – NIGHT
Doctor reports she has a dangerous form of ulcer. Prescribes medication and sends her home. Louise will look after her. Doug invites the Santas and their families to Christmas dinner.
26 (E8) INT. DOUG’S HOME – NIGHT
After food and fun, Doug explains how working with the Santas has changed his life. They have taught him “Not to work just to become wealthy, but to become generous.”
Tommy Moss comes unexpectedly to ask Doug to come back to the company as director of the new Kid’s Adventure World program, with three times the salary. Tommy gives him a large bonus, and also the deed to their home which he bought in the short sale and is now gifting back to them paid in full.
27. (E10) INT. MISS AMY’S APARTMENT – DAY
Miss Amy’s condition worsens. Feeling she is about to die, she asks Doug to see if the authorities will let T. Roy can come and see her. She reveals he is her estranged son and only family.
28. (E10) INT. MISS AMY’S APARTMENT – DAY
T. Roy and Miss Amy make amends just before she passes away. T. Roy vows to change his ways.
29. (E8) EXT. THE PROJECT – DAY
One year later, we see that The Project has been revitalized.
29. (E7) EXT./INT. KID’S ADVENTURE WORLD CAMPGROUND – DAY
The Santas arrive to be part of a fishing tournament with the kids. The proceeds will go to a charity chosen by the kids. At Tommy’s request, Doug and he take out a small bass boat to have their corporate meeting.
30. (E10) INT. PRISON – DAY
Doug and the Santas have been working with T. Roy and the prisoners to change their lives for the better. T. Roy gives his inspirational testimony as a Black pastor would to a Black congregation. Doug and the Santas recreate the rest of the meeting in the same way, with games, as they did with the kids at the pre-Christmas party back at The Project.
31. (E10) MISS AMY’S GRAVE SIGHT – DAY
Doug, the Santas, Louise and Peyton visit to honor the grandmother of The Project, whose dream it was to see The Project Turned around.
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This reply was modified 2 years, 7 months ago by Kenneth Wood.
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This reply was modified 2 years, 7 months ago by Kenneth Wood.
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This reply was modified 2 years, 7 months ago by
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Subject Line: Daniel Rangel Scene Ratings
What I learned doing this assignment is…
Realized after doing this assignment that I didn’t write this screenplay to be entertaining, I wrote it to be interesting… to me. That might explain the response I’ve gotten from readers.
A lot of E6’s and several E2’s. Reached E8 only once. It was the highest rating I gave.
I defined each rating as follows:
E1 (dull) – chance of reading to the end: 0%
E2 (confusing) – better than dull
E3 (mildly interesting) – generates interest, not confusing, but not entertaining either
E4 (clearly expressed) – reads like a good instruction manual
E5 (mildly amusing) – moving toward entertainment
E6 (interesting) – interest peaked
E7(mildly entertaining) – chance of reading to the end: 50%
E8 (entertaining) – chance of reading to the end: 75%
E9 (very interesting) – chance of reading to the end in one sitting: 75%
E10 (extremely entertaining) – win the reader’s gratitude and respect
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# Act 1
1. (E6) An AURORA resembling a BIRD-HEADED MAN fills the sky.
2. (E6) Rafaela watches an advert for “Osgood Ancestor Simulations Retirement Package, AFTER LIFE”
NARRATOR (V.O.): Live the adventure of a lifetime!
3. (E6) Rafaela gets a lucrative job lead as a security escort for an 11-year-old refugee seeking her father somewhere outside established territory, near *Las Planchas Verdes*.
4. (E4) She’s offered the escort job from a powerful anti-noble leader, Henrietta Stone. Rafaela accepts on 2 conditions: 1. That she can obtain a travel permit through her matron, and 2. There are to be **no guns** on the trip. Henrietta agrees. Rafaela thinks this will solve all her money problems.
5. (E4) She gains permission to travel to *Las Planchas Verdes* from her matron, Lady Monica Critwell.
6. (E6) Rafaela drives Henrietta, her lieutenant Juan, a mystic called Gloria and 11-year-old Lena to the border, where refugees awaiting execution break loose, killing the checkpoint soldiers and Henrietta in the process.
7. (E6) Rafaela learns Juan was part of a conspiracy to kill Henrietta and intends to kill her (Rafaela) and use Lena as a bargaining chip in the coming civil war! She escapes with Lena and Gloria to Lady Monica’s estate.
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# Act 2
8. (E3) Lena shows signs of severe illness. Fever, fatigue, vomiting, etc.
9. (E3) Gloria says they must find a science facility called *Sueño Lindo* (Beautiful Dream) run by a mythical group called The Hide. They must send a radio transmission with a passcode, and once the code’s verified, The Hide will send them their coordinates.
10. (E2) Lady Monica doesn’t trust the situation with The Hide and assures Rafaela that a journey to find the mythical group will not be necessary. Lena will receive political asylum there and receive appropriate medical attention.
11. (E4) Juan raids the estate with his goons and murders Lady Monica and her children. Rafaela, Lena, and Gloria escape.
12. (E2) They arrive at a penal colony. Gloria says they must wait until the following midnight to receive The Hide’s geolocation, using ritual magic!
13. (E3) When the assistant warden sees a news item depicting Rafaela as responsible for Juan’s actions, he reports them to noble authorities.
14. (E4) Lena shows a drunken Rafaela how to perform the magic ritual used for authentication.
15. (E6) Military forces raid the penal colony, and Gloria sacrifices her life for the others to escape.
16. (E3) Lena’s illness worsens, and she can barely move as the midnight window approaches. Lost in the forest, Rafaela must perform a ritual she doesn’t believe in to survive.
