Day 9 Assignments

[Armand Petrikowski]

Armand Colorful Dialogue

What I learned…

FORMATS FOR COLORFUL DIALOGUE

Below are the definitions for seven Colorful Dialogue techniques. Most important, these techniques need to be used in conjunction with the Character Traits.

TAKE TO AN EXTREME: Most remote in any direction; outermost or farthest: Of the greatest severity; drastic.

POETIC: the use of language chosen for its sound and suggestive power and by the use of literary techniques such as meter, metaphor, and rhyme.

UNIQUE NAMING: A word or group of words used to describe or evaluate, often disparagingly.

JARGON: The specialized or technical language of a trade, profession, or similar group.

WRITE EMOTIONALLY: Arousing or intended to arouse the emotions. Readily affected with or stirred by emotion.

CONTRADICTORY STATEMENTS: Two statements that assert or express the opposite of each other.

STRANGE CONCLUSIONS: A judgment or decision reached that appears to be abnormal, bizarre, offbeat, or uncommon.

INT. HALLWAYS – MANOR – NIGHT

Tyler lags behind Maddie, axe in her arms, across the depths of the manor.

TYLER

What are you going to do when the killer finds you!

MADDIE

Invite him to my tea party. Do you think he likes finger food?

TYLER

I think he enjoys chopping fingers.

MADDIE

He won’t be chopping these ones.

TYLER

You used to be so sweet. What happened?

MADDIE

You happened. And the media, and the cops.

TYLER

I’m sorry.

MADDIE

I didn’t ask you to save me then. I don’t need you now.

TYLER

I died trying—

MADDIE

Why don’t you go away and try dying instead? Leave me alone!

Maddie exits, leaving Tyler baffled.

[John Budinscak]

Budinscak Colorful Dialogue

Day 9

What I learned doing this assignment:

o Colorful dialogue attracts A-list talent.

o Attached to character traits, colorful dialogue stands out for the character and moves the story forward.

o How dialogue can rescue a script, and make a good script superior.

Setup:

We’re in the middle of the second part of Act 2. Jack and Lou, the FBI guy, spar in Jack’s Las Vegas hotel.

Scene:

INT. HOTEL ROOM – DAY

Jack sits comfortably in a chair as Lou paces back and forth like a big dog on a short leash.

LOU

How’d you like to work for us?

JACK

For or with?

LOU

With. With us.

JACK

To be blunt, I don’t trust you as far as I can toss you from the roof of a ten-story building. What do you want from me?

LOU

I want you to wear a wire.

JACK

Oh what a tangled web we weave when our intention is to deceive. N F W.

LOU

Jack, we’ve enlisted you to help bring down Don Vito. You know that you work for us now.

JACK

I ain’t part of your yellow-tailed rat brigade. No, I don’t work for you.

LOU

We’re just alike, Jack.

JACK

We are nothing alike. You and the mob are just alike, only they dress in much better suits.

LOU

Not true, Jack. We all have a price.

JACK

You can’t find enough money in your black ops budget to hire me.

LOU

One call to the Department of Health in Albany and they’ll send a Field Inspector to Geeville. I’m positive Carmine’s will be shut down with… I’ll make something up, East Nile Avian Flu. Sound nice? And there’s no cure. Gonna shut you down for a while.

JACK

You don’t want to do that.

LOU

Why? We’re the government, Jack, we do whatever we want. You have no recourse.

JACK

Don’t ever screw with my family. Carmine’s is family, too.

LOU

You’re going to wear a wire.

JACK

You say you can do whatever you want and we’re here? A threat? It appears the smart people on this government payroll are really pretty stupid. Intimidation – that don’t sit well with me.

Jack stands.

LOU

Jack, wait a minute.

JACK

No, we’re done, Lou. You committed the cardinal sin, you’ve begun to waste my precious time.

Jack grabs Lou’s collar, drags him to the door and tosses him into the hallway like a ragdoll.

JACK

Think before you come here again. The next time I’ll throw you out the fucking window.

Jack slams the door shut on the stunned FBI guy.

• This reply was modified 3 years, 4 months ago by  John Budinscak.

[Rob Bertrand]

Rob Bertrand’s Colorful Dialogue

What I learned: I learned the 7 Colorful Dialogue Formats and how to use them to create characters that actors love.

