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Day 9 Assignments
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DAY 9 WHAT DIALOGUE IS AND ISN’T
Lisa’s Dialogue on The Attack!
I learned from doing this assignment that the back and forth moves the story along and makes the characters more interesting.
Character Name: MARY WINTERS
Traits: Competitive, Clever, Energetic, Driven
Subtext: Fear: Afraid of heights, Afraid of loving someone again, Afraid of not being a good mom, Afraid of failing as the organizer of the IAWL festival and not living up to her mom’s perfectionism. Afraid of not getting to her ex-husband in time and finding him dead.
Character Name: JOSEPH BISHOP
Traits: Intelligent, Stubborn, Happy, Refined
Subtext: Fear: Afraid of being alone, Afraid of losing Mary and her girls
From Outline Scene 38:
INT-MARY’S HOUSE-DAY
Mary is folding clothes from the couch while Joseph is straightening up the living room.
MARY (slightly perturbed)
You don’t have to do that.
JOSEPH (pleasantly)
I know.
MARY (frustrated)
You don’t get it. I don’t want you to clean my house! (Snatching a cloth from his hand)
JOSEPH
Okay, My goodness. I’m just helping you out. Why won’t you let me help you?
MARY
It’s only been 3 years Joe.
JOSEPH
Since the divorce, I know. But we’ve been off and on for 2 of those 3 years. I want to make it permanent.
MARY
IT’S TOO SOON! For the girls…
JOSEPH
And for you?
MARY
Why do you insist on pressing me on this? You could do so much better back in New York. I’m sure they were flinging themselves at you when you were there.
JOSEPH
Mary. You know I’m not like that. Trust me.
MARY
Like I trusted Peter?
JOSEPH (holding her shoulders)
I’m not Peter. I’m not like anyone else.
MARY
What makes you so special?
JOSEPH
I love you.
MARY
I know. (smirking) I really, really, really, really, like you too.
Joseph hangs his head.
JOSEPH
Must you play so hard to get all the time?
MARY
Must you keep annoying me with “I love you” all the time?
JOSEPH (smiling)
I won’t give up.
MARY (pauses)
Actually…you may when I tell you what I need to tell you.
JOSEPH
(Laughs) What? You’re actually going to tell me something?
MARY
Sit down.
JOSEPH (sitting)
Okay.
MARY
Well. I’ve decided to…
JOSEPH (excited)
Say yes! Finally.
MARY
…No. Janie and Ruthie and I are going to move to Albany come Spring.
JOSEPH
What? Why?
MARY
I think it would be best for us to start over in a new place. An adventure. For me and the girls. I’ve been here all my life and I’d like to see what it would be like to live in a bigger city. More things to do for all of us. It has nothing to do with you and me.
JOSEPH
Clearly. (pauses) I thought we were building something here. Was I completely off base?
MARY
It has nothing to do with you. It’s for me and the girls.
JOSEPH
How long have you been thinking about this?
MARY
That’s not important.
JOSEPH
It is to me.
MARY
About a year.
JOSEPH (grabbing his hat)
Great. And when were you going to tell me? After you left town?
MARY
I’m sorry, Joe.
JOSEPH
No, I’m sorry that we ever got together.
MARY
Joe don’t say that!
JOSEPH
Goodbye, Mary.
MARY
See you at the festival.
As Joseph leaves upset, Uncle Billy comes in the front door. Mary rubs him with a towel as he licks her face.
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Cameron Martin’s Dialogue on The Attack!
What I learned doing this assignment is…It’s first draft material, but I love that everyone has a unique voice, even for an exposition dump kind of scene. Having the character profiles, traits, and subtexts, it’s a lot easier to identify the areas that can be improved and how to improve them. Can’t wait for more lessons on dialogue. Still, this model made writing this a lot more fun, and revealed some traits that I may want to change to make them more interesting.
Characters:
Sully – Inventive, Loving, Controlling, Disguising (Subtext: Sully disguises his hurt through overcompensating and a toxic sense of initiative)
Isaiah – Obsessive, Focused, Covering Up, Gentle (Subtext: Compares himself to the Alien Worms)
Jude – Undercover, Motherly, Terse, Curious (Subtext: Treats Isaiah as though he’s her grandson to cope with never seeing her granddaughter again)
Scene Chosen:
INT. LIVING QUARTERS – NIGHT
Sully asks why the spy helped them if they’re going to die anyways. The spy explains that she’s making peace with GOD, as she was sent to cover up the Hegemony’s involvement with the escalating outbreaks of aliens. Isaiah wants to find a way to keep her alive, but Sully helps her take a lethal injection that kills her and the alien eggs inside of her as they’re hatching.
Jude – “It’s funny, you know. There used to be a natural predator to these monsters, but we wiped them all out when we started terraforming the planet. Somehow, the worms survived and are thriving now more than nature ever intended. Now any new space colony risks an outbreak. But you know our government will never own up to their mistakes. Terraforming is expensive, and we’ve just put too much into this planet to stop now.”
…
INT. LIVING QUARTERS – NIGHT
JUDE coughs like she has marbles in her lungs.
SULLY holds ISAIAH back behind him, the gears in his head working triple time to figure out who and what Jude is.
SULLY
Why help us if we’re all going to die anyways?
JUDE
It’s funny, you know.
SULLY
I have a son.
JUDE
There used to be a something that would kill and eat these things, but we wiped them all out when we started terraforming the planet.
ISAIAH
What did they look like?
SULLY
(to Isaiah)
Isaiah, not right now, kiddo.
(to Jude)
Answer the question.
JUDE
Why don’t you—
Jude coughs again, visible hurting.
JUDE
Relax. A child needs their parent.
SULLY
What is an HIA agent doing here?
JUDE
We al-al-al-l make mis-*cough, cough*-takes. Is it hard to believe that I’d want to find some way to own up to mine.
SULLY
Is that what this is? You have to die to know whatever you’ve done was—
JUDE
Oh, won’t you just shut up. You act smart, but even your son knows you’re a scared little boy, just like him.
Deathly beat.
JUDE
What I’d give to hold my little ones again. We’re cruel for giving them up to be something else.
Sully starts putting the pieces together.
SULLY
We’re not the first colony on this planet.
JUDE
Terraforming is expensive. You can’t change the recipe after the cake’s already in the oven.
ISAIAH
Dad, now that nothing is holding them back, they can thrive more than ever, just like fire ants back on earth.
SULLY
Isaiah—
ISAIAH
Nature has checks and balances. For fire ants—
SULLY
Isaiah, not—
ISAIAH
Just listen to me, please! On earth, fire ants weren’t just transported to North America from South America. They were separated from a fly that specifically hunted and killed them. Without their natural predator, the fire ant population exploded! It was an accident, but…
SULLY
Yeah, I see the comparison, son.
(to Jude)
How many space colonies came before us. No, screw that. Did you find anything about the worms that can help?
JUDE
Your son’s mo-r-r-r-re of an expert than me. They need him, so that they can come out as the heroes. It’s just good politics if no one knows you caused this, accident or not.
Jude starts coughing uncontrollably. She pulls out a syringe from her pocket, but can barely hold on.
JUDE
Ple-*coughing blood*-e-e-e-ase.
Jude hands out the syringe to Sully.
Isaiah puts two and two together.
ISAIAH
No! There’s got to be way!
SULLY
It’s too late.
