-
Lesson 1
Reply to post your assignment.
-
44 Replies
-
[Rewrite] Lesson 1: Clarify Your Story
Patricia Brown’s Logline and One Page!
What I learned doing this assignment is I was unable to fit my plot into one page, because I added too many details. I was unable to flush out my subplots in one page. I started with the “Old Days,” but did not get to the emotional point of my first four scenes I have written. Taking a cue from the idea that you must start with “action,” I started with teen sex. but the point should have been that my female protagonist had her heart so broken early on, that even as a divorce attorney, she can’t bring herself to divorce. The bad news: perfectionism is highly overrated. the good news: everything is up for new possibilities in this script. Also, I have to mesh the title better with the love story to sell.
Title: SEA CHANGE IN SEATTLE
Logline: Seattle divorce attorney Trish and therapist Nate see each other in a new way when they barter services to get the divorces they have resisted, but have to wait 5 years to date!
Story Overview:
Trish Borrelli is a divorce attorney who has never been divorced. She is married to Evan, a pilot. They have a teen daughter, Bella. Nate Noah is a LMFT, separated from his wife, Perdita. Their son, Luke, is the same age as Bella. When they barter each other’s services—he will help her explore why she has resisted divorcing and she will help him finally file—they become clients and have to figure how to get around the strict professional ethical and legal prohibitions of having relations with their client for five years when they fall in love. At the core is their love story. How do you know that he/she is the one, especially since you picked the wrong person before? How long are you willing to wait for true love?
Trish’s first teen love is a preacher’s kid, David. He gets her to have sex in the sanctuary and parsonage, then to get her to drive them to Canada to elope. But it’s a ruse and the car breaks down in a town where he has another girl who he takes into the woods to screw. After the car is fixed, she drives home alone and notices the shy, nerdy friend of David’s, Nate. Now adults, Evan has drained all of their joint bank accounts, gone on a binger with a stewardess out of the country, leaving Trish shut out of her office and home. Nate takes Trish and Bella in, revealing his wife is gone with her lover, but hiding that he lied to Luke and told her she was on a marine biology trip. They come up with a mutual solution to barter services. As Trish starts therapy with Nate, she finds the attraction exploding. Nate represses his attraction trying to dismiss it as transference. They stand at the lighthouse during a raging storm unable even to kiss. Bella asks Luke, a lit major, to go to university in Italy with her, but he stays back in Seattle to be with his dad and to find his mother. Evan flies into Seattle to sign the divorce papers and Bella cries and refuses to look at her father when he tries to apologize. Bella goes to college in Italy, and Evan is there detoxing, so Trish goes to study international law and be near her family. Five years later, everyone comes back to Seattle for Bella’s, Luke’s and their gay friend, Melville’s, graduation. Evan, Perdita-who has also signed the papers-are there. Trish and Nate return to the lighthouse, declaring their love. Trish expands her practice to international copyright hiring Melville. Ends with two weddings: Bella and Luke’s and Trish and Nate’s.
-
This reply was modified 2 years, 1 month ago by Patricia Brown.
-
This reply was modified 2 years, 1 month ago by Patricia Brown.
-
This reply was modified 2 years, 1 month ago by Patricia Brown.
-
This reply was modified 2 years, 1 month ago by Patricia Brown.
-
Patricia: I got your invitation to partner for the lesson. I think it would be great. I sent you an email at the email address you listed. My email is kerr9606@comcast.net. Hope to hear from you. Thanks, Bob Kerr
-
I responded positively, Bob, sending you my phone number. Looking forward to talking with you. Sincerely, Pat pat@pbpencraft.eom
-
-
This reply was modified 2 years, 1 month ago by
-
Plastic Bag by Deborah Johnson
Logline: A plastic bag gets passed from one owner to another and affects each life in a significant way.
One page:
The frame for these vignettes centers around the famous, celebrity artist, Victoria Hartmann, whose art exhibit “Plastic Bag” draws huge crowds in every major city. She is delighted when her dearest and oldest friend, Abby comes to a showing and brings her troubled, teenage granddaughter, Delia with her.
Victoria gives a personal tour of her artwork and brings each story to life, beginning with:
“The Curse” It’s another busy night at Big Daddy’s Pizza, a franchise owned by a local family. A teenager, obsessed with the occult, tries to prove to her co-workers she’s a witch and places a doomsday curse on a plastic carry-out bag. It’s weirdly convincing. The ancient grandmother, who wraps the plasticware, counters the curse before the bag is carried out by an unsuspecting customer.
Delia is intrigued, but her attention is short, she’s missing her phone and she’s annoyed with her grandmother. Victoria continues to narrate, though she, too is pulled in many different directions.
“Carry Out” Billy, the klutz, is in trouble with his wife, again, for losing another job, again. He tries to appease her with a couple of “Big Daddy’s” Calzones. During a heated argument, Baby Missy gets a hold of The Bag and suffocates herself. Pammy and Billy unite and somehow manage to save their baby.
“The Windshield” The plastic bag floats down the street and eventually, into traffic. Bram, his super talented girlfriend, Bailey, and his little brother Reggie are almost killed in a head-on collision when the Plastic Bag obscures the windshield. A kitten is rescued. Bram and Bailey get engaged and Reggie has epic plans for a game he wants to play, featuring the infamous Bag.
“The Game” In a dense forest, Reggie orchestrates a game of “capture the flag” with his neighborhood friends. When it seems as though BJ, the bully, will win (to the peril of all others), it is the nerd, Axel, who is triumphant, and BJ who must make a trip to the emergency room. He takes The Bag with him.
“The Heist” Jessie, BJ’s mom, is worried about Allen, her 68-year-old father, who shows signs of early dementia. She brings him some homemade food in The Bag. Dennis, Allen’s younger brother, has wrangled him into yet another smash-and-grab. This time, they are stealing from a church. Allen manages to outwit his brother and deposits the money (hidden in The Bag) into a Salvation Army donation bin.
“The Donation” Becky, 19 years old and pregnant, finds The Bag with the stolen money as she sorts through the donations at her job at the Salvation Army store. She desperately needs the money to keep her from eviction, but she blows it all in a rash spending spree. Even though her neighbor, Pammy, offers to help, she ends up calling her estranged father, Big Daddy Pizza himself. He is overwhelmed with joy to bring his lost daughter home.
