Day 9 Assignments

[Lois Wickstrom]

I was able to add 2 more pages with this — I will go over this script again, looking for more places to add personality to the dialogue. This actually adds lines, which I need. I have no idea why my 30 minute-feeling idea is now only 19 pages. I don’t know what I’ve forgotten to put on the page.

[Lisa Molenda]

What I learned doing this assignment is to not overthink things. Just do them and you’ll get a lot more done.

I added this scene, so there’s no before:

INT. COFFEE SHOP- DAY

Jane is at the counter, ordering coffee

JANE

I’d like an milk latte, please.

She notices the pastry case.

JANE

Oh, vegan chocolate loaf? I’ll take one of those, too.

CASHIER

Are you vegan?

JANE

Yes.

CASHIER

Where do you get your protein from?

JANE

Plants. Same way cows get theirs.

Here’s another scene I changed because I just didn’t like the dialogue. I was trying to show the relationship between Jane and DR. Berkwood. Here is the before:

INT. LAB- DAY

Class has ended and Jane is putting away the equipment. Doloris comes out of her office.

DR DOLORIS BERKWOOD

How’d it go?

Jane

Good. They didn’t throw tomatoes at me or drop any vials. Didn’t have to call HASMAT.

DR DOLORIS BERKWOOD

You’re doing just fine, honey. Now don’t let them bring any tomatoes. We don’t need any OSHA fines for food in the lab.

JANE

I don’t know how you did it, Dr. Berkwood. It’s hard work.

DR DOLORIS BERKWOOD

Well, I studied really hard, and smoked a lot of weed.

They both laugh.

DR DOLORIS BERKWOOD

Which I think you could use to take the edge off these days. (Whispers) I have a lot of ganja in my car if you wanna have a little smoke sesh after you’re done here.

JANE

Oh, no thank you. I appreciate it, but I just like to keep a clear mind. I do support you, though. My mom takes edibles, medicinally.

DR DOLORIS BERKWOOD

Is she sick?

JANE

Yeah, cancer. It helps her with the pain. Makes her say some funny shit, too. Not so much lately though.

Dr. Berkwood puts her hand on Jane’s shoulder.

DR. BERKWOOD

Well, honey, don’t burn yourself out. You can take Family leave if you need, and I’ll be more than happy to cover for you.

JANE

Thank you. I think I’ll be okay. I like to stay busy. It keeps my mind off things.

Jane gathers her things.

DR DOLORIS BERKWOOD

Well, don’t let me keep you. Hey, they have vegan empanadas in the cafe today. They’re pretty ok.

JANE

Thanks, but I brought my lunch. Never know what to expect from that place.

Jane grabs her belongings and walks out.

and AFTER:

INT. LAB- DAY

Class has ended and Jane is putting away the equipment. Doloris comes out of her office.

DR. BERKWOOD

How you holding up?

Jane is startled by Dr. Berkwood’s voice.

JANE

Fine. Just have some stuff at home I’m dealing with.

DR. BERKWOOD

How’s your mom?

JANE

Not great, but she’s hanging in there.

Jane gathers her things.

DR. BERKWOOD

I’m sorry to hear that.

JANE

Yeah.

Jane continues packing her things.

DR. BERKWOOD

Well, you can take family medical leave if needed.

JANE

Thank you. I’m fine though. I like to stay busy. Keeps my mind off of things.

Jane has finished gathering her things and looks at the time.

DR. BERKWOOD

Well, don’t let me keep you. Hey, see you at the vigil tonight?

JANE

I’ll do my best to be there.

Jane grabs her belongings and walks out.

Here’s another scene I changed BEFORE:

INT. ART STUDIO- DAY

Heather is painting as Jane is sitting at a table, eating lunch.

HEATHER

So, Ammo’s having another show tonight.

JANE

There’s a pig Vigil tonight. I thought you were going with me.

HEATHER

Well he’s playing at the encampment, which is a bigger, way cooler venue downtown. You should go.

JANE

Even if there wasn’t a vigil, I still wouldn’t go. Ammo hates vegans.

HEATHER

But he likes us. He invited us to his show for a discounted rate. Also, he keeps telling me I can’t get sufficient vitamin D as a vegan, and he recommended this supplement called the D, and he said it’s vegan.

