Day 7 Assignments

[Alan Larson]

ASSIGNMENT – DAY 7

Subject Line: Alan’s Scene Ratings

What I learned doing this assignment is…it’s incredibly hard to objectively rate the entertainment value of my own scenes. I’ve rated them four times and keep changing the scores.

Results:

High Entertainment Scenes: These are the high intensity action and abduction scenes.

Low Entertainment Scenes: Mostly scenes simply advancing the plot, like Madison buying a bus ticket.

What surprised me? I think I was incredibly hard on myself on the first pass and likely far too generous on the final pass. It’s not a surprise, but the Thriller Map class really improved a lot of these scenes already.

1. First, give us your beat sheet and make sure it is numbered.
That way, you can easily refer to the scenes you want to change.

2. Beginning with the LAST BEAT (at the bottom of the page),
rate it on an Entertainment Scale of E1 (dull) to
E10 (extremely entertaining) and continue to rate each beat
until you reach the top of the page.

With each scene, you are asking the following questions:

A. To what degree does it evoke emotion?
B. To what degree does it intrigue or create curiosity?
C. To what degree does it make us want to read on?
D. To what degree does it divert us from our lives?

Place the rating (E1 – E10) next to the number of that beat.

3. At the top of your work, post your results. What were your high
scenes, your low scenes, and what surprised you?

Alan’s Story Beats v.4 – A BLIND EYE

For: My friends who have been victims.

1. (E7) INT. CHINOOK BISTRO OFFICE – NIGHT

A printer whirrs out a WANTED poster sketch of a ‘Person of Interest’ in several Missing Girl cases: About 5’10”, brown hair, green eyes, athlete build, silver wedding ring.

2. (E6) INT. CHINOOK BISTRO – NIGHT

The Manager drops the sketch on the hostess stand. The sketch morphs into the matching face of JAY CROCKETT (35), a wise-cracking Denver Everyman. A Product Manager for a tech startup, Jay’s very creative, but possesses no special skills.

3. (E5) AT BACK TABLE

Jay and HOLLY SAMPSON (22) eat dinner. They appear to be having an affair. They get up to leave together, but Jay veers to the restroom.

4. (E4) AT BAR

A tall blond surfer dude, BLAKE (30), chats up Holly and asks if she wants to smoke the ‘World’s Best Weed’ with him. She agrees. Blake gives Jay a double-take.

5. (E6) AT HOSTESS STAND

As Jay and Holly leave the bistro, the hostess pulls out the police sketch of Jay and phones the police. Walk in. No name. Paid with cash.

6. (E9) INT. WHITE SPRINTER VAN – NIGHT

Holly smokes weed with Blake. Blake roofies her. She passes out. He ties her up and drives away, abducting her.

7. (E8) INT. SMALL TOWN SOUTH DAKOTA HOUSE – NIGHT

Her stepfather molests sassy thirteen-year-old MADISON HANSON.

8. (E4) INT. JAY’S HOUSE – NIGHT

Jay walks into an empty house. Jay and LACY (35), have been married for three years, but she’s never home. She claims to be pulling all-nighters for her law school classes.

9. (E6) INT. CHINOOK BISTRO – DAY

Denver Police DETECTIVE JOHN SWOBODA (45), and RACHEL QUINN (40), flash gold badges and talk with the hostess about the sketch.

10. (E6) EXT. SMALL TOWN SOUTH DAKOTA HOUSE – DAY

Madison runs away from home. She hitchhikes with a trucker who propositions her.

11. (E3) INT. BIGGER TOWN BUS TERMINAL – DAY

Wanting to get to a big city as far away as possible, Madison buys the most expensive bus ticket she can afford. Denver – $189. She’s shocked to be almost broke.

12. (E8) INT. HIGHLAND TAVERN – NIGHT

At the bar, a big well-dressed guy, ROLEX GUY (40), buys ERIN RAYNOR (25ish) a green appletini. Erin and Jay both frequent this neighborhood hangout, know each other by sight, but not by name.

Jay sees Rolex Guy slip white powder into Erin’s drink. Jay struggles with a dilemma. He debates what he actually saw. Maybe it was ecstasy. Drugged, Erin falls off her bar stool. A roofie. Jay decides to step in. He won’t let Rolex Guy carry Erin out. The bartender calls the police. Rolex Guy threatens to kill Jay, then leaves.

13. (E6) LATER

Detective Swoboda and Quinn flash their gold shields and question Jay. Quinn shows Jay the police sketch of him. He can’t explain it. They bring Jay in for questioning.

14. (E6) INT. POLICE LINEUP ROOM – NIGHT

Jay walks out in a lineup. CHINOOK HOSTESS (20s) and WAITRESS (18) positively identify Jay as who they saw leave with Holly. Detective Swaboda, Quinn, and other officers confer. Not enough evidence. They release Jay.

15. (E5) INT. DENVER BUS TERMINAL – DAY

Here Jay speaks with a slight Irish accent. He stalks the terminal and finds Madison there all alone. “Waiting for someone?” “No.” “I’m Jay. You look hungry.” He buys lunch, calls the Mrs. for permission, then offers Madison a place to stay. She leaves with Jay.

16. (E4) INT. HIGHLAND TAVERN – NIGHT

Erin thanks Jay and asks him to walk her home. The bartender tells Erin that Jay, “saved your butt last night.” She seems in disbelief.

17. (E7) EXT. ERIN’S HOUSE – NIGHT

Jay walks Erin home, sees the Rolex Guy drive by, and shoves her into her house to protect her. But, Erin was wearing a police wire to entrap Jay. Quinn arrests Jay.

18. (E7) INT. HIDEOUT HOUSE – DAY

Back in Scene 15, Jay was actually…FINN (35), Jay’s Irish doppelganger, a sex trafficker. Finn takes Madison to their hideout, ties her to a bed and cuts her clothes off.

Rolex Guy congratulates Finn and tells him to keep using Jay’s name.

19. (E7) INT. DENVER POLICE STATION – NIGHT

Jay learns Holly’s been abducted. He wants to help rescue her. Quinn learns Jay is Holly’s older half-brother, not her abductor. Quinn releases Jay. Jay & Erin review mugshots to catch the traffickers. Jay IDs Blake’s mugshot.

