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Day 8 Assignments
Reply to post your assignment.
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11 Replies
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June Fortunato’s Misleads/Reveals for Retirement Day 8
What I learned: These scenes follow the previous chronologically. Good to list the misleads and reveals.
Mislead: Kim collapsed. Reveal: Kim is hiding. Mislead: Mr. Lawyer Oren is a nice guy. Clue: Are Ingrid and Oren having an affair? Mislead: Kim flirts. Clue: Did Kim take something? Mislead: Suzy blames Roy. Reveal: In the following scene it’s revealed that Kim took the keys.
Roy Dent: Wily, clever, rescuer. Subtext- to misdirect Brian and Ingrid.
Kim Kirby: fragile, strong, bit of a thief. Subtext – to get away- even from Roy.
Brian Kirby: Greedy, self-serving. Subtext- escape additional fees and get rid of Kim.
Ingrid nee Littman-Kirby: Vicious. Self serving. Subtext- an excuse to take off with Oren.
Oren Mash, esq.- On the take. Money focused. Subtext- to get what he can get, sex included.
INT. HOSPITAL HALLWAY & NURSES’ STATION – CONTINUOUS
Kim slips into a restroom while Roy waits outside the door. The nurses’ station is empty. Kim cracks the door open as Brian and Ingrid storm out of the room, Oren following. Kim ducks back into the restroom.
ROY (to Brian and Ingrid)
My man, my man, Sister took a dive.
INGRID
Now what???
ROY
Kim collapsed.
INGRID
What a fake she is.
BRIAN
Where is she?
ROY
E-MERG-GENCY
OREN
Brian….
Oren taps his watch.
BRIAN
Go. We’ll manage. Please dismiss the Belmont driver.
OREN
You’ll keep me posted.
BRIAN
As soon as I figure out what happened.
INGRID
I’ll wait in the car.
BRIAN
Ingrid!
INGRID
I said, I WILL WAIT IN THE CAR.
OREN
I can drive you home.
INGRID
Now that’s a gentleman who respects a woman’s time.
Ingrid and Oren leave. Brian looks at Roy.
ROY
That way, yessir, that’s the way to the E.R.
Brian hustles toward the ER. Pause. Roy knocks on the restroom door.
ROY
All clear Sugar Sugar.
Kim emerges, dressed for the road.
KIM
My hero.
Flirtatious, Kim slides her hand along the nurse’s station and fists something. Then she heads for the stairs.
ROY
Don’t get caught.
Kim blows Roy a kiss and disappears. Pause. Suzy returns to her station.
SUZY
Something you need?
ROY
Nada. I’m fab.
INT. HOSPITAL ROOM- OSTEO UNIT – ROY’S – NIGHT
Roy dozes. Suzy, exhausted, end of her shift, enters his room. She checks his drawers and his bathroom. She turns on lights, is loud and not her usual sweet self.
SUZY
Where are they? … ROY!
Still partially asleep.
SUZY
Roy. Where are they?
ROY
What?
SUZY
My keys. My car keys. My house keys. Did you take my keys?
ROY
No.
SUZY
Damnit. I try to help you and this is what I get?
ROY
Suzy Q, I didn’t take anything.
SUZY
You kill me, Roy. You really do. Shit.
She leaves and calls an Uber. Roy, now fully awake, is bewildered.
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This reply was modified 3 years, 1 month ago by June f.
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This reply was modified 3 years, 1 month ago by
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Day 8 Dramatic Devices – Anita’s Misleads/Reveals
What I learned doing this assignment: Even though this “reveal” was always built into my outline, I will definitely look for other places to use this device.
Character Name: Judge Cyrus Kilner
Traits: Image-Conscious Narcissist, Hypocrite, Manipulative, Workaholic
Subtext: Cyrus is a narcissist who won’t let anything – not even ethics – stand in the way of his pursuit to become a power-wielding judge.
Mislead: We see a newly appointed Cyrus basking in his judgeship with smugness and seeming benevolence.
Reveal: Unbeknownst to Cyrus, Danica never had an abortion and it is his own biological child Dianna, who is being adopted by the Wozniaks.
INT. COURTHOUSE – DAY
Judge Cyrus Kilner is presiding over an adoption proceeding. He enters the courtroom with a sense of dramatic flair. It is out-sized for the simple setting.
CLERK
All rise.
The few people in attendance besides the courtroom staff – clerks, stenographer, do so:
A woman, IRENE WOZNIAK, her husband, PETER WOZNIAK, and their ATTORNEY.
Cyrus bangs his gavel loudly.
JUDGE CYRUS
Please be seated.
The three participants do so. He picks up a file and glances at the contents.
A baby being held by a Nanny in the back of the courtroom begins to fuss.
JUDGE CYRUS
It seems the little one is in a hurry to get going.
(smiles)
The baby’s cries become louder and more insistent – no longer cute, more piercing. Cyrus’ smile fades.
IRENE WOZNIAK
Your honor, if I may, she might stop if I hold her.
Cyrus nods agreement. The baby’s wails are persistent and he’s not enjoying the atmosphere, but tries to make light as Irene hurries to get the baby, cooing to her, bringing her to her husband’s side up front. We just see a small bundle wrapped in a pink blanket.
JUDGE CYRUS
Well, not exactly the welcome I expected from one of my own constituents my first day on the bench. (Ha-ha.)
The baby is soothed for the moment. Cyrus clears his throat and gets all formal.
JUDGE CYRUS
Mr. and Mrs. Wozniak, I see your petition for adoption is in order, but there is no agency and she is a ward of the state?
ATTORNEY
That’s correct your honor. The child was abandoned by its mother under the Safe Haven law.
JUDGE CYRUS
(with false indignation)
One hopes that law would never come into play.
(beat)
But I suppose it a better alternative than aborting an unwanted child. Do we know anything of it’s background, or the possibility of the biological parent coming forward in the future?
ATTORNEY
No your honor. The state has done its due diligence and waited the requisite period. The child is available for adoption, but we know nothing further.
IRENE WOZNIAK
(looking down lovingly at the child in her arms)
Except her name. Her name is Dianna.
The baby starts fussing again. Cyrus wants to wrap this up quickly.
JUDGE CYRUS
Everything seems in order. The court clerk will assist you with final paperwork.
(beat, as baby starts crying louder)
Mr. and Mrs. Wozniak, you are now the proud parents of Dianna.
