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Day 9 Assignment
Reply to Post Your Assignment.
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26 Replies
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Jeff’s Phone Pitch
What I learned is I need to lead with my Title.
“Hi, I’m Jeff Bryce and I have a Thriller titled The Best Painkiller. Can I tell you about it in 20 seconds?”
Producer’s Office Response: “No.” After hearing “NO” in 30+ SPICY ways from more Producer Offices, a tired voice says: “Why the f*** not”. So, realizing they’re talking my language, I say:
“The Best Painkiller answers the question: Would a doctor kill to save a loved one? The hero is an anesthesiologist renowned as the best pain killer. He not only kills patients’ pain, he kills pain-in-the-ass people. #1 on his list is the boat swindler who sold his heirloom boat and made off with the proceeds, which were meant for his grandson’s cancer treatment. At this point, the doctor’s very willing to confront any criminals on their turf. And it’s inspired by a true story.”
What the budget? $10-30 million.
Main roles? Hero: Jake Gyllenhaal or Chris Evans. Villain: Leonardo DiCaprio? Hero’s wife: Kate Bosworth or Kristen Bell. Head Cop: Adrien Brody pops to mind. And there are other great supporting roles for native Indians—one a larger role—some Asians, both Chinese and Indian, and maybe a few more white people. And we’ll have some fun cameos & voice-only.
Pages? 104.
Who else has seen this? No one.
Why does it fit our company? I see that you produced the Thriller (blank), the Neo-Noir (blank), and the Dark-Comedy (blank). I thought (blank) was exceptional. And its budget fits mine.
How does the movie end?
To give context, near the end, the estranged father—the father of the doctor’s grandson—has killed his boss and recovered cash from a faked drug buy. He gives a bag to the doctor containing the doctor’s 7-iron head—used in a killing—and cash to pay for half his son’s cancer treatment.
In the second last scene, as relatives watch, the doctor helps a resident exchange a tracheal tube on a young terminal cancer patient. They bungle the procedure, and she dies. She’s the first patient he’s lost. In the doctor’s lounge, he questions his abilities and decides to take a break, as his oncologist friend reminds him there’s always room for the best pain killer.
The last scene starts with a smooth pink granite shoreline of a Great Lake, and the doctor in a kayak with his grandson, now a toddler. He tells him a touching story about his mother, then turns the kayak so the grandson can see his grandma, with camera in hand. The grandson smiles. She shoos them ahead and they paddle into the mist as a hawk feather floats by… (Earlier in the film we see that the estranged father has a color tattoo of two hawk feathers—a native Indian symbol of guardianship.)
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Phyllis MacBryde – Phone pitch
I’ve learned from this assignment to start with credibility and a business hook – if I have it. Also to anticipate a full list of question and have ready answers.
Phyllis: This is Phyllis MacBryde calling, name of production company. I’m following up on my email to so & so about an int’l co-production that is to shoot in South Africa.
Prod Ass’t: She’s not available. May I take a message?
Phyllis: Let he know that Phyllis MacBryde called regarding the feature film, “Creating Zinzi.” That’s spelled Z-i-n-z-i.
Prod Ass’t: Your name again?
Phyllis: Phyllis MacBryde. To refresh her memory, may I tell you a bit more?
Prod Ass’t: Creating what?
Phyllis: Z-i-n-z-i. The two leads in mind are Sally Field and Alfre Woodard – to play a white playwright and a Black Broadway producer workshopping an American musical in Africa, only to learn that the Ancestor Spirits will determine its fate. I believe so & so has a relationship with (the South African production services company, the talent, or something else).
Prod Ass’t: Who else has seen this?
Phyllis: I’m only reaching out to producers who are doing international co-pros, particularly in South Africa. As yet, no one has seen it.
Prod Ass’t: Why do you think this fits our company?
Phyllis: Since company name has made films in the genre and budget range and has worked with (the South African production services company, talent, or something else), I wanted to come to you first.
Prod Ass’t: What’s the budget?
Phyllis: Under $15M and in South Africa, much less, possibly as low as $6M depending on the Above the Line.
What’s the script length: 117 pages and that’s with the musical numbers
Prod Ass’t: How does it end?
Phyllis: With a triumphant, upbeat ending and the two lead characters have taken a step or two towards liking each other. Just like us.
Prod Ass’t: (no response)
Phyllis: That was a joke. It was a pleasure speaking to you. Your name is?
Prod Ass’t: Jane Doe. D-o-e.
Phyllis: Thanks very much. I look forward to speaking to you again.
