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Day 8 Assignment
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7 Replies
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Emmanuel Sullivan’s Adding Empathy/Distress!
What I learned doing this assignment is to build and maintain a viewer’s interest you must build empathy and distress as much as possible into your script. Looking back at some of the best shows, I’m now seeing how the writer added moments of empathy/distress that forced me to worry about a character or stay tuned to what will happen next.
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Daniel Melin’s Empathy/Distress!
What I learned doing this assignment is how, even when characters do immoral things, the fact that they perform these acts often under stressful situations still causes us to feel connected to them. This assignment was definitely still useful, but occasionally I felt it was redundant. Often I realized that many of the previous exercises had already caused me to build in empathy/distress into the beats of the story. In order for something to be intriguing, for example, often I found myself introducing distressing elements into the story, which had already fulfilled the requirements for this assignment ahead of time. Still, it was gratifying to see that all the assignments are interlocked, and that every process helps the other.
Step 1:
Teaser
External character conflicts: Titania tells Levi that he can’t practice magic outside of Everlasting Summer, or it will bring it to an end.
Plans that failed: Levi shows
Titania a book of spells that he found, and a piece of paper on which he’s
been working on a spell of his own, but Titania snaps it away, and tears
it up. Actually, she manipulates him and tells him how hurt she was that
he has been going outside her guidelines. Titania threatens to not allow
Levi to visit Everlasting Summer anymore.
Witnessing the pain of others: Levi
is clearly discontented with how predictable Everlasting Summer has
become. He even lets the deer go on purpose because he realizes that they
are never going to catch it.Act 1
Undeserved misfortune: Levi and Miguel uncover a whole bunch of new water damage at the first job site.
External character conflicts: Miguel
and Jorge are fighting about Jorge allegedly stealing tools. Miguel shoves
Jorge and almost
Plot intruding on life: Levi is late
for work on his first day because of how much he exerted himself during
the hunt, and this makes the customer very nervous.
Plans that failed: Levi wanted an
easier job, but now finds himself having to take up additional
responsibility, and work for longer hours, or they may lose this customer.
Witnessing the pain of others:
Miguel insults Levi’s competence as a carpenter, right as the customer
walks in to check on the progress.
Extreme consequences: Levi takes a
kitchen sink out of the bathroom and damages a drainpipe, which adds at
least another week to their time on site and messes up their start time
for their next job.
Brings their wound present: Miguel
insults Levi for his lack of experience, and asks him if he’s ever managed
to not fuck anything in his life up.Act 2
Undeserved
misfortune: Miguel announces to the rest of the cigar lounge patrons what
a fuck-up Levi is, in front of one of the patrons that Levi most admires.
External
character conflicts: Miguel asks Levi if he is sure he wants to continue
on the job. He tells him he is going to need him to be 100 percent present
while on the job.
Plot
intruding on life: Levi tells Miguel about his passion for magic, and then
Miguel makes fun of him, telling him that he can’t think of a more
worthless way to spend one’s time.
Plans
that failed: Levi planned to impress Miguel, and to a point, Miguel is
impressed, but then he asks Levi what good the magic is if he can only
just manipulate pictures. Miguel tells Levi to forget about magic and stop
living in La La land.
Witnessing
the pain of others: Levi is clearly discouraged by the indifferent
reaction to his magic. Levi gets angry at Miguel and tells him that he is
wrong about magic.
Extreme
consequences: Levi’s little spell causes Titania to be furious with him,
and then Levi sees that there is no longer a full moon in Everlasting
Summer. Also, one of the werewolves got out, and has been shot.
Major
loss: One of Titania’s wolves has been shot.Act 3
Plot intruding on life: When Levi returns to Everlasting Summer, he finds that all sorts of twisting passageways have cropped up on the marches between Athens and Everlasting Summer. He almost gets attacked by a shadowy figure following him on the paths.
Plans that failed: Levi tries to retrieve
the painting that he enchanted, but finds that it is now missing. Miguel
questions him about what happened to the painting.Act 4
External character conflicts: Titania is trying to get Levi to erase his friend’s memory of what happened. She impresses on him that Everlasting Summer’s safety depends on it being kept secret.
Plot intruding on life: Levi has to
use magic on his friend and boss in order to protect Everlasting Summer
and keep his work life bearable. This also causes Miguel to lose important
memories of important materials he was supposed to get for work, delaying
their work schedule even further.
Plans that failed: Levi’s plan to
impress Miguel has now backfired further, causing Miguel to be suspicious
of what Levi actually did and ask all sorts of questions. Miguel then
starts to ask where Levi has been learning magic.
Extreme consequences: Everlasting
Summer is now in danger.
