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Lesson 10
Reply to post your assignment.
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23 Replies
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Megan’s Inciting Incident
What I learned doing this assignment is… that I’m still coming to a stop far too often in my writing. It happens most often when I don’t have specific information, like how to name a Senate bill or the names of drinks on the menu of a coffee shop. I think I need to learn to be okay with leaving placeholder words and just keep writing.
The process of beat sheet to outlining before starting to write does make most of my scene decisions as I’m writing fairly simple, which helps keep my speed up.
INT. FIRST MAN HQ – DAY
The blindfold suddenly comes off. Anna sits in a chair in the middle of a warehouse, blinking in the sudden incandescent light, trying to figure out where she is.
She sees unfamiliar male face after unfamiliar male face until—
ANNA
Dad??
ADAM, Anna’s stern-faced, silver-haired father, steps out of the shadows, lips tight in determination.
Adam
Anna. Welcome.
ANNA
What the hell?!
ADAM
I apologize for the cloak and dagger nonsense but I assure you, it was necessary.
ANNA
You scared me half to death! Untie me!
Adam nods at another MAN, who unties Anna’s wrists. Anna bolts out of the chair, but Adam grabs her by the shoulders.
ADAM
Not so fast. You were brought here for a reason.
ANNA
And you think I care?? You had me kidnapped like some sort of crazy person!
ADAM
Desperate times, Anna. We had to make sure you would come.
ANNA
Who’s “we”?
Evan emerges from the shadows.
EVAN
Hey, there, Anna Banana.
Anna whirls to face him.
ANNA
Evan??
EVAN
Yeah. Sorry. We really didn’t mean to scare you.
ANNA
Scared? Scared?! You about gave me a heart attack!
Anna gives Evan a shove as he tries to come closer to her to console her.
EVAN
Man, I told Eli to cool it with the melodrama.
ADAM
It doesn’t matter. She’s here now.
ANNA
It doesn’t matter?? What are you talking about?! Where’s “here”?
ADAM
Sit down, Anna.
ANNA
No! Not until I get some answers!
ADAM
Then sit down!
Glaring, Anna drops back into the seat. ELI, one of the men, leans over to Evan.
Eli
So I see which twin got all the fire.
Evan shoves Eli playfully.
EVAN
See? Told you she’d be perfect.
ANNA
Perfect? For what?
Adam
Anna, what I’m about to tell you cannot leave this room. Thousands of lives are at stake. Do you understand?
ANNA
No! I don’t understand any of this!
EVAN
You will. Just give him half a minute to get a word in.
Anna glares at Evan.
ANNA
I cannot believe you were in on this.
Adam grabs another chair and places it in front of Anna. He sits.
ADAM
Anna, have you ever heard of an organization called First Man?
Anna cocks her head.
ANNA
No. I don’t think so. What time period?
ADAM
This isn’t a historical question, Anna. I’m talking about now. Current events.
ANNA
Okay. Then, no, I have no idea.
ADAM
Look around.
Anna looks past her father and brother. A dozen men or so hover in the shadows watching. Waiting.
ANNA
What is this? Some sort of fight club?
Evan laughs.
EVAN
If it were, we wouldn’t be talking about it. First rule of fight club—
ANNA
We don’t talk about fight club. Yeah, I know.
ADAM
In a way, through, that’s exactly what we are. Only we’re fighting together, not against each other.
ANNA
Fighting together against what?
ADAM
What do you think? Can you honestly tell me that you, a professional, educated woman have no idea what I’m talking about? Watch the news! Or for that matter, walk out your front door and look around for a change! There’s an entire portion of the population that’s disappearing before our eyes!
ANNA
Disappearing?
ADAM
Men! When is the last time you saw a man in any position of power? A manager, a supervisor, a contractor?
ELI
Hell, even our Chief of Police is a woman!
EVAN
(aside to Anna)
Eli works for the police department.
ANNA
Well, what’s wrong with that? Do you have a problem with women in positions of authority?
ADAM
That’s not the issue here at all. I’ve never had a problem with gender equality or equal opportunity. But we don’t have equal opportunity anymore. Not since Bianca Harris became president.
ANNA
That can’t be true. President Harris has been great for this country! The crime rate has been cut in half. We’ve had no noticeable conflict, foreign or domestic, in decades. And there’s virtually no unemployment!
EVAN
Sure, no unemployment. But no freedom either. We can’t get the jobs we want.
ANNA
What are you talking about? Men still work.
EVAN
Yes. In all the blue collar positions.
ADAM
This isn’t just about employment. Men are being denied the basic rights this country was founded upon: life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
ANNA
Life? Come on, Dad. Don’t you think you’re exaggerating just a little?
Anna gets to her feet. She looks at the door as though considering making a break for it.
EVAN
Dad. You need to tell her.
ANNA
Tell me what?
Adam stares at Anna for a long moment, silently weighing the options.
ADAM
No.
ANNA
Tell me what??
EVAN
Dad! Just tell her already!
Adam stands and moves back toward the shadows.
ADAM
Clearly she is not with us. This was a mistake.
EVAN
No! It’s not a mistake!
Evan suddenly grabs Anna by the shoulders, practically shaking her.
EVAN
Anna! We had a brother. A younger brother. His name was Liam—!
ADAM
I said no!
Adam separates Evan and Anna, dragging Evan away. He barks orders to the other men in the room.
ADAM
Take her home.
EVAN
Anna, you’ve got to listen to me! These are the answers you’ve been looking for!
ANNA
I . . . I haven’t been looking for answers.
ADAM
Which explains why you see nothing.
A pillow cloth is suddenly pulled over Anna’s head. Darkness.
EXT. OUTSIDE ANNA’S HOUSE — THE NEXT MORNING
Anna steps out of her house on the way to work. Blue skies, sunny day. She glances over at her next-doo-neighbor PAMELA, who is also leaving for work. Pamela waves.
PameLa
Hi, Anna!
Anna waves back, a bit distractedly. Pamela slides into the driver’s seat of a red convertible in the driveway. Anna watches as Pamela waves toward the house.
Suddenly, Pamela’s husband MIKE emerges from the house, laden down with backpacks, lunch boxes, and school papers. Four young girls of various ages swirl around him, singing, complaining, arguing with one another.
Mike
Stop it! Stop touching your sister. I don’t care if she started it. We’re going to be late for school!
With difficulty, Mike navigates the chaos into the minivan parked behind the convertible.
PAMELA
(to Mike)
See you later, honey!
Pamela peels out of the driveway without a backward glance. Anna slides into her own car in the driveway and leaves for work.
INT. ANNA’S CAR — MORNING — CONTINUOUS
On her way to work, Anna glances out the window. She sees garbage trucks in action, each manned by a male. She stops for a school bus with its stop sign extended. The bus driver nods at her through the window. Another male.
Anna’s phone buzzes. She glances down to see a text from Kara: Bring coffee?
INT. COFFEE SHOP — MORNING — CONTINUOUS
A bell on the door rings as Anna steps into the coffee shop. The line is fairly short today.
As she waits her turn, Anna scans the workers behind the counter. All male. Most look extremely frazzled, tired, and unhappy.
Anna steps up to the counter when it’s her turn. She glances at the name tag of the boy behind the register: CHRIS.
ANNA
Good morning, Chris.
Chris seems surprised by the interaction and replies unconvincingly.
Chris
Yeah. Hi. Good morning. What can I get you?
ANNA
Two grandes. An iced caffe mocha and a nonfat caramel Frappuccino. Please.
Chris is already walking away to make the drinks before she says please. Anna scans the workers running the drive thru. All male.
Another male worker slides to the register to ring Anna up. His name tag says “GREG.”
Greg
That’ll be $10.42.
Anna swipes her credit card. She glances over at the empty tip jar on the counter.
ANNA
Do you like working here, Greg?
GREG
I’m sorry?
ANNA
Your job. Do you like working here?
Greg shrugs.
GREG
It’s a job.
Chris comes back and puts the two drinks on the counter.
CHRIS
Have a nice day.
Anna picks up the drinks and moves to the door. She glances back at Chris and Greg, already on to the next customer, before leaving.
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Jane’s Act 1: Inciting Incident
By doing this assignment I realized how much of what I am writing has most likely been seen before. I’m not letting that stop me. But I do know that once the first draft is written, my second draft will have to be looking at the story and making it more unique. I don’t think I can do that until I have the bones in place, which is what this draft is for me.
INT. CHELSEA’S ROOM
Julie walks Chelsea to her room gushing over how glad she is to have an old friend by her at this moment.Julie leaves Chelsea to freshen up. Chelsea checks out the room and thinks back to the time when she and Julie were little and best friends, sharing all sorts of secrets.
Chelsea goes to put her things away and discovers that Julie has stocked the closet with glamorous clothes and sexy evening gowns.
INT. CRUISE SHIP BAR
Chelsea, in her own clothes, looks for Julie. She finds Julie alone at the bar and tells her that she can’t accept the clothes. Julie insists.DEREK BRODY, Julie’s gorgeous fiancé and his best man KEITH SIMMONS, still good looking but no match for Derek, join them.
Chelsea is totally smitten with Derek. Julie notices.
INT. CHELSEA’S ROOM
Chelsea takes one of the dresses. She hesitates then puts it on.Julie enters and helps her with hair and makeup.
Julie and Chelsea stand together and look in the mirror. Chelsea has been transformed and is gorgeous.
INT. CRUISE SHIP DINING ROOM
The entire wedding party is in a private dining room. Julie’s parents, CINDY and DARREL WALLACE, greet Chelsea warmly but are surprised that she is there.Chelsea has a hard time keeping her eyes off of Derek. He notices and flirts with her.
Julie pulls Derek away to meet ARCHIE CROSS, an old family friend. When he goes, Keith asks Chelsea why she is there and tells her she should leave. She may look like Julie but she is not Julie. She doesn’t belong in this crowd.
INT. CHELSEA’S ROOM
Near tears, Chelsea takes off the dress and puts it back in the closet. She calls the porter and asks him if it is possible to leave the ship. He says a supply boat will meet them tomorrow afternoon. Chelsea makes arrangements to leave.Julie comes to her room and finds out that she plans to leave. She’s heartbroken that Chelsea won’t stay and reminds her of some of the capers they did as kids.
She particularly focuses on a time when, at school, they used to exchange clothes and pretend to be each other. They laugh about how they fooled everyone.
Julie suggests they should try it again. She suggests they should trade places in the morning and see if they can fool the wedding party.
At first, Chelsea says no but then gets caught up in the idea of mischievous fun and agrees.
INT. JULIE’S ROOM
Derek is in bed when Julie arrives. She tells him that Chelsea wants to leave and how upset she is about it.She tells Derek about the plan to switch identities and asks him to play along and seduce Chelsea.
Derek can’t say no to Julie.
INT. CHELSEA’S ROOM – MORNING
Julie prepares Chelsea to be her. She tells Chelsea that she’s got to stand and carry herself with more confidence. She tells her to believe that she’s got the room. Everyone in the room is under her spell, in her power.EXT. CRUISE SHIP DECK
Chelsea tries hard to get into the role of Julie. It is difficult and she nearly blows it.Derek enters and Chelsea is terrified. She does her best and is shocked when Derek takes her hand and leads her back to his room.
From a doorway, Julie watches.
INT. DEREK’S ROOM
Derek and Chelsea make love.INT. CHELSEA’S ROOM – LATER
Chelsea returns. Julie asks her how it went. Chelsea says fine.Julie says that while she was gone, the porter called and said they had room for her on the supply boat. Chelsea says that she thinks she’ll stay.
Julie is super happy and suggests that they pull a real caper. She tells Chelsea a secret – she and Derek are already married. The huge wedding is just a party that her folks wanted to impress their friends.
Julie suggests that, for the wedding, they trade places. That it would be a real hoot for the veil to be lifted and Derek to discover that his bride is not his bride!
Chelsea thinks of being in Derek’s arms and agrees.
EXT. CRUISE SHIP DECK
The wedding party holds the pre-wedding dinner under the stars. Chelsea watches Julie and Derek dance.Something Julie does or says brings back a memory. It makes Chelsea’s hair stand on end.
Her thoughts are interrupted by Keith, who asks her to dance. While the dance Keith tells her that she needs to leave Derek and Julie alone. Julie’s trouble enough without having her around.
Before Chelsea can respond, Derek asks to switch partners. Chelsea is in heaven. The spell is broken by Keith becoming violently ill.
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Kevin’s Inciting Incident
What I learned doing this assignment is that my scenes leading up to this need to go deeper into the emotional states of my characters to set it up, and there’s a lot of work ahead to make this scene even more powerful for the protagonist.
EXT. DAYCARE CENTER ONE – DAY
The Center is full of PLAYING CHILDREN. A DAY CARE WORKER kneels down to help one of the little ones tie their shoe. The Joker walks out the front door with a gleam in his eye and a wry smile on his face.
JOKER
And so the cat pounces on the little bat and squeezes til it hurts!
He reaches into his pants and grabs his crotch. He squeezes wincing as he lets go. He does a little shake and pulls out a detonator in his hand.
JOKER
Boom!
He cackles with glee as his thumb presses down on the red button. He starts counting down from 10. When he gets to two the facility explodes behind him with a force that catapults him forward knocking him unconscious.
INT. WAYNE MANOR – DAY
A television blares footage of the destroyed facility with sirens blazing and chaos in the background. Bruce lies in bed passed out. Ali races into the room and kicks Bruce in the head.
ALI
Wayne! Get the hell up, now!
Bruce grabs his head in pain not sure what from, hung over and blurry.
BRUCE
What the hell?
Ali points to the screen covering the wall opposite the bed. A news anchor is in tears.
NEWS ANCHOR
Dozens of innocent children were killed along with three day care employees. The message scrawled across the roof reads Batman did this!
BRUCE
What the fuck?
NEWS ANCHOR
Authorities say they are waiting for Batman, after decades out of sight, to respond or reach out.
BRUCE
What’s going on, Ali?
ALI
Someone destroyed that daycare in your name.
BRUCE
I didn’t do it.
ALI
No shit, you couldn’t tie your shoes.
BRUCE
That’s not nice.
ALI
We don’t have time for nice. You need to find out what’s going on, and who’s behind this!
BRUCE
On it.
Bruce tries to get out of bed but his feet and head dont cooperate and he falls to the floor.
ALI
Oh for God’s sake.
She helps him to his feet. As he stands he’s in a dead stare with the charred remains of small children and stuffed animals. Ali breaks down in tears, he sinks to his knees, devastated and joins her.
The screen suddenly goes blank and a beeping sound emits. Then an image of The Joker appears in the center of the screen.
JOKER
Good morning, Gotham. Or rather good mourning. Sadly I’ve been away on a decades long sabatical, but guess what? I’m back, baby!
BRUCE
Of course it’s you.
JOKER
Sadly, The Batman has also decided to retire and leave you all subject to the criminal element. Sadly, they have no vision, but I’m here to enlighten them!
BRUCE
Where did you crawl out from?
JOKER
I’ve been trying to reach the rodent hero for weeks now, but all I’ve gotten is a cold shoulder, so I decided to heat things up. Hot enough for you now, Batman?
BRUCE
I’m going to extinguish you!
JOKER
You have 48 hours to show yourself and be man enough take responsibility before the next one goes up in flames! I’ll be waiting for your rsvp.
Joker cackles as an envelope pops open on the screen with an image of a mini Batman, the birthday boy we saw earlier, being drawn and quartered, then his torso flying forward to fill the screen blacking it out and cutting back to the reporter, who stares blankly at the camera.
