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Day 8 Assignments
Reply to post assignment.
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Bob Rowen’s Beat Sheet Draft 2
What I learned doing this assignment is how nicely the pieces of the story are coming together as a result of this process. Looking forward to the next assignment
MY BEAT SHEET DRAFT 2
Pass 1: Interweave theme throughout the beat sheet.
Pass 2: Build in the Antagonist Journey.
Theme of Story: PGE and the AEC falsely claim nuclear power is safe, clean, and economical; and that there is some safe amount of exposure to ionizing radiation that justifies the established occupational limits.
Storyline for Edgar, Antagonist:
· As the man in charge of PGE’s nuclear task force, Edgar and his managerial cohort claim nuclear energy is safe, clean, and economical.
· Edgar incorporates lies into the Company’s Radiation Protection Training Manual designed to convince employees that exposure to small amounts of ionizing radiation exposure is harmless.
· For mysterious reasons, Edgar changes his tune one month after he fires Virgil and Forrest.
· Edgar succumbs to cancer ostensibly due to his repetitive exposure to ionizing radiation.
Storyline for Kathryn, Supporting Character:
· Kathryn originally at odds with Virgil’s decision to seek employment at the nuclear plant winds up proud of him for publicly exposing what happened there.
Storyline for Forrest, Supporting Character:
· Forrest remains resolute in convincing Virgil nuclear power is not safe, clean, or economical.
ACT 1:
INT. PERSONNEL MANAGER’S OFFICE – DAY
OPENING: Virgil applies for employment with PGE and convinces the personnel manager that he believes nuclear energy is the power source of the future and thus gains the admiration of the personnel manager. Virgil is hired and goes to work in the line department because the nuclear unit is still under construction.
INT. BEDROOM – NIGHT
INCITING INCIDENT: Two years later, Virgil is offered an apprentice instrument repairman position in the fossil fuel Units 1 and 2 of the Humboldt Bay Power Plant. The nuclear unit started up for the first time four months earlier. Virgil’s wife, KATHRYN, knows Virgil ultimately wants to join the nuclear workforce of Unit 3 and, therefore, is very much opposed to Virgil accepting the position at the Humboldt Bay Power Plant. She feels working there is too dangerous. Virgil tells Kathryn it’s absolutely safe and takes the job putting him at odds with Kathryn.
INT. UNITS 1 AND 2 COLD INSTRUMENT SHOP – MORNING
TE 1: Virgil meets FORREST WILLIAMS, a shift helper in the nuclear unit, who tells Virgil nuclear power really isn’t the power source of the future. Virgil strongly disagrees with Forrest!
INT. KITCHEN – EVENING
INCITING INCIDENT: Virgil’s wife, Kathryn, agrees with Forrest and feels Virgil should not have taken the job. They argue. Virgil ignores Kathryn and it strains their marriage.
INT. EDGAR’S OFFICE – MORNING
TE 2: Virgil is notified by EDGAR WEEKS, the plant’s nuclear engineer, that he is being transferred to the nuclear unit as an apprentice nuclear control technician. Virgil’s tenacious effort to get into the nuclear workforce finally pays off.
ACT 2:
INT. CHEM LAB – AFTERNOON
Forrest congratulates Virgil on his promotion. They revisit Forrest’s claim that nuclear isn’t safe and Virgil is challenged to do his own research on the biological effects of exposure to ionizing radiation and compare his findings to claims made in PGE’s Rad Protection Manual.
INT. UNIVERSITY LIBRARY – NIGHT
Virgil researches the biological effects of radiation exposure.
INT. UNIT 3 RADIATION PROTECTION DESK – DAY
Virgil presents his findings to Edgar. He argues the Company should do everything possible to keep radiation exposure to an absolute minimum. Virgil is rebuffed by almost all of the power plant employees and is threatened by Edgar.
INCITING INCIDENT: Virgil is now confronted with the Company’s systematic and philosophical disregard for radiation safety.
INT. COLD MACHINESHOP – MORNING
Virgil discovers radioactively contaminated scrap iron was intentionally sold to an unsuspecting scrap iron dealer and plant management covers up the incident after Virgil unveils what happened.
INT. UNIT 3 COUNTING ROOM – AFTERNOON
Virgil is ordered to sign false shipping documents for a highly contaminated spent fuel-shipping cask.
INT. UNDER THE REACTOR AT MINUS 66 – MORNING
Virgil, along with another employee, is drenched with reactor water and reactor crud while working under the reactor flushing in-cores. The serious radiation accident requires major decontamination protocols.
INT. EDGAR’S OFFICE – MORNING
The plant’s nuclear engineer dismisses the contamination as just a nuisance.
INT. LAZIO’S SEAFOOD RESTAURANT – NIGHT
TE 3: Virgil admits to Kathryn she was correct about the plant but explains he has too much invested in becoming a nuclear control technician to do anything now but try to change the Company’s approach to radiation safety in order to not only protect the employees but also the general public.
EXT. HARRIS AND K MARKET – LATE AFTERNOON
INCITING INCIDENT: Virgil becomes embroiled as a witness in a police brutality incident.
TE 4: The forces working against Virgil’s efforts get ugly. Virgil digs in his heels.
PLACEHOLDER: Provide examples of what happens to Virgil and his family.
ACT 3:
PLACEHOLDER: How does Virgil become aware that PGE’s Humboldt Nuke is now the dirtiest nuclear plant in the Country?
EXT. DEMPSTY DUMPSTER – MORNING
Virgil rummages through garbage bin looking for certain information and finds a whole lot more than what he expected.
INT./EXT. VARIOUS LOCATIONS – DAY/NIGHT
PLACEHOLDER: Virgil decides to document PGE’s numerous violations of radiation safety.
INT. REACTOR CONTROL ROOM – AFTERNOON
Virgil discovers extremely hot particles management later claims are simply Chinese fallout from atomic bomb testing in China.
INT. EDGAR’S OFFICE – MORNING
Virgil locks horns with the Nuclear Plant Engineer over the removal of the key air sample monitor at the South Bay Elementary School 400 yards downwind from the nuclear facility.
INT. ASSEMBLY BUILDING – MORNING
Virgil and Forrest present their concerns at an official PGE safety meeting. The Company responds by firing both of them and making them national security risks in a secret law enforcement document provided to the FBI.
INT. ASSEMBLY BUILDING – MORNING
One month later Edgar makes a presentation about the health hazards of exposure to ionizing radiation that closely resembles what Virgil and Forrest had said.
INT. COURTROOM – DAY
Virgil testifies against the local police about the Harris and K police brutality incident.
INT. UNIVERSITY STUDENT LOUNGE – AFTERNOON
Deputy JERRY HOTT makes Virgil aware of a secret police document that designed to make Virgil and Forrest, along with two other CTs, national security risks.
ACT 4:
INT. DR. KASUN’S OFFICE – DAY
Virgil is advised by one of his University professors to protect himself is to go public as quickly and in as many different ways as possible.
INT. HEARING ROOM – DAY
Virgil prevails in his California Unemployment Appeals Board Hearing.
INT. GRAND JURY ROOM – DAY
Virgil testifies before the grand jury exposing the Atomic Energy Commission’s mishandling of PGE’s numerous violations of radiation safety and their cover-ups.
INT. NORTHTOWN BOOKSTORE – NIGHT
PLACEHOLDER: 30 years later Virgil learns from one attendee during his book-signing event that several employees, including Edgar and Warren Raymond, died of cancer. LONI, another book signing attendee who grew up at King Salmon and attended South Bay Elementary School, said many of his childhood friends have died of cancer.
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Rob Springfield’s Beat Sheet Draft 2
What I learned doing this assignment is how the step by step process for layering the story can give clear directions for writing.
MY BEAT SHEET DRAFT 2
Pass 1: Interweave theme throughout the beat sheet.
Pass 2: Build in the Antagonist Journey.
Theme: The app can be seen as a catalyst for what a mask personifies. Just like the app is used to hide true identity throughout the story, each person’s individual facade has allowed them to hide who they really are and not be genuine.
Primary Antagonist Storyline (John Stein):
1. John Stein agrees to partner up with Dr. Green on funding the app, but vaguely shows ulterior motives–something’s a bit off.
2. An UNKNOWN MAN (later learn it’s John Stein) watches Mark work out back of the laboratory, obviously casing the joint.
3. John Stein talks with some slick-looking guys who coolly take off as soon as Dr. Green arrives to discuss funding.
4. John Stein visits the lab to see improvements to the app, he argues with Dr. Green because of Mark and they end their partnership.