ISAIAH
No! If you can find a way to—
Jude can’t speak now. She’s just coughing and gasping for air.
Isaiah grabs Sully’s arm, trying to prevent him from administering the shot.
SULLY
Isaiah, get off!
ISAIAH
There’s a way! There’s always a way!
Jude’s cough splatters blood over the floor.
SULLY
(shoving Isaiah off of him)
Get the fuck off of me!
Sully injects the shot deep into Jude’s back.
The convulsing body all at once relaxes.
Isaiah looks away.
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ASSIGNMENT – DAY 9
Write a scene that delivers powerful dialogue
LINCOLN: Passionate/Playful/Dark side/Committed/Frustrated
NUBIA: Loving/Protective/Suspicious/Angry
SCENE: His wife, NUBIA, apologizes for sending him to the basement but his tossing, turning, talking in his sleep was keeping her up. Lincoln says he had a vivid dream about being the Grand Dragon, yet when he woke, he wanted to kill him. Nubia laughs: One would make his daddy proud, the other his momma.
What I learned from doing this lesson was how adding traits along with the attack/counter attack help show my characters’ relationship while furthering the plot.
ATTACK/COUNTER ATTACKS
INT. LINCOLN HOME – KITCHEN – DAY
Lincoln stands at the kitchen counter sipping coffee. Something troubles him.
NUBIA (O.S.)
So you were something else last night.
Lincoln turns to see his wife, NUBIA, wearing one of his t-shirts and nothing else. Clearly, what was on his mind, is no longer there. She takes his coffee from him, sips, and then hands it back.
LINCOLN
Excuse me. Do I know you?
NUBIA
Aw now, just because I sent you to the basement.
He pulls her to him.
LINCOLN
Like a little boy being sent to his room for being naughty.
He bites at her neck.
NUBIA
I needed my sleep and your tossing and turning were keeping me up.
She pushes away from him.
NUBIA
You want breakfast?
LINCOLN
Nah, baby, I’m good.
NUBIA
So, white guy dreams again?
Lincoln pours more coffee, sits and table.
LINCOLN
Yeah. Only this time I was him and– he’s a Grand Dragon.
NUBIA
Whoa. Lincoln, honey, look at me.
He avoids her eyes.
NUBIA
Look at me.
He does.
NUBIA
These dreams of yours, that’s your unconscious trying to tell you something.
LINCOLN
That deep down I’m really a white supremacist? Daddy would be so proud.
NUBIA
Stop! You know this is about your unresolved shit with him. He was an ass!
LINCOLN
Honestly, Nuby, it’s just stress.
Nubia nosily pulls the whole dang table away from him, then straddles him and sits.
NUBIA
I know you, Lincoln Able, and you are holding out on me.
He sighs heavily.
LINCOLN
Okay. In the dream, all I kept hearing was…
He shakes his head…
LINCOLN
Nah, honey, it’s… crazy.
NUBIA
Talk!
LINCOLN
I’m suppose to kill him.
NUBIA
The white guy in your dreams?
LINCOLN
Yep.
She climbs off of him.
NUBIA
Holy shit. But that makes sense if the white guy represents your daddy?
LINCOLN
Are you making breakfast now?
NUBIA
No. I’m not hungry now. I’m worried about you.
He takes her in his arms.
LINCOLN
Don’t be. I’m telling you it’s just stress. And you know how to relieve that so well.
She holds him at arm’s length.
NUBIA
Promise me you’ll start writing your dreams down so we can make sense of them. Okay?
He pauses and then nods.
LINCOLN
Okay. Now is it okay if I make breakfast?
NUBIA
Absolutely.
Lincoln heads to the frig while Nubia looks after him. She’s worried.
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Anita Gomez’s Dialogue on the Attack! – (Day 9 of Seducing Actors Module)
What I learned doing this assignment: I liked Hal’s admonition to not be subtle. I chose a scene where my protagonist had to be both professional and vulnerable, and I believe allowing her dialogue to be emotional gave this scene more impact.
1. Go to your outline and find a scene where the characters will be talking a lot.
This scene is directly connected to the next one where Danica is in court and has an emotional breakdown. It was important to me to set that up correctly.
2. List your character names along with each character’s traits and their subtext above the scene.
3. Write the scene in a way that is filled with:
A. Constant attack/counter attack.
B. Constant character traits. Once you’ve completed the scene, check every line of dialogue to see how you can express one or more of their character traits through that line.
Protagonist: DANICA is a petite 42 y.o. brunette who is wound tight emotionally, whose professional demeanor brooks no nonsense.
Basic character traits: Success-oriented, Driven, Self-sufficient / Independent
Want/Need: Wants – Success and recognition; Needs – Love and intimacy
Paradoxes: Fears failure and the judgment of others // Wants respect while pushing others away
Secret: Her unwanted pregnancy with Cyrus (married man, and her boss)
Flaws: Driven, Self-centered, Jealous of others – especially her sister’s happy family
Special: Hyper-competitive – always needs to be the winner.
Subtext: Secretive / Evasive, In denial. Her indiscreet affair 20 years ago has followed her into the courtroom. Her secret ultimately leads to her emotional and physical breakdown, leading her to search for her unwanted daughter.
Supporting Character: DAN GREENE, Danica’s boss – the primary partner in her law firm who assigned Danica to this critical case. TRAITS: Kind, intelligent, insightful. SUBTEXT: This case is high-profile with heavy national implications and will reflect on his firm well or poorly depending on their performance in court.
NOTE: There are additional co-workers and peers who populate the scene as supporting characters, who all understand the importance of this case and are on-edge preparing for oral arguments the next day.
INT. LAW OFFICE CONFERENCE ROOM – DAY
It is a war room preparing for battle. Danica is the Generalissimo finalizing the all-important oral arguments for tomorrow, counter-pointing yesterday’s searing and emotional delivery by the anti-abortion team seeking to limit nearly all state access to abortion.
The frenetic room is populated by more than a dozen lawyers and assistants coming and going with reams and files of paper like a small army of intensely focused ants.
The large conference table is covered to overflowing with law books and legal pads. Every inch of the huge room’s walls are covered by white boards and easels with charts and presentation materials.
Several large flip tablets of paper are being scribbled on by assistants and para-legals as others call out statistics to be written down.
SENIOR PARTNER DAN GREENE enters the room. He stands watching the verbal melee for a few minutes.
JUNIOR PARTNER ONE
…and 51% of all Catholic and Lutheran parishioners support legalization…
JUNIOR PARTNER TWO
…A woman’s risk of dying from an abortion is .6% in 100,000 while the risk of dying in childbirth is 14 times higher… and colonoscopy mortality rates are 40 times higher!…
PARALEGAL
And don’t forget about the trigger bills pending that would ban medication abortions entirely!
ASSISTANT
And there’s the statistics we have on poverty rates and …
Etc., etc.
The feeling in the room spirals into a free-for-all.
Dan Greene discerns Danica has lost control of the situation and he steps in, speaking in his quiet but firm way to the room at large.
DAN GREENE
I’d like the room please.
Voices die down and everyone begins moving toward the door.
Dan stands in front of Danica who has been standing this whole time.
DAN GREENE
Dani, take a seat.
As she sinks wearily down he paces around the perimeter of the room for a few minutes taking in all the charts and presentation materials. He still has his back to Danica as he begins to speak.
