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Day 9 Assignments
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Day IX: What Dialogue Is & Isn’t – Assignment
Mike O – Dialogue, on the Attack!
What I learned is that tying various aspects of a character’s makeup into dialogue gives it an added dimension and helps keep the character growing and alive in the audience’s mind.
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1. Go to your outline and find a scene where the characters will be talking a lot.
2. List your character names along with each character’s traits and their subtext above the scene.
3. Write the scene in a way that is filled with: Constant attack/counter attack. Remember, they don’t need to be arguing. They could be working together…or trying to kill each other…or doing a love scene. Constant character traits. Once you’ve completed the scene, check every line of dialogue to see how you can express one or more of their character traits through that line.
========================= TRAITS========================
Brooklyn – Protagonist Trait 1- Workaholic – obsessed with her work, her art Trait 2 – Romantic Trait 3 – Indecisive and struggles w/ OCD Trait 4 – Yearns to be a successful artist
Carolyn – Best Friend, Mentor & Agent Trait 1 – Workaholic – obsessed with her gallery Trait 2 – Mothering – Mentors and watches over her clients Trait 3 – Match-maker – believes in love and people need to have love in their life
=================Scene==========================
CAROLYN
“The big three-O, come Saturday. You are coming over, aren’t you? You can bring Brian, or was it Bobby? I can’t keep up.”
BROOKLYN
“Turns out Brian is married. I hate how men lie. People change, grow old and die. A painting does not change its mind or leave. It does not need love or anyone’s approval.”
Brooklyn waves her hand, the shooing gesture says it all.
BROOKLYN (CONT’D)
“Ignore the rant. It’s why I trust paints and canvas. People, not so much.”
Carolyn reaches for her ice-tea. The rock on her ring finger explains a lot.
CAROLYN
“Trust me, when you least expect it, love finds a way. It’s like your art.”
BROOKLYN
“You sound like Ian from Jurassic Park, ‘Life finds a way.’
CAROLYN
“He was right and so am I. Now, I’ll have Stan grill salmon filets and I bought a bottle of that French Pinot you love.”
BROOKLYN
“You don’t have to do that. Seriously, I’ll be okay.”
Carolyn reaches across the table, her hand on Brooklyn’s forearm.
CAROLYN
“Don’t ever settle for okay. I insist. It’s a big day and I want to be there for you. I won’t take NO for an answer. Besides, with the upcoming showing only a couple of weeks off, you need a distraction from work. All work and no play…”
CAMERA MOVES IN on Carolyn clasping Brooklyn’s hand – a mother’s loving gesture.
CAROLYN (CONT’D)
“I’ll even throw in chocolate cake from Delacrow’s. Whadda’ say?
BROOKLYN (eyes well up)
“You make saying no, impossible. Mother always made a big deal out of…(words fail – beat) Thank-you.
CAROLYN
“After my mother passed, I was a mess. Grieving takes time; holidays are the worst. If you need to come over and spend time, please do. I know my boys would love seeing you.”
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June Fortunato’s Creates a Future! Day 10 of Dramatic devices
What I learned: I realized that my scenes needed to be rearranged. Since I am writing chronologically, I thought I’d write these and get to the one in mind. However, these scenes fulfill the assignment better than what I’d planned.
Kim Kirby– Veneer of normal and anything but. Sneaky vandalism. Deeply fearful. Character <b style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>Logline: Kim wants her inheritance which was stolen by her brother so Kim escapes his brutality, and sneakily damages the house again and again to make her point.
Marilyn Carter
Traits: Self effacing and insecure. Admires others. Goes back on decisions- Super worrier. Charming/polite, Tender hearted. Veneer of self-assuredness. <b style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>Character Logline: When Marilyn is duped by Kim, and as a result, breaks a hip, she needs someone to pet sit and watch her house. Suzy suggests Roy and Marilyn will be damn sure to grill him in a super polite way to ensure all will be well.
Suzy Welsh
Tries very hard all of the time. Tries to be cool and badass but ends up mom-like. Works her tail off. Wants to believe in the goodness of everyone and this makes her vulnerable to pranks, to scammers, to users. <b style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>Character Logline: When Suzy finally dumps Roy, he returns all broken to her osteo unit. She tries to get him fixed up in several ways: physically, with his financial benefits and with a place to live to make sure he never returns to her.
EXT. SUZY’S CAR- AFTERNOON
A bumper sticker on the rear of the modest car reads: “Honk if you love nurses”
INT. SUZY’S CAR & PARKING GARAGE- CONTINUOUS
Kim, at the wheel, pulls into a parking garage. An ATTENDANT opens her door for her. She hands him the unfamiliar keys with a “Suzy” key ring.
ATTENDANT
How long?
He looks at the keyring.
Suzy?
KIM
Could be a few hours.
The attendant gets a receipt/ticket and hands it to Kim- who slips it into her pocket.
ATTENDANT
We’ll take care of her.
He drives Suzy’s car up the ramp and out of sight. Across the street is a FANCY WOMEN’S
CLOTHING BOUTIQUE. Kim heads to it.
INT. BOUTIQUE- DRESSING ROOM – LATER
Kim tries on a spectacular, crocheted BATHING SUIT, loves it, pulls the sensors and tags off of it, and puts her street clothes on over it. Someone emerges from the booth next to hers to look into a MIRROR in the hall. Kim peeks. Marilyn, late 70’s, lovely, fragile and insecure, frets over her image in the mirror.