17. (E4) Rafaela performs the ritual and they make it to *Las Planchas Verdes*, but there’s no sign of *Sueño Lindo* or The Hide!
18. (E3) Rafaela’s dead daughter appears in a dream. She offers a clue to their predicament through the etymology “*Las Planchas Verdes*” (The Green Flatirons), named so despite being reddish-brown.
19. (E6) Rafaela wakes, charges the hills with Lena in her arms, and hits an invisible barrier.
20. (E3) They are escorted into a transparent megastructure by military leader Captain Chuco.
21. (E6) Lena discovers her father died in an experiment and all that remains of him exists in a small simulation.
22. (E2) ==Inside the pyramid Doctor Gurion, leader of The Hide, discovers that Lena’s illness has been cause by an experimental serum her father had developed in secrecy before it killed him. Its purpose: the tracking of human consciousness within a simulation. He goes on to say how their physicists and engineers detected an intense shaft of energy radiating from the pyramid’s apex, peaking on a cycle that synchronizes with solar eclipses. They intend to send her father’s consciousness with the beam using a sacred “ascent of the soul” ceremony, and track its destination somewhere beyond the Milky Way.==
23. (E4) Rafaela refuses Lena’s request to take part in the “ascent of the soul” ceremony and leaves.
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# Act 3
24. (E6) Rafaela watches as *Sueño Lindo*’s invisible structure collapses, killing and maiming everyone outside the pyramids.
25. (E6) A bomber jet flies overhead. In the distance, tanks, helicopters, and military vehicles bear flags of noble houses from around the globe.
26. (E6) Juan and his group burst into the ceremonial chamber, taking Gurion hostage and executing the rest of the science team. Juan smashes the simulation box housing Lena’s father while she’s inside, leaving her in a coma.
27. (E5) Rafaela makes her way through collapsing tunnels. She finds Gurion and Chuco collecting weapons in a large duffel. She refuses to take a firearm.
28. (E6) Rafaela ignores Gurion’s advice to flee using an escape tunnel and decides to go save Lena.
29. (E6) Rafaela sees Lena unconscious next to the ceremonial platform. She takes several weapons from Chuco’s bag and tells him to lock the entrance and hide themselves.
30. (E3) She kills every soldier in the room.
31. (E6) With the total eclipse imminent, she screams at Lena’s lifeless body insisting nothing can make her perform the “ascent of the soul” ceremony.
32. (E2) Juan, barely alive and bleeding out, tells Rafaela she led him and the Noble military there. He’d rigged the signal to acquire The Hide’s location and her ritual in the forest meant nothing. She kills him.
33. (E2) Gurion ==confirms that Lena’s brain activity is consistent with someone under general anesthesia, but they can’t find her without the tracking serum. Rafaela suggests that if Lena followed the route of the beam, maybe she could follow her, and they could both be pulled back together. ==
34. (E6) Rafaela stands, surrounded by serene white. In this environment she can see that the serum has created an intense blue light at the center of her forehead and chest. There’s no sign of Lena or her father. She stumbles through the ritual–
35. (E8) A vortex pulls Rafaela across vast distances of space. She lands in a pulsating, domed room where Lena waits among small cherub-like entities. They embrace.
36. (E3) Rafaela pulls the blue sphere from her chest and places it on Lena. A fluid, balloon-shaped membrane, forms around Lena as the blue tow-line connects her to the bright vortex.
37. (E3) The two say goodbye. The entities escort Lena into the light.
38. (E6) The combatants stand in awe of the solar eclipse and watch in stunned silence as the beam sends a gravitational wave throughout the landscape.
39. (E6) A rainbow-colored vortex appears before Rafaela, and the entities are replaced by demonic-looking creatures. Rafaela smiles then recites–
RAFAELA: I am the way, the truth, the light.
The entities become angelic beings. She steps across the threshold and dissolves into infinity.
40. (E4) Inside the chamber, Lena wakes from her coma. Gurion tells her Rafaela’s vitals have ceased.
41. (E1) Chuco, Gurion, and Lena walk with a caravan headed west. Gurion tells Lena that he’s sorry for her loss.
42. (E4)They watch from a distance as the beam of light pulses, then fades into the clouds. The fighting recommences, and military aircraft bomb *Sueño Lindo* into oblivion.
43. (E3) An advert for “After Life,” plays on a broken piece of glass:
NARRATOR (V.O.): Escape to the life of your dreams! What will you do, “After Life?”
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Rewrite 7 Is the scene entertaining? From Joan Butler
What I learned: The script is a mixed bag.
Using E1-10 was too confusing. Instead, I used E6-9. E6 boring or poor, E7 better but still needs work, E8 I’m satisfied, and E9 good scenes.
1. (E.9) EXT. TRANSITION HOUSE – NIGHT
Six-year-old SELMA and MOTHER are introduced. Selma hurries from Blue Bird Transition House pulling Mother after her.
1 A. (E7) INT. SELMA’S STUDIO APARTMENT – DAY
SELMA, the maxims she lives by, her poverty, and her poor health are introduced.
1 B. (E8) INT. MARK’S HOUSE – HALLWAY – NIGHT
MARK is introduced. He is seen in photographs with powerful men like Donald Trump and Vladimir Putin.
1 C. (E8) INT. MARK’S HOUSE – BEDROOM – NIGHT
ELIZABETH is introduced. Following her rape, she stares at a picture as Mark leaves to practice singing.
2. (E8) INT. MARK’S HOUSE – LIVING ROOM – NIGHT
Angry, Elizabeth hits a window.
2 A. (E7) INT. SELMA’S STUDIO APARTMENT – DAY
Selma sifts through bills and counseling magazines.
2 B. (E7) INT. SELMA’S STUDIO APARTMENT – BALCONY – DAY
Selma gets an eviction notice.
