Day 9 Assignments

[Amy Falkofske]

REQUEST FOR FEEDBACK EXCHANGE

Amy’s Final Scene!

Subtext logline for Dr. Smitty- Dr. Smitty is a scientist who lied and cheated to get where he is today. He doesn’t know nearly enough about supercollider to be put in charge of one.

Setup: Andrea got sucked into the university’s supercollider while she was doing a live report and went back in time. When she came back, she was a whole year into the future. Meagan is Dr. Smitty’s teaching assistant who was there when Andrea got sucked into the machine.

INT. – SCIENCE LAB – NEXT DAY

Dr. Smitty examines the supercollider, troubled by something.

ANDREA

Problem?

Dr. Smitty looks up and upon seeing Andrea jumps back so hard he nearly bangs against the wall.

DR. SMITTY

A- An- Andrea! Andrea Richards!

ANDREA

I’m baaack.

Dr. Smitty looks as if he’s seen a ghost.

ANDREA

Do you know where I’ve been?

Dr. Smitty timidly shakes his head “no.”

ANDREA

Neither do I! For a while I literally saw my life flash before my eyes. Then. Then, I don’t know. Where was I for a whole year, Dr. Smitty?

DR. SMITTY

You knew the machine was an experiment.

ANDREA

You’re blaming ME? Tell me, did you know that time travel was possible with this machine?

DR. SMITTY

Admitting such a thing would have made me the laughing stock of the science community.

ANDREA

I see. Did your teacher’s assistant, Meagan, know that time travel was possible with this machine?

DR. SMITTY

That bubble head? How absurd?

ANDREA

I’m going to get to the bottom of this one way or the other. You ruined my life! You can tell me what happened, or I will just have to figure it out the hard way. Either way, I WILL find out!

Andrea storms out of the room.

Dr. Smitty yells at her as she leaves.

DR. SMITTY

I have no secrets!

[John Budinscak]

Amy,

Can I interest you in a Feedback Exchange? Please let me know. Thank you.

John B.

[Amy Falkofske]

Hi John,

That would be great! I’ll take a look at your scene tomorrow.

Amy

[John Budinscak]

Thank you, Amy – talk soon!

John B.

[John Budinscak]

The purpose of subtext is twofold: 1. Get the audience to internalize the experience of the characters and join the movie’s internal journey and, 2. Deliver deeper meaning in dialog, action, character, etc. Mission accomplished, Amy!

Dr. Smitty is a wonderful character you created and a perfect subtext subject. His traits and identify point to a character he definitely is not. His subtext logline says it best – a scientist who lied and cheated to get where he is – nice. And you carried it from the very beginning of the scene all the way to the very end when the good Doctor yells his final words, “I have no secrets!” – great line, very nice.

I really like the scene you crafted and how you introduced Andrea in it. It has Dr. Smitty backpedaling from the get go and I didn’t feel as though I could trust anything he does or says. And I felt sorry for Andrea. All she’s looking for is answers and I don’t believe she will get any from Dr. Smitty. When she inquires about Megan, Dr. Smitty’s comments give her no assurances.

Your scene, the characters, their traits and identities, dialog, actions, the situation – all loaded with subtext. I like everything you did here. Great job, Amy!

[Amy Falkofske]

Thank you very much, John!

[Robert Smith]

REQUEST FEEDBACK EXCHANGE

BOB SMITH’S FINAL SCENE

Character subtext loglines

KURT GERRON, is a veteran actor in a supporting role in “The Blue Angel” who feels sorry for Emil Jannings and listens to his complaints about director Josef von Sternberg’s but he does not want to get triangulated between Sternberg and Dietrich with Jannings.

HANS ALBERS is another supporting actor who is supportive of Jannings but still feels it is his duty to inform Sternberg about Jannings inappropriate and bizarre behaviors behind the scenes, including telling cast members to do the opposite of what Sternberg directs.

SUBTEXT DESIGN: Something is off.

Albers reveals to Gerron that he has reported what he observes about the temperamental Jannings to director Sternberg about Jannings’ telling cast members to disregard Sternberg’s direction.

INT. KURT GERRON’S DRESSING ROOM – DAY.

SETUP: Gerron and Albers, cast members of “The Blue Angel” have just witnessed director Josef von Sternberg say to the temperamental star, Emil Jannings, that the film has only one director and to stop acting like a 3 year old. Albers suggests that the talk back in Gerron’s dressing room for the sake of privacy.

INT. KURT GERRON’S DRESSING ROOM – DAY.

GERRON

Is this privacy enough for you?

ALBER

It is.

GERRON

Very well, now, I was saying: Someone must have

told Sternberg that Jannings tells the cast to

do the exact opposite of what he instructs.

Now, what is it that requires such confidentiality?

ALBERS

Kurt, I am the “someone” who told Sternberg.

GERRON

Trying to feather a future Hollywood

nest for yourself through Sternberg?

ALBERS

You know I have no desire to leave

Germany for Hollywood. A director

must be told if he is being

undermined. Don’t you agree?

‘

GERRON

I suppose I agree, I just wouldn’t put

myself in the role of an informer and

denounce a fellow cast member.

ALBERS

If Jannings undermines the director,

he undermines the project and in

doing so, he undermines us, however

unintentionally.

