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Day 8 Assignments
Reply to post assignment.
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11 Replies
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Matthew Frendo’s “Extreme emotion!”
WHAT I LEARNED: I learned how to convey emotion properly in a description. This will make my script more enjoyable and engaging to the reader.
Name: Alicia
Traits: Protective, Brave, Crafty, Loner
Subtext: Crafty
EXT. ABANDONED CIRCUS – NIGHT
The guards shove them inside. The last guard pushes Alicia down hard, sneering at her.
None of them speak because no one knows what to say.
Alicia staggers to her feet.
ALICIA
So, that’s why I’m here.
Silence all around.
ALICIA
I know I lied, but–
KRISTEN
Are you fucking serious?
Alicia glances at her.
KRISTEN
You think we’re gonna be mad you lied?
Alicia shrugs, uncertain.
JOSH
I am so fucking in awe of you.
KRISTEN
Seriously, you’re like fucking Jesus.
Alicia gives a slight grin.
KRISTEN
You sacrficed way more than I ever would.
JOSH
Ever.
Alicia starts to smile, then stops.
ALICIA
Guys…
She looks away.
ALICIA
I can’t take the chance on that dickhead putting him in here.
KRISTEN
He won’t dare. You see how much the crowd was on our side?
Alicia just looks down.
JOSH
She’s not going to fight with us anymore.
KRISTEN
That’s not what she’s saying.
(to Alicia)
That’s not what you’re saying, is it?
Alicia can’t look at them out of shame.
ALICIA
Our plan worked too well.
KRISTEN
What the fuck does that mean?
JOSH
I saw it too. They liked us too much.
KRISTEN
What the hell did you guys secretly see?
JOSH
We needed them to like us enough to let us live. They liked us enough to possibly overthrow their entire system. Now, he has to make an example.
KRISTEN
Oh…fuck.
Alicia starts walking away, unable to say any more.
Before she goes far, Nick catches up with her.
NICK
Hey, I know I’m persona non grata. But just so you know, if I get out and you…
(a beat)
Well, I’ll make sure nothing happens to your brother. Ever.
Alicia nods.
ALICIA
I’ll do the same for your girl.
He nods, gulping hard, then walks off on his own.
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Cameron Martin’s Extreme Emotion!
What I learned doing this assignment is…It’s weird that I’ve been inspired to implement some of these skills a couple lessons before they’re introduced. Still, the exact frequency of how often to use emotional description is useful. I think the big takeaway is to communicate it only when it’s necessary to convey a very specific mindset, where the context of which is important for the dialogue to understood. I’ve been that purist before, and it left the dialogue “up to interpretation,” which unfortunately left said dialogue confusing. I’ll be sure to go through subsequent drafts with the intent of limiting the emotional description for when it’s necessary, and where I can easily argue the importance of keeping it; like when I provide insight to Isaiah’s frame of mind and the way he perceives the world, as it’s essential to understand the uniqueness with which he experiences it.
Sully – Sully – Inventive, Loving, Controlling, Disguising
(SCL- Conceal the feeling of dejavu of being responsible for the death of a loved one. Maintain composure and control)
Isaiah – Obsessive, Focused, Covering Up, Gentle
(SCL – Get “dad” to admit fault)
Scene chosen:
INT. SPACE COLONY – ALIEN SPORE NEST/VENTS – NIGHT
Sully, holding his breath, pulls Isaiah out of the nest and replaces Isaiah’s broken ventilation mask with his. He kills another host on his way back inside the colony, and seals the way in as best he can.
INT. SPACE COLONY LIVING QUARTERS – NIGHT
Sully is upset that Isaiah left the safety of the closet he was in, but expresses remorse about pushing Isaiah into the nest.
Sully – “I knew it was there. How could I forget? Why did I push you when I knew it was a mistake!?”
EXT. SPACE COLONY – WALKWAY – NIGHT
The vent grate blasts off the roof as Sully, overdosed on adrenaline, tears out onto the roof, yanking Isaiah behind him.
ISAIAH
Stop!
An alien host crawls out of the vent after them.
It is beyond the point of discussion for Sully. They are getting the hell out of there.
ISAIAH
YOU CAN’T GO THAT WAY!
Isaiah rages against his father’s grip like a rabbit in the clutches of a hawk’s talons, watching his father pull him into a trap.
Isaiah glances over the edge…
And bolts up and onto the railing, hoping for a chance to jump off of the roof before going down the walkway.
Sully, his sense of calm long gone and adrenaline flooding his brain, hurls Isaiah in front of him and down the ramp.
Isaiah stumbles to regain his footing…
And trips over the same spot he discovered before…
FALLING THROUGH THE WALKWAY!
Sully, seeing his son disappear, SPRINTS toward the chaos of the nest, where the boom box fell into the same hole Isaiah fell into.
Sully finds the hole…
Looking down…
And finding Isaiah with his mask broken, and his face smothered in spores.
ISAIAH
You killed me. You killed me! YOU FUCKING KILLED ME!
Sully reaches down, offering his hand – what have I done?
Isaiah stares at the hand, unsure of whether the hand belongs to someone who loves him or means him harm. He grabs hold of the hand.
Sully pulls him up, out of the pit. He takes a deep breath and holds it in, as he takes off his helmet and replaces Isaiah’s broken mask with his.
He lifts his son and runs like hell.
Behind him, the hosts are billowing out of the vent. In front of him, the worms are beginning the swarm; the deafening brown noise only calming the hive so much.
No matter – Sully beelines to the escape hatch.
He opens the hatch…
Sending Isaiah down…
With a torrent of horror closing fast on them.
INT. ESCAPE HATCH – NIGHT
Sully follows Isaiah into the hatch.
He closes the hatch door…
Onto the head of an infected!
Sully slides down the ladder, the mouth snapping shut just at the hair on top of his head.
He hits the bottom and collapses…
Looking up…
The hatch door thrown wide open, and the carnivores climbing down headfirst.
Sully dashes out the room…
Throwing the door shut behind him – fat chance of it holding.
INT. SPACE COLONY – HALLWAYS/LIVING QUARTERS – CONT.
He meets up with Isaiah, who’s rocking himself back and forth. His helmet’s removed and his hands are over his ears as he hums loudly. His eyes burning from the trickling of tears.
SULLY
(kneeling down)
Isaiah, we have to go.
ISAIAH
(shaking his head in denial)
LA! LA! LA! LA! LA! LA! LA! LA!
SULLY
We don’t have time for this! Do you want me to carry you or dd you want to carry yourself!?