Jane rolls her eyes.

HEATHER

What? Ammo is pretty book-smart. He works with you.

JANE

As a lab technician. He barely passed undergrad. I’m working on my PhD in biomedical research. You do see the difference, right?

HEATHER

Of course, but he didn’t have the same opportunities as you.

JANE

That makes no sense. We went to the same high school. I worked my ass off to pay my way through college, while he was smoking weed with his band mates for four years.

HEATHER

Well I’m just saying, you’re naturally smart, and he had to learn from books.

Jane gives heather a frustrated look.

JANE

What does that even mean?

HEATHER

Well, like school is a social construct, just like veganism, which I’m not saying I’m not going to be vegan anymore, but we do the things we do because we are taught that’s the way we are supposed to do it, like religion, you know?

JANE

Says the girl who got kidnapped by two cults.

HEATHER

The second one didn’t kidnap me. They just offered me a job in Las Vegas that I never took.

JANE

Only because I talked you out of it… Hey, I understand you can’t make it to the vigil, and that’s okay.

Jane’s phone rings.

JANE

I gotta go! Just remember to trust your intuition. Enjoy the concert.

Jane gets up hastily and walks from the studio as she answers her phone.

JANE

Hi Mom…. Oh… what? Ok I’m on my way.

and AFTER:

INT. ART STUDIO- DAY

Heather is painting as Jane is sitting at a table, eating lunch.

HEATHER

So, Ammo’s having a show tonight.

JANE

There’s a vigil tonight. I thought you were going with me.

HEATHER

Well he’s playing at the encampment, which is a bigger, way cooler venue downtown. You should go.

JANE

Bigger than a slaughterhouse?

Heather laughs. Jane is unamused

HEATHER

You know what I mean.

JANE

Even if there wasn’t a vigil, I still wouldn’t go. Ammo hates vegans.

HEATHER

But he likes us. He even gave us a discount, since we lack vitamin D. He said he has some really good D he can give us, and it’s vegan.

Jane rolls her eyes. Heather is completely oblivious.

HEATHER

What? Ammo is smart. He works with you.

JANE

As a lab technician. You do see the difference, right?

HEATHER

Of course, but he didn’t have the same opportunities as you.

JANE

That makes no sense. We went to the same high school. I worked my ass off to pay my way through college, while he was smoking weed with his band mates.

HEATHER

Well I’m just saying, you’re naturally smart, and he had to learn from books.

Jane gives heather a frustrated look.

JANE

I gotta go. Enjoy the concert.

Jane gets up hastily and walks from the studio. Heather calls out as she’s leaving

HEATHER

I’ll wear a vegan T-shirt!

Jane answers her phone.

another BEFORE scene:

INT. SCHOOL HALLWAY-DAY

JANE

Hi Mom…. Oh… what? Ok I’m on my way.

As Jane rounds the corner, she bumps right into Marc. She realizes it’s the cute guy who interrupted her class.

MARC

My apologies

JANE

No, it’s my bad. I was in a hurry.

Marc holds out his hand

MARC

I’m Marc

Jane shakes his hand. She gets chills from touching him as he smiles and locks eyes with him.

MARC

Well, I’m actually glad I bumped into you. I wanted to ask if you have any tips for keeping up in the PHD program, but I know you’re in a hurry.

JANE

Yes, but, another time.

Jane starts to walk away, but notices a pamphlet in Marc’s hand for the pig vigil.

JANE

Oh, are you going to the vigil tonight?

Marc

Yeah, I wanted to go pay my respects.

JANE

Are you vegan?

MARC

I never thought about it, but recently I started to think more about where my food is coming from.

JANE

Well that’s a great start. I’ll see you tonight.

MARC

See you, Jane.

Jane smiles at Marc as she walks away, briskly.

Marc starts walking the other way until he sees that Jane is out of sight. He turns around and follows her.

and AFTER:

INT. HALLWAY- DAY

JANE

Hi Mom…. what?! Ok I’m on my way.

As Jane rounds the corner, she bumps right into Marc. She realizes it’s the cute guy who interrupted her class.

MARC

My apologies

JANE

No, it’s my fault. I was in a hurry.

Marc holds out his hand

MARC

I’m Marc.

