Lesson 1

[Pat GALBRAITH Galbraith]

Subject: Pat Galbraith’s Pitch for The Psychic’s Crow

“What I learned doing this assignment is…?” A different way of going about a rewrite.

A. Genre: Thriller

B. Title: The Psychic’s Crow

C. High Concept: A fatherless skateboarder and his misfit friends, including a crow, discover his fatherly mentor has been killed, they risk their lives to find his killer and bring the killer to justice.

D. Main Conflict: Conflict begins when Ronnie can’t get his mom and the sheriff to believe him. The antagonists stalk Ronnie and his friends. One friend after the other is kidnapped. The Crow belongs to one of his kidnapped friends and Ronnie brings it home with him, learns the crow has special traits that could help in the fight.

E. Transformation Journey: Ronnie is very trusting as a young teen, believes people are all good. His confidence in himself is building to go out into the world.

F. Opposition: The villains are looking for a quick way to riches; They murder and kidnap when people get in the way.

Main Characters:

Protagonist: Ronnie a fatherless teen heads a group of misfit skateboarders.

Villains: Three business men scheme to build on a construction site. Duping the government of millions of dollars. When they are uncovered by a mentor of Ronnie, the mentor is killed They stalk Ronnie and his friends because they know what the villains have done.

[Judith Watson]

Judith’s “Reunion from Hell” Project Pitch. May 24, 2023.

What I learned doing this assignment is I was missing some important scenes in my script. Doing and thinking about the pitch helped me see that.

PITCH

GENRE: Thriller

TITLE: Reunion from Hell

HIGH CONCEPT: A woman welcomes her estranged sister into her life only to discover she has evil intentions.

MAIN CONFLICT: A woman accepts the invitation from her sister to reunite their estranged family only to discover that her sister’s intentions are to take over her life.

TRANSFORMATIONAL JOURNEY: A budding artist goes from believing that her life would be complete if she had her estranged sister and mother back in her life, only to finally accepting that the love she is craving from them already exists in the family she has created.

OPPOSITION: Is a revengeful, determined woman intent on destroying the foster sister she believes has ruined her life and stopped her from succeeding in the art world.

[Kimberly Jentzen]

What I learned doing this assignment is how to build structure for a script out of the convention of the genre. Huge breakthrough that brought an overall rewrite that I was searching for.

A. Genre: ACTION ADVENTURE

B. Title: CHASING DUSK

C. High Concept: Two adversaries in search of family will discover that they really are sisters

D. Main Conflict: Hunting the bandit, Bully Ray that keeps robbing and killing, to bring him and his posse to justice

E. Transformational Journey: Learning to forgive and depend on another.

F. Opposition: Two orphans must work together to defeat the bandit Bully Ray

[Jacqueline Escolme]

What I learned from doing this assignment is…Clarity! My previous pitch was not selling my script. This helped me make precise changes.

The Birthday List is a Rom-Com about a former globetrotter and frustrated midlife wife, Jenny, who’s given everything to her marriage and lost herself. When her best-friend, Lizzie, takes her on a surprise trip to New York for her birthday, Jenny escapes her controlling husband but finds the people pleasing, good wife she’s become sin’t equipped for the big city, men who aren’t what they seem and they mountain she ends up on in Colorado, lost and alone. The fun, birthday bucket list Lizzie helped her make might just change her life and, with a little help from Dustin, a handsome ranch owner, she ditches the good wife and rediscovers who she really is. She returns home ready to stand up for what she wants, knowing she may lose everything but if she goes via New York, she’ll have one last chance of saving herself.

Genre: Rom-Com

Title: The Birthday List

High concept: A frustrated midlife wife goes on a surprise weekend away that turns into a life changing adventure

Main conflict: The people-pleasing good wife she’s become and the woman she really wants to be.

Transformational journey: Letting go of everything she was taught to want to get what she actually needs.

Opposition: Her husband and the life she’s built around him

[Lori Lance]

Lori Lance’s Project Pitch

A. Genre: Christmas Drama

B. Title: Hope for Christmas

C. High Concept: A small-town pastor, the man that the town leans on the most, becomes the one it must hold up as he spirals downward in depression when facing the first Christmas without his wife.

D. Main Conflict: grief at Christmas time

E. Transformational Journey: hopelessness to hope

F. Oppositions: death, Christmas, the town drunk that caused Thomas’ wife’s death, and Thomas’ friends John and Miriam, who push Thomas toward change.

[CJ Knapp]

CJ’s pitch for On U.S. Soil

What I learned: How to break down my concept and logline into pertinent parts and stay true to my pitch.

GENRE: Action / Thriller

TITLE: ON U.S. Soil

HIGH CONCEPT: A special forces operative must come out of retirement to rescue her family and stop an attack on the G-7 summit to creates economic chaos.

MAIN CONFLICT: General Marx plans a military coup white the G-7 conference is held in Washington DC. Claire’s husband is set up as a domestic terrorist. Claire must stop the coup and rescue her family.

TRANSFORMATIONAL JOURNEY:

Internal – She needs to let her guilt go over losing her squad in Afghanistan.

External – She needs to let her family make their own way and not try to do everything for them.

OPPOSITION: Antagonist: General Marx stages a military coup using Claire’s original think tank plan to rebuild if the U.S. is ever attacked – running the playbook backwards. He wants to create global economic chaos and take the money and run.

