Lesson 1

[Diane Keranen]

Diane Finds the Essence

What I’ve learned is that every part of every scene is there to fulfill a purpose of the movie’s story. Every scene here, however many times it was revised, tells more story than the words on the page.

Script I chose: Crash by Paul Haggis & Bobby Moresco
(Final Revisions dated 03/18/2004)

Select five scenes from a produced script and tell what you believe the
essence is.

Scene 1 Location: (Scene 1) Car Crash/Crime Scene (opening scene)
Logline: Graham’s observations of human behavior leave Ria, his police detective partner, thinking he’s lost his bearings.
Essence: Graham had deep thoughts about the ways people come into contact with each other in his city; they don’t seek contact, it happens by force rather than choice. The scene is a flashforward and is also a setup for a meaningful message.

Scene 2 Location: (Scene 4) Gun Store (First scene of the Farhad storyline)
Logline: Farhad, an Iranian immigrant tries to buy ammunition from a racist storeowner but needs Dorri, his natural born citizen daughter attorney, to help him due to his broken English.
Essence: Dorri does not want her father to purchase the bullets.

Scene 3 Location: (Scene 27) The scene where we meet Daniel.
Logline: Jean, fresh off a carjacking, demands the locks be changed again in the morning because the Hispanic locksmith looks to her like a gang-banger.”
Essence: The scene shows that fear from being victimized can be expressed as racist judgement of others. In this case, the carjacking victim fears what she assumes is the criminal tendencies of the Hispanic man who is the locksmith.

Scene 4 Location: (Scene 36) Farhad’s Corner Market (two scenes later in this storyline)
Logline: After a break-in at his store, Farhad hires a locksmith, Daniel, to change the lock on the busted in door but refuses to understand when Daniel says the door is broken. Farhad thinks he’s being scammed.
Essence: To point out how anger at one event (the break-in) can easily be directed at an undeserving target for a different reason (expectation of being scammed) which in this case is the Iranian immigrant’s anger toward Daniel, a Hispanic locksmith.

Scene 5 Location: (Scene 96) Daniel’s Bungalow, start of final sequence of the Farhad storyline)
Logline: Farhad has had enough. It’s time to get payment for what he’s lost from the only person he links to his store break-in.
Essence: Farhad wants revenge and seeks it from Daniel.

My selection for most profound essence: (Post scene here without worrying
about formatting and then also post the essence and why you believe that is
the essence).
Scene 102:
EXT. DANIELS’ BUNGALOW – CONTINUOUS
Lara almost flies down the walk and across the grass.

LARA
Daddy!

FARHAD
You lie! You cheat me! You son-of-a-

Daniel doesn’t see her coming until she’s almost upon him, leaping into his arms. Just as Farhad’s finger jerks on the trigger… BANG! The bullet hit Lara straight in the back…

FARHAD
(in horror)
AHHHHH.

ELIZABETH
(running)
Lara!!!!!

Daniel knows she’s dead without even looking. The horror registers on his face – and on Farhad’s.

But then, Daniel forgot something. Lara’s wearing her impenetrable cloak. Which is why she’s able to lift her head and look into his eyes.

LARA
It’s okay, Daddy. I’ll protect you.

DANIEL
What?

Daniel feels her back, no sign of a wound, no sign of a hole, this is impossible. Elizabeth is right there, throwing her arms around her daughter and husband. Farhad looks at his smoking gun. It falls to his side.

ELIZABETH
Baby!

Farhad opens his mouth to apologize but can’t say anything.

Daniel just stares at Farhad, then walks his family toward his house.

LARA
(whispers in his ear)
It’s a really good cloak.

He closes the door behind them. Leaving…
FARHAD
standing on the street, his mind reeling, neighbors staring.

Essence: I believe the essence of this scene is to convey the idea that we only have part of the story of why people behave the way they do toward each other. There is so much we don’t know about each other and our fear and anger that arise from life events keep us from looking beyond our assumptions and we “crash” into each other just to feel engaged in our lives.

Why I believe this is the essence: Farhad unknowingly, thanks to his daughter, has blanks in his gun. When his store is broken into and the locksmith didn’t fix the door, Farhad’s only link to the robbery is Daniel. Angry that he’s lost so much and can’t protect his family, Farhad seeks revenge from Daniel and takes his gun to Daniel’s home to shoot him. Daniel’s daughter, wearing the invisible cloak that her father gave her in an earlier scene, sees his father in danger and runs to protect him. When the shot goes off, it’s expected that Lara dies instead of Daniel, but the bullet was only a blank. A series of misunderstandings and assumptions lead to an explosive event arising out of fear and helplessness that ended in an outburst of racist anger.

[Ronald Neustrom]

Ron Neustrom Puts Essence to Work

HW Creative Mastery (1st HW) 5 scenes w/essence work

*What I learned from this assignment…there are things you cling to in a scene…there is an underlying reason for it being there (subtext)… One great writer said…if what’s really happening is what’s really happening in a scene – then you’re in trouble…with all that being said a scene has to work on its own…I think that is the challenge…making a scene work on its own but be part of the bigger puzzle and progress the story.

