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Day 9 Assignments
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Judith’s Twists and Turns…Lesson 9
What I learned is having developed the mystery, intrigue and suspense aspects of my script helped me discover the twists and turns.
Direction: Emily is on her morning run enjoying herself.
Twist: A car comes out of nowhere and almost runs her down.
Direction: Emily returns home expecting to find the movers to take her paintings to the art gallery for the show tonight.
Twist: When she finds them not there and calls them, they tell her that she phoned and told them to come later.
Direction: Emily receives a “return to sender” letter from her sister. She starts to put it on the pile of all the others in the closet.
Twist: She tears it up, throws it away and takes the others out into the trash.
Direction: The art show is a big success. Emily has sold many paintings and got much praise.
Twist: Her estranged sister shows up uninvited and causes a ruckus at the front door. Emily invites her into the show.
Direction: Emily and Eugene go to the adoption agency to sign the final papers to adopt 8-year-old Katie.
Twist: The social worker tells her that the adoption is on hold because she found out Emily is on drugs.
Direction: Rachel breaks into Eugene’s lab to steal his research.
Twist: She is driven away by the evening watch dog.
Direction: Rachel and Emily go to lunch.
Twist: Emily sees Eugene friendly with another woman and thinks he’s having an affair.
Twist: Emily confronts Eugene and accuses him of an affair in front of all the other patrons.
Direction: Eugene tries to convince Emily the woman is a business associate interested in funding his research.
Twist: She kicks him out of the house and calls Rachel for comfort.
Direction: A detective from LA calls Emily to talk with her and she agrees to meet him.
Twist: When she arrives at the meeting place, he is not there. She dials his phone and hears it ringing in the building. She goes in and sees the detective dead.
Direction: Eugene and Emily have a big fight. He accuses Rachel of up to no good. Emily calls her mom’s nursing home to talk with her.
Twist: She finds out her mother and Rachel were killed in a fire in Rachel’s house.
Direction: Emily finds Rachel and confronts her. They have a big fight.
Twist: Emily confesses that the art contest she won as a kid was with a painting that Rachel had done, and she did steal her painting. She apologizes but Rachel tries to kill her.
Direction: Rachel follows Eugene to work.
Twist: She runs him off the road and his car crashes.
Direction: Emily’s been cleared of drug charges and goes to pick up Katie at her best friend’s house after visiting Eugene in the hospital.
Twist: She gets to her friend’s house and Rachel has kidnapped the little girl.
Direction: Emily goes after Rachel believing she went to Emily’s house, but when she gets home…
Twist: All she finds is her barn/art studio filled with candles and a bunch of grotesque paintings of families.
Direction: Emily is drawn to a noise in the woods and goes to check it out. She finds Rachel, they tassel, but Emily gets away.
Twist: Rachel tells her if she wants to save Katie, she will have to go to the barn/art studio.
Direction: Emily returns to the barn. All the candles are lit and Katie is tied up. When Emily goes to untie Katie, Rachel attacks.
Twist: While Rachel and Emily fight, Katie gets lose and races from the barn. During the fight, candles are overturned and catch things on fire forcing Emily to flee, but Rachel stays behind, and Emily can’t save her.
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Friends in High Places – Twists and Turns – ASSIGNMENT
Friends in High Places – Twists and Turns – ASSIGNMENT Day 9
“What I learned doing this assignment is…?” I had already wrote my draft with all of these twists already in 2018 and had put in all I could think of at that time, but this exercise was a great checkup on my previous draft to make sure that I didn’t miss any I could have used. But as it turned out I used so many in almost every part of the story. FYI, the producers and police detectives I know which read the script for me earlier all remarked about these twists and how it kept the suspense going the whole time.
Hal is right on recommending having twists because they keep the pages of the script turning quickly to find out what happens. Everyone said they couldn’t put the script down. We are instructed to put these into the new version of the thriller map but would be too long to post however. The 14 suggestions made me reevaluate the “reasons” for each twist which was really helpful. Thanks!
1) Irene and rake location
a) Initial Direction – Irene finds a rake at the foot of her driveway believing it had been left there by her gardener, so she picks it up to put it into her garage.
b) Twist – Walking to garage she answers her phone and must speak with the caterer for the upcoming wedding instead of proceeding to put the rake into the garage, so she leans the rake instead against the pool gate.
2) Warren picks up the rake and has the vision of Irene’s strangulation murder.
a) Initial Direction – Warren needs to enter the pool in the backyard to clean it. Irene was to put the rake into her garage to hold it for their gardener.
b) Twist – Now the rake with the killer’s blood on it is leaning against the gate and Warren has to move it to get into the pool location, inciting him to have the vision of Irene being strangled which if the rake wouldn’t have been there the fate of everyone would have been different.
3) The Chaplain wants to know if in Warren’s vision he can identify the Socialite Strangler Serial Killer
a) Initial Direction – The chaplain asks Warren to come down to the police department because he only wants to talk with Warren. His plan, however, is to learn if Warren can actually identify the killer of his mother-in-law which secretly of course is himself.
b) Twist – Warren can’t see his face because of what the Professor describes as the “critical faculty” related to an ability which blocks certain information from being brought up which would be in Warren’s subconscious preventing him from psychically seeing the face of the killer. The professor states it’s because Warren knows him. However, Warren lets the Chaplain know that he sees the killer coming to his in-laws’ garage to retrieve a rake and guesses because it’s probably incriminating evidence on it, like blood. The Chaplain, who is secretly the killer, realizes that his own blood is on that rake because it scrapped his arm during the burial which he must get back and which is also on the blanket in which that victim had been wrapped.
4) Detective Hart meets with the Medical Examiner concerning one of the victims.
a) Initial Direction – Hart is looking for clues about the victim’s body but there is only strangulation and leather gloves used.
b) Twist – The medical examiner remarks that there is however not on the body but on the blanket someone’s blood, but none of the victim’s blood herself. This would be the killer’s blood when he killed this victim and while burying her, he cut his arm on a bent tooth on the rake. So, if the police get the rake which they don’t know about it because Warren only mentioned it to the chaplain and not the Detective so only now at the end can the evidence be led to prove the Chaplain was the killer but the cops need the rake with his blood on it as well to prove the connection as the required evidence to posthumously have him indicted.
5) Professor and Warren engage in retro-intention in the experiment to be able to change fate, stop the killer from knowing where the rake with the evidence leading to him is located.
a) Initial Direction – The Professor guides Warren under hypnosis to enter the non-local universe so Warren can access the collective unconscious under the Professor’s retro intention hypnosis protocol whereby containing all memories past, present, and future of everyone who has ever lived or will be born in the future. This is outside of time in order to retrieve Irene’s present memory from her past which shows the circumstances of the cause for her to have found the rake on the edge of her driveway which series of events leads to her murder.
b) Twist – (this is of major significance to the theme of the story in order for the Professor to prove his theory that “cause does not have to precede effect”!!!) This existing memory of Irene of the past event of picking up the rake and putting it against the pool gate exists in both universes, in her brain in the physical universe under the relativity factor of “time” to mass and energy AND in the collective unconscious devoid of time because there is no mass or energy there. So being able to change a memory “simultaneously” in the collective unconscious at the same time as in Irene’s physical brain replacing the original one with a “new desired memory” created by Warren acting as a clairvoyant accesses the collective unconscious under the Professor’s retro intention hypnosis protocol, and this memory now appears of her “instead” as visualized by Warren as her being scared by a cat.
The memory that now exists is of the cat scaring her, making her jump off her path so not to pick up the rake. This is intended to change the all the subsequent memories relative to the physical world’s time line of the sequence of events from the past that followed this new vision of her jumping out of the path of the rake caused by the cat. But for now the memory sequence is of different altered events that although actually in reality have already transpired in the past but remain as memory as “causes” which will incite contingent causes which are now “future memories” now to exist in the collective unconscious’ future. These though are “not relative” to physical events past because you can’t physically change the past but can in the physical world change the future which hasn’t occurred yet in the same manner as changing the “future memory” which has not taken place in the physical world BUT exists in the non-local collective unconscious devoid of time.
