-
Day 8 Assignments
Reply to post your assignment.
-
9 Replies
-
Cameron Martin’s Subtext Pointers 2
What I learned doing this assignment is…Similar to yesterday’s assignment, I took some of the lines I’ve had a problem with, and tried to write a number of variations to get to one that was more original and spoke to who the character was, beyond the generic version we’ve heard a hundred times already, such as below…
Original line:
SULLY
No more secrets. Just who the hell are you? Where and how did you get something outlawed in all of space?
NOTE: This is the exact same line repeated in three different ways. It’s only originality is in slight variation of word choice and structure throughout the three sentences. It neither excites or brings attention to Sully’s unique character. It’s as dull as dull can get. Here are some ways I could rewrite this line using the different subtext pointers…
Metaphor
SULLY
Drop the act already. You’re about as convincing now as a snail drawing spots on itself and declaring it’s a cheetah.
Implication
SULLY
The same reason this place looks like a Jackson Pollock painting. Whatever it is you’ve done, the worms are the least of your worries.
Insinuation
SULLY
I’d like to know the same thing? Anything you haven’t burned or painted over, other than us two?
Hint
SULLY
I’ll give you a hint. Why did you hide your “experiment” under the bed?
Sarcasm
SULLY
What, you don’t know worms make for exquisite snacks when cooked thoroughly? Why else would she keep that thing around?
Allusion
SULLY
Something about carrots and sticks, I’m sure.
There. I have an assortment of different lines to choose from, all distinct that could point closer to who Sully is. I honestly like the Metaphor line the best, but Implication and Allusion work for me too, and I can always combine them to create something of a mix, taking the best elements from each.
Now, that all said, I think this scene was written with the original subtext assignment a couple weeks back. So I’m using this as an opportunity to try and clean up some of the dialogue. There’s a lot that Jude’s hiding, and I don’t have to reveal it all in one scene. There’re really only one thing this scene HAS to establish, and one thing this scene has to set up. It HAS to establish Jude is a spy, and it has set up the next reveal concerning the secret her superiors want covered up. Beyond that, what this scene gets to do is further develop the characters, their beliefs, and engage the audience in their journey, and I think the subtext pointers are perfect for giving the audience a glimpse into what makes these characters tick.
———————
LATER
Isaiah sulks in his corner, pretending to skim through the pages of his notebook.
Meanwhile, Jude directs Sully to use random parts of the room – kitchen pots and pans, appliances, couch cushions, furniture frames – to cover and barricade everywhere where the room could be accessed.
JUDE
Thank you for working so hard. I’ll tell you, the Hegemony would be better off if it had nothing but men acting as mules.
SULLY
It’s easy to work when you have a gun at your back.
JUDE
Oh, pish posh. That gun is as useful a motivator as a stick is to a horse. Without a tasty carrot, that horse will get real tired of its handler.
SULLY
Hence the grandma routine, I take it.
JUDE
You know, I once saw a young lady, maybe early 20’s. Well, she infiltrated a whole contingent of rebels with nothing but an empathy belly. I tell you, it’s amazing how you can make quick work of battle hardened men with a few soft words and the mere appearance of being pregnant.
SULLY
What kind of grandmother are you?
JUDE
Your friendly neighborhood variety.
ISAIAH (O.S.)
You have one in its metamorphosis?
Jude and Sully look to Isaiah, who’s holding a glass container with a hand slot and what looks to be the head of an alien worm with fungal shoots spiring out of it.
Between Sully and Jude, Jude is the one who looks more concerned this time.
ISAIAH
I always hypothesized this life cycle, but I never thought I’d see it!
SULLY
(to Jude)
Family recipe?
JUDE
(to Isaiah)
Hasn’t your daddy taught you it’s impolite to go snooping through people’s things? You’re lucky you remind me of someone.
Jude takes the heavy tank from Isaiah…and carries it over to the counter. There, she pulls out a drawer and takes out a lighter, before putting her hand through the slot…
And LIGHTING the fungal worm head ABLAZE.
ISAIAH
No! What’d ya do that for?
SULLY
Whatever it is she’s done, the worms are the least of her worries.
(to Jude)
Drop the act. You’re about as convincing as a stick painting itself orange and calling itself a carrot.
Jude takes a deep breath – Oh what the hell.
JUDE
If it makes you happy to know, I’m a Hegemony Intelligence Agent. A spy, if you will.
