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Lesson 1
Reply to post your assignment.
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18 Replies
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Rebecca Loves Character Depth!
Vision: My success in this program will lead me to be the go-to writer for producers looking for incredible scripts for successful movies enjoyed by a vast viewing audience.
What I learned: I learned that by using these exercises, I could dig deeper into the character. First, I reread the script with changes made in Mod 6 to find out what each character was hiding (Tool 2). I found that this was the key to using Tool 1 and Tool 3. Appling what they feared most and what they were hiding from me provided ideas for triggers (Tool 3). I then applied these to the relevant storylines of Tool 1 to elevate the scenes. The biggest payoff was the breakthrough to create a new, more engaging ending to the story to replace the lackluster original.
Tool 2: I discovered what my characters hid from me.
1. RAGMAN hid his fear of the killer within himself, how easy it could be to kill again after the War.
2. BUCHOLZ hid that he wanted to die as a war hero. Ragman robbed him of that. He devised a plan to track down Ragman, make him suffer, and force him to finish the job.
3. LUDIE hid that the abortion left her sterile.
Tool 1:
1. RAGMAN falls apart after he tells Ludie that the horse killed Bucholz, not him. He confesses he would have killed Bucholz without remorse or fear of consequences if she hadn’t stopped him.
2. BUCHOLZ: Once I discovered his secret, I used that information to create a new ending for my script, one with a twist of irony. He made out a will after he seduced Reisa and raped Ludie, leaving his estate to any offspring he might have fathered by them, the amount surprising.
3. LUDIE’S confession to Ragman about the abortion and her coverup that she is now sterile elevated the original scene by adding emotion.
Tool 3:
Knowing their secrets allowed me to add previously unknown trigger factors to prompt additional reactions to elevate existing scenes with each character.
I also used these tools to elevate a few scenes featuring Ervin and Albert.
Thank you, Hal, for this lesson and my breakthroughs.
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MOD 7 LESSON 1
Jack P loves character depth!
VISION: I am committed to developing a screenplay that will result in a produced movie, and that will lead to multiple successful movies in the future.
WHAT I LEARNED: By dissecting my story using the three depth tools, I was able to dig deeper into the story arc of the main characters and find new ways strengthen their relationship to the overarching themes. I was able to identify and improve on the triggers – reactions of these characters using these new skills.
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Eclipse Neilson LOVES CHARACTER DEPTH
THE NUN AND THE WITCH : SCI-FI/MYSTICAL DRAMA
VISION:
I want to be a great award-winning writer, known for my genre, who creates the most beautiful films that inspire others to feel deeply, pause, and ponder ways to make the world a better place as I make happy money to continue my career.
I absolutely love deep characters in everything I write!
“What I learned from doing this assignment is…? ”
I learned there is alway more depth and setups possible.
Depth Tool 1: Added Lunea’s struggle with her decision to have stayed in Ukraine with her daughter, (Athena) for as long as she did.
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Depth Tool 2: What are they hiding from me?
1.Lunea’s guilt that she had signed papers to divorce her husband, just before the bombs dropped and killed him.
2.Father Sinclair seeks help from the demons’ torture.
3.Depth Tool 3 : Sister Anne (earlier reveal) she has fallen in love with Lunea.
4)Depth Tool 4: How can this story trigger the character?</div><div>
1.The building of Lunea’s and Sister Annne’s friendship and their mystical mission.
2Anthena’s struggles to stand in her power against the bullies.
4). Tell us the changes you made using these tools.
1.Added dialog with Lunea and Athena-
2.set up a scene with Lunea and Father Sinclair.
3.Added Sinclair reaching out for help and Lunea the one who forgives him.
4.I showed Lunea’s deep struggle between following her sacred mission, knowing it might turn out to be painful for all.
5). At the top of the page, tell us your one-sentence vision for your success from this program.
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Tracy loves character depth!
I will do whatever it takes to become a bestselling author and screenwriter with multiple screenplays produced.
What I learned:
I could increase the intrigue in the opening scene by having the doctor help Anna, but not be entirely sure if he trusts her story.
When Anna gives him a tin of medicinal tea for the ill soldiers, the doctor turns aside and smells it, and realizes she has given him something of true value. He was right to trust her.
In another scene, I revealed more about Rhoda, the maid, who comes to Anna’s rescue. The new clue makes it clear Rhoda has been victimized by the master, and now, she is the only one who can nurse the master’s son back to health. For once, she has the upper hand.
