-
Day 8: Pump Up Your Beat Sheet
Reply to post your assignment.
-
4 Replies
-
Mary and Rich’s Elevated Story Beats
What I learned doing this assignment is that picking apart the weakest links helps the rest of the story bloom. We were chomping at the bit to start writing dialogue prematurely – then it flowed at the right time. Very good process, need to apply to more but out of time for today.
Select at least three (3) scenes in your Beat Sheet that you’d like to improve.
(27) [E2]. LIVING ROOM – CONTINUOUS
They recap that he has epilepsy. Morty and Jax say their good-byes for now.
Purpose – to fill in details about Kyle’s condition, then get back to work.
After – Kyle has epilepsy, with medicine that’s expensive, and experimental. He ran out yesterday – they dance around
this with Morty, whose questions bring it out. Morty knows someone who may be able to get the drug at low or no cost.
Morty and Jax leave to work in the library.
________________________________________________________________________________
(28) [E3] INT. COLLEGE LIBRARY – DAY
Their mantra, “win the $500 competition”. Although dismal, they are starting to add fresh ideas about what they know.
Purpose – move things along, info dump
After – Their mantra, “win the $500 competition”. Try brainstorming crazy ideas – does chocolate taste good in a wormhole?
Does time go backward on the event horizon – ie could Hitler be hiding inside to jump our heroes? First hints of Yard Wars, but embryonic.
________________________________________________________________________________
(34) [E3] EXT. AIR SHOW FAIRGROUNDS – DAY
A panoramic view of the air show, with a control tower. In the tower, field commander BENNY ARNOLD, who is Jax’s Dad, looks out at the activity.
At one booth Bella Bustamonte is a flight demonstrator getting ready to present.
Purpose – Intro fairgrounds in a big way
After – DELETE to up the surprise factor. Later when show BENNY he’s a corporate sponsor not military. Add a scene where he gets a plaque
from the base commander Bella Bustamonte, Jax tries to get away from but Benny spots him and after talk goes to him and “attacks”
_______________________________________________________________________________
(35) [E3] INT. MORTY’S CAR – DAY
Morty, Jax, Melanie and Kyle arrive. See above. Scenes now follow this skeleton: Bella comes up to M&J&M&K who think shes Mortys date.
No, I’m here to give out corporate sponsor plaque—and/or Bella is the commander who runs the air show. Bella leaves to go towards the stage.
________________________________________________________________________________________________________-
UPDATES – DIALOGUE FOR NEXT PART:
MORTY: “Bella’s not my date!
A woman comes up between them.
MORTY: She is.
This is Melanies Mom.
MELANIE: Mom?
JAX: Mrs. Smith?
MELANIE’S MOM: Hi Morty?
They give each other a peck/ kiss.
MORTY: Shakespeare in love.
KYLE: Cool! Grandpa?
MELANIE’S MOM: Morty you know my daughter?
MORTY: Not in a biblical sense.
Now, they turn their attention to the stage, as Bella is starting her speech to give out the corporate sponsorship plaque.
It turns out to be Benny Arnold, who is Jax’s Dad.
Melanie says “Dont get upset.” or something like that to comfort Jax, who has a bad relationship with his father and also doesn’t want him
to see him with Melanie.
Morty finds out that it is Jax’s Dad.
When they try to “escape” they inadvertantly bump into Benny Arnold. Then this is where the argument ensues.
________________________________________________________________________________
-
This reply was modified 3 years, 6 months ago by Mary Chamberlin.
-
This reply was modified 3 years, 6 months ago by
-
Piper
1. Piper dreams of a unkept little girl who has a snake heading for her.
2. Piper wakes up from a nap
3. Piper walks into her office, her shoes clanking the floors. A co-worker complains loudly in front of the whole office about Piper’s walking in the hall.
4. Joel calls Piper. He tells her he is in their hometown. They talk about all of the hurtful things down to them brought on by peers…they talk about how the comments made their lives hard to live there.
5. Piper watches her co-workers leave in a group together. She tells Joel that she’s still left out of things.
6. Joel tells Piper that he’s going to go see her after his gig there. He doesn’t want to be her best friend anymore; he wants to be her boyfriend.
7. Piper gets a text from mom saying that she sent her an airplane ticket to come home. She’s reluctant but Joel’s there; so, she decides to go.
8. She goes to her closet and pulls down a suite case. A prayer card falls from her closet. She reads it. It’s the Guardian Angel prayer. She looks to Heaven and says she means it.
