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Day 8 Assignments
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8 Replies
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Assignment #8
Wendy Weising’s Adding Empathy/Distress!
What I learned doing this assignment is that I filled in a lot of holes and made the story flow better.
<u style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>Crucible:
They are trapped in a hospital run by an alien who thinks she’s god.
Betrayal:
Jane’s husband is head of her enemy’s army in her dream.
Hurt those they love:
Dr. Zyn acts like he knows her, using her name. He tells tries to her to calm her down, but she doesn’t know him. He needs to stop touching her.
Brings wound present:
Jane tries to make up for attacking her husband by making him a perfect lunch. But he reminds her that he’s going out to lunch with a client. She focuses on the kids. She uses a heart cookie cutter to cut their sandwiches. She asks them to get dressed for school, but they are on their phones and ignore her. Her husband asks why the kids aren’t ready to go. She’s told them. He yells at them, and they move. She goes the refrigerator, wiping every bottle and carton and lining them up.
Dr. Jones tells Polly how cute and obedient she was as a child. She asks her what’s happened. Dr. Jones tells Polly not to show her face at the party. She doesn’t’ want the guests to be frightened.
External Conflict:
Jane is in restraints and thrashing. Dr. Jones holds her face still and tells her that the drugs are making her hallucinate. Jane spits in Dr. Jones’s face and then yells for her husband. Dr. Jones asks the nurse to get a tranquilizer.
Dr. Jones with Dr. Zyn about the need to restrain all patients. They don’t have enough staff to have patients wandering around. Two of their staff left during the previous week. Everyone wants the final product, but they don’t want to be part of the distasteful process. So they are stuck with the work. She wins the argument.
Dr. Zyn is angry as he enters Jane’s room. He tells her that she’s selfish! She needs to snap out of it and wake up. What kind of mother is she? The two girls who have been caring for and protecting her being abused while she’s lying there feeling sorry for herself.
Plans that Failed:
Dr. Jones stands before a screen filled with older women (Leaders of the Old Regime). Dr. Jones doesn’t want to report on her failures, so she pretends that things are going well.
Witnessing the Pain of Others:
Ava is an empathetic teenage patient. As Ava sees tears running down Jane’s face, she takes out a hankie, dries her eyes, and tells Jane that they will take care of her.
Extreme Consequences:
Dr. Jones asks Dr. Zyn if he took the restraints off against her will. He tells her that he wanted to but didn’t. She makes it clear to the staff that Jane is to remain in restraints.
Dr. Jones tells her that those who won’t eat are fed a different way and with what they have on hand.
Create More Loss:
Jane lies in her bed in restraints again. She has shut down and won’t talk. Ava tries to get her to eat, but she won’t.
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Subject line: Ben’s Adding Empathy/Distress!
What I learned doing this assignment is
I have never realized that Empathy/Distress is very important in connecting audience with story. I have seen movies and TV shows where empathy/Distress is present. And those movies and TV shows, I continued to watch them to find out what will happen to the character. But I have never stop to think that it is because of empathy/distress that was why I continued to watch. Now I know and will use it to my advantage.
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Tim Barley’s Adding Empathy/Distress
What I learned from doing this assignment is that I have no empathy. I put my character through some shitty stuff and didn’t really want to rein it in, but needed to leave some stuff for a later episode or two.
Undeserved Misfortune, plot intruding on life, plans that failed, bring their wounds present:
Running from whatever it is back where he was from (mystery), Alex has the underserved misfortune of working in a lackluster career, with a shitty boss, and dreams that have so far died on the vine.
– Plans that failed: life, love, career – (WORSE) NOW BEGINNING TO TAKE THEIR TOLL EMOTIONALLY ON HIM, REJECTED BY DATES, STEAMROLLED BY HIS BOSS AND BOSS’S SYCOPHANTIC ASST.
– Undeserved misfortune: turning his back on his family, changing his name has left him to fight on his own, but only enough that he doesn’t “go underwater.” – (WORSE) BILLS PILING UP, THINKS ABOUT CALLING HIS FAMILY, BUT CHICKENS OUT AT THE LAST MOMENT.
– Bring their wounds present: the loss of his father when he was younger has left him scarred and with a gap in his memory. (WORSE) VIOLENTLY PAINFUL TO TRY TO REMEMBER WHAT HAPPENED TO HIS FATHER; COMES TANTALIZINGLY CLOSE BUT CAUSES HIM TO ALMOST PASS OUT
– Plot intruding on life: his unsatisfying yet steady life is violently thrown out of whack when he is attacked for the first time and is just as bizarrely rescued by his seemly stoner neighbor; (WORSE) HIS ATTACKERS ARE HAUNTINGLY SCARY BUT NOT “THERE” AND THEIR TOUCH ALMOST KILLS HIM
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(Laurie Brown’s) Adding Empathy/Distress!
What I learned from doing this assignment are techniques for elevating scenes and creating drama.
A. Crucible – Geri’s reaction at the crime scene. Interview with Army.
B. Betrayal – Marge betrays Bette with Leo. Leo’s reaction to calling off
engagement.