[Robert W. Daniel]

Robert W. Daniel – Pitch

A. Genre – Action

B. Title – “Saving Paradise”

C. High Concept – A troubled Navy Seal Commander and his Red Scorpion Team have to stop or destroy a lunatic, commander of a North Korean Nuclear Missile Submarine who issues a 72-hour ultimatum that threatens to finish what the Japanese failed to complete at Pearl Harbor on December 7, 1941. Only this time with nukes that could kill millions of Americans. “Die Hard in a Submarine”

D. Main Conflict – Matt Walters and his Red Scorpion Seal team have only 72 hours to capture or destroy a North Korean Nuclear Submarine with missiles, which has breached Pearl Harbor security. The team must accomplish this feat by any means necessary as long as the nuclear missiles are intact. They must save America and Pearl Harbor from being destroyed and millions of Americans killed.

E. Transformational Journey – Walters has to overcome his internal conflicts associated with PTSD and losing his girlfriend and his fear of settling down with a wife and kids. He battles his personal and anger issues possibly some job pressure brought on by his team and the intrusion of an enemy. A NK Submarine Commander Kang, who is a lunatic and rogue with his own issues. In the end coming out of hell alive, he wins back his girl and a kid to boot.

F. Opposition – Walters, in the beginning suffers from the effects of PTSD, loses his girlfriend and has issues with his Seal team. As if things couldn’t get any worse, a NK Nuclear Submarine enters Pearl Harbor to destroy paradise and millions of Americans because his people are destroying their own country. Walters and his Seal team are nearly incinerated and destroyed by the lunatic, Commander Kang, just because they have failed the 72-hour deadline. But Walters surprises the Commander with a few of his own tricks which turn the NK submarine into a burned-out hull. But the Commander of the sub has the last bloody laugh.

[Charles Jessen]

What I learned from this assignment is: that an inner-conflict, inter-personal drama may never be considered “high concept” so I’m hoping that an A-list actor falls in love with the script.

A. Genre: Drama – A Christmas bromance road movie
B. Title: “The Road Back”
C. High Concept: Two strangers — complete opposites, cynical, with issues — must share a cross country drive over several days before Christmas.
D. Main Conflict: Both men, with immense inner-conflict over their respective circumstances, deal with external conflict between them based on generational, racial, spiritual, and life-value differences, while sharing an unspoken dread of the approaching Christmas Holiday and all the boredom and challenges the 4-day road trip presents.

E. Transformational Journey: The two men go from wounded, combative, cynical and antagonistic to friendly and supportive, finding a path toward redemption and renewal in their respective lives.
F. Opposition:

Bereavement, self-loathing, Christmas, and road-trip challenges.

[Griffith Lambert]

Griff’s Pitch for The Last Straw.

What I learned doing this assignment: Allowing for imperfection lets the process flow.

PITCH FOR “THE LAST STRAW”

A. Genre: RomCom
B. Title: The Last Straw
C. High Concept: STEPHANIE AND BRAD, neighbors and exhausted single parents, “run away from home” in order to teach their troublesome teens a lesson.
D. Main Conflict: The stunt goes wrong and the parents are taken hostage by some inept Mexican drug runners to smuggle drugs across the border.
E. Transformational Journey: The parents find out that A) opposites attract and B) they have to rely on their kids for adult supervision.
F. Opposition: The drug smugglers posing as Mexican authorities won’t release the parents until they have accomplished their smuggling mission.

• This reply was modified 1 year, 11 months ago by  Griffith Lambert.

[Monica Arisman]

SUBJECT: Monica’s Pitch Project

What I learned doing this assignment is the value of an outline. I already see where some of these scenes are not beneficial to the script. And I also see where my structure, mini-movie method, needs to be strengthened!

PITCH

A. Genre: Action/Crime Noir

B. Title: Traffik/Stop^©

C. High Concept: An undercover cop infiltrates a human trafficking ring to take down the main trafficker in order to discover what happened to her sister who disappeared in his company several years previously.

D. Main Conflict: The protagonist, Victoria, mission to find her missing sister, Lizzie, against the antagonist, Jack, who’s keeping Lizzie for his own personal sex slave.

E. Transformational Journey: From Victoria being a self-reliant, alpha female to Victoria understanding team work and letting someone into her heart.

F. Opposition: Jack Baker, drug addict, mommy’s boy who usually gets what he wants through manipulation, lying and violence.

[Mary MacNeith]

What I learned doing this assignment, was identifying my protagonist and my antagonist, of which I have struggled to define for a long time. I became more clear of their roles for this story.

Subject: Mary MacNeith’s story, THE PERFECT RESCUE

A. Genre: Action, True Story

B. Title: The Perfect Rescue

C. High Concept: The Perfect Rescue took place on October 3rd and 4th, 1980, when my then 18 year old husband took part in saving lives from a burning cruise ship in Alaska, forcing all 519 on board to abandon ship, revealing one of the most heroic sea rescues in US History.

D. Main Conflict: The cruise ship catches on fire, and it cannot be put out.

E. Transformational Journey: A native Alaskan and experienced Coast Guard Captain becomes the On Scene rescue Command, battling his need to save a burning cruise ship, coordinating multiple rescue vessels, air and land support, saving all 519 passengers and crew.