9. Sun gets bright. Silhouette hand touches her arm. Piper scratches her arm. Sees nothing on it or near her.
10. A woman smiles and waves at Piper. Piper waves back.
11. Piper gets home. She stops at a store to get a drink. Woman stops there, too. She calls Piper’s name. She says her name is Alessia. She asks Piper about the town; says she needs kind of a tour guide. Piper is brief. Alessia says that she can tell Piper is uneasy about this place…that she understands what it’s like to be an outsider. They become fast friends.
12. Piper runs into Mixie. Mixie’s demeanor is gloating and condescending towards Piper. Piper has a tough time being in Mixie’s presence but responds politely, which is undeserving for Mixie. Alessia notes Piper’s behavior.
13. Piper calls Joel. No answer. She’s frustrated she can’t talk to Joel.
14. Piper tries to keep herself hidden from everyone. She notices everyone walking towards the Intracoastal Canal. Piper doesn’t want to go. Alessia says that what happening down there is unavoidable.
15. They walk to the canal. Piper tries to be as inconspicuous as possible.
16. Mixie tells Corey that Piper is there. She whispers something into Corey’s ear. Corey checks out Piper a little. Piper sees all of this.
17. Mixie gives a big ‘hi’ to someone near Piper totally ignoring Piper’s presence.
18. Joel’s car is pulled out of the canal. Piper breaks down in tears and grief in front of everyone. All eyes turn to her.
19. Murmuring occurs. Piper sees this. She tells Alessia that she wants to leave.
20. In Piper’s bedroom at her parents’ home, Piper tells Alessia that she wants to leave. Alessia asks Piper why she wants to leave. Piper says because no one likes her here and she doesn’t want to hear what anyone has to say about her or Joel and her. They are fake. She doesn’t trust anyone. The great divide. They threw Piper away a long time ago. Piper wants to run away.
21. Alessia acknowledges Piper’s pain. Alessia asks Piper what she really wants. Piper confesses that she wants to be loved, authentically. She wants to be valuable. She wants this dark cloud to move from her.
22. Alessia tells Piper that she will take her to a place where Piper will get love and be very valuable. They go to a shelter.
23. Alessia tells Piper that things are not going well for these people in the shelter; but a shelter is here because these people matter.
24. Piper talks to a person going through a rough patch but not giving up.
25. Piper attends a tea party. She sits with a group of women. They begin to gossip. Piper walks out.
26. Piper angrily walks to her car. Alessia joins her. Alessia tells Piper that things are about to get heavy. Piper asks how she knows this. Alessia says to light, to guard, to rule, to guide. Piper is puzzled.
27. Piper and Alessia are riding when Corey stands out in the road.
28. Alessia says that she will handle this and she gets out of the car. Piper waits a minute, and she gets out of the car.
29. Piper watches others come out of the bushes of the Houma shortcut, including Mixie.
30. Corey asks Piper why is she here. Piper asks Corey the same question.
31. Piper tells everyone that they are nasty. They do awful things.
Corey
1. Corey enters from the darkness of the night.
2. He sees two groups of people – one poor, the other rich. He chooses to join the rich.
3. He instigates bad-mouthing, gossip of a people at the party. He chest puffs up.
4. He bumps into a strange person and makes an ugly face at her.
5. Mixie come and flaunts herself around him.
6. He brags about creating a device that can start and stop devices, including cars.
7. He runs into Joel and makes a snotty comment to him. Joel says, ‘thank you, not today’, smirks and ignores Corey.
8. Corey talks about Joel nonstop…talks about how weird Joel was in high school and says whatever he thinks about Joel to drag him down.
9. He with others in the gossip/bad-mouthing group meet a couple of people that they were bad-mouthing on the Houma Shortcut and beat them to death.
10. Everyone that was gossiped about, and their dignity destroyed, was killed. They sit in their cars, dead, and their cars are dumped into the canal.
11. Joel’s car dies on the Houma Shortcut. The group watches Corey kills him with an axe.
12. Joel’s car is dumped in the canal.
13. A car is being pulled out of the canal…it was discovered by a fisherman’s sonor. Corey stands with Mixie and friends at the bank of the canal. He remains calm with them. He sees Piper and checks her out while holding onto Mixie.
14. As the car is being pulled out, he watches Piper’s reactions. He immediately calls Piper crazy and throws as much attention on her being wacky and messed up so that the car isn’t noticed.
15. He overhears a couple of people talking bad about him. He confronts them and they discount his concerns. Mixie tries to comfort him.