DAN GREENE
Do you know why I chose you to head this team?
It seems rhetorical so Danica just waits for an answer. Now he turns to her, speaking in a fatherly but concerned way.
DAN GREENE
Because you are brilliant. Because I’ve never seen you back down from a fight. But this –
He sweeps his arm toward the mountains of information piled around them.
DAN GREENE
This isn’t your finest work.
(beat)
It’s dry as dust.
Danica remains silent, not knowing what to say after hundreds of hours of prep.
DAN GREENE
Tell me, what did you feel in the courtroom yesterday?
This question seems to wake her up as she goes from fatigue and silence to impassioned.
DANICA
I felt disgust. I felt outrage. I felt like bashing all those smug white men in the face who think they know what it’s like to be a woman! To have the unmitigated gall to tell a woman what she can and can’t do as if she were some sort of… vessel!
DAN GREENE
That! That is what I need from you tomorrow Dani. Passion. Fire. EMOTION. We won’t win these arguments with a pile of statistics.
Again he sweeps his hands toward all the charts, etc.
DAN GREENE (cont.)
(with quiet understanding)
We need those bastards to feel your pain Dani. He needs to feel your pain.
Danica looks away with tears building in her eyes.
DANICA
I can’t… I can’t make it personal…
DAN GREENE
But it already is. I see it. I feel it. Make them feel it too.
DANICA
It’s something I should have told you the moment I found out Judge Kilner was one of those presiding –
Dan waits patiently as she wipes furiously at the tears now spilling onto her cheeks.
DANICA
We have history. He was my boss 20 years ago –
DAN GREENE
(now forcefully)
Then use that! Use that history to make him feel what’s at stake here!
Danica looks surprised by his reaction. Then she looks around the room, takes a deep breath and squares her shoulders.
DANICA
Ok. I’ve got this.
Dan goes to the door pausing by Danica’s side on the way, squeezing her shoulder in support before leaving the conference room.
DAN GREEN
I know you do.
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Alice’s Dialogue on The Attack!
What I learned doing this assignment is
I like it, but maybe I’m not using it yet fully.
Antagonist
Name: ANAUPSH
Traits: Concealing, Crafty, Treacherous, Evasive
Subtext: Evil
Character Logline: Anaupsh is Head of Development lab who uses her position for her personal scientific endeavor to construct animated monsters from parts of human bodies, making workers of Research Institute be her victims, as she murders them one by one.
Possible areas of subtext: Playing innocent, hiding part of the lab from common view, planning deception and capture. Hiding, retrieving, erasing, and exchanging information on her lab works.
Character Name: THANAKH
1. Basic character traits:
Suspicious, Respectful, Argumentative, Intelligent
talented, honest, reserved, and refined
2. Want/Need
Wants to bring this event to conclusion, if possible to justice
Needs to uncover who is behind missing cases
3. Paradoxes (Warring elements)
That he, such a refined person, ended up in a pile of carnal bodies construction.
4. Secret:
He hides, how much he went wounded by it.
5. Flaw:
Idea, secret police might be behind it, weakens him.
6. Special:
He’s different
7. Subtext: Research, observation
8. Character Arc:
Part to be changed: He needs to find out, who’ve done it, and what happened?
Biggest fear: His biggest fear is what he sees in Anaupsh’s his lab
Completion of arc: His example as martyr changes social structure of the West. For separate-able humanity.
9. Character Logline:
Thanakh is a scientist, working as Head of the Lab at Research Institute who lost his girlfriend and must find out who is behind missing cases at RI to bring things to justice.
Possible areas of subtext: as he communicates here and there
INT. OFFICE – DAY
Control group, in amount of one aged man and young lady sent by organization comes to check at what is happening at Research Institute.
AN AGED MAN
Hi! We came from organization to look at what’s going on. We don’t need anyone to go with us. We can look ourselves.
INT. ANAUPSH’S LAB – DAY
ANAUPSH
I also lost an assistant. The young girl. She always used to be there, here is her place.
GIRL
Did you attempt to contact her?
ANAUPSH
I don’t call her, no!
AN AGED MAN
Why not?
ANAUPSH
A lot of people disappeared, I don’t want to call her at such times, she might dislike it.
Young woman and aged man glance at each other.
AN AGED MAN
Maybe there is some spy on the ground?
ANAUPSH
There are gates, area is restricted.
An Aged man looks at the map of RI’s floors he’s holding, looks at the wall before him.
AN AGED MAN
And this whole area in here?
Assistant unexpectedly hits man over the head from behind unconscious. Man drops on the floor.
Girl immediately points gun on them.
YOUNG BRUNET
Leave him!
At this moment secret door unnoticeable prior opens, sliding automatically. Keeping her gun with both hands before her, girl turns her head in this direction. Anaupsh’s second girl assistant stands inside before opening, waiting for door fully open. Male assistant snatches opportunity girl looks aside and blows her gun away.
INT. BACK ROOM – DAY
They both are beaten up, unconscious. Girl is dropped on the floor. Male assistant towers over her. Pushing with his boot, observes her pale beaten up face. She’s pretty.
ASSISTANT
You know, how to shoot?
He says in mocking tone.
INT. SOME LAB – DAY
Protagonist on his way around to check labs meets opposition from aged scientist.
INT. DINAMICS LAB – EVENING
Two guys in this lab tell Hero, how they protect with guns. They assure him they are waiting for those who do this to come, and don’t lock the doors.
INT. CORRIDOR OF RI – MORNING
Protagonist passes by Dynamics Lab, its door seems closed. He tries it, and it opens, room same as it was, no men.
MIDPOINT:
OFFICER moves awkwardly past control in the lobby amid noise and commotion of people passing by, or standing in groups and talking.
INT. OFFICE – DAY
OFFICER
Did two of our people really were coming to you?
THANAKH
I can describe them. Woman young brunet. An aged man, tall.
OFFICER
I don’t know the faces, you did it for nothing! We lost fifty four people.
THANAKH
Were they working in here?
OFFICER
Yes.
THANAKH
And these two?
Shows photographs.
THANAKH
Did they work for you?
OFFICER
Yes, they were occupying with cosmic technology.
THANAKH
They were gone yesterday.
OFFICER
It makes fifty six.
THANAKH
Should I give you numbers? I keep track.
Officer waves negatively.
OFFICER
What was your brother thinking of, when he was broadcasting that on TV?
THANAKH
He’s journalist, and is a bit superficial. He didn’t completely understand what I told him.
OFFICER
We went disturbed, after thirty were gone. They stopped to report. We warned people, but it seems, there were rumors already. And suddenly this was aired.
THANAKH
It seemed to me the only way around. I was coming few times to the service for no avail.
OFFICER
Did you have anyone close to you, amid those who were gone?
THANAKH
Yes, two humans I knew close went lost.
OFFICER
And they were women?
THANAKH
No. One man. One woman.
OFFICER
Yes, I see, I see. Fuck those motherfuckers!
THANAKH
This wasn’t done by anyone from your organization?
OFFICER
No, you see, I cannot change the ways! I know, who leads us. I cannot blow up the whole building, it’s an institution. There are biologist, physicists, medics. If it was someone higher than us, I don’t know this. I’m telling you, I was scared to pass through the door, even though there is a big commotion. How people aren’t afraid to come in here?
THANAKH
I don’t know. Maybe some really left. It has to do with something everyone is thinking, it’s not going to be him.
