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Day 8 Assignments
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<div>What I learned from this assignment is creating different versions of statements in your pitch bible can uncover a great marketing product to intrigue producers viewing your product. </div><div>
</div><div>A. Establish something shocking and point to the terrible things it could mean.
</div>In a dystopian world a determined activist must find a boy’s Native American community for family’s survival. They are not prepared for the danger that lies ahead.
B. Strong statement; question about something underhanded beneath the surface.
In a dystopian world two sisters Irene and Jessie must find their nephews Native American community for survival. Will rebellious sister Jessie uncover a secret that Irene has been hiding that could alter their future?
C. Question that points to hidden agendas, hidden identity, conspiracy, etc..Irene has been withholding a secret that could save or endanger them.
D. Character 1 is convinced/worried/wondering that Character 2 has done _____________.
Irene and Jessie are constantly at odds with each other. Irene taking the righteous high road will Jessie’s risky behavior put the family in danger?
E. But maybe it is all wrong.Irene and Jessie are in a desperate search for their nephew Isaac’s family for survival. Will they be accepted into the community or turned away?
F. A Pattern that Leads to Future Consequences
G. If he does ________________, that means ___Intrigue_____.If authorities finds Irene’s secret maps in codes she’s been hiding that would mean her freedom is in jeopardy.
H. State the mystery.Who is Isaac’s family? Will they ever be found?
I. Should be/could be _______, but it is even worse.Should Isaac be turned over to his family? Irene and Jessie could never see him again.
J. Intense language.Irene thinks Jessie is a fuck up.
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This reply was modified 3 years, 1 month ago by Brigitte Timmerman.
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This reply was modified 3 years, 1 month ago by
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Bob’s Intrigue Patterns
What I learned doing this assignment is that there are many ways to write things in a pitch bible and it’s worth exploring multiple ways in order to find the most intriguing language.
As Written
Daniel Shay is not your typical intelligence agent. Orphaned at thirteen when his parents were shot down by terrorists during his Bar Mitzvah celebration in Jerusalem. Adopted by his uncle in Israel, Daniel vows to do whatever it takes to get revenge for his parents’ murders.
Establish something shocking and point to the terrible things it can mean.
At thirteen, all Daniel wanted to do was make his parents proud of him as he started his haftorah portion at the Western Wall in Jerusalem… but that all changed in an instant when a terrorist sniper opened fire and gunned down the two people who meant the most to him.
Strong statement, question about something underhanded beneath the surface.
Daniel excelled in his elite IDF training becoming one of the top operatives ever to enter the Mossad. His bureau chief isn’t sure all that talent is going to be used to further the agency’s mission.
Questions that point to hidden agenda, hidden identity, conspiracy, etc.
Coming from the elite Talpion program, Daniel was ready to work in Mossad for the for the prevention of terrorism. How does a person who experienced the tragic death of his parents when he was thirteen put that aside when dealing with the very organizations that killed them?
Character 1 is convinced/worried/wondering that Character 2 has done______.
Daniel has achieved a level of accomplishment reached by few who enter the Mossad. The other operatives are in awe of his abilities, but not Avi – the bureau chief who thinks Daniel’s motives do not align with the agency.
But maybe it is all wrong.
Daniel’s skills and pedigree would seem to make him an incredible Mossad agent, yet, since his arrival, an assortment of suspicious events have come to light.
A Pattern that leads to future consequences.
Daniel is an incredible Mossad operative preventing several terrorist attacks in his first month with the bureau. Is he that brilliant or is his information too good to have come from anyone but the very people he’s pledged to fight?
If he does _____, that means _____ intrigue _____.
Daniel started turning agents immediately upon being assigned to the bureau, that doesn’t mean he’s in bed with the terrorists, does it?
State the mystery.
How does a person who lost his parents to a terrorist sniper at thirteen keep it together and not do everything in his power to exact revenge?
Should be/could be _____ but it is even worse.
