Lesson 10

[Rodney Cavin]

From this lesson I learned how to brainstorm the Hero’s threatening sequences from the Villain’s plan, then using the useful ones, organize them in a useful order to begin to form the final outline of the script.
threatening sequence.

What is the Villain’s plan and how does that put the Hero in danger?

The Villain must find a stolen micro chip of evidence that can destroy his high profit illegal business and put him in jail; then kill all responsible.

What other potential dangers could your Hero experience as they try to solve the mystery and confront the Villain?

To save space I made this list, scraped about a third of the possibilities then put them in a logical order and present them all in answer to the final question.

From the list of potential dangers, choose the ones that work for this story.

Included in above.

Sequence those dangers in order and make a list like the one I did for Basic Instinct,

From the bar Richard Charning—Red Herring—watch a nervous Frank Bosichelli finish lunch and leaves only to be killed outside.
Frank’s waitress, Kelli Stafford—Hero—finds a micro chip in with her tip.
Police Detective Denton Aldrich questions Kelli who says nothing about the chip. Aldrich feels she’s not told him everything.
Restaurant owner Billy Stanley casually asks Kelli if “that guy” left her anything unusual. Kelli says no but begins to wonder about the chip.
Later when Kelli opens the chip she becomes concerned, wonders if it has to do with her customer’s killing.
Outside, Richard watches her house.
At work Frank’s regular waitress, Magen Hartford mentions to Kelli that he usually leaves her a special gift, but Kelli says nothing about the chip.
Magen’s apartment is searched and she is killed, now Kelli’s terrified.
Detective Aldrich questions Kelli, convinced she’s hiding something.
Kelli waits on Tony Belagranno—Villain, but we don’t know that yet—who casually askes her about the recent excitement.
Kelli finds her home broken into and trashed. Afraid for her life, she hits the road, followed by Richard.
She hides the chip in the barn of her parent’s farm, her Dad gives her the old .38 revolver she used to shoot cans with as a teen.
After closing Kelli finds her bike stolen so walks taking a shortcut through a woods, followed by a man. She threatens him with her revolver but can’t pull the trigger. He takes her gun away, is following because Billy ask him to watch out for her.
Detective Aldrich learns Kelli’s background: military service then a rookie cop who quit after her partner was killed possibly because she hesitated to use her weapon. He now must get the truth from her and stop her interfering.
A lawyer offers Kelli $50,000 for the chip to protect his clients personal business. She refuses. When lawyer reports, his client decides to do it his way when he disconnects we see that he is Tony.
Detective Aldrich asks Kelli about her background. She admits to it tells him about the ship and will give it to him.
Richard tells Billy they’ve got to get that chip.
Tony runs into Kelli, flirts and asks her out. She refuses, he grabs her arm, a customer interrupts, she escapes leaving Tony pissed.
Really terrified, Kelli drives out of town, chased by a large sedan taking shots at her. The sedan crashes, its driver is an unidentified thug.
At her family farm, Kelli retrieves the chip but Tony catches her and is about to kill her when Richard comes to her rescue.
A fight begins and as Tony and Richard fight for a fallen gun, Kelli pulls her own but can’t pull the trigger when she has the chance.
Finally as Tony is about to deliver a killing blow to Richard, Kelli manages to shot Tony. Richard reads Tony his rites, arrests him announcing he’s an FBI Special Agent.
The wrap up: Richard gives Tony To Detective Aldrich for the murder charges then celebrates at the restaurant revealing any part of the theft not previously uncovered piece by piece by Kelli.

[Ronald Neustrom]

Ron Neustrom – Day 10 Trust/Distrust Relationships

What I learned doing this assignment is…keeping all the moving parts in order to a complicated thriller is a big undertaking. I wondered why I struggled with juggling all the balls before and now it is becoming painfully clear. There are a tremendous number of moving parts in a thriller. Now I understand why there are so few good ones produced. They are extremely difficult to write. But Hal has once again given us a new tool. The thriller map…Ps. I took this course three years ago as an email course and wasn’t ready for all the heavy lifting and analysis. But this time around I have done all the tasks and feel like I understand the way the pieces fit together. Just a note to others…I came in this time with a well-developed idea…these assignments would be a big hill to climb if you are just starting with an undeveloped, new idea on day one.

1. Main Characters –

* Hero: Vivian Cruz
* Villain: Margaret Doud
* Red-Herring Character – Deputy Kaye
*Trusted, but shouldn’t be: Mayor Doud
*Isn’t trusted, but should be: Jewel Cruz

Vivian/Doud –

Trust – The mayor is sponsoring her new business
Trust – She assigned Vivian to help her sister as a test case
Distrust – Doud insists she find her sister
Distrust – Jewel shows her evidence that Doud was the trigger person on Ana’s killing
Distrust – Doud tries to kill Jewel
Distrust – Doud tries to kill Vivian

Vivian/Deputy Kaye

Distrust – Doesn’t like assignment w/Vivian
Distrust – Doesn’t tell Vivian he is working with her sister
Distrust – Sister is almost killed during undercover assignment
Distrust – Wants to find Jewel
Distrust- Kaye is killed by Doud

Vivian/Jewel

Distrust – Sister returns from tragic past with little explanation
Trust – Asks sister for help
Distrust – Breaks rules of treatment
Distrust – Working w/Kaye as a CI
Distrust – Almost killed during operation
Trust – Returns w/explanation
Trust – Hit attempt on her by Doud
Trust – Save Vivian from hit attempt by Doud.