5. Mark overhears John calling for a crew of men to steal the app, even if they have to kill to get it.
6. John and his crew rummage the laboratory and beat up Dr. Green.
7. John and his crew fight with Mark for the app, but Mark gets away.
8. John and his crew track Mark and his family from Tennessee to Las Vegas.
9. John and his crew hack Mark’s phone and steal the app. They capture Mark and his family and prepare to whack them
10. John and his crew are outsmarted by Mark and lose the app.
11. John and his crew are arrested after video footage is provided by Mark.
Secondary Antagonist Storyline (Manny):
1. Manny subtly lures Mark’s father, Jeff, into high stakes gambling for the long con.
2. Manny allows Jeff to win big a few times.
3. Manny tells Jeff that to pay a huge debt he needs to siphon an account at his job.
4. Manny threatens Jeff that he’s coming after him.
5. Manny and his crew shoot at Jeff and his family as they escape.
6. Manny’s killers pursue and fight with Mark and the family from Tennessee to Las Vegas.
7. Finally, Manny and the killers capture the entire family in a casino. They take them to a remote place to whack them.
8. Manny gets outsmarted by Mark and is dealt with by the mob.
ACT 1:
EXT. BASEBALL FIELD – DAY
Opening Scene: (3 years prior) at a baseball game, Mark’s drunken father, Jeff, humiliates an 11-year-old Mark. He makes him do push-ups on the pitcher’s mound in front of a crowd of people because he did not pitch a shutout during the game. Jeff’s boss finally steps forward to make him stop. Next, fast forward to 3 years later, Mark is constantly getting into trouble at school, at home, in the neighborhood. He’s repeatedly throwing objects at school and everywhere else just to annoy people or to get attention. He constantly argues with his dad and/or the entire family. His only interest seems to be goofing around with apps to follow his dad or pull pranks for kicks.
INT. STEIN’S CLASSROOM – COMPUTER PROGRAMMING – DAY
TE 1: Mark’s soon to be mentor, DR. GREEN, gives him positive reinforcement by commenting on his work the first day he meets him in the class.
EXT./INT. SCHOOL PARKING LOT/OFFICE – DAY
Inciting Incident: Mark breaks a car windshield on school property. His principal and dad insist that he gets arrested to teach him a lesson. Dr. Green suggests that Mark works at his software laboratory doing menial tasks as a form of punishment. Mark winds up doing community service at a software laboratory.
PLACEHOLDER: THEME: Mark’s counselor talks to about masks to Julie.
INT. SOFTWARE SOLUTION LABORATORY – DAY
TE 2: Dr. Green allows Mark to help him code the app to enhance its functionalities.
PLACEHOLDER: THEME: Dr. Green mentions masks to Mark when talking about his grandson.
EXT. SOFTWARE SOLUTION LABORATORY – DAY
Mark learns that John Stein, Dr. Green’s former partner, plans to kill him and steal the billion dollar app.
INT. SOFTWARE SOLUTION LABORATORY – DAY
Mark falls into possession of the app before his mentor’s enemies can steal it by force.
EXT. STREET – DAY
Just in the nick of time Mark and his family escape a slew of killers and head out of town.
ACT 2:
EXT. TRAIN STATION – ARKANSAS – NIGHT
To dodge the killers, Mark and his family board a train headed out west, since Mark wants to keep the app safe until he can get it into the right hands. His dad, Jeff, feels that if they go to Vegas he can win the money that owes to some dangerous hustlers who are also threatening the family.
In the meantime, Mark learns more about how to use the app to defend his family. He starts to have fun with it and annoy others on the train. All seems calm and safe.
INT. TRAIN STATION – NIGHT
On the train the family argues the whole time and constantly slams Mark about every little thing as usual.
EXT. TRAIN STATION – TEXAS – DAY
Midpoint Turning Point: Mark’s train pulls into a stations in the next city. The killers board the train, almost immediately Mark and Jeff see them.
INT. TRAIN – DAY
Jeff and Mark go to warn Julie and Ann before the train leaves the station. When they get to the cabin the killers are waiting with knives. Mark sees the killers hold knives to his sister and Mom, threatening to torture them.
PLACEHOLDER: THEME: Mask comes up between Julie and Jeff
TE 3: Mark develops a fearless demeanor when dealing with the killers.
INT. TRAIN (PARKED/MOVING) – DAY
They give Jeff a phone and try to make him siphon money from an account, but Mark stands up to them. He fiddles around with the app and BOOM…a taser zaps them. The train is barely in motion. Mark and his family jump from the train. On the train the stunned killers watch them roll down an embankment.
INT. AIRPORT – NEW MEXICO – DAY
Mark and family slip on a plane unnoticed or so they think. But, some different killers are already waiting for them. The plane takes off. They capture all of them and take them to a lower compartment with weapons. Jeff tries to resist and gets stabbed. They put a knife to his throat, ready to slice and… Mark fidgets with the phone app and WHAM the alarm sounds all over the plane it shakes and shutters, Mark grabs a flare nearby and shoots the killers, they run from the compartment. The pilot has land immediately. The plane makes an emergency landing at a municipal airport near a strip mall. The family knows that Mark is their “go to” and sees him in a different light.
TE 4: Mark feels good when his family thanks him for saving them, he matures some.
ACT 3:
EXT. AIRPORT/STRIP MALL – DAY
The family gets off the plane and head toward a strip mall across a field. Immediately they see two motorcycles. The killers see them running to the mall. They pursue them. Mark and family jump on the motorcycles and speed off. The killers call for back up on their phone.
EXT. INTERSTATE 40 – ARIZONA – DAY
Jeff drives with Julie in tow, Mark drives with Ann in tow. They make it to Arizona with no incidents then they battle with a big truck with killers. Eventually, they elude them. They almost make it to the Arizona border…but a battle with some killers on bikes goes down. They have to dodge wrecks and oncoming traffic, before they run the killers off the road.
EXT. INTERSTATE 40 – NEVADA – NIGHT
Next, they switch to a car and make it into Nevada state. The chaos starts again with a set of hummers trying to sandwich them off the road. They elude the wrecks and bullets.
PLACEHOLDER: They finally arrive at the casino strip in Las Vegas. Mark comes up with a good idea in the hotel to trick the killers that are laying wait.
INT. LAS VEGAS STRIP HOTEL CASINO – NIGHT
New plan: At the hotel Mark uses his mom and sister as a distraction to the killers by using the app. What’s more, Jeff begins to gamble and win big. Mark makes plans to get the app in the right hands. Jeff almost has all of the money. Everything seems okay. The killers have no idea of Mark and the family’s whereabouts. The app has completely disguised them.
Turning Point: The killers devise a slick way to flush Mark and his family out so they can seize them without making a scene. Mark continues to use the app changing identities like crazy as his dad reaches his payback amount. However, constant bickering between Mark and Jeff causes them to get their wires crossed and mistakenly expose their whereabouts. The killers capture the entire family and steal the money that Jeff has won. Now, he has to give in to their demands of embezzling money from an account at his job. John Stein and his crew of killers find a way to hack Mark’s phone, download the app, and delete it from his phone. Mark tries one last attempt to get the money and app back, but nothing seems to work. The killers hold all the cards, it’s lights out for them.
INT. ROADHOUSE CASINO – NIGHT
Mark and his family are captured and taken to a sleazy roadhouse casino. In a room, Mark finally confronts his dad about the past and Jeff apologizes.
PLACEHOLDER: THEME: Jeff mentions the mask he’s been wearing around the family.
TE 5: Mark forgives his dad. The killers plan to whack and bury them in the desert behind the roadhouse.
ACT: 4
Climax/Ultimate expression of the conflict: Just seconds before the killers are about to ice them, Mark comes up with an idea.
TE 6: Mark uses psychology to manipulate the head killer to bet on his throwing arm.
Mark and Jeff challenge him in front of his woman and others that Mark can hit any target from any distance. This bet is only for them not to be killed, not to get back the app.
Resolution: TE 7: Mark does not back down to the killers but shows a fearless attitude.
If Mark can hit a bullseye from fifty feet out, the killers will let his family go free. No one believes Mark can do it. It catches the attention of some of the big high rollers at the roadhouse who can’t resist. They bet big bucks on Mark’s behalf.
Mark draws back and…BINGO…he hits the target with ease. Suddenly, Mark remembers that his mentor put in a 24-hour safeguarding mechanism on the app against hackers that will erase it from all devices it wasn’t originally loaded on.
PLACEHOLDER: Mark discovers that the mentor hid the app on his smart watch in an email attachment.
PLACEHOLDER: The app is put into the right hands.
PLACEHOLDER: Mark’s dad is able to pay off the debt.
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This reply was modified 3 years, 2 months ago by Robert Springfield.
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This reply was modified 3 years, 2 months ago by Robert Springfield.
