-
Day 9 Assignment
Reply to post your assignment.
-
18 Replies
-
Just checking… has anybody else had this? I realise that my 4 Necesary Questions have changed a bit since I first wrote them on Day 4… so I am going to use the revised/evolved ones for this Pass#3, Day 9 Assignment.. (with the first 2 Nec Questions…)
-
This reply was modified 3 years, 3 months ago by Kate Hawkes.
-
Hi Kate,
Same for me…I’m using my revised Necessary Questions too.
Lisa
-
This reply was modified 3 years, 3 months ago by
-
What I learned doing this assignment was how to add in the big questions during an outline. I learned how to do it early so that the rest of it revolves around them.
CONCEPT
What if the judicial system was switched to social media voting, with those found guilty having to go through livestreamed battles and deadly challenges as people at home vote on their punishment?
DRAMATIC QUESTION
A. Where does the Dramatic Question first get established and how? During the opening broadcast, it goes down temporarily from rebel involvement, before coming back.
B. How is the Dramatic Question increased in intensity? First rebels disrupt transmission, then they cause an outage with an attack, then find out Jocelyn is here as a rebel to bring system down, then the rebels cause Jocelyn to die on TV so the audience sympathizes with their cause, then Alicia joins their side as more disruption brings the punishment games to an early end, then she fights them as well as the system for what they did to Jocelyn.
C. Where does the Dramatic Question finally get answered? At the end, when Alicia helps the rebels take down the system…and then throws the rebel leaders into the same punishment games as the old leaders, knowing they are no different after what they did to Jocelyn.
MAIN CONFLICT
A. When does the Main Conflict first show up? In the opening intro, when the games are announced and they start contestant bios.
B. How many ways can you express the Main Conflict throughout the story? Ten rooms of punishment, each worse than the last, that prisoners must face either alone or together.
C. What brings the Main Conflict to a boiling point in the 3rd Act? The games are disrupted by the rebels with 3 levels left, causing the whole system to go haywire and the revolution to begin.
D. How is the Main Conflict resolved? Alicia is the only one who survives the games and revolution in the end.
1. Opening Host gives intro into the event and the people who were chosen, including a hardened criminal named Alicia. In the middle of the intro, it goes blank as rebels take over the screen with a message of rebellion for a few seconds before they come back to the live show.
2. Inciting Incident. The prisoners’ loved ones are kept in a cage with a bomb…and if they don’t go through the challenges quickly enough, the bomb goes off.
3. By page 10, you know what the movie is about. First person dies horribly in event after losing their challenge, setting things in motion.
4. First turning point at end of Act 1 Games are disrupted by explosion. They are all is pulled into fake room off camera and find out Jocelyn is there as part of a resistance. They can’t tell anyone or the authorities will kill them all, so now they almost have to help her.
5. Mid-Point Young innocent Jocelyn is killed in the contest unfairly…and Sam makes sure the audience sees it in horrifying detail to gain sympathy for their cause.
6. Second turning point at end of Act 2. Rebels take down games and transmission altogether by wiping out power in whole city. Chaos begins as the revolution is now underway. The contestants hurry to get loved ones before explosion. However, Alicia’s relative is already dead from what happened earlier.
7. Crisis. Alicia has a choice: she can help the rebels (and save Jocelyn’s father like she promised) or escape with her own life.
8. Climax Alicia finds the people who put here there. She puts them all into the challenges, along with the rebel leaders who forced Jocelyn to die for their cause.
9. Resolution She leaves the challenges as the only survivor…and a hero to the people. -
Lisa’s 3rd Pass — NQ 1 and 2
“What I’ve learned doing this assignment is…?” I learned that the more I rework the story/outline the better it gets. Each step is important to complete.
1. Tell us your concept.
When Santa is kidnapped by her ex-husband to pay back taxes, a super mom must save him, her ex, and the It’s a Wonderful Life festival.
DRAMATIC QUESTION
2. Tell us your Dramatic Question and the answers to these questions:
Can Mary save Santa while pulling off the It’s a Wonderful Life festival?
A. Where does the Dramatic Question first get established and how?
The Opening establishes Mary as organizing the festival and by the Inciting Incident the audience knows that Santa is missing.
B. How is the Dramatic Question increased in intensity?
Mary finds out that the kidnappers are headed for the festival. Then a little later figures out that the kidnapper is her ex-husband, Peter. And there are two G-men after Peter.
C. Where does the Dramatic Question finally get answered?
At the Climax where Mary trades places with Santa and thwarts Peter’s plan to steal gifts.
MAIN CONFLICT
3. Tell us your Main Conflict and the answers to these questions:
Mary must stop Santa’s kidnapper when she finds out that it’s her ex-husband, Peter.
A. When does the Main Conflict first show up?
Mary saves Peter from drowning in the Opening sets up the conflict between the two. Then the Main Conflict shows up at the Inciting Incident when Peter has kidnapped Santa and Mary finds out that Santa is missing.
B. How many ways can you express the Main Conflict throughout the story?
I will go back and forth between the townspeople conducting the events of the festival, Peter , his girlfriend, Tilly, and Santa traveling from the North Pole to Seneca Falls, NY, and Mary juggling the festival with what she knows about Santa, and then later about Peter.
C. What brings the Main Conflict to a boiling point in the 3rd Act?
Mary’s Santa has taken ill, and she must play Santa for the end of the parade. She climbs on top of firetruck only to see Peter and Santa down the street. Peter and Santa are climbing up on a roof to go down the chimney and steal gifts, so Peter can sell them and get the money to pay his back taxes. (Originally, it was back child support, but Cheryl said too many people would be upset by that reason, so I changed it to back taxes) Mary sneaks out of the woods in time to switch places with Santa. She goes up the ladder with Peter. Mary is afraid of heights (established on the bridge in the Opening), so she skooshes along the roof. Peter orders Santa to go down the chimney, Mary stalls and tries to talk Peter out of doing it. She stands up on the roof as Peter gets more agitated. She is sympathetic and they discuss his dilemma. Peter tries to force her down the chimney and they struggle.
D. How is the Main Conflict resolved?
The government agents show up along with Mary’s co-firefighters with the firetruck and ladder. The G-men are hoisted up on the firetruck ladder. They draw their guns but don’t shoot because Santa is in the way. They jump on roof and one government agent missteps and falls off. The other orders Peter to let go of Santa. Joseph shows up (he knows Mary is Santa) and is watching. Peter shoves Santa and Mary rolls down the roof and is hanging onto the gutter. The government agent tackles Peter. Joseph runs over and tells Mary to jump…he will catch her. Mary drops into Joseph’s arms, and they fall in the snow. The local policemen finally show up. Peter is handcuffed and taken off the roof. The real Santa vouches for Peter and asks them to let him go. In the Resolution, the townspeople give Peter the money they made from the festival to pay his back taxes. Joseph has offered to foot the bill for next year’s festival.
1.Opening: Mary has taken over the organizing of the annual It’s a Wonderful Life festival from her mother. Her ex-husband and the father of her two daughters, Peter, is about to go to jail for not paying back taxes. He hasn’t worked steadily as the owner of a snowmobile shop in 3 years because it hasn’t snowed. The opening scene is Mary, as volunteer firefighter, saving Peter from jumping off the George Bailey bridge.
2.Inciting Incident: After seeing his daughters watching Santa on the NORAD tracking site, Peter gets the idea to kidnap Santa. He and his girlfriend, Tilly head to the north pole. Mary learns from NORAD that someone has kidnapped Santa at the north pole and are heading for town and the IAWL festival.
3.By page 10, you know what the movie is about: The audience knows that Santa has been kidnapped by Peter at the same time the town gets ready for the IAWL festival. Government law enforcement officers are in pursuit of Peter and Tilly.
4.Turning point at end of Act 1: Mary can’t get ahold of her ex-husband to invite him to the house Christmas eve…the day before he is scheduled to go to jail.
5.Mid-Point: Mary starts to suspect that the kidnapped Santa and her husband have something to do with each other.
6.Turning point at end of Act 2: Mary knows that Peter is on a destructive path and thinks about what her life would be without him. She must help him.
7.Crisis: Mary reports Santa missing to the police who laugh at her. Mary turns to the townspeople to help her find Peter.
8.Climax: Peter wants Santa to tell him how he goes down the chimney. Santa refuses and tries to talk Peter out of further criminal behavior. Mary, dressed as Santa, trades places with the real Santa and thwarts the event.
9.Resolution: Santa vouches for Peter and tells the police to let him go. The town gives Peter the money from the festival to pay his debt and stay out of jail. Joseph agrees to foot the bill for next year’s festival. Peter and Tilly are at Mary’s on Christmas Day to see the girls. Mary finally decides she loves Joseph and agrees to marry him.
-
Cameron Martin’s 3rd Pass — NQ 1 and 2
What I learned doing this assignment is…an amazing checklist to make sure the conflict is always escalating, and that the Dramatic Question is tested to its fullest before being satisfied by taking the character to the end of the line. It was great to go back to my outline and add in where the conflict can steadily apply more and more pressure throughout the story. You think you’ve got enough pressure on your protagonist, but this checklist proves that there may just be a little more somewhere where you didn’t think to look. Great stuff!
OPEN WIDE
Concept: A parent who struggles to communicate with his out-of-control child must protect their child from an outbreak of parasitic aliens and get off world in order to save their child when the child gets infected.
Dramatic Question: Will Sully be able to get through to his son so that they both can survive?
A. This question is first set up when father and son are unsuccessful in making it to the bunker because the child wouldn’t listen, and are now surrounded by alien parasites.<div>B. The question is elevated when Sully locks his son away to keep him safe, only to be rescued by his son later when he discovers the bunker was unsafe to begin with. It’s then elevated further with the knowledge that Sully’s son is infected as a host for multiple alien eggs that will hatch inside of him in a matter of minutes, and then again when the two are caught between the liquidators coming to wipe out all of the infected, and the infected alien hosts.<div>C. The dramatic question finally gets answered when Sully and son work together to sneak into a medical bay and extract the alien eggs within him moments before they hatch.<div>
Main Conflict: The aliens consuming and spreading to new hosts, the liquidators trying to contain the spread by any means necessary, as well as Sully’s son refusing to listen or cooperate, even in the face of peril.
A. The conflict between father and son first shows up in the opening when Sully continues to push his son away until the son interrupts a meeting Sully is in, leading to Sully exploding on his child. <div>B. The conflict expands with the outbreak of alien parasites, where Sully can’t get his son to cooperate in order to get the two of them to safety, and then it expands further with Sully locking his son away and going alone, only for his son to escape. <div>C. The conflict reaches a boiling point with the son rescuing Sully, but getting infected in the process, leading to a race against the clock just as the liquidators arrive to kill any survivors to ensure the outbreak is contained.</div><div>D. The conflict is resolved with Sully’s son leading him onto the liquidator’s ship, locking themselves into the medical bay, and working together to extract the alien eggs inside the son before they can hatch.<div>
Plot in Structure:
1. Opening: Sully works on a project for his superiors while wrangling a child adamant on drawing as much attention as possible, until Sully explodes on the child.
INT. APARTMENT – LIVING ROOM – NIGHT
(Opening Image) Flash forward of Sully holding his son, Isaiah, who is coughing uncontrollably. Sully apologizes to his son before a shotgun blast is heard.
INT. SPACE COLONY – NEW CONSTRUCTION ZONE – DAY
(Establish the Ordinary World) Establish the space colony on another planet, as we follow Sully working as a master carpenter with a team of other workers.
CONT.
(Theme Stated) Isaiah sneaks into the construction site and asks his dad to spend the day with him. Sully pushes him away, explaining there’s a lot of work he has to do.
CONT.
(Set Up) Isaiah plays pranks on his dad, eventually putting the construction site at risk, and nearly hurting a number of workers.
CONT.
(Call to Adventure and the Denial of that Call) Sully explodes on Isaiah in front of everyone. Isaiah runs away.
INT. CONSTRUCTION ZONE – MANAGER’S OFFICE – DAY
(Meeting with the Mentor) Sully talks with his boss in a meeting about his son. “Get your kid under control.”
2. Inciting Incident: An alarm goes off, warning the colonists to gather in a bunker to wait out an infestation of parasitic alien worms until liquidators can arrive to exterminate the worms, but Sully can’t find his child before the bunker closes shut.
CONT.
(Catalyst) Alarm goes off warning of Aliens.
INT. SPACE COLONY – VARIOUS – DAY
Everyone is moving in a rapid but orderly manner, except Sully who’s fighting against the crowd to get to his son.
INT. SULLY’S APARTMENT – DAY
(Debate) Sully searches for his son high and low, but there’s no sign of him.
CONT.
(Acceptance of the Call) Sully is able to coax Isaiah out of hiding and they both run to the bunker.
3. By page 10, you know what the movie is about: Sully starts coming up with a plan for him and his son to survive and find a way inside the sealed bunker.
INT. SPACE COLONY HALLWAYS/BUNKER – NIGHT
(Crossing the Threshold with a minor sacrifice) Sully and Isaiah get to the bunker, but it’s sealed shut. They’re stuck on the outside with the aliens.
INT. SPACE COLONY HALLWAYS/LIVING QUARTERS – NIGHT
(First Trial/Forging Allies) Sully takes Isaiah to another room where he knows he can fortify their position and prepare for the worst to come.
INT. LIVING QUARTERS – NIGHT
(Second Trial/Escaping Death with a moderate sacrifice) Sully fights off the first wave of hostile aliens. Isaiah wants to help, but Sully refuses harshly.
CONT.
(Reaping the reward) Sully discovers a way inside the bunker by reviewing schematics.
4. First turning point at end of Act 1: Sully sets out on his own after locking his son in a secure location.
INT. SPACE COLONY LIVING QUARTERS/HALLWAYS – NIGHT
(Approach to the Inner Cave/Gaining Confidence) Sully locks Isaiah in a closet to keep him safe while he ventures out alone to find out if the schematics are correct.
5. Mid-Point: Sully reaches the bunker but discovers all the residents were infected and are now monsters. Sully’s child is able to save him after breaking out of his confinement, but gets infected as a brood mother as a result.
INT. SPACE COLONY HALLWAYS/BUNKER – NIGHT
(Midpoint/Moment of Death and Rebirth) Sully discovers he wasn’t the only one who found a way into the bunker when all of the residents are found to be infected.
INT. SPACE COLONY LIVING QUARTERS – NIGHT
Isaiah is able to find a way out of his confinement and track down his dad.
INT. SPACE COLONY HALLWAYS/BUNKER – NIGHT
Isaiah is able to save his dad at the last moment, and the two escape.
INT. SPACE COLONY LIVING QUARTERS – NIGHT
(Securing the Macguffin or Refusing Temptation) Isaiah is revealed to have been infected in the scuffle.
6. Second turning point at end of Act 2: The liquidators arrive to kill the infected and any survivors, but Sully and his son find a way to sneak onto the liquidator’s vessel to get back to earth.
INT/EXT. SPACE COLONY – NIGHT
(Bad Guys Close In) Times up. The Liquidators arrive in force to exterminate the alien threat and any infected.
INT. SPACE COLONY LIVING QUARTERS – NIGHT
(All is Lost) Sully and Isaiah retreat to another room, killing aliens along the way.
CONT.
(Dark Night of the Soul) Sully apologizes to his son, who’s trying his best to resist the need to cough, while the two are surrounded by aliens and liquidators alike.
CONT.
(Prepare for Battle/Macguffin comes into play) Sully asks his son to sneak the both of them into the Liquidator’s ship to get to a medical bay.
INT. SPACE COLONY HALLWAYS AND HIDEAWAYS) – NIGHT
(Execution of Plan A) Sully and son sneak around the carnage surrounding them.
INT. LIQUIDATOR VESSEL – NIGHT
(False Victory) Sully and Isaiah make it to the ship!
7. Crisis: Sully and his son are caught, and they fight through hell to stay alive and get to a medical bay.
INT. LIQUIDATOR VESSEL – NIGHT
(Falling into the Trap) Sully and Isaiah are found out due to Isaiah’s coughing that’s getting worse. Liquidators swarm in force.
CONT.
(Opponent’s Victory at Hand) Sully and Isaiah evade and run like hell to the Medical Bay.
8. Climax: Sully seals himself and his son in the medical bay and they work together to extract the parasites within him before they hatch.
INT. LIQUIDATOR VESSEL/MEDICAL BAY – NIGHT
(Hero Goes Alone/Last Ditch Effort) They make it to the medical bay and lock themselves inside. Sully gets as many supplies out as he can.
CONT.
(Final Battle/Greatest Sacrifice) Sully and Isaiah work together with Isaiah on the operating table to extract the alien eggs in Isaiah’s chest.
9. Resolution: Sully and his son save themselves, forming a closer relationship than either could’ve imagined after the torture they endured together.
INT. LIQUIDATOR VESSEL/MEDICAL BAY – NIGHT
(Self-Revelation/Realizing or Damning the Soul) Sully saves his son, with his son’s help, just in time.
(Closing Image) Father and Son embracing.
POSSESSING EDEN
Concept: An android in search of redemption will defy her creator by stealing the code to creating life in an effort to bring the person she killed back to life.
Dramatic Question: Will Janus bring her victim back to life?
A. This question is first set up when Janus and her Copy make a plan to steal Adam’s code to creating life so they can resurrect Pan.</div><div>B. The question is elevated by the conflicts in the story, from Adam unleashing his fury on Janus, from the Underworld proving to be a more dangerous world than what Janus or her Copy were prepared for, and from Copy turning on Janus to bring her to justice. </div><div>C. The dramatic question finally gets answered in the climax when Janus is able to free the Afterlife Protocol, allowing for anyone’s code trapped there to reincarnate, and successfully resurrects Pan.</div><div>
Main Conflict: Adam’s wrath, Copy’s betrayal, The Underworld’s inhabitants.
A. The conflict(s) first shows up with Janus and Copy stealing Adam’s code for creating life, then refusing Adam’s absolution and venturing into the Underworld, which spurns Adam.</div><div>B. The conflict(s) expands with Underworld slavers capturing Janus and Copy and selling them to a gladiator ring, which they have to fight out of by defeating their opponents, the warlord controlling the ring, and Adam’s sentries sent to kill Janus. The conflict expands further after this when Copy reaches out to Adam to turn on Janus.</div><div>C. The conflict(s) reaches a boiling point with Copy trying to kill Janus, only to fail, then it goes further when Adam holds Calvex hostage in the Afterlife Protocol and promises to wipe out all life in the tower and start over.</div><div>D. The conflict is resolved with Janus defeating Adam by healing his code and merging with it to seize control of the Afterlife Protocol.</div><div>
Plot in Structure:
1. (Active) Opening – Janus saves a helpless boy, Pan, from a raging robot at the intersection of the upper floors of a massive nine story tower and the underworld (the lower nine floors), and takes the boy to her creator, Adam, to give the boy eternal life.
INT. RUINED LOBBY
We open on the first floor of a massive nine story high rise. It’s a dark, maze-like ruin with holes in the wall that weave from one room to another, along with what appear to be grave sites toppled on top of each other. There, a child, Pan, hides in the shadows from a mechanical being that just killed both of his parents. Janus, an android with the ability to “possess” different machines, protects and saves Pan from the killer robot.
Note-Possessing means she not only hacks the machine, but penetrates it and wraps the armor of the robot around her, like a cyberpunk version of a ghost going inside of and possessing a person.
CONT.
Pan is missing a chip in his neck, something he needs to be admitted through the Afterlife Protocol. Pan is from the underworld, where they can’t be reincarnated or have everlasting life, and was crossing the border between the underworld and the upper nine floors with his family when they were attacked.
INT. ELEVATOR / TOP FLOOR PENTHOUSE
Janus takes him to her creator, Adam, to ensure the promise of eternal life.
INT. VOID
Adam, in a sermon to people plugged into a virtual meeting, recounts a story of how he constructed the tower as a last bastion of mankind and created Guardian Angels, like Janus, in his image, so that they would have dominion over the world.
INT. STAIRWELL
Janus competes in a game with her siblings to test their skill in protecting the first 9 floors from the forces of the underworld: the bottom 9 floors that live underground in rebellion. Janus wins with Adam watching.
CONT.
Adam invites Janus to a revelation of a power she didn’t know she had.
2. Inciting Incident – As Adam’s favorite child, Janus is taught to create a copy of herself under his guidance, but, unbeknownst to her in doing so, she also kills Pan, whose body was needed to create the copy.
INT. TOP FLOOR PENTHOUSE
Adam teaches Janus to duplicate herself. It is an act that relies on deleting the consciousness of the host, in order to use their body. However, Janus performs this act without being told that duplicating herself would bring a permanent end to the host, Pan, in a world where death should be impossible.
3. By page 10, you know what the movie is about. – Janus, with the help of her Copy, plans to steal Adam’s code that allowed her to be made, and venture into the underworld to use said code in order to resurrect her victim.
INT. JANUS’ ROOM
Janus, distraught, refuses to believe she can’t bring the victim back. She makes a plan with her Copy to bring the person she killed back to life.
Together, they’ll steal the code Adam used to create her and her siblings. Next, they’ll venture to the source of the Nexus, the platform for the Afterlife Protocol, deep inside the underworld. Together, they plan to merge the code with the Copy’s body, which was the victim’s body, hoping the combination of latent data within said body and Adam’s code will bring the individual back to life again, essentially rewriting the information that once made up the consciousness of the individual.
INT. TOP FLOOR MAINFRAME
Janus, with the help of her double, breaks into Adam’s personal library to steal the code.
INT. STAIRWELL
Janus and Copy fight Janus’ siblings on their way down the first 9 floors.
INT. LOBBY
Adam begs Janus not to go, offering absolution in the form of erasing hers and everyone else’s memory of the victim so that no guilt can be felt or placed.
4. First turning point at end of Act 1 – Janus rejects Adam’s offer of absolution, which is just erasing people’s memories, and abandons the upper floors to descend into the underworld, which prompts Adam to split into multiple versions of himself who all fight each other for supremacy, with the most vengeful of Adam’s copies winning and setting his sights on destroying his own creation.
INT. LOBBY
Janus and her Copy cross into the Underworld, choosing to do what’s right based on their own morality, instead of opting for the easy way offered by Janus’ creator.
INT. VOID
Adam addresses humanity and ostracizes Janus as a fallen angel and demon who must be stopped.
INT. PENTHOUSE
In private, Adam splits into two different versions of himself. One side argues Janus should be shown the love a daughter deserves. The other half argues Janus refused the power and knowledge she possesses, and that it is the same as refusing him, since she was made to be like him. In the second version’s mind, he was first rejected by GOD, long ago. Now, he’s being rejected by his own progeny. The two halves fight, one for Janus and the other for his pride. The prideful half kills the loving half.
INT. HIDEOUT
Adam sells Janus out to a group a slavers: The first part of a trap. When the slavers ask Adam why, he offers them the question of how many Adam’s they think there are, showing his hand that the version they’re conversing with may be unique to the one the underworld is familiar with.