F. Opposition: The forces working against the Coast Guard Captain is the desire for the cruise ship captain to save his burning vessel, worsening weather conditions, rescue coordination, and finding a lost life raft.

OPENING: EXT. DOWNTOWN JUNEAU, ALASKA — DAY

1. OPENING: US Coast Guard Captain is the honored guest for Juneau’s centennial, while most of the ships crew are all around town, and in the bars.

2. INCITING INCIDENT: EXT. GULF OF ALASKA — DAY

The cruise ship Prinsendam has left the port of Ketchikan headed east, and at 1:00 a.m, the engine room catches on fire.

3. ACT 1 TURNING POINT: INT. PRINSENDAM — NIGHT

The fire cannot be put out, and the Radio Officer sends an XXX, then an S.O.S., as all ships in the gulf are headed to the scene, with US Coast Guard Captain’s ship becoming the On Scene Command.

4. MIDPOINT: EXT. PRINSENDAM — NIGHT

Evacuation of the ship turns chaotic, while rescuers from ships and air support figure out how to get passengers and crew off the cruise ship and to safe locations.

5. ACT 2 TURNING POINT: EXT. GULF OF ALASKA — NIGHT

Lifeboat 6 with passengers and two Air Force Pararescuers, are drifting away from the scene towards open ocean.

6. CLIMAX: EXT. GULF OF ALASKA — NIGHT

Elemndorf Air Force Base contacts USCG Captain and asks where his para-rescuers are, so the USCG Captain’s vessel and another Coast Guard ship search for the missing lifeboat until they are found.

7. RESOLUTION: EXT. SITKA, ALASKA — DAY

Many passengers reach land disembarking from helicopters and various vessels, and the USCG Captain discovers all 519 passengers and crew of the cruise ship are all accounted for.

• This reply was modified 1 year, 11 months ago by  Mary MacNeith.
• This reply was modified 1 year, 11 months ago by  Mary MacNeith.

[Stuart Voytilla]

SUBJECT: Stuart’s Project Pitch

What I learned doing this assignment is to trust and celebrate the revision process. I have to keep reminding myself we are not writing for perfection, we’re writing drafts so we have freedom to revise.

A. Genre: Drama

B. Title: A Giving Heart

C. High Concept: Set against the musical backdrop of ‘50s-‘70s male R&B groups, a black singer defies racial barriers in his pursuit for fame as lead singer for an R&B band.

D. Main Conflict: The challenges of racism, interracial love, group rivalry, and alcoholism push him to the brink of death.

E. Transformational Journey: Wayne goes from self-centered, domineering to compassionate spiritual leader in an all-white church.

F. Opposition: It doesn’t have one central antagonist. Racism, interracial marriage/family, rivalry within musical group.

• This reply was modified 1 year, 11 months ago by  Stuart Voytilla.

[Sandra Nelles]

Sandra’s Project Pitch

What I learned doing this assignment is that my WIM outline needed many changes as I’d made several additions and moved some scenes around.

Genre: Drama/Crime

Title: SMUGGLERS JOURNEY

High Concept: The adventures of a young sea captain lured into the dangerous, terrifying world of crude oil smuggling, where he faces a firing squad if captured.

Main Conflict: How does a sea captain go from trustworthy and above board to smuggling? The protagonist is forced to smuggle to stay alive.

Transformational Journey: The protagonist goes from a young naïve sea captain to a top smuggler, and then finally gives it all up for an honest life.

Opposition: The antagonist threatens the protagonist from the beginning and lures him into smuggling. When business is tough the antagonist betrays the protagonist and tries to eliminate him.

[Susan Rose]

Susan’s Project Pitch

What I learned doing this assignment: I learned that after not looking at this script for over six years, I must be fairly comfortable with it; I set the timer for three minutes and was done with 30 seconds to spare. I have fingers crossed that this may be a good sign?!

<b style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>GENRE: Thriller

TITLE: KILLING TIME (?)

HIGH CONCEPT: A serial killer, thought to be dead for 20 years returns, set on revenge and sets his two sons on a frantic chase to end his murderous rampage.

MAIN CONFLICT: One brother, a stiff, straight arrow cop, the younger, paranoid and suffering PTSD, must learn to trust each other and work together to stop their serial killer father who has manipulated time to torture his family and his victims for years.

TRANSFORMATIONAL JOURNEY: The two brothers who have grown apart over the years learn to trust and support one another, strengthening their brotherly bond to defeat their common enemy.

OPPOSITION: Jack Kyle, a serial killer and father who subjected younger brother Zach to his atrocities, returns to take revenge on the brothers for their failed attempt at taking down their sire 20 years earlier.

[David Penn]

David’s Project Pitch

What I learned from this assignment is the necessity of having a strong structure, starting with the concept and title.

Genre: Action-Comedy

Title: HEISTING THE CUP

High Concept: Two crazed sports fans steal the Stanley Cup

D. Main Conflict: Ruthless mobsters hunt down our guys, hellbent on retrieving the Cup

E. Transformational Journey: The guys reassess their lives, realizing sports aren’t that important.

F. Opposition: Mobsters. Others (stripper, Amish kid) after the reward money. Roski, the ex-Flyer who scored the winning goal- Charlie’s arch enemy.