2 C. (E7) INT. SELMA’S STUDIO APARTMENT – DAY
Selma decides to interview for a job at Blue Bird House.
3. (E8) EXT. GATE – DAY
Selma stands outside the transition house gate trying to get up the nerve to push an intercom button.
3 A. (E7) INT. TRANSITION HOUSE – DAY Selma meets Gaia, the manager of several transition houses.
3 B.(E7) INT. TRANSITION HOUSE – OFFICE – DAY
Selma lies about still having her private practice.
4. (E8) INT. TRANSITION HOUSE – LIVING ROOM – DAY
Gaia tells Selma about a pilot project that requires a counselor to deprogram abused women who have been brainwashed by their abusers.
4 A. (E7) INT. TRANSITION HOUSE – KITCHEN – DAY
She takes the job.
5. (E6) INT. SELMA’S STUDIO APARTMENT – DAY
Selma falls asleep studying in-take questions.
5 A. (E7) INT. TRANSITION HOUSE – OFFICE – DAY
Selma lies to Gaia about studying the in-take questions.
5 B. (E8) INT. TRANSITION HOUSE – LIVING ROOM – DAY
Gaia asks Selma to hang this message: You Are Stronger, Braver, and More Powerful Than You Think.
6. (E9) INT. MARK’S HOUSE – DINING ROOM – DAY
Mark scalds Elizabeth with hot coffee.
6 A. (E8) INT. MARK’S HOUSE – KITCHEN – DAY
Mark blames Elizabeth for the scald.
7. (E8) INT. MARK’S HOUSE – ENSUITE BATHROOM – DAY
While Elizabeth dresses the wound, she realizes Mark could do it again.
7 A. (E9) INT. MARK’S HOUSE – SEWING ROOM – DAY
Elizabeth finds money, her bag, and a phone number to the house. She calls. Mark comes home. He gets a sweater and leaves.
8. (E6) EXT. TRANSITION HOUSE – DAY
Elizabeth arrives at the transition house and meets Selma.
9. (E7) INT. TRANSITION HOUSE – INTAKE ROOM – DAY
Selma interviews Elizabeth. Elizabeth says her phone must stay on. Selma warns Elizabeth not to contact Mark. Elizabeth says Mark is a good man and “all this stuff” is not his fault. When he phones, Elizabeth says she’s at a retreat.
10. (E6) INT. TRANSITION HOUSE – LIVING ROOM – DAY
Elizabeth falls asleep.
10 A. (E7) INT. TRANSITION HOUSE – INTAKE ROOM – DAY
Jasmine arrives Jasmine (17 going on 12) arrives with a new-born baby and a broken arm. She is rude to Selma and Elizabeth.
10 B. (E7) INT. TRANSITION HOUSE – JASMINE’S BEDROOM – DAY
Jasmine says she’s not leaving the house and she’s not going back to her boyfriend. She threatens to go to the media if Selma doesn’t let her stay.
10 C. (E6) INT. TRANSITION HOUSE – LIVING ROOM – DAY
Elizabeth rocks the baby. Selma offers to take her back to Jasmine.
11. (E9) INT. TRANSITION HOUSE – ELIZABETH’S BEDROOM – DAY
Selma convinces Elizabeth to stay for 3 days and come for counseling to help her find happiness, something that would make her life easier at home, and her lost self.
11 A. (E8) INT. SELMA’S OLD VERSA SEDAN – NIGHT
Selma drives. After she almost nods off, she lowers the windows and cranks up MUSIC.
11 B. (E8) EXT. (SELMA’S OLD VERSA SEDAN – NIGHT
Selma arrives at a small dock.
11 C. (E8) EXT. SMALL FERRY – NIGHT
Selma stands on the deck, staring at a light on the mountaintop.
11 D. (E8) EXT. MOUNTAINTOP HOUSE – STAIRS – NIGHT
Selma has difficulty climbing the stairs. Her heart beats.
12. (E7) INT. MOUNTAINTOP HOUSE – LIVING ROOM – NIGHT
Selma tells Gaia that she and her mother stayed at Blue Bird House then left. When they got home, her father killed her mother. Selma lies and says she didn’t see it happen. They agree Elizabeth will be their 1<sup>st</sup> client. They discuss how counseling will work.
Act 2
13. (E7) INT. TRANSITION HOUSE – KITCHEN – NIGHT
Elizabeth helps Jasmine feed the baby.
13 A. (E8) INT. TRANSITION HOUSE – ELIZABETH’S BEDROOM – NIGHT
Elizabeth’s phone is on the night stand. When it RINGS, she scurries into the closet.
13 B. (E8) INT. TRANSITION HOUSE – BEDROOM CUPBOARD – NIGHT
Elizabeth crouches in the corner, trapped. The phone continues to RING, then STOPS.
14. (E8) INT. MARK’S HOUSE – LIBRARY – NIGHT
Mark looks for Elizabeth.
15. (E8) INT. TRANSITION HOUSE – COUNSELING ROOM – DAY
Selma does a module that reminds Elizabeth what made her happy from ages 5 to 34.
15 A. (E6) EXT. TRANSITION HOUSE – DAY
Elizabeth smiles to herself as she waters the geraniums on the stairs.
16. (E8) INT. TRANSITION HOUSE – JASMINE’S BEDROOM – DAY
Selma is rebuffed when she tries to ease Jasmine’s anxiety.
17. (E8) INT. PETRA’S OFFICE – DAY
Petra demands that Selma write a report justifying her counseling.
17 A. (E6) INT. TRANSITION HOUSE – JASMINE’S BEDROOM – NIGHT
The baby cries. Jasmine refuses to look after the baby.