GERRON

Most actors, even extras know they must follow

the director.

ALBERS

I have seen cast animosity for the director kill

a show. In Hollywood, Sternberg has a

record of prompting animosity.

GERRON

Or was it Anti-Semitism?

ALBERS

Adolph Zukor himself yielded to

William Powell’s request to never

have to work with Sternberg again.

The animosity Sternberg creates against

himself is simply explained: We both

know that Sternberg treats actors like

puppets. Then along comes the star who

treats them like human beings and of

course they start to listen to him as

opposed to the director. As for

being an informer: When I

informed Sternberg, he seemed to

be already aware of Jannings’

treachery.

GERRON

A director’s intuition.

ALBERS

Or. Perhaps “the informer” is Marlene.

GERRON

Marlene?

ALBERS

You don’t need intuition to see that

Marlene is already “other things”

to Sternberg besides an actress. Why

not an informer?

FADE OUT:

• This reply was modified 3 years, 4 months ago by  Robert Smith. Reason: Added request for feedback exchange

[John Budinscak]

REQUEST FOR FEEDBACK EXCHANGE

Budinscak Final Scene

Day 9

What I learned doing this assignment:

o A fun module with many, many applications for scenes, plots, characters and dialog that brings “deeper meaning”.

o Subtext is easy to design and add to just about any scene.

o Subtext gets the audience involved and it’s a fine payoff for them.

Character: Puck

Subtext Identity: Erudite nephew with a devious side

Character Traits: Nerdy, insecure, devious and intimidated

Subtext Logline: Puck is the erudite nephew with a devious side who constantly holds his uncle accountable and cousin in line.

Character: Sal

Subtext Identity: Sneaky nephew and convincing liar.

Character Traits: Manipulative, smartass, sneaky, bit of a bully

Subtext Logline: Sal is the sneaky nephew and convincing liar who is the one most apt to initiate trouble, benefit from it then abscond from blame.

Setup:

We’re in the second part of Act 2. Jack, Puck and Sal are ‘gambling’ at Circus Circus where adults can gamble real money downstairs and kids can play their games upstairs.

INT. CIRCUS CIRCUS – NIGHT

Upstairs at the children’s casino, Puck and Sal play the clown water balloon game where Puck shows an innate ability to shoot the water gun into the clown’s mouth. Puck wins when he beats Sal and 4 other kids. GEOFF, the slick game attendant, advises Sal and Puck.

GEOFF

Hey there, little man. Some of the best shooting I’ve since west of the Mississippi.

Puck wears his ‘aw shucks’ look, Sal wears one of modest disgust.

PUCK

Thanks, Mister.

SAL

What about my shooting?

GEOFF

It was right up there, too. I believe we need a final duel to declare a winner with just you two. Ready?

Puck and Sal size up one another – it’s on. The get in their respective slots – Sal in 7, Puck in 8.

SAL

Lucky number seven, Puck.

PUCK

We’ll see, Salvatore.

GEOFF

Gentlemen, are you ready? Three, two, one …

Geoff reaches below the counter and flips a switch on number 8. That water balloon fills first and bursts.

PUCK

Yesssss. Take that, Sal.

SAL

Good shooting, Puck, but I think I was robbed.

Sal shoots a look to Geoff to confirm, but Geoff’s face registers, don’t even go there.

GEOFF

You’ve won enough tickets that you can redeem for some real cool stuff.

SAL

Redeem?

PUCK

Exchange.

Geoff smirks warmly watching the cousins nod to each other before he points down the hallway.

GEOFF

Follow that hallway and just around the corner is the Prize Booth. Tell them Geoff sent you.

Sal and Puck are wide-eyed and bushy tailed – they run down the hall to the

PRIZE BOOTH

CHET, laconic and slightly high, works behind the counter at the Prize Booth dispensing cheap toys and trinkets. The boys rush through the entrance doors.

CHET

Looks like a couple of winners here.

PUCK

Geoff sent us.

CHET

That means you want the good stuff. Let’s see what you got there.

Puck and Sal completely empty their pockets of tickets, tokens, coins and lint.

CHET

Talk about big winners.

Sal grabs sunglasses and tries them on. He looks at Puck who’s shaking his head no.

SAL

Why not?

PUCK

You can find those anywhere, Sal, but how about those.

Puck points to shot glasses on the shelf.

CHET

You’re not going to find Circus Circus shot glasses anywhere but here.

Chet plops down 3 shot glasses with Circus Circus emblazoned on the side. Puck immediately inspects them.

CHET

What do you think?

PUCK

Sal, this is for us three – you, me and Uncle Jack. The shot glasses will always bring us back here.

Sal and Puck pick up a glass, touch them gently in a toast.

SAL

To family.

PUCK

To Uncle Jack.

Chet hurriedly picks up the third shot glass and they all clink glasses

CHET

To your family.

The three of them drink up their empty shot glasses.

SAL

Yeah, cool. To Vegas.

PUCK

To Vegas.

SAL

To Atlantic City.

Puck and Sal break into laughter, Chet joins in when the boys can’t stop.

PUCK

Do you have jewelry? We’d like to find something nice for our girlfriends?

Chet looks around making sure the coast is clear. He places a large, flat box on the counter and opens it slowly. It’s full of very obviously fake jewelry.