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Module 7 – Lesson 1 – More Character Depth
Subject Line: Jeffrey Alan Chase Loves Character Depth!
My vision: I am an “A” list writer who is known for high concept ideas, great execution, a string of successful movies and is always ready to share his knowledge and do what he can to help another writer on the way up.
What I learned from doing this assignment is: Every edit, especially this one, helps to increase the intrigue of my story and helps make my unique characters shine much brighter.
• Depth Tool 1: Lay out your character storylines and elevate.
Sarah can’t remember her childhood
due to a head trauma twenty years ago when she was 6. She copes with her nightmares
and memory flashbacks with alcohol and drugs.
March is a hypnotherapist and agrees to
help Sarah remember what happened to her as a child.• Depth Tool 2: What are they hiding from me?
Sarah remembers more than she reveals
to March about the events in her childhood. Why? Does she really need
March to help her remember? What will she remember?
March was a much different person twenty
years ago. He caused Sarah’s amnesia when she was six years old.• Depth Tool 3: How can this story trigger the character?
Sarah will be forced to confront her
fear and learn if she was somehow responsible for the death of her father.March’s psychosis will overwhelm and
propel him to once again become the murderer he was twenty years ago.I made a number of changes using the above tools.
1. Enhanced both Sarah’s and March’s dialogue. Small pieces were on the nose. Hopefully none are now.
2. Elevated Johnny’s relationship with his father, the Chief of the Navajo Nation police AND his relationship with his grandfather, the Shaman. His journey now more parallels Sarah’s in that they both are seeking to learn who they really are, albeit in much different ways.
3. Added new facets to March’s character to make him more evil but at the same time, made him more generous and understanding. It serves to accentuate the underlying insanity that drives him to pursue his unspoken goal.
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Tom Loves Character Depth!
Vision: Being flexible – Working with a producer, I quickly come up with viable alternatives to upgrade the material.
Doing this assignment, I learned I must dig deep into each character to make them more interesting.
Changes I made using these tools to elevate my characters:
· I had Ben change his major to agriculture to help his dad with his new company.
· Phil and Stan fly to mountain top lake and bring back more produce.
· Phil won’t let Marge work at the company because he wants her to raise John.
· Phil knows his folks don’t work hard. It’s bad for company morale.
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This reply was modified 2 years, 5 months ago by Tom Wilson.
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This reply was modified 2 years, 5 months ago by Tom Wilson.
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This reply was modified 2 years, 5 months ago by
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ROBERT SMITH LOVES CHARACTER DEPTH!
MY VISION FOR SUCCESS FROM THIS PROGRAM.
I am a great writer who delivers entertaining, informative, and uplifting scripts that sell and get produced.
WHAT I LEARNED FROM DOING THIS ASSIGNMENT IS…?
Characters have secrets. It’s fun and essential to discover them and so elevate the script.
PITCH: A slain mobster (Lou Tasca – Protagonist) cannot move on to the World to Come because of his life of crime. He can only redeem himself if he convinces his killer (Carlo Vizzini) to flip, quit the mob and join the FBI Witness Protection Program. PICTURE: “The Sopranos” meets “It’s a Wonderful Life.”
GENRE: Gangster-Comedy.
TITLE: “Angels in Gangland”
CHARACTER STORYLINE OF PROTAGONIST LOU TASCA.
Preliminary actions: It is Lou’s spirit who tells the story. Lou is dead. Assassinated by a fellow soldier in the Giordano crime family, Carlo Vizzini, a friend.
First Lou introduces other key players: Rabbi Solomon Levinsky (his spirit guide) whom he knew in life along with his son Sam Levinsky (who also joined the Giordano crime family) and how Uncle Max, a Jewish gangster inadvertently influenced an otherwise religious Jewish family in such a way that the Rabbi’s son became a gangster. Also, Carlo Vizzini, a friend of Sam, who carries out the order to kill Lou.
The assassination of Lou is enacted.
Inciting incident: His spirit-guide, Rabbi Solomon Levinsky tells Lou he can’t get into heaven unless he redeems himself by returning to gangland to convince Carlo to do as he should have done: Quit Cosa Nostra, flip, join the FBI Witness Protection Program. In other words, be a rat and violate the mob rule of Omerta, silence.
Initially, Lou is overwhelmed and feeling it is impossible, in fact, hopeless to convince a Made Man like Carlo to ‘turn rat.’
Rabbi Solomon encourages Lou to feel confident and hopeful.