17 B. (E8) INT. TRANSITION HOUSE – ELIZABETH’S BEDROOM – NIGHT The phone rings but Elizabeth doesn’t answer it. She sings to the baby.
17 C. (E8) INT. MARK’S HOUSE – MARK’S LIBRARY – NIGHT
Mark is smug after he uses Find My Phone to locate the house.
17 D. (E8) EXT. MARK’S PORSCHE – NIGHT
Mark drives through the dark lonely streets.
17 E. (E8) EXT. GATE – NIGHT
Mark finds the transition house, thinking it’s a retreat center. He tries to kick in the gate then tries to scale it. He comes close but fails.
17 F. (E6) INT. TRANSITION HOUSE – OFFICE – NIGHT
Blossom reports that Mark has found the house.
17 G. (E7) INT. TRANSITION HOUSE – COUNSELING ROOM – DAY
Selma does a module that reminds Elizabeth what qualities she admired before she met Mark.
Elizabeth asks if Selma has seen this kind of counseling work with other women. Selma lies and says yes.
17 H. (E8) INT. TRANSITION HOUSE – JASMINE’S BEDROOM – DAY
Jasmine’s father refuses to let her come home. She examines her cutting equipment.
17 I. (E6) EXT. PARK – DAY
Gaia tells Selma about the report and states why Gaia can’t call the police about Mark.
17 J. (E6) INT. TRANSITION HOUSE – KITCHEN – DAY
Selma asks if Elizabeth wants pictures of her wound.
17 K. (E8) INT. TRANSITION HOUSE – BATHROOM – DAY
Selma takes pictures of Elizabeth’s scald. The wound is disgusting.
18. (E6) INT. SELMA’S STUDIO APARTMENT – NIGHT
Selma falls asleep trying to write Petra’s report.
18 A. (E8) INT. TRANSITION HOUSE – ELIZABETH’S BEDROOM – NIGHT
Elizabeth hides her phone in the farthest corner of the cupboard then closes the door.
19. (E8) INT. TRANSITION HOUSE – KITCHEN – NIGHT
Elizabeth meets Bella and has flashback.
19 B. (E6) INT. SELMA’S STUDIO APARTMENT – NIGHT
Selma puts her belongings on Craigslist.
19 A. (E9) INT. TRANSITION HOUSE – ELIZABETH’S BEDROOM – NIGHT
Elizabeth stands in front of the closed cupboard. With a heavy sigh, she opens the door and retrieves the phone.
20. (E9) INT. TRANSITION HOUSE – ELIZABETH’S BEDROOM – NIGHT
Elizabeth phones Mark. He gaslights her and feeds his dog. She cuts the conversation short when he says he’ll come and get her.
21. (E9) INT. TRANSITION HOUSE – GARDEN – DAY
Using info from the first 2 sessions Selma tries to convince Elizabeth that Mark is an abuser. She becomes angry and says it’s not his fault, she’s in control, and she’s not his victim.
22. (E8) INT. TRANSITION HOUSE – ELIZABETH’S BEDROOM – DAY
Elizabeth is furious when she discovers Selma’s lie.
23. (E7) (INT. TRANSITION HOUSE – LIVING ROOM – DAY
Bella convinces Elizabeth to stay until Sunday.
23 A. (E8) INT. JASMINE’S BEDROOM – DAY
Jasmine gets upset with Selma.
23 A. (E8) EXT. PARK – DAY When Selma is frustrated with Elizabeth, Gaia defends her.
24. (E9) INT. PETRA’S OFFICE – DAY
Petra tells Gaia she will be fired when her project is canceled.
24 A. (E6) INT. SELMA’S STUDIO APARTMENT – DAY
She fingers through a box of recipes and chooses one, then she chooses a set of DVDs and makes a call.
25. (E8) INT. TRANSITION HOUSE – ELIZABETH’S BEDROOM – NIGHT Mark promises everything will be wonderful when Elizabeth gets home then gaslights her.
25 A. (E6) INT. TRANSITION HOUSE – LIVING ROOM – NIGHT
Elizabeth and Bella watch the DVDs.
26. (E8) EXT. GATE – NIGHT
When Mark can’t see into the transition house with his drone, he hires a PI to find out what happens in the building.
26 A. (E6) INT. TRANSITION HOUSE – LIVING ROOM – NIGHT
Elizabeth and Bella turn of the DVD.
26 B. (E8) INT. TRANSITION HOUSE – JASMINE’S BEDROOM – NIGHT
Jasmine is too tired to feed the baby.
26 C. (E8) INT. TRANSITION HOUSE – ELIZABETH’S BEDROOM – NIGHT
Elizabeth is at peace while she feeds the baby.
26 D. (E7) INT. SELMA’S STUDIO APARTMENT – NIGHT
Selma has a nightmare. She wakes abruptly with fear on her face.
A soft heart beat LUB-DUB. LUB-DUB.
26 E. (E7) INT. SELMA’S STUDIO APARTMENT – BATHROOM – DAY
In the mirror, Selma sees exhaustion as she rinses her face with water.
27. (E8) INT. TRANSITION HOUSE – JASMINE’S BEDROOM – DAY
Jasmine becomes jealous of Elizabeth.
27 A. (E6) INT. SELMA’S STUDIO APARTMENT – DAY
Selma sells her belongings.
28. (E7) INT. TRANSITION HOUSE – COUNSELING ROOM – DAY
Selma shows Elizabeth how to counter the effects of hurtful words and explains that they make Elizabeth gradually lose herself.
29. (E9) INT. TRANSITION HOUSE – JASMINE’S BEDROOM – DAY
When Jasmine puts Elizabeth down, Selma yells at her. Gaia hears the yelling.
29 A. (E9) INT. TRANSITION HOUSE – BATHROOM – DAY
Jasmine cuts herself.
