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Day 8 Assignments
Reply to post your assignment.
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15 Replies
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Logline: John has to find out the name of an informant. His obstacle is Nick. The dilemma is how to obtain the information, easy way or hard way. John has a tough decision to make.
Essence: What I tried to accomplish in the scene is to show how difficult it is for John to find out what he needs to know and the extent he is willing to go to get said intel.
INT. AFGHANISTAN UNDERGROUND BUNKER – DAY
A huge, muscled MARINE punches a shirtless and blooded NICK, bound hand and foot, suspended two feet in the air.
The sound of wind escaping exits from Nick’s mouth.
NICK
Ohhhhh, you gutless piece of shit. My grandmother can hit harder than that.
The muscled Marine gut punches Nick again.
Nick struggles against his bindings.
NICK
Ha ha ha. I have this itch, can you hit more to the left?
The Marine pulls back to deliver another blow… when
JOHN (O.S.)
Hold it Sargeant!
JOHN, 30s, sporting a bright Hawaiian shirt and Ray Bans steps from the darkness into the lone bunker light. He places his Ray Bans in his shirt pocket.
JOHN
Whaddya say Nicky? Just give me the name. I can make this go away.
NICK
What? You guys had enough already?
JOHN
Cut the shit, Nick. Give me the name.
NICK
Right. I give you the name and Langley will hail you as a hero. No dice amigo.
JOHN
Nick, we’re on the same team. What happened to your loyalty, amigo?
NICK
Fuck loyalty and FUCK you!
John head nods to the Marine, who gut punches Nick again.
Nick spits in the Marine’s face.
NICK
You hit like a sissy.
Marine draws back his fist, but John stops him, addresses the Marine.
JOHN
He’s just trying to manipulate you into a bad place. Get inside your head. Be cool.
Marine nods, then steps back.
JOHN
Nicky. Nicky. Nicky. We can do this the easy way or the hard way. It’s your choice.
NICK
My choice huh? You claim to be a loyal ops officer. But you were always the loner. Playing out there on the fringe… You’re more rogue than I am…
JOHN
Oh Nick, that’s hitting below the belt. That hurts my feelings. Especially all I’ve done for you.
NICK
What a crock.
JOHN
Okay Nick, you want to do this the hard way. Fine. Let’s dance.
John turns to the Marine and nods. He walks over to pour a drink while the Marine wails on Nick. He watches the Marine work Nick over.
The cracking of a rib… splitting open of skin… Nick’s muffled groans…
Nick continues his rebellious nature with snide comments after each punch from the Marine.
JOHN
Stand down, Sargeant.
The Marine steps back and stands at ease.
JOHN
Well, you are a tough one. Your confident mouth may have overloaded your hummingbird ass.
John takes a step back from Nick. Without looking away from Nick…
JOHN
Sargeant? Bring in our next guest.
Marine exits.
JOHN
Nick, you’re gonna love our next guest.
Marine shoves MOHAMMED in front of John.
Nick’s blood drains from his face when he sees Mohammed.
JOHN
Nick… Mohammed. Mohammed… Nick. But then again you know Mohammed.
NICK
Never seen him in my life. Honest!
JOHN
Nicky, there’s no conviction in what you said. I’m not buying it.
NICK
Come on, John, you know me. I’ve never seen this guy before.
John grabs Nick by his beard and gently shakes his head.
JOHN
Nick. Nick. Nick. You know how untrusting I am with people. Yet, you continue to lie.
NICK
I’m not lying!
JOHN
Whoa. Nice conviction… still not buying it.
Nick glares at John. Finally…
JOHN
Let’s see what our guest has to say.
Nick’s sunken eyes glare at John.
John picks Mohammed off the floor and places Mohammed’s face directly in front of Nick’s face.
JOHN
Mr. Mohammed! Is this the man feeding the Taliban logistical intel?
Mohammed is petrified, he nods.
Nick’s eyes widen.
JOHN
Sargeant, get this piece of shit out of here. Dispose of him… properly.
Marine nods, then drags Mohammed out.
JOHN
Just you and me Nicky. Give me the name and all this ends. I’m gonna get the name one way or another. Make it easy on yourself.
NICK
You say you aren’t buying what he’s selling?
JOHN
Hurry Nicky. That Marine ain’t gonna be gone forever.
NICK
Aha. I know what you’re doing. You’re trying to trick me. I’m wise to you, ace.
The Marine enters, then nods to John.
JOHN
Times up Nick. One last time, gimme the name.
NICK
Go pound sand, amigo.
John stares at Nick for a few seconds. He smiles. Calmly…
JOHN
Okay Nicky. Have it your way.
John turns, nods to the Marine. As John exits the bunker, he hears the cracking of a rib.
NICK
Ohhhhh, you piece of shit… I’m gonna kick your ass…
WHACK!