C. Forced Decision – Call with Bette re: dilemma and reaction.
D. Hurt those they love – Calling it off with Leo. Marge and Leo.
E. Emotional Dilemma – Calling it off with Leo.
F. Exposed – Col Martin to Leo.
G. Must Make Decision with Future Consequences. Leo or Army?
2. Looking at your scenes, are there places you can create situations to cause more Empathy/Distress?
Undeserved misfortune – mother’s death. Military school. Sick at interview.
External character conflicts – HL and Geri with hat. HL and Leonard. Bette and Geri in bed.
Plot intruding on life – Calling it off with Leo.
Plans that failed – Losing the hat to HL. Marriage to Leo fail.
Witnessing the pain of others – Geri seeing her depressed mother. Geri upon finding her mother. CL beating Leo. Mrs. Johnson to Geri. Geri when being bullied.
Extreme consequences – Calling it off with Leo.
Major loss – Losing mother. Losing Leo.
Brings their wound present – Geri dropping Leo. Geri’s dad leaving her at
military school with HL.
Step 2: Make those situations even worse.
Make it more painful – Seeing her father’s hat there.
Raise the stakes – Stealing the hat back could sabotage her future goal
for nurse’s school. High stakes interview.
Create more loss – She must leave her cat at home. She has no hat.
Paper hat is in blood. Dad’s hat stolen by HL.
Put any goal, need, value, wound at significant risk – goal is to make
mother happy. Now she’s dead.
Time this to be at the worst moment – When does she drop Leo. Does
Leo cheat on her after they’re engaged?
Make it more physically threatening – Being pushed down when she is
racing the other girls and hurting herself. HL threatens her. Military school drills are physically threatening.
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(Laurie Brown’s) Setting Up The Future
What I learned from doing this assignment is that I constantly need to rework the Framework and Pitch Bible as every assignment changes the plot, character descriptions etc. This always takes longer than reworking the outline, but this is what I added.
Show that Geri is working on solving the “crime”
That Bette cut her teeth on Korea.
That something major happened on her and Bette’s last conversation with Geri before NY.
Show OCD as a big problem that she knows she must hide. Have Donna being born.
Discuss the cabin as a place they will go after retirement. Set up Mrs. Johnson as finding something at the house. Geri will find out who’s hat it is. (Show hat size?)Could it be HL’s hat or not? Why would he hide his own hat? How was Leo injured in Korea?
Does he change his name from Leonard?How has this been set up powerfully as a mystery of whether she’ll get in?
Show more the trajectory of trying to stop her, HL, Mililtary school, Illness, OCD, New York.
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Mod 3 – Lesson 8: Building In Empathy/Distress
Elizabeth Dickinson’s Adding Empathy /Distress
What I learned doing this assignment is that this is one of the easier layers to see as complete. I’m not sure how much more distress I can add without causing future plot complications that aren’t helpful. However, the places I CAN add things may be around Taranis’ influence, since I need to establish more of that. (Just want to make sure I’m not slowing down the plot…)
Also:
I’m now wondering if I should start/incorporate in the Teaser something about Oversoul ‘dreaming’ that his past lives are confronting him that he hasn’t helped them enough.
Act 1
Make it more painful:
· Only man Celt ever heard of with ability to talk to deities went crazy and killed his family.
· Romans humiliate Clu while boys are spying on Romans.
· Does Clu catch sight of the boys while he’s being humiliated?
Act 2
Crucible
· Does Celt hesitate accepting Taranis’ offer so Taranis suggests even greater danger to village than Celt is aware of?
Witnessing the pain of others
· Does Oversoul want to intervene?
· Does Cletus stomp on Honorable Mouse before he leaves?
Act 3
Emotional dilemma
· Does Coran wound Celt further by suggesting/reinforcing idea that Celt may be crazy for listening to/seeing Taranis?
· Does Coran wound Celt further by telling him “Your little sister won’t stop crying for you.”
· Triskele whirs…that always raises stakes.
Exposed
· Does Taranis appear behind Coran and smirk?
Act 4
Betrayal
· Celt calls on Taranis for help and Taranis says “that’s not the kind of help I give”.
Act 5
External character conflict
· Taranis applauds tongue-cutting, suggesting Celt will be dependent on brawn not brains to survive. (Maybe to one of the other deities, not to Celt…)
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4. Answer the question, “What I learned doing this assignment is…?” and put it at the top of your work.
Always making things hard for my characters has been something I’ve always focused on, not only in writing, but also in running role playing games like Dungeons and Dragons. After years of crafting on my first book, I don’t see more improvements I can make, other than editing it down. I think it would require helpful feedback from another writer to spark more changes.
This course may be better on new material, but this existing series is the only reason I took the class. There would otherwise be no need for the class.
1. Look through your outline and see if any of these as a bigger frame for your story, or if you already have it in the story, can you emphasize or expand it:
A. Crucible
James loses everything, from his billion dollar company (done in a humiliating way), supermodel girlfriend, expensive car, and even his apartment and belongings are destroyed. Renquist even blocks his unemployment. His friends are afraid to be associated with him.