INT. UNDERWORLD – SECOND FLOOR
Janus and Copy confront cyborg slavers and are captured. Copy questions Janus’ motives and leadership, and the schism between the two first appears.
INT. UNDERWORLD – THIRD FLOOR – PRISON CELLS
Janus and Copy meet Calvex, a mute gladiatorial slave. He agrees to help them out of the Arena and guide them through the underworld, if they can rescue him from the Lightning Run and bring him his “voice.” Copy doesn’t agree with this plan, as Calvex is an underworlder, and aligning with him would contradict their faith in Adam.
INT. UNDERWORLD – THIRD FLOOR – PIT
Gladiator battle. Janus and her Copy try to recover Calvex’s “Voice,” which is the arena prize. The fight is a way to punish and execute Calvex, who is running the Lightning Run. Calvex must fight electrical impulses to dodge and survive deadly obstacles.
CONT.
Janus secures the Voice, overcoming the gladiator pit’s opponents, and rescues Calvex from the lightning run. But the gladiatorial ring leader, Alrick, uses a shape-shifting, nano bot weapon to mortally damage Janus.
CONT.
Then, a platoon of Adam’s robot sentries enter the ring. The people of the underworld fight back, and it quickly turns into a riot. The sentries reach Janus and tear her apart.
INT. CYBERSPACE
Janus learns she can reincarnate anywhere, since she was given “free will.” She returns to life inside her Copy’s body and shares it with her.
5. Mid-Point – After Janus cheats death and joins forces with Calvex, a guide to the underworld, Copy, who wants Janus to see justice for her actions, makes a plan with Adam to set a trap.
INT. UNDERWORLD – THIRD FLOOR – PIT
Janus and her Copy fight through, recovering one of Janus’ arms that was torn off, and giving the Voice to Calvex, who uses it to gain control of one of the gladiator pit’s mechanized giants and escape with the two Januses.
INT. PENTHOUSE
Adam devises a plan to break Janus by using the family of the person she killed.
CONT.
One of the angels asks Adam why there’s so much effort being put into destroying Janus when she’s trying to bring someone back to life. When the angel doesn’t buy the argument that Janus betrayed them, Adam splits into two different versions of himself again, one that agrees, and another that recontextualizes the argument as sedition and justifies the old testament flooding of the earth. That version of Adam kills both his copy and the angel, his own child.
INT. UNDERWORLD – FIFTH FLOOR
Adam links a conversation between Janus and the family. Janus’ Copy stays out of the way and watches Janus feel the full weight of her guilt.
CONT.
Copy reaches out to Adam while Janus and Calvex are asleep, and asks if she may be invited to bring justice to Janus. Adam tells the Copy how to kill the original, explaining that for people like them, killing parts of yourself is necessary to become pure and holy.
INT. UNDERWORLD – SEVENTH FLOOR – VILLAGE
Janus reaches a village on the seventh floor of the underworld. Janus is thanked by the village for saving Calvex.
CONT.
The original Janus is given a robot surrogate to possess, so that she and her Copy can be in separate bodies again. In addition, the surrogate body is augmented with one of Janus’ original arms that was saved in the gladiator pit, so she can still perform the act of possessing machines and resurrect the person she killed.
INT. UNDERWORLD – SIXTH FLOOR – HUNTING GROUNDS
Cavlex takes the original Janus hunting to calm her nerves and show what life is like in the underworld, apart from the horrors faced before…
INT. UNDERWORLD – SEVENTH FLOOR – VILLAGE
While the Copy stays with the village to guard it.
CONT.
Copy allows the village to be attacked by Adam’s Guardian Angels.
CONT.
Copy hides with another child and gaslights her as her village is being attacked.
CONT.
Calvex and Janus return to the village to stave off the Guardian Angels. Copy pretends to join them and blames Janus for abandoning her and the villagers, just like she abandoned Pan.
INT. UNDERWORLD – EIGHT AND NINTH FLOORS – CONT.
Calvex leads Janus past the 8th floor, and to the 9th floor, which is littered with robotic corpses, like a hundred battles had taken place on this one floor, and no victories were won. Janus tries to bring her victim back to life. It appears to work, but…
INT. UNDERWORLD – NINTH FLOOR
Adam and Copy snap the trap, playing a trick on Janus by heightening the horror of the murder that lead to the creation of the Copy, and preventing the resurrection of Pan. Janus is mentally broken.
6. Second turning point at end of Act 2 – Janus, Copy, and Calvex successfully reach the place where they can bring her victim back to life, but the trap laid earlier springs, and Copy ties to kill her counterpart; but when Calvex sacrifices himself to save Janus, she becomes inspired to heal her guilt and merge with her Copy instead of killing it or succumbing to it.
INT. UNDERWORLD – NINTH FLOOR
The Copy attacks Janus. Janus holds her own to defend Calvex, but her copy begins to duplicate herself amongst the dead robots and overwhelm Janus. Meanwhile, Janus refuses to copy herself again due to the guilt associated with the act, and is about to be killed by her dark side.
CONT.
Calvex is able to save Janus at the last moment, but at the cost of his own life.
CONT.
Janus, influenced by Calvex’s sacrifice, is able to move past her guilt, forgiving herself, and begin reducing her Copy’s army until she merges with her Copy, instead of killing her, and becomes a whole person again.
7. Crisis – Janus tries to upload Calvex through the Afterlife Protocol to bring him back, but Adam holds Calvex hostage in the form of digital code, preventing his reincarnation, and declares to Janus he’ll destroy the world and start anew because “that’s what gods do.”
INT. UNDERWORLD – NINTH FLOOR
Janus is able to plug Calvex into the Nexus to try to admit him through the Afterlife Protocol. But a firewall created by Adam prevents her from resurrecting her friend. If Calvex is to be brought back to life, Janus must eliminate her creator, Adam.
INT. UNDERWORLD – SEVENTH FLOOR – VILLAGE
Janus returns to the village to give the bad news and ask for help, promising to bring the people of the underworld the opportunity for eternal life through the Afterlife Protocol.
INT. TOP FLOOR – PENTHOUSE
Adam, upon losing control in the Underworld, sees an Omen.
INT. UNDERWORLD – SEVENTH FLOOR – VILLAGE – COMMS ROOM
He threatens Janus he’ll destroy the world again and start over, “because that’s what gods do.”
8. Climax – Janus, with the help of the underworld, returns to the upper floors and both defeats Adam and resurrects Pan.
INT. UNDERWORLD – MULTIPLE FLOORS
Janus gathers forces in the Underworld to take the upper 9 floors and rid the world of Adam.
INT. STAIRWELL
Together, they fight their way up each of the 9 upper floors. The majority of the force takes on the brunt of the defenses…
INT. VENTS
Meanwhile, Janus leads a separate, smaller party to Adam’s library, where his code is kept.
INT. TOP FLOOR – ENTRANCE
Her siblings intercept her though, and she fights them again under different circumstances. Janus breaks through…
INT. TOP FLOOR – MAINFRAME
Reaching the mainframe and source of Adam’s code. She plugs in and reaches the Nexus, a digital reality where we see the Afterlife Protocol in action.
INT. CYBERSPACE
Adam reveals to Janus that in order to kill him, she would have to erase her and her siblings’ code as well, since all of their code is intertwined with his. Adam offers eternity with Calvex, the man who helped bring her out of depression, in exchange for allowing Adam to rebuild.
Adam cannot destroy the world, because as a computer virus, he’s been contained to the tower. But, Janus and Calvex could live an eternity outside of the tower, where Adam also reveals that the world is much bigger and still full of life; the tower is not the last bastion of mankind as previously taught.
CONT.
Janus chooses a third path upon recognizing her code is intertwined with his. She instead shares her code with Adam’s broken code, and helps him to self-actualize.
9. Resolution – The Afterlife Protocol within The Tower is free again, allowing Calvex, Pan and the others living there to reincarnate and live outside of The Tower, where we see that it is simply one small building in a vast and vibrant city on another planet.
INT. UNDERWORLD – NINTH FLOOR
Pan is resurrected, along with Calvex.
INT/EXT. TOWER – METROPOLIS
The Afterlife Protocol within the tower is free again. People living there are permitted to reincarnate and live outside of the tower, where we see that it is simply one tower in a vast and vibrant city on another planet.
GRAND THEFT ROAD TRIP
Concept: A driving instructor finds out their child commits grand theft auto on a regular basis during a defensive driving course where their child is behind the wheel and the cops are on their tail. As their child’s hostage and on the run from both the cops and the crime crew their child spurned, the two now have to mend the relationship that was broken.
Dramatic Question: Will the Kid get caught and have to face up to her actions? Will the Kid and the Dad reconnect with each other.
A. The question is first set up during the defensive driving course when the Kid chooses to run from the cops with her Dad in the passenger seat. </div><div>B. The question is elevated when the Dad chooses to stay with his daughter for the ride, rather than turning her in. The question is elevated each time the Kid’s past actions come to kill her, with him in the crossfire, and the Kid’s choice is to keep running rather than face the consequences of her actions.</div><div>C. The question gets answered when the Kid cuts a deal with the cops and goes after The Boss to avenge her Dad.</div><div>
</div><div>Main Conflict: The Kid wants to be in the driver’s seat (both literally and figuratively) and keep running, but the Dad wants her to stop and accept responsibility, living the same life he’s prepared for himself and his family.</div><div>
</div><div>A. The conflict first shows up in the opening, with the Kid stealing a car, evading cops, and sneaking into her house with her parents still asleep. </div><div>B. The conflict expands when the Dad is caught in the passenger seat as his daughter escapes from the cops, and it escalates further with each new enemy (the cops, the mob, hit men) that places the Dad in harm with his daughter. </div><div>C. The conflict reaches a boiling point when the Dad is finally harmed by the consequences of his daughter’s actions through being shot in the crossfire.</div><div>D. The conflict resolves after the Dad passes away, with the Kid making the choice to stop running and face her past.</div><div>
</div><div>Plot in Structure:</div><div>1. (Active) Opening – The Kid breaks into a Lamborghini Countach and takes it on a joyride, evading cops along the way, before leaving it and successfully sneaking into her parent’s out.
INT. GARAGE – LAMBORGHINI COUNTACH – NIGHT
(Opening Image) Kid’s bright eyes, reflecting her innocence and immaturity. She hot wires the car to take it for a spin.
INT. GARAGE – NIGHT
(Establish the Ordinary World) Kid takes the car out slow at first.
EXT. GARAGE / GATE – NIGHT
Kid gets the car as far as the gate of a luxurious estate. She gets caught by the guard, but escapes anyway.
EXT. STREETS – NIGHT
Kid joyrides like it’s a video game, evading cops along the way.
EXT. NEIGHBOR’S HOUSE – NIGHT
Kid parks the car and jumps the fence. Cops swarm neighbor’s house.
EXT. BACKYARDS – NIGHT
Kid parkours across neighbor’s yards.
EXT. DRIVEWAY – NIGHT
Kid hot-wires a sedan. Pulls out of the driveway.
EXT. PARKING LOT – NIGHT
Kid parks the sedan in a parking lot adjacent with another neighbor’s fence.
EXT. HOME BACKYARD / KID’S HOUSE – NIGHT
Follow Kid to their home, a couple houses down from the parking lot.
INT. HOME – NIGHT
Kid sneaks into the house, undetected. She got away with everything…for now.
INT. HOME – DAY
(Theme Stated) Kid goes downstairs in a JROTC uniform. Dad and Kid talk about college choices and a minor speeding ticket – Kid isn’t involved much in the conversation. Dad requires Kid to go through a defensive driving course with him. “Going too fast.”
INT/EXT. DRIVER’S ED CAR
(Set Up) Kid and Dad get into an embarrassing car. Dad tells Kid how to do everything, even though we know Kid can handle a vehicle just fine.
2. Inciting Incident – A cop is able to identify the Kid while she’s on a defensive driving course with her father, and attempts to pull the two over.
INT/EXT. DRIVER’S ED CAR
Kid is identified by a cop based on a camera image from the previous night. Lights go up.
CONT.
Dad tells Kid to pull over. Kid pulls over.
CONT.
Backups arrive suddenly. Cops all get out and draw weapons, making demands to “get out of the car with your hands up!”
3. By page 10, you know what the movie is about. – The Kid slams the gas and takes her dad for the ride of his life as she successfully evades law enforcement, with the dad left wondering what happened to his daughter, and how does he get her back.
INT/EXT. DRIVER’S ED CAR
(Call to Adventure and Denial of that Call) Kid makes a split decision, showing her dad that she’s a devil behind the wheel. Gets away from the cops.
CONT.
(Meeting with the Mentor) Kid confesses to Dad. Kid – “It’s not my fault.” Dad – “Where did I go wrong?” Showing difference in mindset between the two and what each has to figure out for the story.
INT. POLICE STATION – DAY
Lieutenant works on a case involving the Boss. Catches word of the Kid and gets a profile on her.
4. First turning point at end of Act 1 – The Dad chooses to go with his daughter, instead of turning her into the cops, so that he can mend the relationship he didn’t know was broken.
EXT. GAS STATION – DAY
(Catalyst) Car is almost out of gas/Kid is forced to finally stop at a gas station. Mom calls Dad and reveals the two are on TV and wanted, wants to know what’s going on.
INT. DRIVER’S ED CAR
(Debate) Dad discusses with mom whether to turn in daughter or not.
CONT.
(Acceptance of the Call) Dad hangs up, deciding to join Kid to find out what happened to his child.
INT. MOB BOSS’ OFFICE – DAY
(Crossing the Threshold with a minor Sacrifice) Kid and Dad appear on TV. Gate Guard confirms that the Kid on TV is the same one that stole the Mob Boss’ prized Countach. It’s personal, as he sends crew to pick her up.
EXT. HOLE-IN-THE-WALL DINER – DAY
Kid parks wanted car in lot behind diner.
INT. HOLE-IN-THE-WALL DINER – DAY
(First Trial/Forging Allies) Kid takes Dad to Ally. Hooks them up with burgers and a new car. Dad reminisces about diner being a favorite of theirs growing up.
EXT/INT. HOLE-IN-THE-WALL-DINER / ADJACENT CORNER STORE – DAY
(Second Trial/Escaping Death with a moderate Sacrifice) Lieutenant and mob crew catch up with Kid.
CONT.
(Reaping the Reward) Kid pulls out in owner’s Civic Type-R, outrunning everyone.
INT. CIVIC TYPE-R – DAY
Kid and Dad get dressed in new clothes and disguises.
5. Mid-Point – The Boss puts a hit on The Kid.
INT. INTERROGATION ROOM
Ally is brought in for questioning and killed by the Mob Boss.
CONT.
Boss sets up a bounty on the kid, hiring the services of a hitman.
EXT. MIDDLE SCHOOL GROUNDS – NIGHT
(Approach to the Inner Cave/Gaining Confidence) Kid and Dad flee to the Kid’s old school to hide out.
CONT.
(Midpoint/Moment of Death and Rebirth) “This is where it happened.” Kid reveals to Dad she was abused at school by classmates while teachers and admins looked the other way.
CONT.
(Securing the Maguffin or Refusing Temptation) Dad and Kid connect on the need to control their lives to avoid previous tragedy. New memory is made.
CONT.
(Bad Guys Close In) Hitman and Cops close in when Janitor sees the Kid and Dad and calls them in.
6. Second turning point at end of Act 2 – The dad is shot in the crossfire between cops and the cartel.
EXT. MIDDLE SCHOOL GROUNDS – NIGHT
(All is Lost) Dad gets shot in the crossfire between the cops and Lieutenant and the hitman.
7. Crisis – The Kid gets herself and her dad out okay, but her dad’s bleeding out.
INT/EXT. CIVIC TYPE-R – NIGHT
(Dark Night of the Soul) Kid takes Dad to Hospital.
EXT. HOSPITAL – NIGHT
Arrive at Hospital, but it’s too late. Kid takes off, running away.
8. Climax – After watching her father die, the Kid cuts a deal with the Lieutenant and goes after The Boss.
EXT. INTERSTATE – NIGHT
(Prepare for Battle/Maguffin comes into Play) Kid calls 9-1-1 and demands to speak with the Lieutenant. She promises to turn herself in if she can go after the Mob with him.
INT/EXT. WAREHOUSE – NIGHT
(Execution of Plan A) Kid goes after the Mob, leading Cops and the Lieutenant along the way.
CONT.
(False Victory) Kid makes it to warehouse, Cops and Lieutenant search the premises for her and come across evidence of Mob’s efforts.
CONT.
(Falling into the Trap) Kid falls into trap set by Mob boss. Has to escape.
CONT.
(Opponent’s Victory at Hand) Mob Boss is a better driver than even the Kid. Runs her down and cripples her.
CONT.
(Hero Goes Alone/Last Ditch Effort) Kid is more reckless than Mob Boss, and gets the upper hand.
CONT.
Kid and Boss race. Kid wins.
9. Resolution – The Kid sets up a memorial to her father and dedicates her life and love of cars to his memory by becoming a stunt driving instructor.
EXT. WAREHOUSE – NIGHT
Kid accepts the handcuffs. Goes willingly with cops.
INT. POLICE STATION – DAY
Lieutenant makes a deal with the Kid to help him with more Grand Theft Auto Cases.
EXT. DRIVING LOT
Kid’s eyes, now years older, looking over a lot where she helps teens through driving courses.
</div> </div></div></div></div></div></div>
-
KATE’S 3rd PASS NQ 1and 2
What I learned doing this is that when you have really lined up the Dramatic Q with the Main Conflict it sort of falls into place. Also, by laying it out with the Plot, scene by scene, I further articulated the action (and thus Conflict) as well as got a sense for what the strongest action choices might be. FUN!
PART I – Q 1-3
1. Tell us your concept.
A young actress finds that her recently found long absent father wants to destroy a small town that represents her values – now she must choose between the community and her longing for a loving father, ultimately joining them in a ‘sting’ operation and putting on a live ‘tell all’ public theatre performance.
2. Tell us your Dramatic Question:
Will Nia have courage to stand up to her father and help the community save their land?
A. Where does the Dramatic Question first get established and how?
– FIRST TURNING POINT END ACT 1
• Luciana presents a letter from Darrogh announcing he is going to develop a massive landfill and offering to buy out the other little farms in the area
• Nia promises Luciana she will try and help, sure her father loves her enough to listen
B. How is the Dramatic Question increased in intensity?
• Darrogh explodes with rage at Nia leading her to flashbacks to a scene when she was 6 and she heard her parents arguing violently,
• Luciana reveals to Nia that she knew her mother, filling her in (to some degree) on her Mother’s suicide, how Darrogh had isolated her and then done the same with the child Nia
• a small group decide to set up a ‘sting’ company purportedly to manage and expand the landfill, Nia suggests that her theatre friends pose as ‘the businessmen’
• but she will stay in her father’s house to keep an eye on him, still desperately hopeful he’ll change.
• Darrogh tells Nia Luciana is to blame for her Mother’s death because they were (he says) Lesbians, and when Nia doesn’t believe him, he kicks her out of the house
• leading to another flashback filling in more of Nia’s memory.
• Nia has it out with Luciana demanding the whole truth about her Mother’s death and gets the truth (They weren’t lovers – Darrogh just thought they were, although L did truly love A)
= now Nia has to choose between the father she hoped for and the community (as represented by Luciana) whose values she shares
• Nia agrees with Luciana that Darrogh be publicly humiliated and offers that with her troupe to create a ‘play’ to which Darrogh is invited that will play out the story so he sees the truth.
C. Where does the Dramatic Question finally get answered
– CLIMAX
Performed outdoors where Nia first fell in love with the land and where the landfill was to have begun, with the ‘dozers under the stage lights, Darrogh sees the con revealed after it is too late to back out, losing everything through the deal he agreed to and from the stage Nia calls him out for the person and father he has been including an eerie scene trading on the fact she looks so like her Mother.
3. Tell us your Main Conflict (The External Action)
Nia has to come to terms with the truth about her father, both to save the land and free herself of the childhood dream.
A. When does the Main Conflict first show up?
BY PAGE 10
Luciana tells Nia how he cheated her family out of the ranch and has affected the entire community but Nia believes she can best help everything by staying with him and that she can turn him around.
B. How many ways can you express the Main Conflict throughout the story?
• Nia turns away from the locals she had begun to know, especially Luciana because having a relationship with her father means more to her than anything.
• Nia believes she can best help everything by staying with Darrogh and that she can turn him around.
• Nia is deeply moved by their plight and promises Luciana she will try and help, sure her father loves her enough to listen.
• Darrogh explodes with rage when Nia tries to talk about the landfill leading to flashbacks to a scene when she was 6
• Nia suggests that her theatre friends pose as ‘the businessmen’ but she will stay in her father’s house to keep an eye on him and is still desperately hopeful he’ll change
• Darrogh realizes that Nia is hanging out with Luciana, who he names as causing Nia’s mother’s death saying that they were lovers and the shame was too much for Amahla and when Nia doesn’t believe him, he kicks her out of the house, leading to another flashback filling in more of Nia’s memory
• Nia gets the whole truth about her Mother’s death and relationship with Luciana, and now has to choose between the father she hoped for and the community whose values she shares
• Darrogh urges Nia to come back to his home with him
• Nia agrees with Luciana that Darrogh be publicly humiliated and with her troupe creates a ‘play’
• from the stage Nia calls him out for the person and father he has been including an eerie scene trading on the fact she looks so like her Mother.
• Darrogh pleads with Nia to forgive him, she tells him she has to go on with her life and leaves with the acting troupe.
C. What brings the Main Conflict to a boiling point in the 3rd Act?
CRISIS
• Nia finds out the truth of her parents’ relationship and her Mothers’ death
• Darrogh agrees to the deal to buy the land for a landfill and wants Nia back ‘home’ promises he’ll take care of everyone
• But she knows she/they can’t trust him – he would destroy the land if the sting didn’t work
• she still has her need to confront him on their personal issues
• Can/will she do it within the ‘reveal of the sting’ play?
D. How is the Main Conflict resolved?
RESOLUTION
The Play! The ‘sting’ works and is told in the play, publicly exposing D to ridicule
AND Nia does include a scene where she calls out his treatment of her Mother and her.
Finally, refuses his plea for her to take care of him, instead letting Luciana pick that up, and leaves with the troupe to go on with her life.
PART 2 – PLOT/ STRUCTURE (scenes)
1) OPENING SCENE
A desperate crowd at a town meeting, led by Hispanic Mayor Luciana, discuss how to keep their quiet, gentle town as it is in the face of the greedy developer Darrogh, as a touring Shakespeare company bus arrives on the edge of the town, sets up their campsite and Nia falls in love with the beauty of the land musing to her friends on perhaps staying on there after the tour ends.
INT. TOWN MEETING – EARLY EVENING
A desperate crowd at a town meeting, led by the Latina Mayor Luciana, discuss how to stay solvent and bemoan the greed of Darrogh, the local billioniare. They have all lost something of their livelihood to him.