16. He keeps everyone focused on Piper by saying nasty things to her as she passes him on the street. He attracts a lot of drama…negative stuff. It makes him a little sick.
17. His little cousin comes to see him. She’s mentally handicapped and she loves Corey. Someone from his killing squad tells him that her friend aborted her baby because of that. Corey is appalled and disgusted.
18. He sees Piper as his little cousin tells him that people are mean to her.
19. Piper confronts him on the Houma Shortcut after her car stops.
20. Alessia gets his blinders removed and he sees all of the spiritual snakes.
21. The snakes try to attack him, and he runs away. They chase him.
22. He runs into a church and begs to see a Priest.
23. He confesses the murders and the bad-mouthing.
24. He apologizes to Piper. Piper asks him why he keeps looking at her. He kisses her.
Joel
1. Joel looks around and watches everyone dressed up in their Sunday best go inside the hall. He’s in a t-shirt and faded jeans with shaggy hair. He looks the rocker type.
2. He makes a call to Piper to tell her that he’s home. They reminisce about the pain they had at the hands of the people in the town.
3. He tells Piper that he sees Corey and Mixie.
4. Joel talks about how he misses Piper, and she reciprocates. He asks Piper why they didn’t go any further than dating. He says that he wants to be her boyfriend.
5. His band member waves at him to come inside. He tells Piper that he will call her back after the show.
6. Inside, he tries to avoid contact with the crowd as he makes his way to the stage.
7. He runs into Corey. At first, he freezes. Corey makes a snotty remark. Joel says, ‘thank you, not today’, smirks and ignores Corey.
8. Snakes that no one sees circle him.
9. Concert over. He sends Piper pictures of his new car. New York license plate.
10. He calls Piper. Piper says her mom sent her an airline ticket to come home. Joel is excited because he gets to see Piper. This will make their new relationship official.
11. Joel’s car stops on the Houma Shortcut. Corey, Mixie and others surround him.
12. Corey kills Joel with an axe.
13. Corey disposes Joel’s car with Joel’s body in it in the canal.
Mixie
1. Mixie walks up to Corey and embraces him at the party. She’s just blah. Not too thrilled about being there.
2. She joins in the bad-mouthing, gossip with Corey and others in the group.
3. A person at the party tells Mixie a piece of juicy gossip. Mixie adds her own embellishment on the news. Mixie gets excited the whole time she’s talking about this.
4. Mixie return to Corey at the party with an upbeat mood. Corey comments on how her mood has changed.
5. Mixie runs into Piper at a convenience store. She gloats and puts down Piper with her greeting to Piper.
6. Mixie hears Alessia’s response of her. Mixie fires back with a comment Piper’s past as Piper and Alessia walk out of the door.
7. Mixie sees Piper and Alessia near the canal. Mixie whispers something about Piper in Corey’s ear.
8. She makes a comment about Piper’s breakdown to the group around her, supporting Corey’s verbal assault.
9. A few people make shocking faces at Mixie. She makes the same face at them.
10. She asks someone hear her how she is doing with her project. The person gives her a one-word, vague answer then quickly leaves.
11. Mixie overhears people talking about her but they leave to quickly for her to say something back to them.
12. She comes out of the bushes with others to beat and kill Piper.
13. Alessia gets her blinders removed and she sees all of the spiritual snakes.
14. The snakes bite her and squeeze her. She can’t get away. She’s pulled down into hell.
Guardian Angel – Alessia
1. Sun light gets bright after Alessia says Guardian Angel prayer. A silhouette hand touches Piper on the arm.
2. In a body, the Guardian Angel smiles and waves at Piper in the Airport.
3. Guardian Angel sits next to Piper on the plane. Light flashes in Guardian Angel’s eyes without anyone seeing this. She sees a name on the book that Piper has in her lap and says her name is Alessia (which mean defender, protector, helper).
4. Alessia brings up the Angels’ topic. She schools Piper on some basics about angels.
5. She watches Piper get disrespected by Mixie. She tells Piper that it’s awful Mixie has to act nasty like that to her.
6. Mixie says something condescending to Piper as Piper and Leela walk out of the door.
7. The snakes no one sees appear. Alessia sees them and steps in front of Piper, causing them to quickly flee.
8. Alessia tells Piper she understands the whole being on the outside of the group means. Piper and Alessia become fast friends.
