-
Day 8 Assignments
Reply to post your assignment.
-
4 Replies
-
What we learned doing this assignment is once again, a lot of these elements were already in place from doing previous work, but what we could improve on is increasing the empathy/distress by making certain situations even worse.
1. Look through your outline and see if any of these as a bigger frame for your story, or if you already have it in the story, can you emphasize or expand it:
A. Crucible – Eric has to trust Liz while getting used to being comfortable with the uncomfortable (and the unknown) of their lifestyle becoming more and more public.
B. Betrayal – Liz suggests to Eric that she go to a house party alone so she can send him a video of her being naughty without him. He agrees and is excited about it. But, it’s really a coverup to help Michelle.
C. Forced Decision – Liz can decide not to help Michelle and watch her friend fail miserably or at least try and help her navigate a world that she’s an expert in even though she knows she’ll still probably fail miserably.
D. Hurt those they love
E. Emotional Dilemma – If Michelle doesn’t pursue swinging, her marriage will probably fail. If she does start swinging just to appease her husband, her marriage will probably fail.
E. Emotional Dilemma – If Liz continues to help people, they risk being further exposed and it may negatively impact his marriage (and life), but if he gets his wish and she shuts it down, she may resent him and that could also negatively affect his marriage (and life).
E. Emotional Dilemma – Liz tells Eric she’s going to keep helping people because she feels alive for the first time with this secret off her chest, but the more she pushes, the potential exposure can negatively affect her husband and daughter plus she would have to deal with being judged and shamed by family and society. If she doesn’t pursue this, though, she will be full of regret and resentment.
F. Exposed – Liz and Eric’s 15 year secret swinger lifestyle is exposed by her childhood best friend.
G. Must Make Decision with Future Consequences – Liz deciding to give sex and relationship advice from her hair salon.
G. Must Make Decision with Future Consequences – Liz says she’ll figure out a plan to help Michelle without Eric knowing.
2. Looking at your scenes, are there places you can create situations to cause more Empathy/Distress?
Step 1: Check each scene to see if you can build any of these forms of Empathy/Distress into them.
Undeserved misfortune
Eric gets cummed on
Liz being shamed by her mom in front of the family
Michelle’s husband giving her an ultimatum
Michelle tells Liz that this is all her fault and “whores like her are who ruin marriages.”
External character conflicts
Eric is upset that Liz once again cut his one night a week of fun short
Liz is relieved that their lifestyle is exposed, Eric is panicked.
Liz wants to keep helping people and be public about their lifestyle, Eric wants to keep it private.
Family dynamics
Plot intruding on life
Liz and Eric’s swinger lifestyle has been exposed by someone they know.
Plans that failed
Liz has failed both Michelle and Eric
Michelle has failed with swinging
Eric has failed to get Liz and Michelle to squash the secret about their lifestyle
Witnessing the pain of others
Eric seeing Liz hurt by her mom
Liz seeing Michelle hurt by her husband
Extreme consequences
Eric reminds Liz of the stakes – their daughter – his job – her business – her stupid family
Michelle spills all the tea that her husband gave her an ultimatum, that they try swinging or their marriage is over
Liz bangs on the door to confront Michelle’s husband, but Michelle tells her she’s obviously not worth it to him and she just wants to go home
Major loss
Brings their wound present
Eric tells Liz that she’s not prepared for the shame and judgment that comes with being out
Liz tells Eric to stop being a pussy and she’s glad their lifestyle is now out there
Liz being shamed by her mom in front of the family
Michelle leaves the party with her husband in a room with another woman
Michelle tells Liz that this is all her fault and “whores like her are who ruin marriages.”
-
Megan’s Adding Empathy/Distress!
What I learned doing this assignment is…that I can still increase empathy and distress for my characters even in writing comedy. This realization was a breakthrough moment for me; I was able to accomplish the goals of this lesson while also rediscovering my comedic voice that I was previously missing in my planning for this series.
