-
Lesson 10
Reply to post your assignment.
-
8 Replies
-
Lesson 10: Act 1 Inciting Incident
ASSIGNMENT
Subject line: Pat’s Inciting Incident
What I learned doing this assignment is setting up the inciting incident for future development of the story and continue to learn about character development with their feelings.
Outline Key Scenes 2 & 3 for Act 1.
· Key Scene 1: Exciting opening scene intros a main character, the conflict and/or world.
· Key Scene 2: Inciting Incident propels the protagonist onto the journey!
· Key Scene 3: The emotional reaction to the call.
1. OPENING SCENE OUTLINE
INT. HANK’S HOME – DAY
Hank and his mom, Carrot Top, named for her orange hair, make dinner while Hank tells her about Elaine moving out.
Carrot Top is not surprising. Carrot Top tells him he should get his marriage counseling license back and put it to use because it might help him get Elaine back.
Hank thinks her idea is silly.
2. INCITING INCIDENT OUTLINE
EXT. MAILBOX – DAY
Hanks opens the mailbox to find an envelope from an attorney’s office
He rips it open to find divorce papers.
He smacks himself in the face with the envelope to let things get out of hand.
INT. HANK’S HOME OFFICE – DAY
Hanks searches frantically for Marriage Counselor License.
He finds the license buried in workpapers and shows excitement that he didn’t throw it away.
But, Hank decides to let it go; it won’t work.
3. EMOTIONAL REACTION BEAT SHEET
INT. HANK’S HOME/ELAINE’S HOME – DAY
Hank paces back and forth trying to decide to call Elaine. Decides to call her.
Elaine explains to him that it’s no good, they’re not compatible anymore.
Hank hangs up the phone in tears. Elaine is
emotional too as she hangs up the phone -
George Tedino
INCITING INCIDENT from ACT 1
What I learned doing this assignment
is trying to outline inside of an outline
MIDDLE:
EXT. HIGH SCHOOL – DAY
A typical high school lockers outside, kids walking around talking, laughing. George is at his locker talking to a girl in one of his classes when her boyfriend and town bully ADAM, a big hot shot football player, comes over to stop George from talking to her. George’s friends KIMMIE, a redhead, tough, smart mouth teen and JOHN, a black haired funny guy who gets himself in trouble, stand to protect George.
MIDDLE: the teacher stepping in to break up a possible fight
END: A cafeteria run in George and Adam had.
George: So yeah, I can for sure help you with the homework assignment.
Adam comes barging in.
Adam: Hey weirdo. Step away from my girl.
Girlfriend: Hey I just had a question about homework that’s all it was.
George: Yes that is all.
Adam: I don’t care you don’t talk to her.
Adam pushes him into the locker.
Girlfriend: Hey that was not necessary.
Kimmie (off screen) Yeah what the hell was that for?
John: Yeah.
Adam: Oh look guys if it isn’t the werido’s muscle. Kimmie you are more of a man then he is. John you think you are so funny. What won’t be funny is when I punch your face in.
Kimmie
That was a lot of words did you hurt yourself.
Adam
Seriously, you redheaded freak.
George
Enough. Everyone just walk away.
Adam
You walk away from me I swear it will be the last time.
George turns his back and Adam grabs him to spin him around when a teacher steps in.
Gym Teacher
Let him go and do walk away everyone.
They all walk away.
INT. CAFETERIA
George, Kimmie, and John are sitting down chatting, Adam and his buddies come over to the table.
Adam: One of these days you will get what you freaks deserve.
George: Why? Why are you threatened by us? We have done nothing to you guys.
Adam: You are just not wanted here neither one of you guys. You are losers your parents must have paid alot of money to get you guys in here.
George: My parents are dead you shit head.
Adam: I have warned you freak. Watch your backs.
The big INCIDENT
<b style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>EXT. SURBURN STREET – DAY
George walking home with Kimmie and John just chatting when suddenly a car comes down the street driven by Adam and he has four friends with him. They get out of the car and start to harass George, Kimmie, and John it turns violent
END: George being consoled by Kimmie and John but George must go on the run.
ADAM
Well well, look what we have here boys, the freak brigade.
GEORGE
You don’t live around here Adam. So what are you doing here?
ADAM
My boys and I were taking a ride around checking out the neighborhoods.
GEORGE
I guess. So why don’t you get back into your car?
ADAM
Oh we will.
They move in on them, one knocks John down to the ground. One grabs Kimmy she hits him with a punch but he picks her up throws her down, the others surround George.
KIMMY (being held down)
NO DON’T. NOOO……
Gets muffled as he covers her mouth, John is trying to fight the other one off but he can’t
GEORGE
You are making a grave mistake. I am warning you, don’t do this, I will kill you.
ADAM
Freak you couldn’t hurt a fly, so I’ll be shocked if you last longer than a minute from this beat down.
George
I warned you.
One kid takes a swing and misses George, then George gets a kick into his side and pushes him into the other kid leaving Adam there alone for the moment. Adam takes a swing George ducks and swing
Adam then with a spear tackles him to the ground and punches him in the nose. He hits him in the nose again, blood now streaming. The other two come over and get some kicks into the side of him.
ADAM
Not so tough now are you?
GEORGE (spiting blood)
I could say the same about you. You and your goon squad.
ADAM
That is how I show you respect. Your such a tough guy I needed my friends to help. Guys let’s finish this up we have to go back to practice.gs and misses.
Adam reaches for his head and punches him again and again. One of the other kids kicks him in the leg and the other one kicks him in the chest. Adam stands up sees him laying there motionless, crying, and bleeding.
Adam points to his friends and motions for one to grab his ankles. The other grabs his arms and raises them above his head.
Kimmy is trying to get up but she is pinned down crying and trying to scream. She looks at John and John who is now on the ground winks and closes his eyes she does the same. Adam stands over him and begins to undo the glasses from the side of his head to take them off. Kimmy is just crying and feels she is no longer restrained, she begins to crawl forward and bumps into John who has Georges glasses. Kimmy and John holding George on the ground, they put his glasses back on. The other five boys are just sprawled out on the ground frozen solid.
EXT. THE FOREST – NIGHT
George, Kimmy, and John are trying to console one another.
GEORGE (V.O.)
Kimmy and John, my best friends they always knew about my problem. When I got home I packed some stuff and I ran away from the world that I knew. Kimmy and John explained what happened to my grandparents.
INT. GEORGE’S GRANDPARENTS HOUSE
Kimmie and John inside talking his grandparents.
v.o. (cont.)
I told Kimmy and John, I would stay in touch and only let them know where I am.
-
H. Vince’s Inciting Incident
The 30-Day Screenplay – 2023
Lesson 10: Act 1 Inciting Incident
What I learned from doing this assignment is…
Breaking the script down in sections to make it easier to complete.
Act 1:
Inciting Incident:
INT. AUTO MECHANIC SHOP – DAY
Beginning: VICTOR takes his car to get an oil change.
Middle: Mechanic asks about dents on car hood. VICTOR makes a joke about the dents on his hood to the mechanic.
End: Mechanic puts VICTOR on blast on social media
EXT. DRIVING – DAY
VICTOR’S TRANSFORMATION EVENT: Gets cancelled
Beginning: VICTOR starts getting negative notifications on his phone from online sources.
INT. FROYO SHOP – DAY
Middle: VICTOR meets up with his good friend and friend’s girlfriend.