EXT. A PEACEFUL FIELD ON THE EDGE OF TOWN – EARLY EVENING
A tour bus of actors arrives on the edge of the town, and set up their campsite, preparing for their play this weekend. Nia wanders through dreamily over the field and tells her friends she can imagine living there.
INT. LOCAL BAR – NEXT EVENING
Nia and the troupe mingle with the local community most whom are fascinated by their life and looking forward to the play they are going to do (a Shakespeare). Luciana introduces herself and asks Nia a lot of questions – they bond.
2) INCITING INCIDENT
Nia meets the Irish-American Darrogh (who instantly recognizes her as the image of her long-deceased beautiful African-American mother), and is shocked and thrilled to meet the father whom she has idolized and when he welcomes her into his palatial home, she has to turn away from the locals she had begun to know, especially Luciana,(who instantly made friends with her) because having a relationship with her father (about whom she has been told so much) means more to her than anything.
EXT. THE FIELD – SATURDAY EVENING.
The Shakespeare show (Midsummer?) is ending and people are having a fine old time. Darrogh is watching Nia – she is the living image of her mother, his dead wife.
INT. POST OFFICE – NEXT DAY
Nia walks into Darrogh in the post office, he invites her to his house.
INT. DARROGH’S PALATIAL HOUSE –
Darrogh tells Nia she is his daughter and he is so happy to find her after these years. He spins a story about what he’s been doing, making himself sound good.
EXT. THE TROUPE’S CAMP
Nia says goodbye to the troupe- she wants to stay with her father. Luciana urges caution, he’s not to be trusted. Nia assures her it will be fine.
INT. DARROGH’S HOUSE
Darrogh makes it clear that he doesn’t want her mixing with the locals. He wants her to himself. She feels special and loved.
3) BY PAGE 10
Luciana tells Nia how he cheated her family out of the ranch and has affected the entire community and hints at some other things she knows, making Nia a little uncomfortable with her familiarity and physical closeness, but Nia believes she can best help everything by staying with him and that she can turn him around.
INT. COFFEE SHOP- DAY
Luciana and Nia meet (clandestinely) – Luciana tells Nia what Darrogh is really like, for example how he cheated her father out of the family ranch. She is very ‘familiar’ and Nia is a little uncomfortable. Nia rejects an offer to stay at her place, determined to have a relationship with the father who left her 15 years ago when she 7. She believes he is a good person (that’s what her family told her) and that she can help him be better because he loves her.
4) FIRST TURNING POINT AT THE END OF ACT ONE
Luciana presents a letter from Darrogh at a town meeting announcing he is going to develop a massive landfill on the ranch he ‘bought’ from her family and offering to buy out the other little farms in the area but people have to decide in the next week or he threatens another way to get the land and Nia, secretly at the back of the room, is deeply moved by their plight and afterwards promises Luciana she will try and help, sure her father loves her enough to listen.
INT.TOWN MEETING – EVE
Luciana presents a letter from Darrogh at a town meeting in which he announces he is going to develop a massive landfill on the ranch he ‘bought’ from her family and offering to buy out the other little farms in the area but people have to decide in the next week then the offer is off the table. Nia is listening incognito at the back of the room.
EXT. STREET – EVE
Nia is deeply moved by their plight, promises Luciana she will try and help, sure her father loves her enough to listen
5) MID-POINT
Darrogh explodes with rage when Nia tries to talk about the landfill, leading her to flashbacks to a scene when she was 6 and she heard her parents arguing violently, then later Luciana reveals to Nia that she knew her mother, filling her in (to some degree) on her Mother’s suicide, how Darrogh had isolated her and then done the same with the child Nia, so when a small group decide to set up a ‘sting’ company purportedly to manage and expand the landfill, Nia suggests that her theatre friends pose as ‘the businessmen’ but she will stay in her father’s house to keep an eye on him and is still desperately hopeful he’ll change.
INT. DARROGHS HOUSE – NEXT DAY, BREAKFAST TIME
Nia tries to talk with her father appealing to his humanity. He belittles her as being a child and calls the people in the town losers and worthless because they don’t know how to make good money.
INT. FLASHBACK
to a scene when she was 6 and she heard her parents arguing violently.
EXT. THE FIELD – AFTERNOON
Luciana and Nia meet at the campsite. Nia is in shock. Luciana tells her she knew her mother when they were in college back , filling her in (to some degree) on her Mother’s suicide, how Darrogh had isolated her and then done the same with the child Nia, and assures Nia she will always be there for her. She invites her to her house where there is to be small group meeting to decide what to do.
INT. LUCIANA’S HOUSE – EVENING
A small group of towns people decide to set up a ‘sting’ company purportedly to manage and expand the landfill. Nia suggests that some of her theatre friends pose as ‘the businessmen’ but she will stay in her father’s house to keep an eye on him and she is still hopeful he’ll change.
EXT. THE FIELD – NEXT DAY
Nia proposes the project. They eagerly agree, their tour is about to end and why not? One of them has a mother who is a very experienced hi-end businesswoman and ask her to help make the fake proposal. She is very pro-environment and the rights of ‘small’ people.
6) SECOND TURNING POINT AT END OF ACT TWO
Darrogh realizes that Nia is hanging out with Luciana, who he names as causing Nia’s mother’s death saying that they were lovers and the shame was too much for Amahla and when Nia doesn’t believe him, he kicks her out of the house, leading to another flashback filling in more of Nia’s memory. Darrogh delays signing with the ‘company’ – maybe later in the process but when the surveyors and bulldozers arrive, the ‘company’ makes one more offer, adding that the farms he wanted have agreed to sell as part of the big land-buy deal Darrogh wants for the world’s largest landfill.
INT. DARROGHS HOUSE – 1 WEEK LATER
The ‘Businessmen meet with Darrogh. He has read the proposal and is interested but delays signing it – he will do it himself and doesn’t need them yet – maybe later in the process. He is trying to get more land from the other farmers. He wants the biggest landfill ever made.
INT. DARROGH’S HOUSE – EVENING
He realizes that Nia is hanging out with Luciana, he overhears a phone conversation and confronts her.
Names Luciana as causing Amahla’s (Nia’s mother) death saying that they were lovers and the shame was too much for Amahla. Nia doesn’t believe him. Darrough says it’s him or them and anyway he doesn’t trust her – she doesn’t have his best interest at heart and she can go join the riff-raff as that’s her type anyway. He kicks her out of the house then and there, with only what she arrived with.
INT. FLASHBACK
to when he kicked her Mother out (when Nia was 6)
EXT. THE FIELD
Nia goes back to the troupe in the field. She doesn’t know who to trust. But will keep going with the ‘sting’.
EXT. THE FIELD – A WEEK LATER
The surveyors and bulldozers arrive. Everyone is frantic.
INT.DARROUGHS HOUSE – 2 DAYS LATER
The’ Businessmen’ make a second proposal- they have sales agreements from surrounding farms to their company. All Darrogh has to do is buy in and he will be set for life. He is still not sure. Tells them to wait. Meanwhile the surveyors are at work in the land that he already has, beginning in the field where Nia first camped and where the Troupe’s bus still is.
7) CRISIS
Nia has it out with Luciana demanding the whole truth about her Mother’s death and their relationship, and sees for a first time a pure clear love, and now has to choose between the father she hoped for and the community (as represented by Luciana) whose values she shares so when Darrogh agrees to the land-buy deal (if the community name the new landfill after him) even though he urges her to come back to his home, she agrees with Luciana that Darrogh be publicly humiliated and with her troupe creates a ‘play’ to which Darrogh is invited on the pretext of gratitude from the community but will really play out the story so he sees the truth.
INT. LUCIANA’S HOUSE
Nia has it out with Luciana demanding the whole truth about her Mother’s death and their relationship, and sees for a first time a pure clear love. Luciana knew Amahla was straight and loved D
FLASHBACK –
Luciana and Amahla are wrapping up the conversation when D comes in, misreads it all, refuses to hear anything more.
INT. LUCIANA’S HOUSE (CONT)
L tells Nia her mother did commit suicide but because of the pain of cancer and the fact she was kept from her daughter.
INT. DARROGHS HOUSE – DAY
Darrogh says he will sign the deal with the ‘company’ if the community agree to name the new landfill after him, with a big fancy gate. They agree. He is very excited and calls Nia to come and have lunch with him.
INT. PHONE CALL
Nia says she needs some time to think about it – that she is still upset about the landfill even though he is her father. He promises he’ll make sure everyone is taken care of if she’ll just come back.
INT. LUCIANAS HOUSE
Talking more with Luciana and some others, Nia realizes that she has to choose and chooses the community. Luciana says it is not enough to get the money from Darrogh, he has to be held publicly accountable. Nia comes up with the idea a play specially written to be performed and expose the whole story. There is to be a ribbon-cutting event next week to name the new landfill (even though it is not quite yet under construction). The perfect time to do it.
8) CLIMAX
Performed outdoors where Nia first fell in love with the land and where the landfill was to have begun, with the ‘dozers under the stage lights, Darrogh sees the con revealed after it is too late to back out, losing everything through the deal he agreed to and from the stage Nia calls him out for the person and father he has been including an eerie scene trading on the fact she looks so like her Mother.
EXT. THE FIELD – EVENING
The play is performed, outdoors under lights with the ‘dozers in the periphery, and slowly Darrogh recognizes the story and his role in it. (Includes a re-worked scene from ‘Lea’ with Cordelia). He is furious and makes a scene demanding the contract be cancelled, but the Businesswoman shows him what he has signed and that it is all legitimate and there is nothing he can do – except let the world know what a fool he has been.
The is one more scene to be played. D takes his seat again, stunned into compliance and loudly sure his daughter will take his side.
Instead, Nia performs the scene from ‘Othello’ when he kills Desdemona, only in this rendition the races are opposite. She ends with a little speech calling him out for his failures as a father and sharing her grief as someone who now sees the truth is not like she had imagined and hoped – and had been told.
He slinks off to his house, leaving a party in his wake.
9) RESOLUTION
The community has their land and the money to develop a back-to-nature retreat center for future sustainability while Darrogh, aware that now he has only one chance to show the love he truly felt for Amahla, pleads with Nia to forgive him, which she does and also tells him he must depend on this community because she has to go on with her life. Luciana has given Nia a letter to read, which she does on her return to the Troupe, in which tells Nia that the (returned) ranch is a home for them both, and Nia is now free to leave on the bus with the theatre troupe as she had arrived.
INT. TOWN MEETING – A WEEK LATER – DAY
The community has their land back and the money to develop a back-to-nature retreat center for future sustainability. It has been a dream of some of them over the years and now it is possible. Nia thanks them all for everything and they her. She says she can’t stay but needs to go on with her life. Luciana promises she’ll always have a home here and hands her a letter to read later.
INT: DARROGH’S HOUSE- LATE AFTERNOON
Nis goes to visit her father one last time before she leaves. Darrogh pleads with Nia to forgive him and take him in. The house is to be foreclosed and he’ll have nowhere to go. She forgives him, but also tells him he must depend on this community because she is going on with her life, free of his shadow and independent. He offers to give her a car for her travels. She refuses and says goodbye, walking out the door and down the grand driveway.
EXT. THE FIELD – HALF AN HOUR LATER – EARLY EVENING
The ‘dozers and surveyors pegs are gone. Nia reads the letter from Luciana – she tells Nia not to worry about Darrogh, that because she loved Nia’s mother who loved Darrogh and gave birth to Nia, she will find him a place at the ranch she now has back. The theatre troupe’s bus pulls up, she climbs in and they leave as they had arrived.
-
Day 9: Anita Gomez’s 3rd Pass — NQ 1 and 2.
What I’ve learned doing this assignment: To stay focused on the main elements driving my story through-out its telling. That is, to be consistent with the motives and personality traits of my characters, and their actions will naturally stay true to the concept, dramatic question, and main conflict.
1. Tell us your Concept:
A young woman who can’t access an abortion abandons her baby at birth only to learn years later that the child is her best hope for a life-saving transplant, leading her to search for a daughter she never wanted, but who becomes her unexpected solution.
2. Tell us your Dramatic Question and the answers to these questions:
Should a woman with an unwanted pregnancy be forced to carry a child to term which puts her own life in jeopardy; and later, continue to reject the woman the child has become, or finally embrace her?
A. Where does the Dramatic Question first get established and how?
When Danica confronts Cyrus, the biological father, who wants her to have an abortion.
B. How is the Dramatic Question increased in intensity?
When Danica can’t go through with an abortion, and has the child, nearly dying while giving birth. Then Danica gives the child away; finding out years later the daughter could save her life.
C. Where does the Dramatic Question finally get answered?
When Danica has the child, and then meets her as a young woman.
3. Tell us your Main Conflict and the answers to these questions:
The woman’s health is failing and she needs to find the now-grown daughter for a transplant.
A. When does the Main Conflict first show up?
When her sister dies and Danica is faced with her own health crisis.
B. How many ways can you express the Main Conflict throughout the story?
Danica’s professional ambitions collide with her inner conflicts over abortion rights.
Danica must seek out her estranged daughter for a life-saving transplant.
Her daughter becomes a genetic researcher who discovers the true identity of her biological parents
C. What brings the Main Conflict to a boiling point in the 3rd Act?
Danica realizes she has feelings for her daughter and can’t go through with her plans to deprive the young woman of her life to save her own.
D. How is the Main Conflict resolved?
Twist: The daughter kills the father, saving her mother with his kidney as a transplant.
4. In the current version of your outline, fill in the events you’ve discovered during this process. List out your outline as you did in Day 7.
LEAD CHARACTERS:
Dramatic Triangle
Danica is a woman with an unwanted pregnancy, and at health risk, who can’t access an abortion because of the state she lives in.
Cyrus is the biological father, Danica’s superior at work — an influential conservative lawyer-turned-judge, who was instrumental in forming the anti-abortion law and yet because he is married with his own kids, he wants Danica to have an abortion to save his reputation.
The baby (Dianna) is adopted and grows into a brilliant young woman doing medical genetic research, but becomes an even colder, emotionally detached version of her mother, so much so she kills the father so her mother gets his kidney.
Plot / STRUCTURE:
Dramatic Triangle with Plot #12: “TRANSFORMATION” — A woman who abandoned her baby at birth seeks her out as a grown woman, initially as a transplant donor, but discovering along the way that she actually wants a relationship with her daughter, who herself has grown into a cold loner with abandonment issues.
1. Opening Scene:
<st1:place w:st=”on”><st1:placename w:st=”on”>INT.</st1:placename> <st1:placetype w:st=”on”>HOSPITAL</st1:placetype></st1:place> – NIGHT
Danica is in the throes of childbirth. It isn’t going well, and we hear from the doctors that she could die. GRAPHIC: “9 Months Earlier”
2. Inciting Incident:
INT. LAW OFFICES – NIGHT
Danica is working on a case. A senior partner comes in, flirting with her in an all-too-familiar way. She confronts him with the fact that she is pregnant and past the 6 weeks allowable for an abortion in her state. In fact, he was instrumental in passing this law. We see him revealed as the hypocrite he is (ultra right-wing; married with his own kids; but still offering to send her away for an abortion)
3. By page 10, you know what the movie is about.
INT. DANICA’S SISTER’S HOME – DAY
Our lead confides in her Evangelical sister (mother of 2 kids herself) that she doesn’t want this child and wants to flee the state for an abortion. She fears for her health, having been born with only 1 kidney and reminds the sister how she herself almost died in childbirth, twice. The sister guilt-trips her / tells her she’ll grow to love the child.
EXT. HIGHWAY – NIGHT
Danica flees the state. She drives to <st1:place w:st=”on”><st1:state w:st=”on”>New Mexico</st1:state></st1:place> where the abortion laws are more accessible.
INT. ABORTION CLINIC – DAY
Danica makes an abortion appointment, but at the last minute, can’t go through with it.
4. First turning point at end of Act 1
<st1:place w:st=”on”><st1:placename w:st=”on”>INT.</st1:placename> <st1:placetype w:st=”on”>HOSPITAL</st1:placetype></st1:place> – NIGHT
We are back at the opening scene of a wretched birthing experience. Danica blacks out; She regains consciousness to the sounds of a screaming infant. A nurse tries to hand her the baby daughter, saying she is fine – except she too was born with the mother’s genetic defect of having only one kidney. The new mother turns away from the squalling infant.
EXT. FIRE STATION – NIGHT
Danica abandons her newborn daughter at a “Safe Haven” firehouse telling the child, “I never wanted you” leaving a note, “Her name is Dianna”.
5. Mid-Point
INT. LAW OFFICES – DAY
Danica’s ambitions bear fruit and she climbs the legal ladder. She is cold, hard, and driven.
INT. COURTROOM – DAY
Concurrently the biological father’s (Cyrus) story unfolds. He is appointed a Judge and then Superior Circuit Court Judge putting him once again in Danica’s professional orbit. We also see him as a family man, with time passing as his own children grow.
INT. ADOPTIVE PARENT’S HOUSE
Dianna has grown into a beautiful and precocious young girl – with a cruel streak. We see her hugging a kitten until it squeals and goes limp.
EXT. CYRUS’ HOUSE – EARLY MORNING
It is his habitual practice to retrieve his newspaper outside the gates of his driveway near the street. A car passes too close and he bobbles his coffee onto his pajamas and robe (foreshadowing).
INT. ADOPTIVE PARENT’S HOUSE
Dianna graduates college early. She is offered a prestigious job as a medical researcher in genetics. She goes into genetic research because of her own anatomical anomaly and uncovers others with kidney deficiency, which includes her mother.
INT. BIOLOGY LAB – DAY
We see Dianna displaying the same cold hard ambitious edge her biological mother has, Perhaps this plays out in her dispassionate dissection of animals in the course of her research, and how she blows off her co-workers. During this time Dianna seeks out and discovers the true identity of both her biological parents.
INT. DEPARTMENT STORE – DAY
Danica is shopping in the girl’s department. First through infant wear, then toddlers through teens. She is sad and pensive, obviously dreaming of brooding about the child she gave away.
INT. DIANNA’S APARTMENT – NIGHT
Exemplifying her pathological inability to connect with people, her boyfriend is breaking up with her, calling her an ice queen, etc. and accusing her of having an abortion of their child without consulting him. Dianna too calmly says that “it’s her body, her choice – and NO ONE leaves her… she does the leaving” and grabs a gun from a dresser drawer. He bolts before she fires but we see she was capable of cold-blooded murder.
INT. JUDGE CYRUS’ CHAMBERS – DAY
Cyrus is having a discussion with other lawmakers about how they want to see <st1:state w:st=”on”>New Mexico</st1:state> follow in <st1:place w:st=”on”><st1:state w:st=”on”>Texas</st1:state></st1:place>’ footsteps with an extreme anti-abortion law, noting he is the best person for the job. He is a puffed-up pompous self-assured man conveniently forgetting his own personal scrape with Danica’s unwanted pregnancy, and agrees to hear arguments in their case. His motivations are purely for power and political gain within his party.
6. Second turning point at end of Act 2
EXT. <st1:street w:st=”on”><st1:address w:st=”on”>SUBURBAN STREET</st1:address></st1:street> – DAY
Danica is a compulsive marathon runner. She begins to show signs of health issues.
INT. DANICA’S HOUSE – DAY
She receives news of her sister’s death from kidney failure. She meets with her brother-in-law and nieces and nephew but has too many of her own regrets about giving away her own child for any real connection. She wishes for the strong family bond she sees in them.
INT. DOCTOR’S OFFICE – DAY
Danica sees her own doctor and is told she too has kidney disease, and must have a transplant to survive. She is told all the medical reasons why her best chance for survival is a close relative.
INT. DANICA’s HOUSE – NIGHT
She begins seeking out her daughter’s whereabouts online. We are unsure of her motive, as is she – is it for a kidney or a relationship?
INT. LAW OFFICES – DAY
Danica must prepare for arguments being heard to restrict abortions in the state and she is tapped to argue against this in trial. She learns that the father of her abandoned child (Cyrus) will be the Circuit Appeals Judge hearing the case.
7. Crisis
INT. COURTROOM – DAY
Danica argues passionately in her presentation stating, “Not everyone’s cut out to be a parent. Not everyone SHOULD be a parent… and yet, life IS sacred”. In her intensely conflicted zealousness she collapses – both mentally and physically.
INT. DANICA’S HOUSE – NIGHT
She goes on a concentrated search for Dianna, the daughter, and using a “23&Me” type genetic app, finds her. She contacts Diane, not disclosing who she is – only a ‘close relative’. She has no idea Dianna already knows who she is; and in the course of email exchanges, the two women agree to meet.
8. Climax
EXT. <st1:street w:st=”on”><st1:address w:st=”on”>SUBURBAN STREET</st1:address></st1:street> – EARLY MORNING
Dianna gets into her silver sedan driving to the early morning appointment she set to meet her mother. We see a man bending over to get the morning paper from his driveway – we recognize him as Cyrus. She’s momentarily distracted. Brakes Squeal.
Blackout.
9. Resolution
INT. HOSPITAL ROOM – DAY
Eyes blink open. The hospital room looks eerily similar to the opening scene.
A TV is on, set to the news. Wincing in pain Danica gets out of bed and walks to a mirror, lifting her gown to reveal a long scar mid-back. She has gotten her transplant, but looks confused. Her daughter, Diane walks in, smiling, fresh as a daisy. The mother is stunned silent… this is obviously her daughter, as they practically look like sisters. Diane turns to the TV and raises the volume with the remote. The anchor is reporting on the tragic death of Circuit Appeals Court Judge at his home this morning, the only lead a silver sedan seen on the street … if anyone has more information… TV switched off, Diane turns to her mother, “Well, at least he did one thing right in his life – he signed up as an organ donor.”
-
June Fortunato’s Day 9: Plotting and Outlining NQ 1 & 2
ASSIGNMENT 2022 0222
What I learned doing this exercise: What a brilliant way to fill in scenes, and to place them in the right spots before writing everything. I love this!
1. Tell us your concept.
Love Genre When crazy ass, super moocher Roy, 65+ almost dies in a car crash, he learns that he has SSI and veteran’s benefits waiting- but only when he has a permanent address by a determined date. His life could be easier- until he meets Kim, a woman in her 60s, who plays exactly the same moocher game. Together, they crash in the craziest places- often clash and separate only to seek each other out again- and being crazy together- they’ve never had so much fun. The joy also sparks buried pasts, sometimes too much to bear. Kim refuses to settle down, and at the end of his time limit Roy considers suicide, but Kim finds him. Roy promises to give Kim the excitement she needs and together, they find a permanent place to live.
2. Tell us your Dramatic Question and the answers to these questions: Will Roy find a permanent place to rest, and will he convince Kim to do that with him?
A. Where does the Dramatic Question first get established and how? He is in court, charged with reckless endangerment, property damage, and medical billsand his lawyer has discovered that he can pay- with all of the money owed to him from Vets, SSI and Medal of Honor pay boost. This is when he learns that he has a limited amount of time to get a permanent pad to continue his claim. He also learns that his body is falling apart and that he can’t continue his lifestyle for much longer.