Major loss: Levi’s refuge has now
been seriously compromised.
Brings their wound present: The
danger to Everlasting Summer causes Titania to mention to Levi that
someone very dear to her was hurt because she was careless and she doesn’t
want this to happen again. Levi now has to be completely loyal to
Everlasting Summer.Act 5
· External character conflicts: Titania now wants Levi to hunt down the deer in Athens, where it has escaped to, and now says that there is a real chance that it may escape for good.
· Plot intruding on life: Levi now has to have his hunts on a monthly basis, in Athens, while still preserving the secrecy of what he is up to.
· Extreme consequences: Levi’s magic has now caused him to have to practice magic in Athens on a regular basis and risk discovery, which could bring an end to Everlasting Summer.
D. Hurt those they love: Levi’s actions have to harm his family in some way. Maybe his releasing of the deer causes a psychotic break for his sister in the mental institution. The loosening of the werewolves, cause a young family friend to be bitten, and then to bite her.
E. Emotional Dilemma: When Levi realizes that Titania’s wolves, are actually werewolves, he has to choose between continuing to follow Titania, or continuing his magical education with Mark.
F. Exposed: Levi discovers that Titania’s wolves, are actually werewolves.
G. Must Make Decision with Future Consequences: Levi’s decision to work with Mark causes the boundaries between Everlasting Summer and Athens to deteriorate even further, creating more and more chaos in Athens.
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Renee Brown adding Empathy / Distress.
In this assignment, I learned I can get comfortable with the Yikes internal moment when I take an awful thing that is happening to one of my characters and make it worse. Also, this created a great opportunity to feel bad for the bad guy, when we understand something horrible happened to him to make him do this thing.
Additions to Aliens’ Earth working outline to add Empathy / Distress:
Teaser:
Dauntus beats Anauk. (Undeserved misfortune) Breaks his wing. MAKE IT WORSE- MORE PAINFUL Dauntus goes to break Anauk’s other wing before he gets distracted by Planet X.
WITNESS THE PAIN OF OTHERS: his sister watches from a dark corner and does nothing.
Act 1:
Tallas is uncomfortable with teaching his initiates about the Prophecy (because he is forging it)
ADD MORE BETRAYAL: One of the initiates drills down on more questions which he must lie to answer. MAKE IT WORSE: Little girl says she thinks he is hiding something from her – he must HURT SOMEONE HE LOVES by telling this little girl that her telepathic abilities are not that good yet (when actually she is right on.)
Act 2:
Saltar arrives at Tallas’ water cave unannounced. They are about to have a big kung foo. BRING THEIR WOUNDS PRESENT: when Saltar arrives, Tallas is water gazing a vision of the Starfinder being destroyed by Deepers. Saltar knows her Deepers didn’t do it. Now they are both more emotionally charged for the fight.
Act 3:
Steelman is watching the world view screens with Planet X Obvious in the sky. WHITNESSING THE PAIN OF OTHERS. – Humanity: Crowds are looting, mobs are clashing. A man shoots himself in the head on one of the monitors. RAISE THE STAKES: All the other liaisons are arguing/ yelling on the screens.
Act 4:
Tallas, Saltar, Anauk, Steelman and crew fly in Anauk’s ship to Dauntus’ palace. RAISE THE STAKES: Anauk’s sister sees Anauk is not alone. DEEPEN BETRAYAL: Sister stops guards from raising the alarm. WITNESS THE PAIN OF OTHERS: sister rushes to watch the ambush on Dauntus.
Act 5:
The Alien standoff is stopped by a summons from the Extraterrestrial United Species (XUS) on the dark side of the moon. Dauntus’ great plan has been exterminated. BRING THE WOUND PRESSENT: Skyflier XUS diplomat asks Dauntus what he was thinking which sends Dauntus into a tirade about when “They” (they ones who did the awful thing to him long ago) come back he would be in charge and serve his revenge. EXPOSE PERSONAL WOUND: The Skyflier delegate shames Dauntus – tells him he was once a great lord. now he is a shadow of his former greatness.
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Draft for Green Lake
What I learned was that it still needs work…
Act 1:
Essence: Senior Detective Jess Pearson is in court to give evidence on a high-profile money laundering case when she becomes unstuck by one of the judge’s questions.
Turning Point: Jess is reassigned to another jurisdiction – because her illegal hacking skills (not yet revealed) cost the department a high-profile case.