Empathy and distress increases audience engagement in the series. Increasing pain or raising the stakes does not necessarily have to equal increasing the drama. It’s just one way to make the characters more human and endearing.
Crucible: High school; it’s a fact of life all must suffer through
Betrayal: Lexie faces the ultimate betrayal: her future self lies to her.
Forced Decision: Alexis’s job forces her to do things Lexie would never do. At what point does she change and why?
Hurt Those They Love: To make her life better now, Alexis must at times hurt her former self or put her in harm’s way.
Emotional Dilemma: Lexie: run away or accept Alexis’s help; Alexis: commit suicide or change with Lexie’s help
Exposed: Alexis’s true identity; Lexie’s heartless streak
Must Make Decisions with Future Consequences: Everything Lexie does that’s different from what she would have normally done has the potential to change Alexis’s life in the future—for good or bad.
PILOT OUTLINE
TEASER:
Essence: Lexie getting dressed. It’s her first day of high school. She is eager and optimistic. Seems confident. Checking her outfit and appearance in the mirror.
Possibly recording herself on her first day of high school? Alexis, however, is the VO we hear, reflecting on the importance of trust.
Undeserved misfortune: Lexie’s gold necklace breaks or the chain gets knotted as she puts it on (symbol: how valuable and how easily broken or tangled trust can become)
Turning Point: Lexie walks outside to meet her childhood best friend Betsy, who makes a tactless comment about the outfit Lexie spent so much time putting together. (External character conflict: with her best friend)
Reveal: Lexie’s confidence deflates like a popped balloon.
Sub-Mystery: Why does Lexie stay friends with Betsy, who is completely different from her and has no filter?
Sub-Open Loop: How will bright but socially awkward Lexie do in high school where lots of people are like Betsy?
ACT 1:
Essence: Lexie feels terrified at high school. The bus driver gets her name wrong. Mean girls make fun of her outfit. Gym class exhausts her. Speech class petrifies her. Cafeteria lady gives her green beans after she says she doesn’t want them. Cafeteria is noisy, crowded, nowhere to sit. A mean student steals her chair before she can sit down. Lexie leaves the cafeteria without eating.
Back at home, Lexie feels shut out by her family. Her older sister and younger brother are happy and successful and have the full attention of mom and dad. (External character conflict)
Sub-Mystery: Why is Lexie so overlooked by her family?
Sub-Open Loop: Will Lexie ever come out of her shell and figure out how to navigate high school?
Turning Point: Reveal: Back in her room, Lexie packs a bag and searches bus times, clearly contemplating running away from home.
ACT 2:
Essence: Lexie disappears during lunch.
Sub-Mystery: Where is Lexie hiding? Why?
Essence: Betsy finds her hiding out in the library. Lexie tells her about home and that she’s considering running away. Betsy thinks running away doesn’t solve anything; references her deadbeat dad. Lexie just needs to find a way to be special in her own right.
Plans that failed: Betsy tries to help Lexie find her own way to be “special” and only increases both of their humiliation. Montage: chem club (Lexie spills owl pellets on a cute boy and Betsy sets something on fire) cheer tryouts (Lexie falls on her head attempting a cartwheel and Betsy tells off the rude cheerleaders who laugh at her), book club (Lexie likes it, Betsy falls asleep), musical tryouts (Betsy can’t sing and Lexie runs away in terror only to fall offstage)
Essence: Lexie is still icing her elbow and kids in the classroom are still taunting both of them when their English teacher gives the class an assignment: to write an email to their future selves.
Midpoint: After a particularly neglectful family dinner in which no one seems interested in her brand-new to high school experiences, (External character conflict) (Brings her wound present), Lexie not only writes the email but clicks send. In the morning, she’s surprised to find a response.