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I love this! Great humor and very smart. You gain a lot more chance of drawing someone in when you come in with a new and funny approach. Probably not something that happens everyday for the folks you reach. Made me smile, and I feel this is something that will make someone else smile, as well.
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Bless you, Thomas Duffy, you are the first name I will add to my Target Audience list!
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Elizabeth Yanders’ Phone Pitch
I learned that carving a script’s heart down to thirty seconds is difficult, yet not impossible. The unworthy words start to pop off the page. I learned how to make a solid script for phone call pitches.
Introduction:
“Hi, I’m Liz Yanders, and my Horror/Supernatural Thriller, FLINT HILL, has won Top Ten and Finalist in screenwriting contests. I’d like your permission to pitch the script’s concept. It will only take thirty seconds.”
Script for phone call pitches — I’m leading with a High Concept:
Genre: Horror/Supernatural Thriller
Title: FLINT HILL
High Concept: How can an eleven-year-old boy stop a murderous spirit child when she’s already dead?
A lonely dead girl wants Evan’s family. When his makeshift exorcism doesn’t work, she sends a dead “pet” to kill him. He destroys it, but in return she kills the family dog. Evan’s mom thinks he killed his own dog to prove the girl’s real. He starts to run away but his love for his sister makes him stay and fight.
When Abigail’s “human pet” kills his mother, Evan realizes he must get his family off Flint Hill before they become hers for eternity.
What’s the budget range? Low-range, five to ten million.
Who do you see in the main roles?
Oakes Fegley (The Goldfinch) is a good choice for the hero because he can portray having an adult’s clever mind with a child’s heart.
Helena Zengel (News of the World) has the stubbornness to play the evil spirit and the ability to be a child and a monster within the same breath.
How many pages is the script? 110
Who else has seen this? No one.
Why do you think this fits our company? FLINT HILL is a good fit for your company because it falls within the budget range of similar horror films you’ve made in the past, for example, ________, __________, and _________.
How does the movie end?
Sheriff Ward is about to cut the baby from Evan’s dead mother, but Evan pulls the sheriff’s own gun on him and steals his squad car. He meets up with the ambulance in time to save his mother and the baby. They never return. Sheriff Ward has a past with the dead girl and uses twelve-foot fencing topped with barbed wire to jail her in Flint Hill Cemetery. She vows to get out.
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What I’ve learned from this assignment is that the previous lessons make it much easier to distill the important elements of a pitch into shorter and shorter pitches that can be used in different encounters with producers. This version is the shortest – for the briefest contact in a phone introduction.
MARK’S PHONE PITCH
1.My strategy is to use credibility.to begin the pitch
2. I’m Mark Morris. I’m a produced screenwriter, and I have the rights to a Sci-Fi thriller novel. I’d like to tell you the concept in 30 seconds. Is that OK?
The Title is SkyFire. I’ve adapted it into a TV series similar to X-Files or Stranger Things, but its grounded in weather science and today’s global climate crisis. It about a young weather scientist and his team who create the most terrifying lightning storm in history; one that travels the planet hunting them and killing them for a purpose. He becomes the last survivor, and with his family in jeopardy, he has to fight or outwit vicious Mother Nature.
What’s the budget range?
Its not a big disaster story, so budget would be in the low to medium range for a one-hour drama.
Who do you see in the main roles?
Actors I like could be Ryan Reynolds or Taylor Kitsch for the protagonist.
Liv Tyler or Felicity Jones for the female lead.
Casey Affleck for the antagonist
How many pages is the script?
56 pages in the pilot.
Who else has seen this?
I can send you a list along with the script.
Why do you think this fits our company?
You’ve done shows with a similar genre in outstanding ways, and I think you could take this unusual concept to great heights.
How does the movie end?
Our scientist protagonist comes up with a self-sacrificing plan to have Gina and his son flown to safety while he pilots a fighter jet to the Arctic, luring the storm after him. He is unaware that the storm catches up with Gina. She is struck by lightning and dies while protecting the boy as the season ends.
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This sounds like a really good answer. “You’ve done shows with a similar genre in outstanding ways, and I think you could take this unusual concept to great heights.”
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Now, THAT’S “phone prepared”! lol
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Mark, I’d like to read your script.
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Stephen Maynard’s – Phone Pitch
What I learned from this lesson is, to get a phone pitch into the strike zone one must first gather information about the person on the other side of the call and pitch to their capabilities and needs.
I will lead with a great title.