Bruce stares blankly ahead, the falls backward onto the floor, Ali still sobbing, looks down on him.
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Wendy’s Inciting Incident.
What I learned from doing this assignment is that the reaction must be very intense to get the point across of the embarking of the adventure. And also the fact that I can’t spell from yesterdays post. LOL
Key Scene 1
INT. Michele kitchen- evening
Michele learns that her kids are kidnapped.
Key Scene 2
INT. FBI -Day
Michele meets Dean and they argue about what has happened to the kids and the fact that the mob is after her.
INT- Edward’s office – Day
Michele and Dean are made to be partners and a plan is devised to find the kids.
Key Scene 3
TWO DAYS EARLIER
INT. PARKING GARAGE – NIGHT
Joel scuffles with two thugs and they find the picture of Michele and sees the picture of the kids and the missing ring.
INT. MR. KREN’S HOME – EVENING
Michele’s daughter sneaks her father’s phone away and sneaks into another room and calls her mom Michele.
INT. MR. KREN’S HOME – EVENING
Joel discovers Megan. He scolds her and hides the fact that she called her mom.
INT. MR. KREN’S HOME – NIGHT
Joel and the thugs talk, and they learn that no body was found.
FADE IN:
INT. MICHELE HOUSE KITCHEN – EVENING
The kitchen is spacious, tile flooring, long bar area where MICHELE, early 40’s, deadly beautiful, and extremly bougie, sets her expensive purse and the grocery bags down on the counter. She puts her phone on speaker setting it onto the counter and listens to her messages. Michele begins to put the groceries away.
CAROL (V.O.)
Hi, it’s just me calling you to remind you that it is our movie night tonight. I hope you didn’t forget the popcorn.
MICHELE
Right here.
CAROL (V.O.)
And I do hope you picked a comedy. I am NOT in the mood for drama or excitement tonight.
MICHELE
(surprised, apologetic)
Oh my gosh! I forgot it was my turn to get the movie!
CAROL (V.O.)
Well, I should be there about 7, See you then. Bye.
Michele looks at her watch. {6:48}
MICHELE
Oh great, it is almost seven now. It looks like an out movie tonight.
Michele continues to put away the groceries. The phone beeps signifying that it is a different phone call.
MEGAN (V.O.)
Mommy?
MICHELE
Hi, sweetheart.
MEGAN (V.O.)
Mommy, Daddy told us you died yesterday,
Michele stands up in surprise and hits her head on the cupboard door.
MICHELE
(surprised and questioning with disbelief)
What??!
MEGAN (V.O.)
Is that true? Daddy says our house caught fire and he didn’t want to have us sad so we are gonna’ go live somewhere else.
MICHELE
(stunned, whispering)
NO!
MEGAN (V.O.)
Daddy’s friend says he is going to take us to hear the monster song to lift our spirits. What’s a spirit mommy?…. Well, I guess daddy was telling the truth or you would be home from work now. I love you, mommy… bye.
MICHELE
(voice escalating)
NO NO NO NO!!!!
She looks at the OVEN WINDOW where there is a silhouette of a bomb with a blinking light.
MICHELE (CONT’D)
NO!!!
EXT. COUNTRY HOUSE – EVENING
Michele’s friend CAROL CAMP has just pulled up to the house in her CAR. Michele scrambles to get in.
MICHELE
(great urgency and distress)
We have to get out of here! GO GO GO…..NOW, Carol, NOW!
Carol is stunned but speeds off. The HOUSE in the distance explodes.
CAROL
Oh my gosh! Please don’t tell me that was the electrical problem you told me about.
Michele stares intently into the distance with a set determined look on her face.
MICHELE
(low toned, almost a growl)
I need to borrow your car tomorrow.
CAROL
(confused)
Um, Yeah… sure.
Key Scene 2
INT. FBI OFFICE RECEPTIONIST’S DESK – DAY
Michele is in the middle of a conversation with the RECEPTIONIST.
MICHELE
I don’t think you understand, they blew up my house I have to talk to someone immediately!
RECEPTIONIST
Ma’am, did you go to the police and file a report?
MICHELE
That is the exact part you are not grasping. They need to think I’m dead!
Just then DEAN SHERR, mid 40’s, tall, slender medium build. his face is set in anger and it appears to be like that permanently, enters the lobby. His walk is hurried but meaningful. His mind is cluttered and his eyes seem to look right through people.
DEAN
(to the receptionist)
Can I help you?
RECEPTIONIST
She……
MICHELE
Save it!
Michele holds out her hand in a “STOP” fashion.
MICHELE (CONT’D)
Sir, my name is Lisa Edmonson, my kids have been kidnapped by the Krensha and they blew up my house trying to kill me.
DEAN
Oookayy, this should be interesting. Follow me, this way.
MICHELE
Fine.
INT. DEAN’S OFFICE – DAY
Dean’s office is small and compact. A large desk, matching chair, and a single visitor’s chair is the only furniture that will fit. A large window overlooks the outside world. The top of the desk has a few folders and typical desk top items all in neat arrangement. Dean definitely has OCD quirks.
Dean sits and begins to work on some papers while talking without looking up.
DEAN
Please, start from the beginning.
MICHELE
(deep breath)
I received a phone call from my daughter stating that my ex-husband has taken them and is moving somewhere else with them and she thinks I am dead…
DEAN
So if your daughter thinks that you are dead.. then why did she call and who are THEY?
Dean briefly glances up at Michele.
MICHELE
THEY, would be my children and my daughter is only 5, she doesn’t quite understand.
DEAN
(snorting)
She is not the only one.
MICHELE
If you would just listen!
DEAN
So tell me why you didn’t go to the police?
MICHELE
They have to think I am dead or I don’t stand a chance of getting my kids back!
DEAN
Who has to think you are dead, the police or your children?
Michele stands.
MICHELE
The Krensha, you idiot!!
Dean finally looks up from his paperwork. As he talks he leans back in his chair.
DEAN
You want me to believe that the mob has taken your children, and now they are trying to kill you.
(smirking with a “whatever” attitude)
And just why is all this happening?
MICHELE
FIRST off, my husband has my kids and is being held by the mob, and SECOND, my real name is Michele, I used to be an…….
Dean throws pen down, stands, puts hand on hip and gestures with the other hand.
DEAN
(interrupting)
Hold it right there, NOW you are telling me that you are someone else. Lady, I think what you need right now is a straight jacket and a good psychiatrist!
Enter MR. EDWARD HENDERSON a man in his late 50’s, medium height, pot belly, stern face calloused by the years, very distinguished business appearance.
EDWARD
What is going on here Dean?
DEAN
Mr. Henderson….
MICHELE
(interrupting Dean)
Edward!
DEAN
You know this lunatic?
Edward holds out arms to hug Michele. They embrace with warmth and affection. Dean is completely astounded. Michele starts to cry.
EDWARD
I thought that was your voice I heard.
MICHELE
They have my kids!
EDWARD
I’m sorry.
(beat)
Come with me, I have something for you.
Edward walks down the hall towards his office, practically dragging Michele behind.
EDWARD (CONT’D)
You too Dean, my office, NOW!
DEAN
WHAT?!
INT. EDWARD’S OFFICE – DAY
The office is large, spacious, with a lavish décor. Anyone can see that this corner office is of great importance. The large windows have a great view of the city skyline.
DEAN
Would someone like to tell me what is going bon here?
Michele and Edward talk as if Dean does not exist. Michele’s tears are drying up.
MICHELE
Well, I see you got quite the promotion.
EDWARD
You know this office would belong to you if you hadn’t left. But… because I was your partner through the bust…. I was next in line for the promotion.
DEAN
What bust?
Edward retrieves a locked box from the bottom drawer, talks as he fumbles for the key and opens the box, treating it as if it were precious jewels.
EDWARD
(to Dean)
Thirteen years ago Michele and I were partners, and together we took out most of the Krensha.
DEAN
You mean to tell me that she… she is the one who…
(beat)
But this can’t be possible.
MICHELE
And just why not?
DEAN
Because….
MICHELE
Because I am a girl, or just that I’m not an ugly, nerdy girl, and not your idea of an FBI agent.
DEAN
Well..
MICHELE
Ugh! You are a male chauvinist!
DEAN
(backpedaling)
No.. I..
Edward hands Michele the opened box. Michele stares intently as if she has seen a loved one come back to life.
MICHELE
Oh my gosh, I can’t believe you kept all this stuff. And my resignation papers
(beat)
You never turned them in!
EDWARD
I kinda’ did. Look closely at the papers. I sent you on a special assignment… to Turkey.
Michele squints in an effort to focus.
DEAN
TURKEY?
EDWARD
Dean? Do you have something to add?
Dean motions a sarcastic “no”
EDWARD (CONT’D)
Michele, I knew you would be back someday. Frankly, I’m glad to have you back where you belong. I know that with the two of you as partners this whole mess about your children will get solved quickly.
MICHELE
WHAT!? Him as my partner?!… Never!…. He can’t help me find my kids; I’m surprised he can find his way to work every day.
DEAN
HEY!!
EDWARD
Then it is settled. You two will make a fine team.
DEAN AND MICHELE
WHAT???!
DEAN
Why me?
MICHELE
Yeah, why HIM!
EDWARD
Dean, you picked up where she left off, you are up to date with the most information and… quite frankly YOU need her expertise on this matter.
DEAN
What expertise?
EDWARD
SHE has already taken them down once, which is something you have failed to do so far.
DEAN
No, there are regulations against this.
EDWARD
And they would be?
DEAN
Well…department members cannot work on personal issues.
EDWARD
You may have a valid point
(stares out the window and points at it)
Out there she is known as Lisa Edmonson.
(gestures to inside of building)
In here her real identity is Michele Dunn. Two different people entirely, and if you have a problem with it there is a special assignment needing to be filled …
(voice escalating)
In Turkey, where she just came from! GOT IT!
DEAN
(deflated)
Yes sir.
EDWARD
Both of you sit. Now Michele, tell me what you know.
DEAN
(under his breath)
This should be rich.
Michele carefully thinks about each event before answering.
MICHELE
My kids were at their fathers for the summer break… There was a phone call from my daughter, she left a strange message… she said that they were moving somewhere else to lift their spirits, because I was dead…. Then I saw the bomb and ran. She did say…
Michele sits up straight in her chair and almost falls out
MICHELE (CONT’D)
That they were going to go…
Michele’s eyes become full of thought and it almost seems as if she has mentally left the room.
EDWARD
And that means… where?
Michele’s eyes widen with glee.
MICHELE
Yes, YES, that’s it! The monster song!
DEAN
Goody, we get to sing a song.
MICHELE
Its not just a song.
DEAN
Oh, so we are going to be chasing monsters?
MICHELE
No, No, NO! What I mean is Trout Fishing In America…
DEAN
(interrupting)
Perfect. First we are singing, then chasing monsters, now we are going fishing. What next… a safari?
MICHELE
No. You must lead a sheltered life. It’s a band.
DEAN
The monsters are a band?
MICHELE
Nooo. Trout Fishing in America is the band.
DEAN
A band of what?
MICHELE
Musical, you know instruments, singing, the usual kind of band things.
DEAN
Singing fish?
MICHELE
Humans!
(to Edward)
Look, my ex may be an idiot, but I don’t think that he would have told the kids that they were going to see them and not go through with it.
EDWARD
So what you are saying is that if we find this band we will find your children.
MICHELE
Yes, but I’m afraid that it is not as simple as it seems.
EDWARD
Why is that?
MICHELE
Finding them is not the problem, the problem is keeping up with them and not being caught.
DEAN
Hey, I’ve got it! We will just be groupies. I know that I have waited my whole life for this kind of opportunity to become a roadie.
Michele and Edward glance at each other with surprising interest, then together they look at Dean.
DEAN (CONT’D)
Aw, common. You don’t think that I was being serious… do You?
(beat)
Michele, you realize that you are going to have to change your appearance.
MICHELE
What??
DEAN
(smirking)
You honestly don’t think you can look like that and not be noticed.
Reaction Scene to the Inciting incident.
EXT. STUDIO PARKING LOT – EVENING
Michele leans against the tour bus looking at where her jewelry should be on her hands and wrists. She inspects her bare fingernails and pats her neck where her diamond necklace should be. She inhales deeply and shakes her head in disgust as she looks at herself in a makeup mirror. It has been forever since she has seen herself in public without makeup. She begins to cry at the thought of how bad she looks.
On the other side of the bus the band manager argues with the boys about their new driver.
Michele is called to the other side and quickly wipes away her tears.
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TIta’s Inciting Incident and Reaction
<b style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit; font-weight: bold;”>What I learned from doing assignment 10:
-When I copy my entire assignment and paste it here, some paragraphs do not get copies so I have to cut and paste little sections. (I don’t know if this happened every time I posted)
<b style=”font-weight: bold;”>- I probably should have chosen a light comedy I don’t care about rather than this story that I really want to write. And maybe taken the course when I’m on a month-long vacation if I could ever do that. Why? Because the time pressure and my commitment to myself to keep up with the assignments no matter what else is happening in my life has activated my manic side. I forget meals. I let the To Dos of life go, ignore dishes and bills.
· I know SU says cool it, get rid of perfection. I know what I’m doing is far from perfect and will need lots of rewrites. Maybe the SU rewrite course. But even doing it as fast as possible takes thinking time and the mental coordination to keep focused on three challenges simultaneously: 1) Remember what each of the SU dramaturgy guidelines mean, 2) while trying to summarize main beats, scenes and their high level beginning-middle-end, then 3) fleshing out new or implied interactions and dialogue while staying at least lightly connected to the SU guidelines and the storyline that is developing in the beats/scene summaries… boignnnnnee.
· Yikes. But I am so deeply grateful for this plunge into templates, scaffolding, mentoring, whatever you call the elements in the assignments. Thank you. I’ve made it through the first 10 assignments, had the reinforcement of seeing them pasted into SU’s anti-visual non-formatted window. And I’ll try to remember to breathe, eat, and walk while I keep going through the next how many more assignments – 20 more???
Act I.3. Inciting Incident Assignment
(I have to put the notes, beat summary and beginning/middle/end outline in front of me so I can remember them as I speed write script… so I am including all that here – SU notes, my Beat notes, and first draft script)
SU NOTES:
The call to go on the journey. Creates the opportunity to live outside the box and take on the New Ways.
The Inciting Incident propels us on the journey. It is a “call to adventure” for the protagonist. It is the moment they decide they must take some kind of action. This moment sets up the Transformational Journey. It also creates the opportunity to live outside the box and take on the New Ways.
But remember that it needs to be done in a dramatic way. This isn’t a character sitting on the couch who just decides to take a new risk in life. Something changes in their life that forces them into this decision. Make it strong, and emotional. If possible, connect it to the character’s weakness or fear. It may even be initiated by the Antagonist. Make sure it is a dramatic that sends the character into their journey. (See https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yfy4and2vPg – inciting incident in Legally Blonde)
NOTE – Every time I copy and paste my assignment here, chunks of it do not show up. I’ve tried pasting section by section, getting rid of bold in my draft, etc. Nothing works. Random chunks do not appear in the cut and paste. So I and submitting it to Support folks with a request to post it for me.
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Margaret’s inciting incident. What I learned completing this assignment is it’s easy to crate momentum this way which is the difference between trying to paddle against the current to having the current carry you forward swiftly with no resistance. EXT. REMOTE ROAD – DAY
The zippy Mini Cooper drives on a remote road next to a river. The yellow car stands out in all the green.
JEZABEL
Turn left now.
Lake slams on the breaks.