Margaret Doud is a San Diego Mayor concerned about her city and improving police and mental health services. She has sponsored Vivian Cruz and her Outreach and pioneered it as a new approach to support people in mental crisis. She sees Vivian as a young pioneer and a woman in a man’s world much like herself years ago. She sells herself as uber trustworthy to Vivian. Even a role model and mentor. However, as the story progresses, we realize she pulls the strings on a group of undercover police who were responsible for killing Vivian’s mother ten years earlier. The trust becomes tenuous and strained, eventually leading to Margaret ordering Vivian’s death to protect her secret.

Deputy Kaye is basically untrustworthy because he feels like he shouldn’t be assigned to this detail. He doesn’t believe it will work and that it puts officer’s lives in jeopardy. He also has a whole covert relationship with Vivian’s sister Jewel. He is using her as a CI because they have discovered Jewel is trying to expose some work they did years ago that got her mother killed.

Jewel is Vivian’s younger sister who is using her to get close to police. She has devoted her life to exposing the people who were responsible for their mother’s death ten years before. Jewel has a record and spent time in prison currently out on parole. She chooses a drug dealer as her boyfriend. Jewel is difficult and jeopardizes everything Vivian has built. However, as the story progresses Jewel will convince Vivian that the police she is working with are the ones responsible for their mother’s death. The only problem is that this type of information will probably get Vivian and Jewel killed.

Latest Thriller Map – Day 10

Opening – A single mother going on a first date with a co-worker and her two daughters.

Life threatening 1 (Twist – 9. A trust is violated, 1. Something planned for doesn’t happen) – Her date steals her credit card.
Life Threatening 2 – Ana finds out the card is stolen and notifies the police. (Twist – 4. A New problem occurs)
Mystery #1 – Who stole her card? Was it really her date? Why?
Life Threatening 3 – She calls her date, Gary to come help her because she doesn’t suspect him and doesn’t have anyone else.
Mystery #2 – Why did Gary remove all evidence and drug Ana? (Twist – 5. A lie is uncovered, Twist 11. It just got more dangerous.)
Villain’s Plan 1(Twist 11. It just got more dangerous.) – Hide Ana’s evidence/body.
Life Threatening 4/Catalyst – Gary kills Ana and drives her car off a cliff w/body.
Life Threatening 5 – (Twist 6. New Consequences emerge) Her daughters are left alone not knowing what happened to their mother.
Overall Big Mystery – Why was Ana killed?
Mystery #3 -What is going to happen to Vivian and Jewel now?

Inciting Incident – 10 years later and Ana’s daughters have taken 2 very different paths from the system. Vivian has flourished to help people and police during crisis. Jewel ended up spiraling downward and going to prison. Jewel has returned to Vivian’s life and moved in with a known drug dealer. Vivian takes it upon herself to try and help her.
(Shorthand – Jewel comes back into Vivian’s life after being separated for 10 years)

Life Threatening 1 – Vivian works at a Suicide Hotline and gets a call.
Mystery #4 – Is the caller her sister?
Distrust – Sister returns from tragic past with little explanation
Mystery #5 – Why did her sister return to San Diego?
Life Threatening 2/Mystery #6 – Jewel moves in with a drug dealer.
Trust – Mayor Margaret Doud is sponsoring Vivian’s new business…Ana’s Outreach
Distrust – Kaye doesn’t like assignment w/Vivian
Life Threatening 3 (Twist 10. We see an unexpected side of someone.)– Vivian is opening a business working with police and people in crisis.
Mystery #7 – Who are her new police contacts?
Trust – Jewel asks Vivian for help
Life Threatening 4 – She suspects Jewel called the hotline to be helped. Gets her into a facility.
Mystery #8 – How will Jewel respond to Vivian’s help?
Trust – She assigned Vivian to help her sister as a test case
Distrust – Jewel breaks rules of treatment
Life Threatening 5 (Twist 6. A lie is uncovered) – Vivian uncovers Jewel has agreed to work with Sheriff Kaye’s Unit as an informant against her drug dealing boyfriend.
Distrust – Kaye doesn’t tell Vivian he is working with her sister.
Distrust – Jewel working w/Kaye as a CI
Mystery #9 – Why is Jewel working with Police?
Life Threatening 6/Mystery 10 – Jewel escapes rehab.
Distrust – Sister is almost killed during undercover assignment
Life Threatening 7/Mystery 11 – Jewel is almost killed on her first Informant assignment with Kaye. Flees the scene. Why did they try to kill Jewel?
Distrust – Jewel almost killed during operation

Distrust – Doud insists she find her sister
Villain’s Plan #2 – Kill Jewel.
Distrust – Doud tries to kill Jewel

TP#1 – Deputy Kaye and Alex try to kill Jewel at a stakeout.