INT. JESSICA’S ROOM – ANDREW’S HOUSE – NIGHT

Annie tucks Jessica in, then sits on the edge of the bed.

JESSICA
I miss Mom.

ANNIE
I know, kiddo. I miss her too.

JESSICA
Why did she have to die?

ANNIE
Whoa…uh…that’s…I dunno…Maybe there is no reason? Maybe that’s just how life is…an unpredictable roll of the dice…

The closet door unlatches and the door CREAKS open.

Jessica bolts upright and points.

JESSICA
No fucking way!

Annie looks over her shoulder.

ANNIE
Watch your mouth!

JESSICA
There’s a monster in my closet!

ANNIE
We all have monsters in our closet, Jess. They’re collectible!

JESSICA
I’m serious!

ANNIE
There’s no such thing as monster’s, dummy. There’s only childhood fear. The door probably wasn’t latched all the way.

Annie shuts it and pulls it hard till it CLICKS.

ANNIE
There. Now, good night.

JESSICA
Sleep tight.

ANNIE
Don’t let the bed bugs bite.

Annie exits the room, closing the door.

JESSICA
(yells)
Leave it open!

The door cracks, just enough.

CUT TO:

[Robert Smith]

Hi, Rob!

I have followed your scenes with great interest. You have a juicy story here and it has the right suspense all the way. As I was reading this. I thought, when Annie is gone, the closet door creaks open again. But that might be what you want the audience to anticipate. And when it doesn’t, that is fun for the audience. Your dialogue is colorful and expressive of the characters. It anticipates where things are going from here and raises the tension.

I welcome your feedback on my scene.

Many thanks.

All the Best.

Bob

PS – and let’s keep in touch. RobertRSmith4646@comcast.net.

[Janeen Johnson]

Janeen’s Colorful Dialogue

What I learned doing this assignment is that it is easier to edit in the colorful dialogue if there is more emotion in the scene in general, whether stated or not.

SCENE

INT. MORGAN’S HOME – EVENING

MORGAN is watching an intentional medicine video. GAVIN is on the sofa with the dog, reading a book.

His phone rungs. He answers.

GAVIN

Hello…Yes, she is.

He proffers his phone to Morgan.

GAVIN

For you.

She pauses the video, rises, takes the phone, returns to her nook as she speaks.

MORGAN

This is Morgan.

CUT TO:

INT. RICHARDS HOME – EVENING

DANIEL

You bitch! I know you’ve been talking to my wife. I’ll kill you if you do it again.

Intercut as necessary.

Morgan is tense, straight-backed.

MORGAN

I have respect for the law. I haven’t spoken to your wife since the restraining order went into effect.

DANIEL

I know that’s not true. You’ve been putting ideas in her head. Making her think she can leave me.

MORGAN

She’s a rational adult. I’m sure she can leave you if she likes. I’m also sure you’ve given her plenty of reasons to leave.

DANIEL

You spoiled brat, lying, brainless bitch. You won’t get away with this. You won’t get away with violating the restraining order like this. You’re a trophy wife, an empty-headed model whose never had any responsibility in her life.

MORGAN

That’s not true.

Daniel practically spits as he assembles his list of accusations.

DANIEL

It is. And if you think your machinations, insinuations, interference, and malignant thinking are going to take Amber away from me, you’re a dead woman.

Daniel hangs up.

Morgan, hand shaking, returns the phone to Gavin.

He notices how upset she is.

GAVIN

What’s wrong? What was it?

Morgan sinks to the sofa next to him, picking up the dog from his lap and hugging it.

MORGAN

It was Daniel. He thinks I’m trying to get Amber to leave him…violating the restraining order.

GAVIN

But you haven’t?

MORGAN

Of course not.

GAVIN

Then why?

MORGAN

Because Amber is thinking about leaving him.

She ponders. Gavin puts his arm around her, pulling her close, comforting, like a parent.

Morgan sits bolt upright again, putting the pup back in Gavin’s lap.

MORGAN

You know what this means, don’t you?

Gavin waits expectantly.

MORGAN

It means that what I’m doing is working. The Waterman Method is working. The empowerment is real. Her pain, guilt, and fear are dissipating.

She is triumphant, then morphs to thoughtfulness, almost guilt. She stands, erect, proud. Amazed at her own success.

MORGAN

What I’m doing is making a difference. A real difference. I’m making a difference.

