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Lesson 1
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Lynn’s Structure Solutions
VISION: I am determined to become a great screenwriter capable of getting my screenplays in various genres produced into movies that inspire vast audiences to mitigate climate change.
THE PITCH: WEATHERING IT (Rom-Com) is about two college students who try to overcome family fights about global warming and get married during the worst ever Texas freeze.
I LEARNED that I didn’t include everything from my “WIM OUTLINE Plus,” an extended outline including the brief WIM outline, the various earlier assignments (protag’s journey, action tracks, subtext, etc), plus various ideas that popped into my head. I found a few nuggets there to help deliver on the pitch, improve the structure, or add more comedy.
RE THE GRID CATEGORIES:
1. Script doesn’t match the pitch (see pitch above).
I worry that “the worst ever Texas freeze” only materializes in Act 4. However, since the script fits the title both literally and figuratively and it’s the story I want to tell, I might think of ways to fix the pitch instead. Also I peppered the script with mentions of the past great Texas freeze of 2021, which portends the even worse fictional one in Act 4, and how it is used to deny climate change, but near the end characters explain how these severe freezes are actually linked to climate change. I’ve also added more references to the odd weather, some via clothing, like summer clothes into November, next day frigid winter wear in that subtropical setting. I’m hoping this is enough.
2, 4, 7, 9, seem to be okay. I followed the outline pretty strictly, except for a couple of scenes in which I got the same info across and achieved the same story progression, but in more creative and powerful ways. The writing process, as opposed to the outlining process, brought that out of me.
3. Weak Conflict. Beefed it up a bit, but could always do more to intensify conflict (giving it to my creative process).
5. Need Stronger Turning Points. Fine for first 2 acts, but Act 4 turning point seemed weak, until I realized it should start at Scene 40 instead of Scene 38. Then it became great and also made the page count per act more even.
6. Weak Transformational Journey. The heroine’s journey seems fine. The hero’s journey, however, was a bit weak, so I’ve made him a more playful playboy at start to a serious, committed man, from fanciful hope to deep despair (role reversal for the couple), then back to a mature positive attitude. Also, the 2 antagonistic uncles go through better transformations with character-strengthened Ellie helping/forcing their journeys.
8. Need Stronger Inciting Incident (Cute-Meet for RomComs): It seems okay. Ellie is strongly against romance/marriage and in eco-despair (father abandonment wound underlying this), but when Jim lightens her up during a few scenes, then gently kisses her, it’s like sleeping beauty awakened, and actually makes her resist Jim more for several more scenes — awakened, aware, resisting, until Jim uses other gentle approaches to bring her about (he’s a smart trickster).
11. Need more humor and comedic elements (my own category for this RomCom): Did some improvements, but could use more, especially structure-related rather than gratuitous humor. Giving it to my creative process.
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MODULE SIX LESSON ONE
FRAN’S STRUCTURE SOLUTIONS
WHAT I LEARNED: Take suggestions to heart and also with a grain of salt. And to solve the big major problems yourself first before asking for help. This outline seems to be much fuller now. And many of my problems have been solved. I know there will be more to fix. But it’s looking good for me right now. Much better than the first I posted.
MY VISION: I want to write great movies. Movies that are magical, movies that move people and tell the truth. I want to write movies that stars will want to be in.
HOOK:
1718: St. Petersburg, Russia, Public Square
Russia’s crowned Prince Alexei is tied up in before a crowd of onlookers. His father, Peter the Great, interrogates him. Alexei is accused of trying to overthrow his father’s government. He’s tortured to wrench a confession out of him and forced to step down, accept his little son Peter Alexeyevich as the new successor. Alexei does not succumb. He “confesses” with these words:
“I shall bring back the old people and choose myself new ones to my will. When I become sovereign, I shall live in Moscow and leave Saint Petersburg simply as any other town. I won’t launch any ships, I shall maintain troops only for defense, and I won’t make war on anyone. I shall be content with the old domains. In winter I shall live in Moscow and in summer in Loroslavl.”
DUNGEON CELL
Alexei is taken back to his dungeon cell, thrown in, half dead from the beatings. Peter watches as the jailors lock up his son and leave. He weeps bitter tears, a broken man.
That night Alexei dies from the beatings.
WE HEAR “CUT!”
We are transported into the present day
Film Studio.
Jerome Kearns, director of the movie. Calls it a wrap for the day. Meredith, his wife and screenwriter, watches as Jerome fawns over his young star who plays Catherine, Peter’s wife in the movie. She silently knows something is going on between them. They make a huge display of it. Meredith treats it like she hasn’t noticed, but she’s had it with her husband’s affairs.
Jerome calls it a day. Meredith reminds Jerome, it’s their daughter Alexandra’s birthday. It’s also close to Christmas. She heard of a novelty shoppe in Moscow she’d like to go to to see if they can find something appropriate there for her.
Moscow city square, night. Snow’s coming down.
NOVELTY SHOPPE
WE HEAR A SHOPPE’S BELL. Shopkeeper greets them. They are immediately shown to the display of antique jewelry. Meredith decides to look around. She finds a display of old books. She begins to peruse. Camera is on an exquisite, priceless St. George’s necklace. Jerome’s shown a necklace once owned by the Grand Duchess Olga Romanov. Very expensive. As Meredith peruses shelves of old books also located in the shoppe, she finds one, takes it down, opens it. It’s in Russian. She’s able to read some of it.
She learns it’s the story of Olga Romanov, written many years ago by a friend, Valentina.
Jerome insists on buying the necklace. He plays the big man on campus. The big Hollywood producer. He throws his money around like it doesn’t matter. Jerome buys the necklace. He leaves not waiting for Meredith, telling her he’s got an important business meeting he’s got to go to. He can’t be late.
Meredith, lagging behind, buys the book then follows out the door behind Jerome.
APARTMENT in Moscow, evening
At their apartment, Meredith settles down to read her book. She learns the diary was written by a friend and confidante of Olga’s when she was a prisoner at the Military Hospital, Tsarskoe Selo, a nurse at the hospital, Valentina.
We hear the words she wrote:
There is a prophecy written about Olga. How a young princess will only live to see her twenty third birthday. But there is nothing about how she will die.
Jerome is on the phone pretending it’s business. It’s a call from the starlet. He hangs up, tells Meredith he’s leaving. He gets another call. This time it’s a call from a person he owes a lot of money to. He muffles a yell, “I’ll get you the money.”
Jerome prepares to leave. He tells Meredith, “Don’t wait up for me.” Meredith remarks after he leaves, “I hadn’t planned on it.”
Once Jerome is gone, Meredith calls her agent. She asks her to find her a divorce lawyer. She’s had it with his affairs with his starlets. And she’s had it with the money men who keep calling for him to pay up his debts.
FILM STUDIO, ON SET NEXT DAY
The starlet is throwing a fit. She’s having a huge problem playing the scene as written. She wants her lines—her part—fixed to her liking.
Meredith and Jerome get into a heated discussion over the scene and its integrity. The starlet wants her part bigger and written her way. Meredith’s heard it before. She pretends to slough it off. But this time, the starlet insists. Meredith is told to write it as the starlet wants it or he will find someone who will. Stunned, Meredith goes home to try to do write the scene as the starlet wants it.
APARTMENT
Meredith tries to work on the scene. But it’s not meshing. She doesn’t want to do it. She takes a break. Returns to her book for some solace.
She learns about the necklace they bought in the shoppe—and about who owned it.
ROMANOV PALACE
Olga, still a young girl, on the verge of becoming a woman, her father Czar Nicholas presents Olga with a present. A St. George’s medallion. She loves the gift from her father.
The story intrigues her. One of the young Romanov children who was murdered by the Bolsheviks during the war and revolution, owned the necklace. Given to her by her father Czar Nicholas II of Russia. She reads further.
ROMANOV FAMILY YACHT
Meredith also learns about a family outing on their yacht, Olga has fallen in love for the first time with Pavel, a young officer in her father’s service. She confides it to her sister Tatiana. She is told it can never be. He is beneath her station. They can never marry.
APARTMENT
The story reminds Meredith of the time she was a young girl in college. She was in love with another man, an old flame. They couldn’t be together either, family, social protocols. Mother didn’t approve.—Different race. They broke up. He moved away, half way around the world. She hadn’t heard from him in a long time. The only other thing she remembered. She started dating Jerome soon afterward. Jerome was one of his rivals in college—in the film school they attended. Jerome hated her once upon a time boyfriend, too.
STARLET’S APARTMENT
Jerome and the starlet meet for their rendezvous. It is a torrid affair. One that Meredith has known about for awhile now.
APARTMENT
Meredith tries to call her agent. No answer. She waits. Reads a bit more of her book.
ROMANOV PALACE
The next thing we learn, Pavel, Olga’s love, is asking Czar Nicholas for the hand of one of the ladies in waiting at court.
Olga, overhearing the proposal, is brokenhearted—and feeling very betrayed because she thought he loved her, too.
ROMANOV PALACE, GRAND BALLROOM, SOME TIME LATER
Olga’s debutante ball. She is now a young woman. She still wears her father’s necklace underneath her strands of pearls.
She is introduced to her distant cousin Dmitri—a possible suitor for the young princess. She falls in love with him almost immediately.
Alexei, her little brother, has an accident, falls, hurts himself. He is a hemophiliac. The bleeding won’t stop. Alexandra and Nicholas are very worried.
FILM STUDIO, NEXT DAY
The starlet is having another fit. The new scene is still not to her liking. She goes to Jerome, complains. Meredith is then introduced to her replacement, rather unexpectedly and forced to go home.
APARTMENT
When she returns, there’s a message waiting for her from her agent. When can you come home?
THE PALACE GROUNDS
The young couple spend time together, and seal their love for one another. They tell Olga’s parents. The parents are happy for their daughter. A wedding is in the works.
Olga never wants to leave Russia, she tells Dmitri. Russia is her home. Dmitri promises her she will never have to. He will make certain of that.
APARTMENT
Meredith tries to settle down. She returns to her book to read the part about Alexei’s illness.
ALEXEI’S ROOM
Alexei turns gravely ill. The bleeding won’t stop. Alexandra prays for his recovery. But nothing can be done. They believe this time he’s going to die. Alexandra vows she will do anything, give anything for her son to live.
Enter the monk Rasputin, who tells the czarina, he can save her son. He is a very bad man in the eyes of everyone around the czarina and tries to warn her. But she listens to him. She is desperate. Rasputin tells her he can save her son–for a price. Everyone on the czar’s household, by the reputation Rasputin has on the city streets, knows what price Rasputin asks of the czarina. She pays it.
In front of Olga and Tatiana and little Anastasia. Alexandra leaves with Rasputin. Olga has some idea what the price might be that her mother must pay for Rasputin’s help. She holds nothing but hatred for the monk. But her grief for her little brother is more pressing, urgent.
In that moment, Olga vows that if Alexei dies, she will become czar and take care of Russia for him. Olga is told outright she can never be czar because of the laws. Women do not become czars or leaders of their country. They only become wives of the men who serve as Russia’s czars. The crown will have to go to the next in line, her uncle Michael, if worse comes to worse.
Olga is more than upset. More than angry. Why can’t she be czar? She refuses to accept that answer. After all she could be another Catherine the Great. She is, after all, a descendent of Peter the Great.
APARTMENT
Meredith puts her book down. She feels for the young princess. She knows how it is for some people in this life. And she knows from history how the young princess died, fulfilling the prophecy written about her. Meredith tries to call her agent again. She needs to talk to someone about Jerome. She finally reaches her agent, tells her of the book she found, the story inside it. She wants to write a screenplay about it. She also wants out of this project with Jerome. She feels he’s going to fire her anyway. She believes he’s carrying on another affair, this time with the young starlet on this film. It’s more serious than the others. She wants out of everything. The agent loves the story and she tells her not to worry she’ll look around to see if anyone’s looking for a story like that. In the meantime, write a treatment for her to look at. She’s found an attorney for Meredith and she’ll work on getting an appointment with her for Meredith.
NEW DAY
FILM STUDIO
More of the same. Jerome is shooting, having a bad day. He gets another call from his “money man”. He is on the verge of losing everything. The starlet’s also giving him another hard time about the scene rewrite. She doesn’t like that one either. Jerome returns to Meredith, orders her to write the scene the way the starlet wants it. Meredith says but it’s not the way the history was lived. Jerome fires her and turns to the new writer to see what he can do to fix the mess.
APARTMENT
Home again, Meredith gets a call from her agent. Good news. She thinks she’s found someone who wants to film the script. Also, she has an appointment with her lawyer as soon as she can fly home.
Meredith hops on a plane and heads home for the United States.
HOME AGAIN, RESTAURANT
Meredith meets with her daughter to tell her she’s going to divorce her father. She gives Alex the gift and then tells her it’s not working out with her father and her anymore. Alex sides with her mother. Tells her she’s known about the affairs, the arguments. The money. She’s okay with it. She wants her mother to be happy. Asks when is she going to see her lawyer.
They are interrupted by Meredith’s agent and a man who’s with her. The man who wants to film the script. It’s Meredith’s old flame of many years ago–AND Jerome’s old rival.
Meredith is floored. She hasn’t seen this man in years. She hasn’t spoken to him. Old feelings start to gush up insider all over again. Does she still love him after all this time, after all these years?
OFFICE
Meredith and her old flame talk about the new project they want to undertake. What intrigued him the most is the story of Rasputin and the conspiracy to assassinate him.
Olga, he tells her, must have been heart broken when she learned Dmitri was part of the plot. And he was banished from Russia and from her seeing Olga again. Meredith adds.
They talk about their past relationship. And they talk about Jerome. Why it didn’t work out for them.
She remembers how her parents fought her on the idea of marrying a man from a different race, a different culture. It just wasn’t done in the polite society. Meredith says she’s sorry it happened. But her old flame realizes and tells her it wasn’t her fault. It was the way things were then. Maybe we can be—friends now, he adds. She says yes. She would like that.
ROMANOV PALACE
Dmitri and others of the royal palace gather together to plot against Rasputin. Rasputin has embarrassed the family. Defamed Alexandra and he must be dealt with accordingly—to reclaim their honor, the honor of the crown. They try to poison him with pastries, but that doesn’t work. Finally, in a desperate move they bludgeon him and throw him into the river to drown him. Rasputin miraculously escapes the river, but dies anyway.
Alexandra learns of the plot and how Rasputin died. She banishes Dmitri from the court, from Russia and bars him from ever seeing Olga again, breaking Olga’s heart a second time.
HOME
Meredith is home again. She begins work on a part of the screenplay.
WAR IN EUROPE
World War I begins in Europe. Russia is affected, devastated by the war. The rise of the Bolsheviks take place. There is a plot to overthrow the czar and take over.
HOME
Jerome is home again. The film is complete. He wants to see Alex. Meredith tells him she’s not here. She’s away. He missed Christmas, her birthday. But Jerome doesn’t want to hear any of it. He only wants to know why he was served with papers to dissolve their partnership—AND their marriage. Meredith forces him to listen. For many reasons, but mostly his affairs and treating her like dirt. She’s already packed this things. They are at his club waiting for him there.
Jerome leaves—very unhappy. He warns her it is not going to be an easy settlement or divorce.
ROMANOV PALACE
Olga and Alexandra have it out. Olga is angry Dmitri’s been sent away. And she’s angry with her mother to have allowed Rasputin ruin her reputation like he did. Their argument is interrupted by the Bolsheviks taking the family captive. They are taken to
TSARKSKOE SELO
A military hospital. There the family must work in their captivity to take care of the wounded soldiers. This is where she meets her Valentina. They become friends.
OLD FLAME’S OFFICE
Meredith and her old flame discuss part of the script she’s working on. The old flame urges her to use the story of Olga to cleanse herself from Jerome. Some of Olga’s woes sound very much like Meredith’s. She has a hard time acclimating herself to the work at the hospital. It’s not her. She gets into arguments with the staff, her supervisor. The war, and the war with her mother still raging, isn’t helping either.
Meredith and her old flame go out on the town. Wine, dine, dance, discuss their past relationship. They start to rekindle the feelings they have for one another. They make love together. Like old times. The old argument she had with her family against her loving her old flame disappears.
HOME
Meredith takes her old flame’s advice and uses her scripts to cleanse herself of her troubles with Jerome.
Olga has a hard time of it, trying to be a nurse. She loses it in the OR and she is given a desk job to do. Until there is a major battle and many soldiers come in wounded. She is forced to take care of a number of them. She is assigned to one–a Dmitri. She nurses him, and a few others in the room with him, back to health. In the course of this getting well, they, seemingly, fall in love.
COURTROOM
The divorce and the dissolution of the partnership is a battle royale. It drains Meredith of her emotions. Everything comes out, including the affairs Jerome had over the years. And much of the abuse Meredith had to suffer because of Jerome’s actions, unfaithfulness. And Jerome uses her new, rekindled relationship with her old flame to damage her reputation.
TSARSKOE SELO MILITARY HOSPITAL
Olga writes another love letter to Dmitri. He is well now. Able to go back to the front. She remembers the vows they shared between them. The intimacy—vows of unspoken love. They say their goodbyes.
Dmitri, fully recovered now, leaves the hospital with a few of his friends. But not before he gets Olga’s last letter. The men go out to celebrate.
TAVERN
Dmitri and his friends get drunk. He shares the letters Olga wrote to him while he recuperated. Dmitiri and his companions make fun of her and the letters—and the fall from her station, now just a poor nurse taking care of the wounded in a military hospital. Quite a fall from grace.
TSARSKOE SELO
Olga learns of the betrayal through people who work with her, and who make fun of her as well. She tells her father. He is understanding and vows to rectify the situation. He tells her, one day, when the war is over and they can get back to their lives, the Bolsheviks will be punished. And Dmitri will be punished for his insolence against her and the crown.
But, sadly, it is not to be. By this time, the Bolsheviks enter the hospital, with full force, and take the family away to another, hidden location.
Valentina is devastated. She has a horrid feeling she will never see her friend again.
COURTROOM
Meredith wins her divorce and the partnership with Jerome is dissolved. She and her old flame go out to celebrate.
THE FILMS ARE FINALLY WINDING UP. Meredith and Old flame watch the final scenes together in the editing room.
THE LAST CELL FOR THE ROMANOVS
The Romanovs are held hostage only for a short while. Away from everyone. No one knows where they are. They do not know their fate, what will happen to them. Until, one day, the Bolsheviks return into the cell and murder them without warning.
The Bolshevik soldiers rob them of their possessions. One young soldier stands over Olga’s body. He sees the St. George medal, rips it from her neck, pockets it before leaving.
We are transported back to
OLD FLAME’S FILM STUDIO
Meredith and the old flame are ecstatic. The scene is perfect. The edit’s perfect. The movie’s finally finished.
They go out to celebrate.
MONTHS PASS
Jerome’s film and Meredith’s film are out. They are being viewed in a major film festival
FILM FESTIVAL
Meredith gets rave reviews. Many talk Golden Globe, OSCAR.
Jerome’s film is not well received.
Jealous of Meredith’s work. He tries to downplay it then outright sabotage it and her good fortune.
He bad mouths it, calls in a few favors to try to get her film to fail in the nominations. BUT …
OSCARS
Meredith is up for an Oscar–best screenplay. Even though Jerome tried, she wins. Her old flame is happy, too, as producer/director. The film is almost a clean sweep. He tells her he wants to work with her again, soon, on a new project.
Meredith gets another surprise. The actor who played Nicholas comes to her and tells her how much he enjoyed her script and her being a major factor in his winning his award and getting much praise for his work. Old Flame knows about this and will be heading up the new project. The actor asks Meredith out to dinner, perhaps to discuss their possibly working together—as a writing team. Meredith is ecstatic. Her career is finally taking off and becoming a major factor in her life. Along with rekindling her romance with her old flame.
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Amy’s Structure Solutions!
Vision: I want to become known as an expert in the family-friendly genre and make a full-time living as a screenwriter.
What I learned from doing this assignment is that by following the outline process and writing to the outline your structure is pretty strong from the start and also that this is the first step in the rewrite process so I shouldn’t expect to solve all of the problems with this one assignment.
5. Give us a list of the changes you made to your script. But don’t post the actual script.
· I rewrote my opening scene because it wasn’t very interesting and my character was not coming across the way I intended.
· I added a scene in Act II
· I strengthened the Act III turning point.
Beat Sheet
Act 1:
Opening: Princess Stephanie has a meltdown because of a glitch in her schedule
Inciting Incident: Historian informs the family that they are not royals
Turning Point: The news gets out that Stephanie is not really the queen. The country is in chaos. Stephanie must accept help from Prince Jack who she hates from the country next door.
Act 2:
New plan: Learn how to be a commoner
Plan in action: Doing common things like shopping and visiting an art museum. She fails spectacularly at being a commoner.
Midpoint Turning Point: After Stephanie is properly exposed to the public, news reporters peg her as a horrible person. Prince Jack’s father forbids him from helping Stephanie anymore.
Act 3:
Rethink everything: Stephanie’s eyes are open to all the suffering in her kingdom
New plan: Uses her fame to help people
Turning Point: Huge failure / Major shift: Stephanie gets caught up in all the attention. It becomes painfully obvious to everyone that she was not doing “good” for the right reasons. It’s also come to light that she knows who the rightful princess is and it hiding it. She’s rejected for good by her county and Jack.
Act 4:
Climax/Ultimate expression of the conflict: Stephanie swallows her pride and helps the homeless woman who is the real princess.
Resolution: Stephanie gets Jack back. She gets a cushy job.
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Assignment 1 module 6
Karen Crider’s Somewhat Solved Character Problems
My vision is to be a stronger writer.
What I learned:
I absolutely love discovering and solving character problems.
A. (Generic Lead Characters: ) I’m dealing with this. My characters are strong, but I don’t want any to wonder who the protag. or antag. is. I want Shadow, a traumatized hyena, to be the protag. based on his transformational journey. I also want Mortimer the rabid wolf as his antag. I’m having to change the structure to reflect that. Shadow is now in the opening, and Mortimer comes later.
B. (Weak character or antag: )I believe most of my characters are strong, and I am working to makes them more defined and present.
C. (Protag/ antag too good or antag. too bad): I believe in balance. I try to maintain that. I try to bring out their personalities through their wants, needs, etc.
D. (Characters not in action:) My characters live in Africa. Their survival depends on them being in action.
E. (Protag. journey not strong:) Shadow is very strong. He starts out traumatized and evolves into a major predator. Right now, I am considering making him stronger to reflect his protagonist identification. I just need to get him in the first few pages and re-characterize him somewhat.
F. (All the characters seem the same:) Each character is unique with an obvious take on what they want. Most of them only want their next meal. I am aware of their makeup, and in this draft will emphasize that; as well as, concentrate on more trait-related action/ voice overs.
G. (Lead characters not present:) They are not present in every scene. But they are present. In any script, you have alternate scenes where supporting characters have a part. Shadow is more present than Mortimer. He has an active part in most of Mortimer’s vile acts.
H. This draft is going to involve changes in structure.
My question is: I noticed in most of your outlines, almost every area of your outline included the protag in almost every scene. How is that possible when you have a whole menagerie of characters who also have a life, motives, and centering around the protag/ antag? It gave me pause. Maybe, it was just a given example? Thanks.
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Subject: Monica’s Structure Solutions!
Vision: I will continue to learn everything I can through all different media to apply what I learn to become the best screenwriter I can be. To be successful in getting my movies made and to win awards in the process.
What I learned from doing this assignment is I was one of those people who thought someone else knew better about my story, and while I’ve learned a lot from those people, I’m glad that you have provided us with a structure to solve our scripts’ own problems.
TIME GUARDIANS — Beat Sheet
ALL SAUCER SCENES WERE OTHER LOCATIONS – CHANGED TO SAUCER TO CONTAIN SCRIPT LOCATIONS
SCENE # SCENE HEADING
1 INT. FRENCH RESTAURANT – NIGHT
2 INT. OFFICE – DAY
3 EXT. HOUSE FIRE – DAY
4 EXT. GRAVEYARD – DAY
5 INT. BAR – DAY
6 INT. OFFICE – DAY – INCITING INCIDENT
7 INT. DARK ROOM – NIGHT
8 INT. SUBURBAN – DAY
9 INT. SECURITY BASE – DAY
10 INT. SECURITY BASE – NIGHT
11 INT. SUBURBAN – NIGHT
12 INT. CAVE – NIGHT
13 EXT. DESERTED ROAD – DAY
14 INT. HARRY’S OFFICE – DAY
15 INT. ELEVATOR – DAY – new scene for continuity
16 INT. SECURITY BASE – DAY
17 INT. SECURITY BASE – DAY
18 INT. SECURITY BASE – DAY
19 EXT. SECURITY BASE – DAY
20 INT. SAUCER – NIGHT – Change of location
21 EXT. CERN – NIGHT
22 INT. CERN – NIGHT
23 INT. CERN – NIGHT
24 EXT. CERN – NIGHT
25 INT. SAUCER – NIGHT
26 INT. SECURITY BASE LOUNGE – LATER
27 INT. SECURITY BASE CONTROL CENTRE – DAY
28 INT. SAUCER – DAY – Change of location
29 EXT. DESERTED ROAD – NIGHT
30 INT. SAUCER – LATER – Change of location
31 EXT. DESERTED ROAD – NIGHT
32 INT. HARRY’S OFFICE – DAY
33 INT. SAUCER – NIGHT – change of location
34 INT. SAUCER – NIGHT – change of location
35 INT. CAFÉ – DAY
36 INT. SECURITY BASE – DAY
37 INT. SECURITY BASE – NIGHT
38 INT. HARRY’S OFFICE – NIGHT
39 INT. SECURITY BASE – NIGHT
40 EXT. SECURITY BASE – NIGHT
41 INT. SAUCER – LATER – change of location
42 INT. HARRY’S OFFICE – night
43 INT. HARRY’S OFFICE – NIGHT
44 EXT. HARRY’S HOUSE – NIGHT NEW Scene because he blew up his office – TO INCREASE STRENGTH OF TURNING POINT
45 INT. HARRY’S HOUSE – NIGHT new scene
46 INT. EMERGENCY ROOM WAITING ROOM – NIGHT new scene
47 INT. SAUCER – NIGHT – CHANGE OF LOCATION
48 EXT. SAUCER – DAY – CHANGE OF LOCATION
49 INT. SAUCER – LATER – CHANGE OF LOCATION
50 INT. TIME STEAM A – DAY NEW SCENE ADDED TWIST
51 EXT. FOREST – DAY (IN TIME STREAM A) NEW SCENE BUILD ON TWIST CREATE HOPE/FEAR
52 EXT. OUTSIDE BRITISH CAMP – NIGHT NEW SCENE BUILD ON TWIST CREATE HOPE/FEAR
53 INT. SAUCER – NIGHT CHANGE OF LOCATION
54 INT. SAUCER – DAY CHANGE OF LOCATION
55 INT. SAUCER – DAY CHANGE OF LOCATION
56 INT. SUBURBAN – EARLY MORNING
57 INT. HOUSE – EARLY MORNING
58 EXT. NEAR THE CAVE – NIGHT
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Renee’s Structure Solutions
Vision: I will work hard to become a well-respected writer that has my movies produced and has enough work to keep me busy and keep the lights on.
What I learned is that my script didn’t match the pitch. The problem/solution grid was beneficial when it came to analyzing my script and finding major structural issues that need to be fixed.
After going through my script, I realized that it wasn’t much of a horror. So, I went back to the horror writing class I took years ago and fixed my outline. I ended up having to rethink and rewrite the entire script from the 2nd Act turning point. I am still working on getting the new scenes written and will continue to work through them as I look at the other lessons in this module. With this process, my turning points will end up being stronger, and my acts will work better than they are currently. Plus, I’ll really ramp up the horror.
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Module 6, Lesson 01 – Apply Structure Solutions
Subject: Rob Ingalls’ Structure Solutions!
MY VISION:
To be a Talented writer that delivers quality fast, with the film industry seeking me out.
WIL: I’ve struggled with the high concept, outline, script, and logline to match.
HIGH CONCEPT:
A giant statue made of gold is stolen by thieves who tunnel underneath and hollow out the gold.
LOGLINE:
The top graduate alumni at Grand Heist Academy is challenged for one last heist before he retires:
steal his weight in gold from a museum with a giant golden statue without anyone knowing.
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A. Script doesn’t match the pitch.
– I’ve gone round and round with this. When I created the concept and started working on the outline,
I noticed the genre changed as also the original story. There could be many loglines that match the high concept.
– I redid the outline and created a different story but one that matched the high concept and genre better, but then noticed
after working the script that the genre expanded into a Buddy movie more than ACTION. I should be able to save by adding
more action into the scipt. I have enough available pages so that is good.
– I’ve merged the high concept and logline to match the script. I think this is bass-ackwards. But it seems to work ok.
B. Missed the outline in some places
– Transferring the outline to script was the easy part. But I also realized the outline was not strong in some areas.
So I added scenes and rearranged some scenes to work with the outline.
– This also mixes original genre of ACTION with BUDDY. I need to return to ACTION.
C. Conflict Clear always?
– The initial conflict is between Simon, top graduate from years past, and his former friend Harris who is jealous that he
didn’t win “top thief” at the academy and claims Simon cheated.
— Harris wants Simon to fail this last challenge.
– Not every scene showed the main conflict so I added it, plus tried to escalate the conflict as time went on.
D: Focus on the Structure Points
– Act-1: We see clips of various heist jobs. Then students waiting results. This is Academy for thieves.
– Inciting Incident/Turning Point – Students challenge top graduate – he accepts
– Act-2: Using standard procedures, protagonist makes initial efforts. Doesn’t go well.
– Act-3: New approach – tunnel under statue
– Act-4: Overcome obstacles.
– Climax/Resolution: Twist as protagonist says he did not win challenge. Both protagonist and antagonist mend friendship.
Both winners.
Strong opening. Moderate transformational journey – need to beef more (over time). Moderate layers beneath surface – need work.
Strong ending.
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Joe’s Structure Solutions
My vision is to persevere and stay the course of building steady daily routine, and disciplines that produce consistent writing of exceptional quality. Ultimately, the fruit of those habits and disciplines will be a track record of great marketable scripts that will make other successful talented pros seek me out.
What I learned:
Wow, there’s a lot in that Grid! I was feeling overwhelmed reading the first sections. But when I got to the end, particularly number 7, 8 and 9, I felt more confident because it was much easier to focus on specific parts of the script. So I did those first, and they were already pretty satisfying. That allowed me to mull over 1-6 as I read through the script. I had to make a peace with myself that I’m probably not going to get ANY of those rock solid on the next draft, but will just continue to evolve each of those over the next few drafts. That felt like a much more plausible strategy and is allowing me to move forward with confidence and progress. The main areas that I fixed were strengthening the main conflict throughout, along with making sure the primary underlying subtext of my main characters coming together romantically, “rear its ugly head” in some way in every scene.
Here’s what I’m aware of that I plan to elevate/evolve/mature/refine:
– Re-examine the flow of Emily and Lorenzo’s emotional boundaries/influence on each other’s businesses/level of trust
-Why is the script too long? (136 pages, but each time I rewrite, it gets longer) too many scenes? too much setup for the payoffs? Gotta figure out how to deliver quicker? That’s for my subconscious to work on over the next few drafts.
– Confession: I wordsmith like a bad habit. I’m good at it, and its fun and comes naturally. But I see how it gives me a false instant-gratification sense of “I’m fixing the problems” and it makes me more emotionally attached to the scene, thus distracting me from seeing the bigger picture. Those scenes might need to be cut, despite how well they read! I’m sure I’m still going to keep wordsmithing some of it because its my nature, but from now on I’m only going to do it if it’s instant/obvious and feels like it takes no effort. If I know some words need to be elevated, but don’t know how right away, I should just MOVE ON for now. That’s a new discipline for me, but it’s something I’m going to keep reminding myself to do.
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WIM2 – Dana’s Structure Solutions
My Vision: I intend to perfect my skills to become a successful screenwriter, scripting acclaimed and profitable films, recognized by my peers, and living an adventurous life.
What I learned during this assignment:
I have a long way to go before my script is complete. I am still adding scenes and reconsidering plot to expand the story into a feature film. I am 30 pages short of a 90-minute thriller. I am also reevaluating my outline to understand where my story is deficient in characters and events.
A. Script doesn’t match the pitch.
Script and pitch are unified
B. Missed the outline in some place
Added characters to Act 1; Added cat and mouse chase between protagonist/antagonist at climax; replotted conspiracy between protagonist and antagonist’s husband.
C. Make sure your conflict is clear and always present
Conflict between protagonist/antagonist is clear
D. Focus on the structure points
Act 1
a. Opening – Added protagonist’s affair to better understand her motivations; emphasized her belief that her husband would pay for her release.
b. Inciting Incident – Rewrote ransom scene adding husband
c. Turning Point – Expanded torture/death scene for protagonist to better understand her dilemma.
Act 2 – No additions/changes
Act 3
d. React/Rethink – Her husband’s treachery reveals, she fathoms her own escape.
e. New plan – Protagonist fails on first escape try. She falls and knocks herself out. She tries again and escapes out of sheer will.
f. Turning Point – Her escape is foiled, and she flees through the mill.
Act 4
g. Climax – I’ve added an escape/chase across the exposed beams of the roof. Protagonist balances like a highwire act while being pursued by the antagonist. Eventually, they fall through the ceiling to the raised platform beneath. The chase resumes, both injured, until they wind up back at the smelting ladle where she was being held prisoner.
h. Resolution / New Ways – Remain the same.
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Joyce’s Module 6; writing second draft
…to create memorable movies that actors want to perform.
WIL: Go back to gaps in the outline early to continue the pace and not forget your initial intentions.
1. Some parts of the outline I had repeated and some sections were marked for further brainstorming.
2. The first act is slow.
3. The protagonist at the beginning is reluctant and by the third and fourth acts he must grow stronger.
4. Changes I have made to the outline are more interesting to me.
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Module 6 – Lesson 1 Apply Structure Solutions
Lisa’s Structure Solutions!
My Vision: I will do whatever it takes to be comfortable saying that I am a writer by creating impactful stories with amazing characters in order to sell my scripts.
What I learned from this assignment is how vitally important the outline is and uncovering the structure flaws at the beginning of the process is invaluable.
PROBLEM /SOLUTION #1 STRUCTURE GRID
#3 – Weak Conflict = need to rewrite the main conflict with higher stakes and build in a ticking clock
#7 – Weak Layers Beneath Surface = while I have layers beneath the surface, I need to figure how to add more intrigue to them
#9 Need Stronger Midpoint = need to brainstorm a more powerful way to deliver the Midpoint
#10 – Weak Ending = I will be completely changing the ending for the second draft as I’ve thought of a happier ending
Act 1:
Opening – Opening is solid
Inciting Incident – This is clear
Turning Point – Need to add more depth to this TP
Act 2:
New plan – Need to expand here on the process they are taking on to get to the Protagonist’s goal
Plan in action – I’m am changing this scene(s) to bring them more up to date with technology
Midpoint Turning Point – Good scene, but need to make stakes even higher
Act 3:
Rethink everything – Changing this to secret reveal to cause the Protagonist and Antagonist to rethink everything
New plan – Again, I need to up the stakes
Turning Point: Huge failure / Major shift – TP is fine. Can the stakes be even higher?
Act 4:
Climax/Ultimate expression of the conflict – I need to brainstorm to see if I can make this an even more powerful scene(s)
Resolution – I am completely changing the ending to make it a happier ending where the Protagonist gets what she wants and deserves
*My script is way too short. I will need to add multiple scenes to bring it to the appropriate length.
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Marcus’ Structure Solutions!
My Vision: Get a script made into a movie.
This assignment taught a good way to do a first rewrite of the rough draft.
There were quite a number
of problems in my script, although the fundamental story was there. I didn’t
catalogue them all, but most of them were in Act 2 and Act 3. -
Joel Stern WIM Module 6 Lesson 1
My Vision: To write eight Hollywood blockbusters and to get a speaking line in at least one.
What I’m learning from this assignment: Concentrating on structure and making beats more powerful.
I admit I fell behind due to a lot of extra hours at work which happens each year at this time.
I haven’t finished the second rough draft but wanted to post what I have to this point.
I’ve added a few scenes to make the story make more sense. I find the biggest issue was not having a thorough outline because I wasn’t sure how complete the outline was supposed to be. So, as I’m writing the second draft it has become clear I had to add, subtract and alter a few scenes. And it’s sort of a butterfly effect — when I make changes it effects other scenes later in the script.
But the bottom line is I’m working on Act 2 and the story is much stronger.
I wanted to post this so you don’t think I bailed!
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Dave’s Structure solutions’
My vision: I would like to be a successful writer in Hollywood, with a number of successful movies to my credit that put forward a core belief about environmental, political, or personal values.
What I learned doing this assignment is the crucial role the structure plays as the bones which support the body of the story.
Midpoint Turning Point: I didn’t emphasize enough the crucial impact of the Midpoint. When the protagonist is shot in the arm and survives, with the help of his friend who performs some first aid, he realizes that he has the capability to survive violent conflict. He references the last time he saw his own blood, when he was punched in the nose at the age of 14, which tormented to him in the intervening years. When he survives being shot, he gains a new sense of his own endurance, which gives him the confidence to make the rest of his journey with more decisiveness. He eschews seeing a doctor, as his friend suggests, and continues on. Later, when they are stopped in another state, he makes the decision to escape at the first opportunity, giving them the chance to arrive at their destination sooner.
I changed the scene by having him reference getting punched at 14 and by showing his greater confidence, indicated by refusing a doctor’s help. I also emphasized his decision to have him and his friend escape in the later scene, showing a new boldness in his actions.
Climax/ultimate expression of conflict – I needed to have the protagonist face the antagonist in Act 4. This was accomplished by his wife getting a message to him that disabling the warden of the prison in which she is confined is the key to enabling her to escape. This sets up the husband’s confrontation with the warden which results in the warden’s death.
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Erin Ziccarelli’s Structure Solutions!
Vision: I am going to create profound scripts that leave audiences remembering my movies and leave me excited to keep writing and moving up in the industry.
What I learned from doing this assignment is: Targeting specific areas of the script is helping me to elevate my writing quality. I’ve received feedback from coverage services that said, “structural problems,” but never understood what structural problems to fix. I am working the most on strengthening my turning points, but I feel like assignments for earlier modules put me on the right path for a solid structure.
Give us a list of the changes you made to your script. But don’t post the actual script.
· Script doesn’t match the pitch: my script still matches the pitch.
· Missed the outline in some places: I stuck to my outline while writing my first draft – I’m cutting a few scenes that now seem redundant after a second read through.
· Weak conflict (big picture):
o Huge opposing goals with high end stakes: each crime family wants their family on top. Stakes include wealth from the counterfeit money, cocaine, and staying out of prison.
o High stakes goals challenged by “outsiders” like Will, Roger, and Jack/Sean.
o Characters’ opposing goals/missions/traits/agendas: every character wants themselves on top – they all have different methods on how to get there.
o Forced characters into terrifying risks/high stakes: Alex thrust into rehab and then the real world after 20 years in prison. Must face Scarlett, his old friends, and eventually Richard.
o Ticking clock: change must be accomplished before the big sale.
· Structure: do my acts work?
o Opening: beginning poker game
o Act 1: Alex’s ordinary world – prison, cocaine addiction, animosity to the North End families and even his old friends
o Act 2: begins creating the business – he can’t go back to prison and face Randall Byrne. Tries the ordinary solutions (trying to get at his inheritance money, avoiding honesty with Scarlett, evading Roger), but it doesn’t work.
o Midpoint: reveals the real world/conflict – Alex’s uncle has died, naming him heir. It’s easier than ever for him to come back, but he resists…for now.
o Act 3: reeling from his Uncle’s death, Patrick’s attack on his new life, and everyone abandoning him, Alex decides to take Patrick up on his offer.
o Act 4: Alex confronts Richard, declares that it is his life to live.
· Weak turning points: at the end of each act, I’ve highlighted where in my script the turning point happens. This has helped me see redundancy and isolate shallow turning points. I can use one of the turning point types to elevate those scenes and create intrigue.
· Weak transformational journey: Alex goes from hating the Brennans and Cadens to accepting Scarlett as family. He goes from cocaine-hooked to sober. He goes from unlawful to lawful.
· Weak layers beneath the surface: build more suspense into Kitty Caden’s death – instead of revealing it in Act 1, it will now be revealed in Act 4.
· Weak opening scene: poker game takes us into the interesting sub-world of the family politics, gives us an intriguing glimpse into Alex and the family dynamic, sets up the compelling conflict of North v. South, interesting action of the poker game, and ends with a twist of Alex leaving to go see Kitty.
· Stronger midpoint: Shane seemed so invincible, and now he’s dead – Alex never thought that he would be the next in line, but Shane has named him. Alex finds out that Ted ordered Kitty’s death. Patrick knew more than he let on all this time. Alex is furious with his old friend and alienates him. This makes Patrick dangerous to him and his new ways.
· Weak ending: Roger’s reveal, poker game, Alex burning the cocaine, and reuniting with Scarlett make for a profound ending and show us that Alex has embraced his new ways.
o Fitting ending: poker game
o Surprising, yet inevitable: Richard and Alex were going to have to be in the same room at some point – instead of Alex killing him, Richard kills himself (something we did not expect)
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This reply was modified 2 years, 3 months ago by Erin Ziccarelli.
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