Day 8 Assignment

[Rob Bertrand]

Rob Bertrand’s Extreme Emotions

What I learned: I learned that script readers are looking for an emotional journey to hook them. The best way is to write with emotional descriptions.

CHARACTERS

Danny Laplante – Antagonist
Basic character traits: Traumatized, delusional, Liar, who’s dangerous.
Character Logline: Danny is a high school drop out with a history of mental illness, who becomes obsessed with tormenting Annie after she rejects his affections.

Jack Andrews – Side Character
Basic character traits: Exhausted, foul-mouthed, conservative father, who’s protective of his daughters.
Character Logline: Jack is an overworked auto mechanic, who’s grieving the death of his wife, Nora, while struggling with alcoholism and his daughter’s deteriorating mental health.

SCENE

INT. LIVING ROOM – DAY

The doorbell buzzes an obnoxious number of times.

JACK (O.S.)
Jesus H. Christ, I’m coming! For fucks sake!

Jack angrily stomps down the stairs, wiping sleep from his eyes. As he throws the front door open.

JACK
You miss the fuckin’ no soliciting sign, asshole?

But it’s not a salesman. It’s Danny Laplante, still wearing the same clothes from Annie’s date the night before. He doesn’t back down from Jack’s anger, takes a step forward to enter the house.

DANNY
Where’s Annie?

Jack puts a firm hand on Danny’s shoulder and stops him.

JACK
Hold the fuck up, sport. Who are you?

DANNY
I’m Danny.

JACK
Right. Well, listen, Danny. My daughter is recovering from a traumatic experience. Now is not the time for boys. Why don’t you–

DANNY
(screams)
–Annie! Annie?! Get out here!

Danny face grows manic. Anger bubbling just behind his eyes.

JACK
Lower your god damn voice, kid.

DANNY
Tell Annie to answer the fucking phone when I call.

JACK
Not gonna happen, dude. Get the fuck out of here.

DANNY
Fuck you, ya piece of shit!

Jack reaches his boiling point and shoves Danny backwards. Danny falls down the porch steps and lands hard on the concrete.

JACK
You stay the fuck away from my daughter! You hear me?

Danny looks up at Jack, towering over him. The dominance triggers him. A ghost from his past.

DANNY
No! No! Don’t hit me…don’t hit me again!

Self-conscious, Jack looks around the neighborhood. No witnesses.

JACK
Shut the fuck up and listen. My daughter? She doesn’t like you. I don’t like you. Don’t come around here again.

The fear on Danny’s face melts away. Now only a cold grin remains.

DANNY
Or what? What are you gonna do about it?

Jack looks him up and down. The balls on this kid?

JACK
I’ll fuck you up.

Danny stands up, nose to nose with Jack. Challenge accepted.

DANNY
Annie was right. The wrong parent died…

Jack didn’t see it coming. The comment lands like a nine-pound hammer.

JACK
Get the hell out of here.

Danny smiles, while backing away.

DANNY
I’m going to fuck your daughter, Jack.

Now it’s Jack’s turn to go mental. He’s an intimidating man, when he wants to be.

JACK
If I fuckin’ see you around here again…I will fuckin’ end you!

Danny blows him a kiss.

CUT TO:

[Elizabeth Koenig]

Elizabeth’s Extreme Emotions

What I learned: the visual-then internal emotion is a great technique!

Ed’s traits

• Responsible

• Avoidant-restless as a consequence (changes): Subtext: to avoid his own pain/psychological work he’s vicariously lived through others his whole life, relating to people only as “the doctor.”

• Caring

• Connecting (collects/mixes diverse ideas & people)-his brilliance (extreme)

Character Logline: Ed is a never-married retired psychiatrist whose desire to die so he can continue to not face feelings he’s forever avoided gets upended by the chaotic, needy family of his deceased Junior High first-and-only love, especially when he realizes they may be his biological family, too

Jewels’ traits:

• Joyful/bubbly

• Grateful (extreme)

• Compassionate

• Simple smarts/heart-smarts

Earlier subtext (not so much by now): she finds Ed annoying but quite attractive.

INT. LINDA’S KITCHEN – NIGHT

Ed waits. Claustrophobia woven into his face by this—

Sweatshop-meets hoarder’s haven of boxes, fabric bolts. A sewing form in bridesmaid dress that blocks the hall as—

Jewels materializes. Grips both side-frames of Ed’s only way out—her patience blown.

JEWELS

What is your goal, here, Ed? Why are you here?

Like he’s the lid of a kettle over too much steam as he—

Steps back—into a corner.