20. (E4) INT. JAY’S HOUSE – NIGHT

Jay’s arrest ruined Lacy’s chance for an internship with the DA’s office. The final straw for her, Lacy moves out without talking to Jay. Home alone, Jay’s dumbfounded and miserable.

21. (E6) INT. DENVER POLICE STATION – DAY

Police arrest Blake. They’re sure they can learn Holly’s whereabouts from Blake. But Blake gets released on bail.

22. (E9) EXT. CHEESMAN PARK – DAY

Police find Blake dead in a gully. They investigate. No clues. Another dead end.

23. (E3) INT. DENVER POLICE STATION – NIGHT

Jay and Erin bond as they review more mugshots.

24. (E4) INT. JAY’S HOUSE – DAY

Lacy wants to move back in, but Jay confronts her. Lacy learned from Holly that Jay’s and Holly’s rich dad would pay for Jay’s grad school if Jay decided to go. Lacy forged Jay’s signature to get her law school paid for by Jay’s rich dad instead.

Lacy swears she isn’t cheating on Jay with another man. Jay doesn’t believe her. Lacy storms out. They’re done.

25. (E6) INT. JAY’S BOSS’S OFFICE – DAY

Because of the police sketch, Jay needs Detective Quinn to vouch for him. His boss calls the police. There is no Detective Quinn on the Denver PD. Jay gets fired.

26. (E5) INT. DENVER POLICE STATION – DAY

An angry Jay confronts Quinn. But, Quinn isn’t a police officer. She’s a Special Agent for the FBI leading a joint ‘Missing Girls’ task force with the Denver Police Department.

27. (E7) LATER

The FBI discovers eBay-like pages for Holly and Erin. The eBay pages sit on the dark web run by a sophisticated sex trafficking gang. Holly’s one of several girls abducted by the gang. They auction abducted girls to the highest bidder.

Jay learns the Rolex Guy, Blake and Finn belong to the gang.

The traffickers desperately want Erin because she’s an attractive ‘Spinner’ that speaks fluent Mandarin. Holly’s eBay-like page lies. It lists her as the porn star, Holly Sampson, who had an affair with Tiger Woods. Both women attract huge bids.

28. (E6) LATER

The FBI hack the traffickers’ messages. The traffickers plan to frame Jay and then kill him. The traffickers sell several girls to a Truck Brothel in Iowa. Two of the sold girls fit the descriptions of Holly and Madison. Quinn is sure they can rescue Holly in Iowa.

29. (E8) EXT. WORLD’S LARGEST TRUCKSTOP – DAY

Erin and Jay go with Quinn to help ID traffickers. Jay overhears a TRUCKER (55) and follows him to a semi. The FBI follows Jay and rescues the girls. But, Holly wasn’t among the rescued girls. She’s still missing. Dark web auction bids for Holly and Erin skyrocket.

30. (E6) INT. FBI VAN – DAY

Madison won’t talk to the police for fear of them. But she will talk to Jay. The FBI watch through the one-way window as she tells Jay that Holly and all the other eBay girls have been shipped west. Madison identifies the Rolex Guy as the Big O – Orlando Skoda. Madison and the other girls are sent to a safe house. Jay and Erin leave to eat lunch.

31. (E7) EXT. WORLD’S LARGEST TRUCKSTOP – DAY

A truck BROTHEL THUG (40s) finds and chases Jay and Erin. The thug captures Jay and will kill him. But Agent Quinn arrives just in time to shoot the thug and save Jay.

32. (E4) INT. FBI OFFICE – DAY

FBI agents verify on the dark web that Holly’s being shipped to China.

33. (E7) LATER

Via Facebook, Erin gets offered and accepts a modeling job in Mexico. Erin and Jay agree to sneak off to Mexico without telling the FBI. But Jay lets it leak. Quinn immediately suspects it’s fake. She calls the modeling agent and verifies the job is fake.

34. (E6) LATER

Erin agrees to be wired and tracked by the FBI in LA for the fake modeling job as bait to catch the traffickers, blindsiding Jay. But, Erin insists Jay must go with Quinn to LA. Jay won’t fly. He drives to LA and meets Quinn.

35. (E9) EXT. LOS ANGELES AIRPORT – DAY

Traffickers pick Erin up for the fake modeling job in a limo. They lock her in the back, which is shielded to prevent her from calling for help or being tracked. They drive into the limo garage eluding the FBI cars, then smuggle Erin to a boat bound for China.

36. (E6) EXT. LOS ANGELES MARINA – DAY

Traffickers order Erin leave the limo without any possessions wearing only a bikini. But, Erin hides her phone in her bikini bottom, which the FBI quickly tracks to the Marina.

37. (E9) LATER

Jay charges to the boat, but is caught by Finn and Orlando. Agent Quinn arrives just in time to kill the two traffickers, saving Jay. They rescue Erin and the other abducted women. But Holly isn’t there.

38. (E6) INT. FBI OFFICE – DAY

The FBI learns Holly’s already been smuggled to China. Jay begs his and Holly’s rich FATHER (70s) for money. Their father agrees. Jay wins the bid to buy Holly back from the traffickers. But their father insists Jay fly to China to verify it’s Holly.

39. (E8) EXT. Dongguan CHINA PARK – DAY

Overcoming his fear of flying, a nervous Jay and his dad’s SECURITY CHIEF (45), fly to China. There, traffickers pull a bait and switch. They deliver some other lookalike abducted girl to Jay instead of Holly.

40. (E4) INT. BEIJING BROTHEL – DAY

The traffickers sell and smuggle Holly into the brothel for even more money.

Jay learns Holly’s location from the FBI’s access to the dark web. He goes to the brothel as a John and verifies it’s Holly at the brothel.

41. (E9) LATER

Jay and Chinese SECURITY GUY (30), go to the brothel. They pay to be with Holly and are escorted to her room. Afterwards, Jay and Security Guy walk out of the brothel. Except it’s Holly disguised as Security Guy. In her room, the Security Guy dressed up as Holly. There, he overpowers a guard and escapes. The Chinese discover the deception and chase after them. Jay and Holly barely escape.

