Day 8 Assignments

[Sky Canyon]

Lesson 8 SU – for posting

Sky Canyon’s Pitch Fest Pitch

What I learned is that CONDENSING a story with a lot of characters and elements down to the essentials for a pitch is a challenge. Especially the 3 Acts of the story – how to simplify to the key points. I did – below – yet perhaps it can be a lot shorter? I learned about structure around a pitch – this is quite helpful.

Credibility: I was president and publisher at New World library with international bestsellers in the self-help genre, and have run professional self-help trainings, which gives me expertise in the subject matter of this script. I am a published author and music producer.

Genre and Title: A Dramedy – THE MILLIONAIRE MONK

Hook: A disgraced, bumbling Wall Street guru-wannabe lands in a Tibetan monastery and tries to redeem himself by teaching the monks to trade the market; against all odds they change the world.

Budget range: Mid-budget – $15-30 million. While it will require establishing shots to give us the feel of Tibet, the Himalayas, and New York, most of this can be shot on sound stage plus a rural location, perhaps in British Columbia, Canada.

What actors do you like for the lead roles?

We originally wrote this for Jim Carrey as the lead – the humor and physical comedy as well as dramatic content are perfect for him. If he’s too old now, Ryan Reynolds would be a good fit, as would Adam Sandler; they fit the dramatic focus as well as the comedic dialogue and physical comedy.

For Jena – Prianka Chopra would be a good fit, she has the ability to “put Jack in his place” which would come off as natural and credible.

For Jack’s boss, Bill Radford, ideal is Richard Gere, he would love the uplifting of Tibet that this movie does and this role written with him in mind.

Act 1: Jack Weissman is a happy-go-lucky, arrogant and annoying Wall Street Guru wannabe at Bill Radford and Associates investment firm, already well up the ladder of success. But he’s not as smart as he pretends to be; his well-placed pal in China feeds him tips that help him make good moves. However, his pal’s boss, a Central Committee Member, has it out for Jack’s boss, and forces Jack’s pal to give Jack a deliberate bad tip.

Meanwhile, Jack’s perfect world has cracks in it – as we see through various moments of altered, out-of-body experiences that makes him question his perfect reality. He tries to brush these off.

Jack executes a massive trade based on the bad tip, it crashes, Jack is fired, goes home, his wife dumps him. Out on the streets, more unusual, other-worldly experiences. Wandering aimlessly late-night he sees a book, “Trekking the Monasteries of Tibet” in a bookstore window, another altered moment. Visiting his mother, she suggests he take time to develop himself and plops the same book down in front of him. The next the morning, he is awakened from a dream of a monk right in his face, by a phone call from Fong with a job. “You’ll be in luck, now, Jack!” But it is Lucknow, India.

Act 2: Jack lands in India, only to find the job has fallen away. His flight back to New York routes through Llhasa, Tibet (is someone trying to tell him something?). Landing in Tibet, Jack awakens to see JENA, a beautiful Indian woman; she has the TREKKING book half-out of her backpack. That’s it for Jack: He follows her off the plane, catches up to her at a hotel where she is in front of a group, about to lead a trek, based on HER BOOK. Her irresistible charm and smile pull still-reluctant Jack into going on the trek.

Jack manages to get lost in the middle of nowhere and collapses. He awakens in a room with THE MONK from his dream, who speaks to him and shares his name; mis-pronounced by Jack until he decides to call the monk MIYAGI.

Jack wants to leave, is in no physical condition; reluctantly stays and is guided in poignant and humorous ways to let go of his big ego, learn to meditate, “ommm,” and do menial chores.

Learning that the monks are in desperate financial straits, his big brainstorm: “I’ll teach the monks to trade the market!” Miyagi says no, Jack is ever more frustrated, wondering what his purpose is, but eventually, Miyagi lets him teach the monks and the monastery prospers. Jena, meanwhile, blows up at Jack for bringing Western ways to the monks.

Just as Miyagi mentions to Jack that he knows something about Jack’s father, the Chinese appear, smash computers and arrest Miyagi. Jack is down in the dumps. What now?

Act 3: Jack meets with Jena, admits he was a jerk, and then has a brainstorm. They rush back to the monastery, Jack meets with the nerdy techno monk SUMYONGUY, and they set up a secret trading room under the barn. The monks prosper at bigger levels – headline news – but Jack must find a way to get Miyagi free before the Chinese execute him.

