Day 8 Assignmen\

[Paul McGregor]

Paul’s Pitch Fest Pitch

What I learned from this assignment is how pitch fests work. I have never been to one, so this helps a lot.

[Question: I am not sure why there is Credibility as Point 3 and again as Point 4.e.]

1.Credibility: I was a Finalist in an international screenwriting competition. I am a published writer of short stories and magazine articles.

2.Genre & Title: I have written a thriller. The title is: Scarred For Life.

3.One or two sentence hook: Terrorists killed her three best friends, now it’s her turn to kill three of them.

4.

Budget: Around $5 million.

Actors: Cindy could be played by someone like Kate Mara.

Acts of movie:

Cindy returns from a tour of duty in Afghanistan where a terrorist attack killed 3 of her best buddies and left her scarred for life.

To forget the hell she’s been through, she goes on a Mediterranean cruise. Because of her scars, she is scorned by other passengers, so she retreats to her cabin.

That’s where she is when, off the coast of Libya, terrorists seize the vessel and immediately kill over 100 passengers.

The surviving passengers now depend on the woman they scorned to save their lives.

Cindy emerges from her cabin to take on the terrorists. One by one, she takes them out. Remembering the fate of her three friends, she shows no mercy.

How does it end?:

When the ship docks, the 500 surviving passengers disembark. As the corpses of the 100 or so dead passengers are taken off, Spanish police come aboard. They arrest Cindy. The charge: violating the terrorists’ human rights.

END

[Jeff Bryce]

Jeff’s Pitch Fest Pitch

What I learned is to keep working on the pitch, just as I would the umpteenth draft of a scene, dialogue, or screenplay. Keep it simple and easy to understand, so it’s a natural part of me. No memorization, it simply flows from my heart.

My Pitch:

“I’m a published landscape photographer and writer, and my screenplays have placed in a few contests. I have a Crime/Drama Thriller called The Best Painkiller. (pause) It answers the question: would a doctor kill to save a loved one? The hero is a doctor—an anesthesiologist—renowned as the best pain killer. (pause) He not only kills patient’s pain, he kills pain-in-the-ass people.”

Budget: $5-20 million. I imagine it filmed in and around Hamilton, Ontario. If you’re unfamiliar with it, it’s a toxic shoreline of steel mills, juxtaposed with hiking trails to 40 natural waterfalls, and about 50 miles west of Niagara Falls.

Actors: The lead hero is a handsome doctor about 40. I imagine someone like Chris Evans or Jake Gyllenhaal. His wife is petite and a similar age. Perhaps Kate Bosworth or Kristen Bell, and we’d need a look-alike as her daughter. The boat-broker villain is about 45 and Italian. Perhaps Leonardo DiCaprio. There are supporting roles for two cops, a strong native Indian in his 20s, and two females. There are smaller roles for native Indians, Asians, a French Canadian, and tiny quirky roles for cameos & voice only.

Acts:

1. A day-in-the-life of a doctor who’s an anesthesiologist, and a young grandfather. A light scene of a patient recovering from surgery, a Code Omega of a woman bleeding out after childbirth, to page 7, where he learns that his infant grandson has cancer. Outside, it’s a scuzzy world and a drug smuggle goes wrong. The worlds collide when the doctor unwittingly lists his heirloom boat with a broker, who’s the swindler who arranged the botched drug smuggle.

2. The doctor’s daughter is a struggling addict, and that’s why the doctor and his wife have custody of the infant. The broker has money troubles of his own; he sells the boat, and delays payment. The broker knows the system, and the doctor gets no help from any of the authorities. Despite the doctor’s repeated reminders of his grandson’s life-threatening condition, the broker lies, then steals the boat proceeds. The doctor tracks him down and injects him.

3. The doctor goes to the funeral, realizes where the money is, and retrieves half of it, which is enough to pay for the first of two treatments. In a crack house, the daughter ODs. His wife is followed and stabbed. The stabber confronts the doctor and is killed by the doctor’s 7-iron. The infant’s estranged father makes amends by killing his boss and the hitman targeting him—all native Indians. He retrieves a large sum from his faked drug deal, keeps half, and gives the other half to the doctor for his son’s treatment.

Ending:

In the second last scene, as relatives watch, the doctor helps a resident exchange a tracheal tube on a young terminal cancer patient. They bungle the procedure, and she dies. In the doctor’s lounge, he questions his abilities and decides to take a break, as his oncologist friend reminds him there’s always room for the best pain killer.

The last scene starts with a smooth granite shoreline of a Great Lake, and the doctor in a kayak with his grandson, now a toddler. He tells him a touching story about his mother, then turns the kayak so the grandson can see his grandma, with camera in hand. The grandson smiles. She shoos them ahead and they paddle into the mist as a hawk feather floats by. (Earlier in the film we see that the estranged father has a color tattoo of two hawk feathers—a native Indian symbol of guardianship.)

What have I done? Nothing produced, but I’m willing to do whatever it takes to get this made. Rewrite any scene and dialogue, be on the set, even direct. Whatever is needed. I’d love to direct. I have experience as a manager and entrepreneur. And being a photographer I’m able to easily vision and capture each scene.

[Phyllis MacBryde]

What I learned from this assignment is the nuts and bolts of crafting a short pitch. Brevity is best. If the concept is of interest, questions will be asked. Be prepared with concise answers.

