Lesson 1

[j T]

What I learned doing this assignment is that my initial pitch was missing some crucial elements, like the transformational journey of my character and the fact this was taking place the night before her father’s funeral.

Jessica Tremblay’s Death Cleaning

DEATH CLEANING is a horror movie. On the eve of her father’s funeral, a pregnant woman trapped in the storage area in the basement of her building must battle a bloodthirsty creature using only objects found in her neighbors’ lockers. Protecting a doll who acts as a surrogate for her unborn child, she learns to be a mother and finally makes peace with the past. After all, parents can be monsters and monsters can be parents.

I would love to get some feedback. Anything unclear. Things I can improve on. Let me know. Looking forward to read everybody’s pitch. Cheers.

[Edward Gillow]

What I’ve learned doing this assignment is if you have a winning logline, one pager then pitches are easier to put together.
Subject: Ed. Gillow Logline and One Page and pitch
PITCH.
A. Genre: Western
B. Title: Sidetracked
C. High Concept: In a desperate bid to save his ranch, Moses, a retired Native American tracker, puts aside his differences to partner with Boone, a racist bounty hunter. Together, they must find a powerful Mexican VIP’s kidnapped son before a ruthless gang leader disappears with him. Their uneasy alliance faces a perilous journey across Texas, forcing them to confront their own prejudices and navigate treacherous terrain to protect those they love in a race against time.
D. Main Conflict: The main conflict centers on Moses’ need to save his ranch from foreclosure. He needs the money from this job, but working with the racist Boone creates significant challenges.
E. Transformational Journey: Both Moses and Boone will undergo a transformation. Moses will have to overcome his prejudices and Boone will need to confront his own racism as they are forced to rely on each other.
F. Opposition: The bounty hunters will face opposition from the ruthless gang leader who kidnapped the VIP’s son and his crew.

Note: Logline is in the one pager
Title: Sidetracked
Genre: Western
Logline:
In a desperate bid to save his ranch from foreclosure, a retired Native American tracker must put aside his prejudices as he reluctantly takes on one last job — partnering with a racist bounty hunter in a high-stakes Texas manhunt. Their mission intensifies as they strive to rescue the abducted son of a powerful Mexican VIP from a ruthless gang leader, setting off a perilous journey across Texas. As the tracker's family becomes entangled in the danger, the uneasy alliance faces a test of overcoming deep-seated prejudices and navigating the treacherous terrain to protect those they love in a race against time.
Synopsis:
Moses, a retired Native American tracker, faces the imminent foreclosure of his ranch. In a desperate attempt to save it, he agrees to partner with Boone, a racist bounty hunter, on a dangerous mission. Their task: to rescue the kidnapped son of a powerful Mexican VIP from a ruthless gang leader, Jose.
As they journey across Texas, facing both natural and human obstacles, Moses and Boone must confront their own prejudices and learn to work together despite their differences. Along the way, they are forced to rely on each other in increasingly perilous situations, testing the limits of their partnership.
As tensions rise and the deadline looms, Moses and his family become entangled in the danger, adding an emotional layer to their already precarious situation. In a race against time, Moses and Boone must overcome their personal demons and navigate the treacherous terrain of Texas to save the kidnapped victim and protect their loved ones.
Themes:
Prejudice and overcoming differences
Redemption and personal transformation
The bonds of family and loyalty
The harsh realities of the Wild West
Characters:
Moses: A retired Native American tracker, determined to save his ranch and protect his family.
Boone: A racist bounty hunter with a troubled past, forced to confront his own prejudices.
Giovanni: The son of a powerful Mexican VIP, whose life hangs in the balance.
Jose: A ruthless criminal mastermind, determined to evade capture at any cost.
Visual Style:
Sidetracked captures the rugged beauty and harshness of the Texas landscape, with sweeping vistas and intense action sequences. The film's visual style is grounded in realism, with gritty cinematography and authentic costumes and sets.
Conclusion:
Sidetracked is a gripping Western thriller that combines heart-pounding action with powerful themes of redemption and personal growth. With its compelling characters, breathtaking scenery, and suspenseful plot, it promises to captivate audiences and leave a lasting impression.

• This reply was modified 1 year ago by  Edward Gillow.

[j T]

Amazing story! I would totally see this script made into a movie. The obstacles are clear and the conflict between the two characters are well established and very interesting. I hope your rewrite goes well.

[j T]

What I learned during this assignment is: I thought I knew the core of my story, but creating the one page helped me narrow it down even more.

Death Cleaning by Jessica Tremblay (jtrembla59@hotmail.com) 20240424

Logline
Trapped in the basement of a building, a pregnant woman battles a bloodthirsty creature using objects found in storage lockers.

