Day 8 Assignments

[Emmanuel Sullivan]

Emmanuel Sullivan’s Thriller Plot!

What I learned is plotting out the major points from beginning to end and adding MIS in between helps with writing future scenes and fleshing out the story.

[Jeff Bryce]

I was wondering about story structure many days ago. This course suggests it’s best to start with MIS. It’s likely a combination of everything. There’s no magic map that guarantees anything.

[Michael Williamsen]

Jeff – I believe Hollywood has the magic structure of the 3 act play. Especially rom-coms – you can pause the movie at the turning points to find it fit right into the clock. Using it may not be magic for success but not using it sure invites disaster for a rookie like me.

• This reply was modified 3 years, 8 months ago by  Michael Williamsen.

[Jeff Bryce]

I agree with you. A story needs structure, and I’ve been conditioned to the 3-act standard. What I mean is we need to have a structure first, and then apply MIS, and then perhaps we will break out of the 3-act (or whatever) as it’s most important to apply some MIS in every scene. This is the only course I’ve taken (anywhere) and I realized at Day 3 it’s not my thing. Crappy feedback and minimal participation. Seems to exist more to prolong itself. And the material is dated. Thanks for your forum conversations. Let’s stay in touch.

[David Bogoslaw]

Jeff Bryce — I haven’t responded to other class members before this, but I encourage you to keep going to make the most of this course. I’m not expecting any magical feedback to help me work out the kinks or throw out entire ideas of my own story. I’m confident I’ll learn how to do that mostly by repeatedly interrogating whatever I do and trusting myself to discover what works and doesn’t. Trust the process, and maybe more importantly, your own process.

[Jeff Bryce]

David, thank you for your encouragement, and excellent & needed feedback. I haven’t given up! I’ve spent the last few days using things I’ve learned in this course to update MY Scene Template (which I realize is the Map). Before, I was focused on the rigid 3-act structure of plot points, obstacles, pinch, twist & whatnot. Now I’ve included identifiers for MIS, Stakes & Other (twist, red herring, etc.). Helps me to edit scenes more objectively (even though they’re brilliant as they are! lol). Different people are now dead, and the writer, readers & characters all feel much better now.

[Michael Williamsen]

It was Aristotle who first coined the concept of the 3 act play. Then many others expanded it with terms we are using now. I know when I watch a movie (which has been many the past 1.5 years!) most of the time I will recognize the big turning point, hit pause, to see it is almost exactly in the middle of the movie. This is especially true with rom-coms. The 3 act structure has been around for a long time because it works. My story now does not fill out the correct structure so I will due spinal surgery on it until it does. I understand Hollywood expects it.

I plan on putting a page turning thriller sub story in my next real estate book about the fight for real estate upon someone’s death. These days, to get someone to read something, even something that will save their life, they need to be: 1) hooked immediately 2) engaged 100% 3) teased, twisted, taunted, tempted, tormented… over and over. The opening like to the trust book will be a familiar line to those who stood and watched their loved one die while in the medical process: “Mr. Williamsen, I’m sorry. We tried everything. There is nothing more we can do. I suggest you take her home and start getting her things in order…” At this point, the words became a blur. My lungs felt like they had just been torn out my throat. I headed for the liquor store.

• This reply was modified 3 years, 8 months ago by  Michael Williamsen.
• This reply was modified 3 years, 8 months ago by  Michael Williamsen.

[Michael Williamsen]

Yeah, seeing the story on one page is sure a reality check

[Michael Williamsen]

Yeah, seeing the story on one page is sure a reality check

[Michael Williamsen]

Michael Williamsen Thriller Plot #8 WIL: This story needs a BIGGER INCITING INCEDENT – move the opening scene of Midpoint 1 to the inciting incident (page 10 of traditional 3 act play) or end of ACT II (page 30 in 3 act play format)

VILLAIN’S PLAN. Narcissist Attorney Bob will do anything to build and protect to become the biggest human and sex trafficking organization.

HERO Sheriff Mike’s ex-wife rookie reporter Victoria, dating the Villain

RED HERRING Sheriff Mike, alcoholic in reelection for sheriff

—–

OPENING

A man is killed in an alley with a knife and ziptie around his neck. ZiP!

INCITING INCEDENT (page 10)

Sheriff Mike is the investigator of the kidnappings. He is investigating a murder. Victoria is a reporter at the crime scene of the man killed with the Ziptie.

Mike and Villain Bob have a nasty encounter of front of Mike’s ex-wife Victoria. Victoria shows affection to both Mike’s driver as well as Villain Bob’s driver. Victoria goes off in Villain’s car.

We see a killing which end with kidnapping suspect with a ziptie around his neck. ZiP!

We see kidnappings.

More killings lead to suspicion of a serial killer. Another ziptie.

We see thugs taking children from border-crossing cages.

The Villain and sheriff Mike get in a finger pistol shootout in Mike’s office.

TURNING POINT 1

Mike’s daughter disappears. (turn into INCITING INCEDENT??)

Victoria accuses Sheriff Mike of taking their daughter

The Mayor is bribed to join the kidnappers. He says: “what do we do with Mike”

Serial killings and kidnappings escalate.

Sheriff Mike finds out he has terminal Prostate Cancer

MIDPOINT

Victoria exposes evidence the Villain is the kidnapping ringleader is really Villain.

Sheriff Mike gives evidence to his mis-trusted friend Mayor.

Sheriff Mike’s good friend Police Chief is killed.

School buses of children are kidnapped during Police Chief’s funeral.

Mike’s driver fixes the ex-wife’s purse with a ziptie. Zip!

Mike’s driver Deputy Dave is killed as Mike was trying to send him to safety.

TURNING POINT 2

Victoria is in bed with Mike.

Mike is arrested and charged with being the kidnapper and the serial killer.

Victoria escapes even before Mike tells her about the escape door

The villains’ driver Joe helps Mike escape into the Mexican Ghetto – with a tracker.

Deputy Dan tells of Mike’s military medals in Mike’s office – one is a sniper medal.

Deputy Dan looks out the window and is shot in the head by a sniper.

CLIMAX

The tracking device leads Villain to Mike at a coffee shop

The Mexican Ghetto shows their strength by rescuing their children and killing all the kidnappers.

Mike and Villain meet face to face in the coffee shop Both stating their intentions to kill each other.

Villain shoots Mike.

Villain encounters some Mexican Gangsters with switch blades in the back alley.

. (at this point, we really don’t know who the ziptie strangler is. I could pin it on the Mexican Gangsters by them using the Ziptie but am preferring to leave it open.)

Mayor gets blown up.

RESOLUTION

Villain’s driver, Mike’s ex-wife, and daughter meet on the beach in Mexico.

Ex-wife has a zip-tie holding her purse together. She pulls it off. Zip!

[James Ridgley]

I agree with you : Mike’s daughter disappears. <i style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>(turn into INCITING INCEDENT??)

<i style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>(I have a Sheriff who is a Red Herring also!!)

<i style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>

[Kimberly Jurgen]

Kimberly’s Thriller Plot! (in 4 Acts)

What I learned: This module is very useful for laying out the MIS into a story/plot order which helps clarify the story in 1 page and infuse thriller elements throughout. Also learned my third act needs work.

Act 1: Navy SEAL vet has chosen a solitary life at sea to cope with PTSD.

Opening – On land for supplies, Lacia is a duck out of water. Attacked by kids.

· Mystery – Why is Lacia afraid of leaving the boat?

· Mystery – Is Lacia deaf?

· Mystery – Who is man on the Wanted poster?

· Mystery – Store owner seems to be Lacia’s only contact with outside world. Why?

· Life Threatening – Three young men in the village attack Lacia. She fights back.

· Mystery – Where did Lacia learn to fight?

· Mystery – Why did Lacia pretend to be deaf?

Inciting Incident – Lacia swims back to boat in fog and discovers a strange man in cabin.

· Mystery – Why does Lacia live alone on open ocean?

· Mystery – When she loses her fishing pole, why is she afraid to go in the water?