B. How is the Dramatic Question increased in intensity? When Roy meets Kim, she delays his pursuit and then leaves him anyway- breaking his heart and his chance at an easier lifestyle. But now he’s enthralled with her. He has got to convince her to settle down with him – because he needs her and doesn’t want to go it alone. Plus, she’s fun and being with her is what life is about – so will he settle down before he loses his claim, and if not, how much longer can his body hold out?
C. Where does the Dramatic Question finally get answered? It gets answered and he gets his permanent pad AND his woman when they take a pet/house sitter gig. The owner is in a hospital, and later moves to a hospice – and Roy and Kim take care of the house and the menagerie of pets. The woman falls in love with them as a couple and does not want her estate to go to the government, nor her pets abandoned, so she wills the house to them- but only if they stay together.
3. Tell us your Main Conflict and the answers to these questions:
Roy needs and wants to stop running, while Kim can’t bring herself to it. She has dark secrets that she refuses to talk about. Instead, whenever he gets close, she runs away from him.
A. When does the Main Conflict first show up? On first sight- in the hospital- she disappears. Midpoint of act two comes to a head.
B. How many ways can you express the Main Conflict throughout the story?
Many. Kim dodges giving info, but brings Roy to a cliff with a cabin at the crest. To get Kim to let go- Roy has to find a way to blow up her past for her. They’re doing something thrilling- and Roy says that they should do this for the rest of their lives- so Kim runs. Roy follows, and promises that he just wants to be with her and that she doesn’t ever have to tell him her secrets. They’re working as house & pet sitters and sneak the pets into the hospital room to visit the owner. When the woman implies that she might leave her place to them if they stay together and take care of her pet-babies- Kim disappears- Sometimes Roy thinks that Kim has disappeared again, but she comes back with stolen bread or a sleeping bag or something cool for the road. The woman in the hospital’s nasty sister decides to take the house, but she’s neglectful of the pets and narcissistic. Roy tells the sick woman, who tries to convince Kim to stay with him.
C. What brings the Main Conflict to a boiling point in the 3rd Act? Time is running out. He loses his money the following day. His body can’t go on in the road anymore. He can’t be alone anymore, either. The lady of the pet-sit house is dying and they will lose the house if they don’t claim it. The pets are taken away. They have to get them back, but the deal is- they have to both do it together.
D. How is the Main Conflict resolved? Kim catches Roy contemplating suicide and finally tells her truth. Fiercely empathetic, pyro-guy Roy blows up the cliffside cabin of her dark past. Roy has a plan to stay mischievous. He will pre-pay everything and make her believe that they’re getting over on people. He has convinced the woman that they will take care of her pets and home. They get the pets back and win the house and the owner says that even if she survives, they’ll live with her. The last look says that Roy and Kim might take off if this occurs.
4. In the current version of your outline, fill in the events you’ve discovered during this process.
The 9 beats:
1. Opening: Roy is dumped again, steals a van, deliberately crashes it, lands in the hospital & almost dies. Roy meets Kim in the hospital, who’s recovering from a bullet wound. He’s sparked by her, she knows it, and therefore takes off before he can get close. Kim’s interested in Roy, which is only one of the reasons she takes off so quickly.
2. Inciting incident: In court, Roy learns that he has SSI and veteran’s benefits and must get a permanent pad by a certain date to get his money or his claim will expire. Also, his body can’t do this homelessness for much longer. He has liver disease. 2a: Kim is deliberately skipping a court date for her gunshot would. On the way out of the hospital, she steals a car, a bathing suit and then another car and she’s on the run.
3. First 10 pages: Roy can’t find a place without money and he can’t get his money without a place. He doesn’t like to work but slides in on a film set as a pyro tech- eating, sleeping in the honey wagon and sometimes crashing with new pals- until payday, when the union bosses discover that he doesn’t work there at all and refuse to pay him. He leaves them an explosion they won’t forget. Crosscuts between Roy’s life and Kim’s life- both crash places. They cross paths at a distance. Kim’s visit to look at the cabin and the cliff are established in this beat. She contemplates suicide. Nonetheless, she really knows the swank places to crash and eat for free. Her mother sees her at a distance and ignores her. Recurring image of Kim’s cliff. Roy somehow always finds her again at the cliff.
4. First turn: Roy and Kim find each other again and he charms her. They begin to bond & run together. A blast! The arc of the scenes is: sunshine, then very dark, then sunshine again. Kim lands a house/pet sitter job- Roy is smitten by how clever Kim is. The woman who owns the house is in the hospital for an undetermined length, and they pet sit and live the life- food, booze, pets! shelter, heat, even media access. Bliss. At one point, in an amusement park, the sight of a family on a picnic pushes Roy’s huge loss/guilt button and he’s distraught. He goes wild jumps onto a stage- fake six shooters and spurs and chaps- wild Roy- and he pulls Kim onto the stage- she hates it- It’s a horrific scene. He melts down. Roy starts a progression of scenes where he slowly comes to terms with his past. Kim, so close, eases his pain but also triggers these things, and she stays by him until she pulls him out of it. His facing the past, his fear and abject self-loathing resonates with Kim so she disappears too close for comfort. But after a bad night in a broken down school bus, she comes back.
5. Mid point: Roy can’t convince Kim to settle with him and he leaves Kim to save himself. Roy and Kim visit the hospitalized owner of the house-sit to keep her up to date on the pets and home. They sneak the lady’s pets in to see her, This thrills the lady no end. She bonds with Roy and Kim this is the beginning of her trust in them. She’s taken with them as a couple. Her encouragement leads Roy think that maybe he really can have joy. He feels in his heart that they are meant to be together. On a thrilling adventure, Roy lets slip that he’s smitten with Kim and wants to stay with her but his time of being on the streets is running out. Instead of just disappearing, she flatly refuses. Heartbroken, that’s why he has to leave. Heartbroken, Kim goes on a bender and breaks into the cliffside cabin, trashing it.
6. Second turn: end of act 2: Roy & Kim discover each other again but she quietly leaves. The rediscover each other when they each, unknowingly visit the lady with the pets. More visits with the lady in the hospital and sneaking the pets in. The lady is upset that the perfect couple, and perfect pet sitters aren’t together anymore. She makes a deal that if they promise to stay together, she’ll consider leaving her house and pets to them in her will. While at the hospital, the staff tells Roy and Kim that the lady is being moved to hospice. The nurses in hospice discourage pets for ulterior motives: it lengthens people’s lives. Kim sees Roy’s medal of honor tucked into an old towel, and learns that Roy saved his guy in the war. Roy finally gives up his past- he also learned that he killed villagers- something that he can’t live with- and that’s why he lives this life, why he acts this way. He tells her because, finally, despite the fact that Kim’s so elusive, he trusts her. She has his heart.
7. Crisis: Roy, giving up, decides to commit suicide. Time is running out. Kim will not commit. He loses the girl and his pad. He goes to the cliffside- (a recurring motif and location.)
8. Climax: Roy is about to jump, and Kim appears. Kim has come to rescue him. They both want to blow up their pasts. Kim catches Roy contemplating suicide and finally tells her truth. Fiercely empathetic, Roy blows up the cliffside cabin of her dark past. Roy has a plan to stay mischievous. “Settle down” does not mean to ‘settle” Roy, a pyro guy, blows up a cabin on the cliff which houses the dark events of Kim’s past. Instead of jumping off the cliff, he convinces Kim that he has a plan to make her happy and they both pull each other away from the brink.
9. Resolution: together they have a permanent pad, – and Roy keeps Kim’s life happy with pretend mooching. and lots of smooching. He will pre-pay everything and make her believe that they’re getting over on people. He has convinced the woman that they will take care of her pets and her home. They get the pets back and win the house.
Finding home. Being home. Landing. Trust. Fear of facing oneself. Fear of stopping. and then having it ripped away from you. Courage. Fear of feeling so comfortable
-
Dev Ross 3rd Pass — NQ I and 2
What did I learn doing this assignment: MY SECOND ACT NEEDS A LOT OF WORK.
1. EXT. FAIR GROUNDS – SUMMER DAY
A REPORTER speaks against harsh winds blamed on climate events while reporting the rise of extremism as Grand Dragon CAINE JAMESTON steps up to speak at White Supremacists Conference. Crowd boos him. He’s a SINO, a Supremacist in Name Only. He is harassed offstage.
2. INT. CAINE HOME – NIGHT
Caine’s wife, LIZZIE, saw it all on the news. Maybe it’s a sign; time to leave the hate business to others. Focus on their family. He reminds her that he does it ‘for family!’ She’s got to go – hurry to work night shift at hospital. Their daughter is off on a date. He eats dinner alone. Checks news. More on odd weather. Ignores it as fear-mongering. Watches coverage on WS rally. A new, younger speaker, ADAM SPENCER, from The Sons of Patriots gets rousing response: “Jews will not subvert! Blacks will not assert!”
3. INT. CAINE’S BEDROOM – NIGHT
Caine tosses and turns, gets up.
4. INT. BASEMENT – NIGHT
KKK memorabilia stuff everywhere. His grandfather’s Klan robe is on display. He puts them on and stares at himself in the mirror. He sleeps in the robe on the couch.
5. EXT. HOME – DAY
Caine works painting a house. Elderly woman from his church asks him to apprentice her twelve-year-old grandson who’s come to live with her. The boy needs a male mentor. Caine’s obliging. Quotes Proverbs 22:6. “Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old, he will not depart from it.” His grandpa taught him the trade and he’d always wanted a son to pass it on to. The boy, Elijah, is half black. Caine’s taken aback. Meets the grandmother’s eyes. She’s pleading. Caine swallows his anger and nods.
6. INT. CAINE HOME – NIGHT
INCITING INCIDENT: At dinner, Caine dumps on his wife and daughter about his half-monkey boy apprentice. Daughter, EMMY, defiantly says she’s pregnant by black boyfriend. Despite Lizzie’s pleas, Caine physically throws Emmy out of his house. HIS HOUSE! Where is his respect?! Lizzie tries to sway him but he reminds her what a bunch of blacks did to his sister. Frustrated, she’s heard it from him a million times. Leaves for work.
7. EXT. ANOTHER HOUSE PAINTING JOB – DAY
Caine’s frustrated, take it out on apprentice Elijah. Elijah asks if he hates him because he’s half black. Caine quotes but misinterprets a bible passage. According to Caine’s interpretation, the Black man, according to God, is to be subservient to the white man. The only reason the black is no longer subservient is because of the Jew. Eliminate the Jew and the black will be compliant. Caine explains that being mixed means you’re tainted. God doesn’t want us to mix. Says the boy will have to fight harder to be a good person. Despite this and himself, Caine can’t help but like the boy…
8. EXT./INT. CAINE BASEMENT – NIGHT
Strong winds outside. Klan meeting inside. A handful show up. Most are joining with emerging groups like Adam Spencer’s Sons of Patriots. Caine says members will return once they tire of other group’s radical tactics. Reminds followers the Klan use to have respectable doctors, lawyers and politicians in their ranks. They can regain that respectability again.
9. INT. CAINE BEDROOM – NIGHT
Lizzie spurns Caine’s advances. She’s tired. He’s tired of her refusing him; says if she hadn’t gotten pregnant, he should have stayed in college and made something of himself. Fire alarm goes off.
10. EXT. CAINE HOME – NIGHT
Trucks screech away, leaving behind a cross burning on his lawn and a warning about his daughter. Fire trucks arrive. Fire Captain expresses surprise that Caine’s house was targeted. There was a time when no one would fuck with him. Caine fumes…
11. EXT./INT. CAINE HOME – MORNING
OUTSIDE: Ashes from burning cross in the infernal wind blow across the neighborhood. INSIDE: Lizzie informs Carine she’s working a double and, since he threw their daughter out, he can make his own dinner. Watches handsome Black Leader LINCOLN ABLE on news. Wife comments on how the black nurses at the hospital all talk about him. Caine thinks it’s because they think he’s good looking. Lizzie retorts that they’re talking about his charisma and the work he’s doing.
12. EXT. HOUSE PAINTING JOB – DAY
Weather is too harsh to work. Elijah says he can endure it to get the job done. Instead of admiring the boy for his work ethic, Caine angrily says that’s the dumb black part of him talking. Go home and take care of his grandma.
13. INT. BAR – DAY
Caine day drinks. More on Lincoln Able on TV. Bartender complains uppity black is going to get all the whites voted out of office. They’re going to lose their country but there’s nothing decent white folks can do about it because of they did, someone would video them and then they’d get life in prison.
14. EXT. BAR – EVENING
It hails ice the size of golf balls as Caine leaves.
15. INT. BASEMENT – NIGHT
Wind howls like a banshee outside. Caine regards all his collected KKK stuff and his grandfather’s robe. He picks up a picture of him and his sister, KATIE, posing in hunting photo with Grandpa. With renewed vigor, Caine promises to avenge her. He was just a kid then but not now. Gets his rifle out. Doesn’t care if he’s caught. Just like in his Grandpa’s days when they took out MLK… he’s going to assassinate Lincoln Able.
16. EXT. CAINE HOME – NIGHT
Lightening seems to rip the sky in half. Strange colors slip through like the aurora borealis.
ACT TWO:
1. INT. BASEMENT – MORNING
The sleeping man wakes. He gasps, sits up. We see he’s the black man Lincoln Able. He’s appeared to have had an intense dream that fades away from consciousness. He’s in his basement – only the KKK stuff is replaced by black empowerment stuff.
2. INT. ABLE HOME – KITCHEN – MORNING
He grabs coffee and his wife, NUBIA, a nurse, prepares for work. He seems off to her. He says he woke up with an overwhelming desire to murder the Grand Dragon. She laughs. Yeah, her peaceful warrior murdering somebody? She’ll believe it when she sees it – but maybe not even then! After she leaves, we see he’s not joking. He can’t shake it.
3. EXT. BLACK NEIGHBORHOOD – DAY
Lincoln gives his group of white and black volunteers a pep talk before they all go door to door to get out the vote. Back in action doing what he believes, he shakes off his weird impulse.
4. INT./EXT. BLACK HOME – DAY
Lincoln speaks to an old couple about the issues and voting.
5. EXT. BLACK NEIGHBORHOOD – DAY
A car follows him. Lincoln feels something, turns around to look. No car. He turns the corner and the car is following him again. He runs. Caine chases after him in car when he suddenly loses him… What the–???
6. INT. CAINE BASEMENT – NIGHT
Lizzie calls Caine for dinner. He doesn’t answer. She finds him immersed in the Bible. They argue over him/her/family. He insists what he does, he does for them! She becoming repulsed by him, by what he’s becoming. In an Iago-esque madness, he accuses her of rejecting him because she’s sleeping with black men, maybe even Lincoln? How could she when his sister was raped by black monsters?! She fights back. His sister was a drug-addict prostitute! It’s time he stopped pretending she was a saint! He hits her and continues to hit her until she’s still…
7. EXT. GET OUT THE VOTE RALLY – DAY
Lincoln is speaker. Bad weather plagues.
Caine sets him in his sights. See’s the boy Elijah with his Grandma and it gives him pause. They’re up front. Caine is getting ready to leave the stage. Caine fires. Misses. Hits Grandma! Crowd scatters. Caine is spotted. Lincoln and others give chase. They think they have him cornered for sure but… it’s as if he’s disappeared into thin air.
8. INT. LINCOLN HOME – DAY
Lincoln finds his wife home. Unusual as she should be at the hospital working. She says she wasn’t feeling well. Lincoln sees someone hurrying toward the house with a rifle? He freaks, knocks his wife to the ground for safety. Nothing happens. Nubia points out there is no man with a rifle. Worries for Lincoln as…
9. EXT. LINCOLN HOME – DAY – CONTINUOUS
… weather roils and quakes.
10. EXT./INT. CAINE HOME – DAY
Caine, carrying his rifle, hurries inside. His daughter comes to the house. She wants to see her mom. He sends her away.
11. INT. CAINE BASEMENT – NIGHT
He calls his sister. It’s late and she was asleep. He talks about her rape by black men, how he should have saved her but he’s making up for it now. She says to let it go. It was a long time ago. She was an addict. Shit happens. She’s clean now. All is good. Caine is furious. Says she’s lying. Heads out.
12. EXT. BLACK NEIGHBORHOOD – NIGHT
He drives around looking for someone black to kill. Runs over an innocent black man out canvassing. A crowd forms.
Lincoln, driving, sees it. He rams Caine’s car but Caine escapes. Lincoln speeds after him.
ACT THREE
1. EXT. CITY STREETS – NIGHT
Car chase through the city. Alarms go off as quakes hit.
2. EXT./INT. COTTON PROCESSING PLANT – NIGHT
Both men chase shadows. More quakes cause near collapse of building.
3. EXT. SKY – NIGHT
It appears to be ripping apart.
4. INT. PLANT – NIGHT
Their search of each other intensifies. Their bullets ricochet and each is struck. Building is coming down. Both drag themselves to get out.
5. EXT. PLANT – NIGHT
Caine drags himself out into the night. Moon shines down on pools of water. As he bleed out, he sees his reflection in the water and doesn’t understand.
6. EXT. PLANT – NIGHT
Lincoln drags himself out, sees his reflection in water. It’s not him but Caine. The two men are directly in front of the other. Their two heads could touch. At the moment they look up at each other a BRIGHT FLASH OF LIGHT washes all out…
7. EXT. SPACE
Strings appear in the blackness and resonate like harp strings. (String Theory) A FLASH OF LIGHT then…
8. EXT. MIXED NEIGHBORHOOD – DAY
Literally, the sun shines on a newly formed reality. Caine’s daughter and husband stroll with their baby past black and white townspeople who warmly greet them. Grandma comes to comment warmly on Emmy’s baby…
-
Arthur’s 3rd Pass — NQ 1 and 2.
What I’ve learned doing this assignment is:
Going through the beats of answering the dramatic question and main conflict in the story sparks new ideas on different ways to express them in the script.
Apply the first two questions to your outline.
1. Tell us your concept.
When a coronal mass ejection (CME) from the sun destroys all electronic technology on earth six astronauts and one reporter on the international research spacecraft Reliant must adapt the experimental Tesla Shield technology that saved their spacecraft to shield humanity from a larger earth-destroying CME just days away.
2. Tell us your Dramatic Question and the answers to these questions:
Will Captain Ryan be able to lead the crew of the Reliant to save the earth from the approaching extinction-level Coronal Mass Ejection from the sun?
A. Where does the Dramatic Question first get established and how?
NASA informs the Reliant a Coronal Mass Ejection that was thought to be bypassing earth, masked a larger one behind it that will hit the earth and the Reliant in six hours with an even larger earth-destroying CME 48 hours behind that one. All space stations are evacuating to earth. Capt. Reilly orders the crew to prepare for evacuation, however, the Reliant crew votes to stay with the ship and try the untested Tesla shield to save the ship.
B. How is the Dramatic Question increased in intensity?
As the crew struggles with the damaged systems of the Reliant to keep it on a sling-shot orbit around the moon, Captain Reilly and Skyler crash land the shuttle by the mining base. They discover the AI-controlled mining equipment has been damaged by the CME and is destroying the base. Barely staying ahead of the crushing mining machines, they find and load the fission reactor onto the lunar return ship. They blast off just as the AI miner hits their ship. Reilly struggles with the damaged ship to rendezvous with the Reliant.
C. Where does the Dramatic Question finally get answered?
The crew discovers Chase attaching the space tug to the Tesla mask. Against their vociferous protest, Chase uses the tug to extend the mask just as the CME is about to hit. With no time for him to return to the ship, he begs Reilly to engage the shield: a death sentence for him. Tearfully, Reilly puts her hand on the red engage button. The other members of the crew put their hands over hers and they all push together. The shield spreads like a lotus blossom as Chase disappears in a flash of light. The CME slams into the shield which deflects its destructive power away from the earth. The Reliant is buffeted as its systems alarms blare with overload warnings but the Tesla Shield holds and the CME safely passes by the earth.
3. Tell us your Main Conflict and the answers to these questions:
The crew of the Reliant must adapt an untested Tesla shield technology to save the earth from extinction-level Coronal Mass Ejection from the sun within 48 hours.
A. When does the Main Conflict first show up?
The Tesla Shield saves the crew of the Reliant, however, the electronics on earth have been knocked out. They determine the Tesla Shield may be modified to save the earth but they need another fission reactor to power the modified shield. With no help from earth available, they will have to journey to the unmanned autonomous mining moon base to retrieve the additional reactor.
B. How many ways can you express the Main Conflict throughout the story?
Nico must recalibrate the anti-matter collider to be in balance with the fission reactors to generate a torsion field large enough to protect the earth.
Oleg must find a way to mount the additional fission reactor in the ship to generate enough power to project the enlarged shield.
With the physics involved in expanding the shields field, Tara must develop a new harmonic frequency generator to ensure the torsion field Nico is generating is balanced with Oleg’s increased power output.
Reilly and Chase must figure out how to pulse the anti-matter engines, which were designed for interstellar travel over long distances, in short bursts so they may make a short sprint to the moon, slow down to launch the shuttle, then sprint back to earth without tearing the ship apart.
Doctor Quinn is faced with the enormous task of developing a serum to inject the crew with to protect them from the trillion gigawatts the Tesla shield will be generating when they fire it up to protect the earth.
Skyler becomes the intermediary who shuttles materials and information among the crew.
C. What brings the Main Conflict to a boiling point in the 3rd Act?
The crew discovers Chase attaching the space tug to the Tesla mask. Against their vociferous protest, Chase uses the tug to extend the mask just as the CME is about to hit. With no time for him to return to the ship, he begs Reilly to engage the shield: a death sentence for him.
D. How is the Main Conflict resolved?
Reilly puts her hand on the red engage button. The other members of the crew put their hands over hers and they all push together. The shield spreads like a lotus blossom as Chase disappears in a flash of light. The CME slams into the shield which deflects its destructive power away from the earth. The Reliant is buffeted as its systems alarms blare with overload warnings but the Tesla Shield holds and the CME safely passes by the earth.
4. In the current version of your outline, fill in the events you’ve discovered during this process. List out your outline as you did in Day 7.
9 Beat Plot Structure
1. Opening
Pool reporter Skyler Hardwick’s live broadcast introduces the crew of the International Deep Space Research Spacecraft Reliant and their mission to test a new Tesla Space Shield for interstellar travel. The broadcast is interrupted by an emergency transmission from NASA.
2. Inciting Incident
NASA informs the Reliant a Coronal Mass Ejection that was thought to be bypassing earth, masked a larger one behind it that will hit the earth and the Reliant in six hours with an even larger earth-destroying CME 48 hours behind that one. All space stations are evacuating to earth. Capt. Reilly orders the crew to prepare for evacuation, however, the Reliant crew votes to stay with the ship and try the untested Tesla shield to save the ship.
3. By page 10, you know what the movie is about.
In a process that would normally take twelve hours, the crew scrambles to fire up the Tesla shield in six.
