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Day 9 Assignment
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Budinscak Creates a Future
Day 9
What I learned doing this assignment:
o How to shore up and sell a scene.
o I appreciate having the characters’ traits and profiles handy to keep them consistent.
o Whatever improves the script and piques the reader’s interest.
1. Characters
Jack – slick/street smart, selfish, condescending, generous
Subtext – Conniving
Logline – Jack isn’t a role model, nor does he want to be, but … when presented with a captive audience – his nephews, Puck & Sal – he will present whatever version facts as he sees fit.
LC – Lincoln Clogs – intimidating, a planner, sarcastic, leader
Subtext – Tricky
Logline – LC will always do the right thing, especially in the pursuit of shady purposes.
Setup:
Act II has just begun, LC has given Jack a tour of the call center and Jack and his nephews are ready to begin their journey.
SUPER: 1986
EXT. PICNIC GROUNDS ENTRANCE – DAY
Jack and LC stand at the back of the Cadillac as two of
LC’s MEN approach carrying buckets of ice.
LC
Jack, what’s in the cooler?
JACK
Not sure, but I got a helluva idea. I’m afraid to look.
LC
Why? You need to know.
JACK
I play stupid better than I play liar.
LC
Sounds like that’ll come in handy for this trip.
Jack drops his eyes and shakes his head. LC motions to the two faces staring at him from the Cadillac’s back window.
LC
What are you going to do with your nephews?
JACK
Since you won’t take ‘em, I’m dropping them off at the bus station.
LC
Jack ….
JACK
I’ll figure it out. How tough can they be, really?
LC winces to the comment. LC knows all too well what Jack will soon find out.
LC
And you’re sure Don Vito knows?
JACK
Positive. I just don’t know what to do.
Jack pops the Cadillac’s trunk open.
JACK
Ready?
LC and Jack’s eyes meet followed by a slight nod. Jack props off the lid of the cooler. He and LC lean in to look and pull back immediately.
LC
Jack ….
JACK
Hmmmmm. Well, wish me luck.
Jack closes the trunk and stops before LC. The two men shake hands, then embrace in a hug before Jack jumps in his Caddy. LC knocks and Jack lowers the driver’s side window.
LC
You gonna be okay?
JACK
I got no idea.
LC steps back and the Cadillac lunges forward. Sal and Puck hang out the back windows waving goodbye.
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Armand Creates a Future!
What I learned…
Create story questions related to the future of our stories is important. Use these techniques:
Techniques:
Have them talk about something in the future
A warning
Create suspense – worry about some future scenario
Create uncertainty about a future decision
A twist that requires us to read father
Hooks that make us wonder
TYLER, THE GHOST
Traits: Arrogant, Sarcastic, Immature
Subtext: Scared, in Denial
LEX, THE GOTH HIGH SCHOOL GIRL
Traits: Curious, Brave, Sarcastic, Intelligent
Subtext: Insecure, Lonely
INT. MANOR – NIGHT
Lex holds her cellphone, speaks with Tyler through her paranormal readings app.
LEX
(re: masked killer)
We need to stop him before is too late.
TYLER
You need to get out of here. Get everybody out of here.
LEX
They won’t listen to me. They never do.
TYLER
You will regret it if you don’t try. The killer is not going to stop until he kills your sister, your sister’s friends and you.
LEX
Being alive sucks anyway. Maybe I can be a ghost.
TYLER
That’s even worse. You don’t want to know what happens when you spend eternity doing nothing.
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To increase suspense in the second act, I decided to have Litonya, the geologist and Jake’s wife disappear so that she is not at his mother’s funeral. She doesn’t answer calls or texts, and I can keep planting questions about her whereabouts but have the other narrator tell the reader where she is just before she and Jake are together on the boat and then in their “crucible” at the climax.
