Lesson 10

[Lenore]

Lenore Bechtel’s Fascinating Scene Outlines

My vision: I want to create enough salable screenplays that an agent will want to market my work and recommend me for writing assignments.

What I learned from doing this assignment is that each scene needs a beginning, middle, and end and must accomplish something advance the screenplay’s concept.

My Title: Berlin Rendezvous?

Concept: Keeping her promise to Zhores, the Russian soldier she loved until the Berlin Wall went up in 1961, Libby—flying to meet him when the Wall is coming down in 1989—is stunned to learn how her seat-mates lives intertwine with theirs.

Dramatic triangle: Libby, Freida, Allison

Genre: Drama/Suspense

ACT ONE

1. INT. AIRPORT TICKET COUNTER — NIGHT — 1989

Arc: Libby (48), Allison (12), and Freida (25) get tickets to fly to Berlin.

Interest technique: Character changes radically:

Beginning: Libby’s flight from Honolulu arriving too late for her Chicago to Berlin connection, she politely asks the ticket agent to rebook her.

Middle: Finding no more flights this night to Berlin, Libby business-like aura disappears as she fervidly insists she must be in Berlin the next day, giving highly personal reasons why being there the day the Wall comes down is vital.

* End: Emotionally exhausted, she gets a boarding pass for a flight already boarding, and so do Allison and Freida.

Essence: Libby promised to meet her Russian soldier lover on the day the Wall came down.

Conflict: Obstinate ticket agent who find flight to Paris with a layover, only after Libby’s outburst.

Subtext: Allison and Freida—surprised The Wall is coming down—must have other reasons for their trips.

Hope/fear: We hope Libby gets there to keep her promise.

2. INT. AIRPORT CORRIDOR – CONTINUOUS

Interest technique: Suspense

Arc: The three barely make it to their flight.

Beginning: Libby stops a cart driver and gives him a $5 bill to turn around.

Middle: Freida jumps on the cart with her, and Allison runs behind.

* Ending: The plane’s ticket taker, who is closing the tunnel’s door, sees them arrive and returns to his post to take their boarding passes.

Essence: The flight to Paris may be the last European flight this night.

Conflict: Will they get to the gate on time?

Subtext: While running, Freida holds her hand over her pendant.

Hope/fear: We hope they get on the plane.

3. INT. AIRPLANE – LATER

Arc: After introductions, Allison asks Libby how she met and fell in love with a Russian soldier.

Interest technique: Surprise

Beginning: After much prodding, Allison tells she sent a cassette tape of her violin playing to Claudio Abbado, director of the Berlin Philharmonic, who gave her an audition appointment.

Middle: A very nervous Freida says hated to leave her husband, but after surviving the recent Loma Prieta earthquake, she can no longer live in San Francisco and she’s returning to her home and mother in Berlin.

* End: They exchange seats to put Libby in the middle to tell how she met a Russian soldier, and Allison on the aisle where she can let her violin stick out. Freida is very protective of her pendant during this exchange.

Essence: Both Freida and Allison would rather hear about Libby than talk about themselves.

Conflict: Becoming comfortable with Allison holding her violin case.

Subtext: Freida is hiding her true reason for returning to Germany.

Hope/fear: We’re eager to hear Libby’s story.

4. EXT. BERLIN’S SHELLENBERG PARK — DAY — 1961

Arc: The Major and Marilyn leave Young Libby babysitting 10-year-odl Stephanie.

Interest technique: Betrayal

Beginning: While the Major tosses a ball back and forth with Stephanie, Marilyn tells Young Libby how happy he is to have her visit. He was unable to do so before he and Marilyn married. Young Libby has received postcards from him, but seen him only four times in her eighteen years.

Middle: They talk about the trip they’ll take around Germany while Young Libby is with them.

* End: The Major and Marilyn leave for their jobs, leaving Young Libby in charge of Stephanie.

Essence: Young Libby resents her birth father, the Major.

Conflict: She hides her fear of being alone in a strange country.

Subtext: She’s actually terrified to be on her own in a foreign city.

Hope/fear: We hope she’ll give the Major a second chance.

5. LATER

Arc: Helga talks Young Libby into going with her and Sonja to buy clothes to sneak back to East Germany.

Interest technique: Uncertainty

Beginning: Young Libby is watching people cross a bridge off in the distance when Helga approaches and explains that bridge is a crossing point no one dares bring possessions through.

Middle: As Sonja and Stephanie teeter-totter, Helga tells how her life is better than most East Berliners because her boyfriend Heinz is a VOPO guard who waves her through the crossing point.

* End: Young Libby and Stephanie follow Helga and Stephanie, who will buy clothes to layer on all their bodies to sneak back into the East.

Essence: East Germans are basically imprisoned.

Conflict: Helga scolds Sonja for marching and singing a Young Pioneer song.

Subtext: What’s this Young Pioneer business all about?

Hope/fear: We hope Libby won’t regret this escapade.

6. INT. AIRPLANE — LATER 1989

Arc: Allison admires and Freida envies Young Libby’s boldness.

Interest technique: Uncertainty

Beginning: After Allison confirms that Young Libby is going to help smuggle clothes to the East, she tells Libby she want to be just like her.

Middle: Freida wishes she had been so bold in San Francisco.

* Both want Libby to get on with her story.

Essence: The listeners are identifying in their own way with Young Libby.

Conflict: Allison refuses to allow her violin to be stored in compartment above.

Subtext: Was the recent earthquake Freida’s only reason for leaving the USA?

Hope/fear: We fear what might happen to Young Libby as she helps Helga.

7. INT. DEPARTMENT STORE DRESSING ROOM – DAY – 1961

Arc: Young Libby and Helga laugh and layer clothes on the four of them.

Interest technique: More interesting setting

Beginning: Surrounded by shopping bags, they remove items from the bags, put them on their bodies, and talk about where and by whom they’ll be worn.

Middle: Helga, who wants to get married, thinks Young Libby is odd for wanting a career as a doctor, not a marriage with a man.

End: Sonja needs a new dress for her confirmation, but will have to wear her Young Pioneer uniform to school. All four are roly-poly when this scene ends.

Essence: East Berliners have many restrictive rules.

Conflict: Will they be able to keep from laughing at the crossing point?

Subtext: No wonder East Berliners come over to the West and never return.

Hope/fear: We hope they’ll make it safely to the East.

8. EXT. CROSSING POINT — LATER

Arc: Heinz is not the guard, but they get waved through when Helga tells Sonja and Stephanie to march and sing a Young Pioneer song.

Interest technique: Suspense

Beginning: Helga sees that the crossing guard is not Heinz, but he has seen them, so they dare not turn back.

Middle: Helga tells Sonja to sing a Young Pioneer song, and Libby tells Stephanie to march with her.

* End: The guard nods approvingly at the indoctrinated girls and waves the four of them through.

Essence: Helga has Sonja do something that she, Helga, hates.

Conflict: They would have been arrested if the guard had inspected them.

Subtext: Why isn’t Heinz at the crossing as he was supposed to be?

Hope/fear: We’re relieved they made it through, but fear danger lies ahead.

9. EXT. EAST BERLIN STREETS – CONTINUOUS

Arc: They walk through the streets to Helga’s home.

Interest technique: More interesting setting

* Beginning: Helga points out how only the main street in the East is respectable. The hidden back streets they walk through are slums.

Middle: Helga says Heinz’s friend Zhores is a Russian solider who hates communism and breaks rules to go to the West.

End: She’d like to fix Young Libby up with Zhores for a double date with her and Heinz, but Young Libby gives her an emphatic ‘no,’

Essence: East Germany is dismal compared to the West.

Conflict: Young Libby is definitely not interested in dating a Russian.

Subtext: Young Libby might be hesitant to trust Helga again.

Hope/fear: We hope she and Stephanie get out of the East without problems.

10. INT. THE GOHKLE HOME — CONTINUOUS. TURNING POINT 1

Arc: A solider interrupts Herr and Frau Gohkle’s hospitality to take Young Libby and Stephanie back to the West.

Betrayal:

Beginning: Herr and Frau Gohkle welcome Young Libby and Stephanie into their home and invite them to Sonja’s confirmation party.

Middle: Frau Gohkle tells about Herr Gohkle being in a Soviet Union labor camp, and he tells about Frau Gohkle being one of the rubble women.

* End: Young Libby struggles as a soldier who’s been following her via the major’s orders drags her and Stephanie from the Gohkle’s house.

Essence: Furious at being followed, she tells Helga she’ll date that Russian.

Conflict: Young Libby struggles against the soldier.

Subtext: Somehow she’ll find a way to show the Major her independence.

Hope/fear: We fear relations between Young Libby and the Major will get worse.

11. INT. AIRPLANE – LATER – 1989

Allison and Freida express different reactions to Young Libby’s escapade in East Germany.

Interest technique: Mislead/Reveal

Beginning: Allison admires Young Libby’s spunk and wishes she had it; Freida says it’s beyond her comprehension.

Middle: Allison, standing in the aisle to let Freida out, accidentally touches her violin to Freida’s pendant, which she grabs with an anxious air.

End: Allison laments having to wait for Freida to find out how the Major reacted to Young Libby’s date.

Essence: Allison is trying to downplay her independence,

Conflict: The stewardess asked again for Allison to store her violin. She doesn’t.

Subtext: Allison is independent, but actually wishes she didn’t have to be. Freida seems much too concerned about her pendant.

Hope/fear: We hope the Major will let Young Libby go on her blind date.

ACT TWO:

12. EXT. SHELLENBERG PARK — EARLY EVENING — 1961

Arc: The Major interrogates Zhores and allows Young Libby to date him.

Interest technique: Major twist

Beginning: Young Libby and the Major argue as he, Marilyn, and Stephanie accompany her to her first date with Zhores.

Middle: The Major rough and tough interrogation of Zhores ends with him giving Zhores orders, one being, “You will not allow her to fall in love with you.”

* End: Once the Major, Marilyn, and Stephanie exit, Young Libby and Zhores explode with laughter, mimicking the Major’s orders.

Essence: Zhores risks being exiled for crossing into the West in civilian clothes.

Conflict: Zhores’ father died at Vyasma—the worst slaughter of World War II.

Subtext: Zhores loves his motherland, but takes risks to learn how others live.

Hope/fear: We hope this Russian soldier doesn’t get in trouble.

13. MOMENTS LATER

Arc: Young Libby, Zhores, Helga and Heinz discuss politics and look up in awe as Sputnik passes overhead.

Interest technique: Surprise

Beginning: Young Libby tells how the Major and her mother divorced right after World War II and that she loves her step-father and doesn’t even know her birth father.

Middle: Zhores tells how his 16-year-old father, already a cellist with the Moscow Symphony, had one night of passion with his mother before leaving with the militia and his early death.

* End: Bells ring, sirens screech, and horns blow as Sputnik passes overhead.

Essence: Zhores never knew his father and owes his life to one night of passion.

Conflict: Are Krushchev and Kennedy fighting for dominance in space?

Subtext: Zhores wishes that the world scientists and engineers would work together instead of competing in space.

Hope/fear: We fear Zhores’ idealism is only wishful thinking.

14. INT. AIRPLANE — CONTINUOUS – 1989

Arc: Allison and Freida have different reactions to Zhores’ birth story.

Interest technique: Mystery

Beginning: When Allison wishes she was conceived with such passion, Freida bemoans missing the passion she had with Stuart.

Middle: Stifling her surprise that Freida’s husband’s name is Stuart, Libby chides her for leaving a husband she loves.

* End: Freida nervously asks to get back to Young Libby’s story.

Essence: We don’t know all we need to know about both Allison and. Freida.

Conflict: Libby criticizes Freida for leaving her husband.

Subtext: Libby reacts to the name Stuart but only she knows it’s the name of her son, who is married to a Freida she’s never met.

Hope/fear: We hope we’ll soon know more about both Freida and Allison.

15. INT. GASTHAUS – ANOTHER NIGHT – 1961

Arc: On another double date, the topic turns to problems and politics.

Interest technique: Internal Dilemma

Beginning: Heinz laments being left as a newborn outside an orphanage.

Middle: Zhores’ tells about his grandmother, a refusenik who secretly documents communist’s crimes against humanity.

* End: The four vow to demonstrate that different nationalities can get along.

Essence: The world needs more people like themselves to bring about world peace.

Conflict: Heinz drinks much too much, to Helga’s chagrin.

Subtext: Considering how attracted Young Libby and Zhores are to each other, joking about them getting married is no joke.

Hope/fear: We fear that one American, one Russian, and two Germans can do little to bring about world peace.

16. INT. AIRPLANE – CONTINUOUS – 1989

Arc: Freida compares Heinz’s obsession with finding his mother to Stuart’s sense of being betrayed by his birth mother.

Interest technique: Uncomfortable moment

Beginning: They discuss why Heinz is so obsessed with the drawer he was left in and his mother’s pitiful note.

Middle: Freida compares his obsession to her Stuart’s sense of being betrayed by his mother.

End: Libby presses Freida for details to Stuart’s sense of betrayal but seems unsatisfied with Freida’s replies.

Essence: Having a close family is one of life’s greatest treasure.

Conflict: Libby is confrontational in prodding Freida about what Stuart’s mother did to make him feel betrayed.

Subtext: We might be getting the idea by now that Libby is almost certain she’s the mother Stuart resents.

Hope/fear: We hope Libby comes to terms with whatever is bothering her right now.

17. EXT. SHELLENBERG PARK – ANOTHER NIGHT – 1961 TURNING POINT 2

Arc: Heinz interrupts Young Libby’s and Zhores’ date by putting up orange posts and barbed wire to divide the park.

Interest technique: Major twist:

Beginning: Young Libby and Zhores kiss while lying on a pallet under a tree.

Middle: A drunken Heinz and another VOPO put up orange posts and barbed wire, dividing the park by East and West.

* End: Zhores has angry words and scuffles with Heinz before he and Young Libby walk sadly toward the crossing bridge.

Essence: Russians fenced in East Germans to keep them from the West.

Conflict: Zhores and Heinz scuffle.

Subtext: How will this barrier affect the crossing point?

Hope/fear: We fear this barrier will keep Young Libby and Zhores apart.

18. INT. INSIDE THE MAJOR’S APARTMENT – LATER THAT NIGHT

Arc: Young Libby, after venting anger that the Major spied on her kissing Zhores, tells him about the orange posts.

Interest technique: Surprise

Beginning: While Young Libby berates him for spying on her, the Major claims that as her father, he had every right.

Middle: She tells him about the orange posts and barbed wire, and he tells her the Americans knew a wall was in the works.

* End: Libby tries unsuccessfully to call Helga, and the major offers to help get her and her family out of the East.

Essence: American military knew Russians were planning to build a Wall.

Conflict: Libby can’t call Helga because the phone lines to Copenhagen ( the only way to talk to the East) are tied-up.

Subtext: The Major is proving he’s worthy of Libby’s love.

Hope/fear: We hope Helga and family get out safely.

19. MONTAGE: VOPOS PUTTING UP MORE WALL SECTIONS OF BRICKS, CONCRETE BLOCKS, LOGS, AND BARBED WIRE

20. EXT. SHELLENBERG PARK – DAY – A FEW DAYS LATER

Arc: Young Libby passes fake West German ID cards, supplied by the Major, to Helga through a hole dug under the barbed wire.

Interest technique: Internal Dilemma

Beginning: Young Libby tells Helga that West Germans are still allowed to go back and froth freely, and the Major has had Western ID cards made for her family.

Middle: Helga fears her parents will never leave their home and possessions they’ve worked a lifetime to accumulate.

* End: She takes the ID cards and gives her a message from Zhores: He will meet her here tomorrow night at twenty-one hundred.

Essence: West Germans are still allowed to go back and forth freely.

Conflict: VOPOs keep a sharp eye on people talking through the barbed wire.

Subtext: The Major has given Young Libby reason to change her attitude toward him.

Hope/fear: We hope the IDs work to get the Gohkles out.

21. EZT. SHELLENBERG PARK – NIGHT

Arc: The Major accompanies Young Libby and stands by while she talks through the fence to Zhores as a spotlight hits them sporadically.

Interest technique: Uncertainty

Beginning: Zhores fears Young Libby will hate him for what the Russians have done.

Middle: She tries to give him a Western ID card, but he explains that VOPOS caught so many Easterners with fake IDs, that Westerners were no longer allowed to pass back and forth.

* End: They make an alternate plan to get the Gohkles out.

Essence: Their plot is risky for both Zhores and Young Libby.

Conflict: The VOPOs spotlight constantly distracts them from their plotting.

Subtext: Young Libby, glancing back and seeing the Major watch her, is glad for his protectiveness.

Hope/fear: We hope their plan works.

22. THE NEXT NIGHT

Arc: Heinz, Helga, Sonja, and Herr and Frau Gohkle make it to the West.

Interest technique: Suspense

Beginning: Heinz’s and Helga’s sexy moves on a blanket near the fence causes the VOPO guard with each rotation to leave the spotlight on them for longer than the usual flash. Zhores uses every unlit moment to cut an opening in the barbed wire.

Middle: Zhores motions for Herr and Frau Gohkle, waiting on a nearby bench with a gagged Sonja, to go through the opening. When Sonja kicks and wiggles, Zhores takes off his shirt, ties her up, and passes her through to Young Libby. The rest make it through and run to where Marilyn and the Major await them.

* End: Young Libby’s jubilation is marred when Zhores doesn’t follow them. She watches from the fence as his shirtless body dashes east, skillfully avoiding the rotating spotlight.

Essence: Freedom is worth more than possessions and worth taking risks to keep it.

Conflict: The VOPO with his spotlight, and Sonja with her communist indoctrination.

Subtext: Young Libby loves the Major and Marilyn for helping.

Hope/fear: We still hope Zhores will come to the West.

ACT THREE:

23. INT. YOUNG LIBBY’S BEDROOM – LATER THAT NIGHT

Arc: The Major tries to convince Young Libby, who weeps inconsolably, that Zhores will not defect.

Interest technique: More interesting setting

Beginning: The Major praises her and Zhores for planning and executing the Gohkle’s escape.

Middle: He said Zhores has a chance to come over with them, but didn’t, so she should stop hoping that he will.

End: Young Libby tells him she knows she’ll never love another the way she loves Zhores.

Essence: The Major truly loves his daughter.

Conflict: He can’t give her what she needs.

Subtext: In all the years since the Wall went up, Libby has never loved another like she loved Zhores.

Hope/fear: We hope Zhores will change his mind and come over.

24. EXT. SHELLENBERG PARK – NIGHT

Zhores and Young Libby stand on boxes and stare sadly at each other across the barbed wire fence which is now much taller. The Major, carrying a satchel, hurries to her and helps her step off the box.

Interest technique: Surprise

Beginning: He tells her VOPOs aren’t allowed to check allied military vehicles, and he will drive her through to talk to Zhores, who might get in his trunk for the return trip to the West.

Middle: He pulls a megaphone from his satchel, and she uses is to tell Zhores, “Favorite spot! Now!”

End: The Major will do this on his terms: he will talk to Zhores before she does.

25. MONTAGE – DRIVING TO THE EAST – CONTINUOUS

At the crossing, a VOPO looks into the car, sees Young Libby, and shrugs.

They drive through a few desolate streets, then circle back to the park.

Seeing Zhores, the Major parks the car, stops, gets out, and walks to Zhores.

Young Libby watches from the car as they talk.

The Major motions to her to come, and she hugs him as he returns to the car and she goes to Zhores.

26. EXT. SHRUBBED AREA OF SHELLENBERG PARK – CONTINUOUS

Arc: Young Libby fails to persuade Zhores to defect, but behind the shrubs she is happy to lose her virginity in memorable moments of passion.

Interest technique: Cliffhanger

Beginning: Zhores already knows he could get in the trunk, and he’d love to live in freedom with her, but the communists would make his family suffer, and he cannot let that happen.

Middle: They make love.

End: Zhores gives the Major a huge envelope—his grandmother’s memoirs about Stalin’s purges and Khrushchev’s crimes in Ukraine.

Essence: Their love, with the Major’s help getting the memoirs published, might bring about positive world change.

Conflict: Communism keeps them apart.

Subtext: Family is more important than freedom.

27. INT. AIRPLANE – NIGHT – 1989 – CONTINUOUS

Arc: Freida weeps, Libby consoles her, but then they clash.

Interest technique: Mislead/Reveal

Beginning: Freida weeps, comparing Young Libby’s being tragically separated from the love of her life, while she foolishly left the love of hers who took good care of her even if he did make a living playing a child’s game.

Middle: Libby, whose son Stuart is first baseman for the San Francisco Giants, now know for sure that Freida is her daughter-in-law who left her son with only a note and a receipt for picking up pictures of their before-and-after earthquake damage. What’s more, during the earthquake, she looted the pendant she’s protected so carefully and left the USA rather than go to jail.

End: Libby, the neglectful mother-in-law, and Freida, who ran away from her son, clash, but the clash ends with Libby and Allison convincing Freida she can go back to Stuart, either return the pendant or buy it, and avoid jail time.

Essence: Life’s highest priority is being with the ones you love.

Subtext: Might the roll of film be significant?

Hope/fear: We hope Stuart will forgive Freida for running away.

28. MONTAGE: AIRPLANE FLYING OVER CITY SCENES SHOWING THE EIFFEL TOWARD AND THE PLACE DE LA CONCORDE.

29. INT. CHARLES DE GAULLE Airport – DAY

Arc: Allison tricks Libby and Freida into accompanying her to the Louvre.

Interest technique: Surprise

Beginning: Disembarking from the plane, Allison says she’ll meet them later on their connecting flight.

Middle: Freida and Libby argue with Allison, who insists she can go to the Louvre alone.

* End: They reluctantly decide the layover is long enough to go with Allison.

Essence: The three are now friends, not seat mate strangers,

Conflict: the limited time of a 5-hour layover vs. seeing a world famous museum of art

Subtext: The Louvre is why Allison was so delighted to be flying to Paris before Berlin.

Hope/fear: We fear this decision might turn out to be a bad one.

30. MONTAGE – TAXI DRIVING FROM THE AIRPORT TO THE LOUVRE – DAY

With her nose against the taxi window, Allison enjoys the drive.

Arriving at the Louvre, she gives the driver her credit card.

She runs into the Louvre ahead of Libby and Freida.