[Joan Dougherty]

Joan Dougherty

Over the Edge, a work of magic realism, is about the stories we tell, don’t tell, or try to keep others from telling. In it, Tiago, a jail keeper in a small rural jail tries to keep Sofia, a returning childhood friend, from telling their shared story and revealing the shame he has carried for decades. He arrests her to keep her silent. As he closes the door to her cell, she begins to unlock the door to his.

[Tracy Cheney]

Tracy’s “Sorority Mom” Project Pitch May 25, 2023

What I learned from doing this assignment is that I don’t have things worked out yet — which is why I’m taking the class to make me do it. Thinking about it hasn’t accomplished that! I don’t have a compelling B story yet.

A. Genre: Dramedy

B. Title: “Sorority Mom”

C. High Concept: Accepting the job of House Director behind the glitzy façade of a west coast sorority house, a 63-year-old midwestern woman finds herself tangling with the working-class staff downstairs serving the entitled white girls living upstairs who are intent on conducting a dirty Rush to skirt sanctions imposed by the university.

D. Main Conflict: Mona is a last-minute job hire when the long-time Director elopes just as Rush is about to start

E. Transformational Journey: Mona Meyers grows from a doormat to a capable woman boss

Internal: Mona decides she hates men, as going through a divorce she initiated

External: Mona hasn’t been on her own before, has no training for the job

F. Opposition: Shaney, the sorority girls’ liason on the Board of Director, undermines Mona. Conchita, Head Housekeeper, was promised Mona’s job as House Director by Shaney. The 21 year-old president of the house leads the charge to break Rush rules thinking Mona to be a push over.

[Jamie Handley]

Jamie Handley – The perfect pitch

THE PITCH

GENRE: DRAMA

TITLE: WORKING – MISGIVINGS

This is just a working title. Still working on it. I will circle back when it feels right.

THE STORIES WE TELL or A MATTER OF CHOICE / DROP OF A DIME / A MATTER OF FACT/ THE CONSCIENCESNESS OF CHOICE / CONSEQUENCES OF CHOICE

HIGH CONCEPT: Two women reflect on the choices they made in their sixty years of friendship and decide to write a book before one or the other dies.

MAIN CONFLICT: Their medical and family issues impede their goals but it all circles back to the various choices they made.

TRANSFORMATIONAL JOURNEY: After years of hardships, loss and pain, the women realize they are a rut but find a way to reinvent their lives.

OPPOSITION: They are physically damaged by their choice of doctors having put their trust in the medical system only to discover there is a Medical Cartel. They are ingrained in old ways, the thoughts and opinion of others, refusing to own their own mistakes.

2-3 MAIN CHARACTERS

Justine and Annie. Two women whose lives are were destined to meet, long after they met in the early 1960’s.

[Amechi Ngwe]

Amechi’s Project Pitch
What I learned doing this assignment is that it’s easier to do a rewrite by creating and updating my outline before I get to the words of the script.

A: GENRE: ACTION
B: TITLE: SUPER FAN
C: HIGH CONCEPT: A fan of a superhero works his way into the superhero’s life and tangles with the superhero’s jealous sidekick.
D: MAIN CONFLICT: The Sidekick and the super fan battle for the Superhero’s trust and love.
E: TRANSFORMATIONAL JOURNEY: From defeated loner to powerful sidekick.
F: OPPOSITION: The Superhero’s sidekick.

MAIN CHARACTERS:
Protagonist: Clay
Antagonist: Rhapsody
Triangle character: Apex

[Nancy Kates]

Nancy Kates

What I learned from doing this assignment: my transformational journey needs more work, and I probably need to amp up the thriller elements for greater genre satisfaction .

Genre: Historical drama with thriller elements

Title: Bound by Ice

High Concept: A lesbian ice scientist fights homophobia and creeping fascism during the Cold War, finding undercover love while she searches for the truth about covert military plans.

Main Conflict: Between telling the truth (Lucy) and telling lies (the military) which also translates as a conflict between love and war. Her boss, Bader, doesn’t necessarily believe in the military’s lies, but his job requires him to enforce/protect them. Jenssen, her colleague, is the other antagonist.

Transformational Journey: Lucy, the protagonist, goes from fear to empowerment, losing her job but whistle-blowing on the evil, environmentally destructive plans of the military.

Opposition: From the military and from society’s homophobia, both personified by Lucy’s nasty colleague Jenssen, and by higher ups in the military.

Protagonist: Lucy Bledsoe is a lesbian science editor with a Ph.D., working at a Cold War research facility in Chicago that pioneers the use of ice cores to track climate change.

Context: The story takes place in 1961, and is based partly on real events.

[JULIA MENDENHALL]

What I learned doing this assignment is I am already seeing the project in whole new way, loving this rewriting, and feeling less overwhelmed.

PITCH:

A. genre: drama

B. title: THE WELL OF LONELINESS

C. HIGH CONCEPT: This limited series is based on the first LGBTQ novel written in English, which was banned as obscene in a famous 1928 trial, whereupon all copies of the novel were ordered to be confiscated and “burned in the King’s furnace.”

D. main conflict: The main character, Lady Stephen Gordon, is a young, butch lesbian in the deeply homophobic early twentieth century, trying to be understood, accepted, and loved for who she is.

E. her transformational journey: from suicidal self-hatred to self-compassion, self-acceptance, and living happily ever after.