CHET

You boys serious about these ladies?

Puck nods yes immediately, Sal blushes and looks away. Chet directs his sales pitch to Puck and plucks out a large diamond ring.

CHET

This is the nicest ring I have. Your girlfriend will love this.

PUCK

What do you think, Sal?

SAL

(turns to Chet) I think he better have another one of those.

Chet can hardly conceal his smirk and searches the box for another large, fake diamond ring.

CHET

Lookee here.

PUCK

Mister, are these real?

CHET,

As real as you’re going to find here.

SAL

It’s perfect.

PUCK

Let’s go find Uncle Jack and show him what we won.

SAL

I’m sure he’s killing it downstairs.

PUCK

Thanks, mister.

The boys race out of the Prize Booth searching for their uncle.

• This reply was modified 3 years, 4 months ago by  John Budinscak.

[Amy Falkofske]

Amy’s Critique of John’s scene

Hey John,

Good scene. I feel like the shooting competition is subtext for Puck and Sal’s relationship. The subtext skill I see most strongly represented is language patterns (metaphor, implication, insinuation, hint, sarcasm, allusion).

One thing that was kind of confusing is where Puck shoots the number 8 balloon. The way you wrote it, it seems at first that the balloon bursts on its own. Maybe say something like Puck gets a shot in before Sal has a chance to react.

Lastly, I love the line “As real as you’re going to find here.” It’s loaded with subtext because what he’s really saying is they are not real and we don’t have any real ones. It even points to Puck and Sal’s naivety, which is also part of the subtext of this scene.

Good job!

[John Budinscak]

Thanks, Amy, I appreciate your critique and comments. I do understand what you mean about the balloon scene – it is a little confusing. I will clean that up so it makes sense. Thanks again for your help!

[Jodi Harrison]

Jodi’s Final Scene! – Day 9

REQUEST FOR FEEDBACK EXCHANGE

VERONICA BERNAL is a bright young woman who’s goal is to earn a degree and to ultimately follow her career path.

CARLOS RIOS is an opportunist who will do whatever it takes to achieve his desires.

The subtext scene design I picked:

C. Something is off
D. No one wants to tell the person

INT. SERVICE KING, CUSTOMER SERVICE COUNTER – DAY

Veronica walks into the Service King and approaches the front desk. SHEILA, who could be a beauty queen is manning the desk.

SHEILA: Hi, can I help you?

VERONICA: Yes please, is Carlos Rios around?

SHEILA: Sure, can I tell him what it’s about?

VERONICA: I’d just like to speak to him for a few minutes please.

Sheila has a look of concern on her face, but smiles.

SHEILA: Sure.

Sheila calls an extension.

SHEILA (cont.): Carlos, someone up here wants to see you.

Sheila hangs up the phone.

SHEILA: (cont.): He’ll be right up.

VERONICA: Thank you.

Veronica finds a chair to sit in. Sheila pretends she’s not exerting her peripheral vision towards Veronica . Veronica watches the TV on the wall while waiting for Carlos to show up.

Carlos approaches the glass door and stops abruptly. He mouths ‘oh shit’. Sheila sees him and cuts him down with her eyes. He takes a breath and walks into the lobby. Veronica stands to greet him. Sheila watches them like a hawk.

VERONICA: Hi Carlos, do you have a minute to talk?

CARLOS: (stammers) Yeah, a minute. Let’s go out here.

Carlos leads her into the car bay area, his back is to Sheila. Veronica observes Sheila watching them.

VERONICA: I’ve been trying to get a hold of you, I haven’t heard from you, you get my calls?

CARLOS: No, don’t think so.

VERONICA: I thought it’d be nice if we go out Saturday night, I have some things to talk to you about and I miss you.

Veronica tries to hug Carlos. He gently frees himself and nonchalantly glances back towards Sheila.

CARLOS: Uh, Saturday’s not good.

VERONICA: Sunday?

Carlos is clearly being evasive. Veronica is feeling shut down.

CARLOS: I’ve been busy, and will be for a while.

VERONICA: Me too…been busy. Would you like to see how busy I was?

Veronica takes four white sticks out of her purse. She puts them right up to his face.

VERONICA (cont.): Do you want to know what this means?

CARLOS: No, but I have a feeling you’re gonna to tell me.

VERONICA: The plus signs mean ‘a bun in the oven’. All four of em’ Carlos. Pluses!

No response from Carlos. He folds his arms and looks towards the ground.

Sheila walks out and passes by them slowly, she is a few feet behind Veronica now. She clearly is listening. Carlos glances at her.

VERONICA: I don’t want to go this alone.

CARLOS: (sheepishly) Well, I don’t know what you want from me?

VERONICA: You said you were sterile.

Sheila hears this and gasps, she shoots a look past Veronica onto Carlos. Carlos takes Veronica’s arm to guide them farther away from Sheila’s ears.

CARLOS: You’re a big girl, we both had a good time. Right?

VERONICA: It’s not a good time now, and I ask that you take equal responsibility for whatever happens. I need–

CARLOS: No, no, no, no, I don’t–

VERONICA: You’re man enough to have sex, you should be man enough to —

CARLOS: Look, I didn’t force you to have sex, you wanted it too.