Act 1:
o Main Mystery: Why did the city team lose their case?
o Sub-Mysteries: Why was Jess sent to another office and not fired; why is she being sent to this office?
o Turning Point: Jess’ Boss gives her a second chance go work with Captain Anderson he supports the County Sheriff’s office out at Green Lake.
o Forced Decision: Must do the thing they would never do. Jess is reassigned to another department one that is in the same jurisdiction where she used to summer vacation which means she has to confront her past.
o Main Open Loop: How will Jess react to being reassigned to the Lakeside jurisdiction which includes Green Lake which is where she used to summer vacation and where her brother disappeared?
o Sub-Open Loops: How will Jess react to being demoted?
Act 2:
Essence: Jess arrives at her new office and within a day is sent to Green Lake to investigate a double murder of Anna Cole and Steve Beresford, and the disappearance of Luke Smith.
Turning Point/Midpoint: Jess reads file after file hidden away in the basement, she begins to realize that Green Lake is not the sleepy town she thought it was. Crime rates are high, yet the reported statistics are low.
Act 2:
o Main Mystery: A couple (Anna & Steve) are stabbed at a Trail Head Rest Stop and their friend, Luke Smith, disappears. Who killed them and why?
o Sub-Mysteries: Why did they stop when they were only ten minutes from home?
o Main Open Loop: How well will Jess and Sheriff Moore work together given the Sheriff’s history with Jess’ brother’s case.
o Sub-Open Loops: Will we find out why Jess who just arrived was sent to investigate this case.
o Exposed: Something hidden about the character is uncovered, either good or bad. How does the character respond. Jess’ secret hacking skills (not widely known) derail her department’s high profile court case and they lose. Those skills are only known to some who will go on to exploit Jess who wants these skills to remain a secret for fear of losing her Detective’s badge.
Act 3:
Essence: Jess reconnects with her ex-lover, love of her life, and best friend, Sarah Watson for support.
Turning Point: Sarah’s boyfriend, Nick Milford, who found the victims bodies, is now the department’s prime suspects.
Act 3:
o Main Mystery: Is Nick their killer?
o Sub-Mysteries: Why was Nick at the Trail Head stop?
o Main Open Loop: Will Jess and Sarah rekindle their affair?
o Sub-Open Loops: Will we find out why Jess who just arrived was sent to investigate this case.
o Emotional Dilemma: Must choose between two equally distressing choices. Sarah must choose between Jess and Nick.
o Betrayal: The violation of a trust, relationship, or contract that results in physical or psychological damage. Jess and Sarah share a secret about Sarah’s parents death. However, both are oblivious to the fact that someone else witnessed the event and has already blackmailed Sarah and will blackmail Jess. But each believes they must have been betrayed by the other.
o Hurt those they love: The only way to survive is to do damage to their loved ones. Jess left the love of her life, Sarah Watson, to escape a good relationship gone bad. Will she do the same thing again?
Act 4:
Essence: Jess doesn’t believe that Nick is the killer.
Turning Point: Jess uses her hacking skills to delve into the lives of those involved in the unreported crimes in Sheriff Moore’s little black book.
Act 4:
o Main Mystery: Is Nick the killer?
o Sub-Mysteries: Why was Nick following Steve, Luke, and Anna?
o Main Open Loop: Will Jess and Sarah rekindle their affair?
o Sub-Open Loops: Will we find out why Jess who just arrived was sent to investigate this case.
o Must Make Decision with Future Consequences: Jess again uses her hacking skills to investigate Sheriff Moore and uncovers a wider network of illegal activity.
Act 5:
Essence: Jess uncovers a Trafficking Network that may be connected to the recent murders and other unsolved cases, including that of her brother, Adam.
Lock In: She goes along on a planned meet up to find out who is involved: Sheriff Moore, Captain Anderson, Dave Smith (Luke’s father), and Sarah Watson.
Act 5:
o Main Mystery: Who is involved in the trafficking Network?
o Sub-Mysteries: Is it really a Trafficking Network or something else?
o Main Open Loop: Will we find out why Moore, Anderson, Smith, and Sarah Watson are meeting at the car park?
o Sub-Open Loops: Why is Sarah involved?
o Crucible: Trapped in a situation of severe test where great change takes place. Sheriff Moore and Jess are kidnapped by the Traffickers and only one of them gets to live.
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This reply was modified 3 years, 8 months ago by Barbara Gilmore.
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This reply was modified 3 years, 8 months ago by
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Molly McNeal Empathy and Distress Carrington Manor
What I learned during this assignment is that I have to go outside my boundaries for what I think comedy should be in order to make this whole show work. It’s hard! I wanted it to be light but I know if I dig deeper I can always pull back. My color marked where I added the elements and did not show up on this copy and paste.