42. (E6) INT. BEIJING AIRPORT – DAY

Holly hopes to fly home with Jay. But, an alarm goes off when they scan Holly’s passport. Chinese police arrest Jay for trafficking Holly. Holly flies home to safety.

43. (E5) INT. AIRPLANE – NIGHT

Holly and Dan fly home to safety. Holly swears off ever using drugs again. They phone Holly’s dad. He tells them getting Jay back home doesn’t look good. Holly cries.

44. (E4) INT. BEIJING AIRPORT – NIGHT

With Quinn’s help, the Chinese release a now-scruffy Jay. Quinn phones Jay’s dad who offers Jay a job. Nervous again, Jay flies to vacation in Hawaii with Erin.

THE END

[Erica Miner]

Day 7 Assignment

Subject Line: Erica Miner – Scene Ratings

What I learned doing this assignment is…1. My beats are not as exciting as I thought they were. 2. I found myself sneaking in little changes as I went along, which I guess is cheating? 3. I have a long way to go to make this WHOLE movie entertaining.

1. First, give us your beat sheet and make sure it is numbered.

LIST OF BEATS: MURDER IN THE PIT

1. INT. METROPOLITAN OPERA HOUSE/HALLWAY – EVENING

Ingenuous, starry-eyed young violinist Julia, making her debut playing in the prestigious Metropolitan Opera Orchestra, is worried when she overhears a heated argument involving her between her mentor, Abel, a famous conductor, and Sidney, her closest orchestra colleague.

2. INT. ABEL’S DRESSING ROOM

Abel gifts Julia with a jeweled pin in the shape of a violin and a strange song he has written for her. She is alarmed when she reads, scribbled at the bottom, “If anything ever happens to me, this will give you answers.” He is evasive when she asks him about the bizarre inscription.

3. INT. HALLWAY OUTSIDE CONDUCTOR’S DRESSING ROOM

After Sidney’s turbulent argument with Abel, Charles, a tenor who sings minor roles, offers Sidney a cup of coffee. Despite the possibility the beverage might exacerbate his diverticulitis, Sidney downs the cup in one gulp.

4. INT. ORCHESTRA PIT

Julia becomes concerned when Sidney precipitously leaves the pit, clutching his stomach. She’s even more anxious when she sees out of the corner of her eye the glint of a metal object coming from the direction of the Viewing Room high up in the balcony.

5. INT. PIT

Julia watches in horror as Abel is shot on the podium and topples to the floor in a pool of blood. She cradles his body in her arms.

6. INT. PIT

NYPD detective Larry and his partner Buddy arrive on the scene and order an Officer to remove Julia from the pit. The Officer literally has to pull her from Abel’s body, dragging her away, kicking and screaming.

7. INT. VIEWING ROOM

Following the Medical Examiner’s inference that the shot came from a high angle, Larry and Buddy inspect the high-up Viewing Room, where they find a spent bullet casing.

8. INT. ORCHESTRA LOUNGE

As Larry installs himself to question the musicians, Julia expresses her worry to Sidney that his hasty exit from the pit just before Abel’s murder might make Larry suspect Sidney of the crime.

9. INT. SIDNEY’S APARTMENT

An anonymous tip sends Larry and Buddy to Sidney’s apartment, where they discover a cache of drugs, weapons, and ammo in a closet. They take Sidney and his cohort Damon into custody.

10. EXT. BROADWAY

On a huge, high up TV screen overlooking Lincoln Plaza, Julia sees a news headline: Sidney has been arrested and charged as a suspect in Abel’s murder. Julia vows, to her close friend and colleague Katie, to prove Sidney’s innocence and find Abel’s real killer.

END OF ACT ONE

ACT TWO (a)

1. INT. POLICE HEADQUARTERS, 20^TH PRECINCT

Larry and Buddy inform Sidney that the shell casing of the bullet that killed Abel, found in the Viewing Room of the opera house, matches one of those found in his apartment. That evidence, plus a packet of love letters between Sidney and Abel revealing Sidney’s raging jealousy over being dumped, point to Sidney’s guilt.

2. INT. JULIA/KATIE’S APARTMENT

Julia tells Katie that she thinks Sid has been framed. When Katie expresses her concern at Julia’s determination to investigate on her own, Julia points out that Sidney is like a brother to them both, and they can’t just stand idly by while he faces prosecution—or worse.

3. INT. JULIA’S BEDROOM

Remembering that Abel’s song contained a warning that something might happen to him, Julia tries playing the song to look for clues. Both she and Katie are stunned when they hear a bizarre wrong note and discover that the second page is missing.

4. INT. ARTISTS’ PRACTICE STUDIO – DAY

After Julia tells Charles about the bizarre note in Abel’s song, Charles suggests Julia bring the music to his artists’ practice studio to figure out what’s wrong. He admits his attraction to her and kisses her passionately. Julia resists at first, then succumbs to his embrace and forgets all about the song, at least temporarily.

5. INT. BACKSTAGE

Julia approaches Sidney’s friend, head stagehand Matt, to help find out who may have framed Sidney, Matt admits he and Sidney have had a falling out. He nervously suggests that Julia meet him later in the stagehands’ locker room. When Julia becomes uncomfortable at the disapproving stare of Matt’s assistant, Frank, Matt assures her Frank is surly to everyone.

6. INT. PIT

Larry undermines Julia’s belief that Sidney is innocent by telling her that Sidney’s uncle has taught him to be a crack shot with the type of rifle used to assassinate Abel. Julia becomes too agitated to play. Tony grudgingly agrees to allow her a small amount of bereavement time.

7. INT. STAGEHANDS’ LOCKER ROOM

Julia tiptoes into the room, looking for Matt but instead encountering a glowering Frank, who tells her the place is off-limits for anyone but stagehands. Intimidated by his menacing attitude, Julia bolts.

8. INT. SIDNEY’S APARTMENT

After Sidney’s release from jail, he is grateful to Julia for picking him up and dropping him at his apartment. But when she asks him who might have framed him, and he snarls at her to get off his case, she becomes distraught.