30. (E8) EXT. GATE – DAY
Gaia reprimands Selma and puts her on notice.
30 A. (E7) INT. SELMA’S STUDIO APARTMENT – NIGHT
Selma watches YouTube trying to learn how to curb her anger.
31. (E8) INT. TRANSITION HOUSE – ELIZABETH’S BEDROOM – NIGHT
Mark tells Elizabeth the baby could get sick if she keeps looking after it.
32. (E8) INT. TRANSITION HOUSE – JASMINE’S BEDROOM – NIGHT
Elizabeth tries to give the baby back to Jasmine, but she won’t take her.
33. (E8) EXT. STREET CORNER – NIGHT
The PI tells Mark the building is a transition house then tries to hide a snigger.
34. (E8) EXT. GATE – NIGHT
When Mark can’t get into the transition house, he buys a gun.
34 A. (E6) INT. TRANSITION HOUSE – OFFICE – NIGHT
Blossom sends an email to Petra.
35. (E7) INT. TRANSITION HOUSE – COUNSELING ROOM – DAY
Selma discusses various ways Mark manipulates Elizabeth. She maintains he doesn’t manipulate her and she holds the power.
35 A. (E5) INT. LOBBY – DAY
Selma receives an eviction reminder.
35 B. (E6) INT. SELMA’S STUDIO APARTMENT – DAY
Landlady brings prospective renters to Selma’s apartment.
35 C. (E8) INT. SELMA’S STUDIO APARTMENT – NIGHT
Selma suffers a nightmare of work boots stomping.
36. (E9) INT. TRANSITION HOUSE – ELIZABETH’S BEDROOM – NIGHT
As Elizabeth listens to Mark, she realizes Selma is right; Mark does manipulate her. Mark threatens to ruin her career if she is not home by 4:00 tomorrow.
37. (E8) INT. TRANSITION HOUSE – JASMINE’S BEDROOM – DAY
Jasmine decides to go back to her abuser.
38. (E8) EXT. GATE – DAY
Elizabeth reels when Jasmine shouts that Elizabeth should have her own baby.
39. (E7) INT. TRANSITION HOUSE – COUNSELING ROOM – DAY
Selma discusses traumatic bonding using pictures of cult leaders.
40. (E8) INT. TRANSITION HOUSE – BATHROOM – DAY
In the dark, Selma rocks back and forth on the edge of the tub.
41. (E8) EXT. GATE – DAY
Police tell Selma that Jasmine has been killed.
42. (E8) INT. MOUNTAINTOP HOUSE – KITCHEN – DAY
Selma offers Gaia her resignation and tells Gaia about the lies, watching her father kill her mother, the guilt of not saving her mother, the flashbacks and nightmares, her fear of men and their feet, her fear of being kicked and stomped, that she couldn’t write the report for Petra because she’s a long hauler.
Petra says she is canceling the project and firing Gaia.
Act 3
42. (9) EXT. GAIA’S VOLKSWAGEN LADYBUG – DAY
Selma and Gaia race to intercept Elizabeth before she leaves.
43. (9) INT. MARK’S PORSCHE – DAY
Mark puts a gun in the glove box and drives to the transition house.
44. (E8) EXT. TRANSITION HOUSE – DAY
Hoping to overwhelm Elizabeth’s logic, Selma shouts single words that each describe a technique Mark uses to control Elizabeth. The words come faster and faster. Elizabeth scribbles a color to represent each word on a roll of paper. Elizabeth finally screams and rips the paper to shreds. Moments later she admits she gave away her baby because Mark said she was delusional.
45. (E9) EXT. GATE – DAY
Mark arrives and tries to force Elizabeth into his car. Selma and Gaia hold him off until the police arrive and arrest him.
Resolution
46. (E7) INT. TRANSITION HOUSE – OFFICE – DAY
Selma concludes that she is not responsible for her mother’s death; Her father is.
47. (E9) INT. TRANSITION HOUSE – LIVING ROOM – NIGHT FIVE YEARS LATER Selma and Elizabeth chair a meeting of SODA–Survivors Of Domestic Abuse–a world-wide self-help organization they have created.
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Lisa’s Story Beats
What I’ve learned doing this assignment is the importance of looking at your script through the audience’s eyes.
Logline: A homeless teenage orphan, chasing her dream of becoming the next Adele, must survive the streets of L.A. and the pursuit of the criminal who killed her family.
TEASER
INT. L.A.’S SOFI STADIUM – NIGHT – E10
Aria’s (AKA Clare Damiano) first live concert – introduced by a major recording star – Reveal: daydream escape from her real life of homelessness.
ACT ONE
1. INT. CLARE DAMIANO’S BEDROOM – NIGHT – E7
Clare sings as she gets ready for her date.
2. EXT. DAMIANO’S HOME – NIGHT – E7
Aaron Forsyth arrives for his date with Clare and encounters the rest of the family. Clare is flying high from winning Philadelphia’s Rising Stars Talent Competition earlier that day.
3. INT. BACK SEAT OF AARON’S BMW – NIGHT – E9
Aaron and Clare are passionately making out. They discuss the possibility of her moving to L.A. to get discovered. A massive explosion occurs nearby. They drive away to find out what’s happened.
4. EXT. DAMIANO HOUSE – NIGHT – E9
Aaron and Clare arrive to find her house blown to smithereens.
5. INT. DIVINE MERCY HOSPITAL – NIGHT – E7
Clare, Aaron, Aaron’s parents, and Clare’s aunt and uncle, Margaret and Phillip Kennedy wait for word on any survivors. Dr. Bartolomeo and his team break the bad news – no one survived. Clare falls apart and they keep her overnight on suicide watch.