On this mission to Carlo, Lou is visible only to Carlo and spirit-guide Solomon is visible only to Lou.
Lou, newly bolstered by Solomon, crashes Carlo’s 30 Birthday Party (against Solomon’s advice), scares Carlo, in front of his fiancé Sherrie, friend Sam, and ominously before Tony Rizzo, their crew captain in the Giordano family who ordered Carlo to kill Lou.
Lou’s actions result in Tony’s eventual desire to eliminate Carlo, as he thinks Carlo is going insane and could be a liability who would draw heat to the Giordano family.
Tony already (rightly) suspects that Carlo and Sam are dealing drugs (also forbidden by Cosa Nostra under penalty of death). He asks fellow gangster, Russian mob kingpin Oleg Oransky to have his ex-KGB agent gang members to check out Carlo and Sam for drug dealing.
This creates an urgency to reach Carlo before Tony does.
Meanwhile, Sherrie (Carlo’s fiancé) asks fellow cocktail waitress Zoey Platt (a psychic) to do a séance to expel Lou from their apartment. Rabbi Solomon and Lou believe Zoey is interfering with their mission to reach Carlo and get him to leave the mob and flip. Solomon teaches Lou how to spirit possess Carlo and tell Zoey to bud out. She does. She is scared off. Lou again appeals to Carlo to quit the mob. Sherrie breaks the engagement with Carlo, because she doesn’t want him in Cosa Nostra either. She walks out on him and Carlo is left alone and dejected.
Rabbi Solomon goes to spy on Tony having a sit-down with Oleg who says Carlo and Sam are not dealing drugs. Tony makes Oleg his father confessor and claims that he ordered Lou’s murder because he (Tony) owes Lou $200,000 in gambling debts and didn’t want to pay it.
Tony reveals that he has too many expenses for his paraplegic son and other children and wife (Lisa). He also resents that he was passed over by Don Giordano for Underboss He says he as a hitman lined up to kill both Carlo and Sam. Oleg tells him to beg off, as his men found that Carlo and Sam are not dealing drugs. Tony rejects their assessment and says he trusts his own guts and that he needs to get rid of Carlo anyway because he (Carlo) is insane (judging, as Tony does, from Carlo’s claim that he sees the ghost of Lou Tasca). Tony further assumes that Don Primo Giordano the head of the Giordano Crime Family will appreciate it. However Oleg plays a recording of Don Primo speaking against Tony as himself a criminal homicidal maniac who started a gang war when he killed rival boss Salvatore “Sally Cat” Catanzaro like his idol, Crazy Joe Gallo who killed Boss Joe Colombo. Tony says that after he has killed Carlo and Sam, he will kill Don Primo and start his own family.
MAJOR REVEALS: OLEG ORANSKY is an FBI informant. His assistant Greesha is an FBI officer (GREG MOR-Russian name) as also is Michelle Ippolito who was formerly working undercover as a Cocktail Waitress at Tony Rizzo’s Cocktail Lounge.
WHAT LOU TASCA IS HIDING: A num smacked on his knuckles and told him he was “no good” and “hopeless” Rabbi Solomon says that explains Lou’s forever pessimism and why he turned out ‘no good.’ And his lack of confidence that it was hopeless to try to try and get Carlo to flip.
TRIGGERS / REACTIONS
Getting Carlo to flip. Rashly, Lou crashes Carlo’s Birthday Party and only makes him look insane, seeing Lou’s spirit which only he can see.
TRIGGER: A Séance is arranged. REACTION: Lou is reluctant (same hopelessness), to learn spirit-possession to possess Carlo and tell the medium (Zoey) to butt out because she is interfering with Lou and Solomon’s mission to get Carlo to flip. He finally follows Rabbi Solomon’s guidance and deals effectively with the problem.
CHANGES MADE: All the triggers are added and strengthened. It is from Rabbi Solomon that Lou learns more of what he should have remembered from Catechism (were it not for the ruler-wielding nun). Very useful, St. Augustine’s adages, “God writes straight with crooked lines.” And “If man will not, God cannot.”
CHARACTER STORYLINE OF ANTAGONIST TONY RIZZO.
Tony Rizzo is a captain in the Giordano crime family. In his crew are Lou Tasca, and associates Carlo Vizzini, and Sam Levinsky. Tony owes Lou $200,000 in gambling debts and so decides to have Lou killed so he wouldn’t have to pay him. He orders Carlo Vizzini to kill Lou as a way to ‘make his bones’ a prerequisite to Carlo becoming a Made Man. Tony doesn’t tell Carlo his real reason for killing Lou, but a false yarn about how Lou violated the oath of silence by spilling Giordano family secrets to the rival Catanzaro family.