9. INT. BACKSTAGE/WINGS – DAY

Changed: Feeling regrets at having given in to Charles, Julia deflects his further intimate overtures. Instead, she shares her concern that Matt is missing from his onstage duties. She asks Charles if he’s brought the page of the song that she left with him. He apologizes for not having it and promises to go over the music with her later.

10. INT. CONDUCTOR’S DRESSING ROOM

Julia is troubled to find that the configuration of pieces on Abel’s chess board has been changed and suspects it might have been done by Abel’s killer.

ACT TWO (b)

1. INT. HALLWAY IN FRONT OF MEN’S LOCKER ROOM – DAY

Julia is mystified when she finds an envelope in her mailbox cubby containing the missing page of Abel’s song. She doesn’t know a potential attacker, hidden out of sight behind a corner, is watching her every move.

2. INT. STAGE/PIT

During a rehearsal with a squad of Super Numerary Soldiers, the lead tenor is shot for real and wounded, sending company members into a panic.

3. INT. WINGS

Amidst the pandemonium backstage, Larry spies Damon in a soldier costume trying to sneak away and finds live ammunition instead of blanks in Damon’s stage rifle. He arrests Damon.

4. INT. STAGE

General Manager Patricia insists the rehearsal continue, despite the violence that has just occurred. Charles replaces the injured tenor onstage.

5. INT. POLICE HEADQUARTERS/INTERROGATION ROOM

Larry demands to know what Damon was doing with a loaded rifle. Damon claims not to have known the bullets were real and begs Larry not to lock him up. Larry assures him that a night in jail will give him time to rethink his claim.

6. INT. WINGS

Patricia waylays Sidney on his way to the pit. She reprimands him for daring to even make an appearance after the scandal he has caused and the damage he has done to the Met’s reputation with his criminal activities. He storms off.

7. INT. JULIA’S APARTMENT

Charles calls Julia to ask how she is holding up. She tells him she is still reeling from recent events and doesn’t feel capable of playing the performance that night. With encouraging words, he finally convinces her to play. She reminds him to bring page one of Abel’s song to the performance.

8. INT. STAGE DOOR – EVENING

Julia insists to Larry that whoever moved the pieces on Abel’s chessboard might be Abel’s murderer, returned to the scene of the crime, and asks him to investigate further. He reluctantly agrees but tells her he can’t guarantee the results.

9. INT. WOMEN’S LOCKER ROOM

Julia is puzzled when she finds a strange note from Larry attached to her locker asking her to meet him in the pit.

10. INT. PIT

Julia is surprised not to find Larry anywhere in the pit. Instead, she discovers Matt’s bludgeoned body in an opening of the pit wall. She is devastated.

END ACT TWO

ACT THREE

1. INT. CHARLES’S LIVING ROOM

To help Julia recoup from her trauma at finding Matt’s body, Charles offers to bring Julia to his apartment. He reluctantly tells her that Sidney has been arrested again, this time for Matt’s murder. Convinced of his sincere concern for her continuing trauma, Julia finds solace in his arms.

2. INT. OPERA HOUSE/PIT – DAY

Larry urges Julia to retrieve page one of Abel’s song from Charles. He becomes extra concerned when Julia tells him about the note that she supposedly received from him that he never sent. When she’s unable to find the note where she left it in her locker, Larry cautions Julia that someone may be watching her. She suggests the two of them work together to find the killer.

3. INT. ONSTAGE

Charles yanks Julia out of the way of a piece of falling scenery just as it’s about to crush her. He assures her it was an accident, that things can happen when new sets are under construction. She is terrified.

4. EXT. BAR ENTRANCE/65TH STREET

Needing a distraction, Julia convinces Katie to go out for a drink. Afterward, on the street, they are attacked by a masked assailant, who flees when he sees someone coming. Larry rushes to the scene, tells Julia it’s not safe to go to her home, and suggests she hide out in his apartment with a police guard at the door protecting her.

5. INT. LARRY’S LIVING ROOM – DAY

Changed: Julia is relieved when Charles finally brings her page one of Abel’s song. Singing it together, they are both jarred by the glaringly wrong note. Charles proposes that Julia take the music to the Met, so she can practice it on her violin to examine it more carefully for clues.

6. INT. PRACTICE ROOM – EVENING

As she tries to figure out the bizarre note in the song, her jeweled violin pin slips off Julia’s blouse and falls to the floor, shattering. She finds among the shards a tiny plastic square. Larry identifies it as a flash card from a digital camera and has Buddy take it to H.Q. for analysis.

7. INT. 20TH PRECINCT/LARRY’S OFFICE

Buddy shows Larry the flash card readout, about a suspicious drowning decades before at a music camp, witnessed by Carl Trudeau, brother of Abel Trudeau. Realizing Carl actually is Charles, and that Julia may be in danger, Larry rushes off to the Met.

8. EXT. OPERA HOUSE ROOF

Julia is astonished to find Charles’s name spelled out in Abel’s song. Just as she’s about to reveal her discovery to Larry, Frank abducts Julia to the roof. He reveals that he and his “partner” have perpetrated the murders and intend to eliminate her because of her snooping around. Julia is stunned to discover that Frank’s partner—is Charles.

9. EXT. ROOF

Charles shoots and kills Frank and drags Julia toward the roof’s edge. He admits he conspired with Frank to kill Abel out of jealousy of Abel’s success and the time and must eliminate Julia’s threat of exposing him. Recognizing a moment of his weakness and catching him off guard, Julia thrusts her body at him with all her strength. He plunges to the pavement below.

10. INT. PIT – EVENING

Larry watches from the audience as Julia, Sidney and Katie celebrate Julia’s success in uncovering Abel and Matt’s murderer and clearing Sidney’s name.

2. Beginning with the LAST BEAT (at the bottom of the page), rate it on an Entertainment Scale of E1 (dull) to E10 (extremely entertaining) and continue to rate each beat until you reach the top of the page.

With each scene, you are asking the following questions:

A. To what degree does it evoke emotion?
B. To what degree does it intrigue or create curiosity?
C. To what degree does it make us want to read on?
D. To what degree does it divert us from our lives?