F. opposition/main antagonists: early 20th century homophobia; her mother; newspaper editor James Douglas’s crusade to get this novel banned; the trial Judge; and Stephen Gordon herself, her own internalized homophobia, her alcoholism, and her fear of being herself.

a rough logline: When a young woman writer, Lady Stephen Gordon, is exiled from her English manor home by her homophobic mother for having an affair with a married woman, she is on the brink of suicide, and realizes that she must write the first English novel about love between women in order to stem the condemnation and persecution of homosexuals in the early 20<sup style=”background-color: transparent; font-family: inherit;”>th</sup> century. This limited series is based on Radclyffe Hall’s notorious novel, and the true story of its infamous trial, where the novel was ruled to be obscene, and all copies were ordered to be confiscated and “burned in the King’s furnace.”

• This reply was modified 1 year, 11 months ago by  JULIA MENDENHALL.
• This reply was modified 1 year, 11 months ago by  JULIA MENDENHALL.

[Jenifer Stockdale]

Jen’s Pitch Project

What I learned doing this assignment is that it physically hurt to delete my scenes and bring my script down to an outline. I kept trying to say that I would keep this line of dialogue or that one because it was so important. In the end I deleted them all and it was so hard! LOL

A. Genre: Post-apocalyptic thriller
B. Title: Red Fever
C. High Concept: A teen living in a post-apocalyptic survivor’s compound discovers the truth about the outside world – and it’s not that it’s in ruin.
D. Main Conflict: The guards who are allegedly protecting the “survivors” from the creatures outside the fence periodically kidnap people. They are symbolic of the group who holds these people hostage to have them breed children for their organs.
E. Transformational Journey: Mariana begins as an innocent and naïve “sheep” in the compound to the one who takes it down.
F. Opposition: The commissioner and her workers who keep the people in the compound until their organs are sold

B. After she witnesses something she should have never seen, a teen in a post-apocalyptic survivor’s compound joins forces with another resident and a girl from the outside to save the world as she know it.

[Brian Bays]

Brian’s Project Pitch

What I learned doing this assignment is I need to stop trying to be perfect and just DO THE ASSIGNMENTS!!

A. Genre: Supernatural Thriller

B. Title: Head Game/s

C. High Concept: A reclusive, young psychic is forced to team up with a skeptical detective to stop a serial killer, not knowing that the serial killer is possessed by an evil spirit who needs the psychic’s head to escape the underworld forever.

D. Main Conflict: Find and stop a serial killer who is possessed by an evil spirit trying to escape the underworld and not get killed in the process.

E. Transformational Journey: JULIA goes from a scared recluse to going out in the world and using her powers to catch a killer.

F. Opposition: An evil spirit needs Julia’s head to escape the underworld.

[Frances Emerson]

PRO REWRITE ASSIGNMENT ONE

FRAN’S PROJECT PITCH

WHAT I LEARNED: I am working on my loglines, to perfect them. And I am learning to focus on the lead character’s journey to make it as tough, exhilarating and intense as I can for the audience.

I have been in several classes now. For another class, not here, I signed up to write a short story in their short story challenge. I used these techniques I learned here to outline and put the story together before the actual writing and BOY!!! Did it ever work for that! I really got a great story, I have one person who LOVES it. I am crossing my fingers it will be the ticket to win one of 10 spots in the anthology they are going to be publishing!!!

PITCH

GENRE: HISTORICAL FICTION/FANTASY (MYTH, LEGEND)

TITLE: BORN OF BLOOD AND FIRE

HIGH CONCEPT: (LOGLINE) Her destiny forged by the gods, her world torn apart by an uncle’s greed and lust for power, an innocent, young woman—and the two sons she will give birth to—embark on a journey that will end in the creation of the greatest empire the world has ever known–Rome.

MAIN CONFLICT: Is between Ilia (Rhea Sylvia,) the young woman, and her uncle Amulius, who kills her brothers, exiles her father and forces her to become a Vestal virgin, as she struggles to survive her ordeal and later helps her father reclaim his throne and his kingdom of Alba Longa.

TRANSFORMATIONAL JOURNEY: Young, innocent, naïve Ilia transforms into the strong, matriarch of a family who will become the founders and first kings of Rome. She will finally get revenge on her uncle under a new, more powerful name and with the help of the twin sons she will bear.

OPPOSITION: Amulius, the uncle overcomes her every move to the point he thinks he has killed her, but she survives to kill him, exacting revenge for tearing her world apart and killing her husband, Gracchus, the Sabine ruler she is destined to marry and who fathers her third son, Numa, the second, Sabine, King of Rome.

[Ron Turowski]

Subject: Ron Turowski – Project Pitch

A. Genre: Dark Comedy<div>

B. Title: Javaland Express

C. High Concept: When sisters of a failing coffee truck receive an unexpected delivery of coffee beans that changes their fortunes, there’s one problem; they belong to a cartel.

D. Main Conflict: Sisters vs. the Cartel. <div>

E. Transformational Journey: Emely goes from being mild-mannered to protecting the business at all costs.

F. Opposition: The Cartel
</div></div>

[June f]

June Fortunato

Lesson 1 This is a complete rewrite, June 6 2023 I’m crafting this story and this is a rethink.

Pitch

Title: Katie and Ti or Click

Genre: Drama. Grift. Fish out of water.