He presents Carlo to be initiated as a Made Man.
But at Carlo’s 30<sup>th</sup> Birthday Party, Tony sees him freak out with the claim that he sees the ghost of Lou Tasca. Tony believes Carlo is insane and should be killed. But he thinks that maybe Carlo did see Lou as Carlo mentioned 2 things only Lou would know: That Tony assassinated Salvatore (“Sally Car”) Catanzaro, a rival boss to Don Primo Giordano – which prompted a gang war between the Catanzaro and Giordano families, secondly, Carlo mentioned the $200,000.
Tony later learns from Oleg that Carlo and Sam are not dealing drugs and he confesses his real reason for killing Lou: that he couldn’t pay the debt because of expenses for his paraplegic son (thus, the villain is not entirely a villain).
He also resents that he was passed over by Don Giordano for Underboss He says he has a hitman lined up to kill both Carlo and Sam. Oleg tells him to beg off, as his men found that Carlo and Sam are not dealing drugs. Tony rejects their assessment and says he trusts his own guts and that he needs to get rid of Carlo anyway because he Carlo is insane (judging, as Tony does, from Carlo’s claim that he sees the ghost of Lou Tasca. Tony further assumes that Don Primo Giordano the head of the Giordano Crime Family will appreciate it. However Oleg plays a recording of Don Primo speaking against Tony as himself a criminal homicidal maniac like his idol, Crazy Joe Gallo. Tony says that after he has killed Carlo and Sam, he will kill Don Primo and start his own family, just like Joey Gallo tried to do against Joe Colombo.
WHAT TONY RIZZO IS HIDING: That although, he feels, he has faithfully served Don Giordano, he also feels he is under appreciated by him. He was passed over for Underboss and Giordano says on the tape that he (Tony) is just as whack-o like his idol Crazy Joe Gallo. Also, he is hiding that he half believes that maybe Lou’s ghost is appearing to Carlo.
TRIGGERS / REACTIONS
As one who idolizes Crac Joe Gallo any mention of the place where Gallo was killed, i.e., Umberto’s Clam House…drives Tony into a paroxysm.
TRIGGER/REACTION:
When faced with a decision, he asks himself, “WWJD?” What would Jesus do? But when he says “WWJD?”it, Tony means, “What Would Joey (Gallo) do?”
REVEAL: Tony loves his children, including one, a paraplegic.
CHANGES MADE: All as described above added and strengthened. All the trigger-reactions.
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CJ Loves Character Depth
Vision: I am a confident and empowered writer who embraces challenges and changes and writes produced highly sought-after projects with fresh and exciting ideas.
WIL: Going through this – sometimes I didn’t realize until I went back to it that it was in fact a Cliché – so working through a different way to convey it or change it in a way that is different or fresh.
Title: MEMORY HUNTERS
Concept:
In a future with technology to retrieve memories, a Memory Hunter, caught in the mind of a psychopath struggles to find a way out before he destroys her mind and kills her.
Tell us the changes you made using these tools.
Found that my Antagonist was hiding her need to be liked by everyone
Found a way to elevate my protagonist’s story by her doing the reveal of who she is
Terry is hiding that he is double dealing on Catherine
Mya’s nightmares will trigger her to do stupid things
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Andrew Kelm Loves Character Depth!
Vision: I am going to do whatever it takes to be a great writer of TV and movies who is sought after by people I respect within the industry and has multiple successful TV series produced.
What I learned doing this assignment is… Use every prompt to add depth and interest to story and character
Depth Tool 1: Lay out your character storylines and elevate.
- Rewrote first scene with Daphne to have her moving in over Mom’s Salon after husband’s fatal accident
- Added a scene where Daphne coaches Roy’s salesmanship
- Added a phone call from Daphne to Gilbert where he taunts her
- Added Daphne turning Gilbert in to the police at the end.
Depth Tool 2: What are they hiding from me?
- added Daphne suggesting to the police at the end to search Gilbert’s internet history
Depth Tool 3: How can this story trigger the character?
- Amped up the character of Best friend to highlight the stakes of Daphne’s triggers
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Farrin Rosenthal Loves Character Depth!
Farrin’s Vision: To do what it takes to become a highly paid A-List Hollywood writer whose produced movies will entertain audiences around the world.