4. First turning point at end of Act 1
The Tesla Shield saves the crew of the Reliant, however, the electronics on earth have been knocked out. They determine the Tesla Shield may be modified to save the earth but they need another fission reactor to power the modified shield. With no help from earth available, they will have to journey to the unmanned autonomous mining moon base to retrieve the additional reactor.
5. Mid-Point
With the other members of the crew needed to maneuver the Reliant in a sling-shot orbit around the moon. Captain Reilly must enlist the aid of the pool reporter, Skyler, to help her retrieve the reactor from the moon base. Skyler is shocked to learn the only way to get to the moon base is by crash landing the shuttle near the mining base and then using the earth return lunar payload spacecraft at the base to rendezvous with the Reliant.
6. Second turning point at end of Act 2
As the crew struggles with the damaged systems of the Reliant to keep it on a sling-shot orbit around the moon, Captain Reilly and Skyler crash land the shuttle by the mining base. They discover the AI-controlled mining equipment has been damaged by the CME and is destroying the base. Barely staying ahead of the crushing mining machines, they find and load the fission reactor onto the lunar return ship. They blast off just as the AI miner hits their ship. Reilly struggles with the damaged ship to rendezvous with the Reliant.
7. Crisis
The new reactor is barely installed as the Reliant takes a position to defend the earth. However, the Tesla mask which must be extended for the shield to work is damaged and will not deploy. With every possibility explored and failed, Chase Douglas, the first officer, sneaks off to the cargo bay, suits up, and exits on the space tug.
8. Climax
The crew discovers Chase attaching the space tug to the Tesla mask. Against their vociferous protest, Chase uses the tug to extend the mask just as the CME is about to hit. With no time for him to return to the ship, he begs Reilly to engage the shield: a death sentence for him. Tearfully, Reilly puts her hand on the red engage button. The other members of the crew put their hands over hers and they all push together. The shield spreads like a lotus blossom as Chase disappears in a flash of light. The CME slams into the shield which deflects its destructive power away from the earth. The Reliant is buffeted as its systems alarms blare with overload warnings but the Tesla Shield holds and the CME safely passes by the earth.
9. Resolution
A saddened crew is surprised when NASA contacts them from Cheyenne mountain in Colorado. They have been receiving Skyler’s broadcasts throughout the Reliant’s entire adventure. NASA and the world owe them a debt of gratitude that may never be repaid. A crew will be launched within 90 days to relieve them. The crew of the reliant are no longer professional co-workers from individual countries. They are also more than friends bound together by the crucible of near-death experiences and the bonds of mutual commitment, sacrifice, and loss.
-
Anna Harper’s 3rd Pass — NQ 1 and 2. Day 9
What I learned from this assignment was that carefully reviewing the necessary questions illustrate that the Dramatic Question was introduced far too late in the script..
1. Tell us your concept.
It’s Christmas in an English village; a stray Newfoundland dog, Alfie, with telepathic superpowers, befriends (a lonely, bullied mute 13-year-old Dylan), traumatized by his mother’s death, the loving relationship between the dog and Dylan, help the boy to speak again saving him from being sent away to a special school engineered by his Dad’s covertly evil girlfriend; instead, Alfie and Dylan introduce Dad, Steve to a new love interest just in time for Christmas
2. Tell us your Dramatic Question and the answers to these questions:
DRAMATIC QUESTION Will Dylan speak ever again?
A. Where does the Dramatic Question first get established and how?
THE QUESTION GETS ESTABLISHED AT THE END OF THE INCITING INCIDENT WHEN ALFIE TALKS TELEPATHICALLY TO DYLAN CHALLENGING HIS SILENCE.
CHANGE MADE; OPENING BOYS CALL HIM DUMMY, DYLAN CAN’T TALK, CAN’T TELL IF WE BEAT THE SNOT OUT OF HIM ETC.
1. OPENING
DYLAN exits school, looking warily behind, and then starts to run.
MISS ELIZABETH PERKINS is standing on the school steps, smiling and watching as a group of boys start to pursue Dylan into the village High St.
CALLING DYLAN NAMES.
<font color=”#0000ff”>QUESTION 3 MAIN CONFLICT (S) SHOW UP HERE CONFLICTS ARE SIMULTANEOUSLY INNER AND OUTER. EXTERIOR ENVIRONMENTAL STRESSORS IE TEACHER, AND BULLIES, INTERIOR MAINTAINING A BUBBLE OF SILENCE TO DEAL WITH GRIEF, AND USING PAIN TO STAY CLOSE TO HIS MOTHER.</font>
2. INCITING INCIDENT
Terrified, Dylan hides in doorways and eventually is forced to jump into a garbage skiff at the back of the fish and chip shop.
The boys give up. Dylan emerges from under the trash; he hears noises, very scared he starts to cry, and then a dirty scruffy huge all-black Newfoundland (ALFIE) emerges with the fish and chip newspaper wrapping in his mouth. Dylan screams and cowers in fear. Alfie speaks telepathically to Dylan. QUESTION 1 B IS SUPPORTED HERE.
QUESTION 3 DYLANS CONFLICT TO SPEAK OR NOT TO SPEAK IS BROKEN OPEN HERE AS ALFIE CAN BREAKTHROUGH WITH HIS TELEPATHIC SUPERPOWERS.</font>
3. FIRST TURNING POINT
Alfie convinces Dylan they can communicate telepathically. In order to avoid the bully boys, and feed a very hungry Alfie they go to Dylan’s house.
MIDPOINT
INT. DYLAN/STEVE’S COTTAGE/DAY
Steve comes home to discover chaos. Dylan wants to keep the dog. Steve allows the dog to stay for one night. His girlfriend(Dylan’s school teacher) was to visit for dinner, this is now impossible.
QUESTION 1 B ESCALATION STEVE CAN NOT GET AN ANSWER OUT OF DYLAN AS TO WHAT IS GOING ON. STEVE HAS TO DEDUCT FOR HIMSELF AND PROBLEM SOLVE ACCORDINGLY. STEVE EXPRESSES FRUSTRATION
Dylan wants to keep the dog. Steve allows the dog to stay for one night. His girlfriend(Dylan’s school teacher) was to visit for dinner, this is now impossible. Subtext GF would find the chaos unacceptable.
SECOND TURNING POINT END ACT 2
INT: INDIAN RESTAURANT/EVENING
At dinner, Steve and Elizabeth Perkins discuss Elizabeth’s suggestion of sending Dylan away to a boarding school.
QUESTION 1 B IS ESCALATED HERE WITH THE THREAT OF BOARDING SCHOOL TO DEAL WITH DYLAN’S REFUSING TO SPEAK.
TURNING POINT 2
INT. SCHOOL/DAY
Alfie convinces Dylan to draw pictures as a way of communicating the abuse that is taking place at the school. Steve fails to discover them. Elizabeth summons Steve to the school to discuss Dylan’s part in bullying and presents paperwork for the boarding school
QUESTION 1 B ESCALATION CONTINUED; THE THREAT OF BOARDING SCHOOL BECOMES MORE REAL, AND STEVE’S ABILITY TO BE AN EFFECTIVE FATHER IS CHALLENGED. HIS SORT OF GIRLFRIEND INDICATES THAT DYLAN AND HIS PROBLEMS ARE NOT SUITABLE FOR A CONTINUED RELATIONSHIP.
INT.DYLAN/STEVESCOTTAGE/DAY
Dylan reclaims his drawings believing his Dad does not care. Steve announces Alfie can stay one more night and then he must go to the pound.
CLIMAX
EXT. HIGHSTREET BAKERY/DAY BOILING POINT
Dylan uses his mime language to convince Dad and Alfie to go for a walk. They go to the bakery where Steve meets the baker. Alfie tells Dylan telepathically that she would be a much better companion for his Dad. Walking home, Steve breaks the news to Dylan about the boarding school. Dylan is in shock. Steve says he is at wit’s end and does not know what to do for Dylan. Alfie talks to Dylan about not talking.
QUESTION 3 MAIN CONFLICT ESCALATED AS DYLAN IS PRESENTED WITH AN EXTERNAL STRESSOR TO HIS DILEMMA, THE THREAT OF BOARDING SCHOOL DUE TO HIS CHOICE OF NOT TALKING.</font>
QUESTION 1 B CONTINUED ESCALATED THREAT OF NOT TALKING. DYLAN IS INFORMED THAT BOARDING SCHOOL IS AN OPTION.
INT.SCHOOL HALLWAY/DAY
Dylan observes Elizabeth locking his friend Daisy in the school cellar. Dylan runs away from the school and fetches his Dad. Dylan utters his first word “Daisy.” When they arrive at the school and find her in the cellar, Elizabeth convinces Steve and intimidates Daisy into believing Daisy locked herself in the cellar.
QUESTION 3 DYLAN BEGINS TO RESOLVE HIS DILEMMA OUT OF CONCERN FOR HIS FRIEND WHICH MOVES HIS PROBLEM FROM A CHILDLIKE EGOCENTRISM TO AN EXTERNAL EMPATHY FOR SOMEONE ELSE. DYLAN IS ONLY ABLE TO COMMUNICATE MINIMALLY, SO THE FRIEND IS STILL IN A POSITION OF BEING INTIMIDATED.</font>
INT.DYLAN”S HOUSE/DAY
Alfie finds the envelope with Dylan’s pictures inside and takes them, to Steve. Steve looks at them in disbelief and then he sees the picture of Miss Perkins(Elizabeth) standing on the school steps smiling while the boys chase Dylan. Steve talks to Dylan about the pictures and how upset Dylan must be. He praises Dylan for rescuing Daisy and says he will take care of things. Dylan uses a few words to describe the pictures.
QUESTION 3 DYLAN CONTINUES TO RESOLVE HIS MAIN CONFLICT THROUGH AN INCREMENTAL RISK OF TALKING TO HIS DAD ABOUT THE PICTURES
EXT.HIGHSTREET.DAY
Dylan takes Alfie for a walk. Alfie explains how important it was for him to speak, talks to him about his mother’s happiness by Dylan talking and enjoying his life. Dylan is still mostly silent. Later, he draws another picture of Alfie with a big heart around Dylan and Alfie, he gives it to his Dad. Steve says if Alfie can continue to help Dylan talk, he can stay
QUESTION 3 MAIN CONFLICT DYLAN REGRESSES TO USING PICTURES AND NOT TALKING TO COMMUNICATE</font>
QUESTION 1 B CONTINUED. DYLAN’S CHOICE TO NOT TALK MAY CAUSE HIM TO LOSE HIS NEW FRIEND ALF
RESOLUTION
EXT.HIGH STREET/EVENING
Dylan, Steve, and Alfie go shopping in the village. Dylan points and waves at the bakery.
They go in and buy all sorts of Christmas goodies. Steve seems to really see Mickey for the first time. He likes her. Alfie gets more dog cookies. Mickey is just about to close the shop and suggest they all go to the seafront cafe for hot chocolate.
Dylan holds his Dad’s hand and points to the village’s huge Christmas tree, lights sparkling snowflakes falling. Dylan speaks “ look, Dad, Christmas magic.” END
QUESTION C THE DRAMATIC QUESTION IS ANSWERED IN THE LAST LINE OF DIALOGUE OF THE MOVIE.
-
This reply was modified 3 years, 3 months ago by anna harper.
-
This reply was modified 3 years, 3 months ago by
-
Michael Katz 3rd Pass — NQ 1 and 2
Day 9 Assignment: Adding The First Two Necessary Questions
What I’ve learned doing the assignment is: I had known that every scene should have a purpose, so as we build and develop the outline, specifically dropping in necessary scenes ensures that the movie is properly developed with scenes with purpose.
Concept — A narcissistic scientist invents a revolutionary solar energy system that could end global warming, however, when government spies sabotage his work to protect greedy entrenched interests, it triggers in him a megalomaniac pursuit of world domination that ends tragically in planetary annihilation.
1. THE DRAMATIC QUESTION — keeps us intellectually engaged
Can Victorino gain enough powerful to take over the world so he can install his solar technology?
A. Start Point — Where does the Dramatic Question first get established and how?
– Victorino and Imelyna are discussing his plight, and she thinks he is in quite a dangerous, difficult, or otherwise unfortunate situation. There are unknown powerful forces working against him. Entrenched interests are like cornered, injured animals. Who knows how big, how deep, how nefarious.
– Victorino says the only way to achieve their goal of installing his technology to save the world is to put these greedy corporations out of business once and for all. There are too many of them to go one by one, so he’ll have to handle them as a group. And since they are backed by evil politicians, they have to be dealt with as well.
– How is he going to gain enough power to take over the world?
– He’s gonna just have to take over the world. There’s no two ways about it. That’s all there is to it. Then let’s celebrate! (sex)
B. Compelling Middle Scenes — Showing how Victorino keeps gaining power with increasing intensity
– Commercializing pieces of the his technology, making money, building a business, getting an award, tycoon, trying politics, commercializing more technology, criminal enterprise, partnering with other powerful likeminded people, building lairs, buying political influence
C. End Point — Where does the Dramatic Question finally get answered?
– Victorino’s demonstration is sabotaged again, so he doesn’t have the proof that his technology works.
– And he has no leverage
2. THE MAIN CONFLICT — the increasing fight between the protagonist and antagonist that keeps us worried about what will happen
As Victorino keeps becoming more powerful, powerful interests keep throwing greater and greater obstacles into his way.
A. When does the Main Conflict first show up?
– Victorino decides not to sell his company, so the antagonists sabotage his demonstration and reputation
B. How many ways can you express the Main Conflict throughout the story?
– Run through all the various and increasingly violent ways the Antagonist interferes with Victorino’s rise in power
C. What brings the Main Conflict to a boiling point in the 3rd Act?
– Victorino and POTUS, proxy for the Antagonists, have a showdown at the climax
D. How is the Main Conflict resolved?
– Victorino finally fights back and destroys the Antagonists
ASSIGNMENT
——————–
Apply the first two questions to your outline.
DRAMATIC QUESTION AND MAIN CONFLICT ADDED INTO STRUCTURE
OUTLINE
OPENING SCENE — OPENING IMAGE (Action, interesting, visuals, tone)
EXT. SMALL TOWN PARK — DAY
10-year-old boy Victorino uses the thick lenses of his glasses as a magnifying lens to first pull a splinter from his cat’s paw, but then after being bullied, uses the magnifying lens to burn ants.
INT. CONFERENCE ROOM OF PILOT PLANT — DAY
Potential investors watch a marketing video showing a computer simulation of Victorino’s revolutionary solar energy system, which uses a series of huge magnifying lens in space to beam massive amounts of energy into huge battery receptacles on earth. They want to buy the company from Victorino before the competition gets to see the live demonstration, but Victorino rejects their lowball offer, and is especially offended because they wouldn’t want him continuing on with the project.
DRAMATIC TRIANGLE – START POINT
INT. MAIN INDUSTRIAL SPACE OF PILOT PLANT — LATER
Victorino meets VIP guests in attendance, including Imelyna, a movie star/environmental activist, who is covering the event for her social media. Victorino see someone (Evans) close to the battery receptacle and ushers him away.
MAIN CONFLICT FIRST SHOWS UP — OBSTACLE
INCITING INCIDENT
INT. MAIN SPACE OF PILOT PLANT — CONTINUOUS
Victorino demonstrates a small-scale version of his revolutionary energy magnifier, but when he fires the energy beam into the receptacle, there’s a ricochet of energy that is clearly a mistake, because it glances off Victorino, severely burning him, as well as a few observers who duck out of the way, and pierces a large hole behind through the entire building. Victorino is shocked and shaken, and there is loud chaos in the room.
BY PAGE 10, WE KNOW WHAT THE MOVIE IS ABOUT
INT. MAIN SPACE OF PILOT PLANT — CONTINUOUS
Imelyna joins Victorino as he finds a tiny mirror inappropriately placed inside the battery receptacle. She wonders if it was sabotage as Victorino catches half a glimpse of Evans ducking out the back door. She sees his injury and calls the paramedics.
TURNING POINT – NEW SITUATION FOR VICTORINO – WORLD TURNED UPSIDE DOWN – OPPORTUNITY KNOCKS
MAIN CONFLICT — OBSTACLE
INT. HOSPITAL – LATER
Victornio is bandaged up and released. He goes to check on the other injured people, (maybe his badly injured partner if he has one dies), but the University President stops hm to tell him they are pulling the plug on the project. The police then arrive to arrest Victorino as Imelyna watches him be taken away.
MAIN CONFLICT — OBSTACLE
INT. POLICE STATION – LATER
Victorino defends himself against accusations. He accuses the company he rejected. The police look up the company on the internet, no such company exists. He is released, no charges pending further investigation.
EXT. POLICE STATION – LATER
Imelyna offers to give Victorino a ride home in her limousine. After the sabotage, she worries for his safety.
INT. LIMO – MOMENTS LATER
Imelyna gives him a ride to his house. He falls asleep by the time they arrive as his poor shack, and she tells her driver to go back to the hotel.
DRAMATIC QUESTION START POINT
INT. HOTEL – THE NEXT MORNING
Imelyna begs him not to let the greedy entrenched interests stop his work, but worries that entrenched interests are like cornered, injured animals. Victorino says the only way to achieve their goal of installing his technology is to put these greedy corporations out of business once and for all, and all at once. And since they are backed by evil politicians, she jokes, “so you’re just going to become powerful enough to take over the world?”
INT. HOTEL BED – MOMENTS LATER
Victorino and Imelyna have sex.
INT. LIMO – LATER
Imelyna drops Victorino off at the plant. She invites him to relocate and continue his work under her financing. If he reconsiders, she’ll be leaving later that day.
MAIN CONFLICT — OBSTACLE
END OF FIRST ACT TURNING POINT – change of plans, twist changes his life, sends him on a journey
INT. MAIN SPACE OF PILOT PLANT — CONTINUOUS
Victorino is stunned to find his space empty, and all his work is gone. Thugs with guns chase him from his laboratory. Victorino flees for his life and escapes, and calls Imelyna: What time’s your flight?
ACT IIa – PROGRESS
EXT. Imelyna’s Scandinavian Glacial Estate – DAY
Imelyna takes Victorino on a tour of her family’s land, shows him the effects of global warming, Imelyna says she has starter money, but he’s going to have to commercialize a small piece of the technology so they can finance their enterprise, he jokes “is this where we’re going to build our lair?”
DRAMATIC QUESTION – GAINING POWER
INT. Small Warehouse Laboratory – DAY
Victorino invents a solar panel with a magnifying glass layer – increases energy by 2000% – they plan to sell the device, “it’s incremental change, but it’s only the beginning, but first we’re gonna need a lot of sand”
DRAMATIC QUESTION – GAINING POWER
EXT. Imelyna’s Maldives Estate – DAY
Victorino and Imelyna in bathing suits are lying back in lounge chairs under an umbrella on an empty beach, digging their toes in the fine white powder sand, sipping on a cocktail, “98% pure silica, you sure you want to plunder…this?” “this strip used to be a half mile wide, the beach is shrinking…rather the ocean is rising” “so then is this where we’re going to build our lair?”
DRAMATIC QUESTION – GAINING POWER
INT. Huge Industrial Manufacturing Plant
Business plan, meet HR manager, hiring locals, meet attorney, setting up operations, manufacturing new solar panels, selling by the truckload, montage of expanding business, financial accounts growing, designing innovations, amassing a fortune, growing an empire
DRAMATIC QUESTION – GAINING POWER
INT. MANSION – DAY
Imelyna guides the exponential growth of the company. She secures several huge accounts/projects.
MAIN CONFLICT — OBSTACLE
Attorney mentions 57 patent infringement lawsuits, none real, all designed to settle for a payout or to slow their progress, Victorino says to fight them all.
DRAMATIC QUESTION – GAINING POWER
INT. AWARD CEREMONY – NIGHT
Gala thrown to award Victorino a prestigious technology innovation award
INT. BEDROOM – LATER
Watching the news Victorino was well-received, referring to the video “I like my hair, you know I tried the 3rd day without washing hair and it really does work”, he thinks Imelyna looked so pretty, but he wonders if he should have a makeover to better even out their disparity so they can be a power couple, she says she being dying to make him over but knows how sensitive he can be, she loves to shop, suggests he even contemplate running for political office in order to change the laws to stop the subsidies to fossil fuels, they are both excited from the gala and have sex
DRAMATIC QUESTION – GAINING POWER
INT. MANSION – DAY
Victorino and Imelyna look at business bank accounts, and they are amassing wealth. He is a certifiable tycoon.
Victorino and Imelyna shop for clothes , cars , jewelry, and mansions.
Victorino and Imelyna browse various art galleries, go to auctions, they buy absurd sculptures, paintings, artifacts
MAIN CONFLICT — OBSTACLE
INT. MANSION – DAY
However, suddenly the government passes a red tape law, which Victorino calls his attorney to fight.
MAIN CONFLICT — OBSTACLE
Victorino and Imelyna meet Evans, who they don’t know is a spy, and Victorino is dismissive. They discover their computer system was hacked and some IP was stolen.
DRAMATIC QUESTION – GAINING POWER
INT. MUSEUM – DAY
Victorino and Imelyna hold a charitable function.
DRAMATIC QUESTION – GAINING POWER
INT. CITY HALL – DAY
Victorino announces he is running for political office.
MAIN CONFLICT — OBSTACLE
INT. MANSION – DAY
Victorino is the subject of a fake scandal , ending his political aspirations.
MAIN CONFLICT — OBSTACLE
INT. MANSION – DAY
Victorino has a shipment of goods stalled in port.
MAIN CONFLICT — OBSTACLE
INT. MANSION – DAY
US passes new law increasing subsidies to fossil fuel companies
Victorino kills a regulator
SECOND ACT MID-POINT
Frustrated by lack of progress caused by interference from greedy corporations and politicians, Victorino decides to turn to villainy to pursue vindication and world domination.
ACT 2B – COMPLICATIONS & HIGHER STAKES
DRAMATIC QUESTION – GAINING POWER
INT. LAIR – DAY
Victorino develops a masterplan to give himself finally the upper hand over the antagonists so he can achieve vindication for his revolutionary energy system and vengeance.
DRAMATIC QUESTION – GAINING POWER
INT. LAIR – DAY
Victorino holds a meeting among powerful international bad guys and explains his vision for the organization and world energy domination
Victorino and Imelyna have different realtors in different countries take them on tours of various locations to build secret compounds
INT. LAIR – DAY
Victorino meets with HR to make decisions regarding recruiting lackeys, bodyguards, thugs, and minions
INT. LAIR – DAY
Victorino meets with various experts showing him cutting edge options for computer network, building security, and spy traps
MAIN CONFLICT — OBSTACLE
Evans charms Imelyna.
INT. MANSION – DAY
Imelyna expresses her concern to Victorino, who rationalizes that the ends justify the means. First crack in the Victorino/Imelyna relationship.
INT. LAIR – DAY
Victorino and Imelyna have various exotic animal handlers show them his pet options – sloth, snake, spider, fireflies
DRAMATIC QUESTION – GAINING POWER
Victorino creates a criminal enterprise to progress their agenda.