31. INT. THE LOUVRE – DAY

Arc: Libby weeps as Allison plays “Mona Lisa” in front of Da Vinci’s masterpiece. Afterwards, Freida drags them from the audience’s enthusiastic accolades.

Interest technique: More interesting setting

Essence: Allison’s fulfilling a dream puts Libby in touch with her emotional self.

Conflict: No time for an encore.

Subtext: Allison played directly to Libby for some reason we don’t yet know.

Hope/fear: We fear they might miss their connection to Berlin.

32. EXT. CURB ON BUSY PARISIAN STREET – DAY

Arc: Freida’s uses her hitherto hidden sex appeal to lure a driver to stop and drive them to the airport. TURNING POINT 3

Interest technique: Character changes radically

Essence: Freida’s nervous shy being is now a spirited, take-charge extrovert.

Conflict: Busy Parisian traffic delays them.

Subtext: Libby’s midnight deadline is now shared by the others.

Hope/fear: We’re so afraid they won’t make their connecting flight.

33. MONTAGE – THE THREE RUN FROM THE TAXI, THROUGH THE AIRPORT, TO THE COUNTER AT THEIR GATE, ARRIVING 15 MINUTES BEFORE TAKE-OFF.

34. INT. AIRPORT TICKET COUNTER – DAY

Arc: Missing their flight, Freida gets them boarding passes for a plane boarding at this very moment for Hamburg.

Interest technique: Cliffhanger

Beginning: The ticket agent tells that when they weren’t there for boarding, he released their tickets, but couldn’t get their check-through baggage off, so they should hang onto their claim checks.

Middle: Freida looks at the departure list and gets them boarding passes to a Hamburg flight in the process of boarding.

* End: Libby can’t keep up with Allison’s and Freida’s running to the gate and slows her pace when she’s close enough to see Allison waving her boarding pass at the check-in point.

Essence: No other chance of getting to Germany in time to drive to Berlin before midnight.

Conflict: Their tickets released and Libby’s slowness in mid-high heels.

Hope/fear: We hope whatever Freida has planned will work.

ACT FOUR

35. INT. ANOTHER AIRPLANE – LATER

Arc: Allison seems elated as Libby tells about the 1978 trip she and Stuart took to visit Helga, Heinz and Olga.

Interest technique: Suspense

Beginning: Libby tells that Heinz’s mother finally found him and wanted him to move his family to the USA. She lost track of them, wonders if they moved, and if they’ll remember their vow to meet when the Wall comes down.

Middle: She tells how she wishes she’d taken Stuart on more trips. He had so much fun seeing the sights with Olga and having batting contests with her.

End: Allison says that was a year before she was born, and she was glad her grandparents moved to the USA just in time for her to be an American citizen.

Essence: Allison’s prodigy brain has been hard at work.

Conflict: Libby regrets losing contact with Helga after that trip.

Subtext: Libby wants Freida to know she did a few things right as a mother.

Hope/fear: We hope we’ll find out why Allison is so elated.

36. INT. HAMBURG CAR RENTAL KIOSK – NIGHT

Arc: They rent a car, get a map, and drive off in an Audi.

Interest technique: Suspense

Beginning: Libby watches a television report of the Wall coming down while Freida rents a car and Allison studies a map.

Middle: They run, find the proper Audi, and hop in.

* End: With Libby riding shotgun, Freida at the wheel, and Allison leaning her head between them from the backseat, Freida puts the pedal to the metal.

Essence: They’re headed toward a huge celebration that’s already started.

Conflict: Can Freida drive the Audi fast enough to get there in time?

Subtext: Getting there seems as important to Allison as to Libby.

Hope/fear: Of course, we’re still rooting for them!

37. MONTAGE OF SITES SEEN INSIDE AND OUTSIDE THE CAR

Exit sign to Schwerin
Car clock reads 9:30
Exit sign to Parchim
Exit sign to Wittstock
Exit sign to Neuruppin
Exit sign to Oranienburg
Car clock reads 11:05
Stuck in bumper to bumper traffic mixed with pedestrians celebrators heading toward Brandenburg Gate.

38. EXT. BERLIN STREET – NIGHT

Arc: Allison gets the crowd to open a path to a side street and memorizes directions to get them to Shellenberg Park.

Interest technique: Character changes radically

Beginning: Allison hops from the car, hops onto the car’s hood, plays her violin, sings in German, and gets many celebrators to stop for her show.

She pontificates in German, with Freida translating to Libby, the urgency of getting to Shellenberg Park to meet her Russian grandfather for the first time.

Before getting back into the car, Allison asks for directions and memorizes them.

Essence: Allison is even smarter than we realized.

Conflict: They must get through the mob and traffic jam to drive the back streets.

Subtext: If Allison’s is right, Libby will enjoy being an immediate grandmother.

Hope/fear: We hope Allison is right about Zhores being her grandfather.

39. CONTINUOUS

Arc: Freida drives wildly to Allison’s direction and gets them to Shellenberg Park’s gate.

Interest technique: Suspense

Beginning: Allison amazes Freida and Libby by shouting out directions which Freida proudly follows.

Middle: Libby, now in the backseat, prays.

* End: Freida screeches the car into a parking space at the park’s entrance.

Essence: This day has changed all three of them.

Conflict: The car clock now reads 11: 50.

Subtext: Libby’s career will no longer be more important than her family.

Hope/fear: We truly hope that Zhores arrives.

40. EXT. SHELLENBERG PARK – CONTINUOUS

Arc: Stuart is waiting in the park, Helga and Heinz run in, and after several tense moments, Zhores appears over a hill and walks into Libby’s open arms.

Interest technique: Cliffhanger

Beginning: Stuart knew Libby would be here to await Zhores, but is surprised to find Freida who’s delighted that the camera she fumbled with when the earthquake started took pictures of the looters and got them arrested. The jewelry store proprietor wants her to keep the pendant as her reward. Best of all, Stuart forgives her for running away.

Middle: Helga and Heinz (now Helen and Hank) confirm Stuart is Allison’s father, and Allison hands her violin to Libby and jumps straddle-legged on a surprised Stuart, kissing him over and over.

End: Merriment reigns with all except Libby whose watch reads midnight at the moment Zhores appears and she opens her arms in welcome.

Essence: They all deserve this moment of happiness and the happy future they now will have.

Conflict: Tension between Libby and Stuart gets resolved.

Subtext: Having a loving family is a supreme blessing.

CLIMAX: Allison, Freida, and Stuart stand by through Libby’s and Zhores’ prolonged, but tearful kiss, after which Libby introduces them as Zhores’ son, daughter-in-law, and granddaughter. Helen and Hank join into a group hug with exuberant laughter, drawing passing celebrators’ cheers.

Action: When the group huggers begin a circular dance, Libby and Zhores break away, hold hands, look into each other’s eyes, and smile as they head toward heavy shrubs.

The End

[Alyssa Giannola]

Alyssa’s Fascinating Scene Outlines!

One Sentence Vision: To be the best writer I can be and a go-to writer in the industry, crafting scripts that become successful movies and make a lasting impact on people.

What I learned from this assignment is…it revealed some better scene arcs as I went, although a few scenes aren’t quite complete- either they’re short with only one big moment or transition scenes. I’ll keep working on the trouble spots to flesh them out more. Overall a fun assignment, I see the value in working through scenes this way!

INTRO VOICEOVER

1. EXT. ROOFTOP – DAY

Alex’s father has the “death fortune” and tries to throw himself, Alex (as a child) and Alex’s mother off a half-built skyscraper’s roof but Alex escapes at the last second.

• Beginning: (Betrayal) Alex and his mother are held hostage by the father
• Middle: (Uncertainty) The cops show up and try to calm the situation
• Ending: (Major Twist) Alex’s mother pushes him to safety but both parents fall off the edge

2. EXT. ALEX’S LAB – NIGHT

30 years later: a sky car haphazardly flies through the city and parks badly in front of the lab. Alex exits, rushed, and hurries into the building (his official introduction).

• Beginning: (Mislead) A sky car whips around other cars as if a drunk driver or a car chase
• Middle: (Uncomfortable moment) Pedestrians jump out of the way and complain as Alex parks badly and almost hits people.
• Ending: (Reveal) Alex is sober but super late for an important event

3. INT. ALEX’S LAB – LOBBY – NIGHT

Alex is stopped by security robots until his assistant, Jo, enters and calms things down. The robots take a sample of his blood.

• Beginning: (Intrigue/Uncertainty) The robots won’t let him enter his own party
• Middle: (Reveal) Jo updated the security protocols and can get him past
• Ending: (Intrigue) The robots watch Alex in a creepy way- why?

4. INT. ALEX’S LAB – GALA ROOM – NIGHT

Jo asks Alex about the mystery announcement and newly rushed testing as they walk to the main stage for his speech.

• Beginning: (Mislead) Jo inquires about Alex’s announcement and he deflects
• Middle: (Reveal) Alex reveals he hasn’t gotten his fortune yet
• Ending: (Surprise) Jo drags him into the supply closet (but just to talk)

5. INT. ALEX’S LAB – SUPPLY CLOSET – NIGHT

Jo pulls Alex into a supply closet when he mentions he hasn’t gotten his fortune yet. They talk about delayed fortunes and hint at it being a bad sign.

• Beginning: (Mystery) Is getting a delayed fortune always a bad thing?
• Middle: (Internal dilemma) Alex reassures Jo instead of expressing his fear
• Ending: (Misinterpretation) A janitor opens the closet and mistakes them for lovers

6. INT. ALEX’S LAB – GALA ROOM – NIGHT

Alex announces his serum and how it will “set people free” from the religion of Fate. It’s not received well. In the middle, he receives a delayed fortune to destroy the experiment.

• Beginning: (Intrigue) Alex tells a story about his past leading into what the serum does
• Middle: (Uncomfortable moment) The audience is displeased with his speech
• Ending: (Major Twist) Alex receives his fortune and it’s to destroy his project

7. INT. ALEX’S LAB – LOBBY – NIGHT

Alex tries to run out of the building to avoid making the fortune come true but his head scientist, Lila, pings him about an emergency in the primary lab and he can’t leave.

• Beginning: (Surprise) Alex runs!
• Middle: (Intrigue) The doors are locked and he can’t get out- the robots are acting strange
• Ending: (External Dilemma) Lila tells him the experiment is in danger- will running prevent its destruction or can he save it himself? He goes back.

8. INT. ALEX’S LAB – PRIMARY LAB – NIGHT

Alex and Lila work to save the experiment but they fail part of the lab blows up, killing Jo, because Alex chooses his serum over her in a split second decision that reveals his flaw.

• Beginning: (Superior Position) Lila doesn’t know Alex’s fortune while she helps him.
• Middle: (Internal Dilemma) Is his presence making the situation worse or better?
• Ending: (External Dilemma) Doe he save the serum or Jo’s life?

9. EXT. ALEX’S LAB – NIGHT

Alex gets medical care as Jo’s body is removed on a stretcher. Celia arrives in a police car and takes over his medical care. She gently interrogates Alex about what happened and he stubbornly deflects- the cracks in their marriage show. *His car is damaged by debris,

• Beginning: (Superior Position) Celia tries to find out the truth of the explosion, Alex knows
• Middle: (Mislead) Alex withholds what really happened and Celia is frustrated
• Ending: (Uncomfortable moment) Celia says she’s sleeping at the precinct, leaving Alex to go home alone.

10. EXT. SIDEWALK – NIGHT

Alex walks to his apartment and passes a crowd around a dead body- a jumper who took his life. We see the red band around his wrist, showing he had the death fortune just like Alex’s father- premonition of what’s coming for Alex (he’s still in denial)

• Beginning: (Mislead) Someone fell to their death, looks like an accident
• Middle: (Reveal) They had the death fortune like Alex’s father
• Ending: (Suspense) Will Alex end up with the same fate?

11. INT. ALEX’S APARTMENT – NIGHT to DAY

Alex is alone in his apartment. He looks at a photo of Celia and almost calls her to apologize. Stubbornly decides not to. Tries to sleep. At 6AM he gets the death fortune. He calls Celia in a panic but there’s no answer.

• Beginning: (Internal Dilemma) Does he call and apologize to Celia or not?
• Middle: (Uncertainty?) He stays up all night trying to remember the formulas
• Ending: (Major Twist/Cliffhanger) He receives the death fortune!

TURNING POINT #1 – END OF ACT 1

ACT 2: Alex recruits Celia to help him escape death and they pursue the Fate Walker.

12. INT. CELIA’S PRECINCT – COMMAND – DAY

Celia is in a briefing with Parker when Alex calls. Parker asks why she hasn’t left him yet, and she doesn’t answer Alex’s call.

• Beginning: (Suspense) Will she hear her phone and help?
• Middle: (Internal Dilemma) Should she call Alex back or is Parker right about him?
• Ending: (Mislead/Reveal) Parker is a nice guy but flirts with her- he’s jealous of Alex

13. EXT. TRANSPORT STATION – DAY

Alex takes the futuristic transport to the precinct but it malfunctions, almost killing him.

• Beginning: (Intrigue) Technology is acting oddly around Alex
• Middle: (Betrayal?) His safe transport malfunctions and is headed for collision!
• Ending: (Internal Dilemma) Should he go back home to safety or carry on?

14. INT. CELIA’S PRECINCT – DAY

Celia and Parker argue about Alex and her decisions. The “elevator” opens as Parker says something rude about Alex as the doors open on Alex, bloodied and annoyed.

• Beginning: (Mystery) Why is Parker trying to break Celia and Alex up?
• Middle: (Uncomfortable Moment) Alex shows up as Parker is dissing him
• Ending: (Mislead/Reveal) Alex brushes it off so Parker doesn’t think anything of it before pulling Celia away and asking her for help

15. INT. CELIA’S OFFICE/STATION – DAY

Alex tells Celia about the “death fortune” and that he needs her help to survive until 6AM.

• Beginning: (Mislead) Alex tells Celia he needs protection for the day
• Middle: (Reveal) Celia rolls up his sleeve to reveal the death fortune, she figured it out
• Ending: (Uncomfortable Moment) Why does he keep lying?

16. INT. MORGUE – DAY

Celia shows Alex bodies of other Fate Runners who tried to escape death but died anyways. They argue about his experiments and work. She finally agrees to help, says finding the Fate Walker is the only way, but he has to give up his work (the experiments). He lies and agrees.

• Beginning: (Suspense) Celia shows him the bodies of other Fate Runners who tried to escape the death fortune.
• Middle: (Misinterpretation) Alex thinks she wants him to give up and die
• Ending: (Internal Dilemma) Celia has a solution but Alex has to give up his work

17. INT. CELIA’S OFFICE/STATION – DAY

She grabs her gear and we see on her fortune flash on one of her devices: KILL ALEX CADE.

• Beginning: She goes into her “office” to get her gear while Alex waits
• Middle: Her computer/device pings to draw her attention.
• Ending: (Major Twist) Her fortune is to kill Alex!

18. INT. TEMPLE COURTS – DAY

Alex and Celia go to the main temple. Celia meets with the head priest but her request is denied. A church member slips a note to Alex to follow him and Alex leaves without telling Celia.

• Beginning: (More Interesting Setting) Celia approaches the priest while Alex waits
• Middle: (Mystery) Is the man who gave Alex the note on his side or against him?
• Ending: (Cliffhanger) Alex left without telling Celia!

19. EXT. MARKET – DAY

Alex follows the church member into the market as Celia calls to yell at him. He suspects someone is following him but makes it safety to the meeting room.

• Beginning: (Suspense) Is someone following Alex?
• Middle: (More Interesting Setting) The market Alex walks through is very unusual
• Ending: (Internal Dilemma) Should Alex follow him into the room or turn around?

20. INT. BACK ROOM – DAY

The back room is shielded from all interference, which means their bands don’t work. The church member sets an hour glass on the table- they have five minutes to talk before they have to leave or they’ll die. Church member tells Alex his suspicions about the church and they get locked in. Celia saves them at the last minute.

• Beginning: (Reveal) The church isn’t what it seems and the Fate Walker knows the truth
• Middle: (Betrayal) Someone locked them in and they’ll die if they can’t get out
• Ending: (Surprise) Celia rescues them at the last second

21. EXT. MARKET – DAY

The church member is SHOT. Celia chases the shooter as Alex gets the final piece of information from the dying church member.

• Beginning: (Surprise) The church member is shot
• Middle: (Suspense) Can Celia catch the shooter? Will he shoot Alex too?
• Ending: (Reveal) The church member had a death fortune like Alex!

22. INT. PRECINCT – DAY

Celia and Alex enlist Parker’s help to get to the Fate Walker.

• Beginning: (Internal Dilemma) Alex is against asking Parker to help & Parker refuses to
• Middle: (Character Changes Radically) Parker changes course and helps
• Ending: (Intrigue/Mystery) Is Parker’s information accurate? What changed his mind?

23. ??? – DAY

Alex and Celia track down the Fate Walker’s “lair.” Still working on this scene/sequence and where the Fate Walker is. Might be a good place to showcase more of the city?

24. INT. NIJARA’S LAIR – DAY

Alex and Celia confront Nijara and she reveals the truth, controlling Alex and then Celia with her “master band.” Nijara wants Celia’s fortune to come true so tells her to kill Alex. But in doing this, reveals the secret to the bands and how Alex can finish his serum. They escape.

• Beginning: (Mislead) Nijara tries to mislead them about the truth
• Middle: (Major Twist/Reveal) Nijara can control them and Fate is an AI
• Ending: (Suspense/Uncertainty) Alex distracts with an EMP (or other sort of tool) while Celia shoots Nijara’s band allowing them to escape.

TURNING POINT #2 – MIDPOINT

Act 3: Finish the serum before the data is lost forever.

25. NURSING HOME?? – DAY

Alex enlists Lila’s help to access his old lab and server data.

• Beginning: (More Interesting Location) Alex corners Lila as she helps at a nursing home (or a place like this for more world building)
• Middle: (Misinterpretation) Alex lies about his intentions and says they have permission
• Ending: (Suspense) Lila gives him what he wants but will she turn him in?

26. INT. NIJARA’S LAIR – DAY

Nijara is reprimanded by the AI. She sends a message to the assassin who killed the church member to kill Alex next.

• Beginning: (Betrayal) The AI treats her like child for the first time
• Middle: (Suspense) There’s a tug of war between them
• Ending: (Uncomfortable Moment) Nijara rebukes the AI, reasserting herself

27. EXT. ALEX’S LAB – NIGHT

Alex and Celia sneak by the guard bots and break into the building.

• Beginning: (Intrigue) Did Parker deactivate the guard bots or not?
• Middle: (External Dilemma) Lila’s key card doesn’t work: alternate route or give up
• Ending: (Reveal) Celia has cool break-in gadgets and a backup plan

28. INT. ALEX’S LAB – NIGHT

Alex works on the serum but the assassin arrives and Celia fights him off. The incineration process starts. They barely escape with one vial of serum.

• Beginning: (Uncertainty) Can they finish the serum in time?
• Middle: (Surprise) The assassin shows up
• Ending: (External Dilemma) Does Alex save Celia or the serum? (Mirror same dilemma from beginning but assassin saves Celia before Alex can)

29. INT. NIJARA’S LAIR – NIGHT

Nijara argues with the AI about going after Alex but is denied.

• Beginning: (Uncomfortable moment) Nijara says she’s going after Alex and AI says no
• Middle: (Mislead) Nijara acts subservient and agrees to send the robots
• Ending: (Reveal) But she is pretending and prepares to go herself

30. EXT. STREETS – NIGHT

Alex and Celia are targeted by hostile robots and make a run for it.

• Beginning: (Superior Position) We know the robots will turn on them at any second
• Middle: (Mislead) The robots near them all turn off suddenly.
• Ending: (Reveal) They turn back on and are hostile!

31. INT. MEDI-CENTER or APARTMENT? – NIGHT

Alex and Celia hide out from robots and Alex takes the serum which makes him go insane, forcing Celia to cut off the band with his hand. They have a deep heart to heart as they wait to see if he dies without the band. He survives proving the serum works.

• Beginning: (Internal Dilemma) Does Alex take the serum knowing it might kill him?
• Middle: (Surprise) Celia cuts his arm off to save him
• Ending: (Major Twist) The serum works and Alex is OK!

TURNING POINT #3

ACT 4: Alex must get across the city to give his blood and instructions to Lila before Fate wins.

32. EXT. CITY GARAGE – NIGHT

Alex and Celia hijack a sky car to quickly get across the city as the robots close in. They switch cars halfway through to mislead the robots.

• Beginning: (Mislead / Reveal) It starts as a regular car chase but they take to the skies
• Middle: (Uncertainty) Will they get away safely?
• Ending: (Superior Position) We know they switch cars but the robots don’t (OR we are also kept in dark for suspense)

33. EXT. SKYSCRAPER ROOFTOP – NIGHT

Nijara’s robots chase and take down Celia’s car, giving Alex a clean getaway.

• Beginning: (Misinterpretation) The robots think Celia’s car has Alex in it
• Middle: (Superior Position) We know Alex is getting away
• Ending: (Suspense) Will the robots kill Celia?

Alex crashes into the robots at the last moment, destroying them, and saves Celia. They share a kiss since he finally chooses her over his work (though she remarks on the terrible timing).

• Beginning: (External Dilemma) Does he save himself (and the world) or save Celia?
• Middle: (Surprise) He saves Celia and puts himself in danger
• Ending: (More Interesting Setting) It’s the skyscraper where Alex’s father killed himself

Nijara arrives, takes control of Celia and orders her to kill Alex. Celia is able to fight the mind control and shoots Nijara instead of Alex.

• Beginning: (Surprise) Nijara shows up and takes over Celia
• Middle: (External Dilemma) Does Celia kill Alex and save herself or fight back?
• Ending: (Major Twist) Celia fights back and kills Nijara instead

Parker arrives and fatally shoots Alex, as he’s the assassin. Celia receives the Death Fortune and takes a vial of Alex’s blood to finish his mission.

• Beginning: (Betrayal) Parker shoots Alex
• Middle: (Uncertainty) Can Celia save his life?
• Ending: (Surprise) Alex dies at 6:01AM, beating fate after all

34. INT. SERVER ROOM – NIGHT

Nijara is reborn in a vat as a clone who has had her memory wiped over and over for the last 300 years (or however long it’s been).

• Beginning: (Surprise) Nijara is alive
• Middle: (Mislead/Reveal) We think she is purely human but she is actually a clone
• Ending: (Cliffhanger) Will Nijara turn against the AI?