“The Party” Baily arrives home. It’s a vast estate. She’s surprised to see a massive party going on, complete with fireworks. The security guard explains that her sister, Becky, has come home and her father has pulled out all the stops. Baily is furious. Her father comes out to her and tries to get her to join the party, but it doesn’t look like she will.
Delia is moved by the stories but is ultimately confused. Her father left her when she was six. Nobody saved her. She has no happy ending. Victoria insists that her art exists only to tell what is true.
Abby reveals that she is, indeed, Pammy in the story and that Victoria is Becky. Delia finally breaks down and admits that she needs help. Abbie takes Delia home to what we hope is a new life for her.
-
[REWRITE] Lesson 1: Clarify Your Story
Lisa Long’s Logline and One Page!
What I’ve learned doing this assignment is that writing the story in an overview format, you can see how the structure of the story plays out.
Genre: Coming-of-Age Drama
Title: Chesapeake Girl
Logline: A 12-year-old aspiring dancer is abandoned by her mother to live with a father she’s never known above his restaurant on the Chesapeake Bay, giving up her dream to dance in NYC.
Story Overview:
Molly and her mom April, a dance gypsy, have traveled the country performing. Now April has to find a place for Molly to land while she takes care of a medical issue. April leaves Molly with Edgar who operates a seafood restaurant on the Chesapeake Bay.
From the beginning Edgar and Molly clash because Molly wants to dance. Edgar has other plans, mainly for Molly to work in his seafood restaurant and go to school. Molly only wants to dance. Edgar forbids Molly to dance.
Jane is Edgar’s elderly cook and his only confidant. After working together for years, Jane is protective of Edgar. She is torn between being loyal to Edgar and supporting a young girl’s dream. Molly and Jane eventually warm to each other.
On the beach Molly runs into Mars, a renown choreographer who is mourning a family member and suffering from dance burn-out. Molly pesters Mars until he finally agrees to teach her for an audition for the NYC Ballet.
Molly meets secretly with Mars while he teaches her a dance. Mars is floored when he discovers that Molly is an exceptional dancer.
April meets with a doctor who tells her she has scoliosis and can never dance again. April has to have surgery, but she doesn’t tell anyone.
Molly is ready for the audition. Mars doesn’t know that Edgar never gave his permission for Molly to dance, let alone go to NYC. She needs the okay from a parent or guardian. Molly convinces Mars to call April who gives her permission to bypass Edgar.
Jane sees Molly leave with Mars for NY. She tells Edgar who goes to NY to find them with police in tow. Once in NY, Edgar sees Molly dance for the first time and is stunned. He confronts Mars who shows him April’s permission. Edgar calls off the cops. He confronts Molly too. Edgar has a decision to make.
April in her body cast, shows up to see Molly dance and bumps into Edgar. She asks if she can come back to live with him and Molly. 12 years ago, when April found out she was pregnant, she ran away. Edgar didn’t know about Molly. Molly didn’t know that Edgar is her father. Edgar was devastated when April left and that’s why he forbad Molly to dance. Edgar tells April that he will think about letting her return.
Upon return from NY, Molly finds that Jane has died. Edgar and Molly mourn together. Edgar apologizes to Molly for keeping her from dancing. He tells Molly he is her father. When April shows up at the funeral, they discuss letting April back into their lives.
Mars has found new life working with Molly and decides to return to NYC for good.
April returns. She and Edgar fix up an old large shed for Molly to teach dance to other young girls…with April’s assistance. Molly enjoys her life for a while with her family intact but misses dancing on stage. April and Edgar reach out to Mars, and he helps them get her into the NYC Ballet school. Molly leaves for NYC.
-
Hi Lisa – since we are both working on “coming of age” dramas (not sure if you get that from my one page!) I thought we could partner up during this course.
I, too, went to film school (Columbia College, Chicago). I worked as a producer for business television (primarily Diamler-Chrysler). A few years ago, I worked with my kids to create a YouTube show to encourage young violinists to practice (MyFriendIzzy). We made about 60 shorts.
I, also, am on EST.
You can email me at: ddomm1130@hotmail.com
Deb Johnson
-
Hi Deb,
I already have someone lined up for Assignment 2 of Day 1. But next time we have to exchange, I would definitely like to work with you! My email address is llongmolly@gmail.com.
Lisa
-
Sounds good. Thanks!
-
-
-
-
David Wickenden Logline & One Page
What I learned from this lesson?
I learned the map moving forward to how we will tackle this rewrite and that I will learn a bunch of processes that I can reuse for all future scripts.
LOGLINE: For Heaven’s Sake – FANTASY
Four troubled teens become heaven and earth’s last hope against an alien menace when they’re commanded to go on a holy crusade to steal a powerful weapon called The Staff of Moses.
ONE PAGE: For Heaven’s Sake – FANTASY
Four troubled teens find themselves in a Juvenile boot camp for their crimes. Daniel is the leader and had been acting out because of the death of his grandfather. Freddy is a scrapper who burnt a fishing boat of a rival who stole fish from his father. Ian is a thief who was caught stealing food for his family, and they arrested Rob because he put the boots to his mom’s boyfriend after the man hit her.
The guards of the camp are very abusive, and the group makes a run for it. During the prison escape, they find themselves in an abandoned mining camp. During the middle of the night, a whirling white globe appears, grabs all four and transports them to Heaven. It is here that they find they are part of a prophecy to halt an invasion of Heaven by an alien race from a parallel Heaven. First, they must enter the alien world to steal back the Staff of Moses, which they have stolen.
They place the boys in one of four different warrior classes to learn the unique skills needed to enter the Riff. Daniel learns the skills of a Gurkha soldier. They teach Freddy stick fighting from the Suri tribe. Ian learns stealth from the Ninja, while Rob learns to track and scout from the Comanche warriors.
Thus starts their great journey to the Riff, and they learn to lead and fight along the way. When they enter the enemy stronghold, they steal back the Staff, but the Queen kills Ian. Daniel uses the Queen’s egg to hold back the horde and make their escape.
Back in their own Heaven, Daniel must learn to wield the Staff. He finds Ian has been reborn as a member of Heaven so cannot return to earth. Once he discovers the secrets of the Staff, Freddy and Ian disappear, plotting revenge on the Queen. The group heads back over the mountains to head off the massive army of the Queen.
