Lesson 10

[Jan Fantl]

WAR

EXT. WAR ZONE – DAY

A SOLDIER drinks from his canteen as a child approaches, mimicking the drinking sign. OLIVER signals over the intercom for the soldier to keep the child at a safe distance. The soldier ignores the warning and is ambushed by the child, who turns out to be a suicide bomber. Oliver orders his team to apprehend the accomplices. Oliver rushes to the injured soldier, trying to keep him alive.

EXT. MILITARY CAMP – IN FRONT OF POLICE BUILDING – DAY

Oliver wakes up from a dream, disturbed and agitated. His AIDE calls him in to continue an interrogation, knowing that Oliver has these recurring dreams.

ACT 1: TRAVEL

INT. INTERROGATION ROOM – DAY

Oliver interrogates MAHMOUD, a captured individual with indications of triggering the ambush. During the interrogation, Oliver is discreetly informed that the soldier did not survive the attack. Oliver uses this information to accuse Mahmoud of murder, but Mahmoud remains unimpressed and unresponsive. When the soldier turns to whisper in Oliver’s ear, Mahmoud seizes the opportunity to attack. Oliver restrains the guard at the door and convinces Mahmoud to back down. Mahmoud is led away as another soldier arrives, requesting Oliver’s presence to see his commanding officer.

EXT. MILITARY CAMP – DAY

Oliver walks with his aide, discussing the lack of response to his previous complaint. He expresses disappointment that his squad is assigned to guard German soldiers involved in questionable activities, such as organize cocaine transports for pharmaceutical companies.

INT. CAMP HQ – OFFICE – DAY

The COMMANDING OFFICER informs Oliver that he is being released to travel home. Oliver is surprised, thinking it’s related to his complaints, but it’s personal news. His father has passed away, and he is being granted leave to assist his mother with the funeral arrangements. Oliver falls silent, processing the news.

INT. CAMP HQ – TRAVEL MANAGEMENT – DAY

Oliver and his aide learn that the next available passenger flight is in two days.

EXT. CAMP – DAY

Oliver asks his aide to explore any options for an earlier departure.

INT. TENT/BARRACK – OLIVER – DAY

Oliver packs his belongings and tries to reach his mother on his satellite phone, but she doesn’t answer or there is no signal. His aide enters and informs him of a flight departing in a few minutes, a cargo flight carrying damaged goods back to Germany. Oliver seizes the opportunity and accepts the flight.

EXT. AIRFIELD – DAWN

Oliver asks his aide to ensure the assassin is kept well and alive until his return in 5-6 days to continue the interrogation.

EXT. AIRFIELD – CARGO PLANE – DAWN

Oliver’s satellite phone rings, and it’s his mother, FREDDIE. The connection is noisy, but Oliver gathers that something is amiss. He reassures her that he will be there in a couple of hours, and they can talk about everything then. As the cargo plane’s door closes, Oliver rushes inside, ending the call.

INT. CARGO PLANE – DARK

(Optional – Not sure if needed)

EXT. AIRFIELD GERMANY – NIGHT

Unfavorable weather greets Oliver as he disembarks the plane. He approaches a soldier and inquires about nearby accommodations for a shower and some rest. The soldier recommends the 9-Inn.

INT. THE 9 INN – NIGHT

Oliver requests a room and is given an exorbitant price for a short stay, as the establishment charges by the 30-minute increment. After explaining his situation of coming from a war zone and needing rest before seeing his mother, Oliver is granted a “hero’s rebate” with the understanding that he won’t require any extra services.

INT. ROOM WITH A BED – DARK

Oliver emerges from the shower, his tiredness evident. He struggles with his heavy backpack, revealing a gunshot wound or a scar on his arm, a testament to his past experiences. Exhausted, he glances at his phone and watch, rubs his face, and falls asleep.

INT. ROOM WITH A BED – DARK

Oliver is restless in his sleep, bumping into someone’s arm and immediately becoming alert. XENIA, a semi-attractive pro, reassures him. Despite Oliver’s initial request for no services, she explains that they needed the bed for her to rest after dealing with a difficult client. Nothing happened between them. Oliver realizes it’s already morning and rushes to leave, offering Xenia €50 for driving him to the nearest car rental, which she accepts.