ISAIAH
(eyes wide, defiant)
Fuck you! Fuck you! Fuck you!
Sully grabs his son – the little ungrateful shit!
Isaiah squirms, not letting Sully get a good grip.
Sully grabs Isaiah’s collar and drags him along the ground, hearing the frantic foot and palm steps heading straight for them.
INT. JUDE’S APARTMENT – NIGHT
Sully, still holding onto Isaiah’s collar.
Isaiah, running back into the room, hands over his ears.
Sully barricades the door – it’ll buy a few minutes, maybe more.
He turns to face Isaiah…
Who’s not there – not again.
Sully hears a door slam. He rushes for the source…
Finding the closet he originally locked Isaiah inside of.
SULLY
Oh! Now you want to stay in there!?
ISAIAH
Go away! Just save yourself like you always do!
SULLY
I was saving you! Why couldn’t you just listen to me! Why, just one time! Just—
Sully begins to break down in tears.
ISAIAH
You never listen to me! I know more about them than anyone! I’m an expert!
SULLY
You’re just a child…
ISAIAH
I’m a worm! I’ve always been just like THEM! I didn’t want to be one!
SULLY
We can’t stay here…
ISAIAH
Go away!
SULLY
Isaiah, open the door, please…
ISAIAH
You don’t care! You never cared!
SULLY
Stop it!
ISAIAH
I HATE you!
Sully stops himself, allowing the words to bite as deep as intended.
SULLY
I’m sorry. I don’t know why I push you when I know it’s a mistake. Or when I don’t push you when I should. I don’t know what I’m doing. I never have. I never…
(formulating the right words)
I miss your mother. I miss the way she understood. I miss the way she spoke. Her voice. I wish you could’ve heard it. She would know what to do. She was everything you deserved. God, I…I couldn’t do this without her. And I hate myself, more than you do, for letting an accident bar me from even trying. I’m so, so imperfect for you. But from the first time you smiled at me, I’ve never stopped loving you.
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Dev Ross – DAY 8 – Extreme Emotion
What I learned is that by simply thinking – economy, essence, emotion, it completely changed how I wrote the scene.
Clay: Self-righteous, angry, frustrated, wants his wife to be obedient, to admit how right he is, apologize.
Hanna: Sexually frustrated, afraid, wants her husband to make love to her, to pay attention to her.
INT. BEDROOM – NIGHT
Clay yanks Hannah into the bedroom, slams the door so hard, the wardrobe mirror hung on the back of it shatters.
CLAY
How could you be so stupid! You want another cross burnt on our lawn?!
Hannah goes for normalcy, crosses to closet, hangs up her coat.
HANNAH
The car broke down. I was stuck.
He jerks her back toward him.
CLAY
Then why didn’t you call me? I would’ve have come for you.
She thrusts herself back from him.
HANNAH
I did! Over and over! But you didn’t answer!
Hannah rocks her adrenaline now.
HANNAH
Probably busy with a Klan meeting where no one shows up!
She tries to push past him.
CLAY
Where you going?
HANNAH
To get a broom and dustbin to clean up your mess.
CLAY
My mess? Your mess! Why don’t you think things out? Our neighbors could’ve seen you!
HANNAH
So what?!
Clay whacks her hard across the face.
Hannah almost crumbles – but refuses.
HANNAH
So, we’re back to you hitting me now?
Clay paces, trying to release what’s building up before he does real damage.
CLAY
I wouldn’t have to if you acted like an adult! Marrying you when you were so young was a mistake. I’ve sheltered you and now you can’t take care of yourself!
Hannah snorts a bitter laugh. She grabs the hemline of her nurse’s uniform, yanks it up, and then sticks her hand down the front of her panties and rubs.
HANNAH
(Her voice packed with pleasure)
Ooo, yeah, I can. A girl who marries an older man, she’s got to learn to take care of herself.
Clay throws her to the ground and straddles her.
HANNAH
You finally going to fuck me?
Clay’s face explodes in rage. He grabs her by the hair and flattens her face with punch after punch after punch…
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DAY 8 Emotional Description
Lisa’s “Extreme emotion!”
What I learned is stopping and asking myself ‘what do I want to convey in this scene, literally and emotionally’ keeps me from writing too much but writing enough to get the action and overall feeling across.
CHARACTERS:
PETER WINTERS
Traits: Depressed, Kind, Lost, Desperate
Subtext: Fear: Afraid of failure and of losing his business; Afraid of losing his daughters; Afraid of not living up to his “hero” status
Character Logline: Peter is a war veteran hero who is about to lose his snowmobile business due to no snowfall, and he knows that Santa Claus is real from his time in the government, so he will use that knowledge to try to save his business.
MA JENKINS
Traits: Steadfast, Wise, Giving
Subtext: Ma wants to repay the world for her rough and hell-raising days of her youth. She needs to show the town that she’s worthy of forgiveness.
Character Logline: Ma Jenkins is a Black woman of 81 years old, and she opens her home and her kitchen to the down and out in town as well as those just passing through.
SKIPPER ABLE
Traits: Juvenile, Curious, Cute
Subtext: Wants to know what’s going on at all times. Hates to be left out.
Character Logline: Skipper is Ma Jenkins’ 5-year-old Black grandson who loves staying at grandmas because she has a boarding house where he can meet all kinds of strange people who tell him about the world.
AKIO MCGEE
Traits: Numb, Self-conscious
Subtext: Wants to find the basics every day – food and shelter. Maybe the occasional handout or to make a friend.
Character Logline: Akio is a 47-year-old bi-racial man who looks older due to the rugged life he’s leading and chooses to ignore how he got here.
SCENE from “Mary’s Wonderful Christmas”
INT-JENKINS BOARDING HOUSE KITCHEN-MORNING
MA JENKINS is an 81-year-old Black woman whose roadmap of a face shows her years of hardship. She’s at the 1960’s gold stove whipping up a hearty breakfast for her main guest. Enter PETER WINTERS, a tall 40-year-old, the man Mary saved from drowning 3 years ago, and Mary’s brooding ex-husband who is also a war veteran. SKIPPER ABLE is Ma’s curious 5-year-old grandson whom Ma is watching for the day. As Peter enters the kitchen…
MA
Skip! Stand up.
SKIPPER
Why?
MA
(hitting Skipper’s arm) Stand up, a war hero is entering the room.
PETER
Good morning.
MA
Skip.
SKIPPER
Good morning.
MA
(scoldingly) Good morning, what?
SKIPPER
(exaggerating) Good morning, SIR.
PETER
Please sit down.