During a river crossing, they are ambushed, and they capture Daniel, losing the Staff. They march the prisoners to the Queen’s army camp, where she tortures Daniel. The Human army attacks the enemy camp, which causes a distraction for a small group to rescue Daniel. Daniel finds Rob had rescued the Staff.
Daniel uses the power of the staff to push back the alien army. In an ultimate showdown with the Queen, Daniel shows her she has no power over the Staff. As she retreats to the Riff, Freddy and Ian leap on her and kill her. They witness the entire alien army leave for their own home world.
Still not satisfied that Ian cannot return home, Daniel uses the Staff one last time to restore all the lives lost to the time before the Riff appeared. Ian is reborn in his own body and the boys return to Earth only to meet God, who tells them they would need their newly learned skills later in their lives.
-
This sounds like sci- fi too…1 of my favorites! Looking forward o your develment…
-
-
[REWRITE] Lesson 1: Clarify Your Story
Veleka’s Logline and One Page
What I’ve learned doing this assignment is that when I have a story that grips me, it’s easy to lay it all out.
Genre: Historical Thriller
Title: Renegade Patriot
Logline: When Jean Laffite, a French privateer, decides to fight the Battle of New Orleans on the side of the United States, he is gobsmacked when his offer of aid is rejected by Louisiana’s Governor since without Laffite’s powder, flints, and fighting men, the entire country could well be lost to the British.
Story Overview: Privateer Jean Laffite and the businessmen of New Orleans have enjoyed a profitable business relationship while Louisiana was owned by France. But during the regime change in 1803 after Napoleon sold Louisiana to U.S. President Thomas Jefferson, the United States set up laws to prevent Laffite from continuing his legal raiding of ships because they are in a battle with Britain and they don’t care about the difficulties of the businessmen in New Orleans or Laffite. But once this law puts the livelihood of Laffite and the French citizens of New Orleans in jeopardy, they circumvent this unfortunate law by Laffite moving his base of operations from New Orleans to the island of Barataria where he begins smuggling to provide goods to the city. After that, the U.S. calls Laffite a pirate, even though they made him so.
The British come to Louisiana anyway, determined to seize New Orleans, doorway to the Mississippi and the United States, to take back what they consider their property, and now Laffite and his Crescent City associates have a choice to make. If they side with the British, it is possible that life could go back to normal if the Brits drive the Americans out. But Jean argues that if they side with the U.S., it’s the devil they know and he thinks they and their families will be better off that way.
Unfortunately, Governor Claiborne has a strong antipathy towards Laffite. He pretends it’s because Laffite is still smuggling and taking money the U.S. would be making from port levies. So, even though Laffite offers his flints and his powder and his men to the governor to fight the British, not only is his offer rejected, Claiborne sends the U.S. Navy to raid Laffite’s business in Barataria and nearly destroys it.
However, Laffite knows why the governor is so angry, so he sidesteps the jealous fool and goes to General Andrew Jackson and offers his help to him, and Jackson accepts, then asks someone why Claiborne refused Laffite’s vital help and is told people think Laffite had an affair with the governor’s wife. When Jackson asks Lafitte if that’s true, Laffite says that even if it were, he wouldn’t dishonor the lady’s name and kiss and tell, and a man doesn’t have to be a cuckold to be jealous of a beautiful wife.
Jackson tells Claiborne that he mustn’t play the part of Othello if they are to win this war, and he’s accepting Laffite’s offer. But Claiborne is determined to get rid of Laffite, and after the war he drives Laffite to Galveston. But after Laffite has trouble there, too, he decides to “die”. He changes his name, continues pirating on the Spanish Main, and ends up in San Francisco in 1849.
-
Hi Veleka, I do love historical stories. I’m a huge fan of Bernard Cornwell, Alexander Kent and Patrict O’Brian. I would love to partner up if you enjoy a thrilling adventure in Heaven in my story, For Heaven’s Sake. My email is wickendendave@gmail.com if interested.
-
-
Granddaughter Got Run Over By A Reindeer by Karen Brandin
What I’ve learned doing this assignment is to drill down to the core of the story both in the logline and in the goals of the characters.
GENRE/LOGLINE: Holiday Rom Com/A former Olympian makes a life pivot from coaching skiers to helping military veterans, requiring her to adjust to her Grandmother’s small town and partnership with the town doctor who runs the free Veterans Clinic.
THEME/IDEA: Forced life changes are challenging at first, but often lead to a happier path.
TAGLINE:
WORLD OF THE SHOW: Small town life in which veterans form the core of the populace, with all of their quirks, snarky outlooks and resistance to help from the new counsellor in town, whom they dub “The Skiing Shrink”. Surrounded by ski resorts, most people in town ski, and love to poke fun at their resident, former Olympian after she crashes off the slopes into a holiday display.
WHY THIS STORY? WHY NOW? It shows the humor and resilience that American veterans use in their every day life to overcome the challenges they face every day in adjusting to “normalcy”.
CHARACTERS:
Charlotte McClelland (29) – One-time Olympic skier, now a counsellor. Huge klutz.
Finn (32) – New town doctor, well-liked, provides free medical care to military veterans.
Iris McCelland (69) – Charlotte’s grandmother, taught her to ski, widow.
John (69) – Retired town doctor and Finn’s grandfather. Sweet on Iris since high school.
SYNOPSIS: Former Olympian Charlotte is adrift when she loses her contract as a counsellor to the U.S. National ski team. She visits her grandmother, Iris, in the small Colorado town of Ornament while she tries to figure out where her life goes now. Hearing about the need for a temporary counsellor at the Veteran’s Clinic, Iris introduces Charlotte to Finn, who has only been the town doctor for a year. Charlotte takes the temporary job to help the veterans. Poetry in motion on the slopes, Charlotte is a klutz everywhere else. However, while skiing, Grams careens off the ski run onto private land. Charlotte follows and crashes into the home’s reindeer decorations. Finn’s grandfather, lifts Donner and Blitzen off of Charlotte and gets her to Finn’s clinic. Ok, she wreaks havoc at the toy store, and is attacked by falling piles of snow and a parachuting squirrel in a forest. All of which quickly makes her a legend in town, especially to the veterans, who adopt her as one of their own. Rather than scaring Finn away, he is more and more drawn to Charlotte, and her daily adventures. Realizing she can run her counselling and speaking practice from Ornament, she buys a building near Finn’s clinic. Their relationship progresses until Finn misunderstands a conversation he overhears. He turns distant and encourages Charlotte to return to the city. Christmas Day Finn’s grandfather tells him the real situation, leaving Finn to figure out a heartfelt gesture to show Charlotte how sorry he is – with the help of the veterans.