1. INT. HARBOR RESTAURANT – p.9– (logline/essence) This scene is designed to introduce a complicated relationship between two sisters after a tragic childhood trauma, estrangement, and reuniting after 12 years. It is designed to highlight the awkwardness and distance between the two sisters, but they also have a shared tragedy that changed the course of their lives. It is bursting with essence and integral to the visual, character, and mystery of the story concepts. I chose this scene because it needs to be the absolute best it can be. (new essence) If it can be improved in the area of essence, I think the deepest possible essence are two people grieving and one believes revenge would help while the other believes that improving yourself is the most important thing. One won’t be fulfilled until her revenge plan is executed and the other feels complete and fulfilled by helping others. They represent two different ways people grieve. The story is an argument between who is right. After victim trauma do we repair ourselves or do we go after the traumatizers?

2. INT. SAN DIEGO DERELICT HOUSE p. 29– (logline/essence) This scene is designed as a big twist in the story. It functions less on character and more on the needs of the plot. I have tried to reveal a surprising aspect of Jewel’s character and deepen several important relationships for the two sisters…but the core of the scene is a surprising twist to the story where Vivian’s first client in her Outreach business is her own sister. This relationship is central to my concept and it is a way to elevate and deepen their use of each other and stay connected to my main storyline. (new essence) The most important part of this scene is to have it unfold in a natural way. It is vital that it does not feel forced or contrived. This is an important new essence to this scene. What do you do when you have something that is designed to happen and trying to make it feel a natural part of the story? What if you are tied to a plot point that could easily come across as contrived? I need to be at the highest level of my game. The moving parts have to come together in a natural way. One way might be to break it up and transition into several pieces, especially if I am trying to get too ambitious with a single scene.

3. INT. ANA’S OUTREACH – p. 48 (logline/essence) The Deputy involved with killing her mother is also working with her as a Sheriff Department co-worker. He is also responsible for her sister’s recent disappearance. They have just discovered her mother’s body, and she thinks he is informing her that her sister is dead. Instead he is trying to communicate it is her mother’s body and this news unleashes deeply hidden emotional issues for her. She explodes in an emotional rant, and we get a glimpse into her unresolved issues from her mother’s death. (new essence) I think I could do a better job at exposing this scene as revealing her unresolved issues that will contribute to difficulties with her relationship with her sister. Also, it is an opportunity to understand the reach and control of the antagonists. This is something her sister has been trying to get her recognize and address since the beginning of the story. However, she sees it as a lie and doesn’t understand the truth until the crisis. Her sister was right. This scene moves Vivian along the next step in her arc of character change.

4. EXT. NAVY CREDIT UNION – p.60 (logline/essence) I think in many ways this is the trickiest scene of my entire story. Two characters who have been at odds for the whole story are now coming together. Jewel presents evidence and theories about what happened to their mother. We know this is right because we witnessed the whole act previous. However, her sister hasn’t. She is not ready to go over to her sister’s way of thinking. We know her sister is right, but she doesn’t. We see her holding on to her lies and foreshadowing a fatal mistake on her part. It’s a scene that relies very little on action and more on dialogue and explaining. It threatens the rule show don’t tell. However, I tried to do both here, show and tell, to reveal character and explore their relationship more deeply. (new essence) This is one of those scenes where one character dumps their ideas on the other. At some point we have to witness her telling/showing her sister her intentions, thoughts, and ideas which are counter to hers. It has to happen for the story to move ahead. I tried to deepen it by adding a show element so we get both. These scenes take a great deal of confidence to keep because they are not action oriented in an action-oriented genre.

5. EXT. DESERT HIGHWAY -NIGHT – p. 79 (logline/essence) This scene is designed to be the crisis in my story. Vivian’s sister has been trying to convince her that these are the men who killed their mother. They are more skilled and deceptive that she could ever imagine. This was designed to be one of the final steps in her character arc that has changed her view of all the things her sister and these criminals have done throughout the story. In this scene they are making an attempt to kill Vivian after she gets evidence from her sister to uncover her mother’s killer. Her sister has finally connected it to her coworkers. Now she has to survive them and their covert attacks. (new essence) These scenes are set pieces and have to work on many different levels. The action, the location, the characters involved, the set-up, the pay-offs all have to ring strong, natural, and true. This is my continual essence elevation: to make these very important scenes a natural extension of the world I have created and deepen the theme I am exploring. I think there is more I can squeeze out of this scene. One of my main themes is mental health and the way events in our lives can threaten ours. This is the area I think that can be elevated in this scene. This is an event that shatters her previous world view. Target her feelings and emotions as the scene progresses. Reflect how this event destroys everything she believed before.

• This reply was modified 9 months, 2 weeks ago by  Ronald Neustrom.