Meanwhile, Jack discovers that Sumyonguy has invented a device that will clear pollution out of the air using special frequencies. Jack’s next brainstorm: He’ll go to Beijing, get with Zhang and trade Miyagi’s freedom for use of the device to solve China’s disastrous air pollution that is crippling the country. Smart-alec Jack demonstrates the mini-version in Zhang’s office, is promptly arrested and they take the device. Now Jack is in jail, as it turns out, in the cell next to Miyagi. Miyagi shares how he encountered Jack’s father during the Vietnam war, and made a commitment to him as he was dying, involving Jack, leaving Jack now in shock and tears.

Zhang visits Miyagi at the jail – we learn they have a past together.

Zhang leaves, the guards then whisk Miyagi away.

Zhang visits Jack and gives him 24 hours to produce the frequencies for the device or Miyagi, and then Jack, will be executed. Jack has a dark night of the soul, his transformational moment. Zhang appears again in the morning, Jack, visibly changed, a new man, paints a broad vision of cooperation for Zhang. Zhang is reluctant, but they are back in Zhang’s office as the monks work furiously to hook up a satellite dish with the frequencies. Just as Miyagi is about to be executed, the frequencies work, Zhang and Jack see the air clear out Zhang’s window.

Back at the monastery, a celebration ensues; Jack, Zhang and Miyagi all show up together. Jack and Jena have a moment, but she decides to stay and lead her treks while Jack is going back to New York to create his own green tech investment firm.

Back in New York, Jack works with Miyagi, Sumyonguy, Zhang by video, then off to mom’s yoga class. Jena shows up out of the blue. They FINALLY have their moment, the chemistry hits, as we pan out on beautiful, clear skies surrounding the earth.

[Ron Horton]

Ron Horton’s Pitch Fest Pitch, for “Charley’s River”

What I learned is? It keeps getting hammered in, and I keep retaining it, that less is more. I love this approach as I’ve tended to be scrambled at pitch fests. I also learned that reading the screenplay backwards is invaluable!!! I found so many things that needed to be fixed or tweaked. (This tidbit came from another webinar I believe.😊 )

Pitch:

Hi, I’m Ron Horton, an outdoor adventurer and former white-water rafter. My 1st Action/Adventure script made the quarter finals in Scriptapalooza.

Today I have another Action/Adventure script, “Charley’s River.”

It’s loosely based on the life of Charley Heavenrich, who left the world of finance to become a river guide.
Hook:

My Charley wants the life on the river, with the lady of his dreams. But, diving into a class 5 rapid on the Colorado river is more than he bargained for.

PAUSE: (More details if they ask.)

Charley Fox is a young, filthy-rich, financial genius, who’s miserable. He constantly daydreams about the life he left behind.

When he’s framed for insider trading, he has to leave Chicago, while this problem is Handled. He ends up a guide, white water rafting on the Colorado River.

Susan, the love interest he thought was unavailable, shows up, with her “boyfriend,” Jack. Charley faces a choice of letting Jack drown, or risk everything to save him. To the horror of everyone, Charley jumps into the class 5 rapid.

With Jack headed back to Chicago, Charley and Susan become very close, and they’re married, at the river’s edge, just six weeks later.

On the honeymoon trip Charley is sucked to the bottom in an eddy. Susan now has to be the lifeguard, and jumps into the rapid. They end up on the beach together, not believing their luck. That’s short lived however, as are their lives. They see their bodies being pulled from the river by their friends.

Their journey is just beginning.

PAUSE FOR QUESTIONS:

A. What is the budget range?

I’d put this high end of the mid-range, around $30 to $50 million, depending on cast.

B. What actors do you like for the lead roles?

Based on the fact that he loves white-water rafting, my 1st pick for Charley would be Brad Pitt. Susan – a new face, a Mullenberg Acting College grad, Crystl Faye Horton. Jeremy Holm, (the Ranger,) a friend, would play Jack very well.

C. Give me the acts of the story.

Act 1: Charley works his magic in the world of finance, while daydreaming of the life he left back in his college years. We meet his dad, Bill Fox who is cantankerous but very wise; Beth Young, his fun-loving secretary; and Susan and Jack. We also meet Marla, the woman scorned, and her drunken sidekick in crime, Lenny Harmond.

Act 2: Charley gets seduced by Marla, who sets Charley up to face insider trading charges. We meet Phil Talman, Charley’s lawyer, and Felicity Heart, Phil’s beautiful, crafty, former partner, with a sorted past that makes her very useful in taking down Marla.