) INT. LA ROCHE STONE MANSION – DAY
Jake, Betty, Orhan, and Nikos are sitting in the living room. Joan is reclining in a chaise longue.JAKE
It’s not too late. I know you have access to secret drugs. Please help.BETTY
I am just a servant. I obey orders. There are limited supplies. But one thing I do know is that she is too far gone. She is 90 and her brain has emptied out. These drugs must be taken early on.JAKE
Then give them to me before I get Lewy Body dementia.BETTY
You are doing relatively well. The drugs are complicated. They have to be taken, all of them, under a physician. We aren’t doctors.Suddenly Joan starts to whimper. She stands up, tries to walk towards them, trips and falls because Betty secretly arranged the carpet that way. They fight and Orhan and Nikos intercede, playing the flute and waxing philosophical.
Jake starts crying and begins CPR.
Betty
We must honor her DNR. Don’t torture her.JAKE
Easy for you to let her pass on because if she had died forty years ago, your life would have been different, Nikos.50) EXT. LA ROCHE HOUSE – DAY
Joan is laid to rest in the backyard but their son Jake will not rest. His Parkinson’s is worse, and he is terrified it will progress to Lewy Body dementia. He has trouble walking around. Betty takes care of the funeral rites in her usual efficient manner. Townspeople show up like shadows on a cold winter day.JAKE This is not how a village doctor should be remembered. Such a contrast to Dad’s party funeral.
JAKE
Strange that Litonya didn’t come. Where is she?AANADI
I want to be the village doctor like grandma Joan.51) INT. LA ROCHE LIBRARY – DAY
Jake consults with Anahu, Aanadi, Kisele, Astride, and Delphine about Betty and the brain buffet. Where is Litonya? -
Jodi Creates a Future! – Day 9
Creating a future for a scene compels the reader to be curious about future events and peaks interest to continue reading. You can do this with the techniques of hooks, twists, warnings, suspense, uncertainty and talking about something in the future. It’s what’s happening next that matters.
KAREN BAILEY, Sweet, easily excitable
Being a young teen, Karen overwhelms easily and reacts emotionally. She seeks out opportunities to be more independent.
CRUSHER VENNICK, Selfish, dumb, reactive only
What you see is what you get with Crusher, his epidermis is as deep as it gets, and he likes it that way. No consequences equals no guilt.
Billy Johnson, Follower, has a conscious, has a moral code
One wonders how Billy got caught up with a character like Crusher. Billy feels comfortable and safe following, as opposed to breaking out of the pack.
EXT. OUTSIDE THE CLINIC – DAY
Karen Bailey, 16, exits the Life Creation Clinic mandated by the state. She sees people watching her. It frightens her. At first she has a slow pace to her step, with each step her pace becomes faster. She fumbles for her keys. She is shaking, but doesn’t take her eyes off of these people in a nonchalant way. She presses her key fob as she reaches her car, she quickly gets in and starts the engine.
EXT. OUTSIDE THE CLINIC – SAME
Crusher Vennick is mentoring his friend Billy Johnson in the fine art of following abortion clinic patients and tracking them.
CRUSHER
Oh hoo, look at that Speckleberry. You gotta get a jump on the target before the list comes out.
BILLY
What list? Speckleberry?
CRUSHER
The OLL stupid, our bread and butter, and our target right…there.
BILLLY
Man, there’s a lot of people here.
CRUSHER
Yep, it’s cutthroat with other bounty hunters as you can see. This ain’t nothin’, just wait till the list comes out, you won’t have a chance for the reward with all the puddle ducks.
BILLY
Jeez
CRUSHER
I been skunked enough. That’s why I stake out here for when they come out. Get to em’ early. You bring your bat?
BILLLY
Yeah, but what I need it for?
CRUSHER
For the s.o.b.’s that get to close to our targets.
Ten thousand dollars is a lot of reward to fight for.
BILLY
That is fucked up Crusher. I’m out.
CRUSHER
(laughs)
We make money, we don’t kill no one. That’s not what we do. But we scare the vultures away from our prize.
EXT. SAME
It’s a frenzy, each person clamoring to be the first to follow her, she hears many engines start.
CRUSHER
Come on General, do your magic!
EXT. SAME
Crusher and Billy hop in the big red monster truck, adorned with a confederate flag.
INT. CAR – SAME
Karen is shaken as she exits the parking lot as Crusher’s monster truck speeds to get behind her, they follow her close behind practically on her bumper. Karen punches on the gas.