He bangs his gavel in dismissal, and the baby wails.
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This reply was modified 3 years, 1 month ago by Anita Gomez.
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This reply was modified 3 years, 1 month ago by Anita Gomez.
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This reply was modified 3 years, 1 month ago by
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Cameron Martin’s Misleads/Reveals
What I learned doing this assignment is…how this can be both a technique for extremely fun storytelling, as well as heartbreaking moments. Don’t have as much experience writing this way outside of the Thriller genre, so I hope to build up this skill for the future. Still, it was equally difficult and fun to build the foundations of a scene that shows both the best side of Sully’s character, promising the audience that he and Isaiah have turned a corner, and then ripping all of that away by showing the worst of Sully’s character, and how that side was always there throughout the entire scene. Should make for a decent ad for both of the leads when it’s written correctly to capture its maximum potential.
Sully – Inventive, Loving, Controlling, Disguising
Isaiah – Obsessive, Focused, Covering Up, Gentle
INT. JUDE’S APARTMENT – NIGHT
Sully, under Isaiah’s guidance, sprays a mix of bleach, ammonia, and any other alkaline chemical they can find on their hazmat suits.
SULLY
Son?
ISAIAH
Yes, dad?
SULLY
How did you come to know they don’t like anything that’s alkaline?
Isaiah struggles to hide his excitement at the question.
ISAIAH
I don’t know. I just figured it out, I guess.
Sully gives him a look.
SULLY
You just figured it out?
ISAIAH
Yeah.
SULLY
While never seeing one until the past couple of hours?
ISAIAH
(unsure)
Um, yeah.
SULLY
Isaiah.
ISAIAH
Yes?
Sully gives his son a look.
Isaiah doesn’t let up.
SULLY
It’s me. I know how hollow that sounds, but I want you to know I love you with all my heart. You can tell me anything.
ISAIAH
You’ll be disappointed.
SULLY
I’ll be more disappointed if you leave me out of your life.
ISAIAH
You said I don’t have a say.
SULLY
Yet, what are we doing now? I know what I said, and your dad’s an asshole.
Isaiah blushes from the self accusation.
SULLY
I don’t want to be a jerk, I really don’t. I just want to see you safe more than I don’t want to see you hurt. If that makes sense.
ISAIAH
I know what you mean.
Long pause, as Isaiah collects his thoughts.
ISAIAH
They’re like me. Everything that bothers me, bothers them. And, when you understand them, they’re so cool. I found a small spore nest and grew a tank of them. And when I watched them grow I wished I could be just like them, among they’re own. People just like me.
Sully resists the urge to interject.
ISAIAH
I know. I know. I know. I know.
SULLY
You’re carrying a conversation with yourself again.
ISAIAH
I know. I know. I know.
SULLY
Listen. Come with me. I need to know what’s going on up there, and I think I know a place that’ll help you bring it out.
Sully offers Isaiah his hand. Isaiah accepts it, and Sully guides him to a walk-in closet.
The two enter the closet, with Sully kneeling down to meet his son’s eyes.
SULLY
Here. It’s just you and me. You can tell me anything.
ISAIAH
I want to be helpful, but I don’t know how. I just want to talk about them all day, but no one else wants that.
Sully hugs his son.
SULLY
I want to hear all about it. Let me grab us a couple bottles of water, first.
Sully stands up.
Isaiah takes his dad’s hand.
ISAIAH
Thank you, dad.
Sully fights back tears.
SULLY
Of course.
Sully walks out of the closet…
And quickly closes the door behind him.
He moves a pump action lift that he set next to the door earlier, and jams it up under the door.
ISAIAH
(from behind the door)
Daddy?!
SULLY
I’m sorry. I can’t lose you.
ISAIAH
Daddy! No!!
SULLY
I love you.
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Dev Ross – Misleads/Reveals
Clay: Committed, passionate, self-righteous. To regain his former glory and leadership by assassinating a black leader.
Margaret: religious woman who thinks out of the box. In this scene, she only tells Clay what he needs to know and hear in order to get him to do as she wishes.
WHAT I LEARNED is how using this technique very simply can turn a seemingly simple and innocent scene into something far deeper once the reveal.
EXT. MARGARET’S HOUSE – DAY
Clay paints the outside of the house as attentively as if creating a canvas masterpiece. He sands, tapes off, mixes and applies paint with a cool serenity.
As he paints, he senses he’s being watched. He turns to see MARGARET, a religious woman in her sixties, observing him.
CLAY
Margaret. How long have you been standing there?
MARGARET
Long enough to know you are a true ar-tist.
Clay continues his work, but he likes the compliment.
CLAY
You flatter me. I just make sure whatever I do, I do to the best of my ability.
Margaret moves to grab his attention for what’s coming.
MARGARET
I know that. And that’s why I’m going to ask something of you. Something I’ve prayed on.
Clay sets down his paintbrush.
CLAY
Margaret? Is everything all right?
MARGARET
It will be if you say ‘yes.’
He turns from his work to give her full attention.
CLAY
Then tell me what I’m saying ‘yes’ to.
INT. MARGARET’S HOUSE – A SHORT TIME LATER
Margaret serves Clay tea and cookies.
MARGARET
You know my son’s had a hard time of it raising his son alone.
CLAY
Sure, I’ve heard stories.
MARGARET
There not stories. My son is… well, some men are just not cut out to be fathers, so I have Elijah now.
CLAY
Well, thank the Lord he has you.
MARGARET
But he needs more than me. He needs a good man to mentor him.
CLAY
Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old, he will not depart from it.” Proverbs 22:6
Margaret nods, her eyes closed as if in prayer.
MARGARET
Exactly.
She opens her eyes to look him square in his.
MARGARET
Can I count on you?
Clay loves to be ‘counted on.’
CLAY
Commit your way to the Lord; trust in him, and he will act.
Margaret smiles gratefully. She’s relieved.
MARGARET
Psalm 37:5
THIS SCENE SETS UP THE LATER SCENE where Clay discovers Elijah is mixed race and tries to back out but Margaret holds him to his word.
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What I learned doing this assignment; I already had a mislead /reveal constructed, however, it was over many scenes and not practical to submit for an assignment. I altered the timeline and script beats to fit, omitting much of the meeting scenes and the take-down setup. I have at least learned the technique.