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You did a great job with John’s traits and subtext. I see three of Nick’s traits very well. You might find a way to show his giving side since he withholds everything. He seems to be in the worst possible place, but I love his humor. His subtext is clear, too.
You certainly have many interest techniques: suspense, betrayal, hope/fear, intrigue, surprise and major twist with Mohammed. Congratulations on the cat and mouse game. You have left a lot of questions as to what will come next!
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Logline: John has been tasked with recovering a thumb drive with sensitive documents on it. He has been informed that Nick is the culprit. Now he has to get it back and leave Nick to the people who hired John
Essence: Two old friends end up in a dangerous situation and only one of them has a safe way out.
INT. ABANDONED BUILDING IN CHICAGO- NIGHT
JOHN, a 30 something with a typical build, has just run into this abandoned building with NICK, a thirty something wiry built man, who John hasn’t seen in several years. They are both out of breath.
JOHN:
What the hell have you gotten me into Nick? You call out of the blue and say you want to get together for a few laughs, well old pal, I’m not laughing. Who’s chasing us?
NICK
You don’t have anything to worry about. They are after me. You are , as they say, collateral damage.
JOHN:
Collateral damage my ass! This is why I avoid people, especially ones who want a piece of my ass. Now give it to me straight. What have you done?
Nick wanders towards the table in the middle of the room. He pulls out a chair and sits down. Running his hands through his hair he looks up at John and motions him over. John complies.
NICK:
I reached out to you because I thought you might know how best to sell this. (Nick reaches into his coat pocket and pulls out a thumb drive.)
I figured anybody who is a private investigator has to know how to work both sides of the street.
JOHN:
What is that? Did you steal some corporate secrets and now my ass is on the line? Tell me that isn’t what this is.
NICK:
Nothing like that. I have been romancing a rich widow for about a year. Nothing major, just letting her keep me in the lifestyle I aspire to. One evening, I overheard her financial advisor give her this thumb drive with research on an IPO coming up. I knew that was the opportunity to cash in and move on. I stole it a week ago. That’s when I called you.
JOHN:
You’ve been planning this for some time haven’t you. I should belt you for getting me into your shit. This is the reason I prefer my own company. No complications ever.
Nick shifts in his chair and stands up facing John.
NICK:
So what do we do now?
JOHN:
(scratching his chin)
Okay here is what we’ll do. They are looking for you and they don’t know me, right?
NICK:
As far as I know, no.
JOHN:
Then you give me that thumb drive and I will sneak out the back way. Then you face the music and when they finish with you and realize you don’t have what they want, they’ll go back and retrace your steps to figure out where you dumped it.
NICK:
Basically I get my ass kicked and then you meet me later and give it back to me, right?
JOHN:
Right and then you lose my phone number for good. I ‘ll meet you at the Museum of Art around noon tomorrow. That will give them time to confirm you don’t have and they’ll let you go.
NICK:
Small sacrifice, take a few lumps and then meet you to cash out. Sounds like a plan. Here.
(Nick hands over the thumb drive) Whatever you do don’t lose it.
JOHN:
Count on me. Now give me a few minutes to sneak out and then you can go on the street and face the music.
Nick gives John a thumbs up and shakes his hand. John then moves to the back of the building and just before he opens the door, he turns and looks back at Nick., Seeing Nick look the other way, John slinks into the shadows. He takes out his cell phone, dials and then whispers.
JOHN:
I have your property. He’s all yours. I’ll meet you in the park and we can settle up. Make it look good.
John exits the building and immediately after, two muscular guys dressed in suits open the door and grab Nick. They search him. When they find nothing, they start beating him up. As they are leaving they give Nick a parting kick in the groin.
FADE OUT
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Feedback on 2nd script sample:
I thought this sample addressed the assignment really well: Nick manipulates John into a really bad spot and then lets the situation put pressure on him. Nick is certainly conniving, rebellious and confident and he gives the drive to his friend.
Robert clearly distrusts Nick and tricks him into walking into the trap. Robert is daring. Who would get himself into a situation like this? He distrusts Nick. He works alone as a leader and is loyal to his job.
I thought this sample did a great job of incorporating all the traits and subtext listed into the assignment.
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I think you did a great job with the traits, subtext, and interest techniques. You accomplished a lot in a very concise way that made the read quick and exciting. I’m impressed.
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George Petersen SCENE #2
Logline: John confronts Nick about his taking advantage of his sister.
Essence: John confirms Nick’s gold digging ways.
Scene:
INT. JOHN’S KITCHEN – DAY
It’s a designer kitchen, sparkling new appliances everywhere.
John sits at the island counter, his lunch not touched. He stares at it.
Nick enters, opens the refrigerator, takes out a carton of almond milk.
John looks up.
JOHN
Go ahead, Nick. Eat my food. It’s there for the taking.
Nick stands there for a moment looking at John, then puts the carton back in the refrigerator, closes the door.