Hi, I’m Steve Maynard. About PANDORA’S OTHER BOX, a high-concept low-budget horror project that will fit nicely in with your companies body of work. Let me spell it out for you, thirty seconds?
If he says, What’s the concept?
Transgenic WORMS morph old ladies into young beauties. But they must pass through the larva stage as terrible lamprey humanoids — who eat men.
What’s the budget range?
Low budget, plus or minus one million dollars.
Who do you see in the main roles?
I like Logan Wade Lerman for the hero, handsome and athletic. Elle Fanning for the heroine, pretty, bright, and vulnerable.
For the villain, Kodi Smit-McPhee, or perhaps Lucas Hedges, someone with the chops to project menace and guile.
How many pages is the script?
One hundred and seven.
Who else has seen this?
You’re my first choice and first contact.
Why do you think this fits our company?
It will appeal to audiences your company has exploited, similar budget and genre. It’s akin to your body horror blockbuster, KILLER GIRLS.
How does the movie end?
Like Oedipus Rex, our villain’s transitional journey ends with him seeing the errors of his ways, he takes his life. Happily, the hero prevails and sails into the sunset with the girl. However, at sea on his boat, they see evidence that the villain’s worm farm has been harvested by a fisherman who is using the worms as bait and unwittingly spawning HORRIFYING NEW SEA CREATURES.
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What I learned: I learned to focus on a beginning point. Something to address what puts a producer and a writer on the same page. There is strength in knowing what direction to turn your discussion upon. And no one can be too prepared when it comes to an area one has little experience in. Thanks…
Karen Crider/ Phone pitch
LOGLINE: A frenzied, teenage ballerina struggles to emulate her late mother’s ballet career, against her father’s will, and a devious competitor, while battling her doughnut addiction during Covid 19.
I would lead with a great title: How to Train Your Tutu. A title with a theme similar to Dead Poet’s Society. (A movie where a parent pressures a teen to become a doctor. How to Train Your Tutu, is a story of a parent pressuring his teen to be a nurse. The title is a parody from: How to Train Your Dragon, of which being a nurse to the protagonist feels like she’s fighting a dragon everyday.
What’s the budget range? One to five million, (or a Few Dollars More. Another great title. Lol) I’m not really sure. Considering the elements that drive up a budget, I would say it’s a low budget movie.
Who do you see as actors for the characters?
-Protagonist: the teen whose father pushes her toward nursing instead of ballet like she wants, resulting in a difficult doughnut addiction. Anna Camp
-Miss Fossi- a ballet teacher: refined, classy, educated: Ashley Judd.
-Syd, /Protag’s tutor, who’s an owner of a hock shop, and a guy who in the past loved the protag’s. mom: James Garner
The antagonist: A high-browed, highly successful student, ballet dancer, popular, smart, good looking, snootish, teen who goes with the boy both her and the protag loves: Emily Blount
The 16 y/o yummy, (boyfriend) that both protag/antag. love. He’s deceptive, hangs onto protag’s shadow, uses people, shuns those not socially relevant: Matthew Broderick
Best friend to protag: a wild child living a horrible home life: Mia Sara
Protagonist’s dad: a practical, hard-working, practical man: Richard Thomas
How many pages in the script? 98 pages
Who else has seen this? The script has been perused for coverage and a few producers have expressed interest, but I am just now getting back into marketing after writing other screenplays…
Why do you think the movie fits our company? I write comedy. Your’s is a comedy company and has produced other movies in that vein.
How does it end? It ends happily with the protag succeeding in the quest of her goals.
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Debbie’s Phone Pitch
Since I’m pitching a television pilot, I adapted these questions for that. What I learned is that you have to be ready for anything the producer might ask.
Hi, I’m Deborah Daughetee and I have written for such shows at Murder, She Wrote, Dr. Quinn Medicine Woman and Touched by an Angel.
Today I have a horror series entitled “Invasive Species”.
Would you give birth to an alien/human hybrid child who is prophesized to enslave the human race?
The rising of a Reptilian creature from an ancient grave, signals the conception of a human/alien child whose been foretold will lead an invasion of Earth. When an archaeologist discovers that she is pregnant with the prophesized child, she must protect it from not only the Reptilians, but from her family who wants to destroy it.
Budget range: 1.8 to 3 million per episode
What actors: Grandmother – Sigourney Weaver
Andrea – Mila Kunis
January – Anna De Armas
Debora – Naomi Harris
How many pages is the pilot: 61 plus a bible for 5 season
Who else has seen this: I have it out to 2 other producers at the moment.