1. My name is Phyllis MacBryde. I’m a Nicholl Fellowship Finalist, a produced playwright, I’ve written and produced short films and a feature length doc on Branford-Marsalis which saw worldwide distribution.

2. I’m here to tell you about a drama script – CREATING ZINZI.

3. It is the story of a white playwright and a Black Broadway producer who workshop an American musical in South Africa and are shocked to learn that it is the Ancestor Spirits who will determine its fate.

4. Questions:

Budget: Except for a couple of exterior pickups in New York City, the film is to be shot in South Africa. An international co-production, the estimated budget range is $7-15M.

Lead roles: I envision Sally Field in the role of the playwright – “Molly.” Alfre Woodard, playing the Broadway producer — “Joyce.”

In Act One, Molly seeks a grant to workshop her musical from Joyce, a powerful Broadway producer. However, Molly is not what Joyce had in mind when she created a fund for underrepresented writers. Molly blows the grant when she tells Joyce that, to ensure authenticity and find an African child to play the musical’s title role, “Zinzi,” she wants to hold her workshop in Africa.

In Act Two, Molly is in Africa. Undeterred, she uses the little money she has to get her project rolling. Unaware of this, Joyce approves the grant and flies to Cape Town to keep the workshop afloat. But Molly has betrayed the indigenous women she came to represent. Fearing the wrath of the Ancestor Spirits, the African women are demanding a ritual sacrifice. Only then can the musical go on.

Act Three: To appease them, Molly and Joyce participate in the ceremony. The performance goes ahead, but the Ancestor Spirits will determine the musical’s fate.

Credibility: A novel I’ve written, “Zinzi,” was vetted by a South African emeritus professor of African Languages and Literatures. I’m knowledgeable about the Xhosa culture and I’ve created vital relationships in the country. I’m currently producing a documentary on the unique African talent and indigenous women who are featured in the screenplay. I’m also editing a proof-of-concept short to bring on partners and get the movie into production.

[Deleted User]

Elizabeth Yanders’ Pitch Fest Pitch

I learned to keep things short in a pitch. Don’t drone on and on about the details, but present what a producer is looking for most, such as a marketable title, the hook that will sell the story, actors who could fill the lead roles, the acts of the story and the ending.

Hi, I’m Liz Yanders, and my script, FLINT HILL, won Top Ten and Finalist honors in notable screenwriting contests. My poems and short stories are published in anthologies, and I occasionally write movie reviews for an online site.

I’m here to tell you about FLINT HILL, a Horror/Supernatural Thriller that asks the question, “How can an eleven-year-old boy stop a ruthless spirit child from taking over his family when she’s already dead?”

Evan hopes this move will be different. Maybe he won’t be bullied at school and maybe his dad will keep his job, but soon finds there’s a bigger problem. Abigail, a lonely dead girl, lives in his backyard and she wants love, which means his family. He’ll have to stop her on his own because his mom doesn’t believe she exists, and his little sister thinks she’s magic.

When Evan’s makeshift exorcism doesn’t work, Abigail sends a dead “pet” to kill him. He destroys it, and in return she kills Fuzzy, the family dog. His mom thinks Evan did it to prove Abigail is real, and she’ll have to institutionalize him again. Devastated and certain he’s next to die, he steals the family car to run away, but the sight of his fragile sister makes him stay and fight for all their lives.

He’s a worthy opponent, but Abigail has a bigger arsenal. When one of Abigail’s “human pets” kills Evan’s mother, he realizes he needs to get what’s left of his family off Flint Hill before they become Abigail’s for eternity.

Sheriff Ward is about to cut the baby from his dead mother, but Evan steals his squad car and meets up with the ambulance in time for them to save his mother and the baby. They leave Flint Hill for good. Sheriff Ward, who has a past with Abigail, tops twelve-foot fencing with barbed wire and jails her in Flint Hill Cemetery. She vows to get out.

With bankable actors, FLINT HILL has a middle budget of fifteen to thirty million.

Oakes Fegley (THE GOLDFINCH) is a good choice for Evan, the hero, because he can portray the duality of having an adult’s clever mind and a child’s fragile heart. Helena Zengel (NEWS OF THE WORLD) has a stubbornness needed for Abigail, the evil spirit child, and the ability to be a child and a monster within the same breath.

[mark Morris]

What I learned is that its all about the business of marketing the interesting story hooks in a bare-bones, direct presentation. And promoting yourself via credentials that relate directly to the pitch and the project on a professional level.

Mark’s Pitch Fest Pitch

1. I am a twice-produced screenwriter

2. I have Sci-Fi thriller titled SkyFire, adapted from the Novel by Thomas Page

3. Skyfire is a TV series concept adapted from the popular 1980’s novel, in the vein of Stranger Things and X-Files, but it’s grounded in weather science and today’s global climate crisis.

A weather scientist and his team create the most terrifying lightning storm in history; one that hunts the planet for them and kills for a purpose. As the last survivor, with his family in jeopardy, he has to fight or outwit vicious Mother Nature.

4. The budget range is medium, under a million per episode.

Actors I like could be Ryan Reynolds or Taylor Kitsch for the protagonist.

Liv Tyler or Felicity Jones for the female lead.

Casey Affleck for the antagonist

I’ll give you the acts of the first season.

In the first act the scientist hero falls in love with his college sweetheart, Gina, who re-enters his life with her three year-old brat of a son. He narrowly escapes from the island where a Navy weapons test spawns a killer lightning storm from which he is able to rescue his team.