NICK
John, look, I know it must be hard for you, but Jane and I appreciate all you’re doing for us, putting us up and all. I don’t know where we would be today without your help.
JOHN
Any bites on your applications?
Nick crosses his arms, leans against the counter opposite the island.
NICK
Nothing yet.
JOHN
Of course not.
NICK
What does that mean?
JOHN
It means: you’re not marrying my sister.
Nick stiffens.
NICK
I love Jane, you know that.
JOHN
I know you checked out her properties on Zillow.
NICK
Why would I do that?
JOHN
Because you don’t love her. You don’t love her at all. All you’re looking for is —
NICK
What’s got into you, John? You’re talking crazy. I’m not after Jane’s money and you know it.
JOHN
That’s not what you told your therapist.
NICK
My therapist!
Nick walks around the island. John stands up.
JOHN
That call you made to me yesterday, that call you made when you were late for your appointment — well, you forgot to end the call.
Nick shoves John.
NICK
You listened to my therapy session?!
John shoves back.
JOHN
I learned a lot. I learned Jane isn’t the first rich woman you targeted.
NICK
Why you —
Nick lunges for John’s throat.
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George:
Loved the scene you have created. Great situation and used the character traits very well.
The hope/fear balance works and the ultimate reveal is a great twist.
Perhaps a way to get more of the “Roller Coaster” dialogue that Hal mentioned is to have John question Nick about the “other women” Give a sense of hope that John thinks he just has a problem and then rip the rug out from him when he reveals the audio.
Enjoyed the read and it sets up the next scene in this script.
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Excellent set up and reveal. You can feel the tension build. I really like the surprise and twist of the therapist. Good use of the interest techniques. Since you used all but the superior position, you might add it just for the challenge of using them all. Thanks for the great example.
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Logline: John needs to find the designs Nick has stolen.
Essence: John wants revenge.
INT. SOUTH DAKOTA, WIND CAVE NATIONAL PARK – DAY
Cold wind blows the RANGER’S hat off. He laughs. Picks it up. The VISITORS behind him shiver.
RANGER
Bet you didn’t know this cave breathes. It’s exhaling now due to low pressure. Follow me. Stay on the path. Watch your heads.
Ranger strides forward. Chatters about Lakota Indian history. Points his flashlight at the honeycomb boxwood, lattice crystals, popcorn formations low overhead.
He stops at the top of a 300-foot staircase.
RANGER
Watch the slippery steps, folks.
NICK DONALD (40’s) brings up the rear of the line. He’s buff. wears expensive outdoor clothes.
He sweeps his flashlight over the edge of the handrail.
JOHN TRUE walks in front of Nick. He’s slender, thirty, passes as a teenager in a music icon t-shirt, worn jeans.
He trips.
Nick grabs his t-shirt.
NICK
Watch it, kid.
He helps John up.
John’s flashlight rolls over the side edge of the step.
NICK
You okay? Where is your family?
JOHN
Like being by myself. Where’s yours?
NICK
Here for business.
JOHN
Dumb place for business.
NICK
Happens sometimes.
John shakes.
Nick removes his coat.
NICK
Take my coat before you freeze.
JOHN
Don’t think so.
NICK
Don’t give me any guff. It’s forty degrees in here.
JOHN
People aren’t nice to strangers for no reason.
NICK
Fuck, you, moron.
He pulls his coat back on.
RANGER
Come on, guys. Stay with the group.
NICK
When I’m ready.
John peers over at his flashlight. It rests on the cement footing. He shoves his head under the handrail.
Nick grabs John’s shoulder. Yanks him back.
NICK
You could hurt yourself.
JOHN
It’s my mom’s flashlight.
He looks down.
JOHN
It’s not that far.
NICK
Let the Ranger take care of it after the tour.
He puts his arm around John’s shoulder.
NICK
You’re gutsy for a kid. Tell me why you’re here.
JOHN
Need a merit badge for Eagle Scouts.
Nick laughs.
NICK
In what? How to freeze your butt?
JOHN
Environmental science. Fracking specifically.
Nick pulls away. His eyes narrow.
NICK
What’s a kid know about drilling for natural gas?
JOHN
I’m betting a lot more than you.
Nick clenches, unclenches his fists.
NICK
Safer to research online.
JOHN
Yeah. But not as exciting or profitable as espionage.
Nick glares.
NICK
Nice cover. Had me fooled.
JOHN
Got a youthful face from my mom. Hand over the designs for the new fracking drill.
Nick looks over the rail’s edge.
NICK
Get them yourself. There’s a foil package near your flashlight. Between the rail hooks and the cement footing.
John clenches his jaw. Climbs over the rail. His fingers find tiny indentations in the slab supporting the stairs. His boot reaches for the footing. Slips. He hangs a second. Grabs the rail. Breathes hard. He snatches his flashlight. Finds the packet.
He slowly climbs up. His hands grasp the step.