Daniel graduating top in his class from the elite IDF Talpion program would have been an accomplishment that made his parents proud, but his parents couldn’t be proud since they were killed by terrorist when he was thirteen. Some say, he entered the program to avenge their deaths.
Intense language.
Daniel came out of the elite IDF Talpion program and was an immediate success when preventing terrorism with the Mossad. But, having experienced the death of his parents at the hands of terrorists, is his drive to prevent terrorism or to avenge his parents’ murders?
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Phyllis’ Intrigue Patterns
I learned from this assignment that not only do alternative versions of a line make it more intriguing, it can actually flow to the next sentences or the rest of the paragraph.
Lesson 8: Writing with Intrigue!
Pitch Bible Sentence: EPA investigator Sasha Lambert has a calling to fight climate change and is in the perfect job for it.
Establish something shocking and point to the terrible things it could mean.
All EPA investigator Sasha Lambert wants to do is fight climate change, but her dream job may stir up powerful enemies that will stop at nothing to take her down.
Strong statement; question about something underhanded beneath the surface.
EPA investigator Sasha Lambert has a dream job fighting climate change, but cynical colleagues suspect she will sacrifice the moral high-ground for the chance to score a major victory.
Question that points to hidden agendas, hidden identity, conspiracy, etc.
EPA investigator Sasha Lambert has a dream job fighting climate change, but is frustrated by major energy companies getting off with slaps on the wrist. What can she do to hit them harder? And is her current whistleblower the key?
Character 1 is convinced/worried/wondering that Character 2 has done something.
All her colleagues at the EPA are congratulating investigator Sasha Lambert on proving that Price Oil has committed criminal transgressions. But the CEO is certain Sasha cut corners, and is out to take her down.
But maybe it is all wrong.
Her superiors at the EPA are all impressed that investigator Sasha Lambert has been able to get a criminal indictment against Price Oil. But something is wrong. Price’s CEO is dismissive and the Department of Justice is taking its sweet time.
A Pattern that Leads to Future Consequences
EPA investigator Sasha Lambert is crushing it at her dream job. She’s finally making real strides fighting climate change by landing a criminal indictment against the formidable Price Oil. Her superiors are talking promotion. Her boyfriend at the Department of Justice is prosecuting. But why is Price’s CEO dismissive and why is the DOJ taking its sweet time?
If he does something, that means intriguing something.
Just because EPA investigator Sasha Lambert has landed a criminal indictment against the formidable Price Oil doesn’t mean she pushed the envelope too far, right?
State the mystery.
How does a mid-level EPA investigator land a criminal indictment against a formidable oil giant? And why is the CEO taking it in stride?
Should be/could be something, but it is even worse.
It should be a professional triumph that EPA investigator Sasha Lambert landed a criminal indictment against a formidable oil giant, but Sasha is about to suffer her worst setback ever.
Intense language
EPA investigator Sasha Lambert has struck a blow for climate change by securing a criminal indictment against the formidable Price Oil. But did she cross a line to do it? And how will the powerful Price CEO respond with Sasha now on her radar?
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Module 2 Lesson 8 BW Assignment: Intriguing Patterns
Subject line: Nadine’s Intriguing Patterns
What I learned doing this assignment is the answers are all, already there…From my Pitch Bible, this is the ONE line I would like to be more intriguing:
“Kuno’s dad, working undercover for the DEA, suspects his partner is in bed with the Cartel and confronts him.”In rethinking that line, I used ALL of the patterns below:
A. Establish something shocking and point to the terrible things it could mean.When Kuno’s dad confronted his partner, he did not know it might potentially lead to both his own and his son’s death.
B. Strong statement; question about something underhanded beneath the surface.
Kuno’s dad has long wondered why a certain member of the Cartel is so often part of his partner’s conversation, yet he’s never around when Kuno’s dad is there to meet him.
C. Question that points to hidden agendas, hidden identity, conspiracy, etc.
Kuno’s mom seems to know more than his dad about possible devastating effects on the entire family, which is curious since he’s directly involved and she’s not… or is she?
D. Character 1 (Kuno’s dad), is convinced/worried/wondering that Character 2 (his partner), has started working for the Cartel.