Act 3: The river action is abundant. We meet Charley’s Australian frat bro, Ted Strong, who owns the rafting company. We also meet the river crew.
Charley and Susan end up together, in life for a short time, and in death, forever.

D. How does it end? (setup / payoff).

An earthquake sends boulders crashing down on the two rafts, one with Charley and Susan, the other with Ted and his full crew.

Charley pushes Susan out of the way of a boulder headed toward her. He takes the hit and ends up thrown into the feared eddy. He’s sucked to the bottom.

Susan reenacts the moves that Charley made to save Jack. She jumps in to the class 6+ rapid.

They end up on the beach trying to figure out how they got out of that mess, and why they are both dry and not bleeding anymore. They row over to the other side where Ted is tied to the bank.

Ted grabs a safety line and jumps to the other raft, but, at that moment, Charley and Susan see their bodies lying in Ted’s raft.

As the rafts part, Charley tells Ted, “Not this trip Mate,” and he lets the safety line around Ted’s arm pull him back into the water.

Ted, Marcus and Red, the three closest friends, watch Charley and Susan head toward the rapids. The rest of the crew only sees an empty raft.

E. Credibility questions What have you done?

I studied screenwriting at Mount Hood College, and attended many Willamette Writer’s Conferences. My 1st screenplay hit the quarters in Scriptapalooza. White Water rafting has been one of my loves, both on rivers and in the ocean surf of Hawaii.

[Marian]

Power Player Assignment Day 8

Marian’s Pitch Fest Pitch

What I learned doing this assignment is, that it is essential to communicate my hook as fast and concise as possible and avoid any confusion.

1. Before I went to the Munich Academy of Motion Pictures and Television, I grew up at the North Sea.

2. My survival thriller “Wetsands” is based on true events.

3. A mudflat crossing becomes a deadly fight for survival for 25-year-old beach volleyball player Hannah and her younger sister Tessa. In this gripping survival thriller, we experience first-hand the danger, that lurks behind the hugely popular vacation backdrop of the North Sea.

4.

Budget range: 5-10 Mio. EUR

Actors: Young and upcoming actresses and actors that have already established a fanbase among the YA-Audience, Cameos from better known stars

Acts:

1st: Hannah and Tessa miss the ferry to the island and decide to walk with Felix through the mudflats.

Mid: They get drifted in a tidal flat and lose their orientation. The tide comes in prematurely.

2st: Tessa is badly injured; Felix is stuck in the muddy sand. Hannah has to rescue the two. But the friend Paula and the islander Björn, who are supposed to come to their rescue, turn out to be an even greater danger.

End: Hannah must free herself out of the muddy sand and defeat Björn to save her sister and Felix. Hannah gets her life back together and regains her sister’s trust and love.

[Danielle Dillard]

What I learned about doing this assignment is doing a pitch-fest pitch:

Hello, I’m Danielle Dillard and I specialize in writing screenplays in the family and faith-based genres. I’ve written screenplays for Greystoke Entertainment and helped develop stories for the Hallmark Channel. Wouldn’t you like to see a spoiled rich girl get cut-off financially and suddenly start at the bottom like others have to? Well, that’s my story called The Cut-Off Heiress which follows a shallow socialite who gets financially cut off by her wealthy parents to learn how to take care of herself. And once she gets cut-off, her boyfriend dumps her, her best friends ditch her, she becomes the laughingstock of social media and the paparazzi, and she must find work for the first time. After getting fired from multiple jobs due to her narcissism and naivete, she finally lands a job at a homeless shelter and learns how others struggle and survive. And she falls for a handsome young resident at the shelter who teaches her survival skills. She begins to have compassion and a new appreciation for things she took for granted and she helps the residents at the shelter get back on their feet. But her transformation is tested when her old boyfriend wants to get her back on his side of the tracks and the shelter faces foreclosure. She must choose what’s most important to her and in the end, she remains independent and saves the shelter. The budget is mid-range between 20-25 million and I can see Peyton List playing the lead. Would you like to have a synopsis or read my script?

[Brenda Noonan]

Brenda Noonan’s Pitch Fest Pitch

5. What I learned is to not get into the gritty details of the story during a pitch and to pitch what a producer is most interested in hearing a script.

Hi, I’m Brenda Noonan, and I’ve been a finalist in PAGE. I have a mystery called WRITER’s BLOCK.