Nick steps on one hand.
NICK
Hand me the packet.
John tosses the packet on the step.
Nick steps on both hands.
JOHN
There’s nowhere you can go that I won’t find you.
NICK
What incentive could possibly be stronger than your life?
JOHN
Fracking caused my mom’s death. My whole family has various illness. I will make you all pay.
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Denice:
Amazing setting really unique and great opportunities to build suspense, mystery and betrayal.
Loved how you used the character traits in the dialogue. Crisp and sweeping reveals of each characters core traits.
Perhaps a way to improve the “Roller Coaster” experience is to spend time on detailing how John knows Nick had the plans to begin with. Might further expand the great work you have done on creating the Hope/Fear dynamic.
Great opening scene for an interesting script.
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Thank you for your comments, Robert. I honestly had trouble with this scene and had to think about it for two days. I thought the hope/fear dynamic difficult and appreciate your advice on expanding it further.
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Logline: JOHN and NICK face-off over vital info to launch a website worth millions.
Essence: Characters accuse each over the possession of vital info.
INT. OFFICE – DAY
JOHN, a distrustful loner, works furiously at his desk, waiting impatiently for data on his computer.
JOHN
Come on!
Moments before final input NICK enters.
NICK
I knew you’re distrustful!
JOHN
No! You tried to connive your way into my business.
NICK
I gave you the data you wanted.
JOHN
For a price.
NICK
God, man, where’s your loyalty?!
John pops a disk out of the computer.
NICK
Good luck with that.
They stare each other down.
JOHN
You didn’t.
NICK
That information is worthless!
John re-checks the computer.
JOHN
Worthless?
NICK
I know you. You’re not to be trusted.
John puts the disk back into the computer.
ACCESS DENIED.
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You accomplished a lot in a short amount of time. Good job. Nice setup. You might show their traits a little more than just having the characters announce them. Maybe elaborate a little on the importance of the information on the thumb drive since it’s only apparent in your logline and essence.
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Alfred:
Interesting and timely setting. Using dialogue to announce the traits is good. The suspense is heightened at the end a bit of a cliff hanger.
Perhaps a way to improve the scene, and make it more of a roller coaster that Hal suggests is to go deeper into the relationship between John & Nick. There is obvious history between the two and that opens the door for dramatic reveal and heightens the HOPE/FEAR element.
Loved how crisp you were with the dialogue.
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Lesson 8 QE #2
Logline: John, a short, average-looking guy confronts good-looking Nick about his sister’s divorce
Essence: John needs to get info to protect his sister in her upcoming divorce with Nick.
INT. BAR – NIGHT
Nick sits at a loud, crowded bar checking out all the good-looking women flirting with the people around them while finishing his beer. He tilts his head to the slouched over GOOD-LOOKING GUY next to him.
GOOD-LOOKING GUY: How’s it going?
NICK: Just waiting on my soon-to-be ex’s brother to show. He hates crowds. So, I thought this would be the best place to meet.
Good-looking guy looks at him quizzically.
NICK: If you want an edge, put someone in an uncomfortable setting… My wife nuts if she thinks I’m giving her half of everything I own. All she did was stay at home while I worked. And, I had a successful business long before we were married.
GOOD-LOOKING GUY: Kids?
NICK: Three.
Nick removes a photo of his kids from his wallet and points at the picture.
NICK: Nick, Jr. He’s eleven. That’s Johnny, he’s ten. And there’s sweet Angela. She’s six.
GOOD-LOOKING GUY: Wow, good looking kids.
NICK (proudly): Yeah, they’re really great kids.
Good-Looking Guy looks at him in deep thought while Nick notices John walking up to him in the mirror behind bar and turns to him.
NICK: Here he comes… John, good to see you. Let me get you a beer. (turns to the good-looking guy) What are you drinking?
GOOD-LOOKING GUY: Scotch, on the rocks.
The barmaid comes to Nick who points to his beer, then at himself and John. He then gestures to the Good-Looking Guy’s drink and nods to the barmaid. She smiles and nods back.
JOHN: I appreciate you meeting with me, Nick. But, it’s really hard to talk in a place like this.
NICK: Relax, we’ll be fine. You need to start socializing a little more. You know Jill was always worried you would never find someone. Live a little. There’s more to life than researching shit on the internet. You really do need to get out more. (tilts head to the end of the bar) Check out those babes at the end of the bar. They’re not out of your league, John.
John glances at them, then back at Nick and sighs as he situates himself next to him. The barmaid delivers the drinks. Nick toasts John and the good-looking Guy.
NICK: May we all get lucky.
John gives him a stern look and puts his beer down.
JOHN: Let’s just see if we can resolve the issues you have with Jill.
NICK: Fine, I hope you understand that I have no interest in making this difficult for her. The most important thing is the kids. We’ve known you for a number of years. You know, I could use someone like you. How would you like a thirty-five percent increase in pay?