B. Betrayal
Maria appears to betray James, but it was a ruse Maria used to get Renquist alone to kick his ass. Maria apologizes later, and then a minor twist that he already figured out she didn’t betray him because of the lipstick.
James is given a choice to betray Maria or face consequences. He won’t betray her.
While Maria is not interested in being physical with James, that doesn’t stop Maria from sabotaging his relationships.
C. Forced Decision
Even though he blames his brother for the loss of his company, he has no money for a lawyer and no one will face Renquist’s powerful lawyers on contingency. He has to make peace with his brother, his only legal option.
D. Hurt those they love
By making copies of the surveillance tapes, Maria has become dangerous to everyone she cares about. She tries to keep James safe by not sharing the tapes with him. After his apartment is ransacked and his belongings destroyed, she tells him about them.
E. Emotional Dilemma
F. Exposed
Renquist’s secrets are exposed on surveillance tapes that he’s willing to kill for. Maria is safe, only until he gets his hands on all the copies.
G. Must Make Decision with Future Consequences
By not betraying Maria at the police station, James has made a powerful new enemy besides Renquist, one that almost costs him the presidency and puts James and Maria in further danger.
2. Looking at your scenes, are there places you can create situations to cause more Empathy/Distress?
Step 1: Check each scene to see if you can build any of these forms of Empathy/Distress into them.
Undeserved misfortune
James loses so much in the first act.
External character conflicts
The loss of the company causes a rift between James and his brother Shen.
Plot intruding on life
Plans that failed
Maria made copies of the surveillance tapes to earn favors from Renquist. Instead it put Maria and anyone who helps her in danger.
None calls the cops to get help with the intruders. Instead, they take Maria to jail.
Witnessing the pain of others
Renquist kills James’ pet ants. Ants go on to become symbolic in season 1.0
Extreme consequences
Surveillance tapes put Maria and anyone who helps her in danger.
Major loss
James and Maria lose control of a billion dollar software company.
Brings their wound present
James is hung up on Maria and finding himself in her bed and finding out they didn’t sleep together reinforces his insecurities about her and sex in general.
Step 2: Make those situations even worse.
Make it more painful
Raise the stakes
Create more loss
Put any goal, need, value, wound at significant risk
Time this to be at the worst moment
Make it more physically threatening
3. Fill those into your current outline and rewrite it.
The one change was to take out driving and car crash sequence and replace it with a quick line of dialogue and skip straight to the car being repossessed. I lose some humor in favor of drama and quicker pace.
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Avi Kapurala’s Adding Empathy/Distress
What I learned doing this assignment is: Empathy /distress are magic ingredients that keep audiences hooked! I know about the concept now and want to get much better at using them.
1. Look through your outline and see if any of these as a bigger frame for your story, or if you already have it in the story, can you emphasize or expand it:
A. Crucible – IPO collapse and Maya’s father dies.
B. Betrayal – Maya betrayed her family by cutting off from her parents.
C. Forced Decision – Viktor kills Claire Logan on impulse.
F. Exposed – Jacob has evidence Viktor is a killer. How will Viktor respond?
G. Must Make Decision with Future Consequences – Viktor and Maya take down the Tyson Electric deal.
2. Looking at your scenes, are there places you can create situations to cause more Empathy/Distress?
Step 1: Check each scene to see if you can build any of these forms of Empathy/Distress into them.
Undeserved misfortune
Teaser: Opponent taunts Viktor about his tattoo. Flash back to him getting tattooed by a man.
Act 1: Maya shows Richardson the video they are about to leak. Refers to him abusing her sexually.
Act 2: Jacob’s father refers to his scars.
External character conflicts
Act 1 and Act 4 Jacob wants to destroy Viktor
Plot intruding on life
Maya and Viktor’s plot against Tyson Electric boomerangs on them.
Witnessing the pain of others
Act 2 and Act 3: Maya’s father dies, causing grief to her mother and family.
Extreme consequences
Act 2: IPO collapses causing mega losses.
Major loss
Act 3: Maya leaves Viktor
External character conflicts
Act 1 and Act 4 Jacob wants to destroy Viktor
Brings their wound present
Act 4: Maya goes away with Jacob.
Raise the stakes
Viktor’s clients pull out.
Jacob wants him to surrender PrimaCorp.
Step 2: Make those situations even worse.
Make it more painful
Viktor has to get tattooed or his mother dies
Maya has to give in to Richardson or see her college dreams die.
Maya has to give up her children.
Maya cannot get to her father’s bedside in time because she is needed at the office. By the time she reaches him, He is dying. Then he dies without her being able to apologize to him.
Maya tells Viktor that she’s leaving with Jacob because at least he’s there for her when she needs him.
Raise the stakes
Viktor’s clients pull out.
Jacob wants him to surrender PrimaCorp.
Create more loss
Because Maya’s father died due to the collapse of the IPO, which was due to Viktor’s plan of taking down Tyson Electric, Maya blames him and shuts down.
Put any goal, need, value, wound at significant risk
Time this to be at the worst moment
The IPO crashes as Maya’s father dies
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