Sully grabs Isaiah and makes a break for his bat.
Jude pulls out her pistol and shoots at his feet with the attitude of swatting a fly, stopping Sully in his tracks.
JUDE
I’m sick of watching you cart that poor boy around like you have a say in what happens to him.
Sully puts the dots together.
SULLY
You don’t care that we know?
JUDE
At this point, my superiors care about you the same way a horse cares about where it shits.
(observing the burning remains of the queen head)
But this? This is one of those things…Well. In my opinion, these things are better left forgotten.
SULLY
Some of us have a conscience. I can’t just light a match, and poof – No more evidence.
Something about Sully’s accusation cuts deep. Jude dismantles her revolver…
JUDE
(placing each piece in the fire)
Yep. Just that easy.
SULLY
Great. That’s great. Real helpful for when we need to get out of here.
JUDE
Oh, sweet child. None of us are getting out of here alive.
-
Day 8: (Advanced Dialogue) – Anita’s Subtext Pointers 2
What I learned: Previous to the subtext class(s) I would not have been able to define six different ways to parse out these nuances. I always thought of subtext in simplistic terms of just not saying what the truth at hand really is. I like the term “pointers” because it cements for me what subtext really does… pointing to the truth.
1. Select a scene that has two components:
A) Something is hidden that…
B) …is part of a conflict between the two people.
2. Write the scene using as many of the Subtext Pointers as you can.
SUBTEXT POINTER METHODS:
– Metaphor
– Implication
– Insinuation
– Hint
– Sarcasm
– Allusion
NOTE: This scene is near the end of Act Two. No one except Rebecca knows she is dying from advanced kidney failure.
INT. REBECCA’S LIVING ROOM – CHRISTMAS DAY
Gifts have been opened and Becky, her husband Ted and their two kids (now early 20’s) are engaged in mortal combat on a video game displayed on the ginormous flat-screen TV.
Danica is perched on the arm of a stuffed chair, the outsider looking in. Her gift, a board game, lies sadly discarded under the festive tree.
The adrenaline-fueled game ends amid laughter and good-natured ribbing.
Becky doubles over – just for a moment – and covers the pain-response action by putting her game controller down.
Danica notices (but the others don’t) and follows her sister into the kitchen.
DANICA
Beck, what’s wrong?
REBECCA
Hmmm? / (forced laugh)
(beat)
You mean other than getting killed by your family?
Becky busies herself making coffee.
DANICA
Yeah, other than that – I want to know what’s really causing my sister pain? You know, the physical kind.
REBECCA
Sshh! It’s Christmas Dani, not a day I want to alarm my husband and kids about – anything.
Danica assesses her sister for a minute. She’s lost weight, and she’s pale. Then Dani looks at Becky’s too-busy hands.
DANICA
Rebecca! Your hands!
Rebecca looks at them. They are obviously swollen, her wedding ring cutting into her finger.
REBECCA
Oh the doctor says it’s just water retention, that’s all.
DANICA
Doctor? What doctor?
Rebecca doesn’t answer but goes to the sink to run cold water over her hands.
DANICA (CONT’D)
Beck? Talk to me!
Just then – the rest of the family piles into the kitchen still jovial over the video battle won and lost – cutting off all further serious discussion.
TED
How’d we raise a couple of punks like this, so willing and able to kill off their parents so very gleefully?
Ted pecks a kiss on Becky’s cheek, oblivious to the tension between sisters.
SON
All that torture and suffering left me starved! Mom – how about a turkey sandwich?
Becky smiles wistfully at her son and goes to the frig for the ingredients.
-
DEV ROSS – DAY 8 – subtext pointers 2
What I continue to learn during these past subtext lessons is that using subtext is a sure- fire way to make your dialogue deeper, more revealing of character, more misleading, a hook into the story…
INT. CLAY’S BEDROOM – NIGHT – CONTINOUS
Clay yanks Hannah into the bedroom, slams the door so hard, the wardrobe mirror hung on the back of it shatters.
METAPHOR – Their marriage is shattering.
Hannah stands over the shattered pieces. Her hearts shattered too.
CLAY
How could you be so stupid? You want another cross burnt on our lawn?
CHANGES THE SUBJECT
HANNAH
Oh no! In all this I forgot about making dinner. I’ll make some grilled cheese.