Carrington Manor
Teaser:
Police running through the halls on the black and white camera, someone is under arrest flashes from that scene to Gwenn brushing her teeth. Gwenn drops the skeleton key out of her pocket, next to a collection bill and her OTA license that is about to expire Crucible.
(M) Why is there police running down the hall? Who is under arrest?
(M) Why is there a close up of the skeleton key?
(M) Why is there a bill that has gone to collections?
(OL) What will happen to Gwenn and the police? What does the skeleton key have to do with it?
Act 1
Gwenn is sitting at a table in orientation watching a video of people from the 90’s describing a building and beautiful skilled nursing facility and what good care they give their patients.
(M) Why is Gwenn watching a dated movie of old people and a skilled nursing facility? Does she work there?
Gwenn sees a squirrel run by and squeals because she thinks its a rat, Karly the HR rep shhhh’s her.
(OL) What is Gwenn doing working for a place like this?
Turning Point: Gwenn gets a call from Terry that she has failed the drug test. If she has any prescription medications she has to bring them in or else they will have to let her go.Crucible
(OL) Will Carrington Manor hire her after failing the drug test?
(M)Was that a squirrel?
(OL) Is Karly in denial of this failing company?
(OL) How and why are there security cameras in a SNF?
Act 2
Karly White HR rep is representing a great company and a wonderful work environment! The whole therapy staff works in a converted supply closet. Earl the PT is holding a toilet plunger.
(M) What does Earl do with the toilet plunger?
(OL) How do these people work in such awful conditions?
Gwenn leaves to go home and grab all 7 of her prescription drugs she has been taking. She gives them to the office lady. The company hires her anyways
(M) Is she a drug addict?
(M) What kind of a company hires someone like this?
Gwenn takes a break and calls her mom to talk about this crazy orientation she is at. Gwenn’s mom does not seem to remember why she moved to Portland. A bill collector calls on the other line she pushes decline.
(M) Why does Gwenn’s mom not remember she has moved to Portland?
(OL) Why are bill collectors calling Gwenn?
Terry tells Gwenn that she is married, so no hitting on her!
(OL) Does Terry like Gwenn?
(OL) Who is Terry married to, a man or a woman?
Act 3
Spirit calls Gwenn back accusing her of stealing her clothes. Gwenn points out she quit wearing clothing 5 years ago and remember she is having problems with her memory, Gwenn is here to help and have her sign over her Power of Attorney.
(M) How demented is Spirit?
(OL) How come she is not wearing clothes?
Terry interrupts conversation to show Gwenn pictures of her partner all very indroginous and mystifying.
(OL) Is the partner male or female, so hard to tell
Spirit accidentally hangs up on Gwenn, looking at the phone confused and starts pushing buttons.
Spirit calls back to say, “I remember now why you wants me to sign over the POA, to take all the book money I have ever earned! I should just give it to your sister, I always liked her better.
Gwen: Which one?
Spirit: You know you were the only one I was unlucky enough to birth. Hurt those they love.
Gwenn: HA! I knew it! You do remember things. And no, I don’t want all of your money. I am here because Adult Protective Services has called me too many times and I want you to continue living on your own. I am just here to help.
(M) How could this woman have been an author?
(OL) How much money does she actually have?
Gwenn asks to call her mom back after her tour, Spirit says, lose my number. Hurt those they love
(OL) How long has APS been involved?
(M) WIll she ever sign over the power of attorney?
Act 4
Gwenn feeling hopeless meets Sally who cheers her up and appears the most normal out of the bunch. She is funny and clumsy.
Gwenn steps out in order to listen to a VM of another company thanking her for her application and interview but they decided not to hire at this time, her bankruptcy is an issue for hiring as well.. Exposed
(OL) Is this the only job that Gwenn will be able to secure?
(M) Where else did she apply to?
Gwenn walks by a desk and sees a piece of paper that shows cameras have been installed in a note to Medicare Auditors.
(OL) Has this company been in trouble with Medicare?
Sally tells Gwenn about “billing minutes” and in order to keep the job she must participate. Gwenn will get fired if she doesnt. Gwenn is a bit perplexed.
(M) What does that mean?
(OL) Will Gwenn fraudulently bill medicare in order to keep a job?
Spirit calls Gwenn again and tells her she will never sign over the POA and why did she call? I am in the middle of bathing snickers.
Gwenn: But mom I did not call you, you called me and snickers is a cat and they bathe themselv……….. Cat sounds in background, Spirit hangs up the phone.
(M) How badly injured will Spirit be after attempting to bathe the cat?
(OL) WIll Spirit always be this annoying and needy?
Terry walks in looking irritated looking for Abigail (coworker). Sally and Gwenn have not seen her, she walks off cursing to herself that if that paperwork doesn’t change that will be the last of that Pussy licker! Betrayal?