ED

I’m just trying to tuck everyone in, Jewels.

JEWELS

(Squints)

What?

Ed cradles his head in his hands—how to explain?

ED

It’s a residency phrase. Your goal when you’re On-Call.

Jewels waits. Trying to thaw a permafrost with a candle.

ED

(Finally)

You have to get your patients medically stable. Pain and anxiety controlled so they sleep. Then maybe you’ll be able to get a little sleep, too.

Jewels exhales through billowing lips—mind-blowing.

JEWELS

So, every day of your life you’ve been trying to get to sleep?

ED

Well, not as a kid.

Jewel’s stares—her candle is more like a blowtorch.

ED

A little kid at least.

(A final wiggle)

And in outpatient practice it’s not a day-and-night thing. You have to ‘tuck’ your patients until their next visit. It could be weeks.

JEWELS

We are not your patients, Ed.

Ed crosses his arms. Ace-bandaging the humiliation.

ED

I know.

JEWELS

The people at your retirement home aren’t either. They’re friends.

ED

Of course. True.

(Working to feel it)

You’re exactly right.

JEWELS

So this is repetition compulsion?

Ed looks at a week’s worth of dishes in the sink. Can’t help but chuckle—nailed by a minister with his own hammer.

ED

Same-ol, same ol. They teach you this in Divinity School?

JEWELS

Psychology.com

Ed shakes his head like he’s trying to cast out a ring. Only it isn’t tinnitus. It’s more like sleigh bells.

And now it’s a growing a belly-laugh.

ED

(A true laugh)

You’re good.

JEWELS

I am good. I am daaa-ng good.

Ed looks at Jewels—a twinkle of life in his eyes we have never seen and Jewels’ eyes with the warmth of the sun—

JEWELS

(Genuine as it comes)

Welcome to the family, Ed.

[John Budinscak]

Budinscak Extreme Emotion

Day 8

What I learned doing this assignment:

o Great stuff on what’s needed for the emotional journey.

o I like Key Three the best – Visual, then internal/emotion, but Economy and Essence just as important.

o Go through this process with every scene and you’ll add the emotional journey everyone wants.

o Another excellent example, this time with “ERIN BROCKOVICH”.

Characters:

Jack – slick/street smart, selfish, condescending, generous

Subtext – Conniving

Logline – Jack isn’t a role model, nor does he want to be, but … when presented with a captive audience – his nephews, Puck & Sal – he will present whatever version of his facts as he sees fit.

Character Name: Puck

Traits: nerdy, insecure, devious and intimidated

Subtext: Devious

Character Logline: Nerdy Puck is a moral compass during the trip, constantly holding his uncle accountable while plotting to stay two steps ahead of his cousin.

Character Name: Sal

Traits: manipulative, smartass, sneaky, bit of a bully

Subtext: Sneaky

Character Logline: Sal is a mini-Jack, a sneaky storyteller and convincing liar – the one most apt to initiate trouble, benefit from it then abscond from blame.

Scene:

EXT. HIGHWAY – DAY

It’s so hot even the cactus sweat.

INT. CADILLAC – DAY

Jack chain-smokes as he drives. Smoke creeps over the front seat like a London fog. Sal makes eye contact with Puck – it’s time. Puck wheezes and leans forward, he’s a little boy in distress.

PUCK

Please crack the window.

JACK

Oh, yeah, sure. Sorry.

Jack lowers his window a smidge and within seconds the fog is lifted.

[Amy Falkofske]

Amy’s Extreme emotion!

What I learned doing this assignment Is that it’s okay to indicate the internal state of your characters to take your reader on an emotional journey.

Name: Andrea

Traits: well-spoken, image conscience, playful, competitive, concealing

Subtext: Afraid to say

Character Logline: Andrea is a tough as nails news anchor who holds her own secrets close to the vest.

Possible areas of subtext: Andrea is tough on the people she interviews, but when alone, she cries about the state of her life.

INT. – NEWSROOM TOM’S OFFICE- DAY

Tom is distracted by something on his computer. Someone RAPS ON THE DOOR. It’s Andrea.

Tom’s head jerks up, then he practically jumps out of his chair. He’s seen a ghost.

TOM

Andrea?

ANDREA

It’s me. I’m back.

Andrea yanks at the chair in front of Tom’s desk, plops down into it and grabs the edge of Tom’s desk, desperate.

ANDREA

Tom, tell me I still have a job.

Tom’s face is frozen in place. He’s actually frightened.

TOM

You’ve been gone a year. Everyone thought you were-

ANDREA

Dead? NO! Tom, please take me back!