VERONICA: I asked you to put a condom on and you insisted you were sterile, have you no conscious? You need to help me pay for a doctor visit and whatever else transpires.

CARLOS: Or what? What’ll you do?

VERONICA: Carlos, it takes two, two to make it, and two to deal with it.

CARLOS: I’ve gotta get back to work now.

VERONICA: I’m gonna need help dealing with this. I’ll get it from you one way or another.

Carlos starts to walk off, then turns back to her as an after thought.

CARLOS: You should be more careful. Men love gullible girls like you.

VERONICA: You know, if you men could get pregnant, abortion would be the law of the land, but you can’t, so it’s not, (shouts) so your penis owes me half of what this is gonna cost me!

Carlos starts walking back into the reception area, Veronica turns to Sheila.

VERONICA: Prince Charming is all yours!

[Rob Bertrand]

Rob Bertrand’s Final Scene

Character Name: Annie Andrews – Protagonist
Annie dates boys, to hide her true sexuality because she craves acceptance from her narrow-minded father.

Character Name: Jocelyn Wilcox – Supporting Character
Subtext Logline: Jocelyn is a spoiled army brat, who seduces Annie from her repressed lifestyle, but secretly her rebellious actions are a desperate cry for attention for her emotionally distant father.

SUBTEXT DESIGN: Something is off.

Background: After getting caught having a séance and getting into a screaming match with her father, Annie retreats to her bedroom in a fit of rage, only to discover she’s not alone.

INT. ANNIE’S BEDROOM – NIGHT

Annie SLAMS the door behind her, her eyes a storm of pain and emotion. She crosses the room to her vanity. Leans over and stares hard at herself. Furious, she sweeps the entire contents of her vanity to the floor and screams.

CLOSET POV

The closet door slowly opens and we step through, approaching Annie from behind.

A hand reaches out, touches Annie’s shoulder.

Annie SCREAMS, as she spins around.

END POV

She’s relieved to find Jocelyn.

ANNIE
You stayed!

Annie loses it. All the pain. All the stress, anxiety and anger, releases like a pressure cooker. She falls into Jocelyn’s arms, sobbing.

JOCELYN
Of course, I stayed! I wasn’t gonna leave you here alone!

ANNIE
He…hates me…my dad…he fucking hates me….

Jocelyn pulls Annie down next to her on the bed. Annie leans her head on Jocelyn’s shoulder.

ANNIE (CONTINUED)
He…thinks I killed my mom…..I killed my mom!

JOCELYN
Shhh…he doesn’t think that. You didn’t!

ANNIE
(screams)
She fucking blames me!

Jocelyn pulls her close. Kisses her forehead.

JOCELYN
Don’t say that…that’s bullshit and you know it…

ANNIE
You heard the knocks….she blames me! I killed her and she blames me!

JOCELYN
It was an accident, Annie. You didn’t kill your mom.

Embarrassed, Annie sits up, composes herself. She reaches for some tissue on her nightstand. Turns away from Jocelyn.

ANNIE
I’m sorry. I…don’t know what came over me…

JOCELYN
You don’t have to be sorry. Your dad was a real dick.

ANNIE
He was shit faced…

JOCELYN
You don’t deserve that.

ANNIE
Yes, I do.

JOCELYN
You sound just like your dad.

ANNIE
(angry)
I was fucking driving!

JOCELYN
It happened! But it…doesn’t define you. It doesn’t define who you are. You get to be anyone you want. It’s your life.

ANNIE
Yeah, right. Not in this family–

–Without warning, Jocelyn kisses Annie on the mouth. Annie melts. She pulls back and rests her head on Jocelyn’s forehead. Catching her breath.

ANNIE (CONTINUED)
Wow.

JOCELYN
I’ve wanted to do that since the moment I met you.

ANNIE
Why didn’t you?

Jocelyn shrugs, then falls backwards on the bed. Annie lays down next to her, locking eyes.

In the background, a pale white hand with red fingernail polish and a hint of white lace reaches out of the dark closet and closes the door to just a crack. Something is watching.

CLOSET POV

Through the crack, Annie and Jocelyn talk on the bed. Jocelyn rubs Annie’s arm.

END POV

ANNIE (CONTINUED)
Do you think I’m a weirdo?

There’s a moment of contemplation.

JOCELYN
Well….yeah. But to be fair, we’re all weirdos.

ANNIE
Is it weird that I didn’t cry…at my mom’s funeral? I just…everyone was staring and…

JOCELYN
Like…cry, bitch, cry?

ANNIE
I couldn’t.

JOCELYN
Fuck them. We all process grief differently. That’s not weird.

ANNIE
I’m so tired of pretending. My whole life has been a performance. Pretending to be someone I’m not…

JOCELYN
What if I told you, you didn’t have to pretend anymore?

ANNIE
My father would die.

JOCELYN
He’d get used to it.

ANNIE
I couldn’t do that…

JOCELYN
You are stronger than you think. Look, I’m not trying to compare this to your mom dying…because nothing will ever top that…but when my mom left my dad….I was devastated. Even worse when my mom told me I had to live with my dad.

ANNIE
What? Why?

JOCELYN
Cause she’s a bitch. But…I learned from that hurt. It was the last time I ever let anyone hurt me. Now I run this shit. Got my dad wrapped around my finger and my bitch ass stepmom lives in fear of me. The secret to life is to live it with zero fucks given. ZFG, baby.