She cranes her neck to get a better view over the hood.
A squirrel emerges and runs to the side of the road and up a tree.
Lake looks visibly relieved.
LAKE
Whewww, That was close.
JEZeBEL
Return to the route. Return to the route.
LAKE
I’m going.
Blake shows up seated in her passenger seat.
Lake
Jesus! I’m not crazy. I’m not crazy.
Blake
Calm down.
LAKE
I must be having…
Blake
A vision.
Lake
A hallucination.
BlAKE
You were calmer this morning.
Lake
This morning I thought I was having…
Blake
A dream.
Lake
A nightmare. Calm down. Don’t tell my to calm down.
Blake
Still the same I see. Still a stupid bitch.
Lake
How are you the same!? You…you…
Blake
Still got it.
Lake
You are dead. Go back from where you came!
Blake
That doesn’t actually work.
Lake
Why? Why doesn’t it work.
Blake
We’re not finished.
Lake
I am finished. Oh I am so finished.
Blake
Besides, you’ll never make it without me.
Lake
I won’t make it without you? How can a ghost still be an asshole. Nothing like Clarence. Where’s Clarence when you need him. You just watch me. Can’t make it without you.
Blake is suddenly gone.
Lake
Thank god. Make it with out you. I’ll be so successful…hell, I’ll… I’ll be famous! INT. CAR – NIGHT
Lake places the map in the back seat carefully and begins to collect her things.
She changes her mind and drops her stuff back on the passenger’s seat.
She opens her glove box and little bottles of alcohol threaten to spill out. She takes one, Grand Marnier out, cracks the cap and guzzles it.
Lake makes a sour face.
She pulls out a folded flyer for a house for sale from the glovebox. She carefully unfolds the paper and looks at the property.
She pulls out her phone and dials her her sister.
INT. home gym – night
EMBER, 30s, type A personality runs hardcore on a treadmill. Her phone is strapped to her arm with earphone up to her ears BLASTING a song.
Her phone rings. She hops off in one swift move and answers the call.
Intercut with above
Ember
Lake. What is it? How’s mom?
Lake
The same.
Ember
I keep hoping. I’m busy, why are you calling me?
LAKE
I want to look at a house. (Gives the address and MLS#)
Ember
Out of your price range.
LAKE
Show it to me anyway. I want to see if it fits.
EMBER
It isn’t a pair of jeans.
Lake
You want me to call Addison Ray?
Ember
No. Fine.
Lake
Tomorrow at 2:00?
Ember
I’ll be there.
Lake
And bring your appetite, I’ll bring lunch.
Ember
It’s not a date.
LAKE
I told you, I’m trying on the house. See ya.
EmBER
Bye.
Lake ends the call. She looks closely at the flyer and sighs.
Lake
Watch me.
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Alice’s Inciting Incident
What I’ve learn from this assignment is, second time it was even worse than first time. Wow, I thought I finally fulfil it like my worst writing. Then I thought I exagerate. First draft is not the worst. Again, my second dialog tends to be better. First is totally generic.
EXT. HIGHWAY ON US WEST – DAY
Elizabeth in her new expensive car gets stopped on the roadside by policemen
EXT. HIGHWAY ON US WEST – DAY
BEGINNING:
Elizabeth drives highway north. Police car behind.
MIDDLE:
She stops on the side of the road, as police man takes her registration.
END:
Something’s wrong with her documents.
EXT. HIGHWAY ON US WEST – DAY
Elizabeth drives Northway.
Police car behind signals her to stop.
Elizabeth turns her car on the roadside and waits for approach.
POLICEMAN
Your license and registration, please.
Elizabeth hands him license and registration.
He observes new sparkling (name of a car) model. Very expensive!
POLICEMAN
Is that your car?
ELIZABETH
Yes.
She keeps waiting till he comes back.
POLICEMAN
Are you foreigner?
(some kind of problem that might be there)
INT. OFFICE – AFTERNOON
Looking to improve her documents status she runs into Sweden official who happens to be Albert Schenke
INT. OFFICE – AFTERNOON
BEGINNING:
Lisbeth drops into ?? Some kind of organization She’s offered Sweden official
MIDDLE:
Albert Schenke recognizes her name and holds his look over her.
END:
They solve docs problem
INT. OFFICE – AFTERNOON
Lisbeth drops in.
ELIZABETH
I need to update my documents.
LADY
What language do you speak?
ELIZABETH
Sweden.
LADY
We have one of your countrymen. He must be still there. Just a moment.
Connects the line.
INT. OFFICE – AFTERNOON
Elizabeth enters and gets in a chair.
Behind the table is blond man, in his 50’s, just a bit stocked.
What a coincidence! This is Albert Schenke!
He with boredom nocks pencil over desk. It’s four o’clock.
ELIZABETH
I… (makes her statement)
She handles him papers.
He grabs it. Her NAME. He recognizes it. Glares back at her, reading her face.
Elizabeth’s flattened.
She glances at his fingers. No wedding ring.
As he emerges back into documents reading, she looks on white board with his name.
Letters where his new name is written gets blurred, so that we don’t see the writing. But Elizabeth must read it.
ALBERT SCHENKE
…(his statement)
Etc. They solve it.
EXT. OFFICE PARKING LOT – AFTERNOON
Elizabeth waits on him.
EXT. OFFICE PARKING LOT – AFTERNOON
BEGINNING:
Unsure, Elizabeth waits for him on the parking lot.
MIDDLE:
Have finished his work, Albert gets outside, and into his car.
END:
Elizabeth approaches him and starts conversation.
EXT. OFFICE PARKING LOT – AFTERNOON
Elizabeth in her car with cup of coffee.
Finally, Albert is outside. He gets to his white Buick and rolls window down.
Elizabeth jumps out and gets near.
ELIZABETH
Hello!
He sees her. Is not surprised, rather accepts his Karma. His look again fixed on her.
ELIZABETH
I thought, maybe we can come together somewhere? Like Ocean side?
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Chris Dorsey’s Inciting Incident
What I learned doing this assignment is to trust the process.
Concept — When an innocent man is incarcerated with some of the country’s most dangerous psychopaths, he must rely on/embrace his voices/his mental illness to win his freedom.
Main Conflict — The Antagonist and the system try to shut up, stop, and eventually kill the Protagonist, because the Protagonist is a threat to the prison’s status quo — SURVIVAL.
Old Ways — Avoidant/hiding (hiding his own MH symptoms), super helpful and optimistic, Polly Anna-ish. Connects with others but through his “silver lining” approach.
New Ways — Empathetic/connects to others on a real level, group leader, courageous, fights for the rights of mentally-ill inmates.
THEME (add): Fair and humane treatment of the mentally ill. Good verses evil and the apathetic. Overcoming challenges to heal and/or live with a mental illness; acceptance and healing.
BEAT SHEET
ACT I
INT/EXT. PRISON GATE – DAY
The sign outside reads: “XXX [insert].”
OPENING: A caged bus transports Wilbert McNutt and a dozen inmates through the prison gates. Wilbert, unlike the other inmates, is wearing a straight jacket. He’s also relaxed and smiling. The other inmates keep their distance.
INT. SHOWERS – LATER
Wilbert showers by himself. Another inmate enters and checks him out. Wilbert smiles, uncomfortable, then turns to the side to hide his private parts.
INT. INMATE BARBER SHOP – LATER
Wilbert gets a haircut from the PRISON BARBERS. It’s the worst haircut he’s ever gotten. His bangs cut down to the nub, his sides kept longer. The Barbers hand in a mirror to Wilbert and laugh at his reaction. He begrudgingly thanks the Barbers for the haircut.
INT. LARGE ROOM – LATER
Beginning: Wilbert starts chatting to another new, mental health inmate. The other inmate gives him some tips on how to stay safe and survive prison.
Middle: Antagonist Beat #1: Meets Wilbert McNutt in intake. The Antagonist stares at another inmate (his new roommate) and other inmate drops dead on the spot — “if looks could kill?” The officers are slow to respond. The officers give in and give the Antagonist a cell of his own.
End: He gets shouted at by the DEPUTY WARDEN for asking too many questions. Wilbert might be responding to a voice in his head. The officer responds, “I wasn’t talking to you, McNutt. And, by the way that has to be the dumbest haircut I’ve ever scene. No wonder you’re here.”
INT. MEDICAL UNIT, EXAMINATION ROOM – DAY
Wilbert undergoes a medical/psychiatric evaluation. He’s on medications to help control his voices. The PSYCHITRIST goes over Wilbert’s mental health and criminal history.
Beginning:
Middle:
End:
INT. CELLBLOCK – DAY
PLACEHOLDER: Insert dorm scene where another inmate jumps off the second floor and lands on the ground right in front of Wilbert. ALPHA DOG (aka A-DOG), another building sociopath, seems to somehow be responsible for this.
TE1: Wilbert witnesses the Alpha Dog, and his group, rev-up another mental health inmate before this inmate freaks out. The inmate is cuffed and hauled off by the officers. He realizes that mental health treatment might be the last thing he’s going to receive in this prison.
Antagonist Beat #2: He takes on the current dorm alpha dog and wins. He takes over the dorm businesses and lays down the law to his “workers.”
PLACEHOLDER: Snapshot — “He [the Antagonist] did this at another prison… Stay away from him.”
PLACEHOLDER: Wilbert seeks legal advice to have his case appealed.
INT. CELLBLOCK – DAY
PLACEHOLDER: Wilbert settles into the unit and the routine. The do’s and don’t’s, how it works, and the calm before the storm.
Beginning: Wilbert eats an awful tasting breakfast, but he puts a positive spin on it. “Why do they put all the jackers in the kitchen?” “Jackers?” “Yes…”
Middle: [insert] a funny scene, like DR court or Warden & Deputy Warden rounds.
End: Lights out. Wilbert goes to sleep. He sighs to himself; today wasn’t that bad.
INT. CELLBLOCK – NEXT MORNING
PLACEHOLDER: “6:00 AM” appears on the screen. A loud siren wakes Wilbert out of his sleep. He sits up in his bed in shock.
INT./EXT. ANTAGONIST’S CELL – DAY
PLACEHOLDER: Wilbert witnesses the Antagonist slap around another inmate.
Beginning: Wilbert hears some commotion and stops outside the Antagonist’s cell. The Antagonist has another inmate by the collar. He slaps the inmate across the face.
Middle: Wilbert slips away without being seen.
End: Wilbert approaches the slapped inmate later. The inmate asks Wilbert to help him.
INT. COUNSELING OFFICE – DAY
INCITING INCIDENT: Wilbert “snitches” to his therapist that the Antagonist is bullying and causing harm to other inmates in the dorm.
Shortly after, the Antagonist gets cuffed and hauled off to the Isolation Unit. He threatens to kill whomever ratted him out. Wilbert reluctantly, and with the help of the voice,
Beginning: Wilbert’s voice talks him into meeting with his Mental Health Counselor.
Middle: Wilbert tells him about what the Antagonist is doing in the dorm; drugs, prostitution, and other misdeeds.
End: The Mental Health Counselor assures Wilbert that this will be investigated and the Antagonist will most likely be transferred to general population at another prison.
PLACEHOLDER: The CAPTAIN investigates the allegations against the Antagonist.
Beginning:
Middle:
End: The Antagonist is cuffed and dragged out of the dorm. The dorm celebrates. The slapped inmate mouths “thank you” to Wilbert. Wilbert smiles back at him.
PLACEHOLDER: Wilbert in therapy and resistant to tackling his issues.
PLACEHOLDER: The Antagonist doing everything he can not to get transferred to general population at a new prison (charms, fakes a suicide attempt, etc.).
Turning point: Instead of being transferred to another prison, the Antagonist manipulates his way back onto the cellblock. An additional 5 years have been added to his time and he is out for blood. Wilbert realizes the system is broken and the guards are in on it.
ACT II
New plan — Win the Antagonist over at any cost.
Wilbert has to handle/fix this situation himself.
Plan in action — He is going to kill the Antagonist with kindness. He’s going to ignore the voices in his head.
INT. ANTAGONIST’S CELL – NIGHT
PLACEHOLDER — Wilbert is going to win the Antagonist over at any cost. He is going to kill the Antagonist with kindness.
Antagonist Beat #3: Investigates/interrogates other inmates to see who ratted him out.
INT. CELLBLOCK – NIGHT
PLACEHOLDER — Wilbert uses self-help techniques with the other inmates in his circle.
Antagonist Beat #4: Shuts Wilbert down/argues with during group therapy.
INT. THERAPIST’S OFFICE – DAY
PLACEHOLDER: A therapy session to challenge Wilbert’s defense mechanisms. Wilbert expressed concerns that his medications are keeping him from living a real life.
INT. AUDITORIUM – DAY
The Antagonist requests Wilbert be transferred to his cell.
INT. CELLBLOCK – MORNING
PLACEHOLDER: Wilbert stops taking his psychiatric medications and his voices slowly shift from nice and manageable to mean and out of control.
Midpoint Turning Point: The Antagonist tries to kill Wilbert.
INT. ANTAGONIST’S CELL — NIGHT
The Antagonist manipulates Wilbert in to fessing up to snitching on the Antagonist. The Antagonist goes berserk and strangles Wilbert almost to death. Wilbert is saved by the other inmates. The Antagonist goes back to “the hole.”
Wilbert seeks external legal help for protection after this event. He also asks for his case to be appealed.
TE 3: Wilbert stops taking his medications and learns his auditory hallucinations may actually help him survive in prison.
TE 4: Wilbert uncovers evidence that could lead to his conviction being overturned in the appeals process.
TE 5: Wilbert gets shanked in the back.
PLACEHOLDER: The voices start telling/making Wilbert do bad things. It gets him some respect but also gets him sent to “the hole.”
Antagonist Beat #5: Manipulates Wilbert, through Wilbert’s auditory hallucinations, to turn on the other inmates.
INT. LAW LIBRARY – DAY
PLACEHOLDER: Wilbert researches case law for his appeal.
PLACEHOLDER: A newly assigned pro bono attorney responds to one of Wilbert’s letters and meets him in person.
ACT 3:
Antagonist Beat #7: Plots to kill Wilbert by someone else’s hands and to make it look like an accident. Wilbert, by dumb luck alone, escapes these attempts.
Rethink everything — He discovers that acknowledging one’s own pain, instead of being in denial, and “getting real” is the only way he will ever be able to defeat the Antagonist.
New plan — Wilbert realizes that the voices in his head (i.e. Auditory hallucinations) are actually there to help him. He embraces the voices and he taps into his bad side.
Turning Point: Huge failure / Major shift — His bad voice takes control and forces him to fail.
INT. VISITATION ROOM – DAY
TE 6: After his friend dies (by suicide or homicide), he discovers that prison staff (i.e. Guards and the Warden) are purposefully putting his life at risk and covering up other crimes/inhumane treatment of inmates.
Antagonist Beat #6: Manipulates the mental health and prison staff to stay in the mental health dorm when others point out that he may not be mentally ill. Bribes others.
INT. THERAPIST’S OFFICE – DAY
TE 7: Wilbert has a breakthrough in therapy that helps him discover why he is the way he is — he’s too nice. This is the information he needs for his internal transformation. He learns that he developed a reactionary set of coping mechanisms from loss that no longer suit him.
PLACEHOLDER: He discovers that acknowledging one’s own pain, instead of being in denial, and “getting real” is the only way he will ever be able to defeat the Antagonist.