Why do you think this fits our company? I see that you have produced other horror series and thought we would be a perfect fit.
End of First Season: Andrea gives birth to hybrid baby and goes on the run.
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Thomas F. Duffy’s Phone pitch
What I learned is that I can’t wait for my agent or manager to do all the work. Keep it simple, precise and to the point. Be prepared. I also learned I’ve been approaching my meetings all wrong. See it from the producers needs.
1. Credibility/Subject expertise: Long-time industry veteran with extensive hockey knowledge in college, semi-pro, and Bad Boys hockey with Jerry Bruckheimer, for years. Imagine and Kennedy/Marshall met me on an early version.
2. Hi, I’m Thomas F. Duffy and I’m wondering if I could run a 30 second quick pitch by you? Yes? I’ve got a family drama called SAVING GRACE. It asks: “Can a washed-up grocery clerk/NHL practice goalie save his daughter and his team’s season?”
3. Questions
3A. Budget Range – Probably between 30 to 50 million.
3B. Casting – Danny – Jesse Plemons, Scott Eastwood, Michael B. Jordan, Wyatt Russell; Abigail – Jean Smart, Holland Taylor, Dianne Weist, Blythe Danner
3C. Pages – 98
3D. A early draft drew meetings at Imagine and Kennedy/Marshall. I’ve done a page 1 re-write. Other than director Peter Markle, no one has seen it.
3E. I loved your film, “insert”, which I think is somewhat similar.
3F. Set-up: Battered and disappointed, Danny is losing the battle with Abigail. Danny considers taking Grace with him to Mexico. Then, food poisoning takes out the Kings two back-up goalies.
Payoff: Danny is now the back-up and when the starter is injured, he must play. Danny fights a terrible start, heckling fans, injuries, a past rival, and the pressure, to carry the team to victory and a new start with Grace and Jennifer.
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Leland’s Phone Pitch
Lead with High Concept
I’m Leland. This is a thriller about a stunningly beautiful cop with a talent for beating up big men, catching serial killers.
Budget Range: $2 million to $3 million
Main Character would be good for Ireland Baldwin. Mid 20’s, six feet tall.
Pages: 104
Who else has seen this: Zero Gravity Management
Fits your company because you do movies like this.
The ending: Our hero fights mercenaries, catches an FBI most wanted super hacker, gets the promotion to detective.
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ASSIGNMENT
Guil’s Phone Pitch
What I learned from this lesson is that by choosing one of the strategies, writers can better find a way to pitch quickly before being told, “Sorry, no unsolicited materials.”
Write out your phone pitch along with answers to the questions.
1. Tell us which of the four strategies you are going to use to open your pitch:
Lead with credibility.
2. Give us your script for phone call pitches, like I did above.
Hi, my name is Guil and I’m an award-winning screenwriter with writing degrees from Columbia and The City College of New York. I’m wondering if I could run a 30-second pitch by you?
I have a Crime/Drama titled The Filmmaker’s Revenge. It’s about a crazed movie-obsessed screenwriter and a desperate director who are in financial ruin because of the failure of their indie film. The logical solution would be to pay it off, but no… instead, the screenwriter kidnaps a producer!
3. Give us a one or two sentence answer to the questions a producer may ask:
What’s the budget range?
Low budget: $500k to $2 million. This is a contained screenplay with five actors, two interior locations, and some exterior pick-ups. Can be very inexpensive to make!
Who do you see in the main roles?
For the Producer role, if this were a higher budget movie, someone like Dev Patel, Riz Ahmed, Tom Hardy or Oscar Issac. For the Screenwriter role, someone like Ezra Miller or Charlie Heaton. For the Director role, Lucas Hodges or Josh Hutcherson.
How many pages is the script?
73.
Who else has seen this?
So far, no one. I’m in the process of sending it out.
Why do you think this fits our company?
Because you produce low-budget independent movies that fit the genre and budget I’m working with, and I thought it would be a perfect fit.
How does the movie end?
The producer and the screenwriter, likely to be implicated in two deaths, have no choice but to team up to elude a cunning detective — it’s a self-serving engagement for the sake of survival! As the detective closes in on them, the screenwriter and producer turn on each other. The last question remains: who will evade the law?
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Paul’s Phone Pitch
4. What I learned from this assignment is that perhaps, with a methodical, businesslike approach, phone pitches don’t have to be the confused, embarassing scenario I imagine. It has taught me a lot about the sort of research that is necessary to identify the right production companies to approach and the right actors that could fit the script. It’s a lot of work, but necessary.