· Life Threatening – While spear fishing in open ocean, Lacia sees fog rolling in. She must get back to her boat before it disappears in the fog.

· Life Threatening – Lacia discovers Rian in the cabin.

· Mystery – Who is the man in her cabin and how did he get there?

· Villain’s Plan – Rian appears nonthreatening and passive.

Turning Point – She is stranded on a dead boat when Emma & Rian steal her sailboat.

· Villain’s Plan – Rian tells Lacia they must rescue the woman he left on their adrift boat.

· Mystery – Can she trust Rian?

· Mystery – Who is on that boat?

· Villain’s Plan: Rian convinces Emma that Lacia is dangerous and they should leave her behind on their dead-in-the-water boat

· Mystery – Why would Emma agree to leave Lacia to certain death on their boat?

· Life Threatening – Lacia is left on their adrift boat and must overcome her fear of ocean to get back to her boat which is drifting away with Emma and Rian on it.

· Life Threatening – Lacia climbs aboard her boat. Rian sneaks up behind and she is rendered unconscious.

Act 2: Lacia is forced to work with the couple if they are to survive.

New plan – To survive, Lacia must go from hostage to savior.

· Mystery – Lacia wakes up to discovered she is tied up. Why did they do this?

· Mystery – Who destroyed the radio and why?

· Life Threatening – (OC) Rian destroyed the radio while Lacia was unconscious.

· Villain’s Plan – Rian tells Lacia that Emma wanted her tied up.

· Villain’s Plan – Rian “accidentally” detaches the sea anchor.

· Life Threatening – Food supplies running low leads to Lacia going back into water to spear fish.

· Villain’s Plan – Rian tells Lacia that Emma has been eating more than her share.

· Villain’s Plan – Jealous of Rian’s praise of Lacia’s fishing skills, Emma dives for fish.

· Life Threatening/Villain’s Plan – Rian throws fish guts into the ocean while Emma is spear fishing in order to attract sharks. Lacia saves her at the last minute.

Midpoint Turning Point – Rian injures Lacia’s arm so that she is no longer able to sail without help.

· Villain’s Plan – Rian deliberately triggers Lacia with a song he sings.

· Villain’s Plan – Knowing Lacia only needs one person to help her, he deceives and gaslight to build distrust between the women. Tells Lacia that Emma broke the radio.

· Villain’s Plan – While adjusting sails, Rian’s unwelcome help “accidentally” injures Lacia so that she can no longer sail solo

· Life Threatening – Lacia is injured.

Act 3: Unable to sail alone because of her injury, Lacia must rely on the couple and teach them to sail without becoming unnecessary.

New Plan – She teaches them to sail but she must keep navigation secret to ensure they still need her.

· Mystery – Why does Lacia kill the GPS and hide the manual navigation tools?

· Villain’s Plan – Trigger Lacia’s PTSD by getting too close and making physical contact so that Emma sees her as unpredictable and dangerous

· Life Threatening – Water running low.

· Villain’s Plan – Tells Emma that Lacia has been coming on to him during their sailing lessons

Turning Point: Huge failure / Major shift – Lacia discovers Rian is a killer.

· Villain’s Plan – Rian finds the hidden nav tools.

· Life Threatening – With beard growth, Lacia recognizes Rian as man in Wanted poster.

· Villain’s Plan – Rian realizes that

· Villain’s Plan – Rian checks Lacia’s updates on the nav maps to see their location.

Act 4: Violent storm attacks them and the boat.

New Plan – Lacia must protect herself and Emma from killer Rian.

Climax/Ultimate expression of the conflict – During storm, Rian and Lacia have winner-take-all confrontation.

· Villain’s Plan – Having learned to sail and navigate, Rian decides to get rid of the women. He throws Emma overboard.

· Mystery – Will Emma die?

· Life Threatening – Lacia rescues Emma.

· Villain’s Plan – Realizing that Lacia has discovered his crimes, he tries to kill her during the storm

· Life Threatening – Rian and Lacia fight during the storm.

Resolution – Coast Guard rescues Lacia and Emma. Emma gets 15 min of fame because of Rian. Lacia returns to solitary life.

[Michael Williamsen]

~w0w~ Kimberly- I’m exhausted from the thrilling ride of your story!!

I really like that you labeled by MIS – I will start doing this in my outline. It seemed in both Basic Instinct and Silence of the Lambs they started off with a lot of intrigue building mystery then ended with tons of suspense. I really look forward to keeping up on your story!

[Kimberly Jurgen]

Thanks, Michael! I appreciate that so much. And agreed – front loading the mystery & intrigue seems like it draws in the audience and sucks them in to the suspense.

Honestly, I don’t think any of the items labelled as Mystery here were in my homework for that assignment. Not sure I understood it then but things are starting to make sense. And I think Twists & Turns will add even more thrills. <fingers crossed>

[James Ridgley]

James’ THRILLER PLOT

I learned why the Villain’s plan is so important and how the Life Threatening sequence fills out the basic plot. Exciting to see the plot form so easily. (Yet I know many details need to go in and become further developed – I am not a simpleton! lol)

OPENING: A WOMAN dies – either on a farm field, or in a barn and then moved to a farm field.

At College: Tang refuses to tell her college friends of her home life.

INCITING INCIDENT: TANG, in last week of College, gets call to come home as the woman who died was her Mom.

Tang Has to assert himself to get medical and coroners report. Finds comfort with Phil and a Girl she had a HS crush on like her as a “Him.”

Prejudices from townsfolk who knew him as female.

Eyes always upon Tang.

Covertly – Phil has set the old neighbors and friends against Tang for being Trans Male, all the wild being his truest friend, like they were best friends back in High School.

3 GUYS dress in HOODS with voice disguise mechanisms to force Farmers, at gunpoint, to sign their farm deed over to them.

The coroner resists giving Tang his report on cause of death.

All Mom’s friends don’t want to tell Tang anything.

The Sheriff acts like he’s hiding something. (Mom was the Sheriff’s HS sweetheart he was supposed to marry once)

The Sheriff IS the law but doesn’t act like it; his son, Phil seems to try harder to figure it out.

Someone mentions the “HOODED GUYS” as a joke but Tang wants to know more.

TURNING POINT: TANG finds suspicious cover-ups to her mom’s death, including the death of the Town MAYOR just a month before.

After funeral a car almost runs Tang over.

Old school classmates of Tangs stalk him; taunt Tang as a girl;

Tang refuses to be intimidated when asking for all medical and crime reports on his Mom

Also chemicals and samples on the body and in the lungs suggest Mom killed somewhere else.

Tang gets a hang for this as she finds the Mayor was killed suspiciously and calls the FBI to get someone over – and see she is ready to join.

Clues lead to the mysterious HOODED GUYS.

Farm owners nervously call it an old urban legend.

MIDPOINT: The girl Tang had a crush on – when Tang was female – is infatuated right back and they become a couple.

The more he digs and the Sheriff threatens to put him in jail – 25 years Sheriff – he won’t comment further against the word of a 22 yr old Trans.

Car chase to – chase on 4 wheelers which are dumped in downtown residential blocks of houses and they now chase on foot – through backyards;

Unknown person threatens to post photo’s of Tang’s top surgery;

Tang’s Dad finally gives in and talks about Mom’s mouth getting her into trouble;

Tang finds out: Already sold Tang’s farm but Tang nor Dad knows about it. Tang’s Dad finally admits the Hooded Guys threatened him to sign his land away but he refused – he had no idea that Mom went through with it.

Then Farms deeds bought up by shell companies.

Chemicals or something connects to Phil’s barn and implicates Phil’s dad – the Sheriff – (he is the RED HERRING)

The Sheriff says the Mayor wasn’t murdered but the buried condoner’s report is quite different from the official statement.

Tang finds it seems connected to Mom’s death (farm machine?? Components found)

Mayor had no enemies except the Sheriff ran against him more than once.

Tang finds that Items from the same website which sells HOODS w Vocal Disguisers on them were sent to the Sheriff’s address. He demands that Tang go back to their college town and don’t open this can of worms.