ACT TWO
INT. – PHILLY POLICE DEPARTMENT MEN’S ROOM – DAY – E7
PI Christian Santiago is pumping up his attitude in front of the men’s room mirror before going into roll call and being announced as new lead investigator.
INT. – PD ROLL CALL ROOM – DAY – E7
The women cops in the room are extremely happy that Christian has joined the team. After being introduced by the Sgt. Hammond, Christian makes a brief speech. As the group breaks and files out, one of the officers comes on to him.
6. INT. AARON’S ROOM – DAY – E6
Aaron is unable to calm down. He drives down to Clare’s house and calls Clare’s best friend to tell her what’s happened. She calls her entire group of friends and they all meet him at the ruins of Clare’s house, consoling each other.
7. INT. NATALIE’S BEDROOM – NIGHT – E7
Aaron calls Natalie and breaks the news of the explosion.
8. EXT. DAMIANO HOME – DAY – E6
Aaron, Natalie, and their crowd of friends huddle together at the site of the explosion mourning Clare’s loss.
11. EXT. DAMIANO HOME – DAY – E6
Fire and police crews crawl the smoldering ruins of the Damiano home. Christian arrives to make an assessment, but really to make sure the job was done right. He chats with fire chief Mack Porter and gets ahead of himself by asserting the event was an act of revenge. Porter sends him on his way and as he leaves, he texts 99% to the unknown caller from earlier.
12. INT. SACRED HEART HOSPITAL WAITING ROOM – DAY – E9
Aaron has been waiting patiently to see Clare along with dozens of news reporters and camera operators. Natalie arrives with at least thirty other students with balloons, stuffed animals, etc. but the reception nurse tells them to go home because they can’t visit Clare until her aunt and uncle do. The media enjoys the fireworks and get it all on video to broadcast on the evening news. Margaret and Phillip arrive and are accosted by the media.
13. INT. NURSES STATION AT SUICIDE WATCH ROOM – DAY – E6
A steady trickle of students, one-at-a-time, lay down their flowers, stuffed animals, etc. outside the transparent walls of Clare’s room. Clare is in a deep sleep, having a nightmare.
DREAM SEQUENCE – E7
Clare dreams of her performance at the talent competition, but it ends with a fire consuming the auditorium and losing her family. Clare awakens with fright. She sees the love her friends are showing for her. The nurse puts her back to sleep with a sedative.
ACT THREE
14. INT. THE CORNER POCKET – NIGHT – E7
Christian sits at the bar sipping a bourbon. A middle-aged woman comes in, sits next to him and orders a frozen margarita. She strikes up a conversation with Christian but the noise from the blender prevents us from hearing their conversation.
15. EXT. SANTIAGO HOUSE – NIGHT – E7
Christian comes home to the gun of a barrel placed on the back of his head. It’s his wife, Jayna, accusing him of cheating on her, which he firmly denies. The eleven o’clock news reveals who the surviving family member is and Christian gets a cryptic text about a meeting on Tuesday.
16. INT. SACRED HEART HOSPITAL – DAY – E6
Margaret meets with Dr. Bartholomeo who states he will not administer any more sedative to keep Clare asleep and that she must be taken home so she can begin the healing process. Margaret reluctantly agrees to take her home.
17. INT. KENNEDY HOME – DAY – E5
Margaret shows Clare the guestroom, then leaves her all alone.
18. INT. CLARE’S ROOM – NIGHT – E5
Clare has slept for many hours and is awakened by her cousin, Blake. Margaret and Phillip have left for a dinner engagement so Blake and Clare commiserate over a grilled cheese sandwich.
19. EXT. NEWTON SPRINGS PARK – DAY – E6
Jayna is strolling with the baby and is being photographed by a stranger, unbeknownst to her.
20. INT. KENNEDY HOME – DAY – E9
Almost noon and Clare doesn’t have the will to get out of bed. Natalie drives two hours to visit Clare. They reunite and Clare admits she doesn’t have the will to live. Natalie encourages her to be positive, to use her gift of music and talented voice to motivate her to keep going. Reluctantly, Clare plays a song on the piano and sings while Natalie live streams it on TikTok without telling her. The response is explosive. Margaret and Phillip arrive home to ruin everything.
21. INT. KENNEDY BACKYARD POOL – NIGHT – E5
Clare speaks to Natalie over the phone, tells her the only way she can move forward is to do everything she can to forget the events of her family’s death.
ACT FOUR
22. EXT. CEMETERY – DAY – E6
Clare eulogizes her family members at their funeral.
23. EXT. PHILADELPHIA MILLS MALL – DAY – E7
The same woman who struck up a conversation with Christian at the bar, Crystal Cumbee, walks out of the mall and gets into Christian’s car. They drive off together.
24. EXT. RIVERSIDE CORRECTIONAL FACILITY (RCF) – DAY – E7
Christian and Crystal arrive at the prison/ Crystal goes inside and Christian drives away.
INT. PRISON RECEPTION AREA – DAY
Crystal is scanned and searched.
25. INT. CONJUGAL VISIT ROOM – DAY – E8
Crystal enters the room where a bald inmate sits waiting. It’s former police chief Roy Nagle.
26. INT. KENNEDY HOME – NIGHT – E5
Aaron comes over to visit Clare who tells him the only way she can move forward is to forget everything about the night her family died. Everything. He gets the hint and bows out of the picture.
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Jeff Hall’s Scene Ratings –
Act 1
1. (E10) The Tall man slays a family. (Writes symbols on the wall with blood)
2. (E2) Ben watches families go by leaving church. Enteracts with kids. Ben’s fiance walks by with her father and mother.
3. (E5) Ben wakes up the prisoner, his friend Roy, so he can go to work at the Peterson Farm.