Andrea’s lips start to quiver. Tears fall down her cheeks.

Tom relaxes a little. He does care.

TOM

I’m sorry, Andrea. I don’t have any openings right now.

ANDREA

Does that really matter? I was your start reporter, the noon anchor. I’m back, and I want my career back.

Tom seems to give up the fight.

TOM

Part-time reporter is the best I can do.

Andrea jumps out of her seat, reaches across the desk and hugs Tom

ANDREA

THANK YOU!

[Robert Smith]

DAY 8 BOB SMITHS EXGTREME EMOTION!”

What I learned doing this assignment is…?

…Is the way that slight coloration of dialogue and description keeps the reader’s

and the audience’ attention. What I did in the assignment was rewrite an existing scene and applied the three keys of economy, emotional essence, and internal state.

EMIL JANNINGS: His traits are that he is Jealous, imperious, fearful (about his possible

loss of star-status and for his future career). Subtext: Deceitful and manipulative.

Logline: Emil Jannings is the Oscar-winning star of “The Blue Angel” but is jealous of Marlene Dietrich whom he fears will undermine his star-status.

MAJOR KENT KERSHAW Friendly, inquisitive, and professional. Subtext: He has to vet Emil Jannings as to whether or not he needs to be de-nazified.

Logline: Major Kershaw is a fan of actor Emil Jannings and realizes that if

he advises that he needs de-nazification, he would end the acting career of

his idol.

REVISED SCENE

Super: BERLIN – AMERICAN SECTOR – AUGUST 1945

EXT. POST WORLD WAR 2 BERLIN AMERICAN SECTOR U.S. ARMY HEADQUARTERS – DAY.

Letters on the façade spell, U.S. ARMY HEADQUARTERS.

TWO UNIFORMED MILITARY POLICE (M.P.’s) are on guard duty at the gate.

The figure of a man emerges from the rubble, walking toward the M. P.’s. He is EMIL JANNINGS, age 60. He clutches eagerly – or desperately – to an Oscar statuette.

The M. P.’s put their rifles at the ready to aim and shoot.

M. P. #1

(displaying his rifle)

Halt. Who goes there?

JANNINGS

(brandishing the Oscar statuette)

Don’t shoot! Don’t shoot! I won an Oscar!

The M. P.’s ease up and cross to welcome Jannings.

JANNINGS

Thank you, officers. I am Emil Jannings.

M. P. #1

The actor?

JANNINGS

“Best Actor” for “Last Command” and “The

Way of All Flesh.” It’s written right here on the

Oscar.

M. P. #2

We still need to see your papers.

JANNINGS

The Russians bombed Berlin back to the Stone

Age and now you want official papers?! I have

no official papers. I hoped the Oscar

would suffice to confirm my identity.

M.P. #1

Of course it does. Why have you come here?

JANNINGS

Isn’t it obvious? Why else do people appeal

to America but for freedom!

M. P. #2

He needs to be vetted.

JANNINGS

Vetted?

M. P. #2

You have nothing to fear, unless, you have

something to hide.

JANNINGS

What makes you think I might have something

to hide?

M. P. #2

I didn’t say I thought you had something to hide.

Everybody has to be vetted. You have to speak

with Major Kershaw. Follow me.

JANNINGS

“Major Kershaw”?

M. P. #2

Major Kent Kershaw.

M. P. #2 escorts Jannings through the gate and up to the front door of headquarters.

They enter.

INT. U.S. ARMY HEADQUARTERS – OFFICE – DAY.

Jannings is seated like a school boy at the desk of Major Kent Kershaw, whose name and rank are on a name plate facing Jannings. Jannings has placed his Oscar on the Major’s desk. Kershaw is seated at his desk, facing Jannings whom he admires.

KERSHAW

It’s an honor to meet you, Mr. Jannings. “The

Blue Angel” is one of my favorite movies. Your

performance was superb. I am surprised you did

not win an Oscar.

JANNINGS

I am surprised an Oscar did not go to Miss

Dietrich’s legs.

Both share an up-tight laugh. Kershaw’s is sympathy laughter. Jannings’ is just laughing at his own joke.

KERSHAW

I’d like to know about the making of “The

Blue Angel.” But we have things to discuss.

What are you seeking by coming to our

Headquarters?

JANNINGS

I would like political asylum and I hope

to revive my acting career. In fact, I may

want to go back to America. I lived in

Hollywood, you know.

KERSHAW

Well, to give you the privileges you

request, you have to appear before a panel of

which I am a member.

JANNINGS

Oh, yes. That’s this “vet” business. But

what can I possibly tell you?