ANNIE
ZFG…

Annie leans in for another kiss.

CLOSET POV

The hand with red nails pushes the door open, just a little more and watches as Annie and Jocelyn make out. The hand balls into a fist of rage.

END OF POV

BANG, BANG, BANG from behind the closet door, before it SLAMS shut.

Annie jumps straight to her feet, scared shitless. Jocelyn stands up next to her.

JOCELYN
What the fuck was that?

ANNIE
Hello?

Silence from the closet.

They take a few steps towards the closet.

ANNIE
Jessica, that better not be you in there. I’ll wring your little neck.

Annie reaches out for the door knob, but it begins to turn on its own.

JOCELYN
Stop. Look, look, look!

She points to the knob, but it stops turning. Frozen in terror, you could hear a pin drop. Then. BANG, BANG, BANG, BANG, BANG.

Annie throws open the door, just as the hand with red nails disappears behind the hanging clothes.

JOCELYN
No. Fucking. Way.

ANNIE
Mom?

Trembling, Annie parts her hanging clothes. The closet is empty.

Written in lipstick on the inner door: WHORES!

INT. ANNIE’S ROOM – MORNING

Annie watches Jocelyn sleep as the first signs of sunlight peek through the window. Sensing her gaze, Jocelyn blinks her eyes open.

JOCELYN
Good morning.

ANNIE
Good morning. Thanks for staying the night.

Jocelyn nods while in the middle of a good stretch.

JOCELYN
I don’t care that your house is haunted.

ANNIE
Don’t say that…

JOCELYN
What time is it?

ANNIE
A little after nine, I think…

Jocelyn sighs.

JOCELYN
Queen Bitch Becky will be here soon.

ANNIE
What do you want to do today?

JOCELYN
Tell your dad.

Annie’s eyes go wide.

ANNIE
That’s not funny.

JOCELYN
When are you going to stop giving a fuck? It’s so liberating.

ANNIE
So, your dad knows that you’re a… you’re a… lesbian?

Jocelyn busts up laughing.

JOCELYN
Oh my God! You are so cute! Lesbian? Wow….I mean…I’m not a thirty-three-year-old, Subaru driving soccer mom with a rainbow sticker. I don’t believe in labels, Annie. I just like who I like. My dad gets no say in the matter…and he knows it!

ANNIE
He…doesn’t care?

JOCELYN
He’s not around enough to care…

ANNIE
That must feel amazing.

JOCELYN
ZFG.

A car HONKS from the driveway. Jocelyn looks out the window.

JOCELYN (CONTINUED)
Gotta go. I’ll text you.

Jocelyn scoops up her backpack and leans in for a long kiss goodbye.

ANNIE
You better!

Annie watches her leave.

INT. HALLWAY – MORNING

Jocelyn closes Annie’s door and smiles. She makes her way to the stairs, when a flash of white from Jessica’s room startles her.

Dirty white hands with red nails on her shoulders.

JOCELYN’S POV

She’s falling, head first, hitting the stairs hard. Over and over.

Blackness.

Eye’s blink open. Vision is blurred.

Looking up, passed a pair of broken arms bent at horrific angles, to the top of the stair. There stands the blurry image of a WOMAN IN WHITE. Her face hidden behind a veil.

END JOCELYN’S POV

Jocelyn, broken and bleeding, lays in a hump at the bottom of the stairs. She lets out a blood curdling scream.

INT. ANNIE’S ROOM – CONTINUOUS

Annie’s eyes shoot open as Jocelyn screams from downstairs.

ANNIE
Jocelyn!

Annie scans the floor, her eyes find sweatpants.

INT. HALLWAY – CONTINUOUS

Annie bursts into the empty hallway and looks down the stairs. Jocelyn writhes in pain.

ANNIE
Oh fuck! Jocelyn!

Annie barrels down the stairs and assesses the situation.

ANNIE (CONTINUED)
Oh shit. Oh shit. I..gotta…I gotta call nine, one, one!

Jocelyn tries to speak. Blood pours from her mouth.

JOCELYN
A..a..annie…Annie…

ANNIE
Try not to speak. I gotta call for help. I’ll be right back.

JOCELYN
Annie!

ANNIE
I’m here. I’m here! What…what is it?

Annie leans her ear close to Jocelyn’s lips.

JOCELYN
It…was…your…mom!

She can barely get the last word out, before she loses consciousness.

CUT TO:

[Robert Smith]

Very well written. Chilling. Captures the subtext of both characters backstory and current processes. Good character development of Annie and Jocelyn (I sensed that from the beginning of your work that I read in a previous module.) The images are strong but I couldn’t help but think of how that sick guy could do so much to look convincingly like her Mom with bent and mangled arms. Perhaps, would you consider more subtlety or playing with partly concealed images that still leave an impression? (Just a thought.) It was scary. Wouldn’t want to spoil the scare.

Best,

Bob

[Michelle Damis]

Michelle Damis Final Scene for Feedback.

This is a bit longer scene than I have previously posted, but it includes all 4 characters.

This is when they all 4 meet and are in a scene together.

Character Name: Osgood/Ozy the Vampire

Subtext Identity: Bored Vampire looking for a new place to live.

