Day 8 Assignments

[Brigitte Timmerman]

Mod 3 Lesson 8

Brigitte: Adding empathy and distress.

What I learned from this assignment is if you want to keep an audience interested and obsessed keep the characters in constant distress while creating empathy. It gets the audiences emotionally tied for the rest of the show.

1.

A. Crucible: Forced on the road to find Isaac’s family.B. Betrayal: Irene been hiding the maps. C. Forced Decision: Choose to leave Mira on her own after to Omaha banished her and decides to let Irene and Jessie stay on a trial basis.D. Hurt those they love: Jessie and Irene release all there animosity when Isaac is taken from them.E. Emotional Dilemma: Who stays with Isaac and who raises Mira.F. Exposed: Jessie’s indiscretions sleeping with men for resources. G. Must Make Decision with Future Consequences; How are they going deal with the family being split up.

2.

Step 1: Check each scene to see if you can build any of these forms of Empathy/Distress into them.

Undeserved misfortune: Family community was raided and forced on the road. Family is ordered to be banished by the Omaha leader.External character conflicts: Irene and Jessie clash and recent each other. Plot intruding on life: Forced into the unknown on the road. Plans that failed: The Jessie and Irene plan fails when they are banished by the Omaha leader. Witnessing the pain of others: Distress when most of the community is killed.Extreme consequences: The family’s situation could be much worse on the road than looking for Isaac’s family. Major loss: Irene’s best friend and Mira’s mother.Brings their wound present: Irene has had several miscarriages and her husband left her.

Step 2: Make those situations even worse.

Make it more painful: Irene sees her best friend killed. Raise the stakes: Raiders of the community take Mira and Isaac Jessie fights them off. Create more loss: All of the supplies are gone. Can not rebuild. Put any goal, need, value, wound at significant risk: Find Isaac’s family so they can thrive rather than survive. Time this to be at the worst moment: When Irene and Jessie are asked to leave all the tension and animosity flares up in a bug fight with raw emotion showing them at their worst.Make it more physically threatening: Irene and Jessie punch and shove each other leading to a physical fight that wounds both of them.

[Kimberly Gore]

Kim’s Adding Empathy/Distress!

What I learned doing this assignment is that it’s HARD to find more places of empathy and distress. I want to balance it with humor and uplifting moments because I fear it will end up too dang depressing for viewers. The juxtaposition is going to be a struggle, I’m afraid.

Linnie watching Nat playing with a Barbie doll and creating harm. Linnie is shocked. Gets upset over the drowning. But we see how much she loves Nat. She asks softly, “Did this happen to you?” And Nat nods. Linnie hugs her, but then takes the doll and runs away, making things light again.

Danielle talks down to Natalie. Let’s her know how much she dislikes her. Linnie comes to Nat’s defense, and Danielle is forced to back down, although we see it bothers her that her daughter is so attached to Natalie. We see Danielle is hurt and misses the life she once had.

Eric struggles for normalcy in the household, although we can tell things are not normal. But we learn that Natalie was his patient once, and now see that maybe Natalie has issues. So why would Eric marry her? But we see his love for her. They have small inside jokes, he’s clearly smitten with her. She’s very caring with him AND Linnie. Love is there.

Natalie tries so hard not to play victim. She has overcome so much. But the child in her hurts so much. And is so angry with Eric.

[David Thome]

I hear ya. I took this class because I wanted to know what to do to market a comedy series. The one I’m “developing” for the class is similar to the examples that come up in the lessons (sci-fi with explosions and spies and betrayals, etc.), but I find that everything can be applied to genres that aren’t always dark and violent. I took the short version of SU’s binge-TV writing course to write a comedy pilot before signing up for this one–and all the rules and insights given in this version are there in that pilot script. Remember, Hal said at the beginning that these insights could be used for episodic TV, too, but they all seem to me to be about good writing in general. It’s not always about life and death and guns, but building in intrigue and empathy et al is important.

BTW, my comedy series is based on a series of novellas, so lots of the work for that pitch bible has been done. But the sci-fi series for the class started with just a one-sentence idea, and I have so much more now–I’m amazed at how it’s been working.

Good luck to you.

[Phyllis Strong]

Phyllis Adding Empathy/Distress!

I learned from this assignment that I already had a lot of empathy/distress moments, but I could sharpen them, give them more emotional impact. Not sure I will use all of them, but this is what my brainstorming came up with:

Lesson 8: Building in Empathy/Distress

Part 1:

Crucible: Trapped in a situation of severe test where great change takes place.

· Sasha is trying to prove collusion between Delia and “friend with benefits” and that provokes Delia into framing her and getting her fired. It also provokes her into publicizing Sasha’s disgrace and turns her mentor into an adversary.

· Duncan is trying to convince Sasha to work with him on tracking creatures and has to overcome her reluctance without leading her to believe he’s deranged.

Betrayal: The violation of a trust, relationship or contract that results in physical or psychological damage.

· Sasha is betrayed by her “friend with benefits” and loses the career she loves—her calling.