High Concept: Reckless, narcissistic Katie, wants all eyes on her, all of the time. Her parents ‘gift her” a year in Cancun, and escape her. Suddenly the very thing Katie dreaded, being invisible/ of zero consequence, is suddenly her reality. That’s when Ti spots Katie as her next mark.

Main conflict

End of act I Katie’s parents finally find a way to ditch Katie, they pack up and disappear, only to die because Katie sabotaged their camper. This is the first time Katie cannot lean on anyone, which is why Ti spots Katie as her next mark.

Transformational Journey

Parents: Are pushovers and finally get the courage to do what they’ve had to do all along: to flee.

Katie, a fish out of water, learns that her vicious and manipulative tactics do not work anymore. She realizes that, actually, she’s nothing and nobody cares. She’s unburdened. She finds a new joy in being a follower, and in trying to excel and feels, finally, truly seen.

Ti she starts as someone who would help Katie, to someone who learns how to hate, and enjoys putting Katie out of her misery

Opposition <b style=”background-color: transparent; font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>Ti steps in throughout Katie’s journey. Katie is unaware of it.

Parents– escape and Katie is unaware of it.

Structure

Opening for Katie

Katie finally graduates. (Thanks to her parents who, after 5 years, pay the college for a fake Associates degree.) Her long abused parents convince Katie to take a year long trip to Mexico by ‘begging’ her to accompany them to join a mission and help build toilets. Katie takes their fifty grand and chooses Canun. Just what they wanted. Katie cannot get any of her ‘friends’ to go with her to Mexico. Her parents arrange for a suck-up girl from church, Evangelista, who speaks Spanish, to go with her.

Opening for Parents and sibling: Dale and Lyla and brother, Freddie

They get to work. They’ve sold the house, they pack up. They delete all of Katie’s online accounts and theirs, they cancel their phone account, and hers. They quick jobs, sell the car dealerships, and get out, with no forwarding addresses and little money.

Opening for Ti She is at the gate headed to Cancun, as well. She’s returning to Mexico after a battle with relatives in the USA. She’s watches Katie, and Evangelista. Normally helpful and easy going, Ti recognizes a scam when she sees it and decides to investigate.

Inciting Incident for Parents Katie ‘graduates”

Inciting Incident for Katie Katie is suddenly abandoned by Evangelista and on a one-way flight to Cancun. She suddenly realizes that she’s alone for the first time in her life.

inciting incident for Ti She follows Evangelista to the bathroom and sees that Evangelista has set Katie up and is wiping Katie’s phone. Now she’s sure that Katie is her next mark.

Act I Katie meets Ti on the plane and brags and bitches. Ti is so drained that she drops a sedative into Katie’s drink to shut her up. Katie lands in Cancun and Ti is no where in sight. Now Katie is completely alone with no one to lean on. She discovers that her phone is wiped. She cannot get ahold of her parents. Their line is disconnected.

Katie’s parents and brother die in the camper that Katie sabotaged.

Act I for Katie She behaves as she did stateside- splashing money around, buying people’s attention, being a brute and nasty. The sim card is gone and her phone and accounts are wiped. She feels that if she can reach her parents, all will be restored.

Act I for Ti Ti stays in a cheap hostile in Cancun or in a cabana on the beach. She follows Katie, gathers info. She gets into Katie’s room and sets up scary events of Mexican lore/superstition, such as an aloe tree with red strings, dirt under Katie’s bed, hanging water balloons, and a room full of black moths.

Act I Turning point Katie is no longer welcome in all of Cancun. She’s blown through most of her fifty grand. She decides to leave but she has zero idea of what to do. She spots Ti in the bus station. Ti is unreceptive- so she notes where Ti is headed, and finally, secures a bus headed to the same place.

Act 2 Plan in action Ti has assured herself that Katie will follow. She’s also made arrangements with the next bus driver. Katie’s kicked out of the bus. Katie ends not in Merida, but in Valladolid, and takes a frightening walk to find the town. In Valladolid, Katie starts to play nice. There are glimpses of Ti in the town, but Katie isn’t sure it’s her – might be her imagination.

Katie goes to the consulate.

End of Act 2 Katie’s passport is confiscated. She’s broke. She’s eating off of food left on tourists’ plates. She’s stealing and trying to grift.

Act 3

rethink everything

Ti makes sure that people don’t help Katie Katie’s barely living. People don’t let her sleep in their room when she fucks them. They don’t feed her. For the first time in her life, she’s hungry, she’s terrified, and this time, she really needs help and no one cares. Now she must figure out how to steal and survive

New Plan Katie learns that her parents are dead. She learns that it was due to the camper and she knows that she sabotaged it. The crash was intended for her brother, Freddie. Katie is homeless and living under branches at the ceynote. Katie spots Ti with a “guru” at a restaurant.

Ti introduces her. He buys her breakfast. Katie is invited to be part of the group. She’s extremely grateful to Ti.

Act 4

Katie scams with them- robbing tourists while one person pretends to be drowning in the ceynote. Finally, it’s her turn to prove herself. Unlike the past, she eagerly wants to impress the boss. She is the one who’ll pretend to drown. Katie has changed. She realized that being part of the group and being told what to do is the best way to be noticed. She practices. She wants to be perfect. Then it’s her chance. She pretends to drown, and Ti jumps in to ‘save’ her- and makes sure that Katie actually drowns.