• This reply was modified 1 year, 10 months ago by  Alyssa Giannola.

[Lloyd Shellenberger]

Hello

I am looking for feedback would you be willing to exchange our outlines for review for lesson 11?

Respectfully Yours;

Lloyd Shellenberger

[Alyssa Giannola]

Hi Lloyd,

I’d love to exchange with you! I’m currently waiting for feedback from another partner, but once I’m able to make revisions I can send you my updated outline. My email is alyssagiannola1@gmail.com.

Thanks!

Alyssa

[Lloyd Shellenberger]

Working hard every day to become the best writer I can be and as a result I do become the Best writer in Hollywood.

Lloyd Shellenberger Module 4 Lesson 10 Making Every Scene Fascinating

“What I learned from doing this assignment is the continued and precise plotting of these scenes helps to nail down what you want from your characters and the scenes themselves it helps to establish the beats.

First act interest techniques: Internal Dilemma-Reese and the death his brother and soldier. External Drama-interpreters struggles with the State Department and how Reese views them once he finds out. Mislead/reveal-the interpreter knows who Al-Sadar is but he is afraid to tell Reese. Mislead/Reveal- the ambush on Reese and his unit.

Title Letters from Baghdad

Genre Action Drama

ACT 1:

Scene 1 (Betrayal) We also see betrayal as the Interpreter is denied his visa. The mood dramatically changes. (Subtext) We see Reese’s old ways and his rigid approach to his soldiers. When the killings take place, Reese shows another side we didn’t see coming.

INT. OPERATIONS CENTER 306th INFANTRY CO. – PRE DAWN 2-5 Pages

SCENE ARC 1:

START: Early morning patrol prep. Designed to show Reese’s demand for compliance and protocol. Soldiers mock his preciseness.

END: the interpreter gets denial letter from the State Department, Reese retrieves it from the trash.

Scene 2 (Action) The power and might of the US Military is on full display Mystery/Suspense

EXT. GREEN ZONE FRONT GATE BAGHDAD – DAWN 5-10 Pages

SCENE ARC 2:

START: Humvees and MRPS exit the Green zone and rumble through the streets of Baghdad.

END: Scene ends with the Humvees and MRPS pulling up and dismounting at the market.

Scene 3

EXT. BAGDAD OPEN AIR MARKET – DAY

The convoys pulls up to the open air market. In the course of the patrol the Interpreter spots a well hidden trench and wires.

SCENE ARC 3:

START: Reese and his men dismount and begin their foot patrol.

Reese realizes his men, civilians, and the interpreter are in the Kill Zone.

Reese must extract his men and the civilians before the explosives are detonated.

END: Scene ends with the daisy chained M-122’s exploding killing a mother and her child.

Scene 4

INT. BAGHDAD APARTMENT COMPLEX ADJACENT TO PARK – DAY

SCENE ARC 4:

START: Reese and his men spot and chase Al-Sadar through an adjacent building and find out it was an ambush.The ambush was well thought out.

END: (Superior Position)We find out this was a setup for an ambush on Reese’s men. (Essence) This is the scene that sets the Antagonist and the Protagonist on the road to the final conflict.

Scene 5

INT. GREEN ZONE COMPANY HEADQUARTERS – LATER THAT DAY 2-3 Pages

SCENE ARC 5:

START: Reese sits in his office writing a letter to the family of the soldier. He can no longer contain himself and violently sweeps his desk. He has written too many of these.

END: Those words ring true. Reese breaks down and cries.

(conflict) The death of a soldier could cost him his career. (Essence) The essence of this scene is the statement on the condition of the Iraqi society and what war has done to them. Will Reese get it?

Essence: The scenes are designed to show how far the transformational journey for Reese must be. We also see the struggles and tragedy war has brought to the Iraqi people. The interpreters have been vilified and exposed.

Conflict: Reese and his men are up against a brutal and skilled terrorist cell. The State Department is part of the triangle Reese must defeat. War presents unforgiving consequences for any mistakes. The game is life and death.

Subtext: This scene opens a wound from Reese’s past about the loss of his brother in a drive by. Reese always plays by the rules until he can’t. Reese’s rude and dismissive behavior toward the interpreter is changed forever when he is saved by him. His realization that soldiers are not the only ones suffering in this war. The fact that the interpreter didn’t tell him he had applied for asylum is a stinging bite since Reese felt he understood the dynamics of the war better than anybody. During the market scene we foreshadow the murder of the Interpreter.

Hope/fear: His hope that day is to have an uneventful day. His fear is exactly what happened. He lost a man and he may be at fault for it.

Intrigue moments scene one: Lesson 8 Incorporate into scene. Further insights to be incorporated into the scene below.

Scheme: SFC Reese an his men are setup on routine patrol by a terrorist. The terrorist sets up the ambush leaving Reese and his men to decide who lives and dies. Reese is saved by his Iraqi interpreter. Reese lets his anger get the better of him and it costs the life of a soldier as this was a set for an ambush.

Irony/Intrigue: The same interpreter he is often rude and dismissive is the hero that saved him. He finds out the interpreter was a soldier too.

Cover up: Before the market scene. Reese gives his safety speech, meanwhile the Interpreter is called into the commanders office and given a letter. He later reads it in the briefing room and realizes it is another denial letter from the State Department for his Asylum request. He angrily tosses it into the trash and is visibly upset. He will not tell Reese. Reese retrieves the letter and reads it.

Mystery: What is he afraid of? Why won’t he show it to Reese? He believes Reese will never understand and would be of little help.

Intrigue: The letter is coming from the Baghdad office and an individual Reese thought was sympathetic to the plight of the interpreters. Why is he denying the request. We find out later it is the Iraqi government demanding the US Army turn over the names of the Interpreters which the State Department has resisted until now.

Second act interest techniques: Suspense-The attack on the family. Betrayal-The denial letters to the Interpreters family. Surprise-The attack was quick and lethal. Mystery-Will Reese get Al-Sadar and will his career survive?

ACT 2:

Scene 6

EXT. BAGHDAD STREET – PREDAWN A quite street appears normal but this is a prelude to the hell that is about to be unleashed by Al-Sadar and his men. (Mystery) What will happen to the family. 4-10 Pages

SCENE ARC 6:

START: (Suspense) The family appears to begin another day normally but it is the Interpreter’s last moments. Reese receives a phone call telling him his family is under attack. He immediately dispatches the QRF to the Interpreters home

END: (Surprise) The interpreter lies dead on the front lawn as the family watched his murder in horror.

Scene 7

INT. INTERPRETER’S HOME BAGHDAD – PRE-DAWN 4-10 Pages

SCENE ARC 7

START: (Intrigue) Reese and his men stakeout the the home to protect the family, Al-Sadar returns as promised. Reese tries to deal with an incompetent police force with little interest in helping. Reese finds stacks of denial letters from the State Department.

END: Al-Sadar returns, but he is unsuccessful. Reese’s newest soldier is killed in the raid.

Scene 8

INT. 306th INFANTRY DIVISION HEADQUARTERS – NIGHT 2-3 Pages

SCENE ARC 8:

START: Reese is told he will face disciplinary hearings for the loss of two men and he may loose his command. The Commander tells him his men should have never there.

END: His commander tells him to just do his job and get the hell out of this place alive. Reese tells him there is more than that to helping these people. He shows him the letters from the interpreters family.

Scene 9

INT. STATE DEPARTMENT OFFICE – DAY 2-3 Pages

SCENE ARC 9:

START: (Uncomfortable Moment) Reese throws the letters on the desk of the diplomat and asks him to justify the murder of his interpreter. He can’t but he tells him the Iraqi government is demanding the names of the interpreters but he hasn’t given them to the Iraqi officials.

END: Reese leaves vowing to help this family at all costs and suggest the Diplomat help and do not give the Iraqis the interpreters names.

Essence: The scenes are designed to show what levels of bureaucracy Reese must fight and the futility of the fight. We also see the fight the Interpreter and his family faced requesting Asylum.

Conflict: The State Department is being pressured not to give Asylum visas to the interpreters. Trying to keep the family alive with limited resources, cooperation, and manpower.

Subtext: Reese sees the family as his validation of everything he is doing as a soldier and vindication for his brother’s murder. The State department and those in charge can no longer be trusted.

Hope/fear: His hope is that he can get an asylum visa for this family. Fear, they will be killed before he can get them out.

Intrigue moments Act Two: Lesson 8 Incorporate into scene. Further insights to be incorporated into the scene.

Covert Agenda: Al-Sadar has decided he will make and example of the interpreter and his family. He ambushes them at his home killing an American Soldier.

Cover Up: the interpreter knew who the Terrorist was but said nothing out of fear. The Terrorist has moles even in the units and on the main post.

Conspiracy: Reese and his men deceive their command and protect the widow and her children. Reese believes he can kill Al-Sadar and sets him up at the widows home but he only wounds him. Reese realizes he is up against a skilled opponent.

Intrigue: The murder of the Interpreter and the threats on the family.

Wound open for Reese: connected to the child killed at the market. Reese’s soldier’s connect the dots and realize his brother was murdered in a drive by shooting.

Cover Up concerning Reese: They also suspect he killed the ones responsible for that. He has never returned home to Brooklyn and visit his parents like other soldiers.

Mystery: Did he kill his brothers murderers. Why is he so street smart? We see this in the First act. He immediately calls for the spotter.

He knows someone is watching and waiting to set off the bombs. He doesn’t tip his hand.

Scheme: He decides to play politics and take on the State Department. He will not accept the denial letter and he draws in the Congressman.

Covert Agenda: No one knows he was going to basically take the Congressman to the family home. The military command din’t know it was a setup when he volunteered for VIP protection duty. The audience didn’t know either.

Act Three interest techniques: Mystery/External Drama-Al-Sadar has stepped up his attacks on American Military. Intrigue/Mislead/Reveal- Reese is going after Al-Sadar by leveraging a local influential Sheik. Conflicts/Superior Position Reese knows what no one else knows, who is the mole and how to use him.

ACT 3:

Scene10

EXT. HUMVEE – STREETS OF BAGHDAD – DAY 4-6 Pages

SCENE ARC 10:

START: There are a series for bombings depicted on the news and in the streets of Baghdad. These are seen from the pedestrians point of view. News Clipping will also help. External Drama/Intrigue/Suspense

END. Bodies being place in body bags as the death toll mounts. (Uncertainty for the future of the Coalition forces.)

Scene 11

EXT. WIDOWS HOME – NIGHT 5-8 pages

SCENE ARC 11:

START: Reese and his men do an off the books mission of visiting a Sheiks house

(Twists/Mislead/Reveal) Reese and his men are leaving the wire after hours and approaching and threatening the local Sheik for information on Al-Sadar. When they get it they now have a bargaining chip to take him down and save the careers.

END: They convince him to give up Al-Sadar or the money will be cut off. (Surprise) no one thought he would give him up but the money flow was too important for the Sheik.

Scene 12

INT. US EMBASSY GREEN ZONE ROBERT DELANEY’S OFFICE – NEXT DAY 1-2 Pages

SCENE ARC 12:

START: Congressmen and women from various districts are in his conference room. A knock on the doors alerts Robert. He answers and Reese appears. (Uncomfortable) Reese forces the State Department to help the family and embarrasses the Ambassador.

END: Reese volunteers for a mission as VIP protection for the targeted Congressman and his crew. (Intrigue) Reese introduce the Politician to the family in hopes he will sponsor them. (Mislead/Reveal)In order to do this he must make the command he is a team player who just wants to help.

Scene 13

EXT. STREETS OF BAGHDAD UP- ARMORED BUSES – DAY 5-8 Pages

SCENE ARC 13:

START: The Congressman stands up and walks to the front of the bus. He orders the driver to go to this address. It is the Widows. 8-12 Pages

END: After talking to the widow and her family the Congressman agrees to sponsor them. (Conflicts)The Diplomats are furious with Reese since he arranged this behind their back but there is nothing they can do. It appears his career is over.

Scene 14

INT. COMMANDERS OFFICE GREEN ZONE BAGHDAD – DAY 2-4 Pages

SCENE ARC 14:

START: Reese and his men are told they will be sent back and they will face disciplinary action. (Mislead/Reveal)Reese responds by saying he can bring down Al-Sadar. He says he is the only one that can. Reese tells them who the mole is and how they can use him. Plan is devised.

END: The state Department agrees to Reeses plan and allows him and his men to stay if he can pull it off. (Superior Position) Al-Sadar is to be brought in alive. Reese cuts a deal that allows him and his men to protect the widow and her children until they are on the plane and safe.

Scene 15

INT. MILITARY INTELLIGENCE/CIA OFFICE CONVENTION GATE 3 HOTEL – DAY 2-5 Pages

SCENE ARC 15

START: (Mystery) Reese is called into an intel meeting and ordered to give up his intel. He won’t do it unless he runs the raid. His commander backs him.

END: CIA and Intel officers confirm Al-Sadar has taken the bait and the 81st Airborne is put-on an alert for the offensive on Heifa Street.

Essence: Reese’s old ways are gone he is committed at all cost to stop Al-Sadar and save this family.

Conflict: Time is not in his favor or the widows. The terrorists will kill the family.

Subtext: This is Reese’s salvation. He cannot let the widow and children die like he did his brother. They are the one thing that validates him and who he has become and what he has left behind.

Hope/fear: His hope was to get the Congressman to sponsor them. His fear would be he wouldn’t and they would be denied the visa.

Intrigue moments Act Three: Lesson 8 Incorporate into scene.

Cover Up. Reese and his men are staying at the home of the widow against the orders of the Command. Reese reminds his commander of the promise he made.

Hidden Agenda: Reese uses this time to gather intel. He actually leaves the wire and contacts a local sheik. Reese demands he hand over Al-Sadar or the protection payments will end.

Hidden Identity: There is a mole on the main post identified by the Sheik. The command doesn’t fire him, instead they use him to set up Al-Sadar.

Covert Agenda: By feeding the informant false information the State Department is able to determine who the mole is. Reese follows him and locates Al-Sadar.

A sense of Urgency: Attacks around Baghdad have increased leaving bodies in their wake.

Reese says he can stop them. The CIA and intel mock him asking how a grunt can do what they can’t. He says because I know him, I am him!

Scheme: Reese and his men are facing military discipline but Reese cuts a deal to bring Al-Sadar in. He sets up Al-Sadar using the mole. Reese has no intention of bringing Al-Sadar in alive. He tells the mole their will be a small patrol on Heifa Street and when. He also tells the mole he will be leading that patrol. Al-Sadar has his sights set on Reese, the man who injured him.

Act Four interest techniques: Mystery/External Drama-Al-Sadar has stepped up his attacks on American Military. Mislead/Reveal- Reese is going after Al-Sadar by leveraging a local influential Sheik. (Character Change) Reese and his parents.

ACT 4

Scene 16

INT. STATE DEPARTMENT OFFICE US EMBASSY GREEN ZONE – DAY 2-4 Pages

SCENE ARC 16:

START Reese is called in by the diplomat and a Col. who tells him The Visa is approved and the preparations are made to get them out of Baghdad but If he fails and more men are killed his career is over.

END: He convinces him he has intel and needs their help in setting up Al-Sadar, they agree and the plan is set in motion.

Scene 17

INT. TRAILER IN THE GREEN ZONE – NIGHT

SCENE ARC 17:

START: Reese and several of his men are drinking and talking about the raid tomorrow. (Uncertainty)

END: Reese reveals what happened to his brother while he was growing up in Brooklyn. It is the first time he ever told anyone. (Reveal)

Reese and his men drink and talk the night before the raid. We see Reese is worried for his men.

Scene 18

EXT. HEIFA STREET BAGHDAD – DAY 4-10

SCENE ARC 18:

START: It appears as though Reese and his men are on their own but they are acting as bait. (Mislead/Reveal) The 81st has already scouted the position and several OH-58’s are in the area ready for the battle. They will deploy the old draw out and seep in and destroy tactic developed in Vietnam.

END: Reese and his men Kill Al-Sadar and his crew. Reese does not lose anymore men. (Action/Intrigue)

Scene 19

INT. STATE DEPARTMENTS OFFICE US EMBASSY BAGHDAD – DAY 3-5 Pages

SCENE ARC 19:

START: Reese is told that the names of the interpreters were submitted but because of the language barrier they may have submitted the wrong names.(Surprise)

END: The ambassador thanks him for reminding him why we are here and tells him if he ever wants to run for office he should since he can play a pretty mean game of politics. He also tells him the mole was arrested.

Scene 20

EXT. GRAVEYARD BAGHDAD – DAY 1-2 Pages

SCENE ARC 20:

START: Reese and his men exit the MRP and escort the family to her husbands grave. Reese promises to come and see her and the boys. (Uncomfortable Moments) There seems to be something there between the Widow and Reese and The children adore him as well.

END: She boards the bus and we cut to the BIAP with a C130 taking off with Reese and his men watching the military transport taking off.

Scene 21

EXT. SOLDIER’S PHONE PHONE BANK GREEN ZONE- DAY 1-2 Pages

SCENE ARC 21:

START: Reese picks up a phone and hesitates. He hangs up and walks away.

END: A second later he returns and dials a number.

Scene 22

INT. REESE’S PARENTS HOME BROOKLYN, NY – NIGHT 1-2 Pages

SCENE ARC 22:

START: You see the parents and Reese talking on the phone/spit screen. They seem genuinely happy to hear from him.(Character Changes Radically) We see a side of Reese we have never seen. He is loving and positive with his mother and father on the phone.

END: We fade out as we see Reese finally at peace with himself and the ones he loves.

Essence: The essence of this act is simple. We also Reese put to bed the demons he has been wrestling with. Reese has achieved his inner journey and the transformation is complete.

Conflict: Finding and facing off against a formable foe such as Al-Sadar. Getting all the agencies to work together when they aren’t very good at it.

Subtext: Killing Al-Sadar was akin to slaying his own demons. He needed that to move on.

Hope/fear: The hope is Reese continues on with his military career and prospers and that he has left his negative past behind. The fear of failing was huge. Being sent back with his men in disgrace.

Intrigue Moments Act 4: Lesson 8 Incorporate into scene.

Covert Agenda: More false information is sent out. Al-Sadar takes the bait.

Superior Position: Soldiers from the 81st Airborne are deployed. The audience doesn’t

now they are already in place. Neither does Al-Sadar. Reese and his men act as bait. The battle ensues and Reese kills Al-Sadar and his crew. His command wanted him alive but they will let it go.

Act of Defiance: Reese and his unit take the widow and the family to her husbands grave.

Intrigue: Seeing the pain of leaving her country forever the widow ask Reese to come see

her again. She also tells him to forgive himself and call his parents. En-Shalla let it go. She knows what happened.

Wound: The wound Reese has been carrying around all these years is now settled. He calls his parents and they are happy to hear from him. They have forgiven him a long time ago. .

• This reply was modified 1 year, 10 months ago by  Lloyd Shellenberger.

[Lenore]

Lloyd, I have been interested in your plot from the beginning and hope you will want to be my first exchange partner. If so, please send me your Module 4 Lesson 10 outline, and be sure to put your concept/logline at the beginning. My email is lenorebechtel33@gmail.com.

[Lloyd Shellenberger]

I was looking for a partner and I was just coming on to do that. If you are interested it would be a great idea. My email is lloydshellenberger@yahoo.com and my phone # is 747-210-1983 if it is necessary? Let me know what you want to do? Here is Lesson 10 outline. Send me yours as well. I will also send it to your email too.

Working hard every day to become the best writer I can be and as a result I do become the Best writer in Hollywood.

Lloyd Shellenberger Module 4 Lesson 10 Making Every Scene Fascinating

“What I learned from doing this assignment is the continued and precise plotting of these scenes helps to nail down what you want from your characters and the scenes themselves it helps to establish the beats.

Title: Letters from Baghdad

High Concept: When an Iraqi interpreter is murdered by terrorist SFC Reese and his men risk everything to save the widow and her children from certain death.

First act interest techniques: Internal Dilemma-Reese and the death his brother and soldier. External Drama-interpreters struggles with the State Department and how Reese views them once he finds out. Mislead/reveal-the interpreter knows who Al-Sadar is but he is afraid to tell Reese. Mislead/Reveal- the ambush on Reese and his unit.

Title Letters from Baghdad

Genre Action Drama

ACT 1:

Scene 1 (Betrayal) We also see betrayal as the Interpreter is denied his visa. The mood dramatically changes. (Subtext) We see Reese’s old ways and his rigid approach to his soldiers. When the killings take place, Reese shows another side we didn’t see coming.

INT. OPERATIONS CENTER 306th INFANTRY CO. – PRE DAWN 2-5 Pages

SCENE ARC 1:

START: Early morning patrol prep. Designed to show Reese’s demand for compliance and protocol. Soldiers mock his preciseness.

END: the interpreter gets denial letter from the State Department, Reese retrieves it from the trash.

Scene 2 (Action) The power and might of the US Military is on full display Mystery/Suspense

EXT. GREEN ZONE FRONT GATE BAGHDAD – DAWN 5-10 Pages

SCENE ARC 2:

START: Humvees and MRPS exit the Green zone and rumble through the streets of Baghdad.

END: Scene ends with the Humvees and MRPS pulling up and dismounting at the market.

Scene 3

EXT. BAGDAD OPEN AIR MARKET – DAY

The convoys pulls up to the open air market. In the course of the patrol the Interpreter spots a well hidden trench and wires.

SCENE ARC 3:

START: Reese and his men dismount and begin their foot patrol.

Reese realizes his men, civilians, and the interpreter are in the Kill Zone.

Reese must extract his men and the civilians before the explosives are detonated.

END: Scene ends with the daisy chained M-122’s exploding killing a mother and her child.

Scene 4

INT. BAGHDAD APARTMENT COMPLEX ADJACENT TO PARK – DAY

SCENE ARC 4:

START: Reese and his men spot and chase Al-Sadar through an adjacent building and find out it was an ambush.The ambush was well thought out.

END: (Superior Position)We find out this was a setup for an ambush on Reese’s men. (Essence) This is the scene that sets the Antagonist and the Protagonist on the road to the final conflict.

Scene 5

INT. GREEN ZONE COMPANY HEADQUARTERS – LATER THAT DAY 2-3 Pages

SCENE ARC 5:

START: Reese sits in his office writing a letter to the family of the soldier. He can no longer contain himself and violently sweeps his desk. He has written too many of these.

END: Those words ring true. Reese breaks down and cries.