Life Threatening 1 – Vivian tries to track a missing Jewel.
Mystery 12 – Is Jewel still alive?
Distrust – Kaye wants to find Jewel
Life Threatening 2 – Frances gets Vivian files about her disappearance.
Life Threatening 3 – Discovers Jewel is alive and in hiding from a covert group.
Mystery #13 – Who is Jewel hiding from?
Trust – Jewel returns w/explanation

MP – Ana’s body is recovered.

Life Threatening 1 – Frances is found dead.
Mystery 14 – Who killed Frances?
Life Threatening 1 – Reports/Evidence/Surveillance reveal someone killed Ana.
Mystery 15 – Who killed Ana?
Distrust – Jewel shows her evidence that Doud was the trigger person on Ana’s killing
Life Threatening 2(Twist 1. Something unplanned for happens) – Jewel reveals to Vivian Ana was a whistleblower.
Mystery 16 – What did Ana expose as a whistleblower?

TP #2 – The Miranda Men make an attempt on Vivian’s Life.

Distrust – Doud tries to kill Vivian.
Mystery 17 – Who tried to kill Vivian?
Villain’s Plan 3 – Kill Vivian.
Life Threatening 1 – Mayor orders the Miranda Men to kill The Loco Girls (Vivian and Jewel).
Villain’s Plan 4 – The Mayor created the Miranda Men to fend off threats. Ana found out.
Distrust- Kaye is killed by Doud
Mystery 18 – Will The Miranda Men kill them?
Life Threatening 2 – The Miranda Men surround the Agave House.
Trust – Jewel saves Vivian from hit attempt by Doud.

Crisis – Vivian decides to help her sister fight the Miranda Men.
Climax -The Mayor is killed. Vivian and Jewel escape.
Resolution –They have a funeral on the beach for their mother.

• This reply was modified 4 months, 3 weeks ago by  Ronald Neustrom.

[Rodney Cavin]

Correction to upload error

Thriller Day 10

Trust and Betrayal

What I learned from this lesson was how the trust/non trust relationship between lead characters becomes clear at this early stage of development and in a logical manner that can be woven in to the outline.

1. Main Characters:

Hero: Kelli
Villain: Anthony
Red Herring: Richard
Trusted, but shouldn’t be: Anthony, Detective Aldrich, Megan, Billy
Not trusted, but should be: Richard

2. With each character, ask these questions:

Anthony – Trusted. because he meets Kelli as new customer, asks Kelli about the murder because she was there.
Richard – Not trusted because he watched the murder victim, left before murder the watched Kelli’s house, followed her places.
Detective Aldrich – Trusted because he is the police detective investigation the murder.
Megan – Trusted as she works with Kelli, is her restaurant best friend.
Billy – Trusted because he’s the restaurant owner and Kelli’s boss.

3. With each character relationship, brainstorm how trust or distrust might show up between them.

Kelli/Anthony:
Trust – Kelli meets him as a new customer friendly, curious about the recent murder.
Trust – Offers to help Kelli find a new place to live.
Trust – Offers to give Kelli a ride after her accident.
Not trusted – reveals himself to be the villain wanting the microchip before he kills her.

Kelli/Richard:
Not trusted because he seemed suspiciously instructed in her opening customer, left ahead of him to be killed.
Not trusted when Kelli saw her watch her house after the murder.
Not trusted when he followed Kelli home when she had to walk.
Not trusted when he followed Kelli to her parent’s farm.
Not trusted when he joined Anthony after Kelly’s capture.
Trusted when he frees Kelli, helps her escape then reveals himself as an FBI special agent.

Kelli/Detective Aldrich:
Trusted because he is leading investigator of customer’s murder.
Trusted to do a correct investigation after he arrests Kelli for murdering her ex-boyfriend when she was not guilty.
Not trusted when Kelli sees him conferring in a very friendly manner with Richard and Billy.
Trusted after Kelli learns the truth about Richard and arrests Anthony for murder.

Kelli/Megan:
Trusted as they work together, have become close friends.
Not Trusted when Kelli finds her close to Billy.
Not trusted when Megan asks Kelli about receiving the micro chip.
Trusted in finalé as all is revealed.

Kelli/Billy:
Trusted being Kelli’s boss and owner of the restaurant.
Not Trusted when Kelli sees him friendly with Richard.
Not Trusted when he grills Kelli about the micro chip.
Trusted in finalé as all is revealed.