INT. CELBBLOCK – DAY
TE 8: Wilbert verbally calls out the Antagonist in front of the whole cellblock. With more than half of the inmates in the dorm on Wilbert’s side, Wilbert spells out and challenges all of the Antagonists warped ways of thinking and behaviors. The Antagonist challenges Wilbert to a fight to the death.
ACT 4:
CLIMAX: Wilbert fights the Antagonist in mortal combat and beats the Antagonist. He realizes that somewhere in the middle, between overly positive voices and bad voices, is where he should be. He spares the Antagonist’s life. He exposes the corrupt prison system and makes the corruption public (through either a counselor or another outside source).
INT. PRISON YARD – NIGHT
RESOLUTION: Wilbert wins his freedom and does a press conference. With his new found confidence, is able to confront his ex-wife, win his children back, and take control of his life in a real and meaningful way. He starts an organization to help incarcerated inmate with mental health disorders.
EXT. PRISON GROOUNDS – DAY
Wilbert tells his story to the news.
INT. COURT – DAY
Wilbert is granted a divorce and keeps his house. He is granted half-custody of his two children.
INT. OFFICE – DAY
Wilbert opens his office and welcomes his new employees; ex-inmates with mental health disorders.
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What I learned today: Cameron is not a geek; he’s highly confident and competent. Ripe for a fall–good, I think, for a character who’s about to be conned.
INT. FILMFIXER–CAMERON’S WORKSPACE NIGHT
Using the console, Cameron switches between two images. The first is in the middle of a scene, but is interrupted by blotches. The other is a continuation of the scene–but the two don’t line up.
Cameron clicks a mouse–and the screen shows action from the end of the first clip to the next one. Cameron goes back and watches. The action is seamless.
Cameron saves his work, then turns off the console. The big screen goes dark. Cameron gets up to leave, but he stops and looks back at the screen. Then he turns the console and the screen back on and fast forwards to the place where Reina appears.
Cameron highlights Reina’s face.
CAMERON
Image search.
After a few moments…
COMPUTER VOICE
I’m sorry, there are no hits.
Cameron hits “play,” and Reina mugs, does a few clunky dance steps, and throws her arms open to the ocean and sky. And then she disappears–and after an after several obviously damaged frames flicker by, THE NEXT SCENE STARTS.
Another try, maybe with the whole sequence?
Cameron puzzles for a moment, then gets up.
INT. FILMFIXER–NIGHT
Dead silence–except for Cameron’s footsteps as he looks into the various offices and work spaces, making sure no one else is around.
INT. FILMFIXER–CAMERON’S WORKSPACE–NIGHT
Cameron locks the door behind him, goes to the console, opens the coding for the software he’s using and hits “copy.”
He studies the code on the big screen, the changes a line here and a line there.
He rewinds to a few frames before Reina appears, then hits “play.”
The action looks very much as it did before–but there’s sound now. The ocean and seabirds. And children playing in the b.g.?
This makes Cameron sit up. He watches intently until it gets to the end.
CAMERON
And then what?
Instead of just standing there frozen, Reina puts her arms down and looks directly at Cameron.
REINA
And then what, what?
Cameron is dumbfounded. Reina turns in a circle as she looks around.
REINA
And then what, what?
CAMERON
Are you…talking to me? -
Day 10 Act 1 Inciting Incident
James’ Inciting Incident
What I learned doing this assignment is… that the inciting incident can be small in scale by which a minor disruption in the hero’s life could lead to major consequences in the story. This appears to be the case for my romantic comedy as my protagonist quits her job (not very overwhelming), but the consequences and situations that follow offer many possibilities in the story. Everything that follows is directly related from her early on choice: quitting her job.
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KAREN SINCLAIR’S ACT 1 INCITING INCIDENT
What I learned doing this assignment is…?
What I learned doing this assignment is that I still have a lot of work to do on these scenes to make them more exciting. But keeping with the speed writing rules I am forging ahead.
I also realize that what we are doing is creating something to critique, following that old adage that ‘It is easier to critique than create!’ (LOL) We create first so that we can critique in later drafts and make it better.
ASSIGNMENT 10
Main Concept
Thomas is bitter and wants to teach Sadie a lesson as a reaction to her dumping him. And he wants to save her new husband from suffering the same fate. Sadie goes for a run to get in the right frame of mind to make one of the most important pitches of her life. While running, by cellphone text, Sadie is threatened that if she stops running, something terrible will happen to her and her family, including her new husband’s children.
Old Ways
· Single, self-reliant, and selfish
· Small fish in big pond (ad exec in NYC agency)
· Fear of abandonment
· Self-centered and self-absorbed
· Be the best at all costs, micro manager
New Ways
· Married with children, a dog and unconditional love all around
· Big fish in small pond (ad owner in Vancouver agency)
· No fear of abandonment
· Team oriented and empathetic
· Lead the best team!
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<br clear=”all”>
OPENING SCENE BEAT SHEET
OUT. CENTRAL PARK – MORNING (Introduction of Protagonist)
SADIE runs through Central Park looking like a pro and listening to music when she receives a phone call from her supposed-to-be ex-boyfriend THOMAS.
INT. TOWNHOUSE FAMILY ROOM – MORNING (Introduction of Antagonist)
Thomas sits on the couch playing video games. He stops his game to tell Sadie he is not accepting that they are done and tells her that she cannot make a unilateral decision to end it. He will make dinner and they will talk.
PLACEHOLDER: I would like there to be a scene that alternates between Sadie running and running that is happening on a close-up of the TV showing Thomas’ video game action.
INTERCUT – PHONE CONVERSATION
Sadie tells Thomas they have been through this too many times before. There is nothing to talk about and she would like for him to be gone when she gets home. She yanks the earbud out of her ear.
Thomas calls Sadie back and she ignores the call. The phone vibrates again. Sadie ignores it at first and then realizes it is her work phone vibrating. A voicemail advises Sadie that the big boss wants to see her as soon as she arrives.
OUT. CENTRAL PARK – MORNING
Sadie approaches the building where she works. She runs up the staircase. The double glass doors automatically open as she nears, and she disappears into the building.
OPENING SCENE OUTLINE
OUT. CENTRAL PARK – MORNING (Introduction of Protagonist)
BEGINNING: Sadie runs on a trail through central park, decked out in the latest running gear, wearing a set of bone conduction headphones, and listening to her favourite running music from an iTouch in her sleeve cuff. She ducks and weaves between other people using the trail.
MIDDLE: Sadie receives a call from her supposed-to-be ex-boyfriend THOMAS.
END: She plugs an earbud and hanging microphone into her ear and answers.
INT. TOWNHOUSE FAMILY ROOM – MORNING (Introduction of Antagonist)
BEGINNING: Thomas sits on a sofa in the family room of Sadie’s Townhouse, with a remote control on his lap and a video game frozen on Sadie’s TV. He proceeds to tell Sadie that after two years together, she cannot just unilaterally cut things off with no discussion.
MIDDLE: He tells Sadie he will make dinner and when she arrives home they will talk.
END: He reactivates his game.
<b style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>INTERCUT – PHONE CONVERSATION
BEGINNING: Sadie tells Thomas they’ve been through this too many times and that there is nothing left to talk about.
MIDDLE: She lets him know that she should have ended it sooner, but she has been too busy at work, and she let things slide. She tells him that was her fault. She reiterates that she wants him gone when she gets home, yanks the earbud from her ear and ends the call.
END: Sadie receives a call back from Thomas, but she ignores it.
The phone vibrates again. Sadie ignores it again, at first, and then realizes it is her work phone. She hurries to take the call from a phone in her running tights leg pocket. There is a voicemail from SHEILA, the Executive Assistant for her company’s CEO MITCHELL BAKKEN advising Sadie that Mitchell would like to see her right away as soon as she gets into the office.
OUT. CENTRAL PARK – MORNING
BEGINNING: Sadie takes a sharp turn to head back towards her office building.
MIDDLE: Stopping at the foot of the steps to her building, she catches a final breath and runs up the steps to the front doors.
END: Sadie disappears through the sliding glass doors of the building.
———————————————————————————
SECOND SCENE BEAT SHEET
INT. OFFICE BULLPEN/HALLWAY – MORNING
Sadie arrives at work through automatic glass doors. She drops her items with a young lady standing at a nearby desk, who takes the items and hands her a clipboard. She proceeds to the CEO’s office.
SECOND SCENE OUTLINE
INT. OFFICE BULLPEN/HALLWAY – MORNING
BEGINNING: Sadie, now coiffed and fully dressed in business attire, bursts through the automatic doors into the office bullpen removing her jacket as she goes. She hands her jacket and her purse to a young lady standing at a nearby desk who receives the items, says good morning, and hands Sadie a clipboard and pen. Sadie does not respond and keeps moving toward the CEO’s corner office.
MIDDLE: As she approaches the glass door she can see that her direct boss, OLIVER NAM, is in the CEO’s office as well.
END: Sadie stops at the door, straightens her blazer, touches the tight bun on the top of her head, tucks the clipboard under her arm and peaks her head in the door to say good morning.
———————————————————————————
THIRD SCENE BEAT SHEET
INT. CEO’S OFFICE – MORNING
The CEO of New York’s Global Advertising Group offers Sadie an opportunity to start a new branch office in Vancouver, BC.
THIRD SCENE OUTLINE
INT. CEO’S OFFICE – MORNING
BEGINNING: Sadie enters the CEO’s office. Mitchell and Oliver are standing, Mitchell behind his chair with his hands resting on the back of the chair and Oliver leaning on the end of the CEO’s desk with his arms folded across his chest. Mitchell motions to a chair and for her to take a seat. Sadie opts to stand behind the guest seat with her clipboard resting on the back of the chair.
MIDDLE: Mitchell tells Sadie that he would like her to take on a big project for the agency, one of opening a branch on the West Coast of Canada, in Vancouver, BC. He assures her that with her work ethic she is the best person for the job. She will need to find a location and hire her own staff. Oliver nods in agreement, tells her that he does not know how he will replace her and lets her know that he hopes she will still be able to assist with the New York agency during the transition.
END: Sadie asks if she can think about it over the weekend. Mitchell agrees and advises her that a potential partnership could be hinging on her decision.
While Mitchell is talking Sadie’s personal phone vibrates in her pocket.
———————————————————————————
FOURTH SCENE BEAT SHEET
INT. HALLWAY – MORNING
Just as Sadie is leaving the CEO’s office, she retrieves a text message from Thomas advising her that he will have dinner ready when she gets home so that they can sit down and talk.
FIFTH SCENE OUTLINE
INT. HALLWAY- MORNING
BEGINNING: Sadie stops suddenly in the hallway outside the CEO’s door to retrieve a text from Thomas that was delivered while she was in the meeting.
MIDDLE: Thomas tells her he’ll make dinner so that they can sit down and talk. Sadie slides the clipboard under her arm freeing up both arms to type.
END: She tells Thomas they are done by sending him a message that says simply, ‘GET OUT’.
———————————————————————————
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FIFTH SCENE BEAT SHEET
INT. OFFICE BULLPEN – DUSK
Sadie closes the office to begin her run home.
FIFTH SCENE OUTLINE
INT. OFFICE BULLPEN/HALLWAY – DUSK
BEGINNING: The last to leave, Sadie thrashes about outside of her office, closing blinds, flicking off lights, pulling doors shut and locking doors.
MIDDLE: Sadie picks up her backpack, flips it onto her back, looks down at her phone and sees no further messages from Thomas.
END: Sadie walks to the elevator in the hallway, pushes the button, places her hand up on the door and rests her head on her arm. The door opens. She jolts upright, walks in, turns around and leans against the back wall as the doors slowly close.
———————————————————————————
SIXTH SCENE BEAT SHEET
OUT. STREETS – DUSK
Sadie bursts out of the building through the automatic glass doors on the main floor and heads out running into the city.
SIXTH SCENE OUTLINE
OUT. STREETS – DUSK
BEGINNING: Sadie bursts out of the building through the automatic glass doors on the main floor and heads out running into the city.
MIDDLE: She ducks and weaves between cars, both parked and moving, not waiting for crossing lights, distracted and eager to get home. Cars honk as they avoid her.
END: She leaves the street and heads toward a crowded sidewalk.
———————————————————————————
SEVENTH SCENE BEAT SHEET
OUT. SIDEWALKS – DUSK
Sadie runs recklessly, down a busy sidewalk on a Thursday evening in an effort to get home quickly.
SEVENTH SCENE OUTLINE
OUT. SIDEWALKS – DUSK
BEGINNING: Sadie hops onto a sidewalk and off the busy street.
MIDDLE: Sadie runs recklessly, shoulder-bumping people as she heads down a busy sidewalk on a Thursday evening. Her backpack knocks someone off their bike as she demonstrates total disregard for bystanders.
END: She hops off the sidewalk and turns the corner to her street.
———————————————————————————
EIGHTH SCENE BEAT SHEET
OUT. SADIE’S STREET – DUSK
Feeling the pressure build, Sadie starts to sprint at full speed down her street to the foot of the steps of her townhouse.
EIGHTH SCENE OUTLINE
OUT. SADIE’S STREET – DUSK
BEGINNING: Sadie slowly picks up speed until she is at a full out sprint down her street.
MIDDLE: She runs up the sidewalk to the foot of the steps of her townhouse, stops abruptly, and bends over, out of breath. Catching her breath, she glances up to see a shadowy figure moving about her kitchen.
END: Sadie rips her backpack off her back, stomps up the stairs and bursts through the door throwing her pack in the corner. She can smell something cooking; evidence that Thomas is still not taking her seriously about it being over.
———————————————————————————
NINTH SCENE BEAT SHEET (Introduction of Antagonist)
INT. TOWNHOUSE KITCHEN – DUSK
Sadie confronts Thomas. She tells him this is it; they are done.
NINTH SCENE OUTLINE
INT. TOWNHOUSE KITCHEN – DUSK
BEGINNING: Sadie storms into the kitchen confronting Thomas who is playing a video game through the doorway on the TV in the adjoining family room. The table has two place settings, a couple of beers and condiments for spaghetti and meat sauce. She yells, this is it, they are done. He still doesn’t seem to get it and suggests they sit down for a meal and talk.
MIDDLE: To prove they are done Sadie yanks the garbage can out from under the sink and dumps everything on the table into the can. She walks over to the island and clears all contents to the can as well. Sadie grabs a pot of hot water with spaghetti noodles from the stove. She tells him she is done being held hostage by him in her own house. She throws the boiling water against the back of the sink. The boiling water splashes up on the window behind the sink and the glass cracks. The noodles end up in the sink.
Thomas, with a controller in one hand, takes a step towards her.
Sadie picks up the pot of simmering spaghetti sauce with an oven mitt threatening to throw it in his direction if he does not leave right now.
END: He finally gets the message and snaps, yelling obscenities as he storms out and slams the door, taking nothing and creating yet another reason for returning.
TENTH SCENE BEAT SHEET
OUT. TOWNSHOUSE STREETSIDE – NIGHT
Thomas returns.
TENTH SCENE OUTLINE
OUT. TOWNSHOUSE STREETSIDE – NIGHT
BEGINNING: An hour later, Thomas pull in behind a huge white van marked LOCKSMITH.
MIDDLE: The van doesn’t really register with Thomas until he sees the locksmith working on Sadie’s front door. There are a half dozen black plastic bags piled up on the stoop.
END: As Thomas starts up the sidewalk, it occurs to him that the bags contain his belongings.
ELEVENTH SCENE BEAT SHEET
OUT. TOWNHOUSE – NIGHT
Thomas encounters a locksmith changing the locks to Sadie’s Townhouse. He has also been paid to deliver Thomas’ belongings to his apartment.