E. But maybe it is all wrong. On the other hand, maybe it’s just the wrong place/wrong time.
F. A Pattern that Leads to Future Consequences. When Kuno’s mom lied to cover up what happened to his dad, she never imagined Kuno may be imprisoned for years.
G. If Kuno keeps asking questions about what happened to his dad, it means he has reason to believe his dad would never kill himself, so why is his mom claiming he did?
H. State the mystery. The real mystery is what happened to Kuno’s dad and why?
I. It should be/could be just an accidental death that got covered up. But murder is even worse.
J. Intense language. Jai wants to know who Kuno’s dad killed to get such a lethal response.
When I discovered a more intriguing version of the above line, I replaced the old one in the TV Pitch Bible with it.
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Marcus’s Intrigue Patterns
I learned a good way to make writing less vague and more interesting.
The sentence I found was, “Trabeus is an ancient sorcerer with many deep secrets.”
Using the methods of improving intrigue, I replaced it with, “Trabeus is a kindly old man who everyone in the
neighborhood loves. No one knows he’s in witness protection. Or that he’s a
contractor to a local gang. And only his magical indentured servant, Marius,
knows that he’s a powerful sorcerer.” -
Kim’s Intriguing Patterns
What I learned from doing this assignment is that there are many ways to discover the “perfect” line.
My chosen sentence: Natalie Howard lives a life in a series of lives, each one suffering from mistakes of the past.
A. Establish something shocking and point to the terrible things it could mean.
A drowning, a fire, a fall: each of Natalie’s past lives ended tragically.
B. Strong statement; question about something underhanded beneath the surface.
Natalie Howard’s secrets are getting more and more difficult to hide from the world.
C. Question that points to hidden agendas, hidden identity, conspiracy, etc..
How can Natalie Howard understand what her past lives are telling her when she’s busy focusing on avoiding jail time?
D. Character 1 is convinced/worried/wondering that Character 2 has done _____________.
Natalie wonders what Eric has done to make one of her other personalities attack him.
E. But maybe it is all wrong.
Natalie has been diagnosed with Multiple Personality Disorder, but it’s evident something else is going on.
F. A Pattern that Leads to Future Consequences
Natalie finds notes all over her home, notes she’s written to herself. Notes that remind her that her personalities are reaching out to tell her something important.
G. If he does ________________, that means ___Intrigue_____.
H. Just because the police think Natalie tried to murder her husband doesn’t mean she wants him dead, right?
I. State the mystery.
What are Natalie’s personalities trying to tell her? And who’s going to believe that she didn’t try to kill her husband?
J. Should be/could be _______, but it is even worse.
Natalie should be content with her life: a marriage to a charming psychiatrist, her own yoga practice, and living in an affluent community. Except her life is one gigantic sham.
K. Intense language.
Natalie grew up blaming her dysfunctional family for her Dissociative Identity Disorder. But now she knows her soul has been sending her warnings.
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Assignment Lesson 8 Module 2
Marie’s intrigue patterns
What I learned doing this assignment is to select a line from my pitch bible and rewrite it using the intrigue patterns. It was a really interesting exercise. I will change a few things in my story chronology thanks to this.
BLAND LINE from my Pitch Bible
A Guardian Angel Skyler, mysteriously rescued by the Archangels at the gate of Heaven is believed to be the ‘chosen’ according to a prediction: he will save the Guardian Angels from an invasion from the Fallen Angels.
RETHINK THAT LINE
A. Establish something shocking and the terrible things it could mean.
If there is a controversy between the archangels about Skyler’s mysterious origin and about who wrote the prediction, could it means that Skyler may also very well be a fallen angel and it would be like introducing the wolf in the sheep pen?
B. Strong statement; question about something underhanded beneath the surface.
To prove his faith in the prediction, the Master archangel sends Skyler on a very delicate and important mission: to plant the seed, inspire and lead the mind of a teenager with a gift who could bring Peace to the whole planet.