Because there is no short-term memory “initiated” in alpha level physical brain activity “under hypnosis”, this “original” physical world memory, like RAM memory in a computer, can be “wiped out” by Warren’s accessing it and “replacing” it with the new memory data like the Professor’s protocol of “retro-intention” allows making changes in the collective unconscious (as only a psychic can who has access to the nonlocal collective conscious).
For those who need areligious context this is my scientific explanation as to how prayer works though using angels of the Lord and ordained and who can enter the collective unconscious. For this story and my belief is that the angels of Satan can also enter the collective unconscious to reflectively change and influence the mind of men in the physical dimension. Drugs do it on the physical spectrum of energy within the brain, btw)
This means for our storyline that Irene also no longer has memory of that original memory of her picking up the rake because the physical brain’s memory parallels the collective unconscious memory data bank. The collective unconscious memory acts in the same way like a data backup for a computer in the “cloud” whereas changing the data backup on the computer’s physical drive when updating information into it, then subsequently updates and changes the data to the virtual cloud storage reflecting what the computer has as date when changed.
What this means now is that all contingent interconnected memories to this prior physical memory which has been changed in the non-local collective unconscious, all those changes are being mirrored, reflected in the physical world memories in people’s brains. This allows changing the “causes” for future actions to all “other” people having this knowledge also recorded in the collective unconscious with that same memory data and those associated with it as well also having new memories put in, erasing the old ones when replacing them with new ones in the collective unconscious.
So, the “causes” for events that have not “yet” happened in the physical future will be changed or eliminated if so desired. Thusly, this proves the professor’s theory that “cause does not have to precede the effect” if someone employing retro-intention using a psychic is able to alter the causes which are existing as memories of the future but only in the collective unconscious not restrained by time because there is no mass nor energy in the nonlocal universe, only in the physical world.
This is why Warren’s “own” physical brain’s memory of the changes made in the retro-hypnosis session also are removed and altered as well. This chain reaction takes place resultantly in the physical world causing the physical energy existing in everyone’s brain as memory related to this certain data as “causes” for future things to happen which incite future actions to take place are altered. This is the purpose of the Professor’s theory in order to prove it, to change the end results in the physical world and to change the fate of something which is to happen in the future but allowed to be seen by a clairvoyant.
It took me fifty years to figure this out as a proven clairvoyant, master hypnotist, and trained scientist. This has allowed me to understand “why” that once a clairvoyant speaks of a future event that they have envisioned to happen, simply by their attaining that information from the collect unconscious devoid of time, the mere act of speaking about that act can change the initial outcome of it happening. “From your lips to God’s ears”!!! Even Einstein has said, “The experimenter has an effect on the outcome of the experiment”. – Case in point.
6) The rake scenario continues
a) Initial Direction – Because now Irene did not pick up the rake (in her memory of it) because of the retro-intention experiment using Warren, the rake would have remained there in physical memory.
b) Twist – (not known until Sid mentions what he did telling Irene on the airplane trip back to Las Vegas) Instead, Sid says that he noticed the rake lying there (because the past event memory now never happened for Irene to have picked up that rake) and so Sid’s memory takes precedent because Irene’s memory of the past no longer exists. So Sid picked up the rake so not to damage the tires on their car and it was instead him who placed the rake against the pool gate instead so the gardener would see it assuming it belonged to the gardener, not knowing it had bounced out of the killer’s pickup. Sid’s unknown actions now in everyone’s memories allowed the resulting sequence of events to still play out and to continue as before not changing the physical past inciting events to follow so that Warren still has his prophetic vision of Irene’s murder and so the killer will still show up at the in-laws’ house to retrieve that rake.
7) Warren promises to secretly help Sid gamble while they are in Aruba by giving Sid the numbers psychically over the phone while Sid bets in the casino there.
a) Initial direction – This is Warren’s plan B in case the Professor’s retro-intention experiment to change the “cause” for Irene’s murder can’t be changed in the future “not” proving the Professor’s theory. This is because of Warren’s participation himself screwing up the sequence of events, changing the causes referred to as “memories of the future”. This lure to get Warren’s in-laws out of their house is because Warren knows from his visions that the killer is going to be coming back there for the rake and but doesn’t want anyone home at that time so no one will be murdered by his retrieving the rake. Warren hires an armed security guard to surveil his in-laws’ house and to catch the killer’s act of coming back to get his rake back but Warren only wants the security guard to photograph the killer, not actually catch him and place herself in danger – after all Warren’s the hero and the good guy not wanting anyone to die in this.
b) Switch – Sid changes their plans and decides to fly home early, but which will be “prior” to the killer getting to their house – not good, because both in-laws may be killed by him in order to have no witnesses as to him getting the rake which evidence will prove he’s the killer matching his blood to that on the rake and on the blanket which was wrapped around the victim’s corpse.
8) Sid and Irene are going to Aruba to a casino so Sid can make bets using Warren over the phone to tell him what numbers to bet on the roulette wheel.
a) Initial Direction – Sid and Irene would have not gone to Aruba in the first place and would have been home when the serial killer would have gone there and would have been murdered by him when getting his rake back with his blood evidence on it to identify him.
b) Twist – Because they were not going to be home Irene called their maid for her to show up there instead, clean the house, and check on it. Because the maid had been there when the killer goes there the first time, she instead was murdered by the killer earlier, posing as a new gardener to get the rake. Although the caveat is that the killer did not get the rake because the steel door to the garage had been locked and he has no tools to break in. The security code on the garage outside door had been changed by Sid upon Warren’s recommendation earlier to his in-laws at a dinner at their house. We don’t see Sid doing this however to plant the element of surprise when the killer can’t get into the garage the first time when he has to kill the maid to shut her up. This means the killer will have to return again when Sid, Irene, or perhaps Jodi, all knowing the code, would be there.
9) Irene cannot reach the maid by phone while they’re away in Aruba (because she’s been murdered by the serial killer)
a) Initial direction – The maid should be there but has been murdered by the killer.
b) Twist – Irene instead calls Jodi and asks “her” to go to the house and check on why the maid hasn’t returned her call and, as well, because they’re coming home early she suggest they’ll meet Jodi there at the house and have dinner when they return.
10) Warren is to exchange his pool cleaning truck for Jodi’s car at her school so he can pick her parents up at the airport as originally planned.
a) Initial Direction – While Jodi is half asleep when Warren gets back at night after working his job in Laughlin, he tells her he needs to switch cars with her at her school in order so he can get her parents at the airport when they will arrive, coming home a day early.
b) Twist – Jodi has that school day end early, forgets to tell Warren that while he’s planning to go to her school to switch cars. Warren heads over to the school parking lot to switch cars, but Jodi’s car isn’t there because unknown to Warren she’s at the house where the killer is expected to arrive. This causes Warren to do a mad drive to get to the house to protect Jodi knowing from his vision that the killer will go there, More so, Warren has had a subsequent vision while under hypnosis with the professor where he sees his first vision of Irene’s death not happening but instead seeing Jodi there in the garage and him throwing her to the floor, BUT not seeing why he would be doing this.
11) Warren has secretively hired an armed security guard he meets while working at the Laughlin casino. She’s a female, Patty, who is too short for the police department, who is now staked out down the street of the in-laws’ house.
a) Initial direction – Patty is there so as to see all the cars which will come to the in-laws’ house coming up their driveway and to photograph who comes there so when it will be the killer they have a description of him for the police to use to identify and arrest him.
b) Twist – the security guard loses one of her earrings which falls on the floor of her car, tries to get it but in doing so spills her soft drink on herself while bending over down to the floor and by doing this at that moment misses seeing the killer’s truck going up the driveway and also not knowing Jodi is already there in the house. Jodi is now coming out of the swimming pool and having arranged to meet her parents there coming home early.