(OL) What happened between Terry and Abigail?
(M) Why is she so mad about the paperwork being wrong?
(OL) Does Terry hate gay people?
Sally goes to help a patient with a call light that has slipped in dog poop and fell. She calls for Gwenn to help who cheerfully agrees to be useful.
(M) Why are their dogs in the facility?
Gwenn leaves running for the exit with a dog snarling at her heels.
Gwenn realizes she dropped her phone and has to go back in the building past the snarling dog to get her phone. The squirrel runs by and distracts the dog.
(M) Why is there a squirrel in the building?
She gets her phone, sits down on the sidewalk (out of breath) hears the message
Lock In: VO message on her phone from private loan company she needs to start paying back student loans or they will write a complaint to the licensing board (black mailing her) so she won’t be able to renew her license.
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Module 3 Lesson 8 Empathy and Distress
What I learned doing this assignment is to explore all forms of empathy and distress to make the story more impactful.
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Donna Stockwell’s Adding Empathy/Distress!
What I learned doing this assignment is every scene needs empathy and distress to pull the audience’s emotions and set up open loops to make them more binge-worthy. I also see that attaching empathy wherever mysteries are reveals and distress to the open loops augments the emotions for the audience.
ACT 1
Intriguing World: gravedigging the vault in a cemetery
Intrigue: someone is dragging a body in, and is spotted by a man who is holding a corpse
MM – Why is Ben dragging a body into an occupied vault in the middle of the night?
SM – what really happened
SM – How could Ben explain this to the other man in the vault
SM – Who is the woman that Ben killed
SM – who will miss the woman that Ben killed
SM – Who is the other man in the vault and what is he doing
Hidden Layer: Ben is dragging his boss’ dead friend into his mother’s vault
Act 1 Turning Point: Ben convinces brother that mother needs friend
EMPATHY – Ben considers his brother’s feelings on surface, while hidden agenda is that he doesn’t want brother to tell.ACT 2
Wound: Patrice is looking for love
SM – how has she been treated in her marriage up until now
EMPATHY – Add empathy for Patrice here
OL – where will she find love to mend the hole in her heart
Strange Behavior: Patrice pays close attention to her daughter to make sure she is treating her man right
OL – how will Patrice teach her daughter how to have a healthy relationship
DISTRESS – Patrice’s frustration that her daughter does the opposite of the kind gestures that she is told
OL – what will Patrice do when she sees her daughter being mean to a nice man
Act 2 Turning Point: Patrice kisses Luke
EMPATHY/DISTRESS Add a mix of satisfaction that Patrice found love with shock of realization of what she must do to keep love
ACT 3
Secret: Barbara’s past comes to visit her, as her friend & colleague prostitute meets with Barbara
OL – who is this friend and what urgent matter does she need Barbara to fix
EMPATHY – Barbara wants to help her friend
DISTRESS – cannot help her friend in the way she wants because of overlying shadow (which is John’s hold over her)
SM – what is Barbara’s real past and how did she come to start the home security business
DISTRESS – John reminds her of her obligations to him
Hidden Agenda: Barbara tells Ben to put security in friend’s home
Act 3 Turning Point: Ben has sex with Barbara’s friend
OL – there is already a security camera in friend’s home, who is watching?ACT 4
Strange Behavior: Ben is strange to his wife and his boss –
MOL – daughter found out about Patrice’s affair
OL – how will daughter’s relationships with Patrice and Luke be now
DISTRESS – augment awkwardness between the three
OL – will the daughter tell her father
DISTRESS – daughter becomes closer to Ben, but Ben thinks it’s because she knows about his affair
OL – how will Ben hide his affair from his wife and keep Jasper from revealing his secret
DISTRESS – Ben tries to make up, but makes things painful, and Patrice is suspicious that Ben knows about her affair
OL – what will Ben say to Barbara about her friend
DISTRESS – Ben needs to keep calm and carry on as if nothing happened
Act 4 Turning Point: Barbara asks Ben where her friend isACT 5
Intriguing World: bribing politicians with tapes
Deception: home security sales is just a cover-up for bribing politicians for Barbara’s “former” John
SM – Under what condition does Barbara own or run this security business
EMPATHY – Barbara was allowed to escape “the business” and her undeserved misfortune in order to go into securities with a condition
OL – Barbara has to replace her friend, since she did not fulfil John’s directive
DISTRESS – extreme consequences revealed since Barbara did not ensure her friend carried out John’s expectations; John raises the stakes of allowing Barbara’s living conditions
Act 5 Turning Point: It is John who sees his star killed on security footage
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