MAIN CONFLICT — OBSTACLE
INT. MANSION – DAY
Victorino learns one his factories burns to the ground.
DRAMATIC QUESTION – GAINING POWER
Gadget guy demonstrates silly and over-the-top toys for Victorino
MAIN CONFLICT — OBSTACLE
INT. LAIR – DAY
Victorin discovers that his henchman has been murdered after a struggle. And Imelyna has been gone an unusually long time.
INT. MANSION – DAY
When Imelyna returns she says she was out shopping and gives Victorino a new pair of glasses.
MAIN CONFLICT — OBSTACLE
INT. LAIR – DAY
Victorino is alerted that Evans has infiltrated the lair, and bombs destroy the lair. Evans escapes Victorino’s minions.
DRAMATIC QUESTION – GAINING POWER
EXT. PARK – DAY
Victorino buys political influence
MAIN CONFLICT — OBSTACLE
INT. LAIR – DAY
Victorino is baffled by how Evans seems prescient, always finding Victorino around the world at his next lair. He cancels a visit to the battery receptacle because it is too dangerous.
MAIN CONFLICT — OBSTACLE
INT. LAIR – DAY
Victorino and Evans play cat and mouse again at the next lair, but Evans escapes in a flying car.
INT. LAIR – DAY
Because Victorino is suspicious of Imelyna, he tells her that he has captured Evans and put him in the giant glass ant farm torture chamber.
INT. LAIR – DAY
Victorino discovers that Imelyna has betrayed him as she goes to the ant farm to release Evans. Imelyna admits that she can’t control her feelings for Evans. But she still loves Victorino too.
MAIN CONFLICT — OBSTACLE
INT. LAIR – DAY
Bombs interrupt/explode and the compound is on fire. Evans confronts Victorino, and they have a heart to heart discussion. Each thinks the other is evil.
END OF SECOND ACT TURNING POINT
INT. LAIR – DAY
With his masterplan and lairs in ruin, Victorino completes his metamorphosis into a megalomaniac.
CRISIS
INT. LAIR – DAY
Victorino tricks disloyal Imelyna into giving him the space station access password, and then he wounds her so he can escape from Evans into space.
INT. LAIR – DAY
Victorino blasts off in a rocket to his space station in outer space.
DRAMATIC QUESTION – GAINING POWER
INT. SPACESHIP – DAY
Victorino docks at his space station, goes to the bridge, deploys new space solar panels, aligns them to the computer, turns them on, everything is operational
MAIN CONFLICT BOILING POINT — Protagonist vs Antagonists showdown
DRAMATIC QUESTION END POINT – he does not have enough power to take over the world
CLIMAX
INT. SPACESHIP – DAY
Megalomaniac Victorino sits alone in his small space station, and gives POTUS an ultimatum: let him take over the world and install his energy system or he will destroy the planet. The full-scale demonstration of his revolutionary energy magnifier is sabotaged (again!), and the world’s governments try to assassinate him by firing nuclear missiles at him in space. Victorino neutralizes most of the missiles with a wide beam from his giant magnifying lens, but one missile explodes, damaging his space station and injuring him.
MAIN CONFLICT RESOLVED
RESOLUTION
INT. SPACESHIP – DAY
Victorino finally fights back and destroys the Antagonists
In a rage, Victorino turns the magnifier into a weapon of mass destruction and annihilates earth. Victorino: “I’m not the last man on earth. I’m god.” Victorino alternates between maniacal laughter and crying, then silence, then he blasts the man on the moon to smithereens.
-
PS81 – Dana’s 3<sup>rd</sup> Pass – NQ 1 and 2
What I learned during this assignment:
Determining the DM and the MC and inserting those moments into the script made it easier to build momentum toward the Inciting Incident, First and Second Turning Points, Crisis, and the Climax. I realize this is the third pass, but I was still able to see the entire script when I rewrote my outline. Can’t wait to see what I do with the fourth pass.
Concept:
A patient with multiple personality disorder calls a radio psychiatrist and warns that his more dominant and violent personality will kill one member her kidnapped family every hour on air unless she can excise his violent personality before the end of the show.
Dramatic Question:
Is Ellen skilled enough to stop a dangerous patient from murdering her family?
A. Where does the Dramatic Question first get established and how?
Before her show, the station manager talks with Ellen about her low ratings, making her question her abilities as a radio psychiatrist and talk show host.
B. How is the Dramatic Question increased in intensity?
Ellen is unable to confirm her family’s safety after the initial phone call threatening her family and becomes unnerved and distracted during her show.
Her husband calls into the show and confirms on air that he and their daughters have been kidnapped.
The caller’s violent personality is confirmed during his conversation with Ellen.
The caller kills Ellen’s husband on air.
Ellen emotionally breaks down.
C. When does the Dramatic Question finally get answered?
In the 3<sup>rd</sup> Act, after Ellen has drawn out her patient’s manic-depressive personality, she pushes him to kill himself.
Main Conflict:
A patient intends to kill a radio psychiatrist’s kidnapped family on air unless she can excise his violent personality before the end of the show.
A. When does the Main Conflict first show up?
When Ellen receives the initial call from her patient threatening to kill her family.
B. How many ways can you express the Main Conflict throughout the story?
Ellen’s husband calls her show to confirm he and their daughters have been kidnapped.
Ellen desperately tries to plead with the kidnapper to release her family.
The violent personality kills the husband.
C. What brings the Main Conflict to a boiling point in the 3<sup>rd</sup> Act?
Ellen draws out the manic-depressive personality of her patient and pits the two personalities against themselves.
D. How is the Main Conflict resolved?
When Ellen pushes her patient to commit suicide.
STRUCTURE OUTLINE
1. INT./EXT. ELLEN’S CAR – DAY
Ellen is late for work and listening to a competitor’s radio show. She receives a phone call from her producer. Ellen is missing the staff meeting with the station manager. Ellen completely forgot.
Now more anxious, Ellen answers a call from her husband, Roger. His car won’t start, and he’s using Uber to take their daughters to school before he heads to work. But he needs Ellen to pick them up after her radio show. They argue about her work interfering with their family, and when she hangs up, she uses a few harsh words toward her husband.
2. EXT. RADIO STATION – DAY
Ellen parks in the lot and runs inside, grappling with her purse and briefcase.
3. INT. HALLWAY – DAY
Ellen’s producer meets her in a panic. She takes Ellen’s purse and briefcase and hurries Ellen into the conference room.
4. INT. CONFERENC ROOM – DAY
Ellen enters a packed room. Every chair around the table is full. Sheepishly, she sits down, but the meeting is adjourned. She’s mortified.
After everyone leaves, Ellen meets with the station manager. He’s concerned about her ratings. She spends too much time with each caller. She’s no supposed to cure people. She’s supposed to advise them and move on. She needs to get her ratings up them up.
5. INT. ON AIR STUDIO – DAY
Ellen and her producer prepare for her show. Ellen relays the station manager’s meeting. Ellen wonders if she has what it takes to host a radio show. The producer tries to build her confidence. Ellen discusses how she left private practice and disrupted her family for this show.
Two minutes air, her producer takes her seat the production booth. Ellen settles in behind her microphone.
6. INT. PRODUCTION BOOTH – DAY
The station manager enters, and Ellen’s producer scolds him for his poor people skills dealing with Ellen, making her more self-conscience and nervous. He tells the producer he has a replacement already in mind. The station manager hovers to listen to the first call.
7. INT. ON AIR STUDIO – DAY
We hear the show’s intro, and Ellen welcomes her listeners. She’s smooth and in control, but the first call is boring.
8. INT. CONTROL BOOTH – DAY
The station manager leaves, disappointed. The producer screens the next caller, Jason, who suffers from multiple personality disorder. She puts him through immediately.
INCIDINT INDICENT
9. INT. ON AIR STUDIO – DAY
Ellen engages the caller, drawing him out. When she recognizes Jason as an old patient, she advises that it’s inappropriate to continue the conversation. But before she an end the call, Jason informs Ellen that his more dominant and violent personality has kidnapped her family and that he intends to kill one every hour on air unless she excises the personality by the end of the show.
Stunned, not sure how to respond, the producer intercedes for Ellen and disconnects the call and goes to a commercial. Ellen tells her producer how and when she knew the caller.
Ellen grabs the studio phone and call her husband, but no answer. She calls the school to ask about her children.
10. INT. CONTROL BOOTH – DAY
The station manager comes in. He quips about boring calls. Ellen learns her children have not arrived yet. Maybe they’re just late. The school will call when they arrive. She’s concerned and unravelling. Her producer keeps her call. Back on air in 10 seconds.
The station manager leaves to call the police, just as a precaution.
11. INT. ON AIR STUDIO – DAY
Ellen takes the next call, but is clearly distracted, concerned about her family’s safety.
12. INT. POLICE STATION – DETECTIVE SQUAD
Detective Sorenson is assigned the investigation by his lieutenant. He’s alone. His partner’s in court. The lieutenant has no-one else. Sorensen accepts the case believing it’s a snipe hunt. A crank caller to a radio station. Just in case, the lieutenant will get departments ready.
13. INT. ON AIR STUDIO – DAY
Ellen is on air with another caller. During the break, she tries her husband again. Nothing. Calls his work. He hasn’t arrived. And the school still hasn’t called back.
14. INT. FRONT DESK – RADIO STATION – DAY
Sorenson arrives at the station. The station manager greets him, explains the situation. He takes Sorenson to meet Ellen.
15. INT. CONRTOL BOOTH – DAY
Sorenson meets Ellen and reassures her not to worry. He will send units her husband’s work and to her daughter’s school. He interviews her to fill in the gaps.
FIRST TURNING POINT – END OF ACT 1
16. INT. ON AIR STUDIO – DAY
The producer screens another call. It’s Roger, Ellen’s husband. And when he’s put on air, he confirms he and their two daughters have been kidnapped. Ryan, the violent personality, is in control, and he explains the rules of his game. Ryan will only speak to Ellen. The show must never leave the air, even for a commercial.
17. INT. STATION – DAY
Sorenson coordinates the investigation. They need to track the husband’s phone. Put an APB on the patient, Jason and get his patient records. And they need to find the Uber driver.
18. INT. ON AIR STUDIO – DAY
Ellen, in shock, begins pleading with Ryan. She wants to talk to her family. Ryan won’t allow it. Why is he doing this? Because she failed Jason. She abandoned him for the “circus” (radio), and now he – Ryan – is giving her second chance to redeem herself.
19. INT. PLACEHOLDER – DAY
Sorenson conducts the investigation from the radio station. Jason is homeless. Check shelters, hospitals, find someone who knows him who would know where he might be.
20. INT. ON AIR STUDIO – DAY
Ellen doctors her patient as Jason flips back and forth between personalities. The clock is coming up on the first hour. Sorenson – in the control booth – tells her to stall. SWAT is close.
21. INT. PLACEHOLDER – DAY
Sorenson gets a call. They have traced the husband’s phone. SWAT is enroute to the location.
22. INT. SWAT VAN – DAY
The SWAT commander instructs his men on the plan.
23. INT. ON AIR STUDIO – DAY
Ellen is still engaged with Jason, talking him down, stalling, waiting for SWAT.
24. INT. HOUSE – DAY
SWAT team in full gear breaches the front door storms inside.
25. INT. LIVING ROOM – DAY
A man, ducked taped to a chair, tortured, dead. This is the Uber driver.
26. INT. CONTROL BOOTH – DAY
Sorenson gets the call. It’s not Jason. But the husband’s phone is there. Jason/Ryan is using a spoof number.
27. INT. ON AIR STUDIO – DAY
Laughing at the police incompetence, Jason informs Ellen it’s time for her choose which member of her family must die. Unable to choose, Jason threatens one of her daughters, and when Ellen pleads for her not to be harmed, Jason tells her that she has chosen by default.
We hear Jason drag her husband, Roger, into the room. Roger tells Ellen he loves her just before Jason shoots him on air. Jason hangs up, using radio jargon about taking a break.
Ellen flees from the booth, hysterical.
28. INT. CORRIDOR – DAY
Sorenson grabs her, and she falls into his arm on the floor, sobbing out of control. She says she’s going to be sick. He races her to the restroom.
29. INT. RESTROOM – DAY
Sorenson kicks open the door. Ellen falls into a stall and throws up. Sorenson tries to comfort her, to keep her strong. She slaps him hard, taking out her frustration on him. He tells her that Roger may be still alive, they “don’t know what we don’t know.” But now she must be strong for her daughters.
The station manager comes in. The caller is back on the line.
30. INT. ON AIR STUDIO – DAY
Ellen, barely able to speak, sits back down at her microphone to speak with Jason/Ryan. But it’s someone new. A young boy, Bobby. Another personality. She engages Bobby about her husband. Roger is dead in the room. The daughters are in another room.
31. INT. PLACEHOLDER – STATION – DAY
Jason’s patient records are delivered to Sorenson. We see his picture for the first time.
MIDPOINT
32. INT. ON AIR STUDIO – DAY
Ellen falters. She becomes silent, deep in thought. Her producer and station manager are worried. They try to get her to engage Bobby. Sorenson enters. Everyone is concerned.
A determined, almost sinister visage appears in Ellen’s eyes. She speaks with Bobby about Jason, about his past personalities, specifically one named William. Does Bobby remember William? The others wonder what she’s doing.
33. INT. CONTROL BOOTH – DAY
Sorenson opens Jason’s patient file and reads. He’s stunned by what he reads. William is a manic-depressive personality. And suicidal. Sorenson realizes what Ellen plans to do.
He warns Ellen that her strategy is dangerous and ill-advised.
34. INT. ON AIR STUDIO – DAY
Ellen, still engaged with Bobby, gives Sorenson and the others a vengeful glare. She’s determined to save her daughters – her way. And she tries to pull out William’s personality.
35. INT. PLACEHOLDER – DAY
Sorenson receives a call from Jason’s sister living in Memphis. She tells Sorenson everything she knows. Will she talk to her brother on air?
36. INT. ON AIR STUDIO – DAY
Ellen learns Jason’s sister has called and puts her on air. Ellen listens to Jason’s sister tearfully plead for him to stop, breaking down Ellen emotions. But she remains resolute, reaching deeper into Jason to pull out William.
37. INT. RADIO STATION – DAY
Sorenson receives call from the department. They have a lead on Jason based on the information from the sister. But they need time.
SECOND ACT TURNING POINT
38. INT. ON AIR STUDIO – DAY
William is now speaking to Ellen. She pushes him into a depressive state, and although anguished by the harm she’s causing to her patient, Ellen tells him that the only way for him to have peace is to kill himself. William pleads for Ellen to stop, pushing her to her own limits.
CRISIS: Ryan intercedes again, realizing what Ellen is attempting to do, and threatens to kill one of her daughters.
39. INT. CORRIDOR – DAY
Sorenson on the phone. They have a fix on Jason, and units are on the way.
40. EXT. BRIDGE – DAY
The SWAT van and police cars, lights on, racing to the location.
41. INT. ON AIR STUDIO – DAY
Ellen pits the two personalities against one another. They flip back and forth, gun in hand, fighting for dominance.
Sorenson signals five minutes away.
42. INT. SWAT VAN – DAY
The SWAT team is getting ready.
43. INT. ON AIR STUDIO – DAY
Ellen pushes William to take control, to save her daughters, not to let Ryan win.
44. INT. CORRIDOR – DAY
Sorenson on his phone. SWAT is almost there. Minutes away. Sorensen yelling they’re out of time.
45. INT. ON AIR STUDIO – DAY
Ellen pushing hard. The two personalities yelling, one then the next, like two people arguing. William pleads for Ellen to stop. Ellen pleads for him to save his daughters.
Silence. Then…
The gun goes off. Then nothing. Ellen stands, staring that the others. They all wait, holding their breathes. We hear SWAT kick the door. Noise. Confusion. The call drops. Nothing.
A moment later, Sorenson bursts into the studio. Jason is dead. Her daughters are safe. Ellen collapses.
46. EXT. RADIO STATION – DAY
Press and photographer surround the station. Sorenson walks Ellen to a waiting car. She’s wrapped in a blanket, emotionally drained.
47. INT. CAR – DAY
The car pulls away from the station. Ellen looks back at Sorenson who’s watching her leave. She places her hand against the glass to wave goodbye.
48. EXT. RADIO STATION – DAY
Sorenson watches Ellen drive away. Camera flashes and questions assail him.
49. INT. POLICE STATION – DAY
Sorenson enters the squad room. The detectives stand and applaud. He’s given a heroes’ welcome. His lieutenant tells him to take the rest of the day.
Sorenson sits at his desk as everyone gets back to work. He receives a call, a physician from a local clinic. The physician tells Sorenson that he had been holding Jason for observation at his clinic under a different name for the past 10 days. Confused, Sorenson opens his computer. What’s the name? Randy Armstrong. He’s in the system. Sorensen types in the other name.
COMPUTER SCREEN: Jason’s picture pops up under Randy Armstrong. The physician didn’t put the face to the name until he saw Jason’s picture television.
Frantic, Sorenson opens Jason’s patient file. He scans the names of his other personalities.
INSERT JASON’S FILE. Sorenson’s finger drags down the page and finds Randy Armstrong listed as one of Jason’s other personalities.
The physician tells Sorenson that Randy was released an hour before Ellen’s family was kidnapped and picked up by Uber matching the dead Uber driver’s car.
Sorenson suddenly realizes there had to be someone else involved.
CUT TO BLACK
DISSOLVE TO:
50. EXT. CITY SCAPE – MORNING
VOICE OVER: A morning talk show host is talking about Dr. Ellen. A week has now passed. One caller agrees with what Ellen did. Another doesn’t. The next caller tells the host he loves the host’s show. It’s Ryan, who says, “I’m a long times listener. First time caller.”
-
[PS81] Antonio Flores’s 3rd Pass — NQ 1 and 2.
What I’ve learned:
That thanks to peers feedback the entertainment value of the narrative keeps improving. It is important to be succinct so it is easy to spot the weak points and find how the structure offers opportunities to improve.
ASSIGNMENT
——————–
Apply the first two questions to your outline.
1. Tell us your concept.
A cheerleader fights in the underground MMA to rescue her fiancé, a fighter abducted and poisoned by criminals to steal a secret that he keeps – now she must win the antidote in a deadly cage tournament.
2. Tell us your Dramatic Question and the answers to these questions:
Can Parisa become a fighter, win the poison’s antidote and get her fiancé back?
A. Where does the Dramatic Question first get established and how?
After her fiancé gets abducted, Parisa’s steps in the underground MMA cage for an “audition.” She gets badly beaten.
B. How is the Dramatic Question increased in intensity?
Every night in the underground octagon fights, Parisa gets punched, spits the mouthpiece out, bites the canvas, and concedes to her opponents.
One night, while searching for her fiancé, Parisa bumps into RUTHLESS a brawny fighter that she may have to meet in the octagon. Parisa fears that day… and that day comes in the opening of the tournament.
C. Where does the Dramatic Question finally get answered?
Parisa fights in the octagon with the Ruler’s favorite, Shahnaz. She wins the antidote, but gets badly hurt.
3. Tell us your Main Conflict and the answers to these questions:
The Ruler is determined to steal the secret, he has imprisoned and poisoned Parisa’s fiancé, now he is playing games to subdue their will and torture their spirit.
A. When does the Main Conflict first show up?
Opening: In an underground MMA octagon cage, Parisa’s fiancé BAHADUR faces a massive, muscle-packed fighter. He looks disoriented. There is a cut in his arm. On the opponent’s corner, A MAN IN A TUNIC holds up a knife and grins. Poison. Later, a TEXT PREVIEW displays on Parisa’a cellphone screen. Parisa’s uncle, MMA manager, Sylvain informs: “I’M SORRY. HE’S GONE. THEY TOOK HIM”. Parisa wipes her tears and texts back: ‘HELP ME. I MUST FIND HIM.”
B. How many ways can you express the Main Conflict throughout the story?
- No long after Philip rescues Badahur from the MMA facility, they get ambushed.
- They are imprisoned somewhere in the middle of the desert.
- They need to win the final match of the tournament to get the poison’s antidote.
- Philip gets killed. Badahur gets weaker and weaker due to the poison. Their only hope is Parisa, who is just a fearful cheerleader, not a real MMA fighter.
- The Ruler changes the tournament rules without notice.
- When Parisa is close to win the match, the Ruler changes the rules: he demands Parisa to kill the opponent.
- When Parisa refuses to kill, a gun points at her fiancé, forcing Parisa to choose. Badahur snatches the gun and fires at Parisa’s opponent— just to find that the gun was empty. They were played on.
- Parisa and her fiancé know that the Ruler wants the secret that Bahadur keeps, so even by winning the tournament, their escape is pretty much unlikely. The future is unpredictable. There is no escape.
C. What brings the Main Conflict to a boiling point in the 3rd Act?
Parisa fights an opponent who is much stronger than her… and wins the antidote, but gets badly hurt. It’s the end for her. She dies.
D. How is the Main Conflict resolved?
Before getting killed, Philip managed to send a message out, but nobody knew if it went through for sure until now. DRONE SQUAD and soldiers arrive. The Ruler is busted. Badahur urges paramedics to help the lifeless woman in his arms.
4. Fill in the events you’ve discovered during this process. List out your outline as you did in Day 7.
1. Opening
INT. GYM — NIGHT
PARISA, a lonely woman, gets up on a treadmill. Pictures on the wall show memories of her career as cheerleader and coach.
INT. UNDERGROUND MMA FACILITY — OCTAGON CAGE
Parisa’s fiancé BAHADUR faces SHAHNAZ, a massive, muscle-packed fighter. Bahadur is in a daze. There is a cut in his arm. On the opponent’s corner, A MAN IN A TUNIC holds up a knife and grins. Poison.
2. Inciting Incident
INT. GYM — NIGHT
A TEXT PREVIEW displays on Parisa’a cellphone screen. Parisa’s uncle, MMA manager, SYLVAIN says: “I’M SORRY. HE’S GONE. THEY TOOK HIM”. Parisa wipes her tears and texts back: ‘HELP ME. I MUST FIND HIM.”
3. By page 10, you know what the movie is about.
INT. UNDERGROUND MMA FACILITY — OCTAGON CAGE
Parisa’s uncle, MMA manager, Sylvain introduces her to the underground MMA ringmasters. Parisa gets in the cage for an “audition.” She gets badly beaten, but the ringmasters want her great looks on the show. They sign her in.
4. First turning point at end of Act 1
INT. SYLVAIN’S CAR — DAY
Parisa wonders how long it will take for her to develop MMA fighter skills. Sylvain persuades her to try dance. Skeptical, she first refuses, but then…
INT. COLLAGE: DANCE LESSONS — DAY
Parisa takes dance lessons with coaches who, unbeknownst to her, are masters of Chinese Shuaijiao (wrestling) and Brazilian Capoeira.