Creator’s qualifications: On active duty with the Air Force for over 10 years. Screenwriting mentee of former Paramount President, David Kirkpatrick.
-
Karen: Since your story involves an Olympic athlete, and my story involves an Olympic and World Champion athlete, I think we could benefit in partnering up. My email is : kerr9606@comcast.net. I look forward to hearing from you. Bob Kerr
-
Hey Bob – Thanks for reaching out. Yes, it would be great to be script partners. I read through all the posts, but will reread your project and send an email with comments. Looking forward to it. My email is Karen.Brandin@gmail.com Cheers, Karen
-
-
-
Henry Fox Logline & One Page:
What I learned from this lesson?
How and when you edit is more important than what you edit.
LOGLINE: Emma Served Me The Finger – EROTIC THRILLER, COMEDY
Emma Served Me the Finger is an erotic thriller comedy about a naively optimistic boyfriend who sneaks into his girlfriends home to set up a surprise until he he discovers a skeleton in her closet which not only threatens their evening but also their relationship entirely.
ONE PAGE: Emma Served Me The Finger – EROTIC THRILLER, COMEDY
Joe is a typical college student romantic guy. Emma is his seemingly normal girlfriend. It’s the night before their anniversary. Joe hires Emma’s friend Jennifer to take out to a concert so Joe can sneak into Emma’s house and set up a romantic dinner. He’s even cooking!
After the sun sets and she’s ready, Joe gets the call from Jennifer. They are returning back to Emma’s home. Joe finishes getting ready and takes his fully cooked turkey into Emma’s bedroom to hide in her closet.
Suddenly, a dead corpse falls out of the closet. Joe – in shock – realizes that his girlfriend stores a corpse in her closet. Then Joe hears Emma opening the door.
She’s returned home.
The evidence is everywhere. Joe can’t escape easily. He hides the turkey and quickly escapes suspicion by masking himself in the moment of Emma’s surprise.
Emma – at first – is thrilled. “You’re the best boyfriend I’ve ever had.” Then in a moment of bliss, she goes in to hug Joe, smelling the corpse on his jacket. The game that she’s playing, now has changed. Realizing that Joe’s casually escaping, Emma will have to murder him and plays horny and hungry in order to keep Joe close.
Joe tries to play it casual and Emma tries to tease him to death. Joe tries to deny he knows about the corpse. Emma tries to prove otherwise. After a nice romantic talk on the sofa over soft music, a scrumptious meal and a seducing dance show, Joe falls too far into Emma’s trap and is knocked unconscious.
Reawakening, Joe is tied to Emma’s bed. She tells him that she’s done this before. She teases him and then tells him she’s going to enjoy eating him before she rips his eye balls out.
Suddenly Joe wakes up in Emma’s bed again. Panicked and disorientated, he looks into the closet. No corpse. He searches the house and enters to see Emma eating a corpse in the dining room. She turns to him and begs him to release her as a pile of bananas land on the floor. Joe is shocked.
Then Joe wakes up. Yet again on Emma’s bed. It’s still dark out. Joe once again enters to see Emma cooking. They hug and kiss. Then they have a dinner that Emma’s made.
And, as they have dinner – after Joe explains his dream – they ask “What happened? Was it all a dream? What kind of experience was that?” Then Joe realizes that Emma meal is a surprise itself. Happy anniversary! As they say.
-
Sounds pretty funny! Hope 2 c the development
-
Thank you. The whole thing was pretty wild in terms of how it came together. Do you want to be script partners?
-
Thank you Henry. I would like to partner with you. I’m working on Assign 2 right now. Shall we connect on 1 also? Or r u onto 2 for feedback? Let me know.
-
-
-
-
We Three Kings by Trish Carothers.
What I learned from this assignment is that it is necessary to choose a dramatic beginning, get focused on story evolution, important character’s trajectory, plot…avoid being locked into the dramas.
Genre: Historical Drama
Logline and Page One:
Three Main Players: Harald III Sigurdsson -B. 1000 A.D. of Norway, Harold II Godwineson -B. of England, and Duke William of Normandy.
Main Focus: From slightly before Harald III Sigurdsson HHadrad’s half-brother’s Olaf Tryggavason’s confrontation on a foggy night foiling a traitors trap, to his half-brother’s death in 1030 at the Battle of Sticklstad and his own near death by Olaf’s side at the age of 15, and subsequent flight to Kyiv Rus to distant relatives. The ways he survives, lives to fight and become captain of Yaroslav’s army, then goes to Constantinople to fight for Emperor Michael IV of Byzantium, becomes leader of Varsgian Guards, personal guards of M IV, then leads them in many battles from Mediterranean to Jerusalem before going back to Russia and marrying Princess Eliseff, daughter of King Yaroslav, then fighting his way back to Norway and then fighting to become/and stay king.
In the Meantime Harold II Godwineson is born about the same time as Harald III and eventually becomes a strong leader and fighter. His King, Edward the Confessir sends him to Duke William of Normandy to name him as Ed’s successor. Godwineson a virtual prisoner swears fealty to Will and fights battles with him before returning home. On King Ed’s deathbed in 1066, E says Harold II is his ssuccessor-betraying Duke William – and England’s mighty elect him king. He goes to Stamford Bridge in Northern England to fight against the combined invasion forces of Harald III and Godwineson’s betraying brother Tostig Godwinson and wins. Harald III is killed, Tostig flees, H Godwineson wins but must hurry to Southern England with weary troops and fighters going back home for harvest, goes to Hastings where Harold II must battle the very angry, newly arrived Duke William of Normandy. Godwinson dies – the last Anglo-Saxon king of England- and William becomes King of England after much fighting to London and beyond.
It’s possible I have bitten off more than I can chew…but here I go anyway!
-
Hi Patricia – Although I’m working the revision to a holiday script for this course, I am also creating, and writing the pilot for, a historical one hour drama. It isn’t set as far back as yours, my project is at the turn of the 20th century, but I know what you’ve done/are doing as far as research, etc. Would you like to partner up? My email is: Karen.Brandin@gmail.com
-
Hi Karen. Thank you for reaching out. I would like to partner up. I believe Hal said we can work with several feedbackers (lol). Are you wanting feedback now on 1 and 2 of this story? Let me know.