She moves to the closet, hangs up her coat.
INSINUATION – Their sex life.
HANNAH
It’s fast and easy. Just like you like things.
He jerks her back to him.
CLAY
Why didn’t you call me? I would’ve have come for you.
She smiles at him.
ALLUSION: He’s not busy these days at all.
HANNAH
I did call you. Busy day?
She moves past him.
CLAY
Where’re you going?
HANNAH
To get a broom and dustbin. Unless you like walking on broken glass?
CLAY
Our neighbors could’ve seen you!
SARCASM
HANNAH
Then they pay me more attention me than you do.
Clay whacks her hard across the face.
Hannah almost crumbles – but stands back up to face him.
INAPPROPRIATE REACTION TO EMOTIONAL SITUATION
She rubs her jaw.
HANNAH
Huh. You really need to go back to the gym.
Clay pulls his fist back. Stops himself.
CLAY
Marrying you was a mistake. So young and sheltered! Even now you don’t know how to take care of yourself!
Hannah picks up the hemline of her nurse’s uniform up past her groin, sticks her hand down the front of her panties and rubs.
DISTRACTION
HANNAH
I can take care of myself. A girl who marries an older fella learns to do that.
Clay throws her to the ground, straddles her.
CONTINUE THE CONVERSATION AS IF NOTHING HAPPENED.
HANNAH
Oooh. Foreplay.
CLAY
You bitch!
HANNAH
Are you going to make love to me now?
Her sexual writhing infuriates him. He strikes her over and over and over…
CLAY
Damn you! Damn you! Making me do this!
EXT. CLAY’S BACKYARD – NIGHT
A body under a blanket. Clay digs a hole.
-
Day 8 Subtext Pointers from You’ve Got Mail
Lisa’s Subtext Pointers 2
What I learned is layering subtext is the most important aspect of dialogue writing.
Scene from “Mary’s Wonderful Christmas”
Set up: Peter Winters and Tilly Mills, boyfriend & girlfriend and (protagonist) Mary Winter’s ex-husband and little sister, have kidnapped Santa Claus from the North Pole and returned to Seneca Falls, NY. Peter has kidnapped Santa to help him steal presents from families while they are attending the annual It’s a Wonderful Life festival. He has a guy who will fence the goods and give him the money to save his shop. Note: at the end of the scene Peter and Tilly suit up as Santa too so they can blend in with the 5k runners who dress as Santa every year and run through downtown.
EXT-SNOWMOBILE SHOP-DAY
On the outskirts of Seneca Falls, NY, PETER WINTERS unlocks the door of his snowmobile shop. He, SANTA CLAUS, and TILLY MILLS go inside.
PETER (pointing)
Get to the shop…in the back.
Santa obeys and goes into the shop in the back of the store. Tilly and Peter follow. Peter shuts the door to the shop and locks it.
TILLY
Here Santa. You can sit here.
Tilly moves some old work clothes from a chair. Santa standing in the middle of the shop, looks around.
SANTA
You have quite the set up here, Peter. And I know a thing about workshops!
Santa lets out a big belly laugh. He has tickled himself.
PETER
It used to be quite the set up.
TILLY
We haven’t seen snow in 3 years. (whispering to Santa) It’s a touchy subject.
SANTA (CONTINUED)
No, no, I can see this shop will be humming along again in no time.
PETER
Oh, you can see, huh? And how do you know that?
SANTA
Peter, every workshop goes through trials and tribulations. Not unlike a certain carpenter that I’ve heard of. Not everything goes smoothly in one’s life. Sometimes you work hard, and nothing becomes of it. But then you succeed and get to open a fine establishment like this one. Then poof, something you rely on for your business isn’t there. And you go through another hard time. (pause) The good news is that the thing you rely on may be temporarily gone, but YOU, YOU stand steady in your belief that the world will get better, and that thing will reappear. (with excitement) Like magic!
Santa holds out his arms and spins around looking at the “heavens”. Peter notices a side bulge on Santa’s belt.
PETER
What’s that?!
Santa quickly throws his arms down.
PETER (CONTINUED)
Let me see!
Peter lifts up Santa’s belt to find a small device hooked to it. Peter can barely speak.
PETER
(breathing heavily)
Is this a tracking device?!!
SANTA
Uh…yes.
Peter snatches it off of Santa’s belt and takes it over to his work bench. Peter grabs a hammer and smashes it to bits.