MARILYN
Oh dear. Oh. No.
Kim comes out.
KIM
I think you look beautiful. The colors suit you.
MARILYN
I do like these colors.
KIM
I’ll get you different sizes.
Kim checks the size and heads into the store.
MARILYN
You’re a dear.
Marilyn waits. Kim returns with the new sizes and many other things.
KIM
I’ll hang these for you.
Kim quickly slides her hand into Marilyn’s purse, snatches Marilyn’s parking receipt and swaps it for Suzy’s.
MARILYN
You have quite an eye.
KIM
I hope they work. I love fashion!
MARILYN
It shows.
Kim waits for Marilyn to go into her booth again.
KIM
I’ve got to run. Good luck!
MARILYN (O.S.)
This size is MUCH better. Thank you!
But Kim is gone.
EXT. BOUTIQUE- CONTINUOUS
Crosses the street to the parking garage.
INT. PARKING GARAGE- CONTINUOUS
Kim hands Marilyn’s ticket to the parking attendant.
ATTENDANT
That was quick.
KIM
I love their clothes but I’m not in the mood.
The attendant retrieves MARILYN’S CAR, a well cared for older VOLVO. Kim gives the attendant CASH and drives away.
KIM
Thank you!
INT. HOSPITAL ROOM- OSTEO UNIT – ROY’S – EARLY EVENING
Roy dozes. Suzy, exhausted, end of her shift, enters his room. She checks his drawers and his bathroom. She turns on lights, is loud and not her usual sweet self.
SUZY
Where are they? … ROY!
Still partially asleep.
SUZY
Roy. Where are they?
ROY
What?
SUZY
My keys. My car keys. My house keys. Did you take my keys?
ROY
No.
SUZY
Damnit. I try to help you and this is what I get?
ROY
Suzy Q, I didn’t take anything.
SUZY
You kill me, Roy. You really do. Shit.
She leaves and calls an Uber. Roy, now fully awake, is bewildered.
INT./EXT. MARILYN’S CAR AND CLIFFSIDE & CABIN-LATER
Kim drives to her house/her brother’s house, aka, the scene of her accident. She pulls over and stares. Through the windows, her brother, Brian and Ingrid argue. Kim slams on the HORN and shouts.
KIM
Who do you think you are???? God??? I will win. I am strong. I will defeat you. You can’t hurt me!
Brian and Ingrid continue to argue- Ingrid sees the car, doesn’t recognize it, and pulls the blind down, turning to continue her attack on Brian.
INT. PARKING GARAGE – CONTINUOUS
Marilyn, BAGS from the boutique, stands at the Attendant’s desk. A DIFFERENT ATTENDANT drives Suzy’s car down the ramp.
MARILYN
That’s not my car. That’s not mine. I have a Volvo.
The attendant double checks the receipt.
ATTENDANT 2
This is the matching ticket.
MARILYN
There’s a mix-up. Please, look for a gray Volvo. And hurry. My dogs will be out of their minds. I’ve been away too long.
ATTENDANT 2
But, Mam, this is
MARILYN
Where’s the other attendant?
ATTENDANT 2
He’s the earlier shift.
Attendant 2 goes into his booth and makes a call.
LATER
Two POLICE take notes. Marilyn leans against a counter, exhausted. The police check the registration of Suzy’s car, while Marilyn frets.
INT. HOSPITAL HALLWAY-SUZY’S STATION- NIGHT
The phone on the station rings. Tara picks up the call.
TARA
Oh, wow. OK, I’ll let her know.
Tara calls Suzy.
TARA
Suzy, your car was found.
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DAY 9 Create A Future For Your Scene
Lisa Creates a Future!
What I learned is that creating the future leads to anticipation and a wondering with the audience. Seems to go hand in hand with all the other devices, especially misleading and revealing.
CHARACTERS
MARY WINTERS
Traits: Competitive, Clever, Energetic, Driven
Subtext: Fear: Afraid of heights, Afraid of loving someone again, Afraid of not being a good mom, Afraid of failing as the organizer of the IAWL festival and not living up to her mom’s perfectionism. Afraid of not getting to her ex-husband in time and finding him dead.
Character Logline: Mary is a non-stop super mom who must rescue her ex-husband from himself, save kidnapped Santa Claus, and make the annual It’s a Wonderful Life festival a success.ANNIE LEE
Traits: Loyal, Reliable, Diplomatic, Insecure
Subtext: Self-deprecating. Wants to be the best friend in the world, but thinks she falls short. Is insecure about her relationships all around.
Character Logline: Annie is Mary’s closest friend, but she is very tough on herself as she tries to help with the festival, Mary’s big ‘to marry or not to marry’ decision, and her on again, off again relationship with her boyfriend, Ernie.
SCENE:
EXT-FROZEN POND-DAY
MARY and ANNIE are sitting on a bench chaperoning kids as they skate around on the ice. They are drinking coffee from a thermos. Mary’s daughters JANIE and RUTHIE are skating too.
ANNIE
How’s it going with Joe?
MARY
Fine.
ANNIE
Has he proposed lately?
MARY
(chuckles) It feels like he proposes every other day. What can I say? He’s obsessed with me.
ANNIE
You know, one of these times you’re going to HAVE to say yes.
MARY
I don’t want to think about that.
ANNIE
Why not! (dreamingly) He’s so handsome and romantic.
MARY
Getting sick of Ernie, are you?