Ma glares at Skipper as if to say, “don’t you dare!”
Peter sits at the old wooden wobbly table on the bench side against the cloudy window of the tiny kitchen. The old Victorian needs loads of remodeling, starting with the kitchen.
MA
(to Skipper) You may sit now.
Skipper sits in the chair at the end of the table. Skipper stares at Peter. Ma places Peter’s breakfast of eggs, bacon, and toast in front of him. Then serves Skipper. Peter pushes the eggs around…he really doesn’t like to eat breakfast, but he does it to show respect for Ma.
PETER
Good as always, Ma
MA
Glad you like it. You have work today?
PETER
I’m heading over to Mr. Reed to work on his porch and Mrs. Thomas asked me to stop by to look at her lawn. I’ll probably stop at the rectory to see if pastor Frank needs anything too.
MA
Sounds like a busy day.
There is a knock on the back door of the kitchen. Ma opens the door. A disheveled and somewhat dirty hobo is standing there in a torn coat with a plastic trash bag in his hands. He appears to be of some ethnicity, but it’s hard to tell below the dirtiness. It is common for those jumping the rails to stop by because of Ma’s famous hospitality.
MAN
Ma’am. I heard you could give a man something to eat if I knocked on your door.
MA
No one is turned away here. (hands the man a hand towel) Wash up out there and leave your bag.
The man goes to a garden hose and washes up. He stands at the back door waiting for permission to enter.
MA
Come on in and sit down now.
MAN
Ma’am, I can’t pay.
MA
No matter. Come on in.
The man enters the kitchen and sits in one of the peeling mixed matched chairs across from Peter. Ma’s fixing the man a plate. Skipper makes a face at the man.
SKIPPER
What is your name, SIR? (emphasizing the sir for Ma)
MAN
Akio McGee. What’s yours?
SKIPPER
Skipper Able.
AKIO
Fine name, Skipper Able.
Akio raises and shakes hands with Peter. Peter doesn’t flinch because he is used to meeting strange men in Ma’s kitchen…happens almost every day.
PETER
Peter. (shaking hands) Akio. That’s an unusual name.
AKIO
It’s Japanese. My mother was Japanese, my father black.
PETER
(without looking up from his plate) We’re all something. I’m always saying I’m going to do one of those ancestry things, but I’ve never gotten around to it. Ma, what are you?
MA
Don’t you know you’re not supposed to ask a lady that?
PETER
(to Akio) That means she doesn’t know either.
MA
I know I’m Black and that’s all I need to know in this world.
PETER
(embarrassed) I shouldn’t have asked.
Ma has given Akio his breakfast and he is shoveling it in…probably hasn’t eaten for days. Ma puts more eggs on his plate.
AKIO
Thank you, ma’am.
MA
(to Peter) Oh, I almost forgot to give you your mail.
Ma takes the red envelope out of her apron pocket and hands it to Peter. Peter stares at it frozen, petrified. Skipper leans up on the table.
SKIPPER
Well, aren’t ya going to open it?
PETER
I’ve got to head over to Mr. Reed’s. Thanks for the breakfast, Ma.
MA
You’re welcome. If you get hungry later, I’m making chili in case we get more company.
Ma motions to Skipper to stand up. Skipper slowly, loudly pushes his chair away from the table and stands. Peter stuffs the envelope in his pants pocket. He busses his place and takes his dishes to the sink. Then hurries out the back door.
SKIPPER
(Looking out the back door) Why’s he always in such a hurry?
MA
He’s a busy man, helping out people every day in this town.
Ma comes to the back door and looks out too. The old Victorian house is set way back from the street with a long walk. They watch Peter slowly going down the walk reading his letter.
MA (CONTINUED)
I sure hope he can get his shop working again and meet a nice lady friend. (turning to Skipper) You take note Skip, there goes a great man who has sacrificed a lot for many, a war hero, a conscientious father, a friend to all. Don’t matter that he has some problems.
Ma leans down to Skipper’s face and pauses to take in his youthful face…and smiles.
MA (CONTINUED)
He is loved.
Ma kisses Skipper’s nose.
MA (CONTINUED)
Now get upstairs and get ready for school.
Skipper starts off down the hallway toward the front foyer and the staircase, then turns around and walks back to the kitchen.
SKIPPER
Goodbye, Mr. McGee, SIR.
AKIO
Mind your teachers, Skipper.
Skipper runs full steam to the foyer again and up the stairs.
MA (CONTINUED)
(yelling after Skipper) And don’t forget to brush your teeth! (turning to Akio) Can I get you some more eggs and bacon, Mr. McGee?
AKIO
Ma, you are a fine cook. I wouldn’t mind just a little more if you can spare it.
MA
(with a hearty laugh) No one goes hungry at Ma Jenkin’s!
FADE OUT
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Anna Harper’s Extreme Emotion
DAY 8
What I learned from this assignment; I learned to be more succinct and get to the essence of the emotion.
SILENT NIGHT ANNA HARPER (CORBETT)
DYLAN
DYLAN is a 13-year-old boy. He has been electively silent,(mute), since the death of his mother two years ago.
CHARACTER TRAITS
Anxious, a loner, egocentric, locked into grief for his deceased mother, entering his coming of age years.
SUBTEXT CHARACTER LOGLINE
I want to stay in my bubble of silence. I feel trapped in my bubble. I am lonely. No one understands me.
SCHOOLYARD BULLY BOYS
TRAITS. Enjoy playing at being young thugs. It’s all a game without consequences to them. The boys have observed thug behavior in soccer matches with their dad and think it is a desirable way of winning approval.
SUBTEXT LOGLINE
We are just having some fun and what’s wrong with that?
MICKEY
TRAITS
Fun-loving, warm, gregarious. Does not take any nonsense from anyone. Belongs to PETRA.
SUBTEXT LOGLINE
I really should have been born in the 60s.
EXT.SCHOOL/DAY
DYLAN exits the school nervously looks around, and starts to run, looking back towards the school, he sees a pack of boys begin to follow him. They all start to run.
NOTES
Dylan nervously exits the school, checking behind him for his tormentors. The pack of feral schoolboys run after Dylan with intent.
EXT.VILLAGE STREET/DAY
SCHOOLBOYS
Shouting
Weirdo, Dumbo, retard, you haven’t got a mother, that’s why you are a lame weirdo.
NOTE Come on let’s see if you can fight wimpy kid.
EXT. VILLAGE HIGH STREET SHOPPING AREA/DAY
The boys continue to run after a terrified Dylan. Dylan runs panting, stumbling, and flings himself into the bakery shop doorway, opens the shop door, then hides inside.