PETER
(pacing)
I should have known.
Peter hits himself in the head repeatedly with his fist.
TILLY
Peter, stop it!
Tilly grabs his arm.
TILLY (CONTINUED)
Stop it!!
Peter throws Santa down into the chair and paces in front of him.
PETER
Tell me now how you do it!
SANTA
Do what?!
PETER
Get down the chimneys!
SANTA
I can’t!
PETER
(intensely)
Tell me now and I’ll let you go.
SANTA
(distressed)
I can’t tell you!
Peter draws back his fist. Tilly jumps on him.
TILLY
NO! I won’t let you hurt Santa!
Peter paces again then gets really close to Santa’s face.
PETER
Tell me how you do it.
SANTA
(starting to cry)
I can’t tell you.
PETER
You’re Santa, aren’t you supposed to be honest?
SANTA
(through tears)
I don’t think that’s one of the requirements.
Santa gains composure and strength and stands up.
SANTA (CONTINUED)
You, sir, are no carpenter!
TILLY
That’s right! You are not Jesus!
Peter looking perplexed.
PETER
Of course, I’m not Jesus! But I am a carpenter! Look around old man.
Santa places his head in his hands and takes a big, deep breath.
SANTA
(calmly)
Peter, there will be snow again. I know it. Then your business will rise again.
Peter goes over to the workshop counter and gives Santa the letter that says he has until Christmas day to pay his back mortgage or lose the shop.
Santa reads. Then Santa begins to pace back and forth.
SANTA
Hmmm.
Santa stares at Peter for a moment.
SANTA (CONTINUED)
Here’s what I’ll do. Instead of helping you to steal from every family in Seneca Falls. I will help you take the presents from 3 houses. How’s that?
PETER
It won’t cover the mortgage.
SANTA
(wincing)
Okay. We’ll play it by ear.
Peter goes into another room at the back of the store for a second. Santa whispers to Tilly quickly.
SANTA (CONTINUED)
I can replace the gifts, don’t worry.
Santa winks at Tilly. Tilly smiles.
Peter comes back with Santa suits in his hand. He throws one at Tilly.
PETER
What are you smiling at?
TILLY
Nothing.
PETER
Get suited up. We have to get across town.
Peter and Tilly put on the Santa suits.
FADE OUT
-
June Fortunato’s Subtext Pointers 2 Day 8 of Dialogue
What I learned: I enjoyed making a game of one of the scenes inspired by this assignment.
What’s hidden? Kim cares for Roy. Suzy knows but isn’t letting on about Roy and Kim. Kim hurt Marilyn. Marilyn has no idea. Kim stole Suzy’s keys. Suzy doesn’t know, but will she put it together? Only one person feels the conflict.
INT. HOSPITAL HALLWAY & NURSES’ STATION – AFTERNOON Kim glides down the hall, peeking into rooms, and ‘acts casual’ when she gets to the nurse’s station. She helps herself to a peppermint and waits for Suzy to look up.
SUZY Kim Kirby?
KIM Hi. Nurse Suzy.
Tara appears and heads for her seat.
TARA Hey, you!
Pause. Both Suzy and Tara guess what Kim wants but have a game baiting her.
SUZY How’re you feeling?
KIM Good. I feel good.
SUZY Did you leave something behind?
TARA I’ll call lost and found.
She picks up her phone.
SUZY Or found then lost.
TARA You know it.
SUZY Then “oh look!” – Found again. And again. And again!
Tara laughs. Kim knows she’s being teased.
SUZY Are you looking for a – certain someone?
TARA Wiseass type.
SUZY Stubborn.
TARA Nice, though.
Suzy sighs.
SUZY Lost soul.
Pause.
TARA We know you’re sweet on someone.
SUZY Yeah, and he’s wild about you oh boy.
KIM Really? He told you? But… Are you upset? I mean, you two were an item.
TARA Suzy booted him.
SUZY That is to say, I left.
TARA Sort of.
SUZY He likes you, Kim. I don’t know where to find him. He might come around. I asked him to meet a patient here.
Kim, disappointed, looks around. I’ll check back. OK?
SUZY Sure.
EXT. FILM SET – AFTERNOON It’s a wrap. Roy & Pyro Crewman finish the pack up.
PYRO CREWMAN Good working with you, Roy. I’ll call if we need help. What’s your number?