Below: the first version

Lesson 1, Pitch and structure points

What I learned:

My script is a story that I’m re-imaging as a screenplay, so it’s extremely rough. I have much more to imagine and rethink- It’s undoubtedly the wrong project for a pro rewrite class, but it’s the story that I have to tell right now- and so I will write and rewrite in the next weeks.

A. Genre: Dark Comedy

B. Title: Hateful Katie

C. High Concept:

One sentence that gives us the major hook of this story.

Katie can’t help herself. She’s a genetically engineered baby (IVG-Crispr) gone wrong. Her scientist Mom created her. Katie’s status-seeking parents can’t get rid of her, and they can’t escape. They try every way to ditch Katie, but the vicious girl comes back over and over again. The point of view switches back and forth between Katie’s and Mom & Dad’s- flipping who is the victim. In Mexico, Katie’s situation is turned on its head.

D. Main Conflict:

The big fight, battle, or struggle that permeates the story from the 2nd Act to the end of the

final Act climax.

After 25 years of relentless attacks: fires, blood, floods, thefts, demolished cars, Katie’s parents finally send her on a ‘year long’ graduation present- a trip to Mexico. As soon as she leaves, they pack up, cut her off and disappear.

E. Transformational Journey:

The profound journey of internal and external change that the protagonist goes on.

After a permanent abandonment, Katie finally realizes that others will not placate her, take her seriously, or care. She’s invisible. She learns she’s no-one and unimportant and somehow, that she’s known that all along.

F. Opposition:

The forces that work against your protagonist or prevent them from succeeding, usually

represented by one person labeled as the Antagonist.

These decisions will all show up in the trailer for you movie. They are how distributors sell

movies to audiences.

Katie is an anti hero. Her parents do all they can to stop the menace, but they’re not nearly as clever as Katie, and her destruction is faster and easier than trying to repair her damages. In Mexico, Katie’s situation reverses. She’s tossed out of hotels, taxi’s, the bus. She becomes homeless, until she meets a guru and an interesting girl. She learns to trust, and the guru and girl drown her.

[Vicki McWilliams]

SUBJECT: Vickie McWilliams’ “Moab” Pitch

What I a learned from this assignment is:

I had to remember and use my Series logline to stay focus on the story for the pitch. I have written longline for the pilot, the series and for each perspective episode.

GENRE: Sci-Fi (Action)

TITLE: Moab (Pilot Title: “Moab: The Embarkation”)

HIGH CONCEPT: After Earth’s subterranean communities start to reach capacity and safety, an engineer and geneticists with many secrets accompany a selected group to their new homes in a deep underwater city (aka Moab) that they designed and where all their lives will have new and unexpected challenges and dangers.

TRANSFORMATIONAL JOURNEY: By the end of season one, the engineer and geneticists will find their high morals and ethics that have been focused on saving and protecting the many (the community) being tested and compromised to save and protect only their own two children.

OPPOSITIONS: Another geneticists and former colleague (aka Antagonist) that stole her research is unexpectedly allowed to join the Moab community with his team. His goal is to find out what the couple is hiding and to continue his human genetic engineering experiments on the Moab.

[David Becker]

Subject: David Becker’s Pitch for “The Road to Painted Hills”

What I learned from this exercise is that I must get going – it doesn’t have to be perfect!

A. Genre: Drama (Romance)

B. Title: The Road to Painted Hills

C. High Concept: When an ex-con seeking redemption (Jake) unexpectedly finds love with the mother of the two twins he killed in a tragic drunk-driving accident 20 years before (Jess), he must decide whether or not to tell her the truth.

D. Main Conflict: Jake must come clean to finally move on from his painful past, but his grave secret threatens to destroy the only love they have ever known.

E. Transformational Journey: A man and a woman, both haunted by their traumatic past, must overcome unceasing hate and bitterness to find the one thing that has eluded them – love.

F. Opposition: The secret which lurks beneath their burgeoning devotion; the cancer it caused Jake and his ever-present mortality; the town’s Chief of Police who is hell bent on exposing the new stranger and claiming Jess for his own; Jake’s arrest for a crime he didn’t commit and the threat of Jess’ re-emerging addiction to alcohol.

[Elisabeth Decesso]

What I learned doing this assignment is:

how to gather the things I need to make sure this is a story that is worth working on.

My story is a Thriller called “Love hardened by fire”. It tells the story of Lilianna who is visited by a man who wants to take over the business she had to continue alone after her best friend and founder had died in a fire. This forces her to get self-confidence by uncovering the truth about her fear of fire, about her spouse and her best friend’s death.

She now is pushed to learn to stand on her own feet, trust in her skills and finding out whom to trust for friends are not necessarily friends.

Genre: Thriller

Title: Love hardened by fire

High Concept: Lilianna is visited by a man who wants to take over the business she had to continue alone after her best friend and founder had died in a fire. This forces her to get self-confidence by uncovering the truth about her fear of fire, about her spouse and her best friend’s death.

Main Conflict: What is the truth in Lilianna’s life? What has happened to the ground beneath her feet?

Transformational Journey: She now is pushed to learn to stand on her own feet, trust in her skills and finding out whom to trust for friends are not necessarily friends.