(conflict) The death of a soldier could cost him his career. (Essence) The essence of this scene is the statement on the condition of the Iraqi society and what war has done to them. Will Reese get it?

Essence: The scenes are designed to show how far the transformational journey for Reese must be. We also see the struggles and tragedy war has brought to the Iraqi people. The interpreters have been vilified and exposed.

Conflict: Reese and his men are up against a brutal and skilled terrorist cell. The State Department is part of the triangle Reese must defeat. War presents unforgiving consequences for any mistakes. The game is life and death.

Subtext: This scene opens a wound from Reese’s past about the loss of his brother in a drive by. Reese always plays by the rules until he can’t. Reese’s rude and dismissive behavior toward the interpreter is changed forever when he is saved by him. His realization that soldiers are not the only ones suffering in this war. The fact that the interpreter didn’t tell him he had applied for asylum is a stinging bite since Reese felt he understood the dynamics of the war better than anybody. During the market scene we foreshadow the murder of the Interpreter.

Hope/fear: His hope that day is to have an uneventful day. His fear is exactly what happened. He lost a man and he may be at fault for it.

Intrigue moments scene one: Lesson 8 Incorporate into scene. Further insights to be incorporated into the scene below.

Scheme: SFC Reese an his men are setup on routine patrol by a terrorist. The terrorist sets up the ambush leaving Reese and his men to decide who lives and dies. Reese is saved by his Iraqi interpreter. Reese lets his anger get the better of him and it costs the life of a soldier as this was a set for an ambush.

Irony/Intrigue: The same interpreter he is often rude and dismissive is the hero that saved him. He finds out the interpreter was a soldier too.

Cover up: Before the market scene. Reese gives his safety speech, meanwhile the Interpreter is called into the commanders office and given a letter. He later reads it in the briefing room and realizes it is another denial letter from the State Department for his Asylum request. He angrily tosses it into the trash and is visibly upset. He will not tell Reese. Reese retrieves the letter and reads it.

Mystery: What is he afraid of? Why won’t he show it to Reese? He believes Reese will never understand and would be of little help.

Intrigue: The letter is coming from the Baghdad office and an individual Reese thought was sympathetic to the plight of the interpreters. Why is he denying the request. We find out later it is the Iraqi government demanding the US Army turn over the names of the Interpreters which the State Department has resisted until now.

Second act interest techniques: Suspense-The attack on the family. Betrayal-The denial letters to the Interpreters family. Surprise-The attack was quick and lethal. Mystery-Will Reese get Al-Sadar and will his career survive?

ACT 2:

Scene 6

EXT. BAGHDAD STREET – PREDAWN A quite street appears normal but this is a prelude to the hell that is about to be unleashed by Al-Sadar and his men. (Mystery) What will happen to the family. 4-10 Pages

SCENE ARC 6:

START: (Suspense) The family appears to begin another day normally but it is the Interpreter’s last moments. Reese receives a phone call telling him his family is under attack. He immediately dispatches the QRF to the Interpreters home

END: (Surprise) The interpreter lies dead on the front lawn as the family watched his murder in horror.

Scene 7

INT. INTERPRETER’S HOME BAGHDAD – PRE-DAWN 4-10 Pages

SCENE ARC 7

START: (Intrigue) Reese and his men stakeout the the home to protect the family, Al-Sadar returns as promised. Reese tries to deal with an incompetent police force with little interest in helping. Reese finds stacks of denial letters from the State Department.

END: Al-Sadar returns, but he is unsuccessful. Reese’s newest soldier is killed in the raid.

Scene 8

INT. 306th INFANTRY DIVISION HEADQUARTERS – NIGHT 2-3 Pages

SCENE ARC 8:

START: Reese is told he will face disciplinary hearings for the loss of two men and he may loose his command. The Commander tells him his men should have never there.

END: His commander tells him to just do his job and get the hell out of this place alive. Reese tells him there is more than that to helping these people. He shows him the letters from the interpreters family.

Scene 9

INT. STATE DEPARTMENT OFFICE – DAY 2-3 Pages

SCENE ARC 9:

START: (Uncomfortable Moment) Reese throws the letters on the desk of the diplomat and asks him to justify the murder of his interpreter. He can’t but he tells him the Iraqi government is demanding the names of the interpreters but he hasn’t given them to the Iraqi officials.

END: Reese leaves vowing to help this family at all costs and suggest the Diplomat help and do not give the Iraqis the interpreters names.

Essence: The scenes are designed to show what levels of bureaucracy Reese must fight and the futility of the fight. We also see the fight the Interpreter and his family faced requesting Asylum.

Conflict: The State Department is being pressured not to give Asylum visas to the interpreters. Trying to keep the family alive with limited resources, cooperation, and manpower.

Subtext: Reese sees the family as his validation of everything he is doing as a soldier and vindication for his brother’s murder. The State department and those in charge can no longer be trusted.

Hope/fear: His hope is that he can get an asylum visa for this family. Fear, they will be killed before he can get them out.

Intrigue moments Act Two: Lesson 8 Incorporate into scene. Further insights to be incorporated into the scene.

Covert Agenda: Al-Sadar has decided he will make and example of the interpreter and his family. He ambushes them at his home killing an American Soldier.

Cover Up: the interpreter knew who the Terrorist was but said nothing out of fear. The Terrorist has moles even in the units and on the main post.

Conspiracy: Reese and his men deceive their command and protect the widow and her children. Reese believes he can kill Al-Sadar and sets him up at the widows home but he only wounds him. Reese realizes he is up against a skilled opponent.

Intrigue: The murder of the Interpreter and the threats on the family.

Wound open for Reese: connected to the child killed at the market. Reese’s soldier’s connect the dots and realize his brother was murdered in a drive by shooting.

Cover Up concerning Reese: They also suspect he killed the ones responsible for that. He has never returned home to Brooklyn and visit his parents like other soldiers.

Mystery: Did he kill his brothers murderers. Why is he so street smart? We see this in the First act. He immediately calls for the spotter.

He knows someone is watching and waiting to set off the bombs. He doesn’t tip his hand.

Scheme: He decides to play politics and take on the State Department. He will not accept the denial letter and he draws in the Congressman.

Covert Agenda: No one knows he was going to basically take the Congressman to the family home. The military command din’t know it was a setup when he volunteered for VIP protection duty. The audience didn’t know either.

Act Three interest techniques: Mystery/External Drama-Al-Sadar has stepped up his attacks on American Military. Intrigue/Mislead/Reveal- Reese is going after Al-Sadar by leveraging a local influential Sheik. Conflicts/Superior Position Reese knows what no one else knows, who is the mole and how to use him.

ACT 3:

Scene10

EXT. HUMVEE – STREETS OF BAGHDAD – DAY 4-6 Pages

SCENE ARC 10:

START: There are a series for bombings depicted on the news and in the streets of Baghdad. These are seen from the pedestrians point of view. News Clipping will also help. External Drama/Intrigue/Suspense

END. Bodies being place in body bags as the death toll mounts. (Uncertainty for the future of the Coalition forces.)

Scene 11

EXT. WIDOWS HOME – NIGHT 5-8 pages

SCENE ARC 11:

START: Reese and his men do an off the books mission of visiting a Sheiks house

(Twists/Mislead/Reveal) Reese and his men are leaving the wire after hours and approaching and threatening the local Sheik for information on Al-Sadar. When they get it they now have a bargaining chip to take him down and save the careers.

END: They convince him to give up Al-Sadar or the money will be cut off. (Surprise) no one thought he would give him up but the money flow was too important for the Sheik.

Scene 12

INT. US EMBASSY GREEN ZONE ROBERT DELANEY’S OFFICE – NEXT DAY 1-2 Pages

SCENE ARC 12:

START: Congressmen and women from various districts are in his conference room. A knock on the doors alerts Robert. He answers and Reese appears. (Uncomfortable) Reese forces the State Department to help the family and embarrasses the Ambassador.

END: Reese volunteers for a mission as VIP protection for the targeted Congressman and his crew. (Intrigue) Reese introduce the Politician to the family in hopes he will sponsor them. (Mislead/Reveal)In order to do this he must make the command he is a team player who just wants to help.

Scene 13

EXT. STREETS OF BAGHDAD UP- ARMORED BUSES – DAY 5-8 Pages

SCENE ARC 13:

START: The Congressman stands up and walks to the front of the bus. He orders the driver to go to this address. It is the Widows. 8-12 Pages

END: After talking to the widow and her family the Congressman agrees to sponsor them. (Conflicts)The Diplomats are furious with Reese since he arranged this behind their back but there is nothing they can do. It appears his career is over.

Scene 14

INT. COMMANDERS OFFICE GREEN ZONE BAGHDAD – DAY 2-4 Pages

SCENE ARC 14:

START: Reese and his men are told they will be sent back and they will face disciplinary action. (Mislead/Reveal)Reese responds by saying he can bring down Al-Sadar. He says he is the only one that can. Reese tells them who the mole is and how they can use him. Plan is devised.

END: The state Department agrees to Reeses plan and allows him and his men to stay if he can pull it off. (Superior Position) Al-Sadar is to be brought in alive. Reese cuts a deal that allows him and his men to protect the widow and her children until they are on the plane and safe.

Scene 15

INT. MILITARY INTELLIGENCE/CIA OFFICE CONVENTION GATE 3 HOTEL – DAY 2-5 Pages

SCENE ARC 15

START: (Mystery) Reese is called into an intel meeting and ordered to give up his intel. He won’t do it unless he runs the raid. His commander backs him.

END: CIA and Intel officers confirm Al-Sadar has taken the bait and the 81st Airborne is put-on an alert for the offensive on Heifa Street.

Essence: Reese’s old ways are gone he is committed at all cost to stop Al-Sadar and save this family.

Conflict: Time is not in his favor or the widows. The terrorists will kill the family.

Subtext: This is Reese’s salvation. He cannot let the widow and children die like he did his brother. They are the one thing that validates him and who he has become and what he has left behind.

Hope/fear: His hope was to get the Congressman to sponsor them. His fear would be he wouldn’t and they would be denied the visa.

Intrigue moments Act Three: Lesson 8 Incorporate into scene.

Cover Up. Reese and his men are staying at the home of the widow against the orders of the Command. Reese reminds his commander of the promise he made.

Hidden Agenda: Reese uses this time to gather intel. He actually leaves the wire and contacts a local sheik. Reese demands he hand over Al-Sadar or the protection payments will end.

Hidden Identity: There is a mole on the main post identified by the Sheik. The command doesn’t fire him, instead they use him to set up Al-Sadar.

Covert Agenda: By feeding the informant false information the State Department is able to determine who the mole is. Reese follows him and locates Al-Sadar.

A sense of Urgency: Attacks around Baghdad have increased leaving bodies in their wake.

Reese says he can stop them. The CIA and intel mock him asking how a grunt can do what they can’t. He says because I know him, I am him!

Scheme: Reese and his men are facing military discipline but Reese cuts a deal to bring Al-Sadar in. He sets up Al-Sadar using the mole. Reese has no intention of bringing Al-Sadar in alive. He tells the mole their will be a small patrol on Heifa Street and when. He also tells the mole he will be leading that patrol. Al-Sadar has his sights set on Reese, the man who injured him.

Act Four interest techniques: Mystery/External Drama-Al-Sadar has stepped up his attacks on American Military. Mislead/Reveal- Reese is going after Al-Sadar by leveraging a local influential Sheik. (Character Change) Reese and his parents.

ACT 4

Scene 16

INT. STATE DEPARTMENT OFFICE US EMBASSY GREEN ZONE – DAY 2-4 Pages

SCENE ARC 16:

START Reese is called in by the diplomat and a Col. who tells him The Visa is approved and the preparations are made to get them out of Baghdad but If he fails and more men are killed his career is over.

END: He convinces him he has intel and needs their help in setting up Al-Sadar, they agree and the plan is set in motion.

Scene 17

INT. TRAILER IN THE GREEN ZONE – NIGHT

SCENE ARC 17:

START: Reese and several of his men are drinking and talking about the raid tomorrow. (Uncertainty)

END: Reese reveals what happened to his brother while he was growing up in Brooklyn. It is the first time he ever told anyone. (Reveal)

Reese and his men drink and talk the night before the raid. We see Reese is worried for his men.

Scene 18

EXT. HEIFA STREET BAGHDAD – DAY 4-10

SCENE ARC 18:

START: It appears as though Reese and his men are on their own but they are acting as bait. (Mislead/Reveal) The 81st has already scouted the position and several OH-58’s are in the area ready for the battle. They will deploy the old draw out and seep in and destroy tactic developed in Vietnam.

END: Reese and his men Kill Al-Sadar and his crew. Reese does not lose anymore men. (Action/Intrigue)

Scene 19

INT. STATE DEPARTMENTS OFFICE US EMBASSY BAGHDAD – DAY 3-5 Pages

SCENE ARC 19:

START: Reese is told that the names of the interpreters were submitted but because of the language barrier they may have submitted the wrong names.(Surprise)

END: The ambassador thanks him for reminding him why we are here and tells him if he ever wants to run for office he should since he can play a pretty mean game of politics. He also tells him the mole was arrested.

Scene 20

EXT. GRAVEYARD BAGHDAD – DAY 1-2 Pages

SCENE ARC 20:

START: Reese and his men exit the MRP and escort the family to her husbands grave. Reese promises to come and see her and the boys. (Uncomfortable Moments) There seems to be something there between the Widow and Reese and The children adore him as well.

END: She boards the bus and we cut to the BIAP with a C130 taking off with Reese and his men watching the military transport taking off.

Scene 21

EXT. SOLDIER’S PHONE PHONE BANK GREEN ZONE- DAY 1-2 Pages

SCENE ARC 21:

START: Reese picks up a phone and hesitates. He hangs up and walks away.

END: A second later he returns and dials a number.

Scene 22

INT. REESE’S PARENTS HOME BROOKLYN, NY – NIGHT 1-2 Pages

SCENE ARC 22:

START: You see the parents and Reese talking on the phone/spit screen. They seem genuinely happy to hear from him.(Character Changes Radically) We see a side of Reese we have never seen. He is loving and positive with his mother and father on the phone.

END: We fade out as we see Reese finally at peace with himself and the ones he loves.

Essence: The essence of this act is simple. We also Reese put to bed the demons he has been wrestling with. Reese has achieved his inner journey and the transformation is complete.

Conflict: Finding and facing off against a formable foe such as Al-Sadar. Getting all the agencies to work together when they aren’t very good at it.

Subtext: Killing Al-Sadar was akin to slaying his own demons. He needed that to move on.

Hope/fear: The hope is Reese continues on with his military career and prospers and that he has left his negative past behind. The fear of failing was huge. Being sent back with his men in disgrace.

Intrigue Moments Act 4: Lesson 8 Incorporate into scene.

Covert Agenda: More false information is sent out. Al-Sadar takes the bait.

Superior Position: Soldiers from the 81st Airborne are deployed. The audience doesn’t

now they are already in place. Neither does Al-Sadar. Reese and his men act as bait. The battle ensues and Reese kills Al-Sadar and his crew. His command wanted him alive but they will let it go.

Act of Defiance: Reese and his unit take the widow and the family to her husbands grave.

Intrigue: Seeing the pain of leaving her country forever the widow ask Reese to come see

her again. She also tells him to forgive himself and call his parents. En-Shalla let it go. She knows what happened.

Wound: The wound Reese has been carrying around all these years is now settled. He calls his parents and they are happy to hear from him. They have forgiven him a long time ago. .

Thanks,

Lloyd Shellenberger

• This reply was modified 1 year, 10 months ago by  Lloyd Shellenberger.
• This reply was modified 1 year, 10 months ago by  Lloyd Shellenberger.

[Lloyd Shellenberger]

Lenore,

I Had a chance to read your work. I think this reminds of a period piece much like Oppenheimer. I have been to East and West Berlin several times and it does lend to an air of romanticism as well. I think it would work well in this piece. There are also some facts that I remember such as the Unter-Bahn being the only thing that could travel East and West but that was secured in short fashion by the Soviets. The People’s Democratic Hall was by Checkpoint Charlie. The US State Department gaff that kicked off the cold war and caused the division of East and West Germany. Also, the Soviets used Diplomatic status to travel freely between East and West Germany to spy on people. Those are all facts I am sure you are aware of that affect the story.

If there are flashbacks in this piece they should be clearly noted as flashbacks. If not, it could be confusing. Their is a rich history that would lend to this story, making it very interestingm, I like it. It has a powerful and emotional feel to it. I do see it as more of a romantic period piece of love never realized that could draw you in. It leaves you wanting to know more about the lead characters connections as well as the two lovers fates. Best of luck and thank you for letting me read it.

Sincerely,

Lloyd Shellenberger

[Marguerite Langstaff]

Module 4 Lesson 10 : Making every scene fascinating.

Marguerite Langstaff: The Billionaire in 501

Vision: I want to learn to write and market movie scripts.

What I learned from doing this assignment was that during the writing one has to keep using “what if?” technique and not get quite settled in just the plot or anything else.

State/Activity: I love discovering interesting ways to write scenes through interest techniques.

SCENES:

Act 1, Scene 1: Beginning: (uncomfortable moment)

The driver loads GM’s luggage onto a heavy luggage carrier.

Middle: Driver refuses to give GM the luggage carrier until she tips him. (shock)

Ending: Driver refuses to push the luggage carrier for GM so she pushes it herself causing another (uncomfortable moment).

Act 1: Scene 2 (beginning)

GM follows a handicapped woman dropping her grocery sack of oranges…one at a time…and GM picks them up while trying to push her heavy luggage carrier through the lobby.

Middle: Pappy watches GM working so hard with the oranges and luggage and puts down his newspaper and follows GM..putting the oranges in his own pockets as he walks behind her. (comedy)

Ending: After Mattie (the woman dropping oranges rides away on the elevator Pappy dumps all the oranges in his pockets into GM’s luggage carrier telling her she earned them. (surprise)

Act 1: Scene 3: (Character changes radic ally)GM works hopelessly on her checkbook, puts down her head onto the desk and sobs, the stand in tearful anger and bangs the checkbook up and down furiously on the desk until papers begin flying everywhere.

Middle: (Surprise)

GM gathers all the papers and dumps them into the waste paper basket.

Ending: (Suspense)GM sticks the checkbook under her mattress .

Act 2: Scene 1 Beginning: GM meets with her son Alex who just shrugs when she tells him she’s broke and has lost all her money. He says it’s impossible because she made a small fortune when she sold the house. She says, yes , and Healthy Peanuts, Inc. lost it all when they went bankrupt. (Mislead)
The audience doesn’t know whether to believe Alex of GM.

Middle: (sudden change) GM changes altogether when Alex asks her to take care of 10 year old Sam. She is thrilled to have him there with her and instantly ignores her anger about the bankruptcy.

Ending:GM is so very enthusiastic about having Sam that it makes us wonder…It creates a suspense when we wonder just why she’s so excited to have Sam coming by three times a week.

Act 2: Scene 2: Beginning: We find out just why GM’s so excited to have Sam (Reveal). Sam is just as excited to help GM learn computer skills as she is to learn.

Middle: Sam initially acts like he doesn’t want to teach GM computer skills, and he acts like he doesn’t know anything about computers, until GM says she’ll make cinnamon toast if he can remember. (Cliffhanger)

Ending: (Surprise) When cinnamon toast enters the picture Sam not only suddenly remembers his computer skills but he skillfully teaches them to GM for the rest of the movie.

Act 2 Scene 3: Pappy and GM share a bottle of wine (beginning)and also share their problems with each other. (External dilemma)

Middle: Pappy tells GM he really likes her so much but that Sally won’t let him have a relationship with GM. (dilemma)

Ending: They consume the entire bottle and as the bottle is consumed they become better and better friends and end the scene with a few smooches …(kisses). (Comedy)

Act 2 Scene 4: Beginning: Pappy and GM meet with their fellow residents who are becoming friendlier and friendlier and more and more dependent on GM, a former middle school counselor, to give them routine advice. The meeting is to plan a market to sell handicrafts and raise enough money for GM to stay at Shady Acres. (Uncertainty)

Middle: Pappy wants to boss everybody around, but people just sort of ignore his advice, and GM goes along to get along and agrees with every thing everybody suggests. (Internal dilemma)

Ending: (Uncertainty) They agree to knit wool hats and mittens, to paint pictures of flowers and animals and to string beads to wear with sweaters in the wintertime.Pappy advises against all these things saying nobody will buy them, but the residents insist they will sell.

Act 3: Scene 1 Beginning: Sam (age 10) and GM work furiously on the computer in GM’s apartment….as he shoots her a question and she shoots back a smart answer. (Character changes radically)

Middle: GM types furiously on the computer. (surprise)

Ending: Sam has become the teacher and GM the student as she barks out the answers. When Pappy knocks and wants to come in GM goes to the door and whispers something to him. He just laughs, but she’s quite serious about it all. (Superior position: The characters know something we, the audience, don’t know.)

Act 3: Scene 2: Beginning: Pappy’s daughter Sally and Pappy have coffee together and she tells him in no uncertain terms to shun his relationship with GM.

Middle: Pappy tells Sally that he hasn’t lots of life left, and he loves Sally, but he has to live life as he wants. (Internal dilemma)

Ending: Sally leaves her father without saying goodby or anything. (awkward moments)

Act 3: Scene 3: Beginning: The residents meet and we learn the market was a massive failure. There is not enough money to keep GM at Shady Acres: (Reveal)

Middle: The residents make known their love of GM. (major twist)

Ending: Pappy tells GM he’ll have to tell her goodby, but she says no, not yet, that Sam has some good ideas. (Sam is 10 years old so this is a mystery to the audience and to Pappy.)

Act 4: Scene 1 (Beginning)Sam and GM pick up a special letter at the Shady Acres Post office. (mystery)

Middle: They are ecstatic. (still mystery and perhaps intrigue.)

Ending: GM calls Pappy on her cells and tells him to plan a meeting in one hour. Get everybody there. (intrigue)

Act 4: Scene 2: Meeting : Beginning: GM confesses she and Sam have published and sold an advice column to the NY Times and that several big worldwide news services have bought it so that she is now flush with cash and can stay at Shady Acres with her friends. (Major twist)

Middle: Pappy holds her hand throughout her announcement and high fives Sam.(Surprise)

Ending:(Comfortable moment) Money can’t buy everything, but it can buy some things…like an apartment to live in at Shady Acres.