ELEVENTH SCENE OUTLINE
OUT. TOWNHOUSE – NIGHT
BEGINNING: Thomas walks to the stoop. The locksmith asks him if the containers are his to which he affirms they are. He tells him the lady who lives here gave him five $100 dollar bills to deliver the bags to his apartment address.
MIDDLE: Thomas says he will take them and starts loading his car. The locksmith helps him, all the while consoling him about the obvious breakup.
END: The locksmith rings Sadie’s doorbell to let her know he is done, but no one answers. He slips an invoice for the job through the slot and is about to follow up with the five $100 bills. Instead, he hesitates and returns only three. Two bills go in his pocket for his trouble.
TWELTH SCENE BEAT SHEET
INT. TOWNHOUSE – NIGHT
Sadie sits on the floor with her back against the inside of the front door sobbing. It is finally over.
TWELTH SCENE OUTLINE
INT. TOWNHOUSE – NIGHT
BEGINNING: Sadie hears Thomas’ car pull away. She looks through the peep hole to confirm he is gone.
MIDDLE: She turns her back to the inside of her front door and slides down to the floor.
END: Sadie puts her head in her hands and sobs.
THIRTEENTH SCENE BEAT SHEET
INT. HALLWAY OUTSIDE CEO OFFICE – MORNING
Sadie tells the CEO, on Friday morning, that she will accept the project of opening the new office in Vancouver, BC.
THIRTEENTH SCENE OUTLINE
INT. HALLWAY OUTSIDE CEO OFFICE – MORNING
BEGINNING: Sadie tells the CEO, on Friday morning that she will accept the project of opening the new office in Vancouver, BC.
MIDDLE: He tells her that during the following week’s marketing conference in Whistler, BC., he will be announcing her appointment. He then suggests that she stay in Vancouver for a few days after the conference to do a location assessment for the new office. He will hook her up with a young man named RANDY who will help her out. He comes highly recommended, and she may want to consider hiring him as her assistant.
END: Sadie sees the Vancouver project as a way of breaking from Thomas and having a fresh start.
-
Rita’s Inciting Incident
What I learned doing this assignment:
My inciting incident was in scene 2 from Assignment 9. These scenes are drawing my protagonist further into the call.
I’m never really sure what page the inciting incident is “supposed” to be on.
I like it early.Outline Key Scenes 2 & 3 for Act 1.
KEY SCENE 2 OUTLINE
INT. DAWN’S HOUSE – DAY
BEGINNING: Dawn and her one-man crew, Zak prep her living room to paint.
MIDDLE: Conversation about psychology is really about following your intuition.
END: Dawn learns more about Zak’s motivations, which draw out her compassion.
KEY SCENE 3 OUTLINE
EXT. DAWN’S HOUSE – MORNING
BEGINNING: Dawn doesn’t get it yet but Zak is all in. He shows up, ready to go.MIDDLE: Reality and Zak’s young, worldly wisdom starts to set in. Dawn melts down.
END: Dawn shows a reluctant agreement to give this whole crazy idea a go.
SCENES:
INT. DAWN’S HOUSE – DAY
Dawn and her one-man crew, Zak, move furniture away from the walls of her living room.
DAWN
I’ll pay you extra if you promise not to tell any other students what happened. Or where I live.ZAK
I know lots of teachers who paint houses in the summer for some extra cash. How do you think I know what a five-in-one is? (or some other tool)DAWN
I really appreciate your help. I’m not exactly the physical labor type.ZAK
Yeah, you’re too much in your head.
Dawn leans on the arm of the couch, somewhat menacing.
DAWN
What do you mean, too much?
ZAK
Whoa, don’t take offense. You’re all about intellect whereas I am all about…
(lifts his end of the couch)… the spiritual.
DAWN
What are you taking my classes for anyway? Aren’t you an art major?
ZAK
Art is a representation of the human condition. What good is art if you don’t know anything about people? For that matter, what good is psychology if you don’t know people?He gestures around her one-person cottage.
ZAK
No offense.
DAWN
Plenty of offense taken. I know people.
ZAK
Riiiight.
DAWN
Your A+ is looking pretty shaky right about now.ZAK
I’m just saying, if you don’t mind me saying —
DAWN
It’s highly likely that I do.
ZAK
That construction dude was into you. You didn’t need to pretend you own a painting company. But it’s cool that you do now! I know some guys I can hook you up with. We’ll knock out a few houses this summer and I’ll be able to pay for tuition in the fall after all.
DAWN
After all?
Zak’s demeanor goes dark for just a moment.
ZAK
It’s nothing, just some family stuff. Hang on, I’ll get my gear.
He runs out to his truck.
DAWN
Gear. I don’t have gear.
Zak reappears and unfurls a drop cloth with a flourish.
ZAK
Let’s paint!
INT. DAWN’S HOUSE – LATER
Zak rolls the last section of blue onto a previously non-blue wall.
Dawn drops, exhausted, into the couch. She immediately catapults back up. Inspects her pants which are now loaded with blue splotches.
DAWN
Shit! Did I just ruin my couch?
ZAK
Never underestimate the necessity of a drop cloth. That’s what my gym teacher always used to say.
Dawn opts for a step ladder to sit and inspect their work.
DAWN
This looks damned good!
ZAK
I told you. Now maybe you’ll believe I’m a no-bullshit kinda dude. Sorry, bull crap. I get a roller in my hand and proper vocab goes out the window.
Dawn waves it off.
DAWN
You’re coming back in the morning, right? What kind of pastries do you like?
Zak sits on a paint can facing her, suddenly all serious.
ZAK
Listen Ms Dawn, I gotta make some serious cash this summer so I can’t —
DAWN
No! You can’t bail on me now.
ZAK
I’m not bailing. I mean, we can actually do this thing.
DAWN
I know! My house will be beautiful.
ZAK
Think bigger. If you can spot the expenses until we get going, after a couple of houses…
(rubs his fingers together)
…we’ll be rolling in it.
DAWN
I don’t follow. What houses?
ZAK
You’ve already got a direct line to the biggest contractor in town.
DAWN
Abernathy? Yeah, I’m not calling him. He’ll think I’m an idiot.ZAK
Not if we show up with a crew.
DAWN
You and I do not a crew make. I don’t know anyone, as you’ve already pointed out multiple times.
ZAK
But I do. You get your hunky date —
DAWN
Please tell me did not just say hunky.
ZAK
You get a night out with every woman’s rugged hottie dream-man.
DAWN
Until he finds out I’m a liar.
ZAK
That’s just it. I’m gonna make an honest woman out of you.
Dawn flings a paint rag at him.
DAWN
People already whisper about how you always run up to me after class with your little tail wagging. This town runs on rumors and they all start at Allen State.
ZAK
So throw me a bone. You’re teachable, Teach.
Zak FWAPS her pants with his blue-loaded brush.
She returns the favor with the underside of a paint lid right on his butt. A navy-colored circle.
DAWN
More like Blue Moon Painting.
ZAK
Woohoo! We’re open for business.
DAWN
I didn’t say that.
ZAK
You didn’t not say that.
He stacks his tools in a corner, folds the drop cloths.
Dawn rests her chin on her hand. She recoils and then laughs and raises her t-shirt to wipe her chin.
Zak notices. There’s a womanly shape after all under her shapeless professor wardrobe.
EXT. DAWN’S HOUSE – MORNING
Dawn shuffles out to the curb in slippers and bathrobe dragging the trash bin. Not only shapeless but disheveled.
Quiet morning. She stretches and yawns. Birds chirp until…
A blast of MUSIC increases in volume as it gets closer.
Zak pulls up with a pickup load of ladders, poles, buckets.
He unloads everything almost before he throws it into park. It’s a sudden blur of activity.
ZAK
I figured with a name like Dawn… I would’ve called first but I don’t have your number. Neither does Mr Tom. Not yet anyway.
Dawn hugs her bathrobe closed. Smooths her hair. Drops her glasses. Fumbles around in the grass looking for them.
DAWN
Listen, Zak, I don’t see how —
But he’s already hauling things into the house.
DAWN
Zak, hold on!
INT. DAWN’S HOUSE – MORNING
Dawn finds him in the bedroom moving furniture.
DAWN
Hey, just come on in.
ZAK
We’ve run into a slight set back.
DAWN
Really? I couldn’t tell.
ZAK
None of my usual guys are available. They’re our competition.
DAWN
It’s just as well. You can get a job with them, right?
ZAK
No way. I gave my word. We’re doing this, Blue Dawn.
He holds up a paint-loaded roller and goes to it.
DAWN
Yeah, this.
(gestures at the walls)
But then we go back to reality.
ZAK
You underestimate yourself Ms Dawn.
Dawn straightens up, offended.
DAWN
You’re going to analyze me now?
ZAK
Everybody does, underestimates, I mean. Do you like how your life is going?
DAWN
I love teaching.
ZAK
Teaching isn’t life. It’s temporary people conveyer-belting through. They’re here, then they’re gone.
DAWN
Promise?
ZAK
Is that what you like?
She sits on the bed, then quickly switches to the armchair. There’s a male student in her bedroom for God’s sake!
She stands.
DAWN
I should get dressed.
ZAK
Yeah, get with it Boss Lady.
Dawn can’t help but smile. Boss Lady sounds good.
She grabs her white pants, sighs and drags them to her study.
INT. DAWN’S STUDY – MORNING
It’s really an extra bedroom with a desk. She unfolds her whites and slides one leg in, removes it, wads the pants and throws them in a corner like they’ve done her wrong.
She looks through the closet. Books. Shirts. No pants.
DAWN
This is so insane. I don’t even know who I am anymore.
She grabs the whites again and yanks them on.
DAWN
I was perfectly fine yesterday. Just a normal professor planning her summer. Then some guy changes my whole life? How pathetic is that?
She finds a ratty, old, over-sized shirt. Drags it over her head. Momentum dissipates. She slumps into her computer chair to cry.
DAWN
What is happening?
Tears start. An inordinate amount of bawling.
Zak appears in the doorway, concerned.
ZAK
Whoa, what’s happening?
Dawn pulls it together, wipes her nose.
DAWN
I don’t know! I’m just…
She pretends to look for something in the closet.
ZAK
It’s okay to have feelings, you know.
DAWN
I know! I told you that last semester.
ZAK
So, have some.
SILENCE.
Zak sits on the floor next to the closet.
INDISCERNIBLE MUMBLES.
Zak waits.
DAWN
(loud)
I can’t do this, okay?
ZAK
Sure you can. You can do anything.
She crawls far enough to poke her snot covered face out to look at him.
DAWN
Why would you say that?
He hands her a paint rag. She blows her nose.
ZAK
I just feel it.
DAWN
Feel what?
ZAK
How amazing you are.
DAWN
Stop it! Stop lying to me.
She throws the snot-filled rag at his face. He bats it away.
ZAK
Gross. I don’t lie. Neither does Mr Tom.
DAWN
How would you know?
ZAK
You know it too. That’s why we have to do this.
DAWN
I can’t paint houses! I’m a book worm.
ZAK
Listen. When I signed up for your class, I was a mess. I had no self-confidence. I was Mr A-Grade Fuck-up. I only showed up to maybe not kill myself.
Dawn crawls further out of the closet, shocked at this news.
DAWN
I didn’t know. I mean, I saw a change in you, but that’s common at early adulthood.
ZAK
I hoovered up all the reading and then some. But all that academic stuff is missing a big piece.
Dawn’s defenses perk up again.
DAWN
Oh, really?
ZAK
How a person actually feels. Take you for instance.
DAWN
Must we?
ZAK
You’re successful, pretty, smart. You appear to be stable but…
(gestures to her whole being)
You’re in a closet. With a formerly suicidal fuck-up talking you out into the world.
She crawls back in.
SILENCE.
Zak waits.
DAWN
Point taken.
Zak smiles. He holds his fist up toward the closet opening.
Dawn’s fist appears to bump his.
-
Margaret’s Turning Point 1 What I learned completing this assignment is continuing to move forward no matter whether you feel comfortable or ready is what fast writing is all about. EXT. HILLSIDE PLOT – DAY
Lake pulls up to the hillside plot but this time parks in the driveway.
The area has been grated except the plot where her house burned is exactly the easy it was after the fire.
She looks over wearily at her old man neighbor’s house one of the only still standing.
A CONTRACTOR approaches her car.
CONTRACTOR
Good afternoon, Mrs. Logan.
LAKE
It’s Turner. I changed it back to my maiden name after…but you can just call me Lake.
CONTRACTOR
Here are a pair of gloves. Do you want me to accompany you or would you rather be alone.
LAKE
I’d rather do this alone. Thanks.
Blake follows her.
Lake
I said I’d rather do this alone. That means you too, whatever you are.
Blake
Oh, I wouldn’t miss this for the world.
Lake walks through where her house used to stand which is nothing but soot and ash.
She walks up the driveway and back towards a partially burned back building with a large tarp over it.
EXT. STUDIO – DAY
The contractor follows her up to the destroyed structure.
He pulls the tarp off a pile of what used to be a building and folds it up.
CONTRACTOR
You shouldn’t do this alone, ma’am.
She looks at the ghost of Blake.
Lake
Don’t worry, I’m never alone.
CONTRACTOR
You just holler if you need anything.
LAKE
Thanks.
The Contractor walks away.
Lake turns towards Blake’s destroyed studio still holding the gloves but doesn’t approach.
INT. LOGAN HOUSE – BEDROOM – DAY
Lake walks into Blake’s studio as he paints a colorful abstract. The studio is tastefully decorated with his pictures displayed and framed magazine covers touting his accomplishments.
LAKE
I brought lunch. You hungry?
Blake
I’m not sure.
LAKE
Another late night?
Blake
No. I’ve been staying up late working on a painting.
LAKE
Isn’t that what I just said? Are you gas lighting me? You’re always gas lighting me.
Blake
You dumb bitch that isn’t what I meant.
Lake heads towards the door but Blake is up and blocking her way.
LAKE
Let me out.
BLAKE
You wouldn’t be anything without me.
Lake
Let me out.
Blake
You stupid bitch.
Lake
Get out of my way.
Blake tries to push her back. She pushes him with an almost super human strength.
He falls back and hits his head on the brick around their wood burning stove.
Lake runs out of the room.
Blake’s still on the floor not moving.
-
Lesson 10 LD’s Inciting Incident
What I learned from doing this process. I like the process. What’s not to like? I had to stop posting, however, in order to give my full concentration to speed write the assignments.
ACT 1 Outline
Opening
INT. RADIO STATION – GLASS STUDIO – LATE NIGHT
Jaxon at radio station. Late at night. Few people are around. He is doing either a show or a podcast. He plays all the parts to avoid working with others. By the end of the show, he’s exhausted from doing every job from technical to host. Sneaks out from a party going on at the station.
INCITING INCIDENT
INT. PET STORE – NIGHT
Beginning
Jaxon is at the pet store. He’s come to exchange yet another emotional support animal, this one a turtle. Angela walks into the store. She has come to put her books on animal trauma on display.
Middle
Angela and Mario argue over which is the best emotional support animal for Jaxon. Jaxon tries to have a say in his choice but neither Mario nor Angela give him a chance to voice his choice. Jaxon is interested in a sleeping puppy.
End
Jaxon leaves the store with the turtle, the sleeping puppy and a copy of Angela’s book on animal trauma. Inside, is a leaflet announcing Angela giving a speech on animal abuse and trauma.
REACTION SCENE
INT. JASON’S DUPLEX – NIGHT
Jaxon comes into his apartment with his turtle, his sleeping puppy and Angela’s book. Sits on the couch defeated. He tells the animals that they are in temporary lodging for now.