Synopsis
A MAN (50s) is attacked by a vicious CREATURE in a storage area in the basement of a building. He manages to escape but dies of a heart attack in his apartment before he can call for help.
After hearing her father died, JOANNA (mid 20s) drives to the strange little town to attend his funeral, rescue his dog and cash in her inheritance. What she finds in his shady apartment is a dwindling bank account but no traces of the dog.
Under pressure to vacate the apartment before the end of the month, she calls a removal company. She’s ready to go, but the LANDLORD won’t take the keys back until she empties the storage locker. She has until midnight; otherwise he’ll charge her a month’s rent.
Emptying her father’s locker, she gets stuck in the storage area. That’s where she meets CHARLIE, a vicious creature who bears a strange resemblance to her father’s first dog. Charlie is aggressive, victim of horrible mutations. She manages to lock him up, but when the animal breaks out and turns on her, the gloves are off. She will use objects found in storage to defend herself.
In the process, she bonds with a doll who becomes her partner in battle. She ties the doll to her back, confiding in it as she sets up traps and creates weapons.
When everything fails, and the creature takes away the doll, Joanna must face the beast alone. Removing all protections, she fights with the beast and discovers the reason for the beast’s aggressive behaviour: the animal is pregnant and about to give birth. Joanna opens her locker, allowing the beast to give birth in peace.
Gathering a few mementos scattered during the battle, she finds a hidden bundle of cash (her inheritance) and a letter from her father. The greedy landlord comes to check on her, sees the payoff, and wants to kill her for the money. The final fight between Joanna and the landlord takes place in the beast’s secret lair. Joanna fights for her life.
Joanna comes out of the lair victorious and bloody, but alive. She washes off the blood, puts on a vintage dress found in a locker, and takes the doll with her.
Joanna drives to a lake where she opens her suitcase, freeing the beast and its pups that were hidden inside. As she drives home, reaching for her bag, she gets bitten by one of the beast’s pups that was left behind. She decides to keep it and drives off with the puppy and the doll.

• This reply was modified 1 year ago by  j T.

[j T]

What I learned doing this assignment is that a high concept is not something you implement after the fact, but must be an integral part of the story development process as it will become a big selling point. J

essica Tremblay’s Death Cleaning pitch
A. Genre: Horror
B. Title: DEATH CLEANING
C. High Concept : a pregnant woman uses objects found in lockers to fight a monster and survive the night
D. Main Conflict: After her father’s death, a pregnant woman trapped in the storage area in the basement of a building must battle a bloodthirsty creature
E. Transformational Journey: She learns to be a mother by protecting a doll. After all, parents can be monsters and monsters can be parents
F. Opposition: Hunger, Fear of the dark, fear of insects, Monster, Building Manager

• This reply was modified 1 year ago by  j T.

[Edward Gillow]

Jessica your Death Cleaning has a very interesting story line and lots of opportunity to have tons of interest techniques utilized in it. I see the creature getting into the act when your protag is fighting the landlord for her life. lIke when all is lost it comes to the rescue. Also being bitten by one of the pups what happens to her? super powers, turns into a hybrid creature? Lot of paths you could follow here.. nice work! do you see this being a short film or feature?

[j T]

Hi Edward. Death Cleaning is feature-length script (currently at 104 pages, but I’m aiming to reduce it closer to 90). Working to come up with even scarier obstacles in Act 2. (I’ve also joined the Writing Terrifying Horror script class at the same time to increase the fear factor. Happy rewriting!

[Tasha Espinoza]

Tasha's Project Pitch

What I learned doing this assignment is that the pitch is a great way to focus on the hooks of your screenplay and to easily check if the screenplay is delivering on the concept.

Pitch:

A. Genre: Horror Comedy
B. Title: Dating with Demons
C. High Concept: What if Linda Blair from The Exorcist wanted to start dating.
D. Main Conflict: Once possessed as a teen, lonely heart, Bethany, really wants to find love, but her overprotective priest and ex demon won't let her have a decent date.
E. Transformational Journey: Bethany goes from a girl with a disastrous dating life and a resurfaced demonic attachment to embracing her spiritual power, exorcising herself of her demon for good and finding love.
F. Opposition: Priest, Deacon Anders, traumatized from helping with Bethany's exorcism when she was 16, actively tries to prevent Bethany from dating and practices the dark arts in preparation for her demonic relapse. Demon 23, the demon that possessed Bethany, resurfaces and starts to act like a jilted ex.

[j T]

Hi Tasha, this made me smile. First the title and knowing what it was about. Amazing! Everything in your title, concept, and characters scream Horror Comedy, so you totally nailed it! Great handle on the genre. And it’s a very high concept idea. We can see the story in our heads right away. You have my admiration. Happy Rewriting!

[Tasha Espinoza]

Hi JT,
Thank you for your lovely message. I have to say, I would see Death Cleaning in a heartbeat. Great concept and super high stakes with a pregnant protagonist in isolation with a monster! I got the chills just reading your pitch. Hope you're enjoying the Writing Terrifying Screenplays class. I took it and it really upped my game as a screenwriter of horror. Looking forward to following your rewriting journey and see the horror magic you create. Also happy to help if you need a sounding board or second opinion on anything, especially horror-wise. My email is tespinozaca@gmail.com. Drop me an email anytime.
Now if I could only catch up to the lessons🤣

[j T]

Thinking I might have made a mistake taking two classes at once (exhausting!), but the contents is great so totally worth it. I’m also willing to exchange on any horror related scripts anytime at tessinthewest@hotmail.com Happy writing!

[Tasha Espinoza]

Thanks JT 🤣 I know what you mean! I’m taking so long on Lesson 6. I know I’m suppose to move at a faster clip, but I want to make sure I’m getting the lesson.

[j T]

Was falling behind, but I just made a push to reach Lesson 10. I really have to stop thinking this outline needs to be perfect. After all, it’s just a tool, so we can work on the script.