ROY Don’t have a cell, brother.
PYRO CREWMAN No cell phone?! Well, what’s your email? …. A street address?
ROY That’s OK, I’ll find you.
Pyro crewman gets it.
PYRO CREWMAN How are you gonna get paid?
ROY That seems to be my universal SIT U Ation
INT. HOSPITAL HALLWAY & NURSES’ STATION – AFTERNOON Kim’s about to leave, and Tim is pushing Marilyn in a chair. Kim and Marilyn recognize each other.
MARILYN From the boutique.
KIM Hi.
MARILYN Oh, come here! How are you dear?
KIM What happened to YOU?
MARILYN Fuss and bother. I broke my hips and then broke my spine. I’m in a mess. Oh don’t worry. But come and visit me? I’m lonely, you know.
KIM Uh.
MARILYN It happened that day. My car was misplaced and by the time I got home, my Woofie and Ludwig were so excited! And knocked me down.
KIM Oh no!
MARILYN They’re my life. I miss them so much. I’d love for you to meet them.
SUZY Please.
MARILYN Nurse Suzy is petsitting until we can find someone else. Do you like dogs?
KIM I love dogs. And I know someone else who does, too.
-
Kates Subtext Pointers 2
What I learned doing this assignment is having a focused tool is a great way to get into a scene I had been avoiding ! and it gives an edge to everyone that might not have been there.
This phone call happens near the end of the film. The business ‘con ‘group have made their last pitch to get the land from Darrogh. Nia and Darrogh had a big fight about the proposed land fill and he had thrown her out. Darrogh thinks he has won (partnering with the ‘landfill managers’). Nia finds out he hasn’t but can’t tell him.
(The pointer in brackets refers to what was just said)
INT/EXT DARROGH’S HOUSE/CAMPSITE – AFTERNOON -INTERCUT
Darrogh is at his desk excitedly tapping his fingers on the desktop. Suddenly reaches for his landline phone and calls Nia.
DARROGH
Nia? It’s your father.
Nia is seated by the campfire deep in thought, waiting for the ‘business-group’ to return from their last ditch effort to con Darrogh.
NIA
Oh! Hello Dad.
DARROGH
I have some great news!
Nia wonders if this means the group succeeded.
NIA
I’m well, Dad – and you?
DARROGH
Oh good. Of course. How are you?
NIA
Must be pretty amazing news as you don’t seem to be hearing straight. As I said, I’m well.
(Sarcasm)
DARROGH
It’s pretty amazing for me, if no-one else.
(Insinuation)
NIA
Along the lines of green hills and land fills?
(Hint)
DARROGH
Now maybe you can relax and just enjoy being here with me?
(Allusion)
NIA
You’ve got the hide of rhinoceros – either that or you’re just completely tone deaf.
(Metaphor)
She knows now that the con succeeded but can’t believe that Darrogh thinks she’d be okay with that (supposed) outcome.
DARROGH
You’re my daughter!
(Implication)
NIA
Dad, you know I feel about the land.
DARROGH
Please Nia, just come and have lunch with me. We can talk about it.
NIA
I don’t know that will make any difference in the long run.
(Hint)
DARROGH
I won’t eat you. Hell, I might even listen to some of your ideas about the land.
(Implication)
NIA
Maybe my ideas will win out. What would you do then?
(Allusion)
DARROGH
Dream on Little hippie girl!
(Sarcasm)
NIA
This is no way to get me to have lunch with you!
Darrogh laughs comfortably.
DARROGH
I’m sorry I can’t help it. I like the battle. It always works out.
(Implication)
The car with the con group drives up. She waves and holds her finger to lips pointing at the phone as they pull up.
NIA
I need some time. I’ll let you know.
DARROGH
I’ll make sure everyone is taken care of IF you come back. It’s up to you. If you really do care.
(Insinuation).
They are out of the car – grinning and thumbs up. Nia grins back
NIA
The devil is in the details, right Dad? I‘ll get back to you.
(Metaphor/Hint)
I have to go now. I’ll get back to you. ‘Bye Dad.
She is feeling a bit guilty.
NIA
I will call, ok?
DARROGH
The champagne is waiting when you tear yourself away from those ragtags. You know where you really belong Nia. I’ll always be here.
(Insinuation/Implication)
Darrogh hangs up.
Nia shakes her head in disbelief, puts the phone her pocket and runs to meet the jubilant team.
-
Matthew Frendo’s Subtext Pointers 2
WHAT I LEARNED: I learned how to better use subtext pointers to make a scene more interesting. This will make my dialogue and scenes more intriguing and interesting for an audience.
INT. DINNER ROOM – NIGHT
Alicia sits in a bare room. Some scratch marks line the grey concrete wall.
Then a man walks in with a big chicken dinner. Alicia’s eyes go wide as she starts eating right away.
HOST (O.S.)
Thought you might like that.
The Host walks through the door. Alicia looks at the food suspiciously and stops eating.
HOST
Without the cameras on? Please. Have you met me?
Alicia shrugs then keeps eating.
HOST
Consider it a gift from a friend. The rest of them are just getting bread and water.
Alicia almost chokes.
ALICIA
Friend? Have you ever had a friend before?
The Host laughs.
HOST
Of course. I could be a good friend to you. And you need a friend in here, wouldn’t you say?
Alicia thinks.
ALICIA
I mean, of course. I think all six of us in here could use a friend.
The Host smiles smugly.
HOST
Smart girl. I like that. Unfortunately, not everyone’s worthy of my friendship.
ALICIA
And you’re the judge, jury and executioner of all who’s worthy?
HOST
No, just the executioner. Have you not watched the show before? Besides, the audience voted them here for being bad people. Who am I to judge their judgment?
ALICIA
But for little ol’ me–
HOST
I think it’s obvious there’s been a mistake.
(knowingly)
And I think you know that too.
Alicia gulps down the last piece of food, then pushes it away, finally taking it seriously.
ALICIA
If there was a mistake, it would be one I’m willing to pay.
HOST
Why would you want to? And don’t worry, I didn’t come here to swap secrets like schoolgirls after their first fuck. Luckily, I don’t ask much of my friends.
ALICIA
What does–friendship mean?
HOST
It simply means you don’t get in the way of my activities. Like any friend would do for another.
ALICIA
You mean let–
HOST
I mean you need to treat me like a friend and above the scum in here with you. And yes, you know what that means.
Alicia thinks.
HOST
Of course, as a friend, I would be good to you. Maybe even tell you the best way to deal with the hardships life is about to throw your way. There are times when someone can hide from life during the dark times, just to reemerge in the light.
(a beat)
That’s what I do for my friends. The ones that show their friendship and get me where I need to be. Like Bullet.
(a beat)
And those who don’t want my friendship, well, they don’t always reemerge. It really is sad tidings all around.
Alicia just sits there, uncertain.
HOST
Of course, think about it. Everyone has to choose their own path…and the friends they align themselves with.
He starts to leave, then turns back to her.
HOST
You know, crazy thing about chickens. When one gets their head cut off, the body keeps running. Like they don’t know they’re dead even though it’s all over for them.
(a beat)
It’s a sad thing. If only they knew, they might be able to run from that blade before it hits. Enjoy the dinner!
He shrugs and leaves. She just sits there looking at the partially eaten chicken dinner in front of her.
-
PS81 – Dana’s Subtext Pointers 2
What I learned Doing This Assignment.
Subtext is a great way to lead an audience in a direction without revealing the underlying intent until the dramatic end of the scene.
SETUP:
Ellen has successfully drawn William, the suicidal alter from the opening scene, into the mix to push him to commit suicide to saver her daughters from Ryan, the psychopathic alter.
I struggled to write this scene. This is the most pivotal moment in the script between the antagonist and protagonist. It’s first draft, and will need editing, but I wanted to get is as close to perfect as possible.
SCENE:
INT. ON AIR STUDIO – CONTINUOUS
Ellen wipes her tears, regaining control.
WILLIAM
I want to apologize for what happened in our last session, doctor. I wasn’t myself.
ELLEN
I understand — more than you know.
WILLIAM
I wasn’t sure if —
William suddenly panics, realizing his surroundings.
WILLIAM (CONT’D)
Wait! What? What the hell? Where am I? What is this? Where am I?
ELLEN
William, it’s okay. It’s okay. Stay with me. Don’t be afraid. Listen to my voice. Stay calm. Stay with me.
WILLIAM
What’s happening? Where am I? Who the fuck is that?
ELLEN
William? It’s okay.
WILLIAM
Oh, my God. Is that a man? Is he dead? Oh my God! What’s going on?