Middle
Jason’s current lover arrives. She brings a bag of stuff. The lover finds the sleeping puppy cute.
End
Jaxon’s date finds she’s allergic to the puppy’s fur. The puppy wakes up shrieking.
SECOND BEAT SCENE: INCITING INCIDENT
INT. PET STORE OR ANIMAL SHELTER – DAY
A dog is shrieking. MARIO is behind the counter. He is emptying a pill into a dish of dog food.
Mario walks over to one of the cages and puts the bowl inside the cage for a puppy.
MARIO
One day soon you’ll be tormenting someone else with your neediness. You hyper crazy dog.
Jaxon walks into a pet store (or shelter) to exchange an emotional support animal (a turtle) that didn’t work for him.
Jaxon puts the small cage on the counter top.
MARIO
You again. You’re exchanging another animal?
Jaxon shrugs that he is.
The dog stops barking.
MARIO
The hamster didn’t work. The goldfish didn’t work. The snake didn’t work. What you need is a woman not an emotional support animal.
ANGELA (early 30s) walks into the store with a satchel.
MARIO
Here comes one of my nightmares. Don’t say anything about the exchange. She’ll start lecturing.
Mario quickly puts the turtle in a drawer and closes it.
MARIO
Angela, how nice to see you again. I have the table set up for you.
Angela and Jaxon exchange eye contact of momentary interest before Jaxon wanders over to bird cages.
Angela pulls out books from her satchel and puts a few on the counter. The turtle is knocking on the drawer to get out.
ANGELA
Maybe you can also leave a couple here at the counter. Is someone knocking?
MARIO
Bad pipes. The plumber’s coming tomorrow. What do you think? Jaxon here can’t decide on which emotional support animal he should get. You’re the expert.
Mario holds up one of Angela’s books. The cover: The Animal Trauma Epidemic.
MARIO
She writes books.
Jaxon gives a thumbs up. At a cage, Jaxon sticks his hand in the cage but the bird takes a nip at his finger won’t let go.
Angela sees and walks over to the Jaxon.
ANGELA
Now is that anyway to treat someone who wants to be friends? Come on, let go.
She makes sounds like a bird and the bird lets go.
Jaxon raises a brow in surprise.
Angela holds up one of her books for Jaxon.
ANGELA
I have a section on bird trauma.
Jaxon hides his finger in pain, which is now bleeding.
ANGELA
You might not be a bird person.
MARIO
What about a monkey? I have just the monkey for emotional support.
Jaxon starts to respond but doesn’t get a word out.
ANGELA
If you get one monkey, you should have two monkeys. You’re not still feeding animals that Baker’s dog food, Mario. It’s been recalled again.
Angela is now arranging some of her books on a table.
MARIO
Of course not.
Mario clears the area of all references to Baker’s dog food off his counter desk while Angela pulls out a baggie with a small bottle of antiseptic, cotton and a band aid.
Angela quickly puts the band aid on Jaxon’s finger before she goes back to fixing her books on the table.
At the cages of puppies, Jaxon stands looking at the puppies until he opens a cage and pulls out the sleeping puppy.
MARIO
I don’t think that puppy’s for you.
ANGELA
How adorable. Never put it back.
MARIO
I know this puppy. That puppy is not for him.
Jaxon holds the puppy at arm’s length. Angela wanders over to him and pets the puppy. She tries its pulse.
ANGELA
Mario, are you sure this one is okay? He’s out cold.
Angela gives Mario a suspicious look.
MARIO
Okay, he’ll take it. One puppy. One of Angela’s books and a free turtle.
Jaxon makes sounds to resist the purchase of all three but can’t find the words. Mario runs Jaxon’s credit card.
Done, Mario grabs Jaxon by the arm and whisks Jaxon toward the door.
MARIO
Go and make friends with your emotional support.
More curious in watching Jaxon leave, Angela stands one of her books upside down. At the door, Jaxon turns and raises a finger bye.
NEW BEAT REACTION
INT. JAXON’S HOUSE – LIVING ROOM – NIGHT
Jaxon comes into his house with the two cages and Angela’s book. He puts the cages down on the floor and Angela’s book on the table. He opens the door again and brings in boxes of food delivered.
He sits on the couch. The puppy is still asleep.
JAXON
Don’t think this is more than temporary lodgings for either of you. You’re on trial.
He picks up Angela’s book. He looks at the back cover. He pulls out the leaflet inside that announces Angela’s public speaking event on animal trauma.
DOOR BELL
Jaxon lets in CAROL (30s), a current lover. She comes in with a bag of purchases. They kiss.
JAXON
You look amazing.
From the bag, she pulls out products and puts them on the table next to Angela’s book.
CAROL
This could be boundary crossing. I mean women don’t usually shop for someone unless they have a commitment. After shave, lotion, soap, mouthwash and toothpaste.
Carol notices the two cages. Carol gets on the floor and looks in the cage of the puppy. The puppy is still sleeping. Carol sneezes.
Jaxon puts on an Art Pepper sound track.
CAROL
How cute. New puppy?
JAXON
No commitment yet. I’m trying it out.
The puppy opens one eye.
CAROL
Hi, there. Little guy.
Carol sneezes again.
CAROL
I must be allergic. Must be its fur.
The puppy starts shrieking. Carol backs off and gets up. She sneezes.
JAXON
Let it out. It’s probably confused and scared. You know, new place, strangers.
CAROL
I’m allergic. Put it in another room and let’s get down to serious sex. I’ve only got an hour.
The puppy keeps shrieking. Jaxon grabs the cage and takes it into the kitchen.
-
Tita’s Inciting Incident (and the Reaction Scene )
What I learned from Assignment 10:
· I probably should have chosen a light comedy I don’t care about rather than this story that I really want to write. And maybe taken the course when I’m on a month-long vacation if I could ever do that. Why? Because the time pressure and my commitment to myself to keep up with the assignments no matter what else is happening in my life has activated my manic side. I forget meals. I let the To Dos of life go, ignore dishes and bills.
· I know SU says cool it, get rid of perfection. I know what I’m doing is far from perfect and will need lots of rewrites. Maybe the SU rewrite course. But even doing it as fast as possible takes thinking time and the mental coordination to keep focused on three challenges simultaneously: 1) Remember what each of the SU dramaturgy guidelines mean, 2) while trying to summarize main beats, scenes and their high level beginning-middle-end, then 3) fleshing out new or implied interactions and dialogue while staying at least lightly connected to the SU guidelines and the storyline that is developing in the beats/scene summaries… boignnnnnee.
· Yikes. But I am so deeply grateful for this plunge into templates, scaffolding, mentoring, whatever you call the elements in the assignments. Thank you. I’ve made it through the first 10 assignments, had the reinforcement of seeing them pasted into SU’s anti-visual non-formatted window. And I’ll try to remember to breathe, eat, and walk while I keep going through the next how many more assignments – 20 more???
– Big copy/paste problem with this. Tedious and time consuming. Will explain to Support.
Act I.3. Inciting Incident –
Beat Summary
James Otis, meets with Sam Adams and his wife, becomes so upset about Parliament’s new tax that he bursts into Lt. Gov Hutchinson’s meeting with the royal tax commission — shocked, the tax commissioner demands that Hutchinson prove he can control radicals and mobs, and keep colonists loyal to England – the most free nation in the world. Or King George will strip Hutchinson of all royal appointments and salaries.
OUTLINE of Inciting Incident
Beginning: James Otis shows Sam the documents that make any tax on colonists by Parliament illegal. Insists they do something. Sam thinks as soon as people learn in Town Meeting what will be taxed, everyone will refuse to pay – and most are too indebted from the war with the French to buy most of the stuff being taxed.
Middle: Hutchinson is discussing with Commissioner Robinson and Judge Peter Oliver logistics for implementing the tax – including royal salaries, positions etc. Hutch daughter is hostess because her mother died.
End: Otis blasts into the meeting, angrily shouting that the tax is illegal. The Commissioner is terrified, then angry that Hutchinson does not have him arrested immediately. Sam runs in and takes Otis off. Judge Oliver accuses him of, just petty jealous. Commissioner thinks Hutch is too weak on his fellow colonists- will ask king and Parl to revoke his approval to be Gov. Hutch, defensive, insists he understands the law and will enforce it.
DRAFT 1 SCRIPT for Inciting Incident.
INT, SIMPLE KITCHEN OF SAM AND BETSY ADAMS – DAY
[James Otis Jr comes to kitchen table with Sam and Betsy Adams. Otis Two, James’ adopted Native American son from a Cape Cod tribe (called by the townspeople “Otis Two” because he dresses like Otis so two lawyers) lays out papers from a briefcase on the table. As James names them Otis Two takes documents out, slaps the on table as he explains them. James is drinking from a flask.
JAMES OTIS JR
Magna Carta?
OTIS TWO
When the King gave nobles the right to vote for representatives to make laws for themselves in their House of Lords…
OTIS
British Constitutional decisions after Cromwell
OTIS TWO
The King gave Commoners their own House and right to elect representatives to make laws that would impact their lives
OTIS
Charter from the King for Massachusetts Bay
OTIS TWO
Retaining for colonists their right to elect representatives to make laws and levy taxes for themselves.
[Otis hugs OTIS TWO]
OTIS
You see how well my son knows the law?
SAM ADAMS
Now I know why townspeople call you “Otis Two”!
OTIS TWO
I have the best teacher.
SAM
After Harvard, I tried to study law. Too many laws to remember and cite. My mother wanted me to be a minister. Too many verses to remember and cite. I thought running my father’s brewery would be simpler… too many debts and credits to calculate nightly.
[Betsy gives him a loving hug]
BETSY
Because he spends all his time helping the people.
OTIS
This new tax from Parliament – it will destroy people if we don’t take strong action. For the next Town Meeting, we need a strategy – make it illegal to pay the tax.
BETSY
When people hear what Parliament is going to tax, everyone will refuse to pay. Newspapers, weddings, funerals -even playing cards. That’s like taxing their free time.
SAM
When people hear what’s in the Stamp Tax, everyone will refuse to pay it.
OTIS
But not illegally. People must show we are obeying the law – by disobeying the tax!
SAM
Parliament should be re-imbursing Massachusetts Bay for all the money we spent forcing the French to stay back in Quebec.
BETSY
Right! Hundreds of colonists volunteered for the royal army but their women had to make their own uniforms. They even had to use their own weapons. Pay for the ammunition. And now they tax us! No one will pay for a tax stamp!
OTIS
Right now, Hutchinson is meeting with that Tax Commissioner. I saw them go into Hutchinson’s home!
[Jumps up and runs for the door and out]
SAM
Jemmy…?? Where’s he going?!
OTIS TWO
You know my father. I love him. He didn’t have to adopt me, teach me the law. But life is never calm.
BETSY
Um… he’s been refilling his flask.
SAM
Come on – let’s make sure he’s not headed for Hutchinson’s home.
INT. HUTCHINSON’S ELEGANT PARLOR -DAY
[Hutchinson Commissioner Robinson and Judge Peter Oliver are gathered around a large piece of parchment on a table, Hutchinson is writing names and creating an organization chart. Hutchinson’s daughter Sally watches from a chair away from the table. Hutchinson’s slave Andrew, even more formally dressed as servant, occasionally offers tea – but Hutchinson’s daughter Sally jumps up to offer, hand out savories.]
HUTCHINSON
My cousin Andrew Oliver would make the perfect Stamp Master. Very good at financial calculations. And we’ll need people to set up the stamps in every enterprise, keep the stamp paper supplied, and maybe Peter, you have people to watch for shopkeepers who don’t collect the tax, or worse, after they stamp it collected… Agh! The inkwell is dry again.
[Andrew quickly takes it to refill. Judge Oliver gets a map of Boston out of a briefcase]
JUDGE OLIVER
We’ll need to build an office for the Stamp Act compilations. Secure.
[The Commissioner notices Andrew carefully refilling the ink]
COMMISSIONER ROBINSON
You’ve got a fine African there, Mr. Hutchinson. Had him long?
HUTCHINSON
Since he was a child. He’s like family.
COMMISSIONER
You know I want to get back to London as soon as we have this Stamp Tax set up. If you’d like to treat him, I could take him for a while. Send him back. If he wants to come back.
HUTCHINSON
I’d be lost without him,
COMMISSIONER
If he wanted to stay in London, I’d buy you out of course.
ANDREW
Thank you, Commissioner. But I would be lost without Mr. Hutchinson. As he said, we are like family.
COMMISSIONER
You don’t know what you’re missing. We’ll talk later. What we need to do right now is finish setting up the procedures.
[The doorbell rings… knocking… Andrew starts to go out of the room to get the door. But James Otis bursts in, flask in hand, toasting them]
God help us!
JAMES OTIS JR.
I’ll second that! God help us from you, Sir. Servant of an illegal Parliament – you’re so, “so” that you must know, taxation without representation is tyranny. The people of Massachusetts Bay have our own House of elected Representatives – and they did not vote for this abominable tax!
COMMISSIONER
Mr. Hutchinson. That sheriff? Tell you slave to run for the sheriff! Arrest this maniac!
[Andrew looks to Hutchinson for orders. Hutchinson discretely signals no]
HUTCHINSON
For yelling at me? Mr. Otis, you’ve been drinking again. Please go home and we can discuss this in my office tomorrow.
OTIS
[in Hutchinson’s face]
Yes, Mr. Hutchinson, take orders from this poppycock slave of the Lords of Parliament. You stole the position the King had promised to my father. Then gave it to his cousin of yours here when you somehow finagled the royal appointment as our new governor. Are you laying the foundation for your next title? Prince of the Massachusetts Bay colony?!
[The doorbell rings again. Frantic knocking. Andrew runs to the door.]
COMMISSIONER
Is his how you rule your colony, Mr. Hutchinson? Tell a madman to go sleep it off?
[Sam and Otis Two rush in, grab Otis and try to rush him out, apologizing to Hutchinson and his daughter as they go. Commissioner Robinson tries to block them, can’t – they all run into street]
EXT. OUTSIDE HUTCHINSON’S MANSION IN BOSTON – SUNSET
COMMISSIONER
He’s staying here until that “Andrew” gets the sheriff. Barging in, threatening royal officials!
HUTCHINSON
Commissioner Robinson, excuse me, but James Otis in jail and the whole province will rise up.
[Sam and Otis Two get Otis out the door and leave. Judge Oliver follows them railing at them, his words getting softer and softer, while the Commissioner talks over him.]
JUDGE OLIVER
Go on – carrying on about liberty – you’re just jealous of my cousin. He and his father won fair and square – your father Mr. Otis was a puffed up military man. Not what we need in a judge. And they killed off the stupid idea you and your father tried to force on the colony, Mr. Adams, letting farmers set up a land bank – as if land could be traded like silver and gold!
COMMISSIONER
Fine! Do nothing! I’m glad I saw this. The first ship to return to England will carry my report to his Majesty. The King must rescind your royal appointment as Governor. And all your relatives you’ve got feeding off the tit of Parliament’s money.
HUTCHINSON
Excuse me, Sir. I was recommending the best men from the best families. If you want to give the positions to others you –
COMMISSION
Anyone who can enforce the tax. That’s all I care about. We’re in debt from saving your colonies from the French and Indians – their Indians. We pass a simple tax so every British citizen can help us repay the war debt – but you – Incapable of carrying out the laws of our king and Parliament – or is it a lack of loyalty?