I have also switched to a different work in progress as my previous script ran out of artistic and dramatic potential for this change. For the purpose of this exercise, I changed the setup and reveal from subtle to really laying it on thick.
OLD BUFFALO HOSPITAL
SITUATION
The local doctor is dealing drugs. Teens are being roped into his web. The consequences have been a nightmare with an escalation in O.D.s and suicides. Locals who are wanting to do something about it are having a private meeting away from the hospital where the doctor has others on his payroll.
LEAD CHARACTER for the purpose of this exercise
JERIMIAH single, local grain farmer. Single, an opportunist. Sleazy manner.
SUBTEXT He is a mole at the meeting.
INT. BONNIE’S FAMILY HOME-NIGHT
(a farmhouse, they raise cattle; mooing sounds in the background)
BONNIE
Come on in Sarah. Take your coat off. Eli can go and play with my grandson, Chance. He’s in the T.V. room.
SARAH
Thanks for this Bonnie. Let’s hope we can do something, anything to find out what’s been going on.
BONNIE
So this is a group of friends and neighbors all have concerns about Dr. Suleman. You’ve already met my friend Rose, the hospital cook. She is an elder and Old Buffalo’s very own medicine woman. This is Krista; she is a mom with two teenagers at the High school. Krista works for the school board administration office, and she’s the local beekeeper. Fern here is the sex educator with public health. You haven’t met her.
FERN
I’m in the office around the corner from your office. The other nurses in public health have made it clear I’m not welcome, so you won’t find me at their gossipy coffee mornings.
SARAH
Well, you are always welcome to have coffee in my office.
JERIMIAH
Hey Sarah, welcome to Old Buffalo, sorry it’s been unpleasant. It’s not always this dark with grief and sadness. We have our good times too. I’m just a local farmer. You know I have a small plane, a Cessna, which I use for trips and checking the crops. I would be very happy to fly you and Eli on a fun day trip if you like. There’s not a lot to do around here.
WINSTON SMALLWOLF
Hi there Sarah, I’m Winston the Bear Man. Not bare naked. I just mind the bears, keep an eye on them. I will be coming over to your place tomorrow to clear out some of the trees around your cabin. We usually cut them back to 100 feet from the cabin. That way it’s easier for you to see if there are any bears on the property. They generally don’t like coming into the open. If you see one, stay in the house and call the park warden and he will radio me to come on over. Always, without fail, use your bear door window before opening the door, and fasten the bolts, top, and bottom when you are inside. Do not attempt to run for your vehicle. These bears can run real fast. And don’t let your son out in the yard by himself. The safest place is the schoolyard for outdoor play, with an adult.
SARAH
Holy crap, I didn’t realize it was such a big deal with the bears here!
WINSTON
It’s because the cabin they allotted to you, it’s on the bear trail. Someone is trying to scare you off maybe? Get them to assign you a different one as soon as possible. There is a vacant one right in Old Buffalo, next door to the pharmacist’s house.
CODY
Hi, again Sarah. Are you feeling better from the sweat?
SARAH
Sarah avoids direct eye contact.
Yes, thanks.
BONNIE
Cody is running the local youth group, teaching traditional skills; that our youth have been not using. So Cody teaches them fishing, trapping, and takes them to drum circles and camping right Cody?
CODY
And don’t forget the Hand Games Tournament! You’re in for a real northern experience. We have a tournament coming up.
SARAH
Well, that’s if I last. Between Dr.Suleman threatening me, and the buffalo, really I don’t know if I am going to stay. While I’m here, I’m just doing my job, trying to ensure the safety and well-being of the patients. I don’t want to ever experience the tragedy we had today. A teen trying to shoot himself, with narcotics on board; and alcohol in his blood work.
PAUL
Paul casually moves to sit next to Sarah on the sofa.
PAUL
Apparently, he is hanging in. The medivac hospital trip was successful. However, we don’t know if it’s the same Nathan going to come out of this, as the Nathan before he took a rifle to his head. It’s a tragedy.
BONNIE
These guys aren’t in their uniforms; this is Brian and Will, two of the local RCMP officers. They have their concerns over drugs really showing up more than ever in the local area.
And of course, you already know these two docs, Abe and Paul. and This is my husband, Arthur.
ARTHUR
There’s tea and bannock on the table. I made the bannock while Bonnie was at work.
JERIMIAH
If you fancy something more substantial like a steak Sarah, we could go to the Wooden Spoon after meeting, what do you say? A welcome to Old Buffalo dinner on me.
SARAH
Thanks, no. I want to get home.
BONNIE
So we are all agreed. There is a monster of a problem with drugs.
DR. ABE ROSENBERG
We know there are drugs being sold in the community. I am seeing more and more frequently teens are coming in with overdoses, accidental with alcohol as well. Sometimes I see injuries that would match with beatings. Broken bones, including one skull fracture, and knife wounds. It’s pretty horrific.
DR.PAUL MURPHY
And it’s not just boys. The girls are coming in with signs of rape, and beatings, And I had one girl covered in burn marks.
CORPORAL WILL SHIRE
When Brian or myself try to interview victims, they will not talk. Literally, they go mute.
CORPORAL BRIAN MANY RIVERS
The youngest kid I have seen with pills was a ten-year-old girl. She tried to hang herself in the school bathroom. She actually went completely mute for several months. Even now she hardly talks and she would not tell us anything.
SARAH
How is this happening?
BRIAN
Every one of us here knows exactly what is going on. But we don’t have any hard evidence.
CODY
I have friends, and contacts in the other nearby communities. They are also having the same problems. My contacts know where the drugs are coming from. Some of them have been offered money to distribute. They won’t talk to the RCMP either.
DR ABE ROSENBERG
One of the fathers did try to talk. He was found beaten within an inch of his life, in a ditch in freezing weather last winter. It’s a wonder he wasn’t killed. I had about 30 staples in him to close the wounds. He was in the hospital for a week.
BONNIE
We think, pretty much know, Dr. Suleman has a distribution network. He has several ways of getting drugs in quantity to the youth. One way is Hells Angels on Skidoos in winter, bikes in good weather across the U.S. border. They bring in more drugs than Suleman can procure for sale himself. We have seen them. They just disappear into the bush. Another way is he writes extra prescriptions, Gets people hooked, and then has them sell the stuff he seems to get his hands-on, in exchange for more pills and money. I have been keeping an eye on him for a while now. He has two phones and two laptops. One is a burner phone.