Is Hoods with mouth pieces are found in the Sheriff’s barn by Achilles (and Girlfriend)?

Tang and Girlfriend abducted with black hoods over their heads;

TURNING POINT 2: Tang girlfriend is killed or almost killed by a bullet meant for him.

ONE WITNESS says that the leader Hooded Guy had a mis-step to him, they can tell because they breed horses and you gotta watch for that or they aren’t worth much but for studding.” (Phil has no toes on right foot from a farm accident)

Phil traps Tang in his barn basement;

CLIMAX: Turns out it has been Tang’s best old friend from growing up who is the killer and he goes after him, they fight, he escapes – only to be chased down by his own father, the Sheriff, and arrested.

Turns out the Sheriff was protecting his son, Phil.

Phil confesses: Kill Tang’s Mother in Phil’s Garage cuz she snoops and finds HOODS . (Try to blame it on SOMETHING!)

RESOLUTION: Tang gets all the farm folks their deeds back and is shown gratitude by those who hated and were scared that Tang is a Trans Male. Perhaps a phone call from the FBI – “when can you start?”

• This reply was modified 3 years, 8 months ago by  James Ridgley.

[Larry Maenpaa]

Hi James: interesting story. There are 2 problems with the signing over of the deed. Duress, or coercion, will invalidate a contract when someone is threatened into making the agreement. So the farmers would have recourse to recover the property. Secondly, for the deed transfer to be valid, the hooded thugs would have to reveal their true identities by signing their names in order to transfer ownership and land titles are a matter of public record. I think you will have to rework that aspect of your story.

[James Ridgley]

Thanks a lot Larry! Hahahaha — yes, I should – it was a first thought and certainly has been done in movies in the past. Good to get rid of the cliches also. Thanks.

[Michael Williamsen]

Hi Larry and James. I was just getting ready to address the change of ownership issues – Larry, you beat me to it! I’m trying to think of a more underhanded way to do it. Maybe LLC, show title with seller financing, then sign full reconveyance later. But everything I can think of leaves a freeway of paper trail. I have seen a lot of wills and bogus deeds signed on deathbeds…hmm maybe have deeds signed to an LLC which pays out like an annuity. Then the owners start disappearing. Sounds too complicated for public viewing. Just bantering. Maybe have Tang’s mom have a huge property holding granting to a bogus non-profit in the will…

[Roscoe Pond]

Subject Line: Roscoe’s – Thriller Plot!

“What I learned is…?” How much clearer my thriller is becoming.

OPENING: A Navajo family is killed by a Skinwalker/Witch.

Mystery 1: What is a skinwalker/witch?

Mystery 2: Why did the skinwalker kill the family?

INCITING INCIDENT: Tribal Cop is called into investigate Navajo deaths.

Mystery 3: Why are animal tracks larger than normal at crime scene?

Mystery 4: Can tribal cop Stephen explain these deaths as spiritual in nature?

TURNING POINT 1: Stephen goes to home of his Navajo ex-wife Gabby.

Mystery 5: Why does the skinwalker follow Stephen?

Mystery 6: How come the skinwalker shape shifts into a black wolf?

Mystery 7: Why does wolf stop at the ash cricle around Gabby’s home?

Life Threatening 1: Gabby has bruises on her face.

Life threatening 2: The skinwalker attacks Stephen’s truck?

Villain Plan 1: Gabby wasn’t inside the car crash that killed her family.

MIDPOINT: Stephen interviews Gabby’s uncle Jack.

Mystery 8: Why does Gabby’s aunt Kathy attend a skinwalker meeting?

Life Threatening 3: Gabby disappears.

Mystery 9: Why does aunt Kathy threaten Stephen and Gabby?

Mystery 10: Why does Gabby visit a Navajo grandmother?

Villain Plan 2: Skinwalker catches up to Gabby.

Life Threatening 4: Skinwalker shape shifts into wolves and they attack Gabby.

TURNING POINT 2: Stephen protects Gabby.

Mystery 11: Why does Stephen go to a modern Shaman?

Mystery 12: Why did a gun shop owner give Stephen?

CLIMAX: Stephen and Gabby fight against the skinwalker.

RESOLUTION: The skinwalker is finally killed.

[James Ridgley]

WOW – that is so clean! I almost wish I put identifiers like you did at the front of each new line. Yet I didn’t. I think my is pretty long as it is.

Best to filling out the details. James

[James Ridgley]

BTW: I found this in some weird news article:

“In 1994, the Sherman family moved to Skinwalker Ranch in Utah only to discover some truly strange sights. From their time on the ranch, they remembered flashing lights, the disappearances of cows and dogs, mutilated animals, and even bizarre seven-foot-tall figures.”

[Roscoe Pond]

Thanks James… I’ve been working on a murder mystery involving a Skinwalker. It has to be explained visually. This class makes it more clear about how I can tell my story… Yes, the Skinwalker Ranch in Utah has a documentary about it. It has to do with evil inside of tribal clans. It’s also spiritual. – Roscoe.

[Larry Maenpaa]

Subject Line: Larry’s Thriller Plot!

What I learned is the need to sequence the plot line to have key turning points so as to end one act and begin another. Thus each act is a complete unit within itself. In my story, Act 1 is really the setup to propel the Hero into Life-threatening situations in Acts 2 and 3. Unknowingly the Hero, in Act 2, is now in confrontation with the Ring, reaching a climactic point and resolution in Act 3.

List out your structure using
whatever structure you are comfortable with.

Three act format: Beginning, Middle and End

Inside your structure, fill in
the gaps with the Life Threatening situations, Mysteries, and Villain’s
plan. Do this one at a time. That will keep you from getting confused.

ACT 1

Intrigue #1: Set up a fall guy for the death of a victim.

Intrigue #2: Find another victim to satisfy the Ring of pedophiles.

Mystery #1: Hero-detective (who has poor record of solving cases) assigned to case of dead victim and the fall guy (Red Herring) who claims he is not responsible; captain of Hero warns he must Close case or lose rank

Intrigue #3: Captain orders another detective to shadow and report on Hero’s moves

Intrigue #4: Fall guy gets railroaded during trial by judge on “circumstantial evidence” and is found guilty and sentenced to death.

ACT 2

Mystery #2: (Turning Point #1): Hero not convinced of fall guy’s guilt and continues to investigate; the Ring orders its killer to “persuade” Hero to desist investigation

Suspense #2: Hero’s Chief insists case is closed & Hero is to end investigation or “be on the beat” forever

Intrigue #5: Hero gets threatening phone call at home to stop investigating “or else”

Suspense #3: Wife threatens to leave him for the safety of herself and their son (foreshadow)

Intrigue #6: Hero gets followed home by mystery driver

Suspense #4: As Hero leaves home for work next day, car almost runs him over

Suspense #5: Wife leaves Hero; Hero starts drinking

Act 3

Intrigue #7: (Turning Point #2) As the Hero seems to be getting closer to identity of real killer, the Ring leader agrees Hero should be “dispatched”

Suspense #6: Hero driving on highway when a car slams into him and tries to drive him off road to his death

Suspense #7: After determining a key clue, Hero is walking out of police station and sniper shots ring out, just missing him

Intrigue #8: Brother and nephew of Hero visit Hero’s home; nephew disappears

Suspense #8: Hero gets phone call; must come at midnight to abandoned factory to retrieve nephew

Suspense #9: Showdown in factory; nephew bites hand of killer and runs, but gets shot; there is gunplay; killer shoots detective who falls down open elevator shaft

There will be more elements that will be added to these key points.

The End? Well that is a mystery! TBC (To Be Continued)

There are two possible endings: the killer gets away with it or the killer does not get away with it. Any opinions?

[Michael Williamsen]

Larry you have a lot of MIS and a lot of suspense in the end to keep people on the edge of their seat. I always love chatting over drinks after movies with the mysteries that slipped by me, or unsolved. Drives my friends nuts!!

[Melanie Forchetti]

Melanie’s Thriller Plot!

