-
Lesson 10
Reply to post your assignment.
-
3 Replies
-
David Wickenden Dialogue 7 – 8
What did I learn from this?
As a novelist, I use both techniques. Although it is a great reminder and I like how it broken down. The explanation is very clear.
1. Dialogue Skill 7. Dialogue As Action
GIRL
Pull the van over or I’ll ventilate your skull.
Ahead, an unmarked cruiser, the light in the dash, barrels towards them. It comes to a stop, blocking both lanes. The driver breaks hard, and the girl has to brace herself against the back of his seat.
The man’s eyes glare at the girl in the mirror. She gives him a tight smile.
GIRL
Oh, give me a reason, asshole. No one would be upset if I shoot a pedophile in the head. They might even give me a medal.
Police officers surround the van. A voice calls out.
VOICE
Janice. You all right?
The girl, JANICE WILLIAMS, keeps her gun at the man’s head.
JANICE
I’m good. One down. Got the driver covered.
(to the driver)
Both hands on the steering wheel.
The man complies. The driver’s door is yanked open, and a plainclothes cop extends his gun towards the driver.
2. Dialogue Skill 8. Subtext
Within the scene, it has just been revealed that Laura is the vigilante. Her best friend calls her, and the ensuing conversation is fairly one side, as Janice has been tasked to identify and catch the vigilante, aka Laura.
INTERCUT – JANICE’S APARTMENT/LAURA’S STORAGE UNIT
LAURA
Hey, Janice.
JANICE
How’s my bestie?
Laura flinches at the term. She Looks at the pile of folders guiltily.
LAURA
Good. Busy trying to catch up on paperwork.
Janice laughs.
JANICE
Story of my life. Listen. I need to reschedule our dinner. We caught a break in the St. Chris case and I’m probably going to be out of town for a few days.
Laura reaches for a photo of a priest from one of the piles. She studies it.
LAURA
Congratulations. I know the case has been driving you crazy. The sooner you finish it, the sooner you can take a break.
Janice sighs heavily and Laura looks up.
LAURA
You promised, Janice.
There is silence on the line.
JANICE
I can’t. Woods has assigned me to a new task force. I tried to bow out, especially with half of my division out on medical or mental health issues.
LAURA
Do you want a note from your doctor?
Janice laughs.
JANICE
Thanks. Wood told me that this assignment comes from the command staff. They asked for me personally.
LAURA
I still don’t like it. You need a break. What’s so important that they can’t find someone else?
JANICE
You must have heard about Goddard being killed when he was released from prison?
A look of apprehension crosses Laura’s face.
LAURA
Who hasn’t?
JANICE
I was on the original case and dealt with hundreds of death threats, so they want me to hunt down and capture this vigilante before he kills again.
Laura is frozen. Her eyes and mouth are wide at the news. But then she sits up straight and her mouth settles in a determined line.
LAURA
That’s one hell of an opportunity. Best of luck.
-
David Thompson’s Dialogue 7 – 8
What I learned doing this assignment is I pretty much already use these techniques in my novels. So I revisited all scenes and looked to see where I can alter the dialogue for more subtext, then a pass on dialogue as action.
I’ll use this scene as an example. As originally written, it moved the plot along, but lacked real conflict and certainly didn’t use subtext. The sequence is stretched out across several scenes, with other short scenes inserted to break it up, going back and forth between these two characters, and the serial killer – but this is a rough draft using both subtext and action dialogue
Original;
INT. DAN’S HOUSE/LIVING ROOM – EVENING
Dan opens the door and enters, arms filled with folders and a bag of take out.
DAN
Dude! Dinner!
He drops the folders on the cluttered couch and starts to the kitchen.
A noise from the kitchen. He freezes at the doorway. He slowly reaches for his weapon.
Megaera steps into view, holding Dude.
DAN
What the fuck!
Dan recognizes her.
MEGAERA
How rude.
Megaera sets Dude down.
DAN
What are you doing here? How did you get in!
She walks up to Dan and looks him in the eye. She hesitates briefly – confused because now at close range, she’s attracted.
MEGAERA
I’ll ask the questions. How the fuck did you see me?
DAN
What – how did I…you were two feet away from that guy! How could I miss you? You could have been killed.
Megaera laughs.
MEGAERA
Many have tried. Let’s have a chat, shall we?
DAN
Sounds familiar.
MEGAERA
You brought dinner, nice. Oh and Li Shou said you need to clean the litter box. In fact, you need to clean the whole house.
DAN
His name is Dude.
MEGAERA
Li Shou.
Dude appears and rubs against his legs.
DAN
Some watch cat you are…
MEGAERA
It’s not his fault.
Dan decides to get brave and steps in.
DAN
What were you doing at the crime scene?
MEGAERA
That’s private.
Megaera takes the bag of food and marches to the living room.
DAN
Hey. Excuse me.
So, I did a pass for both Subtext, and action this is I have right now in this draft
INT. DAN’S HOUSE/LIVING ROOM – EVENING
Dan opens the door and enters, arms filled with folders and a bag of take out.
DAN
Dude! Dinner!
He drops the folders on the cluttered couch and starts to the kitchen.
DAN
Dude! Hey buddy!
A noise from the kitchen. He freezes at the doorway. He slowly reaches for his weapon.
Megaera steps into view, holding Dude.
DAN
What the fuck!
Dan recognizes her. He aims his weapon at her.
DAN
Hold it right there, lady!
MEGAERA
How incredibly rude.
Megaera sets Dude down.
DAN
I said freeze!
Dan fumbles for his cell phone, keeping Megaera in sight.
She walks up to Dan and looks him in the eye. She hesitates briefly – confused because now at close range, she’s attracted.
MEGAERA
I’ll ask the questions. How the fuck did you see me?
She calmly pushes his weapon aside.
DAN
lady, you were two feet away from that guy! How could I miss you? You could have been killed.
Megaera laughs.
MEGAERA
Many have tried. Let’s have a chat, shall we?
DAN
Not until I get back-up, and you answer a few dozen questions –
MEGAERA
Oh! You brought dinner, nice. Oh and your cat said you need to clean the litter box. In fact, you should to clean the whole house.
DAN
His name is Dude.
MEGAERA
Ever stop to consider what he wants to be called? Of course not.
Dude appears and rubs against his legs.
DAN
He’s an asshole…
MEGAERA
It’s not his fault.
Dan decides to get brave and steps in.
DAN
What were you doing at the crime scene?
MEGAERA
That’s private.
Megaera takes the bag of food and marches to the living room.
DAN
Hey! Excuse me.
Still working it out.
-
Wayne’s Dialogue 7 – 8
What I learned doing this assignment is that current, future, or past action can be established in dialogue.
• Dialogue Skill 7. Dialogue As Action
HAL: Passing through the 2-million-mile deceleration point in 20 minutes.
This defines current and future action.HAL: We’ve taken strike to the fuel system.
[Later]
MIKE: What the hell, HAL! We’re gonna land and never leave?• Dialogue Skill 8. Subtext
MIKE: It just doesn’t get any better than this, HAL.[Ironically]
HAL: I comprehend your excitement. We are well prepared for this venture.
[In actuality, they are about to find themselves stranded lightyears from home.]You’re my only friend, HAL. [Meaning I’ll never have another friend the rest of my like.]
Each of these has markedly improved the interest for deeper understanding.
Log in to reply.