EXT. FROYO SHOP – DAY
End: Some kids show up recognizing Victor from social media calling him out. VICTOR decides to confront the mechanic.
-
Tasha’s Inciting Incident (place in first line)
Doing this assignment, I learned the following: You can actually write a scene in 15 minutes if you let yourself be creative and sloppy in this draft.
1. Outline Key Scenes 2 & 3 for Act 1.
Inciting Incident Outline
INT. COFFEE SHOP – DAY
Beginning: Brad shows up and asks her if he can buy Bethany a coffee.
Middle: They catch up and a romantic connection is sparked. He asks her out.
End: Bethany sees various cutlery start to tremble until a spoon is able to levitate. She catches it before it hits Brad (unbeknownst to him) and excuses herself to the bathroom.
Reaction 1 Outline
INT. BATHROOM – DAY
Beginning: Bethany tells whatever is trying to mess up her date to back off.
Middle:She says she’s going to find a Ouija board and evoke whatever the equivalent is of a restraining order in the spiritual world.
End: She looks up a prayer to say but finds a more specific protection spell and says it. Seems to do the trick.
Reaction 2 Outline
INT. CHURCH – DAY
Beginning: She tells Deacon Anders that she ran into Brad at the coffee shop and they hit it off.
Middle: She tells him that she said yes to his date. They fight. Deacon Anders asks if anything more has happened re Demon 23. She says no, but he realizes she’s lying.
End: They get into a heated argument. Deacon Anders says that she’s being selfish every time she goes on a date because she’s putting people at risk. She asks what her alternative, a loveless career with the clergy. She says maybe if he could perform a proper exorcism maybe she wouldn’t be in this position and maybe he would finally be bishop like he’s always hoped for and not some stupid priest whose name reminds him of his failure.
2. Write your Inciting Incident scene and the scene for Reaction 1 to the Inciting Incident.
Scene 2 (Inciting Incident)
INT. COFFEE SHOP – DAY
Bethany stares up at the menu while she waits in line to order coffee. There are a few people behind her including BRAD, 28 y.o., blonde, athletic, cute. Sparkly blue eyes. A Ken doll to Bethany’s blonde Barbie.
Brad leans out of line and watches Bethany as she bops along head along to whatever her oversized white headphones are playing into her ears.
Brad smiles.
Bethany walks up to the barista. She pulls down her headphones and is shocked to hear Brad give his order. Her headphones stopped her from noticing he had slipped right next to her.
BRAD
One mocha please and whatever the lady is having.
He removes a 20 from his pocket.
AMY, the barista, purple hair, plump, nose ring and a perfect dose of attitude, scoffs.
AMY
Well, that’s a new way to hop the line. So, you letting him buy you a drink or what?
Bethany, still a little stunned, manages to stammer out her order.
BETHANY
A latte. And a cookie. And a croissant. And a bagel sandwich.
Amy rings up the order and Brad pays, forking over another $20.
He follows Bethany to a table where they sit down.
BRAD
Next time I’ll be sure to specify the lady can have one thing.
Bethany pulls out a $20 and gives it to him.
Brad waves her off.
BRAD
I was only kidding.
Bethany smiles patiently.
BRAD
So?
BETHANY
So, I should be pretty freaked out right now, but you look too much like your profile picture. And you haven’t changed in 14 years.
BRAD
Surely I filled out a bit. And I have way less acne.
BETHANY
I always thought the acne was kind of cute.
BRAD
I always thought you were kind of cute.
BETHANY
Wow, we veered quickly into flirtatious territory, didn’t we. I thought you just wanted to catch up.
BRAD
Well, you started it. Nobody could resist a compliment about their acne. I thought you were the one who didn’t want to catch up.
BETHANY
No, I did, I do.
BRAD
That’s what I thought. That’s why I showed up here, I was hoping to bump into you.
BETHANY
How did you know I would be here?
BRAD
It’s like in the background of almost every picture you have on your dating profile. I recognized the place. Are you disappointed?
BETHANY
No, not at all. I’m actually flattered.
BRAD
Good. Flattery looks good on you. So how have you been since the 8th grade? You don’t have much of a social presence. Otherwise I wouldn’t have bothered with a face-to-face. I would have just stalked you online like a normal person. So imagine when I saw Bethany Sawyer was on my dating app. I had to say hi.
BETHANY
There’s really not too much to tell. I went to college. Became a graphic designer. I live alone. I have a few hobbies.
BRAD
Dating seems to be one.
BETHANY
I guess it is, but it never pans out.
BRAD
I was just about to ask how you’re single.
BETHANY
Boring. I’m pretty boring.
BRAD
You don’t seem boring to me.
BETHANY
Well, I do volunteer work with a bunch of foster kids, and they tell me I’m boring. Like all the time. They just keep doing it. Unsolicited.
BRAD
Oh no, you’re boring and a do-gooder.
BETHANY
I’m afraid I am. So I’ll understand if you actually want my $20.
Brad laughs.
BRAD
Well, actually no. Quite the opposite in fact. I want to spend more than $20 on you. And I want you to wear something nice when I do it, and I want us to be sitting at a table with a tablecloth on it and shiny cutlery and one of those little battery operated candle. I want to be able to embarrass you with stories from our past, especially the one about how you were the first girl I ever kissed and how I think it ruined me for other kisses.
BETHANY
Are you asking me out?
BRAD
I’ve been wanting to ask you out for about 14 years.
Bethany smiles. Then a fork levitates up to the side of Brad’s head.
Bethany jumps out of her seat and grabs the fork without Brad noticing. She makes a beeline for the lady’s bathroom.
BETHANY
I’ll be right back.
Scene 3 (Reaction 1 to the Inciting Incident)
INT. BATHROOM – DAY
Bethany marches into the bathroom and slams the fork down on the counter of the bathroom sink.
She grips the edge of the counter and shakes with anger.
BETHANY
A fork?
She snatches the fork from the counter.
BETHANY
A FORK!
She waves it around menacingly.
BETHANY
You better back off!
She looks around her.
BETHANY
I swear! If you don’t leave us alone, I’ll get a Ouija board or something and chase your ass down! I’ll slap a paranormal restraining order on you so hard you won’t know who’s the poltergeist!
An unseen force slams her against the bathroom wall and pins her. One cheek is squeezed against the wall as an invisible force presses her face hard against the wall’s surface.
She squirms and twists her face free.
BETHANY
Our father who arts in Heaven–
Her face is slammed against the wall again.
She closes her eyes and repeats a barely audible phrase over and over again.
BETHANY
I am light. I am light. I am light.
Slowly she is released from the wall. She pulls her phone out and does a quick internet search as she backs away from the wall and towards the entrance of the bathroom.
She finds a prayer and starts to recite.
BETHANY
[Insert New Age Prayer]
The unseen force tries to rip her phone from her hands but she holds onto it and continues to read the prayer off it.
She finishes the prayer and the unseen force releases her.
She looks around.
BETHANY
Are you here?
All is quiet.
BETHANY
Are you here?
Silence.
BETHANY
You better stay gone.
She leaves the bathroom.
INT. COFFEE SHOP – DAY
Bethany marches up to Brad who scoots his chair back from the table.
Before he can stand up, she bends down and plants a big kiss on him.
She pulls away.
He looks up at her surprise.
BETHANY
Friday night. Pick me up at 7.
Brad’s speechless.
Bethany stares into his eyes.
