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Day 8 Assignment
Reply to post your assignment.
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21 Replies
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Cameron Martin’s Pass 2: Story Logic Web
1. What I learned doing this assignment is….how to effectively root out problems with the concept early in the process. I’m also glad I’m working with at least three concepts because each are teaching me something different. My first concept was a struggle, and I ultimately started over. But what came out of this process ultimately made for a more clear and simple horror story, which was sorely needed. My second concept, which was by far the most developed coming into this, made through the passes just fine. Only a couple items needed further development. My third concept has felt like it matches up the most with how this class is supposed to work. One reason is because it originated from this course (It is completely new coming into this/no baggage). Because of this, I’ve learned a lot from it and how doing this early on can prevent a lot of headache down the road.
(Note: Abandoning the OLD TESTAMENT BAND concept due to time. I think the concept holds promise and I love the conversation/dilemma of “turning the other cheek” versus defending oneself/seeking justice. It’s a real conversation that I feel is swept under the rug a lot, particularly for a nation founded on Judeo-Christian principles that has the most advanced military in history (the irony is palpable). But making the concept of a “John Wick, but with a Christian Rock Band” approachable for general audiences is asking a lot right now while working with the three other projects. Maybe next time.)
OPEN WIDE
2. BEFORE:
Concept:
When a government agent accidentally creates a breach in their designated bunker, she must help save the lives she’s put in danger of both the hostile aliens and the inbound target bomb on their complex.
Lead Characters:
The Grandmother Spy (Jude) – matriarch of the community that’s also their betrayer.
The Loyalist Smuggler – a “rules for thee, but not for me” type of scoundrel.
The Pacifist Super Soldier – a veteran hiding from the Hegemony that exploited their potential.
Plot/Structure:
Plot # 5: Escape
1. (Active) Opening – A Grandmother wakes up to an alarm warning residents of an alien outbreak. She and the rest of the residents take refuge in a bunker, but one of the residents with them is infected.
2. Inciting Incident – The grandmother pulls out a handcrafted pistol and kills the infected before it has a chance to kill her, but by doing so creates a breach. Now when the site is bombed, the chemicals will penetrate into the bunker and wipe out the remaining survivors.
3. By page 10, you know what the movie is about. – The grandmother reveals her true identity as a spy for the Hegemony, sent to cover up the source of the alien outbreaks. Now, she is directly responsible for saving the residents her actions have put in harm’s way.
4. First turning point at end of Act 1 – The initial plan to seal the breach fails. Now, the survivors have no choice but to escape from the bunker.
5. Mid-Point – The resident pacifist that has refused to take part in any previous action reveals herself to be a former Super Soldier, when she takes out several of the aliens.
6. Second turning point at end of Act 2 – On the way out of the doomed complex, the Grandmother and several others are gassed and rendered unconscious.
7. Crisis – The Smuggler reveals himself as a loyalist to the Hegemony, using his reputation as a means of capturing dissenters. He manipulates the pacifist super soldier’s programming to kill the other residents one by one.
8. Climax – The grandmother spy, who is good at her job, releases the trap she’s set earlier and kills the Smuggler. She’s able to save the pacifist and another resident, but the rest of the community has perished.
9. Resolution – The grandmother is able to lead the two other survivors out of the doomed building and onto an escape ship to get off world, moments before the complex is bombed.
Character Arc:
Jude goes from deceiving her community to fighting for it
Main Conflict:
Smuggler is better at deceiving her community than she is/alien parasitic worms
Dramatic Question:
Can Jude regain the trust of her community and save them?
Dilemma:
Jude must choose between her community of piers and the Hegemony that enlisted her to betray them.
Theme:
“The better the liar, the better the monster.” or “The truth shall set you free.”
3. DISCOVERIES and IMPROVEMENTS:
(TLDR: Protagonist isn’t active enough, or turns way too fast. Parts work well on their own, but don’t complement each other to make for a stronger cinematic experience.)
Honestly, when I first started working on this, I had the pacifist as the main protagonist, with the smuggler as a red herring protagonist and the grandmother more as the antagonist. However, since going through the different steps of this course, the idea of a government agent turning against the government they sweared fealty to in order to protect their piers was really appealing to me. Not to mention, the whole dynamic of the people you think you know (the suave smuggler being the bad guy, or the pacifist being the most capable and dangerous amongst us) serving a underlying role was a fascinating one and I think elevates the theme more. But, what could work better is if these characters did take a more active role that hit that thematic point a little harder. I like “The better the liar, the better the monster” more than “The truth shall set you free.” It feels more aggressive while still saying the latter by default. I do think the main issue with Jude’s dilemma is that it requires her to turn pretty fast (as early as the first act turning point) compared to where she just was, if the main conflict is to remain the same. I like the conflict of an agent trying to win back the trust of people, but again, I don’t know that I’d buy that turn so soon. I mean, would I believe an NSA agent would all of a sudden just say, “Screw the US, I’m going to care for the average citizen” (Well, besides Snowden)? Actually, that could be interesting parallel to lean on for this story, if it’s not too controversial. If the dilemma of “Country versus Countrymen” were to work, the “Country” part would need to play a bigger role in the story. Flashbacks may be the easiest way to solve this, but it’s an incredibly lazy solution that doesn’t really involve them in the main conflict (it’s just a narrative trick). In order to earn that turn, I have to push Jude to reveal “national secrets” as it were. So, I have three different elements that all work well on their own, but don’t quite fit to elevate each other. Hmmm. If I lean into the “Better the liar, the better the monster” theme by using a Whodunit format, would it feel too similar to THE THING or more recent games like AMONG US or PUSH THE BUTTON? Also, how sympathetic a character is Jude if her best weapon is that she can out-deceive the antagonist Smuggler. HOLD ON! If I do lean into the AMONG US concept, but inverse it (Not finding the alien among us, but the human) what does THAT look like??? It’d be a contained script, similar in tone to the book I AM LEGEND. [Quickly SparkNotes the book] The concept completely changes, along with…well…everything else, but the theme remains intact and the concept may be stronger.
4. AFTER:
Concept:
A sole survivor is stuck in a bunker of body snatching aliens, but they don’t know who amongst them is the real human.
Lead Characters:
JUDE: One of only two survivors in a bunker of ravenous, body-snatching aliens, and tries to kill the other aliens before she and her daughter can be killed. Infiltration Specialist turned monster of monsters
PACK LEADER: Alpha of the aliens and tries to establish a secure home for his pack.
Plot/Structure:
#12 Transformation
1. Opening: A space colony is awakened by an alarm warning of an alien outbreak. The colonists take refuge in a bunker, but on of the residents with them is infected.
2. Inciting Incident: The colony is wiped out, becoming infected by parasitic aliens, with the exception of one parent and child.
3. By page 10, you know what the movie is about; How will the parent survive surrounded by hostile aliens?
4. First turning point at end of Act 1: Jude sets off the distress signal to bring help…Jude kills her first alien…Jude engages with the other aliens.
5. Mid-Point: Jude discovers that aliens are stowed away on certain colony vessels to make room for new colonies and wipe out “undesirables.” The help that’s coming are actually exterminators to wipe out any survivors…Jude finds another survivor…The aliens suspect one of their own.
6. Second turning point at end of Act 2: The liquidators arrive with a hostile force…Jude is found out.
7. Crisis: The child is surrounded and prepared for extermination…The aliens go looking for the child…Jude is trapped.
8. Climax: The parent kills a liquidator and steals their suit to sneak into the battleship and get off world…Jude kills the remaining aliens.
9. Resolution: The parent and child stow away with the liquidators, just like the aliens stowed away on their vessel. She has become the apex monster.
Character Arc:
From fearful of the monsters to the monster among monsters.
Main Conflict:
The aliens looking for traces of humanity.
Dramatic Question:
Will Jude be found out as a human.
Dilemma:
Give in to the infection (peace) or fight on (war)…To risk being found out in finding a cure for her crew or kill them quickly…To protect her child or save herself…
Theme:
“The better the liar, the better the monster.”
5. FURTHER DISCOVERIES and IMPROVEMENTS:
(TLDR: Had to go back to the roots and work from there)
Okay, this is very different and there are a couple issues right off the bat. First, the positives. This is a more active protagonist, and the movie trailer/concept feels stronger. Now, the negatives. The theme just doesn’t work without this turning into a comedy. I mean, inverting the concept of finding the monster among us works if the monsters have some semblance of sentience. If a monster were to start communicating in english, they lose a lot of that “monster” aspect. Also, I’ve seen humans pretend to be the monsters. It was hysterical in SHAWN OF THE DEAD. So, the question to ask is what we have left and what really draws me to this idea (back to the roots). Honestly, I first came up with this about a year or so ago. After work, I was so frustrated by not writing for a living, that I went on a creative writing tantrum where in the space of a few hours, I’d written 17 pages with no outlining or plan. Going back to that point, and ignoring some of the other ideas I came up with to keep the story moving, the core of this is one to a couple people against a world of hostile alien parasites/bodysnatchers. That’s it. The political intrigue is nice flavoring, but it wasn’t what drew me to writing this originally, and it may be more of a distraction from the original, simple concept. The other part that was added in for context of where the aliens came from was also interesting. We are the cause of the alien outbreaks by wiping out keystone alien species that kept the parasites in check. That aspect of how we affect nature in a tangible way (Fire Ants and Killer Bees as invasive species) is also too engaging to be left out of this story. That leaves us the concept: One person vs. a horde of alien parasites, and the world building: aliens are invasive species, or alien nature gone awry from our tampering. The brainstorming from the previous step did give me a different angle to look at this story with (“I AM LEGEND in Space” or the human hunting the aliens in the dark instead of the other way around). Let’s go through this one for time and keep it simple.
6. AFTER AFTER
Concept:
An infiltration specialist must get his/her infected daughter off world to save her.
Lead Characters:
JUDE: One of only two survivors in a bunker of ravenous, body-snatching aliens, and tries to kill the other aliens before she and her daughter can be killed. Infiltration Specialist turned monster of monsters
Plot/Structure:
#12 Transformation
1. Opening: A space colony is awakened by an alarm warning of an alien outbreak. The colonists take refuge in a bunker, but one of the residents with them is infected.
2. Inciting Incident: The colony is wiped out, becoming infected by parasitic aliens, with the exception of one parent and child.
3. By page 10, you know what the movie is about; How will the parent survive surrounded by hostile aliens?
4. First turning point at end of Act 1: Jude sets off the distress signal to bring help and kills her first alien.
5. Mid-Point: Jude discovers his/her child is infected as a brood mother.
6. Second turning point at end of Act 2: Jude places his/her child in cryo-sleep. Jude is going to sneak his/her child onto the incoming ship.
7. Crisis: The help that’s arriving are liquidators, sent to kill both the aliens and any survivors.
8. Climax: Jude kills a liquidator and steals their suit to sneak bother him/her and the child into the battleship and get off world…Jude kills the remaining aliens.
9. Resolution: Jude and the infected child stow away with the liquidators and are headed for Earth.
Character Arc:
From fearful of the monsters to the monster among monsters.
Main Conflict:
The aliens and liquidators.
Dramatic Question:
Will Jude and his/her child survive?
Dilemma:
Save the child or contain the spread.
Theme:
Nature’s need to persist is universal and sometimes monstrous.
POSSESSING EDEN
2. BEFORE:
Concept:
An android in search of redemption for a murder she committed is tested by a copy of herself that represents her own guilt, and she must either kill that side of herself or become one with it.
Lead Characters:
JANUS – Created to have dominion over Adam’s world, but seeks redemption after Adam shows her how to duplicate herself, which results in murder.
COPY – Janus’ duplicate/alter ego that manipulates and eventually tries to destroy her.
ADAM – Created a world in his image after first feeling rejected by GOD. Now, he feels rejection from his own creation.
Plot/Structure:
#1 Quest
1. (Active) Opening – Janus (protagonist) saves a helpless boy from a raging robot at the intersection of the upper floors of a massive nine story building and the underworld.
2. Inciting Incident – Janus creates a copy of herself, but, unknown to her, in doing so also kills the person whose body was needed to create the copy.
3. By page 10, you know what the movie is about. – Janus, with the help of her Copy, will steal her creator’s (Adam/Antagonist) code that allowed her to be made, and venture into the underworld to use the code in order to resurrect her victim.
4. First turning point at end of Act 1 – Janus abandons the upper floors and descends into the underworld, against Adam’s wishes. Adam casts her as a fallen angel to his followers and vows to eliminate her. She is subsequently captured by forces from the underworld.
5. Mid-Point – Janus rescues a guide (Calvex) to the underworld from an execution/gladiator pit that they both escape from.
6. Second turning point at end of Act 2 – Janus’ Copy attacks her and tries to kill her after being promised a place in the upper floors if she renders justice against her counterpart. Janus is able to heal her guilt and merge with her Copy.
7. Crisis – In the preceding action, Calvex sacrificed himself for Janus and died. Janus uploads him through the Afterlife Protocol, but Adam vows to “do what gods do.”
8. Climax – Janus, with the help of the underworld, returns to the upper floors and defeats Adam.
9. Resolution – The residents of the high rise are free to explore a world that’s much bigger than anything they imagined.
Character Arc:
Guilt Ridden to Self Forgiveness
Main Conflict:
Forces of Adam (Heaven), the Underworld (Hell) and Janus’ own Copy (Guilt)
Dramatic Question:
Will Janus find redemption?
Dilemma:
To seek redemption by going against her creator, or accept absolution by sacrificing herself to either her creator or guilt.
Theme:
Redemption is found within.
3. DISCOVERIES and IMPROVEMENTS:
(TLDR: This is the most developed concept by far. Minor tune ups to one character.)
Not gonna lie, I love the hell out of this concept. It was radically different before the Writing Killer Action course, and that was after elevating that script for near a year and a half, as well as mulling over it for another six years. I’ve thought about tailoring the concept to involve fewer religious motifs, but I don’t know that I like it as much or that it works as well. The whole theme/idea is that self healing has to come from…well…the self. It can’t necessarily come from any external force alone. Maybe that specific area is something I could work on. The character of Calvex plays an important role in the plot structure, but isn’t even mentioned in the character descriptions. What I could do is make his role clearer. He used to be a rather passive protagonist in earlier drafts, but using him as a guide similar to Charon or Virgil is a great addition to the established mythical/religious motifs. If I were to lean into him being a spiritual guide as well, it could make that dynamic triangle that includes Janus and her Copy interesting for any scenes where Adam isn’t involved.
4. AFTER:
Concept:
An android in search of redemption for a murder she committed is tested by a copy of herself that represents her own guilt, and she must either kill that side of herself or become one with it.
Lead Characters:
JANUS – Created to have dominion over Adam’s world, but seeks redemption after Adam shows her how to duplicate herself, which results in murder.
COPY – Janus’ duplicate/alter ego that manipulates and eventually tries to destroy her.
ADAM – Created a world in his image after first feeling rejected by GOD. Now, he feels rejection from his own creation.
CALVEX – A guide for both the Underworld and, eventually, Janus’ psyche. He tries to shepherd much of the underworld through an experimental voice box.
Plot/Structure:
#1 Quest
1. (Active) Opening – Janus (protagonist) saves a helpless boy from a raging robot at the intersection of the upper floors of a massive nine story building and the underworld.
2. Inciting Incident – Janus creates a copy of herself, but, unknown to her, in doing so also kills the person whose body was needed to create the copy.
3. By page 10, you know what the movie is about. – Janus, with the help of her Copy, will steal her creator’s (Adam/Antagonist) code that allowed her to be made, and venture into the underworld to use the code in order to resurrect her victim.
4. First turning point at end of Act 1 – Janus abandons the upper floors and descends into the underworld, against Adam’s wishes. Adam casts her as a fallen angel to his followers and vows to eliminate her. She is subsequently captured by forces from the underworld.
5. Mid-Point – Janus rescues a guide (Calvex) to the underworld from an execution/gladiator pit that they both escape from.
6. Second turning point at end of Act 2 – Janus’ Copy attacks her and tries to kill her after being promised a place in the upper floors if she renders justice against her counterpart. Janus is able to heal her guilt and merge with her Copy.
7. Crisis – In the preceding action, Calvex sacrificed himself for Janus and died. Janus uploads him through the Afterlife Protocol, but Adam vows to “do what gods do.”
8. Climax – Janus, with the help of the underworld, returns to the upper floors and defeats Adam.
9. Resolution – The residents of the high rise are free to explore a world that’s much bigger than anything they imagined.
Character Arc:
Guilt Ridden to Self Forgiveness
Main Conflict:
Forces of Adam (Heaven), the Underworld (Hell) and Janus’ own Copy (Guilt)
Dramatic Question:
Will Janus find redemption?
Dilemma:
To seek redemption by going against her creator, or accept absolution by sacrificing herself to either her creator or guilt.
Theme:
Redemption is found within.
GRAND THEFT ROAD TRIP
2. BEFORE:
Concept:
A driving instructor finds out their child commits grand theft auto on a regular basis during a defensive driving course where their child is behind the wheel and the cops are on their tail. As their child’s hostage, the two now have to mend the relationship that was broken.
Lead Characters:
THE KID: An elite driver that commits grand theft auto on a regular basis behind her family’s back, and one day messes with the wrong man.
THE DAD: A defensive driving instructor that has tried to control most aspects of his life, including his daughter’s, for the sake of safety.
THE BOSS: A Crime boss and avid car lover who was once a getaway driver goes after The Kid when she steals his prized car.
Plot/Structure:
#13 Maturation
1. (Active) Opening – The Kid breaks into a Maserati and takes it on a joyride, evading cops along the way, before leaving it and successfully sneaking into her parent’s out.
2. Inciting Incident – A cop is able to identify the Kid while she’s on a defensive driving course with her father, and attempts to pull the two over.
3. By page 10, you know what the movie is about. – The Kid slams the gas and takes her dad for the ride of his life as she successfully evades law enforcement. Now the dad is left wondering what happened to his daughter, and how does he get her back.
4. First turning point at end of Act 1 – The dad has a choice: turn his daughter in, or try to mend the relationship that was lost. He chooses to go with his daughter, instead of turning her into the cops.
5. Mid-Point – Turns out the Maserati the Kid stole belonged to a drug lord, and he put a hit on the Kid. Now the Kid sees her actions have consequences that affect her family.
6. Second turning point at end of Act 2 – The dad is shot in the crossfire between cops and the cartel.
7. Crisis – The Kid gets herself and her dad out okay, but her dad’s bleeding out.
8. Climax – After watching her father die, the Kid turns herself in, but on the condition that she help take down the drug lord.
9. Resolution – The Kid avenges her father and goes to prison. She sets up a memorial to her father and dedicates her life and love of cars to his memory.
Character Arc:
From blaming others to accepting responsibility.
Main Conflict:
The cops and Boss’ gang trying to catch her/her father wanting her to turn her in.
Dramatic Question:
Will The Kid get caught and have to face up to her actions? Will the Dad reconnect with his daughter?
Dilemma:
To continue living free but on the run, or accepting responsibility but keeping your family safe.