Act 4: Scene 3: (Celebration) Beginning: The lobby is decorated with balloons and confetti and all the residents are dressed up and drinking wine and eating cake…celebrating GM’s success.

Middle: GM and Pappy, dressed to the nines, go through the party holding hands, on their way to their waiting limosine, obviously having a date. (Reveal)

Ending: Sally and Alex (GM’s son) sit at a table in the lobby sharing a glass of wine and he asks her if Pappy is chasing GM for her money. (Major twist).

[Brian Bull]

BRIAN BULL – Fascinating Scene Outlines!

VISION!!!
My ultimate goal is to get my scripts from my hands to the SILVER SCREEN!!

“What I learned from doing this assignment is…
There were a couple of places in my story that I could really make fascinating – mainly when John’s father suggests John may be too young – I loved that – it added a another layer. There are probably more that will come to me now that I am familiar with this process.

The ONE THAT GOT AWAY – A Fisherman’s Tale
While fishing, a fisherman reflects on all the events that have lead to his present state of determination to catch the fish that has eluded him for 25 years which he blames for his younger brother’s death, however, in the end, it turns out the fisherman is the one who had gotten away.

GENRE: DRAMA

“Fishing is the art of lying convincingly about the size of the fish that got away.” -Unknown

ACT 1

SCENE ARC: From John putting the boat in the water to John getting ready to fish at “The Spot”.

1. EXT. LOUISIANA BAYOU – NIGHT

John puts the boat in the water.

ESSENCE: Establishing the location and the action.
CONFLICT:
SUBTEXT:
HOPE/FEAR:

Beginning: (Intrigue) “NO SWIMMING” sign

Middle: (Intrigue) It’s night, John is loading the boat with fishing equipment.

Ending:

2. EXT. BOAT – NIGHT

In a ceremonially act, John respectfully places a fishing hat on the seat of the boat.

ESSENCE: John is going fishing and the hat obviously means something to him.
CONFLICT: John is fighting back tears.
SUBTEXT: Who’s hat is that?
HOPE/FEAR: We hope John finds peace / We fear that he won’t

Beginning: (Mystery) In a ceremonially act, John respectfully places a fishing hat on the seat of the boat.

Middle: (Uncertainty) We believe that John is just going fishing, but then we know it’s means something more to John with the fishing hat on the seat.

Ending: (Internal Dilemma) John fighting back tears.

3. EXT. LOUISIANA BAYOU – NIGHT/DAY

John heads up the river to “The Spot”.

ESSENCE: John boats up the river noticing all the things that makes this an incredible location and very remote.
CONFLICT: The surroundings are beautiful but John is not relaxed.
SUBTEXT: Why is John so anxious?
HOPE/FEAR: We hope John finds peace / We fear that he won’t

Beginning: (Suspense) John heads up the river to “The Spot”.

Middle: (More interesting setting) Noticing all the things that makes this an incredible location and very remote.

Ending: (Suspense) John is anxious, but why?

4. EXT. BOAT – DAY

John very methodically anchors the boat and starts to get his fishing equipment out.

ESSENCE: This is something John has done religiously for 25 years.
CONFLICT: John seems to be a casual guy but his actions seem very regimented.
SUBTEXT: This seems to be more than just a guy going fishing.
HOPE/FEAR: We hope John can relax / We fear that he won’t

Beginning: ( ) John very methodically anchors the boat

Middle: (Intrigue) John starts to get his fishing equipment out.

Ending: (Internal Dilemma) John seems to be a casual guy but his actions seem very regimented.

SCENE ARC: From John learning how to fish by his father to John teaching Jim, his younger brother how to fish; how the love of fishing is passed down from generation-to-generation.

5. EXT. LOUISIANA BAYOU – DAY – 30 YEARS EARLIER

John’s father teaching John how to fish and family values.

ESSENCE: A bonding moment for father and son that will last a lifetime.
CONFLICT: A father teaching his son the right way of doing things pertaining to fishing.
SUBTEXT: Someday you will be teaching these things to someone else.
HOPE/FEAR: We hope John will learn everything / We fear he will forget something

Beginning: ( Intrigue ) John’s father teaching John how to fish and family values.

Middle: ( Suspense ) John questioning how he will remember everything.

Ending: ( Character changes radically ) John’s father turning on him and telling him that maybe he’s is too young.

6. EXT. BOAT – DAY – PRESENT DAY

John fishing.

ESSENCE: John reflecting on how the previous scene with his father impacted his life.
CONFLICT: Happiness vs. Sadness = Gratefulness
SUBTEXT: The things his father taught him he will be able to share.
HOPE/FEAR: We hope John remembers everything / We fear he will forget

Beginning: ( ) John fishing.

Middle: ( )

Ending: ( )

7. EXT. BOAT – DAY – 25 YEARS EARLIER

John teaching Jim, his younger brother, how to fish and family values, however, this isn’t the first time – it’s something John does every time they go fishing.

ESSENCE: A bonding moment between brothers that will last a lifetime, however it gets a bit ridiculous because Jim has heard it so many times before.
CONFLICT: John thinks this “stuff” he’s teaching Jim is so important vs. Jim who has has heard it a thousand times before; Jim likes the birds.
SUBTEXT: John and Jim love each regardless of their differences.
HOPE/FEAR: We hope this relationship flourishes / We fear that it won’t

Beginning: ( Misinterpretation ) John getting his fishing line ready and talking Jim through it. John is all about fishing and unbeknownst to John Jim is bird watching.

Middle: ( Betrayal ) Jim has heard it all before and is bored with the lessons.

Ending: ( Intrigue ) Jim is more interest

8. EXT. BOAT – DAY – PRESENT DAY

John fishing.

ESSENCE: John reflecting on the previous scene with a slight smile
CONFLICT: John seeing how serious he was back then vs. how his brother was just having fun and this makes him smile.
SUBTEXT: John recognizing the difference between him and Jim.
HOPE/FEAR: We hope John will relax a bit more / We fear he won’t

Beginning: ( Uncertainty ) John concentrating on fishing.

Middle: ( External Dilemma ) Birds calls in the distance, other wildlife.

Ending: ( Internal Dilemma ) John internalizes the difference between him and Jim; smiles.

9. EXT. BOAT – DAY – 25 YEARS EARLIER

A picture of Grandpa reinforces John’s commitment to being a successful fisherman leading to John catching a catfish.

ESSENCE: John catches a good size catfish.
CONFLICT: A “good-size” catfish vs. “bigger” fish to fry.
SUBTEXT: If Jim were to apply the lessons John’s teaching him, he too can catch fish.
HOPE/FEAR: We hope they catch a really big catfish / We fear that they won’t

Beginning: ( Betrayal ) John seeing Grandpa’s picture in the tackle box, Jim questions whether that is their Grandpa or not since neither met the man.

Middle: ( Surprise ) John starts to reel his line in when suddenly he gets a bite and reels in a “good-size” catfish.

Ending: ( Suspense ) “Bigger fish to fry”, the brothers calling it a day.

10. EXT. BOAT – DAY – PRESENT DAY

John sees the picture of Grandpa in the tackle box.

ESSENCE: John is reminded of his commitment to fishing.
CONFLICT: Grandpa caught a massive catfish vs. John hasn’t
SUBTEXT: John’s a failure until he catches a massive catfish like Grandpa.
HOPE/FEAR: We hope John catches a massive catfish / We fear he won’t

Beginning: ( ) John sees the picture of Grandpa in the tackle box.

Middle: ( Internal Dilemma ) Is John a great fisherman like Grandpa or just a wannabe?

Ending: ( Uncertainty ) John closes the tackle box.

SCENE ARC: John is prepping to go fishing, he’s confronted by his wife to stay home with their son however John is determined to go.

11. INT. JOHN’S GARAGE – DAY – YESTERDAY

John entering the garage to get his fishing equipment, confronted by his wife, Teresa.

ESSENCE: John is determined to go fishing and he will not take no for an answer.
CONFLICT: John’s determination to fish and his wife’s persuasion not to go.
SUBTEXT: John is determined to catch the fish he blames for his brother’s death.
HOPE/FEAR: We hope John catches the fish / We fear he won’t

Beginning: ( External Dilemma ) John enters the garage and is confronted by Teresa/Billy, his wife and son. John has to choose between staying and going.

Middle: ( Internal Dilemma / Uncertainty ) As John gathers his fishing equipment, Teresa pleads her case for him to stay.

Ending: ( ) John is going fishing and that is that!

ACT 2

SCENE ARC: From the tranquility of a beautiful setting to the devastating loss of John’s brother.

12. EXT. BOAT – DAY – PRESENT DAY

John kicks back, enjoying his surroundings…

ESSENCE: John taking notice, maybe for the first time, of his surroundings.
CONFLICT: John’s determination of catching “The Fish” vs. the enjoyment of fishing.
SUBTEXT: Fishing was suppose to be fun and relaxing
HOPE/FEAR: We hope John catches “The Fish” / We fear life will pass him by

Beginning: ( Surprise ) John kicks back, enjoying his surroundings…

Middle: ( More interesting setting ) The weather, the trees and the leaves blowing in the breeze, the Great Blue Heron flying upstream, the alligator on the shoreline, the clouds in the sky, the insects buzzing the surface of the water.

Ending: ( Internal Dilemma ) John struggles with his determination of catching “The Fish” and the enjoyment of fishing.

13. EXT. BOAT – DAY – 25 YEARS EARLIER

Jim catches a “Stick Bass” and John runs out of bait; John decides to change bait to chicken.

ESSENCE: Jim’s lost interesting in fishing, John is still determined.
CONFLICT: Jim’s disinterest vs. John’s determination
SUBTEXT: The brother’s fish for different reasons.
HOPE/FEAR: We hope they don’t fight or argue / We fear they might

Beginning: ( Mislead / Reveal ) After several failed attempts Jim catches a “Stick Bass”.

Middle: ( Suspense ) Jim loses interest but John is determined.

Ending: ( Major Twist ) John deciding to change bait to chicken.

14. EXT. BOAT – DAY – PRESENT DAY

John hears a fish jump in the distance, birds fly from the trees.

ESSENCE: John is reminded why he is out here.
CONFLICT: Relaxation vs. a Job “to-do”
SUBTEXT: John is here for a reason – to catch “The Fish”
HOPE/FEAR: We hope John catches “The Fish” / We fear he won’t

Beginning: ( More interesting setting ) John hears a fish jump in the distance

Middle: ( More interesting setting ) Birds fly from the trees.

Ending: ( Suspense ) John notices all the noises and activity surrounding him.

15. EXT. BOAT – DAY – 25 YEARS EARLIER

John catches “The Fish” and struggles to reel it in. John gets pulled into the water and Jim dives in to cut the line. Only John emerges, Jim is gone.

ESSENCE: John catches “the Fish”, Jim saves John’s life and John is left alone.
CONFLICT: Jim dies and John survives
SUBTEXT: Things can go wrong very quickly.
HOPE/FEAR: We hope John can get revenge / We fear he won’t

Beginning: ( Surprise ) Jim notices all the noises and activities surrounding them suddenly stop, there is silence.

Middle: ( Major Twist ) John catches “The Fish” and struggles to reel it in. John gets pulled into the water and Jim dives in to cut the line.

Ending: ( Surprise ) Only John emerges, Jim is gone.

ACT 3

SCENE ARC: From Jim’s hat sitting in the boat with John as he fishes to John’s uncovering the Jim’s hat in garage and bringing it along as a reminder of his task.

16. EXT. BOAT – DAY – PRESENT DAY

John fishing and seeing Jim’s hat on the seat reaches over for the machete and brings it closer.

ESSENCE: Jim’s hat reminds John why he is out here fishing.
CONFLICT: Jim’s absence vs. Jim’s presence
SUBTEXT: Jim is gone and he’s not coming back.
HOPE/FEAR: We hope John catches “The Fish” / We fear he might not

Beginning: ( Suspense ) John fishing and seeing Jim’s hat on the seat.

Middle: ( Internal Dilemma ) John struggles with the thought of Jim’s absence.

Ending: ( Surprise ) John reaches over for the machete and brings it closer.

17. INT. JOHN’S GARAGE – DAY – YESTERDAY

While gathering his fishing equipment, John sees Jim’s photo and takes Jim’s hat and slams a machete down with all his might.

ESSENCE: Jim’s hat reminds John why he is heading out fishing.
CONFLICT: Jim’s absence vs. Jim’s presence
SUBTEXT: Jim is gone and he’s not coming back.
HOPE/FEAR: We hope John catches “The Fish” / We fear he might not

Beginning: ( Intrigue ) John gathers his fishing equipment talking with Teresa.

Middle: ( Suspense ) John sees Jim’s photo and takes Jim’s hat

Ending: ( Surprise ) Teresa pushes John’s buttons to the point where John declares he’s going to kill “the Fish” slamming a machete down with all his might.

SCENE ARC: From John taking inventory of his fishing equipment in the boat to the day he acquired it from the Trading Post.

18. EXT. BOAT – DAY – PRESENT DAY

John fishing and taking notice of his newly acquired equipment.

ESSENCE: John has added new equipment to his gear.
CONFLICT: Old equipment vs. New equipment
SUBTEXT: Will the New equipment make a difference
HOPE/FEAR: We hope John catches “The Fish” / We fear he might not

Beginning: ( Suspense ) John fishing and taking notice of his newly acquired equipment.

Middle: ( Surprise ) John brings the javelin-like spear closer to himself.

Ending: ( Suspense ) A Trading Post logo on a bag.

19. EXT. TRADING POST/GAS STATION – DAY – YESTERDAY

At the Trading Post/Gas Station, an old-timer recalls a fishing tale about catfish so large one catfish could feed an Indian village. John buys new equipment and a whole cajun chicken.

ESSENCE: Hearing a fish tale about massive catfish John buys new equipment.
CONFLICT: Old ways vs. New ways
SUBTEXT: Maybe John under estimated “The Fish”
HOPE/FEAR: We hope John catches “The Fish” / We fear he might not

Beginning: ( Suspense ) At the Trading Post/Gas Station, an old-timer recalls a fishing tale about catfish so large one catfish could feed an Indian village.

Middle: ( Major Twist ) John decides a “new” plan of action may be required to catch “The Fish” he seeks.

Ending: ( Character changes radically ) John buys new equipment and a whole cajun chicken.

SCENE ARC: From John finding an empty hook and another fail attempt to having a conversation with his deceased brother Jim.

20. EXT. BOAT – DAY – PRESENT DAY

John reels his line in and finds an empty hook, he’s out of bait.

ESSENCE: John finds an empty hook and is tired of failure.
CONFLICT: The old ways aren’t working vs. trying something different
SUBTEXT: It might be time for something new.
HOPE/FEAR: We hope John catches “The Fish” / We fear he might not

Beginning: ( Suspense ) John reels his line in.

Middle: ( External Dilemma ) John finds an empty hook and is tired of failure; must decide between going home failing again or trying something radically different – the whole rotisserie cajun chicken.

Ending: ( Uncertainty ) An empty hook and Jim’s hat. Which will it be? Go home or seek revenge?

21. EXT. BOAT – DAY – JOHN’S IMAGINATION

John has a conversation with his deceased brother, Jim

ESSENCE: Jim tries to talk John out of catching “The Fish”, John refuses
CONFLICT: Jim opinion of “Don’t do this” vs. John’s opinion “I have to”
SUBTEXT: You have to do what you have to do.
HOPE/FEAR: We hope John survives catching “The Fish” / We fear he might not

Beginning: ( Internal Dilemma ) John imagines Jim is sitting in the front seat of the boat.

Middle: ( Surprise ) Jim argues that John doesn’t have to go through with this.

Ending: ( Internal Dilemma ) John states that he does.

ACT 4

SCENE ARC: From John changing his bait to John catching “The Fish” to getting “The Fish” right up to the boat to John’s realization “He was the One That Got Away!” to “The Fish” engulfing John.

22. EXT. BOAT – DAY – PRESENT DAY

John changes his bait then catches “The Fish” only to come face-to-face with “The Fish” realizing he’s “The One That Got Away” before being engulfed.

ESSENCE: John successfully catches “The Fish” but realizes the tables have turned.
CONFLICT: John vs. “The Fish”
SUBTEXT: John’s “The One That Got Away!”
HOPE/FEAR: We hope this wasn’t the case / We fear that it is

Beginning: ( Suspense / Uncertainty ) John changes his bait then catches “The Fish”.

Middle: ( Major Twist ) John comes face-to-face with “The Fish” realizing he’s “The One That Got Away”.

Ending: ( Surprise ) “The Fish” engulfs John.

CREDITS ROLL

23. EXT. BOAT – DAY – PRESENT DAY

“The Fish” eats hat.

ESSENCE: “The Fish” ate the fisherman and his hat.
CONFLICT: Man vs. Fish – Fish wins!!!
SUBTEXT: Don’t mess with Mother Nature – you might just lose your hat
HOPE/FEAR: We hope there will be a sequel / We fear there won’t be

Beginning: ( Suspense ) The hat is floating on the water.

Middle: ( )

Ending: ( Surprise ) “The Fish” breeches the surface of the water and eats the hat.

[H. Vince]

H. Vince’s Fascinating Scene Outlines!

WIM Module 4 – 2023

Lesson 10: Making Every Scene Fascinating

My Vision: I am going to be a professional screenwriter.

What I learned from doing this assignment is…

I had to catch up and write this as fast as possible which caused me to not really have many interest techniques added in. Taking other ScreenwritingU classes at the same time plus having a full-time job and other personal tasks may have not been the best decision.

TITLE: DREAM VACATION

GENRE: DRAMA/THRILLER

MAIN CONFLICT:

While James and Clara are on their dream retirement vacation, James starts show signs of rapid dementia.

Act 1:

1. INT. LAX – DAY

Beginning: JAMES and CLARA, (late 50s-60s), retired couple board the plane with excitement.

Middle: smiling, holding hands, saying they can’t believe it’s finally here

End: Find their seats

2. INT. PLANE – DAY

Beginning: JAMES orders drinks, asks the people sitting next to them if they want one also

Middle: Cheers to their retirement and vacation!

End: JAMES tells CLARA he planned a couple of good surprises

3. EXT. DESTINATION – NIGHT

Beginning: Arrive at their hotel

Middle: JAMES told the hotel it was their honeymoon since the hotel didn’t have special retirement perks

End: CLARA says she can’t wait to what happens next

4. EXT: VACATION DESTINATION – DAY

Beginning: (More interesting setting) Seeing the sights!

Middle: Essence: They’ve been waiting their whole lives to go here.

They finally made it!

The best day ever!

Dream come true!

NOTE: Maybe montage this

Ending: The couple kiss

5. INT. CAB RIDE – DAY

Beginning: Get in a cab

Middle: Conversation with cab driver

Ending: CLARA notices JAMES seems to be sweating unusually for the climate. She asks him if he’s okay. He blows it off without making a big deal. She doesn’t question it any longer and forgets about it.

Subtext: James is starting to feel off

6. INT. RESTAURANT – NIGHT

Beginning: Waiter pours wine in their glasses

Middle: A toast is made

End: JAMES spills his drink

7. INT. RESTAURANT BATHROOM – NIGHT

Beginning: JAMES excuses himself to the bathroom

Middle: JAMES putting water on his face. Looking at himself in the mirror. Looks stressed. Looks upset

End: Looks a little flustered exiting the bathroom. Looks around and sees CLARA smile and wave. He waves back and walks toward her.

8. EXT. CITY – NIGHT

Beginning: Walking back from the restaurant holding hands. JAMES looking at his wedding ring and looking at CLARA’s.

Middle: JAMES looks at CLARA and says how lucky he is

End: Elevator closes

9. INT. HOTEL ROOM – NIGHT

Beginning: Inciting Incident: James shows signs of memory loss.

Essence: James forgets where he is

Middle: Conflict: This is starting to ruin their dream vacation

Subtext: The edible is to blame and Clara has no idea at this point. Maybe the audience shouldn’t either.

End: Hope/fear: Clara gets scared that James is no longer in charge especially since he planned this whole trip.

Act 2:

10. INT. HOTEL ROOM – NIGHT

Scene arc: Plan to escape back home to deal with the situation.

Beginning: CLARA decides that JAMES needs to fly back home.

Middle: CLARA books tickets to leave the next day

Essence: CLARA is convinced that if she can just get JAMES home, she can be more calm and in control of the situation.

End: Conflict: JAMES forgets who CLARA is.

11. INT. HOTEL ROOM – NIGHT

Scene arc: CLARA realizes JAMES is experiencing rapid memory loss

Beginning: JAMES is not acting like himself – he seems scared.

Subtext: Clara is concerned for JAMES’s well being.

Middle: CLARA calls one of their sons back home

End: JAMES speaks to his son but then refers to him as a different person. CLARA gets more upset.

12. INT. HOTEL ROOM – NIGHT

Beginning: CLARA speaks to her son

Middle: The son suggests she call their doctor back home saying that the time difference is 9 hours so CLARA could call now for advice.

End: The son says to let him know what happens. CLARA ends call

13. INT. DR. RIA’S OFFICE – DAY

Beginning: DR. RIA receives notice of an emergency call from a patient that is abroad

INT. HOTEL ROOM – NIGHT

Middle: CLARA is told over the phone by DR. RIA that JAMES was just there which is news to her.

End: DR. RIA says he can’t disclose anything further without JAMES’s consent

14. INT. DR. RIA’S OFFICE – DAY (FLASHBACK)

Beginning: JAMES is in the patient room

Middle: JAMES tells DR. RIA about anxiety he’s been having

End: JAMES tells DR. RIA he hasn’t told his family and doesn’t want to worry them. He just wants to be able to relax on the vacation with his wife.

15. INT. HOTEL ROOM – NIGHT (BACK TO PRESENT NIGHT)

Beginning: JAMES is confused

Middle: CLARA tries some kind of comforting trick.

End: Clara gets JAMES to calm down and tells him to just go to sleep and that tomorrow will be better.

16. INT. HOTEL ROOM – NIGHT

Scene arc: Hope/fear: CLARA is afraid JAMES may have dementia

Beginning: CLARA lying in bed not able to sleep.

INT. SALON – DAY (FLASHBACK)

Middle: Conversation CLARA had with hairdresser on different types of dementia and how to get it.