9. Alessia tells Piper that what’s going on at the canal looks bad. Piper can’t avoid it.
10. At the bank of the canal, Alessia helps Piper be as hidden as possible.
11. When Joel’s car is pulled out of the canal, Alessia comforts Piper when she breaks down at this event. She sees the snakes head towards Piper again and stops them in their tracks.
12. She listens to Piper go on about how she hates the town. Alessia validates Piper’s feelings. Again, Alessia stops the snakes.
13. Alessia tells Piper that her value comes from God and not man.
14. Alessia convinces Piper that she must serve at a shelter. This will help her greatly.
15. Both ladies serve at the shelter. Alessia watches Piper relax and connect.
16. Alessia joins Piper on a ride. She tells Piper that trouble is up ahead. Piper asks how she knows. Alessia starts reciting the Guardian Prayer. She looks at Piper and says that she asked for help from her Guardian Angel.
17. Piper’s car breaks down on the Houma Shortcut and Corey appears. Alessia tells Piper to stay in the car while she gets out. Piper doesn’t listen.
18. Alessa looses her human body and exposes her light as well as removing the blinds so that everyone there can see all of the snakes that they have invited. She explains that their bad words have invited evil.
19. Alessa blocks the snakes from Piper again and get Piper out of the situation by running from the scene.
20. Piper, alone, says the Guardian Angel prayer as she takes a walk. The Guardian Angel’s silhouette walks with Piper.
-
Mary Andrews Elevated Beat Sheet
Subject: (1 HR PILOT. PARANORMAL SCI FI)
What I learned: the need for more layers and to start insinuating the presence of their antagonists….OPENING
SPACE MONTAGE WITH IRA (V.O.) p.1 (E6)
2. INT. PLEASURE PLANET TANIVOL NEMESIS BRIDGE – 0800 HOURS p.2 (E6)
Ship touches down on Tanivol. Rael (35) intro, recording log info, gets call from 2 planet control officers. Checks stats passes them through gates to bring deliver ambassador to Nemesis.**3. INT. NEMESIS MAIN HALLWAY – CONTINUOUS p.3 (E4)
(intro Laynald Lockheim–53) joins Rael in hallway, chides his rashness … Ira Haze (early 20’s) exits his quarters to join them and Rael tells him**Ira stands in the corridor and watches them leave. ((“Here we go again.” He goes into his quarters mumbling mockingly to himself. “But captain, my sparkly, sparkly eyes scare everyone, too.” He snags up the silken Wall Master coat and yanks the hood over his head and fully forward. “There. I look like a good Government slave. That’ll do it.” Without pause, he storms down the corridor to the lift. “Great. They’ve got me talking to myself now too.” He punches the button and the door slides shut **
**4. INT. NEMESIS CARGO BAY – CONTINUOUS p.4 (E 8)
Rael scoffs at Laynald as they step onto the exit ramp … Planetary officers wheel Ambassador onto the ship’s gangplank to Nemesis. Guard 1 pulls out a stunner and tries to shoot Rael. Dodging, disarms man and is body-checked off the ramp. Laynald darts the assailant…the second officer tries to run into Laynald with gurney. Laynald dives over to Rael…Ira arrives, pulls the gurney to safety inside, and steps onto the gangplank. The remaining officer freezes.
**(Wall Masters are rare and known to be able to control, rewrite, and torture a man with a word or a glance—which he does. Then Laynald darts their assailant and he falls on his face.) **
**5. INT. NEMESIS SICKBAY — CONTINUOUS p.6 (E 7)
**Ira takes ambassador to sickbay and softly commands, “Sleep.” Nothing changes. **Ira mind-melds with him – pain is being caused by the psychic terrorists. Their slave, the one who still inhabits the ambassador’s mind, is being tortured as a conduit to his mind. Ira is barely Able to escape, himself.