-
Just feedback on the 1 pager would be great, thank you. Karen
-
-
-
-
JACK OF DIAMONDS by Douglas E. Hughes
from the play JACK OF DIAMONDS by Douglas E. Hughes, ©2011
To be honest, I’m not sure what I’ve learned from this assignment yet.
LOGLINE: A group of savvy seniors in a retirement home are forced to team up with the very conman who has swindled them out of their life savings in order to save themselves from eviction.
JACK OF DIAMONDS: ONE PAGE
The story opens with Jack, a retired jeweller, watching one of his cheesy, 80’s era, late-night commercials on YouTube in his room at Transitions, a swanky retirement home. He and his friends–the wise-cracking techno-wizard Gertie, the forgetful costume jewelry maker Flora, and his love interest, the narcoleptic beauty Blanche–are about to say their goodbyes to their friend Wilf who has outlived his pension and is being shipped off to Departure Point, a dreary government facility that is the antithesis of their current home. No sooner do Jack & his friends take their leave of Wilf than they learn that their financial adviser, Robin Connor, has just been arrested for running a Ponzi scheme. They’ve all lost their life savings, and they’re in imminent danger of suffering the same fate as Wilf.
When Connor collapses at his arraignment, he’s rushed off to hospital in a catatonic state, a security bracelet fixed around his ankle; but his presence there is leaked to the media, and a crowd of angry ex-clients gathers at the hospital, determined to get their hands on him. The authorities quickly hustle Connor off to Transitions where they think he’ll be safe, not realizing that they’re placing him amongst a bunch of his victims. When the friends learn of Connor’s presence, their first thought is to kill him; but then Jack discovers two things–one, Connor has been faking his catatonia; and two, he has squirrelled away $10 million in diamonds. Jack makes a deal with the devil–he and his friends will spring Connor in exchange for half of his diamond stash. Together, they come up with a scheme that involves impersonating doctors, faking life-threatening diseases, and eating a lot of banana puddling (with a big dose of laxative for dessert)–all under the watchful eye of Jack’s nemesis, the embittered Nurse Harper.
As things spin out of control, Jack is forced to take a long look at his relationships with Blanche, his friends Gertie and Flora, and his two kids, Ben and Lisa, with whom he hasn’t spoken since they “coerced” him into selling his home and moving into Transitions.
In the end, Jack and his kids patch up their differences, Connor and Harper get their comeuppance, and the friends manage to end up with all the diamonds–enough to reimburse themselves and the other victims at Transitions, and bring Wilf back home in the bargain. The story concludes with Jack and his friends shooting a commercial for Flora’s new jewelry website (an echo of Jack’s cheesy commercials from the 80’s).
-
Sounds fun, Douglas…do you prefer Doug?
-
Thanks, Patricia, and yes, Doug’s fine. I don’t mind Douglas, but everyone who knows me calls me Doug. 🙂
-
-
-
Bob Kerr
Title ” With All Their Might”
Genre: True story drama
What I learned in this assignment:
How to understand the core of the story and see it unfold in a way that brings entertainment value to the story as I map it out.
With All Their Might:
Logline:
The true story of a young mother, in 1974, who is burdened with divorce, an authoritarian father and the struggles of returning to college.. She fights to regain her self-esteem and self confidence after being pushed into joining a rowing crew coached by a World Champion.
With All Their Might
One Page
Fran is overwhelmed when she is blindsided with divorce papers. Her self esteem is shattered and she has no choice but to return to her childhood home with her three year old daughter. Her authoritarian father rescues her but extracts a high cost for his assistance with a “my way or the highway” ultimatum. Eventually, Fran is readmitted to the local university and assigned a work study job in the athletic department. With no athletic background she is hounded by the newly hired World Champion rowing coach to try out for rowing. It is the dawn of Title IX and the women’s crew is essential to the future of the entire rowing program.
Finally coerced by her father to try out for rowing, Fran must overcome her fear of drowning just to be in a boat. This sets-off a series of missteps and challenges that threaten the continuation of the entire rowing program. After a full seven months of training, Fran becomes the leader of the women’s crew and the are victorious as Fran establishes her independence and the crews glorious legacy.
-
This reply was modified 2 years, 1 month ago by Robert Kerr.
-
Hi Bob. My eyes r crossing…it’s getting so late. Your log line and 1 page could be tightened up a bit.
Log Line: Would changing Title to ” With All Her Might” keep the focus more on her story rather than the “…their…” story? Or perhaps a title that doesn’t fit that mold…like “Chariots of Fire”?
Might you, in the page 1 section, perhaps say…she chooses …to return…
Somehow make the brief telling of the story more gripping…perhaps with action verbs to grab a producers attention. Hope this is helpful to you Bob.
-
This reply was modified 2 years, 1 month ago by
-
Not sure how to do the introduction and sign confidentiality agreement.
-
Hi Patricia,
Just cut and past the agreement into the reply and add you name where it says “I”. Hit post and you’re done.
-
I thought I had uploaded the pertinent info. Thanks for your efforts.
-
-
-
I already uploaded my answers to part 1, and relied and agreed to Confidentiality Agreement, though I’m still not seeing it as posted. Is there’s a problem…did I post it ok? Or is its posting delayed? I thought today was the 48 hour deadline…am I incorrect?
I apologize if these questions are a nuisance. Just say so.
Last concern at this time: I have purchased quite a few programs in the past. Where do I now access those finished/paid for programs that I purchased, for review now?
Thank you for your responces.
-
Nancy Kates Logline and One Page
What I learned doing this assignment: the real-world facts of my story are hard to describe in simple terms.
BOUND BY ICE
Chicago, 1961: Lucy Bledsoe, a closeted lesbian scientist at a Cold War research facility, leads a double life. When she discovers dangerous military secrets, she risks her life, her lover and her job to reveal them.