ELLEN
William…?
(stronger)
William!
WILLIAM
…what…?
ELLEN
Something bad has happened. A man has been killed. But it wasn’t your fault. You need to know that. It wasn’t your fault.
WILLIAM
Oh, my God…
ELLEN
William? You need to stay with me. You need to stay calm. Can you do that? Can you be strong for me?
WILLIAM
Yes… I think so…
ELLEN
You’ve been gone for a long time. You’ve been kept in a dark place. Things have changed.
WILLIAM
Because of what I did?
ELLEN
Jason has met someone new. His name is Ryan. He speaks for the others now. And he wanted to meet you.
WILLIAM
Why?
ELLEN
I told him about you.
WILLIAM
Why would you do that?
ELLEN
William? Jason has been ill for a long time. You know this. And the others are tired of living his life. They believe it’s time for you, for all of you, to separate from him.
WILLIAM
But… but that’s not possible.
ELLEN
They want someone strong to take control. To put Jason in the dark. For his own good… and theirs.
(fighting her conscience)
And I agree with them.
She turns away from the microphone, her emotions torn. She’s violating her oath.
WILLIAM
This can’t be happening.
ELLEN
Don’t be afraid, William. This is what you’ve wanted. What we talked about. Remember? Recognition.
Silence. A long beat.
ELLEN (CONT’D)
William…? William…?
WILLIAM
Who’s the man on the floor?
The question staggers Ellen. Roger’s name chokes in her throat. She fights through her pain.
ELLEN
William, stay with me.
WILLIAM
(frightened; angry)
WHO IS HE?!
Ellen flinches, struggling to hold it together.
ELLEN
His name is Roger…
(tearing)
He’s my husband.
WILLIAM
Oh, dear God…
ELLEN
William? It wasn’t your fault. Do you hear me? It wasn’t your fault. Ryan — he did a terrible thing.
WILLIAM
I can see him… I can see him smiling at me.
ELLEN
William? Stay with me. Don’t leave. Don’t retreat to the dark. I need you to focus. To listen to what I’m saying. Do you hear me?
WILLIAM
Yes… I hear you…
ELLEN
Jason isn’t strong enough anymore. And the others are weak and scared. But you’re strong. And smart. And that’s why I summoned you from the dark. Why I called you to the fore.
WILLIAM
Why?
ELLEN
Do you know how long you’ve been away? How long they kept you in the dark?
(beat)
Two years, William. Two years.
WILLIAM
No. That’s not possible…
ELLEN
Search your feelings. You know it’s true. You heard them, all those years, whispering in the abyss.
WILLIAM
(agreeing)
Yes.
ELLEN
Conspiring…
WILLIAM
(angry)
Yes.
ELLEN
Winning…
WILLIAM
(vindictive)
Yes.
ELLEN
Because of what you did.
WILLIAM
Because of what I didn’t do.
ELLEN
Yes.
WILLIAM
And now they want me to be the one. To send Jason to the abyss. Those parasites.
ELLEN
But you won’t be allowed to stay. None of you will. Not now. Not after what Ryan has done. It’s inevitable.
WILLIAM
Nothing is inevitable.
ELLEN
There’s something you don’t know. Something I haven’t told you.
(beat)
William?
(clears her throat)
Ryan has taken my daughters.
WILLIAM
What? No, no…
ELLEN
He has them. In another room. And he’s threatening to harm them. My babies… Ryan is threatening my babies…
WILLIAM
But that’s Ryan — not me. Not us. How can they blame us?
ELLEN
That doesn’t matter. They’ll send Jason to prison. They’ll lock him away, and banish you to the dark, never to escape again. You’ll be bound to the others forever…
WILLIAM
No.
ELLEN
Whispering…
WILLIAM
No.
ELLEN
Conspiring…
WILLIAM
No.
ELLEN
Blaming you for the lives of my daughters.
WILLIAM
Oh, my God.
ELLEN
Is that what you want, William? To be imprisoned with the others? To be haunted by your memories of my daughters?
WILLIAM
Oh, God, no — NO!
ELLEN
Then help me, William. Help me. Help yourself.
WILLIAM
How…?
ELLEN
You know how? You know how?
Long beat. William thinking. Realizing.
WILLIAM
This is why you called on me from the dark. Isn’t it? You know what I did. You know what I intended to do.