What I learned: Now I can see how every scene can drive the plot with mystery, suspense or intrigue. I know I’ll need to dig deeper, but it’s great to have a road map.

Act 1

Opening:

Vivienne picks up daughter from her ex-husband’s house and finds a wound on her arm. Vivienne takes her to Urgent Care.

Vivienne talks to best friend about past trauma working at 911 along with her hateful ex-husband. Turns out the best friend had dated him briefly. She recommends seeing a professional to help her deal with everything.

On the way back to pick up her daughter at school she sees her ex-husband at a cafe with a blonde woman.

Inciting Incident:

Vivienne is at work (the 911 Call Center) and handles a woman caller who reports a power outage. Vivienne passes it off as a non-emergency, there’s no patrol car near her location and to call the power company. She calls back thinking she saw a shadow outside her home. Vivienne tells her to call the power company, hold tight. The next time she calls, she’s been stabbed and is at the hands of an intruder. She questions why she didn’t believe her. Vivienne hears her being bludgeoned to death on the call. Officers arrive – too late.

Funeral.

A witness testimony at the scene throws Vivienne’s lack of help into question. Officers question her. (Villain Plan 1)

Turning Point 1: A major twist that locks the hero into the conflict. Point of no return.

Officers take her in for questioning. She becomes a suspect. Vivienne has a panic attack.

Act 2

Vivienne starts therapy…with psychiatrist Hugo Gage. He starts to ask probing questions. Did her actions kill the woman? She is overcome with guilt. (Villain Plan 2)(Life Threatening Seq 1)

She fills RX for medication.

A call comes into 911 from her cell, Vivienne is on another call and her supervisor takes it. Officers are dispatched. Natalie goes home with her friend, and we see it’s her friend’s mom who has been killed. (Life Threatening Seq 2)

Vivienne takes more pills. Starts drinking. (Mystery 2)(Life Threatening Seq 3)

Midpoint:

Vivienne’s best friend calls her at 911. Her power is out and she gets killed by same intruder. The same circumstances as before. (Villain Plan 3)

Act 3

She starts to worry that her ex-husband is behind everything and confronts him. She follows him. (Mystery 3)

Natalie wants to go to her dad’s. She thinks her mom is losing it. (Life Threatening Seq 4)

Turning Point 2:

Her daughter calls dad to pick her up because of she doesn’t want to live with her mom anymore. She’s OD’ing on prescription drugs. She’s slipping at work. And she gets a mysterious call threatening her daughter’s life. (Life Threatening Seq 5)

Act 4:

Before leaving for work, Vivienne flushes her pills, throws out her alcohol. She realizes they are affecting her judgement and she needs to get a grip to protect her daughter.

At work, the supervisor finds pills in Vivienne’s desk, and fires her. (Life Threatening Seq 5)

Climax:

Daughter calls 911, Vivienne recognizes number and picks it up. Daughter is hiding from an intruder. Vivienne leaves to rescue her. (Mystery 4) (Villain Plan 4)(Life Threatening Seq 6)

Vivienne gets there and is face to face with Hugo Gage – the killer (Villain Plan 5)(Life Threatening Seq 7). He gains the upper hand – intending to kill her because she let his wife die. She calls 911 but the Supervisor doesn’t pick-up. Her ex-husband comes home, and saves her life. Hugo is arrested.

Resolution:

Vivienne gets daughter back, mends relationship with ex-husband. New therapist turns into her new best friend. (Or something like that? Still working on it!)

[Michael Williamsen]

Very suspenseful. I was on the edge of my seat from the inciting incident on. Who would ever suspect the shrink as the killer!! But there it is in act 2

[wayne schrengohst]

Subject: Wayne’s Triller Plot

What I learned: I gave myself the freedom to do this without criticism.

OPENING: Meeting introducing new hire corruption specialist, Sheila.

Hero: Sheila, a new recruit, top of her class, book nerd, and quoted authority on police corruption. All she has is “book smarts” and zero respect.

INCITING INCIDENT: Assassination attempt on Captain Benjamin. Old detective Barnes is killed.

Mystery 1: The Captain crawled under the table just before shots. Sheila is suspicious of the attempt. The Captain encourages her to investigate, pursue her instincts. And…

Mystery 2: Sheila is assigned cold case 007. (Rumored death sentence for those who have tried to solve it – McGuffin). Old pro Ed will look after her to help on the cold case. He’s just got a month left.

Turning Point 1: An attempt on Sheila’s life leaves two more detectives dead. This banishes Sheila from the investigation. She ignores this order. She boils up. Debates. Takes it on… cold case 007 (and her attempted assassination).

Promise of the premise: She almost solves cold case, realizes it’s a distraction. Goes back to the police murders. Goes after her suspicions.

Intrigue 1: Sheila lets suspect Ben overhear / plants the idea in Benjamin’s head that she knows what happened. She sets a trap.

Midpoint: Sheila discovers Benjamin’s treasure cave but is then shot five times while fighting with Benjamin. Benjamin is also shot.

Turning point 2: Sheila and Benjamin are in the hospital recovering making unsuccessful attempts to communicate. They are guarded 24/7.

Climax: Sheila and Benjamin agree on a 50/50 split. But…in their hearts, they have to kill each other. The gold doesn’t mean anything to them.

Resolution: They are dividing it up and laughing each planning to kill the other.

[Michael Williamsen]

Hey Wayne. That is quite the premise to leave a lot to talk about after the movie! LOVE IT!

[Leona Heraty]

Leona Heraty’s Thriller Plot!

What I learned doing this assignment is…to keep the story thrilling, I need to have a lot of life threatening situations, which I do!

1. List out your structure using whatever structure you are comfortable with.
I’m using the 4-Act Structure.

2. Inside your structure, fill in the gaps with the Life Threatening situations, Mysteries, and Villain’s plan. Do this one at a time. That will keep you from getting confused.

ACT 1

OPENING: McKenzie is driving to work, and is followed by a Masked Figure!

Life Threatening 1: Will the person following McKenzie try to harm her?

Mystery 1: Who is the Masked Figure?

Mystery 2: Why is the Masked Figure following McKenzie?

Life Threatening 2: The Masked Figure follows McKenzie on her way to her Mom’s house and parks nearby when her sister “picks” her up at Uncle Bob’s house.

INCITING INCIDENT: McKenzie’s Mom forbid her to hike alone at Cuyamaca Rancho State Park, and wads up her flyer and hurls it into the trash! McKenzie stands up to her Mom and says she’s going anyway!

Mystery 3: Why is McKenzie’s Mom saying that McKenzie has no sense of direction and “remember 10 years ago?”

Life
Threatening 3: The
Masked Figure follows McKenzie and the Uber driver to Cuyamaca Rancho State
Park.

Mystery 4: The mural is titled PORCUPINE PEAK AND THE LOST TOTEM TRAIL, CIRCA 1920. What’s the history of the trail?

Mystery 5: Tuvelle screams on the hiking trails near McKenzie. Who is this person and why are they screaming?

Villain’s Plan 2: Tuvelle is luring McKenzie into the mystery and danger.

Life Threatening 5: Terry appears on a ridge as the Masked Figure, and waves a knife, to frighten McKenzie. Tuvelle hired Terry to dress as the figure also

Villain’s Plan 3: Tuvelle sobs loudly near the cave.

Mystery 6: Who is sobbing?

Villain’s Plan 4: Tuvelle leaves a backpack with bloody stains on it in the cave with a note saying she’s being chased by a guy with a mask and knife, with her phone number, and to please help!

(TURNING POINT AT END OF ACT 1)

ACT 2

Life Threatening 6: Terry is dressed as the Masked Figure and he runs outside past the cave, while McKenzie rides out the storm and meets the Off-the-Grid club.

Villain’s Plan 5: McKenzie exits the cave and calls Tuvelle’s cell number. Tuvelle says she’s being stalked by a guy with a mask and a knife, then screams and the line goes dead.

Mystery 7: Why is the Masked Figure stalking Tuvelle?