Jane shakes his hand. She gets chills from touching him as he smiles and locks eyes with him.

MARC

Well, I’m actually glad I bumped into you. I wanted to ask if you have any tips for keeping up in the PHD program, but I see you’re in a hurry.

JANE

Yeah… another time.

Jane notices a pamphlet in Marc’s hand for the pig vigil.

JANE

Oh, are you going to the vigil tonight?

Marc

Yeah, I wanted to go pay my respects.

JANE

Are you vegan?

MARC

I don’t eat animals. I’m just not fully vegan yet.

JANE

Cheese, right?

MARC

You got me.

JANE

It’s addictive because it turns to morphine in your system.

MARC

Wow, that’s good to know.

Jane smiles at Marc as she walks away, briskly.

MARC

See you tonight!

Marc starts walking the other way until he sees that Jane is out of sight. He turns around and follows her.

Another scene I added:

EXT. CLASSROOM-EVENING

Dr Berkwood is leading a meeting in front of a group of vegans.

DR. BERKWOOD

Now remember this is a peaceful event, so no screaming, nothing agressive. This is to comfort the animals and bring our message of love for all beings.

An activist raises her hand

ACTIVIST 1

But what about being angry for a good cause? Like righteous anger.

DR. BERKWOOD

well, you have to have compassion for people too.

Another activist chimes in

ACTIVIST 2

But, you said that animal agriculture is like slavery. We should free the slaves!

More activists chime in. Several people leave and are talking over Dr. Berkwood.

DR. BERKWOOD

No, that’s not a good idea! We don’t want anyone going to jail over this.

Dr. Berkwood looks distressed. Some poeple walk out and some look concerned.

[Brenda Clarke]

DIALOGUE 3,4,5

SET UP/Pay OFF

I used this technique in the teaser scene between the Protagonist Harriet and the Antagonist the head of the Criminal Underworld boss.

Harriet goes for her purse.

HARRIET
I suppose I could spare . . .

BLACKSMITH
I don’t want your penny’s madame. I

want you to do a little somethin’ for me.

HARRIET How can I help?

BLACKSMITH
You scratch my back and I’ll

scratch yours.

HARRIET
It’s rather urgent that I find

them, especially her younger sister.

BLACKSMITH
I got to know if you can be

trusted, see?

HARRIET Of course you can.

BLACKSMITH
Hah! It’s not a matter of say so.

You’ve got to prove it to me.

HARRIET
What on earth do you mean?

The Blacksmith sidles closer to Harriet.

BLACKSMITH
I am a man of influence, I know

people and people know me. If you do this one thing for me then I may be able to help you.

HARRIET
And what would that be?

BLACKSMITH
I need you to go to an associate of

mine and put him out of business, permanent-like.

Harriet moves a step back from him.

ANTICIPATORY DIALOGUE

I used this to make the audience wonder about whether Harriet will consider marrying someone her mother has picked out for her.

Rosie leaves the room. Harriet, takes the sugar bowl and places a spoon of sugar into her mothers tea cup.

HARRIET
Would you like me to stir it as

well?

MRS. WRIGHT
Hand me a biscuit would you?

Harriet obediently hands her mother a small plate of biscuits. Mrs. Wright takes one and dunks it into her tea before eating it.

Harriet returns to the couch and drinks her tea. Mrs. Wright having finished her soggy biscuit takes a sip of tea.

MRS. WRIGHT (CONT’D)
You know dear, I have been thinking

that perhaps we should invite Mr. Bennet to dine with us one evening.

Harriet quickly puts down her cup and lands it with a CLANG into the saucer, the teaspoon RATTLES.

HARRIET
Mother, has he been pestering you

again.

MRS. WRIGHT
Harriet, it is not I who he wants

to pester. Mrs. Wright smiles.

HARRIET
For goodness sake, I’m not

interested.

MRS. WRIGHT
He did send me a letter a day ago,

requesting us to dine with him.
Mrs. Wright drinks her tea, waiting for an answer.

HARRIET
I’m far to busy to be attending

boring social functions.
Mrs. Wright stares over her glasses to her daughter.

HARRIET (CONT’D) Let me think about it.

IRONIC DIALOGUE

This element has alluded me to date, but as I continue to develop this first episode, I will endeavour to add it into the mix.