ACT ONE
**6. INT. NEMESIS SICKBAY – AFTERNOON p.7 (E5)
Ira awakens on the sickbay examination table. Laynald sits across the room watching.**Add that ambassador is near Laynald. Ira asks how he managed to quiet him. Laynald holds up a dart. Figured his throat could use a break…. My ears sure did. Laynald pauses and asks Ira why he wasn’t able to quiet the ambassador. Ira explains the ambassador was not alone and empathy did not help any.**
7. INT. NEMESIS COMMON ROOM TABLE — CONTINUOUS p.8 (E6)
describes common room group meets and eats, Ira reports findings to team…Laynald decides they’re being invited to try. Ira does not appreciate their insensitivity to slaver cruelty but remains silent.ACT TWO
8. INT. TANIVOL NEMESIS COMMON ROOM LOUNGE – EVENING p.14 (E 7)
Rael wants a quick search before they do a physical search. Ira FINDS her again and melds.9. INT. ELSEWHERE DARKNESS – CONTINUOUS p.14 (E 5)
Ira’s eyes open to darkness … racing heart … another cycle of searing pain … the feel of cold stone beneath her. HeFlees again.10. INT. TANIVOL BASE PARKING — NEMESIS COMMON ROOM – CONTINUOUS p.14 (E 6)
Ira snaps awake with a burst of rage which momentarily affects the Captain. Ira apologizes. (Complete control is essential for what he does.) Laynald threatens him. Ira reports little different in search but definitely confirms Slavers. Rael compu-links to search for local leads. Laynald and Ira leave … Rael turns off screens and watches in his mind.11. EXT. TANIVOL SIDEWALKS LEADING AWAY FROM THE PORT – NIGHT p.18 (E8)
streets are crowded, a carnival atmosphere everywhere … the dark trio look out of place there, then Rael freezes In mid-step.**12. EXT. TANIVOL CROWDED WALKWAY IN AN ALLEY – CONTINUOUS p.18 (E8)
While Ira and Laynald look on from the street, Rael is entranced by Tristen**as she makes physical contact under the guise of handing him an ad/token from The Palace while passing by him in the busy walkway. **
In his mind, she lures him to The Palace. He sees only Her. Ira intercedes and Laynald forces Rael into an alley so Ira can bring him back to reality.
13. INT. TANIVOL THE PLEASURE PALACE – NIGHT p.20 (E 8)
Ira identifies and follows Tristen’s trail in astral form and merges with her. This time he sees her but as through someone else’s eyes. She is being punished (slammed and thrown around until she is rendered unconscious ) for not retrieving Rael.**14. EXT. TANIVOL CROWDED STREETS IN AN ALLEY – NIGHT p.21 (E-7)
Ira returns to the team in the alley. Rael is confused, Ira tells him he found her. They decide to go to The Palace.**Rael holds up the token upon which an arrow moves to locate The Palace. Rael takes off immediately, the other two have trouble keeping up with him in the crowds.**
15. INT. TANIVOL PLEASURE PALACE – NIGHT p.22 (E 9)
Rael is drawn to The Palace by Tristen. When he enters it is exactly as he’d seen earlier. He wants to be there and he rushes to enter the privacy booth where she waits for him.**16. INT. TANIVOL PLEASURE PALACE – CONTINUOUS p.22 (E9)
Two burly attendants stop Ira and Laynald as they enter the building. Ira lifts his dark glasses allowing the laser-lit signs to wickedly reflect from his eyes. They both flash Gov. Idents and are allowed to pass. Ira follows Rael into privacy booth where Tristen controls Rael. He sees only her. Ira punches the captain and they both collapse.Laynald hits her with a dart for good measure. When captain rises, they take Tristen back to Nemesis and take off.**Ira pulls back the heavy curtain to the privacy booth. In the main hall, the music stops. The hover-stage freezes, gravity dancers no longer twist and turn in arial acrobatics above. Diners and dancers alike rise and face the Gov. Agents, but nobody approaches. Rael, temples ablaze, turns off their lighting. The agents tuning on their heels, set a deliberate slow pace down the long hallway. Nobody mans the entrance. Nobody follows them. The moment they step foot outside, the music and lights start back up. Laynald hands Tristen, still unconscious, to Ira. “Now they’re just messing with us.” The team hastens toward dark alleys traveling away from the night crowds until they near and board the Nemesis.**
**17. INT. NEMESIS BRIDGE IN SPACE – Late night p.24 (E8)
Rael sits in command chair and cannot pry Tristen from his mind. Laynald is examining her now. He heads for sickbay and is shocked by what she really looks like. Laynald informs the team what he’s discovered. Ira realizes she sees through others eyes and is telepathic. Rael worries he cannot escape her control. Ira steps up and tells them he will fix things. They leave Ira alone with her. He rewrites her into believing she is Rael’s slave.**Add that ambassador has been moved into quarters next-door to the sickbay—still on the gurney.**
18. INT. NEMESIS SICK BAY – Midnight p.30 (E9)
Laynald and Rael return. Ira introduces Tristen to her new master, Rael. He is not happy about that but is relieved To feel her control over him fall away. He tests her abilities. She is eager to please. Rael has Laynald prepare her Quarters next to Ira’s with locks on door… Laynald scouts up clothing for her and Ira is to take care of her.19. INT. NEMESIS COMMON ROOM DINING TABLE — 0100 HOURS p.34(E9)
Ira takes Tristen to eat while Laynald sets her quarters. He eventually asks her about her origin. She informs him that she is chosen to save her world, a world ruled by infallible Oracles, but she cannot remember anything more than that.
