Day 7 Assignments

[Tracy Lawson]

Tracy’s Query Letter

What I learned doing this assignment: several elements in the query relate to the lead actress’s role. I am pretty happy with this first draft, although I look forward to revising and getting feedback!

“After what I’ve endured to bring this message, I’ll not stand for your sharp tongue, sir. I’m no soldier you can order about. Now let me pass.”

REVOLUTIONARY ANNA is based on a true story: Anna makes a daring solo journey to save her man—and ends up saving the American Revolution!

In 1776, Anna has it all: rewarding career as her community’s healer, great kids, and a passionate relationship with her progressive preacher husband, Benjamin, who sees her as his equal. That is, until he enlists in the Continental Army without consulting her.

News of disease and starvation at Valley Forge trigger Anna’s fears. Orphaned at age nine, she spent her youth as an indentured servant. If Benjamin dies, their children will be “orphans” under the law and Anna will have no influence in their lives. It is better to sacrifice herself to save him.

Anna’s uncle, who was once her guardian, bankrolls her trip, but tricks her into delivering funds to a smuggling ring that steals supplies from the army.

Furious, Anna tries to undo the damage, and gets her chance to support the revolution when a congressman recruits her to carry an urgent message to General Washington. But just hours into her mission, an intimidating man blocks her path and demands the letter. Anna has only one choice—outwit and outrun her pursuer the remaining 80 miles to Valley Forge.

If you like the concept, I’d be happy to send you the script.

I am a direct descendant of the subjects of REVOLUTIONARY ANNA and author of the novel Answering Liberty’s Call: Anna Stone’s Daring Ride to Valley Forge, on which the screenplay is based. My screenplays have been finalists in the Inroads Screenwriting Fellowship and the Filmmatic TV Pilot Awards.

Tracy Lawson (contact info here)

• This reply was modified 2 years, 6 months ago by  Tracy Lawson.
• This reply was modified 2 years, 6 months ago by  Tracy Lawson.
• This reply was modified 2 years, 6 months ago by  Tracy Lawson.

[Ron Horton]

Ron Horton’s Query Letter for “Charley’s River”

Dear ……….;

Bio: Ron Horton studied screenwriting at Mount Hood College. His first screenplay made the quarter finals of Scriptapalooza. He is an outdoorsman who has real life experience with white water rafting.

Charley may have only one chance at love. Diving into a class 5 river rapid was not what he bargained for, but could it ends up sealing the deal.

Charley Fox daydreams of leaving his 7-figure job in Chicago, to return to White Water Rafting on the Colorado River.

His new found love, Susan, isn’t available, having a very big boyfriend, Jack, who has a gun and a badge… and a temper. To fill the gap Charley is seduced by Marla, who turns out to have an axe to grind and wants him in jail.

Charley’s “fixer,” Felicity Heart goes to work, and Marla more than meets her match.

During Felicity’s fixing, Charley goes to the Colorado, and works with his former white water rafting buddy. Susan and Jack show up as river guests. Charley has to save Jack from the river. This life-threatening event turns Susan to Charley, and they become involved.

Six weeks later they are married. On their honeymoon river trip, Charley ends up out of the raft and sucked to the bottom. Pulling from her training, Susan jumps in to save him.

They end up on the beach, exhausted, un-scathed, and dry. It’s not until they see their bodies hauled out of the river by their friends on the other side, do they realize they are forever now, river ghosts.

If you’d like to see more, my script is ready to send.

Sincerely,

Ron Horton
2924 N. Jay Rd.
Jay, VT 05859
ronhorton21@msn.com
802 988-4661 Land
802 309-7149 Cell

I learned that brief is better. I found I can say a lot with fewer words.

• This reply was modified 2 years, 6 months ago by  Ron Horton.
• This reply was modified 2 years, 6 months ago by  Ron Horton.

[Sky Canyon]

Sky Canyon’s Query Letter

“I’ll teach the monks to trade the market!”

When Wall Street guru-wannabe Jack Weissman receives a deliberate bad tip that crashes his career and marriage, his desperate attempts to get his life back take him on a strange journey that lands him in a Tibetan monastery.

The head monk – whom Jack dubs “Mr. Miyagi” – challenges his ego and pushes a reluctant Jack to learn meditation, yoga and “ommm” – to the amusement of monks, yaks and the monastery cat. However, when Jack discovers that the monks are in dire financial straits, he has a light bulb moment, and under his tutelage, teaching the monks to trade, the monastery prospers…

…until the Chinese military arrive, smash computers and arrest Miyagi.

With “loser” ringing in his ears, renewed determination drives Jack to lead the “Millionaire Monks” in massive success for Tibet, just as China is wracked with an environmental disaster.

But, the monastery’s techno-nerdy monk perfects a device to help China, and Jack hatches a plan to free Miyagi. Unaware that Miyagi’s secret past has already sealed his fate – the plan backfires, landing Jack in jail facing a life or death ultimatum.