She exhales a long slow breath, walks back to her desk, contemplating.

Gavin goes back to his book.

She sits down at her secretary, contemplates the paused video. Ponders again. Is she sure what she’s doing is right?

She switches off the video, looks all around the room for answers.

[Amy Falkofske]

Amy’s Colorful Dialogue

What I learned doing this assignment is that writing colorful dialogue seems hard at first, but it can be fun once you get started.

Setup: Earlier in the story, Andrea interviewed Seth live on the air about a stolen painting at the art museum. During the interview, Seth professed his love for Andrea and started singing to her. Andrea pointed out to him that she is married and he is working with her husband, the detective to solve the mystery of the missing painting. Joannie is an assistant in the newsroom, and Mark is Andrea’s cameraman.

INT. – ART MUSEUM – LATER

Andrea, Joannie and Mark wait in the lobby. Andrea paces back and forth.

Seth appears.

SETH

Andrea!

ANDREA

Uh, Mr. Meyers. Hi.

Andrea looks over at Joannie nervously.

ANDREA

Any developments since we talked?

SETH

Actually-

SECURITY GUARD (O.S.)

Mr. Meyers?

Everyone turns to look at the security guard. Standing with him is JOSH RICHARDS, Andrea’s husband, dressed in a suit and tie, very business-like, but with jovial eyes.

Andrea rushes to him and kisses him on the lips.

ANDREA

Honey! You’re here.

He smiles at her, but then back to business.

JOSH

Hi, everyone. Mr. Meyers. I came to ask you a few more questions.

He looks at Andrea

JOSH

Do you mind?

ANDREA

No. Go ahead.

SETH

Detective Richards, the asker of questions. We meet again.

Seth puffs his chest out and walks toward Josh.

JOSH

I really need to see the video from your surveillance cameras if you want me to solve this B&E.

SETH

I know what B&E means. Your detective codes don’t fool me.

JOSH

I wasn’t trying to fool you. I’m trying to help you.

SETH

I know you saw the live report this morning. You’re here to fight me, aren’t you?

JOSH

What?

Josh looks at Andrea. She makes circles around her ear to indicate that Seth is crazy. Josh seems to understand.

JOSH

Mr. Meyers. I don’t know what you’ve heard, but I’m not here to fight you. I just want the video. How ‘bout it?

[Jodi Harrison]

Jodi’s Colorful Dialogue – Day 9

Using the formats for Colorful Dialogue can help to create interesting characters and situations.

Susie – Imperious, feisty, affected

Callie – Competitive, unaffected, cheeky

Bevvy – Affable, assertive, rational

EXT. SCHOOL PLAYGROUND – DAY

Susie and Callie play hopscotch during recess time. Bevvy approaches.

BEVVY: Hi Callie, can I play?

SUSIE: No, we already started the game.

CALLIE: Bevvy’s my friend and she can play if she wants to.

Callie gestures to Susie.

CALLIE (cont.): Go already.

Bevvy stands by Callie.

SUSIE: Cmon magic marker, get in.

CALLIE: Just wait til we finish okay?

Susie rolls her marker into square number eight.

BEVVY: Okay.

Susie starts hopping through the squares. She is successful and bends down to retrieve her marker, then continues on to finish the squares.

BEVVY: Wow, that was fast Susie.

Callie throws her marker into number nine. It rolls slightly out of the square into number eight.

SUSIE: It’s out of the line.

CALLIE: No, it isn’t, put your glasses on Susie.

SUSIE: You Fillisprin

CALLIE: What’s that?

SUSIE: I don’t know but my Dad always says it to loser people like you.

Callie mimics Susie’s words ‘loser people’. Susie looks at Bevvy.

SUSIE (cont.): Eshay’s ayay oserlay!

CALLIE: (sarcastically) Iyay owknay ouyay aryay utbay utway amyay Iyay?

Susie rolls her eyes.

Callie starts to hop.

SUSIE: You don’t go, it’s my turn! You lost your turn.

CALLIE: No, I didn’t, it wasn’t out of bounds!

SUSIE: Yes, it was.

BEVVY: Geez Susie, just go already, recess is almost over.

Susie looks at Callie like she won the argument, Callie looks unfazed and shrugs her shoulders as if she didn’t care. Susie throws her marker into number nine and starts her turn hopping.