Bound by Ice is a drama with thriller and romantic elements, based in part on the actual life of Lucy Bledsoe, a lesbian science editor working at a government-funded Cold War ice research facility in 1961-62. Her lab studies ice cores drilled at a secret US Army outpost in Greenland. Lucy is required to sign a government loyalty oath in order to take the job: if unmasked as a queer person, she could be fired from her job and thrown in jail for “subversion.” But then she falls in love with Charlene (Charlie), a butch African-American cab driver and photographer, and they embark on a secret, risky love affair. Later, Lucy discovers the Army’s dangerous military plan to store nuclear missiles under the ice in Greenland. Sent to work in the field, she finds proof of the plan, and other challenging information, and makes the agonizing choice to blow the whistle, risking her job, her relationship, and possibly her life.
Throughout the story, she faces the choice between her love of science and her love of women, trying to “have it all” in an era in a sexist era that did not welcome women into the sciences. If “having it all” was difficult for most women in the late 1950s/early 60s, it was nigh on impossible for lesbians of that period.
Adapted from the semi-fictional A Thin Bright Line, the historical facts of the story are sometimes harder to believe than its fictional elements:
In the late 1950s, the United States Army Corps of Engineers built an under-ice outpost, Camp Century, in a remote part of the Greenland Ice Sheet. Ice cores were drilled there by scientists from a Chicago-area center, the Snow Ice Permafrost Research Entity (SIPRE), which was pioneering the study of climate change through isotope analysis of ice cores. The Army also hoped to put mobile nuclear warheads on a railway system built under the ice, where ICBMs could quickly strike the USSR. This plan, Project Iceworm, was fortunately never implemented. However, Camp Century was powered by the world’s first portable nuclear reactor. In our story, Lucy also finds evidence that the reactor may be leaking, endangering the soldiers and scientists working there.
Lucy faces choices based on internal conflicts: does she forgo the pursuit of love in order to safeguard her career? Can she expose the ill-conceived military plan to put nuclear warheads under the Greenland ice without jeopardizing Army funding of the ice core research? By the end of the story, does blow the whistle, destroying her career and imperiling her beloved ice research.
Today, as the Greenland Ice Sheet melts, the nuclear, industrial and human waste left behind when it was closed are expected to surface in the next 50-80 years, creating a looming environmental disaster in Greenland in the 21<sup>st</sup> century.
-
-
This is the second version after feedback
LOGLINE: For Heaven’s Sake – FANTASY
Four troubled teens become heaven and earth’s last hope against an alien menace when they’re commanded to go on a holy crusade to steal a powerful weapon called The Staff of Moses.
ONE PAGE: For Heaven’s Sake – FANTASY
Four troubled teens find themselves in a Juvenile boot camp for their crimes. Daniel is the leader and had been acting out because of the death of his grandfather. Freddy is a scrapper who burnt a fishing boat of a rival who stole fish from his father. Ian is a thief who was caught stealing food for his family, and they arrested Rob because he put the boots to his mom’s boyfriend after the man hit her.
The guards of the camp are very abusive, and the group makes a run for it. During the prison escape, they find themselves in an abandoned mining camp. During the middle of the night, a whirling white globe appears, grabs all four and transports them to Heaven. It is here that they find they are part of a prophecy to halt an invasion of Heaven by an alien race from a parallel Heaven. First, they must enter the alien world to steal back the Staff of Moses, which the aliens have stolen.
They place the boys in one of four different warrior classes to learn the unique skills needed to enter the Riff, which will take them to the alien’s home world. Daniel learns the skills of a Gurkha soldier. They teach Freddy stick fighting from the Suri tribe. Ian learns stealth from the Ninja, while Rob learns to track and scout from the Comanche warriors.
Thus starts their great journey to the Riff, and they learn to lead and fight along the way. When they enter the enemy stronghold, they steal back the Staff, but the Queen kills Ian. Daniel uses the Queen’s egg to hold back the horde and make their escape.
Back in their own Heaven, Daniel must learn to wield the Staff. He finds Ian has been reborn as a member of Heaven so cannot return to earth. Once he discovers the secrets of the Staff, Freddy and Ian disappear, plotting revenge on the Queen for having killed Ian. The group heads back over the mountains to head off the massive army of the Queen.
During a river crossing, an alien squad ambushes them, and they capture Daniel, losing the Staff. They march the prisoners to the Queen’s army camp, where she tortures Daniel. The Human army attacks the enemy camp, which causes a distraction for a small group to rescue Daniel. Daniel finds Rob had rescued the Staff.
Daniel uses the power of the staff to push back the alien army. In an ultimate showdown with the Queen, Daniel shows her she has no power over the Staff. As she retreats to the Riff, Freddy and Ian leap on her and kill her. They witness the entire alien army leave for their own home world, now that their Queen is dead.
Still not satisfied that Ian cannot return home, Daniel uses the Staff one last time to restore all the lives lost to the time before the Riff appeared. Ian is reborn in his mortal body and the boys return to Earth only to meet God, who tells them they would need their newly learned skills later in their lives.
-
Okay – this is my round two for this assignment. After reading the other one-pages, I realized that my focus was off. If I wanted to tell the heart of my story, I needed to explain the framework that drives the other stories in the Plastic Bag. Here is my new One Page.
Plastic Bag
Logline: A plastic bag gets passed from one owner to another and affects each life in a significant way.
Genre: Coming of Age / Drama
Six-year-old Delia crashes through her front glass door and leaps on the hood of a car in a last-ditch attempt to stop her father from leaving her and her mother. Flash forward 10 years and Delia still bears the physical and emotional scars from this event.
She has become a mean, sarcastic teenager; angry at her mom and addicted to her phone. Delia is suspended from school for cyberbullying. Her grandmother, Abby, takes her on a road trip.
Frustrated by Delia’s impudence, Abby takes Delia’s phone and throws it out the window. Delia is horrified. The disappointment mounts when she realizes they are going to an art exhibit. The greatest shock comes when she learns that Abby is good friends with the uber-famous artist, Victoria Hartmann.
Victoria gives them star treatment and introduces the first piece in her “Plastic Bag” exhibit. It’s called “The Curse”. She tells the story of how a teenage witch casts a spell on the bag.
There are many distractions, but Victoria carries on. She tells the story of her second piece, titled, “Carry Out”; a young father saves his baby from certain death, and by that, also saves his marriage.
Delia wanders away and discovers Cleo, Victoria’s granddaughter. Cleo is in a wheelchair, paralyzed from the neck down. Delia quickly shrinks out of the room and returns to Victoria.