What I learned doing this assignment is how to add depth to my characters. What we want are full characters that contain depth. A character with depth has a lot going on under the surface. We see how they act on the surface, but those actions gain strength when they are motivated by what is going on under the surface.
Characters hide things from themselves and others. Things they don’t want to admit or reveal. One way they surface is through triggers. Something causes them to reveal things.
Conflict acts as a great way to trigger a character. Conflict makes them react. The greater the threat or conflict, the greater the potential reaction.
Characters have secrets. What are they hiding and what makes them come out in the open?
The deeper the secret, the more it takes to get a character to reveal it, and if you push hard and long enough, this secret can be explosive.
What I learned is to push my characters to the limit and then beyond. Depth creates interest.
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Erik Loves Character Depth!
My vision is to achieve true excellence as a screenwriter which causes me to be a consistently working writer, with actual movies made from some of my scripts, and to become wealthy as a screenwriter, develop relationships in the movie industry where I am recognized as a truly original writer, and to become indispensable in the market in which I want to write.
What I learned doing this assignment… The depth tools are trickier than they seem on the surface. After several sittings working with this assignment, I finally had a breakthrough, which came from intertwining depth tools 1 and 3, character storyline and triggers-reactions. The result was something a little more fundamental than finding specific new triggers or reactions or elevating storylines — I realized I needed to change the character’s personality a bit. This will naturally affect reactions to the triggers. From here, it might be a layered process, where I first need to see how the new personality will affect the current triggers-reactions and storylines and then see how much, or whether, I need to brainstorm brand new elements of the storyline or new triggers.
Changes made:
–Changed the triangle character’s personality to make it a little lighter, more fun-loving and irreverent.
–Changed reactions accordingly in four of the storylines.
–Brainstormed an intriguing possibility for what the lead character might be hiding from us but still undecided as to whether to use it.
–Found a new element as to what the triangle character is hiding from us, and adjusted the writing to reflect this in her reactions to triggers.
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Amechi Loves Character Depth!
What I learned doing this assignment is that simple is sometimes better than complex.
MY VISION
I am going to be in the top 1% of action/comedy writers in the industry who writes major action films.I used this tool to simplify my protagonist’s story. There was a darker element that I had to cut, and one that I added, that made it more obvious that he was trying to hurt the antagonist near the end of act 2.
I also added a beat of my antagonist being happy with her ‘family’ earlier in the story that I think rounds her out a little better.
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Leona Heraty Loves Character Depth!
My Vision: To be the best family comedy screenwriter in the industry where my screenplays are produced into fabulous movies, making audiences laugh a lot and making me independently wealthy!
What I learned from doing this assignment is…there are so many ways to elevate my script by adding character depth through action!
Title: Tara vs. the Termo-Lytes
Genre: Comedy (Sci-fi)
Concept #2: A lost teenage tour guide who’s petrified of bugs must lead her tour group in a battle against mutant killer termites at an abandoned country club.4. Tell us the changes you made using these tools.
Depth Tool 1: Lay out your character storylines and elevate.
Act 1-Tara recoils from the bug movie and hides under a blanket and shivers.
Act 2-Tara hides the tour guide map under a potted plant and says they’re out of maps so she can’t be the driver for the tour.
Act 2-At the abandoned country club, Tara is grossed out by the beetles infesting a tree and she throws up!
Act 2-Tara tries to run out of the lobby at the country club and trips on boxes.
Act 2-In the industrial kitchen at the country club, Tara notices a green bag of Spirulina on the floor and open containers of Turmeric and Paprika and sawdust and termites moving around. She shivers and covers her eyes with her hands.
Act 1-Big Betty is covered with Spirulina and comes to life and jumps up and ROARS.
Act 2-In the tunnel below the country club lobby, Big Betty leads the Termo-Lytes in a funny square dance and sings a funny song about the return of her clan, the Termo-Lytes.
Act 2-When Big Betty recaptures Davy and Meg, she says cooking them in a big cast iron pot is so cliché so she orders Lonnie to throw them in the hot tub and then throw a net on them.
Act 2-When Tara and Davy ride the gondola down the mountain, and Big Betty holds on underneath the gondola, she sings songs from her clan about good times her great grandparents had in the 1920s when the country club was built.
Act 2-In the Rum Runner’s Cave, a Little Cave Guy causes Big Betty to trip and she gets mad and almost eats him, but is restrained by her nephew, Lonnie!