On the way back Susie clearly hops out of the line.

CALLIE: You’re out! You’re out! You hopped over the line.

BEVVY: Yeah, you did.

CALLIE: (singing) Cheaters never prosper, cheaters never prosper.

SUSIE: You are very UNPLEASANT Callie Brennan!

CALLIE: Oh, such BIG words. Who you trying to impress?

Just as she says this she sees Jeremy and his friend Ben watching them.

CALLIE: (laughing) Susie’s got a boyfriend, Susie’s got a boyfriend.

SUSIE: Shut up Callie! Nobody likes you! Nobody wants to play with you!

CALLIE: Well, that makes you the loser then doesn’t it? I could care a less!

Callie turns away from Susie, she looks very hurt by Susie’s statement.

BEVVY: Cmon’. Finish up, I want to play. You old nags.

CALLIE/SUSIE: What’d you say?

BEVVY: I don’t know, my Dad always says that.

CALLIE: Well, both your Dad’s are stupid! That’s what my Mom ALWAYS says.

[Julia Keefer]

EXT. IBRAHIM’S BOAT DECK

Ibrahim and Betty are eating on the deck. Anaadi and Anahu are in a distant part of the boat, out of hearing.

BETTY
Now my brain has gone backwards with college student memory and the aerial views of an air traffic controller.

IBRAHIM
It was three times as expensive as the estimate.

BETTY
That is because I had a burgeoning brain tumor cushioned in her cranium that my surgeon has to excise and fill the cavity with my omentum, i.e. belly fat. So I got plastic surgery for a sculpted waist and a better brain for the buffet. My fat helps precious drugs go through the blood brain barrier. Then I took monoclonal antibodies to build immunity against neurodegenerative and other brain diseases. Then there are vaccines against tau, pills to dissolve amyloid that don’t cause bleeding, hormonal injections that increase dopamine, testosterone, estrogen, serotonin, and endorphins with the right stew for each individual brain, unlike Levodopa and other drugs, and finally, a non-invasive electric brain stimulator to bridge schisms that occur in schizophrenia and late-stage bipolar and other mental illnesses.

IBRAHIM
Be quiet. I know this. It’s not for everyone. If you hadn’t been badly damaged by the gang bang, you wouldn’t qualify.</font>

BETTY
Except that I am a hilarious hit woman and favorite chef. These fresh, new brains provide the juices and endorphins to inspire better exercise and movement but I still have the body of an old woman with some male muscles. It’s making me think about intelligence. I could start again, go back to school…

IBRAHIM
Stop tutoring the kids. They will get ahead of their peers and be ostracized.

BETTY
I love the smell and taste of food–tantalizing aromas. I see, hear, move, and feel like a superwoman thrust into a colorful kaleidoscope reminiscent of the hallucinations of hippies on LSD. Did you ever try drugs?

IBRAHIM
You know I was a devout Muslim. And no, I didn’t smoke hashish either. My brain has always been excellent and now it is superlative.

BETTY
This makes rocking
on a boat occasionally boring.

IBRAHIM
I am devoted to my lab and I’ll find exciting ways to
stimulate your cognition but your body is still that of a seventy-something
human. And brains must be trained and educated. And you will still die.

BETTY
Not yet. I still have the urge.

IBRAHIM
Good. I can’t give either of us the
fusion drug because we need clear heads to govern and execute our tasks.
Bleeding hearts don’t make bright brains.

BETTY
Amen. I want to enjoy life more than I
ever did but most social life is idiotic.

IBRAHIM
That is why people drink alcohol in
bars and restaurants—so their brains can be as soggy as their conversation.

BETTY
Coney Island with its silly rides
and food is worse. But I have an idea. What if I found something fun and intellectual to do?

A few days later, they sail south down the Hudson to

EXT. BATTERY PARK’S OUTDOOR THEATER – DAY
Ibrahim, Betty, Delphine, Kisele, Anahu, and Aaanadi dock the yacht and get out, sitting on the lawn facing the Statue of Liberty. Betty seems to be in charge.</div><div>

BETTY
Yall have free tickets to my
theatrical debut. I auditioned for this King Lear production with a three minute monologue
and today I must do a free performance as the final audition. They want a
gender fluid actor to start off male and end female and then kind of spiritual
cuz that’s how it was in Shakespeare’s time. I memorized all my lines with one read through. They dress me male with
female underneath and I decide when to reveal myself.