12) The killer arrives impersonating a detective to get into the house and into the garage because he has the tools to break the lock to get into the garage and to get the rake.
a) Initial Direction – the killer impersonating a detective tells Jodi he’s following up on her husband having made a police report. First he asks to use the restroom. Jodi wet from the pool, points down the hall towards the garage inside door now “unlocked” because she had the code to unlock and did so earlier without being seen doing it.
b) Twist – The killer goes down the hall past the restroom and enters the garage steel inside door which is now “unlocked” but we don’t see him going in. We do see from inside the garage the door opening. It’s Jodi hurriedly entering the garage. She suspicious, questions the supposed detective, “How did you know about my husband trying to put in a police report.” The detective replies faking his answer, “It says so right here in the notes.” Jodi continues, “You need to leave immediately. This is not our home; it’s my parents’ home”. The killer now with the rake in his hand comes at Jodi. Warren has just arrived and bursts through the door throwing Jodi to the floor to protect her. (the last of his visions, btw) The killer is known because Warren knows him as the chaplain. the chaplain pulls his gun and the security standing on the tail gate of Warren’s truck in front of the garage shoots him dead. (FYI) Most importantly, reiterated so the viewers understand why Warren couldn’t identify the killer in his visions, Warren remarks in the denouement to the Detective,” Now I know why I couldn’t identify the killer when I first came to the police station to report a murder,… before it happened, it was because I was going to become his friend and was going to meet him in the future. I guess subconsciously I knew that and because he was to become my friend it would have been too traumatic for me to see him as the killer. Wait until Professor Keller hears about that.” Detective Hart questions, “Who’s that?”
13) Sid and Irene arrive home by cab but Sid, forgetting his key to get in, while Jodi had not answered the front door:
a) Initial direction – Sid was to open the front door with his house keys and would have come through the front, not having to enter using the outside garage entry code to get in.
b) Twist – Sid has forgotten his house keys so instead he does have to enter the outside garage door using his code and the locked garage door opens. This causes Sid and Irene to interrupt the Chaplain about to shoot Warren and Jodi. The chaplain turns to parents. “Good thing I have five bullets in this revolver.” (Meaning he can kill all five of them with his 38 Saturday night special which holds five rounds) Patty the security guard is now standing up on the tail gate of Warren’s truck with her gun pointed at the Chaplain. The Ethereal Spirit is behind her holding up her arms to aim her gun for her at the Chaplain. She yells, “Drop it or I’ll shoot. I have all the bullets “I” need to get the job done!” The Chaplain instead points the gun at Patty and says, “I’ll just have to strangle one of you. Sorry”. Patty fires and kills him. Wow!
13) The denouement. Detective Hart is speaking outside the house; the police having arrived and securing the crime scene. Their conversation is interrupted by who was the red herring as established earlier in the script, Lieutenant Bono.
a) Initial direction – “We have several problems here. We have a security guard who shot a Chaplain with an unregistered gun with four witnesses to substantiate she did it. We have an old rake with somebody’s blood on it which proves nothing. We have a nice pair of new leather gloves which probably could fit O.J.’s hands but proves nothing, and most of all there’s no corpse of anyone you say he could have killed by strangulation and which would have to have his blood on the corpse which I know the Chaplain wouldn’t have been so careless to leave as a former detective himself.” “All this doesn’t prove anything that our Chaplain, who does seem to be missing his wheelchair at the moment, however, could be the Socialite Strangler”. Lieutenant Bono just arrogantly walks away.
b) The twist – Detective Hart, however apologizes for her boss’ crassness and says to Warren that she should have listened to Warren and that in future she’ll be more open minded about using psychics to get leads on a crime. The Ethereal Spirit stands next to Warren as he says, “Let’s just thank my friends in high places, at least the good ones.” “By the way, if you let your boss know, that if they dig up there, next to the adjoining new home their building, my Friend in High Places just showed me, you’ll find the body Lieutenant Bono says is needed to link the Chaplain to the last couple of killings. In fact, that corpse is dressed in a maid’s uniform, most likely with the Chaplain’s blood from his arm on it.” The Chaplain really should have had that arm looked at. I would have done it for him, but who knows if I’ll ever get accepted to med school.”
14) After the police are there investigating everything after Patty shot the Chaplain, the security guard, Patty has been inside her car desperately looking for the earring she dropped earlier as Warren questions what’s she’s looking for.
a) Initial direction – Patty loses her earring and can’t find it. Warren says,”We’’ll just have to buy you a new pair.”
b) Then the twist – The Ethereal Spirit stands next to Warren as Warren slowly rubs his hands down her hips down her legs. Patty exclaims, “Hey, don’t forget you’re a married man.” Warren interrupts, “Give me a minute. Forget about us buying you that new pair of earrings.” Warren’s hands reach her cuffs. He pulls out the missing earring and hands it to her. She exclaims, “Hey, you really are good at this shit. As the credits begin to roll and the shot slowly rises above the crime scene, Patty asks, “Hey, tell me somethin’. Am I gonna find Mr Right? There’s this guy who works over in the cage who I really like. Do you think I can get him to ask me out?… “
15) As credits continue to roll and the closing music plays, the Professor is in his office at the University pantomime speaking on his phone at his desk, leaning back on his chair.
a) Initial direction – He’s doodling on the back of a business card but we can’t see what he’s drawing.
b) Then the twist – He hangs up the phone, stands up and puts his jacket on as he looks at his doodle on the business card. It’s a large religious cross. As he adjusts his jacket he is about to leave, he hesitates, goes back and turns over the card. It’s the Chaplain’s business card which Warren had given him earlier to call him in case something terrible would happen to Warren in the experiment and it backfires on him and he ends up dying, somehow, or being killed by the serial killer trying to stop him.
16) Warren while at the psychic Reetha in Palm Springs, Patty’s mother who after meeting Patty in the casino who makes him leave the casino when Warren calls out the numbers which were coming up on a roulette wheel, Patty recognized that Warren has the gift but needs to be careful using it. Because of this she had suggested Warren to meet her mother who is also a psychic because of something which might have happened with her.
a) Initial direction – Reetha, the psychic, tells Warren she saw in a vision that her husband, Patty’s father, who was a detective and was going to be killed in an airplane crash but she wanted to change his fatal fate. She wanted to stop him from going but he didn’t believe in her psychic abilities as most cops don’t, so she didn’t know what to do to stop him.
b) The twist – Warren asks, “So what did you do?” Reetha replies, “I faked being sick so he wouldn’t leave on that flight, so he postponed his flight and scheduled a different flight.” Warren asks, “Well, did that save his life?” Reetha remorsefully answers, “It was the new flight that ended up crashing, in Chicago in 1980. The D.C. 10 where the engine dropped off.” Reetha warns Warren, “Don’t try to change someone else’s fate; it’ll get you every time.”
17) Aruba where Sid is expecting Warren over the phone to give him the winning numbers on a roulette wheel because Jodi had told her father about Warren doing it at a casino in Laughlin.
a) Initial direction – Warren would be able to keep Sid and Irene there in Aruba because Warren was allowing him to win, however…
b) The twist – Warren’s Ethereal Spirit stands next to Sid as Warren gives him the numbers, but too late each time so Sid doesn’t win, gets upset and tells Warren he’s coming home early because Warren can’t do it and allow him to win. By Sid deciding to come back early this is going to throw a wrench into Warren’s plan B if the retro-intention doesn’t change Irene’s fate and they get back when the killer is supposed to be at their home getting the rake.
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This reply was modified 3 years, 1 month ago by Warren Goldstein. Reason: added other twists and turns
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This reply was modified 3 years, 1 month ago by
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Ian Patrick’s Twists and Turns
What I learned doing this assignment is to add unexpected events
Direction: African-American detective joins police to oversee a neo-Nazi march in order to prevent violence
Twist: One of the marchers is deliberately struck by a car
Direction: A cop attempts to peacefully arrest a suspected shooter from another case
Twist: Someone in the gathered crowd shoots and kills him
Direction: Detective goes with police to his funeral
Twist: Rifle shots are fired at them from a distance
Direction: A white supremacist gives a speech to his followers
Twist: One of the audience members is an undercover cop
Direction: At the end, his audience applauds and salutes
Twist: Someone fires through a window, wounding the leader
Direction: Police search the spot where the sniper fired from
Twist: Detective’s badge is found there and he’s suspected
Direction: Detective goes to an outdoor shooting range to learn more about high-powered rifles
Twist: He is shot at
Direction: Police attend a BLM rally to try and keep the peace
Twist: Detective realizes the sniper won’t be there but trying to assassinate the Mayor
Direction: He races to sniper’s location
Twist: He’s captured and forced to watch the attempted murder for which
he’ll be blamed
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Michelle’s Twists and Turns
What I learned doing this assignment is defining and planning for Twists is more difficult than I expected. It was a great assignment, though, to get me thinking about how to incorporate.<div>Twist 1:
Direction: Boyd and Ennis receive a Mayor’s Award for trying to save a victim of a serial killer.