The second act produces the mysterious deaths of his team and leads to the discovery that the storm is purposeful and is killing everyone involved in the test.

He is the last survivor, and the Navy brass deem him expendable if it will stop the storm’s destructive movement.

The season builds to the moment when, after fleeing to protect his family, he learns that Gina and her son narrowly escape an attack by the storm, and he realizes the truth – the brat has his DNA. It’s his own son.

The Ending: He sets in motion a plan to have the Navy flay Gina and his son to safety while he pilots a fighter jet to the Arctic, luring the storm after him. He is unaware that the storm catches up with Gina. She is struck by lightning and dies while protecting the boy as the season ends.

What Have I done?: My strengths are having had first-hand experience on the creative side of the industry as a writer, cinematographer and director of docu-dramas. The third feature script I wrote was produced and distributed. And on the business side of the industry I have co-written or co-produced three feature films.

[Gordon Roback]

Assignment 8: Pitch fest superstar

Gordon Roback What I learned in this assignment is to show up prepared. With regard to the presentation, meet the needs of the producer. Less is more.

Hello. My name is Gordon Roback

I am a produced script writer. I co wrote the feature film and miniseries “Money” directed by Steven H. Stern. It starred Eric Stoltz, F. Murray Abrams and Christopher Plummer. I have also sold two feature scripts outright, five of my screenplays have been optioned and I am a graduate of Screenwriting U Proseries 69. I also earned a MFA in film production at USC and while I was there I won all of the writing prizes including the Jack Nicholson Award. I was amazed how good looking Jack Nicholson was. Every feature was perfect.

I am here to tell you about Camerone, an action adventure screenplay.

Image you are surrounded by overwhelming odds. Do you fight or surrender? In the case of a half company of French Foreign Legion soldiers, they chose to defy an army. They held out until there were only six men left standing. Out of ammunition, they fixed bayonets and attacked an army. This is the battle that made the Legion a legend.

The budget range is medium to high budget. It can be less if you can find 3,000 extras who will work for a dollar a day and all the camera equipment they can steal.

Jake Gyllenhaal would be good as Pierre Trudel. So would Zac Ephron and Chris Pratt. So would any hunk who can recite lines and not bump into the furniture, or –in this case, bodies.

In Act One Pierre Trudel kills a fellow in a bar fight and is given the choice of the guillotine or service in the Legion. He chooses the Legion. His lawyer tells him he should have chosen the gallstone, it is faster, cleaner and there is more honour in it. Trudel asks, “How bad can the Legion be?” He is about to find out.

In act two we see the recruits being trained and brutalized, although most of them don’t need much training.

In Act three we see a half company of the Legion set off at 1:00 am as the advance guard for a massive gold shipment. It is April 30^th, 1863

They are attacked by 2,200 Mexicans. They fight their way back to a stone villa and take up defenses.

Again and again the Mexicans attack and each time they are driven back with heavy losses.

The Legion refuses to surrender.

About 3:00 pm a massive dust cloud moves toward Camerone. It is not the relief column but more Mexicans. A lot more. Again the Legion refuses to surrender even though they are out of water and low on ammunition.

About 6:00 pm They are down to six men still standing and out of ammunition. Rather than surrendering the six fix bayonets and attack the Mexican army.

Trudel survives the attack and returns to France under a false name

In the final act the new Jean Marchand is forced to kill a man in a bar fight to protect his life. Again he is given the choice of the guillotine or service in the Legion. The film ends just as he is about to state his choice.

[Stephen Maynard]

Stephen Maynard – Pitch Fest Pitch

What I learned is, a PITCH,
like an APÉRITIF, should be short and sweet.

“Brevity is the soul of
whit.” How right you are, William.

My Pitch Fest Pitch;

Hi, I’m Steve Maynard. How’s your day going?

I’ve got a BODY HORROR script titled PANDORA’S OTHER BOX.

It’s a HORROR romp about a sexually frustrated slacker that grows rich and satiated selling transgenic worms that morph old ladies into gorgeous young submissive girls – who eat men’s faces.

It’s A LOW-BUDGET project, plus or minus one million dollars.

I like Dylan Minnette for the hero, JACK, handsome and athletic.

Elle Fanning for Heroine, GINA, pretty, bright, and vulnerable.

For my dastardly Villain, CONRAD STROKER, Kodi Smit-McPhee, or perhaps Lucas Hedges, someone with the looks and chops to project menace and guile.

ACT I opens with Jack, Gina, and the villainous Conrad rescuing a net entangled orca at night during a storm at sea establishing our heroes as ardent environmentalists.

Back home in the small coastal California college town of NEWPORT BAY, when Conrad is rejected by a campus beauty, he launches a mission for revenge by murdering his biology professors to steal genetically engineered WORMS that hold the power to change old women into young women.

In ACT II, Conrad tests one of his worms on the Newport Bay coed that rejected him and discovers that the worm renders her obedient and submissive. What could be better than that? He starts a business selling “Pandora’s Magic Makeovers” to old hags who must surrender their fortunes, morph LAMPREY MOUTH FACES and suck their husband’s brains out through the eyes to gain youth and beauty.

When attorney, Ann Howe from the law firm Dewey Fukkum and How learns of Pandora’s Magic Makeover, she puts Conrad’s lemonade stand operation on the stock market and Conrad’s in the money.