KERSHAW

You are one of the finest actors of our time.

But with all due respect, Mr. Jannings, you must

explain how did an actor – a manof your stature

allow himself to be used by the Nazis in

propaganda films?

JANNINGS

That’s easy. I did it in order to survive. Had I

refused to be in the propaganda films, the

Gestapo would have carted me off to

God- knows-where. I am now sixty years old.

I put up with twelve years under Hitler. I do not

want to live in the Soviet Sector for the rest of

my life under Stalin. That’s why I am here.

KERSHAW

Tell me about it. All due respect, sir, but the

panel must be satisfied that you do not need

de-nazification.

JANNINGS

“De-nazification”? But I never was a Nazi!

KERSHAW

Tell me, how it happened that you were used by

the Nazis?

JANNINGS

Well, I’ll tell it as best as I can remember. You’ll

be glad to know, in fact, it goes back to the time we

were making “The Blue Angel.” It was 1929, your

Stock Market crash was devastating to Germany.

Nazi Party membership soared. I experienced the

violence of the Stormtroopers, first hand. It was on

an evening, early in the production, when Marlene

Dietrich treated us all to a night on the town. Marlene

and I still got along at that time. It wouldn’t last.

DISSOLVE TO:

INT. STUDIO SET OF “THE BLUE ANGEL” – NIGHT

MARLENE DIETRICH makes a bold entrance to a seated gathering of Director VON STERNBERG, and actors, KURT GERRON, HANS ALBERS, and Jannings where she announces her grand invitation.

[Julia Keefer]

Extreme Emotions

INT. SEWING ROOM
Dr. Joan La Roche has tied a curly, furled sunbonnet around her head and is wearing her husband’s jacket as she knits in her favorite rocking chair, surrounded by a spinning wheel and other colonial furnishings. Snowflakes fly through the window even faster than Jake who bounces in with his usual ebullience, always happy to be soothed by his mother’s calm presence.
JAKE
Beautiful, Mom. My favorite color. Royal blue.

But her head is bowed and her fingers too tight for the fluidity of knitting. She looks up with a painful grimace.
JOAN
No, it doesn’t work. Stuck.

She keeps going over the same stitch. Jake tries to take the needles away from her, but she fights with an unusual strength.

JOAN
Mine.
He tries to distract her by sitting by the spinning wheel, letting the wheel roll.
JOAN
No.
JAKE
How do you feel Mom?
JOAN
I have that that –what is it called?

JAKE
You’re a doctor. Of course you remember.

A look of terror twists her features.

JAKE
Alzheimer’s. Strange that this disease that is massacring so many seniors around the world has a German’s family name. Yeah—blame it on him.

She goes back to that same stitch. Jake massages her shoulders. She winces and pushes him away.
JOAN
Don’t hurt me.

Jake is stunned: She has never had that reaction. He tries again.
JAKE
Are you hungry? Do you want some lunch? Would you like to dress up and get some fresh air?

She takes off her bonnet, scratches her head too hard, and screws up her face.

JOAN
My brain is a –jungle – where I can’t find things.

Since Jake has no answer for this painful truth, he nervously cleans up, trying to organize her room since he can’t organize her brain. It doesn’t work. She is obsessed with this stitch.

JAKE
Mom, we could dress you warmly and take a nice walk outside.

JOAN
I don’t want to go to the funerals.

JAKE
You mean the cemetery? Of course not. We would go somewhere fun—anywhere you like.

CLOSE ON a text from Delphine who is coming over with Sphinx.

JOAN
Stay. Here.

Her hands look worn and tired. Jake tries to sit quietly, softly caressing them.

JOAN
Sweating fur.

JAKE
Yeah, Mom. You are making a beautiful sweater for me.

Her vacant blue eyes swell with tears and then go vacant.

Suddenly she throws her knitting on the floor and screams at the top of her lungs, stands, shaking, trembling, grabbing other things to throw. Jake catches her too late after a vase crashes against the mirror. He holds her tightly. KNOCK on the door.
JAKE
Come in.

Delphine and Sphinx immediately sense their predicament and set up a circle around Joan in the rocking chair. Delphine fills Joan’s flaying arms with her cat. When Sphinx is happy or a bit scared, she PURRS so loudly that she silences everyone’s fears. Dr. Joan looks into Sphinx’ huge almond eyes and strokes her golden fur. Her rage softens. She forgets Sphinx’ name or the name cat. But:

JOAN
Baby with fur.

Delphine and Jake laugh gently. Everyone purrs in their own way.

[Armand Petrikowski]

Armand Extreme emotion!

