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Day 8 Assignment
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Mod. 3, Lesson 8 – Building in Distress and Empathy
I found this a difficult exercise. I think I’m too embedded in my original story.
ASSIGNMENT:
1. Look through your outline and see if any of these as a bigger frame for your story, or if you already have it in the story, can you emphasize or expand it:
These apply only to the one-hour Pilot script for ELEMENTS OF BETRAYAL
A. Crucible
Page 3 – Lane Baer is strangling from being financially strapped
Page 4 – Lane desperate for a story to meet publisher’s deadline
Emotional Dilemma
Page 5 – Lane can’t have an erection.
Betrayal
Page 15 – Marta has make-over which changes her from a timid woman to a sexy, aggressive woman who is no longer a plain jane. We see her change as she applies the cosmetics.
Forced Decision
So needy for a new story concept, he discovers the 18-year-old Laylah Hafez somehow serves as a muse. When she’s in the room, his imagination flourishes. She soon learns she has this power.
Exposed
Savage needs to confide in Lane about the death of his baby daughter and divorce of his wife.
Must make decision with Future Consequences
Lane must take a strong stand to teach the way he thinks is best. That means, despite, what Margaret Gilgood thinks of his process, he will remain true to his students.
2. Looking at your scenes, are there places you can create situations to cause more Empathy/Distress?
Step 1: Check each scene to see if you can build any of these forms of Empathy/Distress into them.
Undeserved misfortune:
Lane’s father, a successful autobiographer, plays down Lane’s choice to write fiction and cruelly criticizes the books that was published five years ago. When Lane has physical battle with his father and wins, his father has a new perspective of his son.
External character conflicts
Margaret Gilgood doesn’t trust Lane with the girls. He’s too good looking and they are all gaga over him. She warns him not to cross the line with any of the girls.
Plot intruding on life
Lane discovers his wife, Marta, is attracted to Christian Savage.
Plans that failed
Lane thinks he can teach and write his novel. Even though his muse, Leylah seems to provoke him to write, he still can’t land the concept that will light the book on fire. That is until later in the story when Christian Savage is murdered.
Plans that failed
Lane doesn’t want his daughter to come into Marta and his bedroom. She acts like a little girl and come scrambling in. He shows her empathy when he learns that she came into to tell him/them that her boyfriend had left.
Witnessing the pain of others
Marta invites Savage over again. She likes his presence. Lane discovers this.
Extreme consequences
Marta is tempted to have an affair with Savage. She fears she’ll hurt Lane.
Major loss
Paige considers leaving home with 20-year-old man.
Brings their wound present
Step 2: Make those situations even worse.
Make it more painful
Marta finds Lane in the backyard smoking a foreign cigarette. She forces him to tell her about Leylah.
Raises the stakes
Gilgood and Savage have a battle in her office. Savage leaves their relationship.
Time this to be at the worst moment
Gilgood so angry at Savage she takes it out on Lane. She goes to slap him across the face, but he stops her. She’s humiliated.
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Tracy El Pueblo Adding Empathy/Distress
It’s not that I didn’t want to do this, but I just wasn’t generating any ideas after thinking about it for 2 days!
Assignment:
A. Crucible
Being working crew members on a sailing ship in the midst of the ocean is a grueling experience every minute of every day for Thomas and Joseph. Thomas deals with a hardened captain who finds any whiff of insubordination intolerable. Joseph finds the inexperienced young captain threatens all their safety.
B. Betrayal
Diego feels horribly betrayed by his father when he trades the Indian patriots off to the Comanche. The Comanche usually kill the men, but father justifies that they are young enough they’ll probably be used in the horse trade in Comancheria.
C. Forced Decision
Joseph dumped on the whaler by his fellow Christians — why? Doesn’t have a choice but to jump into his work to keep the ship afloat until he can escape.
<div>
</div>D. Hurt those they love
Antonia’s grandmother isn’t going to let the jilted suitor get away — she’ll betroth Antonia’s 15 year-old cousin to the man for her own future good.
<div>
</div>E. Emotional Dilemma
Thomas was hopeful about getting clear away from <st1:country-region w:st=”on”><st1:place w:st=”on”>America</st1:place></st1:country-region>; but he loathes Captain Bouchard, even though he’s promoted. As a black man, he wants to stay out of the captain’s way, but his fellow Black Jack sailors count on his leadership to protect them.