ACT THREE
20. INT. NEMESIS COMMON ROOM DINING AREA — 0630 HOURS p.38(E8)
Laynald and Rael are drinking coffee at table. Laynald is worried about keeping Ira in close proximity to her. He may not be prepared for dealing with the wiles of a cunning woman. Ira and Tristen enter. They already seem to be getting close. Rael tests Tristen’s abilities … He tells them he wants Tristen to link the ambassador and Ira to him so he can find out what the mind-jackers were looking for. Ira protests but is not heeded.21. EXT. TANIVOL WALKWAY A BLOCK FROM THE SPACE PORT — TWILIGHT p43 (E8)
The ambassador’s memories play out what happened. It is much the same as she had done to Rael, except that The ambassador has no one to save him and ends up in an underground interrogation room. One of the things he is asked, is if he knows a person in a picture—Rael’s face appears.22. INT. NEMESIS COMMON ROOM – 1000 hours.p.44 (E9)
Ira receives and controls the flow of the ambassador’s sensory inputs … Tristen manages the shunt between them all. … Rael’s commands grate from a distance across their minds as his compu-link activates and he joins with the ship’s Computer.23. INT. NEMESIS COMMON ROOM – 1030 HOURS p.45 (E8)
Ira erases everything that happened and all memory of Tristen from the ambassador. She is led to her quarter. Only Ira and Rael remain to face the ambassador. Eventually the ambassador realizes Ira is a wall master and Rael sends him away to check On Tristen. Ambassador asks to use secure channel to contact Government Control.24 INT. NEMESIS CORRIDOR BEFORE TRISTEN’S QUARTERS – CONTINUOUS p.47 (E9)
Laynald waits for Ira. He thinks something is wrong with Tristen. Ira joins her to ease her pain and make her rest.He explains her worth to the crew and puts her to sleep. Guilt ridden, he sits with her afterwards.25. INT. NEMESIS BRIDGE – CONTINUOUS p.50 (E5 )
Rael takes Ambassador to bridge and steps into the main corridor to give him privacy.26. INT. NEMESIS CORRIDOR NEAR THE BRIDGE – EVENING p.51 (E )
Rael contacts Laynald to see how Tristen is doing. Then Ambassador comes into the hall and tells him Dark Ops wants to talk to him. Laynald approaches from down the corridor and is told to see to ambassador’s needs. Ops wants them to bring him there for debriefing. Rael leaves them there.27. INT. NEMESIS BRIDGE – CONTINUOUS p.52 (E8)
Rael is told his adopted mother, Head of Dark Ops, is dying and wants him to come to her. Rael immediately Prepares to leave Tanivol.28. INT. NEMESIS TRISTEN’S QUARTERS – CONTINUOUS p. 54 (E6 )
In her quarters Tristen stirs at Rael’s outburst of activity from across the ship. Ira eases her back into a deeper sleep and hearing the lock on her door behind him does not like the sound. He heads for the bridge…**29. INT. NEMESIS MAIN CORRIDOR – CONTINUOUS p.54 (E6 )
Laynald joins up with Ira. Something is wrong.**Elevate Ira. He is invisible here. H is invisible.**
30. INT. NEMESIS BRIDGE — CONTINUOUS p.55 (E8 )
Rael, Laynald and Ira review the situation and Rael realizes he is under attack…Laynald sees even more danger . They race to Momma Mahata’s side.DAY 8 CHOOSE SCENES TO ELEVATE: ** marked with ** above
-
What did I learn? This can be challenging to improve even when you know the beat needs to be improved.
ACT I
1. (E10) INT. Observation Room – 1980 – Day
Doctors administer what looks like a lethal injection to three military prisoners, but they turn into hideous creatures and murder the armed guards before the main doctor stops them with mind control.
2. (E9) INT. Front Door – Home – Present day – Day
Abigail, hears an eerie intermittent scratching in her basement. With trepidation, she opens the basement door to a shape hiding in the darkness. It turns out it’s her disoriented and disheveled daughter. April explains she is there to surprise them, but she was overcome by something.