What I learned…

FOUR LEVELS OF DESCRIPTION:

1. Describe what we see on the screen – setting, characters, action, events.

2. Deliver tone, attitude, emotion.

3. Imply more than what’s said.

4. Give us insights into the characters, their relationships, and the story.

The three keys to emotional description above to deliver the emotional experience to us.

Key One: Economy.

Key Two: Deliver the essence.

Key Three: Visual, then internal/emotion.

Economy. Notice 6 lines out of 23. There are other places in ERIN BROCKOVICH the ratio is 2 lines out of 23. The economy gives you permission to express internal states when you need to.

The SECOND KEY is deliver the essence of the emotion/internal state. Even in the sentence “Glances skitter between the secretaries — get a load of this,” the writer is delivering the essence of what those secretaries think. Just as important, those thoughts can easily be shown on their faces.

The THIRD KEY is to deliver the internal state in an acceptable format. That is: Visual description connected to internal state. “Visual, then internal state.”

Name: TYLER, THE GHOST

Traits: Arrogant, Sarcastic, Immature, Romantic

Subtext: Scared, in Denial

Character Logline: Tyler is the ghost of an entitled college jerk who was murdered 20 years ago by a masked serial killer, and now has to overcome his hidden guilt and fears to save a new group of college kids from suffering the same grisly faith as him.

Name: MADDIE, THE FINAL GIRL 20 YEARS LATER

Traits: Brave, Tough, Stubborn

Subtext: Paranoid

Character Logline: Maddie is the sole survivor of the original massacre who is obsessed with the return of the masked killer who was never caught and sets out to stop the killer at any cost now that the killer’s back.

Name: CHARLES, THE MASKED KILLER WHO WAS NEVER CAUGHT

Traits: Nerdy, Rational, Sadistic

Subtext: Concealing, Nice Exterior

Character Logline: Charles is Tyler’s nice and nerdy half-brother (only seen briefly in the opening scene) who wants to fulfill his secret urge to murder people and getting away with it, but now has to face off with the ghost of his brother and the final girl (Tyler’s girlfriend) he’s always loved.

LEX, THE GOTH HIGH SCHOOL GIRL

Traits: Prickly, Sarcastic, Intelligent, Resourceful

Subtext: Lonely

Character Logline: Lex is a brilliant high-school goth obsessed with true crime and grisly murder mysteries who (secretly) came to the manor with her college-aged sister (and her party friends) to attempt communicating with Tyler’s ghost.

DALLAS, LEX’S COLLEGE-AGE HALF-SISTER

Trait: Vapid, Romantic

Subtext: Insecure

Character Logline: Dallas is a superficial but deep down kind college girl peer-pressured into hosting a weekend party at the manor (just purchased by her rich dad), and just wants to fit in.

INT. HALLWAY – MANOR – NIGHT

Dallas and Lex peek out of the basement door — the coast is clear.

Lex leads Dallas. She inspects the old family portraits on the walls, the dead eyes on the paintings never looked more menacing.

LEX

(re: the watch)

I know I’ve seen it somewhere.

DALLAS

Hurry.

Dallas glances around, frightened.

Lex’s eyes widen — Eureka!

LEX

Look.

Dallas approaches Lex with curiosity. They stare at a painting of Tyler and Charles.

Steps crescendo in their direction.

DALLAS

Someone’s coming. Come!

Dallas grabs Lex’s hand protectively, surprising Lex. They head out.

[Michelle Damis]

PS 80 Michelle Damis – Extreme Emotion

What I learned doing this assignment.- I’m not quite sure yet, but it felt good to get this scene started, it still has a ways to go and I’ve got a few decisions to make based on my original outline.

1. Name: Nina

Traits: Impatient, Determined, Moody, Wounded

Subtext: Suspicious

AGENDA: Find out what he is up to.

Name: Marin

Traits: Articulate, Self-disciplined, Meticulous, Strategic.

Subtext: Strategic

Character Logline: Marin is a successful, retired public defender, wife and mother who is baffled as to why her only daughter despises her, she also holds a painful secret.

Possible areas of subtext:

She always has a plan. She comes across as having to control outcomes. How she plans , dinners, workouts, events etc…

INT. UNDERGROUND “CELL” – UNKNOWN TIME

Nina and Marin, both exhausted remain quietly restrained on the dirt floor of the cell. The tears have combined and dried with what is left of their makeup leaving them looking like sad circus clowns with little hope.

MARIN

Can I ask you something?

NINA

Do you have to?

MARIN

Even now you have to be difficult…God, I don’t understand you.