Life Threatening 7: Is Tuvelle OK?

Villain’s Plan 6: McKenzie spots Terry, who is dressed up Masked Figure, on a ridge above her, waving a knife. Terry is the RED HERRING.

Life Threatening 8: The Masked Figure is threatening McKenzie with a knife.

Mystery 8: Who is screaming? Is it Tuvelle? McKenzie follows more SCREAMS, and finds Tuvelle hiding behind a huge rock.

Villain’s Plan 7: Tuvelle pleads for McKenzie’s help and says she’s being stalked by a guy in a mask with a knife. Tuvelle is luring McKenzie even deeper into her web of danger and deceit.

Life Threatening 9: Tuvelle points to a red mark on her arm and a Black Widow Spider that’s nearby. She’s been bitten by the spider and she sprained her ankle.

MIDPOINT TURNING POINT

ACT 3

Life Threatening 10: McKenzie and Tuvelle both try to call 911, but can’t get cell coverage.

Villain’s Plan 8: Tuvelle encourages McKenzie to try to get to Perilous Peak, which does have cell coverage, rather than trying to make it back to the visitor center, since the lower trails have been washed out and covered with rocks in the rain and rock slides. Tuvelle wants to get McKenzie isolated on Perilous Peak so she can push her off the edge!

Villain’s Plan 9: Tuvelle says she’ll wait where she’s at for McKenzie to summon help. Tuvelle’s spider bite and twisted ankle are fake!

Life Threatening 11: Tuvelle, dressed as The Masked Figure, follows McKenzie as she runs into a gold mine to seek shelter from lightning and rain.

Mystery 9: Who is the Masked Figure and why are they brandishing a knife?

Life Threatening 12: As McKenzie goes further into the mine, the Tuvelle, dressed up as the Masked Ghoul, rushes into the mine after McKenzie, brandishing a knife.

Life Threatening 13: Tuvelle, dressed as Masked Figure, crawls out from the rubble by the old support beam and crawls over it and catches up to McKenzie. Tuvelle jumps in an old mine cart and uses the levers to roll behind her.

Villain’s Plan: 10: Tuvelle, dressed up as a Masked Figure, switches the trail signs, causing McKenzie to get even more lost on the way to Perilous Peak. McKenzie already distrusts her own sense of direction, now she’s really lost!

Life Threatening 14: Tuvelle, dressed as the Masked Figure, chases McKenzie across a rickety, worn bridge over a stream.

Life Threatening 15: When McKenzie falls through the rickety bridge to the stream below and hits scrapes her leg on a rock and blood gushes out of her wound.

TURNING POINT: HUGE FAILURE/MAJOR SHIFT

ACT 4

Life Threatening 16: Tuvelle, dressed as the Masked Figure, circles back and chases McKenzie through a field, where McKenzie opens a hatch opening in the ground and seeks shelter in an old underground WWII bunker. Tuvelle, dressed as the Masked Figure, chases her, but McKenzie hits Tuvelle with an umbrella, stunning her temporarily, enough to get away and escape the bunker.

Mystery 10: Why is there a hatch opening in the middle of a field?

Life Threatening 17: McKenzie, despite having vertigo, climbs a tall tree and spots a trail of a small, hidden valley, where there’s an old Fire Lookout Tower.

Life Threatening 18: McKenzie runs towards the valley, and Tuvelle, dressed as the Masked Figure, appears on the edge of the valley, waving the knife.

Life Threatening 19: As McKenzie overcomes her vertigo as she’s climbing the old Fire Lookout Tower ladder, that’s surrounded on all sides by rocks.

Life Threatening 20: Tuvelle, dressed as the Masked Figure, catches up to McKenzie and chases her up the tower’s tall outside ladder, but McKenzie kicks her, causing her to fall back and hang perilously from the ladder.

Mystery 11: McKenzie keeps running through the old Fire Lookout Tower room, where the ghosts point toward the lost Totem Trail, that glows with green and blue totems, and leads up to the unused backside of Perilous Peak. Who are these ghosts? Are the glowing green and blue totems for real or an illusions? Are they on the Lost Totem Trail?

Life Threatening 21: As McKenzie hurries down the exit ladder on the other side of the tower, Tuvelle, dressed as the Masked Figure, chases McKenzie as she heads toward the lost Totem Trail.

Mystery 12: McKenzie hears a man’s YELLS behind her and she looks back to see a man, Terry, chasing Tuvelle, dressed as the Masked Figure, and climbing down the exit ladder. Who is Terry? Is he a bad guy? Why is he chasing Tuvelle?

Mystery 13: Terry confronts Tuvelle, who is dressed as the Masked Figure, and tells her to give it up, the joke’s over! What joke is Terry referring to? Was this all planned in advance? If so, by whom?

Life Threatening 22: Tuvelle, dressed as the Masked Ghoul, rushes at Terry and kicks him in the shins, then waves the knife, and chases after McKenzie, up the Totem Trail, to the edge of Perilous Peak.

Life Threatening 23: McKenzie pulls herself over the edge and onto the peak, and grabs a large tree branch, and hides behind a large rock.

CLIMAX/ULTIMATE EXPRESSION OF THE CONFLICT

Life Threatening 24: Tuvelle, dressed as the Masked Ghoul, climbs over the edge, and looks around for McKenzie, and Terry climbs over the edge and lunges at Tuvelle, dressed as the Masked Ghoul. They struggle on the ground and McKenzie sees her chance and pulls off the Masked Figure’s mask, it’s Tuvelle!

Villain’s Plan 11: Tuvelle is the mastermind behind the plan to scare McKenzie!

Villain’s Plan 12: They have the showdown, and Tuvelle explains why she’s been stalking McKenzie, and Terry explains his role, but that he didn’t mean for anyone to get hurt.

Life Threatening 25: Tuvelle pushes Terry off Perilous Peak!

Life Threatening 26: Tuvelle tries to push McKenzie off Perilous Peak, McKenzie steps aside and Tuvelle rushes past her and accidentally plunges off the peak to her death.

Life Threatening: 27: McKenzie hears Terry’s cries for help. He’s hanging onto a ledge below the peak. She helps him back up and he explains his role again, and they head back towards the visitor center.

Villain’s Plan 13: Terry explains that he was hired by Tuvelle to wear the mask and carry a fake knife to scare her and McKenzie, to lure McKenzie up to Perilous Peak after the rains started and to stop McKenzie from returning to the safety of the Visitor Center.

Mystery 14: The Lost Totem Trail leads them back towards a trail that leads them to the visitor center. The legend of the Lost Totem Trail is real! It does exist! Did McKenzie regain her lost sense of direction? YES!

• This reply was modified 3 years, 8 months ago by  Leona Heraty.
• This reply was modified 3 years, 8 months ago by  Leona Heraty.

[Michael Williamsen]

Pretty scarey story Leona. Is Tuvelle’s motive just to scare McKenzie? Was this a joke gone very bad? I can see it being very suspenseful.

[Ola Höglund]

Ola Höglund’s Thriller plot

What I learned is that this model can make the outline look like the midpoint and second turning point arrives at the wrong page/scene number. Act 3 with shorter scenes and more revelations looks longer in the outline than in the screenplay.

STRUCTURE OVERVIEW

OPENING:

Borowiak notices that Rostagno tries to avoid him in the library where they watch each other and sneak around between the bookshelves like two spies. Why? What happened in New York between them? Is it only a coincidence that they both have moved to this desert town?

BOROWIAK’S INCITING INCIDENT:

Mentally “dead” Borowiak has to deal with the roof leak at the same time he loses his book contract and have to pay back his advance that is gone.

ROSTAGNO’S INCITING INCIDENT:

Disrespected Rostagno has to investigate an explosion with the town’s most influential businessman blown up in pieces. Is he murdered? Suicide? Accident?

TURNING POINT 1:

Borowiak is interrogated by Rostagno about the carpenter kidnapping. Borowiak becomes a murder suspect with Rostagno investigating him from now on.