In ACT III, the authorities are closing on Conrad, so he throws a gala for the powerful and influential men of the town. He sicks one of his beautiful young girls on each of his guests and the pressure’s off when his advisories are systematically seduced and dispatched in a sequence of increasingly outrageous kills.

Like Oedipus Rex, our villain’s transitional journey ends with him seeing the errors of his ways, he takes his life. Happily, Jack and Gina prevail and sail into the sunset. However, at sea on Jack’s boat, they see evidence that Conrad’s worm farm has been harvested by a fisherman who is using the worms as bait and unwittingly spawning HORRIFYING NEW SEA CREATURES.

[Lelnd Little]

Leland’s Pitch Fest Pitch

My name is Leland and I’m a writer.

Today I have a Thriller called DICK & JANE GO TO WAR.

This is the story of a lady cop succeeding against the Boy’s Club who are out to run her off. She’s tall, beautiful, exceptionally smart, and fights back with surprising strength. Along with a talent for beating up big guys and catching serial killers, which makes her a hero, she saves her geek friend from mercenaries sent to take him out.

Budge range: $2.4 million to $3.0 million

Actors for role: Ireland Baldwin (she’s the right age, at 6’1” the right height)

Key acts:

Opening, the lead characters partner is killed in a setup by a serial killer

Act I: Our character is locked out of the investigation, calls on her geek friend to stay in the loop

First turning point: She gets a new partner and faces a new challenge, catches a perp

Act II: Our character saves the police chief’s life, chases the perp, who gets away, then captures our character, drugs her with intent of taking advantage, only to have her unwitting escape destroy his plans.

Second turning point: Our character arrests the son of her new partner, there’s tension

Act III: Our character fights mercenaries sent to kill her geek friend, captures the serial killer during the big fight at the end.

Crisis: Our character is in all out war against the mercenaries, who have Uzis against her 9mm.

Resolution: She takes out the hacker who sent the mercenaries after her friend. She’s the hero.

How does it end:

Our hero saves her geek friend while waging war against the mercenaries sent to kill him. In the process she takes down the super hacker who sent the mercenaries, takes out the serial killer who gets in her way, and saves her geek friend. It’s all in a days work.

[Guil Parreiras]

ASSIGNMENT

Guil’s Pitch Fest Pitch

What I learned is that this model really works because it allows us to organize the pitch in a way that is concise and to the point. It helps to avoid the trap of rambling for minutes on end.

1. Tell us your credibility.

Hi, I’m Guil and my screenplay Rock Story was a Top 50 Finalist in the ISA Fast Track Fellowship and my screenplay Another Day on the Line is a semi-finalist in the Outstanding Screenplays Shorts Competition.

2. Tell us your genre and title.

I have a Crime/Drama entitled The Dreammaker’s Revenge.

3. What is your one or two sentence hook?

It’s about a crazed movie-obsessed screenwriter and a director who are in financial ruin because of the failure of their indie film. The logical solution would be to pay it off, but no… instead, the screenwriter kidnaps a producer!

4. Please give your one or two sentence answer to each of these questions:

What is the budget range?

Low budget: $500k to $2 million.

What actors do you like for the lead roles?

For the Producer role, if this were a higher budget movie, someone like Dev Patel, Riz Ahmed, Tom Hardy or Oscar Issac. For the Screenwriter role, someone like Ezra Miller or Charlie Heaton. For the Director role, Lucas Hodges or Josh Hutcherson.

Give me the acts of the story.

A down-and-out screenwriter’s only hope of making money is if he gets hired for an assignment. But when he gets turned down by a powerful producer, the screenwriter loses his shit and kidnaps the producer.

Things take a worse turn when a porn actor, the producer’s friend who was at the wrong place at the wrong time, accidentally dies which may implicate the director, the producer and the screenwriter. Desperate and in a fit of rage, the screenwriter unintentionally kills the director.

This is a point of no return now and the producer and the screenwriter have no choice but to team up to elude a cunning detective investigating the two deaths — it’s a self-serving engagement for the sake of survival! As the detective closes in on them, the screenwriter and producer turn on each other. The last question remains: who will evade the law?

[Stephen Dexter]

Stephen Dexter’s Pitch Fest Pitch

What I learned is the Pitch Fest Model is a proven winner, so stick to it.

Hi, I’m Stephen Dexter and I love writing family-friendly scripts. One of my scripts won first place and another was a top ten finalist in recent contests.

Today, I have a Family-Friendly, Dog script called LAREDO. It’s the story of a has-been TV pitchman who rescues an abandoned dog in the desert and then must decide the fate of the old dog nobody wants to adopt, when long-awaited stardom becomes a reality.

Budget and possible actors:

It’s a middle-budget project, with a great role for someone like Andrew Gottlieb and another for someone like Shailene Woodley.

The acts:

Everyone thinks Wes Coleman rescued Laredo in the desert on the way to his first movie shoot but, in truth, Laredo just wouldn’t get out of his car. No matter how hard Wes tries to get rid of him, Laredo outsmarts him at every turn.

Hollywood takes notice and now Wes has some buzz on. He can’t bring himself to put the dog in a shelter and every time a possible owner comes by to meet Laredo, the dog misbehaves.

The clock is ticking to find Laredo a good home because Wes gets the role of a lifetime – the lead in an action movie – a five-week shoot in Hawaii. Wes’s sister reluctantly adopts Laredo and Wes goes to Hawaii. Through a series of misunderstandings, the dog ends up in a shelter. Now Wes must decide whether to blow up his career and fly home to truly rescue Laredo this time or let them put down the old dog nobody wants.