He nods enthusiastically.
BETHANY
I’ll send you my address through the app.
She walks over to her purse and throws the strap over her left shoulder.
BETHANY
But right now I have to tend to a dislocated shoulder.
Brad tries to get up.
BETHANY
Don’t worry. Stay here. Eat your dinner.
BRAD
But Bethany.
BETHANY
If you go with me, you’ll just have questions. I’ll see you on Friday at 7 and we’ll talk then.
Bethany smiles and walks stiffly towards the entrance despite her best attempts to mask her pain. Her left arm hangs at an abnormal angle.
3. Write the scene for Reaction 2 to the Inciting Incident.
Scene 4 (Reaction 2 to the Inciting Incident)
INT. CHURCH – DAY
Bethany enters the church with one arm in a sling and the other arm holding a box.
Deacon Anders is at the altar talking to one of the church office managers and he looks up at Bethany.
DEACON ANDERS
Oh my gosh!
He rushes down the aisle to Bethany.
Bethany holds out the box.
BETHANY
I have the copies of the church newsletter you ordered.
Deacon Anders catches up to her and takes the box.
DEACON ANDERS
Who cares about the newsletter? What happened to you?
BETHANY
Nothing. I ran into Brad at the coffee shop randomly and we really hit it off.
Deacon Anders grimaces.
DEACON ANDERS
What kind of stuff is he into.
BETHANY
Nothing like that you sicko. He’s a perfect gentleman. So perfect in fact, that I said yes to his date.
DEACON ANDERS
You said yes. And then what?
He gestures at her shoulder.
DEACON ANDERS (con’t)
Did you get mugged?
BETHANY
No, it was nothing.
DEACON ANDERS
(lowering his voice)
It wasn’t Demon 23 was it?
BETHANY
No! Just a little accident. I fell, that’s all.
DEACON ANDERS
You’re lying to me Bethany. It was Demon 23!
BETHANY
Okay, it was.
DEACON ANDERS
And you have the audacity to go on date with Brad while Demon 23 has figure out how to turn you into his punching bag.
BETHANY
Audacity?
DEACON ANDERS
I’m surprised you could be so selfish.
BETHANY
I took care of it. I said like a prayer and he stopped bothering me.
DEACON ANDERS
Like a prayer? What are you talking about.
BETHANY
I read this evocation about the light and the cosmic energy and I recited it at him.
DEACON ANDERS
You used a pagan recitation? Not even a Catholic Prayer. Who are you?
BETHANY
What was I supposed to do? It worked anyway. Nothing you ever did has helped me. All you do is remind me of all my bad dates and suggest that I stop dating.
DEACON ANDERS
You should stop dating. Did you ever think that maybe you weren’t meant to date?
BETHANY
Yes, every single time I talk to you. But I don’t want to live like you. I don’t want to sacrifice love and a relationship for an unsatisfactory career as a lowly clergyman.
DEACON ANDERS
The love of God fulfills me.
BETHANY
Oh yeah. If your so fulfilled, then why do you keep trying for a recommendation from the nuncio to be made a bishop. You invite that guy over all the time, but he just comes for the food.
DEACON ANDERS
That’s none of your business.
BETHANY
Maybe if you could perform an exorcism like Father Ptolemy, you would get noticed.
DEACON ANDERS
If I didn’t know better, I would say you were in need of an exorcism right now.
BETHANY
No, I’m not possessed Deacon Anders. I’m just fed up. And it’s just laughable that a priest’s first name is Deacon. And try as you might to get us to call you Father Anders, We all just call you Deacon Anders. How sad. Aren’t you tired of having a name that reminds you of your failures?
DEACON ANDERS
Aren’t you tired of having a past that reminds you of yours.
Bethany looks down to hide the sting of Deacon Anders words.
Bethany steels herself and looks up.
BETHANY
Yes. That’s why I’m going on the date. Selfish or not.
Bethany turns and marches out of the church letting the doors slam behind her.
-
Chuck Czech’s Inciting Incident
What I learned — It’s important to include a scene covering the protagonist’s emotional reaction to the inciting incident.
INCITING INCIDENT (OUTLINE)
INT./EXT. RONAN’S CAR/SMALL TOWN STREET – DAY
Beginning: Ronan wakes up confused in a small desert town. The roadhouse he was dreaming about is just ahead.
Middle: Ronan almost hits a woman in the crosswalk. It’s Paulina — but it’s been established that Paulina had died. A black sedan rear-ends his car and a menacing Stranger gets out and approaches. An SUV plows into the black sedan, narrowly missing the Stranger. Paulina opens the door and urges Ronan to leave. The Stranger gets up from the pavement and approaches.
END: Ronan guns the engine, carrying himself and Paulina to safety.
EMOTIONAL REACTION TO INCITING INCIDENT (OUTLINE)
INT./EXT. RONAN’S CAR – TRAVELING – DAY
BEGINNING: Ronan speeds away from the small town and into the countryside.
MIDDLE: Paulina tries to convince Ronan that she is in fact Paulina, but Ronan is sure he saw her die.
END: Realizing his passenger knows a lot about his journey, Ronan decides to drive to safety.
INCITING INCIDENT (WRITE)
INT./EXT. RONAN’S CAR/SMALL TOWN STREET – DAY
Ronan’s eyes snap open. He shuts off a BUZZING ALARM and looks around. He’s parked on the main street of a small desert town that overlooks an expansive flatland. The edge of civilization.
The roadhouse he saw in his dreams sits at the end of the block, its windows dark.
With his eyes fixed on the roadhouse, Ronan puts the car in gear and —
PAULINA: Hey!
Ronan locks up the brakes as the blur of a person falls to the crosswalk in front of his car. Ronan’s petrified, his face locked in surprise. After a moment a woman’s head peers over the top of the hood. PAULINA (35) the dead woman from his flashback memory.
Both are surprised. Shocked at who they see. Then —
WHAM! A black sedan rear-ends Ronan’s car, jostling him, jostling the capsule. Ronan checks his sideview mirror —
A MAN in black athletic gear and a hoodie emerges from the sedan and moves toward him.
PAULINA: Please, please let me in. You can’t let him touch you.
Paulina is at the passenger window. Ronan looks — the Hoodie Driver is almost to his door.
Suddenly, an oncoming SUV swerves toward the two cars, narrowly missing the Hoodie Driver, and CRASHES into the black sedan.
Ronan is frozen, stupefied. Paulina reaches through the cracked passenger window and opens the door, climbs in.
PAULINA: Ronan! You’re not safe here! You have to go!
Ronan watches the Hoodie Driver climb to his feet, his features dull and brutish as if made of clay.
PAULINA: Go, Ronan, now!
Ronan snaps out of it, stands on the accelerator and launches his car up the street, leaving the Hoodie Man in the middle of the street, gawking.
EMOTIONAL REACTION TO INCITING INCIDENT (WRITE)
INT. RONAN’S CAR – TRAVELING – DAY
The engine GROWLS LOUDER as Ronan races out of town toward the flatlands ahead. He steals incredulous glances at his passenger. PAULINA MERRITT (35) is intelligent, articulate, typically one step ahead of others.
PAULINA: Ronan! It’s me, Paulina.
Ronan just looks at her, not believing his eyes.
PAULINA: I was a physicist on the Gibraltar Project. Remember? You were a lab assistant. You helped me transfer data to the platform.