C. Question that points to hidden agendas, hidden identity, conspiracy, etc.
But the archangel has also sent 3 other guardian angels with an excellent reputation for a similar mission and this means that the 4 guardian angels will plant the same idea in 4 human beings’ minds dispatched in the world and only one of them will win the Nobel Prize in case Skyler wouldn’t be the ‘chosen’
D. Character 1 is convinced/worried/wondering that Character 2 has done_________
A full classroom of students guardian angels watch Skyler’s mission with Rose without his knowledge and when he lies about his sudden lack of connection, they are intrigued and bet he will manage or he will fail.
E. But maybe it’s all wrong.
But when he uses forbidden tools like travelling through space and time to prevent problems for Rose, it becomes obvious that he enjoys too much breaking the rules.
F. A pattern that leads to future consequences
Is his bad behavior affecting Rose?
G. If he does___________, that means (intrigue).
Could he be just behaving badly like any teenagers do? Guardian angels absorb the vibes of the humans they help.
H. State the mystery
How come his best friend Charlie, the loviest angel of all, turned into a little devil as well? Is his badness contagious?
I. Should be/Could be____but it is even worse.
What part does Skyler play in affecting both Charlie’s and Rose’s behaviors, could it be the signs that he is a fallen angel and is part of a much bigger scheme: is he leading an attack of the fallen angels against the guardian angels?
J. Intense language.
Despite the mystery about his arrival in the world of angels, Skyler, a guardian angel, has been given a delicate mission for the future of the peace of our planet by the archangels. But was it a mistake to chose him because of a stupid prediction? Could he be a fallen angel leading an invasion into the world of angel?
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Diana’s Intrigue Patterns
What I learned: Sometimes changing just one word, makes a line easier to digest and more intriguing. In this instance I changed one word (husbands) to (men) to set up the intrigue. Then I can layer the series description and reveal the layers bit by bit as we go deeper into the series.
New Series Concept: When five men are framed and imprisoned for financial crimes by the same woman, they hatch a plan to track her down to give her a taste of her own medicine.
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I saw in action the value of trying different ways to make writing engaging and intriguing.
Brilliant particle scientist Salva Seguir knows her multiverse-travel experiment is dangerous, but she won’t let that stop her from getting the credit she deserves for a major discovery.
A. Establish something shocking and point to the terrible things it could mean.
Salva Seguir’s experiment worked. Well, other than that it killed her and sent four other people hurtling into another reality.
B. Strong statement; question about something underhanded beneath the surface.
Salva Sequir knew her quantum wave theory experiment might kill someone. She never thought it would be her.
C. Question that points to hidden agendas, hidden identity, conspiracy, etc.
Salva Seguir wanted glory more than life itself. But when her risky experiment blew up, she was dead—and all she got was four people blasted into another reality and a chain of events that could lead to World War III.
D. Character 1 is convinced/worried/wondering that Character 2 has done _____________.
Salva Seguir is dead—and she’s sure Joshua Blank is to blame.
E. But maybe it is all wrong.
Salva Sequir is dead—and she’s sure Joshua Blank is to blame. Or maybe that’s just what she wants everyone to believe.
F. A Pattern that Leads to Future Consequences
Salva Seguir knew her quantum wave theory experiment would be dangerous. Not blasting-four-people-into-another-reality and setting off a race toward World War III dangerous. But, how do you know unless you try?
G. If he does ________________, that means ___Intrigue_____.
Just because Joshua Blank survived the blast that Salva Seguir engineered doesn’t mean he’s responsible. Right?
H. State the mystery.
What went wrong with Salva Sequir’s quantum wave theory experiment, and how did it start a chain of events that could lead up to World War III?
I. Should be/could be _______, but it is even worse.
Blasting a few people into another reality was on Salva Seguir’s list of risks she was willing to take to prove quantum wave theory. On the other hand, setting off a chain of events that could lead to World War III was not.
J. Intense language.
Salva Seguir wanted fame—and she was willing to risk dying in an experiment that could blast four people into another reality and set off a race to World War III to get it.
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