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Day 9 Assignments
Reply to Post Your Assignments
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8 Replies
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Rough draft of a possible query letter:
Dear Robert,
I loved performing in “A Bronx Tale” and am delighted you have a place in the Gunks where my rock trilogy of novels and adaptations to the screen takes place. The first novel is Climb and Punishment, narrated by Sedimentary Shawangunk, the second Come to Magnificent Metamorphic Manhattan by Schist, Marble, and Gneiss, and the third Seismic Seesaw by the Magma Monsters locked down in the Palisades.
What happens when Jake La Roche, a fitness professional, is forced to make friends with BB/Betty a serial killer/rapist/arsonist and Ibrahim, the CEO of STEMGARCHS to get their Bright Space Brain Buffet to save him from Parkinson’s and his parents from ALS and Alzheimer’s?
Transform, the screen adaptation of my third novel is a tandem-competitive narrative between fitness star Jake and the Magma Monsters from the COVID pandemic of 2020 flashing forward through diseases, deaths, fires, and floods to 2040.
Jake wants so badly for people to listen to him that he is thrown out of college for plagiarism by Prof Ibrahim, rapes Ibrahim’s wife in retaliation, and ironically gives him sperm to make his family when they move from Historic Huguenot Street (the oldest in America) to the Summit high rise in Manhattan. Ibrahim wants power so much that he gives up Islam when Hurricane Ida pancakes his penthouse in the Summit and becomes CEO of STEMGARCHS, a one percent global organization doing illegal research. BB or Boat Bob wants so much to hide and recover from his crimes that he becomes Betty in old age and is forced to work as a population-reducer for STEMGARCHS. Litonya Lenape, a geologist and outstanding rock climber, wants so much to save the earth that she killed her father for fracking and secretly marries Ibrahim so that her son Kisele can have the money and power to save the earth even though she loves having sex with Jake more than anyone else in the world.
I transitioned from acting and dance to writing novels, screenplays, and poetry. I am published, optioned, and produced. I am an expert in fitness, neurogenerative diseases, geology, homelessness, and NYC tourism!
I look forward to hearing from you and yours.
Julia
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Emmanuel’s Query Letter
What I learned from this assignment is a query letter should be brief, but the main point is to start off with a hook, then synopsis, bio, request and contact information.
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Amy’s Query Letter (draft 1)
What I learned doing this assignment is it’s okay to include information about your story in your query letters. I’ve always just sent out loglines.
Hello Producer,
What would you do if you accidently ended up a year into the future and your whole life was taken from you?
Andrea Richards continuously upsets her husband Josh, son Benjamin and daughter Chloe by working late as a local reporter. Her dream is to get a job as a reporter for the network. One of the stories she covers is the dedication of the new science lab and the newly built supercollider where she meets Dr. Smitty and his new teaching assistant, Meagan. On the day the supercollider goes into operation, Andrea is there to cover the story. She accidently gets sucked into the machine partly due to Megan’s dastardly suggestion that she stand closer to the machine. Andrea spends some time visiting different times in her past and eventually pops back out of the machine to find herself completely alone in the science lab.
The first thing Andrea tries to do is go back to work, but she can’t get in. Andrea then goes home and finds out that it’s 2023. She’s been missing for a year and Josh is now engaged to Meagan. Andrea attempts to rebuild her life and be a real wife to Josh and mom to Benjamin and Chloe, mostly failing. In the meantime, she does some digging and learns that Meagan was researching time travel with the supercollider.
On the night of Chloe’s dance recital, a fire breaks out at the science lab. Andrea is torn between covering the fire or attending Chloe’s dance recital. She starts out covering the fire and learns that the professor saw Meagan slip out of the building just before the fire. She leads the police to the dance recital where they take Meagan in for questioning. Andrea chooses to stay and watch Chloe’s dance recital, which gets her fired. She’s learned her lesson and suddenly, she’s back at the science lab and it’s 2022 again. She goes straight home and vows to spend more time with her family. Later, at Benjamin’s baseball game, Andrea gets a phone call. It’s a job offer from the network to be their new cultural reporter.
I have a Master’s degree in Script & Screenwriting from Regent University in Virginia Beach. Additionally, I placed as a semifinalist in the ScreenCraft Family-Friendly Screenplay Contest and as a Second Rounder at AFF. Finally, I spend four years working in broadcast news.