ANNIE
No! Ernie is great. But Joe is a wow.
Mary laughs.
MARY
I’m just not ready yet.
ANNIE
You run the risk of him not asking you again!
MARY
I have been pushing my luck, haven’t I?
ANNIE
Yeah. He’s not going to wait on you forever.
MARY
I know. I DO love him. I’m just afraid…because of the divorce.
ANNIE
Joe is not Peter. Joe will take care of you. And in grand style I must say!
MARY
I keep saying that the girls aren’t ready. But they get along with Joe so well. Almost better than I do!
They laugh. Mary looks at the girls skating.
MARY (continued)
They do seem to be adjusting well to the new situation.
ANNIE
They’ve had 3 years! Don’t you think it’s time for a Seneca Falls wedding? It’s been a few years.
MARY
Oh, the idea of planning another wedding is scary.
ANNIE
It doesn’t have to be fancy. And everyone will help.
MARY
(smiling) I’ll think about it.
ANNIE
(singing) We’re going to have a wedding! We’re going to have a wedding!
MARY
One small problem…he hasn’t proposed again, and I haven’t said yes.
ANNIE
An insignificant detail.
Mary laughs. As Janie and Ruthie come over and sit next to her.
FADE OUT
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Cameron Martin Creates a Future!
What I learned doing this assignment is…Always be thinking how the scene turns and sets up the next one. Don’t get lost in a moment, and make sure to elevate the mundane moments with active, engaging events.
Markus – Discreet, Innocent, Loyal, Scholarly
SCL – Markus wants to stay hidden.
Apollo – Decisive, Headstrong, Discreet, Loyal
SCL – Apollo wants to know what’s going on and recruit Markus.
INT. PASSENGER VESSEL – CRYOPODS
Rows of pods, stacked high one on another, ascend to the ceiling and run the length of a long room.
A red light flashes and scans the room from the end of the hallway.
COMPUTER VOICE
(Off screen)
Scan complete. Emergency call on Colony 7 received. Diversion initiated.
The red light vanishes.
Fluorescent lights flicker on overhead.
The pods open.
A young college grad, MARKUS, barely in his twenties and on his way into space to avoid being drafted into a ground war on Earth, groans as he sits up.
Markus hits his head on the pod immediately above him. He holds his head as he still strains to fully wake up. He reaches for the edge of his pod and grasps a hand.
The hand shakes away Markus’ hand. The hand belongs to a BURLEY MAN.
Markus looks over, surprised.
BURLEY MAN
Watch it!
The burley man continues his descent.
Markus peaks out of his pod, watching a waterfall of passengers climb out of their pods.
A foot steps down on Markus’ head.
Markus pulls his head back in fast…
Causing the foot to slip.
VOICE
Oh my god!
Markus, frozen, watches two feet dangling in front of his bunk.
He snaps out of it and places his hands underneath the dangling feet.
MARKUS
I’m sorry!
The weight on his hands starts to make Markus slide toward the edge of his bunk.
MARKUS
I can’t hold on!
VOICE
Just give me a boost!
Markus presses up with all his strength…
Lifting the feet up, until suddenly…
The weight has left his hands…
But Markus slides out of his bunk…
Barely catching the edge before he plummets to the floor twelve feet below.
Markus, looking down, catches his breath.
VOICE
Hey! Hey you!
Markus looks up.
Above him is APOLLO, about the same age as Markus, but different in every visible metric. Where Markus is bookish to the nth degree, Apollo is a physical specimen, almost like he’s the actual Greek god, with the exception of a missing arm.
APOLLO
Thanks, mate! Now could you move? My arm’s getting tired.
INT. PASSENGER VESSEL – FEEDING PEN
Markus follows a line of people down a narrow hallway. There’s barely enough room for him to turn around and talk with Apollo, just behind him.
The line crashes to a full stop. Some awkward shuffling concludes in everyone facing a tube and tray. Slop flushes out of the tubes and lands on the tray with an audible squish, but no one seems to mind the conditions, as a dull roar of pleasantries fills the hall.
MARKUS
Finally, I’m starved.
APOLLO
Same, mate! So, what were you back on earth?
MARKUS
Historian. Or, at least, I just graduated to become one.
APOLLO
Historian? Shouldn’t you be where the history is?
Markus hesitates to confess.
MARKUS
Well, what brings you out to the final frontier?
APOLLO
Draft dodging.
Markus blushes. Really?
APOLLO
Yeah, could you imagine me fighting for a bunch of assholes with one arm? What does your history say about that?
MARKUS
Resource disputes are nothing new. I can’t believe you got drafted.
APOLLO
Yeah. Crips make up a large portion of the front line. They say they use performance enhancers and augmentations to make it sound less of issue, but only one of them things is cheap.
MARKUS
Damn. Makes me think of the Spartans or Nazis getting rid of…well, certain people.
APOLLO
So you’re saying this is nothing new?
MARKUS
Nope.
(giving a knowing look to Apollo)
Draft dodging isn’t new either.
APOLLO
No shit! You too?
MARKUS
Shhhhhh!
APOLLO
Don’t sweat it. Hegemony’s above all that. Hey, do you know why we’re up?
MARKUS
What you mean?
APOLLO
I mean in the packet they promised drinks. I’m missing an arm. Not blind or stupid. Why’re we up early?
MARKUS
You ready to party already?
Markus gives a sympathetic chuckle.