3. (E8) INT. Home – Bathroom – Day
The young woman is in a tub of ice to bring the fever down. Abigail asks April, her daughter, if she’s still taking her meds. When April doesn’t answer, Abigail admits she gave her a small intravenous dose. April is pissed. She just needs rest and no stress. Abigail wonders is she going back to graduate school. April won’t answer.
4 (E8) INT. Home – Dining room – Day
Brent, April’s father, comes to dinner, consumed with scribbling symbols on dirty pieces of cardboard, trying to solve a puzzle. He’s gaunt and unaware until Abigail gets his attention. Later, Brent says they can’t have April in the house because April’s off her meds and came back home. He demands she leaves in the morning.
5 (E7) INT. Home – April’s Bedroom – Day
Abigail explains that Brent hasn’t been himself lately. She’s had to give him more medication than the doctors will allow. April is shocked to find out he’s on meds too.
6. (E10) INT. Home – Kitchen – Day
Brent, possessed, attacks Abigail and she tries to stab him but he doesn’t die. Brent kills her with ease, once he gets ahold of her. He chases April back to her room where she locks herself in, only to hear him bellowing outside banging for her to come out.
7. (E9) INT. Home – Outside- Day
Plain Clothes Officers take Brent away in an armored truck after they ask if there was anything he told her that was odd or unusual.
8. (E10) INT. Home – Basement – Day
April tries to find anything odd or unusual and turns up a cache of hundreds of magnets with symbols scratched into them. She starts having a seizure.
9. (E10) INT. Police – Station – Day
April goes to the police station to ask Brent about the symbols and they tell her he’s not there. He’s with the CIA at an old military outpost.
ACT II
10. (E7) EXT. Military Outpost – Day
The Guard won’t let April on base. They don’t have anyone with the name Brent and they don’t have a jail of any sort.
11. (E7) EXT. Military Town – Day
April searches for anyone who knows anything in a local dried up town. She finds someone who used to be a guard. He tells her there was an accident many years ago that shut the base down for some time and the man in the picture died years ago. His name is not Brent. It was Dr. Gant.
12. INT. Hotel – Day
April does searches on line to find anything she can about the base or an accident. Nothing.
13. (E7) INT. Bar – Day
April follows Kerry, who left the base in the evening and went to a bar. She shows a picture of her father and Kerry tells her that looks like Austin Gant. He died many years ago, but that is the reason he’s here, to continue his work. April reveals she’s his daughter, he may be inside and she will help him get to his research if he helps her get to her Dad. Kerry agrees.
14. (E7) INT. Military Base – File Room – Day
Kerry helps April get into a secure sector of files. April searches the old files, has a very odd vision, which Kerry has to snap her out of. She’d been in there for over an hour. April, reveals she knows that someone from the file is still alive. She has to see them. Kerry and April are surrounded in the file room. Kerry is fired.
15. (E7) EXT. Midwest Town – Slum – Day
Ayoki Koji, a strung out drug addict, will only talk if they buy him a meal. He is severely damaged from all of the drug use over the years. April asks him about Dr. Austin Gant. He starts to sober up. He tries to leave, but April grabs him, he freezes, a patch of his skin starts to turn white and flake into the air. He tells her she has the sight and will join him in hell. He flees, but as soon as they chase him outside, military vehicles descend on them and round them up.
16. INT. TRANSPORT – DAY
April accuses Kerry of betraying her. He apologizes. He has to get to Dr. Gant’s work. It’s his life’s work.
17. INT. Military Base – Torture Room – Day
The officer who spoke with her at her house, Field Officer Gaskins, questions April for information, but she wants to know where her father and her friends are. It’s a standoff. Gaskins tells April her father may have had some kind of virus that she may be infected with. She is free to go after observation.
18. (E8) INT. Military Base – Holding Cell – Day
In the cell, April’s hand starts to itch. She checks her palm and a small patch of skin is turning flaky white. She’s freaking out trying to rub the skin off when she falls into a hallucination, she sees Ayoki he’s walking through the building until her door opens, it’s Ayoki.
19. INT. Military Base Holding Cell – day
Ayoki tries to kill April for finding him. She finally gets him to see that she has to save her father.
20 (E7) INT. Military Base – Hallway – Day
Ayoki leads the search for Dr. Gant. He reveals he escaped the facility before and went underground.
21 (E8) INT. Military Base – Torture Room – Day
Kerry has been tortured and can barely walk. He’s going to slow them down, Ayoki is freaking out and wants to leave him. Kerry reveals he knows where Dr. Gant is.