3. At the top of your work, post your results. What were your high scenes, your low scenes, and what surprised you?

RESULTS

High scenes: Active murders and violence, attacks and danger; pandemonium and panic; discovery of mystery clues; arguments and confrontations between key characters; the protagonist’s difficulties dealing with her emotional reactions and traumas.

Low scenes: Exposition, transitions; conversations between characters that do not result in a more surprising reveal.

ACT THREE

10. (E6) Larry watches from the audience as Julia, Sidney and Katie celebrate Julia’s success in uncovering Abel and Matt’s murderer and clearing Sidney’s name.

9. (E10) Charles shoots and kills Frank and drags Julia toward the roof’s edge. He admits he conspired with Frank to kill Abel out of jealousy of Abel’s success and the time and must eliminate Julia’s threat of exposing him. Recognizing a moment of his weakness and catching him off guard, Julia thrusts her body at him with all her strength. He plunges to the pavement below.

8. (E8) Julia is astonished to find Charles’s name spelled out in Abel’s song. Just as she’s about to reveal her discovery to Larry, Frank abducts Julia to the roof. He reveals that he and his “partner” have perpetrated the murders and intend to eliminate her because of her snooping around. Julia is stunned to discover that Frank’s partner—is Charles.

7. (E9) Buddy shows Larry the flash card readout, about a suspicious drowning decades before at a music camp, witnessed by Carl Trudeau, brother of Abel Trudeau. Realizing Carl is Charles, and that Julia may be in danger, Larry rushes off to the Met.

6. (E8) As Julia tries to figure out the bizarre note in the song, her jeweled violin pin slips off her blouse and falls to the floor, shattering. She finds among the shards a tiny plastic square. Larry identifies it as a flash card from a digital camera and has Buddy take it to H.Q. for analysis.

5. (E6) Julia is relieved when Charles finally brings her page one of Abel’s song. Singing it together, they are both jarred by the glaringly wrong note. Charles proposes that Julia take the music to the Met, so she can practice it on her violin to examine it more carefully for clues.

4. (E8) After Julia convinces Katie to go out for a drink, they are attacked on the street by a masked assailant, who flees when he sees someone coming. Larry rushes to the scene, tells Julia it’s not safe to go to her home, and suggests she hide out in his apartment with a police guard at the door protecting her.

3. (E10) Charles yanks Julia out of the way of a piece of falling scenery just as it’s about to crush her. He assures her it was an accident, that things can happen when new sets are under construction. She is terrified.

2. (E5) Larry urges Julia to retrieve page one of Abel’s song from Charles. He becomes extra concerned when Julia tells him about the note that she supposedly received from him that he never sent. When she’s unable to find the note where she left it in her locker, Larry cautions Julia that someone may be watching her. She suggests the two of them work together to find the killer.

1. (E7) To help Julia recoup from her trauma at finding Matt’s body, Charles offers to bring Julia to his apartment. He reluctantly tells her that Sidney has been arrested again, this time for Matt’s murder. Convinced of his sincere concern for her continuing trauma, Julia finds solace in his arms.

ACT TWO (2)

10. (E10) Julia is surprised not to find Larry anywhere in the pit. Instead, she discovers Matt’s bludgeoned body in an opening of the pit wall. She is devastated.

9. (E5) Julia is puzzled when she finds a strange note from Larry attached to her locker asking her to meet him in the pit.

8. (E7) Julia insists to Larry that whoever moved the pieces on Abel’s chessboard might be Abel’s murderer, returned to the scene of the crime, and asks him to investigate further. He refuses to commit, telling her she has no business sticking her nose into the investigation.

7. (E5) Charles calls Julia to ask how she is holding up. She tells him she is still reeling from recent events and doesn’t feel capable of playing the performance that night. With encouraging words, he finally convinces her to play. She reminds him to bring page one of Abel’s song to the performance.

6. (E8) Patricia waylays Sidney on his way to the pit. She reprimands him for daring to even make an appearance after the scandal he has caused and the damage he has done to the Met’s reputation with his criminal activities. He storms off.

5. (E7) Larry demands to know what Damon was doing with a loaded rifle. Damon claims not to have known the bullets were real and begs Larry not to lock him up. Larry assures him that a night in jail will give him time to rethink his claim.

4. (E6) General Manager Patricia insists the rehearsal continue, despite the violence that has just occurred. Charles replaces the injured tenor onstage.

3. (E8) Amidst the pandemonium backstage, Larry spies Damon in a soldier costume trying to sneak away and finds live ammunition instead of blanks in Damon’s stage rifle. He arrests Damon.

2. (E9) During a rehearsal with a squad of Super Numerary Soldiers, the lead tenor is shot for real and badly wounded, sending company members into a panic.

1. (E7) Julia is mystified when she finds an envelope in her mailbox cubby containing the missing page of Abel’s song. She doesn’t know a potential attacker, hidden out of sight behind a corner, is watching her every move.

ACT TWO (1)

10. (E7) Julia is troubled to find that the configuration of pieces on Abel’s chess board has been changed and suspects it might have been done by Abel’s killer.

9. (E6) Feeling regrets at having given in to Charles, Julia deflects his further intimate overtures. Instead, she shares her concern that Matt is missing from his onstage duties. She asks Charles if he’s brought the page of the song that she left with him. He apologizes for not having it and promises to go over the music with her later.

8. (E7) After Sidney’s release from jail, he is grateful to Julia for picking him up and dropping him at his apartment. But when she asks him who might have framed him, and he snarls at her to get off his case, she becomes distraught.

7. (E7) Julia tiptoes into the room, looking for Matt but instead encountering a glowering Frank, who tells her the place is off-limits for anyone but stagehands. Intimidated by his menacing attitude, Julia bolts.

6. (E6) Larry undermines Julia’s belief that Sidney is innocent by telling her that Sidney’s uncle has taught him to be a crack shot with the type of rifle used to assassinate Abel. Julia becomes too agitated to play. Tony grudgingly agrees to allow her some time off for bereavement.

