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Lesson 10
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Subject line: Stephen Maynard Inciting Incident
“What I learned doing this assignment is…?” These two pivotal scenes are crucial in the structure of a screenplay. They can be crafted to do many things including setting the tone, showing the genre, raising curiosity and hooking the reader, and foreshadowing what is to come.
Outline Key Scenes 2 for Act 1.
Write your Inciting Incident scene.
EXT. GREYSTONE HOUSE – LIVING ROOM – NIGHT INCITING INCIDENT
BEGINNING: Pearl gets a Notice of Default in the mail. There must be a mistake!
MIDDLE: Pearl and the boys go to the bank and confront the banker who produces the (forged) loan document proving that Pearl has taken a loan for 1.5 million dollars.
END: Johnny sees a collector baseball on the banker’s desk and realizes the signature on the ball is misspelled. Pearl and the boys know the loan docs are bogus. Now they must unmask the forger or Pearl could lose her property.
EXT. GREYSTONE HOUSE – LIVING ROOM – NIGHT INCITING INCIDENT
Johnny, with the sock puppet on his right hand, and Stevie, sit on the floor talking to Chuey.
Pearl enters, glances over, and continues out of the room.
STEVIE
That was a gourmet spread, Miss Pearl.
JOHNNY
And don’t say it was Mister Jackson who taught
you to cook.
Doorbell RINGTONE.
Pearl (OS)
I’ll get it.
Pearl. (CONT’D)
Yes?
COURRIER (OS)
Courrier, Ma’am. Special delivery. Sign here, please?
Pearl returns with a receipt and a Manila envelope in hand.
PEARL
Oh, my. What does the County Recorder’s Office
want with me?
She hands the receipt to Johnny and the envelope to Stevie who opens it.
JOHNNY
What a beautiful signature! You write like a
calligrapher, Miss Pearl!!
STEVIE
(reading)
Notice of Default!
PEARL
What does it mean, Stevie?
STEVIE
(reading)
During the 21-day period after the Notice of Sale
is recorded, any person or institution with an interest
in the property described below has the right to
redeem said property up until the nonjudicial
foreclosure sale/auction – –
JOHNNY
Leme see that.
He takes the letter.
JOHNNY (CONT’D)
(reading)
You have up until 5 days before the foreclosure
sale to cure the default and stop the process by
reinstating your loan.
PEARL
What loan? There’s never been a loan on my
property.
INT. BANK – EXECUTIVE SUITE – DAY
Pearl and the boys are ushered in by a secretary. Bradford stands to greet them.
BRADFORD
Please be seated, Miss. Jackson.
(to boys)
And you are?
STEVIE
Stephen Miller, that’s John Grant. We’re
the nephews.
PEARL
There must be a mistake.
Johnny eyeballs a baseball in a display cube on Bradford’s desk. The inscription on the cube’s base reads, “Mickey Mantle Home Run # 536”
Bradford produces a loan document and shows them Pearl’s signature and the loan amount of $1.5 million.
BRADFORD
There it is in black and white, Gentlemen.
Pearl Jackson has never made a payment
on this loan now one hundred and twenty-seven days in arrears.
STEVIE
How much is each payment?
Bradford points to the document.
BRADFORD
Right there. Fifteen-year mortgage at five point
four two percent. There’s your monthly debt service.
Pearl looks, She recoils at what she sees.
PEARL
Every month?
BRADFORD
Or a lump sum payoff… As the bank holds the
mortgage, we can force the sale of the property
to cover the remaining debt amount.
Pearl bursts into tears. Stevie goes over and tries to console her.
JOHNNY
Yeah, we got that from your letter. Can I see
your ball?
Bradford hands Johnny the encased ball.
Johnny turns the transparent cube in his hands, examining the baseball.
JOHNNY
Oh, oh, Mickey misspelled his name. Mantle is
with an L- E, not E- L.
Outline Key Scenes 3 REACTION for Act 1.
BEGINNING: Perl and the boys drive in the El Camino and assess the impact of what they’ve learned.
MIDDLE: Pearl dispairs, seeing the gravity of the problem they face.
END: The Boys assure Pearl that they won’t abandon her. They’ll find a way to save her property and keep her in her home no matter what it takes.
Write the scene (sequence) for the Reaction to the Inciting Incident.
INT. EL CAMINO – MOVING – NIGHT INCITING INCIDENT REACTION
Pearl sits crying with Chuey on her lap. Stevie at the window and Johnny driving.