ACT 2: ARRIVAL

EXT. COTTBUS STREETS – DAY

Oliver drives into town, taking in the sights of a place he hasn’t been in a long time. His GPS guides him to his address.

EXT. HOME STREET – OLIVER

He misses the house, and as he gets out of the car, he runs into PETRA, who is about to lock up. They immediately clash, and just as Oliver’s GENERAL calls, he tries to delay the conversation. After Petra insists, Oliver shows her his military ID to introduce himself. Petra informs him of his mother’s passing the previous night. Neighbors heard a window constantly in the wind and called police.

INT. HOME – OLIVER

Oliver’s homecoming is marred by tension and loneliness. Petra denies him access to the house and refuses to leave him with the keys. Oliver is stunned.

ACT 3: DOORS SHUT

EXT. HOME STREET – DAY

Oliver sits alone on the doorsteps, contemplating his next move. He calls his general, discussing his suspicions about his parents’ deaths and his determination to uncover the truth. The general assures him of support if needed. Oliver decides to clear his mind first.

EXT. COTTBUS STREETS – DAY

Oliver walks through the town, unfamiliar with the buildings and feeling disconnected from his former home.

INT. RESIDENTS’ REGISTRATION OFFICE – DAY

Oliver visits the registry office to confirm his residency, but they are unable to find him in their digital records as they -digitally -only go back to 2009 and the file-files are with the digitizing company. The REGISTRATION LADY, whose name tag shows her family name as Wind, sympathizes with his loss but can’t provide assistance without the required documents.

EXT. COTTBUS STREETS – DAY

Oliver continues his search for answers, contacting the military police HQ in Germany to check his files and residency history. They promise to call him back with the information. Oliver checks Google and finds contacts for his uncle, HANS WIND, whom he decides to call.

INT. TOWN HALL OFFICE – DAY

Over finds contacts for the next close relative. Uncle Hans knows details about his father’s accidental death at the shipyard and expresses condolences. He offers to meet the following day to mourn together, as he is out of town, discuss the funeral, and catch up on family matters. It’s clearly a lie. He is in town, and across from him sits Clarice, observing Hans as he speaks. After ending the call, they share a glance, wondering what their next move should be.

INT. REGISTRY OFFICE – DAY

Oliver meets with the registry office, but they can’t provide assistance without specific documents, such as an apartment confirmation signed by his parents. They sympathize with his loss but can’t bend the rules.

EXT. COTTBUS STREETS – DAY

Oliver receives a call from the coroner’s office, returning his call, regarding his mother’s body. They refuse to speak to him without a power of attorney and abruptly end the call. Frustrated, Oliver realizes that the authorities won’t cooperate easily.

INT. BANK

Oliver visits his mother’s bank and inquires about her accounts. The BANK CLERK, whose name tag again bears the name Wind, refuses to provide information without a valid power of attorney. They express condolences but remain firm.

EXT. COTTBUS STREETS – DAY

Oliver receives a call from the military HQ, stating they couldn’t find any documents related to his previous residency. Disheartened, Oliver contemplates his next steps.

EXT. STREET NEAR TOPPER CAR COMPOUND – DAY

Oliver’s attention is caught by a large car dealer compound with the name “Toll, Top, Topper.” He looks at it with disdain, particularly at a man named JÜRGEN, who appears to be involved with the customers. Oliver turns away, feeling a sense of disgust.

EXT. COTTBUS STREETS – DAY

EXT. COTTBUS STREETS – DAY

Oliver unlocks his rental car and drives away.

EXT. SHIPYARD WIND – DAY

Siggi, Helge’s right-hand man at the shipyard, shares information with Oliver. He talks about the shipyard deal and his observations in the last 4-6 weeks, hinting at something suspicious.

EXT. SHIPYARD – YACHT & SAILING CLUB – DAY

Siggi shows Oliver the spot where the accident supposedly occurred, involving his father falling into the lake.

CLARICE, who identifies herself as Oliver’s cousin, appears and invites him to visit her and her father, Johan Feuer-Wind. Clarice is unaware of Oliver’s mother’s passing, and he realizes the family is not on the same page.

After Clarice departs, Oliver checks the time and realizes he has a scheduled appointment at the notary’s office.

INT. OFFICE – NOTARY – DAY

Oliver tries to wait in the notary’s office for his mother, but the secretary attempts to shoo him away. Oliver insists on staying, and when the secretary goes to inform the notary, she returns with the notary , Oliver has news. His mother passed away in the early morning.

The notary, a close friend of “Freddie,” offers Oliver a summary of the events leading up to her passing. Oliver questions the peacefulness of both his parents’ deaths, and the notary suggests he stay in town until the will is read to the family. He urges to investigate further and stay in town.

And the he reveals the existence of a power of attorney that Oliver’s mother signed, just hours before her passing, granting him authority to handle her affairs.

ACT 4: BRAWL & SEX

EXT. LAKE DISTRICT – HIGHWAY – DAY

EXT. GOYATZ POLICE STATION – DAY

Checking in, presenting his PoA, Oliver receives intel about the accident, but police do not see anything else.

INT. GOYATZ POLICE STATION – DAY

EXT. LAKE & SHIPYARD – SUNSET / BLUE HOUR

Oliver drives by the lake, his gaze fixed on the shipyard that belonged to his parents.

EXT. POLICE HQ – NIGHT

Oliver presents the power of attorney at the police headquarters, requesting access to his parents’ home. Petra is not present, he needs to find her on a crime scene as she still carries the keys on her.

INT. PARENTS’ HOME – NIGHT

SEARCH

INT. PARENTS’ HOME – NIGHT

INT. PARENTS’ HOME – NIGHT

INT. PARENTS’ HOME – NIGHT

INT. PROSECUTOR’S OFFICE – NIGHT

Oliver presents the power of attorney and files for the prevention of his mother’s body release, demanding an official examination. The authorities require a „different“ validation of the power of attorney, leaving Oliver frustrated and uncertain about his next move.

EXT. COTTBUS STREETS – NIGHT

Walking with anger subsiding, Oliver ponders his options.

EXT. COTTBUS STREETS – BACK SALON – NIGHT

Oliver enters a nightlife pub, hesitating but ultimately seeking solace.

INT. BACK SALON

Oliver finds himself among a few guests at the bar, attempting to calm down after a tumultuous day. Two groups of men arrive, seeking Oliver’s opinion and provoking a confrontation. Oliver tries to avoid the conflict, but it escalates into a 4 against 1 brawl. Despite the outnumbering odds, Oliver fights without causing much damage to the bar. As the assailants flee, Oliver seizes their wallets before tending to his knife wound. MARIE, the bartender, thanks him for taking a stand and tends to his injury. They engage in conversation, and Oliver asks Marie for a recommendation for a simple hotel. Marie offers her own room above the bar for him to stay.

INT. APARTMENT – MARIE – NIGHT

Oliver and Marie engage in a passionate and intimate encounter, finding temporary solace in each other’s arms.

INT. APARTMENT – MARIE – NIGHT

After their encounter, Oliver is restless and unable to sleep. He gets dressed, leaves the apartment, and embarks on a restless night.

EXT. COTTBUS STREETS – BACK SALON – NIGHT

Oliver walks the streets, seeking solace and a quiet moment to gather his thoughts. Suddenly, he begins walking briskly in a particular direction.

ACT 5: RESTLESS NIGHT

INT. PARENTS’ HOME – NIGHT

Oliver reenters the house, unsure of where to begin his search. He heads to the bedroom where his mother was found dead, inhaling the room and inspecting the surroundings. He checks the nightstand on his father’s side, contemplates how his mother’s body was moved into the bedroom, and searches through closets and sideboards. Oliver’s frustration grows as he finds no substantial leads. He rewinds the answering machine, listens to the messages, and searches other rooms of the house. Feeling defeated, Oliver gives up and exits the house.

EXT. PARENTS’ HOME – NIGHT

Oliver locks the house, preparing to walk away, but something stops him in his tracks. He reenters the house.

INT. PARENTS’ HOME – NIGHT

Oliver returns to his mother’s desk, noticing a missing drawer on the right-hand side. He explores further, finding a hidden compartment inside the drawer containing a diary. Oliver reads the final entries aloud, expressing his suspicions about his parents’ deaths. The weight of the situation is evident on Oliver’s face.

• This reply was modified 1 year, 11 months ago by  Jan Fantl.
• This reply was modified 1 year, 11 months ago by  Jan Fantl.

[Kristina Zill]

KZ’s Beat Sheet

What I learned doing this assignment is… that the flaws and strengths of your idea really show up when you create your story’s beats.

Show Concept:

Two worlds collide when a fictional character discovers a portal into his creator’s home.

Inciting Incident:

A young man named Raymond is thrown from an upper floor down a stairwell to his death. His corpse is missing a shoe and shows signs of attack by a large animal.

Lock in:

Oliver, an out-of-work costume designer, is linked to the murder when a key piece of evidence—the victim’s shoe—is found in his apartment.

A Story = Who killed Raymond? (evidence, Detective)

B Story = Who is Oliver really?

C Story = Oliver and Tony; Michelle & Detective; Tony and Loren

TEASER

INT. HALLWAY – NIGHT

Raymond is pushed down the stairwell to his death 12 floors below.

ACT 1

INT. OLIVER’S APARTMENT – DAY

Oliver questions his identity.

Tony hides a shoe (seen by Indigo)

Detective and Michelle ask questions.

Michelle prevents Oliver from disclosing shoe.

Oliver discovers the portal.

ACT 2

INT. LOREN’S APARTMENT – DAY

Oliver meets IRL Tony, who reveals their relationship and Oliver’s hospital stay.

Oliver hides. Loren enters, jealously demands to know who Tony was talking to.

Something about the blogger conflict.

Vlad enters.

ACT 3

INT. LOREN’S HOME OFFICE — DAY

In private conference with Loren, Vlad wants to know why Oliver isn’t dead yet.

Vlad gives Loren the sentence to insert in his book.

ACT 4

The Detective finds the shoe in Oliver’s apartment, and accuses Oliver of murder.

Oliver must find the real murderer and solve the problem of his identity.

[Chanda Haynes]

LIKE THE JONESES – BEAT SHEET

What I learned doing this assignment is that the beat sheet just follows the outline. If the outline is clear, then the beats should fall in place. Identifying the A,B,C stories in the beginning also helped to keep the focus on the A story, and not get too caught up in the B and C stories.

A Story: Tony’s journey

B Story: The inheritance/blackmail

C Story: LOCC scandal

•Show Concept: After constant micromanaging by his father Willie, Tony Jones demands to more autonomy at Jones Farmacy, the company they cofounded. Willie is convinced to give Tony a shot when his estranged nephew, Henry pops up. Henry presents proof that Willie used Henry’s inheritance to launch Jones Farmacy. Henry demands that willie compensate him by making him CEO, effective immediately. Upon hearing this announcement, Tony is infuriated, and announces his immediate resignation. With his extensive industry knowledge, Tony is creating a buzz of his own among the cannabis industry heavy hitters. Among his supporters, Pete Roberts, Green Diamonds President, and longtime nemesis of Willie Jones. Tony accepts Pete’s offer to be VP of Green Diamonds, making national headlines. This newly found fame makes him the face of advocacy among cannabis business owners who claim they have been extorted for years by Tony’s father Willie, and his colleagues, who make up the League of Cannabis Commissioners (LOCC), the governing board for the cannabis industry in the state of Oregon.

•Inciting Incident: Henry Jones returns to Oregon and presents evidence that his uncle Willie Jones used his inheritance to launch his cannabis business, Jones Farmacy. Henry demands to be made CEO immediately or he’s going to the LOCC with the information.

TEASER

INT. MCMENAMINS

Description – A cannabis business celebrates their 10th year in business.

INT. PAPA JONES’ HOUSE

Description – Henry Jones breaks into GF’s house to hide out. He discovers documents from a inheritance that should’ve been his.

ACT 1

INT. JFP HEADQUARTERS

Description – Tony goes about his mundane tasks, asking Willie for permission as usual.

INT. SMOKERS’ LOUNGE — EVENING

Description – Tony hangs with the other cannabis businessmen. They tell him to get from under Willie.

INT. TONY’S HOME

Description – Noelle gives Tony a breathalizer. Tony talks to Noelle who agrees he should make a name for himself. Meets Noelle’s boyfriend. (it’s been six yea

INT. BASEBALL FIELD – FLASHBACK

Description – A drunk Tony is being escorted off the field as 6 year old Ty watches. Noelle embraces and Ty and comforts him.

ACT 2

INT. LOCC OFFICE – DAY

Description: The LOCC guys talk to Willie about Tony and retirement. Willie and the governor agree to another four years.

INT. WILLIE’S CAR – EVENING

Description: Elaine encourages Willie to give Tony a chance. Elaine reminds Willie of their plan to leave the country.

EXT. LOCC OFFICE – EVENING

Description – Henry “accidentally” bumps into Pete Roberts, and asks him about the inheritance.

INT. GREEN DIAMONDS – DAY

Description – Pete’s staff are packing boxes and loading them in their cars. Pete, Noelle and the VP watch.

INT. LOCC OFFICE – DAY

Description – Pete informs Willie about Henry right before he meets with the Governor. The Governor informs Pete he will not be renewed for 4 years, and that he needs to focus on building his business.

INT. JFP HEADQUARTERS

Description – Willie arrives back at his office where Henry is already waiting with his evidence.

INT. GREEN DIAMONDS – MOMENTS LATER

Description – Brian explains to Noelle that he’s also leaving. He encourages her to come as well.

INT. JFP HEADQUARTERS

Description – The news of the strike spreads. Henry threatens to go to the LOCC.

ACT 3

INT. JFP HEADQUARTERS

Description – Willie appoints Henry to the CEO position. Tony and Elaine are equally dismayed.

INT. LOCC OFFICE

Description – Willie questions Pete about his advice to Henry.

INT. LOCC OFFICE – MOMENTS LATER

Description – Tony resigns from JFP, effective immediately. He storms out of the office.

INT. SMOKERS’ LOUNGE — EVENING

Description – The business crew discuss the public news of Tony’s exit. Pete takes note. They mention Tony inquiring about LOCC business.

INT. SMOKERS’ LOUNGE — DAY

Description – Brian and Tony have a conversation. He tells him about Willie’s LOCC activity.

INT. JFP HEADQUARTERS

Description – Henry is struggling in his role as CEO, reaches out to Tony for advice.

INT. HEATHER’S COFFEE SHOP

Description – Heather advises Tony to have a talk with WIllie. She notes that someone has been at their grandfather’s house. They suspect it is Henry.

INT. HEATHER’S COFFEE SHOP

Description – Tony receives a string of emails offering him employment. He opens an email from Pete Roberts.

ACT 4

INT. WILLIE’S HOUSE

Description – Tony attempts to talk to Willie. Willie begs him to return to JFP.

INT. GREEN DIAMONDS – DAY

Description – Tony seeks advice from Noelle. She advises him to follow his intuition.

INT. JFP HEADQUARTERS

Description – Tony observes a man meeting with Henry. Willie questions Henry. Henry lies. Tony gets a text from Pete.

INT. GREEN DIAMONDS – LATER

Description – Pete gives Tony info on LOCC activity. Pete makes Tony an offer. Pete sweetens the deal (Noelle and Ty).

ACT 5

INT. TONY’S HOME – DAY

Description – The offers continue to roll in for Tony. His phone rings nonstop with offers.

INT. MODA CENTER – NIGHT

Description – Tony stops by the LOCC suite where Willie is celebrating his early retirement. Henry is present too. Tony informs him he’s a guest in the Green Diamond suite.

INT. MODA CENTER – MOMENTS LATER

Description – Willie cancels his flight on his phone.

INT. MODA CENTER – MOMENTS LATER

Description – The same gentleman from earlier and another (from the teaser) sit in the stands at the Blazers game.

• This reply was modified 1 year, 9 months ago by  Chanda Haynes.