BILLY
Arent’ you gonna scare the girl getting so close?
CRUSHER
Have to, look behind you.
Billy looks in the rear view mirror and sees a line of cars following closely behind. Crusher swerves to the left quickly as one of the following cars tries to pass him.
CRUSHER
(laughing)
Woooohooooo!
(shouting)
Slob Hunters!
Billy looks terrified as Crusher is swerving from left to right and back again keeping the other bounty hunters at bay.
CRUSHER
Oh, my, the little Speckleberry is pickin up speed and head right up the mountain.
BILLY
(irritated)
Again, what is a Speckleberry?
CRUSHER
Our target dumb ass.
They continue to follow Karen and Crusher is successful in losing many bounty hunters who were tail-gaiting him, except one.
EXT. SAME
Karen is in a rural part of the state where windy roads are the normal terrain. She constantly looks back in the rear view mirror in terror as the monster truck stays close. She can hear them whooping and hollering at her. Now, more scared than ever and going too fast, looking back she misjudges a turn and slams on her brakes. Crusher, who was glancing back at the one car still trying to pass him, plows right into her fender. Her sedan is no match for Crusher’s monster truck. It sends her careening off the road and her car flips continually coming to a stop sixty yards from the highway.
EXT. SIDE OF ROAD – DAY
Crusher and Billy had pulled to the side of the road watching the car flip as the car behind them drove past. They know they were the ones who caused her to flip her car.
CRUSHER
Let’s get outta her.
Crusher begins to pull onto the road.
BILLY
We can’t do that, we need to see if she’s okay.
Crusher sees her arm still.
CRUSHER
Does she look okay?
I ain’t gonna take no wrap for no whore.
BILLY
We have to stop. You want to go to jail for the rest of your life?
CRUSHER
It was an accident!
BILLY
I’ll tell the cops if you don’t stop this car right now.
CRUSHER
You do and your days’ll be numbered.
Billy looks disillusioned in Crusher. Crusher takes a minute and then stops the car engine.
CRUSHER
Okay. I hear ya. Let’s go.
Crusher and Billy exit the car and walk towards the wreckage.
EXT. KAREN’S WRECKED CAR – LATER
Crusher and Billy get to the car but the windows are rolled up and the doors are locked.
BILLY
Shit, how are we gonna get in there to help her?
CRUSHER
See any rocks around, we can smash the window.
They look around but don’t see any boulders big enough to break the window.
BILLY
I’ll get my bat!
CRUSHER
Good idea.
As Billy rushes to get the bat Crusher smiles slightly, he continues to peer in the car and looks at the highway for cars that might be passing by. Billy comes running back with the bat, he rips his shirt off.
BILLY
Crusher, hold my shirt next to the window while I smash it.
CRUSHER
Bull shit I will.
BILLY
We don’t have time for this. Here, you do it then.
Billy switches places with Crusher and hands him the bat. Crusher takes a big swing and shatters the window. Billy quickly unlocks the door and opens it. Karen shows faint signs of life. Crusher sees this. Crusher tries to lift her face as it looks as if she’s hanging by a thread.
CRUSHER
See if my CB’ll work up here, if it does call 9.1.1. Don’t tell em’ who we are!
BILLY
Good idea!
Billy runs off back to the car. Crusher watches him, knowing it’ll take Billy a couple of minutes. He reaches over to Karen, she is very weak and her face bobs like a rag doll.
CRUSHER
Sorry Speckleberry, it’s you or me. And it ain’t gonna be me.
Crusher wraps Billy’s shirt around Karen’s neck and chokes her to death. He quickly runs back to the truck.
EXT. CRUSHER’S TRUCK – SAME
Crusher approaches his truck just as Billy hangs up the CB
BILLY
Over and out.
CRUSHER
You get the cops?
BILLY
Yeah, they’re coming.
CRUSHER
Good.
Crusher starts the truck and he takes off.
BILLY
What are you doing?
CRUSHER
Look, we stopped, she’s okay. I don’t want to get popped for causing an accident.
Billy looks worried, as they head down the hill, Billy looks back at the wreckage.