MIDPOINT:

Borowiak finds microphones in his damaged kitchen while “not listening” to his wife’s work problem. Evidence Rostagno tries to set him up? His focus on the microphones instead of her, leads to his wife deciding to divorce him.

TURNING POINT 2:

Borowiak finds out about his mistake mixing up his own and Rostagno’s brain scans causing Rostagno’s loss of career and marriage, giving Rostagno motive to set him up and kill psychopaths to get his career and wife back.

CLIMAX:

A: Borowiak accidentally kills his wife, learning that she has killed her father’s killer. Devastated, in damnation, he wants the villain to kill him.

B: But he saves Rostagno’s life by killing the villain, after Rostagno finally has solved who the real killer is.

RESOLUTION:

Now Borowiak and Rostagno are even. At the end they outsmart and overpower the villain as a team. Rostagno gets his self respect and wife back. Truth-seeker Borowiak learns the truth, not only being wrong about Rostagno, his wife and the real villain, but also learning the truth about himself. He is not the person he thought he was.

STRUCTURE SCENES

OPENING:

1. Borowiak doesn’t let Rostagno avoid him in the university library.

MAIN MYSTERY 1. Why is Rostagno avoiding Borowiak in the library?

2. The librarian/villain listens to Borowiak’s and Rostagno’s conversation in the library about Borowiak’s book project “Changing a psychopath”. They mention the New York Serial Killer (NYSK) that they caught in NY without knowing he is very close in the library.

VILLAIN’S PLAN 1. Make Borowiak and Rostagno bump into each other in the university library where the Villain works as a dumb librarian with a new plastic surgery face. The librarian has stolen the books that Borowiak borrowed to write his controversial articles about how psychopathic our digital society has become criticizing the psychopaths in power. The librarian also is the one discovering that the books are gone. Rostagno investigates the stolen books, interviewing Borowiak’s wife who works as the chief librarian.

3. Ten months later. Borowiak lies still in his bed naked. Is he dead? Crosscut with police sirens in the desert. But Borowiak is only “mentally dead”. Borowiak’s wife calls it depression but Borowiak says he is not depressed.

ROSTAGNO’S INCITING INCIDENT:

4. Rostagno investigates the crime scene where the town’s most influential businessman has been blown up in pieces. Could there be more bombs exploding in the hangar?

MAIN MYSTERY 2A. Is the explosion an accident, suicide or homicide?

VILLAIN’S PLAN 2. First accident/suicide. Explosion. The victim owns different companies within oil, dynamite, security, aviation. (The security team that made the Greenpeace crew drown worked for his security company, but we will not find out about that until act 3.)

BOROWIAK’S INCITING INCIDENT:

5. Borowiak has to pay back the money he got in advance when he can’t write the book he was supposed to write. Money gone. Is he losing it? (His secret is that he is scared his wife will leave him if she finds out that he has the brain of a psychopath, but we will not find out about his secret until act 3.) Borowiak also has to deal with carpenters due to the roof leak and damage caused by damp. Not good for his mental health.

6. Rostagnos boss (who we will find out later is also his ex-wife) tells Rostagno’s police partner that Rostagno caught NYSK, the killer with the scary nickname you don’t want to say. The respect for Rostagno changes completely knowing how dangerous and brutal NYSK was/is.

7. Rostagno investigates the murder scene where the second victim is found dead in her car in her garage.

MAIN MYSTERY 2B. Who is the killer and why are the victims killed?

VILLAIN’S PLAN 3. Second accident/suicide. Gas. The victim being a researcher in the environmental chemistry industry.

8. Borowiak walks down the stairs in his home during skyfall checking out the sound from the kitchen. Is there someone in his house? No, it’s just the provisional roof blowing away – or?

9. Borowiak kidnaps the carpenter responsible for the roof leak, risking being prisoned.

TURNING POINT 1:

10. Borowiak is interrogated by Rostagno about the carpenter kidnapping. The interrogation develops into a conversation about the killings and about psychopaths with Borowiak unwilling to help Rostagno with the profiling. Due to his odd answers Borowiak becomes a murder suspect with Rostagno investigating him from now on.

MAIN MYSTERY 3. Is Borowiak the killer?

VILLAIN’S PLAN 4. The villain hopes that Rostagno will contact Borowiak about profiling, but instead Rostagno has to interrogate Borowiak about the kidnapping. A bonus or problem for the villain? Both.

11. Borowiak and his wife talks about her father being killed this day 25 years ago. (She is scared her secret will be revealed, but we and Borowiak don’t know that yet.)

12. Borowiak is stalked by Rostagno when he drives to a bar. Borowiak tells some basketball players about NYSK. They don’t want to listen since they are afraid of nightmares.

13. A newspaper publisher goes to meet an informer at the bar Borowiak visits. The publisher is found dead in his pool looking like the “pool” in Borowiak’s kitchen after the skyfall.

VILLAIN’S PLAN 5. Third accident/suicide. Water. The villain calls the publisher to meet an anonymous informer at the same bar Borowiak eats at with Rostagno watching Borowiak from the Pizza hut opposite the bar.

14. FBI enters the scene on Rostagno’s initiative. He wants to prove himself to the FBI as well. They start with the three autopsies. But why is Rostagno’s boss reluctant to bringing in FBI?

15. Borowiak reads about the murders in the newspaper while oiling his knife. A hand takes Borowiak’s knife.

VILLAIN’S PLAN 6. Steals Borowiak’s knife to use it if he needs to.

16. Borowiak’s wife is humiliated in the library by her psychopathic university research boss. Gets support from the librarian/villain pretending being on her side.

17. Rostagno risks his reputation in front of FBI when he launches Borowiak as the prime suspect.

18. Rostagno and FBI raid a profiled suspect’s house. Very close Rostagno is shot by his police partner (just like Rostagno shot his partner in NY).

19. Rostagno watches the research boss and the librarian play tennis while waiting to ask the boss about the suspect they have. Where has he seen that special forehand technique before?

Rostagno’s partner asks at the tennis club if Rostagno is afraid of NYSK coming back, when the librarian listens from the table next to them. We learn that NYSK escaped prison during his mother’s funeral with the help of a small gun in the dead mother’s vagina. (The mother was ashamed that her son got caught, not ashamed of his killings as long as he was not caught. She took her life facing a cancer verdict, leaving a special legacy.)

20. Rostagno risks his reputation in front of FBI when he interrogates a suspect in a tough manner, with Rostagno’s self-hate cracking out between the lines.

21. The university research boss scares the shit out of Borowiak’s wife in the library.

MIDPOINT:

22. Borowiak finds the surveillance microphones in his damaged kitchen while “not listening” to his wife’s work problem. Evidence he is set up. Only Rostagno could do this?

23. Borowiak tells the flower shop to send flowers to his wife every birthday after he has died. As if he will die soon.

24. Borowiak’s wife wants a divorce when she doesn’t get his attention due to the setup.

25. Rostagno and his boss/ex-wife investigates a tip at night in the aviation graveyard in the desert, scary environment, until she and we realize that Rostagno has lured her into a date with dinner under the stars with a butler. They dance close to the edge risking falling down.

26. Borowiak lures Rostagno in a soil pit he can’t get out of when Rostagno pursues Borowiak. Rostagno fears for his life, but Borowiak rescues him.

MAIN MYSTERY 3B. Is Rostagno right about suspecting Borowiak being the “element killer”?

27. Rostagno chases Borowiak to the airport, boarding the same flight – he thinks – but it’s the wrong flight. Borowiak NY, Rostagno LA.

28. Rostagno is overpowered by the bus driver when he’s complaining about the AC.

29. Borowiak steals a police badge in the police locker room in NY pretending to be a carpenter.

30. Borowiak interviews Rostagno’s best friend while the computer shows him being wanted for triple murder. He learns that a headhunter (Villain) has called the friend asking questions about Rostagno some years ago. We learn that Rostagno’s boss is his ex-wife. No one at the police station knows that secret.

31. Rostagno’s ex-wife learns (in bed with Rostagno) from Rostagno’s best friend that Rostagno stalked her before they became a couple. She brings her gun out when they are both naked. Is he a psychopathic killer? Rostagno defends himself with just declaring his love for her.

TURNING POINT 2:

32. Borowiak finds Rostagno’s file at the Internal Affairs office, shocked that he has misplaced their brain scans. Borowiak realizes he is responsible for Rostagno losing his career and marriage, giving Rostagno motive to set him up and kill psychopaths to get his career and wife back. Rostagno has for ten months been thinking that he has the brain of a psychopath.

MAIN MYSTERY 4. Is Rostagno the killer?

33. Wanted Borowiak escapes the police building with cops looking for him.

34. FBI finds the sand bottles searching Borowiak’s house, with four colors missing. FBI also finds the surveillance microphones, confronting Rostagno who says he has not put them there.

35. Borowiak tries to buy a gun from the Bronx mafia threatening him.

36. Borowiak phones his wife from New York knowing that FBI listens to their conversation. Borowiak tells everything about Rostagno and about himself being a psychopath according to the brain scans.

37. Rostagno defends himself by explaining that this is Borowiak’s plan to set him up. Rostagno is relieved he doesn’t have the brain of a psychopath, but he feels betrayed by his ex-wife when he learns that she never told him that she knew about the brain scan. That’s why she divorced him? She demands him to stop pursuing Borowiak now that Rostagno has a motive.

38. Borowiak’s wife realizes after the phone call from Borowiak that someone knows about her past. Rostagno? She leaves her cell phone in the desert to be sure no one can follow her or listen to her conversations. But first she texts the librarian/villain that she won’t come back to the library until after they’ve closed. Villain responds with glad emoji.

39. We see the soil pit murder in NY 25 years ago, but we can’t see under the motorcycle helmet who the killer is, and we don’t understand that it’s 25 years ago until the end of the scene, as if it was a present murder taking place.

40. FBI, now in NY, finds out about the soil pit accident long ago, discovering Borowiak’s wife was one of the witnesses the police talked to about possible scenarios of the accident.

MAIN MYSTERY 5. Is Borowiak’s wife involved in the murders?

41. Rostagno calls the library to see if Borowiak’s wife is there. Villain texts to the other librarian taking the call, that she will be here at closing time.

42. FBI in NY discusses which one of them is the killer setting the other one up? Borowiak or Rostagno?

43. Disguised Borowiak arrives at the desert airport, goes to Fedex and picks up his package with the gun in it. Does anyone of Rostagno’s airport tipsters see him?

44. The librarian/villain closes the library for the night knowing that Rostagno has just entered the library with Borowiak’s wife on her way there.

45. Rostagno sees the librarian going into Borowiak’s wife’s office space, placing four sand bottles in her cupboard. Rostagno hides in the closet.

MAIN MYSTERY 6. Is the dumb librarian the killer?

VILLAIN’S PLAN 7. He plants the four missing sand bottles in Borowiak’s wife’s office cabinet when he knows Rostagno is looking for Borowiak’s wife in the library. Rostagno finds them there.

46. Rostagno texts his boss/ex-wife about the sand found on the murder scenes. Was there any colored sand around the soil pit 25 years ago? No, nothing in the reports about that.

47. Someone cuts Styrofoam with Borowiak’s knife.

48. Borowiak’s wife goes to the library to get her work computer and picture of her dad, scared that someone has or will connect the dots about her killing. Rostagno hides in the closet again, but his phone is left on the desk when he puts back the examined sand into the bottle. She sees the phone, but decides to not touch it, leaving it there.

49. Borowiak kidnaps Rostagno’s boss/ex-wife to make Rostagno confess in her presence. They drive to the library in her police car.

50. Borowiak calls the library from her police phone. The villain picks the phone up wondering who calls the library after closing, but he can’t answer with his voice. Borowiak understands it is the dumb librarian, so he asks him to text to this number if his wife is in the building. Villain texts that Borowiak’s wife is here. Now the villain knows everyone will be in the library.

51. Rostagno goes to the librarian’s office space and sees his tennis rackets, and now he realizes where he has seen that forehand before… The librarian is NYSK with a new face.

52. In his shock a scared Rostagno backs away, dropping his phone in the dark while texting to bring in the task force. The librarian enters. Rostagno hides with his gun ready. The librarian sees the quiet but vibrating phone on the floor when the policeman outside in the car texts and calls. He takes it and texts that Rostagno is coming soon. (Rostagno also without a phone now.)

53. The librarian cuts the library telephone line, goes out and kill the policeman with Borowiak’s knife, takes the gun, police radio and cell phone from the policeman. And fills the victim’s blood in a bottle.

VILLAIN’S PLAN 8. Kills Rostagno’s police partner with Borowiak’s knife when he realizes that Rostagno has understood who the real killer is.

54. FBI watches the interview that Borowiak did with NYSK after he was prisoned. We learn why NYSK didn’t want to kill his hated mother (subtext: why he doesn’t want to kill Borowiak and Rostagno unless they are a threat to his freedom). Borowiak asks about the killings. NYSK starts talking:

55. We see one of the killings from NYSK, very brutal rage. This is an evil animal we are dealing with.

MAIN MYSTERY 7. Is the NY serial killer caught by Borowiak and Rostagno behind the setup?

56. Rostagno looks for both Borowiak’s wife and the librarian/villain with his gun ready. Borowiak and Rostagno’s boss/ex-wife enters the library from the backdoor.

CLIMAX A:

57. Borowiak and Rostagno sneaks up on each other in the dark library. Borowiak’s wife sneaks up and hits Rostagno’s hand with the frame of her father’s picture. His gun goes off. Borowiak reacts by shooting towards Rostagno in the dark, but the bullet hits his wife.

58. Borowiak’s wife confesses that she killed her father’s killer in the soil pit. Borowiak shocked that his non-psychopathic wife has killed someone. She dies. Devastated Borowiak handcuffs himself to his dead wife, screaming “I want you to kill me. You won.”

59. Rostagno tells Borowiak about the librarians forehand… He is NYSK with the name you don’t want to say. Borowiak thinks NYSK could be up in the library lift.

CLIMAX B:

60. Rostagno finds the librarian looking dead in the library lift with a knife in his bleeding stomach and close to his mouth on the floor lies the policeman’s gun. Although Rostagno is careful, the librarian overpowers him. Rostagno pushes the button to make the lift go up in the air.

VILLAIN’S PLAN 9. Uses the blood, knife and gun to overpower Rostagno. He can now kill Rostagno with Borowiak’s knife and kill Borowiak with Rostagno’s gun.

61. Borowiak lies handcuffed with his dead wife without the key, blaming himself, devastated. He can’t escape from the villain now.

62. Borowiak carries his dead wife between the bookshelves to surprise the villain when the lift comes down to the floor, shoots the villain, saving Rostagno’s life.

RESOLUTION:

Now Borowiak and Rostagno are even. At the end they outsmart and overpower the villain as a team. Rostagno gets his self respect and wife back. Truth-seeker Borowiak learns the truth, not only being wrong about Rostagno, his wife and the real villain, but also learning the truth about himself. He is not the person he thought he was.

[Jeff Guenther]

Jeff Guenther’s Thriller Plot

What I learned: The Life Threatening Sequence needs to be hung on some standard plot structure, like ornaments on a Christmas tree. This involves a LOT of work and rework. I used the MiniMovie Method, since that’s what I used in a previous ScreewritingU course (AW). It may be overly complex for a thriller. This will need some addressing with 3×5 cards to arrive at optimum order. I may want to try a simpler structure.

Reel 1. Setup: the Hero’s status quo, ending with the inciting event.

Boyfriend is iffy [relationship could end.]

She fears unemployment

She has a daughter [her secret could be revealed.]

Desperate, MC takes job at Hospital with bad rep.

Indigent patients may attack her [physical danger]

Young girl is admitted for tonsillitis. VILLAIN’S PLAN TO ATTACK THE HOSPITAL

Supernatural phenomena begin [the unknown] they don’t recognize it’s supernatural.