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June Fortunato’s Retirement Dialogue on The Attack! Day 9 Seducing Actors
What I learned: I knew the arc of the scene, and the end, and wrote the scene quickly.
Roy: Resourceful, crazyass, explosive, charming, rescuer, quick wit. Humor as a weapon.
Teach the kid how to fuck over the assholes and also- not to end up that way and, get himself a
better retirement plan.
INT. JAIL HOLDING CELL
THREE MEN, strung out and acting jaggy and a terrified TEEN (TYRONE) share the holding
cell with Roy. The teen looks back and forth- eyes dart, scared and shaky. The big guy barfs a
load at the kid’s feet while Roy yanks him out of the way just in time.
ROY
Christ, what was that? Spaghetti?
To the kid.
ROY
You gotta learn to dodge.
But Tyrone seems paralyzed. The guy who puked, Pukerman, is menacing now. The others are
nervous, pacing, pounding the walls, yelling.
PUKERMAN
I know you.
Roy stands in front of the kid and blocks Red.
ROY
No no no pukeman. You have a case of “mistaken I. D.”
PUKERMAN
(to the kid)
Where is it?
He gets close and reaches to grab the kid.
PUKERMAN
Where’s the fucking blow?
Roy steps in between.
ROY
Back off big boy.
TYRONE
I took a car. I don’t have drugs.
ROY
You’re standing in your slop Pukefest. Watch you don’t slip.
Roy gives the Puke a shove and the man falls backwards and crashes his skull. Tyrone backs up
and Roy sits his ass down next to him.
ROY
I took a car.
TYRONE
You did?
ROY
Yes sir. Yes sir. Why’d you take a car?
TYRONE
Tik tok.
ROY
Tickety tockerdy now you’re in the stockardy. How’s that make you feel?
A guard comes in gray slop supposedly something to eat. The kid is starving, but when he tastes
it, he spits it out. Even the asshole druggies laugh. The kid stares.
ROY
Now that’s a fine service!
He smells it.
ROY
It would appear that my retirement plan is misguided. Think a hospital is a much better option,
don’t you? Tyrone, why don’t we play “slide on the slop?
ROY
Watch me fellas. (to Tyrone) Like this.
Roy splashes his food onto the floor and slides across the room in it. Tyrone is amazed. He joins
in. Together, they slide all over the cell. The druggies get agitated and start yelling. The floor is
slick and stinking. The druggies throw their food at Roy.
A guard comes by to stop the chaos.
GUARD
You’re gonna eat that shit.
Uh oh.
ROY
Sorry officer. So sorry. I was just cooling it down.
He scrapes it and dumps it into the toilet. It fills the toilet and clogs it. One of the druggies takes
a dump and the cell overflows. The fellas are not pleased, and pummel the shit out of Roybeating
him senseless. The guard steps in and pulls the guys apart. The kid stands back in awe.
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Kate’s Dialogue on The Attack!
What I learned doing this assignment is that it is a very good way to keep the dialogue on target and not meandering. It also (as always) reveals/clarifies something I didn’t really know about the character until they spoke.
The morning after Nia hears about the landfill.
DARROGH
Traits: Greedy, Supremely confident, Smooth, (Lonely, Suspicious)
awkward with someone there but wants a relationship, with his daughter, very private about his business, is unnerved by how much like her Mother Nia and can’t forget Amahla hurt him.
NIA
Traits: Kind, Hopeful, Passive, Principled, (In Denial, Self-censoring)
Wants the long dreamt of warm, loving relationship with her Dad, and also to change his mind about the landfill
INT DARROGHS HOUSE – NEXT DAY, BREAKFAST TIME
Darrogh is at the breakfast nook table with coffee, a sweet roll and a paper. (His usual.)
Nia enters happily singing and makes right for the coffee.
NIA
Good morning, Dad. And isn’t it a gorgeous one?
DARROGH
I hadn’t noticed. ‘Morning Nia.
Nia pouring coffee and putting fruit on a plate.
NIA
How can you not notice? The sun is pouring in! Look?
Nia crosses to him, kisses the top his head and points out the bay window as she sits.
NIA
I love it here. I can’t believe – I’m here – with my Dad!
Darrogh looks up at her and smiles warmly.
DARROGH
Where you belong. What are you eating?
NIA
Fruit. Better for you than -.
She gestures at the sweet roll.
DARROGH
This has been my breakfast for years. Done me no harm.
Her returns to his paper again. Nia fiddles for a bit.
NIA
Dad? Can I – um – ask you something?
DARROGH
Now?
NIA
Yes.. While we are here, having breakfast together?
Darrogh closes the paper and gives her is full attention.
DARROGH
I’m not used to a breakfast companion.
NIA
(teasing)
Really? I’d never have guessed!
DARROGH
(similar vein)
Is this how children talk to their parents? Maybe I haven’t missed out on much.
NIA
I’ve missed a lot. I don’t know you.
DARROGH
(grandly)
Ask me anything!
NIA
OK. Tell me about the landfill thing.
DARROGH
Why do you want to know about that? It’s nothing to do with you.
NIA
It sort of is. You are my dad and I’m just wanting to.. understand.
DARROGH
Understand what?
NIA
You. Like why you’re doing it when for so many people it’s -. Well, they don’t want it.
DARROGH
Who have you been talking to?
NIA
It’s hard to miss – every one is talking about it and someone asked me what I thought.
DARROGH
What did you say?
NIA
(nervously)
I said I didn’t really know anything about it and I’d ask you.
DARROGH
And you have.
He takes a sip of coffee very deliberately and looks at her.
Nia meets his look and takes a sip of her coffee.
NIA
And you haven’t said anything.
DARROGH
You’re persistent, I’ll give you that.
NIA
So?
DARROGH
The rubbish has to go somewhere, these people aren’t making a dime on the land and this makes good use of it.
NIA
What about their homes? And how they live? Where do they go? What do they do?
DARROGH
I’m not stealing the land! I’m buying them out – they can go anywhere.
NIA
I guess. But, Dad, it’s such beautiful land. It could be organic gardens and farms and -.
Darrogh stands suddenly.
DARROGH
Nia, you have no idea what you’re talking about. Those people are not capable of making anything like that work. All they want to do is sit on their little porches, looking at their cows and picking some apples off a few trees. It’s not practical – the return on the amount of work you have to do. Even if they would do it.
NIA
Perhaps it’s not about the money and maybe they like that work? Dad? Maybe that kind of life makes them happy?
DARROGH
You’re a child, Nia. Very sweet and kind but completely ignorant with no common sense.
Nia stands and faces him over the table
NIA
That’s how you see it but perhaps you’re out of step the times.
DARROGH
(laughing condescendingly)
You’re too much like your Mother. She was a bleeding heart.
NIA
Really? Good! I didn’t know her, remember? I’m glad I look like her and I’m glad I have her heart.
DARROGH
Be very careful, Nia. She wasn’t the saint you seem to think she was. Now I am going into my office. And you can do what you want, but my advice is get over this bucolic farm life nonsense. It doesn’t work!
Darrogh leaves the room taking his paper.
Nia stares after him a moment, begins as if to follow him but stops.
She starts to clear the table.
A bright shaft of light catches her hair and face her as if a sign from angels.
-
This reply was modified 3 years, 3 months ago by Kate Hawkes.