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Rob Bertrand Creates a Future
What I learned: I learned that every scene should propel your viewer into the future of your script.
Annie Andrews – Protagonist
Basic character traits: Sarcastic, quick tempered, fragile teenager who aches for acceptance.
Character Logline: Annie is a high school student, overwhelmed with guilt over the death of her mother, who’s struggling to come out to her traditional father.Danny Laplante – Antagonist
Basic character traits: Traumatized, delusional, Liar, who’s dangerous.
Character Logline: Danny is a high school drop out with a history of mental illness, who becomes obsessed with tormenting Annie after she rejects his affections.EXT. PARKING LOT – WEDDING VENUE – NIGHT
Annie leads Jessica by the hand, through a field of parked cars.
JESSICA
Is mom and dad fighting?ANNIE
When are they not fight? Hurry up.The sisters cut through a row of cars and find their parents arguing beside their car.
JACK
(slurred)
Just…gimme the fucking keys, Nora.NORA
(angry)
You said you had this under control!JACK
(angry)
I’m fine! Gimme the keys…NORA
Get in the car, Jack. Pull yourself together…for the kids.Annie and Jessica approach quietly. Fire burning in Annie’s eyes.
JACK
(cheerful)
Hey kids. Ready to go?Nora opens the car door and Jessica jumps inside.
ANNIE
Don’t fucking talk to me.JACK
Whoa! Language!ANNIE
You are so embarrassing!Jack stumbles forward towards Annie, but Nora steps between them. She places a hand firmly on Jack’s chest.
NORA
Stop! Both of you. Get in the car, Jack.She motions towards the backseat, but Jack isn’t having it.
JACK
Give me…my fucking…keys!Nora’s had enough.
NORA
(whispers)
Get in the backseat, Jack or so help me God, I will leave you here. I will leave you and take the kids…Jack goes to say something, but the look on Nora’s face stops him cold. He caves and plops himself down next to Jessica in the backseat. She ignores him, lost in her Nintendo Switch.
Nora slams the door in his face. She can’t face Annie.
NORA
Annie….I need you to…I need you to drive.ANNIE
But…I…Nora turns, tears in her eyes. Embarrassed.
NORA
I’ve had too much to drink, hon.
(rolls her eyes)
Your dad promised he’d be the designated driver. What was I thinking?Annie looks down at the ground. Nervous.
ANNIE
It’s a long way home, mom. I’ve never drove at night.NORA
You’ll do fine, sweetheart. You need the practice. I’ll be right beside you.Nora holds the keys out to Annie. They drop into the palm of her hand.
ANNIE
Dad’s got a real problem, mom.Jack bangs on the window.
JACK
(muffled)
Let’s go, already!NORA
C’mon…let’s get home.INT. ANDREW’S CAR – NIGHT
Annie’s hand reached down the seat, adjusts the seat lever. She adjusts the mirror, avoiding her father’s eye contact in the reflection.
Keys enter the ignition and the engine turns over.
NORA
Okay, are you good with the mirrors?ANNIE
Yeah…yeah, I’m good.NORA
Go ahead and throw it in reverse. Remember head on a swivel.Annie pulls the gear shift into reverse.
EXT. ANDREW’S CAR – PARKING LOT – NIGHT
Reverse lights illuminate and the car pulls slowly out of its spot.
INT. ANDREW’S CAR – NIGHT
Annie white knuckle grips the steering wheel as she looks over her shoulder.
NORA
Good. Very good. Okay, throw it in drive and we’ll head out over there.She motions to a gravel road in the distance.
Annie shifts into drive. She lets off the brake a little to fast. The car lurches forward, before she can stomp the break.
JACK
Jesus! Damn near broke my neck back here!ANNIE
Sorry!NORA
Don’t be sorry. Remember, easy does it.Annie slowly releases the brake, then applies gentle pressure to the gas pedal. The car rolls forward.
NORA
Perfect. See? You got this.JACK
At this pace, we’ll be home sometime next week.Nora shoots Jack a dirty look.
NORA
Ignore him. Take a left onto the road.EXT. ANDREW’S CAR – MOVING – NIGHT
The left turn signal illuminates the dark field. The car comes to a full stop, then pulls painfully slow into the road.