Character Traits: Wise/Honest/Practical/Sarcastic/Idealistic

Subtext Logline: Osgood is a bored,idealistic Vampire, who is disappointed with humanity and the choices they make

.———————-Character Name: Nina Brewster – Daughter

Subtext Identity: Angry Daughter with a secret.
Character Traits: Determined/Stubborn , Moody, Impatient, Wounded, Suspicious
Subtext Logline: Nina is young woman with a painful secret she blames other mother and is generally suspicious of men.

———————-Character Name: Marin Brewster the Mom
Subtext Identity: Mother, newly retired attorney
Character Traits: Articulate, Self-Disciplined, Meticulous, Strategic, Guilty
Subtext Logline: Marin is a successful, retired attorney, wife and mother who is baffled as to why her only daughter despises her, she also is guilty of having a secret.
———————-Character Name: Jim Brewster the Father

Subtext Identity: The Father figure Osgood never
had
Character Traits: Accessible, Loyal, Generous,
Nostalgic
Subtext Logline: Literally the best person
anyone knows, good to the bone. He wanted a big family, like the one he had.

SCENE

INT. BREWSTER HOUSE LIVING ROOM – NIGHT (ONE WEEK LATER)

Montage of various “interviewees”. All un-desirable tenants in some way.

Jim and Marin sit on the couch looking a bit worn out. This is not as easy or as fun as they thought. Marin is going over her notes on a clipboard when the doorbell RINGS.

MARIN

This should be our last one.

Jim covers a yawn as he heads to get the door.

MARIN

His name is… Osgood?

Raising her eyebrows? Jim looks back acknowledging the oddness, then opens the door. Osgood awaits politely.

JIM

You must be Osgood? I’m Jim.

Jim extends his hand. Osgood hesitates, then reciprocates.

OSGOOD

You can call me Ozy.

JIM

My God, your hand is freezing! Please, come in, lets get you warmed up.

OSGOOD

I’m fine, I run a little cold is all.

Jim ushers him into the living room. Osgood takes in the novelty of a warm, welcoming home.

JIM

This is Marin, my wife. Marin this is Ozy.

Marin stands, greeting him. She is charmed.

OSGOOD

It’s a pleasure.

JIM

Have a seat. I’m going to get this fire going and warm you up.

OSGOOD

I’m fine, really, no need.

JIM

It’s no trouble. There is nothing like a warm fire on a cold night.

Marin shuffles through her notes, as Jim gets the fire started. Ozy looks around the room.

OSGOOD

The architecture is amazing. Is it really on the historic registry?

JIM

Yes, Sir. Captain Brewster, had this place built for his fiancé in 1833. It has stayed in the Brewster family almost 200 years.

Spoken with great pride and admiration.

JIM

The upkeep costs are staggering, but I cannot bear to let it go.

OSGOOD

I must confess, it was what drew me to this place. I have a soft spot for history.

JIM

OUCH!

Jim holds his hand up, there is a large sliver of wood stuck in his finger. The tiniest drop of blood is forming at the entrance would. Marin jumps up for a closer look.

MARIN

Honey! What did you do?

Coddling him as only a loviing wife can.

Ozy sees the blood, a worried look quickly turns to confusion as he discreetly sniffs the air. Nothing.

MARIN

Yikes…let me grab you some tweezers.

Marin runs off, Ozy sits perplexed, taking another “wiff”.

JIM

How does something so tiny hurt so much? Huh?

OSGOOD

Do you mind if I take a look at it?

Before Jim can answer, Ozy crosses the room, kneeling down for a closer look and deeper smell. Still nothing. Odd.

Marin returns with tweezers, antiseptic and a Band-aid. Osgood backs off, Marin assumes nurse role.

Attempting to still be a good host.

JIM

So Ozy, do you have family in town?

OSGOOD

I’m afraid I don’t, I was orphaned around 2 years old. I never knew my family.

Marin finishes placing the Band-aid as Osgood’s misfortune tumbles out.

OSGOOD

It just is. I never knew any different. You can’t miss what you never had.

A moment to sink in…

JIM

Are you going to school? Working?

Osgood was not expecting this line of questioning, being that he has never been interviewed like this before. He finds it fresh and exhilarating. He improvises quickly.

OSGOOD

I’m a medical student on night rounds this entire year, so I sleep all day and work or study all night…

Reading their reactions.

OSGOOD

Would you find that too disruptive to your schedule?

MARIN

Your area of practice?

OSGOOD

Hematology.

MARIN

Hmm…Isn’t that a coincidence?

Poking Jim in the thigh. Jim has no clue where she is going.

She has the look all wives give their husbands when they are being stupid.

MARIN

You’re blood?…

Osgood hones in on the word.

JIM

Oh…that.

Jim dismissively. But Osgood leans in attentively.

MARIN

Jim has an extremely rare blood type. He is the focus of quite a bit of research. His doctors are a bunch of modern day vampires. They suck him dry every opportunity they get.

She thinks she is funny, Jim has heard this joke too many times.

JIM

Marin, we’re here to find out more about Ozy. He doesn’t need to be bored with my medical anomaly

The questioning continues as they get more and more comfortable. There is a certain ease and warmth to the conversation. **this might be a nice place to allow some improv.

Interrupting.