If this concept appeals to you, I’d be happy to send you the script. You can reach me at contact@writeamy.com or 703-943-7372.
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ROUGH DRAFT OF QUERY LETTER
TITLE: “Moths Around a Flame: The Making of “The Blue Angel.”
Mr. Mike Marcus
Mike Marcus Productions, LLC.
25 Prancers Lane
Kringle, California
Dear Mr. Marcus:
RE: My screenplay: “Moths Around a Flame: The Making of ‘The Blue Angel.”
Cast in the erotic thriller “The Blue Angel” the newly-discovered Marlene Dietrich is a happily married bisexual who supports her husband, their daughter. and his mistress – all this, while she also has an affair with her mentor, the film’s controversial director, Josef von Sternberg.
During the making of “The Blue Angel,” a feud develops between Dietrich and the star, Oscar-winner Emil Jannings who feels his star-status is being eroded by Dietrich’s screen-hogging salacious performance as the cabaret showgirl Lola Lola as well as by her off-screen affair with director, Josef von Sternberg.
When Jannings injures Dietrich in a fight scene, Sternberg appeals to both actors to reconcile and partner for the sake of art and make ‘The Blue Angel’ a classic. Can they do it?
They reconcile and deliver stellar performances. Dietrich invites Jannings to come back to Hollywood and escape Nazism to which Jannings feels vulnerable to persecution because he has an ailing Jewish mother. .
What if Jannings had gone to America? He doesn’t but what if? We see him fall among Tinseltown’s biggest boozers (Lon Chaney and Broderick Crawford) and wind up with them in an LAPD drunk tank. After a struggle of years, Jannings’ career finally takes off, ironically, in the role of a Nazi war criminal hiding in Egypt which wins Jannings his second Oscar in 25 years.
But this is only the narrator’s fantasy of what could have happened if Jannings had made the right decision and gone to Hollywood as he had told Dietrich he would. What really happens is that after the war, Jannings faces denazification and the end of his acting career for his having appeared, (he claims) under duress, in a number of Nazi propaganda films. The fate of Jannings and Dietrich ironically mirror the fates of their respective characters in “The Blue Angel” Dietrich went on to further success as did her character Lola Lola and Jannings’ was ruined like his Professor Rath whose infatuation with Dietrich’s cabaret showgirl led to his downfall.
I have been a fan of classic films all my life and “The Blue Angel,” its production and aftermath has always fascinated me, especially, how the lives of the lead players parallel the characters they portrayed. I am a playwright and actor and the Zoom production of my stageplay, “Angels in Gangland” won the award of Best Full Length Feature Film at the Cecil County Independent Film Festival in 2021.
If you wish, I would be delighted to send you a copy of the script of “Moths Around A Flame: The Making of ‘The Blue Angel.’” My contact information is below.
Best Always,
Robert Russell Smith
443-674-8659
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Pablo’s Query Letter
What I learned: I think I can make this shorter. It is quite a challenge to write a short synopsis. Also, I really need to enter into some contests. I have nothing for my bio.
Hi (Producer),
Hope your week is going well. I’ve got a pulse-pounding suspense thriller called “La Ventura” that I think would be great for (Production Studio).
There’s a new, hit gameshow online: Illegal immigrants running for the border. Place your bets.
When her husband is murdered over unpaid gambling debts, Irma Ventura and her family have no choice but to cut and run towards the border to elude the clutches of the drug-lord responsible, Sapo Salazar. Upon discovering their escape, Sapo reaches out to his drug-runner in El Paso, Frank Kazakowski. Frank oversees an elaborate operation that uses drones to smuggle contraband into the US. and Sapo asks him to use his “buzzards” to help him locate Irma in the Chihuahua Desert.
But after getting caught by the Border Patrol, Frank is forced to use his drones to help them catch illegal immigrants or else be sent to prison. So he comes up with an idea: With dozens of drones at his disposal, Frank and his crew create a gambling ring on the darkweb that livestreams migrants attempting to cross the border. All the while, fooling the Border Patrol into thinking he is simply keeping surveillance.