Twist: Boyd was the serial killer and Ennis helped him to cover it up.
Twist 2:
Direction: Ann, Adam’s nurse, enters Adam’s room and snaps at Griffin in front of Adam and Griffin’s medical team about not calling her into the room to round on the patient with the team.
Twist: Ann and Griffin are former best friends who had a falling out after Griffin turned her in for cutting off a girl’s hair at a slumber party when they were young.
Twist 3:
Direction: Griffin tells Lillian she won’t regret helping her get the job at the hospital
Twist: Griffin was fired from her last job.
Twist 4:
Direction: The hospital CEO talks with someone from Spring Health about the Board being nervous about the killings because Spring Health is hoping to take over the hospital.
Twist: The person from Spring Health throws the hospital CEO under the bus when he talks with the heart transplant about taking the CEO role.
Twist 5:
Direction: Griffin is trying to get the heart transplant surgeon to tell her about his use of a certain medication during Adam’s heart transplant.
Twist: The heart transplant surgeon has used a medication not approved for use during a transplant.
Twist 6:
Direction: The police suspect Griffin of being the murderer. She doesn’t have alibi’s and has motive.
Twist: Her patient received the heart of a serial killer and is the one killing.
Twist 7:
Direction: As she goes to save Hank after Adam has abducted him, Griffin initially makes Adam believe she will help him kill Hank.
Twist: She has only made him believe she will help him kill Hank so she can save Hank.
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Sherri D. Coffee – Twists and Turns
What I learned in this assignment was to brainstorm twists and turns to make the story more intriguing and unpredictable.
Opening: On her first day at the firm, Charlotte is exposed to the world of lobbying by her mentor Patricia. Man watches them in the shadows.
Mystery 1: How does the lobby world work?
Inciting event: Patricia commits suicide that night.
Mystery 2: Why does Patricia commit suicide? Did she really commit suicide?
Villain plan: To hide what Patricia knew about his ties to foreign governments.
Mystery 3: What did Patricia know, and did she share with Charlotte?
Mystery 4: What does Charlotte know? Who is the man in the shadows following her?
Threatening: Knowledge of foreign government transactions could be revealed.
Twist: something planned for doesn’t happen: Fundraiser for Senator is planned for the next night. Senator shows up at the office and cancels until after the funeral.
Threatening: the unknown. The Senator questions Charlotte and she suspects he knows what Patricia shared with her.
Mystery 5: What do the foreign contacts mean and why does the Senator care?
Turning Point 1: Charlotte uncovers money transfers of contributions sent to advocacy organizations from foreign governments.
Mystery 6: Why would foreign governments want to support American advocacy organizations?
Threatening: the unknown. Charlotte asks questions at firm about the support.
Threatening: Someone covertly operative around them. Ford gets suspicious and enlists an employee to watch Charlotte closely at Patricia’s funeral.
Mystery 7: Who is the man in the shadows following Charlotte at Patricia’s funeral?
Midpoint: Charlotte uncovers a money stream from foreign contacts to advocacy organization supporting the fundraiser for Senator.
Mystery 8: Are the advocacy organizations able to fund political campaigns with foreign money?
Twist: The employee watching Charlotte walks in and sees her researching contributions from foreign governments.
Villain Plan 2: The employee reports to Ford and he confronts Charlotte. Ford lies about the money flow and the contracts with foreign governments.
Twist/Turn: The man in the shadows is in Charlotte’s apartment waiting for her to arrive.
Mystery 9: Who is the man in the shadows? What is his motive and intentions hiding in the apartment?
Threatening: Charlotte arrives home to the confrontation.
Twist/Turn: The man in the shadows is Charlotte’s uncle who resigned from CIA in disgrace. (news report on her first day with Patricia)
Mystery 10: What does the uncle want?
Threatening: The uncle presents a threat to Charlotte’s ability to establish credibility in the world of lobbying.
Mystery 11: Why did uncle resign from CIA? What was his relationship to Patricia?
Turning Point 2: Charlotte attends the fundraiser and is given something in her drink that makes her drunk and sick.
Mystery 12: Who put something in Charlotte’s drink?
Threatening: Someone wants to hurt her.
Villain Plan 3: Ford is convinced that Charlotte has information. He removes her from the advocacy accounts and places her in charge of Senator’s reelection campaign.
Threatening: Charlotte discovers the trail of wire transfers to Senator’s campaign.
Mystery 14: Who can she trust with the information?
Threatening: Charlotte arrives home to find her home ransacked.
Mystery 15: Who ransacked her home and why?
Climax: Charlotte tries to get to the CIA to deliver the information.
Threatening: She is being chased.
Mystery 16: Who is chasing her and why?
Twist/Turn: Chase is by CIA – her uncle never resigned. Decoy to make Ford think that he had no credibility. Ford’s people chase her to silence her.
Resolution: Charlotte reveals information to CIA. Ford is arrested. Senator gets reelected.
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I learned that writing a great thriller takes time, know-how, creative depth with planned surprises of twists and turns.
BUILDING CURRENT DIRECTION TWISTS
Joe walks happily through the casino – Twist: Now saddened, Joe learns of casino fire and dead employees.
Happy four sisters prepare for a mascaraed, Angela’s Birthday party – Twist: Giovana rebels.
Stranger, well-dressed Viktor, visits Angela’s party to spy or? Twist: Viktor thwarted, asked to leave.
Limo driver murdered; daughter (s) abducted? Twist: Casino accidents just got worse.
Musician Billie-Bob lures naïve Giovana into hiring him. Twist: Billie-Bob really works for Maksim.
Joe concern about the safety of Angela’s birthday party. Twist: Safety issue turns bad AFTER the party.
Daughters meet to discuss helpful safety measures. Twist: Daughters don’t know THEY are the target.
Giovana has drugs and sex with Billie-Bob/setup kidnapping? Twist: Giovana throws him out.
Everybody likes charming Nick and hires him. Twist: Big mistake as nobody now likes sneaky Nick.
Francesca is the daughter Maksim wants kidnapped ie CFO. Twist: Nick falls in love with her.
Nick obeys everything Maksim wants done. Twist: Not Francesca, Nick against his father and abducts Gina.
Viktor seems like an ignorant roughneck. Twist: He is not that person; he’s an educated surgeon.
Best friend John B. helps with Union negotiations. Twist: John betrays Joe’s family for money.
Giovana stopped by a bad guy policeman. Twist: Cop likes Giovana and treats her with empathy.
Union not responsible for all evil destruction. Twist: John betrayed but not as believed – tried to help issues.
Accidents are not accidents. Twist: Accidents caused by a group of Russian mercenaries hired by??
Holding his grudge, Tony refuses to help Joe. Twist: Tony puts family first and agrees to help.
Careless Joe caused Margo’s death. Twist: Tony acknowledges that his mafia friends caused her death
Hateful Maksim holds Joe responsible for his crippled leg. Twist: Jealous Maksim loved Joe’s wife.
Francesca appears fragile. Twist: During union aggression, Francesca saves Nick by knowing self-defense.
Joe believes Margo was his love only. Twist: Joe knows she was Maksim’s too.
Angry Nick finds Francesca’s spying. Twist: She’s looking innocently for something, now she’s angry.
Staying back, Joe sends security as a defense against crooks. Twist: Joe physically joins the fight.
Daughters think Joe insisted only on Karate lessons. Twist: Extreme measure, Joe placed tracking devices.