ACT 3:
Essence: Plot intruding on life: Lexie probes to figure out if the email is real. She asks questions about Alexis’s life in Chicago in the year 2040. Alexis presents her life as happy and successful. But while she is a success at work, she doesn’t enjoy it: she treats people coolly, endures constant stress, nosy coworkers, pressure from her boss, competition from Sterling, and innuendos from Brett (External character conflicts)
Sub-Mystery: Why does Alexis stay at a job she clearly hates? Why did Alexis become so cold? Why is Sterling so competitive with Alexis?
Sub-Open Loop: Will Brett ever win over Alexis the ice queen? Will Alexis ever leave her job?
Reveal: Alexis’s home life is empty and lonely. So empty she nearly commits suicide one night (Plans that failed). The same night she receives Lexie’s email (Plot intruding on life).
Sub-Mystery: Why is life so bad that Alexis contemplated suicide?
Turning Point: At first, Alexis blows off Lexie’s email. Then she opens her mail and sees a birth announcement from her sister Lily. (Brings her wound present) Lily is adding to her family while Alexis has nothing and no one. Alexis decides to try to change her present by fixing her past. She begins emailing Lexie, ostensibly to help Lexie improve her life, but actually to better her present by fixing her past.
Sub-Open Loop: Will interacting with her past self improve Alexis’s present misery?
ACT 4:
Essence: Plot intruding on life: Alexis shocks Lexie with the things she knows about her and her family. Lexie isn’t sure whether or not she believes Alexis. Betsy is excited to begin driver’s ed.
External character conflict: Lexie feels overlooked again by her mother, who doesn’t have time to teach her how to drive because she’s too busy helping her older sister with college applications (Brings her wound present)
Sub-Mystery: If Lily is so smart, why does she need her mom’s help with her applications?
Sub-Open Loop: Will Lexie learn to drive? Who will have time to teach her?
Turning Point: To take her sister down a peg, Lexie messes with Lily’s college application essay.
Sub-Open Loop: Will Lily still get accepted into her first-choice college? Will she find out that Lexie changed her essay?
Reveal: Plot intruding on life: Alexis knows about Lexie’s deception, moments after it happens. Lexie finally believes Alexis is her future self. Alexis gives Lexie her first piece of advice: Stop caring what other people think.
ACT 5:
Essence: Plot intruding on life: Lexie goes through a school day applying Alexis’s advice: corrects the bus driver who gets her name wrong, actually enjoys game of field hockey in gym class, delivers a speech without throwing up, speaks up to the cafeteria worker who tries to give her green beans, finds a seat in the cafeteria for herself and Betsy, speaks up when Betsy begins getting too tactless. For the first time this school year, Lexie actually enjoys school and it’s all thanks to Alexis.
Conspiracy: Lexie keeps the emails from her future self a secret from her friends and family.
Deception: Alexis lets Lexie think she has a career in retail.
Main Open Loop: Can Lexie and Alexis help each other improve their lives?
Lock In: Return to Alexis’s VO about the value and importance of trust. Lexie is starting to trust Alexis, but the final scene reveals what Alexis really is: an undercover agent.
Twist Reveal: After convincing Lexie she’s trustworthy, Alexis goes out and completes a mission in which she lies and kills someone (Plot intruding on life).
Sub-Mystery: Why does Alexis lie to Lexie about her job?
Sub-Open Loop: Can Lexie trust Alexis? How will Lexie continue changing under Alexis’s influence?
-
Sharilyn’s adding Empathy / Distress!
What I learned doing this assignment is…pain is plot progress.
1. Look through your outline and see if any of these as a bigger frame for your story, or if you already have it in the story, can you emphasize or expand it:
• A. Crucible-Erin won’t leave her house even though she falls, bleeds, and can’t get up
• B. Betrayal-Ms. Chen calls the 1st Responders against Erin’s wishes
• C. Forced Decision-Erin vows to lose weight
• D. Hurt those they love-Mi-Ya, Ms. Chen, Patty all leave her alone, to eat
• F. Exposed-Erin loses a baby she didn’t know she was pregnant
• G. Must Make Decision with Future Consequences-Walley posts the video he makes of Erin
2. Looking at your scenes, are there places you can create situations to cause more Empathy/Distress?
Outline
Teaser:
Essence: Over black, moans, groans, clicking keyboard sounds. Eating? Fucking? Typing? An excited “Yes!” Climax reached.
surface LAYER: People are aroused
• Mystery: Sounds like one thing but could be another
• Deception: The sounds come from two excited people-both in same space?