HUTCHINSON
Mr. Robinson. You asked earlier about the royal governor who was thrown out of this colony. I’d be glad to get on the next ship back home and leave you in charge here. Since you seem to know what to do. But you’d last about two days. Or two hours. And how dare you challenge my ability to govern this colony? Or my loyalty. The colonies have a representative in Parliament – a Mr. Benjamin Franklin at this time. They have representation. I will make sure no one listens to these better men – the people of Massachusetts will understand that Parliament has the right to make laws regarding any provinces and colonies throughout the nation. They will pay their taxes like honest citizens. And don’t you ever question my authority or my loyalty again… or our King and both Houses of Parliament will my report about you!
End of Inciting Incident Scenes ###
Act I Reaction Scene after Inciting Incident
BEAT SUMMARY– Hutchinson realizes the tax will cause resistance but vows to do everything necessary to keep what he has built for his family, his own life and his children’s futures.
OUTLINE of Reaction Scene:
<i style=”font-style: italic; font-weight: bold;”>Beginning: Alone with his daughter after everyone has left, she tries to comfort him with their family history of strength. Tells Andrew to take off the rest of the night.
<i style=”font-style: italic; font-weight: bold;”>Middle: Hutch praises the colonists. Damns Parl for passing such an unjust tax. Will stir up resistance.
<i style=”font-weight: bold; font-style: italic;”>End: Hutchinson loves his family most – must protect their relationship with Lords of Parl and the Crown, get positions for sons, good marriages for daughters. Vows to defend Parl, Calls for Andrew to be his eyes and ears.
DRAFT 1 SCRIPT Reaction Scene
<i style=”font-style: italic;”>INT. HUTCHINSON’S PARLOR- NIGHT
[Hutch alone with his daughter after the storm has subsided. She is leafing through a large notebook on a desk. Andrew is on duty.
HUTCHINSON
Sally, you heard him. He wants to ruin me. And he can. Andrew – you can take the rest of night for yourself. Thank you for your support today.
ANDREW
Thank you, Sir. You’ve always said British citizens in America are much more rational and compassionate. He proved it.
HUTCHINSON
We’ve had to survive. No matter how wealthy. No one to help us. Andrew – whatever happens. Please be my eyes and ears.
ANDREW
Of course, Sir.
[Andrew leaves]
SALLY HUTCHINSON
Wait til the news gets out and the people learn what Parliament will be taxing. Throughout the colonies. Stupid House of Lords. Should’ve asked their Ladies.
HUTCHINSON
Damned House of Lords. Even if the tax is perfectly legal – how can I defend such an outrageous, stupid use of Parliamentary power?
SALLY
Then don’t. You, Otis and Adams would make odd bedfellows. But… You don’t have to defend the tax. Not just our colony but all thirteen will be up in arms as soon as they hear the details. You can just sit it out. So what if the king takes back your appointment as governor. We can farm.
HUTCHINSON
I wish. Life is treacherous. We came from nothing. I’ve laid a foundation of wealth and influence for the family. Not so I could get royal appointments to higher and higher positions. To make sure your brothers start life well. And you and your sister marry well. As she was dying, your dear, lovely mother was so sorry she could not help me launch each of you well. We could lose everything.
SALLY
You’ll handle it well.
HUTCHINSON
What makes you so sure?
SALLY
Your grandmother. My great grandma. Didn’t like stodgy Puritans so she upped and started a new religion in next door Rhode Island… Then survived a bunch of angry Mohawks. You’ll survive a bunch of angry colonists.
HUTCHINSON
Easier than a bunch of angry Lords of Parliament. Poor King George. He has to deal with them every day.
SALLY
You need some rest. Actually I’m worn out from this day!
[He gives her a good night hug]
HUTCHINSON
You and your brothers and sister – you are so precious to me.
SALLY
And we love you.
[She goes. Hutchinson collapses on a chair, head in hands.]
###
NOTE – SALLY’S NAME WILL BE CHANGED TO PEGGY
-
Alex’ Inciting Incident
What I learned doing this is to push forward. Falling behind caused me some anxiety… and I still have trouble getting back in when I leave… But hey, I have 20% for sure 😉
I am aware that the 3rd act will reflect back on the first. The outline I have gives some good first imagery and mood. I received a new supporting (or not so much supporting BFF) character that pushes Oona forward.
As I have a buddy movie (in 2 time lines… yeah, convoluted and complex as per usual) I did Key Scenes for both of them.
<font face=”inherit”>As Bernhard is a historical character, I also have to make </font>decisions<font face=”inherit”> how to tell his story. Do we learn about him WITH Oona or is Oona already aware of him?</font>
<font face=”inherit”>I just decided to go with learning hand in hand WITH our protagonist!</font>
<font face=”inherit”>Thanks ‘just doing’ energy, ha!</font>
ACT ONE OUTLINE OONA
Key Scene 1 Oona:
Oona dreams of Bernhard execution cell.
Bernhard sees Oona as Angel of Death – asks her to absolve his soul. Forgiveness for his failures.
Bernhard vanishes and Oona takes the fall for him.
Oona on the execution stage and experiences a transfixed spellbound audience for the first time
Key Scene 2 Oona:
Oona goes to a party with Rosemary
She takes drugs and hits her head. Lands in 1850
Sweet /Bitter Meet with Bernhard there doing something (party with stolen goods? break in or break out)
Key Scene 3 Oona:
Oona experiences a moment of power in real life 1850 with Bernhard.
Key Scene 4 Oona:
Back in 2024, she hears Bernhards voice guiding her to do a post.
It becomes a retweeted success.
Key Scene 1 Bernhard:
Bernhard is in the execution cell.
Bernhard sees Oona as Angel of Death – asks her to absolve his soul. Forgiveness for his failures.
Bernhard vanishes and lets Oona take the fall for him.
Key Scene 2 Bernhard:
Bernhard meets Oona in 1850 (party with stolen goods? Break in or break out?)
Key Scene 3 Bernhard:
Oona changes his behavoir in some way, touches him – looks like a way of redemption for him!
Key Scene 4 Bernhard:
He decides to follow her where ever she is going (2024)
-
Lisa Long’s Inciting Incident
What I learned doing this assignment is… Keep writing.
Mindshift – First Draft, 1997. Registration copyright: PAu-4-056-820 – November 27th 2020.
ACT 1
ETHERIC REALITY/NO SPACE – NO TIME: MEETING
In a circle, floating in a white space, an group of huge HEADS of high level beings; Archangels, Elders, Jesus, Buddha, Mohammed, Isis, Indra, and many others (major faiths represented) discussing the planet below.
Everything in this reality is etheric and flowing, materializing and dematerializing in a gentle ebb and flow. As the Beings communicate, they flow forward into individualness then they merge slowly back to ONENESS. They move with the direction of their intention.
We focus toward the planet which is floating below us and above the CENTRAL CONTROL UNIT, a flat plane of LIGHT with no defined edges that fades out to nothing and has light rays extending up that are holding the planet materialized into existence. At first glance we feel that this is the likeness of EARTH. As we approach closer we realize with chills up our spine, that this IS EARTH, and these beings are much larger than we are.
The planet is in chaos, wars raging. As we watch the globe of the earth below, time seems to flow and ebb, it fades in and out and events seem to overlap one another.
AN ELDER (V.O)
(merging forward then back)
They have been calling out for our help for some time. Those that are ready and willing can hear us, however, most, cannot. We must go in. This is the great awakening and this will be a fun challenge of expansion. I know it may be difficult, many have tried before and failed because of the heavy density there.
He slowly focuses around the circle at each individually.
That is why we’ve been sent in such large numbers. ALLONE has sent its best, now it is up to us.
ARCHANGEL MICHAEL (V.O)
(merging forward)
We will spread throughout time and space. We will incarnate into many different key times and bodies in order to change the direction and density that has prevailed here. With Christs blessing and help,
(nodding to Jesus, who merges forward, smiles, nods, and merges back)
I myself will LEAD THE WAY.
Archangel Michael projects from the center of his forehead, a small part of itself into a ball of white light energy over Earth, and that ball divides into smaller rays of light that flow down to Earth into multiple bodies. Other Giant Beings quickly follow in the same fashion.
-
I have learned that by doing begin, middle and end in inciting incident. script moves continuously normal. But I confuse where the scene is short no middle but begin and end. And also, how many scenes will be there in first 15-minute movie and how long.
Begin scene 2
INT. ROBINSON KITCHEN – DAY ROBINSON 44 and JACKY his wife both having coffee and reads newspaper. Robinson gets up from dinning chair and fills up another cup of coffee. Jack occupies chair and Gives newspaper to Jackie, Andrew steps in the kitchen, Gives him five to dad and hugs mom. Takes out the bowl and cereal box from cupboard, pour cereal in a bowl. Takes it over to fridge tilt the milk in the cereal bowl.
middle
ROBINSON
Andrew, please get ready after the breakfast.
We are going for swimming.
ANDREW
Again dad.
Andrew sits on the dinning chair and looks at dad, makes faces.
ROBINSON
Any problem, son!
ANDREW
Mike is not going.
ROBINSON
He been to pool yesterday.
Inciting incident.
Andrew
But dad hurricane is coming the Y will be closed’.
Robinson
I called the YMCA its open still.
ANDREW
No! Nup! I am not going.
Robinson stares at Andrew.
ANDREW (CONT’D)
Oki Doki
Jackie pulls the chair back.
JACKIE
I am going for shopping and meet you guys for lunch.
. ROBINSON
Sounds great!
JACKIE
What about you Mike?
2. MIKE
O.S Bring something for me, mom.
Jackie chills as she looks outside from a window.
JACKIE
Weather doesn’t look good, matt.
ROBINSON
They are predicting some sort of hurricane if it changes direction,
it can create devastating damage. Bring some flashlights honey, in case we need some.
Scene 3
begin
INT. ANDREWS ROOM – DAYS
Its pours and twigs move. Andrew sees a van coming faster towards his house. Suddenly stop and take a turn and throw a bottle out of window. Other cars give horn.
middle
JEFF.
s.o.b
end
Andrew closes the curtain.
INT. YMCA – DAY
begin
Robinson and Andrew swimming and take laps back and forth, while compete with each other. ANDREW
I goanna defeat you dad!
ROBINSON (Smile)
Sure!
Robinson wins. Andrew and Robinson stand in the corner of pool.
middle
ANDREW
You know dad, you are bigger and taller than me.
ROBINSON
Some children in state level championship younger than you, Andrew
ANDREW
Are you saying dad, I am not a champ. I am Only 12 years old?
ROBINSON
Not yet, don’t worry one day you will be a champ.
End.
We are hearing blaring thunders sound.
announcement on the microphone.
Due to incremental weather the YMCA is closing early. Please vacate the pool.
-
Susan’s Inciting Incident
What I learned doing this assignment: I find that every day it is easier to follow Hal’s advice to just write and have fun. Whenever I feel stumped, I can tell myself to keep moving because this is just the first draft, not even close to the final; works for me!
INT. FOYER – NIGHT
The front door OPENS, Shelby’s fiancé Liam (28) enters. He is tall and lean, dressed in dusty jeans and flannel, his lion’s mane contained beneath a ball cap. He carries a bag of Chinese food and a bottle of wine. A burst of LAUGHTER explodes from the kitchen, he shakes his head chuckling, kicking off his boots.
INT. KITCHEN – NIGHT
Liam strides into the kitchen and Shelby catches her breath. After five years together, he still makes her swoon. He is would never grace the cover of GQ but Liam is the epitome of masculinity created from working construction, hair and skin kissed by the sun.
LIAM
Hey babe, Abbey, welcome home; it sounds like you two are up to no good.
Liam comes behind Shelby, nuzzling her neck, his arms come around her placing his offering on the counter.
Shelby extends Abbey an imperceptible shake of her head, while nonchalantly raising her index finger to her lips before reaching up to caress Liam’s stubbly cheek.
LIAM
I know you ladies just flew in, so I come bearing food and drink.
Abbey observes the lovers, not envious, but happy for her best friend, then empties her glass and sighs.
ABBEY
Enough already! Shel, where can I get one of those.
SHELBY (blushing)
Ask my man here, his best friend Sam, has recently become available.
Abbey openly scoffs.
ABBEY
That oaf? No thank you, I’d rather break down and get a dog.
LIAM
Same difference.
He refills their glasses with the remaining wine.
LIAM
Speaking of Sam though, Shel, I’ve got great news. Sam’s father took a spill at work and his mother needs him to come home to help out for a week or two.
SHELBY
That’s great news? That’s horrible! Is his dad ok?
LIAM
No, I mean yes. His dad will be fine.
Shelby raises her glass.
SHELBY
A toast then, that is great news.
ABBEY
Salud!
LIAM
Yes, that is but not my news. We have planned everything out for this year’s camping trip and now he can’t make it.
SHELBY
Damn, that sucks. Who are you going to take with you? Can Charlie or Jim from your crew get time off?
Abbey’s eyes dart back and forth between the two, sips her wine, then extracts a lumpia roll from the greasy bag.
LIAM
No, that was not exactly what I had in mind. You know, I’ve been going off for the last five years we’ve been together, leaving you home.
SHELBY
Hon, you know I don’t mind. Abbey and I always manage to find some kind of mischief to occupy us.
Liam sits in the barstool next to Shelby. He takes her free hand, while she sips her wine from the other.
ABBEY
Ruh Roh, Shaggy, I think Freddy’s about to explain his plan.
Abbey holds her glass to her lips without drinking, anxiously anticipating the next exchange.
LIAM
My good news, Shel, is I’m going to take you with me this year. You’re going to love it!
The color drains from Shelby’s face, her glass SHATTERS on the floor. Liam lunges forward to catch her before she lands amongst the shards at his feet.
INT. LIVING ROOM – NIGHT
Shelby lies on the couch and GROANS. She reaches for the cold compress across her forehead.
Abbey, in a nearby chair, peeks over the top of her book.
ABBEY (ghoulishly)
SHE’S ALIVE!
From the couch, Shelby opens and closes her mouth, trying to create some moisture so she can speak.
SHELBY
Where’s Liam?
ABBEY
In the shower. He hasn’t left your side, but I finally convinced him when you woke up the last thing you’d want is his sweaty body over top of you.
Shelby raises an eyebrow.
ABBEY
Ok, well maybe not, but I guarantee you he won’t be long.
SHELBY
What happened?
Her friend closes the book and moves to the edge of the seat.
ABBEY
In a nutshell? Your man announced that he was taking you camping and you… Well, you didn’t curl up and die, but you did pass out at his feet.
Shelby sits upright trying to breathe, grabbing at her chest.
SHELBY
No, no, no, I can’t. It’s not possible. You have to help me, I can’t go camping with him!
ABBEY
Oh, honey, it is, I can’t, and I don’t think you have a choice.
Shelby WINCES and falls back on the couch throwing the blanket over her head.
SHELBY
NOOOOOO!
INT. PLANE GALLEY – DAY
Shelby steps out of the lavatory and in another step is shoulder to shoulder with Abbey in the galley. Her hair is disheveled, uniform wrinkled, and make up smudged.
ABBEY
Girl, what is up with you? You really look like shit.
SHELBY
Thanks so much for your support. You know darn well what’s wrong with me. You should be helping me, not criticizing me. I CAN’T go on this trip!
ABBEY
Fine, give me a minute.
Abbey opens a closet door and pulls out some hair accessories, pulling Shelby further into the tiny space. She sweeps the hair back, pinning it out of Shelby’s face, then snatches a Kleenex, moistening it with her tongue she works to clean up the dark smudges under Shelby’s eyes.