JERIMIAH
Well, thanks for this get-together, Bonnie. I am going to have to cut and run. The grain is overheating. You are good folks. I am sure we can come up with something. I have to get going and check the grain bins’ temperature. See you at our next friendly get-together eh?
Don’t forget the steak invite Sarah, and anything you need, I am only too happy to help someone who is doing her best for our community. Thanks for coming to Old Buffalo Sarah. G’night folks.
INT.JERIMIAH’S TRUCK/ NIGHT
Yeah, it’s me. They plan to take you down. Don’t worry about little Miss Sarah. I’ll take care of her.
SPLIT SCREEN
EXT. JERIMIAH’S FARMLAND, EDGE OF A WHEAT FIELD// DAY
INT. SULEMAN’S luxury vehicle-/FRIDAY MORNING
SULEMAN is driving down the bush road. Cell phone rings
Yes!
JERIMIAH
Get on back here. They are headed to the office and your house. How far away are you?
SULEMAN
About 30 minutes if I floor it! I have to get there before them and destroy evidence or I am done and so are you.
SULEMAN reaches for a gun in the glove compartment. He screeches the car to a halt, swings the car around, and speeds off in a cloud of dust in the direction of the hospital.
A small family group of coyotes is on the road. Suleman plows into the coyotes (screaming and howling) killing the animals. F.O.
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This reply was modified 3 years, 1 month ago by anna harper.
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This reply was modified 3 years, 1 month ago by
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DAY 8 Misleads and Reveals
Lisa’s Misleads/Reveals
What I Learned is that misleading and revealing adds a playfulness to the dialogue. It assists the story in not being predictable.
CHARACTERS
Peter Winters
Traits: Depressed, Kind, Lost, Desperate
Subtext: Fear: Afraid of failure and of losing his business; Afraid of losing his daughters; Afraid of not living up to his “hero” status
Tilly Mills
Traits: Serious, Realist, Helpful
Subtext: Stability: Wants a lasting relationship
(*Peter is a war hero who suffers from PTSD and is on medication for it. Tilly is his girlfriend)
INT-SNOWMOBILE SHOP-DAY
Peter is collecting items he’ll need for a trip and placing them in a pile on his workbench. Tilly enters.
TILLY
Hey.
Peter doesn’t reply.
TILLY (continued)
What are you doing?
PETER
Nothing.
TILLY
We still going to Martini’s tonight.
PETER
I guess.
TILLY
Well, I’m looking forward to it.
Peter is thinking hard about his plan and can’t be bothered.
TILLY (continued)
Are you okay?
PETER
Fine.
TILLY
You’re awfully quiet.
PETER
Hmm
TILLY
Don’t get mad. Have you taken your meds today?
PETER
M-hmm
TILLY
Good.
PETER
I think I’m going to take off for a couple of days.
TILLY
It’s almost Christmas.
PETER
I know. But I need some time alone. I think I’ll go up north and camp.
TILLY
Alone. What about the girls and Christmas?
PETER
I’ll be back by Christmas Day.
TILLY
Is that your plan for campgrounds? (pointing to a piece of paper he has in front of him)
PETER
Yeah. Peter puts it in his pocket.
TILLY
Can I see it?
PETER
Naw. I won’t be alone if you know where I am.
TILLY
I know you. You’re planning something.
PETER
Don’t be so paranoid. I’m just going to take a little break.
TILLY
From me?
PETER
From everything, not just you.
TILLY
Do you think that’s a good idea with your…um, history?
PETER
I’ll be fine. I promise I’ll take my meds.
TILLY
I can come with you.
PETER
That defeats the purpose of being alone.
TILLY
You’ve been kind of uptight. What’s going on?
PETER
The less you know, the better.
TILLY
I can’t continue to hang around if you don’t trust me.
Peter sighs and hangs his head.
PETER
Okay, but you can’t tell anyone. Promise me.
TILLY
I promise. Why so mysterious? You’re scaring me.
PETER
(grabbing her arms) Listen. I mean it. You can’t tell!
TILLY
(breaking free) Okay. Okay.
PETER
I’m going up north.
TILLY
Rochester?
PETER
Further
TILLY
Toronto?
PETER
Further
TILLY
(exasperated) Just tell me.
PETER
(stops) I’m going to the North Pole.
Tilly has a good laugh.
TILLY
Uh, you know that doesn’t exist, right?
PETER
It exists. I’ve been there.
TILLY
(staring at Peter) I’m going to call your doctor. Maybe he can check your dosage? (looking at her phone)
PETER
I know what I’m talking about.
TILLY
Okay. So, if it exists, why do you want to go there now?
PETER
I have a plan to see Santa Claus.
Tilly laughs.
TILLY
Uh. Now I’m calling the doctor.
PETER
No! You’re not calling the doctor because you promised me that you wouldn’t tell!
TILLY
I did. But that was before I knew you think that Santa Claus is at the North Pole and you’re going to see him!
PETER
I mean it!! Give me your phone!
TILLY
No!
PETER
You give it to me, or…
TILLY
Or what? Are you going to hit me?!
PETER
(shaking his head) No. Just give me your phone.
TILLY
I can’t.
Peter gets up in her face.
PETER
Do not tell anyone where I’m going.
TILLY
Okay. Why don’t I come with you, and we can take our time and enjoy the scenery?
PETER
I’m not going to “enjoy the scenery”, I’m going to kidnap Santa.
Tilly laughs harder than before.
TILLY
I don’t know what to say. Um. I…I…think you should call doctor ______.
PETER
I understand your skepticism. I haven’t explained it. (He hits himself in the head)
Tilly takes his hands.
TILLY
(worried) No, it’s okay. Explain it to me.
PETER
I don’t think I ever told you that I worked for NORAD before I went overseas during the war. I was assigned to Santa Claus when I worked there.
TILLY
That’s a job?
PETER
Me and another guy were assigned to keep an eye on Santa and make sure all the equipment used by NORAD worked.
TILLY
I…I had no idea…
PETER
Well, no one knows. It’s a secret.
TILLY
(shaking her head in disbelief) Okay, say this were true. Why do you want to kidnap Santa?
PETER
I didn’t tell anyone, but I’m about to lose the shop. I have until Christmas day to come up with what I owe, or the bank takes it back.
Peter throws the notices and red envelopes at Tilly. Tilly picks one up and reads it.