DELPHINE

Such fun! Wish I could do this.

BETTY
You’d make a great Cordelia.

They watch as a convincing Lear, beautifully acted, emerges from her female chrysalis in the scene with Cordelia and the doctor.

BETTY
You do me wrong to take me out o’
th’ grave. Thou art a soul in bliss, but I am bound Upon a wheel of fire, that
mine own tears Do scald like molten lead. Sir, do you know me? You are a
spirit, I know. Where did you die? Still, still, far wide. He’s scarce awake.
Let him alone awhile. Where have I been? Where am I? Fair daylight? I am
mightily abused; I should e’en die with pity R To see another thus. I know not
what to say. I will not swear these are my hands. Let’s see. I feel this pinprick.
Would I were assured Of my condition! O, look upon me, sir, And hold your hand
in benediction o’er me. No, sir, you must not kneel. Pray do not mock: I am a
very foolish fond old man, Fourscore and upward, not an hour more nor less, And
to deal plainly, I fear I am not in my perfect mind. Methinks I should know you
and know this man, Yet I am doubtful, for I am mainly ignorant What place this
is, and all the skill I have Remembers not these garments; nor I know not Where
I did lodge last night. Do not laugh at me, For, as I am a man, I think this
lady To be my child Cordelia. , weeping And so I am; I am. Be your tears wet?
Yes, faith. I pray, weep not. If you have poison for me, I will drink it. I
know you do not love me, for your sisters Have, as I do remember, done me
wrong. You have some cause; they have not. No cause, no cause. Am I in France?
In your own kingdom, sir. Do not abuse me.

Flash forward to NIGHT after the play where they are all chuckling and congratulating Betty.

BETTY
If they hire me, I will get a role for
you, sugar. Male, female, they, it—whatever you can do.

Anahu and Aanadi are whispering with furrowed brows. CLOSE on
ANAHU
Something is wrong with this charade. It’s almost as if Betty isn’t human. z

AANADI
Of course she is human, but she keeps changing and breaking medical rules I learned in school.

ANAHU
We must uncover her/his entire past. But sshh. This is not the time to talk.

• This reply was modified 3 years, 4 months ago by  Julia Keefer.

[Michelle Damis]

PS 80 Michelle Damis Colorful Dialogue

What I learned doing this assignment. This was the scene I needed to write and while there is only one person speaking I find it kind of colorful in the sense that it is different. Plus, I’m trying not to get behind in assignments. I will of course refer to this lesson and others as I write other scenes.

EXT. MEADOW – NIGHT

Osgood sits on a log in an open meadow, the light of the moon makes for good visibility. There is a small herd of deer nearby, one is grazing quite near.

OSGOOD-(to the deer) Are you a good listener?… Do you have a couple minutes?

Silence.

OSGOOD-Good…(deep breath) Have you ever…

Music fades in with a wide shot of Osgood talking to the deer, lots of hand gestures, the conversation goes on for a while. Osgood is getting a lot off his chest. The deer patiently listens.

OSGOOD-And that’s my dilemma…(sigh)

And owl with big, yellow eyes blinks and HOOTS.

OSGOOD- (to the owl) You know I wasn’t talking to you, right?

The owl looks offended and flies away

OSGOOD-(to the deer) Well, thanks for listening… So is one of these other guys an asshole?

Gesturing towards to the rest of the herd, the deer just stares at him.

OSGOOD-Mmmm…the big one?… Figures.

Osgood sizes up his target, the deer still staring.

OSGOOD-Come on. Don’t look at me like that… At least I’m not contributing to the beef industry. I know how bad they are for the environment, I’ve watched the documentaries.

Osgood starts walking towards the herd, he stops and looks back at his new friend.

OSGOOD-You might want to look the other way pal…

The deer looks away and walks in the opposite direction.

Close-up on the big deer, he does look like an asshole.

[Robert Smith]

in contrast to the feud they had had during production.

• This reply was modified 3 years, 4 months ago by  Robert Smith. Reason: I deleted because 'kick-ass dialogue was supposed to go under 'Day 10'

[Emmanuel Sullivan]

Emmanuel’s Colorful Dialogue

What I learned doing this assignment is colorful dialogue reminds me of poetry, where you think of the perfect set of words.