The ending:

A splashy, crowd-cheering movie premiere. A limousine pulls up, Wes gets out and we think he finally made it big. As it turns out Laredo is the star and has been for a while because the marquis reads, “Laredo 3. Pirate Trouble.”

[Deborah Daughetee]

I learned how to be prepared when attending a Pitch Fest

Hi, I’m Deborah Daughetee and I have written for such shows at Murder, She Wrote, Dr. Quinn Medicine Woman, and Touched by an Angel.

Today I have a horror series entitled “Invasive Species”.

Would you give birth to an alien/human hybrid child who is prophesized to enslave the human race?

When an archaeologist discovers she is pregnant with an alien/human hybrid, she is forced to run not only from the aliens who want her child to lead an invasion of Earth but from her family, who wants to kill the child and prevent said invasion.

The rising of a Reptilian creature from an ancient grave, signals the conception of a human/alien child whose been foretold will lead an invasion of Earth. When an archaeologist discovers that she is pregnant with the prophesized child, she must protect it from not only the Reptilians but from her family who wants to destroy it.

Budget range: 1.8 to 3 million per episode

What actors: Grandmother – Sigourney Weaver

Andrea – Mila Kunis

January – Anna De Armas

Debora – Naomi Harris

Act 1: Andrea finds the skeleton, Anna is murdered

Act 2: Cathy brings home fertility statue and something comes out of it

Act 3: The skeleton reanimates and kills three people at the dig site, trapping Andrea and January in a trailer.

Act 4: Discover Grandmother is a witch and runs a hidden mystery school. She

realizes that the Reptilian Messiah has been conceived which is the beginning of a Reptilian

invasion.

End of First Season: Andrea gives birth to hybrid baby and goes on the run.

Credibility: First Paragraph

[Lonnie Nichols]

Lonnie’s Pitch Fest Pitch

What I learned: mostly who I’d like in the lead roles, and delineating the acts. This forced to flush much of this out.

1. Tell us your credibility: Published author of fiction and non-fiction titles. Two screenplays completed with excellent coverage. Masters from George Washington U. Completed various classes at ScreenwritingU.

2. Tell us your genre and title. “Elevator Down”, sci-fi/suspense

3. What is your one or two sentence hook?:

A kidnapped young boy needs to escape an underground cult of shape-shifting reptoids, who are kidnap and clone world leaders for world dominance.

4. Please give your one or two sentence answer to each of these questions:

What is the budget range? – $5M
– $10M

What actors do you like for the
lead roles?

Sam, the father: Ben Afflect (laid back as in, Gone
Girl)

Jessica, the mother: Nina Arianda (edgy, sassy, sexy)
Aurora, female reptoid
leader: Sigourney Weaver (a
younger version, fem/masc.)/ Emma Stone – powerful/controlling

Adronis, male reptoid leader:
Vin Diesel type, younger swartzenager-type

Detective Bradely: Vincent D’Onofrio-type,
old school, but smart

Chief Stevens: Lance Reddick –
stiff, like Bosch series

Give me the acts of the story.

Act 1 Nine-year-old Ben gets
kidnapped by underground reptoids . A high profile Senator also gets kidnapped, riding an elevator hundreds of feet down.

Act 2: Senator gets cloned/Ben
befriends one reptoid leader

Act 3: Ben plans his escape…for
everyone . Senator’s clone gets sent up, her husband gets suspicious. Ben’s parents receive odd messages through their TV that someone has Ben, but who, what, and where?

Act 4: Surprise escape by Ben and all hostages, then the destruction of evil reptoids

How does it end? (setup /
payoff).

The young boy gets kidnapped
by this evil cult, but one of the leaders develops feelings/compassion
for him, and provides clues for his escape….she also gives him the powers of healing and more.

Credibility questions What have
you done?

Am a published author ,
fiction and non-fiction, received various post-graduate degrees.

[Thomas Duffy]

Thomas F. Duffy’s Pitch Fest Pitch

What I learned in this lesson is less is more and boil it down to it’s selling points.

Hi, I’m Thomas Duffy. I’m a long-time industry veteran with extensive hockey experience, including years with Jerry Bruckheimer’s Bad Boys hockey. Today, I have a drama called SAVING GRACE, an early draft of which drew meetings from Imagine & Kennedy/Marshall, the ROCKY of hockey.

Can a washed-up grocery clerk/NHL practice goalie save his daughter and his team’s season?

Questions

A. Budget Range – 40 to 60 million.

B. Casting – Danny – Jesse Plemons, Scott Eastwood, Michael B. Jordan, Wyatt Russell; Abigail – Jean Smart, Holland Taylor, Dianne Weist, Blythe Danner

C. Three Acts – Act 1 – NHL prospect, Danny Murphy, fights to retrieve his dreams, after tragic car crash took his wife, crushed his body, while his daughter, Grace, is swept away by Abagail, his wealthy mother-in-law. A decade later, a downtrodden Danny moves to LA, to try to reclaim Grace and Abigail says Grace will not leave her “safe walls.”

Act 2 – When best friend, Kings star Lou, gets him a job as a practice goalie, it thrills girlfriend, Jennifer, while Abigail tightens the clamp. After a fight with his old rival, Kondrk, an arrest and a near death scare for Grace, Danny questions whether Gracie & Jennifer might be better off without him?