5. (E6) Julia approaches Sidney’s friend, head stagehand Matt, to help find out who may have framed Sidney. Matt admits he and Sidney have had a falling out. He nervously suggests that Julia meet him later in the stagehands’ locker room. When Julia becomes uncomfortable at the disapproving stare of Matt’s assistant, Frank, Matt assures her Frank is surly to everyone.

4. (E8) After Julia tells Charles about the bizarre note in Abel’s song, Charles suggests Julia bring the music to his artists’ practice studio to figure out what’s wrong. He admits his attraction to her and kisses her passionately. Julia resists at first, then succumbs to his embrace and forgets all about the song, at least temporarily.

3. (E7) Remembering that Abel’s song contained a warning that something might happen to him, Julia tries playing the song to look for clues. Both she and Katie are stunned when they hear a bizarre wrong note and discover that the second page is missing.

2. (E7) Julia tells Katie that she thinks Sid has been framed. When Katie expresses her concern at Julia’s determination to endanger herself to investigate on her own, Julia points out that Sidney is like a brother to them both, and they can’t just stand idly by while he faces prosecution—or worse.

1. (E8) Larry and Buddy inform Sidney that the shell casing of the bullet that killed Abel matches one of those found in his apartment. That, plus a packet of love letters they’ve discovered between Sidney and Abel, revealing Sidney’s raging jealousy over being dumped, point to Sidney’s guilt.

ACT ONE

10. (E7) On a huge, high up TV screen overlooking Lincoln Plaza, Julia sees a news headline: Sidney has been arrested and charged as a suspect in Abel’s murder. Julia vows, to her close friend and colleague Katie, to prove Sidney’s innocence and find Abel’s real killer.

9. (E8) An anonymous tip sends Larry and Buddy to Sidney’s apartment, where they discover a cache of drugs, weapons, and ammo, plus a packet of love letters between Abel and Sidney, in a closet. They take Sidney and his cohort Damon into custody.

8. (E6) As Larry installs himself to question the musicians, Julia expresses her worry to Sidney that his hasty exit from the pit just before Abel’s murder might make Larry suspect Sidney of the crime.

7. (E5) Following the Medical Examiner’s inference that the shot came from a high angle, Larry and Buddy inspect the high-up Viewing Room, where they find a spent bullet casing.

6. (E9) NYPD detective Larry and his partner Buddy arrive on the scene and order an Officer to remove Julia from the pit. The Officer literally must wrench Julia from Abel’s body, dragging her away, kicking and screaming that she hates them all.

5. (E10) Julia watches in horror as Abel is shot on the podium and topples to the floor in a pool of blood. She cradles his body in her arms.

4. (E9) Julia becomes concerned when Sidney precipitously leaves the pit, clutching his stomach. She’s even more anxious when she sees out of the corner of her eye the glint of a metal object coming from the direction of the Viewing Room high up in the balcony.

3. (E7) After Sidney’s turbulent argument with Abel, Sidney persuades Charles, a tenor who sings minor roles, to give him his cup of coffee. Despite the possibility the beverage might exacerbate his diverticulitis, Sidney downs the cup in one gulp.

2. (E9) Abel gifts Julia with a jeweled pin in the shape of a violin and a strange song he has written for her. She is alarmed when she reads, scribbled at the bottom, “If anything ever happens to me, this will give you answers.” He is evasive when she asks him about the bizarre inscription.

1. (E7) Ingenuous, starry-eyed young violinist Julia, making her debut playing in the prestigious Metropolitan Opera Orchestra, is worried when she overhears a heated argument involving her between her mentor, Abel, a famous conductor, and Sidney, her closest orchestra colleague.

[Patricia Semler]

Pat’s Scene Ratings

What I learned doing this assignment is its hard to be objective with your own work. Some scenes that I thought were awesome in sequence are a little shaky individually. My ending needs pizzazz. Coco’s addition is proving problematic. And I found a few plot holes that need filling.

1. (E9) A burglar targets a lonely Victorian mansion and the old woman inside. She hides in a closet gripping a riot stick.

2. (E6) At her office, Monica and Colin are working up a new ad for All Eyes Security based on one of Monica’s mother’s freak-outs. He worries about Monica’s snarky attitude

3. (E4) Colin leaves when Monica takes a call from Officer Warren complaining about Rosemary’s latest 911 call for help. Monica calls All Eyes and confirms its another false alarm, apologizes with barely concealed annoyance for Rosemary.

4. (E7) Monica vents her frustrations to fiancé Paul. He dares her to take off for a weekend. When she demurs he insists he meet Rosemary and they make a dinner date for that night.

5. (E5) Ever-vigilant Dennis consoles Rosemary over the sudden dinner plans. He then works with Miss Ann, coldly authoritarian in confining her to the house.

6. (E3) An elegant three story Victorian, with locked storm shutters and a key pad entry way into an airlock sized vestibule.

7. (E4) Monica introduces Paul to the 8 bedrooms, secret passages and a cold war era bomb shelter. Dinner goes well until Rosemary overhears a cutting remark and dumps coffee on Paul.

8. (E8) Monica apologizes, then spitefully decides to take up Paul’s offer of the getaway.

9. (E6) Rosemary calls Dennis fearful of a burglar, except its only a tree branch shadow. She blames Monica for taking off, neglects her diabetes meds.

10. (E8) Dennis works with a worried woman, tracks a wandering old man to a boat shed, locks him in until the family can get there, subjects the man to ear-blasting music as punishment.

11. (E5) Monica has misgivings about leaving Mom alone. There’s no phone service and Paul accuses her of being an enabler. They have a tense first night alone.

12. (E9) Dennis lives in a cottage house on the neighboring estate, with a duplicate of his work station, detailed drawings of Rosemary’s house and 24/7 access if he chooses.

(E6) In a fog, Rosemary putters around the house. A news report on e-coli causes alarm and she throws out all her food. Day agent Sam is no help when she calls in a panic about her meds.

13. (E6) Alison reprimands Dennis over the old man. He’s valuable to her but needs to stay within company guidelines.

14. (E4) Monica starts to relax for the first time in forever.