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This reply was modified 3 years, 2 months ago by Robert Springfield.
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This reply was modified 3 years, 2 months ago by Robert Springfield.
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This reply was modified 3 years, 2 months ago by Robert Springfield.
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This reply was modified 3 years, 2 months ago by Robert Springfield.
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This reply was modified 3 years, 2 months ago by Robert Springfield.
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This reply was modified 3 years, 2 months ago by Robert Springfield.
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This reply was modified 3 years, 2 months ago by Robert Springfield.
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This reply was modified 3 years, 2 months ago by Robert Springfield.
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This reply was modified 3 years, 2 months ago by
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Harley Grant’s High Speed Beat Sheet Draft 2
What I learned doing this assignment is that I needed to get a better take on my antagonist to propel the story forward.
MY BEAT SHEET
Pass 1: Interweave theme throughout the beat sheet.
Pass 2: Build in the Antagonist Journey.
ACT 1.
EXT. BACKYARD — NIGHT
Opening: Priyanka and her daughter Sia attend a family wedding. Priyanka talks with her brother Raj and spends most of the time with Sia and catching up wish some of her cousins.
Priyanka overhears comments about this is her first family event that she has attended since her mom died five years ago. There are other people who comment about how Priyanka should have inherited the family business instead of Raj.
Sia yawns and Priyanka gathers up their coats and give congratulations to the bride and groom and their parents.
INT. JAIL – NIGHT
Rohan calls Raj about his release and picking him up in the morning. He is very specific about the clothes he wants and to have his barber waiting for him.
INT. BEDROOM — NIGHT
Priyanka puts Sia to sleep.
TE1: Priyanka gets an automated call from the county saying that her ex-husband Rohan is getting out of jail the next morning.
Placeholder: Show Priyanka’s reaction as she realizes that her safe, quiet life is coming to an end. Maybe she calls her friend Rick.
TE2: Two men invade Priyanka’s home in the middle of the night.
INCITING INCIDENT: The invaders want to take Priyanka’s daughter for her ex-husband.
Placeholder: Priyanka recognizing the true threat of her ex-husband.
TE3: While tied up in her kitchen, Priyanka slips free and grabs a gun from one of the invaders and kills both of them.
EXT. FRONT YARD – NIGHT
Placeholder: Priyanka pulls her car out of her garage, siphons gas, and pours it all over her house. She sets it on fire and takes Sia to Rick’s place and leaves her daughter Sia with him.
INT. JAIL – NIGHT
Placeholder Rohan talks to his cellmat about his plans for when he is released the next day.
ACT 2
INT. FAMILY PAWN SHOP – NIGHT
Priyanka meets up with her brother Raj at the family pawnshop/gun smuggling operation. She tries to get Raj to help her and shut down the family business.
TE4: Raj tells Priyanka that business is booming and he has been working with Rohan to get guns to newly released prisoners.
Placeholder: Priyanka discovers that she cannot depend on her brother. Priyanka decides to give up her current life and sees the world as kill or be killed.
INCITING INCIDENT: Priyanka realizes that she has messed up by telling Raj where Sia is in hiding. Raj knocks her unconscious and locks her in the basement.
EXT. JAIL – MORNING
Raj picks up Rohan as he walks out of jail. They talk about business and it is obvious that Rohan is the one who is actually in charge. He is also frustrated when he learns that his men were unable to secure his daughter Sia. Raj says he has it under control Raj drops Rohan off at his apartment.
ACT 3
INT. BASEMENT – DAY
Priyanka wakes up to her phone ringing. It’s Rick telling her that Raj came by to take Sia for lunch.
TE5: Priyanka must figure out a way to escape the basement and have the power to protect her daughter. She breaks open the gun cases and takes as many weapons that she can carry in a duffel bag. Priyanka use a shotgun to blow the lock off the basement door to gain her freedom.
Placeholder: Priyanka knows that instead of shutting down the gun smuggling business she must take it over.
INT. ROHAN’S APARTMENT DAY
Rohan is getting a haircut. He talks to 8 large men who hang on his every word. Rohan describes his future plans for running the business.
INT. RESTAURANT – DAY
Priyanka enters a diner and confronts Raj who is eating lunch with Sia. Priyanka tells Sia to stay while she and Raj go outside and argue.
TE7: Raj and Priyanka are fighting outside the restaurant. Rohan shows up. He exchanges words with both of them. Ultimately, he shoots Raj and slaps Priyanka.
When Priyanka tries to go back into the restaurant, Rohan’s goon holds her. She can only watch as Rohan talks to Sia and the two of them leave together. The goon lets Priyanka go with a warning.
INT. RICK’S BAR – DAY
Priyanka stumbles to Rick’s place and asks him to come out of retirement and train her for battle.
ACT 4:
EXT. RICK’S BAR – DUSK
Placeholder – training sequences that last all night with Rick and Priyanka. While Priyanka knows some of the basics about guns, Rick shows her how to shoot several weapons and work on her speed and agility.
INT. MANSION – DAY
Rohan is talking to Sia about how he is sorry that he has not seen her for so long. That he has missed her and he now has the ability to give her anything she wants. Sia wants to be with her mom. Rohan tries to remain calm and explain that it his turn to be the parent. He also talks about being an only child like her, but an orphan who moved from one foster family to the next.
Placeholder: Priyanka knows that Rohan has taken Sia to her child-hood home. A place that Rohan grew up admiring. It is protected with fortified walls, armed guards, and only one entrance. However, Priyanka’s mom taught her how to sneak out when her father used to get drunk and abusive.
EXT. MANSION – NIGHT
Priyanka uses an unknown passage to enter. Shoots all of the guards. Then, it’s a one-on-one fight to the between her and Rohan.
INT. MANSION – NIGHT
TE8: Rohan grabs Sia as a hostage. Priyanka puts her weapon down. Just as all looks lost, Sia pretends like she is going to kiss Rohan and instead stabs him in the eye with a fork. Rohan releases her in pain; Priyanka picks up her gun and kills Rohan.
INT. MANSION – DAY
Priyanka and Sia attend a family meeting and all of her cousins give support to Priyanka as the new leader.
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ML Palidofska Lesson 8: What I learned doing this assignment was stating the theme and learning more about the antagonist (who is also a protagonist as it is a rom-com) and how his journey weaves into the other characters journey.
Add Theme and Antagonist/Protagonist Journey
1. What is the story really about?
Finding love can lead to finding your real self.
Building the Antagonist into the beat sheet:
1. Everett makes a point of getting Margaret alone and extracting info.
2.He starts to romance her and ends up actually having feelings for her.
3. He realizes she isn’t a threat. He gets bored? She was much more exciting when she was a possible threat.
4. When they’re trapped by the blizzard, she thinks it’s romantic. He blows her off and packs his gear, thinking he could get helicoptered out.
5. He can’t get helicoptered out for a while. He has to wait and make nice with the other guests and Margaret. He doesn’t realize some of them have issues with the government and know about him.
6. The criminal who wanted revenge shows up as the generator repairman, follows him to his room and tries to take him out.
7. Margaret and Josh save his life and he realizes how much he cares for Margaret and likes the guests. He is not going to turn anyone in. His boss finally sent him a background check on the other guests. Anita and Larry resolve their respective issues with the government.
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Subject: Arial Burnz’s Beat Sheet Draft 2
What I learned doing this assignment is…I’m still trying to learn how to be brief and I’m failing. LOL I’ve also learned how the story can be enriched with each pass by instilling the theme throughout the story and ensuring both sides of the story are being told.
Logline: After a young elf is betrayed by her best friend, she is imprisoned and spends fifteen years escaping and developing her skills to become a powerful sorceress and seek vengeance. This is a gender-flipping retelling of the tale The Count of Monte Cristo, set in a fantasy world.
Theme: We can’t change the past. We can only learn from it and make different choices moving forward.
Act 1:
EXT. COPPER DRAGYN TAVERN – ALLEY – DAY
Opening: When Aylen arrives at her place of work, she is greeted by a messenger with a proposition – deliver a wax-sealed letter from a “secret admirer” to the lady-in-waiting of Lady Greymore. Secrecy is paramount and Aylen is paid a large sum, half in advance, and the rest to be paid after delivery. He will find her. Aylen’s co-worker, Tanyth, is spying on the conversation, though. Tanyth knows the identity of the messenger behind his magical glamor, and he suspects there’s something sinister behind the letter.
INT. COPPER DRAGYN TAVERN – DAY
While Aylen is distracted speaking with the tavern owner about some creative marketing she’s doing for his business, Tanyth sneaks a peek at the letter, then reseals it and puts it back into Aylen’s belongings. He makes it very obvious he is not a fan of Aylen’s and her ambitious ideas, so Tanyth is keeping this information in his proverbial back pocket.