Opposition: Her best friend, who wants her company back.

Well, this doesn’t convince me.

So I changed it:

Genre: Thriller

Title: Love out of Fire

High Concept: A man with burns offers Lilianna to help her with her business. But first she has to find out who kidnapped her husband and is confronted with her fear of fire which comes from her first love having died in a burning house.

Main Conflict: Lilianna has to face her trauma (she’s afraid of fire) while her world is bit by bit falling to pieces.

Transformational Journey: While Lilianna tries to rebuild her former life she has to realize that every bit of it was built on lies.

Opponent: The kidnapper

• This reply was modified 1 year, 11 months ago by  Elisabeth Decesso.
• This reply was modified 1 year, 11 months ago by  Elisabeth Decesso.

[Melanie Collup]

Subject: Amy on the Train

What I learned doing this assignment… I feel like my current draft is pretty strong, but I am excited about looking for ways to improve it that I haven’t thought of before.

A. Genre: Rom-Com
B. Title: Amy on the Train
C. High Concept: When a visually impaired, mild-mannered librarian in her 50s creates a secret identity as a pole dancer on the NYC subway trains, she finds herself in a Clark Kent/Lois Lane/Superman-type love triangle with one of her library patrons who falls in love with her alter ego and is determined to learn her true identity.

D. Main Conflict: Amy wants to protect her secret identity but Phil is determined to expose it.
E. Transformational Journey: Amy begins as a woman locked into her daily routines, afraid to step into her own power, and yearning for romance. She ends up a fully expressed woman who embraces taking risks, including the biggest risk of all: falling in love.

Phil starts out as a risk-averse man who is terrified of heights and whose self-confidence has been decimated by his recent divorce. He becomes a man willing to step out of his comfort zone in pursuit of the woman he loves and even overcomes his fear of heights.
F. Opposition:

[Connie Barr]

Connie Barr (not Barretta)

I was sure that I had already posted this assignment but since I do not see it, here it is again:

What I learned as in all SU classes over the years, there is always more to learn. Plus, even when I get behind in the assignments, just keep moving forward, just as Hal says.

Pro Rewrite Class PITCH for LOVE DANCE

A. Genre: Rom-Com

B. Title: Love
Dance

C. High
Concept: A mature love story centered around the National over 50
ballroom dance competition and the odd occupation of Daisy’s love interest

D. Main
Conflict: When she learns they are in cahoots, Daisy is angry
and feels betrayed by both her father and Buck

E.
Transformational Journey: Daisy fears being alone for the rest of her
life and d/n trust men in general but desperately wants to find her true
love.
F. Opposition: Buck
is not what she envisioned and obstacles keep popping up to derail their mutual
attraction

[Denise Bryant]

Denise Bryant – What I learned doing this assignment is to ensure that my script matches my A-Fs and if not, improve.

A. GENRE: Drama, Political

B. TITLE: THE ADVOCATE

C. HIGH CONCEPT: A niece in search for the truth in her aunt’s mysterious death exposes a state coverup of epic proportion that leads to the Supreme Court.

D. MAIN CONFLICT: Her niece must stop the state department from harming more people while her aunt’s death is still publicly fresh.

E. TRANSFORMATIONAL JOURNEY: From a defenseless person to a defender of the defenseless.

F. OPPOSITION: The state department who wants to protect their image of good, and her husband who does not want her to take on a political system for fear of retribution.

• This reply was modified 1 year, 11 months ago by  Denise Bryant.

[Lisa Molenda]

Lisa’s Pitch for “Jane the Vegan”

What I learned doing this assignment is that if you just do it, then it’s not as difficult as it seems.

A. Genre: Horror Comedy

B. Title: Jane the Vegan

C. High Concept: A vegan gets turned into a vampire

D. Main Conflict: Jane struggles to maintain her ethical code as she needs human blood to survive.

E. Transformational Journey: Jane is having difficulty controlling her cravings for blood. She resists killing her mom and the squirrels, but finally gives in when her snarky anti-vegan colleague teases her about her veganism and she feast on his blodd, sealing her fate as a vampire

F. Opposition: The vampires of orange county, who own all the factory farms and the human farms no one in the human society knows about.

[Julia Bucci]

Julia’s Project Pitch

What I learned: my main conflict was weak/not there. Conflict and opposition are hard for me.

A. Genre: drama/historical drama
B. Title: BEDLAM
C. High Concept:

At the dawn of disco, a nonbinary DJ and her gay brother fight prejudice, the law, and each other to transform a seedy Boston gay bar into a kick-ass dance club—within a year, for the mafia.

D. Main Conflict:

Because of Anton’s impulsive decision, Chris and Anton are stuck with the bar unless they can make it successful within a year; if they do this, they can sell it back and move on with their lives.

E. Transformational Journey: Over several seasons, Chris goes from angry rebel to bold DJ/successful club owner with a new “family” at Bedlam. From isolated gender outlaw to trans man, Chris finds a home as the first trans man in the Boston mob, married and with the white picket fence he always wanted.

Anton goes from visionary but unstable, self-destructive addict to successful club owner and empowered artist in a loving relationship – just before his death from AIDS.

F. Opposition: Race against the clock.

Also:

Financial.

Among themselves.

Both have some PTSD.

Homophobia/transphobia.

Mafia wants to keep them in place/launder money.