Apollo keeps a dead serious look.
APOLLO
(to the other passengers)
Anyone else get the idea this wasn’t planned?!
PASSENGER
I haven’t had my coffee yet.
APOLLO
That’s what I’m talking about. I mean, where’s the coffee?
PASSENGER 2
You’re thinking too hard!
A buzz alerts the passengers.
INTERCOM VOICE (O.S.)
Good morning, passengers. First I would like to apologize for any inconvenience. Our voyage has been delayed. A call has been made for liquidators to assemble at colony seven.
The feeding pen gives an audible sound of concern.
INTERCOM VOICE (O.S.) (CONT.)
You will report at o’seven hundred in the assembly bay for your roles. You will be required to present proof that you are with a child of your own, or are too disabled to assist in this effort to relieve our brothers and sisters on colony seven. Enjoy your meal.
MARKUS
(To Apollo)
Hey, what does this mean?
APOLLO
Beats me.
(to another passenger)
Hey pops! What’s up?
The other passenger, an older man, starts to tear up. He continues his gaze forward at the blank, stainless steel wall.
MARKUS
They can’t just conscript us, right?
The older man takes a deep breath.
OLDER MAN
I’m not in the mood. Ask someone else.
Markus looks around. A line of other faces, all with the same concerned look.
APOLLO
I left earth for this same bullshit!
MARKUS
Keep it down.
APOLLO
Nah. Screw that. What’s your history say about revolutions, huh?
Markus’ face darkens.
MARKUS
They don’t usually end well.
APOLLO
For who? The good guys or the bad guys?
Markus gives a look.
APOLLO
Blagh. This is why no one likes history.
MARKUS
History teaches how to act for the future.
APOLLO
Yeah, and what about our futures, mate? I think history can tell us exactly what to do about this. You with me?
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Dev Ross – Day 9 – Create a future for your scene
Clay is self-righteous, passionate, committed. His intention is to reclaim his former glory and control.
INT. CAINE HOME – TV ROOM – NIGHT
Clay watches the news which shows Adam Spencer leading his torch carrying followers in a march down a city street.
ADAM SPENCER/CROWD
Jews will not subvert us! Blacks will not pervert us!
An odd electrical TV glitch causes the channel to switch to a report on climate change.
TV NEWS WOMAN
So, the pressing question becomes – what role is climate change playing in the current global windstorms we’re seeing? Climate scientists tell us…
Frustrated, he punches at the remote button.
CLAY
They tell us bullshit. God’s in charge, not them.
The glitching TV brings back the news.
ADAM SPENCER/CROWD
Jews will not subvert us! Blacks will not pervert us!
CLAY
Idiots.
Their chanting is interrupted by a group of black and whites converging on them with signage and fists.
CLAY
No! No! No!
Seething, he shuts off the TV. He takes a few breaths to calm himself and then turns it back to watch as police pile into the battling crowd. He forces himself to watch with a calm but intense focus.
CLAY
“Whatever you do, work heartily, as for the Lord and not for men, knowing that from the Lord you will receive the inheritance as your reward.”
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Day 9 (Dramatic Devices) – Anita Creates a Future!
What I learned doing this assignment: The set-up to my entire script is a teaser, or flash-forward. I don’t want to give away who the woman giving birth is (creating mystery / suspense), and the only character traits exemplified are her independence and stubbornness, which we will see more of later. Hopefully the scene has us wondering and worrying about the future of both the mother and the baby.
FADE IN:
<st1:place w:st=”on”><st1:placename w:st=”on”>INT.</st1:placename> <st1:placetype w:st=”on”>HOSPITAL</st1:placetype></st1:place> – NIGHT
A woman is in the throes of childbirth. It isn’t going well.
The room is large enough to hold a team of doctors but still feels crowded by the kinetic energy of several nurses, an OB/GYN, and a pediatric specialist – all buzzing around the room, alongside a waiting incubator.
But there is no partner, relative, or friend helping the woman through the ultimate intimacy of giving birth.
The medical team’s intense movements are choreographed in such a way that we never see the woman’s face.
OB/GYN
Page the anesthesiologist. I think we’re looking at an emergency C-section.
WOMAN
NO!
She SCREAMS in agony.
WOMAN (CONT’D)
I can do this!
Another intense contraction hits her and the woman pushes with grunts and gritted teeth.
WOMAN (CONT’D)
AAARRGH!
OB/GYN
You might be willing but your system is under a huge amount of stress. You might lose the remaining kidney function if we don’t –
WOMAN
(in pain)
Nooo — !!!
As he was speaks the <st1:place w:st=”on”>OB</st1:place> sits between her stirrup-ed knees to check her progress.
OB/GYN
We talked about this….
The woman screams again, giving another mighty push.
OB/GYN (CONT’D)
Okay… it looks like we’re having it your way, the baby’s crowning –
The already busy room swings into immediate action.
OB/GYN (CONT’D)
Ok, give me one more push!
She does, and after a moment of collectively held breath we hear an infant’s thin wail.
The <st1:place w:st=”on”>OB</st1:place> hands the baby over to the waiting pediatrician for assessment.
A Nurse attends to the mother…
NURSE
(alarmed)
Doctor, she’s unconscious!
CUT TO:
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KATE CREATES A FUTURE
What I learned from doing this assignment is how interesting it is what happens to your characters under pressure. Also that a few new supporting characters can up the ante. And even small unanswered questions, and potential catastrophe can increase the interest.