· Sasha is betrayed by her mentor/boss when she believes Sasha is guilty as opposed to being framed. Once again, trust leads to losing something dear to her.

· Duncan is betrayed by his sister, who is scheming to have him institutionalized so she can stop his climate activism. They were close as children, but now she considers him an enemy.

Forced Decision: Must do the thing they would never do.

· Sasha must give up her career.

· Duncan must put innocents at risk to attract his creatures [note, that’s not currently in the pilot]

Hurt Those They Love: The only way to survive is to do damage to their loved ones.

· Duncan will have to oust Delia as CEO, have her held liable for collusion (which will help redeem Sasha).

· Delia must stop Duncan’s activism at any cost, even institutionalizing him.

Emotional Dilemma: Must choose between two equally distressing choices.

· Sasha must choose whether to let Delia win and avoid criminal prosecution or try to prove she colluded with her friend at the DOJ.

· Duncan must choose between keeping his secret or enabling Delia to put him away.

Exposed: Something hidden about the character is uncovered, either good or bad. How does the character respond?

· Duncan’s role in the death of his daughter is revealed, deepening his sense of guilt.

· Duncan’s breakdown when his daughter died is revealed, making him worry that Sasha will consider him delusional and manage him more than help him.

Must Make Decision with Future Consequences.

· Sasha decides to join up with Duncan, even though she thinks he’s delusional.

· Duncan reveals to Sasha that he’s really hunting creatures whose deaths will reverse climate change, making himself vulnerable to Delia finding out and institutionalizing him.

Part 2

Step 1

Undeserved Misfortune:

· Sasha loses her career-making criminal indictment of Delia’s company through betrayal.

· Sasha is framed for burying evidence.

· Sasha is fired from a job she considered a calling.

· Sasha is unemployable in her field due to Delia’s publicity and her former mentor’s negative reviews of her character.

· Duncan lost his daughter during an extreme hurricane.

External Character Conflicts:

· Delia vs. Sasha over the future of Delia’s company.

· Delia vs. Duncan over his environmental activism.

· Sasha vs. Friend with Benefits over the punishment of Delia’s company.

Plot Intruding on Life

· Delia trying to have Duncan declared incompetent so she can control him.

Plans That Failed:

· Sasha’s plan to prove Delia was colluding with her friend from DOJ.

· Duncan’s plan to piggyback on the investigation of the suspicious wildfire deaths.

· Duncan’s plan to hire Sasha (before he sweetens the deal).

Witnessing the Pain of Others:

· Sasha witnesses Duncan’s pain when he’s served with papers from his ex-wife forbidding him to visit his daughter’s grave (Note: not yet in pilot).

Extreme Consequences:

· Sasha is unemployable in her field after trying to prove collusion between Delia and her DOJ friend.

· Duncan is arrested trying to get information about the investigation into the suspicious wildfire deaths.

Major Loss:

· Sasha was abandoned by her father when she was thirteen.

· Duncan lost his teenaged daughter in an extreme hurricane.

Brings Their Wound Present

· The betrayal of Sasha’s friend at the DOJ splits open the wound of her father’s betrayal in abandoning her and her mother.

· Sasha’s former mentor not believing she’s been framed splits open the wound of her father’s betrayal in abandoning her and her mother.

· Sasha’s career loss splits open the wound behind why she was devoted to protecting the planet in the first place—to be nothing like the father who abandoned her, who was responsible for dumping chemicals that killed hundreds of fish.

· Duncan’s dream splits open the wound of the loss of his daughter.

Step 2

More painful:

· Sasha is a cashier at a grocery store to make some money to pay off credit card debt.

· When Duncan is arrested, his mug shot is taken, he’s fingerprinted, and he’s placed in a cell.

Raise the stakes:

· If Duncan is convicted, he won’t be able to do any more investigating of suspicious deaths, because he’ll be in the system.

· After Sasha is framed and fired, she can’t get any other law enforcement job, even as a security guard.

· When Sasha takes a job with Duncan, Delia and her company will be more at risk, because Sasha will keep Delia from stopping Duncan’s activism.

Create More Loss:

· The loss of Sasha’s independence because moving home means taking care of her needy mother.

Put any Goal, Need, Value, Wound at significant risk:

· Sasha’s need to let people in is battered by the betrayals of her friend at the DOJ and her mentor at work.

· Duncan’s need, to be worthy of redemption, is hanging by a thread if he can’t find a partner he can trust.

Time This to be at the Worst Moment:

· Sasha loses her career just when the rates on her credit card debt spike—debt she assumed because of the higher cost of living.

· Duncan is arrested when he is in between private investigators.

Make it more physically threatening:

· Duncan is man-handled when arrested at crime scene.

[Marcus Wolf]

Lesson 8

Marcus Adds
Empathy/Distress!

What I learned from this assignment is to keep pushing. This is yet another step in making sure that absolutely nothing in the outline is boring or ordinary.