STEVIE
Dude, this is identity theft. Someone’s used
Miss Pear’s signature to take a loan on her property.
PEARL
(crying)
What are we to do, boys? This is all so impossible.
JOHNNY
Don’t cry, Miss Pearl. We’ll figure something out.
EXT. GREYSTONE HOUSE – BACKYARD – DAY
Stevie and Johnny follow Chuey. The puppy takes off chasing a grasshopper. They turn and look back toward the house where Pearl stands, hose in hand, sprinkling her flower garden.
Johnny
Find the one who signed that ball and we
got the one who forged her signature.
STEVIE
Doable. But we need to make some fast
money.
JOHNNY
This is the real challenge. We deal with this or
Miss Pearl loses everything —
STEVIE
And there goes our side hustle. Confucius
say, money talkie and bullshit walkie.
JOHNNY
Chuey’s been watching the business channel.
Maybe he can pick a few winners.
STEVIE
Alea iacta est.
JOHNNY
The die is cast.
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Subject line: Jennifer Williams – Inciting Incident
1. “What I learned doing this assignment is…?”
· I learned the importance of using this process to organize your story and ensure things are happening in a proper sequence that moves the story forward and draws the audience in to follow along with the characters.
2. Outline Key Scenes 2 & 3 for Act 1.
ACT 1
• OPENING:
BEGINNING
FADE IN:
INT. CHURCH – DAY
In the church’s vestibule, DELORES SELENÁE CHANEY, 40s, is distressed as she prepares to walk down the aisle. PAUL SMITH, 60s, a debonaire gentleman who exudes confidence and style, Delores’ father, takes her to the side to determine their next move.
MIDDLE
INT. CHURCH – DAY
KENDRA PERKINS, 40s, Delores’ best friend and Maid of Honor, enters the lobby with MAURI CHANEY, 19, preparing to march into the church. Kendra notices Mr. Smith uses his handkerchief to dab Delores’ eyes. She quietly walks over to her to tell her it’s not too late to call it off.
END
INT. CHURCH – DAY
The church doors open, and the music begins to play; Mauri walks down the aisle, followed by Kendra. Paul and Delores step up, and the music stops. The congregation turns toward the altar, but we don’t know the groom.
BEGINNING
TITLE CARD: ONE YEAR EARLIER
INT. DELORES HOME – DAY
Delores waits for Mauri to come downstairs so they can go to the gym. She stares at the picture of herself and her husband, TREVOR CHANEY, who passed away, on the mantle. The doorbell rings, and Kendra, her best friend, enters.
MIDDLE
Based on the look on Delores’ face, Kendra can tell she is thinking of her late husband. Kendra tries to assure her that since it’s been more than a year since his passing it’s all right to move on with her life.
END
INT. GYM – DAY
Delores, Mauri, and Kendra enter the gym, passing several workout areas, and a man attempts to talk with Delores. Delores speaks but ignores his advance. Kendra calls her on it. The three work out and, after 90 minutes, end their workout. Kendra has set up a not-so-chance meeting with NICK OLIVER, 40s. Nick invites Delores for coffee afterward, but she politely declines, citing a work meeting.
BEGINNING
INT. DELORES’ OFFICE – DAY
Delores gets to work, and her Co-Worker, JAMES PRICE, 40s, Chief Operations Officer, who has been trying to get to know her on a non-work level, creates a reason for them to have lunch together. She accepts the invitation but aat the last minute declines.
MIDDLE
INT. DELORES’ OFFICE – DAY
Delores is in the office late and meets up with LYLE COLLINS, 40s, the online gentleman she’s been communicating with for several months, in an online specialty book lover’s room, and they engage in delightful banter.
END
INT. DELORES’ OFFICE – DAY
Totally out of character, Lyle convinces her to meet him for dinner since he is in Los Angeles for the evening. They exchange personal information via email.
ANTAGONIST INTRODUCTION
BEGINNING
INT. LYLE’S OFFICE SEATTLE – DAY
CINDY COLLINS, 30s, Lyle’s ex-wife and former model/actress, enters the office with their son, MATTHEW COLLINS, 7, while CLARA LATHAM, the Office Manager, tries to stop her; she overhears part of the conversation that LYLE COLLINS, 40s, is having with Selenáe.