F. Exposed
Diego exposes his father’s nefarious trading deals; his father doesn’t want any attention called to the family as that might expose them as Jewish (though Diego doesn’t know this history). Slave trading will not get them into the same kind of trouble since the Spanish government turns a blind eye.
G. Must Make Decision with Future Consequences
Antonia rejects a man to marry that is a couple of years older than her own father. Instead of getting a ranch house of her own with servants to help, she is obliged as an “old maid” to help her aunt instead, though she hates kids and crying babies.
H. Undeserved misfortune
Lucas didn’t expect his father to die, so wasn’t present. Considered very callous and spoiled by family.
I. External character conflicts
Joseph isn’t a sterling example of an Anabaptist, but he’s stunned that Calvinists would hate him. He’s grown up in <st1:city w:st=”on”>Charlestown</st1:city> (<st1:place w:st=”on”>North Boston</st1:place>), which is known for toleration. What did he do to set them off?
J. Plot intruding on life
Lucas: his father’s death destroys his university and city life – he is abruptly left with nothing, not even the skills or ambition to salvage where he loves to be.
K. Plans that failed
Antonia is attracted to the son of the majordomo at the mission. Grandma mocks wasting time with a young man who has many years ahead building up substantial means. It’s not Antiona can go to college or do something meaningful in the meantime.
L. Witnessing the pain of others
Antonia is present when uncle dies in terrible pain; her pregnant aunt is distraught. Antonia was a young girl when her mother died but she didn’t witness it.
M. Extreme consequences
Diego acting as a passionate conscience to his dad gets him banned from home just when he’s returned after such a long absence. He’s liked the comfort their wealth provides after the austere life of the seminary — particularly the food and a comfortable bed. He’s forbidden to return to the city either.
N. Major loss
Taking a vow of chastity as a young Catholic priest is hard, as Diego wrestles with a decision that was forced upon him. Reconnecting with the women of his passionate youth before going away to seminary is painful, but most are married. He didn’t realize how envious he is of this life being denied him.
O. Brings their wound present
The death of her uncle is awful. Her mom was young when she died giving birth to Antonia’s brother, but Antonia still misses her. She’s lived with the possibility that she could get a stepmother. Now at her age it would be awkward if her dad remarried someone young near her age. Grandma hasn’t forced him yet.
P. Make it more painful
Antonia’s grandmother decides the younger cousin will marry the rancher, though not quite 16 yet. The girl is terrified, and it’s Antonia’s fault. Antonia loves the girl as her closest confidante and doesn’t want to lose her.
Q. Raise the stakes
When visiting the family holdings on the coast, Diego accidentally discovers their trade in African slaves. A huge moral argument erupts when Diego insists his father give this up. It’s the tipping point for the dad to make arrangements for Diego to be sent far away for the next year.
R. Create more loss
Lucas as the youngest of his dad’s second family was doted on as the baby. He did not expect to get cut off completely. The eldest brother offers to let Lucas’ mom and sisters stay on the hacienda, but Lucas and his brother will have to set off on their own. Since the town ostracizes them, no decent position is open for him; Lucas refuses to work as a laborer and he loathes the royal military.
S. Put any goal, need, value, wound at significant risk
Lucas harps on about being a loyalist, not realizing his closest brother supports the rebels. His brother was slated to go to <st1:city w:st=”on”><st1:place w:st=”on”>Los Angeles</st1:place></st1:city> to live with their uncle, but signs up to be a soldier with the insurgents. Lucas is distraught, as he loves this brother. Lucas is glad he wasn’t conscripted the crown’s army to fight against his brother.
T. Time this to be at the worst moment
The eldest brother decides that Lucas will replace his brother going to <st1:state w:st=”on”><st1:place w:st=”on”>California</st1:place></st1:state> province. Lucas is afraid to travel alone or to leave the family at this time. He doesn’t have the skills or interest to be a frontiersman. He’s mocked — going as a clerk with good penmanship.
U. Make it more physically threatening
Lucas needs protection — a caravan or escort to get him to the port at San Blas 500 miles away. He’ll be travelling through battle zones. He’s given a gun and sword that he doesn’t know how to use. The thought of then travelling two months on a ship makes Lucas feel seasick already. But his eldest brother shames into being grateful for this outcome far from war.
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Jean’s Adding Empathy/Distress!
What I learned doing this assignment is that even though I had situations that created empathy and distress, I was able to find some more. When I changed them up, it made for more interesting scenes.