Act 2-In the Rum Runner’s Cave, when Big Betty hears a noise and pulls back the alcove curtain, but nobody is there, she puts her face up by Davy and Meg and threatens to eat them if they’re planning any funny business!
Depth Tool 2: What are they hiding from me?
Tara is hiding her horrible experience as a child when she gets lost in the Halloween corn maze at age 8 and is covered by termites while sitting on the hay bale. This has affected her life since then by causing her to not have a sense of direction and to be overly afraid of bugs.Big Betty’s parents were there when Tara got lost in the Halloween maze and Tara’s Dad poured his water bottle on Tara’s leg and drowned Big Betty’s parents. Her revenge is personal!
Meg spent most of inheritance from her late husband’s estate to purchase the abandoned country club from the current owners because her great grandparents built it in 1920! She didn’t tell her kids or family and friends because she’s had many failed business ventures in the past and she thought they would make fun of her.
Meg also concocted the Spirulina drink to find a non-toxic way to kill the termites. She didn’t know the jar would crash, fall on the termites and cause them to grow seven feet tall!
Davy is hurt that his parents are spending their second honeymoon in Europe without him, so he lies and says they’re going to be in Europe for the entire summer and that his parents want his grandmother, Meg, to adopt him so they can get rid of him.
Tad, Meg’s boyfriend, knows Meg purchased the abandoned country club because he found the deed in her desk drawer. He also didn’t tell her that he’s more than a drunk old hippy…he’s rich! He will help her rebuild the country club!
Depth Tool 3: How can this story trigger the character?
Act 1, Opening Scene: When Tara is driving her wash wagon, and a big bug flies into her car, she SCREAMS, slams on the brakes and the laundry pitches forward and underwear covers her face! Ha! Ha!
Act 1, when Big Betty is covered by the Spirulina concoction and she comes to life then grows three feet tall, she sees the dead Termo-Lytes and gets angry and ROARS, then pours Spirulina on them and they come to life and grow three feet tall too and she kisses them.
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Jack P loves character depth!
VISION: I will do whatever it takes to write a screenplay that will result in a produced movie, and that will lead to multiple successful movies in the future.
WHAT I LEARNED: By dissecting my story using the three depth tools, I was able to dig deeper into the story arc of the main characters and find new ways strengthen their relationship to the overarching themes. I was able to identify and improve on the triggers – reactions of these characters using these new skills.
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Linda Loves Character Depth!
Vision:
Audiences around the world view and love my meaningful screenplays—one of the most satisfying and energizing accomplishments of my life.
What I learned from doing this assignment is I had significant breakthroughs in this assignment. More to come. Need to keep digging deeper.
Depth Tool 1: Lay out your character storylines and elevate.
I used Final Draft Beat Sheet to figure out storylines for the whole screenplay. Then I could isolate scenes and beats for each of the lead characters. This helped a lot.
Mainly worked on what lead character wants and how to show he achieved his goal.
Depth Tool 2: What are they hiding from me?
Got a stronger grasp on the layer below the predominant layer of fear in the lead character.
Depth Tool 3: How can this story trigger the character?
Let me count the ways. So many triggers in this story that would send anyone into a major panic, but I added a few more.
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John T Loves Character Depth!
Vision: become a reliable box office success and entertain audiences all over the world.
What I learned doing this assignment is that by posing questions regarding the characters’ motivations and weaknesses, a new concept suggests itself for a deeper dive into character.
Phil
-fights for his wife in a violent knife attack by somebody who seems to know Grace’s name. Phil gets cut. Grace? Phil fights valiantly.
-Phil takes knife fighting lessons. Takes it a little too far.
-Phil sits in a restaurant booth and talks to his dead wife. Is he crazy?
-Phil becomes a loner, drinks too much. Talks to Grace.
-Young Megan tries to have sex with Phil – he rejects her. Pushes her to the floor and she’s hurt.
-Phil visits his wife’s grave. Can’t forgive himself. Vows to find her killer.
-Phil late for his flight as an airline captain, rude to his co-pilot.
-Phil jostles a passenger who mouths off to Louise.
-Phil calms Louise. Sexual tension.
-Phil meets the FA’s for drinks, bumps into Louise who fondles him.
-Phil cloaked in shadow, defends a hooker who’s attacked by stabbing the assailant who finds Phil’s wallet. Phil takes on the guy in a knife fight.
-Phil burns his souffle, expresses frustration.
-On another trip, Phil fails to meet up with Megan – she’s stabbed by a serial killer on the loose. He finds her body,
-Phil is questioned by the police.