Controlled, in-charge Joe doesn’t drink after Margo’s death. Twist: Otis rescues Out-of-control, drunk Joe.
Exact location found and all looks good. Twist: Kidnappers leave to drop Gina in the desert to die.
The best rescue equipment all working. Twist: Doesn’t matter as location unknown again – Gina’s chip dies.
Drugged Gina looks weak and vulnerable. Twist: She’s acting, avoided enough drugs as enough alertness.
Angela believes sweet Nanny Alba cares for her family. Twist: Undermining Alba works for Maksim’s hate.
Nick’s belief that evil Joe deserves Maksim’s wrath. Twist: Nick softens and wants an end to mayhem.
Joe’s health issues limit his physical strength. Twist: Joe jumps in and finally saves his daughter.
Selfish daughters compete and fight with each other. Twist: After rescue, all four accept and forgive each other.
Thanksgiving family day, Gina humbled, smiling, healthy. Twist: Gina hides PTSD weakness from the family.
Tony hates Joe. Twist: Tony relents, reunites the family into being a loving family.
Daughters try for perfection, due to Joe pushing that their mother was a “Saint.” Twist: Joe does push perfection any longer.
Francesca pregnant and loving the child coming. Twist: Will she abort when finding the truth about possible brother Nick?
Why does Joe ease on Nick – (turn his cheek, to end the family’s fearful conflict? Twist: Does Joe know Nick is possibly the son he and Margo always wanted?
Is Maksim dead? Tony has to know? Twist: Joe won’t tell.
Again, Tony thinks Joe was a patsy and acting weak. Joe should have him arrested. Twist: No fear, Joe met face to face with Maksim to kill him.
Joe meets with Maksim to kill him. Twist: Joe changes his mind, wants a deep understanding.
Joe wants no revenge on Maksim, life to go peacefully. Twist: Maksim lies to Joe’s face – thinks differently with renewed revenge.
Nick hated by all the Martino family, fired, and waiting for jail sentence. Twist: If Joe relents, will there be no prosecution.
Nick/Nikolai obeys/loves his father, Maksim. Twist: Nick breaks away from Maksim’s control.
Maksim is shot, dead by Joe in self-defense. Twist: Unforgiving, jealous Maksim wore a bullet-proof device. Only lives to taunt again. Joe doesn’t know this.
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Eric Humble’s Twists and Turns
What I learned is: that structuring twists and turns is very simple and straighforward when approached in a non-linear fashion. I had a really easy time identifying the twists that occurred in the outline already and then elevating the structure of them. There were so many that naturally showed up that I didn’t need to manufacture any new twists, but I did use the structure and examples Hal gave us to strengthen either the set ups or payoffs.
MM1:
Beginning: The rival chef calls the FBI to blow the whistle on someone. TWIST: But while he’s waiting someone stalks him through his kitchen.
Inciting Incident: Raf is recruited by Leiber to cook the meal at the G7 summit to broker peace in Europe. Cover: Leiber claims the previous chef’s security check revealed he had political sympathies with one of the world leaders. He wants Raf because of Raf’s reputation for providing custom meals that help power players lure their counterparts into deals.
Intrigue 1: Leiber acts like he’s most concerned with the US’s standing in NATO – the peace treaty is essential to re-establishing the US’s dominance within NATO. Insisting that the other countries are sheep following the US superpower.
MM2:
Raf is urged by his pregnant girlfriend to let this one go. He’s never satisfied with success; as soon as he achieves something, he’s off to the next thing… and she’s worried he’ll be that way about their family once the baby comes. But he can’t let it go. It’ll be the biggest dinner of his life!
Intrigue: Current Direction:Leiber has strong security in place but he’s been cleared…. TWIST: …except that’s the first level. The additional protocols are that no one leaves once admitted, sections of the kitchen are off-limits, and they won’t let anyone from the kitchen talk to the world leaders in the dining room. Violate any of these and he’ll be arrested instantly.
Mystery 1: Raf knows line cook Salvatore from a previous job and talks to him. No one knows why the first chef left. Leiber claims his security clearance didn’t check out, something about his background. But Salvatore says it’s bullshit. The chef didn’t have a political bone in his body.
Intrigue 2: One member of NATO, a firebrand, is in a violent, drunken argument – railing that NATO always follows the US’s lead, even now when US credibility is low. If they’re as united as they say, NATO can be its own superpower without US Involvement. Current Direction: Rav is ordered to give him coffee and settle his stomach and mind with a snack… Twist: …and gets the sense this man has already gotten a system in place, a cabal waiting in the wings to take over the lead in foreign policy if the US can’t pull this peace deal off. He feels compelled to report this.
Intrigue 3: Meanwhile, Leiber calms the situation by having water brought in for all the delegates – which, unknown to anyone, is poisoned with thallium.
Turning Point One/Life-Threatening 1: current Direction: Looking for Leiber to report his suspicions, Rav enters the off-limits meat freezer. Twist: He discovers the rival chef’s body hanging there. Murdered! Will this be Raf’s fate?
Mystery 2: Who killed the original chef and why?
Mystery 3: The first chef left a warning carved into the handle of his chef’s knife: Poison.
Dessert. Russian Bl…
MM3:
Current Direction: Raf takes the logical first steps – goes to report it to Leiber.
Intrigue 4/Twist: Leiber questions why he ventured into the off-limits area. Raf backs off, doesn’t tell him about the body. Leiber won’t let Raf disrupt the proceedings – there’s too much at stake. insists on keeping the meal on a strictly-timed schedule… but makes it seem like this is because the peace deal is at stake, not because everyone will feel the effects of the poison by then.
Mystery 4: Learns from Salvatore that there was a dust-up when the previous chef wanted to change the dessert to something low sugar and vegan for everyone; everyone could have it and it didn’t conflict with anyone’s dietary requirements. Several of the NATO leaders’s staff objected and Leiber threatened to replace him unless he stuck to the pre-cleared menu.
Mystery 5: Everything was going fine with the chef until he inspected the pantry. Then suddenly he was gone and replaced with Raf.
Intrigue 5: Leiber leaves a false clue that makes Raf think the poison is in the kitchen.
Life-Threatening 2: Raf goes looking in the pantry and someone unseen (Salvatore) attacks him. He doesn’t see that it’s Salvatore, just that he hurt the assailant’s hand.
TWIST: Mystery 6: Current Direction: There’s nothing there. Twist: Raf finds the rat poison container – thallium – tucked under a floor panel at the chef’s station, left there by the first chef. Its cartridge is empty… the poison has been removed.
MM4:
More ambitious plan: Contact the world leaders via food.
Life-Threatening 3: Current Direction: Raf tries to warn the US President –Twist: …but only the Chinese president, an enemy, figures out the message and converses with him… which could make him look like a foreign agent and is a breach of protocol.
Red Herring Mystery 2: Salvatore burns his hand to cover the wound that Raf made.
Mystery 7: Raf gets a call from his business partner. Current direction: Tries to tell him everything. Needs to get him to contact the police… Twist: …but the partner is calling about something more urgent. An audit resulting from an undisclosed bank account. Their restaurant is in jeopardy.
Life-Threatening 4: Current direction: The Chinese president contacts him – he knows who the target is: the president of Montenegro, who is about to join NATO. He urges Raf to cook him something off the menu, something he will prepare himself. Raf is in a dilemma: trust an enemy or take the chance he’s right. Raf decides to do what the Chinese president says once he expresses admiration and a possible opening of one of Raf’s restaurants in Macao.
Midpoint/Twist: He cooks the alternate dish on the side and switches it before they serve it – but it’s a trap by the Chinese president – the president of Montenegro is allergic to an ingredient. He’s brought before multiple countries’ security forces. Twist: …including China, who president has never heard of him. It was a set up by the real assassin, who knows Raf is onto him!
MM5:
Retreats to lick his wounds while villain basks in triumph!:
Life-Threatening 5: Leiber gets him out of it – so he can frame him for his own assassination plan. Mystery 8: Current Direction: Leiber is on his side and is rescuing him. He brings Raf into the restricted area… Twist: …for interrogation. Shows him (doctored) video looking like he’s receiving a payoff.