INT. COLLAGE: MARTIAL ARTS LESSONS — DAY
The masters build up martial arts strengths from her cheerleader attributes: agility, coordination and sense of space-time, fast-twitch explosive power muscles, and more.
INT. COLLAGE: UNDERGROUND MMA FACILITY — OCTAGON CAGE
Parisa’s performance improves from being punched, spitting the mouthpiece, and tapping the opponent; to… kicking the opponent’s butt, getting her arm raised by the referee, winning by decision.
5. Mid-Point
INT. UNDERGROUND MMA FACILITY — UNDERGROUND MAZE — NIGHT
As Parisa searches for her fiancé, she bumps into RUTHLESS, a brawny female fighter, who warns her not to ever mess around with her.
INT. UNDERGROUND MMA FACILITY — UNDERGROUND MAZE — NIGHT
Meanwhile, PHILIP, Bahadur’s alleged runaway partner, finally gets Bahadur out of captivity.
EXT. UNDERGROUND MMA FACILITY — NEARBY STREET
Parisa follows them. They get ambushed and imprisoned.
6. Second turning point at end of Act 2
INT. CARGO CONTAINER — NIGHT
They get transported to somewhere in the middle of the desert. Bahadur fills Parisa with all details about his abduction, the poison, Philip, and that breaking up was a way to protect her.
EXT. DESSERT – RULER’S PLACE – DAY
Parisa, Bahadur, and Philip meet THE RULER, leader of the criminal organization that uses the underground MMA fights as a screen. To win the poison’s antidote, they must win the final match.
EXT. DESSERT – UNDERGROUND TRAINING CAMP – DAY
Parisa trains under the guidance of Bahadur and Philip. Philip wants to seduce Parisa. She rejects him.
7. Crisis
EXT. DESSERT – UNDERGROUND TRAINING CAMP – NIGHT
Philip figures out that by reducing Bahadur’s medicine dose, he can kill him and get Parisa.
EXT. DESSERT – UNDERGROUND MMA CAGE – DAY
Parisa fights Ruthless in the first match of the tournament. Parisa gets the upper hand, but the Ruler changes the rules, demanding Parisa to kill her opponent. When she refuses to kill, a gun points at her fiancé. Badahur snatches the gun and fires at Parisa’s opponent— just to find that the gun was empty. They were played on.
EXT. DESSERT – UNDERGROUND TRAINING CAMP – DAY
Bahadur realizes that the tournament is part of a plan to curb their spirit. The three plan to steal a cellphone and send a message out. The plan works, but when Philip is about to press the “SEND” button, a bullet kills him.
8. Climax
EXT. DESSERT – UNDERGROUND MMA CAGE – DAY
Bahadur is too weak to fight. Parisa enters the octagon with the Ruler’s favorite, Shahnaz. She wins the antidote, but gets badly hurt. It’s the end for her.
EXT. DESSERT – UNDERGROUND TRAINING CAMP – DAY
A DRONE SQUAD and soldiers arrive. Philip’s message went through! The Ruler is busted. Badahur urges paramedics to help the lifeless woman in his arms.
9. Resolution
INT. GYM — DAY
Badahur quietly rolls a wheelchair into the gym where Parisa’s old cheerleaders team rehearse. Still bruised, but recovering, Parisa shares her discovery with her former students.
-
This reply was modified 3 years, 3 months ago by Antonio Flores.
-
This reply was modified 3 years, 3 months ago by Antonio Flores.
-
Alice’s 3rd Pass — NQ 1 and 2
What I’ve learned doing this assignment is
Applying questions to outline might serve as a tuning fork, not to forget the core behind actions.
Apply the first two questions to your outline.
1. Tell us your concept.
In time of Separation, an artificial death protecting Advanced West society of Planet MIROPOLIS, workers of Research Institute get massacred, to create “new weapon”, interests clash, judge sentences wrongdoer at scandalous process, Separates, his subtle image reflected on video, his advice to filter people and expel outcastes is taken into practice…
2. Tell us your Dramatic Question and the answers to these questions:
Dramatic Question: transition of society into techno epoch
A. Where does the Dramatic Question first get established and how?
At the Opening Scene, as Representation of SEPARATION. They communicate with nano-consciousness.
B. How is the Dramatic Question increased in intensity?
We follow people from Research Institute, see cases of Separation, or use of point-atomic weapon
C. Where does the Dramatic Question finally get answered?
At the court, as justification not of harmful scientific acts
3. Tell us your Main Conflict and the answers to these questions:
Main Conflict: is social, in between of castes
A. When does the Main Conflict first show up?
As protagonist has relationships with his lover, they experience reaction of others (pros and contras: he isn’t really loved by her, as she is that independent, he doesn’t try enslave her, etc. But main thing they don’t believe that they can stay together, or hate it and expect them drop on each other)
B. How many ways can you express the Main Conflict throughout the story
By attitude of a crowd, when he asks where is she
By attitude of her neighbor who assures him, she left
By repulsion of Police Officer, refusing to accept his outlook on missing cases at RI
C. What brings the Main Conflict to a boiling point in the 3rd Act?
Antagonist is blamed also for massacred Protagonist, young and talented scientist, belonged to better population of the West, given benefits of Separation
D. How is the Main Conflict resolved?
Their social system changes, and they start filtering population and send outcastes into restricted reservations
OPENING SCENE:
Representation (Visuals) of how SEPARATION (an artificial nano death, insinuated by signal from human brain of the bearer, whereas face and chest are separated symmetrically by vertical line), works. Inside perspective. Life stream as if moves on another rails. “What new qualities did you acquire?” “I can move walls apart!”
EXT. TOP OF RESIDENTIAL – DAY
There is a basin on the roof, and man is fishing.
EXT. ON A PLANE
On a flight back home from resort area. At the North of Planet MIROPOLIS. Plane is to cross a length of seawater from resort area on another Archipelago back to the West Shore.
INT. PROTAGONIST’S APPARTMENT – DAY
Phone rings, as he returns. That is Director of Research institute with assignment for him to be prepared by Monday.
INCITING INCIDENT:
One of the files appears to be dark, he cannot open it.
EXT. CITY STREET – NIGHT
He picks taxi up.
EXT. BEFOR GATES OF RESEARCH INSTITUTE – NIGHT
He jumps out of taxi, running inside.
INT. LOBBY OF RESEARCH INSTITUTE – NIGHT
He quickly exchanges with night guard about reasons him coming at night.
INT. OFFICE – NIGHT
He opens file on computer. Printer doesn’t work, lacking paper.
INT. CORRIDOR – NIGHT
As he rummages at closet, he is encountered by security guard. They exchange, guard continues along the corridor.
INT. OFFICE – NIGHT
As he keeps working, radiophone beeps. “I love you” This is Kiat.
INT. SOMEONE’S BEDROOM – MORNING
Alarm works. Man jumps from bed.
INT. OFFICE – MORNING
As Protagonist looks into window, he can see this man, one of lab workers, coming. Kiat is still not there.
INT. CORRIDOR OF RESEARCH INSTITUTE – MORNING
Amid couple of others, Hero walks now noisy corridor of Research Institute, holding his documents. Woman of rather small height passes him, walking at another direction. He turns after her, looking at her back. “Is it Anaupsh?”
FIRST TURNING POINT:
His girlfriend is missing amid personnel “Where is Kiat?” Other lab workers shed look on him, as if he’s been cheated, or dropped by
INT. BACK ROOM – MORNING
Kiat is murdered by someone looking like Anaupsh and one or two more people.
INT. OFFICE – DAY
Hero calls Kiat. She doesn’t pick it up, and leaves a message.
INT. PROTAGONIST’S APPARTMENT – NIGHT
He looks at the watch, – she didn’t call back.
INT. LANDING BEFORE KIAT’S APPARTMENT – DAY
Kiat’s neighbor says, Kiat doesn’t live here anymore, was absent for two days (as they been on weekend)
INT. LANDING BEFORE KIAT’S APPARTMENT – DAY
Kiat’s neighbor confirms, Kiat moved away. He doesn’t believe her.
INT. KIAT’S APPARTMENT – DAY
Police helps with the door. Money, clothes, and documents appear intact. Police officer implies, maybe she flied across the boundary.
INT. AUDITORY – DAY
Protagonist before the crowd of workers of Research Institute. As he talks of Kiat went missing without anyone giving much attention, he is considered by crowd, as unsuccessful lover. One man says, he had seen Kiat that day. And that couple of people took a leave.
INT. RESIDENTIAL – DAY
Protagonist comes by the address of one of those who took leave. His neighbors says, he left not saying goodbye.
INT. OFFICE – DAY
Disturbed man comes, searching for his missing wife, who worked at RI. Protagonist warns him not to come back in here, as his wife is possibly killed.
INT. SOCIAL SERVICES – EVENING
Protagonist is waiting to see an officer, but changes his mind, and walks away.
EXT. STREET PHONE BOOTH – DAY
Hero calls to secret police man of his acquaintance, but drops the phone.
INT. DIRECTOR’S OFFICE – DAY
Director is some kind of a friend to Protagonist, and tries to give him sick leave when he says, one of the missing was his girlfriend. As protagonist tries to prove it is necessary to search the labs, Anaupsh enters. She is the head of development lab of DNA research. After her comes her assistant, tall freak, not young anymore. Hero remarks on strong body of Anaupsh and metallic plate, stuck at her sandal. Director lets him go. As he leaves, he observes them for a while, talking at the office.
EXT. BEFORE DIRECTOR’S – DAY
He walks out of the building, and strolls away.
INT. DIRECTOR’S OFFICE – DAY
Director is murdered. Blood on the table. Anaupsh opens his cabinet with electronic key. Unlocks computer and washes out files from the list with info on exp from her lab. Her assistant rolls Director’s body in blue plastic.
INT. AUDITORY – DAY
Protagonist before crowd of RI’s workers. A couple more of people left, Head of one lab, and also Director is on leave.
INT. PROTAGONIST’S APPARTMENT – DAY
Hero calls at Director’s. His wife says, he called her to say he drops on her, and asks for his stuff to be sent over the ocean.
INT. JUDGE’S APPARTMENT – DAY
His son wants to go fishing on the roof. But glances at the face of his old father and small daughter, and remains.
INT. JUDGE’S APPARTMENT – EVENING
They peacefully making a tea.
INT. LIBRARY OF RESEARCH INSTITUTE – DAY
Protagonist accidentally runs on Anaupsh. He notices there is nor metallic plate stuck in her sandal any longer.
INT. RI’S CORRIDOR OF HERO’S DREAM – NIGHT
He’s having nightmare. Woman screams “He died from horror!”
INT. HERO’S BEDROOM – MORNING
He awakes from his nightmare.
INT. SOMEONE’S BEDROOM – MORNING
Alarm didn’t work. Man jumps from bed on his own, when it is too late.
EXT. BEFORE THE GATES OF RESEARCH INSTITUTE – MORNING
Protagonist meets with that man before gates. They exchange. Man works in the lab at the same area, where people get disappearing.
INT. BACK ROOM – DAY
This man is tied up, his moth stuck. One scientist enters, and sees the picture. Assistant shoots him from the back, but he already separated. Now they cannot use his body.
INT. OFFICE – DAY
Protagonist is having conversation with his friend, head of another lab, who complains, he has no one to report.
EXT. TRAIN STATION – EVENING
His friend is waiting for the train. Some figure is as if in the mist, over the distance.
INT. TRAIN – EVENING
Relieved, he boards the train, and takes his seat on the bench.
INT. POLICE OFFICE – EVENING
Protagonist persuades police officer about missing cases. Officer manifests with negativity, as Hero is clearly a developed caste, and sends him packing.
INT. CORRIDOR OF RI – EVENING
Protagonist picks up at the note, dropped on the floor. It is left by his friend about report. He jums paper in his fist, seeing his friend is gone!
INT. HERO’S APPARTMENT – NIGHT
He awakes because someone is behind the door to his room.
MIDPOINT
EXT. STREET PHONE BOOTH – DAY
Hero calls his acquaintance at secret service, demanding they would say if missing cases were their job.
INT. HERO’S JOURNALIST BROTHER APPARTMENT – NIGHT
Protagonist visits his brother. He’s journalist, and keeps writing, even as they speak.
EXT. POLICE CAR – NIGHT
Police watches him over distance, listening to conversation with antenna.
INT. HERO’S JOURNALIST BROTHER APPARTMENT
Protagonist relates to his brother about missing cases.
INT. JUDGE’S APPARTMENT – DAY
TV news. “In one of huge institutions people get disappear in one of the area of the lab works” Judge remarks that’s where his sister works.
INT. PROTAGONIST’S APPARTMENT – DAY
Hero watches the news.
EXT. STREET PHONE BOOTH – DAY
Journalist calls his brother to learn of impression. Hero is dissatisfied, saying, his report was misleading at broadcast.
INT. ANAUPSH’S LAB – DAY
Anaupsh answers the phone.
INT. JUDGE’S APPARTMENT – DAY
Judge drops it down, hearing her voice.
INT. ANAUPSH’S LAB – DAY
Anaupsh remarks that been her brother checking on her after watching the news, and she is OK. Sexy girl an assistant persuades how some people really disappeared. Anaupsh observes this girl’s sexy body.
INT. VIEW OF CLOSET FROM INSIDE – DAY
This sexy girl is rummaging at the closet, as someone closes her mouth, and picks her up from behind. That is her boyfriend who places a date with her.
INT. CAFE – NIGHT
Girl is waiting for him, but he doesn’t turn out.
EXT. CITY STREET – NIGHT
She leaves cafe and starts strolling along the street. Car stops, Anaupsh opens the door. Girl looks inside and sees her boyfriend, dead. She starts losing herself. Gets inside, and strokes his hair, then vomits.
INT. LOBBY OF RESEARCH INSTITUTE – NIGHT
They pass by night guard, posing her boyfriend as drunk.
INT. ANAUPSH’S LAB – NIGHT
Anaupsh proposes to restore him by the help of her work she conducted experiment for. She opens door to back room for her. Girl sees there construction from parts of human bodies and drops on the floor.
INT. OFFICE – DAY
Control group, in amount of one aged man and young lady sent by organization comes to check at what is happening at Research Institute.
INT. ANAUPSH’S LAB – DAY
As Anaupsh tries to make her way through the talk, they ask her of the area, as they can see on a map. Then assistant hits man from behind unconscious. But girl puts a gun on them. At this moment secret door opens from inside, by Anaupsh’ another girl assistant. Girl turns away at its direction, and male assistant blows her gun away.
INT. BACK ROOM – DAY
They both are beaten up, unconscious.
INT. SOME LAB – DAY
Protagonist on his way around to check labs meets opposition from aged scientist.
INT. DYNAMICS LAB – EVENING
Two guys in this lab tell Hero, how they protect with guns. They assured him they are waiting for those who do this to come, and don’t lock the doors.
INT. CORRIDOR OF RI – MORNING
Protagonist passes by Dynamics Lab, its door seems closed. He tries it, and it opens, room same as it was, no men.
SECOND TURNING POINT:
Protagonist gets contacted by secret service officer. He affirms they also lost a number of people on Institute’s ground, and that he was afraid to pass inside.
INT. SECRET SERVICE OFFICE – EVENING
That officer who spoke with scientist reports to top officer, as that one receives a call with indications from above. Not to do much. Top officer remarks that might be correct approach. Let everyone be gone, apart from one left, who’ve done it.
INT. CORRIDOR OF RESEARCH INSTITUTE – EVENING
Strolling along, Protagonist looks into open lab and sees there girl assistant of Anaupsh rummaging through documents. She says she had to sort that out.
INT. CORRIDOR OF RESEARCH INSTITUTE – NIGHT
Walking past Anaupsh’s lab, Protagonist can hear noise behind the wall, something knocks. He is surprised.
INT. LOBBY OF RESEARCH INSTITUTE – NIGHT
Night guard confirms everyone from that lab are gone for the night.
INT. ANAUPSH’S LAB – MORNING
Hero waits for Anaupsh to come, to check her lab. She lets him in, saying it’s development nocking.
CRISIS:
She opens back room for him, and he can see huge animated construction, composed from human bodies, managed by DNA exchange. He recognizes it here and there. Passes out.
EXT. BACK STREET – EVENING
Officer who came to RI calls his top officer, saying, scientist does not answer his calls. He drops the phone and turns to go away, but is shot from behind a corner out of vehicle.
INT. SECRET SERVICE OFFICE – EVENING
Top officer gets notified, his employee went arrested for interest in this case. He is stunned. Upon consideration, exits office via back door.
EXT. OUTSIDE OF SECRET SERVICE OFFICE – EVENING
Top officer gets out, considers cars nearby, walks down, and is shot from behind.
CLIMAX:
Anaupsh presents her work at symposium. Two scientists at presidium get alarmed, but Anaupsh smartly lets her creation into outside world, to float at the sky. They sound alarm then.
EXT. CITY SCAPE – EVENING
Judge’s son again strolls along the roof with fishing line and barrel. View of monsters in the sky makes him lose his step and he falls from the edge of the roof. He succeeds at holding at some architectural pieces down there, as monster comes rather closer to his view. Aircraft dispatch comes on helicopters, and spreads point-direct atomic weapon at the creature. Keeping his hold, he starts sneezing, and endeavors turn away or shield somehow.
INT. COURT – DAY
As Judge heads ahead to preside, he is blamed into back. Everyone knows that is his sister in the process, who he is going now justify.
RESOLUTION:
Anaupsh and her assistants are facing the court. Judge keeps asking questions in such a way that he uncovers her rotten nature. He then says, he’s unsure of what punishment, and that how, maybe, even if his kids, but separate somehow away into zones people of such kind so that they won’t be able to do crimes of such scape. Anaupsh observes him, and suddenly says “Don’t Separate!” He looks back at her, and as if from opposition, separates. His face moves apart, leaving narrow space, vertical, and smooth, leading into depth of the head, as other parts also have moved. As he continues to sit at same pose, common with Separation, across the room passes gush of astonishment. His subtle body, recognizable, consciously moves along the middle, to exit the court.
EXT. SITY STREET – DAY
Journalist brother of late scientist watches street screens, streaming the process. He immediately recognizes, what it is going to be.
INT. JUDGE’S APPARTMENT – EVENING
His son gets interviewed.
INT. EDITORIAL OFFICE – NIGHT
Late Protagonist’s journalist brother gets criticized by his editor. What would people think of Separation after reading “Man after Separating, walked along the ail?”
EXT. CONSTRUCTION CITE – DAY
People with strict faces are at building construction, meant for outcastes.
“First Social Services were doing it, then when jails went full, they got that wasn’t enough, and called in military…”
Part 2
1. Tell us your concept.
Concept:
…after reservations for outcastes are created, trained WARDS are to bring qualified back to society,
Born in reservation, LENA witnesses her Ward’s death, runaways, gets escorted by high rang military, becomes his lover, as anyone around undergo danger of being marked as “outcastes”.
2. Tell us your Dramatic Question and the answers to these questions:
Dramatic Question: where they go with zones
A. Where does the Dramatic Question first get established and how?
MIROPOLIS is shown seventy years later, when they have zone rservations
B. How is the Dramatic Question increased in intensity?
Inside of Zone there no rules. Crimes won’t be punished. But wards are prohibited to use weapon on civil inside of a zone, or they get sentenced. Initial idea was to bring qualified back from reservations
C. Where does the Dramatic Question finally get answered?
On an example of young military who becomes ward, sacrificing himself, as it is up to us
3. Tell us your Main Conflict and the answers to these questions:
Main Conflict: Society under civil war, Building world upon new rules
A. When does the Main Conflict first show up?
At Hotel #1, as two military come to expose Son of Main Commander
B. How many ways can you express the Main Conflict throughout the story?
With two officers at a Hotel
At the lobby of Hotel when he tries to make a phone call
At a Hospital
As they are saved by regiment
At Hotel #2 when they are exposed by camera watch
As they arrest till morning
As ward gets sentenced
C. What brings the Main Conflict to a boiling point in the 3rd Act?
Main Hero Separates
D. How is the Main Conflict resolved?
It’s up to us
They would continue with reservations
OPENING SCENE: Destruction of Black Archipelago by atomic weapon.
INCITING INCIDENT: Ward choses residence to be dispatched to.
INT. RESIDENTIAL ZONE – DAY
Ward unlocks his new apartment, belonged prior to his predecessor.
INT. WARD’S APARTMENT – DAY
Le-na visits him. She never takes a bath, to repel other residents.
FIRST TURNING POINT: He hides Le-na in his apartment behind locked doors. They start to be intimate. They take shower together, but he only does superficial sex.
MIDPOINT: His window is bulletproof, but door has space underneath. After knocking at his locked door didn’t help, residents put smoke via this opening. Ward then streams water outside.
SECOND TURNING POINT: Helicopter brings boxes with goodies. Ward unlocks the door. Le-na’s bitch mother comes asking for her. Ward replies, he put a report, and Le-na is to be evacuated back to outside world. Freaking aged guy jumps inside, asking to be taken back also, offering money. Ward refuses. Freak shoots him down to death.
Le-na’s family members run in, starting robbing apartment, goodies box first. “Why did you wash yourself?” screams bitch mother. She checks her, and sees, she is still virginal. Then she rapes her, pushing small bottle inside. Le-na passes out.
CRISIS: Le-na awakes. Room is robbed of everything. She sees Ward in the spirit, as subtle image in the room. Then they communicate. He says, Le-na must prepare to kill her mother, as she comes back. She looks around, and sees nothing like a weapon. He keeps going “see this barrel? There is an acid in it, if to poor it upon a person, he would die!” Le-na picks up large barrel, right when her mother’s steps are heard. As that one enters, she splashes acid on her.
Ward directs her to pick up report and go upstairs.
INT. ATTIC – DAY
Vast room with glass ceiling along the walls has special mail boxes, one for each apartment. Le-na puts report into mail box, and pulls at lever. Via glass walls one can see how report swiftly goes upward, beyond the roof.
Girl new comer descends stairs. She demonstrative lay approaches Le-na. Takes gun out. They fight. Le-na uses martial skills she picked up from Ward. She blows gun away, picks it up and shoots girl down.
Ward directs her to run on the roof, where there must be a helicopter that brought new comer.
CLIMAX: Le-na runs up to the pilot and deceives him, saying she was brought down to restricted zone by mistake. She promises him her parents would pay him!
RESOLUTION: EXT. HELICOPTER CABIN – EVENING
They take into air. Pilot asks for her address. “Quiet Street, Small House!” Le-na says. Pilot gets he was deceived. “Point gun at him!” says Ward’s voice. Le-na puts gun on him. His radio works, and Le-na screams for pilot. Man on that end of the line hears female voice.
INCITING INCIDENT: INT. TECHNO STATION – EVENING
Le-na is picked up by high rang military. She recognizes him being special, and tries to pull shirt away from his back, to see if there isn’t body mark as well.
FIRST TURNING POINT: INT. HOTEL ROOM – NIGHT
They become intimate.