INT. ANDREW’S CAR – MOVING – LATER
Nora stares out the window, lost in thought.
NORA
Carol looked so beautiful tonight. Wasn’t that a beautiful wedding?ANNIE
Yeah, until Dad ruined it.Jack stares daggers at Annie.
JACK
Over a couple of homo’s? Shit, man…NORA
They looked so happy together…ANNIE
It’s twenty-twenty-one, dad. Gay people exist.Nora attempts to change the subject.
NORA
I think I’m going to take a bath when we get home–JACK
–So…a gay deer walks out of a bar and says, “I can’t believe I just blew fifty bucks, in there.”He laughs hard at his own joke. No one else thinks it’s funny.
JACK (CONTINUED)
C’mon….that was funny!ANNIE
Asshole…EXT. RURAL ROAD – NIGHT
The Andrew’s car approaches a four-way intersection as a large truck approaches from a side road. A yellow light blinks its warning.
EXT. ANDREW’S CAR – MOVING – NIGHT
Through the windshield, the approaching headlights grow closer.
ANNIE
What do I do?NORA
You’ve got the right of way. They’ll stop.EXT. INTERSECTION – NIGHT
An obnoxiously large truck, flying two American flags over its cab, rolls to a stop at the intersection and waits for the Andrew’s car to pass.
INT. ANDREW’S CAR – MOVING – NIGHT
Through the review mirror, the truck pulls out onto the road and quickly catches up, riding Annie’s bumper dangerously close.
ANNIE
Mom? What do I do?Nora looks over her shoulder, blinded by the truck’s headlights.
NORA
It’s okay. Slow down…I think they want to pass.The speedometer drops from 40mph, down to 30mph.
The truck flashes his high beams and honks wildly.
JACK
What does this prick want?Jack rolls down the window and waves them by.
The truck revs it’s engines and screams by the Andrew’s car.
JACK
(screams)
Fuck you!The truck cuts Annie off and speeds off.
ANNIE
Jesus!NORA
Annie, don’t use the lord’s name in vain.ANNIE
Sorry.There’s a moment of silent tension.
JACK
Why can’t women wear miniskirts in San Francisco?ANNIE
Dad, stop.NORA
Jack, please…JACK (CONTINUED)
Because their balls would show!Jack erupts into a fit of laughter.
ANNIE
Dad!Annie looks over her shoulder and glares at her dad. If looks could kill.
Nora’s eyes widen as the truck in front them slams on their breaks.
NORA
(screams)
Stop!But Annie doesn’t realize her mom is talking to her. She returns focus back to the road, but it’s too late.
The car slams hard into the back of the truck.
Blackness.
CUT TO:
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Emmanuel’s Creates a Future
What I learned doing this assignment is that creating future events that build anticipation or force the audience to ask a question always adds intrigue to any plot.
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PS 80 Michelle Damis Creates a Future
What I learned doing this assignment is that creativity can come at the strangest moments and often in a direction you weren’t expecting. I discovered a new name for my Vampire character and a new twist that may or may not stick as I continue, but I a took a cliché’ scene and flipped it, but now I need to make sure I like the logic behind it. I didn’t finish the whole scene and I’m not sure it was the best choice for this assignment but I’m slowly progressing and trying to keep up and stay on track.
INT. BREWSTER HOME – NIGHT
*prior to this scene we see a montage of them interviewing other potential tenants.
Jim and Marin sit on the couch looking a bit worn out. This is not as easy or as fun as they thought. Marin has a clipboard and is looking over her notes when the doorbell rings.
MARIN: This should be our last one.
She refers to list. Jim covers a yawn as he heads to get the door.
MARIN: His name is… Osgood? (raising her eyebrows)
Jim stops in his tracks and gives Marin a WTF look, then opens the door. Osgood stands waiting politely.
JIM: Uh..You must be Osgood. I’m Jim.
Jim extends his hand.
OSGOOD: You can call me OZY.
OZY hesitates and then shakes his hand.
JIM: My God your hand is freezing! Please, come in, let’s get you warmed up.