NOTE Dylan is terrified as the sounds of the boys taunting move closer. Panting, his eyes wide with fear he stumbles into the bakery shop and hides underneath the shop window
INT.BAKERY/DAY
The bakery is festooned with Christmas garlands, snowflakes decorate the window. Piles of Christmas goodies are on display. A young attractive woman, MICKEY the baker is behind the counter. She has Cornish red hair, pale Cornish skin, and a Kaleo tattoo on her forearm. Her hair is tied up in a red bandana and she wears large hoop earrings. The Charlie Brown Theme is playing.
NOTE
The bakery is festooned with Christmas garlands, snowflakes decorate the window. Piles of Christmas goodies are on display. A young attractive woman, MICKEY the baker is behind the counter. Mickey looks concerned. The Charlie Brown Theme is playing.in the background.
MICKEY
Hey fella, what’s up, what’s happening? Are you alright? Are those boys giving you a hard time? Can I help you, my friend? Do you want me to kick their ass?
The boys run past the window. Dylan is panting out of breath. Dylan checks they are down the street and then runs out the door, doorbells ringing behind him in the opposite direction, and disappears around a back alley corner.
Horrified he hears the boys yelling, taunting, getting closer. He runs up another side alley behind the Fresh from the Sea fish and chip shop. Desperate, he lifts the lid of a large filthy garbage skiff, climbs in, and closes the lid on himself.
INT.GARBAGE SKIFF/DAY
Panting, coughing, and starting to cry in the darkened, garbage-filled skiff. The sound of the boys bullying voices, calling Dylan names, threatening, fade into the distance.
Dylan emerges from under the trash, dazed. There are sounds of rustling in the trash, Dylan is terrified, crying, he huddles in the corner.
DYLAN V.O.
Rats, there are rats in here!
A huge scruffy all-black Newfoundland dog emerges from under the trash with a large piece of fish and chip wrapper in his mouth. Dylan screams out loud.
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Kate’s Extreme Emotion
What I learned doing this assignment is that a conscious choice in description really sharpens the pace and tone of the story.
DARROGH
Greedy, Supremely confident, Smooth, (Lonely, Suspicious)
Possible areas of subtext: takes advantage of everyone, thinks his daughter will treat/cheat him as he ‘thinks’ her mother did, uses money as protection against intimacy, has all the modern hi-end security, believes that being rich makes him safe, tries to buy people’s loyalty/friendship
NIA
Kind, Hopeful, Manic, Principled, (In Denial, Self-censoring)
Possible areas of subtext: she insists D will change, she believes love can fix everything, she doubts other versions of her ‘truth/story’, she brushes away help and support, she almost turns down real love, she doesn’t speak up to D even when she doesn’t agree with him
INT.DARROGH’S HOUSE- LIVING ROOM
Darrogh sits in the largest armchair facing the door, reading the paper, or pretending to, a whiskey on the rocks in a glass by his side.
The hall clock begins to chime 8pm.
The front door opens.
Darrogh carefully folds his paper, picks up his glass, and waits.
We hear Nia singing an upbeat song to herself before she enters on the final chime.
She stops, surprised to see him.
DARROGH
I trust you had dinner somewhere?
NIA
Hi Dad. Yes, with some friends. I’m sorry I didn’t call, we just got – busy. Rehearsal.
Nia crosses to him, ready to give him a hug but something in his cat-like demeanor stops her and she veers to the sideboard bar.
NIA
Join you in a nightcap?
DARROGH
Yes, I’d like that. Rehearsing what? I thought the play was over.
Nia focuses on pouring the drink – she hasn’t seen him like this before.
NIA
We’re thinking we’ll do one more short play before we go. Sort of a thank you to the town, that kind of thing.
Nia sits in another armchair not too close, her legs curled under her as Darrogh stares at her, trying to read her face.
DARROGH
‘We’ go?
NIA
I still think of the troupe as ‘we’.. but really, I just mean everyone will go home, like we do – after the tour.
Nia takes a nervous drink, a knot of anxiety tightening in her stomach.
DARROGH
Who is at these rehearsals?
NIA
The troupe – you know, the Tribe.
DARROGH
I don’t know. I haven’t met them. I’ve seen some of you on stage, under costumes and make-up, but we don’t ‘hang out’. I wouldn’t know any of them if they came to my door!
NIA
Maybe we could have a party here? Before they all go.
DARROGH
Maybe. Who would you want to invite?
NIA
Well, the troupe of course and some of the local… Who would you invite Dad?
DARROGH
I know who I wouldn’t invite.
NIA
Oh?
Darrogh finishes his drink, buying time as he works out how to say what he wants to say.
DARROGH
Nia, it has been brought to my attention that you’ve been seeing quite a lot of – some of the local people.
NIA
Yes, I like them.
DARROGH
Yes, most are fine people. BUT – and this is very important – not all.
Nia shifts in the seat and takes a slug on her drink.
NIA
Who do you mean?
DARROGH
Lucianna Sanchez.
NIA
Why? She’s been very kind to me.
Darrogh’s left hand clenches slightly even as the one holding his glass stays steady.
DARROGH
There is some history there you don’t know about.
NIA
Then tell me.
Her challenge rings in the air and after a brief moment, he accepts it.
DARROGH
Luciana is the reason your Mother died.
NIA
No, that’s not true. My Mother committed suicide.
DARROGH
And why do you think that was?
NIA
I… I . Tell me. I want to hear it from you.
Darrogh stands and paces, unable to face the accusation in her voice.
DARROGH
Lucianna – an old friend of your Mothers’ – came to our home to visit. She stayed way too long. She was an evil influence on your Mother who was innocent, naive and easily led.
NIA
What do you mean?
DARROGH
(his voice breaking)
Luciana seduced your Mother. Made her do vile things. So bad that I had to ask her to leave, to save your Mother but it was too late.
The world is beginning to crash around Nia as she struggles to put what Lucianna had told her with what her Father is saying.
DARROGH
She took her own life 6 months later. The shame was too much for her.
NIA
It’s not bad to be… I mean if she…
Darrogh sees her struggle and decides to go in for the kill.
DARROGH
Your mother was naive. She didn’t know what she wanted. Tell me. When you’re with Luciana does she sit close? Does she touch you? Give you gifts?
NIA
Yes, but just .. How do you know this?
DARROGH
I have one good and faithful friend in this town and he looks out for me. I asked him to keep an eye on you – make sure you’re safe. You weren’t.