MC fears for the young patient [danger to someone they know]

She promises (mother or nun) to protect the patient

Reel 2. Predicament ‘lock in’ to the conflict (end of Act 1).

Escalating phenomena, observed by MC, definitely supernatural

The eldritch janitor [RH?] scares her [stalked]. History of hospital.

Janitor says the hospital was haunted a long time ago.

VILLAIN = Girl’s father disappears.

Staff start to quit. VILLAIN’S PLAN PART 1

Sr. Polygrippa’s team uses holy water, prayer, etc.

MC assigned to protect the girl, stay with her.

Reel 3. First attempt to deal with problem. Easy option fails, stakes rise.

MC fears infections from sharp medical instruments.

Girl is operated on.

MOTIF: Sharps, scalpels [presence of weapons]

They move the girl to another room.

Girl’s mother dies in the room next to her. VILLAIN’S PLAN 2

Reel 4. More grandiose, extreme plan goes horribly wrong (ends with the mid-point)

Mother’s autopsy reveals she died from excess alcohol

MC wonders where Mother got the alcohol.

Exorcist called in by Sr. Polygrippa

Exorcist scares MC with stories [talking about the danger]

Calling in exorcist leaked to newspaper, patients leave VILLAIN’S ULTIMATE PLAN

Phenomena traced to proximity of girl (next door, floor above, etc.)

Shortage of critical supplies VILLAIN’S PLAN 3

Exorcist ID’s girl as poltergeist. All hell breaks loose.

Exorcist killed mysteriously.

<div>Reel 5. Hero retreats to address flaw Confronts her weakness. Fear? Lack of Faith?</div><div>

Sr. Polygrippa orders her to stop snooping [demand to stop investigating.]</div>

</div>

MC Finds notes in her locker [threats]

Janitor dies during storm; is put in cold storage until police can get there

She could fear what killed the janitor, think it’s demonic.

She gets mad, decides to face her fears, even if she loses her job

She meets with Sr. Polygrippa, other peers

Someone overhears her conversations [surveillance]

Money needed for repairs is not available VILLAIN’S PLAN 3

Reel 6. New plan, hero prepared to change All goes wrong, and new revelation. (end of Act 2)

Co-worker reports her [someone covert near them.]

She’s punished, but now knows her conversation was overheard

Polygrippa is missing VILLAIN’S PLAN 2

MC searches for Sister Polygrippa.

She’s attacked while looking for Sister

MC discovers unneeded supplies and facilities are being bought.

MC threatened with firing.

Reel 7. Change, rejoins the battle. Goal reached, but . . .Final twist, Villain turns the tables.

The hospital is bankrupt [loss of a job or career.] VILLAIN’S ULTIMATE PLAN

MC’s attacked while checking records [lured into danger].

MC finds Polygrippa in cold storage;

Polygrippa has records in her apron.

MC finds evidence nun was looking at old employee records.

MC finds evidence nun was looking at recent expenditures.

Janitor is missing from cold storage.

She gets locked into cold storage rm

Reel 8. Finally defeats antagonist. Wrap up, epilogue, the New World

MC finds cash spent for unnecessary expenditures VILLAIN’S PLAN 3

MC inds that EMTs are being bribed VILLAIN’S PLAN 4

She finds the organ harvesting has already begun. VILLAIN’S ULTIMATE PLAN

She fears she might be next.

She thinks the missing janitor is alive and looking for her.

Whoever killed Sr. Polygrippa might kill her [chased].

Villain chases her, tries to kill her

Poltergeist defends her.

Villain reminds girl he’s her father.

Girl pushes him down stairway anyway, from 10 feet away.

MC tells the police he stumbled and fell.

[Kathryn Ekblad]

Kathryn’s Thriller Plot!

I learned that story can be built from responding to a villain’s plan!

STRUCTURE FOR MR & MRS AMERCIA

OPENING: Good doctor is killed, evidence of engineered virus in his lab

-wife convinces him to run

-the President has terrible headaches

-people are getting sick right and left, linked to an uncontrolled viral infection

Max announces his running

-Emily can’t remember details prior to cancer

-the “good Dr.” demands investigation into why

-Main “human party” candidate becomes the front runner

-Max is threatened by the opponent

-Max’s car is tailed the night of the announcement

INCITING INCIDENT: Max gets in a car crash.

-the funeral for the drunk driver has no attendees, but Dr. S

-wakes up with Emily, flashing lights, no memory

-rehab clinic is very secretive

-the rehab building is half blocked off for “construction”

-Pres uses rehab clinic alongside prosthetic uses with AI limbs

-the front runner dies (of the virus)

-Emily is the only person who’s worked there before, and after

-everyone who was treated is banned from voting…possibly anyone to come into contact with them

-(Original Emily was a physical therapist)

-Emily shuts down cancer research to make the whole clinic rehab

-clinic has been funded by the opposing party

-target physical therapists for virus

-leaked to the press that Emily is AI, he denies

his house is targeted, and the clinic, death threats

-good Dr. dies–by his own virus

TURNING POINT 1: Emily is arrested.

-alter voting polls

Emily begs him to stop investigating the virus

Emily is having an affair with Dr. S

-Pres finds surveillance attached to his watch

he misses a check up and is followed

-The virus Emily died of is the mother of the ones killing everyone

-(the Dr. links Emily, then dies)

MIDPOINT: Max’s brain is in a robot body.

-there is no one in the car following him

-the person in the car crash was reported dead two months earlier

-there is a crematorium in the lab

-Emily is shot

He is threatened with a Supreme Court case

-the drunk driver was Emily’s first patient, after her death

TURNING POINT 2: The brain is dying, Max collapses during state of the union.

-Dr. S comes to treat Pres himself and Emily refuses

-Max is kidnapped and tied to a machine

-Emily infects the Dr and changes his “profile” with someone else

CLIMAX: Emily kills Dr. S and tells Max to turn her off.

-the Dr “kills himself”

-power in the clinic goes out. Dr. is dead, everyone else (except Emily) is “off”

-Emily tells the Pres his brain is in the body of a robot, but it’s dying, he has a choice, does he become full AI or die?

RESOLUTION: Max decides to become a full robot. Address the public as if he were human and funds the viral research.

[James Peacock]

Thriller Plot!

What I learned: Continue to gain new insights into developing the plot.

OPENING: Skinny (20-something, nerdy,
overweight) hacks a small local bank in retaliation for the guard tripping
him.

Mystery 1: Why is Skinny so concerned?

Mystery 2: Who
is Bastien?

INCITING
INCIDENT: Late at night he
hears chatter that he’s about to be raided and killed. He runs to his neighbor
(an equally geeky girl) and watches in horror while unknown individuals in
Army uniforms ransack his apartment. FBI are close behind and raid as well.

Life
Threatening 1: Who is trying to kill him?

Mystery 3: Is
Alicia in on the scheme?

TURNING POINT 1: He is captured by the FBI
and asked to help in capturing the General.

Mystery 4: What
does the FBI want with him?

Mystery 5: Will
Skinny and the gang get out of this?

MIDPOINT: He is captured by the General who
explains his diabolical plot.

Life
threatening 2: Will Skinny and gang be killed?

Mystery 6: What
is the General’s motivation?

Villains Plan: General
has infiltrated the US Military to gain access to Cheyenne Mountain

TURNING POINT 2: Alicia is kidnapped and held
for ransom.

Life threatening
3: Will Alicia be killed?

Mystery 7: Is
Alicia the good guy or the bad guy?

Mystery 8: Is
Bastien the good guy or the bad guy?

Villain’s Plan:
Hold Alicia hostage to make Skinny the $800 Million back.

CLIMAX: Skinny foils the general’s plan with
computer cunning and kills him

Life
Threatening 4: Everyone is at risk of getting killed

Mystery 9: How
is Skinny going to save the gang?
Mystery 10: Who’s
side are Bastien and Alicia on?

RESOLUTION: Skinny and Alicia are reunited and
live happily ever after.