Red Herring Mystery 3: Salvatore is in contact with someone above in the peace talks via coded messages left in the dirty napkins.
Red Herring Mystery 4: Salvatore lies about being Spanish – he was born in Montenegro.
TWIST/Life-Threatening 7: Someone (Leiber) threatens Raf’s girlfriend – sends him a live video feed of her. She’s being watched and doesn’t realize it. Cook the dinner and stop playing detective.
MM6:
Most ambitious plan yet: Takes control of the kitchen himself and locks security out.
Mystery 9: Current Direction: Raf is under close guard as he proceeds to cook as planned. Twist: Raf takes Leiber hostage and switches kitchens and orders everything recooked immediately with fresh ingredients he commandeers a Secret Service agent to bring in from the outside.
Intrigue 6: Leiber, coming to him as a friend, focuses Raf’s attention on the special “no-sugar” dessert that will only be served to the US President… a seemingly obvious choice for the poison.
Raf orders everyone to switch clothes with the person to their left. Then has everyone check their pockets. No poison.
Red Herring Mystery 5: Salvatore won’t switch clothes with the other cooks.
Red Herring Mystery 6: Raf catches Salvatore stashing something… it’s poison.
Current Direction: Salvatore is the assassin. Raf lets Leiber go to take him into custody and question him. Twist: But the poison he had isn’t lethal – it’ll make you sick but it’s very hard to kill someone with it. And it’s not Thallium.
Mystery 10: But before he serves the new food, Raf convinces POTUS to let Leiber feed it to Salvatore to make him talk in his holding cell… and to prove there’s no poison in it. Ostensibly as a bluff (believing Raf has eliminated the possibility of poison).
Red Herring Secret: Salvatore is a sleeper agent for one of the smaller NATO countries unhappy that peace will come at the cost of it seceding a small tract of land to Russia, despite the US President and NATO leaders’s endorsement of this concession. His mission is to disrupt the peace treaty by making one of the world leaders ill… but not to hurt anyone.
Down at the End of Act Two:
Want in Jeopardy: Twist: Salvatore eats it – and dies. Raf looks guilty as ever.
Need in Jeopardy: He pulled this stunt to show off once and for all to the world leaders.
Turning Point Two: He realizes thallium’s antidote is the Prussian Blue pigment found in the icing to the cake… they’ve all already been poisoned and only POTUS won’t consume the antidote as he’s diabetic.Mystery 11: Raf realizes the poison isn’t in the kitchen – it was in the water Salvatore was drinking in his cell, and which the world leaders drank before the gathering started.
MM7:
Crisis: Raf has to get Prussian Blue to the President.
Decision Point: Throws away his career and freedom to do the right thing.
Life-Threatening 8: Leiber orders the Secret Service to shoot him on sight as an assassin.
Climax: Raf squares off with Leiber and uses his cooking skills to switch poisons and antidotes.
Life-Threatening 9: Leiber sabotages the oven to explode and kill him.
MM8:
Villain is Back One Last Time!: Leiber goes after Raf’s girlfriend.
Resolution: Raf runs a well-respected but unassuming restaurant that allows him to spend time with his girlfriend… who is pregnant and whom he’s going to marry.
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Lesson 9
Jeff Hall’s Twist and Turns
What I learned doing this assignment is… consistent twists are a pivotal part of a thriller. I will stay mindful of this upon rewrites.
OPENING: Mysterious slaughter of family by unknown killer. Protagonist, Ben, gets high off opium.
a. Who is slaying?
TWIST- Current Direction: Peaceful night / Twist: Slaying of family
b. Why are the slaying occurring?
c. The towns deputy, Ben, is depressed, depressed, unhappy.
INCITING INCIDENT: Ben’s innocent friend is accused and hung for the murder.
a. Ben’s friend is drug out into the street.
TWIST- Current Direction: Obviously innocent man and moment / Twist: Mob swarms in and hangs the man
b. Ben is trampled on as he attempts to save him.
c. Ben’s innocent friend is hung.
TURNING POINT 1: Ben is forced to quit job/lose fiance in order to pursue the real murderer. Jumps the train.
a. The sheriff threatens Ben to “leave well enough alone”.
TWIST- Current Direction: The good sheriff is fair and universally liked / Twist: Turns a blind eye to murder
b. After discovering another “mirror” slaying, Ben declares he will pursue murderer. Sheriff fires him.
c. Ben’s fiance leaves him because of job loss.
Twist- Current Direction: Happy engagement and moment / Twist: She leaves him for a simple set back.
d. Injured as he jumps train.
MIDPOINT: He uncovers a trail of countless murders done by cover of night.
a. Finds other murders.
b. Treated like a bum as he joins hobos.
TURNING POINT 2: In the next town, Ben is accused and hung for another slaying. Barely survives.
a. Ben is accused and hung for the murders.
Twist- Current Direction: Sheriff is kind and helpful / Twist: Accuses him of murder and sentences to death.
b. Severe injury to the neck. But survives.
Twist- Current Direction: Ben is hung / Twist: Saved by his sheriff and survives.
CLIMAX: The serial murderer attempts to murder all the children in orphanage.
a. Attempts save the children at the orphanage.
Twist- Current Direction: Tranquil setting / Twist: attacked by an insane serial murderer.
b. Pursues the Tall Man and fights him.
RESOLUTION: Ben defeats the murderer and settles in to care for the children.
a. A peaceful setting with Maria (orphanage ‘mom’) and the children.
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Day 9 Assignment, Twists and Turns
What I learned is that I’m having a hard time breaking things down. Everything is bleeding into everything else. I revised my Day 8 assignment and added twists, which I marked.
Mona Miller’s Revised Day 8 Assignment to Post – Thriller Plot, updated to Day 9.
LTS = Life Threatening Situation
M = Mystery
VP = Villain’s Plan
The Ascent
1. Opening – Appears to be extreme mountain climbing situation, very dangerous. Four people linked by ropes, in harnesses, on steep rocky outcrop. Swinging back and forth. Have to swing out of sight. Pulling each other up, really feeling the body weights of each other. Only one woman, Dr. Liza Graves, and she’s taller and heavier than some of the men in the group who have to pull her up and don’t look too pleased about it. Seeming LTS, but it’s just practice.
2. We pull back a little. We see repeats of the action, with different people pulling the weight of different people. Pulling back further, we realize this is a practice session. [TWIST]
3. Entire mountain climbing group together in an expensive mountain hotel. We meet the climbers over cocktails. Two of the crew do not drink. The men all seem wealthy, sophisticated, mostly late 30s, 40s, 50s. There is a quiet, dark, mysterious woman. She says very little. She’s a contrast to Dr. Liza Graves, who is open, friendly, American. The Expedition Leader (head of the Extreme Mountain Climbing Expedition Company, whom many climbers recognize, is a very experienced climber. Unbeknownst to the others, he knowingly works with the terrorists – as long as they pay, it’s fine with him, [M] One more day of acclimating to the altitude, and then we’ll go! [VP].
4. The Expedition Leader and Ali Patel engage with each other as if not particularly well acquainted in front of the entire mountaineering group. M; VP.
5. In private, later, the Expedition Leader and Patel go over files concerning each climber on the E.L.’s phone. Patel is clearly familiar with some of the info, only some is new. He’s evaluating how well the dossier on each climber has been prepared. This also introduces each climber, in crass, material terms (what his business is, what he’s worth, why he’s on the trip, what his weaknesses are). VP. M.
6. The next day, at the practice session, there’s a new, absolutely incredible climber, Brett Dean (mid to late 20s, very handsome, our HERO). He puts the others to shame during the practice – incredibly strong, agile, graceful climber. Patel expresses appreciation for his climbing expertise. [TWIST – Villain likes the hero.]
7. E.L. uses a hotel computer to check a Swiss Bank account. There’s been a very recent and substantial deposit. [M]
8. Later that night, in private, Patel asks E.L. where are the files on this new guy? Patel blows up at E.L. [Mystery – what is true relationship between these two?] Where’s the last minute climber from? E.L. jokes nervously that Brett works at Langley. Not funny, says Patel, who’s very angry. [VP; something going wrong] or Twist? E.L. insists that new guy has been thoroughly vetted, he’s entirely trustworthy, he just can’t seem to find the files, but he did go through them. Patel not pleased that everything isn’t documented.