MARIN

Would anyone else like some tea?

She gets up.

MARIN

Jim, can you help me with the tea?

JIM

Why do you nee…

Marin draws her eyebrow like an outlaw drawing a Colt 45. Followed by a wifely “we need to talk” smile.

JIM

(to Osgood) Excuse us. We’ll be right back.

Jim follows her into the kitchen.

INT. BREWSTER KITCHEN – MOMENTS LATER

Marin dances around the kitchen excitedly, grabbing the tea kettle, cups, cookies, etc…

In a hushed voice.

MARIN

Well…? What do you think??

She doesn’t give him time to answer.

MARIN

I think he’s perfect… He’s the one.

Jim has shoved a cookie in his mouth and “can’t” answer, he just nods.

MARIN

A med student. He has to be clean right? You can’t be a slob AND be a Doctor?

Jim mumbles crumbles in supposed agreement, as Marin prepares a tray.

MARIN

Well, he’s our choice then! Let’s tell him… Grab the napkins.

Jim obediently follows, “happy-wifey, happy-lifey” hasn’t failed him yet.

INT. BREWSTER HOUSE LIVING ROOM – MOMENTS LATER

Jim and Marin return with tea and goodies. Osgood hasn’t moved.

MARIN

Jim, would you like to tell him?

Jim is caught off guard as he shoves another cookie in his mouth. Perfect timing.

With no warning the front door flies open causing them all to jump. Nina carries several shopping bags. She can see her Mom and Dad, but not their company. She drops the bags to remove her coat. Defending herself.

NINA

Before you criticize me, I’ve been thrift shopping all day. I spent hardly anything.

Jim furiously chewing and washing down his cookie. Preparing for intervention.

MARIN

Nina, we have a guest.

Nina takes a few stomps into the living room, scowl of disapproval already forming. She expects some lame friends of her parents.

Nina and Osgood make eye contact. “Hey, I know you” flashes across both Nina and Osgoods faces.

Marin anticipates this not going to go well.

JIM

Nina, this is …

NINA

Do I know you?

OSGOOD

I don’t think so.

He has already figured out why she looks familiar, but hides it expertly. He stands up extending his hand, she ignores it. He withdraws the offer.

OSGOOD

My name is Ozy.

MARIN

He is a med student…

NINA

So…What is he doing here?

All venom.

Jim the peacemaker takes over.

JIM

Well, this was going to be a big surprise for you. But here goes…

Clearing his throat

JIM

Your Mom and I know how much you want to live in the city, but we can’t afford that right now with just our retirement. So we decided to take in a renter so that we could afford to pay your rent in the city while you look for a job.

MARIN

Yes, we thought…

Marin stops. Nina hates anything that is her idea, she is better off staying silent.

Nina absorbs the news…it doesn’t completely suck, but what’s the catch??

NINA

So, what does he have to do with that?

JIM

Well, before you came in we were just about to offer Ozy here the room.

NINA

Not MY room, right? I don’t want anyone in MY room?

JIM

We still need to figure all that out. That is, if Ozy accepts.

All eyes shift to Ozy.

JIM

You don’t have to answer right now. We don’t want to put you on the spot.

More venom.

NINA

How many people did you interview anyway?

Putting her parents in the hot seat.

MARIN

Nina, don’t be rude.

Eyes a-rolling. She is abruptly “over” the conversation. Nina grabs her packages, but not before giving Osgood one more distrusting look.

NINA

I’m tired, I’m going to go lay down.

They all listen to her stomp up the stairs. Osgood breaks the silence.

OSGOOD

Well…are you two sure you still want to do this?

Jinx…with A hint of desperation.

MARIN

We’re so sorry you had to deal with that. We wouldn’t blame you for saying NO.

JIM

She is just frustrated with having to live with us again and taking it out on everyone.

MARIN

(under her breath)And she ‘hates’ me.

OSGOOD

It’s fine. Being an orphan I find family dynamics rather entertaining.

JIM

Family life is never boring!

Osgood ponders a relief to boredom. Interesting.

OSGOOD

Do you have any other children?

Marin’s face instantly drops. Jim gently grabs her hand.

JIM

No. Nina is it.

Osgood senses it’s a touchy subject.

OSGOOD

What timeline were you thinking for the move?

[Julia Keefer]

INT. PEAK RESTAURANT HUDSON YARDS – SUNSET
Ibrahim asks Betty on a date to the Peak restaurant in Hudson Yards for a Green benefit. She wears a flowing, green, eco-correct dress and a radiant red wig that looks like real, young hair. Her face is made up to look younger. She still looks five years older than Ibrahim, but older women are in. Her secret is that she is pushing eighty. They are double dating with Delphine and Kisele who are now teenagers, dressed casually.

Peak is a stunning restaurant, bar and event space located on the 101st floor of 30 Hudson Yards, at the summit of the 1,296-foot tall tower, Peak soars one level above Edge – the highest observation deck in the Western Hemisphere.

IBRAHIM
What will you have my dear?

BETTY
For my appetizer, a squid ink chitarra with red dulse seweed, then Atlantic scallops with caviar and cauliflower. Desserts look sumptuous but I don’t want my belly fat back. I have enough BBBB for now.

IBRAHIM
Sounds excellent. Same for me. What about you Delphine?