Nia stares at him silently pleading it is not true.
DARROGH
She is a Brujas Negras – she has spells and will overpower anyone. Stay away from her.
Nia finally stands and carefully puts her half-finished drink down.
NIA
I have to go to bed .. There’s too much..
Darrogh instantly softens his stance and meets her eyes gently.
DARROGH
It’s a shock I know. But you understand now, right?
NIA
Yes I know why you..
She begins out of the room then turns back.
NIA
Is it Bill? Your friend who’s looking out for me?
DARROGH
Yes.
Nia leaves quietly. Darrogh sits, drains his drink and puts his head in his hands.
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June Fortunato’s ” Extreme Emotion” day 8 boldness
What I learned: “Visual then internal” is a helpful tip. Also, as I write, I find new traits or better ways to express the traits of my characters.
Kim Kirby TRAITS Wounded, angry, betrayed, acts fearlessly, clever, masks her vulnerability by play acting, deep empathy. Distributes goodies as well as steals. Veneer of normal and anything but. Sneaky vandalism. Deeply fearful. Kim’s speech? She declares. LOGLINE Kim wants her inheritance which was stolen by her brother so Kim escapes his brutality, and sneakily damages the house again and again to make her point.
INT. BELLEVUE HOTEL – GYM ENTRANCE – AFTERNOON – CONTINUOUS
Kim, playacting “normal” glides to the front desk with Marilyn’s gym pass. As she hands it to the young attendant.
KIM
The traffic today! You’d think it was raining.
The front desk person – one vibrant muscle of a girl, smiles.
FRONT DESK
I dunno. I walk everywhere. It warms me up for my workout.
KIM
You’re a smart cookie!
This pleases the girl. She slides the pass through a machine and it beeps. Something’s awry. She
tries again. Another beep.
KIM
That stupid pass. I think it’s bent. (Confidentially) I accidentally sat on it at Chao’s last week.
She laughs.
Oh well! Some dinners are worth it.
FRONT DESK
Yum. I’ve never been.
KIM
I’ll treat you sometime.
FRONT DESK
Wow. Cool.
KIM
Do you think you can issue me a replacement?
FRONT DESK
Sure. No problem. I’ll get right on that.
She returns the pass to Kim.
FRONT DESK
Have a great work out.
KIM
You know I will.
She did it again. Kim does a little hop-skip as she gets to the lockers. She peels off her clothes to
reveal her lovely bathing suit.
Kim heads for the pool, and the front desk girl reluctantly follows an older, well-coifed woman
who finds Kim.
SUPERVISOR GYM
Excuse me.
Kim turns.
KIM
Oh, you have my new pass already!
Refers to the sheepish girl.
KIM
She’s a gem.
SUPERVISOR GYM
No. No. Unfortunately, your account is suspended.
KIM
That’s not possible.
SUPERVISOR GYM
“Suspension due to medical leave.”
Kim’s surprised and quickly recovers.
KIM
Oh that. I had a little mishap. As you can see, I’m excellent now.
SUPERVISOR GYM
Perfect. I’m glad to hear it Ms. Carter. But I’m afraid you’ll have to go to the office. Second
floor. They’ll be happy to straighten this out for you.
KIM
You bet. I’ll go right after my swim.
SUPERVISOR GYM
Unfortunately, we need to have this resolved before you can work out today. I’m sorry.
Standing behind her supervisor, the young girl gestures an embarrassed apology.
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PS81 – Dana’s Extreme Emotion
What I learned from this assignment:
This scene leads to the climax of my story. The intensity of each character builds to the final moment, and expressing their emotions is short, economical lines kept the story moving, creating a fast read.
Character Name: Ellen Landry
Traits: sympathetic, hopeful, ambitious, anxious/insecure
Subtext: withholding, manipulative
Character Logline: Ellen is forced to play a dangerous, on-air game of life and death to save her kidnapped family from a violent ex-patient.
Possible Areas of Subtext: Ellen is forced to reveal secrets about her past family life to save her family.
Character Name: Ryan – violent personality
Traits: sadistically polite, calculating, violent, sinister
Subtext: Devious
Character Logline: Ryan masterminds the kidnapping Ellen’s family to satiate his sociopathic appetite by threatening to kill them on-air.
Possible Areas of Subtext: Ryan blackmails Ellen into revealing details of her past to entertain the on-air audience.
Character Name: William – suicidal alter
Traits: angry, vengeful, suicidal, jealous
Subtext: Devious
Character Logline: William attempts suicide in retribution against Jason’s alters who mistreated him to prevent them from winning and suppressing him.
Possible Areas of Subtext: William hates Jason’s other alters, jealous of the attention they receive, and prevents them from winning at any cost.
SCENE
INT. ON AIR STUDIO – SAME
Ellen’s anguish turns to rage upon her Ryan’s voice.
RYAN
I told you. No-one else. This is you and me. You broke the rules.
ELLEN
She wasn’t talking with you. She was talking to Jason.
A sudden gasp of realization, impressed.
RYAN
That’s very slippery of you, Dr. Ellen. Very slippery.
(he laughs)
You’re beginning to play the game.
Ellen moves closer to the microphone.
ELLEN
I’m not playing. Not anymore. Not by your rules.
RYAN
Have you forgotten your daughters already, doctor?
ELLEN
They never leave my thoughts. But this isn’t about them. Or me. Or my husband…
(anguished)
Or even Jason.
RYAN
No?
ELLEN
No.
RYAN
Then who?
ELLEN
You.
RYAN
Ooh… My favorite subject.
ELLEN
Then tell me, Ryan. Do you consider yourself a sociopath or a psychopath? I haven’t quiet decided yet.
RYAN
Now we’re cooking.
ELLEN
They share similar qualities. But I’m leaning toward — psychopath.
RYAN
I’m all ears.
ELLEN
Sociopaths are shaped by their environment, from years of systemic abuse. Where psychopaths, like you, are born.
RYAN
Keep going…
ELLEN
When you close your eyes, what are your memories? Do you see your childhood? Your family? Friends? Do you see your mother’s smile? Can you hear your father’s laugh? Or were you just… born one day?
Ryan – steady BREATHING.
ELLEN (CONT’D)
Your charm enables you to maintain the pretence of a normal life, but you choose to live alone. And your relationships are fake and without meaning. You’re measured and calm, meticulous, not prone to outburst or impulse, and never spontaneous. But you’re easily bored and need constant stimulation. Like this.
INT. CONTROL BOOTH – CONTINUOUS
Claire looks to Sorensen, stunned by Ellen’s actions.