Tears well up in Marin’s eyes. What a failure she has been as a mother. Why not? She goes for it.

MARIN

Why do you hate me SO much?

She prepares mentally for the dagger to the heart.

MARIN

Can you at least tell me that?

The silence is as heavy as their situation is dire.

After a few moments Marin is about to give up.

NINA

OK…

Marin did not expect that.

NINA

Just don’t interrupt me until I’m done.

MARIN

Yes.

NINA

It was my Sophomore year at Southridge the weekend you lost the baby.

Not the dagger that Marin expected. Much more painful.

NINA

You remember how excited I was that that really cute senior guy asked me to Homecoming?

**(I will be inserting flashbacks visuals as needed)

NINA

He raped me. (emotionless)

Just when Marin thought she couldn’t feel any more pain.

NINA

I couldn’t tell you because you had just lost the baby. I couldn’t tell Dad. His heart was already broken. I couldn’t tell anyone. By the time I felt you guys could handle it I had waited too long. Who would believe me? Plus, how would it look for the star District Attorney to not know her daughter had been raped.

Marin starts to say something.

NINA

Let me finish.

A weight is lifting off her shoulders as she confesses.

NINA

I resolved to never tell anyone. But, my anger just grew and it was easier to blame and hate you. It helped me keep my secret.

A quiet river of tears flow from Marin’s eyes. Nina remains reserved.

MARIN

I’m so sorry baby.

NINA

I’m sorry too Mom, I’ve punished you for my mistake.

Marin leaps in before Nina can finish her sentence.

MARIN

Rape is not a mistake you made Nina. It is an act of violence, period.

NINA

I know.

MARIN

Do you?

NINA

Yes, Of course.

MARIN

Then say it.

NINA

What?

MARIN

Say it. Say, “My rape was NOT my fault”.

Quietly. Without feel.

NINA

“My rape was NOT my fault”.

MARIN

Louder.

Nina raises her voice this time, it begins to crack.

NINA

“My rape was NOT my fault”.

MARIN

LOUDER Nina!

With all the volume and rage she can muster.

NINA

“MY RAPE WAS NOT MY FAULT”!!!

The dam finally breaks, Nina is sobbing.

MARIN

That’s right, let it out.

[Janeen Johnson]

Janeen’s Extreme Emotion!

What I learned doing this assignment is that succinct subtext gives more life and emotion to a fact-delivery scene.

CHARACTERS:

CINDA

Basic Character Traits: Tough, Practical, Mediator, Savvy

Subtext Character Traits: Caring, Protective

Logine: Cinda wants to stop abuse and see just done done for the abused. She is not optimistic, but she’s persistent.

Subtext: Senses that women who care so much about abused women have probably experienced some kind of abuse themselves.

ROD

Basic Character Traits: Pragmatic, Dogged, Strong, Bravado

Subtext Character Traits: Reliant, Follower

Logline: Loyal cop who upholds the law and his partner at work and at home.

Subtext: Knows women get a bad deal most of the time and follow strong ones to try to right that.

SCENE

INT. POLICE STATION – LATER

Before the preshift briefing, cops gather, coffee in hand, comfortably chatting.

ROD, Cinda’s patrol partner, follows CINDA into the room. Cinda always drives and he’s fine with that.

Cinda scans the room, homing in on POLICE 1 and POLICE 2. Rod automatically follows her when she heads for them.

CINDA

Hey, fellas. I heard a rumor that a fancy dress designer got arrested last night. True?

Police 1 and Police 2 glance at each other and chuckle.

POLICE 1

Some bitch with an ax to grind with that Richards guy —

POLICE 2

He says she’s hot for him.

POLICE 1

Yeah, imagine that.

They laugh. Cinda, eyebrows raised, amused but impatient, checks their laughter.

POLICE 1

She calls 9-1-1, says Richards is abusing his wife. We get there and the wife’s got bruises, the guy denies it, but we have to bring him in, right?

CINDA

Right.

Still impatient.

POLICE 1

I take him out to the car and this chick rolls in in a fancy car and starts ripping him a new one. He tells us she’s obsessed with him and we have to threaten to arrest her too so we can get rid of her and bring this guy in.

Cinda cocks her head, incredulous.

POLICE 2

Meanwhile, I’m talking to the wife, the kids are crying and clinging to her like baby monkeys because a man’s in the room and she says nothing’s wrong.

Rod heaves a sigh, hands on hips.

POLICE 1

We take Richards and his family in for statements after we get rid of the bitch and the wife refuses to press charges.

POLICE 2

Says everything’s fine, she’s just clumsy.

Cinda can’t contain herself.