JOHN: Doing what?
NICK: We’d find something for you.
JOHN: But my sister also needs to be taken care of.
Nick checks out the women at the end of the bar. One smiles at him and he crack a smile at her.
JOHN: Let’s stay focused on what we’re here for.
NICK: I am. But there’s nothing that says we can’t enjoy the eye candy and while taking care of business.
JOHN (irritated): What about Jill?
NICK: I have no problem with the child support. But your sister is wanting way too much of my assets. She seems to forget that I already thriving business before we even met. And, I see no reason to pay alimony. She’s perfectly healthy and capable of working.
JOHN: Don’t the kids deserve a decent place to live?
NICK: I told her she can have half the equity from the house when it sells. And, the kids can stay with me any time.
JOHN: And, what about that land you purchased through some company you set up?
NICK (surprised): What are you talking about? What company? What land?
JOHN: You don’t think she knew?
NICK: I don’t know what the hell you’re talking about.
JOHN: We already know the property. Since you didn’t list that on your asset list that you provided the court, that’s perjury. I’ve been told it’s worth over $2million.
NICK (flustered): Ah, bullshit. Whoever said that is lying. It’s not worth a dime over $1,000,000.
As the conversation gets louder, Good-looking guy starts listening.
JOHN: Then, why would they say $2 million?
NICK: I bought that 5 years ago for $250,000. It’s just an empty lot across from Wal-Mart, which wasn’t built when I got the lot. I might be able to get $1.25.
JOHN (grinning): Wal-Mart, huh? I think I know which lot that is. How big is it?
NICK: You tell me. You seem to know so much.
JOHN: I do now. And, it looks like you valued the company at 25% of its true value.
NICK: Says who? Jill? Jill doesn’t know shit about business.
JOHN: She handled all the books for the first seven years until it became too much with the kids.
NICK: She hardly did anything… I need to take a piss. I’ll be back.
Nick walks towards the two women at the end of the bar and whispers to the woman that was checking him out as he passes by her. She giggles.
GOOD-LOOKING GUY: That’s really nice that you’re looking out for your sister.
John tries to ignore him.
GOOD-LOOKING GUY: So, your sister helped out with the business.
JOHN: Helped out?! The business was going under when my sister came to work there. She helped him turn it around. They were a team. After a year and a half, they got married. She kept him focused and encouraged him whenever things were going bad.
GOOD-LOOKING GUY: Huh!
John looks at him quizzically, then turns to see Nick heading back, while slyly passing a folded paper in her hand of the girl he flirted with. She opens it, looks down and smiles, then folds it and puts it in her bra, which John sees. He whispers in ear of the woman’s friend, who looks up at John and smiles. He returns to John.
NICK: Okay, so where were we?
JOHN: We were talking about what your business was worth. The bottom line is that she gets half, but she might settle for a third if you sign over the property.
NICK: See that woman down there that’s smiling at you? She’s interested in you. I have a proposition for you. Instead of driving that old piece of shit Ford Fiesta, I’ll get you a low milage Lexus 300. Just forget about that Lot and I’ll pay Jill, in cash, 25% of appraised value of the business.
JOHN: You think I would betray my sister for a car?
NICK: She’s divorcing me.
JOHN: That’s cause you’re a pig. The divorce isn’t done and you’re already chasing women. Of course, that never stopped you in the past. You think Jill didn’t know about all your philandering? She stayed with you for the kids until I said enough was enough. And, that bullshit about you having a successful business before you met Jill. You were on the verge of bankruptcy.
Nick furrows his brow and purses his lips at Good-Looking guy, then turns back to John. Good-Looking Guy listens intently again.
NICK: So, you’re not going to help me. You’re going to live alone, driving that old jalopy for the rest of your life.
JOHN: I can live with that.
NICK: Yeah well live with this, I don’t care what my attorney says, I’ll make sure she gets nothing. But I’ll get a house for the kids and she can live with them because it will be in the kids’ name only. But she can still have her share of the equity of the house. But, that’s it.
JOHN: You’re toast. Now that I verified that property, my sister will get everything she’s entitled to.
NICK: She didn’t know about the commercial lot?!
JOHN: She does now.
NICK: Why don’t we slip behand the building and have a friendly discussion.
JOHN: That’s fine. I have no problem getting my ass kicked by you as long as my sister gets what she rightfully hers.
NICK: Good, let’s go! )to the barmaid) Hold this. I’ll be back in about five minutes.
They leave. Good-looking guy sips his drink thinking deeply for a few minutes, then looks up to the Barmaid.
GOOD-LOOKING GUY: Hold my place. I’ll be back in a few minutes.
BARMAID: Where are you going?
GOOD-LOOKING GUY: To do my good deed for the night.