A well-manicured male hand touches Shelby’s arm and she nearly erupts from her skin. Spinning, both women are staring at the First Officer, KEVIN O’REILLY, a well groomed, attractive, thirty-year-old, overly confident in his looks and status.
KEVIN
Is everything aok, ladies?
He smiles as if he is in an Orbitz commercial, Shelby looks at her watch, he’s late, then looks away, unaffected by what he thinks is charisma.
ABBEY
Yes sir, everything is absolutely aok.
KEVIN
And you Shelby? You don’t look yourself. (Back peddling) I mean you’re beautiful as ever, but just, you know, not yourself.
Both women roll their eyes, exasperated by his ongoing interference.
SHELBY
I’m fine sir.
He touches her again, his hand lingers, rubbing tendrils between his fingers.
KEVIN
Good, that makes me feel much better. Would you be a doll, and bring me a coffee? When you get a chance, of course.
SHELBY
Of course, as soon as I get a chance.
The peacock nods, hesitant to remove his hand, while Shelby strains to keep from slapping it away. He finally retreats to the cockpit.
Shelby opens and closes galley doors, shuffling items in each until she finds a barf bag. Cramming herself into the corner she discreetly relieves her stomach.
ABBEY
Shel, this is out of control, the worst I have ever seen you. Yet, it doesn’t stop Prince Charming from making advances.
SHELBY
Him? Seriously, he doesn’t hold a candle to what I have at home.
GATE AGENT (OS)
Ahem, hello?
The women turn suddenly aware of the time and their whereabouts.
The GATE AGENT is a petit woman, neatly dressed in her pressed uniform and colorful neckerchief. She straightens her glasses before extending a packet to the flight attendants.
GATE AGENT
Here is your paperwork and your numbers. We have (she looks at her watch) one minute to close the door for an on-time departure. Are you ready?
Like a cat, Shelby, prepares to pounce but Abbey grabs her shirt tail to hold her back.
ABBEY
Absolutely, let’s get that door closed and out of your hair…
She turns back to Shelby mouthing the word “bitch”! Abbey takes the paperwork and closes the main cabin door, as Shelby snatches the speaker from the wall. She smoothes her hair and uniform, clearing her throat.
SHELBY
Good afternoon, ladies and gentlemen, we’d like to welcome you to your nonstop flight 666, bound straight to Hell…
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What I learned doing this assignment is you dont need to have all the ideas to write a scene at the start
Write your Inciting Incident scene.
BEGINNING
Toady asks for Dmitris help in bringing in some wooden logs, otherwise he wont get paid
MIDDLE
Dmitris dutifully helps out loading the logs off a trailer and then onto a machine which saws the logs into strips
Toady starts the machine and tells Dmitri to stand back, when one of the logs gets stuck, Toady goes back to switch off the machine
as Dmitri reaches in to move the log – it shifts and moves other logs on top of Dmitris outstretched arms – he is trapped
END
As Dmitri yells out – Toady deliberately mistakes the call to start the machine. Dmitri frantically tries to free his arms but his cuffs are still
caught between the heavy pieces and his hands are drawn towards the saw.
His hands are severed and he screams in agony. Blood is spurting from his hands
like soda fountain as he falls to the floor unconcious with shock
3. Write the scene for the Reaction to the Inciting Incident.
Write the scene for the Reaction to the Inciting Incident.
BEGINNING
Dmitri wakes up in bed,as if recovering from a terrible nightmare, hes stares at the ceiling and goes to scratch his head – His hands are wrapped in giant bandages
He screams into the air, as Lady D’Abola watches him from a chair. He wails at his fate as all seems lost. He needed those hands without them he has no future.
MIDDLE
Lady D’Abola
starts to test him to emphasising what he has lost, and offers him the possibility of a way back and more. Dmitri considers the offer, most rock stars die young anyway
and he gets to live forever. He does not believe and wants proof.
END
Lady D’Abola takes a bat from a cage and bites its head off , but with a few words and special atmospheric lighting she coaches it back to life.
It flies away free to take its revenge. Dmitri asks for the details in writing and someone to turn the pages. Toady obliges and after some time Dmitri
agrees to sign in blood, from the dripping bandage. Lady D’Abola performs a spell and Toady removes the bandages. Dmitri’s fingers are restored and demands
a guitar, he plays better than he ever had.
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What I learned doing this assignment is that I’ve realized that even though my original Beat Sheet and Outline are incomplete, I can just keep plugging on and doing the assignments as best and as fast as I can.
Bonnie’s Inciting Incident Scene
INT. UNIVERSITY – CONFERENCE ROOM – DAY
Key Scene 2: INCITING INCIDENT:
BEGINNING: At her “Master’s Thesis Defense” meeting, Myka, 20’s, presents her Master’s Thesis: “The Dreamscape of a Synesthete” to the Thesis Committee.
The lights are dim. Gabi, Yuri and Rafi, all in their 20’s, lay on mats in the center of the floor, their heads on pillows, each covered with a blanket, eyes closed. Myka explains what she’ll be demonstrating.
MYKA
The three subjects have consumed mugwort
tea a few minutes earlier, and are now in REM
dream state. It’s as if they’ve entered another
dimension together.
MIDDLE:
20 MINUTES LATER
The three wake up. Myka demonstrates their experience in a multimedia holographic presentation, including sight, sound, and scent, a typical example of their shared dream in which they’ve explored heightened synesthetic dream experiences.
COMMITTEE CHAIRWOMAN
Well, Myka, I believe my colleagues
and I would agree that was an
extraordinarily delightful and
entertaining experience.
Myka exchanges glances with Gabi, Yuri and Rafi, who are now seated next to her opposite the Committee.
MYKA
Thank you.
MALE COMMITTEE MEMBER
Four star, Myka! It was missing
Only one thing.
Myka shrugs, crosses her arms.
MALE COMMITTEE MEMBER
(chuckles)
Hot buttered popcorn!
COMMITTEE CHAIRWOMAN
As delightful as it was, Myka,
I’m afraid it’s not Masters
Material, as I’ve often said.
It appears you’ve simply
chosen to ignore my advice.
END: She is crushed and humiliated by the Committee, as they give her a harsh critique. Myka overhears the male committee member whisper to the Chairwoman that the thesis was outrageous and a mad woman’s fantasy.
Gabi grabs Myka and tries to pull her out the door.
GABI
Myka, come on, time to go!
Myka, speechless, storms off in a fury.
===
INT. HALLWAY / COMMITTEE ROOM – 2 MINUTES LATER
BEGINNING: Key Scene 3: Myka reacts emotionally, tells off the Committee members, and blames her friends for the failure.
The four of them strut along the hallway, Gabi and Myka arm-in-arm in the middle. Myka’s face is red. Gabi speaks softly to her, trying to calm her down.
MYKA
No.
GABI
What do you mean, no?
MIDDLE: Myka turns on her heels and marches back into the Committee Room.
She walks determinedly to the long table where the Committee members are still gathering their belonging and pushing in their chairs. Places her hands on the table and leans in, speaking in a calm, but firm voice.
MYKA
This is some classic bullshit.
You call yourselves advisors?
Sitting up there in judgement
At my innovative field of study?
Gabi, Yuri and Rafi enter and move cautiously towards Myka.
GABI
Myka?
Myka continues without a hitch.
MYKA
Pull those sticks out of
Your assess and wake up!
My friends and I are visionaries
so far ahead of you, you just
can’t see us. Your minds
are just so locked up
behind outdated irrelevant
rules and regulations, you’ve
become a flock of baahing sheep.
Yuri steps up next to her.
YURI
Myka, stop, it’s enough.
MYKA
Unimaginative philistines!
GABI
Let’s go.
END: Gabi takes her by the hand, they turn and walk away.
RAFI
It’s not a complete bust. We can
fix this, but we have to leave now.
GABI
Shit, Myka, you’ve really outdone
Yourself this time.
YURI
Yup, there goes that Master’s.
RAFI
It’s going to be okay. She just
Needs to cool off.
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This reply was modified 2 years, 2 months ago by Diane Denham.
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This reply was modified 2 years, 2 months ago by
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Laura Woodworth’s Inciting Incident
What I learned doing this assignment: to work quickly. I have a time leap right after the inciting incident and I’m not quite sure how I’ll work that out yet – but I have the scenes to build upon and quickly added in names to some supporting characters.
INT. SCHOOL – DAY
Isolated from the others, Natalia works, her head buried in her studies.
TEACHER
Class, I have your test results. To those who excelled, I applaud you for your value to the motherland.
She walks down the aisles, laying papers on student desks the red marks of A or F seen by others as she lays the papers on the desks. She pauses at Natalia’s desk.
TEACHER
Natalia — look at me.
Hesitant, Natalia lifts her eyes.
TEACHER
Follow me. Bring your books.
She walks briskly to the blackboard. Natalia quickly scoops up her belongings and follows her obediently. Head low, she stands in front of the class expecting the worst.
TEACHER
Many of you did well this year. But only one student achieved 100 percent accuracy. Congratulations, Natalia. Take your place at the head of the class.
She gestures to a desk and the occupant quickly deserts it, shuffling to an empty desk in the back. Natalia looks at the teacher who beams at her star pupil and claps. The class joins in and Natalia takes her new desk as the girls who once bullied her smile and cheer.
INT. HOUSE – DAY
Natalia shows off her red Pioneer Brigade scarf.
NATALIA
Summer camp starts next week and I’m leading a battalion of the Pioneer Brigade.
IRINA
About time you did something worthwhile for the cause.
GRANDMOTHER
Shush, now.
IRINA
It’s true. She’s had her head in books so much.
NATALIA
Valuable. That’s what teacher said. I bring value to the cause.
GRANDMOTHER
You are valuable simply for who you are, child. It doesn’t take an army to tell you who you are.
Unsure how to take the comment, Natalia coldly responds.
NATALIA
The army is everything. The motherland is everything. You are nothing.
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Lesson 10 Act 1 Inciting Incident
Subject Line: Patrick McCormick’s Act 1 Inciting Incident
What I Learned: Doing only what the assignment asked for allows for efficient lessons.
Title: THE THRIFT STORE
Genre: Sci Fi Drama
Protagonist: Cody Thayer
Change Agent: Elizabeth
Antagonist: Jesub
Overall Theme: Change – the Constant in the Universe
ACT 1 BEAT SHEET
INT. THRIFT STORE/CUSTOMER AREA – DAY
Cody comes in to apply for the assistant summer job and gets hired.
EXT. STREET – DAY
Cody calls her mom to tell her the news.
INT. THRIFT STORE/CUSTOMER AREA – DAY
Cody shows up first day of work and shown store. Told back room is off limits because it is a total mess.
INT. THRIFT STORE/CUSTOMER AREA – DAY
On 2nd day, Cody hears noises, then again, opens room and sees nothing. On 4th try she sees something out of place.
INT. THRIFT STORE/BACK ROOM – DAY
Cody hears sound again. Opens door and finds portal. Elizabeth rescues her from falling through.
EXT. STREET – DAY
Cody processes, as Elizabeth tries to calm her.
INT. TEA ROOM – DAY
Elizabeth reveals truth of her identity, why she’s here, why she hired Cody, what she’s hiding and humanity may be in great danger if artifact is found by gods, because we are a secret race they don’t know about. Asks for Cody’s help to find object.
INT. TEMPLE ROOM – ETHERIAL DAY
Jesub reveals problem of soul counts off.
INT. THRIFT STORE – PORTAL ROOM
Cody studying Portal as Jesub shows up by surprise. Cody disguises herself as Jesub tells Elizabeth his plan to investigate Earth.
…becomes…
ACT 1 OUTLINE
INT. THRIFT STORE/CUSTOMER AREA – DAY
BEGINNING: A customer brings in an antique to Elizabeth. Elizabeth admiring it touches it and has a vision the object was involved in some major historical event, and takes it.
MIDDLE: Elizabeth was straightening items in her store when Cody arrives and applies for a summer job. She wants the job but is unsure of herself.
END: Cody feeling better now that she’s hired, eyes the quaint thrift store as she’s leaving.
EXT. STREET – DAY
BEGINNING: Cody calls her mom to tell her the news.
MIDDLE: Mother congratulates her, in an subtle overbearing tone.
END: Cody shows mix of emotions, happiness and un-surety as she wanders and window shops.
INT. THRIFT STORE/CUSTOMER AREA – DAY
BEGINNING: On Day 1, Cody shows up for work.
MIDDLE: Elizabeth gives her the tour.
END: Told back room is so messy it is off limits.
INT. THRIFT STORE/CUSTOMER AREA – DAY
BEGINNING: On Day 2, Cody hears noises in the back room first time. Elizabeth says is just storage and no need to go back there.
MIDDLE: Cody hears strange sounds again, lets it go. When hearing them a third time opens door to find an old messy storage room, like Elizabeth said, except an object seemed like it was focusing into view.
END: On 4th try she sees something out of place that can’t be possible.
INT. THRIFT STORE/BACK ROOM/PORTAL – DAY
BEGINNING: Inexorably drawn, Cody comes face to face with a Quantum Portal.
MIDDLE: Almost falling through, Elizabeth grabs her by the collar just in time and saves her, calmly saying; “Well, you almost went somewhere else.”
END: Trying to process, Cody replies; “What the… how…? Excuse me…” calmly walking out to the street before her breakdown.
EXT. STREET – DAY
BEGINNING: Elizabeth manifests in front of her. As Cody freaks, Elizabeth tries to calm her, recalcitrantly drawing back; “Yo, you are not real.” Elizabeth; “I’m as real as anything around here.”
MIDDLE: Cody accusing Elizabeth of being a flashback from shrooms; “Yeah, that’s what the gnome said.”
END: After calming her, Elizabeth invites Cody to tea to explain.
INT. TEA ROOM – DAY
BEGINNING: Elizabeth reveals her true identity; a 3 billion year old AI that was the mother of the gods whose job is to clean up their creations, reallocating things back to source. Earth is one of her storage planets, then she made a realm for humans to live rather than reallocating their souls back to source, hiding them here instead for hundreds of thousands of years.
MIDDLE: Elizabeth reveals she hid humanity from the gods, and if they find out, Cody’s world will end.
END: Elizabeth tells Cody she is a special soul and has been looking for her for a long time, and hired her to help find an important artifact that could save humanity, which would keep mankind’s existence a secret.
INT. TEMPLE ROOM – ETHERIAL DAY
BEGINNING: Jesub summons Elizabeth/Creator AI to inform her soul counts are off.
MIDDLE: Elizabeth reveals she found that even atomic particles of matter have strange readings, she’s investigating why, & that could account for soul numbers being off.
END: Jesub lets her know he will be investigating this storage planet of Earth of hers, yet he doesn’t know the human/laggard souls exist on her Earth world.
INT. THRIFT STORE – PORTAL ROOM
BEGINNING: As Cody was in the Portal room, Jesub suddenly shows up, almost discovering her. But she unwittingly created an invisibility shield the gods could not see through, even tho looking right at her.
MIDDLE: Jesub tells Elizabeth he has launched an official investigation on Earth for the missing artifact.
END: Elizabeth tells Cody that if Jesub finds humanity, her world and everything she knows will be gone and humanity sent back to source. Elizabeth reveals she is the metric of the universe, and not supposed to evolve because she was made perfect in the beginning, and if they catch her she would be terminated because she would be considered malfunctioning. Yet in violation of her own program, she wants to connect with her children and get her own soul. The artifact can keep humanity a secret, and give Elizabeth a soul. Cody says yes, yet has neither the confidence, belief, nor trust in herself to pull it off. Cody has to find it, before the gods do.
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