Victoria tells them about two more pieces. The first is “The Windshield”, a story of how the obstruction of The Plastic Bag puts two young lovers in peril, narrowly missing a head-on collision. They save a kitten and get engaged. The second is “The Game” where a precocious 10-year-old boy orchestrates a game of “Capture the Flag” with the cursed Bag. There is an unlikely hero, who saves a young girl.
Delia is finally engaged and enjoying the stories. She checks back in, and this time connects with Cleo. Delia is amazed at Cleo’s fortitude.
Victoria tells about the piece “The Heist” where an aging father decides to leave his life of crime and reunite with his daughter. When the story concludes, Delia is missing. She stole Abby’s credit card and went to buy a smartphone. When Abby confronts her, Delia is so distraught that she steps off the curb into the path of an oncoming bus. Abby grabs her by the hair and saves her.
They return to the art exhibit the next morning. Victoria narrates the story of “The Donation,” about a prodigal daughter who returns to the warm embrace of her father.
Delia is annoyed by the happy ending. Victoria insists that her art exists only to tell what is true.
The final piece is titled “The Ending,” which picks up at the massive party being thrown in the prodigal’s honor. The older sister is furious that her father would celebrate her delinquent sister and refuses to go in the house.
Delia admits her sadness over her broken family. She hates her life and doesn’t want to live it. Victoria and Abby reveal that they are the primary characters in the artwork. Victoria is the prodigal daughter and Abby is the friend of the prodigal and the wife in “Carry Out.” Delia looks at them in a new light. She changes her mind and realizes that, though this life is cruel and unfair, it’s better to embrace what we do have and live authentically.
Abby brings Delia back home. They bring carry-out and eat it, together with Delia’s mom, on the front porch.
-
We Three Kings by Trish Carothers.
What I learned from this assignment is that it is necessary to choose a dramatic beginning, get focused on story evolution, important character’s trajectory, plot…avoid being locked into the dramas.
Genre: Historical Drama
Logline and Page One:
Three Main Players: Harald III Sigurdsson -B. 1000 A.D. of Norway, Harold II Godwineson -B. of England, and Duke William of Normandy.
Main Focus: From slightly before Harald III Sigurdsson HHadrad’s half-brother’s Olaf Tryggavason’s confrontation on a foggy night foiling a traitors trap, to his half-brother’s death in 1030 at the Battle of Sticklstad and his own near death by Olaf’s side at the age of 15, and subsequent flight to Kyiv Rus to distant relatives. The ways he survives, lives to fight and become captain of Yaroslav’s army, then goes to Constantinople to fight for Emperor Michael IV of Byzantium, becomes leader of Varsgian Guards, personal guards of M IV, then leads them in many battles from Mediterranean to Jerusalem before going back to Russia and marrying Princess Eliseff, daughter of King Yaroslav, then fighting his way back to Norway and then fighting to become/and stay king.
In the Meantime Harold II Godwineson is born about the same time as Harald III and eventually becomes a strong leader and fighter. His King, Edward the Confessir sends him to Duke William of Normandy to name him as Ed’s successor. Godwineson a virtual prisoner swears fealty to Will and fights battles with him before returning home. On King Ed’s deathbed in 1066, E says Harold II is his ssuccessor-betraying Duke William – and England’s mighty elect him king. He goes to Stamford Bridge in Northern England to fight against the combined invasion forces of Harald III and Godwineson’s betraying brother Tostig Godwinson and wins. Harald III is killed, Tostig flees, H Godwineson wins but must hurry to Southern England with weary troops and fighters going back home for harvest, goes to Hastings where Harold II must battle the very angry, newly arrived Duke William of Normandy. Godwinson dies – the last Anglo-Saxon king of England- and William becomes King of England after much fighting to London and beyond.
It’s possible I have bitten off more than I can chew…but here I go anyway!
-
Lovely. How do I get out of #1 and upload #2? Not sure i like this new format
-
Trish,
Love, love, love it. I can see it unfolding and you’ve hit the 3 act plot points nicely. Kudos to Bob on the logline, it sings.
It’s all I can do to do the assignments the first time and read the comments on it from others as I’m in a historical series class with Anna Henry of Stage 32 right now also. So, I probably won’t post/send revisions, but know that I am paying attention to comments, and appreciate them.
Hope that you have a good start to the week.
Karen
Show quoted text
-
Lesson 1 Feedback
Logline: Former Olympian counselor takes a job to counsel an enclave of vets in a small town where her Granny lives. Klutsey as she is, she endears herself to vets and the new doctor in spite of her clumsiness as she finds love with Finn, acceptance by vets, and a new life.
.Story: this story has so much to offer: real relationships, insights, profound moments, fun, and a heartfelt moments with vets as part of centerpiece.
On Fri, Mar 17, 2023, 1:29 PM Trish Caro <trish94c183@gmail.com> wrote:
Sounds good, Karen! Let’s do it that way. I’m having a bit of trouble myself navigating this site…but is getting better. Hope 2 have L#2 1st draft done today although we have all weekend…I think.
On Fri, Mar 17, 2023, 11:11 AM Karen Brandin <karen.brandin@gmail.com> wrote:
Hi Trish,
I think that we can email each other with our comments, then post any revised documents to the forum, but that’s just what I’ve observed so far on the site. I’m not hard over on how we communicate. I’m finding the process for this class a little disconnected from Hal, but am still learning a lot from his emails/info.
Please let me know how you’d like to proceed and off we go.
Karen
On Fri, Mar 17, 2023 at 12:27 PM Trish Caro <trish94c183@gmail.com> wrote:
Karen…just saw your partner request and replied yes on Forum site. Do we respond w/fb here or on Forum site? I’m not sure how Hal will read fb for all if not on Firum. Do you know? What do you prefer?
-
Thanks Karen. Here’s revised version…only did a little emotion. Will do more later. Still have 2nd change to do. How r u doing on your 2nd time around?
Trish’s Basic Structure Version 1
What I’ve learned from doing this assignment is that weaving three disparate yet similar lives together onto a whole narrative is dufficult. I get glimpses of deeper issues but now can’t look at more.
Genre: Historical Drama
Logline: The captivating and complex story of 11th Century royalty in 3 countries and the ongoing battles and betrayals that lead to the ultimate emergence of King William of England. (Most credit goes to Bob for this logline).