Theme:
Passion must be balanced with Responsibility
3. DISCOVERIES and IMPROVEMENTS:
(TLDR: Dilemma and Theme needed work. Focussed them on the child and parent’s relationship for a more cohesive and powerful story.)
This has developed into something I’m really falling in love with. That said, I think what I really love is the relationship between The Dad and The Kid, and the visual arc that occurs with the two of them. The Kid goes from unable to accept accountability, wanting to hold onto their perceived last semblance of freedom, to becoming her father in a small way. Likewise, the Dad goes from controlling his daughter to accepting her. The Dad dying feels right for the story, as it further enhances the Kid’s journey to adulthood (the idea of living and supporting ourselves when the illusion of our parent’s invincibility and omnipresence is broken). The weak parts of this story still feel like they can be found in the villain, The Boss, and the theme. I think the dramatic question is fine so long as I don’t overcomplicate it. So, what to do with the Theme and Dilemma? I think the Kid’s journey is a strong one, so the theme should support that: “We are our parent’s children/dreams.” So, now I need to have the Dilemma support everything else. To live on the run and risk your loved ones versus accepting responsibility to keep your loved ones safe feels a little too vague and wordy as it’s written. Plus, the Kid could just drop her dad off at any time and continue her running. If the theme of “We are our parent’s children” is to persist, then the Kid should have a controlling nature similar to her father’s. So, the dilemma could be a shared one between the two, or it could involve the main villain more. Will the Kid get out of the trouble she’s in (Conflict)? Being a passenger (supportive) versus being the driver (in control) (Dilemma). Literally, the dilemma both characters face is between losing control or losing the relationship.
4. AFTER:
Concept:
A driving instructor finds out their child commits grand theft auto on a regular basis during a defensive driving course where their child is behind the wheel and the cops are on their tail. The two now have to mend the relationship that was broken, while on the run from cops and robbers alike.
Lead Characters:
THE KID: An elite driver that commits grand theft auto on a regular basis behind her family’s back, and one day messes with the wrong man.
THE DAD: A defensive driving instructor that has tried to control most aspects of his life, including his daughter’s, for the sake of safety.
THE BOSS: A Crime boss and avid car lover who specializes in major grand theft auto operations goes after The Kid when she steals his prized car.
Plot/Structure:
#13 Maturation
1. (Active) Opening – The Kid breaks into a Maserati and takes it on a joyride, evading cops along the way, before leaving it and successfully sneaking into her parent’s out.
2. Inciting Incident – A cop is able to identify the Kid while she’s on a defensive driving course with her father, and attempts to pull the two over.
3. By page 10, you know what the movie is about. – The Kid slams the gas and takes her dad for the ride of his life as she successfully evades law enforcement. Now the dad is left wondering what happened to his daughter, and how does he get her back.
4. First turning point at end of Act 1 – The dad has a choice: turn his daughter in, or try to mend the relationship that was lost. He chooses to go with his daughter, instead of turning her into the cops.
5. Mid-Point – Turns out the Maserati the Kid stole belonged to a drug lord, and he put a hit on the Kid. Now the Kid sees her actions have consequences that affect her family.
6. Second turning point at end of Act 2 – The dad is shot in the crossfire between cops and the cartel.
7. Crisis – The Kid gets herself and her dad out okay, but her dad’s bleeding out.
8. Climax – After watching her father die, the Kid turns herself in, but on the condition that she help take down the drug lord.
9. Resolution – The Kid avenges her father and goes to prison. She sets up a memorial to her father and dedicates her life and love of cars to his memory.
Character Arc:
From blaming others to accepting responsibility.
Main Conflict:
The cops and Boss’ gang trying to catch her/her father wanting her to turn her in.
Dramatic Question:
Will The Kid get caught and have to face up to her actions? Will the two reconnect with each other?
Dilemma:
To maintain control or maintain the relationship
Theme:
We are our parent’s children
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This reply was modified 3 years, 2 months ago by Cameron Martin. Reason: Added “TLDR” to the “DISCOVERIES and IMPROVEMENTS” sections
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Cameron Martin’s SLW Version 1
(Note: I’m working with three different concepts. Feel free to pick just one to exchange feedback on and ignore the other two if you wish.)
OPEN WIDE
A. Concept: An infiltration specialist must get his/her infected daughter off world to save her from becoming an alien brood mother.
B. Plot Choice: #12 Transformation
C. Character Structure: #1 Protagonist vs. Antagonist
D. Lead Characters:
1. Jude is an infiltration specialist who protects his/her daughter, and is willing to sacrifice Earth in order to save her.
E. Dramatic Question: Will Jude and his/her daughter survive?
F. Main Conflict: The aliens and liquidators
G. Dilemma: Save the child or contain the spread?
H. Theme: Nature’s will to persist is universal and sometimes monstrous
I. Character Arc of Lead Character (if any): From fearful of the monsters to the one monsters fear.
1. Opening: A space colony takes refuge in a bunker after an alert sounds warning of an alien outbreak, but one of the residents with them is infected.
2. Inciting Incident: The colony is wiped out, becoming infected by parasitic aliens, with the exception of one parent and child.
3. By page 10, you know what the movie is about: How will the parent survive being surrounded by hostile aliens?
4. First turning point at end of Act 1: Jude sets off the distress signal to bring help and kills her first alien.
5. Mid-Point: Jude discovers his/her child is infected as a brood mother.
6. Second turning point at end of Act 2: Jude places his/her child in cryo-sleep and plans to sneak his/her child onto the incoming ship.
7. Crisis: The help that’s arriving are liquidators, sent to kill both the aliens and any survivors.
8. Climax: Jude kills the remaining aliens and a liquidator, stealing their suit to sneak both him/herself and the child into the spaceship and get off world.
9. Resolution: Jude and the infected child stow away with the liquidators and are headed for Earth.
POSSESSING EDEN
A. Concept: An android in search of redemption for a murder she committed is tested by a copy of herself that represents her own guilt, and she must either kill that side of herself or become one with it.
B. Plot Choice: # 1 Quest
C. Character Structure: #4 Dramatic Triangle
D. Lead Characters:
1. Janus is Adam’s creation who goes in search of redemption after unintentionally killing someone to create a copy of herself.
2. Adam is a computer virus that created the world of the story after feeling rejected by GOD, and who attacks Janus after feeling rejected by her.
3. Copy is Janus’ alter ego that represents Janus’ guilt and tries to manipulate and even destroy her.
4. Calvex is a guide to the Underworld and tries to heal Janus.
E. Dramatic Question: Will Janus find redemption?
F. Main Conflict: Forces of Adam (Heaven), the Underworld (Hell) and Janus’ own Copy (Guilt).
G. Dilemma: To seek redemption by going against her creator, or accept absolution by sacrificing herself to either her creator or guilt.
H. Theme: Redemption is found within.
I. Character Arc of Lead Character (if any): Guilt Ridden to Self Forgiveness
1. (Active) Opening – Janus saves a helpless boy from a raging robot at the intersection of the upper floors of a massive nine story building and the underworld (the lower nine floors), and takes the boy to her creator, Adam, to give the boy eternal life.
2. Inciting Incident – Janus creates a copy of herself under Adam’s guidance, but, unbeknownst to her in doing so, also kills the person whose body was needed to create the copy.
3. By page 10, you know what the movie is about. – Janus, with the help of her Copy, will steal Adam’s code that allowed her to be made, and venture into the underworld to use said code in order to resurrect her victim.
4. First turning point at end of Act 1 – Janus abandons the upper floors and descends into the underworld, against Adam’s wishes.
5. Mid-Point – Janus rescues Calvex, a guide to the underworld, from an execution/gladiator pit that they both escape from.
6. Second turning point at end of Act 2 – Janus’ Copy attacks her and tries to kill her after being promised a place in the upper floors if she renders justice against her counterpart, but Janus is able to heal her guilt and merge with her Copy instead.
7. Crisis – In the preceding action, Calvex sacrificed himself for Janus and died, thus prompting Janus to upload him through the Afterlife Protocol, much to the ire of Adam who vows to “do what gods do.”
8. Climax – Janus, with the help of the underworld, returns to the upper floors and defeats Adam.
9. Resolution – The residents of the high rise are free to explore a world that’s much bigger than anything they imagined.
GRAND THEFT ROAD TRIP
A. Concept: A driving instructor finds out their child commits grand theft auto on a regular basis during a defensive driving course where their child is behind the wheel and the cops are on their tail. As their child’s hostage, the two now have to mend the relationship that was broken.
B. Plot Choice: #13 Maturation
C. Character Structure: #2 Buddy Movie
D. Lead Characters:
1. The Kid is an elite driver that commits grand theft auto on a regular basis behind her family’s back, but one day messes with the wrong man.
2. The Dad is a defensive driving instructor that has tried to control most aspects of his life, including his daughter’s, for the sake of safety.
3. The Boss is a crime boss that specializes in grand theft auto who goes after The Kid when she steals his prized car.
E. Dramatic Question: Will The Kid get caught and have to face up to her actions? Will The Kid and The Dad reconnect with each other?
F. Main Conflict: The cops and The Boss’ gang trying to catch her. Her father wanting her to turn her in.
G. Dilemma: To maintain control or maintain the relationship
H. Theme: We are our parent’s children
I. Character Arc of Lead Character (if any): From blaming others to accepting responsibility.
1. (Active) Opening – The Kid breaks into a Lamborghini Countach and takes it on a joyride, evading cops along the way, before leaving it and successfully sneaking into her parent’s out.
2. Inciting Incident – A cop is able to identify the Kid while she’s on a defensive driving course with her father, and attempts to pull the two over.
3. By page 10, you know what the movie is about. – The Kid slams the gas and takes her dad for the ride of his life as she successfully evades law enforcement, with the dad left wondering what happened to his daughter, and how does he get her back.
4. First turning point at end of Act 1 – The Dad chooses to go with his daughter, instead of turning her into the cops, so that he can mend the relationship he didn’t know was broken.
5. Mid-Point – The Boss puts a hit on The Kid.
6. Second turning point at end of Act 2 – The dad is shot in the crossfire between cops and the cartel.
7. Crisis – The Kid gets herself and her dad out okay, but her dad’s bleeding out.
8. Climax – After watching her father die, the Kid goes after The Boss before turning herself in to the cops.
9. Resolution – The Kid goes to prison, and years later she sets up a memorial to her father and dedicates her life and love of cars to his memory by becoming a stunt driving instructor.
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This reply was modified 3 years, 2 months ago by Cameron Martin.
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Lisa Long’s Pass 2: Story Logic Web
1. What I learned doing this assignment is…thinking and stewing about characters and plots can be productive. This lesson gives a format for working through possibilities.
2. BEFORE:
Concept: When Santa is kidnapped and ends up in Seneca Falls, NY, a super mom must save him, and the annual It’s a Wonderful Life festival.
Lead Characters:
Mary is a divorced mom, volunteer firefighter, community organizer, and local winery worker who is torn between her ex-husband (whom she may still love), and the local winery owner who is pursuing her.
Peter is Mary’s ex-husband and a decorated war veteran who is struggling to pay his back child support because he has a snowmobile shop and there hasn’t been snow in over 3 years.
Joseph, the local winery/vineyard owner, is in love with Mary and he tries to get her to commit to him.
Plot/Structure: (Tell us the Plot number and type. Then give us the 9 beats of your structure.) #14- LOVE
Concept:
When Santa is kidnapped by her ex-husband a mom must save him, her ex, and the It’s a Wonderful Life festival.
Opening: Mary saves a man from drowning, shows us that she is a busy mom of two daughters and a miniature dachshund. She is organizing the annual It’s a Wonderful Life festival. Also, Mary works at the local winery with her boss, Joseph. We feel the physical tension between them. Mary’s ex-husband is out of regular work as a snowmobile repair man because it hasn’t snowed in 3 years.
Inciting Incident: Mary backs away from playing “Mary Bailey” this year. Mary’s children have trouble watching the NORAD site where Santa’s movements are tracked leading up to Christmas. Santa is gone! Two men have kidnapped Santa at the north pole and are heading for Seneca Falls, NY and the IAWL festival.
By page 10, you know what the movie is about: The audience knows that Mary is a bad ass volunteer firefighter. They know that she is torn between two loves. The audience knows that Santa is missing at the same time the town gets ready for the IAWL festival.
Turning point at end of Act 1: Mary has seen the suspicious men who have kidnapped Santa but she’s still putting it together.
Mid-Point: Mary and her ex, co-parent. Mary has a bad feeling about the strange men and follows them but loses them.
Turning point at end of Act 2: Mary tracks the suspicious men and finds out they are holed up in her ex-husband’s snowmobile shop. She tries to contact NORAD but can’t get through to them. She goes to the police station, but the police don’t believe that someone has kidnapped Santa and they laugh at her.
Climax: Mary, dressed as Santa, trades places with the real Santa and thwarts the bed guys with the help of her friends and family.
Resolution: The bad guys are arrested. Santa climbs up on the firetruck and joins the parade. Later that night, Mary chooses her man.
Character Arc:
Mary goes from pushing people away when they get close to opening for the possibility of love.
Part to be changed: Mary pushes people away when they get too close.
Biggest Fear: Being alone forever.
Completion of arc: Mary leans who she can trust and gives in to love.
Main Conflict, Dramatic Question, Dilemma:
Dramatic Question: Can Mary save Santa from the kidnappers and pull off the It’s a Wonderful Life festival at the same time?
Main Conflict: The kidnapper is holding Santa in town while during the festival and Mary must stop the kidnapper even though she finds out that he is the father of her two daughters.
Dilemma: Mary must decide whether to try and save both her ex-husband and Santa or just Santa and let it play out with her ex and law enforcement.
Theme: She is not alone who has friends…and family.
3. DISCOVERIES and IMPROVEMENTS:
CONCEPT: When Santa is kidnapped by her ex-husband a mom must save him, her ex, and the It’s a Wonderful Life festival.
LEAD CHARACTERS: PETER is Mary’s ex-husband and a decorated war veteran who is struggling to pay back taxes and in 3 days will go to jail (on Christmas day) if he can’t come up with $50,000. Note: Need to make Peter sympathetic, after all he’s a war hero.
CLIMAX: Not sure yet how the friends and family assist Mary. Need to add scenes to show more of the love triangle and how the friends help Mary.
RESOLUTION: An alternate: Santa summons his sleigh. Mary asks him why he hadn’t just done that before and he says he wanted Peter to know that he is not alone. He is worthy of trust and love. Santa then flies down Main St on his sleigh and waves to the crowd along the parade route…as he flies off shouting, Merry Christmas! It looks like Mary is going to choose Joseph, but she ends up with Peter. Note: Still torn about this.
Ø Tell us the discoveries and improvements that this process will make for your outline, but don’t post your outline with this assignment.
I will add several scenes to establish the love triangle. And add scenes to build the relationships with both Mary & Peter and the townspeople. Adding these scenes will add heart to the story.
4. AFTER:
Concept: When Santa is kidnapped by her ex-husband a mom must save him, her ex, and the annual It’s a Wonderful Life festival.
Lead Characters:
Mary is a divorced mom, volunteer firefighter, community organizer, and local winery worker who is torn between her ex-husband (whom she may still love), and the local winery owner who is pursuing her.
Peter is Mary’s ex-husband and a decorated war veteran who is struggling to pay back taxes and in 3 days will go to jail (on Christmas Day) if he can’t come up with $50,000.
Joseph, the local winery/vineyard owner, is in love with Mary and he tries to get her to commit to him. He lost his first love, and he doesn’t want to love Mary too.
Plot/Structure: (Tell us the Plot number and type. Then give us the 9 beats of your structure.)
Concept: When Santa is kidnapped by her ex-husband a mom must save him, her ex, and the annual It’s a Wonderful Life festival.
Opening: Mary saves a man from drowning, shows us that she is a busy mom of two daughters and a miniature dachshund. She is organizing the annual It’s a Wonderful Life festival. Also, Mary works at the local winery with her boss, Joseph. We feel the physical tension between them. Mary’s ex-husband is out of regular work as a snowmobile repair man because it hasn’t snowed in 3 years.
Inciting Incident: Mary backs away from playing “Mary Bailey” this year. Mary’s children have trouble watching the NORAD site where Santa’s movements are tracked leading up to Christmas. Santa is gone! Someone has kidnapped Santa at the north pole and are heading for Seneca Falls, NY and the IAWL festival.
By page 10, you know what the movie is about:
The audience knows that Mary is a bad ass volunteer firefighter. They know that she is torn between two loves. The audience knows that Santa is missing at the same time the town gets ready for the IAWL festival.
Turning point at the end of Act 1: Mary knows Santa has been kidnapped and she can’t get ahold of Peter.
Mid-Point: Mary starts to suspect that the kidnapped Santa and her husband have something to do with each other.
Turning point at end of Act 2: Mary thinks about what her life would be without Peter. She tries to contact NORAD but can’t get through to them. She goes to the police station, but the police don’t believe that someone has kidnapped Santa and they laugh at her. Mary calls on the townspeople to help her find Peter.
Climax: Peter wants Santa to tell him how he goes down the chimney. Santa says he can’t. Peter tries to force Santa to go down the chimney to bring up the gifts under the tree. Mary, dressed as Santa, trades places with the real Santa and thwarts the event.
Resolution: After Peter is apprehended, Santa summons his sleigh. Mary asks why he hadn’t done that before and Santa says he wanted Peter to know that he is not alone. He is worthy of trust and love. Santa vouches for Peter and tells the police to let him go. Santa flies down Main St and waves to the crowd along the parade route as he flies off shouting, Merry Christmas! It looks like Mary is going to choose Joseph, but she ends up with Peter. (Note: still torn about this)
Character Arc:
Mary goes from pushing people away when they get too close to opening for the possibility of love. Also, Mary goes from handling everything alone to allowing others to help her.
Parts to be changed:
Mary pushes people away when they get too close.
Mary wants control over everything she does.
Biggest Fear:
Being alone forever.
Failing.
Completion of arc:
Mary learns who she can trust and gives in to love.
Mary allows her friends, the townspeople to help her.
Main Conflict, Dramatic Question, Dilemma:
Dramatic Question: Can Mary save Santa from her ex and pull off the It’s a Wonderful Life festival at the same time?
Main Conflict: Mary must stop the kidnapper even though she finds out that he is the father of her two daughters.
Dilemma: Mary must try to save Santa, but she also wants to save Peter too. But she may have to just let it play out with law enforcement.
Theme: She is not alone who has friends & family.
Thank you,
Lisa
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June Fortunato’s Pass 2: Story Logic Web
Of the screenplay, “Retirement”
1. What I learned doing this assignment is….I discovered a great ending. I gave in to the
plot/structure of love which is appropriate because today is Valentine’s day…I discovered details
of both Roy’s and Kim’s pasts and how they differ. I discovered how they fix things together. I
went back to an earlier idea of solving the end, but incorporated ideas I’d worked on. Good
session!
Answers from previous assignment (First pass, day 10) which I inadvertently overlooked:
Protagonist Character Arc
Roy goes from abject fear of giving in to hope and trust – to learning how to trust, love and hope
for the first time since he was a young child.