• Secret Identity: It’s a man and woman but what is the relationship, if any?
• Strange Behavior: If it’s not your sex style, then the sounds are normal otherwise very animalistic
beneath LAYER: Erin eats out of boredom. Walley gets paid, but not enough, to hack.
• Erin-Beginning: In her bedroom, safe. Chillin’ and eating.
REVEAL: Food and hacking, in separate places, excite Erin and Walley
Turning Point: A deep belch. Snoring.
• Walley-Beginning: Dark hours of the night or day? Face lighted by computer glare. Talking to himself? Hacking.
Open Loop:
Mystery:
• A. Crucible-Erin is trapped. She hasn’t eaten all day.
• F. Exposed-The neighbor across the street has flood lights that shine directly onto Erin’s room
2. Looking at your scenes, are there places you can create situations to cause more Empathy/Distress?
Step 1: Check each scene to see if you can build any of these forms of Empathy/Distress into them.
• Extreme consequences-The refrigerator is chained shut; the cabinets padlocked
Act 1:
Essence: Song like Weird Al Yankovich’s “Eat it!” awakens grossly obese Erin who barely moves in a sunken twin bed. She feeds the birds and herself via delivery. KIDS clamor at her window.
surface LAYER: Erin is a caring, bedridden teacher.
• Intrigue: Why are elementary KIDS hanging out under a window?
• Mystery: BIRDS fly to Erin’s window, like old Disney “Snow White”
• Secret: Knife props up the window
• Secret Identity: A lecherous NEIGHBOR waves to Erin from across the street. She doesn’t wave back
• Hidden Layer: Walley complains about hacking job, but kowtows when BOSS shows up on screen
• Strange Behavior: Food delivery GUY(?) knowingly delivers to Erin’s window
beneath LAYER: Erin’s window is a lifeline.
REVEAL: Erin watches the world through her window.
• Patty-Opening: Saunters up for Erin’s snack order for the day. Kids admire Patty
Turning Point: Walley reviews Erin footage in his trailer alongside his blow-up doll girlfriend
surface LAYER: Walley is a recluse creeper.
• Deception: Walley works on his own porno hack. The only site that he thinks gov’t doesn’t monitor.
• Accusation: Kandy Kane accuses Walley of trying to get her to go back to being a blow-up DOLL when that is what she is
beneath LAYER: Walley believes he has to protect his trailer from government intrusion. Conspiracy.
Everyone is watching him.
• Walley-Turning Point: Hacks Erin’s room thru her phone as an example to Kandy
• Walley-(Dilemma is optional.) Walley can’t convince Kandy that his hacking will pan out/protect them
Open Loop: Will Walley’s relationship with a blow-up doll continue?
Mystery: Why does Erin teach through her window?
• D. Hurt those they love – Walley deflates Kandy
• G. Must Make Decision with Future Consequences – Erin closes her window
Step 1: Check each scene to see if you can build any of these forms of Empathy/Distress into them.
• Undeserved misfortune – knife bends, hurts a kid, Erin gets charged w/child endangerment
• Extreme consequences – Parents bombard Erin’s house b/c of kid injuries
• Major loss – Erin loses parental trust
Step 2: Make those situations even worse.
• Make it more painful – neighbor across the street tries to help; he’s a pervert
• Create more loss – Popo shows up to investigate
Make it more physically threatening
Act 2:
Essence: Erin gets weighed and washed by her caretaker, Ms. Chen & besty#2 Mi-Ya. Besty #1 Patty prances around, pumping Erin up for the day
surface LAYER: Everyone on board with helping Erin get healthy, feel good about her fat self
• Intriguing World: Walley’s browser lands on a “safe” porn site
• Deception: Patty leaves a bag of cucumbers, vegie dildos, in corner. She Erin talk in code about the firmness, thickness, length
• Wound: Cut marks on Erin’s arm physical and emotional scar
• Hidden Agenda: Ms. Chen prepares Erin’s food with a little more flavor, she taste tests it
• Hidden Layer: Mi-Ya ½ helps her mom wash Erin because it puts all the attention on Erin
• Strange Behavior: Ms. Chen checks the room. Finds small razor blades. Mi-Ya measures Erin. Ms. Chen weighs Erin by blood pressure cuff
beneath LAYER: Erin enjoys the attention. Patty gets to practice her make-up artistry, Mi-Ya gets a free model for her Fat Femme Fashion line; Ms. Chen gets “paid” well
• Patty-Beginning: Super sexy and confident in preparing Erin’s hair & make-up for the day
• Ms. Chen-Beginning: Fussing over Erin. Washing her. Weighing her.
• Mi-Ya-Beginning: Sassy while assisting her mom in washing/weighing Erin
REVEAL: Patty takes pictures and sends them off; Mi-Ya measures Erin. Also photographing Erin; Ms. Chen fixes eating equipment in Erin’s room, tidy’s up. Erin’s routine pops-up on Walley’s screen
• Mi-Ya-Ending: She challenges Erin to get fit for her fat fashion line
• Walley-Turning Point 2: Kandy Kane blow-up Doll girlfriend resents the time he spends hacking. They argue. He doesn’t want her to return to work in sex-trade industry
Turning Point/Midpoint: Later, alone, in the dark, Erin falls and she can’t get up.
surface LAYER: Erin is hungry all the time
• Intrigue: Erin eats in the dark, like it’s a sexual.
beneath LAYER: She masturbates with food at night. Then eats it.
• Mystery: Heavy footsteps sound.
• Secret: Erin can walk.
• Erin-Turning Point: She falls out of bed, reaching for a snack. No one in her room. She can’t get herself up.
REVEAL: Erin can walk. Baby steps.
• Patty-Turning Point: She can’t help Erin get up, too concerned about her look
• Patty-Midpoint: Patty and Ms. Chen fight over call/not call the 1st Responder.
Erin’s bleeding from somewhere. Parents Stu&Lu, Ms. Chen rush to her aid
surface LAYER: Erin’s parents really care. Period blood or blood from the fall.
beneath LAYER: Erin’s a cutter-her masturbation food ritual.
REVEAL: Erin’s knives in her room, under the bed, for “protection.” Parents check “security” cameras
• Ms. Chen-Turning Point: She calls the 1st Responders against Erin’s wishes
• Mi-Ya-Turning Point: She doesn’t wanna help Erin get up because it helps her mom
• Erin-(Dilemma is optional.) Erin has to leave the house to see the doctor about her bleeding
• Walley-(Dilemma is optional) Report the Erin footage or use it?
Open Loop: How will Walley’s footage change Erin’s life, if he posts it?
What are the cuts on Erin’s arm?
Will Erin be able to take care of herself?
Mystery: Who else is watching Erin?
Why is Erin so fat?
What’s behind the tension w/Mi-Ya, Erin & Ms. Chen?
• A. Crucible – Erin can’t get up off the floor
• C. Forced Decision – Erin must take a pregnancy test
• D. Hurt those they love – her parents and caretaker don’t help
• F. Exposed – Erin eats her last supper
• G. Must Make Decision with Future Consequences – Erin won’t leave her house
2. Looking at your scenes, are there places you can create situations to cause more Empathy/Distress?
Step 1: Check each scene to see if you can build any of these forms of Empathy/Distress into them.
• External character conflicts – Erin is ridicules for being fat
• Major loss – Popo show up again
• Brings their wound present – Memories of Erin’s tormenting by fat shamers appear
Step 2: Make those situations even worse.
• Raise the stakes – Neighbor across the street strikes a deal with Walley
Make it more physically threatening
Act 3:
Essence: 1st Responders can’t get Erin out of her house. Convince her to leave. She’s humiliated.
surface LAYER: Erin’s afraid to go outside.
• Intrigue: Why won’t Erin leave her house? Tell them she can walk?
• Mystery: Where is she bleeding from?
• Secret: Walley watches the whole Erin “fall and can’t get up” fiasco.
• Deception: Blood from the legs but really from her va-jay-jay.
• Wound: Kids’ PARENTS see Erin’s immobility as a safety hazard
• Accusation: Assumed Erin can’t be pregnant by 1st RESPONDERS.
beneath LAYER: Erin doesn’t wanna leave her safe place. Show that she can walk.
REVEAL: Everyone sees/not see Erin. They ignore her wishes about her body.
• Patty-Turning Point 2: Patty’s DAD shows up as one of the 1st Responders. She fights with him.
• Erin-Turning Point 2: Erin’s bleeding “examination” is humiliating.
• Ms. Chen-Midpoint: Ms. Chen doesn’t defend Erin’s weight nor protect her during fat-shaming
• Erin-Major Conflict: She refuses to leave/see a doctor.
Turning Point: Her besty Patty protects her, while Ms. Chen and Mi-Ya turn on Erin.
Patty confronts her Father, an ambulance driver. Walley previews his “Fat Bitch Pitch” for porno
surface LAYER: Ambulance driver is a former LOVER. Walley targets Erin.
beneath LAYER: Ms. Chen and Mi-Ya are sick of Erin’s neediness.
REVEAL: Walley redirect his surveillance cameras. Stumbles upon Erin. Researches “Porn for profit”
• Walley-Midpoint: Watches the whole 1st Responder fiasco while simultaneously editing footage
• Intriguing World: Soft porn-internet montage of fetishizers
• Patty-Major Conflict: Patty’s dad refuses to help his colleagues lift Erin’s limbs
• Strange Behavior: After seeing Patty, MALE EMT won’t help Erin. Weird Neighbor guy offers to help/clean Erin up/transport her
Open Loop: Why does Walley target Erin?
If Erin doesn’t teach, what will she do?
What is the essence of a fat fetish?
Why does EMT refuse to help Erin?
Mystery: Why is the Neighbor so into Erin?
Why doesn’t Erin tell/show that she can walk?
Why is Patty so overprotective?
• B. Betrayal – Ms. Chen and Mi-Ya turn on Erin for different reasons
• F. Exposed – Neighbor across the street send Walley footage
• G. Must Make Decision with Future Consequences
2. Looking at your scenes, are there places you can create situations to cause more Empathy/Distress?
Step 1: Check each scene to see if you can build any of these forms of Empathy/Distress into them.
• Undeserved misfortune – EMT GUY won’t help Erin
• External character conflicts _ Patty and the EMT GUY get into it;
• Witnessing the pain of others – Erin is in physical pain after the fall
Step 2: Make those situations even worse.
• Make it more painful – News vans show up like getting Erin out the house is a spectacle
• Raise the stakes _ People take bets on whether or not Erin’ll get up, they’ll get her out of the house
• Create more loss – Erin rejected from teacher ed. certificate program
• Put any goal, need, value, wound at significant risk
• Make it more physically threatening
Act 4:
Essence: Erin confides in Patty about her fat-shame. Erin & Patty reminisce
surface LAYER: Erin thanks Patty for being there for her.
• Mystery: Is Patty hetero? homo? bi? Why?
• Mystery: Who da’baby daddy?
• Secret: Walley doesn’t tell Kandy but he compiles Erin footage.