TILLY
Why didn’t you tell me?
Peter shrugs.
TILLY (continued)
What does this have to do with Santa?
PETER
Don’t you see? I know Santa exists. I can get him to do anything I want because I can tell the media and everyone that he is real. I can expose him!
TILLY
You’re going to blackmail Santa? Oh boy.
PETER
Just until I get him to do what I need.
TILLY
And what is that?
PETER
He’s going to tell me how he goes down the chimneys or I tell everyone he exists for real.
TILLY
Wait a minute. So, you’re going to go down chimneys once he tells you how he does it!
PETER
That’s the plan. Then I sell the gifts to Sower, my pawn guy, for the cash.
TILLY
This is the worst idea I’ve ever heard! (pauses) But that aside, you need to get more help. I’m calling your doctor.
Peter lunges at her and grabs her cell phone.
PETER
NO!
TILLY
Give me back my phone.
PETER
I can’t. You promised!
TILLY
I think you’re cra… (breathing deeply) Okay. How about I go with you. I’ll do what you want and just keep an eye on you and the big guy.
PETER
That sounds like a trap.
TILLY
It’s a win-win. I keep an eye on you and you keep an eye on me.
PETER
If I agree to this, you’re all in? No running around telling my doctor or the police or anyone else.
TILLY
I don’t think anyone would believe me anyway.
PETER
Okay. I can use some help with Santa.
Peter grabs the notes from his pocket.
PETER (continued)
Let’s go over the plan.
TILLY
Whatever you say.
FADE OUT
-
PS81 – Dana’s Mislead/Reveal
What I learned from this assignment:
I learned I used my Mislead/Reveal for my Twist lesson. My twist lesson should have revealed that my protagonist, Jason, suffered from DID.
Therefore, I have rewritten my Mislead/Reveal again and made it stronger.
Characters:
Character Name: Detective Sorenson
Traits: confident, controlling, cynical/sarcastic, compassionate
Subtext: Clandestine, diplomatic
Character Logline: Det Sorenson is assigned to the investigation and must strengthen Ellen to keep her engaged with the suspect to save her family.
Possible Areas of Subtext: Sorenson conducts the investigation outside of Ellen’s purview to shield her; he encourages Ellen to engage her patient even after he kills her husband.
Character Name: Ryan – violent personality
Traits: sadistically polite, calculating, violent, sinister
Subtext: Devious
Character Logline: Ryan masterminds the kidnapping Ellen’s family to satiate his sociopathic appetite by threatening to kill them on-air.
Possible Areas of Subtext: Ryan blackmails Ellen into revealing details of her past to entertain the on-air audience.
SCENE:
DETECTIVE RIVERS stands at his desk talking on the phone.
RIVERS
(on phone)
Hold on. I’ll see if he’s in.
(he pressed hold)
Jack…? Jack?
Sorensen leaves his thoughts. He looks across at Rivers.
RIVERS (CONT’D)
I got a guy on two says he needs to talk to you. Some doctor at county.
SORENSEN
Tell him to leave a message. I’m heading home.
RIVERS
He says is urgent. About your boy, Jason.
A heavy SIGH. Reluctant.
SORENSEN
Put him through.
Rivers presses line two on his phone.
RIVERS
Doc? I’m transferring you now.
Rivers forwards call and hangs up.
Sorensen’s answers the phone after one RING.
SORENSEN
Sorensen.
DOCTOR (O.S.)
(on phone)
Detective? Thank you for taking my call. My name is Robert Green. I’m on staff at San Francisco General.
SORENSEN
What can I do for you, doc?
GREEN
I’m not really sure how to explain this.
SORENSEN
— Doc? It’s been a long day.
GREEN (O.S.)
Yeah, no, I’ll get to the point.
(beat)
We had a patient here at the hospital that we held over the weekend for a seventy-two hour psych exam. The police brought him in Friday. Homeless. Catatonic —
SORENSEN
— Doc —
GREEN (O.S.)
Sorry. The patient’s name was Randy Armstrong. He’s in the system. But I didn’t put things together until I saw his picture on TV.
Sorensen sits up.
SORENSEN
What do you getting at, doc?
GREEN (O.S.)
I think my patient is the man who kidnapped Dr. Landry’s family.
Sorensen says nothing, numb, his mind racing.
GREEN (O.S.) (CONT’D)
Detective Sorensen? Are you there?
SORENSEN
Can you repeat that?
GREEN
I think my patient is your suspect, Jason Petrie.
Sorensen puts Green on speaker phone.
SORENSEN
You still there, doc?
GREEN
Yes. I’m here.
Sorensen pulls out his keyboard and turns on his sleeping computer screen. The SFPD home page pops up.
SORENSEN
What’s your patient’s name again?
GREEN (O.S.)
(on speaker)
Armstrong. Randy Armstrong.
COMPUTER SCREEN – He types ARMSTRONG, RANDY into the pop-up window field. The cursor arrow hits ENTER.
Sorensen stares at the screen waiting for the program to run. Suddenly, he’s pushed back, stunned.
COMPUTER SCREEN – Jason’s picture fills half the screen. He’s haggard and homeless. His patient intake form fills the other half of the screen.
GREEN (O.S.) (CONT’D)
(on speaker)
I didn’t know what to think when I saw his picture on the news —
Sorensen moves his eyes to the intake form.
COMPUTER SCREEN – ARMSTRONG, RANDY is the name on the form.
GREEN (O.S.) (CONT’D)
(on speaker)
— I figured I’d better call somebody.
Sorensen types again.
COMPUTER SCREEN – He types PETRIE, JASON into the pop-up window field. Jason’s driver’s license opens. He’s younger, but it’s the same man.
Sorensen can’t believe his eyes.
GREEN (O.S.) (CONT’D)
(on speaker)
I don’t understand any of this. The news reported Dr. Landry’s family was kidnapped at eight-thirty —
FOCUS ON – SPEAKER PHONE
GREEN (O.S.) (CONT’D)
(on speaker)
— but we didn’t release Randy until ten o’clock.
COMPUTER SCREEN – The two pictures are side by side.
GREEN (O.S.) (CONT’D)
The staff said Randy was picked up by an Uber driver in a silver SUV.
Sorensen flips through Jason’s patient file fast.