-At the funeral, Phil is accused by Tara, questioned by Agent Ben.
-Phil questioned again by Ben. He’s a suspect. Phil pushes back.
-Phil flips his coffee table and stabs his couch in anger.
-Phil learns of new evidence against him. He must now solve the crime spree before Ben arrests him.
-Phil has a chat with the chief pilot re. his involvement.
-Phil is almost killed by the knife guy.
-Ben questions Phil again.
-Phil has a nightmare re. the death of Grace.
-Phil meets with his shrink, Evelyn, re. all his issues.
-Phil gets a check ride – goes bad.
-Phil drowns his sorrows at the bar with Rhonda, Delilah and Louise. He’s at the end of his rope and needs companionship.
-Phil meets Bev, flirts with her.
-Phil finds Bev stabbed to death, leaves clues of his presence.
-Phil meets Ben at the end of his trip who suspects him strongly.
-Phil assembles a map room to solve the murders. He discovers evidence that Grace knew the man who killed her.
—Phil finds out that Grace cheated on him.
-Phil evades Ben by going to Louise’s house.
-Phil is betrayed by Delilah to Ben.
-Phil stays with Louise and Tammy who’s attracted to Phil.
-Phil finds Tammy tied up in her hotel room.
-Phil fights Louise to free Tammy.
-Phil saves Ben and Tammy, kills Louise, aka, Lewis.
-Phil is treated like a hero.
-Phil lets go of his wife’s memory, dates Evelyn.
What is Phil hiding?
-his tastes for violent knife fights
-his flirtatous manner.
-his secret map room.
-his inner turmoil.
What triggers Phil?
-Ben’s persistence
-Megan’s advances.
-Defending the hooker by knifing the attacker.
-the urgency to find the killer before he’s arrested.
-Louise’s constant advances.
BEN
-callled to Megan’s funeral, questions Phil
-Gets dressed down by Chuck in front of Roberta
-Ben gets handed the case by Roberta
-Ben confides in fellow agent Susan
-is it his FB we see?
-Ben shows he’s better at hand-to-hand than shooting.
-Ben uncovers incriminating evidence against Phil
-repulsed at seeing Megan corpse.
-visits Phil at his house for more questioning – quickly becomes confrotational.
-meets Phil at the arrival gate after Bev’s murder, where he hints that they have forensic evidence –almost comes to blows.
-Ben confers with Roberta as to how to proceed. No warrant yet.
-goes to Phil’s house – but he’s not there.
-at the urging of Ned, breaks into Phil’s house and finds the map room.
-confers with Roberta and allowed to tail Phil.
-receives tip from Delilah.
-runs to catch a flight to Phil’s layover, speeds to the hotel.
-bursts into Tammy’s hotel room where he finds Phil and Louise and Tammy tied up.
-shoots Phil, gets knifed in the back by Louise lurking in the dark.
-recovers in the hospital, apologizes to Phil.
-arrests Roberta, gets promoted.
What is Ben hiding?
–doubts he can live up to his father’s legacy.
-is intimidated by Phil because Ben flunked out of flying school, kind of admires Phil.
-intimidated by Phil’s status and a big murder case.
-he’s a bad shot because he harbors a long-standing fear of pulling the trigger – can’t stand the recoil.
What triggers Ben
-feelings of inadequacy, living in his father’s shadow.
-letting Phil get away with murder, especially Megan’s.
-actually hates firearms, prefers martial arts.
-bothered by breaking the rules – breaks into Phil’s house.
Louise
-disguising her voice, receives a call. “He’s all yours.” (revealed later)
-jealous of Megan’s affection for Phil.
-mocks Megan on a flight.
-defends Phil from his critics.
-gets into a tussle with a passenger. Phil reprimands… the passenger!
-buries her head in his chest, wants to get closer to him.
-makes a pass at Phil, grabs his crotch.
-smears lipstick on the ladies room mirror
-makes fun of Megan again.
-makes another pass at Phil, gives him a backrub. She gets off on it. Tries to take him to her room for sex (to murder him? Or is he going to murder her?) – rebuffed?
-beoomes instantly jealous of Bev making time with Phil.
-kills Bev, or did she?
-helps hide Phil by letting him stay with her before the next trip.
-disapproves of Tammy’s flirting with Phil.
-engages in subtext discussion about who the killer is and where he/she might strike next.
-emerges from the shadows to stab Ben and woo Phil.
-knife fight with Phil, loses
-Louise revealed as Lewis, just before he falls to his death.