INT. COPPER DRAGYN TAVERN – NIGHT
Transformational Event #1: Because of her marketing efforts this week, the tavern is packed and Aylen is offered a partnership in the business. This pisses Tanyth off, though, who believes he should have been made partner. His distaste for Aylen grows.
EXT. COPPER DRAGYN TAVERN – NIGHT
Transformational Event #2: Dylan von Shain, Aylen’s boyfriend and childhood friend, takes a romantic detour while walking her home and proposes marriage. This is young love at its finest!
INT. ELCARYN COTTAGE – NIGHT
Aylen returns home with Dylan to share today’s news with her mother, Cellica. This good fortune will allow Aylen to buy better care for her sickly parent. Privately, Aylen gives Cellica medicine she purchased with the money she received from the messenger, but doesn’t reveal how she got it and makes her mother vow not to say anything to anyone.
THEME: Cellica is sick because she caught the infection – Nether Moss (aka death moss) – her husband had while she was caring for him. There is constant regret on Cellica’s part and on Aylen’s about the woulda-shoulda-couldas regarding the death of Aylen’s father.
INT. VON ABEL ESTATE – DAY
At their weekly teatime, Aylen shares all her wonderful news with her best friend, Kylantha “Key” von Abel. Jealous, Key has a difficult time being happy for her friend and cuts their visit short. After Aylen leaves, Key has a tantrum and has Dylan von Shain summoned at once.
THEME: Key’s mother died when she was young and her father buys her affections instead of giving her lve, so she has a constant regret about how different her life would be, had her mother lived.
INT. VON ABEL ESTATE – NIGHT
Dylan, his father Baron von Shain, and Key’s father Baron von Abel are subjected to Key’s tantrum over Aylen and Dylan’s engagement. Regardless of how much their parents have been pushing Dylan to marry Key since they were children, the final decision is his. He wants to marry for love, not title, and Aylen is his choice. His older brother will inherit the barony, so why should it matter? Dylan leaves no room for argument and leaves.
THEME: Dylan has seen what marrying for titles does in his own parents. He has a great relationship with his father, but a strained one with his mother because she never wanted to marry Dylan’s father. Learning from their past, he wants to make different choices than his parents did for a better outcome.
INT. COPPER DRAGYN TAVERN – NEXT DAY
Escorted by a personal body guard, Kylantha arrives at the tavern looking for Aylen, but she isn’t there. She has the day off to start her wedding plans. This infuriates Key and she storms out.
EXT. COPPER DRAGYN TAVERN – DAY
Before she climbs into her carriage, Tanyth has a conversation with her. They both have similar interests – they want Aylen out of the picture. He begins his devious plan by telling Key about Aylen’s mysterious letter from the “secret admirer”…
THEME: Instead of being better people, Key and Tanyth both blame Aylen for how their lives are turning out. Instead of changing what they do, they want to eliminate the person they feel is the author of their woes.
INT. ELCARYN COTTAGE – NIGHT
Inciting Incident: While Aylen, Dylan and Cellica are enjoying dinner, Aylen is arrested. They will not say what the charges are, but the cottage is searched and the letter she was to deliver on the morrow is confiscated. Dylan says he will go speak with his father immediately and vows to clear this up.
INT. ROYAL SOLINTA COURT CHAMBERS – NIGHT
Aylen is questioned by a royal clerk, Tirandal Qiren, about the secret admirer’s letter, and a truth rod proves she is telling the truth when she says she’s ignorant of the missive’s content. Although he is about to let her go, Qiren asks whom was the intended recipient. “The lady-in-waiting to Lady Greymore.” Qiren’s demeanor changes. He burns the letter and tells the guards to secure her. Aylen escapes before she can be put into a carriage and runs to her friend Key for help.
THEME: Qiren tries to erase the wrongdoing of his mother’s actions by making someone else pay for her sins.
INT. CASTLE ESTATE OF THE VON ABELS – NIGHT
Turning Point & Transformational Event #3: Although it seems Key will help Aylen escape, Aylen is defenseless against Key’s magic, which she uses to detain her to be arrested. In their exchange, Aylen learns Key was the one who betrayed her to the royal clerk. Aylen is hauled off to prison.
Act 2:
INT. FORTRESS OF VALNA – NIGHT
Reaction & Transitional Event #4: Aylen is sent to the Fortress of Valna – aka Anguish Island – and her welcoming is a good sound beating from a hulking female guard. Aylen cowers, bruised and bleeding, in the corner of her cell and her new home.
THEME: Anguish Island is filled with the theme of punishing people for the wrongs they have done. It is also the very tool used to transform Aylen into a strong, independent woman.
INT. GREYMORE MANSION – DAY
Tirandal Qiren marches home to confront his mother, Lady Haera Greymore. She is involved with Baron von Abel in some conspiracy to overthrow the throne and give the ruler of Mastonia passage to lay siege upon the Eastern Kingdoms. All of this was in the “secret admirer” letter he just burned. Although Qiren wants to leave the city at once, Lady Greymore tells him she’ll have him imprisoned as a traitor once she becomes queen of Solinta. He isn’t going anywhere.
THEME: Lady Greymore is taking the same path Key and Tanyth are taking: She is also making different choices for a better future, and her better life is at the expense of others.
INT. ROYAL SOLINTA COURT CHAMBERS – DAY
Dylan, Key and Aylen’s closest friends plea for her to be released and ask where she is. They have appealed for weeks and are getting nowhere. Tirandal Qiren apologizes, but says there’s nothing he can do. Aylen had evidence upon her and failed the truth rod inquisition. She was imprisoned for crimes against the crown and for being an accessory to conspiracy in this war with Mastonia that has just started. And he now has word in hand that says she has been executed. It is too late. Everyone is heartbroken and Kylantha “faints”, falling into Dylan’s arms.
INT. FORTRESS OF VALNA – DAY
Aylen causes a ruckus for the attention of the warden, who appears to hear her out. She pleads her innocence and asks for news or to send a letter. The warden tells her to give up all hope. This prison is for those who are meant to disappear. And besides, Solinta is at war with Mastonia right now, and this little speck on the map is the least of anyone’s concern. There will be no appeals, no visitors, no cell mates. She will live the rest of her life alone in this cell. She should be thankful she is not caught up in the war.
THEME: Anguish Island is “for those who are meant to disappear”, which is a metaphor for what we try to do with the past -make it disappear through penance. If someone suffers enough, it will erase the deeds of the past by balancing the penance against the pain. The lie is there will never be a balance because the past cannot be changed.
INT. VARIOUS LOCATIONS – MONTAGE – PASSAGE OF TIME
With a montage of images, we witness Aylen fall into the depths of despair, deteriorating from the sweet half-elf girl who had everything going for her to a broken soul who is giving up on life. We also see images of Solinta at war with Mastonia, and Dylan joins the military to defend his kingdom, alongside his father and older brother and, therefore, abandons Kylantha. Kylantha focuses her fury over Dylan into her magical studies.
INT. FORTRESS OF VALNA – DAY
New plan & Transitional Event #5: Aylen meets Syndra, an older fellow prisoner who has mistakenly dug her way into Aylen’s cell trying to escape. Syndra was once a powerful sorceress and an archaeologist, and Aylen makes a deal with her – educate her and she will help Syndra escape. She wants to not only learn general academics, but the theory of magic, as well as hand-to-hand and magical combat. The prison is warded to nullify magic, but Syndra can still teach her the motions and the book knowledge of magic.
INT. FORTRESS OF VALNA – DAY
During their efforts to dig their tunnel, Syndra shares her story – She was suspected by the King of Solinta of discovering the location of a great goblin treasure. When she denied having found it, he threw her in prison to persuade her to turn it over. Syndra told only one person about that treasure, so she knows who betrayed her, but the point is moot now. She’ll escape and live a wealthy life despite them.
THEME: Syndra has already learned the lesson of how regrets are fruitless and how futile revenge is. She is ready to make different choices to better her future, one of which is to escape and finally spend the treasure and live a fulfilling life. “Unforgiveness is like consuming poison and expecting the other to die,” is a quote Syndra will try to impart to Aylen.
INT. FORTRESS OF VALNA – MONTAGE – PASSAGE OF TIME
Plan in action: A compilation of scenes showing Aylen and Syndra digging their way out of the prison and how they’re able to keep up with the prison schedule of feeding and the emptying of the chamber pots to disguise their efforts. They come close to being caught on a couple of occasions. Aylen also gets the crap beat out of her regularly by her “favorite” hulking female guard.
THEME: The guard who keeps beating up Aylen is a metaphor for how Aylen continues to beat herself up for being naïve and innocent.