A lot of supporting Characters with
Nia (Protagonist) and Shaunn her acting friend, possible sweetheart
EXT. THE FIELD – EARLY MORNING
The campsite is quiet. Most people asleep, 2 are having coffee by the fire. It is cool but clear, the sun touching the tops of the trees, and throwing pools light on the meadow. Birds twitter and a deer wanders by.
The sound of heavy equipment rumbling up the little dirt track breaks in over the scene.
Two huge flatbeds carrying a bulldozer and backhoe appear over the crest of the hill, and stop facing the camp-site.
People emerge from their tents and the coffee drinkers jump up and walk quickly over to the drivers who are climbing out of their cabs, surprised to see the camp-site.
The largest of the two is Mac, about 40, tall, barrel-chested, dressed in short shorts and boots, with a bright red windbreaker. The other (Sam) is a small, wiry guy, about 70, dressed as if for the Arctic. It is a chilly morning.
They stand side by surveying the scene.
Michael (27)and Sarah (23), in flannel pjs with woolly sweaters over them, carrying their coffee in brightly colored travel mugs, approach them.
MICHAEL
Good morning.
MAC
And to you. And you Miss.
SARAH
Sarah.
She reaches out to shake his hand. He takes it a little surprised.
MAC
Mac. And that’s Sam.
Sam nods, huddling his arms in for warmth.
MICHAEL
Big rigs. On your way to..?
MAC
Here.
SARAH
Right here?
SAM
The field up in the old Sanchez place. Over the hill from the hacienda.
He gestures with his head, too cold to unwrap his arms.
Sarah begins to speak upset, Michael jumps in.
MICHAEL
Would you like some coffee? Come over to the camp fire.
MAC
We gotta a get these unloaded.
SAM
That’d be good. I was in a hurry this morning. It can wait Mac.
Sam walked off with Michael. Sarah and Mac fall in behind them.
EXT. THE FIELD – EARLY MORNING – CONTINUOUS
Nia and Shaunn with 2 others are clustered at the bus looking at the earth moving equipment.
NIA
What the fuck are those?
SHAUNN
Just what they look like.
MERCEDES
What for?
NIA
A landfill!
TIM
Where?
NIA
HERE!!
SHAUNN
We can’t be sure it’s right here..
NIA
Then why are they here?
MERCEDES
I don’t understand. Why a landfill? Who’d want to do that?
NIA
Darrogh.
TIM
The guy you’re staying with?
SHAUNN
Her Dad.
MERCEDES
Holy Mother Mary!
NIA
I’m going to go ask them.
TIM
I’m coming too.
SHAUNN
We all are.
They set off toward the fire.
EXT. THE FIELD – THE FIRE PIT
Mac, Sam, Sarah and Michael sitting having coffee. Small talk at this stage. Michael is very good at managing people and crisis. He is the tour manager after all.
MICHAEL
(to Sam)
You’ve been here all your life then.
SAM
70 years. Except When I was in the Army
MICHAEL
You have a ranch here?
SAM
My Dad did. But I didn’t like it. Opened the hard-ware store.
MAC
That’s where I met him.
Nia Shaunn and the other’s arrive – a little tense.
MICHAEL
Hi guys! Coffee?
NIA
No, I want to know what those big -big things are doing here.
Mercedes steps in. She knows how Nia can explode. Her long black hair is wildly all over the place, and her mens’ flannel shirt falling off her shoulders, barely over her ample breast.
MERCEDES
Maybe you are lost?
Mac and Sam look startled.
MAC
Um, no. We know where we are. We Just didn’t know you were here.
SAM
I know who you are! You’re that the-aytre group!
SHAUNN
(with a theatrical bow)
At your service!
SAM
I saw your play. Didn’t really understand it but I liked it.I thought you had moved on. Tour thing, right?
MICHAEL
It’s the end of the tour so we stayed on for a while.
SARAH
It’s pretty here.
SAM
It is that.
MAC
Times change.
NIA
What does that mean?
MICHAEL
Look, it’s really none of our business what you are going to do here, we just wonder if maybe you -.
NIA
You could hold off? At least ‘till we’ve had time to pack up!I don’t want to get crushed by a fucking bulldozer in my sleep.
MICHAEL
Steady on, Nia.
SAM
I get it. Hey Mac what’s the rush? Mr McGrath didn’t say we had to get started today. Just get the equipment up here.
MAC
I guess so. I’ll give him a call. Be sure. Cell’s in the cab. I don’t like to mess him about.
Mac lumbers off. Sam takes another sip of the coffee and looks at them all.
SAM
I can afford to risk it, but Mac? He’s got a family and McGrath is pretty much the only source of employment here now. It’s his excavation company. And his field.
They all look back to the rigs where Mac is just getting his phone out.
Michael pours coffee for everyone.
SAM
Of course he might not answer right away.
Mac is gesturing no answer.
SHAUNN
So we have a bit of time, right?
SAM
I’d say so. I’ll have another.
Nia, Sarah and Mercedes take their coffee and sit away in the direct sunlight. Michael takes Mac’s coffee to him. Tim and Shaunn settle into a their camp chairs with Sam.
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Anna Harper Day 9 Anna creates an unknown future.
What I learned from this assignment is; that this is a systematic approach to creating tension and engagement. I had not consciously thought of doing a scene this way with the intention of creating an unknown future before.
I will be using this going forward.