I would lead with credibility, even if mine is meagre:
Me: Hello, my name is Paul McGregor. One of my screenplays was a finalist in an international film festival and I’d like to pitch a script to you.
Producer: Look I don’t have much time and don’t normally take unsolicited scripts. Make it quick.
Me: It’s a Thriller. The Title is ‘Scarred for Life.’ It’s a sort of female version of the movie ‘Captain Phillips’.
Producer: Really? That movie cost $55 million to make. I’m not in that league.
Me: Yes, but this has no helicopters or the US navy on the budget.
Producer: OK. So what happens?
Me: <font face=”inherit”>Cindy is a war vet, back Afghanistan, with horrible scars from a terrorist bomb that killed her 3 best buddies. She’s goes on a cruise for some R&R, but it’s hijacked by terrorists. It’s a horrendous ordeal for all </font>on board and many are killed by the terrorists. But Cindy<font face=”inherit”> gets the chance to revenge the death of her best friends.</font>
Producer: Budget range?
Me: I reckon between around $5-10 million.
Producer: Who do you see in the main roles?
Me: I was thinking of Kate Mara. As you know, she was in “Megan Leavey”, also about a female combatant.
Producer: How many pages in your script?
Me: 100.
Producer: Who else has seen this?
Me: No one.
Producer: Why do you think this fits our company?
Me: I’ve been doing a bit of research and I see you make movies in this budget range.
Producer: How does it end?
Me: The ship docks. The surviving passengers, whose lives she saved by killing the terrorists, disembark. The corpses of all the dead passengers are being taken off the ship as the police come aboard. They arrest Cindy on charges of violating the terrorists’ human rights. Her real world, where real people kill and get killed, hits a fantasy world inhabited by human rights lawyers.
Producer: Thanks. Give me your phone number.
END
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Stephen Dexter – Phone Pitch
What I learned from this lesson is don’t waste the producer’s time with anything extraneous.
I’ll lead with credibility.
Hi. I’m Stephen Dexter. I’m an award-winning screenwriting and I’m wondering if I could run a quick pitch for you.
I’ve got a family-friendly-dog story titled, Laredo that asks the question: How can a washed-up actor jumpstart his career and make himself available 24/7, when the abandoned, old dog he rescued, refuses to be adopted by anyone?
It’s in the 1–3-million-dollar range.
For the male lead I could see someone like Andrew Gottlieb, Josh Harnett, or James Marsden.
For the female love interest, I could see someone like Shailene Woodley, Jennifer Love Hewitt or Elle Fanning.
The script is 102 pages.
Nobody else has seen this script.
The reason I contacted you is because your company specializes in wholesome family films and this feel-good script has no profanity, no sex, and no violence.
The ending is a big movie premiere. When a limo pulls up and the actor get out, we think he finally made it big, but the twist is, it’s the old dog who has become the superstar.
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Lonnie’s phone pitch.
What I learned from this lesson: I learned it’s ok to call producers, just make sure they are the right ones for my script. Also, keep all the elements in mind, like budget, marketability, etc. It’s important to be ready for questions. Choose the right strategy for the script you are marketing.
1. Tell us which of the four strategies you are going to use to open your pitch:
Lead with a great title, also, High Concept if there’s a good spot to bring it in.
2. Give us your script for phone call pitches:
“Hi, I’m Lonnie Nichols I have a sci-fi/thriller, titled: “Elevator Down” I’d like to pitch to you.
(note: if there’s a pause, then…) Here’s the logline:
A kidnapped boy struggles to escape an underground cult of shape-shifting reptoids who kidnap and clone world leaders, then send them to the surface to take control of world governments and economies.
3. Give us a one or two sentence answer to the questions a producer may ask:
What’s the budget range? $5M – $10M
Who do you see in the main roles? Vin Diesel (type), Emma Stone/Mary Louise Parker, Ben Affleck, and a 9-year-old boy, TBD
How many pages is the script? 115
Who else has seen this? “Recommend” from Coverfly, and two other coverages.
Why do you think this fits our company? Similar to your successfully-produced movies.
How does the movie end? Young Ben gets kidnapped because he saw them taking down 3 pilots in a 777 jet. He is locked in a cell deep below the Earth’s surface, but he overcomes all odds, befriends a leader of the reptoids, and figures a way to escape, bringing all prisoners with him. In the end, the lead reptoid, Aurora, passes her powers off to little Ben.
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Emmanuel Sullivan’s Phone Pitch
What I learned today is a phone pitch must follow a quick set of rules to engage the potential producer and also allows you to make more calls in a day.