OZY: I’m fine, I run a little cold is all.
Jim ushers him into the living room. OZY takes in the warm, welcoming home.
JIM: This is Marin, my wife. Marin this is Ozy.
Marin stands and greets him, she is charmed.
OZY: It’s a pleasure.
JIM: Have a seat, I’m just going to get this fire going and warm you up.
OZY: I’m fine, really, no need.
JIM: It’s no trouble, there is nothing like a warm fire on a cold night.
Marin is shuffling through her notes, as Jim gets the fire started, Ozy is looking around the room.
JIM: OUCH!
Jim holds his hand up, there is a large sliver stuck in his finger. The tiniest drop of blood is forming at the wounds entrance. Marin jumps up for a closer look.
Ozy sees the blood, a worried look , quickly turns to one of confusion, he sniffs the air. Nothing.
MARIN: Yikes…Let me grab you tweezers.
Marin runs off to the other room. Ozy sits there awkwardly perplexed.
JIM: How does something so tiny hurt so much? Huh?
OZY: Do you mind if I take a look at it?
Before Jim can answer Ozy crosses the room and kneels down for a closer look, and smell. Still nothing.
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Amy Creates a Future
What I learned doing this assignment is this technique can be used on scenes that would otherwise be dull and boring. Hopefully, this scene has the desired effect and makes the reader want to keep reading.
Meagan
Basic character traits: nurturing, motherly, conniving, deceitful
Want/Need: Wants to keep Andrea away from Josh and her kids. Needs to be loved
Paradoxes: She is a loving mother figure to Josh’s kids and to fiancé to him, but she’s not above manipulating them to get what she wants
Secret: She pushed Andrea into the supercollider and caused her to be lost in time
Flaw: She will cheat to get what she wants
Special: She was the apple of her father’s eye until he died tragically in car accident when she was just 8.
Andrea
Basic character traits: well-spoken, image conscience, playful, competitive
Want/Need: Wants to become a network anchor, wants Josh and her kids back, needs to feel validated
Paradoxes: Wants to be a good wife and mother but also wants a demanding career
Secret: She once gave a co-worker the wrong directions to a story location so that she could beat her to the story
Flaw: She can be selfish
Special: She was the ugly duckling at school until her braces came off and her acne went away, then she became one of the popular girls.
EXT. – UNIVERSITY SCIENCE LAB – DAY
The MAYOR of Johnston City stands next to a MAN in a lab coat just in front of the double doors leading inside the lab and behind a huge red ribbon. He holds a giant pair of scissors. They stand before a small gathering of people, one of which is MEAGAN, 30s. She looks likes she’s up to no good.
Andrea stands off to the side with Matt. Matt is holding his camera and recording the ceremony.
MAYOR
And so I’d like to invite Dr. Ronald Smity up to help me cut the ribbon and officially open the Johnston City University Science Lab.
PROFESSOR SMITY, 60S, sports a head full of white hair. He walks with a cane and wears glasses on the tip of his nose.
PROFESSOR SMITY
Thank you, Mayor. It’s an honor to be with you here today. We already have lots of important work in progress, and I can’t wait to share it all with you.
MAYOR
Great! Let’s cut the ribbon!
They cut the ribbon.
There is APPLAUSE FROM THE CROWD and the CLICKING OF CAMERAS CAN BE HEARD.
Meagan rushes up to Dr. Smity.
MEAGAN
Dr. Smity?
DR. SMITY
Yes?
MEAGAN
I’m your new teacher’s assistant.
DR. SMITY
Oh, yes. I did hear that you were coming. Nice to have you.
MEAGAN
I’m really excited to get to work with you on the new supercollider. I hear it’s nearly finished.
DR. SMITY
Yes, getting very close.
MEAGAN
I’ve been doing some research, and I understand that time travel is a very real possibility with the supercollider.
Dr. Smity looks taken aback.
DR. SMITY
Uh, yes, possible, but not advisable. Why are you-
ANDREA (O.S.)
Dr. Smity!
Dr. Smity tears his attention away from Meagan.
DR. SMITY
Yes?
ANDREA
Andrea Richards with WBEN. I wonder if could steal a moment of your time for an interview.