SILENT NIGHT
DYLAN TRAITS
Electively mute since the death of his mother. Feels, and is often misunderstood as his communication options are reduced. He is at an age of trying to express himself in many ways, ie dress, interests/art. It is difficult for him to make friends. His one friend is Daisy and now a new dog friend Alfie. He feels like a victim as he gets bullied by his peers and by his Grade 6 teacher. He loves his Dad, though he thinks his Dad just does not get what he(Dylan) is going through.
STEVE
Steve is Dylan’s Dad. He is a single father with modest socioeconomic resources which add to his stress. He drives the village bus and is loved by the elderly village folk. He has carved out a heroic role for himself as a volunteer fireman. He is being stoic regarding the death of his wife as he has to function and provide for his son Dylan who means the world to him. Steve can be clueless at times and cannot fathom Dylan’s silence and wants more than anything for his son to talk again. Steve is perpetually worried about how Dylan will cope with his life in the future.
MICKEY THE BAKER
A local Cornish/Devonish girl. Owns the bakery. Personable, charming, fun, kind. Single does not know Steve. Her outfits are excentric, colourful bandannas, big earrings, and a tattoo on her arm.
SITUATION
Dylan is unfairly in trouble again at school. Dylan rescued his friend Daisy from the school cellar. Dylan observed his teacher locking Daisy in, and tried to get help from his Dad. In order to get help, Dylan spoke a few words for the first time in two years. Steve went to help and informed the school principal that Elizabeth (teacher) had locked Daisy in the cellar. Elizabeth managed to intimidate Daisy into recanting her tale. The result is that Dylan is now in major trouble with the school principal, and they have determined to send Dylan away to a London boarding school for troubled kids.
EXT.VILLAGE STREET/ GLOOMY WINTER AFTERNOON
Dylan and Steve are walking home. Steve is walking fast and Dylan can barely keep up with him.
STEVE
I’m sorry Dylan, I don’t know what else to do. Looks like it’s going to have to be the boarding school after Christmas. Let’s get a move on and get home before it gets dark.
Steve continues to walk fast and is preoccupied. he does not notice that Dylan has stayed back and is running off in another direction. Dylan is running away.
EXT.VILLAGE HIGH STREET/EVENING
Steve is frantically running all over the village High Street looking for Dylan. He enters a couple of shops; the butcher’s, the fish and chip shop. No one has seen him. Steve enters the bakery.
INT.BAKERY/LATE AFTERNOON
Mickey’s bakery is full-on decorated for Christmas with angels everywhere. Christmas music is playing.
MICKEY THE BAKER
Hi there? How can I help?
STEVE
Have you seen a boy, 13 years old? He doesn’t speak. I seem to have lost him. I’ve looked everywhere and I’m getting very worried.
MICKEY
No, no one like that, though he has been in here before. He was hiding from some boys who were chasing him, taunting him. I spoke to him and offered help, he didn’t say anything and ran off. Sorry. Today I’ve only had grown-ups buying Christmas treats.
What’s your lad’s name?
STEVE
His name is Dylan and he’s just a kid, he’s upset. I’m really worried, it’s getting dark outside.
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This reply was modified 3 years, 1 month ago by anna harper.
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This reply was modified 3 years, 1 month ago by
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PS81 – Dana Creates a Future
What I learned from this assignment:
I learned I needed a minor character to create an important future scene between my protagonist and antagonist. I had originally intended to reveal the psychosis of an alter identity after the alter is introduced. Writing to create a future scene, and revealing the psychosis early, I created an payoff that adds tension the moment the alter is introduced later in the script.
Characters:
Character Name: Detective Sorenson
Traits: confident, controlling, cynical/sarcastic, compassionate
Subtext: Clandestine, diplomatic
Character Logline: Det Sorenson is assigned to the investigation and must strengthen Ellen to keep her engaged with the suspect to save her family.
Possible Areas of Subtext: Sorenson conducts the investigation outside of Ellen’s purview to shield her; he encourages Ellen to engage her patient even after he kills her husband.
SCENE:
INT. TECH ROOM – CONTINUOUS
A TECHNICIAN in headphones is prepping the digital playback for Sorensen to listen to Jason’s call. Sorensen is on the phone with Dr. Sullivan, a very pompous sounding physician.
SULLIVAN (O.S.)
(on phone)
— I’m sorry, Detective. My hands are tied. I can’t discuss Jason Petrie’s medical history with you.
SORENSEN
Dr. Sullivan, all I’m asking you is if you think your patient’s threat against Dr. Landry is credible. A simple yes or no with suffice.
A heavy SIGH.
SULLIVAN
I suppose, on that limited basis, I can make an exception for Dr. Landry’s sake.
(beat)
When Jason is properly medicated, he’s fully functional. He’s not a threat to himself or anyone else.
SORENSEN
And if he’s not properly medicated?
SULLIVAN
His other identities take control.
SORENSEN
How many identities are we talking about?
SULLIVAN
Six. But I won’t go into specifics about their pathologies.
SORENSEN
Are any of his identities dangerous?
SULLIVAN
DID patients develop protective identities to detach themselves from reality and trauma. An alter will confront the danger the host can’t or won’t. Jason’s homeless. You do the math.
SORENSEN
Why would he fixate on Dr. Landry if you’re his psychiatrist?
SULLIVAN
He may not consider me his doctor any more. I haven’t seen Jason in over a month. He’s missed several sessions. And by now, I’m sure he’s exhausted his medications.