INSERT PATIENT RECORD – Sorensen’s fingers scroll down to find ARMSTRONG, RANDY. They move to the aliases listed — Bobby, William, Jeffry, Donald, Randall.
Sorensen looks up at the screen again.
CLOSE SHOT – Jason staring right back at him.
GREEN (O.S.) (CONT’D)
(on speaker)
How could he kidnap the Landry’s if he were still holding him?
CLOSE SHOT – Sorensen, numb, realizing Ryan was someone else.
GREEN (O.S.) (CONT’D)
Detective Sorensen? Are you there?
Detective Sorensen? Detective…? Detective…?
CUT TO BLACK:
A long beat.
RADIO HOST (V.O.)
Good morning, San Francisco! It’s a great day to be living in the city by the bay —
FADE IN:
EXT. SAN FRANCISCO – AERIAL SHOT – MORNING
It’s crisp and clean and bright. Traffic is flowing.
RADIO HOST (V.O.)
— You’re listening to the Brian Osborn Show. And we are one week and counting, and my callers are still talking about Ellen Landry. So let’s get right to the phones.
We’ve got Maureen from Brisbane on the line. Hello, Maureen. You’re on with Brian.
WOMAN (V.O.)
Hello, Brian. This is Maureen. I don’t think Dr. Ellen did the right thing. This was her patient. He needed help. And she pushes him to commit suicide? I mean, didn’t she swear an oath or something? I admit these were unusual circumstances, but she could have waited for the police to negotiate with this man.
RADIO HOST (V.O.)
Well, okay. Thanks for the call, Maureen. But you gotta know, you’re swimming against the tide. Most people are in the pro Ellen camp on this. But I appreciate your call.
(beat)
Okay. Let’s go to Jimmy across the bay in Oakland. Hello, Jimmy.
MAN’S VOICE (V.O.)
Hay, Brian. This is Jimmy. That Maureen’s full of crap! What if this was her family? I mean, what else was Dr. Ellen supposed to do? Let that SOB kill her kids? He already shot her husband. And to get him to blow his brains out, that’s lady’s got balls. And when her show comes back, I’m going to call and tell her that.
RADIO HOST (V.O.)
Thanks, Jimmy. And I’m sure Ellen appreciates your supports. But you may have to wait awhile for her show to return. Ellen is on hiatus while she and her family recover.
(beat)
Let’s take one more call. We’ve got Steve in Pacifica. Hello, Steve. You’re on with Brian Osborn.
Beat.
RYAN (V.O.)
Good morning, Brian. This is Steve. Love your show. I’m a longtime listener.
(beat)
And a first time caller.
FADE OUT:
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Alice’s Misleads/Reveals
What I learned doing this assignment is
It worked for me in this way. I thought like, I have some of mislead and reveals in one scene, and in a bit at another. Then I took Outline, and I discovered the scenes where I could apply it.
In this one, we first have reveal for the folk about events at RI, as it is broadcasted.
Then it is revealed, how this is actually is unsatisfactory.
Then identity of Judge is revealed. How he is connected to the story.
Then, if first, we might think that is about something in the lab She (Antagonist) tries to cover.
Then we see that She DOES use people.
Here we learn, what for.
1. List your character names along with each character’s traits
and their subtext above the scene.
Antagonist
Name: ANAUPSH
Traits: Concealing, Crafty, Treacherous, Evasive
Subtext: Evil
Character Logline: Anaupsh is Head of Development lab who uses her position for her personal scientific endeavor to construct animated monsters from parts of human bodies, making workers of Research Institute be her victims, as she murders them one by one.
Protagonist
Name: THANAKH
Traits: Suspicious, Respectful, Argumentative, Intelligent
Subtext: Research, observation
Character Logline: Thanakh is a scientist, working as Head of the Lab at Research Institute who lost his girlfriend and must find out who is behind missing cases at RI to bring things to justice.
3. Write a scene that uses both misleads and reveals to deliver its story.
INT. JUDGE’S APPARTMENT – DAY
Judge before TV screen. News.
Woman reporter, broadcasting from studio, reading from paper, alternates with images.
GIRL REPORTER ON TV SCREEN
In one of the huge institutions people get disappear around particular area of labs net.
Picture exchanges, showing along the way map of RI, marking down with red line especially dangerous area, where people disappear most.
JUDGE
Oh, it’s where my sis works. Should I call her, to learn if she is well?
INT. PROTAGONIST’S APPARTMENT – DAY
News continue on TV screen. Thanakh is visibly dissatisfied.
EXT. STREET PHONE BOOTH – DAY
Otak makes a phone call from street booth, to hide his identity.
OTAK
How was it?
THANAKH (O.C.)
Who will understand what you talking about?
OTAK
I thought, you wanted to let everyone know.
THANAKH (O.C.)
Yes, I did. But who will understand, what you mean?
Otak shrugs his shoulders.
THANAKH (O.C.)
This is misleading for the most.
INT. ANAUPSH’S LAB – DAY
Phone rings. Anaupsh picks up.
ANAUPSH
Hello!
INT. JUDGE’S APPARTMENT – DAY
Judge drops it down, hearing her voice.
JUDGE
Why would I ever call you?
His son comes running into the room from the kitchen, as he was, holding tea cup.
HIS SON
Don’t answer!
Judge puts finger to the lip, for silence.
Son comes, and presses at the receiver to end the call.
INT. ANAUPSH’S LAB – DAY
ANAUPSH
Who was it? Oh, it was my brother, of course, he saw the news, and calls, to learn, how I am! And I am well!
Sexy girl, sharing lunch time over candies, sincerely persuades.
SEXY GIRL
No, some people, they really disappeared! For example, a couple of people from that lab. And from this one!
Anaupsh looks at the girl, at her sexy legs, as she is sitting. Observing and measuring her body.
INT. VIEW OF CLOSET FROM INSIDE – DAY
This sexy girl is rummaging at the closet, as someone closes her mouth, and picks her up from behind.
She turns squeezing out, scared.
That is her boyfriend TENE who lets her out of embrace, happy with successful prank he played.
TENE
What are you doing tonight?
SEXY GIRL
It’s you! You freaked me out!
TENE
Where we meet?
SEXY GIRL
At the cafe!
INT. CAFE – NIGHT
Girl, dressed up, hair done and in makeup, spends it at small round table of cafe.
Tene doesn’t turn out.
EXT. CITY STREET – NIGHT
She leaves cafe and starts strolling along the street.