MEAGAN
Andrea Richards! I watch you on TV every day!
She holds her hand out the Andrea.
MEAGAN
Meagan Donahue. Dr. Smity’s new TA.
ANDREA
Nice to meet you.
MEAGAN
Our sons are on the same baseball team. I know your husband.
ANDREA
You know my husband?
MEAGAN
And your kids!
ANDREA
Funny, I don’t remember seeing you there. Do you only talk to my husband and kids when I’m not there?
Dr. Smity clears his throat.
DR. SMITTY
Um, ladies.
ANDREA
Oh! So sorry, Dr. Smity. Where were we?
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Janeen Creates a Future!
What I learned doing this assignment is that even a very brief scene like this one can convey that a) Amber is afraid of her husband; b) Daniel flatters his clients while insulting them; c) Morgan’s husband is very successful; and, d) Morgan doesn’t like being labeled the trophy wife.
Characters: <div>
Morgan Day
Basic Character Traits:
Insecure
Curious/Eager to learn
Perfectionist — can’t leave well enough alone
Bold under pressure
Subtext Character Traits: Intimidated, Crafty
Logline: Morgan is a wealthy fashionista who wants to help other women to prove to herself that she is not just a trophy wife.
Possible areas of subtext: Pretends to believe she is inferior to her husband. Collects friends who help intimidated women while not realizing she is intimidated. Pretends altruism while her work is a form of revenge against her husband.
Daniel Richards
Basic Character Traits:
Temperamental artist
Insecure
Incredibly good designer
Perfectionist
Subtext Character Traits: Cloaking, Vengeful
Logline: Daniel is a fashion designer who finds himself venting his frustrations with his clients on his submissive wife but Morgan is somehow empowering his wife to defy him and that must stop.
Possible areas of subtext: Obsequiously bows to his clients’ wishes in fashion. Gets as nitpicky with his wife at home as he feels his clients are with him. Hates anyone who challenges his right to be absolutely, unequivocally in charge at home.
Amber Richards
Basic Character Traits:
Loving
Gentle
Long-suffering
Fiercely protective of her kids
Subtext Character Traits: Intimidated, Secretive
Logline: Amber is a good mother and must find the courage to protect herself and her children from her vicious husband before he kills them.Possible areas of subtext: Pretends she is in control in front of her children no matter what Daniel is doing to her.
SCENE
INT. RICHARDS HOME ENTRY – EVENING
DANIEL opens the door to MORGAN.
DANIEL
Come in. This should only take a few minutes.
MORGAN
Of course.
Morgan enters. While he’s closing the door, Morgan espies AMBER holding her KIDS protectively in the darkened living room. Morgan slips her hand in her bag.
DANIEL
Shall we go to the workroom, my dear?
MORGAN
Of course. Lead on.
Daniel leads Morgan through the entry to a hallway.
MORGAN
Gavin worries if I’m gone for long at night. He’s such a homebody.
DANIEL
Except for galas, award dinners and such.
Morgan pulls out the Waterman book and, giving Amber a significant look, and quietly places the book on a table in the entrance before following Daniel down the hall.
MORGAN
Those aren’t pleasant outings for him, just unfortunate obligations.
Morgan straightens in smug satisfaction.
DANIEL
The agonies of being a world famous author, no doubt. And your agony is needing to look picture perfect on his arm at every event.
Morgan steels herself and sneers at Daniel’s back.
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Pablo’s Create a Future
What I learned: I already knew the rule of “what happens next” but the challenge is to write a future in every page. This film is meant to me a thriller so it has to start right at the beginning and I have to make it last all the way to the end. What did I learn? Well, that it will be difficult to hold that carrot in front of the reader without dropping it once or twice. This is something I have to get good at.
EXT. DESERT – NIGHT
Dead of night, the rocks and cacti are as still as the moon overhead. Some whispers and gravelly footsteps break the silence as a gaunt, Mexican man leads a group of what might be his family with nothing but a small LED flashlight to guide them. The man stops in his tracks and shushes his party. BUZZ. He scans left and right, looking for the source of the sound. Frightened, he hurries the group ahead of him, women and children mostly. As they go on ahead. The man looks back with his flashlight but still can’t find where the sound is coming from.