It’s about a crime novelist called Penn Marsh. When she gets accepted at an exclusive crime writing workshop, she never expected to be cast as the real-life villain in a murder mystery.

It’s a low budget film, about $1 million, in a semi-contained location, a country estate.

For the role of Penn Marsh, I would see Keri Russell in the role. And for the detective, someone like Ryan Gosling.

When Penn arrives at the writer’s workshop, she gets into a violent disaggreement with the much-hated lead instructor Marcy Givens, who’s also a crime writer. The next day, Penn discover’s the instructor’s dead body.

The lead detective assigned to the case quickly has his hands full sorting through the often quirky writers at the workshop—writers whose stock in trade is devising complex murder plots. When Penn realizes she’s being framed for the murder, she pits the amateur sleuthing skills she’s honed by writing cosy mysteries against those of a police detective.

Among the suspects is Penn’s former university clasmate, Ann Rivers. Jealous of Penn’s success, Ann poisons the instructor. She didn’t intend to murder her, but the clues she leaves implicate Penn.

But someone else did intend to murder the lead instructor–the aristocrat who hosts the crime workshop. Marcy and he had been having an affair for years. He wanted to end it, and she didn’t.

In addition to being a former PAGE finalist, I’m working on my screenwriting certificate at UCLA Extension, and a forensics course.

[LEE SKORE]

Lee Skore’s Pitch Fest Pitch

What I learned is: Choosing the best opening hook to peak the producer’s interest the most is challenging.

(1) Credibility

Though I’ve written several other scripts, my mentor, Chris Soth, guided me through the whole process of writing this script.

(2) Genre and Title

The genre is Mystery and the title is TELLING LIES.

(3) Hook

To survive another attempt on her life, a Nantucket woman must solve the mystery of her past before the person who murdered her parents kills her too.

(4) Answer these:

— Budget: Because the location is Nantucket Island and there are underwater shots, I think the range would be $15-$30 million.

— Actors: Female lead — Naomi Scott, Kara Kilmer, Blu Hunt, Emma Nelson; Male lead — Taylor Kinney, someone like Chris Pine.

— Acts: (I) Corey finds a photo of herself when she was 3 years old with 2 young adults she doesn’t recognize in an old cottage she claims she’s never been to.

(2) Corey survives two murder attempts on her life, learns she’s adopted, and her DNA matches the DNA of 2 skeletons found down a well near the old cottage.

(3) Corey battles her parents’ murder — the same person trying to murder her — and kills that person.

— End: Corey solves the mystery of her past and kills the person who’s attempted to murder her.

— Credibility: I’ve written several other scripts, but my mentor, Chris Soth, guided my through the whole process of writing TELLING LIES.

[Rodney Cavin]

Rod’s Pitch Fest Pitch

From this lesson I learned to generate a strong, short live pitch.

Credibility: Produced writer from a paid writing assignment.

Genre & Title: Adventure/Thriller. Abandoned To Die

Hook: Your life changes when you find a naked girl in a burnt out car.

Budget range: Low, $500K to $5 million.

Suggested actors: This script wasn’t written with players in mind. At this budget level I presume it will be cast with the producer’s choice of cast member available when shooting is scheduled.

Story Acts:
Act 1. Brad rescues Lisa, and after learning she’s an old school friend, is determined to help her survive in spite of her secretive attitude.

Act 2. Lisa finally reveals that she witnessed a popular businessman, Stoner, murder his wife. Before Brad can take her to safety, the villain attacks.

Act 3. Stoner kidnaps Lisa, Brad is shot in the ensuing chase but manages to take Stoner down with several shots and one for good measure.

End (setup) Believing Brad is dead Lisa gives in to Stoner’s desires but when she sees Brad struggling toward them she inflicts sudden pain on Stoner and dives clear to give Brad a clean shot.

Credibility: I am a produced writer working with that producer to tailor the script to his production concept. Previously I’ve written 20 scripts, come original (two optioned) and adapted from short stories, books, ghost written and done a number of re-writes.

[Rodney Cavin]

Corrected — forgot to note the payoff of end scene.

Rod’s Pitch Fest Pitch

From this lesson I learned to general a strong, short live pitch

Credibility: Produced writer from a paid writing assignment.

Genre & Title: Adventure/Thriller. Abandoned To Die

Hook: Your life changes when you find a naked girl in a burnt out car.

Budget range: Low, $500K to $5 million.