INT. PALACE OF RADARIO – DAY
Kylantha has returned to Radario to discover her father (Cormyn) and Lady Greymore betrayed the king and allowed the Blood Lord of Mastonia passage into the kingdom. The king was imprisoned and Baron von Abel (Key’s father) and Lady Haera Greymore were crowned the new rulers as a reward. However, the Blood Lord lost the battle against the Eastern Kingdoms and retreated to Mastonia. Cormyn and Haera continue to sit on the throne, letting the rightful ruler rot in the dungeon, and they are expecting a child, leaving Kylantha with no claim to the throne. Key doesn’t like playing second fiddle and in the guise of “protecting the throne”, Kylantha overthrows her father, killing him and his queen. Kylantha also shares the dreadful news with the kingdom that the king of Solinta died in the dungeons. As the hero of the kingdom, she now assumes the throne.
INT. FORTRESS OF VALNA – DAY
Between the montage of images…
• Beginning lessons of the science behind the magic that operates in Evanterra – Universal Energy, aether, nether, and how such energy flows through each individual. How much/little UE flows through a person determines how much magic they can wield.
• Lesson on the Triquetra of magic – the three things necessary to wield magic – UE, knowledge of spells, and kinship (someone’s aptitude or talent in certain areas, such as illusion or plants or the elements of water, fire, earth or air, etc.). The combination of these three and the variations of kinship determine the type of magic that can be wielded.
Aylen also receives general education, and learns how to speak and read multiple languages – Goblish, Vozohkian, northern elvish dialects compared to the southern dialects, Dwarvish, Terrusian, etc.
INT. FORTRESS OF VALNA – NIGHT
Aylen and Syndra discuss what happened to Aylen and who was involved with her arrest. Qiren was hiding something. He changed his mind and had her imprisoned, but why? They come to the conclusion that Qiren was protecting someone or himself, tied specifically to Lady Greymore. What his connection is to her is unknown, though.
INT. PALACE OF RADARIO – DAY
Qiren has a position as a jewel of the crown – one of seven seats on the council to the throne. In response to the queen trying to have Qiren assassinated, he reminds her that he still holds her past over her head and has failsafes in place. She’ll be ruined if she tries something like this again.
THEME: Even the powerful queen of Solinta can’t run from her past.
INT. FORTRESS OF VALNA – DAY
Aylen and Syndra finally dig an opening to the outside, but it’s partially blocked by stone That’s going to take longer to dig through, but their freedom is just within reach. Unfortunately, they have one other obstacle: the Draconian Sea serpents surrounding the island are in the middle of mating season. Syndra had planned on enchanting one for a ride, but dealing with dozens? No way. The good news is mating season should be over by the time they dig through the rock.
INT. FORTRESS OF VALNA – NIGHT
Midpoint Turning Point & Transformational Event #6: Their tunnel is discovered! Aylen and Syndra are confronted by the three guards on duty. Via distractions, fighting and tricking the guards, Aylen and Syndra escape.
EXT. FORTRESS OF VALNA – CONTINUED
Managing to thwart the guards, Aylen and Syndra escape to the edge of the island, outside the magical ward of the fortress. There is a horrible storm raging outside, but they are free! Outside of the ward, Syndra is able to use magic, but they still have a swarm of sea serpents to deal with. She enchants one of the sea dragons for them to hitch a ride, but using magic triggers a booby trap planted inside her. Syndra is going to die. Aylen must use what she was taught to finish their rescue. Through much struggle, mistakes, and almost becoming an aperitif, they are able to make it to shore and hide in the caves along the cliffs of the Lourean Kingdom. Huddled together, they collapse, exhausted.
THEME: The ‘booby trap’ inside Syndra is Nether Moss, which has been lying dormant since her first night in prison. Nether Moss is triggered by the use of magic and is deadly if allowed to spread – it’s how Aylen’s father died and why her mother is sickly. Aylen’s reminded of past regrets and it is the metaphor of how revenge will eat you up inside.
Act 3:
EXT. SHORES OF LOUREAN KINGDOM – DAY
Rethink everything: Upon waking, Syndra explains she will die in a few days as long as she doesn’t use any magic. It will be up to Aylen to use magic for any of their needs moving forward. They must reach the village of Thallan in Lourean, but Syndra is cryptic about why it’s so important. First thing’s first, though. They need to get out of these prison rags and find food, so they set off looking for the first settlement they can find.
EXT. WIDOW’S CABIN – DAY
They find a widow’s cabin and for some chores as payment, she offers food, shelter, and clothes. Syndra talks her into lending them a horse and cart to Thallan by sharing who they’re going to see – Royal Clerk Lambert Thompson. Because the widow knows and trusts Thompson, she tells them to leave the horse and cart with the stable, she’ll pick them up later.
THEME: The widow has learned from her own past through her husband and lives a life of peace because he taught her how to let go of the past, not dwell on an unknown future, and instead value living in the present. Aylen will see how she and her mother wasted their lives by not letting go of the sorrow caused by losing her father, and they dreaded the future of when the sickness would eventually claim Cellica.
EXT. ROAD TO THALLAN VILLAGE – DAY
They have a half-day’s journey ahead of them, so Aylen practices her magic, but Syndra also gives Aylen the map to the location of the goblin king’s treasure. She lied about not finding it, but she won’t be around to enjoy it and wants Aylen to have it. Thompson will be able to draw up the magical contract that will take Syndra’s ability to be the key to the treasure and transfer it to Aylen, who will be the new key.
INT. LAMBERT THOMPSON’S COTTAGE, THALLAN – DAY
Transition Event #7: Lambert Thompson (human) is an old friend of Syndra’s. The contract he’s creating will also make Aylen Syndra’s sole heir to her estate and title, and must be sealed with Syndra’s magic, which will be fatal to her. Syndra says her goodbyes and gives some final parting advice, which includes the futility of revenge. Syndra signs the contract and dies. Aylen Elcaryn, once tavern girl and prisoner, becomes Aylen Ara’Elcaryn, heir to Amon Fae, her new estate in Lourean.
INT. LAMBERT THOMPSON’S COTTAGE – NIGHT
New insights: Aylen questions Thompson about his relationship with Syndra. When they share stories, Thompson confirms that Aylen isn’t the only victim of the von Abels. Kylantha’s father, Baron Cormyn von Abel, is the one who imprisoned Syndra with the authority of the king. Aylen is determined to avenge Syndra as well as herself and will do so by fulfilling Syndra’s dying wish – earn a degree in magic at the Lyceum in Havencrest. Thompson will journey with her tomorrow to Yaphine, where he can secure a faery portal for her to Havencrest.
INT. MAGE’S GUILD IN YAPHINE – DAY
Through Aylen’s letter of recommendation to the Lyceum of Havencrest, Aylen is granted permission to use the faery portal. She says her goodbyes to Thompson and steps through.
INT. LYCEUM OF HAVENCREST – DAY
Aylen arrives on the other side in the portal room of the lyceum, where she is greeted by her new mentor. Aylen checks in with her letter of recommendation from Syndra, which earns Aylen instant respect. Her room in the dormitory will be ready tomorrow, so she will have to stay in the city overnight, but they give her a list of supplies she’ll need and they welcome her to the college. She’ll start tomorrow.
THEME: Aylen is about to embark upon a new life, but she’s at the threshold of her choices. Will she choose to enjoy all life has to offer? Or will she try to fix the past with vengeance?
EXT. CITY OF HAVENCREST – DAY
New plan: Aylen finishes her shopping of supplies (e.g., parchments, writing instruments, a few books, etc.) and heads toward the Golden Gryphon, one of the recommended taverns near the college. On the way, she encounters a young gnobbit pickpocket (Gwendolyn Diggle) who is in a scrap with a street gang. Aylen comes to the little rogue’s defense and is challenged to a duel with the leader of the gang who Aylen learns is a member of the thieves’ guild. The fight is a combination of magic and knives, but Aylen overcomes her opponent. She not only earns Gwen’s loyalty, but the respect of the master thief whom she bested. They go to the Golden Gryphon Tavern and share drinks and a meal.
THEME: Gwen seems to be the embodiment of the eye-for-an-eye mentality, living the life of a thief and a would-be assassin.
EXT. LYCEUM OF HAVENCREST – NEXT DAY
Before Aylen checks into the Lyceum, she asks Gwen to do her a favor. Gwen eagerly agrees – she owes Aylen her life. Since Gwen is a member of the thieves guild, Aylen asks her to journey to Radario and use her underground connections to find out what has become of her family, friends and enemies. She wants to know what has transpired since she was imprisoned.