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This reply was modified 3 years, 3 months ago by
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Anna Harper
Attack/Counter Attack
What I learned from this assignment. I was shocked at what a difference this made. I plan to go through my whole script using this tactic.
ELIZABETH PERKINS
Elizabeth is Dylan’s Grade 6 teacher
Basic Characteristics
Elizabeth is very physically attractive, smooth, charming on the surface.
She is a transplanted city girl, not from the village.
She is deceitful. (subtext) Everything she does has a hidden agenda need for power and a want/need for a committed relationship with a man she can control and have all to herself.
STEVE MARTIN
Dylan’s single father was widowed two years ago.
Subtext Desperate need for his son to speak. Wants a harmonious relationship. Overwhelmed on many levels. Likes his role as village hero, yet yearns for a better life. Still grieving for his departed wife.
Basic Character Traits
Overall good guy, liked in the village. Also a volunteer fireman.
Stressed by his current life situation. Single Dad, not much money, Dylan acting out. Lonely. Can be insensitive.
SITUATION
STEVE AND ELIZABETH have a date at the local Indian restaurant. Steve’s agenda is strictly low-level social, Elizabeth has another agenda.
INT.INDIAN RESTAURANT/EVENING
The Indian restaurant is full of Indian restaurant bling. On the table there is a Christmas tree, multicolored lights abound and there is a large Christmas tree at the door. Elizabeth and Steve enter, an Indian waiter with a Birmingham accent escorts them to a table.
Elizabeth is wearing a low-cut sari-type dress, red. She is ornamented with jingly Indian bangles long earrings, and false eyelashes. She has taken the trouble to bring out the heavy artillery in order to get Steve’s attention.
Steve has had a good scrub-up and looks basically clean and tidy. It looks like he has made a modest effort as he is wearing a jacket, no tie, and he ironed his shirt before coming out. He forgot to change his shoes and is wearing runners which do not match his clothes. By village standards, it looks as though he has made an effort. They are seated across from one another.
STEVE
I’m, starving let’s have some papadums to start. What are you having Elizabeth?
ELIZABETH
Elizabeth is speaking in honeyed, low tones, touching her hair using subtle seductive body language. She sits across from Steve, smiling making eye contact,
Oh, I’m not really hungry, and I don’t usually eat foreign food. I don’t really like it or trust it, God only knows what’s in it. I will stick with the Tofu thank you. The tofu, gluten-free vegan curry, please. With a glass of warm water. I’ll pass on the papadums, you enjoy yourself, Steve.
STEVE
Steve is feeling uncomfortable with Elizabeth’s constant eye contact, which he tries to avoid, and her obvious flirting. He is fidgety.
I’m starving. The coconut chicken curry, hot, and mango chutney with some naan, please. I love foreign food. My favorite is Thai. They really know how to make it hot.
ELIZABETH
I heard they put dead cat meat in their curry dishes, Or was it dog?
STEVE
Talking about being hungry, Dylan brought home a half-starved dog today, a very large, very dirty dog. I found them both in the bathroom with Dylan attempting to bathe the dog, what a mess!
ELIZABETH
Elizabeth’s voice is rising, and the honey tones are waning.
Oh my God, you let him bathe the dog in the same bathtub you use. How perfectly unhygienic. Really Steve!
Surely you are not even thinking of keeping a dog. You have your hands full with Dylan and his problems, getting into fights, not doing his work at school and of course, he cannot participate properly in class as he refuses to speak! I am sure a dog is out of the question. What is this dog, a mutt I suppose?
STEVE
Steve is looking slightly aggravated at Elizabeth’s rudeness.
No, he is a Newfoundland, definitely a purebred. He is the size of a small horse. A very handsome dog, though he seems to drool a great deal. Maybe the dog would be therapeutic for Dylan, you know, help him with speaking.
ELIZABETH
Voice sounding more assertive, as though she has power.
What a ridiculous idea! Are you taking him to the pound?
STEVE
Steve’s voice is strident, the cadence of his speech sounds staccato. He appears to be is repressing his frustration with Elizabeth
I am phoning them in the morning. The dog catcher may have to come and get him. I haven’t made my mind up yet. And he is so beautiful and valuable, someone may be looking for him.
ELIZABETH
Oh my God, Steve. Keeping a big dirty dog is so, well repugnant. The whole house will smell like a dog. I think you absolutely must send him to the pound. How could you live in a house with drool all over the place and dog poo in the yard, that would be impossible?
STEVE
As I said, I haven’t made my mind up yet, for Dylan and me that is. if you don’t like dogs, well…
ELIZABETH
Elizabeth is speaking in an authoritative tone.
Of course, it’s the right thing to do. The sooner the better before Dylan gets any wild ideas in his head. Though what’s going on in Dylan’s head is anyone’s guess what with his peculiar silence
STEVE
Elizabeth, you seem to have a very strong opinion about what I should do in my house. Let’s change the subject, shall we?
ELIZABETH
Elizabeth is back to speaking in honeyed tones, wary that she may be losing her grip on Steve.
It’s really nice for us to have some time together, you know get to know each other without any other distractions or stress. After all, you deserve to have some fun too. I have a little surprise for you, something I think that will help take the stress off you and help Dylan. I’ve researched a school that might be better for Dylan. Somewhere that they have the staff and the knowledge to help someone like Dylan. I found a place just perfect for your situation. It’s a special boarding school, in London. Only four hours away, by train and bus. He can come home for holidays or at least some of the holidays.
STEVE
Steve’s voice gets suddenly loud. Loud enough for the other diners to turn around. His face has gone from relaxed to looking very angry.
STEVE
Elizabeth have you completely lost it? I am not sending my boy away to some bloody boarding school in London. hours away from home. He has been through enough with losing his mother. That is a stupid and insensitive idea Elizabeth.
ELIZABETH
Elizabeth is speaking in honeyed, low tones, touching her hair using subtle seductive body language
Well, I was only thinking of you Steve. If we are to continue to date or maybe have more of a relationship, I need to have more time with you, not all the crazy drama around Dylan taking all of your attention.
STEVE
Elizabeth, I was OK with being friends, just friends now and again mind you, but this, insisting on sending my son away? You have really overstepped the mark.
Steve slaps the table making the glasses and cutlery jangle.
You don’t understand. And I don’t think you are what Dylan and I need in our lives. I don’t want to see you again socially, ever! You, stay in your corner! Stay out of it. And mind what you say about my son!
Steve gets up, hands the waiter money, and exits the restaurant. Elizabeth stays at the table, looks furious. She continues to eat her tofu curry slowly while contemplating her next move.
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Matthew Frendo’s Dialogue on The Attack!
What I learned doing this assignment was how to make dialogue that is interesting and pops off the screen. This will help make the script a success, and possibly attract the attention of a great actor.
Name: Alicia
Traits: Well Educated, Brave, Crafty, Fearful
Subtext: Crafty
Name: Host
Traits: Ruthless, Arrogant, Conspiring, Charismatic
Subtext: Conspiring
INT. ENTRY TO GAME THREE – DAY
Brad looks at his choices…a book and a knife. He looks at it quizzically.
NICK
Isn’t it obvious?
BRAD
Not sure what the challenge is.
NICK
I can’t think of nothing that is better with a book over a knife.
ALICIA
I’m telling you, if we all band together and refuse to play–
BRAD
Nah, my brother’s down there.