RONAN: No, no. I saw you dead.
PAULINA: Look — I’m here right in front of you. The last time we saw each other was at that roadhouse three years ago.
RONAN: No! The last time you saw me was at Gibraltar, outside the control room. You said something special to me…
Paulina knows this is a test. She chooses her words carefully.
PAULINA: We saw each other a lot in the hallways.
RONAN (pointing to different parts of her face): Look, there and there. You’re different. You’re not Paulina.
PAULINA: I am Paulina Merritt and we’ve known each other six years — three on the project and three since the explosion.
Ronan averts his eyes, troubled by the memory.
PAULINA: Regardless of what you think, I know you. And I know about Gibraltar. And I know what’s in your trunk.
With that, Ronan fixes his eyes on the road, as if realizing he’s sitting by a hungry tiger.
-
Lesson 10 Act 1 Inciting Incidents The Desert Songs of Ana Victoria
Act 1: 30 pages
SCENE 1 7/10 pages
Opening:
EXT. DESERT – NIGHT
A still figure lying in the desert. An animal comes close to the figure. Ana Victoria is singing low or making noise trying to sing. A sharp sound scares it away.
ANA VICTORIA
(real moans or taped voice over singer)
Ti quiero….
(The woman is remembering what happened and dreaming.)
INT. TRUCK OR SUV – NIGHT – FLASHBACK
TE 1
AV is in a truck speeding through the desert. Sounds of the desert and the air rushing by in the night. In the front seat two men on either side of our heroine Ana Victoria.
TRAFFICKER 1
Your son is healthy.
ANA VICTORIA
His name is Gael. Yes, Gael is a strong boy.
TRAFFICKER 1
The little girl was with you on the train. Nothing happened to you?
ANA VICTORIA
Her name is Carmina.
TRAFFICKER 1
No?
ANA VICTORIA
My husband Alejandro was a strong man. We were okay. The noise on the train was horrible.
TRAFFICKER 1
This is the way to travel. Private coach. Your husband had good connections down south. Not everyone is riding with air conditioning like this. My boss says he saw photos of you and the children.
ANA VICTORIA
What photos? I don’t believe my husband showed them to you. Did someone photograph us? I don’t know how my husband made these arrangements. I don’t know anything. He was in charge of us. So we left home because he said that we had to go.
TRAFFICKER 1
Well, someone must have taken a few pictures at work. You know everyone loves to share.
(Silence)
ANA VICTORIA
You make this trip often?
TRAFFICKER 1
We are the express route. You will be in Phoenix soon.
TRAFFICKER 2
Hey, you must be happy.
ANA VICTORIA
I lost my husband this week. I am still mourning him.
TRAFFICKER 2
Very happy women must smile. Because you know we are bringing you to a place where you can have fun. We go there. Our boss goes there. You can meet a lot of men with money.
(The men are joking with her that she would be happy in a place where they have fun. At first visual the audience cannot tell that she is not a friend or familiar to them, but a woman being driven across the border by traffickers.)
ANA VICTORIA
My husband said we were going to a place where the church people leave water, to wait so they would find us and bring us in.
TRAFFICKER 1
Yes, we have a connection with that group. But we are not going there tonight. We are passing it now. We have plenty of water behind the seat. Just relax and enjoy.
(Trafficker 2 places his hand on Ana Victoria’s left thigh. Trafficker 1 sees this and places his hand on her right thigh. The two men start to molest AV.)
ANA VICTORIA
Stop. This is not the deal my husband negotiated. I want to get out and wait for the church group.
TRAFFICKER 1
You have no money to pay off your debts. Your husband is dead.
TRAFFICKER 2
Such as nice woman, so carefully kept. 2You have nice breasts. You had an easy life so far. You think you could handle working in a chicken plant for a few dollars an hour! No! You belong in a brothel where men can go on enjoying your company.
ANA VICTORIA
Stop the truck! Stop touching me!
(ANA VICTORIA starts fighting left and right. She wants the truck to stop so she can escape, but the traffickers go on.)
TRAFFICKER 2
Hey girl, you know your children are drugged in the back of this truck. You want to cause an accident. We aren’t making emergency stops.
ANA VICTORIA
You are taking me and my children to a brothel?
TRAFFICKER 1
We have a buyer for the little girl, a nice older couple in Chicago who want to raise a child. 50k in cash. We have some interest in the boy too. See, all your debt will be repaid, and we will give some of it back to you in the brothel.
(AV’s resistance escalates. It becomes difficult to drive. She kicks the man in the passenger seat and he opens the door to the truck by accident. It swings open but the driver does not stop. AV is trying to kick him out of the open door or cause the driver to stop. The men start to punch her to control her violent response. She hits back. In frustration the man in the passenger side grabs her and flings her from the truck. The truck slows down but does not stop. The lights recede into the night. AV is knocked out laying near the truck tracks.)
EXT. DESERT – NIGHT – FLASHBACK
GAEL
Mami, look, there is a lizard.
ALEJANDRO
Yes, that one won’t hurt you. But watch out for the bigger ones.
GAEL
I want to keep it. Then I can swing him by the tail.
(GAEL grabs the green lizard and starts swinging the animal.)
CARMINA
Noooooo! Bad, bad. Papi, stop Gael.
ANA VICTORIA
Let that creature go. Who’s hungry? I made some good food for you. Much better than the taste of that lizard.
(GAEL stops bothering the lizard. CARMINA looks up at her mother with interest in the food. ALEJANDRO smiles and scoops up his children, one in each arm.)
ALEJANDRO
We love you! Let’s eat!
(AL sets down his son and daughter. AV serves lunch. Someone calls AL on his cell.)
ANA VICTORIA
Now who can eat the first tortilla fastest?
ALEJANDRO
No! No! What happened? Trapped. Why wasn’t I there? He told me to go home.
(AL clicks off his cell.)
ANA VICTORIA
Work?
(ALEJANDRO frantically finds his pistol and checks to see how many bullets are in the clip.)
ANA VICTORIA
No, no….
ALEJANDRO
The Captain is dead.
ANA VICTORIA
What does that mean?
ALEJANDRO
I have to go out. I have to find out what happened. This is serious Ana; the men who killed the Captain will come after me. I may send you to visit your sister while I work here.
ANA VICTORIA
What did you do? What did you do?
ALEJANDRO
We had to get closer to them. Then I made some deals, not for the money, but to get inside. At first it was easy. They want the cops to become part of their organization. I made extra money. The Captain let me in on how work with them. Then they took some of it away. Because of losses. We weren’t giving them enough information or protection.
ANA VICTORIA
Al, you are telling me you are corrupt. You belong to the cartel.
ALEJANDRO
Everything I did, I did for us. The Captain played both sides. I was just a soldier! Everyone makes money in the war.
ANA VICTORIA
I can’t believe you messed up. We have two children here who need you, need this house.
ALEJANDRO
No one knows but the cartel and the Captain is dead.
ANA VICTORIA
So where is their money? Do you have anything you could use to buy them off. Tell them it was the Captain!
ALEJANDRO
I borrowed money for the last deal. The Captain was supposed to give it back to me after he did a search and seizure, but now he is dead.
ANA VICTORIA
What are you talking about?!!! You borrowed money from the cartel to do an illegal deal that was supposed to be busted by your boss who said he would reimburse you? What the fuck are you saying?
ALEJANDRO
Stop, never say that again. You know nothing, nothing. If they think you know anything, they will kill you. I know some of these men would kill you just for fun.
ANA VICTORIA
I am so sorry to hear…..
(GAEL holds up a finger and pretends to shoot Carmina.)
ALEJANDRO
Gael! Stop threatening your sister. Eat your lunch. Can you just behave and help your mother until I get back?
GAEL
Yes.
(ALEJANDRO gets up and starts collecting his bag and his gun.)
ALEJANDRO
Stay very quiet at home tonight. Do not go out. If I don’t come back, take the savings and go to your sister’s place. Don’t ask any questions. I will come when I can get away.
ANA VICTORIA
(Moaning or humming music. Then silence.)
(A woman is dreaming. She imagines her children. Her husband, their father, loved them. He loved her. In her dream she sees her family. She sings to them. They are happy. Then something jumps in the darkness.)
INT. A ROOM IN THE SOUTH – DAY
ALEJANDRO
The men who killed the Captain want to kill me too. We were working together, making connections inside the cartel so that we could find out what was happening.
ANA VICTORIA
I don’t want to leave! My mother’s plates are here. My children need me at home.
ALEJANDRO
Our lives on in danger here now. There may not be much time. You know they control the city. We’ve been harassing some of the men who work for the cartel. With the Captain dead, they will try to stop any information and witnesses from getting out of here. There is no way to defend the station with so many men inside and outside and who knows who.
ANA VICTORIA
We can’t take the highway. What can we do?
ALEJANDRO
We’ll get on the train from the south that goes to La Frontera. No one here will look for us among all the poor people from other countries. They will assume that I am hiding. I can use some of my contacts to get us on board. Then we can get off in Nogales. There are men there who I worked with in the past. They know how to cross the border without swimming or getting cut down. They have people in the States who know how.
ANA VICTORIA
(crying)
I don’t want to leave….
ALEJANDRO
Listen to me, listen. We must get out, get to a safer place. We can only take a bag each and the children. If we stay here they will kill me and take you. I can’t protect you here.
ANA VICTORIA
We go with you. I can only pray.
ALEJANDRO
I think this will work.
ANA VICTORIA
I have to put the children’s things in something too. Gael can carry something. I could tie a change of clothes on Carmina.
ALEJANDRO
Good, be quick. I need to find out where the train is today. I’ll be back to get you and the children in an hour. We can make it another city.
GAEL
We have to take the toys with us. I can pull the plastic tub. We have to. I don’t want to play at Auntie’s house without my toys!
ANA VICTORIA
Gael, please do not fight me today. You know my sister has toys too. You will get to play with new toys.
GAEL
What are they?
ANA VICTORIA
What do you think?
CARMINA
Mama, can I sit in your lap on the train?
ANA VICTORIA
Yes, baby girl, I can hold you close. The trip will be over before you know it. You can rest on me. Oh look, your father is back already.
ALEJANDRO
Gael, I need you to be a man and help me keep your mother and sister calm. This is important. Can you do this for me? We will play soldiers together, yes?
GAEL
Carmina said she wants to sleep through the trip. I can be a good soldier. You are my commanding officer.
ALEJANDRO
If I leave you alone, you go on protecting your mother and sister.
EXT. RAILROAD TRACKS AND OPEN CAR – DAY
TE 2
(Cut to La Bestia, a train called the Beast, where hundreds of migrants are hanging off the train, riding the roof, people are pushing to get on.)
The family squeezed into a small space in a crowded car. The train is full of foreigners from south of the Mexican border, all heading north toward the United States. The family are in a corner near a hole in the wall that lets in air.)
ALEJANDRO
I couldn’t get anything at the office. I found out the train was going to slow down at this point and that was it. I didn’t have time.
ANA VICTORIA
I needed to take some things to my sister. At least let me try to call her when we stop.
ALEJANDRO
No, don’t call her yet. We can go back after we get settled and things die down. I buried, you know, our gold, you know where.
ANA VICTORIA
We may not be back there for a long time. Maybe my sister could….
ALEJANDRO
No, no one knows. The two of us need to be completely silent. Do not tell your sister where we are or where we are going or how to find our box. Others may overhear or watch to see if someone goes back to the house.
ANA VICTORIA
I am afraid of the people on this train, but I can’t let them see any emotions. The young men assault people over our heads on the roof and in every car.
ALEJANDRO
The army taught me how to fight off these punks. I don’t think they will try anything.
ANA VICTORIA
I am trying to pretend I am asleep. For the children’s sake, I don’t want to talk to anyone on this trip.
ANA STANDS UP TO STRETCH
ANA VICTORIA
Al, there are dead bodies piled by the door. Two bodies, waiting for the train to stop
ALEJANDRO
Come here to me. Just rest your face on my chest. I love your Ana. Our love will carry us to a new home.
(Sounds of horror, of women crying because they are being raped by men on the train. Her husband stands watch over his family. The children are afraid, but they sleep next to their mother.)
-
DENI B. SHER’S INCITING INCIDENT
What I learned doing this assignment is how important it is to include the antagonist (change/agent) in the scene after the inciting incident.
EXT. AVENTURA, FL – HIGH END CONDO BUILDING – NIGHT
A Lexus sedan pulls up.
INT. LEXUS – NIGHT
DENI(49) wears designer suit, leans over, kisses ARTHUR (54) behind the wheel, in casual suit and tie.
DENI
Thank you for another wonderful night. I love you, sweetheart.
ARTHUR
I love you too, Deni girl, and that’s why I can’t support what you’re doing. You paid a small fortune just getting him out of high school and now —
DENI
— Please. Let’s not go there. He was accepted into art school and I need to give him another chance.
Arthur gently holds Deni’s shoulders, looks into her eyes.
ARTHUR
How many more chances does he get?
DENI
He’s my only child. I want him to succeed.
ARTHUR
He’s twenty-five. He should be on his own and not have his Mommy pay for everything.
DENI
I know, but if I don’t help him, who will? I already signed a lease and we found a great used car.
ARTHUR
I think you should have drug tested him first.
DENI
He promised he quit.
ARTHUR
And of course, you believed him.
DENI
I need to believe him. I need to have hope. Trust me. I’m his mother.
ARTHUR
Well, you better get some rest. Tomorrow’s the big move in day.
DENI
He’s very excited and I’m excited for him.
ARTHUR
You know I’m here for you, even if I don’t agree.
DENI
I do know. Thank you for loving me the way you do.
They kiss again. Deni gets out of the car. Shuts the door and throws Arthur a kiss.
EXT. RENTAL BUILDING – DAY
Deni and CHRIS (25) in jeans, black tee-shirt, hug.
DENI
Well, kiddo. We did it.
Deni looks into the parking lot, eyeballs an old car.
DENI
Take care of that car. It might be old, but it still runs.
CHRIS
Kinda like you, Mom.
DENI
Ha. Ha.
CHRIS
You know I’m joking.
DENI
I know. So, school starts in a week. I’m excited for you.
CHRIS
Me too. I’ll get my schedule this week and also find a part-time job.
DENI
School’s the priority, but if you can find something for weekends, that would be great.
Chris reaches out to hug Deni. They hug.
CHRIS
I’ll make you proud. Promise. Thanks for making all this happen. I love you.
DENI
All I want is for you to be happy and have a successful life.
CHRIS
Me too, Mom.
Deni walks towards her car, turns, waves.
DENI
Keep me posted. I need to get back to work.
SPLIT SCREEN – STREET ON SOUTH BEACH, FL/DENI’S BEDROOM
EXT. STREET IN SOUTH BEACH – NIGHT
Chris stands outside of a club, handing out flyers.
A brunette bombshell with huge breasts, GABBY, 20s, hangs all over him, a beer in her hand.
Chris makes a cell call.
INT. DENI’S BEDROOM – NIGHT
Deni and Arthur sleep in a high-end bedroom. Cell RINGS.
Deni sits up quickly, looks at Arthur, looks at clock.
DENI
Please, dear God.
ARTHUR
Just answer it, sweetheart.
DENI
Hello?
CHRIS
Did I wake you?
DENI
Sort of, but that’s okay. Are you okay?
CHRIS
I’m great. Just wanted you to know I got a job in marketing.
Gabby looks at him confused.
DENI
That’s wonderful.
CHRIS
Yeah, I work at night promoting clubs in South Beach.
DENI
I’m proud of you.
CHRIS
Thanks, Mom. Okay. Just wanted to let you know. I’ll call you tomorrow afternoon. Love you.
END SPLIT SCREEN
EXT. STREET IN SOUTH BEACH – CONTINUOUS
Chris puts the cell in his pants, grabs the beer out of the bombshell’s hand, swigs, kisses her.
CHRIS
Gabby, can you score some ecstasy for us?
INT. DENI’S BEDROOM – SAME TIME
Deni lies down, puts her head on Arthur’s chest.
DENI
He’s excited. He got a job in marketing. Thank God he’s okay.
ARTHUR
At three in the morning? I hope you’re right.
INT. CHRIS’ RENTAL APARTMENT – BEDROOM – DAY
Chris and Gabby sprawl out on a mattress, on the floor. Empty beer bottles, dirty ashtrays, clothes strewn on floor, surround them. The sun radiates into their faces. Both stare at ceiling.
INSERT: “Three Months Later”
SHABBY
I’m worried. I barely slept.
CHRIS
We have two weeks to figure it out. Mom paid til then.
SHABBY
Did you tell her yet?
CHRIS
She’ll go crazy.
SHABBY
Can you blame her?
CHRIS
She’s the one who fucked me up.
Shabby laughs.
SHABBY
That’s how I feel about my mom.
CHRIS
That’s why I love you, Babe.
SHABBY
Where will we live?
CHRIS
Don’t worry. I already have an idea.
INT. RENTAL BUILDING – RENTAL OFFICE – DAY
RENTAL AGENT (50s) sits at desk, arms folded across his chest. A cigar burns in an ashtray.
RENTAL AGENT
Nope. Besides the walls, six neighbors have filed complaints on his loud music. He’s out and so is his whore.
DENI
He can’t afford a whore. I’ve met Shabby. I like her.
RENTAL AGENT
I can understand why, given what your son’s like. She’s a step above.
DENI
Just give me the keys. I’ll clean the apartment. I want my deposit back.
Rental Agent hands Deni a key.
RENTAL AGENT
Have it your way. I hope you have a strong stomach and lots of elbow grease. You have a week.
INT. CHRIS’ RENTAL APARTMENT – LIVING ROOM – DAY
The lock CLICKS. The door opens. The walls are covered with pastel drawings from ceiling to floor.
DENI (O.C.)
What in the hell?
RENTAL AGENT (O.C.)
I expect it to be spotless and repainted white. Good luck.
Deni enters the apartment, shuts the door. She examines the living room walls, pops her head into the bedroom. Shakes her head in disappointment.
DENI
What is wrong with you, Chris? Arthur tried to warn me.
Deni tears up, weeps, trudges out, slams the door.
RENTAL APARTMENT – LIVING ROOM – NEXT DAY
Deni and KAT (45) blonde, tall, strong, scrub the walls together. Walls are almost clean.
KAT
You know I love you like a sister. It hurts me to see what’s happening.
DENI
He’s my only child, Kat. If I don’t help him, who will?
KAT
I watched my parents try to save my brother for over twenty years. He bled them dry. Then, overdosed.
DENI
He swears he’s only drinking beer and not doing drugs.
KAT
I don’t think so. This artwork’s not from beer. He flunked out of school. What does that tell you?
RENTAL APARTMENT – LIVING ROOM – NEXT DAY
Deni, Kat and ANDY (30s) a strong, healthy guy, paint the walls together.
DENI
Thanks again for helping on your days off.
KAT
You’re one of the good ones, Andy.
ANDY
Deni’s a good boss. What Chris needs is a good kick in the ass.
DENI
He needed that years ago. It’s my fault he’s spoiled. Once my computer company took off, I went from rags to riches. I just gave him anything he wanted.
KAT
Like my brother, he’s never had to earn anything.
ANDY
Why don’t you give him a job at ComputerDen. This way he can earn his own money and you can keep an eye on him. I’ll teach him. He can cold call for me.
KAT
Where’s he going to live now?
DENI
He can’t live with me. I moved in with Arthur.
Andy steps back, examines the walls.
ANDY
I think we’re done. I’ll take my ladder and the drop cloths to my car. Just put the lid on the can and toss everything in those big garbage bags. I’ll come back up and take all the trash to my truck.
DENI
I couldn’t have done it without you both.
KAT
That’s what friends are for.
EXT. ARTHUR’S APARTMENT – BALCONY – NIGHT
Arthur and Deni relax having cocktails as the sun sets.
ARTHUR
You’re an amazing woman. I honestly didn’t think you’d get the four thousand back. Have you learned anything about your son?
DENI
I know he’s not responsible. I know he drinks beer and smokes cigarettes and pot. Kat found burnt joint ends in his bathroom.
ARTHUR
I’m sure he does more than pot.
DENI
Like what? I know he tried coke years ago, but he didn’t like it.
ARTHUR
At least that’s what he told you. I think your son has a drug problem, but you refuse to see it.
DENI
But he says he doesn’t.
ARTHUR
Stop believing him. You’re in denial. He’s not going to ever tell you the truth. He doesn’t want to hurt you.
Deni starts crying, stands, gazes out,
DENI
I don’t want him to die. I’m so frustrated and confused. I don’t know what to do or how to change him.
Arthur hugs Deni. She cries on his shoulder.
ARTHUR
You’ll figure it out. You just need to know you can’t trust him. This is like the hundredth time he’s disappointed you.
DENI
You’re going to shoot me.
ARTHUR
Why would I shoot you? I love you.
DENI
I hired Chris and Shabby to work at ComputerDen.
ARTHUR
You what?
DENI
There’s more… I let them move into the loft above my office. I can’t just kick them to the street.
ARTHUR
That’s exactly what you need to do.
DENI
They’re getting married. I told them it’s a great idea. Maybe having a wife will make him grow up.
ARTHUR
When did you plan to tell me all of this?
DENI
Now?
INT. COMPUTER COMPANY – LOFT – DAY
August and Shabby lie on a mattress on the floor.
Make shift tables support make shift lighting.
A piece of artwork, spray pained on brown paper, hangs from a line strung across the room. Cans of spray paint clutter the floor.
Chris grabs Shabby’s left hand with his left hand and holds both hands in the air.
CHRIS
I can’t believe we’re married.
SHABBY
We really did it.
They hug each other and kiss a long time.
SHABBY
Your mom is very cool. My parents would never let us live up here like this.
CHRIS
I think she’s stupid. She believes everything I tell her.
SHABBY
Well, I like her. She’s paying us to do a job, she’s giving us a place to live and I like working with Andy and everyone else.
CHRIS
That’s because you don’t know her like I do. She did some real stupid things with men when I was in high school.
SHABBY
So did my mom. I never wanna be a single mom. It’s gotta sucks.
CHRIS
Yeah, I guess you’re right.
INT. COMPUTER COMPANY – DENI’S OFFICE – DAY
There is a black car bumper on the floor and two computer terminals sitting on chairs in front of Deni’s desk.
Deni sits at her desk looking miserable.
Chris enters Deni’s office, smiling.
CHRIS
What up, Madre?
DENI
You left your car keys on your desk, so I opened your trunk.
Chris’s smile goes away.
DENI
You lied and stole two monitors from me. You also stole a bumper off someone’s car.
CHRIS
What?
DENI
Don’t what me! You are a thief and a liar. I also think you are a drug addict. I can’t do this any more.
CHRIS
Mom…
DENI
Don’t mom me. You have done nothing but disappoint me time after time. I had enough last summer and then let you back in my life again. I’ve tried to help you, but you don’t help yourself.
CHRIS
I’m sorry.
DENI
You’re not sorry. I know you and Shabby are planning to move to Germany. I want you to get a passport by next week. Once you have a passport, I will pay for your one way ticket to Germany.
CHRIS
You’ll really do that?
DENI
Yes. I want you out of my life. And, don’t contact me again until you are clean and responsible. And, if you choose to never contact me again, that is fine too. That is your choice. Just go. I’m done.
INT. ARTHUR’S APARTMENT – BALCONY – THAT NIGHT
Deni sits and stares straight ahead. A pout across her face. She chews a nail. Arthur sits nearby. Both speechless.
ARTHUR
I’m sorry he’s put you through all of this. That’s exactly why I didn’t want him to spend time with my son.
DENI
I know. I just hurt. How could I be so angry with my son that I told him never to contact me again? Where has my love gone?
ARTHUR
Sadly, he’s numbed it with his out of control behavior. You’ll never stop loving him. It’s his behavior you don’t like.
DENI
I’ve failed as a mother.
ARTHUR
Don’t beat yourself up. The time apart will be good for you both.
DENI
From your mouth to God’s ears.
-
Joy Geldard-Smith’s Inciting Incident
What I learned doing this assignment is… I didn’t quite get the last one right, with the beginning, middle and end. Must have read it when I was tired. I really like writing to that, although I know it will need a lot of tightening up as I will overwrite given that much. I really like the idea of structuring scenes like that though.
1. Outline Key Scenes 2 & 3 for Act 1.
Key Scene 2/Inciting incident:
Outline: Madison meets Jose, who tells her to get out of his performance art. She obviously can’t. He tells her about his project. She calls him pretentious. They waste a lot of time fighting, and then she basically tells him they will end up locked in and fail there unless he bucks his ideas up. He paints, refusing to work with her, and she solves the puzzles that he can’t.
She says that his work looks like he’s playing it safe.
INT. PUZZLE ROOM – CONTINUOUS
BEGINNING: Madison starts the puzzle room, then realizes that Jose is up to something else. Jose is unhappy that his new ‘thing’ is off to a bad start.
MIDDLE: Jose paints while Madison easily solves the puzzles.
END: They solve the puzzles and are released, but Madison criticizes Jose’s art.
Key Scene 3:
Outline: INT – PUZZLE ROOM RECEPTION – LATER
They emerge from the puzzle room to meet Jose’s manager, who spills the beans that the whole thing was livestreamed. Madison is even more furious, even though he says it was a hit.
Beginning: Madison is happy that she solved some of the puzzles, but irked by Jose (who is also irked by Madison).
Middle: Truce – Jose thanks her for her help with the puzzles, but not her opinion on art.
End: Jose’s manager tells them it’s a hit, elating Jose but infuriating Madison.
2. Write your Inciting Incident scene.
I don’t know if this is formatted right, or if it should be ‘intercut’ rather than new scenes, but this is the inciting incident scene. It then runs straight into the emotional reaction scene.
INT. LOCKED IN THE 305 PUZZLE ROOMS RECEPTION – LATER
Madison checks her phone for the time as she sits in the puzzle room’s reception. The walls are covered in riddles and famous detectives. Rafael is there, with some other arty-looking people.
PUZZLER PAIGE, a minimum wage employee with minimum enthusiasm, dressed as a Victorian detective, walks towards Madison.
PUZZLER PAIGE
Madison, right? I’m Puzzler Paige. Come this way to the lockers, and then prepare to be locked in.
Madison excitedly stands.
MADISON
I’m actually kind of nervous! I’ve always wanted to do something like this.
PUZZLER PAIGE
(what a nerd!)
Then today’s your lucky day!
Puzzler Paige gestures at a locker, and Madison fumbles but puts her stuff in.
MADISON
I’m done.
Puzzler Paige is on her phone the whole time. Then sees the time.
PUZZLER PAIGE
Crap. We need to get you in there.
Grabs Madison’s wrist, flings open the door, almost shoves Madison inside, then the door slams closed.
PUZZLER PAIGE
Oops.
Puzzler Paige looks at the now closed door, realizing her mistake.
INT. LOCKED IN THE 305 PUZZLE ROOM – CONTINUOUS
Madison jumps at the door slamming shut, then turns around, apprehensively taking a slow breath in. Sees Jose glowering.
JOSE
What are you doing?
MADISON
What are you doing?
JOSE
Why are you in this room?
MADISON
To solve the puzzles and escape. Y’know, for fun. What’s with the face?
JOSE
This is the premiere of my groundbreaking new art concept. It does not include you.
Despite the rudeness, Madison is sympathetic.
MADISON
Oh. No, that’s nothing to do with me. I’ll get Puzzler Paige!
JOSE
Puzzler Paige?
MADISON
Yeah, the staffer that locked me in here.
Madison turns back to the door and hammers on it.
MADISON (CONT’D)
Puzzler Paige? Puzzler Paige?
JOSE
She can’t hear you.
Madison continues.
MADISON
Puzzler Paige? Puzzler Paige?
JOSE
She can probably see you on the cameras though.
Madison considers, then jumps up and down, waving her arms. Jose breaks and laughs.
JOSE
Are you trying to flag down a jumbo jet?
MADISON
It was your idea.
JOSE
I gave you information, I did not tell you to jump around like maracas at a salsa show.
MADISON
Take your eyes off my maracas!
JOSE
Please! I’m telling you that you’re stuck in here. So sit down and be quiet and let me work.
Madison won’t be condescended to.
MADISON
Hey! I paid for this session. I want to do some creative problem solving and beat the room. And that’s what I’m going to do.
JOSE
You’re interrupting my performance art, which has barely had chance to get started, which requires ME to do all the puzzles and create a work of art reflecting my cognitive processes.
Madison wanders round the room, mentally grazing the clues.
MADISON
(sarcastic:)
Wow.
JOSE
(sincerely:)
Thank you.
Madison can’t help but let her humor erupt.
JOSE (CONT’D)
You’re mocking me?
MADISON
I haven’t been trained in any alternative methods on dealing with someone that pretentious, sorry.
INT. LOCKED IN THE 305 PUZZLE ROOMS RECEPTION – CONTINUOUS
A large screen is showing the different angles of the puzzle room, with sound.