Act 3 – On the ice, the Kings fight for the last playoff slot, while a desperate Danny considers taking Grace with him to Mexico. A King official tells him they need him, food poisoning. He hurries off. Danny fights a bad start, heckling fans, injuries, a past rival, and the pressure to carry his team to victory and a new start with Grace and Jennifer.

D. Ending: Jennifer arrives, drops her tray. Danny is on the ice with the Kings. When starter Cronin goes down, Danny must go in. He can’t stop a beachball in warm-ups. First two shots score. He says: “That’s the last one.” Kondrk looms over Danny, insults fly. The Kings rally around Danny, who returns the favor, one incredible save after another. A minor league goalie has arrived but Nevin sticks with Danny. Kings go ahead by a goal. Kondrk gets a penalty shot, as time expires. He plows into Danny, whose head slams to the ice. Danny struggles to his feet. Grace begs her dad to stop, tears pouring down. Danny tells the newly arrived back-up how to stop Kondrk. Easy save. Danny has kept the Kings season alive. The fans scream deservedly: Murphy! Murphy! Murphy! Danny and Jennifer kiss just as the game ends, cut to them and their wedding kiss. Danny, Jennifer and Grace are heading back to college, where Danny will be coaching. Abigail salutes the couple from her porch, the party is in her backyard.

Credibility: Imagine and Kennedy/Marshall met on an early version, long-time industry veteran with extensive hockey knowledge in college, semi-pro, and Bad Boys hockey with Jerry Bruckheimer for years.

[John Vanis]

John’s Pitch Fest Pitch

What I learned is the key points to crafting a great pitch. Be brief, to the point and be prepared to answer any questions.

Hi. I’m John Vanis and I previously co-wrote an independent film titled “Everyday.” Today, for you, I have a comedy called “Potty Mouths.” We hear the curse filled thoughts of two infants as they are left with their inexperienced dads for five days. Simply put, it’s an R-rated version of “Look Who’s Talking.”

Budget range- It’s a low budget project between $1 – $5 million.

For Baby Billy’s voice over I was thinking between Paul Rudd, Jason Segel or Mark Wahlberg.

For Baby Abby’s voice over I was thinking between Tiffany Haddish, Leslie Jones or Regina King.

Act 1 opens with the moms planning and going to the bachelorette party. It leaves infants Billy and Abby with their inexperienced dads, Michael and David.

In Act 2, we see the struggles of fatherhood for both Michael and David as we hear the frustrations and criticism from their babies. Adding to the stress, Michael’s father comes to give his input in parenting and Michael’s friend, Charlie, keeps pressuring him to party it up like their college days.

In Act 3, after a scare that sends Billy to the ER and David compromises on his parenting methods, Michael and David take control of their roles of being a father.

It ends with Michaels wife, Sarah, coming home from her trip and tells Michael and Billy that she’s pregnant. Hearing that he’s going to have a sibling, Billy says his first word – “Fuck.”

[cara star]

Cara’s Pitch Fest Pitch

What I learned is that I’m still looking for the best title to represent the story. And, I only have periphery film credibility for this project. It seems I should just confidently skip the credibility part and try to focus on delivering the best pitch possible. Also, the hook could be better – more urgent.

PITCH

Hi, I’m Cara. Today I have a drama called Imitation of a Poet. (Pause)

If good poetry requires love. And excellent poetry requires heartbreak. What does famous poetry require? (Pause)

It’s the true story of poet Rainer Rilke’s complex friendship with the prolific sculptor, Auguste Rodin, as he searches for poetic inspiration following his breakup with married intellectual, Lou Andreas-Salomé.

Any questions?

It’s a mid-budget film with emotionally intelligent characters that would suit actors like Ryan Gosling, Lady Gaga, Michelle Williams, Marion Cotillard, and Javier Bardem.

Act 1: Rainer Rilke, who is struggling with his identity after a childhood of being dressed like a girl by his mother who was mourning his lost sister, is abandoned by his love and muse, the married intellectual, Lou Andreas-Salomé, a known seductress who finds his work mediocre. Heartbroken, he vows to write poetry worthy of her recognition. Now rootless, he finds himself at a student artist’s colony where he quickly marries a student sculptor who introduces him to Auguste Rodin.

Act 2: Invited by Rodin, Rilke leaves his new wife and baby to go to Paris in search of inspiration for his poetic work — the kind that will win him favor with his lost love, Andreas-Salomé, who has re-entered his life as a concerned, but distant lover. Rodin gives the young poet an uncustomary welcome and Rilke is enchanted by his revolutionary talent. Rilke soon becomes Rodin’s personal secretary where he plays witness to Rodin’s selfish behaviors. After a small miscommunication, Rilke is fired. Heartbroken, again.

Act 3: Rilke, set adrift in the midst of Paris’ burgeoning modern art movement, reconnects with Rodin by introducing him to the modern art enclave at the Hotel Biron, where Rilke has found a studio through his estranged wife. Rodin immediately rents two studios – one for himself and one for his young lover, Camille Claudel. With Rodin nearby and Andreas-Salomé finally encouraging his progress as a poet of repute, Rilke oddly finds that his own work and relationships suffer more than ever.

Payoff: Rilke discovers that whatever inspiration he had has run out. As his health deteriorates, there’s only one choice – abandon his obsessive relationships. Only then can he find his poetic fame.

Any questions?

Credibility – ?

I feel anything I might use for credibility might look like a coverup and be distracting as it’s not relevant enough. I’d rather leave it with the script.