15. (E8) INT. Paranoid Rosemary calls Dennis with another phantom delusion, interrupting him in a true emergency. He curtly cuts her off with an admonition to dump her meds, which she does.

16. (E5) Dennis’ client, Miss Ann, escapes the house despite his best efforts. Office Manager Alison confirms he did his best, but he’s still annoyed.

17. (E6) Rosemary hides her reel to reel tapes. When a noise scares her she runs to her second floor closet to hide.

18. (E9) Returning home, Dennis doesn’t do his normal check in on Rosemary from his home set up.

19. (E9) When Monica returns to check in, Rosemary’s dead. Officer Warren calls in Detective Coco Rivera as standard procedure. Coco immediately thinks Monica abused the old woman. Monica’s in no mood for her pointed questions.

20. (E3) Office manager Alison debriefs the agents on Rosemary’s death. All Eyes has been cleared of any wrong doing.

21. (E4) Coco goes through Warren’s records of Rosemary’s 911 calls, thinks she has a case of elder abuse. Warren tries to deflect her but Coco is on a roll. She’s seen this stuff before.

22. (E5) Monica returns to work, outwardly stoic, but not interested in the work. Coco drops in with more questions. Monica’s answers seem evasive.

23. (E3) Coco stops by with questions. Alison backs up her people.

24. (E6) Sam drops by to offer condolences. When he vaguely hints Dennis overstepped his duty she assumes Dennis is guilty and heads to the house to look for evidence

25. (E3) Monica starts her search of Mom’s paranoid recordings. Drinking too much, upset by Dennis and Rosemary’s kibbutzing about her, she berates him over the monitors.

26. (E3) Dennis has no reason to believe he’s culpable, but looks through his records anyway.

27. (E5) Monica gets to the last phone call and there it is, “If you’re having an issue throw your meds out and call your doctor”. But first she has to investigate a noise upstairs.

28. (E8) Dennis finds the same call on a redundant system. It’s not a smoking gun but still worrisome. He edits the file, then checks for Monica. Not at the computer. He hacks in to edit her computer’s version.

29. (E6) Monica finds a slightly open window and a broken vase. She cleans up the mess.

30. (E7) Dennis finishes his work, shuts down the connection.

31. (E3) Monica returns to the desk, decides she’s exhausted. Shuts the computer and heads to bed.

32. (E3) Coco’s captain returns her preliminary report. Not enough evidence to support her theory. Drop it unless medical says otherwise.

33. (E4) Coco visits Rosemary’s physician, looking for facts to support her theory that Monica was an abuser. She leaves disappointed.

34. (E7) Refreshed, Monica can’t find the recording. Paul calls to check on her. They find the outside computer hack. He tells her to get out.

She’s packing up when she finds the reel to reel tape recorder. With that tape she doesn’t need the computer file.

35. (E4) Monica yanks the drawer open. CD discs skitter into a sloppy pile – all music albums. She addresses the funerary urn. You moved their hiding spot! Then the electric goes out.

36. (E3) Monica calls the power company, gets a recording of the outage. Grabbing a flashlight she starts a search.

MONTAGE:

HALL – Get emergency lights going.

SEWING ROOM – Piles of material stack the tables.

DINING ROOM – Monica empties a credenza of silverware and good plates.

BEDROOM – Stripped down to a tank top and shorts in the heat, Monica turns out dressers, checks closets.

SMALL BEDROOM – Windows opened bare cracks don’t help any. Monica drinks some water, splashes more on her face.

KITCHEN – The empty take-out carton tops the trash can.

STORE ROOM – Chests and plastic storage bins are lined up, tops off to reveal contents. A frustrated Monica leaves everything as is, heads out.

DAD’S OFFICE – Last area, full of bittersweet memories.

37. (E3) Dennis wakes, gets ready for work.

38. (E4) Monica sags against the couch. A flopping arm hits a hidden cache and she has her tapes.

39. (E5) Fresh from a shower, Monica packs up her flash drives.

40. (E8) Dennis checks the computer. Warning lights show his access to Mom’s computer is gone. He brings up the house monitors, finds Monica packing up computer files.

Without conscious thought, he locks the doors, calls in sick.

41. (E6) Monica can’t open the door, calls in to All Eyes.

42. (E8) Dennis’ phone buzzes. He logs on.

43. (E5) Monica demands release. Dennis misrepresents the outage as out of his control and she has to wait. Meanwhile he does all he can to ease into her confidence. (This is a change from a direct confrontation)

44. (E8) Dennis flinches when the phone cuts off abruptly. He feeds a video loop to All Eyes, checks cameras until he finds Monica.

45. (E7) Monica keys her phone, listens to it ring.

46. (E7) Paul navigates light traffic. His phone, in his briefcase on the back seat, goes to voice mail.

47. (E6) Monica tries calling Officer Warren.

48. (E7) Dennis touches keys, deactivates the internet.

49. (E8) The phone goes dead mid-ring. Monica goes to an electrical junction box, flips switches to test reaction.

50. (E8) Dennis runs his screens. Several monitors go blank. A touch of fingers and the screens reactivate.

51. (E7) Monica scalds Dennis, refusing his demands to destroy the files, demands he release her.

52. (E5) Dennis can’t bring himself to release the system. He brings up a secondary control screen, initiates GPS tracking.

53. (E4) Monica digs out her phone. Still no bars. She powers down.

54. (E7) The GPS Tracking screen goes blank. Dennis snarls frustration.

55. (E3) Monica checks all windows. The attic window opens but its a sheer 40 ft drop. The basement is likewise locked. She’ll wait for the shift change and call in.

56. (E2) Back at the pantry access, Monica loads fresh batteries into her flashlight, pockets a bottled water.

57. (E2) Monica makes her way past the damaged floor to the dormer window. Tries to rest.

58. (E3) Coco and Warren track down the interrupted call, but Monica’s not answering. Coco will drive by on her way home.

59. (E4) About 10 pm, Dennis hasn’t moved from his seat. Guessing she’s hiding he decides to make his move.

60. (E4) He’s working on the key card access box when Coco rolls up. He says there was a short in the system from the power outage, won’t discuss his clients. She leaves.