Suggested actors: This script wasn’t written with players in mind. At this budget level I presume it will be cast with the producer’s choice of cast member available when shooting is scheduled.

Story Acts:
Act 1. Brad rescues Lisa, and after learning she’s an old school friend, is determined to help her survive in spite of her secretive attitude.

Act 2. Lisa finally reveals that she witnessed a popular businessman, Stoner, murder his wife. Before Brad can take her to safety, the villain attacks.

Act 3. Stoner kidnaps Lisa, Brad is shot in the ensuing chase but manages to take Stoner down with several shots and one for good measure.

End (setup) Believing Brad is dead Lisa gives in to Stoner’s desires but when she sees Brad struggling toward them (payoff) she inflicts sudden pain on Stoner and dives clear to give Brad a clean shot, several in fact, and one for good measure.

Credibility: I am a produced writer working with that producer to tailor the script to his production concept. Previously I’ve written 20 scripts, come original (two optioned) and adapted from short stories, books, ghost written and done a number of re-writes.

[Tracy Lawson]

Screenwriting U Pitchfest

Hi my name is Tracy Lawson. I’m an author, historian, and the sixth great-granddaughter of an unsung heroine of the American Revolution.

Today I have a period drama called Revolutionary Anna, adapted from my novel Answering Liberty’s Call: Anna Stone’s Daring Ride to Valley Forge. It’s based on the true story of a woman who sets out for Valley Forge to save her husband and ends up saving the American Revolution.

Budget Range: Low budget? $3-5 million?

Who do you like for the lead roles?

For Anna: Emma Coleman, Dakota Fanning, or Amybeth McNulty, who have had lead roles in period series. I also like Aimee Teegarden and Megan Boone.

For Benjamin: Bradley Cooper, Tom Mison, Eddie Redmayne, Tom Sturridge

Summary of acts: In Act 1, news of the terrible conditions at Valley Forge drives Anna to make a treacherous 200-mile journey with supplies for her husband and brothers. Her mother tries to talk her out of going, but her uncle offers to bankroll the trip, provided she deliver a letter to his business associate on the way.

In Act 2, Anna realizes her uncle tricked her into delivering funds to a smuggling ring that steals supplies from the army. Furious, Anna risks her life to try and stop the smugglers but fails. In York, PA, a congressman recruits her as a spy and asks her to carry a secret message directly to General Washington. Finally, she has a chance to make up for her earlier naivete!

In Act 3, Anna’s only had the message for a few hours when a man rides up, blocks her way, and demands she give it to him. Anna refuses, and the race is on for the remaining 80 miles to Valley Forge!

In Act 4, Anna uses skills she’s learned on the road to outsmart her pursuer. When she reaches Valley Forge just yards ahead of him, she is detained at the picket line. She is an unknown courier, so Washington’s aides consider the message she has risked her life to deliver unreliable. Anna convinces General Washington to read the message in time. With the information it contains, Washington can thwart a conspiracy that would have replaced him, derailed the Franco-American Alliance, and led to an American surrender.

The story ends with the Revolution on firm footing, and Anna reunited, if only temporarily, with her soldier husband.

[Lisa Molenda]

Lisa Molenda’s Pitch Fest Pitch

What I learned doing this assignment is that I need to be concise and put all the most important hooks in the pitch.

Hi, I’m Lisa Molenda, and I’m a produced screenwriter. I have a dark comedy called Jane the Vegan. It’s about a vegan activist who gets turned into a vampire, and struggles to keep her moral code, while needing blood to survive. The budget range is medium- high. We would like to have Lizzo and Tabitha brown for the lead roles. In the story, Jane is in school for her PHD and she is being followed by a vampire, Marc, who follows her to a pig vigil, where Jane gets run over by a slaughterhouse truck. Marc, having fallen in love with Jane, saves her by giving her some of his blood and taking her to his house to recover from the crash. Jane wakes up, realizing she left her sick mother at home in the care of her brother, and rushes back, finding him furious. Meanwhile, Jane’s teacher , Dr. Berkwood is panicking since she saw Jane get hit and doesn’t know if she’s alive or dead. Jane calls out of her classes, and Dr. Berkwood sends the annoying, anti-vegan lab assistant who has a crush on Jane, to check on her. Jane’s blood lust has gotten stronger, and she ends up feeding on him at the end of the first episode, sealing her fate as a vampire.

I helped write the film, Guillotine, which is in post-production and expected to be released in 2023.