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Mark Abel’s Phone Pitch
What I learned from this lesson is…
Without a properly organized phone script, this type of pitching would be an otherwise intimidating task. Having this tool at my disposal will both expand my target list and lead to more direct pitching opportunities.
1. Lead with a High Concept
2. “Hi there! My name is Mark Abel. I have a feature spec that places the world’s greatest escape artist in inescapable circumstances. May I run its quickpitch by you?”
(hold for permission)
“A famous escape artist — blamed and exiled for the accidental death of his audience during a performance — finds rescue at a remote desert oasis, only to discover a power-mad sultan has enslaved its people to a crude gold mining operation. Now the magician must call upon all his skills and experience to confront his past, defeat the sultan, and liberate the slaves.”
3. Questions the producer may ask:
What’s the budget range?
Mid to mid-High (>$75 million)
Who do you see in the main roles?
An Oscar Isaac or Timothee Chalamet-type (Felix), Vanessa Kirby (Chantelle), [Dev Patel (Sultan Ghalib), Essam Ferris or Hamzah Saman (Sultan Azazel)]
How many pages is the script?
It clocks in at a nice, lean 98 pages.
Who else has seen this?
(Reference prior submissions, or –) I’d be thrilled if you were the first producer to give it a look.
Why do you think this fits our company?
I’m a huge fan of the movie (producer’s title here) and believe ESCAPEGOAT could deliver comparable success.
How does the movie end?
Trapped with no way out, the thrills and adventure reach a fever pitch when Felix discovers his ally is actually the real sultan, hellbent on amputating his hands for theft. Worse, a unique second twist reveals the magician is caught up in an illusion of his own design. Only when Felix refuses to become the scapegoat and acknowledges the scope of his responsibility does he emerge to save his audience, reinvent his relationship with his crew, and complete the illusion.
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Cara’s Phone Pitch
What I learned from this lesson is that I need to find a way to make the life of a poet immediately interesting. Targeting production companies who have made similar movies will likely be the most helpful. But, I’d still like to find a way to make this concept as easy to understand and as likable as a comedy pitch even if I’m not pitching those kinds of companies.. Goal: Make poetry entertaining and mainstream even for companies that produce this genre. Also, I would like to tailor the first part of the pitch to each production company.
Hi, I’m Cara. Did you know that Lady Gaga has a poem tattooed on her arm? It’s by Rainer Rilke. I have a true story drama about Rilke’s quest for poetic recognition following his heartbreaking rejection from a married seductress and his subsequent professional relationship with the revolutionary sculptor, Auguste Rodin.
It’s a mid-budget historical drama that might interest emotionally intelligent actors like Ryan Gosling, Lady Gaga, Michelle Williams, or Javier Bardem.
The script is 108 pages.
I know you are interested in international films because you’ve made…
Setup: After many failed attempts to find equal footing with his accomplished artistic friends, Rilke finally finds himself living in the epicenter of Paris’ modern art movement with his former boss, Auguste Rodin, only to finally realize that Rodin’s revolutionary artistic talents come at a price, especially to those closest to him. After an intimate visit from his married lover doesn’t help him produce the profound poetry he hopes to write, he realizes there’s nothing left of his health, or hopes for professional success.
Payoff: When Rilke leaves his elite artistic circles, he is, at last, alone and prolific. Rilke dies one of the most popular of all best-selling poets but no longer cares.
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Hi Cheryl,
I have not received the assignments for Lesson 9 on. My e-mail is audreymjacobs@verizon.net. Please let me know how to get them. Thanks so much. Audrey Jacobs
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John’s Phone Pitch
What I learned doing this assignment is to do my due diligence in finding the right producer for the script I have.
I’m leading with a combo of title and high concept.
“Hi. I’m John Vanis and I was wondering if I could run a quick pitch by you?”
After a dozen tries, I get some producer to say ‘yes.’
“I wrote a comedy called ‘Potty Mouths.’ It’s an R -rated version of ‘Look who’s talking.”
“What’s your budget?”
“It’s low budget. $3-$5 million.
“Who do you see playing some of the roles?”
“For Baby Billy’s voiceover, I see someone like Mark Wahlberg, Paul Rudd or Seth Rogen. For Baby Abby’s voiceover, I see Tiffany Haddish, Leslie Jones or Regina King.”
“How long is your script?”
“98 pages.”
“Who else has seen it?”
“Right now, just you.”
“Why do you think it fits our company?”