Irma and her sons struggle as they make the trek through the hot desert. Along the way however, they find packages with food, water and supplies. They soon discover it is drones that have been dropping them off. What they don’t know is they are now contestants on a twisted, online game show and these drones are leading them straight to a Border Patrol Station as a captivated audience watches their every move.
If you like the concept, I’d be happy to send you the script.
Pablo Soriano
(310)628-8875
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This reply was modified 3 years, 3 months ago by Pablo Soriano.
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This reply was modified 3 years, 3 months ago by Pablo Soriano.
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This reply was modified 3 years, 3 months ago by
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Budinscak Query Letter
Day 9
What I learned doing this assignment:
o My last post on Hooks should have read Budinscak Has Too Many Hooks. What started as hooks ended up as an outline – my bad.
o But there is a silver lining as I found the answer to an evasive question on a character’s back-story.
Producer,
In 1988, two preteen nephews are forever changed after a cross-country trip with their Uncle Jack in his Cadillac.
After denying he saw the body bag move – he did – and lying he wasn’t stealing money from a local crime boss – he was, Jack is presented with an option. As a favor, he’s asked to personally deliver a package or Carmine’s, his family’s restaurant, will perish in a fire. Jack agrees to make the delivery.
The trip to Atlantic City is a breeze from upstate NY, no problem at all. What Jack didn’t realize the package is going to Burbank, as in California. And he never realized the surprise hiding on the floor in the backseat – two pesky, stowaway nephews.
During the wild trip to save the restaurant, Jack dispenses life’s lessons to his nephews, and learns a thing or two about family himself.
If you like the concept, I’d be happy to send it to you.
John Budinscak
Email – docbuda@aol.com
Cell – 813-453-2413
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Michelle Damis Query Letter
What I learned doing this assignment is to be succinct, and direct.
Dear, ________
“What do empty-nester parents do when an adult child moves back home and disrupts your life? They invite a vampire to live with you instead!”
When a bored, existential, 600-year-old Vampire named Osgood finds himself homeless he decides to move in with mortals, ignoring Vampire law.
Jim and Marin Brewster are empty-nesters whose life has been disrupted by their angry 23-year-old daughter Nina moving back home. They devise a plan to take in a renter so they can pay her to live elsewhere and regain their peace.
On Halloween night a series of events are set in motion and the family ends up being caught in the middle of a vampire civil war. What side will Osgood take? And who will survive?
Michelle Damis is an actor and stunt performer that was inspired to tell this story after dealing with her own daughter moving back home.
I had so much fun writing this project. If you like the concept, I’d be happy to send you the entire script.
Sincerely,
Michelle Damis
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Jodi’s Query Letter – Day 9
In learning how to write a query it seemed difficult to do. But, I think with practice it will be much easier to write. The shorter the better. That will be my goal. I really appreciate the breakdown we were presented.
What do insecure males do when they’re losing their power to women? They vote to take their rights to their bodies away of course; rule over them, put women in a place of subserviency. Back to the dark ages we go!
These situations are true and happening around the country in many states as we speak.
Reminiscent of Nazi German, a southern state prompts spies by pitting neighbor against neighbor and friends against friends. The prize? 10,000 dollars a head for suing anyone helping a woman have an abortion. It is open season against pregnant women and girls. Even eleven and twelve year old girls don’t escape this cruel assault on females. Impregnated by their dads, brothers, uncles or family ‘friends’, these babies are housed until they deliver their ‘own’ babies.
From the moment Karen, a young teen, walked out of the state regulated reproductive clinic, she had a 10,000. dollar bounty on her head.
With the state abortion ban in place, the foster system is overburdened and busting at the seams, and the welfare system is overwhelmed with the abundance of parentless children. Knowing this, debilitating stage fright aside, Pam decides to run against the Governor of this state in the upcoming election to fight these injustices, and fight against the attacks on women’s civil rights and the stripping of their freedom of reproductive choice.
Karen’s Mother, Elizabeth, starts a well-organized stalking ring of retribution against Bounty Hunters.
Can Pam win the Governorship and begin to reverse the nightmare of this war on women? She is determined to do so, even if it kills her.
If you like the concept, I’ll be happy to send you the script. I can be contacted through my email at:
and also feel free to give me a call at:
Thank you,
Jodi Harrison
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