4. (E6) Introduce Sheriff Merl and his immoral ways. And hint at Ben’s position/history. (Merl hints to knowing of Ben’s opium addiction)
5. (E8) Roy discovers the Peterson bodies.
6. (E6) Ben and his fiance, Rose, talk about their future. Something just isn’t right.
Roy walks by carrying the Peterson girl.
7. (E6) Ben sneaks Roy through the city to the doctor.
8. (E8) Roy begs doctor to fix the girl. A shocked doctor can do nothing.
9. (E3) Ben informs Sheriff Merl they need to go out to the Peterson’s. Advises Roy to lay low.
10. (E6) Ben and Sheriff Merl examine the bodies and bloody walls. (Bloody writing/symbols)
11. (E5) Bartender warns Sheriff of the plans by townsfolk to take Roy.
12. (E7) Funeral. As the preacher speaks, many glances are made and unspoken intent. Afterward, a group of them run.
13. (E7) Mob bursts into the jail house. Ben tries to defend, but is beaten. Sheriff Merl does little to stop this from happening.
14. (E8) The Mod drags Roy with a rope. He is beaten. More people join in.
15. (E9) Ben begs Sheriff to help. The people in the town will do whatever he says. But he does nothing. Roy is hung and Ben tries to hold him up, but is hit by his own future father-in-law.
16. (E7) (He takes opium) Ben buries Roy next to the Peterson family. He was loved by the family and practically part of it. A drunk protests this, but Ben threatens him with his gun.
17. (E6) Ben discovers a campsite that has clues that refer to the Peterson house (chicken bones with the same distinct seasoning).
18. (E7) Ben rushes to inform Sheriff Merl and shows newspaper, but he will not hear it. There was a crime and someone has been punished. The town is satisfied. He will be re-elected.
19. (E4) Runs to find his fiance but she’s not home.
20. (E9) Ben finds Sheriff Merl and his fiance together. Get blows up and shoots the wall around the sheriff. Throws his badge and gun at him and walks out.
21. (E4) Ben jumps the train leaving town. (Ben just steps onto the train, not “run/jump”)
Act 2
22. (E6) Hobos throw Ben off the train at the next town. He have robbed him. No boots. No money. (No opium bottle).
(IMPROVED – ADDED SCENE)
23. (E6) (Requests a refill of his opium bottle. Doctor informs him that the law has changed. He is not allowed to sell it. Needs to be examined first.)
24. (E6) Ben informs Chambers sheriff, Schmidt, that he will be snooping around town, trying to find the murderer. The sheriff is suspicious and tells him so.
(IMPROVED – ADDED SCENE)
25. (E8) Breaks in pharmacy and steels a bottle of opium.
26. (E7) Ben drinks. Puts opium in his drink. Gambles with locals. Tells them he is looking for work. Loses his last few coins away. Can not pay tab. (Can’t pay what was gambled, he is beaten up)… thrown out and kicked in the street.
27. (E5) (Ben is high in this scene) Ben wanders through town, looking for anyone or anything suspicious. Walks by Muller house and dog chases him away.
28. (E8) Sheriff Schmidt forces Ben behind bars. Scolds him for of his actions in the city. He lets him go with a stern warning. (Orders him to find work and pay tab/gambling debt)
29. (E3) Approaches the Muller House and approaches Mr Muller and requests work.
30. (E3) Ben chops wood. Mrs Muller brings water.
31. (E5) Ben clear undergrowth. Stumbles across bodies of dogs.
32. (E6) Ben digs graves for dogs with Mr Muller.
33. (E8) Ben eats dinner and has a cute interaction with their young children, girl and boy. Mrs Muller gives him a blanket and pillow.
34. (E4) Relaxes on the cot in the barn. Startles by the girl sneaking him pie.
35. (E5) Ben stirs awake. Sees soft light moving in the house windows.
36. (E6) Sees a slendor man leaving the area. Nervous.
37. (E7) Ben discovers the bodies of the Mullers. All dead in their beds. Grabs rifle and runs after the man.
38. (E4) Runs after the man, but does not find him.
39. (E7) Ben bursts into the jail house and informs Sheriff Schmidt of the mullers’ death.
He takes the gun and puts Ben in jail for safetly.
40. (E4) Sheriff Schmidt comes out of the house and vomits.
41. (E7) Schmidt shouts at Ben for making things difficult as he will have to protect Ben from his citizens.
42. (E9) Twenty men descend upon the jailhouse. Schmidt tries to convince them not to, but they knock him out.
43. (E10) The mob drags Ben into the street. They put a noose around his neck and hoist him up a tree. Several men hold the rope as Ben chokes.
A bullet hits one of the men holding the rope. Then another. Sheriff Schmidt approaches unarmed. Informs them, that he has a man on a roof with a rifle pointed at them. Then drop Ben. Ben’s old Sheriff (Merl Grayson) was the rifleman.
44. (E3) Ben is kept in Sheriff Schmidt’s house. Nursed by Mrs Schmidt.
Sheriff Grayson offers to take him back to his home town. Ben overhears and sneaks out (Motivated by his anger for Sheriff Merl Grayson)
45. (E4) Grayson and Schmidt arrive at the Train station, but the train is gone.
Act 3
46. (E7) Ben cowers in the corner away from the hobos.
47. (E4) Sheriff Grayson starts to go back home, but Mrs Schmidt guilts him into going after Ben.
48. (E3) Ben is kicked off the train by a worker.
49. (E7) Ben huddles in a corner and sleeps. (Storms on him)
50. (E5) Sheriff Grayson rides and discovers the Tall Man’s camp. He is murdered with the ax.