No longer slouching over, the huge Good-Looking Guy gets up and walks out looking for John.Lesson 8 QE #2
Logline: John, a short, average looking guy confronts good-looking Nick about his sister’s divorce
Essence: John needs to get info to protect his sister in her upcoming divorce with Nick.
INT. BAR – NIGHT
Nick sits at a loud, crowded bar checking out all the good-looking women flirting with the people around them while finishing his beer. He tilts his head to the slouched over GOOD-LOOKING GUY next to him.
GOOD-LOOKING GUY: How’s it going?
NICK: Just waiting on my soon to be ex’s brother to show. He hates crowds. So, I thought this would be the best place to meet.
Good-looking guy looks at him quizzically.
NICK: If you want an edge, put someone in an uncomfortable setting… My wife nuts if she thinks I’m giving her half of everything I own. All she did was stay at home while I worked. And, I had a successful business long before we were married.
GOOD-LOOKING GUY: Kids?
NICK: Three.
Nick removes a photo of his kids from his wallet and points at the picture.
NICK: Nick, Jr. He’s eleven. That’s Johnny, he’s ten. And there’s sweet Angela. She’s six.
GOOD-LOOKING GUY: Wow, good looking kids.
NICK (proudly): Yeah, they’re really great kids.
Good-looking guy looks at him in deep thought while Nick notices John walking up to him in the mirror behind bar and turns to him.
NICK: Here he comes… John, good to see you. Let me get you a beer. (turns to the good-looking guy) What are you drinking?
GOOD-LOOKING GUY: Scotch, on the rocks.
The barmaid comes to Nick who points to his beer, then at himself and John. He then gestures to the Good-Looking Guy’s drink and nods to the barmaid. She smiles and nods back.
JOHN: I appreciate you meeting with me, Nick. But, it’s really hard to talk in a place like this.
NICK: Relax, we’ll be fine. You need to start socializing a little more. You know Jill was always worried you would never find someone. Live a little. There’s more to life than researching shit on the internet. You really do need to get out more. (tilts head to the end of the bar) Check out those babes at the end of the bar. They’re not out of your league, John.
John glances at them, then back at Nick and sighs as he situates himself next to him. The barmaid delivers the drinks. Nick toasts John and the good-looking Guy.
NICK: May we all get lucky.
John gives him a stern look and puts his beer down.
JOHN: Let’s just see if we can resolve the issues you have with Jill.
NICK: Fine, I hope you understand that I have no interest in making this difficult for her. The most important thing is the kids. We’ve known you for a number of years. You know, I could use someone like you. How would you like a thirty-five percent increase in pay?
JOHN: Doing what?
NICK: We’d find something for you.
JOHN: But my sister also needs to be taken care of.
Nick checks out the women at the end of the bar. One smiles at him and he crack a smile at her.
JOHN: Let’s stay focused on what we’re here for.
NICK: I am. But there’s nothing that says we can’t enjoy the eye candy and while taking care of business.
JOHN (irritated): What about Jill?
NICK: I have no problem with the child support. But your sister is wanting way too much of my assets. She seems to forget that I already thriving business before we even met. And, I see no reason to pay alimony. She’s perfectly healthy and capable of working.
JOHN: Don’t the kids deserve a decent place to live?
NICK: I told her she can have half the equity from the house when it sells. And, the kids can stay with me any time.
JOHN: And, what about that land you purchased through some company you set up?
NICK (surprised): What are you talking about? What company? What land?
JOHN: You don’t think she knew?
NICK: I don’t know what the hell you’re talking about.
JOHN: We already know the property. Since you didn’t list that on your asset list that you provided the court, that’s perjury. I’ve been told it’s worth over $2million.
NICK (flustered): Ah, bullshit. Whoever said that is lying. It’s not worth a dime over $1,000,000.
As the conversation gets louder, Good-looking guy starts listening.
JOHN: Then, why would they say $2 million?
NICK: I bought that 5 years ago for $250,000. It’s just an empty lot across from Wal-Mart, which wasn’t built when I got the lot. I might be able to get $1.25.
JOHN (grinning): Wal-Mart, huh? I think I know which lot that is. How big is it?
NICK: You tell me. You seem to know so much.
JOHN: I do now. And, it looks like you valued the company at 25% of its true value.
NICK: Says who? Jill? Jill doesn’t know shit about business.
JOHN: She handled all the books for the first seven years until it became too much with the kids.
NICK: She hardly did anything… I need to take a piss. I’ll be back.
Nick walks towards the two women at the end of the bar and whispers to the woman that was checking him out as he passes by her. She giggles.
GOOD-LOOKING GUY: That’s really nice that you’re looking out for your sister.
John tries to ignore him.
GOOD-LOOKING GUY: So, your sister helped out with the business.
JOHN: Helped out?! The business was going under when my sister came to work there. She helped him turn it around. They were a team. After a year and a half, they got married. She kept him focused and encouraged him whenever things were going bad.
GOOD-LOOKING GUY: Huh!