CLAIRE
What is she doing?
SORENSEN
Taking control.
INT. ON AIR STUDIO – CONTINUOUS
ELLEN
You’re highly intelligent but cold and calculating, given to grandiose lies to impress others. You deceive and manipulate, view people as mere things and have no sense of empathy or remorse.
(beat)
Let me know when you disagree.
RYAN
I will…
ELLEN
But there is one condition that sets you apart.
RYAN
Pray tell…
ELLEN
Psychopaths live parasitic lives. They feed on a host for survival. They hunger for power and control but none of the responsibility or the hard work that comes with the life they want.
RYAN
Tell me, doctor. Which one of your daughters do you love the least?
ELLEN
Isn’t this the reason you’ve come to me? To excise this homeless man from your life? To find a new host for you to feed on? Someone to provide the entitled life you and the others deserve? Isn’t this the purpose to which you were born?
RYAN
What are you proposing, doctor?
ELLEN
You said you’ve yet to meet the others. Maybe it’s time you did.
RYAN
A group session? Will you serve canapes and hors d’oeuvres?
ELLEN
Jason was my patient originally. And I’ve read Dr. Sullivan’s notes on the others. With your help, we might be able to encourage one to come forward and test you’re compatibility.
RYAN
(thinking)
Our compatibility? Hmm.
(beat)
Why not? It might be fun to meet Jason’s contemporaries. Tell me about them.
ELLEN
You’ve met Bobby.
RYAN
A nice boy. I liked him. But he’s perpetually twelve.
ELLEN
There’s Charles, the starving artists. He enjoys poetry and philosophy.
RYAN
Boor-ring.
ELLEN
Joseph, the bird enthusiast. Spends his days in Golden Gate Park bird watching. Unfortunately, he suffers from allergies.
RYAN
Next.
ELLEN
Daniel is a war veteran. Suffers from PSSD and is blind.
RYAN
These are Jason’s betters?
ELLEN
There was one I remember, someone you may like. He had a steady job and enjoyed classical music, fine foods and wine.
RYAN
I think I like him already. What was his name?
ELLEN
His name —
(she looks at Sorensen)
is William.
INT. CONTROL BOOTH – CONTINUOUS
Sorensen sits up, instantly aware of her intent.
INT. COMMAND CENTER – SAME
Sullivan’s in panic mode.
SULLIVAN
She can’t do this! I have to stop her.
PHIL
What is it? What’s wrong?
SULLIVAN
I have to talk with Detective Sorensen — immediately!
Phil grabs the phone.
INT. ON AIR STUDIO – DAY
Ellen fully engaged. Nothing will stop her.
RYAN
And how to you intend to introduce me to William?
ELLEN
By asking him to join us.
RYAN
Just like that?
ELLEN
Just like that.
RYAN
Then by all means…
INT. CONTROL BOOTH – SAME
The DEDICATED LINE blinks. Sorensen answers.
PHIL (O.S.)
(on headset)
Jack? Dr. Sullivan wants —
SULLIVAN (O.S.)
(on headset)
— Detective, you can’t let her do this! She doesn’t know what she is doing. This is dangerous!
SORENSEN
It’s not your show, doc.
SULLIVAN
But he’s MY patient!
SORENSEN
And they’re her children. Fuck off!
Sorensen hangs up. He meets Ellen’s eye — do it!
INT. ON AIR STUDIO – CONTINUOUS
Ellen acknowledges Sorensen.
ON MICROPHONE
Ellen’s leans in, her lips close and caressing. Her lover’s voice seductive and inviting.
ELLEN
William?
(beat)
William? Can hear me? I know you’re there. I’d like to speak with you.
(beat)
I know you’re afraid, William. But you needn’t to be. It’s me. Ellen.
INT. CONTROL BOOTH – SAME
Sorensen and Claire totally absorbed.
ON SORENSEN
Eyes darting, not watching.
ELLEN (O.S.)
I know what the others have done to you. How they hurt you.
INT. COMMAND CENTER – SAME
Command team frozen, mesmerized by Ellen’s seduction.
ELLEN (O.S.)
(on radio)
I know how alone you must feel. In the dark. Frightened.
INT. ON AIR STUDIO – SAME
ON MICROPHONE
Ellen licks her lips, quivering.
ELLEN
It’s time to be brave, to step out from the dark.
(beat)
William? Listen to the sound of my voice. Reach for me. Take my hand. I’m here waiting for you.
(beat)
William? William…?
A silent beat.
ON SORENSEN — waiting, listening
ON COMMAND TEAM — all frozen — Come on, come on.
BACK TO ELLEN — HER EYES
Searching, waiting, hopeful… then… through her headset, a slow, swelling LAUGH begins to mock her.
RYAN
(calling)
William? William? Olly Olly all come free.
INT. CONTROL BOOTH
Sorensen snaps — shit!
INT. COMMAND CENTER
The group discharges a collective groan.
Everyone but Sullivan, who’s relieved.
INT. ON AIR STUDIO – CONTINUOUS
Ellen slumps in defeat.
RYAN
I don’t think William wants to play, Dr. Ellen.
Ellen wants to speak, but the words fail her.
RYAN (CONT’D)
Would you like to try another game? Kick the can? Duck, Duck, Goose? Marco Polo?
(a gasp)
I know. How about Red Rover?
(calling)
Red Rover, Red rover, let WILLIAM come over!
Ryan LAUGHS… and LAUGHS… and LAUGHS…
Tears river off Ellen’s cheeks.
The LAUGHING stops…
We HEAR someone GROAN, in pain… a GASPING BREATH… then VOICES, resisting, struggling… a sharp GROAN… GROWLING, fighting… a releasing GROAN, someone set free… a deep, satisfying SIGH… then BREATHING, recovering…
ELLEN
(soft, unsure)
…William…?
WILLIAM
(exhausted)
Hello, Dr. Ellen. It’s nice to hear your voice again.
ELLEN
Hello, William. It’s nice to hear your voice, too.
INT. COMMAND CENTER – SAME
The team, amazed – she did it!
INT. CONTROL BOOTH – SAME
Sorensen pleased. He knew she could do it.
INT. ON AIR STUDIO – CONTINUOUS
Ellen wipes her tears, gaining her control.
WILLIAM
I want to apologize for what happened in our last session, doctor. I wasn’t… myself.
ELLEN
I understand. More than you know.
WILLIAM
Thank you. I wasn’t sure if —
(realizing, panic)
Oh, shit! Wait! No. What? Wait! What is this? Where am I?