[If I were in contact with Point Grey Pictures.]
“Because your company was behind the R-rated comedies ‘Neighbors, Good Boys and Blockers.”
“How does the movie end?”
“It ends with Michael and David taking control of their roles of being a dad. Sarah comes home from her trip and tells Michael and her son Billy that she’s pregnant.”
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Barry’s phone pitch:
I learned through this assignment to spend more time researching producers’ bio’s on IMDB to find similarities in genre, budget and actors, then research these topics through the trades.
Pitch:
Voice: Hello, Crossroads Enterprises, what can you do for me?
Me: Hi, my name is Barry Voss and I’m calling to speak with Allen. Is he in?
Voice: He is. And you are?
Me: Barry Voss and I was recommended by Sydney to call Allen regarding my screenplay, A Taste of Cold Steel.
Voice: Sydney?
Me: My entertainment lawyer.
Voice: How do you know Sydney?
Me: I met ’em when I was practicing. He and I had a case together in Santa Monica. Now he represents me in trying to sell my screenplay. Like Sydney, I tried many criminal cases, including homicides.
Voice: Does Sydney still have those two young lawyers with ’em?
Me: I far as I know, he has always practiced alone.
Voice: Hmmm. What makes Sydney happiest?
Me: Besides the horses? I mean, that makes him happy.
Voice: Listen to the question. Happiest, not happy.
Me: Suing corporations.Voice: Why?
Me: Deep pockets.
Voice: (Laughter). You know Sydney. Is there a message for Allen?
Me: It doesn’t make sense to me, but Sydney said to mention The Brotherhood of the Bell.
Voice: Well, you just got past the first gatekeeper: me. Now you can talk to the next gatekeeper.
Me: Who is that?
Voice: Me. I assume you’ve heard of elevator pitches?
Me: Of course, who hasn’t.Voice: Good. We don’t use them here.
Me: Oh. Can I ask a question?
Voice: Sure.Me: Why would a father want to kill his son?
Voice: Because the son wants to be a lawyer?Me: No, because the father-a serious gangster-realizes that brotherly love is more dangerous and powerful than all the muscle the father can call up to protect his organization.
Voice: Well, you have me piqued. So, you write what?
Me: Crime-drama. I write what I lived.Voice: Don’t we all. Have you ever sold or optioned a screenplay?
Me: No, no.
Voice: Budget range?
Me: Between $1-4 million.Voice: Bingo.
Me: I know what the budget is to make this movie. Approximately.
Voice: What do you know about Allen?
Me: Besides him and Sydney eating frequently at Nate and Al’s? I know he has produced a few mid-budget movies, but primarily low-budget crime dramas. And I know he has been looking for a low-budget film so he can work with Peter Hoovey again since their last collaboration on The Paradise Sisters.Voice: I didn’t like it. I mean, aren’t twins supposed to protect each other until their dying days? So, who are the main characters?
Me: The son is played by Lucas Hedges, the father is played by Lance Henriksen and the brother is played by Walton Goggins.
Voice: Has anyone else seen your screenplay?
Me: Sydney.Voice: How many pages?
Me: 114.Voice: So how does your movie end?
Me: Like life. Full of hypocrisy and irony. Sonny, the son, desperate to reunite with his older brother he hasn’t seen in fifteen years looks for him. His efforts threaten the estranged father’s criminal enterprise as the reunion will unravel family secrets.Unable to control his son, he has him wrongly charged and convicted of murder, then imprisoned where-ironically-his lost brother tries to kill him. Sonny survives and finds a way to confront his brother and disclose only what his brother would know. It works. They unite, talk, then plan.
Sonny and Rico confront Sonny’s father in the parking lot of a whorehouse. Sonny’s “mother” is present. Accusations and lies fly around in a frenzied, emotionally-chaotic encounter. Rico, intense and vicious, cannot accept how he almost killed his brother. And he cannot accept how his and Sonny’s mother had been raped by Sonny’s father. And he really cannot accept that his father, now laying dead in the whorehouse after a day of debauchery, was part of all of this.
Rico reacts and kills their “mother,” who is their aunt. He then shoots Sonny’s father and admits to killing his father earlier that night. Unable to cope with the deception, Rico turns his gun on the police and commits suicide by cop.
Sonny is given his father’s enterprise from a reliable cop who is undercover for the organization.
Voice: Hmmm. Here’s what you do. I will give you my personal email address and you send me a copy of your script. And you don’t circulate your screenplay until Allen contacts you or Sydney in about a week. Okay?
Me: I can do that.