John looks at him quizzically, then turns to see Nick heading back, while slyly passing a folded paper in her hand of the girl he flirted with. She opens it, looks down and smiles, then folds it and puts it in her bra, which John sees. He whispers in ear of the woman’s friend, who looks up at John and smiles. He returns to John.
NICK: Okay, so where were we?
JOHN: We were talking about what your business was worth. The bottom line is that she gets half, but she might settle for a third if you sign over the property.
NICK: See that woman down there that’s smiling at you? She’s interested in you. I have a proposition for you. Instead of driving that old piece of shit Ford Fiesta, I’ll get you a low milage Lexus 300. Just forget about that Lot and I’ll pay Jill, in cash, 25% of appraised value of the business.
JOHN: You think I would betray my sister for a car?
NICK: She’s divorcing me.
JOHN: That’s cause you’re a pig. The divorce isn’t done and you’re already chasing women. Of course, that never stopped you in the past. You think Jill didn’t know about all your philandering? She stayed with you for the kids until I said enough was enough. And, that bullshit about you having a successful business before you met Jill. You were on the verge of bankruptcy.
Nick furrows his brow and purses his lips at Good-Looking guy, then turns back to John. Good-Looking Guy listens intently again.
NICK: So, you’re not going to help me. You’re going to live alone, driving that old jalopy for the rest of your life.
JOHN: I can live with that.
NICK: Yeah well live with this, I don’t care what my attorney says, I’ll make sure she gets nothing. But I’ll get a house for the kids and she can live with them because it will be in the kids’ name only. But she can still have her share of the equity of the house. But, that’s it.
JOHN: You’re toast. Now that I verified that property, my sister will get everything she’s entitled to.
NICK: She didn’t know about the commercial lot?!
JOHN: She does now.
NICK: Why don’t we slip behand the building and have a friendly discussion.
JOHN: That’s fine. I have no problem getting my ass kicked by you as long as my sister gets what she rightfully hers.
NICK: Good, let’s go! )to the barmaid) Hold this. I’ll be back in about five minutes.
They leave. Good-looking guy sips his drink thinking deeply for a few minutes, then looks up to the Barmaid.
GOOD-LOOKING GUY: Hold my place. I’ll be back in a few minutes.
BARMAID: Where are you going?
GOOD-LOOKING GUY: To do my good deed for the night.
No longer slouching over, the huge Good-Looking Guy gets up and walks out looking for John.Lesson 8 QE #2
Logline: John, a short, average looking guy confronts good-looking Nick about his sister’s divorce
Essence: John needs to get info to protect his sister in her upcoming divorce with Nick.
INT. BAR – NIGHT
Nick sits at a loud, crowded bar checking out all the good-looking women flirting with the people around them while finishing his beer. He tilts his head to the slouched over GOOD-LOOKING GUY next to him.
GOOD-LOOKING GUY: How’s it going?
NICK: Just waiting on my soon to be ex’s brother to show. He hates crowds. So, I thought this would be the best place to meet.
Good-looking guy looks at him quizzically.
NICK: If you want an edge, put someone in an uncomfortable setting… My wife nuts if she thinks I’m giving her half of everything I own. All she did was stay at home while I worked. And, I had a successful business long before we were married.
GOOD-LOOKING GUY: Kids?
NICK: Three.
Nick removes a photo of his kids from his wallet and points at the picture.
NICK: Nick, Jr. He’s eleven. That’s Johnny, he’s ten. And there’s sweet Angela. She’s six.
GOOD-LOOKING GUY: Wow, good looking kids.
NICK (proudly): Yeah, they’re really great kids.
Good-looking guy looks at him in deep thought while Nick notices John walking up to him in the mirror behind bar and turns to him.
NICK: Here he comes… John, good to see you. Let me get you a beer. (turns to the good-looking guy) What are you drinking?
GOOD-LOOKING GUY: Scotch, on the rocks.
The barmaid comes to Nick who points to his beer, then at himself and John. He then gestures to the Good-Looking Guy’s drink and nods to the barmaid. She smiles and nods back.
JOHN: I appreciate you meeting with me, Nick. But, it’s really hard to talk in a place like this.
NICK: Relax, we’ll be fine. You need to start socializing a little more. You know Jill was always worried you would never find someone. Live a little. There’s more to life than researching shit on the internet. You really do need to get out more. (tilts head to the end of the bar) Check out those babes at the end of the bar. They’re not out of your league, John.
John glances at them, then back at Nick and sighs as he situates himself next to him. The barmaid delivers the drinks. Nick toasts John and the good-looking Guy.
NICK: May we all get lucky.
John gives him a stern look and puts his beer down.
JOHN: Let’s just see if we can resolve the issues you have with Jill.
NICK: Fine, I hope you understand that I have no interest in making this difficult for her. The most important thing is the kids. We’ve known you for a number of years. You know, I could use someone like you. How would you like a thirty-five percent increase in pay?