SORENSEN
Great.
SULLIVAN
Has Dr. Landry explained how Jason came became my patient?
SORENSEN
She said she transferred his care to you.
SULLIVAN
That’s one way of looking at it, I guess. I mean, don’t get me wrong. Dr. Landry is a fine therapist, for her education. But she’s not a psychiatrist. She’s a psychologist. She’s not trained to deal with DID patients like Jason. In fact, she never met him.
SORENSEN
Come again.
SULLIVAN
Dr. Landry treated William, Jason’s manic-depressive identity. She never realized until it was too late who she was really counseling.
SORENSEN
What do you mean too late?
SULLIVAN
William shot himself with a small caliber derringer during his last session with Dr. Landry. But he was lucky. The bullet barely penetrated his skull. That’s how he came into my care and became part of my grant study. And it’s also the reason Dr. Ellen gave up her private practice. Probably for the best.
SORENSEN
This guy tries to pop his own cork, and you guys put him back on the street?
SULLIVAN
Jason didn’t try to kill himself. William did. An alter can attempt and even commit suicide without the host’s knowledge or awareness. It’s part of the amnesia. Jason woke up not knowing what William did. And as long as he’s medicated, William isn’t a threat.
SORENSEN
Jesus.
SULLIVAN
May I make a suggestion?
(beat)
Dr. Landry simply isn’t qualified to treat a patient like Jason. If he should call back, you may want to keep me in the loop. I’d be willing to counsel Jason on-air to remedy this psychosis.
SORENSEN
I’ll take it under advisement, doc. Thanks.
(he hangs up)
Arrogant prick.
TECHNICIAN
You ready.
SORENSEN
Yeah.
The technician hands Sorensen his headphones and presses the play button on the server.
CLOSE SHOT – SORENSEN
He listens to the call.
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Matthew Frendo Creates a Future!
What I learned doing this assignment was how to create suspense for the future in a script. This will make a script more of a page turner that the audience is constantly wondering about.
Name: Alicia
Traits: Protective, Brave, Crafty, Loner
Subtext: Crafty
Name: Host
Traits: Power Hungry, Arrogant, Conspiring, Charismatic
Subtext: Conspiring
Name: The Audience
Traits: Politically correct, Demanding, Vengeful, Compassionate
Subtext: Politically correct
INT. AUDIENCE STAGE – NIGHT
We cut back to the Host and audience, all of whom are smirking and laughing at what they just saw.
HOST
Wow, I don’t think we’ve ever seen a more pathetic bunch of people in the hunt.
The audience laughs.
HOST
Truth is, if any of them survive the first creature, I’ll be very surprised. But if they do–
He holds up a finger, the audience waiting on every word.
HOST
If they do, we may have some real surprises…that you will enjoy far more than they will.
He laughs as the audience cheers.
HOST
Now, who’s ready to start the hunt?!
They all cheer loudly.
HOST
Who’s ready to see these pathetic losers get maimed and massacred brutally?
Audience cheers louder.
HOST
Who’s ready to watch our biotech creatures have their fun and get seriously bloody…all for your enjoyment?
Audience cheers louder.
HOST
Who’s ready to watch these subhuman annoyances turn on each other, fight each other and maybe even kill each other…and show you the pieces of shit they really are before being SACRIFIED!?
The crowd cheers so loud nothing else can be heard.
The Host goes to a LITTLE GIRL (9) in the stands.
HOST
Why don’t you start it, sweetie.
The tiny, meek girl smiles sweetly, looks at the monitor and yells into the microphone–
LITTLE GIRL
Let them be dead!
The crowd cheers loudly as the BOOM goes off, signaling the start of the hunt.
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Day 9 – Create A Future For Your Scene — Assignment
Mike O – Creates a Future
What I learned is creating the future requires your outline to be completed and the character arcs fleshed out and understood. Creating a future is like setting up the audience for an expectation. Done correctly, they want to know how it works out.
I. List your character names along with each character’s traits and their SCL (Subtext Character Logline) above the scene.
II. Look through your outline and find a scene that could be great for creating a future. Preferably, a scene where you can go to an extreme with the technique.
III. Write the scene in a way that compels us to read on by creating a future for the scene. You can use any of these techniques to do so.
1. Have them talk about something in the future of the movie.
2. A warning.
3. Create suspense — worry about some future incident.
4. Create uncertainty about a future decision.
5. A twist that requires us to read farther.
6. Hooks that make us wonder.———————-
Going to use #4: Create uncertainty about a future decision – on Brooklyn’s part (the protagonist)
(She second guesses herself about not selling the gallery: I don’t know a thing about the business, Did dad leave it to me as a legacy, or was it something to sell so I could continue living in Chicago. What if Carolyn wants nothing to do with it? What then? Richard, should I make him a partner?
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INT. ALAN’S OFFICE – LATER
Alan escorts Brooklyn into his office. She follows him over to a fancy, coffee machine. On the wall, a photograph of Alan and another man standing with a stringer of fish.
ALAN (futzies with machine) “That’s your father and I. Twice a year, we would hike into the Wilds and go fly fishing. Joshua could make a fly dance. (confesses) Don’t believe I ever beat him, not that it was ever a contest with us.”
Brooklyn steps over, studies the photograph, unaware she is all but touching the picture.
BROOKLYN “Thank-you for speaking at his funeral. Heard it was eloquent.”