61. (E6) Dennis lets himself in, awed by being in the house. He goes to the computer first.

62. (E2) Dennis investigates hiding places he knows about.

63. (E4) Dennis is still searching when his phone activates with a caller at the front gate. Paul is there.

64. (E5) Paul presses the buzzer again, bullies Dennis into letting him in to check on Monica.

65. (E5) Dennis decides having a hostage could benefit him, releases the gate. He follows Paul on the outside monitors.

66. (E6) Paul steps in, nervous in the dark. He cringes when the front door shuts behind him. He’s locked in.

67. (E3) Dennis leaves Paul locked in the vestibule, heads for the basement to check the bomb shelter.

68. (E4) Dennis stays in the door, clearly not comfortable here. Nothing stored here but music CDs.

69. (E3) Dennis rummages through drawers. His phone runs security cameras looping the rooms.

70. (E4) Monica jolts out of her doze, stretches stiff limbs. She gets teary over a box of mementos. Huffing her tears under control, she pockets the reel, finds her shoes and flashlight.

71. (E7) Monica washes her hands, splashes water on her face. A FLOORBOARD CREAKS in the hall. Up the hall, a tall figure separates itself from the dark.

72. (E7) Monica slides out along the wall, eyes on the figure well ahead of her. One step at a time, she backs to the next room door, lets herself in.

73. (E4) Monica slips inside, darts into the passage.

74. (E4) Calming, she darts to the window, leans way out to look around the grounds below. Is that a car down there?

75. (E5) Monica exits the passage, uses a flicker of light to access the All Eyes call button.

76. (E8) Dennis startles at the call ring. It’s Monica, demanding how he let someone in the house, but she won’t say where she is. She finds Anderson security call line is still active, calls for help.

77. (E7) Alison has Jennifer give the info to the cops, nothing more.

78. (E4) Warren is not happy to catch the call to check. **Is this a duplicate. We have Coco meeting Dennis at the gate already?

79. (E3) Monica tries the back door, locked tight. She looks around, pulls a knife from a block on the counter.

80. (E6) Monica heads to the front door. She keys the inside lock, surprised to find Paul inside. He’s angry that she didn’t leave when he told her to.

81. (E4) Monica leads Paul to the attic to hide.

82. (E6) Dennis catches a report of cops coming in.

83. (E9) Dennis works on the keypad box. A patrol car glides up. Dennis dissuades Warren from going to the house. Warren calls in his false alarm report.

84. (E6) Monica returns to the control box, gets Jeff Anderson on the line. Where are my cops? He calls All Eyes, stays on the line until Sam realizes they don’t have control of the house. Monica uses the passage to go to the living room.

85. (E5) Listening to a police band, Coco’s grabbing her clothes on, intending to be at Monica’s if anything goes down. Gets a report of activity at Dennis’ place.

86. (E7) Paul heads downstairs to look for Monica.

87. (E8)

Dennis lets himself in, guided by a light from his phone. Monica catches a brief flash of light. She keeps out of sight, grabs Mom’s riot stick. Dennis is moving slowly, his back to her. Monica sneaks up behind, scores a glancing hit, then a second to drop him. Monica beelines to the secret panel, darts in, pulls the door shut behind herself. Dennis follows, pops into the passage.

88. (E8) Surprised at being followed, Monica makes her way upstairs in a hurry. She almost stumbles into the police tape. Inspiration! She rips it down, keeps going.

Following her flashlight, Dennis steps onto the bad boards, catching his leg to the knee.

89. (E6) Dennis limps out of the passage. Paul leans heavily on the wall ahead of him. Dennis smashes him with a plaster vase.

90. (E4) Dennis shoves Paul into the vestibule, shuts the door.

91. (E7) Monica pops out, looks for sanctuary or a weapon. She eyes the bomb shelter door, gets an idea and sets a trap, messing with the lock tumblers.

92. (E9) Dennis explores the bunker warily. Monica rushes him. He twists to catch hold of her weapon. She hangs on, falls on him into the bomb shelter. The door locks.

93. (E8) On the verge of panic, Dennis pushes at the door, tries new tumbler combinations. Monica retreats to a corner, goads him. When he answers and she recognizes his voice she attacks.

Dennis forces Monica to back off, works on the lock, irritation mounting with each failure. Monica taunts him and the argument over who is more wrong continues.

94. (E4) Alison and Sam approach. Warren joins them. Sam knocks, ignoring Alison’s look. She brings out keys, fits one to the door lock.

95. (E6) The trio stop just inside, listen, look. Searching, they find the computer set up – Alison’s worst nightmare. Sam works to rescind Dennis’ control. Warren races over to Monica’s.

96. (E3) Paul tries one combination after another. The camera light turns blue and Sam tells him help is on the way.

97. (E4) Monica fights fatigue, tries to rattle Dennis with descriptions of oxygen deprivation.

98. (E4) Cop cars, a Fire Engine and EMT van all wait to see if Coco can override or short circuit the lock. An All Eyes Security van pulls up.

99. (E8) The emergency lights flutter with waning power. Dennis spins the tumblers faster, loses his temper when Monica flicks a cigarette lighter at him. The arguing resumes.

100. (E4) Jeff Anderson pulls up, gets through the police line to the gate box. He scowls the Tech away, uses his own tools to release the gate in short order.

101. (E4) Anderson and Coco work at the front door to break the lock. Paul bolts out, falls into Anderson’s arms.

102. (E5) Paul frets under treatment for dehydration and shock. The surrounding police don’t appear to buy his story of entrapment. Coco leads the way inside.

103. (E7) The face off continues, both flushed with heat exhaustion and aggravated stress, still fighting for dominance. Dennis appears to be winning. Monica’s grief breaks.

104. (E6) The cops converge on the bomb shelter door. Fire fighters go for a torch.

105. (E8) Dennis waits out the noise of rescue, prompts Monica on her confession. At the last minute she rallies and demands his arrest. When he reaches for her Coco shoots him.

106. (E4) Paul waits anxiously at an ambulance, pacing out nerves. Monica is led out of the house, wracked with guilt over Dennis getting shot.