INT. HOTEL ROOM – NIGHT (BACK TO PRESENT NIGHT)

End: CLARA falls asleep

17. INT. HOTEL ROOM – NIGHT

Beginning: CLARA has a dream

Middle: Stress induced dream

End: End of dream

18. INT. HOTEL ROOM – DAY

Beginning: CLARA wakes up to a stunning view

Middle: Where is JAMES?

End: JAMES is missing

Act 3:

19. INT. HOTEL ROOM – DAY

Beginning: CLARA calls front desk to inquire if anyone has seen JAMES

Essence: Clara needs to find her missing husband, James.

Middle: Staff needs a picture of JAMES

End: CLARA throws on clothes and races down to front desk to show a pic of JAMES on her phone.

20. INT. HOTEL FRONT DESK – DAY

Beginning: Staff is not sure. There was some staff shift changes

Middle: CLARA insists they check the camera footage

End: A manager is alerted

Hope/fear: CLARA is scared out of her mind that her husband is missing in a foreign country and will she ever find him?

21. Beginning: CLARA insists the police are called to file a missing persons report

Middle: CLARA contacts her kids to tell them what happened

End: Police show up

22. INT. HOTEL FRONT DESK – DAY

Scene arc: CLARA gets assistance to find James

Beginning: Police take CLARA’s report and request hotel camera footage

Middle: Meanwhile police are questioning people

Subtext: CLARA feels she failed JAMES by letting him leave when his mind is lost. She thinks she should have gotten him help sooner and not tried to just book a flight. She maybe didn’t take his condition as serious as she should have.

End: CLARA’s phone rings

23. INT. HOTEL FRONT DESK – DAY

Beginning: CLARA answers phone and it’s their son

INT. LAX AIRPORT – DAY

Middle: Son booked a flight to go help his mom CLARA find his dad JAMES

INT. HOTEL FRONT DESK

End: CLARA hangs up and tells the police her son booked a flight over

24. INT. HOTEL FRONT DESK – DAY

Beginning: The police tell CLARA they have retrieved the camera footage and they’re reviewing it now.

Middle: JAMES is seen leaving the hotel front lobby hours ago

End: Severe panic sets in for CLARA and she runs out the hotel front door

25. EXT. HOTEL FRONT ENTRANCE

Beginning: The police catch up to CLARA

Middle: The police tell CLARA that she should stay at the hotel in case JAMES returns. She is not familiar enough with the city to try to find him.

Subtext: CLARA feels helpless staying in one spot and has to be actively finding JAMES. She fears the worst.

End: Someone helps CLARA find James

26. EXT. FOREIGN CITY – DAY

Beginning: Introduce person that helps CLARA

Middle: Search for JAMES

Conflict: CLARA is running into dead ends trying to find James.

End: CLARA and JAMES son’s flight is cancelled

Act 4:

27. INT. LAX AIRPORT BATHROOM – DAY (FLASHBACK)

Beginning: JAMES is taking an edible without his wife knowing.

Middle: James exits airport bathroom to join his wife.

CLARA

Everything alright

JAMES

Of course dear

Ending: Back to bliss and anticipation of dream vacation.

28. EXT. FOREIGN CITY – DAY (BACK TO PRESENT DAY)

Beginning: CLARA looking up their travel insurance

Middle: CLARA finds a foreign doctor that she can take JAMES to once she finds him

End: Clue is discovered where JAMES has visited before

29. EXT. FOREIGN CITY – DAY

Beginning: Search for JAMES continues.

INT. HOTEL ROOM – DAY (FLASHBACK)

Middle: JAMES leaves hotel in the morning

EXT. FOREIGN CITY – DAY (BACK TO PRESENT DAY)

End: CLARA finds JAMES

30. INT. DR. RIA’S OFFICE – DAY

Beginning: DR. RIA looking at clinical trial results

INT. FOREIGN DOCTOR’S OFFICE – DAY

Middle: CLARA takes JAMES to foreign doctor

End: The doctor is contemplating keeping James for observation and his safety for the time being until he can find out any information from his doctor back home.

31. INT. DR. RIA’S OFFICE – DAY

Beginning: DR. RIA being contacted by a foreign doctor inquiring about his medical history

Middle: DR. RIA hesitant to give information at first

INT. FOREIGN DOCTOR’S OFFICE OR FACILITY – DAY

End: CLARA finds out that the edible JAMES took was from a clinical trial that accelerated memory loss and he is still under clinical trial.

32. INT. DR. RIA’S OFFICE – DAY

Conflict: DR. RIA has been finding out this this clinical trial edible caused memory loss and failed to alert JAMES and his family even when he knew JAMES would be traveling abroad.

Beginning: DR. RIA receiving phone calls and complaints

INT. DR. RIA’S OFFICE – DAY (FLASHBACK)

Middle: DR. RIA suggesting JAMES take a clinical trial edible to help his anxiety

INT. DR. RIA’S OFFICE – DAY (FLASHBACK)

End: Prior issue where DR. RIA almost lost his medical license

33. INT. FOREIGN DOCTOR’S OFFICE OR FACILITY – DAY(BACK TO PRESENT DAY)

Subtext: CLARA is angry with JAMES for not telling her what was going on with him before their vacation

Beginning: CLARA struggling with her trust for JAMES and angry that he may be to blame for ruining their vacation.

Middle: CLARA gets clarity about why she should be there for her husband (maybe person that helped her find JAMES helps her realize this).

End: JAMES says something to CLARA that reminds her why she loves him.

34. INT. FOREIGN DOCTOR’S OFFICE OR FACILITY – DAY

Beginning: CLARA and JAMES’s son arrive

Middle: CLARA and son recall the good times and the bad

Hope/fear: Will James regain his memory or will his cognitive abilities continue to decline?

End: Clara’s son contacts a lawyer

Resolution:

35. INT. FOREIGN DOCTOR’S OFFICE OR FACILITY – DAY

Beginning: DR. RIA contacts CLARA

Middle: DR. RIA explains that memory loss is temporary and JAMES should be remembering soon.

End: James regains a spark of memory

36. INT. DR. RIA’S OFFICE – DAY

Beginning: DR. RIA receiving lawsuit letters

INT. DR. RIA’S OFFICE – DAY (FLASHBACK)

Middle: DR. RIA’s meeting regarding clinical trial edible

End: DR. RIA signing a contract to be paid for participants

37. JAMES AND CLARA’S HOME – DAY

Beginning: JAMES trying to make it up to CLARA

Middle: JAMES says they can try a different vacation

End: CLARA gets call from doctor that she has cancer

END

[Margaret]

Margaret’s Fascinating Scene Outlines

Vision: To be the best faith-based screenwriter

Opening:

EXT. IRELAND – MT. CRUACHAN – Evening

The goddess of Ireland’s otherworld, MORRIGAN, comes out of a trance, screaming that the Irish belong to her and “it will never happen.”

Scene Arc: From trance-like state to anger

Beginning: Mystery

Ending: Suspense

Essence: Morrigan sees a future that troubles her

Conflict: What is it that Morrigan fears?

Subtext: A human will take the allegiance of the Irish away from Morrigan

Hope/fear: Fear whatever is troubling this woman

Inciting Incident: 

EXT. BRITAIN – DOCK – DAY

Twenty-five years earlier. ALITA, berates her brother, PATRICK, for attempting to run away from his duty to become a priest. The fisherman Patrick had planned to join are really kidnappers and take Patrick and his sister captive.

Scene Arc: ALITA searching for her brother PATRICK, to both being kidnapped

Beginning: Uncomfortable moment

Middle: Betrayal

Ending: Cliffhanger

Essence: Patrick was conned in his effort to escape his father’s wish for him to serve the church and is trapped, kidnapped.

Conflict: Alita fighting with Patrick, kidnappers trap the teens.

Subtext: Fisherman are not there to recruit Patrick but to kidnap him.

Hope/fear: Hope Alita can convince Patrick to obey his father; fear that the teens will be harmed and neither will see their parents again.

By page 10, you know what the movie is about:

EXT. MT. CRUACHAN – DAY – FIVE YEARS LATER

BACRAH, a powerful druid, recites incantations to create an opening in the rock wall, hoping to release otherworld creatures. He is confronted by Morrigan who tells him there is a threat in Ireland and Bacrah must find and extinguish that threat. Morrigan tells Bacrah that if he fails, she will bind his own feet in a noose.

Scene Arc: Bacrah looking for power to becoming a servant of Morrigan

Beginning: More interesting setting

Middle: Suspense

End: Uncertainty

Essence: Morrigan forces Bacrah to help her extinguish a threat

Conflict: Morrigan threatens Bacrah to force him to do her will

Subtext: Morrigan fears Patrick

Hope/fear: Hope Bacrah and Morrigan will not hurt those with them; fear Morrigan’s power over the elements and the people around her.

EXT. FIELD NEAR MILCHO’S HOME – DAY

A wolf (Bacrah) searches for Patrick. Watches as he herds the sheep and attempts to save an errant lamb from a raging river.

Scene Arc: Search for Patrick to locating him.

Beginning: Suspense

Middle: Surprise

Ending: Cliffhanger

Essence: Bacrah locates Patrick.

Conflict: Lamb in danger!

Subtext: Patrick pledges allegiance to save “lambs” (in reality pledging to care for the Irish.)

Hope/fear: Hope the wolf won’t attack; fear for the life of the lamb.

EXT. RIVER – MOVING WITH PATRICK (ABOVE/UNDERWATER) – DAY

Patrick unsuccessfully attempts to save the lamb while a wolf (Bacrah) watches.

Scene Arc: Patrick’s attempt to save the lamb to the lamb’s death.

Beginning: Uncertainty

Middle: Suspense

Ending: Suspense

Essence: Patrick failed his promise to shepherd the lambs.

Conflict: Struggle to save the lamb.

Subtext: Patrick feels guilt that his actions, both with the lamb and his sister Alita, have caused harm. Patrick doubting God heard his request.

Hope/fear: Hope Patrick can save the lamb; fear the druid who watches Patrick.

EXT. MILCHO’S HOME – EVENING

Patrick brings the dead lamb to his master (Milcho). Milcho finds purpose in the lamb’s death and cares for Patrick so he won’t get sick.

Scene Arc: Patrick’s confession to Milcho to Milcho caring for Patrick.

Beginning: Uncomfortable moment

Essence: Milcho cares for Patrick, does not want him harmed.

Conflict: Patrick’s confession to a irritated master.

Subtext: Milcho doesn’t want Patrick harmed.

Hope/fear: Hope Milcho accepts Patrick’s confession, fear Patrick will get sick.

INT. MILCHO’S HOME – NIGHT

Milcho is disturbed in the night by a wolf’s howling. He sees a fire outside near a statue of a sun god. Fearful, recognizing he is being called, he leaves the house.

Scene Arc: Milcho watching Patrick sleep peacefully to Milcho fearfully leaving his house.

Beginning: Suspense

Middle: Mystery

Ending: Cliffhanger

Essence: Milcho is being summoned by Bacrah.

Conflict: Milcho is forced to leave the house to meet with Bacrah.

Subtext: Milcho is afraid of the power of the druids.

Hope/fear: Hope the wolves won’t harm them; fear for Milcho’s safety.

EXT. HILL – NIGHT

Milcho meets with Bacrah at the statue of the sun god. Bacrah pays Milcho for Patrick and states he will come for him in the morning.

Scene Arc: From Milcho’s arguing against releasing Patrick to accepting payment for his release.

Beginning: Intrigue

Ending: Internal Dilemma

hhEssence: Bacrah pays for Patrick’s release and Milcho is forced to accept.

Conflict: Milcho arguing against releasing Patrick to Milcho.

Subtext: There is a woman (Alita) who could also fulfill Morrigan’s vision. Milcho fears Bacrah’s power.

Hope/fear: Hope Milcho won’t release Patrick to Bacrah; fear for Milcho and Patrick’s safety.

INT. MILCHO’S HOME – DAY

Milcho warns Patrick about Bacrah and Patrick flees.

Scene Arc: Patrick arguing that God will protect him to Patrick fleeing for his life.

Beginning: Suspense

End: Suspense

Essence: Patrick gives in to fear instead of trusting God to protect him. Milcho warns Patrick he must not waste his youth and potential under the control of others.

Conflict: Milcho trying to convince Patrick to run.

Subtext: Milcho doesn’t want Patrick to suffer under Bacrah’s control. Milcho is under the control of the druids.

Hope/fear: Hope Patrick will be safe; fear what will happen to Milcho when Bacrah arrives.

EXT. HILL – DAY

Patrick meets wolves, runs back to the safety of Milcho’s home.

Scene Arc: Patrick running to freedom to running back to slavery.

Beginning: Suspense

Ending: Internal Dilemma

Essence: Patrick fears for his life and prefers the known over the unknown.

Conflict: Wolves confronting Patrick.

Subtext: The wolves are the druids after Patrick.

Hope/fear: Hope Patrick will be safe; fear if he returns to Milcho, he will be handed over to Bacrah.

EXT. MILCHO’S HOME – DAY

Milcho doesn’t let Patrick into his home so Patrick runs into the forest to escape the wolves.

Scene Arc: Patrick expects Milcho to let him in to keep him safe to Patrick running for his life.

Beginning: Suspense

Ending: Cliffhanger

Essence: Milcho doesn’t want Bacrah to have Patrick.

Conflict: Patrick seeking safety from the wolves.

Subtext: The wolves are the druids.

Hope/fear: Hope Patrick will be safe; fear Patrick cannot outrun the wolves.

EXT. MILCHO’S HOME – DAY

Bacrah leaves Milcho’s home, shapeshifts into a wolf, leads the pack to find Patrick. A crow flies overhead.

Scene Arc: Bacrah the man shapeshifted into a wolf to seek Patrick.

Beginning: Mystery

Ending: Cliffhanger

Essence: Bacrah is actively looking for Patrick under the watchful eye of Morrigan (the crow).

Conflict: Bacrah is chasing Patrick.

Subtext: Morrigan is keeping an eye on Bacrah.

Hope/fear: Hope Patrick had enough of a head start to evade Bacrah; fear Patrick will be caught.

EXT. RIVERBANK – DAY

Bacrah (as a man) catches up with Patrick at the edge of the river, mocks Patrick’s God. Patrick escapes by jumping onto a tree being carried along on the fast current. The crow watches from the top of a tree nearby.

Scene Arc: Patrick is trapped to Patrick’s escape

Beginning: Suspense

Ending: Cliffhanger

Essence: God provided a way for Patrick to escape.

Conflict: Bacrah taunts Patrick and mocks his God.

Subtext: Morrigan is keeping an eye on Bacrah.

Hope/fear: Hope Patrick can escape Bacrah, fear for his safety in the raging river.

EXT. RIVERBANK – DAY

Patrick makes it safely to shore. No sign of Bacrah. The crow watches – lightning strikes near Patrick. Patrick moves into the forest to seek shelter from a storm.

Scene Arc: Patrick safe from the river to seeking shelter from a storm.

Beginning: Uncertainty

Ending: Suspense

Essence: Patrick is safe from Bacrah, but not from Morrigan.

Conflict: Patrick is in the open during a lightning storm.

Subtext: Morrigan wants Patrick dead.

Hope/fear: Hope Patrick is safe from Bacrah; fear he may be harmed in the storm.

EXT. FOREST – NIGHT

Patrick regrets leaving the sheep and not trusting God. He cries out to God for wisdom – should he return to Milcho?

Scene Arc: Patrick attempting to care for himself to crying to God for protection and wisdom.

Beginning: Internal Dilemma

Ending: Uncertainty

Essence: Patrick wants God’s leading in his life, wants to serve God.

Conflict: Patrick doesn’t know the next step to take.

Subtext: Patrick feels guilt over his decision to leave his post.

Hope/fear: Hope Patrick will be safe; fear he will decide to return to Milcho.

DREAM SEQUENCE – EXT. NIGHT – AN HOUR LATER

Patrick dreams of the angel Victor telling him to leave Ireland, that God will give him another flock to care for. He tells him he will protect him from other “gods”. Patrick wakes up and is confronted by a wolf (Bacrah) and Victor intervenes to save Patrick.

Scene Arc: Patrick questioning his path to running away, feeling safe.

Beginning: Internal dilemma

Middle: Uncertainty

End: Surprise

Essence: God is protecting Patrick, directing him to leave Ireland.

Conflict: Victor confronts Bacrah.

Subtext: God’s power is stronger than Morrigan’s or Bacrah’s.

Hope/fear: Hope that Bacrah won’t harm Patrick; fear for Patrick’s life.

EXT. MEADOW – DAY – SAME

Bacrah runs through a meadow but is stopped by Morrigan. She is livid, asks Bacrah why her servants are less powerful than another god’s. Tells Bacrah he will be her service dog for the High King but his failure will come at a cost, he will lose his ability to shapeshift.

Beginning: Uncomfortable Moment

End: Intrigue

Scene Arc: Bacrah fleeing to trembling before Morrigan.

Essence: God’s angel is more powerful than Morrigan’s druid.

Conflict: Morrigan’s anger at Bacrah’s failure.

Subtext: Morrigan will take over pursuing Patrick. Bacrah hates Morrigan’s control.

Hope/fear: Hope Patrick can withstand Morrigan, fear her power.

EXT. MEADOW – DAY

Patrick stumbles through a meadow. Gaunt, dehydrated. He falls, unconscious.

Scene Arc: From physically beat to unconscious.

Beginning: Suspense

Ending: Cliffhanger

Essence: Patrick’s journey has exceeded the level of physical ability.

Conflict: Patrick’s inability to go forward.

Subtext: Patrick’s journey has taken his toll on his body.

Hope/fear: Hope Patrick will find food/water; fear he will die.

DREAM SEQUENCE – EXT. – DAY

Morrigan appears to Patrick, accuses him of not being good enough to live since he caused the capture of his sister, and the death of the lamb. She warns he will be rejected by his parents if he attempts to return home and it would be better for him to die and serve her in the otherworld. In his dream, Patrick tells her he will serve no other god but the true One. He remains unconscious.

Scene Arc: Morrigan’s attempt to get Patrick to serve her to Patrick’s rejection of her.

Essence: Morrigan wants Patrick’s loyalty, Patrick’s loyalty is with God.

Beginning: Uncomfortable moment

Middle: Internal Dilemma

Ending: Cliffhanger

Conflict: Morrigan’s attempt to gain Patrick’s loyalty.

Subtext: Morrigan is fearful of Patrick.

Hope/fear: Hope Patrick will not let guilt cloud his decisions; hope he will stand firm.

EXT. MEADOW – DAY

Two sisters discover the half-starved Patrick unconscious in a meadow. They assume he is dead. When he breathes, they attribute his life to the fairy people and take him to their Da. A crow in a tree watches the action.

Scene Arc: Patrick unconscious in a field to his rescue.

Beginning: Uncertainty

Middle: Suspense

Ending: Cliffhanger

Essence: Patrick’s journey has taken its toll, but he has help.

Conflict: Women debating who the unconscious man is and what to do with him.

Subtext: The women are steeped in the stories of the otherworld.

Hope/fear: Hope Patrick will be helped. Fear his illness and what brought him to this point?

INT. COTTAGE – DAY

The Irish family (Cailin, Moira, and Da) interrogate Patrick, attempt to convince him to stay. Moira (a shapeshifted Morrigan) attempts to seduce him to deter him from his mission.;

Scene Arc: Patrick is rescued to Patrick stating he will leave.

Beginning: Uncertainty

Middle: Intrigue

Ending: Cliffhanger

Essence: Patrick is tempted to stay with the family.

Conflict: Moira’s seduction, attempt to get Patrick to stay.

Subtext: Temptation is a way to deter Patrick from his mission and to have him serve Morrigan. Moira is really Morrigan, shapeshifted. Patrick speaks of his “master” but really refers to God.

Hope/fear: Hope Patrick is strong enough to avoid temptation. Fear he will be seduced.

EXT. IRELAND – DOCKS – DAY

Patrick begs for work to pay for passage to England and is rejected. Morrigan shapeshifts into the Captain and brings Patrick on board.

Scene Arc: From Patrick’s rejection to a job offer.

Beginning: Uncertainty

Ending: Surprise

Essence: God has provided passage for Patrick back to England.

Conflict: Patrick’s rejection.

Subtext: Morrigan wants Patrick out of Ireland.

Hope/fear: Hope Patrick makes it safely to England; fear Morrigan’s agenda.

EXT. OCEAN – DAY

A crow flies over the ship. Lightning strikes the ship. The wind whips up the water.

Scene Arc: A ship sailing in calm seas to being battered by a storm.

Beginning: More interesting setting.

Ending: Uncertainty

Essence: Morrigan whips up a storm to kill Patrick.

Conflict: The ship is under attack by the elements.

Subtext: Morrigan controls the weather.

Hope/fear: Hope the ship can weather the storm; fear they will be shipwrecked.

EXT. WALES – DAY

The sailors are shipwrecked along with a pack of Irish wolfhounds. The Captain asks Patrick to call on his God for food. Patrick prays and a herd of pigs appears.

Scene Arc: Sailors are hungry to abundance of food.

Beginning: Uncertainty

Middle: Suspense

Ending: Cliffhanger

Essence: The shipwrecked sailors are hungry. Patrick prays and God’s provides.

Conflict: Captain’s taunting Patrick to call on his God for help.

Subtext: The Captain does not believe in God’s power to help.

Hope/fear: Hope God will supply food; fear Patrick will starve.

EXT. BRITAIN – PATRICK’S HOME – DAY

Patrick is reunited with his parents; tells them he is ready to be a priest. Patrick lets them know he couldn’t find Alita.

Scene Arc: Patrick’s joyful reunion with parents to admitting he couldn’t find Alita.

Beginning: Suspense

Ending: Uncertainty

Essence: Patrick has decided to become a priest.

Conflict: Patrick’s confession – he couldn’t find Alita.

Subtext: Patrick feels guilt for not finding his sister.

Hope/fear: Hope Alita gets found; fear she may be lost forever.

INT. PATRICK’S HOME – BEDROOM – NIGHT – FIVE YEARS LATER

Patrick sleeps at a desk, his head on a piece of paper, ink dripping from the quill in his hand.

DREAM SEQUENCE

Patrick dreams of letters from Ireland telling him to come and tell them of God.

Scene Arc: From sleeping to awake and realizing God is sending him back to Ireland.

Beginning: Suspense

Middle: Internal Dilemma

Ending: Cliffhanger

Essence: Patrick has a mission from God.

Conflict: Patrick’s inner conflict – returning to a land where he was a slave.