These are the areas I’ve added more distress/empathy:
Act 1:
I found Act 1 the most difficult section to add empathy and distress because it’s mostly normal life. However, I decided to move one of the main character’s introductions from Act 2 to Act 1. It got him involved right away, creating mystery in the first scene. He sneaks into Sharra’s apartment to hide a bug. We get to see through his actions/reactions that she is alone and moves around a lot.
When Sharra comes home she notices the only photo – of her parents and her when she was young – had been moved. She holds it like it’s very precious to her. At the same time, she realizes someone had been there.
Act 2:
Lazarus mentions Grayson, her brother, during her interview. She flinches. Something happened between her and Grayson and it wasn’t good.
Sharra discovers her boss has been embezzling millions of dollars. She makes a copy on a USB stick. Her boss is coming. It’s not finished. He stops to talk to one of her workmates. She closes the file just as the boss walks in, but doesn’t have time to remove the stick. She slides a piece of paper over it.
In the Vault, Faolan almost gets discovered by Tanner while searching the Vault computer system for information on Sharra.
Act 3:
While alone, Sharra puts the USB stick in an envelope and addresses it, then sneaks into Lazarus’s computer, into her file. There is a section on her parents’ accident. Lazarus comes in, stopping Sharra from opening the file.
Act 4:
Faolan breaks into the mugger’s house and hacks into his computer, but the mugger comes home. He prints off the last email and pulls out a knife, ready to kill, but sees Tanner running up and vanishes.
Sharra’s boss calls her into his office. He knows that she knows about the money. She tries to deny it, but he backs her into a corner, threatens her – no one will believe her accusations. She quits. He gets on the phone and calls in a favor.
She arrives home and finds her place totally trashed. Everything is broken. The picture is smashed. She cries. Tanner gets angry at whoever did it. He comforts Sharra. She grows suspicious of Tanner. Makes Tanner leave. Sharra calls Dash, she can’t stay in her apartment. She’s ready to take up that job offer, but they must leave now. He arranges to meet her and gives her directions.
Act 5:
Sharra gets out of a taxi in front of an abandoned warehouse. She calls for Dash. The battered mugger grabs Sharra, but Sharra’s boss shows up with a bunch of hitmen with guns (He got a tip) and takes control. Sharra accuses her boss of hiring the mugger which he adamantly denies. He wants the USB stick. Stubbornly she refuses. When her boss learns the NYPD has the USB stick, (She mailed it to them.) he turns furious. Her boss shoots Sharra but Tanner who has been sneaking closer, throws her down, and the bullet hits the mugger instead, killing him. Tanner grabs the mugger’s gun and takes down two guys. He’s a trained fighter. But there are too many. Police sirens get closer. Sharra and Tanner are surrounded, trapped. He tells her to close her eyes and they disappear.
A flash of white and a glimpse of Tanner and Sharra. Then, they disappear and reappear outside the Vault Agency building. Sharra is in shock, but Tanner doesn’t slow down. She accuses him of following her. He calls her a pain in the neck and magnet for trouble. Tanner is only with Sharra at Lazarus’ command, not by choice.
They burst into Lazarus’ office. Lazarus offers Sharra a trial basis, she can go anywhere she wants after that. Tanner gives her the family photo that he took from her apartment. She has nothing left. Forced to flee or be killed, she takes his offer.
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Mod 3 – lesson 8 Empathy
What I learnt is that I need to not only make my characters empathetic but to show them actively trying to change their situation (but often more problems come down on them…creating more empathy).
I realise I need to show one of my protagonists being more proactive in how she gets out. I also need to emphasise more how lonely Joe feels – he sees his family pulling away.
Abby is trapped, alone in an isolated property and doesn’t know how to get out. She feels betrayed and abandoned by her mother. Her mother chooses her husband over her daughter. Abbey is afraid and has only a priest to talk to.
Joe is a ten year old boy. He has grown up in poverty, father in jail, parents fight all the time. His mother checks out, his father goes missing. When they move everyone seems happy except Joe. He is only ten and feels like he’s not being heard. The only person he can talk to is his grandmother but his father stops all contact. We see how lonely he is. He is also sensitive and kind and doesn’t fit in with the local boys who bullies him.
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Janeen’s Adding Empathy/Distress!
What I learned doing this assignment is that with each revision, I find more refinement in the point/focus of each scene and the order of the scenes is becoming clearer — closer to a beat sheet.
I have 3 people dying in my pilot — 2 of Mike’s 3 girlfriends and Mike.
Teaser: Show Mike and his wife as lovely caring and cared about people and whomp! they die.
Act 1: Show how Mike had only 3 women in his life and didn’t marry the love of his life. Show that girlfriend one (Molly) dies of an apparent suicide. Show the relationship of the 3 women to each other and to Mike.
Act 2: Show how Mike and his wife figure out that Molly probably didn’t kill herself and the audience gets to know Mike’s much older sister who gets some awful (but not known to anyone bur her and her doctor) medical news. She confides only in Molly (not the audience) what the awful medical news is and Molly and Mike put girlfriend #3 (Cara, the love of Mike’s life) in charge should anything happen to them. Then, they die in a crash on their way to a New Year’s Eve party before telling anyone what they’ve found out about Molly’s death.
Act 3: Cara, devastated by the death of Mike and his wife (Mindy, her childhood best friend), goes to the funeral, finds out that Mike’s older sister and his twins expect Cara to move to the farm and take Mike and Mindy’s place. She loses her boyfriend and her shot at starting a family of her own because her boyfriend is furious with her about her even suggesting they move to rural Iowa. She meets the man Molly married – Jim, Mike’s best bud from childhood – and finds him a very charming man as he was always described by Mindy, but Mike’s sister is almost panicked at the thought of Cara and Jim together.
Act 4: Randi (Mike’s sister) and the twins launch an all-out campaign to get Cara to move to Iowa and do the farming herself. Cara’s boyfriend dumps her for good and Jim promises to do the farming for her. Randi, furious that the land once rented to or farmed by someone else will be gone from the twins for good, tells Cara about the trouble between Molly and Jim that had brewed for years.
Act 5: Randi, desperately looking at her as yet unshared medical problem, tries to guilt Cara into staying on the farm. The twins, not wanting to lose their home and all their friends after just losing their parents, also guilt her. Jim is looking like a potential new boyfriend for Cara while his son Hunter is offering to help her (he thinks at Jim’s bidding, but Jim is talking about taking over, not ‘helping’) and Cara opts to stay because she thinks her own love for Mike might have caused Mindy’s death and Mike might have gotten killed by accident — more guilt for Cara. Just as she thinks she has a way to satisfy her need for a family and child of her own via the farm and Jim, she witnesses Jim abusing Hunter (more verbal, but hinting at physical) because of his offer to help Cara. Jim’s younger son, Cara, the twins and Randi are all shocked by his implied and verbal violence. Cara immediately wonders if her commitment to stay was a big mistake.
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R. Reid Jr. ’s building in empathy and distress
What have I learned from this assignment is to never
count out a way to put my characters through more than I have shown already and after that I can put them through more. And putting them through a rough spot I found a link story link.
ASSIGNMENT:
1. Look through your outline and see if any of these as a bigger frame for your story, or if you already have it in the story, can you emphasize or expand it:
A. Crucible The main character having to fit in at school on earth as an alien hiding as a human.
B. Betrayal Betrayal by the Agent who would sell him out to get a head.
C. Forced Decision-picking the Agents to work with.
D. Hurt those they love- Being hurt by the Mystery woman who says they know each other.
E. Emotional Dilemma-Helping Snowy might blow his control over her by bringing her awareness back.
F. Exposed As a person who lied and cheated their way into a case and trust of the agents.
G. Must Make Decision with Future Consequences- Trusting the agents but that might help them know or even get the Tech in the future.2. Looking at your scenes, are there places you can create situations to cause more Empathy/Distress?
Step 1: Check each scene to see if you can build any of these forms of Empathy/Distress into them.
Undeserved misfortune-Snowy losing her short term memory in bar and in the park.
External character conflicts- The female agent dealing with her loss on the job. Makes her better or just a bad ass.
Plot intruding on lifeBruce starts to get flashbacks in front of the Agents as they come close to the bank. Flashbacks of something being implanted into his head/someone’s else’s head and him nodding in agreement.
Plans that failed-failure to catch the Mysterious woman.
Witnessing the pain of others Bruce interacting with Snowy and Snowy not knowing she was used as a weapon.
Extreme consequences –Bruce helping the Agents will result in someone’s death.
Major loss- Bruce is failing in his class.
Brings their wound present-Bruce’s memory loss makes him doubt his mission if it is even real.Step 2: Make those situations even worse.
Make it more painful Agents are closing in on discovering Snowy.
Raise the stakes Bruce pitting the Agents against each other by getting closer to the female agents.
Create more loss Bruce discovers the loss of the female agent.
Put any goal, need, value, wound at significant risk Bruce being found out as the Agents show up at the school.
Time this to be at the worst moment Just as the Agents show up at the school Bruce spots the mysterious woman. It comes to save Snowy or go after the Mysterious woman.
Make it more physically threatening The Mysterious woman threatens Bruce to trust her or feel her wrath. -
Binge Worthy – Mod. 4, Lesson 8, AttackCunterattack
Elizabeth’s Dialog 1+2 – Looking for these subtle changes makes every character more interesting, therefore strengthens the scene.
PAIGE I didn’t know we have company. Marta, jacketed in the effect of the scotch, looks longingly at Christian for a long beat. PAIGE (CONT’D) Mommy! Marta comes to. MARTA Paige, dear. What is it? Paige leans against the door jamb. Christian stands, extends his hand to Paige. She doesn’t take it. CHRISTIAN SAVAGE I came by to meet with your daddy, but I guess the muse must have struck. He’s working late at school. PAIGE Why didn’t you talk to him there? CHRISTIAN SAVAGE Well, I…I wanted to have a private conversation with him. PAIGE Doesn’t the school have doors that close? CHRISTIAN SAVAGE Yes, of course. It’s just that I wanted to– PAIGE Whatever. Christian steps toward Paige. Clearly he admires her. PAIGE (CONT’D) Mama, I need to talk to you. Paige keeps her eyes on Christian. CHRISTIAN SAVAGE I should be leavin’ He makes a formal bow to Marta, touches Paige’s shoulder. Paige rolls her shoulder away from his hand. CHRISTIAN SAVAGE (CONT’D) Don’t worry, ladies. I can find my way out. He heads for the exit. CHRISTIAN SAVAGE (CONT’D) Oh, Paige, in case you didn’t know. You have an extraordinary mama. Marta smiles and watches him as he slips out of the house. INT. KITCHEN Marta washes and dries the glasses. Staring at her mother, Paige speaks around devouring her cuticle. PAIGE What were you doing holding hands with Pear Head? Marta tugs Paige’s finger out of her mouth. MARTA We weren’t holding hands. PAIGE I saw you. MARTA Don’t be ridiculous. PAIGE I know exactly what I saw. It was disgusting. You and that creep! God, he looks like a partially baked loaf of white bread. MARTA Stop it! Marta slams a glass down on the tile counter. Glass explodes. Blood combines with puddles of water and spreads. She grabs a paper towel and wraps it around her hand. MARTA (CONT’D) We were just talking. That’s all. He was…he was…listening to me. PAIGE Yeah, well, if the weirdo listened to me the way he listens to you, I’ll bet my autographed Stones album I was saying something freaking juicy. Paige picks up pieces of glass. MARTA You’re wrong. Paige continues to pick up pieces of glass. MARTA (CONT’D) Paige! Paige look at me. Paige stops. MARTA (CONT’D) I don’t want you to say anything about this to your father. He’s got enough on his mind with the new job and the book deadline. PAIGE How touching.. So concerned you don’t want Daddy to know you were making goo-goo eyes with that fat turd. A flash of anger. Marta slaps Paige across her face. PAIGE (CONT’D) I hate you! Marta reaches for Paige, but Paige pulls away. MARTA I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to strike you. I’m sorry. Marta steps toward Paige but Paige backs up. MARTA (CONT’D) You mustn’t say anything. You’d only upset him and I don’t want him to be hurt. PAIGE I’m the last person in this house who would do anything to hurt Daddy. Paige flies out of the room. Her door SLAMS. Immediaely loud METALLIC MUSIC rumbles in her room. Marta pulls off the paper towel. The slash in her palm is deep. She thrusts it under the running faucet. Strands of blood shimmy down the drain MARTA My beautiful Lane.
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Rob’s Adding Empathy / Distress
What I learned doing this assignment is the value of thinking consciously and deliberately about how to make life difficult for my characters.
Crucible:
Julia is summoned to her bullying boss Vincent’s office to explain the failure of the archaeological dig
The Mirage is forced to fight the demons – at his own home where Madeleine resides
Emotional dilemma:
Should The Mirage help Julia or keep his distance from her to keep Madeleine safe?
Underserved misfortune:
The demon woman frames the Mirage as being a cop-killer, making Detective White an enemy
Decision with future consequences:
The Mirage abandons Julia which leads the demons to his home – irony.
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