ELLEN
William, it’s okay. It’s okay. Stay calm. Don’t be afraid. Listen to my voice. Stay calm.
WILLIAM
What’s happening? Where am I?
(beat)
Oh, my God. Is that man… is he dead? Oh my God!
The image of her husband chokes Ellen’s words, and she fights — Fight!
ELLEN
William? William!
WILLIAM
Yes?
ELLEN
Something bad happened, and you’re in shock. But it wasn’t your fault. You need to know that. And you need to stay calm. To be strong. Can you be strong for me?
WILLIAM
Yes.
ELLEN
You’ve been gone for a long time. Things have changed. And the others heve kept you in the dark.
WILLIAM
Because of what I did?
ELLEN
Jason met someone new. Someone… powerful. His name is Ryan. And he wanted to meet you.
WILLIAM
Why?
ELLEN
Ryan speaks for the others now. And they believe it’s time for you, all of you, to separate from Jason.
(struggling)
And I agree with them.
She turns away from the microphone, her emotions torn. She’s violating her oath.
-
Alice’s Extreme Emotion!
What I learned is,
I must work more on it, I addmit. But that is OK, it’s ahead. Because I mostly tried to construct the scene. But, this is a good scene to make Extreme Emotions. Sometimes you do assignment, and then you see, it could be done better, or you see, how it could be done. This is this case. I confess, I wanted to check on it next morning after writing it, then I didn’t, and it went left this way. Now I cannot, so I will leave it to be changed a bit later.
Part 2
ESCAPE
INT. WARD’S ROOM – AFTERNOON
Nocking on the door.
MALE RESIDENT (O.S.)
You’ve got boxes delivered!
Ward unlocks the door, leaving it ajar.
Le-na’s step mom enters.
STEP MOTHER
Open? What’s with Le-na?
WARD
LENA goes outside. I’ve written a report. And already sent it!
Ward closes portfolio before him, and throws on the table.
Le-na’s step mom follows after portfolio with expression-lacking look, full of considerations. Exits slowly.
Desperate man in a frenzy rushes inside toward Ward.
DESPERATE MAN
Let me out also!
WARD
Hmm…
DESPERATE MAN
Here, I will give you money!
Desperate man pulls out heap of banknotes, offering them to Ward.
Ward smiles faintly. Personifies Resolution.
WARD
I cannot!
Desperate man rushes away.
Male resident enters with the box.
MALE RESIDENT
Here are your boxes!
WARD
Drop them here!
Male resident drops box on the floor. And disappears back into corridor.
Desperate man rushes in, straight for the Ward, and fires into him. Deafening BANG of a shot. Man rushes away in his frenzy.
Ward remains, dropped dead on the chair. Blood spot starts spreading over his breast.
Le-na sits, motionless, on the bed, as she was, legs tucked under her. It’s a ruining shock.
Le-na’s step parents run inside, crash the box open, grabbing at goodies in utter hurry.
Step mom glances up at Le-na. Le-na seems different.
STEP MOTHER
Why did you wash yourself?
Le-na is frozen in a silence.
Step mother pulls at her, and checks it under the skirt. Le-na wrinks her face in repulsion.
STEP MOTHER
How’s that? He didn’t fuck her!
Step Dad glances up on Le-na from his preoccupation.
STEP FARTHER
Why would he keep her for so long?
STEP MOTHER
I don’t know. But that’s all right, we will fix that now!
She picks at small jar out of goodies and pushes it under Le-na’s skirt.
Pain reflects on girl’s face. As her step ma insists on that with intention. Sudden realization lands on Le-na. She screams and starts fighting.
Step ma hits her over the head. Le-na gets unconscious from pain.
INT. WARD’S ROOM – AFTERNOON
Le-na reawakes. Room is soaked with light of afternoon sun. Apartment is utterly robbed.
Le-na gets up. Light trembles around her over empty place.
In this space on wall’s background Ward’s figure manifests, perceived by her, as he comes for her sake out of subtle world.
Le-na hears steps of her Step Ma, coming.
Voice of Ward in her head. He speaks, directing.
WARD (V.O.)
If you won’t kill her, she will kill you.
Le-na looks around. Nothing resembling a weapon.
LENA (V.O.)
What with?
WARS (V.O.)
Do you see this jar?
He speaks about large jar, left behind by sweet residents.
WARD (V.O.)
There is acid in it. If pour it over person, one would die.
LENA picks at the jar and unscrews the top, right on time, as her step ma enters, assured, with expression of satisfaction.
Le-na pours content across right on her face.
That one jerks hands to her face, moaning, and drops down into room’s corner. Motionless.
WARD (V.O.)
Pick up report, and go upstairs.
Le-na picks at portfolio and heads out.
INT. ATTIC – AFTERNOON
On this huge attic with glass roof over, now lit by setting sun, postboxes are fit along the wall.
WARD (V.O.)
How long me to tell you, what to do?
LENA finds correct postbox, and drops portfolio in it, then pulls at lever. Pneumatic mechanism works. Flat parcel flies up swiftly inside transparent column up to the ceiling.
Pause.
In silence, steps go. Lady newcomer in a beret descends down from the roof.
Newcomer sees the girl, and boldly steps straightforward, stops with air of superiority opposite of her and spectacularly produces hand gun, aiming it at LENA.
LENA combats, swiftly swinging head down, with her foot hitting woman hard in the middle of her chest. Woman falls backward on the floor, as LENA jumps over, pushing armed hand aside. They FIGHT.
Gun slides away. LENA gets up. Woman, ruined, moves.
LENA picks at the gun, and shoots woman down.
WARD (V.O.)
GO UP. Helicopter still must be there!
EXT. ROOF TOP – AFTERNOON INTO EVENING
LENA gets out and runs over roof toward helicopter. Terrible noise working blades. Pilot unloads last portion of boxes.
LENA
Bring me out of here!
PILOT
We cannot bring residents out. That is not permitted.
Continues with his job, pulling pallet out.
LENA
I came here by mistake! I was stolen!
Pilot stops unloading.
PILOT
Is that true?
LENA
That is so natural!
Pilot ponders that over.
LENA
Do! You will be paid!
Pilot makes up his mind.
PILOT
All right. Get into cabin!
EXT. HELICOPTER CABIN – EARLY EVENING
Pilot works at the buttons. They take into air.
PILOT
What’s your address?
LENA
QUIET STREET, SMALL HOUSE!
There cannot be such address! Pilot gets he was deceived. Considerations on his face.
WARD (V.O.)
Do you see this red button? Press at it!