9. Next day the whole troupe studies the planned climb. Who’s in charge (E.L.), who’s second in command if E.L. can’t act (Patel), schedule, locations, maps/charts/photos/brochures, sleeping arrangements, supplies. Sherpas/porters will carry food, water, equipment, etc. In front of others, Patel acts as if his relationship with E.L. is purely professional – he seems much more distant than when he’s alone with E.L., whom he obviously knows very well and treats like an underling. [M, VP.] Communications will be by sat phone, in custody of E.L. No possibility of chopper evacuation once they start – terrain is too difficult. This is luxury extreme mountain climbing with a humanitarian element: Medical assistance mission to help remote “villagers” way up in the mountains. [VP] When we reach the villages, we’ll provide necessary medical supplies, Dr. Graves will tend to the needs of the people there, we’ll take down with us any villagers who need medical help or treatment down here. [VP] Then we’ll all descend and get back here. Need to avoid seasonal storms [introduce third act driver; time element] – whole climb should be done in 6 to 8 days, including an overnight not far from the villagers. But we’ll have our own encampment – and it will be luxurious and comfortable! This is like the mountain climbing version of “glamping.”
10. Day 1 of the actual climb. All goes well. Brett flirts with Dr. Graves, who ignores him. Brett thanks the E.L. for letting him join at the last minute. The E.L. says he appreciates the “tip” Brett provided. “Just hope I get to enjoy it.” (Brett wonders why E.L. seems nervous.) M,VP.
11. [INCITING INCIDENT] E.L. seems nervous, pre-occupied. They’re stretched out, crossing one deep break in the ridge, attached by ropes. It’s a long way down. Suddenly E.L. falls. Looks like he might take people with him; they’re busy clutching on to the mountainside. Somehow, E.L.’s rope disengages from others and he tumbles down terrible distance, screaming. Rope failure? Equipment lock failure? [VP – eliminate disloyal or incompetent employees] Brett Dean detaches himself from others, follows him, using an axe and hand climbing holds, [LTS] and somehow manages to carry TA’s broken body back up. TA almost died, is in bad shape. [LTS]
12. Quick establishment of medical emergency tent. Patel smoothly takes charge. Dr. Graves works hard to examine E.L., who’s moaning, semi-conscious. Patel generously offers to contact med-evac chopper service, help E.L. [VP] Everyone working rapidly together to try to help E.L. All impressed with Patel’s offer. There is some conversation in a foreign language between Patel and some of the “sherpas” as Dr. Graves works on E.L. Dr. Graves seems a bit troubled by conversation, or maybe it’s her concern over E.L. being so seriously injured. [M] Using their portable sat-phone, Patel summons chopper. Another climber volunteers to go back with TA – he’s not conscious, someone should be with him. Patel says that’s not necessary, the crew will take care of him when they land, they know what to do. Climber insists.
13. Chopper arrives. Pilot seems to know Patel. They load in broken body of TA on a gurney, along with nice passenger. Patel puts something in the chopper as it takes off.
14. Nice passenger chats to unconscious E.L., tells him everything will be okay. Pilot seems unnerved that E.L. had this kind of accident – he’s such a great climber. [M] Passenger agrees, I shouldn’t have signed on for this – too hard for me. I’m glad to be going home. From now on, I’ll just enjoy the views from aircraft.
15. Patel, in private, presses a device.
16. The chopper, far away from the pickup point, blows up, killing everyone on board. [End of Act 1] [Twist]
Act 2 – Expedition continues
17. Very tense dinner in tent. How could their experienced Expedition Leader have fallen? Some want to look at his equipment. Not clear what happened to it. [VP] Patel discourages questioning, is very controlling. [VP] Dr. Graves is his ally – we mustn’t lose focus. [M; Twist] Can’t afford to make mistakes, look what happened to a very experienced climber like the E.L.
18. Everyone goes to bed nervous in his/her own tent.
19. Next day they have a great day climb. People become more upbeat.
20. At dinner, someone asks how E.L. is doing. Patel tells them he’s been told that he’s going to get better, will recover. Almost everyone heartened by this but Brett Dean seems upset, says nothing. [M]
21. Patel and Dr. Graves spend some time together, Patel seems more relaxed. He tells her about villagers’ needs. Dr. Graves assumes boxes they’re bringing up with them are to supply villagers. What’s in them? Could she see? Patel seems very open about it. Rather than disturb carefully packed boxes, he gives her manifests that purport to disclose contents. [VP; M] Patel asks if she’d like to continue working with the villagers when they get there – she could come down later, with a subsequent trek. [VP]
22. Dr. Graves intrigued by offer, but is supposed to return to her ER job in Colorado – after her vacation. Patel will continue to try to seduce her into working as a doctor in future.
23. Brett Dean seems jealous of Patel. Also suspicious of Dr. Graves.
24. Some climbers are rather depressed or nervous, want to go home, worried about E.L. Patel discouraged them from going back with E.L.
25. Next day of climb, Brett Dean feels Dr. Graves out on E.L.’s chances of survival. Poor, but not impossible, she says. Let’s have Patel make another call with sat phone – we’re all worried.
26. Patel announces at dinner that unfortunately E.L. perished from his injuries. Brett Dean doesn’t seem surprised or upset. (M; twist?]
27. Brett Dean tells Dr. G in private that the chopper never made it down the mountain, that E.L. was never in any hospital. How do you know? she asks. He admits he has his own sat phone.
28. Dr. Graves seems very suspicious of everyone. Won’t talk openly to anybody. [Twist]
29. Bad weather leads to loss of some tents and equipment. Have anticipated storms come early? [LTS] This will mean new sleeping arrangements. Where will Dr. Graves end up? Mini-competition among men to share their tents with her. She ends up with dark, mysterious, quiet woman. [M]
30. Brett Dean and Patel end up sharing a tent. Patel questions Brett skillfully but volunteers zero about himself. [VP, M] Patel seems surprised Dean can afford this trek.
31. One of wealthy climbers (Mr. Pershing) expresses curiosity about what’s in the boxes the staff people are lugging up the mountain. Dr. Graves assures him, based on lists shown to her, that it’s antibiotics, antifungals, bandages, supplies for everyday stuff, illnesses, basic operations, anesthesia, etc. Patel volunteers that they provide some food for the villagers, too – they’re so poor, living less than subsistence existence. Canned goods can be very heavy.
32. Leads to discussion of class, productivity, why do these poor people stay up in the mountains if they can’t provide for themselves? Dr. Graves idealistically believes they must want to preserve their indigenous culture, they’re attached to their birthplace, don’t want to leave. Mr. Pershing wants to know what indigenous language they speak. Do they know Spanish? How can you treat them if you can’t communicate with them? Some dissatisfaction within group at Patel’s answers. But Patel is not E.L. he pretends to be experienced climber whom E.L. knew. Nobody knows he in fact controls the luxury tour mountain climbing company. [VP, M]
33. Privately Mr. Pershing wonders that Patel can’t identify the language spoken by the people who are receiving all this largesse courtesy of the climbers, and at the weight of these boxes. There must be something in there besides medical supplies. He goes to look and finds guns! Who has planned this? What’s going on? [M; LTS]
34. More climbing. Patel and Dr. G seem to be getting close.
35. Brett and others suggest changing the order – spread out the top climbers. Don’t bunch them up at the front. [M]
36. Mr. Pershing tells Patel he found guns in one of the boxes! Someone is smuggling. Patel acts shocked, thanks him for the information.
37. Mr. Pershing dies in a freak fire in his tent later that night. His portable heater exploded. [M; VP; LTS]
38. Mr. Pershing’s companion on the trip is very upset and suspicious. Pershing never used a heater, even on incredibly cold climbs. Had his own custom sleeping bag, fur-lined.