DELPHINE
Only vegan. Locally sourced veggies and fruits.

KISELE
Likewise.

IBRAHIM
This is New York City’s smartest park, with a sophisticated layered approach to nutrient delivery, temperature regulation, irrigation and drainage. For example, the plants and trees have their own climate-control system to combat the 150-degree heat generated below. Cooling water circulates through underground tubes around their root systems as 15 large fans – the type found in jet engines – blow 45-mph fresh air breezes toward the tracks. Storm water retention tanks help Hudson Yards collect nearly 10 million gallons of rainwater each year to be filtered into the building’s cooling and irrigation systems to water the Public Square and Gardens.

KISELE
Why manufacture all this in the first place? A few miles upstate rainwater does what it wants.

BETTY
Eat your spinach, darlin.

A SERIES OF EXOTIC SHOTS OF HUDSON YARDS AS THEY GULP, TASTE, OR AVOID THEIR FOOD.

Ibrahim gives a short speech to Green vendors.

IBRAHIM
Thank you all for coming to our dinner. We are celebrating Manhattan’s first LEED Gold neighborhood. Designer stores, shopping, hotels, luxury dining—all done with the best Green technology. We can combine a healthy economy with sustainable living. STEMGARCHS is donating another billion to the HY community. Thank you and go back to your dinner.

THUNDEROUS APPLAUSE.
KISELE
Solar panels are bad for the environment because toxic chemicals are used in their manufacture. The fabrication processes have waste products which can be harmful to human health and the ecology. Old solar panels may become toxic waste due to the heavy metal content of the solar cells and other contaminants.

IBRAHIM
Delphine, we can go shopping this evening after dinner.

DELPINE
I don’t need new clothes.

Ibrahim bites his tongue and gives a knowing look to Betty towards the skyscraping.

BETTY

City Climb is the highest open-air building ascent in the world. Climbers scale the outside of a skyscraper more than 1,200 feet above the ground, then lean out and look down from the highest outdoor platform in New York City. Skyscraper adventure!

DELPHINE
I’ve always loved aerials, just like Priceless, who was a beautiful dancer.

Ibrahim whispers to Betty.

IBRAHIM
And a cheap slut.

KISELE
Jake would love this but he isn’t invited and maybe gets jealous but he is busy with Aanadi, Anahu, mom, and dad, and Litonya.

BETTY
It’s an adventure unlike any other in the world and an achievement that you will remember for the rest of your life.

KISELE
High-end Greenwashing. Windmills kill wildlife, Saudi solar cells cause pollution, biomass stinks, geothermal cellars blow up, hydroelectric displaces people and ruins history. Sometimes we must leave nature alone.

Ibrahim is embarrassed by Kisele so he offers the skyscraping adventure. Delphine is so keen because she, like Priceless, likes aerials, so she buys two tickets and drags Kisele. Ibrahim makes a subtext hint to Betty to fix the suit or the ropes.

IBRAHIM
Kisele, not Delphine. She deserves better.

A SERIES OF SHOTS focusing on the teenagers’ skyscraping adventure.

Kisele does start to fall but grabs the Vessel, holds on tightly, and is coptered out. No one guesses how Betty tampered with the ropes. 101 floors observation deck. Kisele flies, everyone screams, and is caught by the Vessel.

IBRAHIM
We are so grateful that although the Vessel has been the site of many suicides over the years, this is the first time it has saved our precious Kisele’s life.

BETTY
Indeed.

Kisele is bruised and battered but feels better in Delphine’s embrace.

[Janeen Johnson]

Janeen’s Final Scene!

SCENE:

INT. CAFE – EVENING

Bridget tells Morgan what shelter women need most to leave, citing one resident that Morgan can try to help with confidence and bruise healing.

BRIDGET and MORGAN settle into chairs and sip coffee.

MORGAN

I’m so glad you could meet me. I’ve been wanting to help Amber Richards more and I think I’ve found a way.

BRIDGET

That’s wonderful. They need so many things to escape an abusive home. Deposits, jobs, clothes, utilities. What did you have in mind?

Morgan takes a deep breath, dives in.

MORGAN

You know I’ve been studying the Waterman Method.

Bridget nods, slight disappointment tinging her smile.

MORGAN

Well, Waterman also offers an intentional medicine course and I’m taking it. It’s online so I’m moving through it really quickly.

Bridget expression changes to confusion.

BRIDGET

How will that help Amber or the women in the shelter?

Morgan frowns, expected enthusiasm, support.

MORGAN

Well, you said women needed confidence and self-esteem. Waterman can give them that. I can give them that. Gavin thinks its some kind of amusement, but it’s a serious tool.

Bridget sags, disappointed.

MORGAN

But I can also help them to heal faster with intentional medicine like we talked about at guild.

MORGAN

It can lessen pain, mitigate chronic conditions, uplift spirits, things like that. That would be helpful, wouldn’t it?

BRIDGET

Of course, dear. That would be wonderful.

Bridget checks her phone and prepares to leave.

BRIDGET

I’m late for a staff meeting. I’m so glad we had this chance to chat. See you at guild?

Morgan leans back in her chair, bewildered.

MORGAN

Yes, I’ll see you there.

Bridget hurries out of the cafe and Morgan contemplates her coffee.