I found several places where some changes could be made to add in more empathy/distress. At first I didn’t think I’d be able to, but I found the places it would work.

[Marie Jordan]

Assignment Lesson 8 Mod 3

Marie’s Adding Empathy/Dostress!

What I learned doing this assignment is how to create situations to cause more empathy/distress by first taking all the potential situations to extremes, check afterwards what works and what went too far and how it gives more depth to my characters. I used the 7 big pictures ways, crucible, betrayal, forced decision, hurt those they love, emotional dilemma, exposed, must make decision with future consequences. I loved the process as again, it’s very creative and fun.

I checked each scene with empathy/distress situation and raised the stake and find out sometimes, it made me bring forward a first encounter with a character that appeared later. I developped a scene that was just one sentence into a real dramatic situation that became the TP1. In the next scene, when the teenager disrupts the family dinner, I added more broken objects and sharps dangerous objects to make the scene more extreme. One character developped with more depth thanks to the brainstorming.

[David Thome]

What I learned: Lots of empathy/distress moments are built into the outline because of the work that was done in the previous lessons. However, it’s helpful to be able to recognize those moments and ask whether they can be made stronger.

[Diana Ceres]

Diana’s Adding Empathy and Distress!

What I learned: Going back through my outline and looking for ways to create more empathy and distress in each of the acts makes the characters more dimensional and interesting and the story more engaging. It also helped me punch up my teaser. #winwin

Surviving Lupe Pilot Outline

Teaser: Tropical Storm Lupe destroys houses in the Bahamas. Winds howling, branches flying, windows boarded over. Streets flooded. Voiceover of potential of Lupe turning into a Category 5 hurricane when it hits the coast of Florida. Cut to: Court where head juror reads they have convicted a man on two counts of pedophila: 1) possession and 2) dissemination of child pornograpy. Judge sentences man to three years in max security prison. We don’t see who is being cuffed. Just the back of a man as the voiceover continues to warn Florida residents to evacuate, in case Lupe increases in power and becomes the worst hurricane to ever touch down in our nation’s history.

Act 1: Jake having breakfast with family and Marco. Lupe is in a mood. Asks Jake to stay. Jake dismises threat of hurricane and says he’s going to medical conference, in spite of prediction that tropical storm will turn into the worst hurricane in history and land in a matter of days. He says they’ve been saying that for months. And no hurricanes have landed. It’s just rained hard, so he’s not worried and thinks Lupe is overreacting per usual. Jake teases the kids about wanting something, since they’re having breakfast with the rest of the family.

Turning point: Jake ignores Lupe’s pleas and decides to go to the conference.

Act 2: Lupe has a tantrum. Jake ignores her. She has the TV blaring with the news reporting that the tropical storm is growing stronger and headed their way. They fight over the volume. Resolute, Jake packs and leaves as Lupe follows him, screaming, threatening divorce if he leaves. Jake tells her go ahead. Lupe knows she’s beat and storms back upstairs and finds Dolores casting a spell in her room, smiling as she lights several candles.

Turning point: Jake leaves for conference.

Act 3: Next day news reports Tropical Storm Lupe is headed their way. Lupe rushes everyone to pack so they can get out of the house. Marco walks into Jake’s office and sticks a thumb drive into Jake’s computer. Dolores is packing santeria shit calmly while everyone else is rushing. She is more focused on the lit candles on her altar than packing. This stresses Lupe out, because they need to go. NOW. Marco has returned with a team of movers who clear out the house FAST. The only items left are Jake’s clothes, office furniture, and computer.

Turning point: Tropical storm predicted to turn into a Category 5 hurricane and hit land by nightfall.

Act 4: Hurricane is about to touch down. All the windows in Jake’s house have been boarded up. The wind is strong, branches are blowing across the yard. Jake calls to check on the family. Lupe ignores his call and tosses everyone’s phones outside in the bushes. It’s very difficult to hear each other outside. They have to yell to be heard. Lupe rushes everyone out of the house. Dolores is the last one out. As she exits, she looks up at the sky and smiles.

Turning point: Lupe and family leave at the last possible moment.

Act 5: Lupe is in a posh hotel out of state with kids and Dolores. Everyone has changed their appearance. Folders with their new identities are on the bed. Jake comes home to an empty house. Where is everyone? He walks through the house and notices he has been robbed. Furious, he dials Lupe again. Voicemail. He throws his phone and shatters a glass cabinet in the kitchen. He reaches to pour himself a drink and the police show up. Jake gives them photos to place on TV so they can find his mising family. Jake is confused because the police do not seem interested in his family, but rather his computer and what’s on it.

Turning point: Jake shares pic of Lupe with media to place a photo of Lupe on TV. Jake is relieved when he sees cops at the door. He tells them his family is missing and that he’s been robbed. The police seem disinterested in Jake’s story and instead question him about the child porn on his computer that he has been distributing. He is confused, because he wouldn’t have any of that on his computer. Why won’t they help him? And what’s this about a child pornography ring? Don’t they know he’s a pediatrician?