Puzzler Paige is stuck in a slow motion firing and she knows it. Rafael and his entourage are trying to speed it up.
PUZZLER PAIGE
It was a genuine mistake. Time was running out to get her into a room!
RAFAEL
Because you’d half-assed your job and left it late. Now you’ve screwed months of planning. He’ll never be able to work like this.
PUZZLER PAIGE
I mean, we can override it if you want, but you’re already live. There’s quite a few comments.
Rafael turns to the screen. There are.
INT. LOCKED IN THE 305 PUZZLE ROOM – CONTINUOUS
Rafael is banging his head against his canvas.
MADISON
Oh, come on. You must have painted in front of a person before.
JOSE
(not looking up:)
I did, but we were both naked.
MADISON
That’s not happening.
JOSE
Do I really need to start my sentences with ‘this is not a request’ for you?
Madison’s glare is enough of an answer.
MADISON
I’ll start by the door and try and stay out of your way. You can paint or puzzle or whatever.
JOSE
You don’t understand, do you? You’ve ruined the whole thing.
MADISON
I have not done anything here, other than been locked in the wrong room with the wrong person. You’re supposed to be painting, so paint!
JOSE
It’s not that simple.
MADISON
I’m pretty sure it is. No one will know what you would have painted on your own, so you can still just paint your cognitive processes.
INT. LOCKED IN THE 305 PUZZLE ROOMS RECEPTION – CONTINUOUS
Puzzler Paige tries to become Persuasive Paige.
PUZZLER PAIGE
I know it doesn’t get me off the hook, but she’s right… She’s not really taking anything away from the process.
INT. LOCKED IN THE 305 PUZZLE ROOM – CONTINUOUS
Jose is pacing in front of the easel. Madison is idly working a puzzle.
MADISON
Look, I’ll be quiet and do some puzzles, and we’ll just try and make the best of it. “We don’t make mistakes, just happy little accidents.”
JOSE
Did you quote Bob Ross?
MADISON
I see you’re not a fan, so I am gonna be quiet now.
She completes the pieces.
MADISON
Oh, look, it’s the skyline from a cruise ship!
Madison mimes locking her lips.
INT. LOCKED IN THE 305 PUZZLE ROOMS RECEPTION – CONTINUOUS
The small group are transfixed by the screen.
RAFAEL
Did we just hit 5,000 live views? We just hit 5,000 views!
Enthusiasm explodes.
INT. LOCKED IN THE 305 PUZZLE ROOM – CONTINUOUS
Jose has been calmed by starting to paint. Madison is still doing the puzzles, silently.
JOSE
So, what do you do, anyway?
MADISON
Accountant.
JOSE
Boring.
MADISON
Actually, not.
JOSE
Disagree.
MADISON
Accountants can expose fraud and white collar crime, work with the PD on money laundering…
JOSE
That’s what you do?
Jose doesn’t hide being impressed.
MADISON
…I said ‘can’ not ‘I do’.
JOSE
Oh.
MADISON
Well, it beats sitting around, starving, while you wait for inspiration to strike.
INT. LOCKED IN THE 305 PUZZLE ROOMS RECEPTION – CONTINUOUS
The group wince collectively.
INT. LOCKED IN THE 305 PUZZLE ROOM – CONTINUOUS
Jose holds it together.
JOSE
I’m getting into a flow state now, so I’m going to give you grace and pretend I didn’t hear that.
MADISON
OK. I just solved another one. You know, I can’t eat a Cubano. Too much protein.
Jose almost comes apart again.
INT. LOCKED IN THE 305 PUZZLE ROOMS RECEPTION – CONTINUOUS
Rafael turns to Puzzler Paige.
RAFAEL
That’s his all-time favorite food.
Puzzler Paige feels her firing closing in again.
INT. LOCKED IN THE 305 PUZZLE ROOM – CONTINUOUS
Jose has filled the canvas.
MADISON
Hey, I think this is the last clue. You want a little more time to paint?
JOSE
No, I’d like to get this ordeal over with. Besides-
(one last stroke:)
It is done.
MADISON
Can I see?
JOSE
Everyone else is about to.
Jose beckons Madison over.
MADISON
Huh.
JOSE
OK, art critic accountant, explain.
MADISON
I don’t know. I like it, but it feels like… You’re holding back somehow. Playing it safe.
Jose suppresses a surfable wave of rage before speaking.
JOSE
Amiga. Everything I have done since you were thrown in here with me has been held back. If it wasn’t, you’d be dead.
MADISON
Oh, don’t be such a child.
INT. LOCKED IN THE 305 PUZZLE ROOMS RECEPTION – CONTINUOUS
Rafael can’t look.
RAFAEL
I never thought this would end in violence.
INT. LOCKED IN THE 305 PUZZLE ROOM – CONTINUOUS
Jose slowly puts down his brush and then lifts a tube of paint like a weapon.
JOSE
Childish?
MADISON
Childish.
Jose squirts the tube of paint all over Madison. Face, hair, clothing, everywhere.
JOSE
That’s me being childish.
MADISON
What is wrong with you?
Madison wipes a handful of paint from her, throws it in Jose’s face, fits the final puzzle and then stands at the door.
MADISON
I demand my release.
The door pops. Jose turns to look at his painting, on which some of Madison’s fistful has landed. He raises an eyebrow.
3. Write the scene for the Reaction to the Inciting Incident.
INT – LOCKED IN THE 305 PUZZLE ROOMS RECEPTION – CONTINUOUS
Madison emerges from the puzzle room and is greeted by the shocked small crowd in reception.
MADISON
(to Puzzler Paige:)
I want a refund.
PUZZLER PAIGE
Of course. And we’ll pay for your dry cleaning. And… I’ll ask my manager if there’s anything else we can do for you. Please don’t sue us.
MADISON
Don’t give me ideas.
Rafael tentatively approaches Madison and gently touches her arm, as Puzzler Paige hands her a towel.
RAFAEL
Hey. I’m Rafael Morales, Jose’s manager.
MADISON
My condolences.
Madison is concentrating on removing paint from herself.
RAFAEL
Listen, you were great in there.
MADISON
Well, I don’t paint, and I won’t paint if that’s the sort of person it turns you into.
Jose exits the room and is greeted by his fans. Rafael smiles at him, and gestures he’ll be there shortly as he follows Madison following Puzzler Paige back to the lockers.
RAFAEL
Jose creates his best work when he’s challenged.
MADISON
He was a challenge alright.
RAFAEL
This is the first time we’ve done anything like this. No one knew if it was going to work, it was risky.
MADISON
You’ll have to take that up with whoever runs this place.
RAFAEL
No, I mean, the viewing figures were way above what we expected and I think that’s partly because of you.
Madison is stunned.
MADISON
Viewing figures?
RAFAEL
Yeah. We livestreamed it. Jose missed that bit, huh?
Madison turns green with rage.
MADISON
You livestreamed it? You livestreamed me?
RAFAEL
I can see you need some time to unpack everything that’s happened. It’s been intense. Here’s my card. Call me.
Rafael looks for a paint-free spot to hand his card to Madison. Fails. Places it in her hand.
Having got her things, Madison walks towards the exit, tapping his card on her hand, considering. Feeling Rafael still watching her, she turns, puts the card in her mouth, chews, and then spits it into the waste paper by the reception desk.
Leaves the building triumphant.
Log in to reply.