INT. HOTEL ROOM – NIGHT
Servant rolls in table with refreshment and some wine bottles, as he gets astonished, seeing Le-na standing totally naked amid the room.
INT. HOTEL ROOM – NIGHT
Two officers come to expose her lover. They have a moment and exchange names. He says, he’s a Son of Main Commander, which is his rang.
MIDPOINT: INT. HOTEL’S LOBBY – NIGHT
Son of Main Commander descends with Le-na into lobby. He directs her to wait him at the glass doors. And tries to place a phone call, but line is dead. “You will pay me for that! “ he says to hotel’s owner. And receives a blow.
INT. HOSPITAL COMPARTMENT – NIGHT
Son of Main Commander awakes, Le-na sits near. “How did you do that?” She says she used street phone and asked for the Father the Main Commander.
Nurse enters, behaving suspiciously. Then Le-na picks up small bottle, and says “In this bottle there is an acid. I will pour it over you, and you will die!” Nurse looks at the bottle and starts laughing.
He calls for regiment, then they lock inside the room.
They hear noise outside at the corridor, that being small military dispatch. He likes the voice of some young officer, and they unlock for them. Commanding officer of dispatch freaks out and get tied up by his own soldiers. Then young officer takes on himself commandment. He reports, they are surrounded by enemies. Son of Main Commander recognizes him as careerist. Enemies being regiment he called for.
EXT. AT HELICOPTERS – MORNING
As they are on the go to helicopter, saved by regiment, he arguments with regiment commander.
SECOND TURNING POINT: INT. HOTEL ROOM – NIGHT.
As they are staying at the hotel, now a couple, he sits on bed in clothes. Le-na reacts and after pulling his socks away, washing her hands, picks up bottle and pushes inside sex organs. He catches at her and hits. “Why have you done it?” She explains, she no longer has blood (she’ s lucking, and he is indifferent). He laughs with joy, explaining that is a pregnancy.
Their activity is overlooked by man in bright lit window across the street. He threatens them, gesturing, and dresses up to go out.
CRISIS: INT. HOTEL CORRIDOR – NIGHT
It appears, Hotel was stuffed with video cameras to observe tenants, by agreement of that man across the street and Hotel owner. Military came, and all tenants get out of their rooms. As Son of Main Commander arguments matter with Commanding Officer, that one freaks out and gets tied up by his own soldiers. Soldiers get lost, but one of them, still young, and with shrieking voice, starts giving commands.
CULMINATION:
One of cameras made video of something white in dark lobby. Hotel owner suddenly gets ill and is escorted to his room by two soldiers. Others search the rooms, and uncover body of ten years old daughter of Hotel owner. Tenant of that room dies right there, poisoning oneself till foam out of the mouth, and slides down the wall. After they turn away two technicians coming to pick up someone qualified as outcastes, real psychologist comes. He turns to be an aged man, experienced and talkative. He exchanges addresses with boy with shrieking voice, promises to distressed woman degree in psychology and new job.
RESOLUTION: INT. HOTEL ROOM – MORNING
Le-na again looks into window. There is wife of that man, now arrested, who shoots woman at hotel room near theirs.
INT. HOTEL ROOM – NIGHT
Yet another hotel. They lie in bed as outside are sirens at the distance. He embraces her, tense. But cars run by.
RESOLUTION to PART 2, Wrapping Up: INT. FIGHTING ROOM – DAY
Boy with shrieking voice went into grown up man, taking martial arts training.
INT. RESTRICTED ZONE – DAY
He endeavors to save a couple out of zone. As woman screams, closing her ears, hold by her man, he shoots back at a couple of people, shooting at him.
INT. TRIBUNAL – DAY
He gets sentenced. He doesn’t take it for real, but as a bad joke, as he really killed people. They then consent on him returning back to zone, now forever.
EXT. ROAD AND GRASS – DAY
Bus doors gets closed, and it leaves on its way.
INT. PRIVATE RESIDENTIAL – DAY
Le-na moves around the house, bearing sight of household, having kids, here and there, where they dropped clothes or toys, running for bus.
INT. GUESTROOM – DAY
Son of Main Commander sits as if thinking something over. Phone rings, but he doesn’t pick it up. Le-na awakes him from his thoughts. No, he not at all is going to go as a ward, this means imminent death. She worries, and starts to pull chain with pendant from her neck, as if to put on him as amulet, but he stops her.
He gets up, dons his military headwear and goes out. Le-na answers the phone. No, he is gone. She says.
EXT. OUTSIDE THE HOUSE – DAY
He goes a distance away, then stops. Wind blows into his face. He Separates. Narrow opening with even edges separates front of his face in the middle. His facial expression doesn’t change. He keeps standing same pose.
INT. HOSPITAL – NIGHT
As sentenced ward, here incognito, discusses with psychologist his couple he brought out, who are passing exam now, and Le-na, who is here, crashed and lost her sanity.
-
Nancy Kates Day 9
[Please note that I haven’t changed my outline yet, I’m just responding to the questions. I’m kind of behind at the moment, so thought it was better to do something, rather than get even further behind]
What I learned from this assignment: I’ve been focusing on character development, more than the topics of this assignment (dramatic question and main conflict).
Concept: A straight woman (Marilyn) and her best friend, a lesbian (Zoe) eat a magic substance and switch bodies. Chaos ensues.
The dramatic question arises at the time the switch happens, at least initially: will they get back into their own bodies? A more thoughtful dramatic question emerges, though, which is “will they do enough growth individually to overcome their flaws and “win” back their own bodies and lives?
The question increases in intensity as they keep trying various ideas about how to undo the magic. In other words, they keep failing, using wrong thinking, while also screwing things up as they pretend to be each other, but don’t always know how to fake being the other person. Their difficulties get worse and worse as things go along.
The dramatic question gets answered in the resolution, when they show that they have each changed and grown, and are allowed to switch back.
There are two main conflicts: they are at loggerheads with each other, and they are also fighting the forces that put them in each other’s body, though they aren’t entirely clear what these magical forces are, exactly.
Specifically, Zoe is mad because she hates Marilyn’s life, and, conversely, because Marilyn kind of loves Zoe’s life, to the point that she is temporarily unwilling to switch back. They’re also in conflict with themselves (should Zoe tell Marilyn about her husband’s infidelity? Can she learn to be less controlling with Marilyn’s children?). Marilyn is frustrated that Zoe doesn’t appreciate her partner as much as she should. [I need to work on this conflict more from Marilyn’s point of view]
Scenes of conflict:
–they meet to try to undo the switch. Zoe uses logic, Marilyn reads Tarot cards.
–Marilyn takes magic mushrooms to try to get herself into a state that will intuitively show her the answer. Zoe is angry and thinks this is totally useless, ie Marilyn has left everything to Zoe to solve or figure out.
–Zoe is angry at Marilyn because Doug wants to sleep with her, and because Marilyn’s kids are impossible. Zoe also has no idea what they’ve been talking about in couples counseling.
–Marilyn is angry at Zoe for having an easier life than she does, and for taking Heidi for granted.
Crisis at the end of Act II/beginning of Act III: Marilyn confesses to Zoe that she slept with Heidi (in Zoe’s body), and loved it. This sets off a huge fight–Zoe feels betrayed, and Marilyn starts to see that her newfound empowerment has caused grave harm to their friendship. In retaliation, Zoe tells Marilyn that she discovered that Doug has been cheating on her. She hadn’t wanted to tell her, but feels okay about it after Marilyn’s revelation.
-
Justina Mitchell’s 3rd Pass — NQ 1 and 2
What I learned doing this assignment is that asking the right questions helps to fill in and enhance the storyline.
CONCEPT:
A very wealthy man who has no heirs considers leaving his money to one of three distant, unfamiliar cousins, but to find out how which one would handle a massive fortune best, he decides to give each of them a small fortune while he lives among them incognito and observes their handling of it.
Dramatic Question:
Once getting to know his distant cousins, will Stanley be able to choose which to give his money to, and will he then be able to walk away?
A. The DQ is first established when Stanley lays out his plan to Ned.
B. The DQ increases when Stanley:
– starts to care about his cousins children
– meets Maggie, the children’s step-aunt
– observes the different ways the cousins deal with money
– observes how the cousins deal with a lot of money
– observes how the money ends up making them all happy and all miserable in one way or another
C. The DQ gets answered when he proposes to Maggie, and they talk about all the good that can be done with his wealth.
Main conflict:
Stanley thinks he can move in and out of his relatives lives without becoming attached to them emotionally.
A. The MC first shows up when Ned questions Stanley about it upon hearing Stanley’s plan to just strictly observe the cousins.
B. The MC can be shown in how Stanley:
– cares for Millicent as soon as he sees her
– is interested in Maggie as soon as he meets her
– reacts when some of the cousins are distressed upon receiving the money
– reacts to how the cousins spend and don’t spend the money
– intervenes in Millicent’s love life to save her from a bad match
– intervenes in the problem with the beggars plaguing Flora
– realizes he is in love with Maggie
– realizes that he has to tell Maggie he has been deceiving her all this time
Main Conflict Boiling Point
Stanley finds out that Maggie thought that he was interested in Mellicent romantically. He goes to say that is absurd because he has never seen a woman yet he would want to marry, but as he does so, he looks at Maggie and realizes she is just such a woman.
Main Conflict Resolution
When Stanley and Maggie get engaged and invite the whole family out to the private wedding; thus revealing to the family that Stanley and John are one in the same person.
UPDATED OUTLINE:
1. INT – STANLEY’S NEW YORK OFFICES – NIGHT
Stanley Fulton is leaving his opulent office while staff members cordially tell him goodnight. As soon as he is gone the staff members look relieved.
2. EXT – CITY STREET – NIGHT – CONTINUOUS
Stanley comes out of the office building and a well-dressed couple who are acquaintances of his stop and chat with him for a minute. The unattractive man is a bit drunk, and the woman is insincerely devoted to him; both circumstances, Stanley picks up on disapprovingly.
3. INT – STANLEY’S MANSION – NIGHT
Stanley is cordial, but not close with his cook/housekeeper who leaves for the night. He eats his dinner by himself as he focuses on business.
Inciting Incident:
Stanley nearly dies in a funny but frightening way within the framework of his everyday life.
4. INT – STANLEY’S MANSION – NIGHT
Stanley is climbing the grand staircase when he, forgetting something, turns to descend the staircase. His feet get tangled and he has a humorously horrific tumble down the entire flight of stairs. The papers that were in his hands go flying. He lays at the bottom in a heap.
5. INT – STANLEY’S MANSION – NIGHT – LATER
Stanley awakens at the bottom of the staircase. In a daze, he starts picking up his papers. When he sees his bloodied reflection in the mirror, he is so startled he throws the papers in the air as he runs away from the reflection and knocks himself out again.
6. INT – STANLEY’S MANSION – DAY
A concierge doctor is attending to Stanley’s injuries; portable x-ray machine and all. Stanley’s friend and lawyer, Ned, is also there. Stanley reveals to Ned that he is concerned about what to do with his money when he dies. He talks about how inherited money ruined the man he ran into the night before. He also says he isn’t the marrying kind, and doesn’t want the woman that would marry him just to marry his money. He also dismisses giving the money to colleges or charities. Ned mentions relatives, and Stanley has a brilliant idea come to him.
By page 10, you know what the movie is about:
Stanley has determined that he needs an heir and has devised a plan to go live among his only known relatives in order to pick one.
7. EXT – HILLERTON TRAIN STATION – DAY
Stanley gets off a train wearing a full beard and mustache and respectable but inexpensive clothing.
8. EXT – STREETS OF HILLERTON – DAY
Stanley is walking down the residential streets of the small town with two rolling suitcases.
First Turning Point at the end of Act 1:
Stanley arrives in Hillerton in beard and modestly priced garb and begins boarding with one of his cousins. He becomes acquainted with his cousins and their current way of life.
9. EXT – JAMES DRISCOLL’S HOME – DAY – CONTINUOUS
At their expansive and expensive rented house, Stanley introduces himself to the Driscoll family as John Smith, a respectable, trustworthy genealogist who is researching a book on the Driscoll family. He provides a letter of introduction from a respected banker in town. He asks if they might be interested in his boarding with them. They are polite, but Mrs. James, Hattie, can’t consider taking a boarder since the wealthy never do; her husband wouldn’t have minded the income. They send John to their brother Frank’s house for boarding.
10. EXT – STREETS OF HILLERTON – DAY – CONTINUOUS
Stanley, who is now John Smith, has an informative walk with Benny, the youngest Driscoll, across town to Frank’s house. He finds out that basically Benny hates that his mother is all about appearances now that they have recently moved to the rich side of town. He also learns that Mrs. Frank, Jane, is a tight wad.
11. INT – FRANK DRISCOLL’S HOME – DAY – CONTINUOUS
John Smith arranges to stay in the modest and plastic covered apartment of his cousin’s family above their grocery store. He shows an immediate interest upon meeting Mellicent, Frank’s eighteen year-old daughter. He is also encouraged that Jane is all about giving to others if only they had money to give.
12. EXT – JIM DRISCOLL’S HOME – DAY
John goes to ask Hattie Driscoll, Jim’s wife, about family history. While there he meets Maggie Duff, the older step-sister of the Driscolls. She is a whirl of youthful energy, kindness, and positivity.
13. INT – FLORA DRISCOLL’S HOME – DAY
John is visiting with Flora Driscoll, his spinster cousin. She shows him a family album that contains a magazine photo of him as Stanley. She sees the resemblance, but then chalks it up to his also being a distant cousin of theirs.
14. EXT – MAGGIE DUFF’S HOME – DAY
John goes to Maggie’s home because the family records are kept there. He meets Father Duff, and sees how deftly Maggie handles the cantankerous old man.
15. INT – MAGGIE DUFF’S HOME- DAY
John sits at a table and works his way through the family records. He sees many family members come and go asking for advise and taking advantage of Maggie, which she handles with love and wisdom. He also gets a good feel as to how the family members currently handle/regard money.
Mid-Point:
The small fortune that was to be given to the cousins arrives via Stanley’s lawyer, Ned.
16. INT – FRANK DRISCOLL’S HOME – DAY
John arrives home to find all the Driscolls gathered in the living room. They learn that they each have been given $2,000,000 from their famous, distant cousin, the ultra-wealthy Stanley Fulton. They are very excited. John reacts with shock that even with this most exciting news, some of the cousins find reasons to distrust it, while others have declared that their benefactor is dead.
17. EXT – MAGGIE DUFF’S HOME – DAY
John and Maggie discuss her not being in the bequeath and how the others are handling the money. Jane comes by to ask Maggie if she could now board John. John gratefully accepts the change of address.
18. INT – JAMES DRISCOLL’S NEW HOME – NIGHT
At an elaborate party we see how the different members of the family are responding to having wealth. Hattie and Bessie are trying to keep up with Gaylords, the millionaires in town. James is just happy to have money to buy books and time to read them with his sons. Fred, is starting in with a questionable Gaylord crowd. Mellicent is flirting with everyone including Mr. Smith. Jane thinks it frightfully expensive to dress so. Frank can hardly think outside of the grocery business. Flora is in mourning for their benefactor who they assume is probably dead.
Second turning point at the end of Act 2:
All the happiness and joy of the cousins is dwindling as the complications of having a small fortune and what they have done with it is starting to hit home.
19. INT – TOWN JAIL – NIGHT
John and Maggie bail Frank junior out of jail and gives him words of wisdom to straighten up his act.
20. EXT – TOWN PARK – DAY
John finds Mellicent with a young man she loves, Douglas Gray, but who isn’t rich so her mother doesn’t approve of him. When Jane happens upon the three of them, John says he was out with Mellicent, and that Douglas is his protege.
20a. INT – FRANK DRISCOLL’S NEW HOME – EVENING
John arrives with Douglas to find two questionable but rich young men there to vie for Mellicent. John finagles for Mellicent and Douglas to play piano and violin together while John distracts Jane from intervening and the two young men get annoyed.
Crisis:
As Stanley and Maggie are trying to help the cousins with their money complications, they grow closer and suddenly Stanley realizes he is in love with her.
21. INT – MAGGIE DUFF’S HOME – DAY
A Maggie gets a letter that brings tears to her eyes, but she won’t tell John what it is about; although he assumes it is about money, and that she has lost it. Flora comes to talk about the beggars that she has been sending money to. John takes on the role of her secretary to get her away from the scoundrels.
22. EXT – TOWN PARK – DAY
While Maggie is walking through the park she sees the young rich men playing tennis and Mellicent being monopolized by John instead of watching them play. Maggie gets jealous and disappointed in John. Someone mentions that it must almost be time for John to be moving away, and she cries.
Climax:
Stanley has to confess to Maggie that he has been lying to her this whole time about who he is, and she responds angrily and feels that she can’t trust him.
23. INT – MAGGIE DUFF’S HOME – NIGHT
A lawyer comes to the house, but Maggie won’t tell Stanley why. Stanley finds out that Maggie thought that he was interested in Mellicent romantically. He goes to say that is absurd because he has never seen a woman yet he would want to marry, but as he does so, he looks at Maggie and realizes she is just such a woman.
23a. EXT – CLOSED FACTORY – DAY
John asks Maggie if she would like him to reopen the factory – one of her civic dreams. He tells her who he really is, and she is furious that he has been lying to the entire family this whole time. She kicks Stanley out of her home.
Resolution:
Maggie decides that it wasn’t such a terrible lie, and she forgives Stanley. They then devise a plan to break the news to the rest of the family.
24. EXT – MAGGIE DUFF’S HOME – DAY
Benny asks for John, and Maggie tells her that John is staying at the motel. Benny gets upset because he never saw Maggie so happy as when John was around. Maggie agrees and searches out John.
25. EXT – TOWN PARK – DAY
Maggie and John make up and get engaged. She tells him that she inherited $1,000,000 from her father’s side of the family; that was why the lawyer had come. They discuss how they will tell the rest of the family.
26. EXT – TRAIN STATION – DAY
John leaves town and several of the family members see him off.
27. EXT – REMOTE EDGE OF A SOUTH AMERICAN JUNGLE – DAY
John goes into the jungle with a small group. Stanley Fulton emerges from the jungle with a different small group carrying lots of crates.
28. INT – SOUTH AMERICAN HOTEL – DAY
Stanley checks into the hotel under his real name which catches the attention of the locals.
29. EXT – STEAMSHIP LEAVING SOUTH AMERICA – DAY
Stanley boards a ship with crates.
30. EXT – STEAMSHIP ARRIVING NEW YORK CITY – DAY
Stanley disembarks into a throng of reporters. He is welcomed by Ned and his family, including their house guest who Stanley is “introduced” to, Miss Maggie Duff.
31. POSTSCRIPT HEADLINES
News headlines reveal that Stanley is dating Maggie Duff and then announces their engagement. The whole family is invited to the small private wedding.
-
Day Nine – Adding The First Two Necessary Questions – Assignment
Mike O – 3rd Pass — NQ 1 and 2.
“What I’ve learned doing this assignment is that layering the questions, the various aspects that you might not consider, or overlook become visible. I have thought about aspects of this script that I normally do not consciously review. I rely too much on intuition and have learned (thank you, Hal) that processes actually improve the organic process and creativity.
Apply the first two questions to your outline.
[1] Tell us your concept. “A daughter struggling-to-keep-it-together, having lost her mother earlier in the year, has to now deal with her estranged father’s estate. Forced from her shell, from burying herself in her work and hiding from the world, she must face the real world head on.”
=====================
[2] Tell us your Dramatic Question and the answers to these questions: “Will Brooklyn be ready, emotionally and psychologically for true love when she is comes face to face with it.”
A. Where does the Dramatic Question first get established and how? In the first 10 pages when she has lunch with her friend who teases her about love and dating and finding Mister Right…
B. How is the Dramatic Question increased in intensity? With the arrival of her father’s friend who is a widower and her age.
C. Where does the Dramatic Question finally get answered? When Brooklyn accepts his proposal for marriage.
===================
[3] Tell us your Main Conflict and the answers to these questions: “Brooklyn must learn to accept loss as a part of life and understand change is unstoppable.”
A. When does the Main Conflict first show up? First ten pages when Brooklyn receives certified letter re: her father’s passing and her being named the executor of his estate.
B. How many ways can you express the Main Conflict throughout the story?
1. her mother’s illness and subsequent death. 2. Her mother’s cat running off after she dies. 3. Her father’s unexpected passing. 4. Going to her father’s hometown and learning he loved her & kept tabs on her.
C. What brings the Main Conflict to a boiling point in the 3rd Act? Discovering her father’s GM is trying to steal the gallery out from under her. It is her legacy, her father’s gift to her. She fights back.
D. How is the Main Conflict resolved? Brooklyn confronts Richard (antagonist) with proof of his thievery. He is fired, turned over to the authorities.
[4] In the current version of your outline, fill in the events you’ve discovered during this process. List out your outline as you did in Day 7.
OPENING SCENE: Brooklyn is having lunch with her best friend and her patron for her paintings.
1. INT. CAFE — LUNCH
Brooklyn talks with Carolyn about love, loss and her upcoming 30<sup>th</sup> birthday.
2. EXT. GALLERY BUILDING – LATE AFTERNOON
Brooklyn takes her latest painting to Carolyn’s gallery for the upcoming showing.
3. INT. TOWN HOME – DRIVE WAY – EARLY EVENING
Brooklyn gets home, changes into lounge clothes, gets a letter from her father’s lawyer.
INCITING INCIDENT: Brooklyn learns she is the executor of her father’s estate and must leave.
4. INT. CAROLYN’S SUV – DAY
Carolyn drives Brooklyn to the airport, warns her it might take her a few days.
5. EXT. CAR RENTAL PARKING LOT – NOON
Brooklyn leaves the airport, drives off in a rental Jeep for her father’s town.
6. EXT. CAFE – CONTINUOUS
Brooklyn arrives in town. Hungry, she finds a café and stops.
7. INT. LAW OFFICE – DAY
Brooklyn calls her dad’s lawyer. He answers and joins her for lunch.
8. INT. ART GALLERY OFFICE – DAY
Alan takes Brooklyn to her father’s gallery. Brooklyn meets Richard (antagonist) he is a charming womanizer. He plays upon her emotions.
9. INT. SMOKE SHACK – EVENING
Brooklyn meets Richard at the restaurant for dinner and to talk about the gallery and get her up to speed.
10. INT. ALAN’S OFFICE – MORNING
Brooklyn is warned by the lawyer, Alan, that Richard wants the gallery. He gives Brooklyn keys to her dad’s cabin, the gallery, etc.
11. INT. JEEP – LATER
Brooklyn follows Alan’s shortcut map to the cabin. Is blown away by its beauty.
12. EXT/INT. CABIN – CONTINUOUS
Brooklyn discovers her father had great taste, was a painter and has photos of her from childhood on. She is blown away. She never saw him keeping tabs on her.
FIRST ACT TURNING POINT: Brooklyn discovers a shoe box filled with letters all “return to sender” letters her father wrote to Brooklyn and which her mother wrote “return to sender” on them.
Log in to reply.