Lesson 10

[Ed Lusk]

Ed’s Meaningful Action Scene

What I learned doing this assignment is I’ve many “talkie” scenes that require a deeper, meaningful, action rewrite. I see the power in the lesson to make every scene count for meaning and entertainment.

Meaning of this scene- Olivia’s attempting to make Merchant jealous.

INT. ROME – MERCHANT’S HOTEL ROOM – NIGHT

Merchant paces the floor, flipping through pages and pages from Milszewski’s research portfolio.

OLIVIA

You won’t tell me or can’t tell me what this is all about?

MERCHANT

When this is over, I promise I will. Right now, Olivia, I have to focus.

OLIVIA

I should have known, the church of men and their secrets.

MERCHANT

Olivia, I haven’t even accepted yet why I am here. It’s beyond complicated.

A knock on the adjoining room’s door startles Merchant. Olivia goes to answers it.

OLIVIA (O.S.)

Hello Le.

Much to Merchant’s chagrin, LE NGUYEN, 30’s, Olivia’s suave, former flame, struts into his suite from Olivia’s room.

NGUYEN

Simon, good to see you. It’s been too long. You look good.

OLIVIA

I thought I’d look Le up, since we’re in Rome.

MERCHANT

Le, ( shakes hands)

—it’s been awhile.

OLIVIA

He’s absorbed in another Vatican conspiracy.

NGUYEN

Where’s there’s smoke there’s fire.

MERCHANT

And when you yelled, “fire,” Le, how that work out for you?

NGUYEN

I left the priesthood on my own terms, Simon. Not all of us can be complicit.

MERCHANT

If only it were that easy to just walk away.

OLIVIA

Enough. We all responsible for our own decisions.

NGUYEN

Anything I can help you with Simon?

MERCHANT

I need time to research. In peace.

NGUYEN

Fair enough. Olivia, have you eaten yet?

OLIVIA

Matter of fact, no. I’m famished.

Olivia exits to her room and collect her things.

NGUYEN

(whispering)

I hope you know what you are doing. The rumors I’ve heard from my sources make my blood run cold.

MERCHANT

Take care of Olivia, Le. No matter what happens.

Le closes the door leaving Merchant to his work.

REWRITE OF THIS SCENE WITH MEANINGFUL ACTION:

INT. ROME – MERCHANT’S/OLIVIA’S HOTEL ROOM – NIGHT

The door between the adjoining rooms is open. Merchant’s absorbed in going over Father Milszewski’s research papers.

In his mirror, if Merchant looked up, he’d see, as we do, Olivia’s room. Olivia is slipping on a tight skirt over her panties. She wears a bra, no top, and a seductive pout.

OLIVIA (O.S)

You won’t tell me or can’t tell me what this is all about?

MERCHANT

When this is over, I promise I will.

Right now, (sees near nude Olivia in mirror), I have to focus.

Merchant adverts his stare, returning quickly to his papers. Olivia stands in the door frame buttoning up her blouse. She leaves the top two buttons open. Cleavage city.

OLIVIA

I should have known, the church of men and their secrets.

She walks up behind Merchant. Her expensive Italian high heels clicking on the floor. Merchant quickly gathers his papers and snaps shut the portfolio out of view.

Olivia lays her hand delicately on his shoulder. She whisper’s near his ear.

OLIVIA (CONDT)

Seriously Simon?

Merchant jumps up and goes to out the balcony.

MERCHANT (O.S)

I’ve come here for only one purpose, Olivia.

OLIVIA

Then why bring me along?

There’s a knock at the door.

OLIVIA & MERCHANT

Come in.

Merchant turns to face the door. Behind him, a vampire levitates silently in the air, inches away from Merchant. He’s about to turn around when LE NGUYEN, 30’s and annoying suave, enters the room.

Merchant leaves the balcony closing the doors behind him.

Nguyen

Olivia, you make Rome that much more beautiful.

(Kiss on cheek)

And Father Simon Merchant. I hope the clerical collar isn’t cutting of the blood to your brain.

Merchant

Hello Le. Why am I not surprised?

Begrudgingly they shake hands

OLIVIA

Simon’s absorbed in another Vatican conspiracy.

Olivia slinks past Nguyen, touching his forearm as she passes. Le smiles no so innocently. She stands with her back to the balcony doors so the men get a full view of her.

REVERSE BALCONY VIEW – There’s no sign of the vampire.

NGUYEN

Where’s there’s smoke there’s fire.

MERCHANT

And when you yelled, “fire,” Le, how that work out for you?

NGUYEN

I left the priesthood on my own terms, Simon. Not all of us can be complicit.

Nguyen leafs through Simon’s papers. Stopping, eyebrows raised, puts them back down.

MERCHANT

If only it were that easy to just walk away.

Olivia wraps a sweater around her shoulders. She leans over Merchant, her breasts brushing his back as she checks her makeup in the mirror.

OLIVIA

Enough. We all responsible for our own decisions.

Will you join us for dinner, Simon?

Merchant

Who needs a third wheel when two will do the trick?

Olivia

Very well.

Olivia gathers her purse and struts across the room, one more over the shoulder glance at Merchant and is out the door.

NGUYEN

(whispering)

I hope you know what you are doing. The rumors I’ve heard from my sources make my blood run cold.

MERCHANT

Take care of Olivia, Le. No matter what happens.

Le closes the door leaving Merchant to his work. The balcony doors swing violently open. A wind blows Merchant’s papers over the room. He darts about gather them.

[Michael Williamsen]

I believe this TALKING HEAD SCENE works as we know full well that Sheriff Mike has no hope in beating his cancer and has been set up to be killed by Bob and his thugs. He hears the words he has longed to hear, that Victoria still loves him. We know most of it on both sides are complete lies.

74 INT. VICTORIA’S CAR – EVENING

She is on the phone, takes a deep breath.

VICTORIA
How long does he have?

DOCTOR (ON PHONE)

Chemo’s not working. I’m sorry. We
did everything we could. I suggest
you start getting his things…

VICTORIA
(interrupts)

Yeah, I’ve heard that speech before. How long?

DOCTOR

I can’t understand how he is still alive.

Victoria hangs up and dials.

MIKE (on phone)

Hi Vicki honey! It is sure nice to
hear your voice!

VICTORIA

The doctor has some good news.

MIKE

Good news? I hardly know what that is any more.

VICTORIA

He said the latest tests were wrong.
They actually show your tumor is shrinking.

It must have been all that sex we had the other night.

I have come across some money to save the house. We can live as a family again.

75 INT. VICTORIA’S HOUSE – CONTINUED

Mike Stands in front of a mirror in the grand entry. The house is completely empty. No art. No piano. Completely empty. The lights flicker out.

MIKE

Sign me up for more treatment!

VICTORIA (voice on phone)

Oh, that is so wonderful. How I have longed for that. I just want you to know one more time that I have always loved you, still do, and always will…

Victoria’s crying is heard a bit just before she hangs up.

• This reply was modified 2 years, 4 months ago by  Michael Williamsen.