Has Miyagi’s training prepared Jack to emerge as the man he was meant to be?

Jack must make the trade of his life – the fate of nations hangs in the balance.

BIO – Sky Canyon:

· ScreenwritingU.com Pro Series Alumni;

· Hot 100 List, Capital Fund Screenplay Competition; Moondance International Film Festival FINALIST

· Former President/Publisher, New World Library, international self-help bestsellers;

· Published author and music producer.

If you like the concept, I would be happy to send you the script.

CONTACT:

Sky Canyon

Email: sky@skycanyon1.com

Phone: 303-499-8998

Cell: 303-809-5395

2525 Arapahoe Ave., E4-422, Boulder, CO 80302

What I learned doing this assignment is this: My query letter was originally crafted years ago, and I have refined it since then. In review, I feel it does the right job and is a captivating pitch – much better than the synopsis in Lesson 6, which has too much story detail.

[LEE SKORE]

Lee Skore’s Query Letter

Dear …,

BIO: I have written other screenplays and have had several producers express interest in them. I wrote TELLING LIES with the guidance of my mentor, Chris Soth.

GUNSHOTS. Corey screams, “Stop killing me.” She wakes… from the same nightmare she’s had for twenty-five years.

That day, Corey and the sheriff explore an abandoned cottage. She finds an old photo of a three-year-old girl who looks like her, but with people she does not recognize. That night, someone tries to kill her.

Her mom and dad tell her she’s adopted. They found her in an abandoned cottage among three murdered people. They lied to protect her from whomever killed them.

Corey and the sheriff struggle to learn the mystery of her past.

Who wants Corey dead? What is he after? Can Corey and the sheriff bring him to justice before he kills her to keep his secret?

If you like the concept of TELLING LIES, I’d be happy to send you the script.

Best regards,

Lee Skore

leeskore@msn.com

801.296.1566

88 West 50 South, #J-9, Centerville, UT 84014

(5) What I learned doing this assignment is:

Some of the hooks I chose for the query letter are different from some I used in the synopsis because I thought they are more interesting and make the letter flow better.

• This reply was modified 2 years, 6 months ago by  LEE SKORE.

[Danielle Dillard]

What I learned doing this assignment is enhancing my query letter:

A spoiled rotten socialite supported by her rich parents gets cut-off financially and must start at the bottom to survive — this is my touching family comedy, The Cut-Off Heiress. It follows a spoiled 19-year-old socialite who takes gross advantage of her wealthy parents to the point they cut her off financially. As she’s forced to survive on her own, she must find work, a place to live and pay her own way for the first time. Trying to fend for herself has its challenges, but when she begins working at a homeless shelter her eyes to life really open and it causes her to become a better person.

This is a funny story with heartfelt elements that follow a naïve young woman trying to find her way in life. Audiences will laugh during scenes such as the socialite showing up over fashionably dressed to her first job interview with her small dogs in tow and her giving herself a manicure during worktime. And audiences will be touched by her transformation from being selfish and entitled to becoming humble and independent with a passion for helping others.

I’ve received my BA in Film Writing from California State University, Los Angeles and have developed family stories for the Hallmark Channel and Lifetime. I’ve also written screenplays in the family genre for Greystoke Entertainment.

Please feel free to contact me if you’d like to read my script. Thank you for your time and attention.

(my name & contact info here)

[Rodney Cavin]

Rod’s Query Letter

What I learned from this lesson to to hone down the synopsis even shorter for an attention getting query letter. I found this lesson’s approach more of an attention grabber for a producer than I learned in the ProSeries some years ago. Much stronger.

(Subject line if emailed: Script offered by produced screenwriter)

Hi (name)

Your life changes when you find a naked girl in a burnt out car.

Recovering, Lisa is terrified to tell Brad who tried to kill her, or why. Brad considers letting the Sheriff sort her out but after learning she’s an old school girlfriend is determined to help her in spite of herself. But she’s not the only one with secrets. Just as Lisa decides to trust him she discovers he may be a rapist killer.

Brad is forced to confess his secrets in explanation and coaxes Lise to reveal the murder she witnessed. Then the killer strikes, kidnaps Lisa, sets a trap for Brad. Seriously injured, can Brad recover enough to save Lisa and take down the killer?

Abandoned To Die (a contained drama/thriller). If you like the concept, we’ll be happy to send the script.

BIO: Rod Cavin is an award winner and produced writer of feature film AMERICAN WISPER (aka WISPER), which has won 60+ festival awards, including two for Best Screenplay. For this script, he joins forces with writer-producer Stephanie K. Deal.

Thank you,
Rod and Steph

Rod Cavin/email/phone/address/IMDb and LinkedIn links.

Same for Steph.