Subtext: Patrick is to shepherd the Irish as God’s flock (ink blot resembling staff)

Hope/fear: Hope Patrick is up to this task; fear what Morrigan will do if he returns.

First turning point at end of Act 1: Patrick’s return to Ireland.

INT. PATRICK’S HOME – DAY

Patrick tells his parents he plans to become a priest, return to Ireland, pay Milcho the

debt for his freedom, and share the message of God’s love with the Irish.

Scene Arc: From arguing with his parents about returning to Ireland to leaving with their blessing in the hopes of finding his sister, Alita.

Beginning: Uncomfortable moment

Middle: Suspense

End: Cliffhanger

Essence: His parents don’t want to lose their son.

Conflict: Patrick’s mission vs his parent’s need.

Subtext: Parents are agreeing to Patrick leaving hoping his sister will be found.

Hope/fear: Hope Patrick can find Alita; fear Patrick will never return.

New Plan: Evangelize the Irish.

New Plan in Action: Evangelize Milcho

EXT. MILCHO’S HOME – DAY

Patrick tries to pay Milcho for his freedom and evangelize him. Both efforts are rejected and Patrick is told to return the next day.

Scene Arc: From Patrick’s hope that Milcho will listen to being rejected.

Beginning: Uncomfortable moment

End: Cliffhanger

Essence: Patrick is intent on saving Milcho.

Conflict: Milcho’s rejection of Patrick’s money and his message.

Subtext: Milcho is afraid of Bacrah’s wrath.

Hope/fear: Hope Milcho will listen to Patrick; fear that Patrick will not be able to convince him.

INT. MILCHO’S HOME – DAY

Threatened with an afterlife of torture in the Otherworld, Milcho commits suicide, killing his wife as well so not to fall under Patrick’s spell and accept his God.

Scene Arc: From Milcho’s NEIGHBOR trying to convince Milcho to not go through with his plan to Milcho burning the house down around him and his wife to keep from eternal torture.

Beginning: Uncomfortable moment

Middle: External Dilemma

End: Suspense

Essence: Milcho is more afraid of Bacrah/Morrigan than of death.

Conflict: Conflict with Neighbor and his wife, trying to deter Milcho from his course of action.

Subtext: The Irish are steeped in fear.

Hope/fear: Hope someone can talk sense into Milcho; fear that Milcho and his wife are dead.

EXT. MILCHO’S HOME – DAY – MOMENTS LATER

Patrick tries to save Milcho. After Milcho’s death, he leaves, runs to the statue of the sun god.

Scene Arc: From Patrick’s trying to save Milcho to running from his home.

Beginning: Suspense

End: Cliffhanger

Essence: Patrick cannot save Milcho and his wife from their allegiance to Morrigan.

Conflict: Patrick’s attempt to save Milcho and his wife from death.

Subtext: Patrick feels guilt over Milcho’s death.

Hope/fear: Hope Patrick can save the couple; fear they are dead.

Midpoint Turning Point:

EXT. HILL – DAY

Patrick desecrates the statue to the sun god by painting a cross over its circle. Vows that the Irish will not belong to Morrigan. As Patrick turns from the statue, a crow lights onto it.

Scene Arc: From Patrick’s anger of his defeat to renewal of his mission.

Beginning: Character changes radically

End: Suspense

Essence: Patrick’s anger causes him to desecrate the circle of the sun god.

Conflict: Patrick’s attack on the statue of the sun god.

Subtext: Patrick has renewed his hope.

Hope/fear: Hope Patrick will succeed; fear Morrigan is too strong.

EXT. KING LOEGHAIRE’S CASTLE – EVENING

Bacrah kneels in front of Morrigan, asks why he has been brought to King Loeghaire’s castle. He is given a mission to keep King Loeghaire from listening to Patrick, his life dependent on it.

Scene Arc: A confused Bacrah to Bacrah understanding his life and death mission.

Beginning: Uncertainty

Ending: Intrigue

Essence: Bacrah is under Morrigan’s control and to save his life he must keep Patrick from convincing the King of Patrick’s message.

Conflict: Morrigan’s threat to Bacrah’s life.

Subtext: Bacrah hates the control Morrigan has over him but he fears her.

Hope/fear: Hope Bacrah doesn’t thwart Patrick; fear he might succeed.

EXT. TARA – HILL OF SLANE – EVENING

Patrick desecrates another sun god’s statue as a crow flies overhead. A flash flood takes away the crosses and drenches Patrick. He lights a fire on the eve of Paschal to dry out, inadvertently breaking a pagan prohibition. Patrick vows to follow the Creator God.

Scene Arc: From Patrick’s doubt that he is worth anything to God to giving his all to serve God.

Beginning: Internal Dilemma

Essence: Patrick believes and trusts in the one true God.

Conflict: Patrick’s inner doubt that he is able to do what God requests.

Subtext: Morrigan can control nature, won’t let Patrick win.

Hope/fear: Hope Patrick realizes his strength comes from God; fear he will give up.

EXT. KING LOEGHAIRE’S CASTLE – EVENING

Bacrah watches the countryside, notes Patrick’s fire from a distance, growls like a wolf.

Scene Arc: From watching to recognition of a threat.

Beginning: Intrigue

Essence: Bacrah recognizes the fire as a threat from Patrick.

Conflict: Patrick is threatening the old ways.

Subtext: Patrick is a threat to Bacrah.

Hope/fear: Hope Patrick doesn’t have to confront Bacrah; fear Bacrah will harm Patrick.

INT. KING LOEGHAIRE’S CASTLE – EVENING

Bacrah notifies the king of the Paschal fire, obtains permission to kill the man who lit the fire. He takes the Queen, her attendant, the king’s chief druid, DUBTACH, and nine warriors with him.

Scene Arc: King Loeghaire’s discovers someone has lit the Paschal fire, sends Bacrah to kill him.

Beginning: Uncomfortable moment.

End: Intrigue

Essence: King Loeghaire is fearful of Bacrah’s power and submits to his decision to have the man who lit the Paschal fire killed.

Conflict: Threat to King Loeghaire’s rule.

Subtext: The King is afraid of Bacrah, to the point of agreeing to send his Queen with him.

Hope/fear: Hope Patrick will be safe; fear the engagement to come with Bacrah.

EXT. TARA – HILL OF SLANE – EVENING

Bacrah confronts Patrick and curses his God. Patrick calls on his God and a miraculous

intervention leaves Bacrah unconscious, the King’s druid joins Patrick out of fear, and the Queen flees back to the castle, taking Bacrah with her.

Scene Arc: From Bacrah and his men confronting Patrick to being overcome by God’s power.

Beginning: Suspense

Middle: Surprise

End: Cliffhanger

Essence: God is stronger than the power of the druids.

Conflict: Confrontation between Bacrah and Patrick.

Subtext: Dubtach and the Queen fear Patrick’s power.

Hope/fear: Hope Patrick will survive; fear what will happen to Patrick if he insists on seeing King Loeghaire.

EXT. KING LOEGHAIRE’S CASTLE – DAWN

Patrick and Dubtach make their way to King Loeghaire’s but are hampered by a thick fog sent by Morrigan. A blind beggar attempts to divert Patrick from his mission, tells him he could better serve by helping the poor and the blind and that God will bless him with riches and power if he obeys this directive. Patrick rejects the beggar’s philosophy, the fog clears. Victor appears, warns Patrick he must keep his focus, blesses his journey.

Scene Arc: Lost in a fog to clearly seeing the path before him.

Beginning: Uncertainty

Middle: Internal Dilemma

End: Mislead/Reveal

Essence: Patrick is tested to see if he will remain faithful to his mission.

Conflict: Lost in a fog, trying to find the way.

Subtext: Patrick must keep himself free from distractions in order to serve God.

Hope/fear: Hope Patrick finds his way; fear he is lost.

INT. KING LOEGHAIRE’S CASTLE – DAY

Patrick seeks an audience with King Loeghaire but is not able to turn his heart to God. Instead, Patrick is mandated to help another King, KING EOCHAID. King Loeghaire feels Patrick’s powers can locate a kidnapped prince. Patrick sees a serving woman, thinks it is Alita, and asks for her freedom.

Scene Arc: From attempting to turn King Loeghaire to God to seeking to save Alita.

Beginning: Uncertainty

Middle: Suspense

End: Cliffhanger

Essence: Patrick has earned a reputation for have mystical power. Patrick has found “Alita” and is being sent with her and Dubtach to King Eochaid.

Conflict: Patrick’s verbal sparring with King Loeghaire over religion.

Subtext: The King is afraid of Patrick’s power. Dubtach is afraid of King Eochaid.

Hope/fear: Hope the king will turn to God; fear Patrick’s trip to King Eochaid will be dangerous.

INT. KING LOEGHAIRE’S CASTLE – PATRICK’S ROOM – EVENING

“Alita” (Lizzie) is sent to Patrick’s room. He discovers she is not his sister.

Scene Arc: From Patrick’s joy at rescuing “Alita” to discovering she is not his sister.

Beginning: Mislead

Middle: Misinterpretation

End: Reveal

Essence: Patrick desire to find his sister blocks his view of reality.

Conflict: Verbal sparring between Lizzie and Patrick.

Subtext: Lizzie thinks she is there to meet Patrick’s needs, not as his sister.

Hope/fear: Hope Patrick realizes his error; fear Lizzie will be returned to servanthood.

INT. KING LOEGHAIRE’S CASTLE – BACRAH’S ROOM – NIGHT

Morrigan appears to Bacrah, threatens him once again for his failure, now removing his ability for foresight. She sends him to the High King. States if he does not protect King Aengus, he will be the lowliest in the otherworld for eternity. He screams out his anger after she leaves.

Scene Arc: Fear of Morrigan to hate of her power.

Beginning: Uncomfortable moment

Middle: Intrigue

End: Intrigue

Essence: Bacrah has failed twice, another failure will subject him to a powerless state for eternity.

Conflict: Morrigan’s threat.

Subtext: Bacrah has no choice but to obey.

Hope/fear: Hope Bacrah and Morrigan do not succeed; fear for Patrick.

INT. KING EOCHAID’S CASTLE – THRONE ROOM – DAY

Patrick meets King Eochaid, who is doubtful that Patrick can help free his kidnapped son. Patrick prays, the King’s son is found and the grateful king agrees to listen to Patrick.

Scene Arc: From King Eochaid’s doubt of Patrick to his gratitude.

Beginning: Uncomfortable moment

Ending: Surprise

Essence: Patrick prays for the deliverance of the King’s son and the son is released.

Conflict: King Eochaid’s threats to Patrick if unsuccessful in helping him.

Subtext: God intervened.

Hope/fear: Hope Patrick can help; fear the King’s punishment if Patrick doesn’t succeed.

INT. KING EOCHAID’S CASTLE – BANQUET HALL – DAY

Patrick, Dubtach, and Lizzie enjoy the banquet. Patrick tells the King of God’s love. The King listens until a crow flies into the castle. In fear at seeing the crow, the King has a heart attack and Patrick, Dubtach, and Lizzie are taken to the dungeon.

Scene Arc: From enjoying the banquet to being thrown in a dungeon.

Beginning: Uncertainty

Middle: Surprise

End: Cliffihanger

Essence: The King fears Morrigan and is afraid of Patrick’s message.

Conflict: Verbal sparring over religion, the fear of the King when he sees the crow.

Subtext: Morrigan is the crow and her presence is threatening to the King.

Hope/fear: Hope the King will listen; fear Patrick will be harmed.

INT. KING EOCHAID’S CASTLE – DUNGEON – DAY

Dubtach looks for Patrick’s power to free them, Patrick seeks God’s will which angers Dubtach. Lizzie sees Patrick’s faith and turns to God.

Scene Arc: From being locked in dungeon to escorted to King Eochaid’s beside.

Beginning: External Dilemma

Ending: Suspense

Essence: Love of God casts out fear.

Conflict: Dubtach seeking power over submission to God.

Subtext: Dubtach seeks power not God.

Hope/fear: Hope they will be rescued; fear what will happen to Patrick.

INT. KING EOCHAID’S CASTLE – KING’S BEDROOM – DAY

King Eochaid rejects Patrick’s message, agrees to send him to the High King.

Scene Arc: From freedom to speak to the King to being asked to leave.

Beginning: Uncomfortable moment

Middle: Internal dilemma

End: Cliffhanger

Essence: The King will not accept Patrick’s God.

Conflict: Verbal sparring over religion.

Subtext: The King fears Morrigan.

Hope/fear: Hope the king will listen; fear what will happen to Patrick.

Act 3:

Rethink everything: Patrick heads to King Aengus

EXT. KING EOCHAID’S CASTLE – DAY

Patrick laments the lost soul and vows to go to the High King. A sudden downpour and a visit from a Banshee with the prophesy of Lizzie’s death if Patrick doesn’t leave his current path leaves Dubtach unsettled.

Scene Arc: From storm to prophesy of death to moving on in faith to the High King.

Beginning: Uncomfortable moment

Middle: Surprise

Ending: Cliffhanger

Essence: Patrick is not deterred by fear

Conflict: Dubtach’s fears vs Lizzie’s faith, Patrick’s decision to move on.

Subtext: Morrigan wants to stop Patrick

Hope/fear: Hope Patrick doesn’t give up; fear for Lizzie’s safety

EXT. KING AENGUS’ CASTLE – DAY

Bacrah meets the trio outside of the castle. Dubtach betrays Patrick. Bacrah threatens Lizzie if Patrick doesn’t yield. Lizzie responds by killing herself. Patrick is taken to the dungeon.

Scene Arc: Bacrah confronts a confident Patrick to Patrick overcome by guilt.

Beginning: Internal dilemma

End: Character changes radically

Essence: Dubtach’s betrayal and Lizzie’s death cause Patrick guilt.

Conflict: Bacrah threatens Lizzie’s life, Dubtach’s betrayal.

Subtext: Lizzie is a strong woman of faith.

Hope/fear: Hope Lizzie won’t be harmed; fear what will happen to Patrick.

EXT. KING AENGUS’ CASTLE – DUNGEON – NIGHT

Patrick feels like he is a failure but his faith in God prevails and renews his courage.

Scene Arc: From Patrick’s feeling of failure to hope.

Beginning: Internal dilemma

End: Character changes radically

Essence: Patrick realizes he must go forward in God’s strength.

Conflict: Patrick’s self-doubt.

Subtext: God is Patrick’s source of strength.

Hope/fear: Hope Patrick can pull out of his pity party; fear he will be stuck in the dungeon.

INT. KING AENGUS’ CASTLE – THRONE ROOM – DAY

King Aengus is angry that Bacrah overstepped his power by throwing Patrick in the dungeon. He orders Patrick and Bacrah to face him tomorrow.

Scene Arc: Aengus berating Bacrah to ordering him to bring Patrick before him.

Beginning: Uncomfortable moment

End: Cliffhanger

Essence: King Aengus wants to hear what Patrick has to say.

Conflict: King Aengus’ anger towards Bacrah.

Subtext: King Aengus feels he is all-powerful and does not fear a druid.

Hope/fear: Hope Patrick will be given a chance; fear what Bacrah will do.

EXT. KING AENGUS’ CASTLE – DAY

Patrick refuses to do miracles for the king. He is sent to face Morrigan on Mt. Cruachan.

Scene Arc: Patrick free to speak to sentenced to face Morrigan on Mt. Cruachan.

Beginning: Internal dilemma

Ending: Cliffhanger

Essence: Patrick refuses to use power to turn the King’s heart.

Conflict: Bacrah’s verbal attacks on Patrick’s weakness.

Subtext: You don’t need powerful signs to turn a heart.

Hope/fear: Hope the King will listen; fear Patrick’s journey to Mt. Cruachan.

EXT. BASE OF MOUNT CRUACHAN – DAY

On the way to Mt. Cruachan Patrick sees a peasant woman by a stream (Morrigan) washing clothes soaked with blood. She stares at Patrick as she holds up the rinsed clothes, he realizes they are the exact match of his own. The woman disappears and the soldiers take it as a sign he will die, and that the woman was none other than Morrigan.

Scene Arc: Peaceful journey to prophesy of Patrick’s death.

Beginning: Suspense

Middle: Mystery

Ending: Cliffhanger

Essence: Morrigan wants Patrick to know he will die soon.

Conflict: Prophesy of certain death.

Subtext: Patrick will die on Mt. Cruachan.

Hope/fear: Hope Patrick won’t die; fear the prophesy will come true.

EXT. MT. CRUACHAN – EVENING

Bacrah sends Patrick into a cave to meet Morrigan.

Scene Arc: From threat of danger to willingly entering the cave.

Beginning: Mystery

Middle: Suspense

Ending: Surprise

Essence: Patrick is going of his own free will into danger.

Conflict: Bacrah sending Patrick to certain danger.

Subtext: Patrick will be killed.

Hope/fear: Hope Patrick will survive; fear he will be killed.

INT. MT. CRUACHAN – CAVE – EVENING

Patrick enters the cave to confront snakes. He orders them out of the cave and out of Ireland.

Scene Arc: From threat of snakes to safety.

Beginning: Suspense

Ending: Cliffhanger

Essence: Patrick is relying on God’s power.

Conflict: Threat of snakes.

Subtext: God’s power is with Patrick.

Hope/fear: Hope Patrick won’t be bitten; fear he will die.

EXT. MT. CRUACHAN – EVENING – MOVING WITH THE SNAKES

The snakes come out of the cave and from the woods, overcoming and moving over the soldiers. The snakes move down the trail and head down the mountain into the sea to die.

Scene Arc: From snakes overcoming soldiers to dying in the sea.

Beginning: Surprise

Essence: The snakes are under Patrick’s power and are leaving Ireland.

Conflict: Men vs snakes.

Subtext: God’s power moves the snakes away.

Hope/fear: Hope all the snakes go away; fear of where the snakes are going.

INT. MT. CRUACHAN – CAVE – NIGHT

A woman’s voice beckons Patrick deep into the cave. He finds “Alita” who attempts to turn his allegiance to Morrigan. Unbending, Morrigan reacts by showing herself, letting Patrick know Alita is dead and then she kicks Patrick out of the cave.

Scene Arc: From joy at finding Alita to learning she is dead.

Beginning: Surprise

Middle: Internal dilemma

Ending: Suspense

Essence: Morrigan cannot turn Patrick.

Conflict: Alita’s attempt to turn Patrick, Morrigan’s anger.

Subtext: Morrigan cannot sway Patrick.

Hope/fear: Hope Patrick will not listen; fear Morrigan’s power.

Turning Point Act 3

EXT. MOUNT CRUACHAN – EVENING

Patrick faces the onslaught of the otherworld creatures. Morrigan threatens to harm the Irish if he does not submit. In her anger, she takes a piece of the mountain and throws it (the Rock of Cashel) and sends Otherworld creatures to harm the High King. Victor comes to assist Patrick but Patrick refuses to leave Mt. Cruachan until Victor blesses his ministry.

Scene Arc: To Morrigan’s onslaught to Patrick’s freedom.

Beginning: Suspense

Middle: Uncomfortable moment

End: Cliffhanger

Essence: Patrick has the power to help the Irish and cannot be overcome by Morrigan.

Conflict: The threat of the dangers of nature that Morrigan stirs up.

Subtext: Morrigan can control the elements but not destroy Patrick.

Hope/fear: Hope Patrick survives; fear what Morrigan will do to the Irish.

Act 4:

Crisis:

INT. KING AENGUS’ CASTLE – THRONE ROOM – DAY

King Aengus and Bacrah investigate the sudden darkness of the day. Bacrah sees Meraxes (Morrigan’s dragon) but the King is unaware and not believing in the otherworld creature.

EXT. KING AENGUS’ CASTLE – SAME

Bacrah sees the otherworld creatures approaching the castle but the King is blind to them. They both go back into the castle for safety.

INT. KING AENGUS’ CASTLE – SAME

The King and Bacrah see the smoke in the castle. The King goes to his room for safety while Bacrah investigates.

EXT. KING AENGUS’ CASTLE – ROOF – SAME

Bacrah attempts a spell to bring rain and extinguish the flames from Meraxes.

INT. KING AENGUS’ CASTLE – BED CHAMBER – SAME

The King attempts to extinguish the flames at his window with bed covers.

EXT. KING AENGUS’ CASTLE – ROOF – SAME

Bacrah calls down lightning to destroy Meraxes. With an injured wing, Meraxes flies back to Mt. Cruachan. The Rock of Cashel flies over and lands, causing the earth to quake.

INT. KING AENGUS’ CASTLE – BED CHAMBER – SAME

Bacrah tells the King of the extinguished fire and the Rock of Cashel. The King refuses to hide in his room any longer.

EXT. KING AENGUS’ CASTLE – SAME

Seeing the approach of the otherworld creatures, with Patrick behind them, Bacrah orders the King’s men to attack creatures they cannot see, leaves to give orders from the balcony.

EXT. KING AENGUS’ CASTLE – BALCONY – SAME

Bacrah orders the men to start the fight from the balcony. The soldiers cannot see the creatures and begin to fall. Bacrah calls for Morrigan and she tells him she is taking his power away by taking away those who serve him.

Scene Arc: (From Scene 56-64) From the approach of the Otherworld creatures to a full-scale war with Morrigan against Bacrah and the King’s men.

Beginning: Suspense

Middle: More interesting scene

End:Cliffhanger

Essence: The castle is being attacked

Conflict: Otherworld creatures vs the King’s men.

Subtext: King Aengus doesn’t trust Bacrah’s analysis of events.

Hope/fear: Hope the King will stay safe: fear the approach of the Otherworld creatures.

Climax:

EXT. KING AENGUS’ CASTLE – SAME

Patrick prays for help and that the warrior’s eyes will be opened. Victor and angels appear and fight, Victor taking on Morrigan. Patrick is attacked but saved by angels. The warriors gain the upper hand once they can see. Morrigan and the Otherworld are defeated.

Scene Arc: From King Aengus’ men losing the battle to victory.

Beginning: Major Twist

Middle: Suspense

Essence: God’s power can defeat spiritual attacks.

Conflict: The otherworld vs Patrick and the King’s men.

Subtext: God’s power is greater than Morrigan.

Hope/fear: Hope that Patrick and the warriors will win; fear Patrick will die.

INT. KING AENGUS’ CASTLE – THRONE ROOM – SAME

Bacrah tells the King of the victory, the King wants to see Patrick.

