Day 9 Assignments

[Sharilyn Kyle]

Sharilyn’s Dialogue 4-6

What I learned doing this assignment is…the dialogue pass solidifies the story line where the scenic pass solidifies the structure. I had to do more dialogue-pilot-passing if I’m gonna write the episodes.

1. Go through your dialogue and find at least two opportunities to use each of these three dialogue skills.

2. Tell us how that improved the dialogue and give us an example of the Before and After on each line.

TEASER

BEFORE: In the teaser, there was no Dr. Ruth-like sexologist coaching Walley on how to sex Kandy, his the Blow-Up Doll girlfriend. But I added her just for one scene where she says:

• C. Ironic Dialogue “And now for the ‘Bend-over.’ ”

AFTER: This is essentially “doggie-style” sex. The irony in this line is that a blow- doll cannot bend for sex. It will pop or deflate as it Kandy does in the Teaser. I think this is funny and strange behavior personified.

ACT ONE

BEFORE: Walley wants reassurance that his performance last night was “good.” It wasn’t for her but she doesn’t wanna discourage him so she answers him just by doubtfully nodding her head.

• B. Anticipatory Dialogue “Let’s keep working on it.”

AFTER: Now I rewrote the line so that she both doubtfully tilts her head and answers positively with the subtext that it wasn’t good. I guess this is ironic too since she asks him earlier to start off the moring conversation with something positive.

ACT TWO

BEFORE: Ms. Chen and Mi-Ya prepare to hose Erin down like a pig. This always a humiliating experience. Yet Erin declares:

• C. Ironic Dialogue “I’m so excited. Not.”

AFTER: I deleted the “not” because I think the situation is set-up enough as to where anyone would really NOT be excited to get washed by her friend and her friends mom.

ACT THREE

BEFORE: Erin’s parents, Stu&Lu, arrive too soon when she falls. Everyone is outside of her front door. Ms. Chen comments to the Stu&Lu.

• A. Setup / Payoff – the “yet” implies something is going on.

• B. Anticipatory Dialogue “It no time for you yet.”

• C. Ironic Dialogue – not being on time is Ms. Chen’s pet peeve so why scold them for being early?

AFTER: I changed so that Ms. Chen is more declarative and then she asks “Why are you here?” The weird neighbor Dude butts in with “I heard screaming.” And Stu&Lu blow their cover in stating that they heard the screaming too. This sets up Act IV Erin asking them to explain how they knew she fell and them owning up to installing security cameras.

ACT FOUR

BEFORE: Erin digs for answers from her parents as to how they knew she fell. The banter was just between them.

• A. Setup / Payoff

AFTER: I added Patty’s side comments underneath the main dialogue so that later, when the two bond over the broken relationship with their parents, it makes more sense.

BEFORE: Mi-Ya and her mom, Ms. Chen, have a minor argument about Mi-Ya being early for once. I expanded that to full blow up.

• A. Setup / Payoff – “You show up early. Why? You never early.”

• C. Ironic Dialogue – Ms. Chen is ticked that her daughter is on time.

AFTER: Now that they argue, we see that it’s not about Mi-Ya being on time that offends Ms. Chen, it’s that she thinks Mi-Ya is trying to show her up, like her abusive ex-husband used to do in front of their close-knit community. Ms. Chen yells at Mi-Ya:

• A. Setup / Payoff – “You just like your father!”

Now a root of mother/daughter tension is revealed. Ms. Chen also accuses Mi-Ya of being confused for being a Furry. Mi-Ya responds that “You just don’t get me.” Another layer I can explore in later episodes.