CINDA

You know that’s a crock, right?

POLICE 2

Sure, but what are we supposed to do? She won’t press charges so she won’t testify against him if we do.

ROD

Was he there when you were asking her.

POLICE 1

He was out of earshot, but still on the scene, yeah.

ROD

She’s not going to press charges if the guy that beat her up is giving her the evil eye.

The police captain steps to the front of the room.

Police 1 and Police 2 and wave off Cinda and Rod and take their seats.

POLICE 1

(disgusted)

It was a bullshit call.

Cinda and Rod take their seats, but give the others the evil eye while muttering.

CINDA

That woman’s going to end up dead with cops like them.

ROD

I know.

Rod taps her arm and grins.

ROD

Hey, dispatch should have you respond to all domestic violence calls.

She gives him a critical look.

CINDA

Damn straight.

They both guffaw as the captain begins the briefing.

[Emmanuel Sullivan]

Emmanuel’s Extreme Emotion!

What I learned doing this assignment is delivering emotion in a script is not an easy task. You have to balance engaging visuals with swift, emotional dialogue.

[Pablo Soriano]

Pablo’s Extreme Emotion

What I learned: That this a lot of fun. I’ll admit, I have to scour through thesaurus to pull this off but I enjoy creating a colorful way to describe a scene. I

INT. FACTORY – DAY

Irma punches rivets into jeans using bulky, deafening machinery. Repeating the same action over and over. If she wasn’t singing the tune on the radio, you’d think she was a part of the mechanism itself.

Hector, as thin as the pencil in his right hand, is fixated on the clipboard in his left. Marching up to Irma’s section, never looking up.

HECTOR: Irma.

The machine stops when she turns to him.

HECTOR: Your break isn’t for another two hours.

She checks her watch.

IRMA: That’s right.

HECTOR: Well, your husband’s here and he says he’s meeting you for lunch.

Irma throws her head up, clenches her fists and is just about to yell at the sky before she takes a quick breath and gathers herself.

IRMA: I’m sorry. I’ll tell him to leave.

HECTOR: Remember you have to submit requests to change up your schedule.

IRMA: No. I know. He was just… trying to surprise me. I’ll go talk to him.

Another quick breath and she curves around Hector.

HECTOR: This will have to cut into your break time.

Irma turns slowy, mouth agape, hands on her hips. Her eyes are laser beams. Mom is pissed.

HECTOR: Or… I can let it go… this one time. But remember–

Irma is done with the conversation and turns on a heel. Hector nods, looks to see if anyone saw her blatant disrespect and dives back into his clipboard. He marches over to the next sector.

INT. BREAK ROOM – DAY

Ricardo is smacking the side of a vending machine when Irma stomps in.

IRMA: What do you want?

RICARDO: I want the goddamn Cheetos I paid for.

SMACK.

IRMA: What?

RICARDO: The stupid machine ate my money.

Irma looks at this man-child with such disdain. Enough.

IRMA: What. Do. You. Want.

Ricardo gives up on his snack and turns to her.

RICARDO: I’m going to need you to get your next paycheck in advance.

Irma is flabbergasted.

IRMA: What?

RICARDO: I don’t think you truly understand the severity of the situation.

IRMA: I don’t care, Ricardo. Solve your own problems for once.

RICARDO: I… I… This… is the only thing I can come up with, Irma.

IRMA: To get an advance? That’s all the money we have. How are we-

RICARDO: Irma, please. As my wife, it is your responsibility to–

Irma’s whole body deflates as she rolls her eyes. She’s heard this argument too many times.

IRMA: Oh please. Cut the bullshit.

Ricardo looks at her feet as a tinge of desperation runs down his face.

RICARDO: You really don’t understand the seve–

IRMA: Severity of the situation. Yeah, I heard you.

Beat.

RICARDO: You really don’t care what happens to me.

IRMA: When did you ever care about us, Ricardo?

RICARDO: Of course I care about you, Irma.

IRMA: No. US! Not just me. You have two sons. When was the last time you spent time with your own children?

Ricardo is defeated. He has no argument.

RICARDO: I’ll make it up to them.

IRMA: Ok. I’m going back to work now.

She heads for the door.

RICARDO: Irma. Those boys might lose their father.

IRMA: They lost him a long time ago.

The door slams shut. Ricardo stands alone. He turns to the vending machine and gives it one last SMACK in frustration.

[Jodi Harrison]

Jodi’s “Extreme emotion!” – Day 8

Trying to use the three key strategies to descriptions; Economy, Delivering the essence, and Visual, then internal/emotion, will help to make your scenes more powerful.