ALAN (in explanation) “Your father left specific instructions to notify you of his passing only after the funeral.”
Sudden HISSING of the coffee machine snaps Brooklyn out of her reverie. She steps away, her eyes moist.
ALAN “ Little nutmeg?”
BROOKLYN “Why?”
ALAN “For the latte.”
BROOKLYN “I meant his funeral.”
ALAN “We talked about it. Joshua didn’t want your last memory to be of him in a casket.
ALAN (hands her papers) “The gallery is doing well. Mister Feldman knows the business, been with your father for close to ten years. He’s a charmer, bit economical with the truth for my tastes. But knowledgable.”
Alan’s tone says it all: he is not a fan.
BROOKLYN “Ethically challenged I take it. “
Alan smiles, likes her already.
ALAN “To be fair, Richard made the business and himself a lot of money. He knows art and has connections nationwide. More than a few artists owe their start to him.
BROOKLYN “I get that. Still, I think I’m going to hang onto the gallery. I don’t know if it’s my legacy, something dad wanted me to have, or just an asset to sell so I could continue living in Chicago.
ALAN “We never discussed that. The only bit of advice I can offer is you is give it time. Grief and making big decisions are a recipe for disaster.
BROOKLYN (thinks out loud) “I don’t know a thing about the business. What if Carolyn wants nothing to do with it? What then? Richard, should I make him a partner?”
Alan’s frown answers that. Brooklyn gives it a moment.
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Antonio Flores Creates a Future!
What I learned from doing this…
The concept of setup/payoff linked to subplot comes handy in here.
Approaching the assignment from the ScreenwritingU Mini-Movie Method (MMM) course, my selected scene is part of sequence 5, subplot and raising action. Subplot consists on a setup, middle and payoff, which is a similar structure to create suspense, which is one of the strategies to “create a future.”
It is fantastic to see how the combination of these concepts can render endless tones and shades of outcomes.
ASSIGNMENT
———-
Write the scene in a way that compels us to read on by creating a future for the scene. List your character names along with each character’s traits and their SCL (Subtext Character Logline) above the scene.
CHARACTER 1: Parisa Nedellec, protagonist. A cheerleader coach who must learn MMA fighting to rescue her fiancé from the hands of a criminal ring linked to the underground tournaments.
Traits: highly principled, perfectionist, extremely emotional… when nobody is looking, fearful / withdrawn, traumatized
Subtext: highly principled, perfectionist
SCL: Parisa is a highly principled person, a fearful cheerleader turned into MMA fighter who lives tormented by the experience of having seen her sister die.
CHARACTER 2: Sandy Estrella is Parisa’s bosom friend.
Basic character traits: Adventurous, impulsive, greedy, unpredictable
Subtext: impulsive, unpredictable
SCL: Sandy is a greedy, impulsive and unpredictable locker-room keeper who envies Parisa for having the chance to fight in the cage.
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NOTE: This scene comes after Parisa’s first victory in the underground MMA fights. Previously, Parisa had accepted her uncle’s advise to take latin dance lessons with two instructors, a Chinese and a Brazilian, who happen to be Shuajiao (Chinese wrestling) and Brazil Capoeira masters, respectively.
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INT. UNDERGROUND MMA FACILITY — FEMALE LOCKERS
Parisa returns to the lockers after the fight. This time, she comes with a big smile. Sandy gives her a high-five.
SANDY
Welcome back, champion!
PARISA
Now how bad is that?
Parisa lays down on the massage table. Sandy examines Parisa.
SANDY
Lemme see. Mmh, couple of scratches. Not bad at all, I’d say!
PARISA
I can’t believe it. It works!
SANDY
I told you. Trust your uncle-manager. The man (taps her temple) has this, uh?
PARISA
Yeah. “Fight the way you dance,” he said.
SANDY
You know what? I feel like I should be the next girl inside the cage.
Parisa closes her eyes and relaxes.
SANDY
Hey, hey! I’m serious. I’m gonna get inside that freaking cage, Bubbles.
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NOTE: This shows Sandy’s traits: greedy, unpredictable. It also creates uncertainty about Sandy’s reckless decision.
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PARISA
It takes work, LOTS of hours and hard—
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NOTE: Parisa’s perfectionist side emerges
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SANDY
What? You think I’m less than you? Are you special or what?
PARISA
Oh, no. Sandy—
SANDY
You said that dancing works, right? So—
PARISA
I mean that—
SANDY
… anyone should have a chance to be a champ.
PARISA
Well, yes. But—
SANDY
But you disagree… ‘cos you’re special, uh?
PARISA
Let me explain—
SANDY
Of course, now you feel you’re up there. You dance—
PARISA
Sandy, no. I just—
SANDY
I’ll show you whose beats do the best dance!
PARISA
No. Wait. Let me—
SANDY
And you know what? I’m gonna beat that bully bitch who scares the shit out of you! You’ll see!
Sandy rushes out of the lockers and…
PARISA
Wait, no! Sandy, listen! Where are you go—
DOOR SLAM
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NOTE: This attack-counter dialogue ends with a warning. It leads us to question: is she really going to get in a fight with Ruthless? This is also meant to create suspense, making us worry about a future incident. It also shows Parisa’s principled action, as well as Sandy’s impulsiveness and unpredictable character.
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This reply was modified 2 years, 11 months ago by Antonio Flores.
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This reply was modified 2 years, 11 months ago by
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