LENA presses at red button. Radio line connects. LENA screams.
LENA
PLEASE, help me out of here!
WARD (V.O.)
Now quickly move behind!
LENA squeezes at rear seat and pulls gun out, aiming it at pilot’s back.
VOICE ON THAT END (O.S.)
What is it?
PILOT
Everything is fine! Helicopter comes back from destination!
VOICE O THAT END (O.S.)
No, I heard female voice!
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Day 8: – Writing with Boldness – Anita’s EXTREME EMOTION
What I learned: These 2 scenes are the end of Act One. I always knew I needed a gut punch here – at the moment where Danica gives up her baby. These are just the tools needed for the job.
Character Name: DANICA (Dani) BRAHMS
Traits: Success-oriented, Driven, Self-sufficient / Independent
Subtext: Secretive / Evasive, In denial
Character Logline: Danica is an ambitious lawyer whose career and very life is put in jeopardy by an unwanted pregnancy with her married boss.
Write a scene and use the three keys to emotional description to deliver the emotional experience to us.
Key One: Economy.
Key Two: Deliver the essence.
Key Three: Visual, then internal/emotion.
INT. DANICA’S APARTMENT – NIGHT
Nothing has changed in the sparse apartment.
Except now Danica’s newborn sits in a car seat on the sofa screaming her lungs out.
Danica paces with her hands over her ears. She picks up a bottle and tries thrusting it into the baby’s mouth, with the result of making her scream louder.
Danica inanely picks up a rattle and jingles it before the infant. If possible, the volume of distress only increases.
Danica begins rocking the car seat at a manic pace.
The defenseless child is inconsolable.
DANICA
SHUT UP!!
Again Danica paces the cramped apartment, ears covered, screaming aloud herself in an attempt to drown out the now hysterical cries.
DANICA (CONT’D)
SHUT UP!! SHUT UP! SHUT UP!!!
EXT. FIRE STATION – NIGHT, LATE
A FIREMAN leans at the open engine bay doors with his coffee break mug in hand.
Danica approaches the fire station holding the car seat with a now blissfully quiet child – likely sleeping out of sheer exhaustion.
Dani sees the fireman and hesitates. But then moves in with determination.
DANICA
This is a Safe Haven site, right?
The fireman is taken off guard, but then sees the sleeping infant.
FIREMAN
Yes ma’am. How can I help?
DANICA
Here.
She thrusts the car seat unceremoniously at him. He grabs it out of reflex, the mug crashing to the ground in the process.
Unburdened, Dani immediately looks relieved. She turns to go.
FIREMAN
Hey wait!
DANICA
What?
FIREMAN
Is this your baby?
Danica has zero desire to engage – at the edge of losing it. He can see that now.
FIREMAN (CONT’D)
Come inside and let’s talk. You look like you could use a cup of coffee – maybe a friend to talk to?
DANICA
Oh, you want to be friends? NO! I don’t need you – and I certainly don’t want HER! I never wanted her!
Dani’s voice is getting hysterical, causing the baby to whimper.
FIREMAN
Sshhh –
He’s not sure if he’s talking to Dani or the baby –
DANICA
I HAVE TO YELL – BECAUSE – WELL, BECAUSE – No. ONE. is – LISTENING!
FIREMAN
Ok. Ok.
His rocking has soothed the infant – his tone of voice soothing Dani.
FIREMAN (CONT’D)
Does she have a name?
The innocent everyday question gives Dani pause.
DANICA
(softly)
Harley. Her name’s Harley – after my dad.
Danica turns on her heel and runs back into the night.
-
Day 8 – Emotional Description – Assignment
Mike O – Extreme Emotion
What I learned is sometimes less is more. I tend to overwrite, a very bad habit from my days as a novelist. Concrete verbiage, action words and no modifiers. Emotion is by its very definition, action.
1. List your characters, their traits, and their SCL (Subtext Character Logline).
2. Write a scene and use the three keys to emotional description above to deliver the emotional experience to us.
[1] Key One: Economy.
[2] Key Two: Deliver the essence.
[3[ Key Three: Visual, then internal/emotion.Brooklyn traits Trait 1- Workaholic – obsessed with her work, her art Trait 2 – Romantic Trait 3 – Indecisive and struggles w/ OCD Trait 4 – Yearns to be a successful artist
Subtext Character: Conflicted, In denial — unwilling to acknowledge her pain, her loss.
Character Logline: Brooklyn, a gifted painter who hides in her work in order to avoid facing life.==================================
INT. BAR – NIGHT
Brooklyn finds an empty bar stool near the fireplace. Two stools down from her, a distinguished, white-bearded gentleman in a tailored gives a nod — does a double take.
Brooklyn reaches for wine list.
WHITE-BEARD (gestures to painting) “Any chance you a relation?”
CLOSE ON painting above the bar back — voluptuous woman lying on her side — modeled after Cooper’s, ‘The Kansas City Girl.’
Brooklyn looks over at him — who are you?
BROOKLYN (frowns) “We don’t look a thing alike.”
WHITE-BEARD “Not her, obviously. The painter — Joshua Murray.”
BROOKLYN “You’re telling me that Joshua, that he…(drifts off in thought)
WHITE BEARD “Laurel commissioned the work right after she renovated this place.”
Brooklyn STARES at the painting for a long beat, trying to imagine her father as an artist. Squinting, she cannot make out the artist’s signature.
White-beard waves the bartender over.
BARTENDER “Yes, Mister Canaday, Another?”
MISTER CANADAY (re: bartender) “Kids nowadays, scatter to the four winds chasing after careers with their fancy college pedigrees. (re: Brooklyn) Never come around, till it’s too late.”
Mister Canaday turns to Brooklyn, strokes his snow-white beard.
MISTER CANADAY “World’s made up of two types of people: Givers, who share their time and love, and takers. Your father was a most excellent man; he missed you something fierce, missy.”
Judgment rendered, Mister Canaday drops a twenty on the counter, gathers up his Fedora.
MISTER CANADAY (gaze includes bartender) “When the town lawyer has to give Joshua’s eulogy, there’s something wrong. Shamefully wrong. (re: Brooklyn) Alan’s speech was a thing of beauty.”
He TAPS on the hardwood bar counter as if knocking on a door.
MISTER CANADAY “Oscar, you make the best dirty martini in town. Thank-you, young man.”
He walks off without so much as a glance back.
Stunned by the verbal assault, Brooklyn accepts the condemnation. She finds Oscar staring at her; curious, not apologetic.
BROOKLYN “He’s right; I was a lousy daughter.”
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