If pushed, I might add…

I’m a television, radio, and print news writer, reporter, and producer with over a decade of experience.

[Mark Abel]

Mark Abel’s Pitch Fest Pitch

What I learned doing this assignment is…

How to collect and present the most critical components of my pitch.

“Hi, I’m Mark Abel, a published author and screenwriter whose scripts placed in the top 15% of the Austin and Nicholl for the past two years. Today I have a Thriller called ESCAPEGOAT. (light pause) It explores the question, what if the world’s greatest escape artist met inescapable circumstances?”

What is the budget range?

Mid to High

What actors do you like for the lead roles?

Oscar Isaac or Dylan O’Brien (Felix), Saoirse Ronan (Chantelle), Dev Patel (Sultan Ghalib), Essam Ferris or Hamzah Saman (Sultan Azazel)

Give me the acts of the story.

Act I – World-famous but reckless illusionist Felix Fleming is someone who never accepts responsibility. For anything. Not even when his water tank escape goes off the rails and kills his audience in a theater fire. En route to serve his sentence at a remote military outpost in the Sahara in light of his talents, an attack on his convoy leaves him stranded in the desert.

Act II – At the brink of his own death two weeks later, a woman named Chantelle and two guards rescue Felix. He awakens in a beautiful, modern, and deserted oasis called Zerzura. Here, he meets a tyrannical sultan who has enslaved its people to a crude gold mining operation.

Act III – Felix, Chantelle, and the two guards destroy the cruel sultan and his mines only to discover the true sultan and his army have been watching all along and have them surrounded.

How does it end? (setup/payoff).

The sultan kills Chantelle and the guards, then amputates Felix’s hands. He finally welds the magician into a doorless cage and blames him for the hard labor now required to restore the mines. (setup)

But the theater fire is actually a part of an elaborate illusion designed by Felix and the oasis is a “fainting dream” he experiences while passed out in the tank. Finally accepting responsibility, Felix regains consciousness, emerges from the tank, and “saves” his audience. He also regains the trust of his staff, all of whom have appeared as characters in the fantasy, avatars of his guilty conscience. (payoff)

Credibility questions: what have you done?

I’ve placed in several literary and screenwriting contests and have a novel in print (CATSEAR, 2015). I have multiple spec scripts readily available — including features, short films, animation, and television pilots.

[barry Voss]

Barry Voss’ Pitch Fest Pitch:

I learned in this assignment to structure my pitch according to distinct content producers need to hear to sell my screenplay.

1) Opening: I’m Barry Voss and I write what I lived. As a former defense attorney, I tried many homicide cases in state and federal courts. I gained exceptional insight of forensic evidence and the characters who populate the criminal justice system, from cops, prosecutors and judges to defendants, convicts and prisons.

2) Title and genre: A Taste of Cold Steel is a crime-drama script.

3) Hook: Why would a father want to kill his son?

4) Questions:

a) Budget range: Low budget, approximately $2-4MM.

b) Lead Actors: Son-Lucas Hedges

Father-Lance Henriksen

Brother-Walton Goggins

c) Acts: Act 1-Setup

Sonny hasn’t seen his brother in fifteen years. Not since their mother snapped a picture of them when they were very young, and then his brother disappeared. But he can’t handle being alone. He carries his loneliness, and picture, like a disease. Against his mother’s warnings, Sonny searches for his brother.

Act 2-Confrontation

Fearing that his criminal enterprise is being threatened, Sonny’s gangster father has his son wrongly charged and convicted of murder, then imprisoned where he is targeted for death by his brother, Rico, who doesn’t recognize him.

Sonny survives. Unable to reunite, he cooperates with the prosecutor and has Rico charged with attempted murder. Confronting Rico outside the courtroom, Sonny speaks. In a split second, Rico recognizes Sonny’s speech defect; then Sonny hands Rico their picture. Rico’s intense, hostile attitude melts; then he opens his arms to Sonny.

Act 3-Resolution

Sonny and Rico confront Sonny’s father in the parking lot of a whorehouse where Sonny first meets his father. His mother arrives to stop a confrontation. During a frenzied, emotionally-chaotic clash, Sonny finds out his “mother” is his aunt; that his father raped his mother; and that his mother died because she couldn’t deal with the pain of being raped by her half-brother.

Rico listens, then reacts. He kills their “mother,” then shoots Sonny’s father. Police inside the whorehouse earlier to investigate a killing are in a stand-off with Rico, who admits to killing his father inside the whorehouse.

In a burst of gunfire, Rico commits suicide by cop. The lead officer on the scene, an associate of Sonny’s father, instructs Sonny that he-Sonny- is now the boss.

d) Ending: Setup and payoff.

Sonny’s father did what he could to separate Sonny and Rico at a young age. He feared that Rico would never have become the killer he is if Sonny had been in his life.

The father underestimated his son’s desire to reunite with his brother. His father’s failed attempts to kill him result in Sonny and Rico reuniting and what Sonny’s father feared most comes true.

[Emmanuel Sullivan]

Emmanuel Sullivan’s Pitch Fest Pitch

What I learned today is the query letter is a pitch fest pitch that needs to be short and snappy but includes all the main ingredients.

[Mike Mercer]

Subject line: Michael Mercer’s Pitch Fest Pitch

5. Answer the question What I learned is? and post it at the top of your work.

In my Pitch, I easily can use ingredients of my (a) Logline & (b) Hooks.