JOHN: Doing what?
NICK: We’d find something for you.
JOHN: But my sister also needs to be taken care of.
Nick checks out the women at the end of the bar. One smiles at him and he crack a smile at her.
JOHN: Let’s stay focused on what we’re here for.
NICK: I am. But there’s nothing that says we can’t enjoy the eye candy and while taking care of business.
JOHN (irritated): What about Jill?
NICK: I have no problem with the child support. But your sister is wanting way too much of my assets. She seems to forget that I already thriving business before we even met. And, I see no reason to pay alimony. She’s perfectly healthy and capable of working.
JOHN: Don’t the kids deserve a decent place to live?
NICK: I told her she can have half the equity from the house when it sells. And, the kids can stay with me any time.
JOHN: And, what about that land you purchased through some company you set up?
NICK (surprised): What are you talking about? What company? What land?
JOHN: You don’t think she knew?
NICK: I don’t know what the hell you’re talking about.
JOHN: We already know the property. Since you didn’t list that on your asset list that you provided the court, that’s perjury. I’ve been told it’s worth over $2million.
NICK (flustered): Ah, bullshit. Whoever said that is lying. It’s not worth a dime over $1,000,000.
As the conversation gets louder, Good-looking guy starts listening.
JOHN: Then, why would they say $2 million?
NICK: I bought that 5 years ago for $250,000. It’s just an empty lot across from Wal-Mart, which wasn’t built when I got the lot. I might be able to get $1.25.
JOHN (grinning): Wal-Mart, huh? I think I know which lot that is. How big is it?
NICK: You tell me. You seem to know so much.
JOHN: I do now. And, it looks like you valued the company at 25% of its true value.
NICK: Says who? Jill? Jill doesn’t know shit about business.
JOHN: She handled all the books for the first seven years until it became too much with the kids.
NICK: She hardly did anything… I need to take a piss. I’ll be back.
Nick walks towards the two women at the end of the bar and whispers to the woman that was checking him out as he passes by her. She giggles.
GOOD-LOOKING GUY: That’s really nice that you’re looking out for your sister.
John tries to ignore him.
GOOD-LOOKING GUY: So, your sister helped out with the business.
JOHN: Helped out?! The business was going under when my sister came to work there. She helped him turn it around. They were a team. After a year and a half, they got married. She kept him focused and encouraged him whenever things were going bad.
GOOD-LOOKING GUY: Huh!
John looks at him quizzically, then turns to see Nick heading back, while slyly passing a folded paper in her hand of the girl he flirted with. She opens it, looks down and smiles, then folds it and puts it in her bra, which John sees. He whispers in ear of the woman’s friend, who looks up at John and smiles. He returns to John.
NICK: Okay, so where were we?
JOHN: We were talking about what your business was worth. The bottom line is that she gets half, but she might settle for a third if you sign over the property.
NICK: See that woman down there that’s smiling at you? She’s interested in you. I have a proposition for you. Instead of driving that old piece of shit Ford Fiesta, I’ll get you a low milage Lexus 300. Just forget about that Lot and I’ll pay Jill, in cash, 25% of appraised value of the business.
JOHN: You think I would betray my sister for a car?
NICK: She’s divorcing me.
JOHN: That’s cause you’re a pig. The divorce isn’t done and you’re already chasing women. Of course, that never stopped you in the past. You think Jill didn’t know about all your philandering? She stayed with you for the kids until I said enough was enough. And, that bullshit about you having a successful business before you met Jill. You were on the verge of bankruptcy.
Nick furrows his brow and purses his lips at Good-Looking guy, then turns back to John. Good-Looking Guy listens intently again.
NICK: So, you’re not going to help me. You’re going to live alone, driving that old jalopy for the rest of your life.
JOHN: I can live with that.
NICK: Yeah well live with this, I don’t care what my attorney says, I’ll make sure she gets nothing. But I’ll get a house for the kids and she can live with them because it will be in the kids’ name only. But she can still have her share of the equity of the house. But, that’s it.
JOHN: You’re toast. Now that I verified that property, my sister will get everything she’s entitled to.
NICK: She didn’t know about the commercial lot?!
JOHN: She does now.
NICK: Why don’t we slip behind the building and have a friendly discussion?
JOHN: That’s fine. I have no problem getting my ass kicked by you as long as my sister gets what she rightfully hers.
NICK: Good, let’s go! )to the barmaid) Hold this. I’ll be back in about five minutes.
They leave. Good-looking guy sips his drink thinking deeply for a few minutes, then looks up to the Barmaid.
GOOD-LOOKING GUY: Hold my place. I’ll be back in a few minutes.
BARMAID: Where are you going?
GOOD-LOOKING GUY: To do my good deed for the night.
No longer slouching over, the huge Good-Looking Guy gets up and walks out looking for John.
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