• Deception: Stu&Lu’s security camera’s all over Erin’s house in back
• Secret Identity: Erin’s adopted
• Wound: Erin is okay with being fat just doesn’t know why she’s this fat?
beneathLAYER: Erin and Patty “did it” after a wild night of cutting, drinking, eating
• Intrigue: Patty had a Patricio moment with Erin
REVEAL: Erin dissatisfied with Ms. Chen, Mi-Ya, Patty caring for her.
• Ms. Chen-Turning Point 2: Ms. Chen drags Stu&Lu into ganging up on Erin
• Mi-Ya-Midpoint: She sides with her mom about Erin’s weight taking over her life
• Mi-Ya-Turning Point 2: She presents more fashionable muumuu’s to Erin’s dislike
• Mi-Ya-Major Conflict: She fights with Erin
Turning Point: Walley’s Erin footage goes viral
• Hidden Layer: Walley wants to be an independent contractor. No more gov’t hacking.
• Intriguing World: Porn Press headquarters Gina “discovers” Walley’s work
• Ms. Chen-Major Conflict: Mi-Ya defends Erin to her mom, Ms. Chen, who has 2nd thoughts about how she handled Erin
Open Loop: Will Patty & Erin hook up?
Can Erin get pregnant again?
Will Patty go back to being Patricio?
Will Ms. Chen and Mi-Ya resolve their mother/daughter squabble?
How far will Walley take his Erin hack?
Mystery: Why was Erin given up by her bio parents for adoption?
Why is Walley so unethical?
What are Stu,Lu, Ms. Chen hiding?
• E. Emotional Dilemma – Patty resents being non-binary
• F. Exposed – Neighbor across the street watching Erin too
• G. Must Make Decision with Future Consequences – Walley goes rogue against Kandy
2. Looking at your scenes, are there places you can create situations to cause more Empathy/Distress?
Step 1: Check each scene to see if you can build any of these forms of Empathy/Distress into them.
• Undeserved misfortune Walley gets fired, Erin goes undiagnosed
• External character conflicts Erin and Mi-Ya go at it
• Plans that failed – Erin hates Mi-Ya’s muumuu designs
• Brings their wound present Erin remembers the last time she got fitted for a dress
Step 2: Make those situations even worse.
• Make it more painful – Erin pulls out her adoption papers focusing on parents “unknown”
• Create more loss – Pizza delivery and other food Ride-Share people tell Erin they can’t come by
Make it more physically threatening
Act 5:
Essence: Erin vows to lose weight. Porno press flags Erin footage.
surface LAYER: Erin is innocent.
• Intrigue: Erin weighs herself
• Wound: Remembering Fat camp
beneath LAYER: Erin wants a man, not a cucumber.
• Accusation: Patty accuses Erin od being a secret-sexer
REVEAL: Erin picks her body apart in a full-length mirror.
• Erin-Midpoint: Fat shaming 1st responders, neighbors, family, friends make her see herself as they do
• Strange Behavior: Mi-Ya shows Erin new muumuu line. Erin hates it
• Ms. Chen-(Dilemma is optional.) Help Erin by coddling or hurt her by making her face the truth? Tough Love.
• Hidden Agenda: Ms. Chen discourages Erin
• Major Conflict: Walley reviews, edits and sends off his Erin pitch
• Intriguing World: Internet soft porn sites
Lock In: Medic calls Erin revealing she lost a baby. WTF!?! She didn’t even know she was preggers!
• Ms. Chen-Ending: Ms. Chen face in security camera caught by Mi-Ya
• Patty-Ending: Erin consoles Patty who leaves her in a huff
• Mystery: How? When? Who? Erin’s sexual encounters
• Erin-Ending: Erin discovers she was preggers.
• Mi-Ya-(Dilemma is optional.) Tell Erin that her mom has a camera on her or not?
• Ending: Chubby Chasers, porno folks blow up Walley’s phone
Open Loop: How will Erin lose the weight?
Will Erin get a man?
What is the “soft” porn internet world like?
Will fat-shame plague Erin?
Who is helping Walley with the camera work?
Does Kandy Kane stay or go along with Walley?