STEVEN HAYS, Smart, Industrious, a Leader Subtext: You’ll feel my pain

Steven Hays was Karen’s boyfriend. She was pregnant and he couldn’t wait to be a Father, only Karen was killed before that could happen. He is out for revenge however he can do it.

CRUSHER VENNICK, Selfish, Dumb, Reactive only Subtext: No consequences

Crusher’s epidermis is as deep as he gets, and he likes it that way. No consequences equals no guilt. He cares only about one thing; his cherried out red truck. Whatever he has to do to keep it in top form is what he’ll do, beg borrow or steal money for his cause, or be a bounty hunter, no matter.

INT. CRUSHER’S HOME – MORNING

Steven aggressively breaks open the redneck’s door.

STEVEN

So you were laying low huh?

Steven starts punching Crusher before he knows what’s hit him.

STEVEN (cont.)

Didn’t think we’d find you huh?

They tussle, Steven puts him in a headlock and reaches for his phone and starts a recording. He opens a picture of Karen and shoves it into Crusher’s face. Crusher’s dog outside the sliding glass door is barking and scratching furiously to get in to protect his master.

CRUSHER

What the fuck!

STEVEN

Look at her. Look at who you killed! Do you care you piece of shit!?

Crusher is blubbering.

CRUSHER

I don’t know her.

STEVEN

I know you don’t know her, but you killed her!

CRUSHER

No way man, I didn’t kill anyone.

STEVEN

You’re busted, we know you killed her.

CRUSHER

No!

Steven punches Crusher’s while in the headlock.

STEVEN

There are witnesses.

CRUSHER

I didn’t mean to. I panicked and left, that’s all I did man.

Steven ties him up in a chair. He takes a bat that stands in the corner of Crusher’s room and starts wailing on all the pictures and trophies Crusher has displayed on his shelves.

CRUSHER

Oh man, why are you doing this?

STEVEN

I’m gonna keep smashing everything in your house until you come clean. You know you want to.

Steven then bashes in the television next with the bat. The dog is still barking. Steven looks at the dog and looks at Crusher. Steven has a maniacal look on his face, — Crusher gets it. Steven starts walking towards the dog, slowly dramatically swinging the bat for effect.

CRUSHER

(crying) No, no, no, don’t hurt my baby boy, don’t hurt my boy!

He creeps ever closer to the door, slowly touching the door slider. Then stops and quickly turns away from it.

STEVEN

I’m not like you. I’d never hurt an innocent living being! But you on the other hand are not an innocent being.

Steven brings out masking tape from his back pocket and tapes Crusher’s mouth. He moves the chair to the front door.

STEVEN (cont.)

I want you to see this. You’re other baby.

EXT. CRUSHER’S FRONT YARD – MORNING

Steven goes outside and douses Crusher’s red truck with gasoline and then sets it on fire all the while Crusher is screaming through the tape. Steven points to him.

STEVEN (cont.)

You’re next!

Steven starts walking towards Crusher with the gasoline can.

STEVEN (cont.)

No one rescued my girl, you didn’t even help her, you son of a bitch.

Crusher again, screaming through the tape.

CRUSHER

Please, you don’t want to do this.

STEVEN

Oh, I’ve lived to do this!

Crusher wets himself.

Steven starts dousing him with gasoline, Crusher chokes.

CRUSHER

(sobbing) Stop it, please!

Crusher is spitting and choking gasoline.

STEVEN

She was alone man.

Steven’s weeping turns to anger.

STEVEN

No one’s gonna rescue you either!

Steven brings matches from his pocket.

CRUSHER

No, no, no!

Steven tries to strike a match, but it doesn’t ignite as the gasoline made them soggy. He tries another match but it is damp too.

STEVEN

This is your lucky minute, say your prayers.

Steven strikes the third match and it ignites successfully. Right then, three police cars are up on the lawn surrounding him. He flicks the match onto the gasoline. The cops jump into action wrapping Crusher in a blanket, Crusher is screaming.

CRUSHER

Help! Help! I’m burning! Help!

Two police officers slam Steven to the ground and handcuff him. They stand him up and one officer leads him to the patrol car. The other two officers take off help Crusher taking off the tape and rope. Crusher starts in with his macho bravado.

CRUSHER

What took you ass holes so long!? What mother fucker’s gonna pay for my truck!?

The cop at the patrol car looks to the other two officers — he’s an asshole.

CRUSHER

It took me years to cherry it, and you snails let it be destroyed, where were you, at a knitting circle?

Crusher looks at his burned and demolished truck and starts crying.