1. Tell us your credibility.

Hi, I’m Dr. Michael Mercer. I earned my Ph.D. in psychology. And I have personal experience getting myself into simultaneous loving, fun, dramatic, emotional relationships with multiple females at the same time.

2. Tell us your genre and title AND 3. One or two sentence hook

Today, I have a coming-of-age Drama-Romance called LOVE YOU FOREVER. (light pause) Adam – a handsome, fun, affectionate guy – gets into simultaneous loving relationships with six girls, and the girls go through intense emotional rollercoasters.

This includes girls “sharing” Adam as their boyfriend, jealousy, competition for Adam’s attention, and extreme run-ins with upset parents. Adam even receives threats of death and also legal action by a couple of girls’ parents. One of the girls dies on Prom night. Adam delivers an emotionally moving eulogy at her funeral. And Adam gets another girl’s father to stop sexually abusing her.

If you like the concept, I’d be happy to send you the script.

4. Please give your one or two sentence answer to each of these questions:

What is the budget range?

Low budget: $500k to $5 million

What actors do you like for the lead roles?

Male lead should be a heartthrob – who females will run to see in many movies – along the lines of Leonardo DiCaprio or Brad Pitt.

Give me the acts of the story.

Act I, the Setup, starts with Adam’s father catching him in the basement on the floor passionately making out with his high school girlfriend. His furious father forces Adam to breakup with his girlfriend and miss going to Prom. Fortunately, on Adam’s first day away at college, he meets three girls – Heather, Claudia, and Emily – who attend a local girls’ high school. The three girls have been best friends since kindergarten, but never had a boyfriend. Adam becomes their boyfriend, and they cherish his attention.

Act 2, the Confrontation, includes Adam having intense run-ins with Heather’s drunk parents, and also discovering Claudia’s big-shot father sexually abuses her. Adam gets into a surprising ruckus with Claudia’s father when Adam discovers her father has a second family in, of all places, Adam’s hometown. Adam confronts Claudia’s father, and Claudia’s father threatens to have Adam murdered. Also, the girls fume every time they see Adam with Taylor, his pretty next door neighbor in the college dorm.

Adam takes the three girls to their HS Prom. That night, Adam sleeps with Emily, and Emily dies in her sleep from her surprising heart ailment. At Emily’s funeral, Adam delivers a moving eulogy. After that, Adam takes Heather home. They make-out, and Heather’s mother unexpectedly arrives home early, and she is enraged. Heather’s father calls Adam’s father, and threatens to charge Adam with statutory rape.

Act 3, the Resolution, Adam suavely maneuvers Claudia’s father in a surprising twist to stop Heather’s father from charging Adam with statutory rape. Adam also gets Claudia’s father to apologize to Claudia for his years of sexually abusing Claudia. Heather and Claudia go away to college. At the start of Adam’s sophomore year, he and Taylor decide to date. But Ariel, a pretty, perky girl sneaks into Adam’s life. At a concert on the college campus that evening, it looks like sparks will fly between Taylor and Ariel. Instead, they decide to be like the sisters each girl always wanted. LOVE ME FOREVER concludes with Adam, Taylor and Ariel joyfully dancing together while the band plays a fun, upbeat song at the concert.

5. Answer the question What I learned is? and post it at the top of your work.

In my Pitch, I can use ingredients of my (a) Logline & (b) Hooks.

[Robert Barhite]

Robert Barhite’s Pitch Fest Pitch

What I learned from this lesson is to keep polishing one sentence bullet points that describe the action. In fact, it’s a good idea to create them as part of the outlining process before a script is ever written.

1. Tell us your credibility.

Hello, I’m Robert Barhite, a screenwriter and award-winning filmmaker.

2. Tell us your genre and title.

“Eulogy for the Damned” is a one-hour Western drama serial.

3. What is your one or two sentence hook? Framed for murder, coerced to help the man who framed him recruit a gang of killers, what’s an honest outlaw gotta do to win his freedom?

4. Please give your one or two sentence answer to each of these questions:

What is the budget range?

The budget for the pilot should be around $10 million.

What actors do you like for the lead roles?

Brandon P. Bell is an outstanding selection as the lead Isaiah Cooper, the ex-Cavalry officer turned gang leader. I can see an actor like Dean Winters as the antagonist, cattle baron Jeb Hesse

Give me the acts of the story.

Five years after his gang a raid by Pinkertons on his gang, Isaiah tracks down Kate, his ex-lover and gang member to brothel in Wyoming. Cattle baron Jeb Hesse, facing bankruptcy, conspires with his henchman to take over a rival’s ranch by any means necessary. Kate installs Isaiah as the brothel’s bouncer, angering the man Isaiah replaces. Hesse’s henchman organizes a raid on homesteaders, stampeding their cattle and threatening to run them off their land. Isaiah stumbles upon the brutal execution of two homesteaders, organized by Hesse’s henchman. Afraid the two men responsible for the homesteaders’ murders won’t keep their mouths closed, Hesse’s henchman kills them. Isaiah is arrested for murder as he’s leaving town. The witness who frames Isaiah is the ex-bouncer he replaced.

How does it end? (setup / payoff).

Isaiah, arrested for the double murder, waits for the noose as Kate desperately seeks witnesses who can free her man. Hesse and and his henchman make plans for further executions.

Credibility questions What have you done?

I’m an award-winning filmmaker working to get the series into production.

• This reply was modified 3 years, 6 months ago by  Robert Barhite.