ELLEN
It’s the only way, William. It’s the only way for you to be at peace. To save my daughters. You have to save my daughters from Ryan.
WILLIAM
I can’t. I can’t…
ELLEN
(shouting)
You have to!
Ellen slaps a hand over her mouth. She recovers her calm.
ELLEN (CONT’D)
William? You have to help me. If you don’t, Ryan will hurt them. Do you understand? Do you want him to hurt my daughters? Do you want him to kill my children? You’re the only one who can stop him. Please. William. Please. My children…
WILLIAM
I can’t.
ELLEN
Yes, you can. You have the gun, William. It’s in your hand.
WILLIAM
Ryan has the gun. He won’t let go.
ELLEN
Take it from him, William. Take it. You’re stronger than Ryan. Focus. See it in your hand. Take it from him.
Long silent beat. Ellen listens.
ELLEN (CONT’D)
William…? William…?
A change in BREATHING. Then —
RYAN (V.O.)
Impressive. Truly impressive.
(beat)
Pushing a manic-depressive patient to commit suicide? You certainly play for blood, don’t you?
-
Day 8 – Subtext Pointers From “you’ve Got Mail!” – Assignment
Mike O – Subtext Pointers 2
What I learned from doing this assignment is this ‘tool’ allows me to give the reader/audience another level and/or insight into the character’s mindset.
1. Select a scene that has two components: (A) Something is hidden that……is part of a conflict between the two people.
2. Write the scene using as many of the Subtext Pointers as you can.
3. Go back over the scene to check two things: First, the audience gets the meaning which may require some direct statements or a clear setup. Second, see if there are other places you can use Subtext Pointers.
====================================
EXT/INT. BAKERY SHOP – DAY
Richard walks blithely up the shoveled and salted entry steps to the bakery door. He pauses as his hand closes over the antique brass door pull bar. Eyeing the ‘We’re Open’ sign in the window he says,
RICHARD (under his breath) “Of course you are, Beth. Wide open like vegemite.”
Bombarded with the smells of pastries baking, Richard wears his kid-in-a-candy-store expression as he approaches the counter.
BETHANY “Good morning, Richard. The usual?”
RICHARD (waggles a finger no) “I’m going to change it up, this morning. How about a couple of bear claws. One is for my new boss, big city girl from Chicago. Joshua had a daughter, who knew.”
BETH “I heard the gallery had changed hands. How’s that going?”
RICHARD “Lot of ideas that girl. She’s an artist, so real world (makes face) working on it.”
Beth, not sure what Richard is referring to, says in reply:
BETH “Let me get those claws for you. Traditional? Almond? Or Raspberry?”
Richard walks up to the glass display case, his eyes lock on pink filling oozing out of the raspberry claw.
RICHARD “Traditional for me.(points to pastry oozing pink) that one for Miss Brooklyn. “
BETH “You sure, that one is a little overfilled.”
RICHARD “Full of itself, that’s the one.”
He waits until Beth is digging into the display case to ask,
RICHARD “Did you know Tarek is back in town?
Beth’s face lights up.
BETH “I didn’t. He must’ve just got in.”
RICHARD (casually) “Not sure when he arrived. I know he was at Joshua’s cabin yesterday. I went out to have Miss Brooklyn sign some documents. He was there with his boys having dinner. Didn’t want to impose, so I left.”
BETH “I see. Makes sense; after all, they’re practically neighbors, and Joshua and Tarek were real close.”
She sets the bear claws in a to-go box.
BETH “I whipped up a batch of cream cheese infused with cinnamon and sugar. Want to give it a try?”
RICHARD “Sugar and spice, and everything nice (beat – thinks) Don’t believe daddy’s girl needs any prompting.”
Richard walks over at the register, lays a twenty dollar bill on the counter. Look of puzzlement:
RICHARD “It’s odd that I never met the daughter. Don’t recall Joshua ever talking about her. (flirty smile) These look delish. (picks up box) Keep the change. Us locals have to look out for one another.
BETH “You’re right. And thank-you, Richard. You’re a good friend.”
RICHARD “I know how outsiders and big box stores operate: real friendly while getting their foot in the door. It changes things. Mother used to say about interlopers: ‘they’re unwelcome, unwanted and untrustworthy.’ Not the sort you want to get in bed with.”
Richard leaves the store smiling his smile.
Log in to reply.