Voice: Speaking of Sydney, when will you next talk to your esteemed lawyer?
Me: Tomorrow. We are having lunch.Voice: Nate and Al’s?
Me: Yes.
Voice: Tell ’em he’s late on child support.
Me: Oh, you must be Denise. He said some nice things about you.
Voice: Lawyers are not good at lying so stop right now. I got two good things out of that relationship, my son and this job. Did he tell you I cried when I left ’em?
Me: No. That’s sad.
Voice: Tears of joy.
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Title: Dr. Michael Mercer’s Phone Pitch (put in first line)
Write out your phone pitch along with answers to the questions.
1. Tell us which of the four strategies you are going to use to open your pitch:
Lead with credibility.
My script, LOVE YOU FOREVER, is a Coming-of-Age Drama-Romance about 6 girls who go through emotional rollercoasters because of the one handsome, adoring, fun guy they all are in love with simultaneously.
Lead with a great title.
2. Give us your script for phone call pitches, like I did above.
“Hi, I’m Dr. Michael Mercer. I earned my Ph.D. in Psychology. And I have been in intense relationships with multiple females simultaneously.
My script, LOVE YOU FOREVER, is a Coming-of-Age Drama-Romance about 6 girls who go through emotional rollercoasters because of the one handsome, adoring, fun guy they all are in love with simultaneously.
3. Give us a one or two sentence answer to the questions a producer may ask:
What’s the budget range?
Low Budget = $1-Million – $5-Million
Whom do you see in the main roles?
The main male role is perfect for a guy who is or can become a super-popular heartthrob – who females will want to see in many movies.
How many pages is the script?
98 pages
Why do you think this fits our company?
I looked in IMDBPro – and saw your company has done Coming-Of-Age movies [in my Budget Range] – for example, [title(s) of movies].
How does the movie end?
At the start of Adam’s sophomore year, he and Taylor, his coed dorm neighbor, decide to date. But Ariel, a pretty, perky girl sneaks into Adam’s life. Just when Adam was about to leave his dorm to meet Taylor and Ariel, Adam’s high school girlfriend calls him, and emotionally tells him – again – “I will love you forever.”
At a concert on the college campus that evening, it looks like sparks will fly between Taylor and Ariel. Fortunately, they decide to be like the sisters each girl always wanted. LOVE ME FOREVER concludes with Adam, Taylor and Ariel joyfully dancing together while the band plays a fun, upbeat song at the concert.
4. Answer the question “What I learned from this lesson is…?” and place that at the top of your work.
Benefit from using my Credibility + Logline + Pitch Wording from Lesson 8
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Robert Barhite’s Phone Pitch
What I learned from this lesson is to keep hammering away at the pitch. Tight. KISS. Succinct. Make every moment count.
1. Tell us which of the four strategies you are going to use to open your pitch:
I plan to lead with lead with credibility.
Hi, I’m Robert Barhite, a graduate from National University with a degree in screenwriting and I have a concept for a Western series I’d like to a quick thirty second pitch with you
2. Phone Call Pitch:
“Eulogy for the Damned” is a one-hour Western serial and a commentary on today’s rising tensions between the one percent and the working class. A Black former gang leader scours the West searching for the traitor who sold out the gang out to the law and stole their loot. But he faces the hangman’s noose for two murders he didn’t commit. His only chance at freedom is to help rich cattle barons raise an army to wipe out homesteaders, or else he’ll be hung for the execution of two homesteaders. And the man organizing the army is ex-gang leader – the very traitor he wants dead.
3. Give us a one or two sentence answer to the questions a producer may ask:
What’s the budget range? The budget is about $6-10 million.
Who do you see in the main roles? The role of Isaiah Cooper, the protagonist, fits an actors like Brandon J. Bell, Jay Ellis, or Aldis Hodge. The antagonist, cattle baron Jeb Hesse, is a perfect role for Dean Winters, Samuel West, or Jason Isaacs.
How many pages is the script? The script is 64 pages, which I will forward to you.
Who else has seen this? I’ve recently began marketing it.
Why do you think this fits our company? “Eulogy for the Damned” is a great opportunity for your production company to bring to life social commentary disguised as a gritty, enthralling Western.
How does the movie end? The pilot ends with our hero Isaiah framed for murdering two homesteaders. To win his freedom Isaiah must assist his ex-outlaw partner and raise an army of mercenaries bent on wiping out the homesteaders. Isaiah realizes his ex-partner is keeping him alive long enough to discover what became of the gang’s loot.
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