ALICIA
It’s him or you. Do you really want to die like this?
BRAD
I just…
He stops himself.
NICK
Some of us have people we care about. Speaking of that, the time, man…
Brad nods and grabs the knife, then he goes in. They watch on the screen.
Brad enters and sees a library on one side and a slew of barbed wire, broken glass and things that hurt on the other. A button is on either side.
HOST (O.S.)
You had a choice here, Brad, but unlike the others. You choice was between peace or war. If you had chosen the book, you would simply read for five minutes and be done. But you chose war, so–
NICK
Damn. Ain’t that a bad break.
ALICIA
Do they make these up as it goes along?
NICK
All the games are made six months in advance, to make it fair.
ALICIA
That’s what they say.
NICK
It’s checked by a committee of the brightest and most trusted administrators in the state.
CHESTER
I know them most trusted people. I killed for them most trusted people.
Nick gulps.
NICK
I’m sure they had a good reason.
CHESTER
There’s always a good reason to kill somebody. That ain’t hard to find.
They hear a splat on the screen. Alicia quickly turns away.
ALICIA
We might as well just go. No reason to stay and watch.
NATALIE
(crying)
There’s no way I’m going to survive. I already know it. Knew it since I first got taken.
NICK
I plan to survive and be the next Bullet. Better even. All those babes and the parties and the high rise apartment away from the fucktown slums. I want to get the fuck out of there so fucking bad.
ALICIA
I got put into West-3 after…nevermind. What area were you assigned to?
Nick just looks at her, mugging.
CHESTER
Don’t matter where we’re from. No one’s going back home if we don’t win.
NICK
Told you. I’m good!
CHESTER
You’re doing what everyone else does. Going in with all brawn. But the games are always a trick ahead too. Like the baseball, or this book.
ALICIA
Every time? You’ve seen ’em all?
He nods.
ALICIA
I never did. Wish I had now.
NICK
Bullshit. Everyone watches the games.
ALICIA
I don’t like to see people die.
NICK
People who deserve it.
ALICIA
You mean like us?
That shuts him up real quick.
NICK
Let’s get the fuck out of here. This dude ain’t gonna make it.
ALICIA
How do you–?
They hear the crowd cheer.
NICK
Like I said.
They walk on.
-
PS81 – Dana’s Dialogue on Attack
What I learned from this assignment:
It took me longer than I had anticipated, but I completed my scene. This scene is the end of Act 1. I focused on my antagonist’s dialogue to create the scene, given that my protagonist’s is reaction to the kidnapping her family.
Basic character traits: Ellen
· Sympathetic/Kind
· Hopeful
· Ambitious
· Anxious/Insecure
Subtext: withholding, manipulative
Basic character traits: Ryan
· polite
· calculating
· violent
· sinister
Subtext: Devious
Basic character traits: Sorensen
· confident
· controlling
· cynical/sarcastic
· compassionate
Subtext: Clandestine, diplomatic
SCENE:
INT. CONTROL BOOTH – DAY
We HEAR Ellen, soft and muffled, through the glass speaking to the current caller.
Claire, buried in front of the control screens, answers the call blinking on her control board.
CLAIRE
(into microphone)
Dr. Ellen Show. Can I have your name?
RYAN (O.S.)
(on phone)
My name’s Ryan.
Ryan’s voice is smooth and soothing, very controlled.
CLAIRE
And why do you wish to speak with Dr. Ellen today?
RYAN
I’m having difficulty with one of my relationships.
CLAIRE
Relationships? Plural? Are you involved in more than one?
RYAN
Involved. Hmm. — Yes. That’s an interesting way of describing it.
Claire debates for a moment. Something about this caller has made her ill at ease. She studies caller screen, deciding if and where to place Ryan.
CLAIRE
I have you first after the commercial. Can you hold?
RYAN
For Dr. Ellen? Always.
She tinkers on the keyboard.
PHONE TALKBACK SCREEN
RYAN’s name is scheduled second on the caller list.
CUT TO:
INT. STATION MANAGER’S OFFICE – CONTINUOUS
PLACEHOLDER: Pete is on the phone with the station owner discussing the situation when he’s buzzed by reception. The press is calling. He takes the call to inform the reporter that the station has no comment regarding the call from Jason.
INT. ON AIR STUDIO – CONTINUOUS
We HEAR a COMMERCIAL playing in the b.g. Ellen looks at her cell phone again for the tenth time, checking for a message from her husband or her daughters’ school.
Claire sees Ellen checking her phone.
CLAIRE
Nothing yet?
Ellen looks at Claire and shakes her head, distraught.
CLAIRE (CONT’D)
It’s okay. They’re all fine. I’m sure of it.
ELLEN
Where’s Detective Sorensen?
CLAIRE
He’s in the other office. You want me to get him? I can go to another commercial.
Ellen considers the request. She looks at her phone again. Finally, she shakes her head at Claire.
CLAIRE (CONT’D)
Okay. We’re out of commercial in twenty. You’re doing good.
Ellen nods, taking a deep breath.
INT. CONTROL BOOTH – CONTINUOUS
Claire returns to managing the control panel. In the b.g., through the glass partition, Ellen checks her phone. PAN beyond Claire and ZOOM toward PHONE TALKBACK SCREEN.
COMMERCIAL
(on air)
…the best rest of your life. So comfortable, you’ll forget your asleep. The Amnesia Sleep Center. Located downstairs at the Westin Mall on Lakeview Drive. Dreamers always welcome.
PHONE TALKBACK SCREEN
RYAN is listed next on the caller list. The SCREENED indication light under his name is green.
ELLEN (O.S.)
Welcome back to the Dr. Ellen Show. We have Ryan on the line with us now. And he’s having difficulty in his relationship.
The SCREENED indication light turns to ON AIR red.
INT. ON AIR STUDIO – CONTINUOUS
Ellen takes Ryan’s call with one eye is still on her phone. Her conversational voice masks her obvious anxiety.
ELLEN
Good morning, Ryan. Let’s talk.
RYAN
Good morning, Dr. Ellen. Long time listener. First time caller.
ELLEN
Thank you. That’s nice to hear. Tell us what’s going on in your relationship.
RYAN
We’re not communicating.
ELLEN
And why is that?
RYAN
It’s a difference in —
(beat)
personality.
Ellen nods, listening intently.
INT. OFFICE – CONTINUOUS
Sorensen is still on the phone with his department.
PHIL (O.S.)
(on phone)
Jack? You still there?
SORENSEN
Yeah, I’m here Phil. What have you got?
PHIL (O.S.)
We sent units to the husband’s work and the daughters’ school. Nobody has seen or heard from the husband, and the girls aren’t in class.
SORENSEN
(heavy sigh)
That’s not good.
(thinking)
What about this Jason guy?
PHIL (O.S.)
We checked the homeless shelters. Apparently, he moves around a lot, sleeping at two or three different shelters in the city. But no-one’s seen him in a couple of weeks. And the shrink Dr. Landry referred you to said Jason will go off his meds and miss appointments. He couldn’t tell us much more without violating privilege, but he agreed that Jason wasn’t violent.
SORENSEN
Maybe he’s learned a few tricks living on the streets.
PHIL (O.S.)
We’re looking for the Uber driver. The company recorded the pick-up, but the driver didn’t complete the ride. There was no drop off. And the driver’s GPS is off line.