Car stops at the side. Its door opens, Anaupsh is there.
ANAUPSH
Get in!
Girl opens the rear door, and sees her boyfriend there, dead.
She starts losing herself.
ANAUPSH
He’s done.
Girl gets in, looks at the body, turned away from her.
SEXY GIRL
TENE!
Strokes his hair.
Vomits to the bottom of the car.
ANAUPSH
Let’s go, maybe we would restore him. I made experiment, maybe we could try that!
INT. LOBBY OF RESEARCH INSTITUTE – NIGHT
They pass by security, aged assistant pulling Tene, posing him as drunk. Girl follows in false hope.
ANAUPSH
(to security guard)
He had it!
INT. ANAUPSH’S LAB – NIGHT
Anaupsh opens door to back room for her. Girl sees there construction from parts of human bodies, towering slightly above human height. She begins to wave, and drops on the floor.
ANAUPSH
(to assistant)
Shoot her!
Aged assistant keeps standing, holding his gun, observing from above unconscious body from this and that side. She’s too good to spare immediately!
BLACKOUT
SOUND of a SHOT.
-
Matthew Frendo’s Misleads/Reveals
What I learned doing this assignment was how to make a scene interesting using misleads and reveals. This will make the script stronger and more engaging.
Name: Alicia
Traits: Protective, Brave, Crafty, Loner
Subtext: Crafty
Name: Host
Traits: Power Hungry, Arrogant, Conspiring, Charismatic
Subtext: Conspiring
INT. AUDIENCE STAGE – NIGHT
The Host talks to the audience.
HOST
Now, before we bring out our players for your enjoyment, let’s watch a bit of the excitement they went through tonight. Though the only one that truly understands is Bullet. If we can tear him away from all those beautiful ladies, that is.
He chuckles as does the audience. The Host gives a meaningful nod to Bullet, who waves to the audience with a smile and starts walking to the side of the stage.
HOST
Let’s begin our journey.
The lights go down as it starts.
BEHIND STAGE
Kristen rolls her eyes at the Host.
KRISTEN
Our journey?
NICK
Shit, they’re gonna hate me.
JOSH
We all certainly do.
Nick looks at Alicia, but she’s just watching the stage.
NICK
Don’t be all pissed at me. I did what any smart person would do. Look at Bullet’s life! Who wouldn’t want that? Who wouldn’t do anything for that?
ALICIA
None of us did.
Josh nods enthusiastically. Bullet enters from the stage.
NICK
Holy shit! Man, I’m your biggest fan! I’ve wanted to be you for forever!
Nick extends his hand for a shake. Bullet looks at it, but doesn’t shake it.
BULLET
You should pick a new hero.
NICK
You have everything. Fine girl, fine food, fine wine…
Just then, two hulking security guards come and stand on either side of Bullet.
BULLET
I do have all that. But it comes at a price.
Nick looks confused.
GUARD #1
(mockingly)
Let’s go, John.
Bullet looks intently at Nick.
BULLET
I’m gonna tell you for your own good, kid. You don’t want this. You ever notice how I’m never seen alone? That’s because they don’t let me go out. Or be alone with people. Or even talk to people. Truth is, I’m just a fucking pawn–
The Guard pushes him harshly.
BULLET
Anyway, this life ain’t what you think it is.
He starts to walk off.
NICK
But you survived! The only one who did!
Bullet stops and turns back around.
BULLET
You think I survived because I was strong? Nah…it was all his plan. Remember when I saved that girl Natalie? She died later, but the audience loved me for it. And that’s why he let me live. To give people the hero they always wanted…that he can control and use at his beck and call.
Alicia comes alive with hope.
ALICIA
We can all make it out then. We just have to make the audience love us.
JOSH
Hell yes!
KRISTEN
Oh, thank God.
NICK
Shit! I’m a dead man.
Bullet starts laughing. First a chuckle, then a full fledged laugh. They watch, uncertain.
BULLET
They ain’t gonna let you live. One hero gives people hope. More than that, they have a full blown revolution on their hands. And he will never happen.
The Guard pushes him and he leaves. They watch him go, their last bit of hope all but gone.
JOSH
Should we even do it still?
Alicia shrugs.
ALICIA
A bad plan is better than no plan.
HOST (O.S.)
And here they are! You’re sacrifices!
A guard pushes them to the stage.
JOSH
(to Alicia)
You know, that’s not really true…
-
Day 8: Misleads and Reveals – Assignment
Mike O – Misleads/Reveals
What I learned doing this assignment is how close this skill set is to setup/payoffs. The two work well together actually.
1. List your character names along with each character’s traits and their subtext above the scene.
2. Look through your outline and find a scene that will work well with a Mislead / Reveal.
3. Write a scene that uses both misleads and reveals to deliver its story.
———————————————————————
INT. GALLERY OFFICE – MORNING
In flats, denim jeans and a button down shirt, Brooklyn has shed the tourist look. She sets her shoulder bag on the desk.
She leaves the office, ready to work; unaware Richard is standing in the men’s rest room. Light off, door cracked, watching her every move.
The moment she leaves for the gallery floor, Richard walks stealthily up to the desk, opens her oversized purse and takes out her wallet.
He PHOTOGRAPHS her driver’s license. Putting back the wallet, he finds a manilla envelope.
A quick peek in the envelope reveals a bill of sale form.
Richard’s I-knew-it smirk stays on his face as he exits the building altogether.
INT. GALLERY OFFICE – AFTERNOON
Brooklyn, tidying up the office, rummages through papers on her father’s desk. Richard saunters in drinking coffee, not a care in the world showing on his face.
Brooklyn’s purse is nowhere to be seen. She picks up a manilla envelope off the desk and hands it to Richard.
RICHARD (innocently) “What is this?”
He takes the envelope from Brooklyn, opens it slowly relishing the moment.
INSERT – FORM
It is a standardized rental agreement form.
Richard stands poleaxed. He hides his anger behind a puzzled look.
BROOKLYN “Been thinking about our talk last night. I came here thinking sell, sell, sell. Now, I believe I will hang onto the place. It’s what my father would have wanted. Besides, I know a thing or two about art and artists.”
RICHARD “You do? Pray tell, who are the top three contemporary landscape artists in this area. Make it the entire rocky mountain region?”
BROOKLYN “I haven’t a clue.”