What will Erin do to escape the over-bearers in her life?
Mystery: Why does Ms. Chen discourage Erin?
What happened at Fat Camp?
• A. Crucible – Erin is trapped in her body
• B. Betrayal – Patty can’t get over Erin not telling her she was pregnant
• D. Hurt those they love – Ms. Chen comes for Erin’s neck
• E. Emotional Dilemma – Erin has to weigh herself
• F. Exposed – Erin’s footage goes viral
• G. Must Make Decision with Future Consequences – Stay fat or lose some weight?
2. Looking at your scenes, are there places you can create situations to cause more Empathy/Distress?
Step 1: Check each scene to see if you can build any of these forms of Empathy/Distress into them.
• Undeserved misfortune – Erin loses the baby
• External character conflicts – Erin vs all her besties, Walley, family
• Extreme consequences – Erin told that due to her weight, she’d never conceive
• Major loss – the baby
• Brings their wound present – Weighing in at fat camp memory. Erin only one no lose weight
Step 2: Make those situations even worse.
• Raise the stakes – in “soft” porn world we see NO fat folks
Make it more physically threatening
-
Tom’s Adding Empathy/Distress!
What I learned from this lesson was that empathy and distress are good gauges from checking in on your plot and characters and making sure they are creating and furthering a story that is going to lock an audience in for the long haul.
I was happy to run through this exercise and feel confident that I have a good foundation to build on. There were a couple items I saw areas for improvement, but overall I could see that most of these empathy/distress variables were being taken to an extreme.
Crucible: The fate of humanity is in the hands of a group of strangers present at a protest
Betrayal: Eddie is secretly working against Twyla and the janitor
Forced Decision: Florida Man is forced to attend the support group or go to jail
Hurt those they love: The judge could be Florida Man’s brother or relative and the life choices that Florida Man makes and the disrespect in his courtroom could be hurtful.
Emotional Dilemma: Eddie must choose between helping mankind and working with Twyla and the janitor or turn against them and sabotage their plan ultimately guiding mankind to self-destruction
Exposed: During the trial we see what Florida Man does in his free time may be suffering from a mental illness, this is further illustrated when he returns home and we see the state he lives in
Must make a decision with future consequences: Despite the warning of violence, Florida Man decides to go to the protest and seek out the false flag operation that may be unfolding
Undeserved misfortune: During the protest innocent attendees are killed when it turns violent
External character conflicts: A group represents conflicting sides of political and idealogical beliefs who must come together to ultimately save humanity; Poe and Brenda are the leaders of two opposing groups at the protest; Twyla and Eddie are at odds with one another;
Plot intruding on life: Florida Man’s plans are derailed when he gets arrested forcing him to attend the support group meetings and being on house arrest
Plans that failed: Florida Man attempts to do what he believes is good for society and ends up getting arrested for it
Witnessing the pain of others: The group shares the losses they’ve experienced as a result of the pandemic
Extreme consequences: The actions of the group will directly impact the course of mankind, which is currently on a crash course toward extinction
Major loss: As a result of the pandemic many of the group members have lost family, friends, jobs or possessions
Brings their wound present: The purpose of the group is to bring people together who have lost during the pandemic to share and support one another
Make it more painful: Already dealing with personal losses of each character and the freedom of Florida Man
Raise the stakes: Already dealing with the extinction of human race
Create more loss: ???
Put any goal, need, value, wound at significant risk: Eddie’s betrayal alludes to possibility that the plan will fail, the protest will happen, and mankind will continue down its path of destruction
Time this to be at the worst moment: To Florida Man, who is on his own crusade, being arrested and forced to abide by the court order and attend a support group could be seen as the worst possible time. More specifically, Eddie also puts him in a position to exhibit leadership amongst the group at a time when he is not well liked (he’s the only one who hasn’t actually lost anything from the pandemic).
Make it more physically threatening: Everyone’s lives are already at stake
Log in to reply.