Sorensen rubs his forehead, developing a headache.
SORENSEN
(soft)
Shit. That’s not good.
(thinking)
Okay. APB on Jason and the driver. Missing person on the husband. And let’s put out an Amber Alert for the two girls.
PHIL (O.S.)
FBI?
SORENSEN
Not yet. This could still be the husband.
PHIL (O.S.)
About that. Are you sure the phone number gave us is the right number?
SORENSEN
Yeah. Why?
PHIL (O.S.)
We checked with the carrier. The number is assigned to Roger Landry –
(beat)
– Dr. Ellen’s husband.
INT. ON AIR STUDIO – CONTINUOUS
Ellen is counselling Ryan.
ELLEN
From what you’ve told me, Ryan, it doesn’t sound like you’re involved a functional relationship.
RYAN
On that, Doctor Ellen, we agree.
ELLEN
Have you spoken to your partner about how you feel?
RYAN
Not directly.
ELLEN
Maybe it’s time to sit down and have this conversation with him. You’re obviously not happy. And, apparently, neither is he.
RYAN
It’s not that simple.
ELLEN
These kinds of conversations never are. But you may be surprised. He might be receptive to the idea of you two separating.
RYAN
Oh, that’s not possible.
ELLEN
And why not?
RYAN
You should know more about that than I do, doctor.
Ellen glances up when Sorensen returns to the control booth. He’s been listening to her conversation with Ryan, and the look on his face concerns her.
ELLEN
How would I know that?
RYAN
He’s a patient of yours — or at least, he used to be.
Ellen sits back in her chair, almost separating from Ryan, anxious, puzzled.
RYAN (CONT’D)
You do remember Jason, don’t you? He called you earlier.
Ellen throws a frightened look at Sorensen, not sure how to answer.
INT. CONTROL BOOTH – CONTINUOUS
SORENSEN
What’s this guys phone number?
(Claire points to the screen)
That’s her husband’s phone.
CLAIRE
Oh, dear god.
INT. ON AIR STUDIO – CONTINUOUS
ELLEN
(confused, anxious)
How do you know Jason?
RYAN
He’s a recent acquaintance.
ELLEN
Is he there with you?
RYAN
He’s not available. But there is someone here who’d like to speak with you. Hold on. Let me get him for you.
The SOUND of Ryan setting down his phone. Footsteps. A far door opens. MUFFLED VOICES — A MAN AND SCARED GIRLS. More footsteps, scuffling. Then quiet. Someone breathing on the phone.
RYAN (CONT’D)
(to someone else)
Talk.
ROGER
(scared, weak)
…Ellen…?
Ellen’s fears pour out. Eyes wide, tearing up.
ELLEN
(whimpered)
Roger…?
ROGER
(holding it together)
It’s okay, baby. I’m not hurt. The girls are with me. We’re all okay. Please, just do what he wants —
The SOUND the phone set down again. Roger is taken back to the room. The door is closed.
Ellen in shock, gulping breathes, nearly hyperventilating.
Ryan picks up the phone.
RYAN
Dr. Ellen? Are you still there?
Ellen can’t speak.
RYAN (CONT’D)
I can here you breathing.
INT. CONTROL BOOTH – DAY
SORENSEN
Can I talk to her without him hearing?
CLAIRE
The intercom.
She presses a button. Sorensen grabs the microphone.
SORENSEN
Ellen? Can you hear me?
Ellen looks to him.
SORENSEN (CONT’D)
You need to talk to him. Find out what he wants. You need to engage with him.
INT. ON AIR STUDIO – CONTINUOUS
Ellen nods to Sorensen, barely functioning.
RYAN
Hello? Is anyone there?
ELLEN
I’m here —
(beat)
What do you want?
RYAN
Why don’t we lay the ground rules first — before we get down to the nitty-gritty. Is that okay?
ELLEN
…Yes…
RYAN
Good. Now — I don’t want to speak to anyone else but you. I think we have a strong rapport, and I don’t want our relationship infected by an outsider. Psychiatrist, police negotiator, parent, ex-girlfriend. Their involvement will add tension to an already stressful situation. And after all, this is what you’re being paid for. So can we agree to no interlopers?
ELLEN
Why are you doing this?
RYAN
We’ll get to that in a moment.
Through the partition, we see Pete join the team in the control room. He can’t believe what’s happening.
RYAN (CONT’D)
To achieve our goals today, I’ll need to know you’re listening to me, truly listening. That means your station must never leave the air. Not for a commercial, a news update, PSA. Nothing. Can that be arranged?
ELLEN
I think so…
RYAN
Oh, and no police. I know they’ll be involved, but I don’t want to see them. If I even sense they’re anywhere near me, I can’t be held responsible for what I might do.
Ellen looks at Sorensen. He nods for her to agree.
ELLEN
Okay.
RYAN
Good. Now we come to crust of the matter. The reason for my call.
(beat)
As you know, Jason and I haven’t been getting along lately. He’s moody and depressed. He refuses to take his medications. And, well… he’s boring. He’s homeless, for God’s sake.
ELLEN
What do you want from me?
RYAN
I want you to use your psychiatric talent to convince Jason to divorce himself from this relationship.
ELLEN
(shocked)
What?
RYAN
I can’t carry him any more. He has to go. So this is what’s going to happen.
(beat)
I’m going to kill one member of your family at the top of every hour until you excise Jason from my life.
ELLEN
Oh my God.
Sorensen bolts from the control room.
ELLEN (CONT’D)
(pleading)
Please, no. Please… Don’t do this.
RYAN
Don’t be afraid, Ellen. I have faith in you. People like you do their best work under extraordinary circumstances. This is your opportunity to prove your brilliance to the world.
Ellen curls into a ball in her chair, arms wrapped around her stomach, shaking, tears rolling off her cheeks and falling to the floor, crying without sound.
-
Antonio Flores’ Dialogue on The Attack!
What did I learn doing this assignment?
Time ago, back then, some characters on TV and film often called my attention. The way they spoke. Detectives, police partners, say, Starsky and Hutch. Could it be the translation from English? They have a special way to talk. Now I realize, they spoke, yes, “attack and counter.” This skill helps us avoid “on the nose” dialogue.
ASSIGNMENT
———-
EXT. STREET SIDEWALK – SHOPWINDOW – DAY
Parisa talks to her own reflection on an apparel shopwindow while she waits for uncle Sylvain to pick her up.
PARISA [EMOTIONAL IN PRIVATE]
Look, first time in the cage, I just lasted a minute. The next time, only half a minute. Ah, now you see the pattern? Now guess. What you think is going to happen next?
INSIDE THE SHOP
A clerk narrows her eyes to check what Parisa is doing outside her shop.
CLERK’S POV
Parisa seems to be talking to a mannequin inside the shopwindow.
BACK TO THE SHOP
The clerk glares at Parisa. Shakes her head. Considers making a phone call.
OUTSIDE THE SHOPWINDOW
Parisa lets her thoughts, tears, and head drop in her hands.
PARISA (CONT’D) [PERFECTIONISM LEADS TO DEPRESSION]
(to herself)
Bingo! Yes! Next thing is to be a fighter. You’re so smart… and I’m so stupid. Oh, my! I’m not even a fighter! What was I thinking when I got—
HONK. Sylvain’s car arrives. Parisa quickly wipes away her tears.