EXT. KING AENGUS’ CASTLE – SAME

Bacrah confronts Patrick and warns him not to try to turn the King away from the druid’s power.

Scene Arc: (Scene 66-67) Bacrah’s warning to Patrick’s rejection of the warning.

Beginning: Uncomfortable moment

Middle: Suspense

End: Cliffhanger

Essence: Bacrah seeks ultimate power now that Morrigan is bound.

Conflict: Bacrah vs Patrick’s influence on the King.

Subtext: Bacrah wants total control.

Hope/fear: Hope Patrick won’t be intimidated; fear Bacrah’s power.

Resolution:

INT. KING AENGUS’ CASTLE – BANQUET HALL – SAME

Patrick leads the King to the knowledge of the Lord.

Scene Arc: From Bacrah’s rejection of the truth to the King’s acceptance of God.

Beginning: Internal dilemma

Essence: Bacrah loses, Patrick’s mission is accomplished.

Conflict: Bacrah’s fight for control.

Subtext: The King is not afraid of the Otherworld.

Hope/fear: Hope the King will accept Patrick’s message; fear Bacrah’s power.

DREAM SEQUENCE – KING AENGUS’ CASTLE – PATRICK’S ROOM – NIGHT

Victor shows Patrick the Rock of Cashel and promises it to be a center for spreading the gospel. States the King will be baptized here.

Scene Arc: From barren rock to flourishing ministry.

Beginning: More interesting setting

End: Cliffhanger

Essence: Patrick has won and will have a ministry in Ireland.

Conflict: None

Subtext: Patrick will be a father to the Irish.

Hope/fear: Hope for the future.

EXT. ROCK OF CASHEL – DAY

Patrick baptizes the King and then lifts his staff to pray. He brings it down firm on the “Amen” and the sharp end of the staff goes right through the king’s foot. The people assume Patrick will be killed immediately. Patrick is challenged by his own fear at the event and humbly accepts his fate. The king only replies with Patrick’s own tale of Jesus on the cross, “If the Lord can be nailed through his feet, then I too will suffer for him.” Bacrah is banished.

Scene Arc: Baptism to Bacrah banished.

Middle: Suspense

Essence: Patrick has won.

Conflict: Bacrah’s accusation of Patrick trying to harm the King.

Subtext: God is with Patrick.

Hope/fear: Hope Patrick is safe; fear Bacrah’s power.

EPILOGUE – EXT. ROCK OF CASHEL – DAY – FIVE YEARS LATER

A church has been built on the Rock of Cashel. Peasants file into the church. Patrick overlooks the valley to see a flock of white sheep, one black sheep bleating.

[Adrienne Watkins]

Adrienne Watkins Fascinating Scene Outlines Module 4 Lesson 10

My Vision: I am going to work as hard as I reasonably am able to succeed at script writing to be recognized by multiple movie producers as a skilled script writer, and to have my scripts produced worldwide.

What I have Learned from this assignment make the scene live. Keep the audience guessing what’s next?

Scene 1

EXT: Public Street- Day

Beginning: (uncomfortable moment) Roy accidentally bumps into deaf women on the street

Middle :(misinterpretation) Roy doesn’t know she deaf and interprets her expression as rudeness.

End:(Major Twist) he watches her walk away using sign language.

Uncertainty: Will he try to follow her to apologize?

[Melissa Barreca]

Melissa Barreca’s Fascinating Scene Outlines

My vision: Melissa Barreca is one of the most sought after writers in the movie industry because of the artistry of her writing, professionalism and exceptional ability to tell important, entertaining, joyful, and heartbreaking stories that inspire audiences and become legendary classics.

What I learned…The scenes keep growing and changing as I approach the task differently and it has certainly taken me on a journey that I did not expect.<div>

TITLE: Starting Over

Act 1

1. EXT. FIELD OF CLOVER – DAY

Beginning: (More interesting setting) Kids play in a field of clover, with majestic castle ruins in the background, and small cottages in the foreground.

Middle: (Surprise) The children suddenly stop at the sight of emaciated dead bodies in a pile.

End: (Uncomfortable moment) the group begins playing again after a few seconds of hesitation and ignores the sight, continuing with their games and song.

2. INT. SMALL COTTAGE – NIGHT

Beginning: (External dilemma) Norah and Doyle Murphy laugh and pack with her family for their immigration to America. They must leave because of bad conditions.

Middle: (Internal dilemma) Norah will miss her family and doesn’t want to leave.

End: (Intrigue) There is an unspoken but palpable stress surrounding the disappearance of her sister Bridget that makes the parting even more traumatic.

3. EXT. PORT WITH OCEAN GOING BOATS – DAY

Beginning: (Uncomfortable moment) The family is saying their final goodbyes near the run-down, meager boat.

Middle: (Misinterpretation) Doyle becomes aware that his father in law never wanted them to leave in the first place, but has since come to believe it is the right thing.

End: (Uncertainty) They board for the long journey.

4. INT. ELLIS ISLAND PROCESSING FACILITY – DAY

Beginning: (More interesting setting) The parents are separated in processing at Ellis Island, as Doyle must leave his family and Norah takes the children into a holding room with a host of strange characters.

Middle: (Uncomfortable moment) The family is counseled to change their name to not be so Irish sounding, to Murston instead of Murphy. They decline.

End: (Intrigue) They board a train bound for grand central, but are unsure of why the people around them seem to be treating them with disdain.

5. INT. GRAND CENTRAL TERMINAL – DAY

Beginning: (Uncertainty) Upon arrival at Grand Central, the family immediately loses track of one of their kids.

Middle: (Surprise) The kid walks up holding the hand of Mick, their old friend from Ireland, who happened to see him wander off from afar and went to grab him.

End: (Suspense) Mick eludes to some issues that they will need to deal with in their new home.

6. EXT. EXITING A COACH ONTO MULBERRY STREET – DAY

Beginning: (More interesting setting) Arriving in the Five Points, the stench is unbearable and the new family is appalled at the pitiful sight of poor beggars and street children everywhere.

Middle: (Misinterpretation) The family thinks that Mick’s apartment is theirs, but finds out their apartment is much worse.

End: (Internal dilemma) Norah sees street children and talks with them, especially one that reminds her of her sister Bridget, and is torn because she wants to help them.

7. INT. TENEMENT APARTMENT – NIGHT

Beginning: (External dilemma) Norah and Doyle are working hard to clean their one-room tiny tenement apartment, but they are so tired.

Middle: (Uncomfortable moment) The kids are sleeping as they try to prepare themselves to go to bed in the sparse surroundings

End: (Internal dilemma) Doyle slips up and says something he shouldn’t that will worry Norah and he quickly changes the subject and they console each other.

8. INT. TENEMENT APARTMENT – NIGHT

Beginning: (Superior position) Doyle comes home to find some homeless street children in their apartment and Norah is helping them clean up. He doesn’t want to stop her but knows they barely have enough resources to take care of their own children and makes them leave. We see Norah slipping them some food on the way out the door behind Doyle’s back.

Middle: (Surprise) Norah and the children surprise Doyle at dinner with news of another baby. He is initially happy and then begins to cry.

End: (Cliffhanger) Doyle shares that he has lost his job and will have to find anything he can in order to keep supporting them.

9. INT. TENEMENT APARTMENT – DAY

Beginning: (Superior position) We hear the labor pains from outside the apartment, where the men and neighbors are gathered waiting for the baby. We see inside the apartment is Norah labors with women/midwives helping.

Middle: (Surprise) As the baby begins to cry, so do all of the neighbors and they begin to stream in with gifts.

End: (Intrigue) Mick shows up with gifts for the family, but he is gruff and he and Doyle seem to be having words off to the side, which they hide promptly from the gathered friends.

10. INT. DIMLY LIT BAR – NIGHT

Beginning: (Major twist) Doyle and Mick are walking down the street and going to a pub, but Mick pushes him past the main door to a second “secret” door, where they go into a speakeasy that is reserved for specific Irish gangs.

Middle: (Superior position) Doyle is unaware of the extent of the dealing going on behind the scenes with Mick and the gang members, but he does know he is there to be cut into some action.

End: (Reveal) Mick threatens Doyle, when he begins to chicken out and tells him that he will do the jobs presented to him or else. The confrontation turns violent and they fight.

11. EXT. TENEMENT BUILDING – DAY

Beginning: (Major twist) As Norah visits a few nearby friends and relates that she has not seen Doyle in three days, Mick appears in the doorway with a sad face and a police officer and tells her that Doyle has been killed.

Middle: (Mystery) Mick’s story is full of holes and the more questions Norah asks, the more strange it all sounds, but she is convinced that he is gone.

End: (Uncertainty) Neighbors help Norah back to her apartment and help take care of the kids while she sobs and it’s clear that she has no idea what to do.

12. INT. TENEMENT APARTMENT – NIGHT

Beginning: (Character changes radically) Norah is haggard and hunched over and sewing in her dimly lit and now more sparsely furnished apartment as her kids sleep in a pile of rags.

Middle: (Mystery) Her older child is talking in his sleep to his daddy, and asking him why he died and came back.

End: (External dilemma) Two subleasers are in the apartment now, one is coughing violently.

13. INT. GROCERY IN TENEMENT GROUND FLOOR – DAY

Beginning: (Internal dilemma) Mick comes to Norah in the grocery as she is begging for an extension for some food and offers help to Norah but she resists.

Middle: (superior position)He has already paid the bill but Norah doesn’t know but it is clear from his advances that he wants to take the place of Doyle.

End: (uncomfortable moment) Mick is a familiar friend and she has to take his help, she has no choice and allows him to pay her bill. She also allows him to put his arm around her and lead her out.

14. EXT. STREET OUTSIDE TENEMENT – DAY

Beginning: (More interesting setting) Norah’s older children begin to spend time on the street begging for food and helping sell fruit for the grocer in the building, along with some of the homeless children they befriended earlier..

Middle: (Misinterpretation) Norah sits in a doorway, wearing her infant daughter who does not look well, and sewing, she is glassy eyed and seems distant.

End: (Misinterpretation) Mick sees them and believes she is not watching the children, berates her for letting her kids beg.

15. INT. TENEMENT APARTMENT – DAY

Beginning: (Reveal) Norah wakes the children but their baby is not breathing.

Middle: (Suspense) She runs with the lifeless baby to the street yelling for help.

End: (Major twist) The baby has died of cholera.

Act 2: Better Off

16. INT. BAR IN THE BACK OF GROCERY – DAY

Beginning: (More interesting setting) Norah gives her children orders to beg in front of the grocery and goes into the back where there is a run down bar with haggard women.

Middle: (Character changes radically) She begins to drink at the grocery bar, and the amount of whiskey is not small..

End: (Reveal) As she drinks, Mick comes in, gives her a kiss, and pays the tab. The two of them go upstairs and leave the children below with a neighbor.

17. INT. SOCIAL SERVICE AGENCY – DAY

Beginning: (Uncomfortable moment) Mick brings Norah and the children to an agency under the guise of getting them help and runs into one of the people he has roughed up with the gang, who is scared of him and runs away.

Middle: (Betrayal) Rather than getting help, Mick reports to the local charitable group the issues he sees with Norah’s parenting because he says he is worried about her and the children.

End: (Superior position) Norah only hears part of the conversation, she is sent to get clothes and blankets, and sees a glance between the men as they are leaving but she is not sure what it means.

18. INT. TENEMENT APARTMENT – DAY

Beginning A home visit by the Children’s Home Society sees Norah being convinced that she is abusing her children by keeping them in squalor and the workers find that she has been drinking.

Middle She resists the call to give them up for adoption.

End She is holding out hope that she will be able to care for them.

19. EXT.. TENAMENT BUILDING – NIGHT

Beginning: (Major twist) The family is in bed and smoke begins to fill the apartment.

Middle: (Suspense) They are trapped and try to crawl through the hallway to get down the stairs but smoke and flames beat them back. They crawl to a neighbor’s apartment with a front window and crawl out the window dropping two stories to be caught.

End: (Cliffhanger) Social service people are there, and Norah is injured and traumatized. They tell her they will take the children until she heals and take care of them. There is a tearful goodbye.

20. INT. MICK’S APARTMENT – DAY

Beginning: (More interesting setting) Norah gets out of bed in Mick’s apartment and she is visibly pregnant. She pours herself a glass of whiskey and begins drinking it before she notices blood running down her legs.

Middle: (Uncertainty) She begins to have contractions and calls for a neighbor before passing out.

End: (Cliffhanger) Neighbors rush in to help her.

21. INT. MICK’S APARTMENT – NIGHT

Beginning: (Reveal) She wakes in bed, learns that she lost the baby, takes more whiskey and cries.

Middle: (Betrayal) Norah asks for her children and Mick mocks her, tells her she is crazy for asking for them in the state she is in, that they are better off where they are and she shouldn’t want them to see her this way.

End: (Major twist) Norah tries to kill herself by taking all of the medicine the doctor left her and washing it down with whiskey. She passes out.

22. INT. BAR IN THE BACK OF GROCERY – NIGHT

Beginning: (Uncomfortable moment) A weak Norah is at the grocery bar and some of her old friends come to her and ask about her children and when she will be getting them back.

Middle: (Reveal) The conversation turns to Mick’s involvement in getting the kids taken and Norah is shocked to learn how much he manipulated the situation behind the scenes.

End: (External dilemma) Norah is visibly upset, admits she doesn’t even know how to get to her kids and Mick said he was checking on them and it was not time yet.

23. INT. MICK’S APARTMENT – NIGHT

Beginning: (Misinterpretation) Norah is in a nightgown, brushing her hair and Mick makes advances on her. He mistakes her passivity for interest.

Middle: (Uncertainty) It appears that Norah is going to lose her temper and lash out at Mick, but then she goes along with him in a numb fashion.

End: (Character changes radically) Norah is numb and dead inside. Even Mick’s cut downs don’t elicit a response.

24. INT. MICK’S APARTMENT – DAY

Beginning: (Reveal) Mick nonchalantly tells Norah he has sold her wedding veil to pay for some whiskey.

Middle: (More interesting setting) She is drinking heavily and begins to pour through her personal items and throw them around the room.

End: (Superior position) She takes the last bit of whiskey in her glass and pour it into the chamber pot.

25. INT. NEIGHBORHOOD GROCERY – DAY

Beginning: (Intrigue) Norah runs into the adoption agent that has placed her children.

Middle: (Superior position) It was actually her neighbor that orchestrated the meeting.

End: (Intrigue) He offers to meet with Norah at his office and give her information about her kids’ situation.

Act 3: Flown the Coop

26. EXT. TENEMENT BUILDING – DAY

Beginning: (Surprise) Norah goes to her grocery, looking for her little friends and learns they were taken off the street by the same agency.

Middle: (Intrigue) Norah confides in a trusted neighbor her plan to meet with the agent.

End: (Suspense) Mick is around the corner and hears the whole thing. He is mad.

27. INT. SOCIAL SERVICE AGENCY – DAY

Beginning: (Superior position) Mick follows Norah to the agency and watches from across the street.

Middle: (Surprise) Adoption agent reveals that the family is looking for a domestic and he can get her the job.

End: (Uncomfortable moment) Upon leaving, Norah is stopped on the street by Mick who asks her what she is doing there. He takes her arm and roughly leads her home.

28. INT. MICK’S APARTMENT – NIGHT

Beginning: (External dilemma) Mick is in a drunken rage and he is beating Norah, who is trying to get away from him.

Middle: (Mislead) Norah apologizes, offers him whiskey, swears she wasn’t doing anything wrong.

End: (Cliffhanger) Norah swears she will never leave/betray him, he passes out. She sobs.

29. INT. MICK’S APARTMENT – DAY

Beginning: (Surprise) Mick awakes to find that Norah is gone.

Middle: (Character changes radically) He breaks the few items of furniture they have in a fit of rage.

End: (Cliffhanger) Mick hurries out of the apartment, presumably trying to go after her.

30. EXT. BOARDING TRAIN PLATFORM – DAY

Beginning: (More interesting setting) Norah is in a bustling train station with loads of kids and adoption workers seeming lost in the chaos.

Middle: (Surprise) Norah’s little friends from the grocery are there and boarding the train.

End: (Uncertainty) Norah asks if she can watch over them and they are transferred into her small group for the journey.

31. INT. TRAIN CAR – NIGHT

Beginning: (More interesting setting) In the train car, Norah tucks in the children for an overnight journey and sings a song she had sung to her children.

Middle: (Mystery) Her little friends cannot sleep and begin asking Norah questions about Ireland, her sister and her kids.

End: (Reveal) Norah realizes that she has some clues about what happened to her sister that she has never quite understood until now.

32. INT. COMMUNITY HALL – DAY

Beginning: (More interesting setting) Standing in a community center, the children are lined up and the adoption agent introduces them with some fanfare to the gathered families.

Middle: (Uncertainty) A family talks with Norah’s little friends and decides they can adopt one of the two siblings.

End: (Cliffhanger) The older brother says goodbye to his sister and stays strong.

33. EXT. TRAIN STATION – DAY

Beginning: (External dilemma) Norah helps a few older kids back on the train, one is distraught after a younger sibling was adopted and he wasn’t.

Middle: (Intrigue) Norah tells him more about her sister and how they realized they would always be connected even if they were never together physically again.

End: (Mystery) Norah admits that she knows she will see her sister again someday.

34. INT. TRAIN CAR – NIGHT

Beginning: (More interesting setting) In a car of sleeping children, the adoption agent comes to Norah to fill her in on what is to happen the next day.

Middle: (Reveal) Adoption agent reveals that he knows Norah’s family from Ireland and knows about her sister’s disappearance.

End: (Major twist) He tells Norah that he believes the mother that adopted her children is her sister, but he is not fully sure because so many years have gone by.

Act 4: Revenge and Fear

35. EXT. VALLE HOME – DAY

Beginning: (Suspense) Norah and company are in a carriage approaching the Valle house, with several figures in the distance waving.

Middle: (Reveal) Norah’s sister Bridget recognizes her right away, and they are reunited. Bridget reveals that she knew the kids were Norah’s and had requested them when the adoption was offered, and that she has been following news of their arrival in America, but couldn’t come to her because of danger/hiding.

End: (Mystery) Bridget cannot explain everything, as the kids bust out of the house and are reunited with their mother at last.

36. EXT. TENEMENT BUILDING – DAY

Beginning: (Uncertainty) Mick is terrorizing the tenement neighbors, going door to door looking for Norah’s friend.

Middle: (Uncomfortable moment) Mick finds her just arriving back at her apartment on his second trip there, and forces his way in.

End: (Betrayal) Her friend is beaten by Mick and eventually gives up that she has gone after the children. Mick strikes a final blow, killing her.

37. EXT. VALLE HOME YARD – DAY

Beginning: (More interesting setting) In an idyllic sunny morning, the children are playing with Norah watching.

Middle: (Major twist) She sends them inside to wash up for dinner and begins working on laundry when she is grabbed from behind and dragged off into a barn.

End: (External dilemma) Norah kicks and fights as she is taken into the barn.

38. INT. BARN – DAY

Beginning: (External dilemma) In the barn, it’s an all out brawl in the dark. Norah fights and claws with every fiber of her being.

Middle: (Reveal) The subdued Norah is restrained and she is dragged into the light. Her attacker is Doyle.

End: (Character changes radically) Doyle is a different man and tells Norah he has no choice but to give her back to Mick. He is obviously panicked and tells her his story.

39. EXT. OUTSIDE BARN – DAY

Beginning: (Major twist) Mick arrives to take Norah back to New York.

Middle: (Character changes radically) Mick is soft and gentle when he sees Norah, and attempts to embrace her even though she is still restrained.

End: (Internal dilemma) Doyle does not want to hand her over, but Mick is obviously in charge and snaps at him until he relents.

40. EXT. BOARDING A HORSE CART – DAY

Beginning: (Misinterpretation) The disillusioned Mick still believes that Norah will go back with him and believes that he has won the battle, she is too weak to fight back.

Middle: (Superior position) Norah has loosened her hand and has a knife that was hidden in her apron pocket.

End: (Major twist) He tries to take Norah into the cart, but she fights back with a hidden knife and kills him.

41. EXT. BARN – DAY

Beginning: Norah turns to Doyle and accuses him of betraying her.

Middle: Doyle feebly defends his actions, saying he was protecting her. And saying he didn’t want what happened to Bridget to happen to her.

End: (Superior position) Norah realizes that Doyle is a completely fallen man and pathetic in every way. He thought that Bridget had been killed, and had no idea that she was still alive and in hiding. He has been totally played.

42. EXT. BARNYARD CORNER – DAY

Beginning: (Surprise) The family runs into the barnyard, with Bridget in the lead. Doyle is shocked to see her alive.

Middle: (Major twist) Bridget explains that she was abused and kidnapped by Mick after nearly drowning in the river and he took her by force to America. It took her many years to finally break free of his control and leave New York to hide away from him. She never contacted her family because she knew he would come after them.

End: (Reveal) The kids come into the barnyard and run to their mom and hug her, then turn and are not surprised at all to see Doyle. He has been visiting them regularly in secret.

43. EXT. VALLE HOME – DAY

Beginning: (More interesting setting) The police arrive after being summoned by a neighbor who heard the screams.

Middle: (Reveal) The police tell the group that they have been looking for Doyle for many crimes and his link to illegal gangs in New York.

End: (Uncertainty) Doyle is led away in handcuffs and will most likely spend years in jail.

44. EXT. YARD – DAY

Beginning: (More interesting setting) The adoption agent is visiting the family in the yard, the setting is perfect, a gorgeous fall day.

Middle: (Reveal) He sips tea with the family, telling them how Norah’s little friends were reunited and adopted into a home together nearby and they would like to visit.

End: The kids run through the field laughing and singing with Norah by their side, they run over a hill, similar to the first scene in the movie, but this time there is a cloud of white butterflies that fly past them from below in the valley, signaling hope for the future.

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[Bent Hanlen]

BENT’S FASCINATING SCENE OUTLINES!

MY VISION FOR ALL OF THIS IS TO LEAD ME TO A JOB IN A WRITER’S ROOM AND WORKING ON A TELEVISION SHOW.

WHAT I LEARNED DOING THIS ASSIGNMENT IS THIS. I FOUND MORE TENSION BY WRITING THIS MAP DOWN. I FOUND MORE TWISTS AND CONFLICT. THIS IS SO AWESOME.

ACT ONE

• Scene Arc:
• Essence:
• Conflict:
• Subtext:
• Hope/fear: