Lesson 1 Assignments

[Jeff Chase]

Jeffrey Alan Chase’s Structure Solutions!

My vision: I am an “A” list writer who is known for high concept ideas, great execution, a string of successful movies and is always ready to share his knowledge and do what he can to help another writer on the way up.

What I learned from doing this assignment is: My script is antagonist driven. But I felt I needed to make my protagonist more proactive and not just responsive to the antagonist’s actions. I feel my protag now is now using a wider range of her physical and emotional motivations and has her own plan of action to deal with the antag.

Act 1:

Opening/Old Ways:

Is this an engaging opening scene that lures us into the story? WE SEE the world of twenty-six-year-old amnesia victim and pottery restoration expert, SARAH COLE. She is shy, introverted and lives in constant fear of vague memories that plague her. She does expert repair work during the day but drinks at night to dull the pain of her incomplete childhood and nightmares.

Is the lead character clearly living in a pre-transformation mode? Yes. She’s slowly killing herself with alcohol and drugs and on a downward spiral into the abyss of depression and self-harm.

Do the “Old Ways” show up in their behavior and dialogue? Yes.

Inciting Incident: The incident that propels her on her journey is when Sarah receives an ancient Anasazi Indian pot to repair. The zig zag pattern on the pot triggers powerful, incapacitating emotions. She drops the pot, and it shatters. She feels the pot may be a clue to the childhood she can’t remember.

Turning Point: March locks Sarah into wanting March to treat her. He drops “suggestions” that maybe Sarah’s father might have died in a supposed “treasure cave”. He miraculously “saves” her life from a mugger. He staged the mugging to make her feel that she is totally dependent on him.

Act 2:

New Plan: What new plan did the protagonist create to deal with the Act 1 Turning Point?

When March claims that he doesn’t have the time in his schedule to treat Sarah, she gets locked into wanting him to treat her even more. When she begs and finally convinces him to take her on as a patient, March demands that she agree to do whatever he says is necessary for her to remember – which again gives him power over her.

Plan in action: How does the ANTAGONIST take action on that plan? Sarah agrees to travel to Arizona so that March and Sarah can work in his office – where, unbeknownst to her, he will now have total control over what she remembers.

Midpoint Turning Point: How does the Midpoint change the meaning, through a reveal, while keeping us on the same journey? Sarah accidentally finds March’s mini recorder and listens to his private files. She now suspects he may be manipulating her memories and “using” them for some unknown purpose. With this knowledge, she begins to turn the tables on March while she pursues her goal of remembering how her father died in the desert.

Act 3:

React/Rethink: What is revealed to the protagonist from the Midpoint? How do they react or rethink things? Sarah now knows that she is being used by March. During various hypnosis sessions, she continues to remember details from her childhood – but she keeps some of this information from March and leads him on to think that what she tells him in the session is the whole truth. Because he needs her to remember certain things that he himself can’t, he must trust that she is revealing all of her memories. It is a cat and mouse game where both are pursuing the same goal – they both need to remember the location of the treasure cave – but for different reasons. Sarah wants to know how her father died. March wants to claim the treasure that he discovered with Sarah’s father – but because of his severe trauma in the desert, needs Sarah’s memories to lead him back to the cave.

New Plan: What new plan did the protagonist create to deal with this new level of conflict? Sarah now plays her memories even more close to the vest. She thinks she’s getting close to answers when …

Turning Point: The lowest of the low. How has this Turning Point brought the character to the lowest of lows, making it almost impossible for them to win in a normal way? This forces them to adopt the change in a much bigger way. Sarah is terrified when March tells her that they must ride on horseback into the remote Navajo reservation and revisit the “scene of the crime” so she can remember exactly what happened.

Act 4:

Climax/Ultimate Expression Of The Conflict: How is this the ultimate expression of the conflict? How does it require a “fight to the death,” either literally or symbolically?

Sarah and March re-discover the cave together. March needs to kill Sarah so there are no witnesses.

Resolution: How does this resolution represent the “New Ways” and bring this story to a fitting conclusion?

Sarah remembers everything about how her father died and that March was the killer. She now must battle a one-armed man to the death.

New Ways: What are the New Ways and do they clearly show up in your lead character’s Act 4 behavior and dialogue?

Sarah has found peace and can now move forward confidence to enjoy an emotionally fulfilling life.

[Andrew Kelm]

Andrew Kelm’s Structure Solutions!

Vision: I am going to do whatever it takes to be a great writer of TV and movies who is sought after by people I respect within the industry and has multiple successful TV series produced.

What I learned doing this assignment is… it is hard to resist tinkering but stay focused on only solving the structural problems as narrowly defined. I decided that where my structure most needed help was making sure the conflict was clear, and sharpening the turning points.

FATEMONGERS; a psychic with a blind spot for abusive men uses subtle manipulations to murder a sexual predator who seduces her to get to her sons.

Conflict:

• Daphne has issues with men. She was abused as a child by her mother’s boyfriend, and has hooked up with abusive men as an adult. At the beginning of the script, she articulates that she wants nothing more to do with men, and wants to focus on developing her psychic card readings into a career as a more legitimate therapist. Into her life walks a new man who has sever baggage of his own, as well as becoming a projection catcher for her issues. So the levels of conflict are:

• Daphne and Roy

• Relationship vs. independence

• Daphne and her wounds from the past as they haunt her in the present

• Shifting perceptions from card reader to legitimate therapist

• Here personal life vs. her role as a mother

• An honest belief in a mystical connection with the universe and profiting through manipulations

So the scenes need to reflect these issues implicitly in the action as well as strategically expressing them explicitly at selective points in the structure.

Turning points

• Act 1: At the beginning, Daphne is a single mother living in an apartment above her mother’s hair salon. She resents her mother’s control and her two boys — from different fathers, both absent — are getting too big and rambunctious for the space. At the end of act 1, she moves out with Roy, a guy she hasn’t know for very long.

• Act 2: She moves with Roy into a caretaker’s suite at a church, where she discovers that the minister is an abuser of teenage boys, and Roy is his partner in crime.

• Midpoint – To get away, Daphne figures out how they can buy a house, leaning on her mother for the down payment; at which point it becomes clear that there is something in the mother/daughter history that facilitated a payout that makes this possible.

• Act 3: Daphne and Roy manage to build a life together by her accepting Roy’s gay encounters as long as he keeps them outside the home. The turning point comes when she catches him in a lie and realizes she is tied to him with the house, but she is never going to be able to trust him.

• Act 4: She gives the problem over to the universe to help her find a way out, which results in a sequence of events that culminates in Roy’s death.

• Resolution: Daphne has much of what she wanted at the beginning of act 1 and has been cleared of suspicion in connection with Roy’s death, but in the final moments, we realize that she may have given the universe a bit of a push, deliberately maneuvering Roy into the line of fire.

Adjustments

• Midpoint – added a couple of lines of dialogue to emphasize the meaning of the turn – the fine line between the universe helping and Daphne manipulating.

• Beginning act 4 – Added Daphne dialogue to show that she needs to get rid of Roy one way or another, and set up the question we are left with at the end — did she get Roy killed on purpose.

Beat Sheet

ACT 1: Daphne runs away with Roy

1 Daphne gives Terry a reading, laying out her vision that she wants to be taken seriously as a life coach and not meet another man

2 Daphne and Terry go down to her mother’s hair Salon below her apartment where Terry works

3 Daphne markets her services as a psychic in her mother’s salon

4 Roy, pursued by someone unseen on the street, dekes into the hair salon

5 As an excuse to stay, Roy asks Daphne to give himm a reading

6 Dgives Roy a reading that nails him

7 Daphne and Terry get clients on the beach

8 Mom complains aboout boys

9 Daphne keeps boys happy with chips

10 Daphne gives Cort, an important politician who keep his visits secret, a reading

11 Abe envisions the house he wanwts to live in

12 Roy shows up unanounced for a surprise reading

13 Christine goes upstairs to Daphne’s for a morning visit

14 Christine freaks out at finding Roy there

15 Christine, working on a client hears alley noise and goes to investigate

16 Christine finds Daphne with Roy and the boys packing to leave

ACT 2: Daphne at the manse

17 They arrive at the Manse where Roy lives in the caretaker’s apartment

18 They negotiate with Gilbert to let them stay

19 Roy bonds with Carl over yard work while Abe is standoffish

20 Roy takes leave of Daphne to go for drive with Gilbert

21 Daphne watches tehm go, suspicious

22 She goes to the manse and lets herslef in

23 She snoops around

24 Roy and Glibert pick up a hitchhiker

25 Roy waits while Gilbert seduces Hitchiker in the car

26 Daphne washes dishes at the manse, her cover story for being there

27 Daphne finds incriminating pictures of Gilbert with boys

28 Daphne acts innocent when Gilbert arrives back

29 Daphne confronts Roy about Gilbert’s proclivities

30 Gilbert interrupts Daphne reading Terry, apparently annoyed at her for the tarot cards at the church but then refers a client

31 Referral comes for a reading with Daphne and reveals himself to be mentally ill – Daphne recommends a psychiatrist

32 Daphne phones Psychiatrist to tell her to expect a call

33 Referral client commits suicide

34 A cop visits Daphne to investigate Daphne’s involvement with the suicide

35 Daphne deflects the detective’s interest

36 Daphne works Roy to buy a house so they can move away from Gilbert

37 Daphne finds the house she envisioned

38 Daphne works her mother for the downpayment

ACT 3: Family Life

39 Daphne, Roy and the kids take possession of the house

40 Daphne makes her office more professional than new agey

41 Roy helps the boys paint their rooms

42 Gilbert arrives

43 He visits Daphne in her office

44 Gilbert lures Roy away with the promise of a new couch

45 Gilbert gets Roy to drive

46 Roy distances himself from old times

47 When they arrive at the manse a hooker is waiting for them

48 Big Slick gets invited in

49 The three get into shenanigans

50 Meanwhile Daphne and the three boys are cleaning the new house and edcide to go ahead ording pizza without Roy

51 Roy comes home late at night without the couch and she accuses him

52 Cort gets a reading from Daphne at her new digs

53 Det. Campbell interrupts with more questions about the suicide

54 Daphne finishes off with cort

55 Roy makes a great sale at work

56 Roy and another salesman celebrate after at a steak house

57 Roy goes to a gay bar and hooks up with a younger guy

58 Terry reveals to Daphne that Roy was at the gay bar and picked up a guy

59 Daphne questions Roy and realizes he is lying

ACT 4: Murder

60 Carl takes Roy to his room to show him something

61 Abe follows and listens at the door

62 Carl confides in Roy that there is something wrong with his penis

63 Abe listens more closely

64 Carl shows Roy

65 Abe leaves the door when Daphne calls Ice cream

66 Abe tells Daphne what he’s heard

67 Daphne tries to get the truth from Carl before bed

68 Daphne attacks Roy, and when Roy tells the truth, she doesn’t believe him because he’s always lying

69 At the beach, Daphne flirts with Steve

70 Daphne goes home with Steve

71 Steve ties up Daphne and threatens her with a gun

72 Roy discovers Daphne’s ligature marks and goes to confront Steve.

73 Steve and Roy get into a scuffle and Steve kills Roy

74 Daphne uses Cort as an alibi and reveals that she may have intentionally set up the murder

[Rebecca Sukle]

Rebecca’s Structure Solutions

Vision: My success in this program will lead me to be the go-to writer for producers looking for incredible scripts for successful movies enjoyed by a vast viewing audience.

I learned from this assignment that the answers to the structure questions helped point out the script’s weak and vital parts. Going through the index items pointed out the many areas where I strayed from the outline into areas that distracted away from the main characters and story.

Changes:

1. I added dialog and action to the inciting incident scene to give more depth.

2. My draft strayed from the outline in several places and used unnecessary exposition. To shorten the script’s page count, I eliminated those sections unrelated to the main characters and commentary that did not move the story forward or follow the outline and moved away from the concept.

3. The original ending seemed bland. By using the solution guide to brainstorm ideas, I was able to improve it.

[CJ Knapp]

CJ’s Structure Solutions

Vision: I am a confident and empowered writer who embraces challenges and changes and writes produced highly sought-after projects with fresh and exciting ideas.

WIL: My page count is lower than I would like. Additional scenes will be added, and current scenes will be filled out. Working against the clock works!

Title: MEMORY HUNTERS

Concept:

In a future with technology to retrieve memories, a Memory Retrevalist, caught in the mind of a psychopath struggles to find a way out before he destroys her mind and kills her.

Solution Grid Solutions:

#3 – Weak Conflict – Needed to add more subterfuge and double crossing with Antagonist

#4 – Do my Acts Work – Acts are a bit shy on page count – with the improvement of the conflict this fell into line.

#5 – Need Strong Turning Points – Elevated these with the conflict from #3

#9 – Need stronger Mid-point — worked on the mid-point

[Farrin Rosenthal]

Farrin Rosenthal’s Structure Solutions!

Farrin’s Vision: To do what it takes to become a highly paid A-List Hollywood writer whose produced movies will entertain audiences around the world.

What I learned doing this assignment is the second draft is the time to discover and fix any major problems in the first draft. What I found in my first draft while I was writing it was a 3rd act that was too thin. Going from outline to script made this obvious, so I actually addressed my big structure problems during the first draft and added some scenes that added intrigue and suspense, hope and fear. Was really fun to write, and this meant not having any real major structure issues to address in my 2nd draft, which is pretty cool. I will continue to dig deep as I dive into the 2nd draft to see if I am overlooking anything.

[Tracy Lawson]

Tracy’s Structure Solutions

I absolutely love discovering and solving problems in my script.

I will do whatever it takes to become a successful author and screenwriter with multiple bestselling books and screenplays produced.

What I learned from doing the assignment is that some of the flashbacks I loved in the novel and thought would be indispensable in the screenplay fit better as a montage with Anna’s voice over.

In Act 1: There was a weak layer beneath the surface. Anna is a healer, yet we never see her in that role until the very end of the screenplay. I added a scene in which Anna is called to care for a woman who has contracted smallpox. She contends with a rival healer, whose treatments are rooted in superstition. She fulfills the sick woman’s request and inoculates her children, even though it’s against the law in Virginia.

Also in Act 1: Missed the outline. I didn’t include flashbacks in the original outline, but as I wrote the first draft, I felt the need to add some of Anna and Benjamin’s backstory, to cement their relationship and increase the viewer’s connection to Anna. After reading through the finished first draft, I opted to remove some of the flashback scenes and combine them into a montage, in which Anna stands in her vacant home, reflecting on the life she and Benjamin built together. She recalls her first friend group, meeting her future husband, and how their courtship and marriage satisfied her craving for both love and security. She loved her nerdy rebel—but she never expected him to become a warrior.

In Act 2: There was a weak layer beneath the surface here, too. The first day of Anna’s journey is harder than she expected. When she stops for the night, her hostess warns her that nothing is as it seems—Tories and spies are everywhere. I added a scene in which Mrs. Champe admonishes Anna for making the journey in the first place. Upon reflection, Anna decides to heed all Mrs. Champe’s advice except for one thing—she will not turn back.

Also in Act 2: Need Stronger Midpoint: Anna meets Congressman Harrison, who will soon charge her with carrying the message to General Washington. I decided it would increase the tension if the audience knew more about what was in the letter than Anna did, so I added a scene in which Harrison overhears the conspirators plotting against Washington, then hurries to bring the letter to Anna.

Act 3 and 4: Script didn’t match the pitch: I took three scenes from the end of Act 3 and the beginning of Act 4 and moved them to be a teaser at the beginning of the story. This matches the structure of the story in the novel, and drops the viewer into the action immediately, akin to the opening of Breaking Bad. Then, we see Anna’s life before the inciting incident that put her on her current path.

[John Trimbach]

John T’s Structure Solutions!

Vision: to become a reliable box office success and entertain audiences all over the world.

What I learned doing this assignment is that by really thinking through structure questions, new ideas present themselves to strengthen the entertainment value.

Changes to structure:

Act 1:

Opening/Old Ways: Is this an engaging opening scene that lures us into the story?

Changed to a more riveting open – the slaying of Phil’s wife and the “ordinary” world left to Phil.

Is the lead character clearly living in a pre-transformation mode? Do the “Old Ways” show up in their behavior and dialogue?

Yes, after a year, Phil still not over the death of his wife, manifests itself in odd behaviors – talks to her in public like she’s there, becomes an expert knife fighter, becomes an irritable loner. Has trouble trusting people, sees a shrink.

Inciting Incident: How does this incident invite and propel us into the journey?

When Megan is murdered, Phil regresses into the trauma of his wife’s murder and the criminal element in general as people begin to associate him with crime – did he have something to do with Megan’s murder? Could he have ordered the hit on his wife? Was he having sex issues with Megan? Has trauma brought Phil to the brink of insanity? A split personality?

Turning Point: How is this Turning Point a twist that locks us into the journey with “no going back?”

Phil realizes he must not only deny but prove his innocence while avoiding arrest. Convinced that Phil is implicated, FBI agent Ben is in hot pursuit.

Act 2:

New Plan: What new plan did the protagonist create to deal with the Act 1 Turning Point?

Phil relies on Flight Attendant Louise to evade Ben.

Plan in action: How does the protagonist take action on that plan?

Phil secretly goes on a trip, doesn’t tell Ben that he’s leaving town.

Midpoint Turning Point: How does the Midpoint change the meaning, through a reveal, while keeping us on the same journey?

After another flight attendant murder, Phil is again thrown into the guilty spotlight. Ben finds evidence that seriously implicates Phil. Declares him a runaway fugitive. Is Phil mentally disturbed?

Act 3:

React/Rethink: What is revealed to the protagonist from the Midpoint? How do they react or rethink things?

Phil must take a major risk in order to find the killer. Visits seedy bars, follows clues about the person who attacked Megan, and then gets involved in a knife fight of his own after his adversary tries to kill him while Phil works on his car. Is this person involved in the other murders? Did Phil hire him? Did Phil refuse to pay him?

New Plan: What new plan did the protagonist create to deal with this new level of conflict?

Desperate to prove his innocence, Phil sets a trap for the killer. He decides to lure the killer to his next victim but instead Phil is lured by the killer to Tammy’s room. Phil, on the lam, must hide from Ben but also pursue the real killer. Meanwhile, his shrink is worried that he is imagining it.

Turning Point: The lowest of the low. How has this Turning Point brought the character to the lowest of lows, making it almost impossible for them to win in a normal way? This forces them to adopt the change in a much bigger way.

Phil finds Tammy tied up and bleeding. Did he do this? Who is the real killer?

Act 4:

Climax/Ultimate Expression Of The Conflict: How is this the ultimate expression of the conflict? How does it require a “fight to the death,” either literally or symbolically?

Phil must battle Ben and the serial killer if he is to survive and exonerate himself. Phil saves Ben and Tammy by taking out Louise, aka Lewis.

Resolution: How does this resolution represent the “New Ways” and bring this story to a fitting conclusion?

Phil is cured, Ben is promoted and the killer dies.

New Ways: What are the New Ways and do they clearly show up in your lead character’s Act 4 behavior and dialogue?

Phil is not crazy, just traumatized, passionate and aggressive. Most importantly, he can move on from the death of his wife and date his shrink.

[Leona Heraty]

Leona Heraty’s Structure Solutions!

My Vision: To be the best family comedy screenwriter in the industry where my screenplays are produced into fabulous movies, making audiences laugh a lot and making me independently wealthy!

What I learned from doing this assignment is…there’s always room for improvement and it’s fun to find creative ways to elevate my script.

Title: Tara vs. the Termo-Lytes
Genre: Comedy (Sci-fi)
Concept: A teenage tour guide with no sense of direction and an extreme fear of bugs takes a wrong turn and leads her group to an abandoned country club that’s overrun with giant mutant termites.

Concept #2: A lost teenage tour guide who’s petrified of bugs must battle mutant killer termites at an abandoned country club.

Structural Changes I made to my script:

1. Script doesn’t match the pitch.

I think my script matches my pitch, but it was too wordy and long. So I revised my pitch to make it more concise and compelling.

Old Pitch: A teenage tour guide with no sense of direction and an extreme fear of bugs takes a wrong turn and leads her group to an abandoned country club that’s overrun with giant mutant termites.

New Pitch: A lost teenage tour guide who’s petrified of bugs must battle mutant killer termites at an abandoned country club.

2. Missed the outline in some places. I tweaked my outline to match the script, so the scenes have a specific time of day. This is important because most of the action takes place on the day of the Summer Solstice, with the Termo-Lytes celebrating the exact time of the Summer Solstice, at 12 pm, and then they continue to celebrate into the afternoon and early evening. I also changed the order of some of the scenes, to build add more suspense.

3. Weak Conflict. Note: Add more conflict between Tara, Meg and Davy. Tara wants to leave the country club ASAP, Peg wants to explore a little bit and see if they can find an outlet to charge her phone, and Davy wants to stay at the country club forever!

4. Do my Acts Work? Yes.

5. Need Stronger Turning Points. I think my turning points are good.

6. Weak Transformational Journey. Tara’s journey is strong. She starts out afraid of bugs and with no sense of direction. She ends up no longer afraid of bugs and she’s fearless with a strong sense of direction and sense of self.

7. Need Stronger Opening. In scene 1, I added more intrigue and interest with when the dead termites are reborn into their old selves: The mutant Termo-Lytes and they grow one foot tall.

In scene 2, I added more humor and conflict, showing that Tara has no sense of direction and she gets lost in her own neighborhood and she’s terrified of bugs. Then she checks Google maps and drives back to Rosecrans and is going the right way home until a bug blows in her car window and lands on her arm and then on her head.

Tara screams, lets go of the steering wheel and crashes the car to the curb. She climbs a tree as the bug chases her. She swats at the bug and almost loses her balance. She clutches a branch and saves herself.

A cop, Officer Mendez, pulls over and turns off the ignition in Tara’s car and grabs her keys. She walks over to the tree and looks up and recognizes Tara. She asks Tara if it was another wasp that chased her up the tree. Tara said she didn’t get a good look at it. It was just a scary bug, that’s all she knows.

8. Need Stronger Inciting Incident. I added a more dramatic Inciting Incident, where Tara’s Dad pulls into their driveway and blocks Tara’s car. Tara, Clare and Max were just getting ready to pull out of the driveway and go to Disneyland. Tara’s plans have abruptly changed for the day because she agrees to be a tour driver for the annual garden club home tour.

9. Need Stronger Midpoint. I think my Midpoint is strong, when Tara finally realizes that Big Betty and the Termo-Lytes aren’t just fun dancing huge mutant termites…they plan to eat Tara, Meg and Davy for their Summer Solstice Feast.

10. Need Stronger Ending. I think my ending is good.

• This reply was modified 2 years, 6 months ago by  Leona Heraty.

[Eclipse Neilson]

VISION:

I want to be a great award-winning writer, known for my new genre, who creates the most beautiful films that inspire others to feel deeply, pause, and ponder ways to make the world a better place as I make happy money to continue.

THE NUN AND THE WITCH Genre: (mystical /Sci-fi )

Script doesn’t match the pitch. Needed to tweak pitch a bit

(Old) Concept: A dedicated nun destined to become a saint, bonds with a witch to achieve a sacred task to battle the evils of hatred consuming the heart of humanity, only to find out that time is running out.

(New)Concept: A dedicated nun destined to become a saint in this lifetime, bonds with her soulmate – the village witch to help battle the evils of hatred consuming the heart of humanity knowing that time is running out.

I moved a few scenes- and worked on the relationship with Lunea and her daughter Athena.

I brought in a minor character THE OLD ONE who serves as mentor role and ties in the Council of the universal Beings introduced in the opening . She is introduced in the first act.

I developed the antagonist showing his battle with evil spirits after he has died and is stuck between realms.

I went deeper with-Sister Anne’s bond with Jesus.

I went deep with the bond between Sister Anne and Lunea Thunder

Overall I find myself going deeper with the characters in the scenes and heightening the emotional experiences.

[Claudia Wolfkind]

CLAUDIA’S STRUCTURE SOLUTIONS!

Vision: To become such an excellent writer that I know every script I write will be well received by the industry, that my scripts will sell and be produced, and I’ll live the life of my dreams. To also become so empowered that fear is to be laughed at, instead I relish and look forward to pitching, meetings and much more.

What I’ve Learned Doing This Assignment: going scene by scene and looking at the structure is desperately needed to make sure you have a solid script.

Changes:

I veered off the outline and did some sweet and funny backstory… but it was too long so I cut what amounted to a couple of pages.

Added: Abby can’t live in the same city otherwise she would be home more often and she would know Jack. So, I’ve moved her to Chicago, which is just far enough away to make it difficult to get home.

Added: Scenes of her on the road and having trouble. Showing her issues with germs ((and adding some laughs, as it IS a rom-com).

I added the parents celebrating their 40^th Wedding Anniversary, belated after heart attack.

I fired Rosa (head maid) and redeemed Boomer.

I changed Boomer giving Abby a huge check to fix the “missing money” issue to Abby making it from the big job she does, because I thought it took the power away from Abby to solve her problems instead of a “white knight” swooping in at the end to save her family.

[Sandra Nelles]

Sandra’s Structure Solutions

Vision: I am doing what I love to do as a writer with several successful produced movies.

What I learned doing this assignment is the empowerment exercises helped me discover and solve the structure problems in my script.

Changes Made:

Script Doesn’t Match the Pitch: The shortened version of my pitch for this class didn’t match, so I went back to the original longer version.

Missed the Outline in Some Places: Using the outline got me to 80 pages, so I added more scenes to bring it up to 92 pages, which made the script stronger.

Need Stronger Mid-Point – I made the mid-point stronger by having the antagonist putting a hit out on the protagonist instead of another character.

[Jack Purdie]

JACK P’S STRUCTURE SOLUTIONS!

MY VISION: I will do whatever it takes to write a produced script that is recognized by the industry and leads to multiple successful movies.

WHAT I LEARNED: My script is far from perfect. My original structure guideposts are scrambled. I reworked them per the instructions in the assignment but still have a long way to go to get it right. I was able to add several key scenes and rearrange existing scenes so the story is stronger using the re-structuring process. My list of identified problems and necessary changes is shorter but on-going.

[Tom Wilson]

Tom’s Structure Solutions!

My Vision: When working with a producer, I quickly create viable alternatives.

Doing this assignment, I learned how to detail scenes so they play better.

Script Improvements:

Made Inciting Incident more understandable by describing each step more clearly.

Heightened conflict in early scenes.

At Midpoint Turning Point clarified action plan.

Made Climax more understandable.

Added needed details to Resolution.

Beat Sheet

I – Seeds discovered

EXT – RV ENCIRCLED BY FRUITS AND VEGGIES GROWING IN A FIELD – Day

Phil’s a poor hi school kid in Alaska. Mean parents on welfare. He grows veggies & fruit to feed them.

His dad shows his razor strap. Demands more protein. “Why don’t you go fishing?”

EXT – Barn full of dirty junk – Day

Phil and his pal Stan prep & fly Stan’s grandfather’s old bush plane to a lake atop a mountain.

EXT – BUSH PLANE FLIES UP THE SIDE OF A MOUNTAIN – Day

Stan flies them toward lake. Engine quits. Phil fixes it while they fly. Takes over as pilot.

EXT – BUSH PLANE LANDS ON LAKE ON TOP OF A MOUNTAIN – Day

Phil lands the pontoon plane on the mountain top lake. The fish. See a meteor. Camp out in a tent.

EXT – OVERNIGHT CAMP NEXT TO THE LAKE ON TOP OF A MOUNTAIN – Day

That night a tiny robot collects Phil’s DNA & climbs in a mysterious drone which drops off a canister.

In the morning Phil finds mysterious seeds inside the canister.

He plants some of the seeds beside the lake.

EXT – BUSH PLANE FILES UP THE SIDE OF A MOUNTAIN – Day

They fly back to the village.

EXT – RV AND GREEN YARD IN A FIELD – Day

Phil plants the mysterious seeds around the RV. Builds greenhouses.

EXT – RV AND GREENHOUSE – Day

Practically overnight, the seeds sprout exotic fruits and vegetables.

INT. RV SUPPER TABLE – NIGHT

His parents find them delicious. Phil sells them at a farmers mkt.

EXT – TABLE IN RV YARD WHERE PHIL MIXES HIS SHAKES – Day

They make a sample batch. Hand out free samples. Everyone loves it.

Inciting Incident

EXT – VILLAGE TOWN SQUARE – Day

People’s ailments heal overnight after eating produce grown from the seeds.

EXT – BUSH PLANE FLIES UP THE SIDE OF A MOUNTAIN – Day

Phil and Stan return to the lake.

EXT – LAKE ATOP MOUNTAIN – Day

Phil and Stan gather more seeds, fly home. A small creature begins to form beside the canister.

Phil’s replicant, Abe is born. Grows rapidly. Puts fruit n veggies out for Griz [a huge grizzly bear] who eat em up.

EXT – STORE FRONT – BUILDING – DAY

Phil does so well he moves into a storefront, then a building.

EXT – LAKE ATOP MOUNTAIN – Day

At the lake, Griz confronts and chases Abe who jumps in a grove of tight trees. Feeds Griz fish he caught. Griz eats literally out of Abe’s hand. Grows tame. They learn to cooperate.

EXT – BUILDING – DAY

Phil skips college. Keeps growing the company he calls BioPulse.

EXT – BUILDING – DAY

Stan earns a ChemE at Berkeley. Phil hires him to develop health products from the seeds.

EXT – CHURCH – DAY

Phil marries Marge, who gives birth to John. Stan marries Esther and they have Mel.

EXT – PHIL’S HOUSE – NIGHT

BioPulse is wildly successful. Phil works day and night. Marge feels neglected.

EXT – NEW BIOPULSE BUILDING AND GREENHOUSES – DAY

Company prospers. Phil builds a new building and more greenhouses. The produce sells nationwide.

EXT – BIOPULSE PICNIC – DAY

They start having company picnics on weekends.

EXT – MIT GRADUATION – DAY

Phil and Marge celebrate John’s graduation. Phil wants him to computerize BioPulse.

EXT – VILLAGE SQUARE – Day

15 years after Phil sold the seeds, people who eat the produce no longer feel better. Phil’s stupefied.

EXT – LAKE ATOP MOUNTAIN – Day

At the lake, Abe receives Phil’s vibe. Cleans himself up. Waves at an overhead drone.

II – Midpoint Turning Point

A drone drops off Abe. Applies for a job. Resembles Phil. Can’t talk. Sketches. Brings a new load of untainted seeds. Makes good products. Susan teaches him English. Saves BioPulse. Stan is jealous.

EXT – BERKELEY GRADUATION – DAY

Stan’s son Mel gets a Berkeley chem degree. Goes to work for BioPulse competitor LifeSci in San Diego. Mel brags BioPulse’s rapidly expands. LifSci founder Randolf hates Phil for putting him out of biz.

EXT – BERKELEY GRADUATION – DAY

Home for the holidays. Phil offers Mel a job using LifeSci experience to fix BioPulse’s operation. He reunites with Susan he dated in high school but left her in the lurch when the left home for college.

Mel gives Randolf notice. Quits to work for BioPulse. Randolf is pissed he’s leaving to work for Phil.

Randolf makes a flashy entrance at the company picnic. Offers to buy BioPulse. Phil says no.

Randolf sends his man Baxter who’s an evil meanie to work for BioPulse and steal their secrets. Baxter applies for a job. References Mel, who vaguely remembers him and doesn’t blackball him.

Baxter learns the seeds come from the lake. He goes there seeking them for LifeSci.

Griz corners him. Is about to kill him. Abe rescues him. Takes him back to BioPulse.

Phil and Mel get the whole story out of Baxter: Randolf’s on the rocks. Phil won’t sell so he will bring Phil & BioPulse down with him. They continue to employ Baxter. Big mistake!

Phil attends a national dietary food conference.

Randolf confronts Phil abt competition. Steals some of his seeds. Grows them into produce he sells.

Baxter goes to Phil’s house and appears to look like Phil, seduces Marge who thinks Phil’s making love to her for the first time in decades.

When Phil returns, Marge seduces him. Phil suspects she had a fling with Abe.

At the convention, Phil found that the national market demands more seed varieties.

Abe tells Phil they can get more seed varieties at the lake. They fly there.

It’s an arduous flight through a big storm. They camp overnight. A drone drops a new batch of seeds.

Phil has John keep an eye on Baxter. They see him use a phone booth to make a call.

Randolf orders Baxter to drug the seeds to sabotage BioPulse.

Baxter eats raw seeds. Grows more EVIL.

Baxter sneaks a hallucinogen into the new batch of shakes.

Everyone who tastes it mellows out.

DNA changes kick in, townies are aggressive. Sheriff locks up worst ones.

Doc seizes the bad batch and keeps victims under observation till they dry out.

Overnight BioPulse acquires a bad reputation.

Phil buys local non-magic-seed produce and convinces everyone to take it. They get better.

Again Randolf arrives with a fat offer. Phil says no.

Baxter morphs to resemble Phil. Seduces, thrills Marge. He thrills, seduces her.

Baxter’s a demon. Gets Marge preggers. Marge’s in love with him. Considers running off with him.

Believes Abe did it, Phil clobbers him. Doc & Susan treat his wounds. Disc he has Phil’s DNA.

Susan tells Phil everyone knows it was Baxter who slept with Marge. Not Abe.

III – Fight to the death – Climax

Phil confronts Baxter. They fight.

Baxter’s about to kill Phil. To save him Abe appears to be him. Baxter stabs him. Marge runs from the room. Rushes back in with a silver knife. Kills Baxter. Abe dies of his wounds.

IV – Sad farewell – Resolution

Phil, Marge, Mel, Grace, John and Susan place Abe on a funeral pyre on the raft.

They put Abe on funeral pyre on the raft. Griz runs up. Jumps on funeral pyre beside Abe.

Mel and John fire a drone. Shreds Randolf during his 50th bday party w/100 guests at mansion. On fire he jumps into his Olympic size swimming pool.

Randolf dies a horrific death.

• This reply was modified 2 years, 6 months ago by  Tom Wilson.
• This reply was modified 2 years, 6 months ago by  Tom Wilson.

[Robert Smith]

ROBERT SMITH’s STRUCTURE SOLUTIONS

MY VISION FOR SUCCESS FROM THIS PROGRAM:

To become a great writer who delivers entertaining, informative, and uplifting scripts that sell and get produced.

WHAT I LEARNED FROM DOING THIS ASSIGNMENT IS…?

How to follow a set story structure and structure questions and the structure grid for a successful script. They are useful especially in composing strong story and in diagnosing weak points in the script.

TAKING ACTION ON PROBLEMS DISCOVERED AND THEIR SOLUTIONS.

1. The changes I made:

a. Weak conflict, weak antagonist, transformational journey, and stronger midpoint and the solutions

Lou Tasca, the mobster was killed by Carlo Vizzini on the orders of Capo Tony Rizzo. But because of his life of crime, Lou cannot go to heaven unless he does an act of supreme good: Persuade his killer to quit the mob and join the FBI Witness Protection Program.

Lou is strongly motivated to change his criminal way of thinking because he needs it to accomplish his mission of convincing Carlo to quit the mob which is his only ticket to heaven, aka, the World to Come.

SOLUTIONS:

1. Tranformational journey: Lou Tasca’s first sign of change is that rather than take revenge on Carlo, Lou openly forgives him because Lou knew that Carlo never had it in him to be a killer unlike Tony (the antagonist) who ordered Carlo to kill Lou on a promise of making Carlo a made man. I made Tony the antagonist badder by making him a born killer. (REVEAL) Tony was the assassin of boss Salvatore “Sally Cat” Catanzaro which sparked a mob war. Tony’s real motive in ordering Carlo to kill Lou Tasca: Tony didn’t want to pay Lou the gambling debt of $200,000 that he owed to Lou. He cancelled the debt by cancelling Lou. But Lou doesn’t want to do anything against Tony Rizzo either – In his transformational journey Lou is moving away from the old way of revenge in the mob’s way of thinking.

But when Tony suspects Carlo and fellow soldier, Sam Levitsky of dealing drugs, Tony must eliminate them. (It’s illegal in La Cosa Nostra to sell drugs – something many people don’t realize).

2. Act 3 midpoint turning point: It’s now a high stakes life and death race against time and Tony Rizzo: Can Lou convince Carlo and his friend Sam to quit the mob before Tony Rizzo kills them? Can Tony Rizzo be stopped? In other words, (from Problem/Solution Grid the antagonist is 10 times badder than we thought. This change is from the solutions on the grid to #9 “Need Stronger Midpoint”).

3. Through dialogue and action, Antagonist Tony Rizzo is further revealed as a cold stone mob hitman. When a recording of the family Boss (Tony’s boss Don Primo Giordano reveals that he has hated Rizzo since he killed Sally Cat which started a gang war. Upon hearing this recording, Tony Rizzo vows to kill Don Giordano as well as Carlo and Sam for drug dealing and start his own family.

THE BEAT SHEET

PROLOGUE

Preliminary action: Backstory: Through dialogue and action: Old ways Part 1; Lou Tasca is dead and establishes himself as Protagonist as he addresses the audience: “My name is Lou Tasca. I was a gangster. Now, I’m dead. This is my story. But I owe everything good that happened to me to my spirit guide, Rabbi Solomon Levitsky.” Action and dialogue introducing the Rabbi as the nephew of Max Levitsky of the Jewish Bugs-Meyer Mob (AKA, “the Kosher Nostra”). Solomon ministers to a dying Italian gangster and states to son Sam’s gangster-attraction that he reveres his Uncle Max as a hero because in a flashback he clobbered Nazis at Madison Square Garden in ’38 and ran guns to the Haganah in ’47. The Jewish gangsters were felt by Solomon to be the only protectors of the Jewish people. We see Uncle Max’ influence on Sam, the Rabbi’s son who along with his friend Carlo Vizzini becomes an associate of the Giordano crime family. Through dialogue and action:

Act 1

Old Ways – Lou introduces the mob crew at Tony’s Playhouse Cocktail Lounge. He introduces Antagonist Tony Rizzo who says he can’t repay Lou his debt of $200.000. and orders young Carlo Vizzini to whack Lou so that he “makes his bones” in order for Tony to present Carlo to become a made man. Tony tells Carlo the lie that Lou has to be executed because he discloses Giordano family secrets to the rival Messina family.

2. Carlo and Lou pick up a cash envelope from Russian mobster Oleg Oransky (Tony’s cut of the cash from the gasoline bootlegging racket he shares with Oleg.)

3. On the way back to Tony’s Lounge with the envelope, Carlo kills Lou and dumps his body in a subway entrance.

4. – but Carlo loaths himself for killing Lou and becoming a made man through the fire and blood ceremony is too imposing for him.

Inciting Incident: Lou is found in the hereafter by the spirit of Rabbi Solomon Levitsky, who is Lou’s spirit guide who reviews his life and finds that his life in crime bans him from the World to Come.

Turning Point: Carlo’s only chance to change the decree on his soul is to return to gangland in spirit form and convince his killer (Carlo Vizzini) to do as Lou should have done in life, i.e., quit the mob, flip, and join the FBI Witness Protection Program. Rabbi Solomon will go with Carlo on this mission as Lou’s spirit guide and coach.

Act 2

New Plan: His only chance to change the decree on his soul is to return to gangland in spirit form and convince his killer (Carlo Vizzini) to do as Lou should have done in life, i.e., quit the mob, flip, and join the FBI Witness Protection Program.

Plan in Action: Against Solomon’s orders he crashes Carlo Vizzini’s Birthday Party, scares Carlo which makes his antagonist Boss Tony Rizzo believe who is a guest at the party, believe he should eliminate this crazy man Carlo and his friend, Solomon’s son Sam because he suspects both of them in dealing with a Colombian drug Cartel. Tony calls his friend, Russian mobster Oleg Oransky to have his henchmen (former KGB spies) check out Carlo and Sam to see if they are dealing in drugs.

Mid-Point Turning Point: Carlo’s fiancé, Sherrie Falco (a cocktail waitress in Tony’s cocktail lounge) believes Carlo has seen the ghost of Lou Tasca and decides to call in her fellow cocktail waitress. Zoey Platt who is also know as Zoey the Psychic Cocktail Waitress. They plan to have a séance in order to expel the spirit of Lou Tasca from Carlo’s apartment. In fact, it will fail and plunge Carlo and Sam into further danger from Tony Rizzo.

Act 3

React/Rethink: Solomon and Sam plan to use the séance as an opportunity to get Zoey to butt out of their mission to save the lives and souls of Carlo and Solomon’s son Sam.

New Plan: Solomon guides Lou in spirit-possessing Carlo to announce to Carlo, Sherrie, and Zoey the sacred mission they are taking. And reiterates that Carlo must quit the mob and join the Witness Protection Program. After the séance, Carlo rejects Lou’s direction and Sherrie leaves him. Carlo is in more danger than ever from Tony Rizzo.

Act 4

Climax, Ultimate Expression of the conflict: Rabbi Solomon attends the ‘sitdown of Tony and Oleg” re: whether or not Carlo and Sam are dealing in drugs. Oleg claims that that his ex-KGB henchmen found that they were not. Tony decides to follow his gut and proceed and dispatch the hitman he has acquired to kill Carlo and Sam. Tony finds out from a wiretap that his Boss Don Primo Giordano hates him as a trigger-happy killer. Tony resolves to kill Don Primo in addition to Carlo and Sam and start his own family. It is also REVEALED that Oleg is an FBI informant and he and the FBI agents, one of whom (REVEAL) Michelle was undercover as a cocktail waitress at Tony’s Playhouse Cocktail Lounge. Oleg and the FBI agents leave to warn Carlo and Sam that their lives are in danger. At Carlo’s apartment, Carlo says he will leave the mob and invites Sam to do the same.

Sam it is REVEALED is the hitman Tony dispatched to kill Carlo after which Tony will kill Sam. Carlo is again possessed by Lou and then by Solomon to tell Sam to give up and go into the Witness Protection Program. Sam is finally persuaded to do that. Lou and Solomon disappear because their mission is now accomplished.

Resolution: Oleg, Sherrie and Zoey, Tony (gun in hand) and finally the FBI with Tony’s wife Lisa (REVEAL) who has also been an FBI informant, all converge at Carlo’s apartment and persuade Tony to also flip and enter the Witness Protection Program just as Oleg, Sherrie and Zoey, Carlo and Sam are also going into the FBI Witness Protection Program where they may be rats in the eyes of the mob, but will receive lighter sentences and a new life. It is REVEALED that Don Primo has been arrested and he too will join the Witness Protection Program. Tony exclaims, “You mean it’s okay to turn rat?” All resoundingly say yes – which they do, thanking the absent Lou and Solomon for making it possible to do the right thing and start new and protected lives.

New Ways: Lou addresses the audience and relates that Oleg, Tony and Lisa, and Carlo and Sam are all doing well in their new lives in Witness Protection, and Sam has returned to Judaism which made Rabbi Sol very happy. Rabbi Sol and Lou part, but with hopes of working together again to save criminals. Lou also got his special D-Train to the World to Come from which he was banned when he died. In a final farewell, Lou says to the audience to do good where you are and may it come around and go around. I’ll see you – but I hope not too soon – on your own special D-Train.” Lou’s transformation is complete.

[Amechi Ngwe]

Amechi’s Structure Solutions!

MY VISION
I am going to be in the top 1% of action/comedy writers in the industry who writes major action films.

What I learned from doing this assignment is to reevaluate the structure and the structure points after a first draft. There are opportunities to elevate, change, or modify to create a tighter or better story at this point.

I discovered that my midpoint is actually an earlier event that disrupts and changes the meaning of the story and applied changes there to make it stand out. The story is more balanced now.

I have also added a major scheme under the surface that has elevated a minor character who had a major philosophical disagreement with my protagonist, into a major role in the second half of the story.

[Erik Wooten]

Erik’s Structure Solutions!

My vision is to achieve true excellence as a screenwriter which causes me to be a consistently working writer, with actual movies made from some of my scripts, and to become wealthy as a screenwriter, develop relationships in the movie industry where I am recognized as a truly original writer, and to become indispensable in the market in which I want to write.

What I learned doing this assignment… The self-evaluation is crucial, and it is awesome to have it laid out in this program. Doing this particular exercise, I learned that it pays to be patient when applying the solutions and not worry about solving everything that might be wrong in one (or two) sitting, but instead to focus on the most important (those whose solutions require more thought) first and not rush it. This allows the creativity to flow better.

Changes:

–Opening scene–gave it a better hook and made it give a more intriguing glimpse into one of the two lead characters.

–Added in some scenes that missed the outline, which weren’t accounted for in original outline but which added more value (and were not tangents or a different direction), and I think were needed.

–Revised most of Act 4, based mostly on the feedback we got in Module 4, to better bring out the story layers.

(There is some red text that just appeared, sprinkled in places–I don’t know why it shows up, because it is not part of my actual document. Just ignore it.)

1. INT. ORPHANAGE – ARTS & CRAFTS ROOM – DAY

BEGINNING: A bunch of orphans engage in drawing their idea of what kind of a house they would want to live in. Always-eating orphan PENNY’s, 8, drawing looks great and is advanced (and foreshadows Amanda’s place) but she becomes bored. Orphans MARA and JESS seem to be buddies. They stare at Penny, the “different one”.

MIDDLE: Headmistress DAPHNE surveys them and criticizes Penny for drawing something too fantastical or “impertinent”, that’s not the way most families live.

END: They finish up, Penny scurries off to the kitchen looking for the chef. Daphne calls out for Penny. Catches up with her and scolds her for always having to find her / her “hiding” all the time.

2. INT. ORPHANAGE – HALL / PREP KITCHEN – DAY

The orphans file out to move outside, and Penny diverts course and sneaks off the other direction. Enters the kitchen, searching for the cook. Accidentally starts a fire, oblivious to it!

3. INT. ORPHANAGE – HALLWAYS

Sneaking back, Penny goes to the window to scope out Daphne… then sees smoke coming from the kitchen. Heads for front, can’t get out, runs back, climbs out a window….

4. EXT. ORPHANAGE / CITY ALLEY – CONTINUOUS

…She hits the back alley… and comes face to face with orphan MARA. They turn down a crossing alley to get to the orphanage yard—and see some scruffy-looking menacing-looking man blocking their way, seeming to come for them. Their way is blocked in the other direction by construction….

5. EXT. ORPHANAGE / CITY ALLEY – CONTINUOUS

Penny looks down the rear side of the orphanage, then in their last option where she can see out the short alley the huge, looming shopping mall down the street. She grabs Mara’s hand, and they take off running in the direction of the mall, Mara protesting that they need to go back the other way.

6. EXT. ORPHANAGE

Kids and staff start to file out to the front of the burning building.

7. EXT. /INT. MALL

The girls enter. A small city of a mall, a world of its own…! Both take in a deep gulp of air.

ACT 2

8. INT. MALL

…They make their first tentative steps, navigating a sea of people. Mara, scared, protests that they need to go back. Penny leads Mara to believe that they are just in the mall until the “dangerous man” from the street is gone.

9. EXT. CITY STREET / ORPHANAGE

Fire trucks arrive. HEADMISTRESS DAPHNE confirms a count of all the orphans—all except Penny & Mara!

10. INT. MALL

Penny and Mara spot a trolley cruising by, part of a whole transport system. The girls hop on….

11. INT. MALL

…Passing a boutique store on the way to the candy store, employee SARAH sees Penny and Mara, looking out of their element and gape-eyed. Sarah mentions to her co-worker something about seeing her parents, and dreading it.

12. INT. ORPHANAGE – SAME

BEGINNING: The fire has been put out. Firefighters confirm no one has been hurt.

MIDDLE: But Penny and Mara are missing.

END: Chief firefighter offers that Penny and Mara are probably hiding somewhere near the property and that a search has been initiated.

13. INT. MALL – TROLLEY / CANDY STORE

Penny & Mara jump off at a huge candy store, and Penny flashes some cash at Mara. Surrounded by the largest candy store anyone has ever seen, they stuff their faces with chocolates and candy—much of which is taken “gratis”! Later… they hold their bellies in sugar-overload agony. A worker asks them don’t they have folks around.

14. INT. MALL

Drifting in the anonymous mass (due to their sugar shock), Penny & Mara don’t know what to do next and start to feel nervous about being caught. It dawns on one of them that people are not overly curious about them. They go to one of the hundreds of directory signs and try to figure out what is where and where the trolley system goes.

16. INT. SARAH’S PARENTS HOUSE – DAY/NIGHT

Sarah meets with her parents, who indicate that they will not yield on their condition that Sarah has to have two kids in order to receive her trust fund.

17. INT. (SARAH & FIANCE FIRST CONVERSATION.) Withholds from him the
details of her meeting with her parents, while the fiancé also brings up the
topic of them starting a family.

18. INT. ORPHANAGE – DAY

Head Mistress Daphne gets the latest report from the searchers (police?) that the girls have not been found. Breaks down and gets emotional. Searchers assure her that they will find the girls, then one suggests that they probably moved down the street and took shelter somewhere. END: Daphne holds chef/cook DANNY accountable for the fire and fires him.

19. INT. MALL – FOOD COURT – NIGHT

Penny & Mara get their first dinner, many curious eyes on them.

20. INT. MALL – LIQUOR STORE – NIGHT

AMANDA buys some hard liquor and wine. Clerk insinuates Amanda makes purchases here a lot.<s></s>

21. INT. OUTSIDE LIQUOR STORE

Penny and Mara watch Amanda walking out. Amanda smiles at the girls affectionately and makes her way on. Penny marvels at her, thinking there’s a parental candidate.

23. INT. MALL – CONTINUOUS

Penny and Mara tentatively follow Amanda and then hear the mall PA announcement that it will be closing in 30 minutes and freak out. Mara puts her foot down with Penny saying they are going back to the orphanage, but Penny refuses and asserts herself over Mara, saying somebody needs to take charge, and she does not intend to go back to the orphanage!

24. INT ELEVATOR – CONTINUOUS

On the elevator to follow Amanda, Mara looks down and sees someone standing next to a mall security officer and pointing up at them—or seeming to. The girls see Amanda get off the elevator on a high level. Mara watches the security officer waiting for the elevator and on his radio.

25. INT. MALL – UPPER LEVEL – LUXURY APARTMENTS SECTION

Penny and Mara get off on the same level Amanda did, see her disappear around a corner, follow, come upon double doors securely locked. See the elevator coming up with the security officer in it, run down another corridor, and see another mall security coming their direction! Nowhere left to go, they cower against the big double doors… the officer breezes right past them—just corralling a lost dog!

26. INT. BACK ON A LOWER LEVEL – HOME FURNISHINGS STORE

The girls hide inside a home furnishings store. It goes dark at closing time, the staff leave, and Penny and Mara are safely inside. A surveillance camera is perched in a corner.

27. INT. HOME FURNISHING STORE

They let loose and run around the place like crazy, jumping on the beds, food fight with popcorn, etc. Later, they get into separate, luxurious beds, until eventually Mara crawls into bed with Penny. They fall off to sleep, exhausted by the day.

28. INT. HOME FURNISHINGS STORE – DAY

Next morning, the girls race to get out of the store on time and unseen. Do their best to make the beds but leave little telltale signs of their presence.

INT. HOME FURNISHINGS STORE – LATER

An employee checks the camera footage from the night and discovers that the system was off the whole night!

27. INT. MALL – DAY

The mall is practically empty except for employees opening the shops. Penny and Mara slink around and find somewhere to hide until the place starts filling up. With the luxury apartments section distantly in view, Penny shares her revelation with Mara that if people live here, they can just tell prying adults that they live here!

29. INT. MALL – BOUTIQUE STORE – DAY

Sarah opens up her store, at which moment the trolley system springs to operation….

30. INT. MALL – CONTINUOUS

…While across the vast mall corridor from Sarah’s store, Penny & Mara run for the trolley and jump on it.

31. INT. MALL – BOUTIQUE STORE – CONTINUOUS

Sarah spots the girls on the trolley and watches them jump off [ by the food court ]—notices that they are in the same clothes as the day before. She tells her co-worker that she is going to go grab some coffee, meaning to follow Penny & Mara.

32. INT. [ FOOD COURT ]

Sarah spies Penny & Mara from across the way. The mall has started to swell to its regular high-density traffic, and when she looks up she has lost the girls. Realizes she has to go back to her store.

33. BOUTIQUE STORE

Sarah asks her co-workers if they have noticed two girls in scruffy-looking clothes, musing out loud that she thinks these girls might be by themselves. No, but you can’t always tell the outside kids apart from the ones that live here. Kids are always getting lost in this place if they let go of their mom’s hand for a second. Sarah looks up, sees two girls about the same age and height, together by themselves—That’s them! Looks closer… goes out into the mall, approaching… no, not Penny and Mara.

34. INT. KIDS’ CLOTHING STORE

Penny and Mara get clothes for themselves manhandle the clothes and a clerk tells them they have to pay for the clothes. Asks where are your parents. Penny flashes her cash, saying they gave me this money.

35. INT. WOMEN’S RESTROOM

The girls change into their new clothes in the stalls. Penny leaves behind her old clothes—with the money purse in the dress pocket.

36. INT. MALL

Sarah and the girls meet. Seeing them in different clothes now, Sarah is thrown off-guard, not sure of her suspicion anymore, but surreptitiously questions the girls. Penny believes that Sarah is somehow a threat to them and engineers their leaving the scene.

#. INT. MALL / TOY STORE BLUE

BEGINNING: Penny and Mara get directions from one of the information desks and notice across the way two official-looking men, seeming to be on some urgent non-mall business (investigators).

MIDDLE: Penny and Mara find a toy store. Gavin is in there, looking at baby things.

END: Penny steals a stuffed animal.

#. INT. MALL – INTERIOR HALLWAY NETWORK

BEGINNING: Penny and Mara exit through a back door in the toy store and end up in the interior back halls.

MIDDLE: Penny asks Mara to navigate them through and find the way out. It is confusing—everything so generic.

END: They make their way out, back into the mall.

37. INT. SARAH’S PLACE – NIGHT

Sarah tells her Fiancé about Penny & Mara, expressing her misgivings that she should report them but that she can’t be sure that they don’t live in the mall’s residential section. END: Gavin surprises Sarah with a custom-model of a baby crib (or something else). It upsets Sarah.

38. INT. MALL – FINE RESTAURANT – NIGHT

They can’t get past the hostess/maître d’ at an upscale restaurant, but then get in with Amanda’s help, who acts as the girls’ aunt, and they all get a table. Comic misadventures eating!

39. INT. MALL – CORRIDOR TO LUXURY APARTMENTS SECTION

They trail Amanda and after the four of them pass through the entrance doors, Amanda has to part ways, because she has “company” tonight (her man friend). Why don’t you come back another time? (Aren’t your parents wondering where you are?) But now safely within the apartments section, they discover a large lounge area. Go in and spend the night.

40. INT. MALL – DAY

Getting breakfast the next morning, the phone is cancelled for the food credit system, (which is the catalyst for Mara insisting they tell Sarah what is going on.)

41. EXT. PARK – DAY

Sarah reveals to her fiancé how her parents are manipulating her and that because of that she is not going to have children. He walks away—they break up. Sarah daydreams about Penny and Mara right after, calls into work saying she can’t make it back (but can work from home?).

42. INT. MALL – DAY

Tired and worried about their situation, Mara insists that they find Sarah—Penny says no. They get in an argument about Sarah, Penny deciding that Sarah is too “dangerous” for their freedom. Mara defies Penny and runs over to Sarah’s store. Staying put, when Penny finally follows after Mara, she has lost her!

43. INT. MALL – BOUTIQUE

Mara discovers that Sarah is not there (and that she doesn’t work at the mall anymore). Flounders around before running away, searching for Penny.

ACT 3

44. INT. MALL – CONTINUOUS

(Mara’s journey out of the mall.)

45. INT. MALL – CONTINUOUS

Panicky, Penny heads for Sarah’s store but stops to scope it out first—and sees mall security there, talking to the employees! Takes off.

48. EXT. MALL – CITY STREET

Mara makes it out, onto the jarring reality of the city street, she looks in both directions, orienting herself, gauging where the orphanage is from here. She turns a corner or two… a moment of soul-searching—does she really want to go back? Or find Penny?…

49. UPPER LEVEL / LIQUOR STORE

Knowing she has lost Mara, Penny seeks out Amanda. Eventually Amanda comes to buy her booze, and Penny gloms onto her.

50. EXT./INT. MALL – DAY

Mara sees a cat slink into the mall from the street. Following it back in, she ends up in the underground parking garage. Follows the cat into a dark area off of the parking garage…

51. INT. SUBTERRANEAN COMPLEX

…And ends up in a vast underground area (is it a sewer system?). She stumbles upon a group of [ teenage runaways ] who have ‘taken residence’ here and blends in with them.

#. INT. SUBTERRANEAN COMPLEX – INTERCUTTING WITH AMANDA’S APARTMENT SCENES.

BEGINNING: The kids question Mara as to why she is there.

MIDDLE: The kids are moving on but one agrees to stay down there with Mara for the night.

END: Amy tells Mara how easy it is for her to go back into the mall and get help. Mara acknowledges that they “decided” not to do that. MARA MEETS A GHOST ??

53. INT. LUXURY APARTMENTS SECTION – AMANDA’S APARTMENT – NIGHT

(Penny’s first night staying at Amanda’s.) Amanda brings Penny into her place. Very luxurious, anything a kid could want in a home. Penny attacks the refrigerator, and Amanda wonders where Penny lives, why she’s always hanging around. END: Amanda gives Penny a nighshirt and a bed to sleep in.

54. INT. MALL – NEXT DAY

Mara makes her way out of the subterranean area and back into the mall….

55. INT. MALL – NEXT DAY

Penny is now done up in clothes, hairstyle, and even make-up courtesy of Amanda. Amanda totes Penny around as her errand-running companion.

#. INT. MALL – BOUTIQUE STORE / COURTYARD – AT FOUNTAIN

Sarah shows up and is surprised by Gavin. They leave together. Gavin offers to mend the relationship, but Sarah is ambivalent or confused, alludes to her parents having an influence on her that she can’t seem to shake. Ends the conversation on an inconclusive note as to the state of their relationship.

#. INT. MALL

BEGINNING: Mara heads for Amanda’s but turns back when she sees the doorman at the entrance.

MIDDLE: Out in the open, searching for Penny, she almost runs into Sarah, who barely misses her.

END: She gets lunch, while the man lingers around the food court but doesn’t see Mara.

#. INT. LUXURY APARTMENTS / LOUNGE AREA – NIGHT

BEGINNING: Mara sneaks into the apartments, trailing behind someone as the person walks in.

MIDDLE: She goes to Amanda’s door but there is no answer.

END: She goes into the lounge, goes to sleep on a couch, sad and wishing she and Penny could be back together.

56. INT. AMANDA’S APARTMENT – NIGHT

(Penny’s last night at Amanda’s.) Amanda makes a casual reference, and Penny asks her if she is her kid now. A man comes over. Later Penny gets out of bed to get some cookies and sneaks peeks at Amanda and her man friend in love-making ventures, snickering and bug-eyed.

57. INT. AMANDA’S PLACE – DAY

BEGINNING: Penny dresses, fixes her hair, and grabs some food from the cabinets and throws it into her sack.

MIDDLE: Goes into Amanda’s purse and takes out some cash from it… but hesitates and puts the cash back—she can’t bring herself to take it.

END: She writes Amanda a note, thanking her, etc, but also explaining why she is not meant to be the mother figure for her (and that she has come to have a sense of her own identity in the world).

58. INT. MALL – DAY

BEGINNING: Penny hides out on the trolley waiting for the mall to open. At the same time, Mara wanders the mall looking for Penny. Goes to candy store.

MIDDLE: With Penny on the trolley, a dress-up character boards the trolley while a big banner goes up on it advertising free admission to the amusement park for kids under 10. Penny notices [ THE MAN ] and jumps off the trolley,

END: The girls reunite! (Mara mentions Penny’s new appearance.) Make a pact that from now on they will always stay together, and that they won’t be adopted without them being together.

59. INT. <s>SARAH’S PLACE </s>RESTAURANT MOVE.

Sarah’s now-off-fiancé comes back and promises her that he wants what she wants (a family). Sarah says but there’s something more important first, before we do it “the natural way”—I want to adopt.

60. INT. MALL

Penny & Mara’s last hurrah in the mall (The amusement park!). Finally they are caught!

ACT 4

61. INT. ORPHANAGE – DAY

Daphne separates Penny and Mara as a punishment. Mara buddies up with JESS, another orphan. Penny discovers that the Cook is no longer there. Protests that the fire was not his fault.

62. INT. ORPHANAGE – MAIN OFFICE

<s>A couple comes into the orphanage, meets with Daphne. They express a desire to adopt a girl. (Maybe they say they would even like two.) Their description of their desired kid(s) practically describes Mara and Penny completely. Daphne stiffens when the description conjures up Penny.</s>

BEGINNING: Daphne instructs Mara that she is not to tell the couple prospectively adopting her about her mall escapade, telling her that it will put her in a negative light as a disobedient girl. Mara reluctantly agrees.

MIDDLE: The couple set to adopt Mara comes in. <s>Daphne withholds the story about Mara and Penny having disappeared and been in the mall the last three days.</s> A day visit is arranged.

END: Penny listens from the other side of the door.

64. INT. ORPHANAGE

BEGINNING: Sarah and Gavin arrive and meet with Daphne, trying to initiate adoption for Penny and Mara. (She mentions that she saw them in the mall and knows the investigator who found them.)

MIDDLE: Sarah wavers on the prospect of adopting just one of them. Daphne, in an indirect way, tries to dissuade Sarah from adopting Penny (Penny is older and needs a family that can accommodate this kind of child, etc, etc).

END: Sarah asks what are the chances that the prospective parents can be changed. Daphne paints an almost impossible picture of the chances (She has been waiting for close to a year now, etc, etc.).

65. INT. ORPHANAGE / EXT. PARKING LOT

Sarah and fiancé leave but dally in the parking lot….

66. INT. ORPHANAGE

BEGINNING: Daphne’s secretary confronts Daphne, saying it is not right that Penny and Mara are kept apart. And that Penny surely would see Sarah and Gavin as the perfect parents.

MIDDLE: Daphne reveals that she doesn’t—hasn’t—think that anyone is good enough to adopt Penny [ and that, whether anyone realizes it or not, for now at least, Penny is better off at the orphanage until the perfect parents come along ].

END: Daphne’s secretary points out that if she really wanted what was best for the children, she would stop trying to keep Penny here.

68. INT. ORPHANAGE – MAIN OFFICE

Daphne is ready to proceed with the next stage of adoption. The couple see that Mara is hesitant. Mara turns and sees Penny out in the hall. Mara goes out to meet Penny.

69. INT. ORPHANAGE –MAIN HALL / MAIN OFFICE

Penny reminds Mara of their pact. They grab each other and hold on tight. Daphne seems to be ready to let go of Penny.

70. INT. ORPHANAGE–MAIN HALL / MAIN OFFICE

Penny is led out. Mara won’t go along with being adopted. The couple are a little shocked but express understnading.

71. INT. ORPHANAGE – BACK HALL BY ROOMS / MAIN HALL

Penny spots Sarah and Fiancé out the window, waves frantically at them. Sarah and Gavin come back in. Sarah indicates to Penny that Mara has found another family but that she would love to adopt her. Penny says, no, we made a promise together, talk her out of it.

71. INT. ORPHANAGE

BEGINNING: Penny busts into the room, lays out her case in front of Daphne and Mara’s prospective parents.

MIDDLE: The prospective parents let Penny know that Mara has had a change of heart.

END: Mara is warned of what it means to refuse the adoption, etc….

72. INT. ORPHANAGE–MAIN HALL / MAIN OFFICE

LEAVING THIS OPEN UNTIL THE WRITING.

[Terrie Shaft]

Terrie’s Structure Solutions

Vision:
I get paid to write screenplays that get made into crowd pleasing successful films using a process that allows me to keep up my equestrian hobby.

What I learned is that this was the most difficult lesson so far in this course for me. I was caught up when we started this module – here I am weeks later and finally decided I need to move on. I did not find much so I’m afraid I’ve missed major things.

What I found/did :

1. my midpoint could be stronger but I cannot see how to do this. Also, I think my act points are not aligning with page counts they way they need to. Again, I can see this needs to be addressed, not sure how. Certainly a high speed rewrite won’t be enough to fix these things.

2. My original opening scene was okay but I modified it based on an idea I had during the first draft so it is stronger now.

3. I think my female lead could have a stronger transformational journey but mostly I think it needs to be clearer. Hopefully I can do that when I elevate scenes.

4. Need to bring in the lead’s boss near the end to help with the lead transformational journey and may help other issues but couldn’t find where to do that.

[Jack Purdie]

ASSIGNMENT 6.1

JACK P’S STRUCTURE SOLUTIONS!

MY VISION: I will do whatever it takes to write a produced script that is recognized by the industry and leads to multiple successful movies.

WHAT I LEARNED: My script is far from perfect. My original structure guideposts are scrambled. I reworked them per the instructions in the assignment but still have a long way to go to get it right. I was able to add several key scenes and rearrange existing scenes so the story is stronger using the re-structuring process. My list of identified problems and necessary changes is shorter but on-going.

[Kristin Donnan]

KRISTIN’S STRUCTURE SOLUTIONS!

VISION: “I want the personal, professional, and financial freedom and joy that come from writing so well that I’m in demand, selling beyond my wildest dreams, and making worthy projects—on a big scale and with my active, collegial participation.”

WHAT I LEARNED: In general, my use of the awesome structure evaluation process revealed two realities. The first is that yes, my first draft followed the pitch, and there weren’t holes from that standpoint. However, SHIT, I had been veering away from some hard realities based on the adaptation process (real people versus “characters”). So I knew there were some transformational journey problems, which by definition led to structure problems, conflict problems…and all of this impacted turning points. In the process, I also did some punching up of opening scene and the ending. But mostly? I had huge structure problems because I had not used well a key character, because I was worried about the real person.

Frankly, my Career Launch class / pitching process was KEY in helping me to identify all the dominoes of this process.

In the spirit of transparency, I simply couldn’t catch up to the class until I could “see what I was feeling”…and I didn’t put all the pieces together until Career class was rounding the bend. What a great experience.

BASIC LIST OF CHANGES:

REVISED CONCEPT: In this comedy feature, a mild-mannered paleontologist talks to his dinosaurs—and finds himself the target of an ambitious US Attorney on a mission to seize the most famous T. rex ever found.

THROUGHOUT:

Added the character I was avoiding throughout, beginning with opening scene. “Faith” is going to play the role of behind-the-scenes influencer, and also the person who both makes things much worse for the protagonist and later solves some of the problem she causes.

Her presence then impacted my protagonist’s intern. Earlier, I had this kid stealing fossils; now Faith does it. She has the life experience to understand what she’s done—and to take action. In a twist, we still think that the intern is at fault…until we don’t.

A huge transformational journey change has to do with the protagonist’s temperament. I realized that a lot of what I was doing to describe his internal and external states was insufficient. He’s now much less communicative / more traumatized to begin, and much more active and social at the end. This is reflected on each turning point, through a more finely tuned unveiling.

Another aspect is the way I was using magical realism. It was definitely in the script, and in the right spots, structure-wise. However, I was underutilizing the dinosaur character. Now, the purpose of the moments is better realized, and that “relationship” assists in all of those turning points, too.

Opening scene has more oomph, includes the beefed up Faith character—but most importantly, introduces immediately the magical elements of the protagonist’s ability to “be him.” His job is a paleontologist, but he’s special and he sees things in a unique way.

Likewise, the ending is clearer.

Hooray!

[Linda Anderson]

Linda’s Structure Solutions!

Vision: Audiences around the world view and love my meaningful screenplays—one of the most satisfying and energizing accomplishments of my life.

What I learned from doing this assignment is that it was good to make these changes now. I made changes to the outline to match the revised script.

List of the changes to your script:

* Added more focus on PTSD for Protagonist and Antagonist to heighten conflict and dual journey.

* Moved scenes around for better dramatic effect.

* Added or broke up scenes for pacing and clarity.

* Deleted scenes that didn’t match the pitch.

* Rewrote the pitch to give it more focus and simplicity.

Pitch: Based on a New York Times bestselling memoir—an ex-cop with PTSD rescues an abandoned cocker spaniel and together, they battle to stay alive and heal each other’s wounds.

* Ratcheted up the conflict in each scene.

* Rearranged some turning points to have a stronger climax and resolution.

* Increased main characters’ transformations.

* Made ending stronger.

* Revised opening scene to make it shorter and more of an open loop.

[Lori Lance]

WIM Module 6 Lesson 1

Vision: I want to be a professional screenwriter recognized by the industry as the go-to for family-friendly scripts and have multiple successful movies produced.

What I learned is to look at structural beats to see if the story flows well and builds. My script is on the short side due to some missing beats and scenes that need fleshed out more.

AI MOM – Beat Sheet, Page by page

Alarms go off at AI, Inc. as a search happens for Alex. Introduction to Joshua and Alex.

Who is this Alex? Joshua is nervous. Alex is revealed as AI.

AI is flawed — She has feelings. We meet a robotic arm with a bad attitude.

The Logan family is introduced. The audience knows that these two worlds will intermingle at some point.

Claire announces that she is returning to work.

The Logans have an awkward exchange with new neighbors.

Brad and Claire’s conversation.

Claire was leaving.

Clair and Brad remember a special date.

Joshua is fired after revealing that Alex is sentient.

Alex could become a psychopath.

“Speak of this to no one.”

Mom is going back to work, and everyone needs to pitch in.

Housebots are introduced to the Logans.

The kids don’t have the money for a Housebot but can get a free two-week trial.

Alex goes to Mr. Stellar’s office.

Brad and the kids seem excited about Claire leaving.

Claire leaves as Alex arrives.

Alex meets the family. They are smitten.

“Find her!”

Another warning about Alex from Joshua.

“Alex is a real threat!”

Alex on electrocution, “Wouldn’t that be fun?”

Gracey sneaks up behind Alex.

Alex is acting weird about Mom, but the family doesn’t seem to notice.

Can they keep her?

Alex is told about the chore list. Hannah requested that her favorite sweater is washed. Alex lies to the family.

Claire gets ready for the first day of training. Claire tries to mother people in the wrong place.

Alex prepares to take Claire’s place in the household.

Claire needs to get to work on time. Alex needs to do a chore list.

Funny montage of Alex doing household chores.

Commercial for Housebots that do whatever is asked.

She shows resentment toward the list.

Alex sings about family.

Alex is making messes and breaking things.

Emergency money is found in a cookie jar.

Clair is over her head in training. Alex is in over her head doing laundry.

Brad and Claire share a virtual lunch date.

Hannah and Alex become friends bonding over clothes. Hannah is Mary Ann to Alex’s Ginger.

Claire at training, missing kids. “How many times I’ve wished there were two of me, but I want to be the only one to tuck them in bed, be their shoulder to cry on,…”

Alex reads to Gracey. She turns over a picture of Claire.

Alex with Gavin’s band.

Alex washes Brad’s car. He acts awkward.

A calendar with the date circled showing Claire’s return mocks Alex.

A man flirts with Claire.

Claire talks with Alex on the phone.

The family takes Alex out for dinner.

Alex isn’t like the other bots. The family misses Claire.

Does Alex have an off switch? She doesn’t sleep, so maybe they shouldn’t either.

Alex threatens the waiter, and the waiter is mysteriously replaced.

Claire struggles to learn a new program.

Grocery store scene. Alex finds her power.

Hannah feels intimidated by Alex in the parking lot. Maybe, she’s not a friend after all.

Claire gets praised at work.

Alex drives!

Where’s the calendar?

“Dad’s taking her side.”

Claire asks what’s going on.

Alex snoops and crosses boundaries.

“It would be a shame if Claire didn’t make it home.”

“Things will never be the same.”

-Gracey turns Alex away.

Alex messes with Brad.

Brad notices that something is off.

Looking for Alex.

Brad protects the family.

Alex shows a grand gesture, and Brad shuts her down

Claire is praised at work.

Alex photobombs Clair.

Will the Logans survive? The tables have turned, and it’s them against Alex.

Alex is messing with Claire. Claire can’t get ahold of her family.

Alex has made a special “meal,” and she’s wearing Claire’s clothes.

Kids can’t reach mom.

Claire is on the no-fly list.

The threat of death, as Brad and the kids, prepare for bed. Think monsters under the bed, in the closet, horror genre

Alex sneaks up on Brad. “You scared me to death.”

Alex and Brad fight.

Why is Claire having bad luck? Now her credit cards are all declined.

How will Claire get home? Claire sells things, but no flight home is available. Now what?

Time is running out for Logans. Chandelier and Bobo crash to the floor.

Mom drives up to the front door and throws it open the door. Her figure stands in the doorway. Gracey shines a flashlight on Claire’s “Don’t mess with mom” shirt.

Final battle

Logans run back to the house.

Alex gets out of the trash and begins walking down the sidewalk like she’s on a mission.

Alex confronts Joshua, who destroys her.

Alex is gone. Claire is working from home, but impending doom, when she discovers that the neighbors are AI.

[Jane Turville]

Jane’s Structure Solutions

MY VISION: I will make my living as a screenwriter by selling my own narrative scripts and successfully fulfilling writing assignments.

By doing this assignment I learned how to compartmentalize what was not working in the script and then address just that piece. It led me to reorganizing a lot of the script which then lead to tons of clean up of things that were not necessary or that were occurring in the wrong place. In essence, I cleaned up the story.

Big Structures That Changed:

I got rid of many of the things I thought I needed to flesh out the third act. The third act basically got axed.

I increased the importance of three secondary characters by combining them and their actions with other secondary characters then axing unnecessary characters.

Both June’s and Percival’s characters got a lot stronger with more layers to roll back.

The end is MUCH better.

I began to find places for humor and tucked in notes for possible funny scenes.

I honed in on the clues that need to be sprinkled throughout the story and can now focus on them.