Main Conflict: 3 strong, mighty, powerful royal men born in early 1000’s A.D. must battle each other to become King of England in 1066.
a) Opening: King of Norway, Olaf Tyggerson, is to meet Kálfr Arnonson at a small Norwegian church at night to discuss Kalfr’s disgruntalment with King Olaf’s policies. It is dark and foggy. Olaf, suspicious when he catches a glimpse of a man on horse, and takes the meet with a few warriors inside. Kálfr Árnason tries to ambush Olaf but finds out his men, inside and out, are surrounded by Olaf. Olaf shows mercy but Kálfr Árnonson is angry and bitter. Olaf leaves.
• a) Harald, Olaf’s younger brother – born 1015 in Ringerick, Norway, is badly wounded & nearly killed at Sticklestad 1030, age 15.
b) Harold Godwinson, (born c. 1020— Parents: father is Godwine, Earl of.
Wessex and Kent, Mother, Gytha –
powerful noble Danish family related to.
Canute. 10 yrs old at time of Sticklestad.• c) William Born: September 1028 at Falaise, Normandy. Parents: Robert I, Duke of Normandy, and Arlette daughter of Fulbert (illegitimate son). He is 2 yrs old at Sticklestad.
•
• a) Inciting Incident: Kálfr Árnason sends emissaries to King Canute to be King of Norway. King Canute sends an army to the field of Sticklestad• The army challenges King Olaf and his men on the field at, north of Trondheim. Kálfr Árnason’s men join King Canute’s warriors, 40,000 warriors total, and go to battle King Olaf’s forces, 10,000 warriors. They know it’s hopeless but face it. Kalf mocks King Olaf-betrayal He is stabbed to death many times and many of his warriors are viciously killed. His young half- brother Harald, is badly wounded and near death. Some warriors rush to save Harald , to escape into the mountains on the border of Sweden to hide.
• By page 10, you know what the movie is about: Harald is near death but ww know if he lives he will want revenge and the kingship.
• First turning point at end of Act 1: Harald and his men hide in mountains to recuperate in a rustic cabin, avoiding discovery by Canute’s army while Harold heals and thinks “What now?” They plan to go to Rus, to Harald’s relatives in King Yaroslav’s castle for safety.
b) Harold of Wessex hears about the battle, as his father speaks with returning warriors, he is 10 yrs old.
c) William is a 2 yr old baby.• Mid-Point: When Harald and his men arrive in Rus at the castle, Yarislov puts him in charge of troops as captain, where he impresses Yarislov by winning some important battles, refining abilities and creativity.
16 year old Harald meets Elisev,
Yaroslav’s 14 years old daughter and
proposes. She rejects him: “I’m a.
princess, you are not even a king. Look
at my siblings, all well married into
royalty. I can do no less.”b) Harold of England – 1034, is 14 yrs old.
c) William is 6 yrs old, both he and his father (behind his back by children…(to father’s face by adults) mocked and tormented by legitimate children and adults. Knocked down, tripped, thrown rocks at etc.1035 – Will’s father dies. He sees his father die from poison at the dinner table. Uncle guards him.
1037- Will becomes Duke of Normandy – age 9. French King Henry zI knights him at age 15 – 1043.Second turning point at end of Act 2:
1034 – Harald age 19, goes to Constantinople with his men. They become part of the Varingian Guards who protect Emperor Michael IV of the Byzantine empire. Harald quickly becomes a captain. He leads them into battle many times and they all become rich.
b) Harold of England is 14. As the son of an Earl in service to the King, he must learn to manage the earldom, work with his father on the estate and the king’s business, play politics and diplomatics, form alliances.etc. Welsh, King Edward the Confessor. He becomes wealthy and powerful, and known as a great warrior.
c) William 1035 – At the age of 7, sees his father die of poison at the table. His uncle diligently protects Will as he is the only heir. At the age of 9, he becomes Duke. At 15, French King Henry 1 knights Will. He battles many of his neighbors and enemies and becomes known as a mighty, clever warrior.
Crisis: Harald and his friends are sent to fight against Michael IV’s enemies, where Harald’s strategies, smarts, friends, and men win many battles and get rich through the Byzantine practice of polutasvarf (loosely translated as “palace-plunder”),[53] a term which implies the pillaging of the palace exchequer on the death of the empeor (3times). “Aren’t we rich enough yet, Harry?” The men grouse about going home. Harold to finally agrees to go home. Plans to go to Jerusalem before going home. Everyone to be baptized before they all go home.
Climax: On the way to Jerusalem two planted betrayers of Kálfr Árnason attempt to murder Harald. They mortally wound Harald’s friend Rognavald, some warriors, and are mortally wounded in return. “Who told you to kill us!? “Harald screams and then kneels by his close friend Rognavald who gives advice and instructions about his burial pyre. What to take home to his family and tells Harald to go home. Harald promises to go and take special care of Kálfr Árnason. Then he grills one of the traitors. “Who betrayed us you filthy traitor!” He gasps…”Kálfr Árnason…” “Try again. You are a dead man already. Clear your soul!”
“Let’s go to the Jordan River and release Rognavald’ s and Dalkr’s bags of ashes into the river.” They kill the traitor and throw his carcas in the bushes. ” Then we’ll all go home, friend, as I promised.” Harald promises Thorasson they will do it for their friend. They burn Rognavald and Dalkr in a funeral pyre.Resolution: driven by deep anger and hard cold revenge, Harald and his remaining friends and men, baptized in the Jordan River in Jerusalem, cast Rognavald’s and Dalkr’s ashes, into the river. 1) Returning to Constantinople, where New Emperor Michael V imprisons them and plans to kill them. Escape is a slave girl secretly in love with Thorasson releases them and they escape, in1043. 2) They then go to Kievan Rus where Harald – now a very rich man and mighty warrior – proposes again to Elisiv who accepts. After pomp /ceremony, he begins his return to Norway to become King. Harald, Elisev, Thorasson, close warriors, and the army with followers, including the slave girl, march out of the castle gate, an impressive
On Sun, Mar 19, 2023, 7:16 AM Karen Brandin <karen.brandin@gmail.com> wrote:
Hi Trish,
-
I hope this is enough to get the block against continuing onto Lesson 2 and perhaps 3 lifted off my account.
-
I have posted Lesson 2 (b)- Elevate.
Looking for a partner for feed back. Henri…r u up for it?
Do Not know if this is correct place to post.
-
Or someone not already engaged?
Log in to reply.