EXT. EL RIO GRANDE – NIGHT
The closer the group gets to the river, the trickle of water begins to drown out the buzzing noise. At the river, another man waits with an inflatable raft. The family carefully boards and push off. Without a paddle, several of them use their hands to wade their way across.
EXT. EL RIO GRANDE – NIGHT
We see a birds eye view of the group in night vision. Their eyes glow brightly as they desperately make their way to the other side of the river.
The man jumps out of the boat when the water is shallow enough and drags it to shore. They head towards the massive fence. All the while, the night vision camera from above follows them as they walk along the fencing.
EXT. TEXAS BORDER – NIGHT
They eventually reach an opening and, with urgency, the gaunt man shepherds the group across. They pick up speed when suddenly a spotlight from an SUV blinds them. The side of the car reads: U.S. BORDER PATROL.
OFFICER(in Spanish): Stop! Don’t move!
The group scatters. Women holding their infants. Men dragging their wives. All for naught as the surrounded by men in green uniforms. The gaunt man hears the BUZZ again. He looks up to see several drones hovering over them.
INT. US BORDER PATRO, EL PASO SECTOR – NIGHT
Chief Patrol Agent Thompson, a tree stump of a man, stares at the monitor displaying the apprehension of the illegal immigrants in night vision. The gaunt man on screen stares back before he is then collected by the officers. He is accompanied by a few other agents of varying ranks though he is clearly the one in charge. All are standing aside from one man who sits on an old office chair. FRANK KAZAKOWSKI(50), a rough looking man with a clean crew cut, sits rigidly with a look of indifference. He is no agent. His left hand is handcuffed to the arm of the chair.
THOMPSON: So how long do the batteries last on those birds?
Frank clenches his jaw.
THOMPSON: I asked you a question, Frank.
FRANK: I did what you asked. What is it that you want?
Thompson is unimpressed.
THOMPSON: This was just a trial run. But I’d say it went well. Which is good, for your sake.
Frank leans back on his chair, ready to listen.
THOMPSON: You’re gonna help us. You’ll be my eyes in the sky.
Frank smirks.
FRANK: I highly doubt you’ll get the approval.
THOMPSON: Who says I’m requesting approval?
Frank chuckles.
FRANK: Won’t the DEA be expecting you to hand me over?
Thompson shakes his head.
THOMPSON: They don’t know you’re here. They have no idea about your elaborate operation drug smuggling drones.
Frank’s smile disappears. Thompson closes in.
THOMPSON: Here’s the deal: Your team is done transporting goods. From now on, you work for me. And you’re going to help me catch illegals.
FRANK: Like hell I will. I don’t work for no one.
THOMPSON: It’s that or you and friends go straight to prison. We know where your men are. Just one phone call and this deal goes up in smoke.
Frank shakes his head. Thompson gets in closer.
THOMPSON: How long you think you would last in County Detention, Frank. Sapo’s got some connections there. They found out you’ve been pinched, they’re going to want to make sure you keep your mouth shut. Permanently.
Beat.
FRANK: So what, you’re going to put me on the payroll?
Thompson squints.
FRANK: We’re going to need some… “government funding”, if you will. Like you said, it’s an elaborate operation. My birds don’t fly for free.
Thompson turns to look at his men. He laughs heartily. The other agents echo his laughter.
THOMPSON: This is a simple offer, Frank. The only exchange we’re going to make is you telling me when the wetbacks reach the wall and where we can find them. Other than that, I’ll pretend you don’t exist.
FRANK: That ain’t fair. That’s a shit ton of man hours for nothin’.
THOMPSON: You’re a smart man, Frank. I’m sure you’ll find other ways to make an income. But it ain’t gonna be with Sapo. Cuz if I find out you bring even an ounce into Texas, I’ll bury you my fuckin’ self.
Thompson takes Frank’s silence for compliance. He unlocks the handcuffs and hands Frank an outdated smartphone.
THOMPSON: I’ll be in contact. And you’d better answer. Now get the fuck out of my sight.
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