MIDDLE
INT. LYLE’S OFFICE SEATTLE – DAY
Cindy yells at Clara and pushes through the door, dragging Matthew. Lyle ends his call before she is heard by Selenáe. Matthew runs and jumps into his father’s arms. Cindy begins to question Lyle about who he was speaking with.
Lyle avoids Cindy’s questioning by leaving the room with Matthew to get him a snack from their breakroom.
END
INT. LYLE’S OFFICE SEATTLE – DAY
Cindy walks around the desk, sees the website on the computer, and looks at the paper on his desk where she sees doodles with Selenáe’s screenname, Selenáe, the printed email with her email address and phone number, as well as Lyle’s plans for a vacation for the two of them. She hears him returning and quickly moves back in front of the desk.
INCITING INCIDENT
BEGINNING
INT. LYLE’S HOME – DAY
After a few days of exploring Seattle together, Lyle serves Selenáe breakfast in bed. Lyle leaves Selenáe at his home while he goes out to handle unexpected business.
MIDDLE
INT. LYLE’S HOME – DAY
Delores’ phone indicator goes off, showing a new text message. The message just states he’s lying. Cindy turns up the harassment with a telephone call to the house, and Selenáe answers, thinking it is Lyle, only to hear Cindy’s voice. She tells Delores that she is reconciling with Lyle.
END
INT. LYLE’S HOME – NIGHT
Delores calls for a taxi to the airport, and she leaves Lyle’s home with just a note on his phone. Lyle returns home to find Selenáe has left. He gets a phone call from Cindy. They argue after he learns what she has done.
BEGINNING
INT. JAMES’ OFFICE – DAY
James decides he needs to be more aggressive with his pursuit of Delores and elicits the guidance of Michael. James’ fraternity brother, MICHAEL LEE, 40s, meets him for lunch. Michael tells him to drop the business angle and to show her his passion, romance her.
MIDDLE
INT. DELORES’ HOME – DAY
Delores arrives home and listens to the messages left on her phone by Cindy and deletes them. Receives a delivery of yellow roses from James.
END
INT. DELORES’ HOME – DAY
Kendra comes to the house at Delores’ request and shares the highlights of her trip to Seattle and the fact that he’ll be reconciling per his ex-wife. Delores tells Kendra she’s done with getting her heart broken. Kendra ask about the roses.
3. Write your Inciting Incident scene.
INCITING INCIDENT SCENE
INT. LYLE’S HOME – NIGHT
Delores Selenáe starts to pack her things, wondering what is taking Lyle so long; when the telephone rings, she answers without thinking.
DELORES
Hello.
CINDY
Hello. Tina, is that you? Where’s Lyle?
DELORES
No, this is not Tina. I’m sorry, Lyle stepped out. May I take a message?
Delores realizes she has made a mistake by answering as soon as she hears the woman’s voice.
CINDY
Who is this?
DLEORES
I’m a friend of Lyle’s. Would you like to leave a message for him?
CIINDY
Oh, you’re a friend with permission to answer his phone? Well! This is Cindy, his wife!
DELORES
Oh, you’re his ex-wife. Well. I’ll let him know you called.
CINDY
Oh no, Dear! You got it all wrong. I’ll only be his ex- for a few more weeks. He didn’t tell you we were reconciling? I’m sorry. Maybe he was going to mention it after he slept with you! He likes to get in all he can before we officially return to our holy matrimony.
Delores felt a sharp pain and grabbed her stomach. Attempts to compose herself.
DELORES
No. No, he never mentioned your reconciliation. However, as I stated, I am just a friend; we don’t sleep together.
CINDY
Whatever you say, dear. Anyway, I’ll call him back later. You have a nice visit, friend!
Delores hangs up the phone.
Cindy looks at the phone and starts to laugh.
4. Write the scene for the Reaction to the Inciting Incident.
BEGINNING
INT. LYLE’S HOME – NIGHT
Delores calls for a taxi to the airport, and she leaves Lyle’s home with just a note on his phone. Lyle returns home to find Selenáe has left. He gets a phone call from Cindy. They argue after he learns what she has done.
MIDDLE
INT. DELORES’ HOME – DAY
Delores arrives home and listens to the messages left on her phone by Cindy and deletes them. Receives a delivery of yellow roses from James.
END
INT. DELORES’ HOME – DAY
Kendra comes to the house
at Delores’ request and shares the highlights of her trip to Seattle and the
fact that he’ll be reconciling per his ex-wife. Delores tells Kendra she’s done
with getting her heart broken. Kendra ask about the roses.
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