INT. SYLVAIN’S CAR – CONT
With an empty look, Parisa’s eyes are fixed out of the window.
SYLVAIN [CARING]
You got any sleep?
PARISA [ANXIETY AFFECTS HER SLEEP]
(shaking her head)
Uh-uh… Hey, how long does it take to get good at fighting?
SYLVAIN [RESOURCEFUL]
Well, depends, I guess. (beat) But French people have a strategy, you know?
PARISA [PERFECTIONIST]
A… strategy?
SYLVAIN [KNOWLEDGEABLE]
Long ago, King Louis The Great… Ha! That guy…
PARISA [PERFECTIONIST]
What?
SYLVAIN [KNOWLEDGEABLE]
He got it all just figured out. Voila! There! Best military training in the world.
PARISA [PERFECTIONIST]
Is it fast? Does it work?
SYLVAIN [KNOWLEDGEABLE]
Might work… for you
PARISA [PERFECTIONIST]
Really? How fast is it? Tell me all about it.
SYLVAIN [KNOWLEDGEABLE]
King Louis, ah yes, they called him The Sun King, by the way…
PARISA [PERFECTIONIST]
Aww, how come?
SYLVAIN [KNOWLEDGEABLE]
(tips his head with two fingers) Well, I guess he got this, uh?
PARISA [PERFECTIONIST]
Nice.
SYLVAIN [KNOWLEDGEABLE]
And being the king, well, he ordered his whole army, soldiers, captains, generals; EVERYONE had to learn… ballet
PARISA [FEARFUL]
What? Ballet?
SYLVAIN [KNOWLEDGEABLE]
Stay with me, dear—
PARISA [FEARFUL]
B-but are you serious?
SYLVAIN [KNOWLEDGEABLE]
Stay with me. You got to look at—
PARISA [FEARFUL]
B-but how can ballet help anyone… help ME to fight?
SYLVAIN [PATIENT]
Look at the concept, OK? Look at the truth behind this—
PARISA [FEARFUL]
But you’re talking about Ballet?
SYLVAIN [KNOWLEDGEABLE]
No, dear. I’m talking about DANCE, all DANCE. Listen to me – just listen…
PARISA [HIGHLY PRINCIPLED: RESPECT]
Here. I’m all ears.
SYLVAIN [KNOWLEDGEABLE]
Every person in the world…
PARISA [HIGHLY PRINCIPLED: RESPECT]
(nodding, pays more attention)
Yes?
SYLVAIN [KNOWLEDGEABLE]
Everyone, uh? The way they dance…
PARISA [HIGHLY PRINCIPLED: RESPECT]
(nodding, totally absorbed)
Uh-huh?
SYLVAIN [KNOWLEDGEABLE]
…is the way they FIGHT.
PARISA [FEARFUL]
(dumbfounded)
The way they dance is the way they… fight?
SYLVAIN [KNOWLEDGEABLE]
Oui. That’s right.
PARISA [FEARFUL]
I… I’m not sure. I mean… are you sure?
SYLVAIN [KNOWLEDGEABLE]
Oh, bien sûr. Of course!
PARISA [FEARFUL + PRINCIPLED: RESPECT]
Sounds, uh… fantastic (beat) insightful.
SYLVAIN [SUPPORTIVE]
Want to try?
PARISA [PRINCIPLED: RESPECT]
Well, I’d rather, I… I think I would, uh, I’d better go to Thailand, you know?
SYLVAIN [SUPPORTIVE]
Well, yes, but—
PARISA [PRINCIPLED: RESPECT]
I’d go find some tough guys, some (beat) some champions. Kind of ask them to—
SYLVAIN [SUPPORTIVE]
I hear you, yes, but—
PARISA [PRINCIPLED: RESPECT]
… to coach me a-and (beat) and spar with me?
SYLVAIN [SUPPORTIVE]
Mmh. But I’m afraid we need a quick solution, you said? It’s here’n now, my dear.
Parisa’s eyes beg for her uncle’s paternal understanding.
SYLVAIN (CONT’D) [RESOURCEFUL]
Trust me. I’ve some friends. They might be able to help.
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This reply was modified 3 years, 3 months ago by Antonio Flores.
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This reply was modified 3 years, 3 months ago by Antonio Flores.
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This reply was modified 3 years, 3 months ago by Antonio Flores.
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This reply was modified 3 years, 3 months ago by Antonio Flores.
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This reply was modified 3 years, 3 months ago by Antonio Flores.
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This reply was modified 3 years, 3 months ago by Antonio Flores.
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Day IX: What Dialogue Is & Isn’t – Assignment
Mike O – Dialogue, on the Attack!
What I learned is that tying various aspects of a character’s makeup into dialogue gives it an added dimension and helps keep the character growing and alive in the audience’s mind.
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1. Go to your outline and find a scene where the characters will be talking a lot.
2. List your character names along with each character’s traits and their subtext above the scene.
3. Write the scene in a way that is filled with: Constant attack/counter attack. Remember, they don’t need to be arguing. They could be working together…or trying to kill each other…or doing a love scene. Constant character traits. Once you’ve completed the scene, check every line of dialogue to see how you can express one or more of their character traits through that line.
========================= TRAITS========================
Brooklyn – Protagonist Trait 1- Workaholic – obsessed with her work, her art Trait 2 – Romantic Trait 3 – Indecisive and struggles w/ OCD Trait 4 – Yearns to be a successful artist
Carolyn – Best Friend, Mentor & Agent Trait 1- Workaholic – obsessed with her gallery Trait 2 – Mothering – Mentors and watches over her clients Trait 3 – Match-maker – believes in love and people need to have love in their life
CAROLYN
“The big three-O, come Saturday. You are coming over, aren’t you? You can bring Brian, or was it Bobby? I can’t keep up.”
BROOKLYN
“Turns out Brian is married. I hate how men lie. People change, grow old and die. A painting does not change its mind or leave. It does not need love or anyone’s approval.”
Brooklyn waves her hand, the shooing gesture says it all.
BROOKLYN (CONT’D)
“Ignore the rant. It’s why I trust paints and canvas. People, not so much.”
Carolyn reaches for her ice-tea. The rock on her ring finger explains a lot.
CAROLYN
“Trust me, when you least expect it, love finds a way. It’s like your art.”
BROOKLYN
“You sound like Ian from Jurassic Park, ‘Life finds a way.’
CAROLYN
“He was right and so am I. Now, I’ll have Stan grill salmon filets and I bought a bottle of that French Pinot you love.”
BROOKLYN
“You don’t have to do that. Seriously, I’ll be okay.”
Carolyn reaches across the table, her hand on Brooklyn’s forearm.
CAROLYN
“Don’t ever settle for okay. I insist. It’s a big day and I want to be there for you. I won’t take NO for an answer. Besides, with the upcoming showing only a couple of weeks off, you need a distraction from work. All work and no play…”
CAMERA MOVES IN on Carolyn clasping Brooklyn’s hand – a mother’s loving gesture.
CAROLYN (CONT’D)
“I’ll even throw in chocolate cake from Delacrow’s. Whadda’ say?
BROOKLYN (eyes well up)
“You make saying no, impossible. Mother always made a big deal out of…(words fail – beat) Thank-you.
CAROLYN
“After my mother passed, I was a mess. Grieving takes time; holidays are the worst. If you need to come over and spend time, please do. I know my boys would love seeing you.”
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