[Marian]

Marian’s Query Letter

What I learned doing this assignment is: the shorter and more concise the better.

(SUBJECT LINE) Wetsands – Survival-Thriller based on true events

Dear (NAME),

the North Sea is one of the most popular vacation destinations for Germans. But almost no one knows the deadly dangers that lurk there.

I am pleased to introduce the female focused survival thriller project “Wetsands”, which has the potential to be a huge hit in your target audience.

A mudflat crossing becomes a deadly fight for survival for 25-year-old beach volleyball player Hannah and her younger sister Tessa.

(BIO) Before I went to the Munich Academy of Motion Pictures and Television, I grew up at the North Sea. My survival thriller “Wetsands” is based on true events.

Attached you find a short promo that gives the background and concept of “Wetsands”.

Would this be an interesting project for you? You can find my contact details in the attachment or on LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/marian-redmann/

Best regards and thanks for your effort!

Marian Redmann

[Brenda Noonan]

Brenda Noonan’s Query Letter

Dear Mr. Croasmun:

How do you avoid being framed for murder by an expert?

BIO: Besides placing in the PAGE screenwriter’s contest, Brenda is completing her certificate in screenwriting at UCLA Extension.

Pennyroyal (Penn) Marsh has been accepted at an exclusive crime writing workshop—but the welcome package never mentioned she’d be cast as the real-life villain in a murder mystery!

Ever since she wrote her first bestselling cosy mystery, Penn Marsh has dreamed of getting accepted at a yearly crime-writer’s workshop held at an aristocrat’s country estate. When she arrives, she discovers that the “family setting” (a la “Knives Out”) translates into being cooped up with a quirky group of other successful mystery writers.

When Penn discovers the dead body of the much-hated lead instructor and all the clues start pointing to her, she worries that DCI Emery St. Just, Scotland Yard’s most famous detective, won’t see she’s being framed. And framed by someone who knows just how to do it—another writer who’s an expert in crafting a perfect murder.

Emery, who has a secret crush on Penn and is a fan of her books, must sift through the group of writers and find the murderer. But when he discovers that Penn’s roommate at another workshop disappeared under mysterious circumstances, his support for Penn wanes, and she must pit her amateur sleuthing skills against Emery’s police experience before the frame is complete.

If you like the concept, I’d be happy to send you the script.

Sincerely,

Brenda Noonan

email@gmail.com

### Spruce Ave.

Place, CA zip

Ph: #-###-###-####

—–

What I learned doing this assignment is a good format for a query letter, and how to keep the bio and request parts of it brief so as not to waste the recipient’s time.

[Lisa Molenda]

Lisa’s Query Letter

I learned that shorter is better and too many details can get in the way. That said, I think my synopsis could have less words but I’m struggling with which ones to get rid of. Feedback is appreciated.

“Where do you get your protein?” is a question Jane gets asked all day long. Annoying, yes but is it really worth killing over?

When Jane, a vegan activist, gets turned into a vampire, she has to survive off of blood, avoid vampire hunting rednecks, and the vampires who want her dead all while trying to maintain her moral code which does not allow her to harm sentient beings to live. After Jane gets hit by a truck at a Pig vigil a vampire saves her life. The problem is, she has to drink blood to stay alive and thus become a vampire. While attempting to come to terms with her death and spend her final hours on Earth with her sick mother, she gives in to the temptation, biting her annoying co-worker and sealing her destiny as a vampire. The vampires of Orange County, just happen to be some famous vampires from literature. Bram Stoker, Mina, Lucy and Vlad are all alive and living in OC. They have their own blood bank, provide her with blood so she doesn’t have to hunt but she doesn’t know that they are farming humans for blood against their will. They “clean up” the streets of Orange County by taking the unhoused people to the blood farms.

A group of rednecks believe the vampires have a secret society like the Illuminati that controls every aspect of their lives through brainwashing, secret meetings under pizza parlors, bird surveillance, etc. Most people think that they are just crazy, but the older vampires HAVE established a secret society and are brainwashing people with their powers- except vegans can’t be compelled, so they want to put an end to the vegans.

This story is unique because we haven’t seen a vegan as the protagonist, especially not a vegan vampire who is a black woman pursuing her doctorate in medical research. Veganism is trending right now among celebrities and everyday people. The plant-based treaty was just unanimously passed by Los Angeles City Council and other cities have adopted it, which is helping people to shift to a plant-based food system to mitigate the climate crisis, which makes Jane the Vegan a very timely story which can educate while being ridiculously fun and funny.

Co-writers, Melinda and Lisa first went vegan more than 25 years ago when their mother went vegan. Not knowing the term, they pronounced it wrong until they finally met other vegans. They co-wrote on a feature Film, Guillotine, currently in post production and their script, Jane The Vegan is currently rated in the top 35% on Coverfly.

I would love to send you the script!