INT. LYCEUM OF HAVENCREST – CONTINUED
Aylen enters the college with Gwen and, since Aylen is now nobility and has free access to the portals, Gwen is granted access to journey to Radario, with a certificate of passage for the way back. They say their goodbyes and Aylen is shown to her dormitory and introduced to her new mentor, Esmeralda Xandu (anagram for Alexandre Dumas).
INT. & EXT. LYCEUM OF HAVENCREST – THREE MONTHS LATER
Turning Point & Transition Event #8: When Aylen emerges from the college, earning her robes and the certificate of her degree as a Sorceress, we learn that because Aylen trained extensively over 15 years with Syndra, she only needed to be tested for her kinships, practice applying her skills with the use of universal energy, and then pass her examinations, which she did with flying colors. Aylen is a full-fledge Sorceress of the highest order. Gwen, already returned from her fact-seeking journey to Radario, awaits her outside of the college and they head to the Golden Gryphon Tavern to celebrate.
THEME: This is Aylen coming to the fork in the road – the past (Gwen bringing news of what has happened) and the future (everything Aylen can be with her new degree). Esmeralda might even tell Aylen, “You are at the junction of your life. Which path will you take, Sorceress?”
INT. THE GOLDEN GRYPHON TAVERN – NIGHT
Gwen relays her info to Aylen in the privacy of their room. Kylantha is now on the throne! Qiren has become a Jewel of the Crown, a member of the council, who are advisors to the throne of Solinta. Cellica, Aylen’s mother, died shortly after Aylen went to prison. Tanyth bought out Aylen’s former employer and is now the owner of the Copper Dragyn. Jaeros (ex-tavern owner) and his wife are struggling to survive.
Since Kylantha on the throne, they can’t risk using the faery portal to Radario. Aylen will have to return to Yaphine and take the 2-day trip to her new estate in Lourean. Their next order of business is to find the treasure.
And what of Dylan? Gwen says he was the hardest to find. His title was stripped and he’s marked as a traitor in Solinta. His father was executed as a traitor of the crown, and Dylan’s brother died on the battlefield. Only because Dylan fought in favor of the crown was he spared the fate of his father. Now he’s in Lourean working as a Soldier of Fortune for the prefects. Dylan hunts down bad guys.
THEME: Dylan is the embodiment of the past and future for Aylen.
INT. LOUREAN ROYAL COURTHOUSE – NIGHT
Dylan turns in the latest criminal he’s apprehended and gets paid. The Lourean prefect who pays him says he did a little digging in Dylan’s case about trying to find proof of his father’s innocence, but he keeps getting stonewalled. Dylan tells him to stop looking. This had Kylantha all over it, and she’s too powerful to come up against. She has the information to clear Dylan’s family name, but her price is too high – marriage so he can become her lap dog. No way. Dylan has to admit defeat and get on with his already ruined life. Why make it worse by becoming Key’s slave?
THEME: Dylan has his own regrets, but is using his previous lesson of learning from the past to make different choices for a better future. His current perspective, though, seems to be a little darker than it used to be.
INT. DYLAN’S APARTMENT IN LOUREAN – NIGHT
Before Dylan can settle down for the night, he catches someone prowling around his place. Dylan apprehends the guy, who confesses who he’s spying for under pressure – Kylantha. Key has not only been spying on Dylan, but she’s been the whole reason he had to leave Solinta. Key has been trying to bottleneck Dylan, trying to make her his only option for redeeming his family name. Dylan lets the guy go and advises him to leave the continent to dodge the wrath of the queen.
Act 4:
INT. GRAND ESTATE OF AMON FAE – DAY
New Plan: Aylen and Gwen arrive at Amon Fae to take stock of what Aylen’s inherited. The place is a mess – unkempt for several years. Although accommodations aren’t great, they get settled in. The treasure is hidden in a chamber beneath the foundation of the estate, which could only be revealed by the heir of Amon Fae. This is why the contract for Syndra’s title and riches was a magical one. Binding Aylen to the inheritance, she became the key to the treasure, and it’s why no one else has been able to find the treasure all these years.
THEME: Amon Fae is a metaphor for the path before Aylen – There is much potential in what she can become. Will she foster that potential and dig deep to make the best life possible? Or will the changes be superficial?
INT. CAVERN UNDER AMON FAE – DAY
The wealth of the great goblin king’s treasure is beyond anything they ever imagined. It was taken by the goblins in many raids over decades and then lost four centuries ago during the Siege of Maroshnar and the downfall of King Clotmord. Gwen is a bit of a geek about it.
THEME: I could keep the relic, perhaps make it a symbol of how the poison of the past and revenge can be fatal.
INT. AMON FAE, PARLOR – DAY
Aylen wants her enemies to suffer like she has. Gwen tries to talk her out of this, but she isn’t budging. Time for a party! The new Sorceress of Amon Fae has returned to claim her riches. Why not show them off and invite each of the key players? But the estate must be restored before they can entrap their prey.
THEME: Aylen is consistently being presented the choice of living a new future or living in the past. Is she digging deep or being superficial and turning into her enemies?
INT. & EXT. EXECUTE THE PLAN – MONTAGE
They prepare for the big event, and the short montage shows everything that goes into planning for the event – wardrobe, catering, landscaping and repairs. Gwen is prowling around the streets of Radario, spying on the fiends and gathering current intel. We see Aylen and Gwen plotting. The invitations go out to everyone who is important.
PLACEHOLDER: DYLAN’S REASON FOR ATTENDING
Still trying to figure out how Dylan may (or may not) end up at the party, but Aylen and Dylan should probably see each other after all these years. She still thinks he had a hand in her going to prison, since he never came looking for her. He will suspect Aylen is his lost love, but she will discourage him from this notion.
PLACEHOLDER: AYLEN GETS REVENGE ON QIREN
Aylen might find out about what Qiren holds over Kylantha, and Aylen could start the ball rolling to reveal all their secrets, getting them entrapped by their own web of deception and blackmail.
THEME: Aylen will get satisfaction off of finally having justice served, and it will seduce her into believing she is finally at the end of her journey.
PLACEHOLDER: DYLAN & AYLEN REUNITE
Dylan will figure out who the Sorceress of Amon Fae really is – Aylen, his lost love – and confront her. They will reconcile and make love. Although Dylan wants them to walk away from the past, Aylen won’t. She isn’t finished with her revenge yet.
THEME: Although she has had a taste of justice, she’s also just had a taste of what the good life can be with Dylan. He might not like the woman she’s becoming and the more she goes down the path of revenge, the closer she’ll become to the point of no return. She might ruin her chances of the shiny life she’s imagining.
PLACEHOLDER: AYLEN GETS REVENGE ON TANYTH
Aylen will entrap Tanyth, who conspired with Key to report Aylen to Qiren as a traitor.
THEME: I might need to make this deed of revenge a little darker, and making Aylen realize she isn’t getting as much satisfaction from this plan as she thought. It might drive her to seek more.
Climax & Transitional Event #9: The last person she must face is Kylantha, but her ex-friend has become a powerful mage herself with many years of practice and she is the queen. The two duel and Kylantha is winning. In her lack of experience, Aylen will resort to using the magical relic of the goblin king’s treasure in order to win the duel, but doing so will push her to that point of no return on the path to vengeance. Will she recognize when it is too much, or will she get sucked into the thrill of victory while sacrificing everything? Dylan may be her only hope of making the right choice.
THEME: Aylen will have to decide how important it is to make Kylantha pay for the life Aylen could have had, for what may have been. She will have one last chance to choose life (Dylan) or death (Kylantha).
Resolution: Aylen chooses Dylan and Kylantha is spared. But as Aylen tosses aside the relic to save herself from sacrificing everything, Kylantha picks it up in a last attempt to destroy her enemies. The relic consumes her and she dies by her own hand. she takes her place as Aylen Ara’Elcaryn, the Sorceress of Amon Fae with him at her side and they set off to travel around the world and have a family of their own.
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Keri’s Beat Sheet Draft 2
What I learned: I had a lot of Antagonist already in the outline, but it was only when I pulled his activities out that I realized a couple of beats were missing, so that was cool to see & fix. Also: time to name my other characters as: getting awkward to refer to as “Main” “Van Man” etc
Act 1
INT. PARSONAGE MEGAMANSION/LIVING ROOM – DAY
TV camera and crew set up, focused on: Reverend Jesse Jonas (RJ2; antagonist) and his wife (“Main” for now & protagonist) sitting on a posh sofa surrounded by posh stuff.
Antagonist #1: Here, he sets it all up,<b style=””> introducing wife to world; we learn: his idea of her role and he starts to tell how they met & reporter asks for her to tell the story…
Main character tells a shy, sanitized version of their first meeting … her narrative plays over a flashback where we see what really went down (totally different).