22 (E10) INT. Military Base – Medical Room – Day
Dr. Gant is strapped down to a medical table, flaky all over, somewhat bigger and his face is terrifying. Red swollen eyes, teeth gone from black slick gums. April is destroyed but she wants to get her father out. He won’t let her. Her father can’t see but senses Ayoki is there. He apologizes for experimenting on the soldiers and causing all of this. He’s also sorry for what he’s done to his daughter. He gave her the sight and the longer they all are together the faster they will change. Gant becomes a raging beast.
Act III
23 (E9) INT. Military Base – Hallways – Day
They barely escape, The Gant monster breaks out, has gone on a rampage killing soldiers. Ayoki is able to guide them away from the creature with his senses, but he’s becoming less and less able to fight off the change. April is freaking out and Kerry is limping badly. They won’t get out unless they hide and regroup.
24 (E7) INT. Military Base –Office – Day
They discover Field Officer Gaskins, noose around his neck, in preparation to hang himself. He reveals that there were beasts that were created before that still exist, have awoken and Dr. Gant was supposed to control them, but now they are doomed. Ayoki, a clairvoyant, offers to try.
25. (E8) INT. Military Base – Basement – Day
Gaskins tells all remaining soldiers to lead the Gant Creature to the basement. He and the team get tranquilizer darts on steroids, go to a secret chamber in the bowels of the building and find three big magnetic chambers with symbols engraved on them. The creature that’s awake can sense Ayoki’s presence which is making Ayoki start to lose control.
Kerry tries to guide Ayoki. He’s studied some of Gant’s research, but he’s shaky.
The second creature awakes with a bellow. They have limited time has Ayoki fights to control his mind.
26. (E10) INT. Military Base – Basement – Day
The Gant Creature breaks in, they try to disable it with the tranquilizer darts, it only slows him down a bit. Ayoki tries to use his senses to control the creature, but it only accelerates his change and excites both the creatures in the boxes. The excitement draws The Gant Creature to the boxes to help the Creatures escape. The team scrambles to leave as they witness the second case crack.
27 INT. Military Base – Hallway – Day
They escape before the creatures break out, but Ayoki volunteers to try to hold them back as he’s almost completely changed.
28 INT. Miliary Base – Hallway – Day
While they try to escape, Kerry explains the research her dad did. She is their last chance. She needs to find an emotional link.
29 (E10) INT. Military Base – Lobby – Day
They make it to the lobby of the building, but they can’t escape as the doors are blocked with stacked bodies. The creatures show up, but now there are four. The team gets picked off one by one until April, finally, out of fear, finds the ability to control the creatures and uses it to make them destroy each other.
30 (E8) INT. Home – Basement – Night
April is at home in the basement. She is finishing arranging magnets in a circle on the floor. She takes some meds, takes off her bloody clothes, lies down in the middle. A third of her body is flaking white ash and her eyes are bulging red. She takes pill after pill and breathes. The Ash starts to recede as we see her eyes lose redness, roll up in her head and she passes out.
Beats to improve
Beat 12. INT. Hotel – Day
April does searches on line to find anything she can about the base or an accident. Nothing.
April can’t find anything in newer libraries because they mostly use digital technology. She goes to an old outdated library that still has microfiche. She searches old newspaper and magazine articles.
Beat 17 INT. Military Base – Torture Room – Day
April is strapped down to a medical table. The officer who spoke with her at her house, Field Officer Gaskins, questions her for information, but she wants to know where her father and Ayoki are. It’s a standoff. Gaskins tells April her father may have had some kind of virus that she may be infected with. She is free to go after observation.
Beat 27 INT. Military Base – Hallway – Day
They escape before the creatures break out, but Ayoki volunteers to try to hold them back as he’s almost completely changed.
They get out of the basement before the creatures break out. They hustle to escape, but Ayoki is lagging. April tries to convince him to hurry and keep going. Kerry tells him there may be a way to save him. Ayoki doesn’t want it. He’s too far gone and there’s too far to travel. He will try to slow the creatures down, while he can.
28 INT. Military Base – Hallway – Day
While they try to escape, Kerry explains the research her dad did. She is their last chance. She needs to find an emotional link.
April is unravelling with grief. Kerry snatches her to her senses. She is their last hope. Dr. Gant mentioned deep emotional links in psychoconnectivity. If she can tap into that, she may be able to control the creatures.
-
This reply was modified 3 years, 6 months ago by Elliott Williams.
-
This reply was modified 3 years, 6 months ago by
Log in to reply.