RICHARD “That is why your father and I made such great partners. We stayed in our lanes. Art and emerging talent(takes a bow). Marketing and sales, Joshua’s focus. “
Richard looks over the rim of his cup, his point clear.
RICHARD (casually) “You have sales and marketing experience, yes?”
BROOKLYN “My best friend owns a successful art gallery in Chicago. I’m one of her clients. She can easily catch me up to speed on who’s who.(flips through papers)She might even want to add my father’s gallery to hers.”
RICHARD (edge to voice) “Different markets, different artists entirely.”
Richard’s cell phone CHIMES. He checks caller ID.
INSERT – CALLER ID
“SPAM”
RICHARD “I have to take this. Jonas, water-colorer extraordinaire. I really must sign him, mouths: he’s easily number two.
Richard walks off, refrains from slamming the door. The look on his face one of cunning, he mutters:
RICHARD “If bloody is what you want, steak tartar it shall be.”
-
Antonio Flores’ Misleads/Reveals
What I learned doing this assignment
Misleads and reveals are similar to setups/payoffs and subtext, but it is necessary to identify them well, because this concept of misleads/reveals gives us endless opportunities to mix all these strategies and obtain very different outcomes.
———-
1. List your character names along with each character’s traits and their subtext above the scene.
CHARACTER 1:
Parisa Nedellec, protagonist. A cheerleader coach who fights in the underground MMA to rescue her fiancé from the hands of a criminal ring led by The Ruler.
SUBTEXT:
highly principled, a perfectionist, very emotional… when nobody is looking, fearful / withdrawn
CHARACTER 2:
Philip an agent from an ultra-clandestine organization assigned to prevent Badahur to spill the secret, and terminate him if necessary.
SUBTEXT:
highly efficient, unstable: impulsive self-damaging (over-spending, sex, reckless driving), socially shallow.
2. Look through your outline and find a scene that will work well with a Mislead / Reveal.
There are at least two previous scenes that set up the mislead:
— Parisa and boyfriend, Bahadur, believe that Philip’s mission is to protect Bahadur and take them out of captivity.
— Philip took a beaten from the criminals, which misleads Parisa and Bahadur to believe he is on their side, making them a triad.
3. Write a scene that uses both misleads and reveals to deliver its story.
The goal of this scene is to reveal:
— Philip’s real mission is to prevent the secret data spill, even if he had to terminate Bahadur.
— Plant a new mislead, making the audience think that Philip dislikes Parisa, when in fact, (future reveal) he will try to seduce her and he will even plan to gradually kill Bahadur in order to get the girl.
EXT. DESERT — RULER’S UNDERGROUND MMA COMPLEX — NIGHT
Philip sits alone in the sand. He cuts his fighter handwraps using his metal nail implants. Parisa approaches him.
=====================
MISLEAD: Why is Parisa looking for Philip alone?
=====================
PHILIP
What’ you want?
PARISA
Are you OK? We were wondering—
PHILIP
I’m not OK. Leave me alone.
PARISA
Listen. You got beaten for us and I —
=====================
MISLEAD: Parisa is requested to leave, but she stays
=====================
PHILIP
Save your nice words. Go back.
PARISA
Sure. Mmh… uh, sure.
Parisa leaves.
Philip’s stares at his tape-free left hand. He cuts his forearm skin open with the metal implants. Painfully, he glares at the blood that pours from the wound.
Parisa returns.
PARISA
OK. Listen, I just wanted—
(looks at the blood)
Hey, STOP! Don’t… don’t—
She dashes to Philip side, grabs pieces of the handwraps and covers the cut.
=====================
MISLEAD: Is Parisa’s concern and proximity revealing something?
=====================
PARISA (CON’T)
Here! Don’t move! Just need to press this… Don’t move!
PHILIP
Is just a scratch.
PARISA
Don’t move. You will be fine. How did you, I mean, what—
Philip unfolds his nail implants.
Parisa openmouthed takes a glance at the blades.
Philip quickly folds them back.
PARISA (CON’T)
You could have killed the guards with those! But you let them… Now, seriously, why’ you —
PHILIP
Nah. Uh-uh. If they found out, they’d chop my hands off. Nah. Not just yet.
PARISA
Hey. Can you…
PHILIP
What?
PARISA
Can you take us out of here?
PHILIP
Oh, that?
PARISA
Can you?
PHILIP
That’s not my mission.
=====================
REVEAL: Philip is not meant to protect Bahadur
=====================
PARISA
So what’s your mission?
PHILIP
Monitoring. Prevent payload disclosure.
PARISA
W-what? OK. Now in English, please.
PHILIP
To monitor the… mmh, the witness. Prevent him from giving the secret away.
=====================
REVEAL: So that is Philip’s mission
=====================
PARISA
So, your job’s to protect “B”, which means—
=====================
MISLEAD: Parisa reminds us what she was misled to think
=====================
PHILIP
No. That’s not part of the deal.
PARISA
But, but you just said—
PHILIP
Look. My orders—
PARISA
But then how can you prevent him from giving the secret away?
Philip’s eyes look somewhere else. Pulls a cigarette pack from his pocket. It’s empty.
PHILIP
Damn it!
(to Parisa)
Bet you don’t happen to have a… uh?
Parisa shakes her head. Philip crumples the empty pack.
PHILIP
Knew it. Anyway… Repository must be monitored. Closely.
Parisa scrutinizes Philip’s eyes.
PHILIP (CON’T)
Anything that could result in payload disclosure MUST be anticipated and…
Philip throws away the empty cigarette pack.
PHILIP (CON’T)
… TERMINATED.
=====================
REVEAL: The mission spelled out
=====================
PARISA
(grows impatient)
Look. You don’t want to speak English (quits pressing wound) so, I think I better go.
Parisa takes off with quick steps.
PHILIP
Hey! Hey!… Thank you!
PARISA
Forget it. It’s nothing.
PHILIP
Not talking ‘bout the wound.
Parisa slows down. Confused.
PHILIP (CON’T)
I asked you to go back hours ago.
Philip throws away the handwraps that Parisa used to put pressure on the wound.
PHILIP (CON’T)
… and seems that you just finally listened.
=====================
SETUP: This action is the setup for a new mislead, making us think that Philip dislikes Parisa
=====================
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This reply was modified 2 years, 11 months ago by Antonio Flores.
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This reply was modified 2 years, 11 months ago by Antonio Flores.
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