Flashback: //with main character’s V.O. of sanitized story//
INT. DIVEY LINGERIE BAR – DAY
She’s waiting tables. He eyes her. Asks the bartender about her “temperament” as if he’s picking out livestock.
EXT. DIVEY LINGERIE BAR – A FEW MINUTES LATER
He walks out, Main over his shoulder screaming and clawing the shit out of his back. He’s wincing. Hurrying. Finally sets her down in front of:
SHINY MERCEDES. She blinks. At the car. At him. Then recognizes him.
End Flashback
INT. PARSONAGE MEGAMANSION/LIVING ROOM – DAY
She says something like: that’s when I knew…
Antagonist #1b: He finishes interview with: his hopes for the future (many children etc. & a long life of love & service). Something about the way he smiles after he says “service”? Not good.
INT. PARSONAGE MEGAMANSION/DINING ROOM – NIGHT
Scene here where we get their standard vibe/relationship; she mentions something she needs (from a store like Best Buy) he sort of blows it off and is interrupted by a call from The Publicists or something like that.
EXT. PARSONAGE MEGAMANSION – DAY
She’s smoking with NAME, 40s, housekeeper. They have a weird/chummy conversation. Then housekeeper gives her a set of car keys.
EXT. BEST BUY/PARKING LOT – LATER
She parks the 10-year-old Toyota Corolla….has a weird run in with VAN MAN. Like she walks into his side mirror while texting with RJ2 and falls over or trips over him while he’s sitting on the floor in Best Buy or something. something weird that LEAVES A MARK.
INT. BEST BUY – A WHILE LATER
TranformEvent #1: She’s carrying (thing she needed). As she passes the WALL OF TVs she sees a dozen identical close ups a beautiful Asian Woman on the central segment of screens. She’s a BUDDHA/Lao Tze/Oprah mashup. Saying something EMPOWERING. Something exactly opposite of what our heroine feels….she stops to watch. Meets the Best Buy buddy.
INT. PARSONAGE MEGAMANSION/DINING ROOM – NIGHT
Another dull dinner. Orphanage is mentioned…RJ2 asks about her Scratch or whatever from VAN MAN run in; she secret smiles and is vague about source.
INT. BEST BUY – SOME OTHER DAY
She walks in, checking her watch, and heads straight for the TVs. Her buddy approaches. Tells her today’s guest. She hands him a bag of freshly made cookies or something.
EXT. PARSONAGE MEGAMANSION – DAY
Scene with RJ2 and The Publicist, who’s clearly dismissive of and slightly hostile to the Main. The Orphanage Brochures are there. Main picks one up and studies it. Asks something basic like: how many kids are there? or etc and they both just stare at her and say something dismissive.
INT. BEST BUY – SOME OTHER DAY
Inciting Incident: During her now daily escape to Best Buy to watch the Asian Woman’s Oprah-esqe show, she hears some girls talking and sees that one is the spitting image of the ragged, sorrowful cover girl for her husband’s orphanage brochure.
INT. BEST BUY – A MOMENT LATER
TransformEvent #2: She musters the courage to ask the girl about it & the girl is like: Seriously, what!? You ever heard of modeling? And they laugh. She’s humiliated.
INT. PARSONAGE MEGAMANSION/DINING ROOM – NIGHT
TransformEvent #3: She carefully asks RJ2 about the brochure; he charmingly shuts her down, and then issues a not so veiled threat for her to stay sweet & know her place.
INT. PARSONAGE MEGAMANSION/RJ2’S OFFICE – DAY
Turning Point: The next day, she investigates… and finds out: the orphanage is a scam. A very lucrative one.
Act 2
INT. PARSONAGE MEGAMANSION/DINING ROOM – NIGHT
She is trying not to be bugged by this scam thing… it must be a misunderstanding as she’s finally “safe” in this luxe world & doesn’t want to lose it. So this conversation is her trying to RATIONALIZE it all and asks him about the parishioners support group or something like that…. and RJ2 (sensing something’s up) is suddenly a bit more attentive; he gives her a $5,000 online shopping spree and hints that maybe her own car is next.EXT. PARSONAGE MEGAMANSION – DAY
She’s smoking with the housekeeper… who holds out the car keys but she shakes her head.
INT. PARSONAGE MEGAMANSION/HALLWAY – DAY
She walks by his office… peers in. Walks on… then walks back and goes in. Shuts the door. Starts looking EVERYWHERE. She finds paperwork on the ministries finances. It’s INSANE how much people are donating through tithing etc…. and these are not rich people. She finds a handmade crocheted hot pad someone sent in with a note apologizing for not having the money to contribute. etc… and a few other things like this. notes. Strain. guilt/sorrow. She looks around the room. Out the window at the LUXE grounds around the “parsonage.” Her eyes DARKEN.
INT. TOYOTA COROLLA – A WHILE LATER
TranformEvent #4: She is PISSED. On the seat beside her is a packed duffle bag and she’s mumbling “greedy motherfucker” etc., all pretense of the good ministers wife DISSOLVED. She gets on the freeway gets angry as hell.
She eyes the far-off city destinations as the freeway splits. Shrugs and chooses ______________. She takes the turnoff North and looks around. Checks the GAS GAUGE. It’s got a quarter tank. She checks out the shiny fine cars passing her easily. Fuck. Then she looks up and sees the RJ2 Billboard by the side of the road: It says STOP in huge letters. Then underneath. Some dumbass “cool” slogan.
INT. PARSONAGE MEGAMANSION – DAY
UPS delivers a package. She opens it up. It’s the MAGAZINE with the article.
INT. MINISTRY – DAY
Antagonist #2: At the ministry, he notices people reading and talking about The Magazine Article. They mention to him how lucky he is—what a charming wife he has etc… The Publicist tells him they’ve gotten five calls for further interviews with her. One from a liberal women’s magazine. She’s pissed. He’s calculating how to USE THIS…. and also shut down’s Main’s questioning him. He decides to bring her into the ministry. The Publicist is shocked; this is her territory.
INT. PARSONAGE MEGAMANSION / DINING TABLE – NIGHT
He tells her how moved people are about the article. Like: people LOVE her. RJ2 talks about it being time to bring her into the ministry; convinces her of the need to use her own rags-to-riches story to “inspire” people (i.e., get them to donate even more money).
INT. MINISTRY TV STUDIO/BACKSTAGE – NIGHT
Maybe: she gets a makeover under the direction of The Publicist who picks out just BAD clothes?? Super short hair cut? or ??
INT. MINISTRY TV STUDIO STAGE – NIGHT
She’s looking out at the audience. It’s all loud and bright and the Rock Band is playing and there are 6000 people and it’s pretty terrifying. Then TranformEvent #5: she is on stage for the first time; the spotlight blinds her. but people applaud. she feels powerful, then RJ2 hands her the mic and she freaks and runs off stage.
INT. PARSONAGE MEGAMANSION / BEDROOM – NIGHT
Antagonist #3: Aftermath of above…. he’s all like: how am I supposed to inspire the confidence of my congregation, in the power of god to fulfill their dreams when my own wife is terrified etc. He really rags on her about all this and HAS A POINT. He suggests she go see one of the parishioners, who happens to be a psychiatrist. says: I’ll call him tomorrow.
INT. MINISTRY OFFICE – DAY
Antagonist #3b: He’s on the phone suggesting his wife needs medication. Something to calm her down as she’s been “very paranoid” lately.
INT. PSYCHIATRIST’S OFFICE – DAY
Placeholder… he is clearly on RJ2’s wavelength/side re: role of women etc. and it’s all very depressing & manipulative. Maybe we only see the back of his head or something.
INT. BEST BUY – DAY
She’s at Best Buy, at an all-time low. But her show inspires her to do something big (THEME here & following). She vaguely discusses her dilemma with her Best Buy Buddy. He (clearly crushing on her bad) is super encouraging… telling her how great she is and how she deserves the best, etc.. and how she’ll figure it out. He quotes the show. And she’s like: Yeah. You’re right. She’s feeling strong and determined.
EXT. BEST BUY – DAY
TransformEvent #6: She is about to get in her car when RJ2 calls, says something sort of hideous and proposes something demeaning & she speaks her mind to him for the first time. Like: LOUD. And he is dead silent and then: he eviscerates her. completely. It terrifies here and she panicks and she sees the sliding door on the van next to her car open a crack. She hangs up on him, still PREACHING at her, and she makes a break for it, impulsively climbing into the van and hiding.