What is Louise hiding?
-his true gender.
-his disturbed childhood, made to dress up like a girl.
-his brother Carson just as psychotic and murderous.
-REVEAL: stays connected to his brother as adults – together, they hatch a murderous scheme to get rid of Grace because she reminds them of their horrible mother and because Louise wants Phil all to herself. (Carson is Grace’s assailant.)
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Joe McGloin loves character depth! Joe McGloin loves character depth
Vision: I am a talented, highly regarded, efficient, relaxed, happy, WGA screenwriter
What I learned doing this assignment is there is always room for improvement, and when it’s broken down into small steps, the improvements are easier.
è Assignment: changes/improvements are in RED
Use each of the Character Depth Tools to discover what you can.
Depth Tool 1: Lay out your character storylines and elevate.
Max:
Doesn’t want to have this person
Accepts her rather than return to Cherub school
Finds she is special (finds he can’t stand her independence)
Is bound in his body for abusing his ability to influence
Discovers how he can really help her if he chooses to
Falls in love with her
Dies to leave her to her mission
Rejoins her for the pilot program
Teaches her how to travel out of her body
Jane:
She is a political aide who shuns relationships
Makes a date then breaks it saying she feels he was too pushy making the date
Jane discovers being the fall guy for a bad gun bill through Max and improves the bill
Shoves Max aside as little help then offers Max a place as consultant
Clashes with Max over bill’s effectiveness
Catches Max being forced into his body and becomes curious about him, the beginning and sustaining element to their romance
Offered Federal level position
Jane earns Max’s respect for being a good influence
Jane’s feelings for Max have grown and she fumbles through her admission
Jane is devastated by Max’s ending their mutual romantic feelings for the good of the country
Jane’s politician is wrongly accused and Jane saves the day through her friend
Jane tells Max she can’t move forward being VP without him
Jane is devastated by Max’s death
Jane decides to forget politics for a while
Jane is ecstatic that Max is alive and marries him
Jane learns how to travel to Heaven
Clarence
Max is forced on him
Tries to get Max taken off Jane’s case
Clarence refuses to help Max
Clarence spills the beans to all about Cherub school for Max
He reports to Archys the growing ineffectiveness of the GA program
He is given the job of resolving it
Makes Max stay in his body
Tells Max he needs to let go of his feelings or he will be replaced
Tries to get Max to die to save Jane from ruining her mission, while with mixed feelings he Expresses his admiration for Max becoming a good GA
Comes up with the plan to save the GA program
Sees Jane’s future
Clarence adopts a pilot program that the Archys must accept
Has Max and Jane be the pilot program
Depth Tool 2: What are they hiding from me?
Max – Likes having a body; he finds it “grounding”
Jane – Feels liars should be imprisoned
Clarence – He would refuse to leave his position
Depth Tool 3: How can this story trigger the character?
Max – He would do anything to stay on earth
Jane – She will even turn in her bosses and friends for lying
Clarence – Solidifies his position
3. Make any changes that will elevate your characters or the expression of those characters.
4. Tell us the changes you made using these tools.
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Lori Lance Loves Character Depth!
Vision: I want to be a professional screenwriter recognized by the industry as the go-to for family-friendly scripts and have multiple successful movies produced.
What I learned from doing this assignment … I had breakthroughs with this assignment when I considered ways to elevate my characters’ storylines!
Claire is hiding her fear about going back to work, and later, she tries to hide the fact that she thinks she made the wrong choice. To elevate I added a discussion between Claire and Brad about why she needs to return to work, which makes Brad feel that he’s not enough. I also added that Claire walks out on the job when a coworker/friend is mistreated. I originally had Claire being hit on by her boss, but I felt that was cliche. I really like the new version. I feel that it adds a great deal to Claire’s character, that she feels so strongly about standing up for other women. Later when Claire is faced with so much adversity, she discovers that she is stronger and more clever than she ever realized.
Alex hides her desire for love and family and instead becomes assertive and controlling to try to force her way. She fears never being loved and accepted. Alex also tries to hide her failures at cooking and cleaning. Claire triggers Alex because she has everything that Alex thinks she wants.
Brad has a very average life at home and work, so when Alex walks into his life he feels like she makes him more successful and adventurous, of course, he tries to hide this. This is why even after the kids are on to Alex’s scheming, he still takes Alex’s side. Once he discovers the truth, he is eager to fight to get his old life back.
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This reply was modified 2 years, 1 month ago by Lori Lance.
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