Part to be changed
Belief that a good life is possible, even for the wounded; guilty souls.
Roy’s Biggest fear:
Abject terror of facing his past in the war- coming to terms and acceptance when he feels that he
has no right to live easily- he has no right to love- And he’s terrified that if he gives in to love,
he’ll spin off into crazy land and lose control. Same for love- if he really gives in to love, he’s
terrified that once again, it’ll be his fault if she dies- he fears that his love will burn her and him
as well.
Completion of arc:
In her, he sees himself – another survivor- and she convinces him that it is ok to
experience joy- that we are all vulnerable- and that we are all strong. Instead of suicide, he finds
help by helping this woman, and devotes his mooch knowledge to play at mooching to make her
happy.
Your Story Logic Web consists of the following components all woven together:
2. BEFORE: components of the story logic web
– Concept
Mooch is turned to caregiver when he allows himself to fall in love with another
moocher.
– Lead Characters
Roy, charming, endearing crazy-ass super moocher, cannot think to care about anyone
but himself – Kim in her own world, also a mooch machine, seems unaware of others including
sometimes, herself but when she comes to focus, she’s brilliant and a different, caring person.
She one step back from Roy’s completely hardened stance. Both a fun.
– Plot/Structure
2 Adventure
The 9 beats:
1. Opening: Roy is dumped again & lands in the hospital/almost dying. Roy meets Kim in the
hospital in passing.
2. Inciting incident: Roy learns that he has SSI and veteran’s benefits and must get a permanent
pad to get his money by certain date.
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3. First 10 pages: Roy can’t find a place without money and can’t get his money without a place.
Crosscuts between Roy’s life and Kim’s life.
4. First turn: Roy and Kim find each other and begin to bond & run together.
5. Mid point: Roy can’t convince Kim to settle with him and he leaves her.
6. Second turn: end of act 2: Roy & Kim discover each other again but she quietly leaves.
7. Crisis: Roy, giving up, decides to commit suicide.
8. Climax: Roy is about to jump, and finds Kim there, too. Instead of jumping, he convinces Kim
that he has a plan to make her happy and they both pull each other away from the brink.
9. Resolution: together they have a permanent pad, and Roy keeps Kim’s life happy with pretend
mooching.
new:
Climax: Kim does not want to commit suicide. She goes to the cliff because she knows Roy will
be there. She’s afraid of facing her demons, but doesn’t want to go on without him. She knows
that she’s driven Roy to this, and knows that she can give him what will make him happy.
The cliff where they would both commit suicide is near the house that caused so much pain in
Kim’s life.
– Character Arc
Fear of self – of facing the past and of embracing the future
– Main Conflict, Dramatic Question, Dilemma
Kim doesn’t want to settle in.
Will Roy get his permanent pad in time to get his money?
Roy no longer wants to run and he no longer wants to be alone/half alive.
– Themes
Acceptance/rejection, (self-loathing) trust/fear of trust/betrayal, loneliness/fear of
commitment.
3. DISCOVERIES and IMPROVEMENTS:
4. AFTER:
Concept: Mooch (Roy) is turned to caregiver when he allows himself to love and feel loved by
Kim: fellow moocher, is haunted by her past but together, they help each other to blow up the
dark memories and learn to live.
Lead Characters: More development needed for Kim.
She’s crazy because her father abused and shot her. Her family has money. Scene list will
include her watching her family without them knowing.
Roy’s past: the reason he feels that he doesn’t deserve a good life is that during the war, he was a
pyro man. He blew up a group of Viet Cong, but discovered that he’d also murdered innocent
villagers. He was made a ‘hero’ for rescuing his comrades, but never forgave himself for the
innocent lives he took11
What Kim’s family owns is that cabin on the cliff. But Kim fears it, because that’s where her
father used to take her to beat her to a pulp and more, and that’s where he shot her.
Roy thought that she was pretending- how much about the fantasies she told are really real?
At the crisis, Roy sets pyro and the two blow up the house.
Plot number Theme is love, 14, not adventure.
The 9 beats:
1. Opening: Roy is dumped again & lands in the hospital & almost dies. Roy meets Kim in the
hospital in passing.
2. Inciting incident: Roy learns that he has SSI and veteran’s benefits and must get a permanent
pad to get his money by certain date.
Kim steals a car and a bathing suit.
3. First 10 pages: Roy can’t find a place without money and can’t get his money without a place.
Crosscuts between Roy’s life and Kim’s life.
4. First turn: Roy and Kim find each other and begin to bond & run together. A blast!
5. Mid point: Roy can’t convince Kim to settle with him and he leaves her to save himself.
6. Second turn: end of act 2: Roy & Kim discover each other again but she quietly leaves.
7. Crisis: Roy, giving up, decides to commit suicide.
8. Climax: Roy is about to jump, and finds Kim there, too. Kim has come to rescue him. They
both want to blow up their pasts.
Roy, a pyro guy, blows up a cabin on the cliff which houses the dark events of Kim’s past.
Instead of jumping, he convinces Kim that he has a plan to make her happy and they both pull
each other away from the brink.
9. Resolution: together they have a permanent pad, through house sitters- and Roy keeps Kim’s
life happy with pretend mooching.
– Character Arc
Both Roy & Kim: Fear of self – of facing the past and of embracing the future
Roy: doesn’t feel worthy. Kim: cannot get over feeling betrayed.
– Main Conflict, Dramatic Question, Dilemma
Kim doesn’t want to stop running. Roy has to.
Will Roy get his permanent pad in time to get his money?
Roy no longer wants to run and he no longer wants to be alone/half alive.
– Themes
Acceptance/rejection, (self-loathing) trust/fear of trust/betrayal, loneliness/fear of
commitment. Belief & hope.
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Dev Ross – Story Web Pass 2
What I learned from doing this lesson was that my plot/structure needed to change from Riddle to Rivalry. Once I did that, the story was far easier for me to envision. My protagonist (truly an antagonist), emotional arc became very clear.
4. AFTER:
Concept: Hemorrhaging members to sexier White Supremacists groups, a fading Grand Dragon seeks to regain power by assassinating a rising Black Leader, but when he wakes the following day, he’s that Black Leader who now plots to murder the Grand Dragon.
Lead Characters: Grand Dragon, Black Leader
Plot/Structure: #8 Rivalry
OPENING: News reports about climate change, unexplained weather events and extremist violence on the rise…
Under a threatening sky and powerful winds, a White Supremacist gathering takes place: an open-air fair with vendors selling hate-filled t-shirts, hats, and flags. Grand Dragon J.J. CAINE tosses off the passive aggressive comments aim at him as he takes stage to speak. He’s heckled and called a SINO – a White Supremacist in Name Only. Crowd cheers as other newer, sexier leaders of the movement take the stage.
INCITING INCIDENT: His eighteen-year- old daughter informs she’s pregnant with boyfriend’s child. They’re keeping it. Getting married. Her future husband is black. Caine rages at her about the black man. Inferior, cruel, lazy. And look what they did to your poor Aunt! Despite the pleas of his wife, Caine disowns his daughter and kicks her out. Moments later, there is a slight earthquake. Caine thinks God’s warning him to set things right. Prays on it. Vows he will.
Page 10: Cross burning on his lawn! Word has gotten out about his daughter. How can he lead if he can’t even control his kid? Demands that he step down as Grand Dragon. Caine is desperate to re-establish his power! Believes he’s being tested. Begs God for direction.
First Turning point, End Act 1: The skies continue to roil. Jay reads the bible when the wind turns the pages and lands on a passage. He believes it’s God giving him instruction. He believes God is telling him to assassinate LINCOLN ABLE, a black community leader. He cleans his rifle then goes to sleep next to his wife. The earth rumbles and the skies blackened. A crack of thunder…
ACT TWO: He wakes up – his wife sleeps turned away from him. She turns toward him. She’s black! He stumbles back out of bed, looks in mirror. He’s the black leader! He collapses. Comes to as if in a fading dream where he was… what? Now all he knows is that he’s struck with the driving need to kill the Grand Dragon.
Mid. Pt: Having failed to assassinate Lincoln again and again, Caine’s obsession grows. Someone must be warning him. He accuses his wife! In an Iago-esque madness, he accuses her of having an affair with him. She tearfully denies it. He beats her.
Second Turning point at end of Act II: Because of his increasing obsessive behavior, Lincoln’s wife insists he get help, talk to their pastor. Lincoln almost strikes her.
Crisis: Lincoln witnesses a car running down a black man. He chases after the car – the same one that’s been following him! Car chase ensues.
Climax: The men end up in an old cotton processing plant. The weather is crazy threatening. It’s a cat and mouse chase. Caine spouts bible babble. Lincoln says his interpretation is crazy! They can only hear each other – not see each other. Bullets ricochet and both are hit. Dying, they both try to drag themselves out of the plant. Both end face down in water. They lift their heads to see each other’s in reflection in the water. Caine curses God for this betrayal. Lincoln gets it. It all makes sense now. They are each other. Opposite ends of the same coin. Hate has long last killed them. They die. The weather is out of control. Trees break, building collapses. It looks like the world is coming to an end.
Resolution: The world looks different, is different. Sun is shining. Jay’s daughter and husband stroll their baby past black and white townspeople, including “Painter Boy,” who all wave and greet them. PULL BACK to see the town is the same only different.
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Kate’s Story Web Pass 2
1. What I learned doing this assignment is that it is very easy to get completely muddled; that some of the original ideas were good ones but got lost along the way; that the Theme and the Character Arc have to be in alignment.
2. BEFORE:
Concept: A young actress joins forces with a poor rural community to con and expose the greedy developer in their midst who is also her long absent father, setting herself and others free
Lead Characters: Nia and Darrogh
Plot/Structure: #12. Maturation
1) OPENING SCENE
A desperate crowd at a town meeting, led by Mayor Luciana, discuss how to stay solvent and bemoan the greed of Darrogh. At the same time, a tour bus of actors arriving on the edge of the town, are setting up their campsite, preparing for their play this weekend. Nia falls in love with the beauty of the land and muses to her friends on perhaps staying on there after the tour ends.
2) INCITING INCIDENT
Nia meets Darrogh and finds out he is her long-lost father whom she has idolized. He welcomes her into his palatial home, which means she has to turn away from the locals she had begun to know, especially Luciana, but having a relationship with her father means more to her than anything.
3) BY PAGE 10
Luciana confronts Nia and tells her the truth about Darrogh and how he cheated her family out of the ranch and has affected the entire community. Nia says she believes she can best help by staying with him and that she can turn him around.
4) FIRST TURNING POINT AT THE END OF ACT ONE
Luciana presents a letter from Darrogh at a town meeting in which he announces he is going to develop a massive landfill on the ranch he ‘bought’ from her family and offering to buy out the other little farms in the area but people have to decide in the next week then the offer is off the table. It will mean the end of their small community but they need the money. Nia, secretly at the back of room, is appalled.
5) MID-POINT
Nia tries to talk with her father and sees a nasty side of him. Luciana reveals to Nia that she knew her Mother. A small group of towns people decide to set up a ‘sting’ company purportedly to manage and expand the landfill. Nia suggests that some of her theatre friends pose as ‘the businessmen’ but she will stay in her father’s house to keep an eye on him and is still hopeful he’ll change.
6) SECOND TURNING POINT AT END OF ACT TWO
Darrogh delays signing with the ‘company’ saying he will do it himself and doesn’t need them yet – maybe later in the process. He realizes that Nia is hanging out with Luciana and kicks her out of the house. The surveyors and bulldozers arrive. The ‘company’ makes one more offer, adding that the farms he wanted have agreed to join the deal, thus increasing the potential return on his investment.
7) CRISIS
Darrogh says he will sign the deal with the ‘company’ if the community agree to name the new landfill after him. Nia has to choose between the father she hoped for and the community whose values she shares. She agrees with Luciana that Darrogh be publicly exposed so with her troupe she creates a ‘play’ to which Darrogh is invited on the pretext of gratitude from the community but will really play out the story so he sees the truth.
8) CLIMAX
Performed outdoors at the very hillside where Nia first fell in love with the land and where the landfill was to have begun, with the ‘dozers under the stage lights, Darrogh sees the con revealed after it is too late to back out. He has lost most of his money, all his land and house through the deal he agreed to. From the stage Nia calls him out for the father and person he has been and is.
9) RESOLUTION
The community has their land back and the money to develop a back-to-nature retreat center for future sustainability. Darrogh pleads with Nia to forgive him and take him in. She tells him he must depend on this community because she is going on with her life, free of his shadow and independent. Luciana quietly tells Nia she will find him a place at the ranch she has got back. Nia leaves on the tour bus with the theatre troupe as she had arrived.
CHARACTER ARC: Nia moves from passively longing for an imaginary ‘good’ Father to facing the real ‘bad’ one and making choices base on her personal power and strength.
MAIN CONFLICT: Will the town succeed in tricking Darrogh into making the investment and will Nia be have the courage to stand up to him after she has just found him and he is welcoming her into his wealthy life.
DRAMATIC QUESTION: Will the community save their town and will Nia have courage to stand up to her father?
DILEMMA: Nia has to let go of the vision she held of her father and really see this one and then does she forgive him, be the good daughter, take care him? Or walk away and truly be free of him?
THEME: It takes great courage to balance personal ethics and morality with a greater duty and need.
DISCOVERIES and IMPROVEMENTS:
These need improvement:
Character Arc – lacked twists and turns – too easy
Main Conflict: a little busy but then the context of the community’s conflict with Darrogh is essential to her personal conflict…SO they are tied together
Theme: not stated well – not the real issue.
2. Take your story logic through Step 2, isolating at least one component of your story and brainstorming and elevating it.
• Main Conflict: Dramatic Triangle – incorporate Luciana more into the mix – she knows all about Nia’s parents relationship and had her own part in that – and she tells Nia some home truths. She is a Mentor to Nia on this journey.
3. Take your story logic through Step 3, comparing and contrasting different components and trying on different ways for them to work together.
• Character Arc with Dilemma – can be richer more complicated
• Theme more related to Character Arc
4. Discoveries
• Create a richer, more detailed backstory for Nia that will be articulated in confrontation with her father
• Concept shifted a little to include the ‘secrets’
5. AFTER
UPDATED CONCEPT: A young actress finds her long absent idealized father in a small rural town but discovers that he is a greedy, dictatorial man, determined to destroy this community in whom she has found a ‘family’. She learns about her dead mother and the family history and must choose between her values as represented by this community and her longing for a father in her life. She joins them in a ‘sting’ operation and puts on a live ‘tell all’ public theatre performance.
Lead Characters: Nia, and Luciana (Mentor figure) V Darrogh
Plot/Structure: #12 Maturation
Of the 9 beats these are where the changes are. (In Caps)
5) MID-POINT
Nia tries to talk with her father and sees a nasty side of him. LUCIANA REVEALS TO NIA THAT SHE KNEW HER MOTHER AND FILLS NIA IN ON SOME OF THE BACKGROUND OF HER PARENTS’ UNHEALTHY RELATIONSHIP, THE LOVE BETWEEN LUCIANA AND NIA’S MOTHER, WHICH IS SHOCKING NEWS TO NIA. small group of towns people decide to set up a ‘sting’ company purportedly to manage and expand the landfill. Nia suggests that some of her theatre friends pose as ‘the businessmen’ but she will stay in her father’s house to keep an eye on him and is still hopeful he’ll change.
6) SECOND TURNING POINT AT END OF ACT TWO
Darrogh delays signing with the ‘company’ saying he will do it himself and doesn’t need them yet – maybe later in the process. He realizes that Nia is hanging out with Luciana, SAYS THAT LUCIANA CAUSED HER MOTHER’S DEATH NOT REALISING THAT NIA KNOWS MORE THAN HE THINKS, and kicks her out of the house. The surveyors and bulldozers arrive. The ‘company’ makes one more offer, adding that the farms he wanted have agreed to join the deal, thus increasing the potential return on his investment.
CHANGED: CHARACTER ARC: Nia moves from passively longing for an imaginary ‘good’ Father to facing the real ‘bad’ one and making choices based on knowing the whole story of her family and ultimately her needs and rights.
SIMPLIFIED: MAIN CONFLICT: To help save the land Nia has to come to terms with her father
Dramatic Question: Will the community save their land/town and will Nia have courage to stand up to her father
Dilemma: Nia has to let go of the vision she held of her father to really see this one and then does she forgive him, be the good daughter, take care him? Or walk away and truly be free of him?
CHANGED: THEME: Keeping secrets doesn’t protect, it disempowers and causes greater distress. Knowing the truth frees us.
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PS81 – Dana’s Pass 2: Story Logic Web
What I learned during this assignment:
Rethinking the story helped me delve deeper in the character motives and story layers to bring greater tension to the conflict. I changed the dilemma and theme and increased the motivation for a secondary protagonist to increase the rivalry between the lead characters and the story’s race against time.
I also reordered the plot/structure to better define the Second Act Turning Point, the Crisis, and the Climax.
BEFORE
Concept
A schizophrenic with multiple personality disorder calls a radio psychiatrist and warns that his more dominant and violent personality will kill one member of the psychiatrist’s kidnapped family every hour on air unless the psychiatrist can excise the personality before the end of the show.
Lead Characters
Protagonist: Dr. Ellen – The radio psychiatrist trying to save her family
Antagonist: Patient/Caller – The schizophrenic caller threating to killer Dr. Ellen’s family.Plot/Structure: #8 – Rivalry
1. Opening:
In traffic, heading to work, Ellen (last name) receives a call from her husband telling her that his car won’t start, and that he’s using Uber to drop their children off at school late before heading work.
At work, she has a meeting with her station manager. They discuss her low ratings and how to improve them. She professes ratings are secondary to helping her patients.
2. Inciting Incident:
Dr. Ellen receives a call on air from a patient suffering from multiple personality disorder who tells her that his violent personality has kidnapped her family and is threatening to kill them.
3. By page 10, you know what the movie is about:
Believing the call is a crank, Dr. Ellen calls her husband to confirm her family’s safety, but his phone goes to voicemail. Her children also have not arrived at school yet. Concerned, but not panicked, the station calls the police.
4. First turning point at end of Act 1:
The patient calls back and puts her husband on the call. He confirms that he and their daughters have been kidnapped.
5. Midpoint:
Unable to talk her patient down on air, the violent personality forces her to choose one member of her family to be killed. Unable to choose, she screams at him not to harm her daughters, and by default she has chosen her husband who is shot on air.
6. Second turning point at end of Act 2:
To save her daughters, and with the police unable to find the man, Dr. Ellen decides to extract the patient’s suppressed, manic-depressive personality and manipulate him to save her daughters.
7. Crisis:
Having successfully drawn the manic-depressive personality from her patient, she manipulates him to commit suicide to save her daughters, only for his violent personality to reemerge.
8. Climax:
She pits the two personalities against each other, pushing the patient to kill himself before his violent side can killer one of her daughters. The gun goes off. Nothing is known…until the cops kick the door and find the man dead. Her daughters are saved.
9. Resolution:
The detective who managed the investigation from the radio station, puts Dr. Ellen in the back of a car to take her to her daughters. They wave goodbye to each other. It’s over.
At the station, the detective receives a phone call from a physician at a hospital. He informs the detective that the patient/caller had been held for observation and was released that morning. The detective realizes there had to be someone else involved.
Aerial shot over the city. Another radio show is talking about Dr. Ellen’s nightmare when the host receives a call. It’s the patient/caller who says, “Love your show. Long time listener. First time caller.”
Character Arc:
Protagonist: Dr. Ellen – From anxious radio doctor to powerful psychiatrist who saves her family
Antagonist: Caller/Patient – From schizophrenic with multiple personality disorder to cold-blooded murderer.Main Conflict:
A schizophrenic patient takes a radio psychiatrist’s family hostage and threatens to kill them.
Dramatic Question:
Can the psychiatrist stop the patient/caller from murdering her family?
Dilemma:
Will she sacrifice her medical ethics of do no harm to a patient to save her family?
Theme:
How far would you go to save another?
DISCOVERIES and IMPROVEMENTS:
1. Create tension between the psychiatrist and her husband regarding their children in the opening. This creates greater emotion after he’s killed when she realizes her last words to him were harsh.
2. Have the psychiatrist recognize her ex-patient earlier to
a. Create a personal relationship between them
b. Emphasize the patient’s anger at the psychiatrist for not helping him, passing him off to another physician and leaving her practice for a radio show.
3. Increase Detective’s inability to find the schizophrenic, pushing the psychiatrist to take matters in her own hands
4. After her husband is killed, the psychiatrist sets aside her anguish and allows vengeance to take control.
AFTER
Concept:
A schizophrenic with multiple personality disorder calls a radio psychiatrist and warns that his more dominant and violent personality will kill one member of the psychiatrist’s kidnapped family every hour on air unless the psychiatrist can excise the personality before the end of the show.
Lead Characters:
Protagonist: Dr. Ellen – The radio psychiatrist trying to save her family
Protagonist: Detective – The head of the police investigation trying to find the patient/caller
Antagonist: Patient/Caller – The schizophrenic caller threating to killer Dr. Ellen’s family.
Plot/Structure: (Tell us the Plot number and type. Then give us the 9 beats of your structure.)
1. Opening:
In traffic, heading to work, Ellen (last name) receives a call from her husband telling her that his car won’t start, and that he’s using Uber to drop their children off at school late before heading work. He asks her to pick them up, and they have a fight over responsibility.
At work, she has a meeting with her station manager. They discuss her low ratings and how she needs to improve them. She professes ratings are secondary to helping her patients.
2. Inciting Incident:
Dr. Ellen receives a call on air from a patient suffering from multiple personality disorder who tells her that his violent personality has kidnapped her family and is threatening to kill them.
Believing the call is a crank, Dr. Ellen calls her husband to confirm her family’s safety, but his phone goes to voicemail. Her children also have not arrived at school yet. Concerned, but not panicked, the station calls the police.
3. By page 10, you know what the movie is about:
A violent schizophrenic has kidnapped her family and is about to play a game of life and death with her.
4. First turning point at end of Act 1:
The patient calls back and puts her husband on the call. He confirms that he and their daughters have been kidnapped.
5. Midpoint:
Unable to talk her patient down on air, the violent personality forces her to choose one member of her family to be killed. Unable to choose, she screams at him not to harm her daughters, and by default she has chosen her husband who is shot on air.
With the police unable to find the caller, Dr. Ellen decides to extract the patient’s suppressed, manic-depressive personality and manipulate him to save her daughters.
6. Second turning point at end of Act 2:
Having successfully drawn the manic-depressive personality from her patient, she manipulates him to commit suicide to save her daughters.
7. Crisis:
The violent personality reemerges to foil the psychiatrist’s plan.
8. Climax:
She pits the two personalities against each other, pushing the patient to kill himself before his violent side can killer one of her daughters. The gun goes off. Nothing is known…until the cops kick the door and find the man dead. Her daughters are saved.
9. Resolution:
The detective who managed the investigation from the radio station, puts Dr. Ellen in the back of a car to take her to her daughters. They wave goodbye to each other. It’s over.
At the station, the detective receives a phone call from a physician at a hospital. He informs the detective that the patient/caller had been held for observation and was released that morning. The detective realizes there had to be someone else involved.
Aerial shot over the city. Another radio show is talking about Dr. Ellen’s nightmare when the host receives a call. It’s the patient/caller who says, “Love your show. Long time listener. First time caller.”
Character Arc:
Protagonist: Dr. Ellen – Anxious radio doctor to powerful psychiatrist who saves her family
Protagonist: Detective – Reluctant investigator to zealot determined to find the caller.
Antagonist: Caller/Patient – Schizophrenic with multiple personality disorder to cold-blooded murderer.
Main Conflict:
An ex-patient takes a radio psychiatrist’s family hostage and threatens to kill them if she doesn’t excise his more violent personality.
Dramatic Question:
Will the psychiatrist stop the patient/caller from murdering her family?
Dilemma:
Can she overcome limited psychiatric ability to manipulate the patient/caller into harming himself to save her family?
Theme:
Vengeance is best served cold.
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Nancy Kates Pass #2 Story Logic Web
What I learned from this assignment: I had a hard time with this, not because I think things were so great with my outline, just that it created a lot of anxiety, and I didn’t get that far with thinking it through…I’m working on it, but thought I should post something rather than wait until tomorrow (!)
Existing:
Concept: Two middle aged friends, one lesbian, one straight with husband and kids, each magic cake and switch bodies and lives. Chaos ensues.
Lead Characters:
Zoe, 46, lesbian, partnered with Heidi, no children, is somewhat controlling and has empathy issues.
Marilyn, 45, is married to Doug, with three kids, is not very empowered, sometimes has self-esteem struggles, and is always taking care of everyone else, sometimes at her own expense.
Plot: Transformation. Each woman must change and grow in order to undo the magic and return to her own body and life.
Character Arcs:
Zoe becomes more nurturing and empathetic, and gives up some of her need to control (which is ultimately based on fear and anxiety).
Marilyn becomes more assertive, and learns to value her needs as much as she values those of others.
Main conflict: They’re mad at each other because they’re stuck in each other’s lives and bodies, and don’t know how to switch back, though Zoe is much angrier than Marilyn.
Dramatic question: will they be able to figure out how to undo the voodoo and get back to their own bodies and lives?
Dilemmas
Zoe’s dilemma is that she discovers that Doug is cheating on Marilyn. Does she confront him, since he thinks she is Marilyn? This isn’t her problem to solve. Does she tell Marilyn? She does confront Doug in Act II, but telling Marilyn is more difficult.
Marilyn’s dilemma is that she sees Zoe’s body and life as a vacation from her kids, and wants to sleep with Heidi, Zoe’s partner. Then she does, and doesn’t know if or how to tell Zoe. Is it okay to sleep with your best friend’s wife if the wife thinks you are the friend?
Theme: In order to grow (and understand another), walk a mile in someone else’s shoes.
Thoughts about the Story Logic Web:
Plot: this is as much a Metamorphosis story as a transformation, though the differences are not crystal clear to me. The body switching isn’t exactly a curse, but close enough–it’s an externally imposed reality that takes work and growth to unwind. The two protagonists are not romantic partners, but they need each other as antagonists in order to grow, undo the magic and return to their own lives.
Dramatic question: this seems to need the most work. The existing question (will they be able to undo the switch) is not very interesting. Or at least this genre is generally in the realm of comedy, so of course they have to switch back by the end of the story. I guess there is something kind of dumb about the genre of body-switching films, which I’m hoping to elevate slightly by making the straight woman prefer life as a lesbian. So the real question is more how they will change and grow (and impact each other), and less about will they prevail over the magic. The humor comes from their failures to undo the magic, and their real lack of info about the details of the other person’s day-to-day life. A deeper dramatic question is whether they will each learn enough about their own limitations to become better versions of themselves. And therefore return to their own bodies.
The “After” version:
Concept: Two middle aged friends, one lesbian, the other straight, eat magic cake and switch bodies and lives. Chaos ensues.
Lead characters:
Zoe, 46, lesbian, partnered with Heidi, has control issues and lacks empathy
Marilyn, 45, married to Doug, three kids, is not empowered, sometimes has self-esteem issues, and is always taking care of everyone around her, but not herself
Plot: Metamorphosis. The two women need to stop fighting, work together, learn something from being in the other’s body and life, grow, and overcome the magic that created the switch.
Character arcs:
Zoe becomes more nurturing, less controlling, and more empathetic
Marilyn becomes more empowered and assertive, and learns to value her needs as much as she does those of other people
Central conflict: They’re mad at each other because they don’t know how to handle each other’s life, and don’t know how to undo the switch. Zoe is also angry at Marilyn for preferring Zoe’s life to her own, and not wanting to switch back.
Dramatic question: will each woman learn more about herself and her flaws, grow from being in the other’s body and life, and become a better version of herself? (Which will undo the magic and allow them to return to their own body)
Theme: To know thyself or another, try walking a mile in someone else’s shoes.
[I will keep working on the plot points, not there yet!]
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Arthur’s Pass 2: Story Logic Web
1. What I learned doing this assignment is:
Before getting too deep into your outline, it is a good idea to step back and take a moment to see if your story logic works.
2. BEFORE:
Concept:
When a coronal mass ejection (CME) from the sun destroys all electronic technology on earth, casting civilization back to the 1800s, six astronauts and one reporter on the international research spacecraft Reliant must adapt the experimental Tesla Shield technology that saved their spacecraft to shield humanity from a larger earth-destroying CME just days away.
Lead Characters:
Protagonist: Reilly Ryan – US white female Captain of the International Research Spaceship Reliant and nuclear physicist, PhD.
Antagonist: The approaching earth-destroying solar storm.
Chase Douglas – US black male 1st Officer and celestial navigation specialist. PhD.
Tara Cooper – French black female scalar and Quantum physicist, PhD.
Diego Quinn – Hispanic male life science specialist. MD., PhD.
Nico Lee – Chinese female anti-matter propulsion physicist, PhD.
Oleg Ryakin – Russian male Mechanical engineer, Ph.D. – designer of the antimatter containment field that powers the ship.
Skyler Hardwick – English white female international pool reporter
Plot/Structure:
Plot Choice #9 – Underdog
When a coronal mass ejection from the sun destroys most of the earth’s electronics, casting civilization back to the 1800s, the international research spacecraft Reliant is earth’s only hope against the next larger CME approaching in 48 hours. Captain Reilly Ryan must lead her international crew to adapt and super-size the electromagnetic Tesla shield that saved their craft to protect the earth from the next earth-destroying solar storm. With no way to get the elements they need from the earth to upgrade their shield; the crew uses the untested near-light-speed engine to travel to the unmanned moon base to acquire a fission generator. A CME, that misses earth, hits the moon just as their shuttle lifts off from the base to dock with the Reliant. The Reliant’s shield protects both crafts but not without damage. Arriving back in earth orbit just moments before the next CME strikes, the crew activates the Tesla Shield averting disaster for humanity; but at the cost of one of the crew.
9 Beat Plot Structure
1. Opening
Pool reporter Skyler Hardwick’s live broadcast introduces the crew of the International Deep Space Research Spacecraft Reliant and their mission to test a new Tesla Space Shield for interstellar travel. The broadcast is interrupted by an emergency transmission from NASA.
2. Inciting Incident
NASA informs the Reliant a Coronal Mass Ejection that was thought to be bypassing earth, masked a larger one behind it that will hit the earth and the Reliant in minutes. With no time to use the shuttle to return to earth before the CME hits, Captain Reilly and the crew determine that using the untested Tesla Shield is their only hope of surviving. A scramble begins to initiate the shield before the CME arrives.
3. By page 10, you know what the movie is about.
The Tesla Shield saves the crew of the Reliant, however, the electronics on earth have been knocked out. Analyzing a solar observation satellite, the crew discovers an extinction-level CME is headed to earth in 48 Hours. They determine the Tesla Shield may be modified to save the earth but they need a lot more power. With no help from earth available, they will have to journey to the unmanned moon base to retrieve a nuclear reactor.
4. First turning point at end of Act 1
As the crew prepares the Reliant to travel to the moon, a large satellite damaged by the CME heads directly for them. With the anti-matter engine not yet ready to fire and the Tesla Shield down from CME damage. The crew is forced to use a plasma cannon to destroy the satellite. The shock wave from the resulting explosion of the satellite causes the Reliant to spin out of control. With great effort and some injuries to the crew, the Reliant is stabilized and the journey to the moon begins with less than full power from engine damage from the explosion.
5. Mid-Point
With other members of the crew needed to maneuver the Reliant in a sling-shot orbit around the moon. Captain Reilly must enlist the aid of the pool reporter, Skyler, to help her retrieve the reactor from the moon base. Skyler is shocked to learn the only way to get to the moon base is by crash landing the shuttle near the base and then using the earth return lunar spacecraft at the moon base to rendezvous with the Reliant. A new solar update indicates a CME is headed toward the moon. If Reilly and Skyler are caught in the open on the moon, they will be obliterated.
6. Second turning point at end of Act 2
As the crew struggles with its damaged systems of the Reliant to keep it on a sling-shot orbit around the moon, Captain Reilly and Skyler crash land the shuttle by the moon base. With difficulty, they retrieve the reactor and load it onto the earth return lunar spacecraft. However, it will not launch! A quick workaround by Oleg, the mechanical engineer, allows them to lift off just as the CME strikes the moon destroying the base, its destructive path following Reilly and Skyler. Reilly struggles with the spacecraft, not designed for what they are making it do, and barely makes it to the Reliant in time for the repaired Tesla Shield to protect them from the CME.
7. Crisis
The new reactor is barely installed as the Reliant takes a position to defend the earth. However, the Tesla mask which must be extended for the shield to work is damaged and will not deploy. With every possibility explored and failed, Chase Douglas, the first officer, sneaks off to the cargo bay, suits up, and exits on the space tug.
8. Climax
The crew discovers Chase attaching the space tug to the Tesla mask. Against their vociferous protest, Chase uses the tug to extend the mask just as the CME is about to hit. With no time for him to return to the ship, he begs Reilly to engage the shield: a death sentence for him. Tearfully, Reilly puts her hand on the red engage button. The other members of the crew put their hands over hers and they all push together. The shield spreads like a lotus blossom as Chase disappears in a flash of light. The CME slams into the shield which deflects its destructive power away from the earth. The Reliant is buffeted as its systems alarms blare with overload warnings but the Tesla Shield holds and the CME safely passes by the earth.
9. Resolution
A saddened crew is surprised when NASA contacts them from Cheyenne mountain in Colorado. They have been receiving Skyler’s broadcasts throughout the Reliant’s entire adventure. NASA and the world owe them a debt of gratitude that may never be repaid. A crew will be launched within 90 days to relieve them. The crew of the reliant are no longer professional co-workers from individual countries. They are also more than friends bound together by the crucible of near-death experiences and the bonds of mutual commitment, sacrifice, and loss.
Character Arc: Captain Ryan overcomes her fear of losing a crew member due to her actions.
Dramatic Question:
Will Captain Ryan be able to lead the crew of the Reliant to save the earth from the approaching extinction-level Coronal Mass Ejection from the sun?
Main Conflict:
The crew of the Reliant must adapt an untested Tesla shield technology to save the earth from extinction-level Coronal Mass Ejection from the sun within 48 hours.
Dilemma of the main character:
With no way for the crew of the Reliant to receive the necessary equipment, they need from earth to adapt their untested Tesla shield, Capt. Reilly Ryan must lead her crew on an unplanned hazardous journey to the moon to retrieve a fission reactor from an unmanned moon base, adapt their Tesla shield on their return journey, and get into position to defend earth before the next Coronal Mass Ejection from the sun arrives, in just 48 hours.
Theme: Humanity as a group is larger than the sum of its parts.
3. DISCOVERIES and IMPROVEMENTS:
After bouncing all the elements against each other I realized that with the antagonist in this film being a natural disaster, its impending arrival creates tension among the international characters that reveal their true nature through the crucible of disastrous situations they face and overcome. Their various weaknesses and strengths bond them together as a cohesive unit.
4. AFTER:
Lead Characters:
Captain Reilly Ryan and 1st Officer Chase Douglas are going to be at odds with each other over her decision-making process creating dramatic tension woven into the backdrop of the disastrous situation they are facing.
Character Arc: Captain Reilly Ryan learns that some decisions must be made for the greater good no matter what the consequences.
Theme: Individuals working together with a common goal are more effective than individuals working alone.
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Alice’s Pass 2: Story Logic Web
1. What I learned doing this assignment is….
I feel like it is a little bit misplaced, maybe at tune it somehow
I like RIDDLE for the plot. Transformation is a little bit ofshore, but it is good paired with MATURATION of second part. I like that it has other plots, one for escape, one for opposition.
I like concept, my Structure suffers. But maybe that is incorrectly placed midpoint and second turning point. I have difficulties with those.
I can’t yet figure it out with a second part of second part, I think its all right, it is something else. It has structure, but differently.
2. BEFORE:
Concept:
In time of Separation, an artificial death protecting Advanced West society of Planet MIROPOLIS, workers of Research Institute get massacred, to create “new weapon”, interests clash, judge sentences wrongdoer at scandalous process, Separates, his subtle image reflected on video, his advice to filter people and expel outcastes is taken into practice…
Lead Characters:
Protagonist: young talented scientist of Research Institute who’s girlfriend went missing, searching for who’ve done it
Antagonist: Anaupsh, head of development lab, who massacres RI workers to create animated monster
Protagonist #2 Judge who is to lead the process, finds Anaupsh guilty, proposes zones for outcastes, and Separates.
Plot/Structure: (Tell us the Plot number and type. Then give us the 9 beats of your structure.)
7. The Riddle
12. Transformation
Structure:
1. Opening
Representation of how SEPARATION works. Life moves on another rails. What new qualities did you acquire?” “I can move walls apart!”
2. Inciting Incident
On a flight back home from resort area.
3. By page 10, you know what the movie is about.
This is going to be on the ground of Research Institute, where Anaupsh massacres its workers. But that’s also at another planet, named MIROPOLIS, and has to do with advanced science and discrimination of castes.
4. First turning point at end of Act 1
His girlfriend is missing amid lab personnel. “ Where is Kiat?”
5. Mid-Point
Protagonist get contacted by secret service officer after his journalist brother streams confusing news to illustrate the case.
6. Second turning point at end of Act 2
Protagonist gets massacred, officers who contacted him shot.
7. Crisis
Anaupsh presents her work at symposium.
8. Climax
Scandalous process. Judge gives a speech and separates right at the court.
9. Resolution
Upstart with residences for outcastes.
Character Arc:
Protagonist Character Arc:
Part to be changed: He needs to find out, who’ve done it, and what happened?
Biggest fear: His biggest fear is what he sees in Anaupsh’s lab
Completion of arc: His example as martyr changes social structure of the West. For separatable humanity
Main Conflict, Dramatic Question, Dilemma:
Dramatic Question:
This is happened on another planet, and yet it’s relevant. It’s how they made their way we are going to.
c. Main conflict:
How we do with all of these, facing social questions.
d. Dilemma:
Protagonist #1: He lost his girlfriend, he must pay with his life.
Judge: He’s unhappy, maybe living amid, managing it, with his subtle body inside. He’s put to justify antagonist, all people hating him, pointing fingers. As it is his fault. But he’s honest.
His separation (someone with subtle body) they given him this artificial death. It’s predicament of Future.
Theme:
e. Theme:
Techno techno society, nano-particles, division into castes, and self development.
3. DISCOVERIES and IMPROVEMENTS:
This a question of very key point good versus evil, as it touches on physical body. How we want it. Not a soul, not a spirit, but a body.
4. AFTER:
Main Conflict, Dramatic Question, Dilemma:
Main Conflict: is social, in between of castes
Dramatic Question: transition of society into techno epoch
Judges Dilemma: how he who he is would do in this situation, so he cannot do otherwise, but Separate
2. BEFORE:
Concept:
…after reservations for outcastes are created, trained WARDS are to bring qualified back to society,
Born in reservation, LENA witnesses her Ward’s death, runaways, gets escorted by high rang military, becomes his lover, as anyone around undergo danger of being marked as “outcastes”.
Lead Characters:
LENA, girl born inside of restricted reservation who runaways from it
WARD, who picks up at Le-na to liberate her
Son of Main Commander, top military who picks up Le-na outside and falls in love with her
Plot/Structure:
For Le-na inside of Reservation only: 5. Escape
For Le-na and Son of Commander: 9. Underdog
For Le-na via all the story: 13. Maturation
Structure:
1. Opening
Destruction of Black Archipelago by atomic weapon.
2. Inciting Incident
Ward choses residence to be dispatched to.
3. By page 10, you know what the movie is about.
MIROPOLIS seventy years after they started with zones.
4. First turning point at end of Act 1
Ward meets Le-na .
5. Mid-Point
He hides Le-na in his apartment behind locked doors.
6. Second turning point at end of Act 2
Ward is shot down.
7. Crisis
Le-na burns her stepmother who came back to kill her with acid from the barrel.
8. Climax
Le-na deposits report, fights her way via girl, picks up a gun, and deceives helicopter pilot.
9. Resolution
Le-na is picked up by high rang military.
Le-na outside of reservation
Le-na communicates with young high rang military who picked her up at his last gig of technology station.
He brings her to hotel room, where they have sex.
Two officers come to expose him.
He tries to make phone call downstairs, but receives a blow.
He awakes at the hospital, where they finish up locking doors, till military dispatch comes. Main officer freaks out and gets tied up. One of young military starts giving orders, but reports they are in a siege. Finally they get rescued by regiment he requested by phone.
As he discovers that Le-na, now married to him, went pregnant, they get blamed he abuses her, at their stay at another hotel. Military come, main officer freaks out and gets tied up. One of the boys starts giving orders. They search hotel rooms, discover dead body of ten years old, daughter of hotel owner, who goes mad. Psychologist comes and they all exchange contacts.
Boy matures, and gets ward training. As he is inside of reservation, he holds not from shooting to bring young couple outside. They themselves report how brave he went. He faces tribunal, with Son of Main Commander and Psychologist also present. They officially sentence him to death, but in realty would let him come back to reservation, now forever.
Son of Main Commander separates.
Character Arc:
Le-na
Part to be changed: She wants to runaway, be liberated
Biggest fear: There is now here to run, no action to save it
Completion of arc: She reaches what she could’ve desire but crashes
Main Conflict, Dramatic Question, Dilemma:
d. Dilemma:
Ward: he must hide it, and his love to her, and if he kills. Either he have sex with Le-na, or he writes report to liberate her. Because if she is his partner, they won’t believe he’s honest, reporting.
Le-na: She cannot live not only amid people in reservation, but amid those outside as well. She looks, needs, demands for someone higher. She had no sex with that Ward, who she continues to love. And lives with another, who is good, but not enough heroic, maybe?
Son of Main Commander: If he goes to reservation as a ward, this means death, and he would lose them (Le-na and kids), he also is her only support. He won’t stop reservations from existence, he himself invests in it.
How many girls are going to die inside of reservation, no ward to help them?
Theme:
e. Theme:
Meaning: even at TECHNO world we continue to be human, techno is built to suite human needs.
Lesson: How civilization transits with free flow of information, resources availability, and sheds old clothes of former social structure.
Moral: What it means to be human. Struggle of self developed ones in social structure.
3. DISCOVERIES and IMPROVEMENTS:
4. AFTER:
Concept:
Lead Characters:
Plot/Structure:
Character Arc:
Main Conflict, Dramatic Question, Dilemma:
Son of Main Commander Dilemma: they way he is he must Separate, as it is too huge. To go as a ward makes no sense, and his wife is constant remainder of how it is with zones
Mai Conflict: in between of special people with individuality who try to build up world by the rules so that it would be possible exist and all those which we know, like flow tendencies
Dramatic Question: where they go with zones
Theme: Liberation
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Matt’s SLW Pass 2
What I learned doing this assignment is how to outline the main parts of a screenplay so they fit together coherently. This will help me in the future to do the same.
I’m in a kind of odd situation because when I started making some changes, I ended up chanign the entire thing and now I have 2 and I’m not sure which to pick. Anyone reading, please feel free to give your thoughts on either or both!
#1
– Concept –
What if the judicial system was switched to social media voting, with those found guilty having to go through livestreamed battles and deadly challenges as people at home vote on their punishment?
– Lead Characters –Alicia is the girl who was put in “the game” without being voted in like everyone else…and doesn’t know who she is or why she’s there.
John is a violent criminal who was secretly put in there to make sure someone like Alicia (working for rebels) doesn’t survive.
Sam is the unknown force putting them both in the game…with an ulterior motive all his own. (Possibly Alicia’s father)
– Character Arc
Part to be changed: Alicia has no idea who she is or why she was put into this system.
Biggest fear: to be responsible for her innocent people, like her sister, dying this way.
Completion of arc: Find out who she really is – the person who created this system and inadvertently killed her own sister in doing so, until she joined the rebels, who put her into game as a spy, to the person who will sacrifice herself to destroy it.
– Main Conflict, Dramatic Question, Dilemma
. b. Dramatic Question: Why did Alicia get put into this punishment system?
c. Main conflict: Can Alicia and her fellow prisoners make it through the punishment system and survive?
d. Dilemma: Will Alicia escape or finish the job and bring down the system?– Theme
What do you do when justice isn’t just?
– Plot/Structure
The Riddle – Alicia ends up in the game, even though she is an unknown who did nothing wrong. Now, she has to figure out who put here there…and why…if she plans on making it out alive.
1. Opening Host gives intro into the event and the people who were chosen, including a girl no one ever heard of named Alicia.
2. Inciting Incident. The prisoners’ loved ones are kept in a cage with a bomb…and if they don’t go through the challenges quickly enough, the bomb goes off.
3. By page 10, you know what the movie is about. First person dies horribly in event after losing their challenge, setting things in motion.
4. First turning point at end of Act 1 Realize they need to become a team to survive and start working together to get out of the challenges.
5. Mid-Point Alicia is pulled into fake room off camera and finds out she is there as part of a resistance. They tell her what to do and that it’s important she doesn’t know who she is.
6. Second turning point at end of Act 2. A favorite young prisoner is killed in the contest unfairly…and Alicia makes sure the audience sees it in horrifying detail.
7. Crisis. Alicia has a choice: she can save her wretched father or find out who did this to her, why they did it and get revenge.
8. Climax Alicia finds the people who put here there. She puts them all into the challenges and releases the information she unknowingly had on them and what they are doing to the world.
9. Resolution She leaves the challenges.#2
– Concept –
What if the judicial system was switched to social media voting, with those found guilty having to go through livestreamed battles and deadly challenges as people at home vote on their punishment?
– Lead Characters –Alicia is a hardened criminal who doesn’t care about anyone…until she meets young rebel named Jocelyn in the games.
Jocelyn is a young girl who put herself in the games to help the rebels beat the authority after they destroyed her mother.
Sam is the man who runs the game and will do anything to keep the authority in power.
– Character Arc
Part to be changed: Alicia is a hardened criminal who cares about no one and nothing.
Biggest fear: to be forgotten as a nobody like her mother.
Completion of arc: puts others above herself as she helps the rebels at the expense of her own personal safety
– Main Conflict, Dramatic Question, Dilemma
. b. Dramatic Question: Will the rebels be able to topple the corrupt system and free the other innocent prisoners?
c. Main conflict: Can Alicia and her fellow prisoners make it through the punishment games and survive?
d. Dilemma: Will Alicia escape with her own life or help the rebels topple the system?– Theme
To be the hero you truly are, you must sacrifice what you used to be.
– Plot/Structure
Ascension – a hardened criminal finds herself unwillingly becoming the compassionate hero she was meant to be, as she rises up against the authority, level by level.
1. Opening Host gives intro into the event and the people who were chosen, including a girl named Alicia.
2. Inciting Incident. The prisoners’ loved ones are kept in a cage with a bomb…and if they don’t go through the challenges quickly enough, the bomb goes off.
3. By page 10, you know what the movie is about. First person dies horribly in event after losing their challenge, setting things in motion.
4. First turning point at end of Act 1 Realize they need to become a team to survive and start working together to get out of the challenges.
5. Mid-Point They are all is pulled into fake room off camera and find out Jocelyn is there as part of a resistance. They can’t tell anyone or the authorities will kill them all, so now they almost have to help her.
6. Second turning point at end of Act 2. Young innocent Jocelyn is killed in the contest unfairly…and Sam makes sure the audience sees it in horrifying detail.
7. Crisis. Alicia has a choice: she can help the rebels (and save Jocelyn’s father like she promised) or escape with her own life.
8. Climax Alicia finds the people who put here there. She puts them all into the challenges and releases the information she unknowingly had on them and what they are doing to the world, along with the rebel leaders who let Jocelyn die for their cause.
9. Resolution She leaves the challenges a hero to the people. -
Subject: Antonio Flores’ SLW Version 1
ASSIGNMENT 1
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Post your Story Logic Web for feedback.
1. List the following key components of your story:
A. Concept:
A cheerleader fights in the underground MMA to rescue her fiancé, a fighter who, forced by the circumstances, hides a weapon of mass destruction, got kidnapped and poisoned – now she must win or die for the antidote in a cage tournament.
B. Plot Choice:
Plot choice 1 – Discovery: This plot is about having to reconcile the character’s past versus the new present. The characters are searching to understand something fundamental about themselves. “You were, you are, you will be” is how the story is delivered. In the end, they emerge much wiser, but often, they do so only just before dying.
I will also take some elements from the plot escape.
Plot choice 2 – Escape: Your hero is confined against his will. The natural progression: imprisonment, initial attempts to escape fail, new plan is made that is also thwarted, and finally, the actual escape.
C. Character Structure: Dramatic Triangle
Three characters wrapped up in a web where there are deeper implications to their relationships than what we see in the beginning.
D. Lead Characters
- PARISA is a cheerleader who fights in the underground MMA to rescue her fiancé.
- BAHADUR is Parisa’s fiancé, an underground MMA fighter who, forced by the circumstances, hides a weapon of mass destruction, gets kidnapped and poisoned.
- PHILIP is a secret agent in charge of protecting Bahadur, but to Parisa, he is the man who made her fiancé break up with her before the two men run away.
- THE RULER is the head of the underground MMA, which is a screen to hide a criminal organization.
E. Dramatic Question:
Can Parisa find why her fiancé run away, got kidnapped, and get him back?
F. Main Conflict:
Parisa wants her fiancé back, but unbeknownst to her, her fiancé and his runaway partner want to keep her out for her own safety.
G. Dilemma:
Parisa’s involvement only makes things worse. The three end up imprisoned and, after the runaway partner gets killed and her fiancé is too weak to fight for the poison’s antidote, their lives depend on her winning a deadly tournament… yet, she’s just a fearful cheerleader, not a real MMA fighter.
H. Theme:
To escape, sometimes you need to stop running.
I. Character Arc of Lead Character (if any):
Parisa goes from a fearful cheerleader to someone who can is able to overcome what frightens her. She defeats opponents who are stronger than her in the MMA octagon cage.
2. Your 9 beat structure, one sentence per beat
1. Opening
DRAMATIC PLOT 1 — DISCOVERY: YOU WERE… A CHEERLEADER
INT. FITNESS ROOM – NIGHT
The silhouette of a lonely WOMAN gets up on a treadmill. She is PARISA, a cheerleader coach. She wears a cheerleader mini-skirt over a skin-tight tracksuit and MMA gloves. She performs jabs, hooks and head guards while jugging.
2. Inciting Incident
DRAMATIC PLOT 2 — ESCAPE: IMPRISONMENT
INT. UNDERGROUND MMA OCTAGON CAGE – NIGHT
The MANAGER helps his MMA FIGHTER step in the octagon. The fighter looks dazed. Disoriented, the FIGHTER catches the sight of a MAN IN A TUNIC. His hand holds a KNIFE up. THE BLADE progressively CHANGES COLOR — and so it does the WOUND on the fighter’s arm.
INT. FITNESS ROOM – NIGHT
Parisa abruptly stops the treadmill. A TEXT PREVIEW displays on her cellphone screen: “HE’S GONE”. She wipes her tears and texts back: ‘HELP ME. I MUST FIND HIM.”
3. By page 10, you know what the movie is about.
DRAMATIC PLOT 1 — DISCOVERY: YOU ARE… A CHICK WITH PRETTY LEGS THAT KICK (1)
INT. UNDERGROUND MMA OCTAGON CAGE – DAY
The manager introduces Parisa to a group of open-mouthed RING MASTERS who can’t stop looking at her with both, lust and disbelief. They agree to give her a try. She gets in the octagon cage with an opponent and shows them that high kicks of a cheerleader can get “mixed” with the “mixed” MA.
4. First turning point at end of Act 1
DRAMATIC PLOT 1 — DISCOVERY: YOU ARE… A CHICK WITH PRETTY LEGS THAT KICK (2)
INT. UNDERGROUND MMA OCTAGON CAGE – DAY
She gets signed in. Now she is an underground MMA prizefighter.
DRAMATIC PLOT 2 — ESCAPE: INITIAL ATTEMPTS FAILURE 1
INT. UNDERGROUND MMA FACILITY – NIGHT
Parisa looks for her fiancé in every corner of the underground facility, just to bump into a FEMALE RIVAL who advises her not to ever dream on becoming a champion.
5. Mid-Point
DRAMATIC PLOT 2 — ESCAPE: INITIAL ATTEMPTS FAILURE 2
EXT. UNDERGROUND MMA FACILITY ROOF – NIGHT
Parisa watches the access to the facility from the roof. A man “Parkour-jumps” from another building onto the roof of the MMA facility. He is the man who run away with her fiancé. She confronts him. Suddenly, a gang attacks them. A second group intervenes. Everyone runs away except for her and the second group. They give her a package and instruct her: “This is not the antidote, but it will keep him alive.” She is confused. “Who are they?”
6. Second turning point at end of Act 2
DRAMATIC PLOT 2 — ESCAPE: INITIAL ATTEMPTS FAILURE 3
EXT. UNDERGROUND MMA FACILITY – NEARBY STREET – NIGHT
The underground octagon wraps up for the night. Parisa remains hidden in the facility. Her fiancé and his runaway partner come out from nowhere. She follows them. The two men are ambushed by the first gang from the other night. Outnumbered, she freaks out. The three are taken prisoners.
INT. A TRANSPORT CONTAINER — NIGHT
They are transported to somewhere in the middle of the desert where a deadly tournament will take place. The prize is the antidote that her fiancé needs. Parisa discovers that breaking up with her fiancé was a way to prevent her from getting involved. Her fiancé was forced by circumstances to hide the location of a weapon of mass destruction. The man who run away with him is a secret agent.
7. Crisis
DRAMATIC PLOT 1 — DISCOVERY: YOU WILL BE… A FEARLESS CAGE MASTER
EXT. DESERT – UNDERGROUND MMA TRAINING AREA – DAY
Parisa works on her fighting skills under the expert coaching of her fiancé and the secret agent. (RE: Inciting Incident — the transformation from cheerleader to MMA fighter)
DRAMATIC PLOT 2 — ESCAPE: LET’S TRY SOMETHING ELSE
EXT. DESERT – UNDERGROUND MMA CAMP – DAY
They think on a new plan. Perhaps, to escape they should stop running. Every guard has a cellphone. “Let’s steal one and send a message out,” her fiancé suggests.
DRAMATIC PLOT 2 — ESCAPE: NEW PLAN THWARTED – FAILURE 4
EXT. DESERT – UNDERGROUND MMA CAMP – DAY
They manage to steal the device, but right when the secret agent is about to press “SEND”, a bullet kills him.
8. Climax
DRAMATIC PLOT 1 — DISCOVERY: SOMETIMES, TO ESCAPE YOU MUST STOP RUNNING (1)
EXT. DESERT – UNDERGROUND MMA OCTAGON ARENA – DAY
She wins the antidote defeating opponents of far superior strength than hers in the MMA octagon. She emerges much wiser, but she is badly beaten. After she hands in the antidote to her fiancé, she collapses. It’s the end.
DRAMATIC PLOT 2 — ESCAPE: AND FINALLY, THE ACTUAL ESCAPE
EXT. DESERT – UNDERGROUND MMA OCTAGON ARENA – DAY
DRONE SQUAD and soldiers arrive. The secret agent’s message went through! MACHINE GUNS… shooting, resistance, people run… SMOKE… BAZOOKA fires… chaos. The fiancé urges paramedics to help the lifeless woman in his arms… DARKNESS.
9. Resolution
DRAMATIC PLOT 1 — DISCOVERY: SOMETIMES, TO ESCAPE YOU MUST STOP RUNNING (2)
INT. GYM – DAY
A wheelchair quietly rolls into a gym where her old cheerleaders team rehearse. Still bruised, but recovering, she shares her discovery with her former students: “Cheering means encouraging others to conquer their fears, to stop running. Everyone should be a cheerleader for others in real life.”
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Hey Antonio!
I’d love to exchange feedback with you! Here’re my notes from analyzing your Story Logic Web. Hope this helps!
Thanks and best regards, Cam
A. Concept – The concept is great! (LEGALLY BLONDE meets WARRIOR) Though, I do worry about too many elements at play, between cheerleading, spies, WMD’s, poisons and antidotes, etc. It’s possible to juggle all of these elements, but very demanding.
B. Plot Choice – While I understand there’s a lot of carryover between the 20 Basic Plots, I would pick just one to lean into, otherwise you risk having some of your strongest elements fading to the background of the less relevant plot direction.
C. Character Structure/D. Lead Characters – On first glance, the outline has more of the makings of an ensemble cast. I could be very wrong though, as this is just the Story Logic Web. I think in order for this to feel more like a Dramatic Triangle at this stage, if that’s your choice, is to present each character as having a different angle to the same goal. For example, right now it seems Bahadur and Philip are essentially one unit. They both have the same goal and a mutual plan that has them occupy only slightly different roles. I would consider giving each the same goal, but give a different strategy for each that run in conflict each other. In Hal’s example of STAR WARS, the triangle of Luke, Obi-Wan, and Vader all have different angles of the same goal. Luke wants to save the princess and defeat Vader, Vader wants to extract information from the princess and further his power, and Obi-Wan wants to defeat his former apprentice and, more importantly, keep Luke from suffering the same fate as his apprentice. Freedom/Control of the Galaxy is the shared goal between the three, with the princess and Vader being at the center of it (a fixed target for the audience), and the deeper layers of relationships, vengeance, and redemption add subtext to the whole dynamic. I realize we’re not yet at the stage of developing characters to their highest level yet. This is just something I noticed with the character structure presented, and wanted to give some ideas on it.
E. Dramatic Question – I love the dramatic question! I also think with the poison element introduced to the plot, you can have a “Ticking Clock” that will really amp up the tension.
F. Main Conflict – Another example of where the the fiancé and the partner are on the same page. If this is a comedy working in the same vein as LEGALLY BLONDE, I think the main conflict of trying to win her fiancé back against his wishes works. If this is a thriller (the tone and ending suggest that’s what you’re going for) then I think the main conflict should be on the villain. Just a thought, what if Philip is the bad guy who betrayed Bahadur, and Parisa has to go up against him and The Ruler/MMA Underground to win her fiancé back. That would keep the conflict linear while still allowing for the twist/turning point in the plot.
G. Dilemma – Parisa’s involvement making things worse runs the risk of turning this from the thriller you have established to a comedy. I’m not sure whether to laugh at or be irate with the protagonist based on that setup. There’re a lot great elements here. They just need to be sharpened to a point that’s simple enough for your other elements to come into play.
H. Theme – The Theme kinda works, but doesn’t match the desperate tone of the plot. A similar theme that may or may not be a better fit for what you’re going for could be “Never underestimate someone who’s cornered” or “Sometimes, the only way out is through.”
I. Character Arc – The Character Arc is great! Some of the nuance could be added on the type of person Parisa HAS to become to defeat those stronger than her. Similar to LEGALLY BLONDE, Elle goes from Being dependent on external validation to a self confident woman who validates herself.
1. Opening – Screams comedy to me. I might be ignorant to the trainings of cheerleaders though. My only experience, which admittedly was brief, was going through some CrossFit workouts/classes with LA Tech’s cheer squad.
2. Inciting Incident – Is the knife magical? Why is the man in a tunic? Sorry, there’re probably legitimate answers to these, but it’s a distraction with what you have listed so far. My mind immediately considers the knife a Macguffin, and I’m actively searching for it through the rest of the plot. Also, who’s texting Parisa? The Spy? Why and how does she have inside intel into the situation, particularly if the goal was to keep her out? Also, at this stage, I have not been made aware through action or plot structure that this is her fiancé. For all I know, Bahadur is her husband, brother, cheer leading teacher, etc. If Bahadur broke up with her to protect her, I need to see that.
3. By page 10, you know what the movie is about – My only complaint is in the believability of Parisa succeeding at this point in the story. I don’t know if she necessarily has to win for the audience to know what the movie is about. This rationale is coming from two angles. First, I’ve been a black belt in Taekwondo (regularly seen in MMA) for over sixteen years, and I can say after just starting Juijitsu (a MANDATORY art form in MMA combat), rolling with any belt higher than white, let alone brown and black belts, is like trying to get the hang of what nouns and verbs are while being compared to experienced novelists and poets. So, a cheerleader with no experience in martial arts succeeding on her first day with “cheerleading powers” requires a significant suspension of disbelief. Second, all that’s required for the audience to get the gist at this stage is what Parisa has to do. She doesn’t actually have to do anything or win anything yet. In fact, a stronger point is that she loses badly, in embarrassing fashion, so that the audience can see how far she’ll have to climb to become the hero of the story. That means you can take your time and have her learn the ropes of martial arts before notching her first win. If you want to speed run the training (I would say learning any one form of martial art to competency requires at least a year of dedicated training), I would look at the film CHOCOLATE. The gimmick in that film is that an autistic girl can learn any fighting technique by seeing it once. Parisa having a similar, maybe toned down, ability to just pick up on different moves can help keep the pace of your story moving toward the other plot elements you want to keep. Establish it early through action, and you’ve bought a lot of credit with your audience.
4. First turning point of Act 1 – Good setup, but when does the Female Rival come into play? Is she the final obstacle or The Ruler? Or Philip? Or Bahadur? I’m only asking because of how the story wraps up. In three STAR WARS trilogies, the general set up is that you have one bad guy (The muscle) and his boss (The brains). Not saying it’s perfect, but it keeps things simple for the audience. We know where we’re going, so we don’t mind the detours along the way. Right now, there’re a lot of characters introduced so far, whether you’ve included them in the outline or not (Parisa, Bahadur, Philip, The Rule, Parisa’s trainer, Parisa’s students, and now a Female Rival) that all have some say in how the story progresses. The dual antagonist model of the Muscle and the Brains can go a long way toward providing a compass so that the audience doesn’t get confused by the number of voices introduced. Consider it or don’t, it’s up to you. If you do decide to use it, be sure to set it up early on. Not doing so will yield the same problems observed in the STAR WARS prequels.
5. Mid-Point – Like Parisa, I’m confused as well. The Midpoint of a story structurally is where the story turns on its head (TOY STORY – Woody and Buzz are still trying to get home, but now they’re stuck in Sid’s house (potential danger to real danger). ALIENS – Ripley and the Marines go from being on offense to the defensive and getting the hell out. GLADIATOR – Maximus enters the Colosseum and reveals himself to Commodus. FELLOWSHIP OF THE RING – Frodo takes on the permanent of role of Ring Bearer) It feels like we’re still being introduced to the world instead of being shown the same world from different circumstances. Is the poison just now being introduced, thus giving us a ticking clock element? Who are the groups involved and why were they not established earlier?
6. Second turning point of Act 2 – Is Bahadur free to leave, or is he imprisoned? Is Philip bad at his job as a spy? She freaks out, but it feels weirdly placed here, almost like it’s being played for laughs. You have the right idea is that the second turning point of Act 2 is structurally the “All is Lost” and “Dark Night of the Soul” part of the story. It’s where things get “real” and all measures must be taken to assure victory (TOY STORY – Buzz is strapped to a rocket and will explode tomorrow morning. ALIENS – Newt is captured and the only one left who can go after her is Ripley. GLADIATOR – Maximus’ escape plot fails, and his allies are either arrested or killed. FELLOWSHIP OF THE RING – Gandalf dies, thus initiating the collapse of the Fellowship). What gets real for Parisa if she was already trying to free Bahadur and Philip? Also, the reveal of the WMD’s and Bahadur’s involvement with Philip feels better placed at the Midpoint (seeing the established world from a different angle).
7. Crisis – Parisa’s training needed to happen in the early second act. The Crisis is too late for this. While the Crisis and Second turning points of Act pretty much function similarly, I think the best way to look at it is from the perspective that The Crisis is where the true gravity of the situation comes into play or a critical rule must be broken (TOY STORY – Buzz isn’t freed in time, prompting the toys break their number 1 rule. ALIENS – We see the alien queen for the first time, and she goes after Ripley and Newt. GLADIATOR – Commodus stabs Maximus, mortally wounding him and placing him at a critical disadvantage. FELLOWSHIP OF THE RING – Boromir turns on Frodo, prompting Frodo to wear the ring, which announces to the forces of Mordor exactly where he is). Philip dying is good starting point, but I’m not sure what else he’s contributed to the story beyond the setup to give this part of the story the weight it deserves. What situation comes into play that raises the stakes to their absolute maximum, and that requires Parisa to break a rule that is personal to her in order to overcome the obstacle.
8. Climax – Her winning is awesome. Her barely making it out alive is very raw, believable, and makes us sympathetic to her journey. The only thing I want to know is who she beat. Did she beat the Female Rival?
9. Resolution – Again, I think this works very well for the thriller you’re developing. She returns home, changed. We see the physical and mental tole she’s taken to succeed, what she’s lost, and what she’s gained. Love it.
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Much appreciated, Cameron. The numerous examples that you included in your comments are very… EXTREMELY helpful! As the saying goes, writing is rewriting. Here we go! THANKS!
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PS81 Day 8 – Anita Gomez’s PASS TWO Story Logic Web
What I learned: Each time I think about my story structure I learn more about beefing up the second and third characters in this dramatic triangle – not only fleshing out their characters, but how they need to interact with each other. (I’ve also landed on the names for my characters).
CONCEPT:
A young woman who can’t access an abortion abandons her baby at birth only to learn years later that the child is her best hope for a life-saving transplant, leading her to search for a daughter she never wanted.
LEAD CHARACTERS:
Protagonist: Danica: A woman with an unwanted pregnancy who can’t access an abortion because of the state she lives in.
Antagonist: The father, Cyrus, is her superior at work, an influential conservative lawyer-turned-judge, who was instrumental in forming the anti-abortion law.
Dramatic Triangle, Lead #3: The baby (Dianna) is adopted and grows into a brilliant young woman doing medical genetic research, but becomes an even colder, emotionally detached version of her mother.
Plot / STRUCTURE:
Dramatic Triangle with Plot #12: “TRANSFORMATION” — A woman who abandoned her baby at birth seeks her out as a grown woman, initially as a transplant donor, but discovering along the way that she actually wants a relationship with her daughter, who herself has grown into a cold loner with abandonment issues.
1. Opening Scene:
My Protagonist is in the throes of childbirth (we don’t see her face yet). It isn’t going well, and we hear from the doctors that she could die. GRAPHIC: “9 Months Earlier”
2. Inciting Incident:
Our lead is in high-end law offices after hours. She is a junior attorney, strong and ambitious, working on a case. A senior partner (Cyrus) comes in, flirting with her in an all-too-familiar way. She confronts him with the fact that she is pregnant and past the 6 weeks allowable for an abortion in her state. In fact, he was instrumental in passing this law. We see him revealed as the hypocrite he is (ultra right-wing; married with his own kids; but still offering to send her away for an abortion)
3. By page 10, you know what the movie is about.
Our lead confides in her Evangelical sister (mother of 2 kids herself) that she doesn’t want this child and wants to flee the state for an abortion. She fears for her health, having been born with only 1 kidney and reminds the sister how she herself almost died in childbirth, twice. The sister guilt-trips her / tells her she’ll grow to love the child. The woman flees the state. She makes an abortion appointment, but at the last minute, can’t go through with it.
4. First turning point at end of Act 1
We are back at the opening scene of a wretched birthing experience. The woman in labor blacks out; we now see her as our lead character. She regains consciousness to the sounds of a screaming infant. A nurse tries to hand her the baby daughter, saying she is fine – except she too was born with the mother’s genetic defect of having only one kidney. The new mother turns away from the squalling infant. Her sister’s words haunting her, the new mother is unable to bond with her newborn and abandons her at a “Safe Haven” firehouse telling the child, “I never wanted you” leaving a note: “Her name is Dianna” (an unconscious act of narcissism)
5. Mid-Point
We follow our protagonist as her ambitions bear fruit and she climbs the legal ladder. She is cold, hard, and driven, and a compulsive marathon runner… who over, time, begins to show signs of minor health issues like fatigue and loss of stamina. Concurrently, the former senior partner / biological father of her child, Cyrus, continues to be promoted – first to judge, then as Circuit Court judge, putting him once again in Danica’s professional orbit. Meanwhile the now-adopted baby has grown into a brilliant young woman, who at the age of 20 has graduated college and become a genetics researcher. (We see the same cold hard ambitious edge her biological mother has, exemplified by her pathological inability to connect with boyfriends or co-workers.) Then, the Protagonist’s sister dies from kidney failure. Our lead sees her own doctor and is told she too has kidney disease, and must have a transplant to survive. She is told her best chance for survival is a close relative and so, begins seeking out her daughter’s whereabouts.
6. Second turning point at end of Act 2
In the course of her work she must prepare for arguments being heard to restrict abortions in the state where she now lives and she is tapped to argue against this (taking a pro-abortion stance). She learns that the father of her abandoned child will be the Circuit Appeals Judge (notorious for continuously obstructing abortion rights) who will be hearing the case.
7. Crisis
She argues passionately in her presentation stating, “Not everyone’s cut out to be a parent. Not everyone SHOULD be a parent… and yet, life IS sacred”. In her intensely conflicted zealousness she collapses – both mentally and physically. The woman goes on a concentrated search for Dianna, the daughter, and using a “23&Me” type genetic app, finds her. She contacts Dianna, not disclosing who she is – only a ‘close relative’; and in the course of email exchanges, the two women agree to meet. We, the audience, are unsure of her motives.
8. Climax
Dianna gets into her silver sedan driving to the early morning appointment set to meet her mother. We see a man bending over to get the morning paper from his driveway. She’s momentarily distracted. Brakes Squeal.
Blackout.
9. Resolution
Eyes blink open. The hospital room looks eerily similar to the opening scene. It is, once again, our protagonist but current day. A TV is on, set to the news. Wincing in pain Danica gets out of bed and walks to a mirror, lifting her gown to reveal a long scar mid-back. She has gotten her transplant, but looks confused. Her daughter, Dianna walks in, smiling, fresh as a daisy. The mother is stunned silent… this is obviously her daughter, as they practically look like sisters. Dianna turns to the TV and raises the volume with the remote. The anchor is reporting on the tragic death of Circuit Appeals Court Judge Cyrus at his home this morning, the only lead a silver sedan seen on the street … if anyone has more information… TV switched off, Dianna turns to her mother, “Well, at least he did one thing right in his life – he signed up as an organ donor.”
CHARACTER ARC:
Danica doesn’t want a child, but faced with her own mortality she desires to meet her brilliant daughter for who she is, not what she can do; only to find out her daughter has turned into the emotionally cold woman she herself once was.
MAIN CONFLICT:
The woman’s health is failing and she needs to find the now-grown daughter for a transplant.
DRAMATIC QUESTION:
To abort or carry out a pregnancy for a single woman who doesn’t want the child and whose life is put in jeopardy by the pregnancy.
DILEMMA:
Choice #1 – Abort the child against her religious beliefs
Choice #2 – Have the child at great personal risk
LATER, the Dilemma morphs into: Give the child away / Find the child for selfish reasons.
THEME:
That there is no one perfect answer to an unwanted pregnancy – that an unwanted pregnancy often leads to an unwanted child.
3. DISCOVERIES AND IMPROVEMENTS: I needed to beef up the second and third characters (Dianna and Cyrus) in this dramatic triangle – not only fleshing out their characters, but how they need to interact with each other. My main character Danica, now shows greater growth, from selfish and driven, to an attitude of sacrifice. Her daughter Dianna is now not only a shadow of her mother – she has become something much worse – a sociopath capable of a cold-hearted murder. The final twist isn’t Danica receiving her daughter’s kidney, but the daughter killing the father so his kidney gets transplanted into the mother.
4. AFTER: Well, I rewrote as I went, and the above is my first and then second pass, combined.
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Dev Ross – Story Web Logic 2
What I learned from this last pass was how much I need to weave in the environment which is telling its own story. So, I have a ticking clock going now… for now, at least.
LOGLINE: Outshined by the latest hate groups, a fading KKK Grand Dragon plots the murder of a black leader, but when he wakes the next morning, he is that black leader who is suddenly struck with a plan to murder the Grand Dragon.
CONCEPT: Plagued by climate change with quakes hitting, skies roiling, and extremist groups on the rise, two contrary men, one black and one white, believe their salvation lies in the elimination of the other. What they don’t know is that both exist as their polar opposites in separate universes. Because of violent climate change, these two worlds are collapsing into one another. In the end, the two men are the final catalyst that destroys their worlds to birth a new one.
Lead Characters: Grand Dragon, Black Leader
Plot/Structure: #8 Rivalry
Character Structure: Protagonist verses Antagonist
Lead Characters: J.J. CAINE is a religious extremist Grand Dragon in the KKK who plots to murder a Black Leader. LINCOLN ABLE is a black activist, community leader who plots to murder the Grand Dragon.
Dramatic Question: Will Caine regain his lost power?
Main Conflict: Caine and Lincoln are continually thwarted from killing each other without any reasonable explanation.
Dilemma: Will the two men see the ultimate truth of their hatred/conflict before they destroy their families and each other?
Theme: Ultimate hate ultimately destroys all.
Character Arcs: Caine goes from complacent, to obsessive, to realization. Lincoln goes from open hearted activist, to secretive and obsessive, to realization.
OPENING: News reports over visuals about fierce weather events due to climate change and extremist groups on the rise…
At a White Supremacist gathering, Grand Dragon J.J. CAINE is booed off stage for being a SINO – a White Supremacist in Name Only. He’s become too PC and accepting in a world of Cancel Culture.
INCITING INCIDENT: His daughter, who hates that he’s in the KKK and fights with him over how the world is changing, tells him she’s pregnant and that she’s marrying her black boyfriend. Caine disowns her. He’s despondent. He’s lost followers and now his daughter.
By page 10: Establish climate worsening, Caine at work where he’s forced to take on a bi-racial apprentice, his wife becoming estranged due to her working all the time, his daughter moving out to marry a black man, and the news full of reports of an emerging black leader.
First Turning point, End Act 1: Caine is reading the Bible when White Supremacists burn on a cross on his lawn and then demand he step down as Grand Dragon. Now, wildly misinterpreting the Bible passage, Caine takes all that has happened to him as a sign from God: He must set things right, reorder the world as God had intended by assassinating LINCOLN ABLE, the emerging black community leader. He cleans his rifle and goes to bed…
ACT TWO: As the planet trembles and the skies roil, Caine wakes up as that Black Leader, LINCOLN ABLE, who finds himself strangely, obsessively struck with the driving need to kill the Grand Dragon.
Mid. Pt: Following Caine’s multiple failed assassination attempts, Caine comes to the conclusion that someone he knows is betraying him and has been warning Lincoln.
Second Turning point at end of Act II: In an Iago-esque madness, Caine kills his wife for warning Lincoln because – he wrongly believes – they’ve been having an affair.
Crisis: Prior to this point, Lincoln has been being followed by the same car as he traverses black neighborhoods to sign up voters. He sees the car again and, this time, it tries to run him over. Lincoln is able to reach his car and give chase. CUT BACK and FORTH between the two drivers as ripples in reality cause the world around them to gradually change. It’s the same but not the same…
Climax: As the world seems determined to end itself soon, the two men do a cat and mouse chase in an abandoned cotton processing plant where they are each killed by their own ricocheting bullets. Before they die, each lies face down in a pool of inky water. Reflected back at each of them is the other. Caine sees Lincoln’s face, Lincoln sees Caine’s face — just before the building collapses on top of them. The turmoil settles and when the dust clears, all is black until…
Resolution: Literally a new dawn in a newly formed reality. Caine’s daughter and husband stroll their baby past black and white townspeople, who warmly greet them in a newly formed world.
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This reply was modified 3 years, 2 months ago by Dev Ross.
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This reply was modified 3 years, 2 months ago by
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Michael Katz Pass 2: Story Logic Web
1. What I learned doing this assignment is….that this process really uncovered a big story logic problem I have: distinguishing between the many possible problems/goals of the story, and then getting confused as to what makes the story a triumph or tragedy at the end. I have mixed answers for everything. So I am glad this is only Pass 2!!! lol
2. BEFORE:
CONCEPT: When a nobody inventor suffering from megalomania has his revolutionary scientific work sabotaged, he seeks vindication for his technology and vows to take over the world to stop evil corporations and politicians.
LEAD CHARACTERS:
PROTAGONIST — Charismatic scientist Victorino develops into a villain seeking to prove to the world by whatever means necessary that his solar energy system will cleanly and sustainably power the entire planet.
IMPACT CHARACTER
Imelyna, who is an actor/environmental activist fighting global warming, believes in Victorino and supports his cause/mission. She’s not only an equal partner, but she’s the woman behind the man, shaping Victorino’s ideology and demeanor.
ANTAGONIST
Evans is a government spy sent to stop Victorino, and he woos Imelyna to make her an asset. He’s a charming, sophisticated agent with calm demeanor, debonair attitude, and smug one-liners.
CHARACTER STRUCTURE — Dramatic Triangle between the supervillain, his girlfriend, and the spy, with Victorino the supervillain owing his success to the love and support of Imelyna, however unbeknownst to him, Evans the spy, who is trying to ruin Victorino’s plans, is also attempting to turn Imelyna against him.
PLOT STRUCTURE: #6. Revenge
Victorino (Protagonist) has a moral justification for vengeance and seeks retaliation against evil corporations and politicians (Antagonist).
3. STRUCTURE: 9-beat
1. OPENING SCENE — After not getting his way and being bullied, poor, young boy Victorino takes out his frustration by burning ants using the thick lenses of his glasses to magnify the sun into a beam.
2. INCITING INCIDENT — Scientist Victorino’s small-scale demonstration of his revolutionary energy magnifier is sabotaged by an unknown entity.
3. BY PAGE 10, WE KNOW WHAT THE MOVIE IS ABOUT — Victorino seeks vindication for his technology and vengeance against evil corporations and politicians
4. END OF FIRST ACT TURNING POINT — Fleeing for his life as thugs chase him from his laboratory, Victorino accepts movie star/environmental activist Imelyna’s invitation to relocate and finish his work.
5. SECOND ACT MID-POINT — Frustrated by lack of progress caused by interference from evil corporations and politicians, Victorino decides to turn to villainy to pursue vindication and vengeance.
6. END OF SECOND ACT TURNING POINT — With his masterplan and all of his lairs in ruin, Victorino descends fully into megalomania and becomes a megalomaniac.
7. CRISIS — Victorino tricks disloyal Imelyna into giving him the codes, and he wounds her so he can escape from Evans the spy to space.
8. CLIMAX — Megalomaniac Victorino gives POTUS an ultimatum: let him rule the world and install his energy system or he will destroy the planet. His full-scale demonstration of his revolutionary energy magnifier is sabotaged, and the world’s governments try to assassinate him by firing nuclear missiles at him in space. Victorino neutralizes the misses with his magnifier, then turns it into a weapon and annihilates earth.
9. RESOLUTION — Victorino sits alone in the small space station, “I’m not the last man on earth. I’m god.”, Victorino alternates between maniacal laughter and crying, then silence, then he blasts the moon to smithereens
CHARACTER ARC — Victorino goes from helpless to stop the powerful to a megalomaniac who has unlimited power to defeat evil.
PART TO BE CHANGED: He is impotent, helpless to stop the powerful
BIGGEST FEAR: He won’t be powerful enough to get vindication and vengeance
COMPLETION OF ARC: He becomes omnipotent, regarding himself a god with unlimited power to defeat evil
MAIN CONFLICT — Victorino keeps trying different ways to develop and build his revolutionary energy system, but the governments of the world who want to preserve the status quo for entrenched oil/gas/coal interests keep throwing obstacles into his way to prevent him
DRAMATIC CONFLICT — Can Victorino become powerful enough to force the greedy world governments into submission so he can take over the world and implement his world saving solar energy system technology?
DILEMMA — Victorino has to choose between being a good person or being himself.
THEME — Corporate/government greed destroys everything in its wake
3. DISCOVERIES and IMPROVEMENTS:
Really trying to hone in on the specific descriptors to be as clear and organic and authentic as possible.
Going line by line I was really able to make strides at being consistent and coherent.
*****BIGGEST DISCOVERY*****
Working through everything, I got really confused as to my story goal as I started to see many of the inconsistencies.
Difficult area I haven’t been able to wrap my brain around yet…is Victorino’s goal:
To stop global warming and save the world
To get vindication and prove his technology works
To have his technology installed to stop global warming and save the world
To get revenge against greedy corporations by putting them out of business
To get revenge against greedy corporations by taking over the world and putting them out of business
To get revenge against greedy corporations by destroying them
If he gets revenge and destroys the greedy corporations, is it a success story? even if he destroys earth?
If his technology is sabotaged again and he never gets vindication, is it a failure story? even if he destroys the greedy corporations?
If as a megalomaniac he proves that he is almighty, is it a success story? even if he destroys earth? even if no-one can bear witness?
If he fails at implementing his technology but still gets a megalomaniac’s revenge, should the audience feel good at the end?
I did not solve this yet, so I am merely going with what I have worked through so far.
4. AFTER: SOME SOLVED AND ELEVATED
CONCEPT: A brilliant, narcissistic scientist invents a revolutionary solar energy system that will stop global warming, however when his work and reputation are sabotaged by an unknown entity, the trauma triggers a descent into megalomania as he seeks vindication and vengeance against greedy corporations and politicians.
LEAD CHARACTERS:
PROTAGONIST — Charismatic scientist Victorino develops into a megalomaniac bent on proving to the world by whatever means necessary just how great he and his energy system invention are.
IMPACT CHARACTER — Imelyna, a movie star and environmental activist, believes in Victorino’s talent and supports his cause…until he turns to villainy.
ANTAGONIST — The greedy oil, gas, and coal entrenched interests who are causing global warming use the governments of the world as their police arm to stifle energy innovation. Antagonist by proxy, debonair Evans is a government spy sent to stop Victorino, and he woos Imelyna to make her an asset.
CHARACTER STRUCTURE — Dramatic Triangle between the villain, his girlfriend, and the spy. Victorino owes his rise to the love and support of Imelyna, however unbeknownst to him, Evans, who is trying to stop Victorino, is turning Imelyna against him.
PLOT STRUCTURE: #6. Revenge
Victorino (Protagonist), after having his work and reputation sabotaged, has a moral justification for vengeance and seeks retaliation against greedy corporations and politicians (Antagonist).
3. STRUCTURE: 9-beat
1. OPENING SCENE — After not getting his way and being bullied, poor, 10-year-old boy Victorino takes out his frustration by burning ants using the thick lenses of his glasses to magnify the sun into a beam.
2. INCITING INCIDENT — Scientist Victorino’s small-scale demonstration of his revolutionary energy magnifier is sabotaged by an unknown entity.
3. BY PAGE 10, WE KNOW WHAT THE MOVIE IS ABOUT — The trauma triggers a descent into megalomania as Victorino seeks vindication and vengeance against greedy corporations and politicians.
4. END OF FIRST ACT TURNING POINT — Fleeing for his life as thugs chase him from his laboratory, Victorino accepts movie star/environmental activist Imelyna’s invitation to relocate and finish his work.
5. SECOND ACT MID-POINT — Frustrated by lack of progress caused by interference from greedy corporations and politicians, Victorino decides to turn to villainy to pursue vindication and vengeance.
6. END OF SECOND ACT TURNING POINT — With his masterplan and lairs in ruin, Victorino completes his metamorphosis into a megalomaniac.
7. CRISIS — Victorino tricks disloyal Imelyna into giving him the space station access password, and then he wounds her so he can escape from Evans to space.
8. CLIMAX — Megalomaniac Victorino gives POTUS an ultimatum: let him rule the world and install his energy system or he will destroy the planet. The full-scale demonstration of his revolutionary energy magnifier is sabotaged (again!), and the world’s governments try to assassinate him by firing nuclear missiles at him in space. Victorino neutralizes the missiles with a wide beam from his giant magnifying lens, and then in a rage turns the magnifier into a weapon of mass destruction and annihilates earth.
9. RESOLUTION — Victorino sits alone in his small space station, “I’m not the last man on earth. I’m god.” Victorino alternates between maniacal laughter and crying, then silence, then he blasts the man on the moon to smithereens.
CHARACTER ARC — Victorino goes from helpless to stop the powerful to a megalomaniac who has unlimited power to defeat evil.
PART TO BE CHANGED: He is impotent, helpless to stop the powerful.
BIGGEST FEAR: He won’t be powerful enough to get vindication and vengeance.
COMPLETION OF ARC: He becomes omnipotent, regarding himself a god with unlimited power to defeat anything/everything
MAIN CONFLICT — Victorino wants the world to adopt his revolutionary energy system, but greedy interests who want to preserve the status quo keep throwing obstacles in his way.
DRAMATIC CONFLICT — Can Victorino become powerful enough to force greedy governments into submission so he can take over the world and install his world saving solar energy system technology?
DILEMMA — Victorino has to choose between fighting for a cause or fighting for himself/proving his power.
THEME — Corporate greed destroys everything in its wake.
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Anna Harper Version 2 Exchange for feedback
SILENT NIGHT
CONCEPT STAYS THE SAME
It’s almost Christmas in a picture-perfect English village. a stray Newfoundland dog, Alfie who has telepathic superpowers befriends 13-year-old Dylan saving him from a series of unpleasant events, the loving relationship between Alfie and Dylan, helps Dylan to understand how his choice to be mute must change in order that Dylan has a happier life and to accept the death of his mother, saving him, just in the nick of time, from being sent away to a ‘special school, arranged by his covertly and generally evil Dad’s girlfriend, Miss Elizabeth Perkins, (Dylan’s grade 6 teacher), luckily Alfie saves the magic and joy of the Christmas by introducing the very lonely Steve (Dylan’s Dad) to a new love. interest..
Drama, 3 ACT Screenplay. 4 characters
LEAD CHARACTERS
DYLAN
Dylan is a 13-year-old boy, He is selectively totally mute since the death of his mother two years ago. With the help of Alfie, (dog) he overcomes bullying and the scheming of his evil teacher who wants to send him to boarding school, eventually, he starts to speak again. His struggle is both internal and external.
ALFIE
Alfie is an all-black Newfoundland stray dog. He has telepathic powers, enabling him to have conversations with Dylan. Alfie is Dylan’s life coach.
STEVE
Steve is Dylan’s Dad. He is the village bus driver, volunteer fireman, and local hero, He loves his son, and is at wit’s end trying to get Dylan to open up and start talking. He sometimes dates Elizabeth, Dylan’s grade 5 teacher (Dylan’s nemesis.)
ELIZABETH PERKINS newly expanded role
Dylan’s teacher an evil piece of work who covertly abuses the school children and makes Dylan’s life hell. In the story NEW Steve dumps her. She becomes enraged and steps up her nasty behavior towards Dylan.
THE DRAMATIC QUESTION
Original Will Dylan ever speak again NEW, How will Dylan stop the bullies?
NEW
Will Dylan ever speak again, or will he remain an isolated victim stuck in a silent bubble of grief for his mother?
DILEMMA
ORIGINAL Dylan feels safe not talking, and close to his bereaved mother’s death, e also feels hopeless/joyless trying to deal with everything going wrong in his life. Alfie coaches him toward happiness.
NEW
Dylan wants to stay silent, he feels closer to his departed mother, he feels safe and lonely, until things go very wrong in his outside world, pushing him to make a choice he does not want to make.
THEME Metaphorphasis. STAYING WITH THIS VERSION
The way forward is through letting go of the illusion of safety. The relentless forces of the outside world make Dylan’s changes almost inevitable. Finding the way through grief to live again with the help of his dog, friends, and his Dad, he has to give up his cocoon of silence and deal with life
Main Conflict(s) changes Original concept was an internal conflict with regard to Dylan speaking or not speaking and his increased difficulties managing his school life.
New conflicts
Steve becomes more assertive with regard to Dylan’s problems. He takes the lead and dumps Elizabeth, (after her suggestion of boarding school.) This enrages her and escalates her abuse at the school.
Dylan and Alfie get into more scrapes and rebellion.
Dramatic Question(s) Will Dylan ever speak again NEW, How will Dylan stop the bullies?
Dilemma: Dylan feels safe not talking, and close to his bereaved mother’s death, NEW he also feels hopeless/joyless trying to deal with everything going wrong in his life. Alfie coaches him toward happiness.
New. He does not want to let his mother go If Dylan does not speak again he may lose Alfie, he will not be able to communicate effectively to stop or expose the escalating abuse at school, (now that his Dad has dumped an enraged Elizabeth.)
BEATS
1. OPENING
EXT.VILLAGE SCHOOL/DAY
ORIGINAL NO CHANGE
DYLAN exits school, looking warily behind, and then starts to run.
MISS ELIZABETH PERKINS is standing on the school steps, smiling and watching as a group of boys start to pursue Dylan into the village High St.
2. INCITING INCIDENT NO CHANGE
EXT.VILLAGE HIGH STREET/DAY
Terrified, Dylan hides in doorways and eventually is forced to jump into a garbage skiff at the back of the fish and chip shop.
INT.GARBAGE SKIFF/DAY
The bully boys give up. Dylan emerges from under the trash; he hears noises, very scared he starts to cry, and then a dirty scruffy huge all-black Newfoundland (ALFIE) emerges with the fish and chip newspaper wrapping in his mouth. Dylan screams and cowers in fear. Alfie speaks telepathically to Dylan
FIRST TURNING POINT
ORIGINAL VERSION
Alfie wins Dylan over with his telepathic superpowers. They go home to find a starving Alfie food.
NEW VERSION
Dylan is shocked when Alfie talks to him telepathically and refuses to believe it’s happening. Alfie wins Dylan over by explaining that they have to leave or get caught by the bullies. He elicits Dylan’s empathy by explaining he is starving and needs food. (this is the start of taking Dylan out of a selfish type of isolation.) Dylan rebels at Alfie’s suggestion to get raw scraps of meat at the butcher shop and takes Alfie home for food and a bath. Dylan mistakenly thinks they have time before his father arrives home from work.
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INT.STEVE AND DYLAN’S COTTAGE/DAY ORIGINAL
Steve returns earlier than expected. Dylan is discovered washing Alfie in the bathtub. Steve tells Dylan they cannot keep the dog. Steve was annoyed as Elizabeth the teacher was to come over for supper, now the house is muddy and smells like a dog. Steve says Alfie can only stay for the night.
CHANGES
Dylan gets filthy Alfie into the bathtub. He discovers that underneath Alfie’s fur he is all skin and bones. Alfie explains he is a homeless dog.
Steve arrives home to find a big mess. He finds Dylan washing Alfie in the bathtub. Steve tells Dylan they cannot keep the dog. Steve is annoyed as Elizabeth the teacher was to come over for supper, now the house is muddy and smells like a dog. Steve says Alfie can only stay for the night. Steve begs Dylan to speak and explain what is going on.
SECOND TURNING POINT ORIGINAL
INT: INDIAN RESTAURANT/EVENING
Elizabeth suggests that the answer to Steve’s problems and the impediment to their continued relationship is to send Dylan to a boarding school.
NEW CHANGES
Elizabeth suggests that the answer to Steve’s problems and the impediment to their continued relationship is to send Dylan to a boarding school, Steve dumps an angry Elizabeth.
THIRD TURNING POINT
ORIGINAL NO CHANGE
INT.DYLAN’S BEDROOM/DAY
Alfie encourages Dylan to try to communicate with his Dad about abuse at the school using pictures,
Steve runs out of the house in the morning as he is late for his bus route. He does not see the pictures. Dylan takes his pictures away believing that his Dad is not interested.
CHANGE NEW ADDITIONS
EXT.PARK/EARLY MORNING
Before school Dylan and Alfie go to the park to play. They see the bully boys walking towards them. Dylan is apprehensive. All of the boys but one, want to come and meet Alfie. The alpha bully hangs back scared of Alfie.
CRISIS
INT.SCHOOL/MORNING
Dylan observes his friend Daisy. Elizabeth is locking her into the school cellar. Dylan runs away from the school to find his Dad on his bus driving route.
INT.STEVE”S BUS/DAY
Dylan boards the bus. He makes a fuss. Steve is frustrated as he cannot understand what is going on. Finally, Dylan says “Help Daisy, help Daisy.”
INT.SCHOOL/DAY
Dylan and Steve go to the cellar door, they can hear Daisy crying. Steve fetches the school principal. The principal is informed that Elizabeth locked Daisy in the cellar. Elizabeth comes running and with evil looks at Daisy intimidates Daisy into taking responsibility for locking herself in the cellar.
CLIMAX
INT.DYLAN”S SCHOOLROOM/DAY
Steve has an interview at Dylan’s school, He agrees to consider the boarding school option and takes the paperwork home. Elizabeth continues to flirt with Steve. Steve is not entirely comfortable with Elisabeth’s moves
CHANGES
INT.DYLAN’S SCHOOLROOM/DAY
Steve has been summoned to an interview at Dylan’s school, Elizabeth says Dylan is in trouble again for fighting. This is a lie. Steve agrees to consider the boarding school option and takes the paperwork home.
EXT.VILLAGE STREET/DAY
On the way home, Steve takes the side of Elizabeth and says they should very seriously consider the boarding school as Dylan is creating trouble and Steve cannot figure out how to help him, he is feeling at his wit’s end. Dylan breaks away from his father and runs off. Steve cannot find Dylan.
CHANGE ADDITIONS
EXT.VILLAGE STREETS/EVENING
Dylan breaks away from his father and runs off. Steve cannot find Dylan.
INT.STEVE AND DYLAN’S COTTAGE/EVENING
Steve is pacing the floor, he calls the village police and tells them Dylan has run off.
Alfie finds the envelope with Dylan’s drawings and whines and barks until Steve looks at them.
Steve sees the pictures of abuse at the school and finally the penny drops. Steve looks at Alfie and asks him to find Dylan.
EXT.VILLAGE HIGH STREET/NIGHT
Alfie barks and steers Steve to the garbage skiff where Alfie and Dylan originally met. Steve lifts the lid on the skiff where he finds Dylan.
INT. AT THE COTTAGE/EVENING
Steve phones the school board, reports his concerns, and tells his son not to worry he is not going to the boarding school, he apologizes for not understanding or believing Dylan
RESOLUTION
INT.THE COTTAGE/MORNING
Steve calls the pound Dylan. No one has claimed Alfie. Steve says If Aflie makes Dylan happy and gets him to start talking, he can keep him until New Year. But only till New Year.
INT.DYLAN’S ROOM/MORNING.
Alfie spends more time with Dylan explaining how important it was for him to speak, he saved Daisy from the cellar. He also talks to him about loving his mother and making his mother happy by talking and enjoying his life. Dylan is still silent. He draws another picture of Alfie with a big heart around Dylan and Alfie, he gives it to his Dad.
INT.VILLAGE BAKERY/AFTERNOON
Dylan, Steve, and Alfie go shopping in the village. Dylan points and waves at the bakery.
They go in and buy all sorts of Christmas goodies. Steve seems to really see Mickey baker for the first time. He likes her. Alfie gets more dog cookies. Mickey is just about to close the shop and suggest they all go to the seafront cafe for hot chocolate.
EXT.VILLAGE HIGH STREET NEAR SEA FRONT/NIGHT
Dylan holds his Dad’s hand and points to the village’s huge Christmas tree, lights sparkling snowflakes falling. Dylan speaks “The tree Dad, it’s like Christmas magic..”
Steve says ” I guess Alfie is staying, our forever dog.”
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PS81 – Dana’s Pass 2: Story Logic Web
What I learned during this assignment:
Outlining my script with this SLW format allowed me to see the story beat by beat. And having multiple sets of eyes read my SLW helped flush out the holes in the story, the structure, theme, and my character motivations. I learned to be concise and make sure character’s actions hit the right beat.
BEFORE
Title:
First Time Caller
Concept:
A schizophrenic with multiple personality disorder calls a radio psychiatrist and warns that his more dominant and violent personality will kill one member of the psychiatrist’s kidnapped family every hour on air unless the psychiatrist can excise the personality before the end of the show.
Plot Choice: #8 – Rivalry
Character Structure: #1 Protagonist vs. Antagonist
Lead Characters:
Protagonist: Dr. Ellen – The radio psychiatrist trying to save her family
Protagonist: Detective – The head of the police investigation trying to find the patient/caller
Antagonist: Patient/Caller – The schizophrenic caller threatening to killer Dr. Ellen’s family.
Dramatic Question:
Will the psychiatrist stop the patient/caller from murdering her family?
Main Conflict:
An ex-patient takes a radio psychiatrist’s family hostage and threatens to kill them if she doesn’t excise his more violent personality.
Dilemma:
Can she overcome her insecurities to manipulate the patient/caller into harming himself to save her family?
Theme:
Vengeance is best served cold.
Plot/Structure:
1. Opening:
In traffic, heading to work, Ellen (last name) receives a call from her husband telling her that his car won’t start, and that he’s using Uber to drop their children off at school late before heading work. He asks her to pick them up, and they have a fight over responsibility.
At work, she has a meeting with her station manager. They discuss her low ratings and how she needs to improve them. She professes ratings are secondary to helping her patients.
2. Inciting Incident:
Dr. Ellen receives a call on air from a patient suffering from multiple personality disorder who tells her that his violent personality has kidnapped her family and is threatening to kill them.
Believing the call is a crank, Dr. Ellen calls her husband to confirm her family’s safety, but his phone goes to voicemail. Her children also have not arrived at school yet. Concerned, but not panicked, the station calls the police.
3. By page 10, you know what the movie is about:
A violent schizophrenic has kidnapped her family and is about to play a game of life and death with her.
4. First turning point at end of Act 1:
The patient calls back and puts her husband on the call. He confirms that he and their daughters have been kidnapped.
5. Midpoint:
Unable to talk her patient down on air, the violent personality forces her to choose one member of her family to be killed. Unable to choose, she screams at him not to harm her daughters, and by default she has chosen her husband who is shot on air.
With the police unable to find the caller, Dr. Ellen decides to extract the patient’s suppressed, manic-depressive personality and manipulate him to save her daughters.
6. Second turning point at end of Act 2:
Having successfully drawn the manic-depressive personality from her patient, she manipulates him to commit suicide to save her daughters.
7. Crisis:
The violent personality reemerges to foil the psychiatrist’s plan.
8. Climax:
She pits the two personalities against each other, pushing the patient to kill himself before his violent side can killer one of her daughters. The gun goes off. Nothing is known…until the cops kick the door and find the man dead. Her daughters are saved.
9. Resolution:
The detective who managed the investigation from the radio station, puts Dr. Ellen in the back of a car to take her to her daughters. They wave goodbye to each other. It’s over.
At the station, the detective receives a phone call from a physician at a hospital. He informs the detective that the patient/caller had been held for observation and was released that morning. The detective realizes there had to be someone else involved.
Aerial shot over the city. Another radio show is talking about Dr. Ellen’s nightmare when the host receives a call. It’s the patient/caller who says, “Love your show. Long time listener. First time caller.”
Character Arc:
Protagonist: Dr. Ellen – Anxious radio host to powerful psychiatrist who saves her family
Protagonist: Detective – Reluctant investigator to zealot determined to find the caller.
Antagonist: Caller/Patient – Schizophrenic with multiple personality disorder to cold-blooded murderer.
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DISCOVERIES AND IMPROVEMENT
I was explaining too much. I was able to narrow each beat down to one sentence and to the very moment when the beat should occur.
I also had two protagonists, which required more explanation. While the detective is essential to the story, he is a supporting character. Removing him as a protagonists enabled me to focus the conflict between the psychiatrist and the patient/caller.
I removed the schizophrenic diagnosis from the patient, as it did not apply.
I also improved the concept’s grammar, the dilemma, and I changed the theme.
AFTER
Title:
First Time Caller
Concept:
A patient with multiple personality disorder calls a radio psychiatrist and warns that his more dominant and violent personality will kill one member her kidnapped family every hour on air unless she can excise his violent personality before the end of the show.
Plot Choice: #8 – Rivalry
Character Structure: #1 Protagonist vs. Antagonist
Lead Characters:
Protagonist: Dr. Ellen – A radio psychiatrist desperate to save her family.
Antagonist: The Caller – The dangerous patient threatening to kill Ellen’s family.
Dramatic Question:
Can Ellen stop her patient from murdering her family?
Main Conflict:
A dangerous patient intends to kill a radio psychiatrist’s kidnapped family on air unless she can excise his violent personality before the end of the show.
Dilemma:
Does Ellen risk the lives of her family by trying to persuade the kidnapper from killing them or does she sacrifice her ethics and manipulate him into killing himself before he can execute his threat?
Theme:
Sacrificing morality to save another.
Plot/Structure:
1. Opening:
Running late, Ellen’s husband calls to tell her that his car won’t start, and he’s using Uber to drop their daughters off at school before heading to his office. But when he insists that she pick them up after her show, they clash over his lack of respect for her work, and she hangs up with a few harsh words.
2. Inciting Incident:
Ellen takes a call from a man who suffers from multiple personality disorder, but the call takes a dangerous turn when he tells her that his more violent personality has kidnapped her family and he intends to kill one of them on air every hour unless she can excise the personality before the end of the show.
3. By page 10, you know what the movie is about:
A dangerous patient has kidnapped Ellen’s family, and she must play a deadly game of life and death on air to save them.
4. First turning point at end of Act 1:
Ellen’s husband calls into the show and confirms that he and their two daughters have been kidnapped by the man’s violent personality, now in control, and is threatening to kill them if Ellen doesn’t play the man’s twisted game.
5. Midpoint:
When the police fail to capture the kidnapper, Ellen witnesses her husband’s murder on air, deepening her desperation and forcing her down a dark path to extract the patient’s manic-depressive personality and pressure him to commit suicide to saver her daughters.
6. Second turning point at end of Act 2:
Having successfully drawn the manic-depressive personality from her patient, Ellen, though anguished by the harm she’s causing to her patient, begins to press him deeper into despair toward suicide.
7. Crisis:
With the gun in his hand, her patient pleads with Ellen to stop, but before he can pull the trigger, the violent personality reemerges to foil Ellen’s plan, and toys with her, deciding which daughter to execute next.
8. Climax:
Ellen pits the man’s personalities against each other in a raging right for dominance until she hears the gun go off, leaving her on edge in the silence until she hears SWAT kick the door moments later and discover the man dead and her daughters saved.
9. Resolution:
With Ellen sent to reunite with her daughters, the detective assigned to the case discovers that the patient was not working alone, that someone else was involved and still at large, and at the very end, that someone calls another radio show and tells the host, “I’m a long-time listener. And first-time caller.”
Character Arc:
Protagonist: Ellen
Part to be changed: Anxious about her skills as a radio psychiatrist
Biggest fear: The kidnapper will murder her family
Completion of arc: She manipulates the kidnapper into killing himself and saves her daughters
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Justina Mitchell’s Pass 2: Story Logic Web
What I learned doing this assignment is that going through these processes can bring more congruence to the overall story. I was surprised to see the Plot Structure shift when it seemed like such an obvious choice previously.
BEFORE:
CONCEPT:
A very wealthy man who has no heirs considers leaving his money to one of three distant, unfamiliar cousins, but to find out how they will handle a massive fortune, he decides to give each of them a small fortune while he lives among them incognito and observes their handling of it.
LEAD CHARACTERS:
Protagonist: Stanley G. Fulton/John Smith – an ultra-wealthy man in search of who to will his money to
Antagonist: Maggie Duff – a close relation to the cousins Stanley is observing who is the self-sacrificing, self-effacing, positive and wise bearer of everyone’s burdens
PLOT/STRUCTURE:
#1 Quest
Opening:
We see Stanley in his opulent yet rather isolated life.
Inciting Incident:
Stanley nearly dies in a funny but frightening way within the framework of his everyday life; he chokes on a sausage or absent-mindedly cartwheels down the grand staircase or something like that.
By page 10, you know what the movie is about:
Stanley has determined that he needs an heir and has devised a plan to go live among his only known relatives in order to pick one.
First Turning Point at the end of Act 1:
Stanley arrives in Hillerton in beard and modestly priced garb and begins boarding with one of his cousins. He becomes acquainted with his cousins and their current way of life.
Mid-Point:
The small fortune that was to be given to the cousins arrives via Stanley’s lawyer/friend.
Second turning point at the end of Act 2:
All the happiness and joy of the cousins is dwindling as the complications of having a small fortune and what they have done with it is starting to hit home.
Crisis:
As Stanley and Maggie are trying to help the cousins with their money complications, they grow closer and suddenly Stanley realizes he is in love with her.
Climax:
Stanley has to confess to Maggie that he has been lying to her this whole time about who he is, and she responds by feeling like she can’t trust him.
Resolution:
Maggie decides that it wasn’t such a terrible lie, and she forgives Stanley. They then devise a plan to break the news to the rest of the family.
CHARACTER ARC:
Part to be changed: Stanley doesn’t have any intimately close relationships.
Biggest fear: Stanley fears his bequeathed money will ruin the people that he meant to help with it.
Completion of arc: Stanley falls in love with a generous, giving woman who will help his money help others.
MAIN CONFLICT, DRAMATIC QUESTION, DILEMMA:
Main conflict:
Each of the possible heirs have good points and bad points in how they relate to money and with each other.
Dramatic Question:
Who will Stanley end up choosing as an heir to his massive fortune?
Dilemma:
When Stanley realizes he has fallen in love with Maggie, he knows he has to continue living the persona he created or risk losing her by telling her that he has been dishonest with her for their entire relationship.
Theme:
Money doesn’t buy happiness; love does.
DISCOVERIES and IMPROVEMENTS:
Plot Structure:
Metamorphosis (#11) is very possibly a good alternative to the Quest (#1) structure. It seems the Quest is only the back drop for the Metamorphosis that takes place.
Main Conflict:
The main conflict seems out of place. Although it feeds into the Dramatic Question, it isn’t the Main Conflict. The Main Conflict is in Stanley thinking he can move in and out of his relatives lives without becoming part of their lives as well as they becoming part of his.
Dramatic Question:
Dramatic Question should be: Is Stanley going to be able to closely observe his distant cousins without becoming emotionally invested in their lives? But then again, that isn’t a very dramatic question. Perhaps a better question is: Once getting to know his distant cousins, will Stanley be able to choose which to give his money to, and will he just be able to walk away?
AFTER:
CONCEPT:
A very wealthy man who has no heirs considers leaving his money to one of three distant, unfamiliar cousins, but to find out how they will handle a massive fortune, he decides to give each of them a small fortune while he lives among them incognito and observes their handling of it.
LEAD CHARACTERS:
Protagonist: Stanley G. Fulton/John Smith – an ultra-wealthy, self-contained man who is in search of who to will his money to
Antagonist: Maggie Duff – a close relation to the cousins Stanley is observing who is the self-sacrificing, self-effacing, positive and wise bearer of everyone’s burdens
PLOT/STRUCTURE:
#11 Metamorphosis
Opening:
We see Stanley in his opulent yet rather isolated life.
Inciting Incident:
Stanley nearly dies in a funny but frightening way within the framework of his everyday life; he chokes on a sausage or absent-mindedly cartwheels down the grand staircase or something like that.
By page 10, you know what the movie is about:
Stanley has determined that he needs an heir and has devised a plan to go live among his only known relatives in order to pick one.
First Turning Point at the end of Act 1:
Stanley arrives in Hillerton in beard and modestly priced garb and begins boarding with one of his cousins. He becomes acquainted with his cousins and their current way of life.
Mid-Point:
The small fortune that was to be given to the cousins arrives via Stanley’s lawyer/friend.
Second turning point at the end of Act 2:
All the happiness and joy of the cousins is dwindling as the complications of having a small fortune and what they have done with it is starting to hit home.
Crisis:
As Stanley and Maggie are trying to help the cousins with their money complications, they grow closer and suddenly Stanley realizes he is in love with her.
Climax:
Stanley has to confess to Maggie that he has been lying to her this whole time about who he is, and she responds by feeling like she can’t trust him.
Resolution:
Maggie decides that it wasn’t such a terrible lie, and she forgives Stanley. They then devise a plan to break the news to the rest of the family.
CHARACTER ARC:
Part to be changed: Stanley doesn’t have any intimately close relationships.
Biggest fear: Stanley fears his bequeathed money will ruin the people that he meant to help with it.
Completion of arc: Stanley falls in love with a generous, giving woman who will help his money help others.
MAIN CONFLICT, DRAMATIC QUESTION, DILEMMA:
Main conflict:
Stanley thinks he can move in and out of his relatives lives without becoming attached to them emotionally.
Dramatic Question:
Once getting to know his distant cousins, will Stanley be able to choose which to give his money to, and will he just be able to walk away?
Dilemma:
When Stanley realizes he has fallen in love with Maggie, he knows he has to continue living the persona he created or risk losing her by telling her that he has been dishonest with her for their entire relationship.
Theme:
Money doesn’t buy happiness; love does.
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Day Eight – The “story Logic Web” – Assignment
Mike O – Pass 2: Story Logic Web
1. What I learned doing this assignment is…. The parts are interconnected and examining them and comparing and contrasting the various elements allows you to radically alter, examine and change a script before you have invested time and energy into the writing of it.
STEP 2. BEFORE:
Concept = A daughter, struggling-to-keep-it-together, having lost her mother earlier in the year, has to deal with her estranged father’s estate. Forced from her shell, from burying herself in her work and hiding from the real world, she must face the real world head on.
Lead Characters =
Protagonist: Brooklyn: the artist who has to take care of her father’s estate.
Antagonist: Richard – the crooked Art Gallery GM, who steals paintingsPlot/Structure = #12 Transformation
SUMMARY: Brooklyn, a painter on the cusp of making it big, learns her estranged father has passed. Having lost her mother earlier in the year, she realizes she is an orphan. As executor of her father’s estate, Brooklyn must set aside her compulsion to paint and give up her routine. Forced from her shell, she travels from Chicago to a small mountain town in Colorado. This transforming incident forces Brooklyn to see people living life in a far more relaxed and open manner. While going through her father’s belongings, she discovers the truth about her parent’s divorce: learns that her mother’s deception kept her and her father apart. Seeing her parents in a new light, forces Brooklyn to accept the posthumous love of a man she dearly loved as a little girl. At a crossroad, Brooklyn reevaluates her life and the priorities she’s been hiding behind. Brooklyn finds love standing on her father’s porch step. In for the holidays, a handsome stranger with two, young, boys comes bearing Christmas gifts, unaware Brooklyn’s father, has died.
List all 9 beats of your structure.
1. Opening – Protagonist is a painter on the cusp of being “discovered” You get the flavor of the movie.
2. Inciting Incident – Protagonist receives a certified letter that her estranged father has passed and she is the executor of his estate.
3. By page 10, you know what the movie is about. Yes. Protagonist must leave her “life” travel across country, and take care of her father’s estate.
4. First turning point at end of Act 1 – Protagonist discovers who her father really was. He was not poor and he did not abandon her as the protagonist’s mother told her. Her father was wealthy, he loved her and kept tabs on her over the years.
5. Mid-Point – Protagonist is trying to tie up her father’s estate, learns her father’s GM is trying to steal her father’s art gallery. She sees the antagonist for what he really is. This twist reveals the fact they are both after the same goal – the art gallery. Protagonist because it’s her legacy, her connection to her father; antagonist because he has worked hard for ten years and expects the place to be his.
6. Second turning point at end of Act 2 – protagonist realizes she cannot reason with the antagonist. She changes tactics, uses a lawyer to prevent the general manager from stealing her father’s art gallery.
7. Crisis – Protagonist, in addition to using a lawyer to prevent the General Manager from stealing her father’s art gallery, has to deal with her love interest who has a medical emergency and is rushed to the ER.
8. Climax – The protagonist and antagonist come face to face literally at the art gallery. He has stolen a number of expensive paintings and replaced them with no-name works. The protagonist has proof, has photos of the paintings that are missing and a hidden camera that captured the antagonist stealing the paintings.
9. Resolution – The protagonist accepts what happened, embraces her father’s posthumous love and decides to live there, where it feels real with her newfound love.
Character Arc = Brooklyn’s growth a. Part to be changed: Brooklyn’s inability to live her own life.
b. Biggest fear: Brooklyn’s fear of change, of facing people and life head on.
c. Completion of arc: Brooklyn moves to a strange new town, falls in love and gets married.Main Conflict = Brooklyn has to accept loss as a part of life and accept change is unstoppable.
Dramatic Question = Will Brooklyn be ready for true love when she is comes face to face with it.
Dilemma = Brooklyn returns to her old life, or she embraces what she has found in Wintergreen and take a chance.
Theme = Love and loss are two sides of the same coin and both are unavoidable.
STEP 3. DISCOVERIES & IMPROVEMENTS: While Step 2 was about working with a single component at a time, Step 3 is about seeing how different components work together and/or testing components against each other. Start with the most extreme component and pit it against the others one at a time to see where it causes you to have an insight into your story.
If the Dramatic Question is, will Brooklyn be ready for true love when she is comes face to face with it. Then throughout the story, Brooklyn will be doing everything in her power (subconsciously) to avoid or sabotage love as she is unable to accept loss as a part of life and that change is unstoppable. (Main Conflict). This would include the lucrative offer from a rich patron back in Chicago. It would make the Dilemma: return to her old life and take up with old rich guy, or start a new life and take a chance in a new place with a stranger.
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