Act 3
INT. VAN – DAY
She peeks out at the driver. He’s young. Tattooed. And playing music that is actually GOOD (which she hasn’t heard in a while!). Her phone RINGS and she freaks, shutting it off … but the music is so loud the driver doesn’t hear it…
INT. VAN / DRIVE-THRU – DAY
He’s ordering something. Her stomach is GROWLING. She considers. then: asks him: could he order her a burrito? and he SCREAMS and hits his head or something.
INT. VAN / DRIVE-THRU – A FEW MINUTES LATER
Parked, they eat. She’s ravenous. It’s scary. He watches… scared. But also intrigued. She explains what’s up. Asks if she can just hang out etc. until she clears her head and makes a plan.
INT. PARSONAGE MCMANSION – NIGHT
Antagonist #4: RJ2 returns home. Asks the housekeeper: Why are you Here?? Where is your car? She’s all like: not sure if she should be protecting Main or worried or what. He sees what he realizes is a BETRAYAL by one of his insiders and he goes very dark, very fast: sees something’s up and threatens to call ICE if she doesn’t spill the beans. So RJ2 learns about Best Buy & they drive there.
INT. VAN MAN’S HOUSE – EVENING
Van Man has to go do something. Leaves her there… HER PHONE RINGS. RJ2. She doesn’t answer. He leaves message that makes her glad she didn’t… she explores (snoops) and we learn more about VAN MAN. She finds something that reminds her of THEME. Maybe a little fortune cookie fortune or something that is on point.
EXT. BEST BUY / PARKING LOT – (CONTINUOUS)
RED/BLUE lights flash. Squad cars encircled around the housekeeper’s car.
INT. VAN MAN’S HOUSE (CONTINUOUS)
She’s doing something. HER PHONE RINGS again. RJ2. She rolls her eyes.
INT. BEST BUY (CONTINUOUS)
Watching security cameras… seeing what looks like a KIDNAPPING… but they can’t get the van’s plates. Cops clip a pic of VAN MAN’s FACE and send it in. Print it. bark orders re: Get it out on the floor and see who remembers this son of a bitch etc.
INT. VAN MAN’S — A WHILE LATER
He gets home… //how do they not get him through receipts etc.?? maybe does he have a fake Identity?? Is he an immigrant or a criminal?? or ?//
TransformEvent #7: At Van Man’s house, she sees RJ2 on the news, using her supposed “kidnapping” to benefit himself and she FREAKS OUT and SCREAMS and BREAKS SHIT and releases a lifetime of repressed anger.
EXT. BEST BUY
Antagonist #5: When he finds out about the kidnapping he FIRES the housekeeper in a vicious way & threates her as well, then gives a TV news interview and uses Main’s kidnapping to increase his profile and plug the ministry and the orphanage and the website etc.
INT. VAN MAN’S (CONTINUOUS)
Main realizes: they are going to find VAN MAN and arrest him! So she calls RJ2 and says it’s a misunderstanding… her HOBBY or whatever is somehow connected to this or she lies and says she knew him from the BAR—and they just went out or something.
Then, to Van Man, she’s all like: I’m going back and I’m going to take that motherfucker DOWN.
EXT. PARSONAGE MANSION – NIGHT
They pull up and RJ2 Meets them at the GATE…. super ugly to Van Man & all about: “another man’s wife” like she is chattel.
New Plan: She is in full on ACTING MODE… steels herself & makes initial steps re: taking her place in the RJ2 world and “plays along” while assembling team, making a take-down plan, executing on it.
INT. PARSONAGE MANSION – NIGHT
She talks with RJ2 about all her realizations.. how part of her was hanging on to the earlier world of the bar etc but now she realizes that THIS is her world. I want a role. Whatever you think god wants me to do, I will do it. Like KICK ass at it! I want to help you build this godly empire & etc etc….
INT. PARSONAGE MANSION – DAY
Finds housekeeper’s number… takes photographs of documents. She is right to work on this. CAPER begins
INT. UBER – DAY
Brief conversation… about something SALIENT then driver drops her at Best Buy. Meets up with Buddy & VAN MAN. STRATEGY Session.
INT. MINISTRY STAGE …
TransformEvent #8: she is on stage again for the first time since she ran off it; she powers through it, emboldened by her new plan; she stays mostly on script but also subtly SUBVERTS RJ2. He watches her, suspiciously and somewhat in disbelief.
INT. PARSONAGE – NIGHT
RJ2 asks her some questions… getting suspicious
INT. PARSONAGE – DAY
Placeholder: there is something she needs & can’t get/find—the receipts for the donations to the Orphanage. She’s looked everywhere. Broken into his online accounts (in a really smart/tricky/surprising way) and found all sorts of insane documents, but she still can’t find the docs on the orphanage and she’s obsessed with that now. Maybe it’s at Ministry??
More Placeholders scenes here re: team working together making a plan to GET THE THING.
INT. MINISTRY? ?
Turning Point: While the team runs all sorts of zany distractions, she gets into the office and still can’t find them! She is so frustrated… but then she sees a weird file with her name on it… and realizes: The orphanage is all in HER NAME. All the donations. The land, everything. She’s like: wTF!!!??? When: RJ2 and The Publicist catch her in the act.
Antagonist #6. When they find her stealing info, all his disguises melt away and he becomes an authoritarian nightmare, lashing out at her weakness and the opportunity she’s blown to be a part of his empire. How it’s likely: genetic. How he picked her because he assumed she was both naïve and stupid, but had no idea how stupid..etcetc.
TransformEvent #9: Main must literally fight for her life, calling on all her things she’s learned from the show and been trying out (THEME HERE) and uses them and escapes.
INT. MINISTRY – NIGHT
Just when she thinks she is in the clear, The Publicist sees her & sneaks up behind her and KNOCKS HER OUT cold … and she and RJ2 kidnap the Main for real.
INT. MINISTRY BASEMENT
Main is tied up in a bomb shelter like space. completely sealed off. They interrogate here and reveal their real relationship (Prince Charles & Camilla-city to her Diana!) and leave her. She is in dark night of the soul land.
Act 4
INT. MINISTRY BASEMENT
Someone arrives to keep her alive. This will be someone who’s been lurking throughout. Maybe it’s RJ2’s brother or something. Someone who is terrified of him & terrified to betray him. But also knows this is wrong…
INT. BEST BUY
Placeholder: housekeeper, van man & bb buddy meet up to try to figure out where she is so they can rescue her. Figure out that she must be at ministry (as housekeeper still has contacts at the house or went there or something). They steal a GEEK SQUAD van or something BRANDED/PRO and use it to access the Ministry grounds.
INT. MINISTRY BACKSTAGE – NIGHT
They are prepping for huge pageant of some kind. A Benefit for the ORPHANAGE and the brochure covergirl is there, backstage, practicing her lines. And they have other guests there. Plus work this whole event in earlier
INT. MINISTRY BASEMENT / BATHROOM – NIGHT
She is doing something that is going to help her escape + get brother or whomever on her side.
INT. MINISTRY COMPUTER ROOM
Geek Squad are examining all the cameras… floor plans… trying to find her. They have to tie up computer girl, who immediately knows they are frauds as: bullshit responses re: computers, which they know nothing about. But she keeps getting the gag out and talking. Being SUPER NEGATIVE in an extreme way. Telling horrible stories about: prison. Crime gone wrong. Weird stories. She starts getting in their heads.
INT. MINISTRY BASEMENT – NIGHT
CLIMAX: She escapes in some super ingenious way and meets up with team… They mad-cap it to:
INT. MINISTRY STAGE – NIGHT
She commandeers the stage and takes the microphone and … tries to tell them what is really going on but at first no one believes it and it looks like it’s going super SOUTH, but then she stops and does some deep breathing and mouths her mantra or something and looks at her team and meanwhile RJ2 & The Publicist are calling for security etc and they are about to nab her when:
TransformEvent #10: (THEME STATED OUTRIGHT as) She finds HER VOICE: and her own brand of wild, off-beat “preaching” about empowerment – e.g., “You don’t these people. You don’t need me. Everything you need is inside you!” While also presenting evidence and swaying the congregation and the authorities on live tv that RJ2 and The Publicists are CROOKS. She presents VIDEO or AUDIO of him—something that nails it down in a really self-incriminating & ugly way that shows the truth of who he is. What he values.
EXT. MINISTRY– NIGHT
We see RJ2 and The Publicist are taken to jail on fraud and money-laundering charges, along with IRS violations.
EXT. MINISTRY AMPHITHEATER – DAY
Resolution: MORE ON THEME HERE. Our hero is on stage with Asian woman from TV show and they are tag teaming it on the grand opening of (WHATEVER THEY CALL IT) … the Main has changed the ministry’s name & mission & changed everything. No tithing, no mediation w/higher powers. No dress code. Just: sharing, supporting, doing what they can for the broader community and having fun. Or something like that & her gang is all there.
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