51. (E8) Ben shivers as he tries to sleep on the street. People ignore him. He appears to be a bum. A large man, Henry, asks about the neck wound. Expresses his dislike of Ben.
Two children, Matthew and Patricia, are kind and give him candy.
52. (E7) Ben sleeps in the cold. Sees the Tall Man walk through town. Ben is petrafied… frozen.
53. (E3) Maria, orphanage keeper, gives him water and blanket.
54. (E4) Ben wakes in a bed. Maria has taken him in for recovery. Locks him in her room.
55. (E4) Maria shows the orphans, all working and chipping in. Ben is emotional. Henry expresses his dislike.
56. (E5) Henry gives an apple to the tall man who is plowing his fields.
57. (E6) Ben examine the strange book he found on the train. Maria informs him that its time for him to leave. Gives him a blanket. (Matty/Patty see him acting string/high. Greatly ashamed, he smashes his opium supply).
58. (E7) Ben see the Tall Man dragging all the orphans a ropes. Ben is startle awake by Maria brings coffee. Ben warns to keep the orphanage door bolted.
(Maria sits and they have a moment)
59. (E6) Church bells. Ben wakes to people walking by going to church. See a tall man and follows.
60. (E7) Ben sits in the back row. Preacher mentions the biblical Benjamin. Judging eyes. Sits behind Tall Man and is nervous(and sweating). (he is going through withdrawals)
61. (E4) Rushes out of the church and vomits. (Does not vomit. He is shaking beyond control. Checks his pockets for his opium, nothing)
62. (E2) Near the church, Ben washes his face.
63. (E4) This tall man leaves church and Ben tries to follow, but Henry lectures him about being a beggar. (Someone comments on Ben being nervious in church, “sinner in church”) Ben asks for work and Henry agrees. Loses the tall man.
64. (E5) Ben passes Henry’s house and sees that tall man. He watches from the woods. Fights dreariness.
65. (E8) Ben wakes and sees the tall man going into the house with something that could be a weapon. Ben grabs a stick and runs toward the house.
66. (E6) Ben approaches the house.
67. (E7) Ben busts in and stricks the tall man. Henry’s teenage son lays on the floor unconscious. A furious Henry grabs gun. Ben flees.
68. (E7) Henry shoots.
69. (E7) Ben runs. Pellets spray.
70. (E8) Ben runs into town and sees the real Tall Man in front of the orphanage. He hides in an alley. Henry approaches and threatens the Tall Man. He surprises him with an ax to the head. The Tall Man inhales over Henry’s open mouth. Extacy.
71. (E4) Nora (Henry’s wife) brings the sheriff Norse to Ben’s hiding place.
72. (E5) Sheriff Norse puts Ben in Jail. Ben tries to explain what happened. Nora busts in crying uncontrollably.
73. (E6) Sheriff Norse follows bloody trail.
74. (E3) Sheriff Norse Henry’s body just off the road.
75. (E8) An angry Nora stares at Ben. He claims he did not do it. She aims a rifle at him and pulls the trigger… no bullet. Sheriff enters and sends her home.
76. (E2) Sheriff Norse asks a woman to help Nora get home.
77. (E2) Ben tries to explain what happened to Norse.
78. (E2) Maria serves food to the children.
79. (E2) Several children perform chores outside.
80. (E4) Tall Man stares from shadows.
81. (E3) (Maria asks Ben to explain. He confesses to killing his father because his father killed his mom. And feels like this is his punish/penence. Ben says how much the loves the children. She says its because he is one of them. )
82. (E5) Nora approaches with gun. Maria tries to stop her, but is knocked out.
83. (E10) Nora bursts in and fires shotgun. Hides behind the mattress. She can not get a descent shot and open the jail door. From behind that mattress, he pushes her back and out the door.
84. (E5) Ben ducks behind a building. Nora hunts.
85. (E4) Ben hides. Then climbs onto the a building. Sheriff startles Nora and she shoots him.
86. (E3) Ben sees and hides from rooftop.
87. (E2) Nora stumbles down the street.
88. (E2) Maria tends to child and peaks out window.
89. (E3) Maria helps her. Takes her to Jail House.
90. (E2) Help her lay on bed.
91. (E4) Tall Man stares from the shadows.
92. (E3) Ben smell smoke.
93. (E3) Maria stirs and smells smoke.
94. (E9) Ben sees fire coming from the burning straw that surrounds the orphanage. Children screaming. Tall Man climbs a ladder. Ben jumps off the roof, then climbs ladder. Tall Man pushes ladder down into the fire.
Tall Man axing the roof. Maria and Nora pump water into a bucket. Nora dowses the ladder. He climbs to the roof.
Ben fights the Tall Man. Roof collapses on Ben and he falls into the building.
95. (E9) In the smoke-filled building, Ben is able to open the bolted door. Helps children out.
96. (E8) Ben and children exit the orphanage. Patty is missing.
97. (E8) Ben goes back in to save Patricia. Tall Man grins from above. With mouth to mouth, Ben saves her. Catherine is missing, Maria finds her and they can not save her.
(Patricia dies. Delete Catherin’s character)
98. (E6) Ben jumps onto the moving caboose.
99. (E4) Climbs on the roof of the caboose.
100. (E5) Walks forward and jumps onto the next boxcar.
101. (E7) Hobos threaten Ben. Ben throws one off the train. The rest back off.
102. (E7) From above he looks inside the next few boxcars. Suddenly, the Tall Man is standing on top staring at him. Large choreographed fight. Over a bridge, they fall.
103. (E9) Ben struggles in the violent river, but pulls himself onto the shore. He has the Tall Man’s weapon, but the Tall Man is no where to be seen.
104. (E8) Ben helps rebuild the orphanage. Plays with children. Holds Maria’s hand.
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