39. At breakfast, Dr. G is very cold toward the mysterious woman she’s shared a tent with. Brett Dean notices. Dr. G tells Brett that she saw the woman going through her stuff when she thought Dr. G was sleeping. [M; VP]
40. New problem with food and water contamination and shortages. [Twist?] Rationing instituted. Some climbers wonder if some people are hoarding food and clean water. Distrust grows within group. [M; VP]
41. More equipment failures, near fatalities. [LTS] Some climbers feel as if this expedition is cursed. Dr. G busy attending to scrapes, bruises, etc. She’s still suspicious of everyone. Brett Dean can’t get close to her.
42. Dr. G very busy in medical tent after they climb. They’re behind schedule now. Some people are super sick, others seem fine. What’s going on? The workers who carry their stuff are all fine – they never get sick. Dr. G insists on examining some – she doesn’t want to just be doctor for the rich tourists. She hears them speak Arabic. Brett Dean (hero) tries to check out what she’s doing. He’s not sure if she’s on his side or not. [Twist]
43. Patel tells them the expedition sat phone doesn’t work reliably. [VP; M; potential LTS]
44. Mini-mutiny – some people want to return, others want to continue. We didn’t agree to be completely out of communication! But there’s an important humanitarian mission – to help the villagers, and we can still make this fantastic climb, Patel argues.
45. Brett Dean reveals to entire group that he has his own sat phone. They can use his to call their loved ones. Patel is surprised, unnerved by this news.
46. Brett Dean tells the other climbers that E.L. never made it to any hospital – the chopper must have crashed – nobody ever heard from the E.L. or from the passenger who went down with him. Climbers are very mad at Patel for lying to them.
47. Patel smoothly lies and tells them he lied to keep up their spirits. [VP] It would have spoiled the whole trek if right at the beginning they’d heard about the chopper crash. Better to have hope and believe in expedition. Most don’t believe him but also don’t want to think about the chopper crash.
48. Dr. G tells Brett Dean some things about Patel that Patel shared with her. She also tells him the “villagers” returning to their base don’t speak Spanish, but Arabic! Hero feeling a little more confident of Dr. G’s support. Patel’s background and experience get Dean to thinking. Could Patel be his target? He doesn’t tell Dr. G. what he thinks of Patel. [M; VP; LTS; Twist] Nevertheless, she senses the hostility between the two men, fears somebody is going to fall or get killed.
Act 3
49. They are getting very close to the destination – the “indigenous village” [a Potemkin village which is actually the cover for the nearby terrorist training camp, which is concealed in a ravine]. This will be extremely difficult climb – have to descend into a hidden valley. Slippery, difficult descent. One has to rely on his fellow climber. Is each climber going to help his team mate? Are some of them killers? Climb cannot be done solo. [LTS; M; VP]
50. Hero discovers that Patel is armed! Who will help Hero trap Patel? Can he count on Dr. Graves? [LTS]
51. Dramatic fight. [LTS] Hero captures, subdues Patel – with Dr. Graves’ help. Patel is tied up.
52. Lackeys of Patel flee when Patel is captured. In their haste, some fall to their deaths. [LTS]
53. Hero Bret still doesn’t totally trust Dr. Graves but has no choice. He is supposed to find out exact location of terrorist training camp, number of men, layout, etc. He will stay and keep watch over Patel, whom he realizes is his target. Hero decides to keep Patel alive rather than assassinating him, as instructed. [Twist]
54. Hero acts as if he will go to village alone, leaving Patel under Dr. G’s care. Dr. Graves convinces him to let her go [Twist?], deal with medical needs of the “villagers” and she’ll note the layout, how many people, etc. (Important information Brett was supposed to get.)
55. Hero watches over Patel. Hero leaves briefly to check on gear, food, water. Patel manages to communicate with villagers (using Brett’s stolen sat phone) – putting Dr. Graves in serious danger. Brett doesn’t know about this communication. [M] Will “villagers” kill her? [LTS]
56. Brett discovers his sat phone in different space, realizes Patel must have used it, overcomes Patel, ties him up, worried about what may await Dr. G, tries to get to village.
57. Dr. Graves cleverly protects herself, some of the “villagers” really do need her medical expertise, she speaks Arabic [Twist] and can communicate with them. She escapes, meets Brett on the way back. Brett fills her in on his identity (CIA spy). They return to the subdued Patel. Brett still a little nervous about whether Dr. G will help him. Maybe she’s in cahoots with Patel? She got out of village successfully without his help.
58. Dark-haired mysterious woman plants doubts about Dr. G. in Brett’s mind. She’s not what she seems. [Red Herring; Twist]
59. Hero must decide whether to fill in the few remaining climbers with the information he and Dr. G have uncovered or to leave them in the dark. Can all the climbers trust each other? [M] Can Hero trust Dr. G? [M] Is Dr. G. working undercover for Patel, like the dark-haired woman Dr. G. used to share a tent with? Or is the dark-haired woman the one telling the truth? Hero has suspicions over Dr. G’s successful “escape” from the villagers. Surely other climbers won’t accept it if Hero assassinates Patel.
60. Hero and Dr. Graves push Patel off the mountain to his [presumed] death. Dark-haired woman secretly watches them. Hero and Dr. Graves know the whole crew would have to untie Patel to make the descent, and they don’t trust him. They’re in a hurry to get back down the mountain, with the contraband, which they can’t carry all of – they hide it, and take some of it as samples. The seasonal storms are about to hit – if they don’t descend now they won’t make it. [LTS]
61. Dark-haired woman seems relieved that they killed Patel.
62. She tells some of the sherpas that Patel is dead. They kill her. [Twist]
63. They arrive back at the base camp, a smaller group, exhausted, and hero realizes that the sherpas must have killed the dark-haired woman – so this whole mission has included terrorists from the “village.” The get the local authorities to arrest these sherpas.
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Julio Tumbaco’s Twists and Turns
What I learned doing this assignment is that good Twists elevate the storyline and the 14 types of plot twists are essential to creating the ultimate Thriller.
Build Twists throughout my story as follows:
Opening: in a car, a baseball uniformed player runs over another baseball uniformed player
plot twist: Something planned for doesn’t happen.
Inciting Incident: while having kinky sex with ELLA, OWEN sees and talks to NICK
plot twist: A mistake returns to haunt them.
Turning Point 1: OWEN tells ELLA that NICK informed him that ELLA killed NICK
plot twist: A lie is uncovered.
Midpoint: ELLA killed NICOLETTE not NICK
plot twist: We see an unexpected side of someone.
Turning Point 2: ELLA discovers OWEN’s plan to go to the police
plot twist: New consequences emerge.
Climax: ELLA changes her strategy from denial to empathy and support; sends OWEN to a suicide trauma therapist
plot twist: It just got more dangerous.
Resolution: ELLA convinces OWEN that his death is the only way to his happiness w/NICK
plot twist: The “solution” makes things worse.
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This reply was modified 2 years, 11 months ago by Julio TUMBACO.
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This reply was modified 2 years, 11 months ago by
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Daniel’s Twists and Turns
What I learned doing this assignment is to use a systematic method to put twists and turns in the story to keep it from becoming monotonous.
TWIST 1
DIRECTION: High school freshman Brandon steals 4 grams of coke from his drug dealing father to take to a party.
TWIST: Brandon’s father was sold bunk, and the coke is baking soda.
TWIST 2
DIRECTION: So he can be cool and impress his classmates, he starts sharing some of the “coke” with them.
TWIST: Because they’re kids and they’ve all been drinking they all start acting high, and he’s the hit of the party.
TWIST 3
DIRECTION: Brandon sells a couple of seniors a gram, and they realize that it’s bunk.
TWIST: Instead of embarrassing him and telling everybody or beating him up, they call the police on him.
TWIST 4
DIRECTION: Brandon’s father is called to come down to the station because his son has been arrested.
TWIST: When Brandon’s dad gets to the station the cops try to use his son’s predicament to get something out of him.
TWIST 5
DIRECTION: We have a known drug dealer, and his arrested son in the police station arrested for selling drugs.
TWIST: Knowing that he had bunk and noticing that some was missing, he tells the cops to “take a flying leap” because they dont have anything.
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